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A Summary of the seven (+ 1)
habits of highly effective people,
such as described by Stephen R. Covey
STEPHEN R. COVEY (1989)
What we are communicates far more eloquently than anything we say or do.
PARADIGMS = ‘THINKFRAMES’
Each of us has many maps in our head: maps of the way things are (realities) and maps of the way things
should be (values). We interpret everything we experience through these mental maps. Yet, the map is
not the territory. A map is simply an explanation, or model of something
else. We seldom question the accuracy of our maps; we’re usually even
unaware that we have them. We simply assume that the way we see
things, is the way they really are and that everybody should see them that
way. We think we are objective, and our attitudes and behaviours grow
out of those assumptions. But in reality, we see the world, not as it is,
bus as we are – or, as we are conditioned to see it, each of us looking
through the unique lens of personal experience.
The way we see things is the source of the way we think and the way we
act. Yet two people can see the same thing and interpret it in a totally
different way. Hence, two people can see the same thing, disagree, and
yet both be right. Like with the picture of the woman, who according to
some is about 25 years old, and according to others is about 70. It’s not
logical – it’s psychological
PRINCIPLES
Principles are deep, fundamental truths that have universal application. Fairness, integrity, honesty,
human dignity, service (making a contribution), quality of excellence, potential (the ability to grow and
develop talents), patience, nurturance, encouragement, … exist in all human beings, in all cultures,
religions, philosophies and ethical systems. The degree to which people recognize them and live in
harmony with them, move them toward either survival and stability, or disintegration and destruction.
People that are faced with the prospect of early death tend to discover that the dominant, central theme
of their life, the underlying basic principle, is LOVE.
VALUES
Principles are no values. A gang of thieves can share values, but they are in violation of the
fundamental principles.
Principles are the territory. Values are the maps. When we value correct principles, we have TRUTH:
knowledge of things as they are.
HABITS
Habits can be learned and unlearned. “Lift off” takes a tremendous effort. But once we break out of the
gravity pull, our freedom takes on a whole new dimension.
By working on knowledge, skill and desire, we can break through to new levels of personal and
interpersonal effectiveness and break with old paradigms that have been a source of pseudo-security for
years.
It’s sometimes a painful process. It’s a change that has to be motivated by a higher purpose, by the
willingness to subordinate what you want now to what you want later.
INTERDEPENDENCE
1. Be proactive
We are NOT conditioned to respond in a particular way to a particular stimulus.
Our environment is NOT responsible for our situation, neither is the upbringing we got from our
parents, neither even our DNA or genes, because between stimulus and response, man has
the freedom to choose.
Proactive people doe not blame circumstances, conditions or conditioning for their behaviour. Their
behaviour is a product of their own conscious, value-based choice.
Until a person can say: “I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday”, that person
cannot say: “I choose otherwise”.
Our basic nature is to act, not to be acted upon. However, if we wait to act, then we will be acted
upon. If we don’t use our resourcefulness and initiative to create solutions, then others will decide
for us.
PROACTIVE LANGUAGE: I can create, I will choose, I decide, I do, I make, I prefer, I suggest, I
want, I plan to, I can change, I can be more ….
REACTIVE LANGUAGE: There’s nothing I can do, that’s the way I am, they won’t allow, I have
to, I must, if only …, he makes me mad, I am not responsible, if I had …, if only I could …
The language of reactive people absolves them of responsibility and becomes a self-fulfilling
prophecy.
Any time we think the problem is “out there” , then that thought is the problem: we empower what
is out there to control us.
To love is a verb. It’s what you do: empathize,
appreciate, affirm, stimulate, sacrifice, listen, and
giving of self. “Love”, the feeling, is a fruit of
“love”, the verb.
All things are created twice: there’s a first or mental creation, and a second or physical creation.
But not all first creations are by our own conscious design: if we do not become responsible for first
creation, we empower people and circumstances outside our circle of influence to shape much of our
lives by default. We then reactively live the scripts handed to us by family, associates, … other
people’s agendas.
Leadership, the 1st creation, is determining what is right for us and which things we want to
accomplish. It is based on imagination (vision) and conscience (principles and values).
Management, the 2nd creation, is determining how to do things right. It is based on technical skills.
Developing a personal mission statement or philosophy or creed
A personal mission statement helps us to focus on
what and how we want to be (character),
what we want to accomplish (contributions and achievements)
and on the values and principles upon which our being and doing are based
Once you have that sense of mission, you have the essence of your own proactivity, the vision and
the values which direct your life.
In order to write a personal mission statement, we must begin at the very centre of our circle of
influence; for it is there that our focussed efforts achieve the greatest results.
Whatever is at the centre of our life will be the source of our security, guidance, wisdom and power.
1. Security: Represents
Our sense of worth, our self esteem
Our identity, our basic personal strength
Our emotional anchorage
3. Wisdom: 1 + 2 determine 3:
Our perspective on life,
Our sense of balance,
Our understanding of how the various parts and principles apply and relate together
Embraces judgment, discernment and comprehension
Falls between a totally inaccurate map and a complete and accurate map of life, wherein all
the parts and principles are properly related to each other.
I am X, married, father…
I am X, profession …
Typical centres are: Decision-making based on:
You try to stand apart from the emotion of the situation and from other factors that would act on you,
and evaluate your opinion. Looking at the balanced whole - the work-needs, family-needs and other
needs that may be involved and the possible implications of the various alternative decisions, - and
you try to come up with the best solution, taking all factors into consideration.
You might make the same choice with a number of other centres, but there are several important
differences:
1. You are not being acted upon by other people or circumstances, but you are proactively choosing
what you determine to be the best alternative. You make your decisions consciously and
knowledgeably.
2. You know your decision is most effective because it is based on principles with predictable long-
term results.
3. What you choose to do contributes to your ultimate values in life.
4. You can communicate to your wife and boss within strong networks you’ve created in your
interdependent relationships.
5. You’ll feel comfortable about your decision. Whatever you choose to do, you can focus on it
and enjoy it.
This foundation then allows you to practice effective self-management and become principle-centred,
day in and day out (habit three).
In addition to self-awareness, imagination and conscience, independent Will is what really makes self-
management possible.
The ability to make decisions and choices and to act in accordance with them.
The degree to which we are successful is measured by our personal integrity: our ability to make and
keep commitments, the value we place on ourselves, the honour with self, the discipline to act in
accordance with our principles, values and purpose in life : our mission.
How to go about writing your creed:
The core of your mission statement is what is changeless, what is always going to be there: your guiding
principles, vision and values.
Through the powers of imagination, you can visualize
Where you want to be 5 years from now
Your 25th and/or 50th anniversary
Your retirement from your present occupation
Your own funeral
It is important to write down positive, personal, visual and emotional present-time affirmations.
E.G.: It is deeply satisfying (emo) that I (personal) respond (present time) with love, wisdom,
firmness and self-control (positive) when XXXX want me to / misbehave / gossip / ….
This allows you to visualize the situations described in rich detail see yourself handle these situations
and thus be well prepared to face them next time they happen.
E.G.: a sales presentation: by the time you get into the situation, it isn’t foreign anymore: you
experienced it before you actually did it, it does not scare you anymore -> you began with
the end in mind.
You may find that your creed or mission statement will be much more balanced and much easier to work
with if you break it down into the specific role areas of your life and the goals you want to accomplish in
each area.
Think:
What am I about in this area?
Which values should guide me?
What is important to me?
After you identify your various roles, then you can think about the Long Term Goals and plans you
make, that support the principles in your mission statement.
Think:
What areas do you want to focus on in the (near) future?
Focus primarily on results rather than activities. Results identify where you want to be and, in
the process, help you determine where you are. They give you important information on how to
get there and tell you when you have arrived.
Translate results into daily activities so that you are proactive and in charge of your life.
Remember: Without Involvement, There Is No Commitment!
3. Put first things first
THINGS THAT MATTER MOST MUST NEVER BE AT THE MERCY OF THINGS WHICH MATTER LESS. (Goethe)
Putting first things first is the one denominator ALL successful people share.
Question: What one thing – that you are not doing now – could you do on a regular basis, and would
then make a tremendous positive difference in your personal life?
HABIT 1 SAYS: be proactive. Be the creator. Feel empowered to create. Change what is ineffective.
HABIT 2 SAYS: begin with the end in mind. Imagine. First create things with your mind. LEAD.
HABIT 3 SAYS: realize the physical creation. MANAGE.
Q1 : reactive
Consumes people
Crises & problems
dominate
Focussed on time
and methods
Q2: proactive
Networking
Planning
Focussed on
relationships
and results
Q3: reactive
Priorities
determined
by others
Irresponsible
Q4: escapism
2. Balance
Success in one area never really compensates for failures in other areas. Your tool should help to keep
balance in your life, so that you don’t neglect important areas, such as your health, family, personal
development.
3. Quadrant II-focus
Organizing THE WEEK will help you spend the time you need in Q2. The key is not to prioritize
what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.
5. Flexibility
Your planning should be your servant, never your master
6. Portability
Your organizer should be portable so that you can carry it with you
2. Selecting goals:
2 or 3 results you feel you should accomplish in each role during the next seven days.
3. Scheduling:
Translate each goal to a specific day of the week
4. Daily adapting:
Take a few minutes each morning to review your schedule
Evolution of time management
1st generation: based on notes, check-lists, to-do lists: Reactive
2nd generation: based on calendars, appointment books, planning: Pro-active – looking ahead!
3rd generation: adds prioritization + setting short-term, intermediate and long-term targets in harmony
with values, goals and targets, but too much emphasis on daily planning
4th generation: time management is in fact a misnomer. We cannot manage time, but must manage
ourselves! Expectations and satisfaction lie in our circle of influence; hence we must focus on
preserving and enhancing relationships and on accomplishing results.
Delegation
We accomplish all we do through delegation: either to personal time, or to people.
If we delegate to time, we think efficiency.
If we delegate to other people, we think effectiveness.
Effectively delegating to others is perhaps the single most powerful high-leverage activity there is.
It is the key to effective management.
B/ STEWARDSHIP DELEGATION:
Is focussed on results instead of methods. Gives people a choice of method and makes them responsible
for results. Takes more time in the beginning, but it’s time well invested.
1. Desired results: Have them see it, describe it and make a quality statement
2. Guidelines: Point out potential failure paths. Tell what NOT to do.
3. Resources: Identify the human, technical, financial and organizational resources
that can be drawn on to accomplish the job
4. Accountability: Set up the standards of performance that will be used for evaluation
and the specific times when reporting and evaluation will take place.
5. Consequences: Specify what will happen, both good and bad, as a result of the evaluation.
Trust is the highest form of human motivation, but it takes time and patience and does not preclude the
necessity of training and development.
2. FROM INDEPENDENCE TO INTERDEPENDENCE
==============================================================
Unless we first achieve real independence, it’s foolish to try to develop human-relations skills:
interdepence is a choice only independent people can make.
As we become independent, that is: proactive, centred in correct principles, value-driven and able to
organize and execute with integrity around the priorities of our life, we then can choose to become
interdependent: capable of building rich, enduring, highly productive relationships with other people.
In a relationship, in order to feel safe with each other, we need to build a reserve of TRUST and to
sustain it by continuing deposits through positive attention, respect, courtesy, kindness and keeping our
commitments. When the Emotional Deposit Account, or Trust Account, is high, one can call upon it
whenever necessary. It compensates for errors and makes communication easy and effective. Our most
constant relationships require our most constant deposits.
You need a positive balance to communicate on tender issues. If you have a habit of showing
discourtesy, disrespect, cutting the other off, overreacting, ignoring, being arbitrary, threatening or
playing little tin god, very soon your Trust Account will be overdrawn and you’ll be walking on
minefields.
Building and repairing relationships take time. There is no such thing as a Quick Fix. Here are six
major deposits that build a Trust Account:
1. What is important to the other person must be as important to you as the other person is to you. This
paves the way to bonding experiences in which you invest time, interest and energy in subjects and
activities that matter to the other.
2. In relationships, the little things are big things: little kindnesses and courtesies are so important.
Small discourtesies, little unkindnesses and little forms of disrespect on the other hand, make large
withdrawals.
3. Keeping commitments and promises are major deposits, but there’s probably not a more massive
withdrawal than to make a promise and then not come through.
4. Clarifying Expectations is very important. Assuming that our expectations are self-evident,
understood and shared by other people will lead to misunderstanding, disappointment and withdrawals
of trust.
5. Integrity: be loyal to your principles, treat everyone by the same set of principles, avoid deceptive
communication and people will come to trust you.
2. Relationships: Building a high Trust Account by making regular deposits to it, creates trust, respect
and credibility and allows us to focus on the issues, not on personalities or positions. Because we
trust each other, we are open and committed to try to understand each other’s point of view, and to
work together to find an alternative, synergistic solution.
3. Agreements: Agreements create an effective way to clarify and manage expectations between
people:
The focus must be on results, not methods, and the consequences (rewards and penalties) should be
known up front and should be the natural and logical results of the performance.
There are basically 4 kinds of possible consequences:
A/ FINANCIAL: income, bonuses, stock options, allowances, penalties,
B/ PSYCHOLOGICAL: recognition, approval, credibility, respect, - or the loss of them
C/ OPPORTUNITY: training, development, perks and other benefits
D/ RESPONSIBILITY: enlarged or diminished scope and authority
Competition has its place, but it’s outside the circle of interdependent relations: in the marketplace,
against last year’s performance, perhaps even against another office or individual where there is no need
to cooperate.
PROCESSES
In order to achieve win-win ends, we must use win-win means embedded in a character of integrity,
maturity and the abundance mentality. They grow out of high-trust relationships and agreements that
effectively clarify and manage expectations, accomplishments and consequences.
FIRST: See the problem from the other point of view: what are the needs and concerns of the
other party? Why – or what for?
SECOND: Identify the key issues and concerns involved. (Not the positions)
THIRD: Constitute what results would constitute a fully acceptable solution.
FOURTH: Identify possible new options to achieve these results.
5. Seek first to understand, Then to be understood
This principle is the key to effective personal
communication. Communication is the most important
skill in life. The ability to communicate well is
absolutely critical to your effectiveness.
The moment you start using techniques, I sense duplicity, manipulation, I will start wondering what your
real motives are and won’t feel safe enough to open myself up to you.
EMPATHIC LISTENING
Most people do not listen with the intend to understand. They listen with the intent to REPLY.
They’re either speaking or preparing to speak. They’re filtering everything through their own
paradigms, reading their autobiography into other people’s lives: “Ohh, I know exactly how you feel! I
went through the same thing. Let me tell you about MY experience!”
All too often we look into our own head and think we see the world. Our conversations become
alternating collective monologues, and we never really understand what’s going on inside another
human being.
When another person speaks, we’re usually “listening” at one of four levels:
But very few ever reach the fifth and highest level of listening: empathic listening.
Empathic listening has little to do with sympathizing, it does not require that we agree with what is
being said, but it does require that we put ourselves in the other person’s place, look at things the way
they see them, understand their paradigm, deeply and fully understand how they feel, both emotionally
and intellectually.
To achieve this, you must listen with your ears, but also with your eyes and heart. You don’t project
your own autobiography and assuming thoughts, feelings, motives and interpretations, but you deal with
the reality inside another person’s head and heart.
Empathic listening is – in and on itself - tremendous deposit in the Emotional Bank Account because it
gives a person “psychological air”.
Remember: satisfied needs don’t motivate. Next to physical survival, the greatest need of a human
being is psychological survival: to be understood, affirmed, validated and appreciated.
Never try to sell a product. Instead, sell solutions to needs and problems.
In order to have influence, you must first allow yourself to be influenced. You have to really
understand. Tell people: “Let me see if I really understand what your position is. When You feel I
understand them, then we can search for a solution together.” Then, don’t reflect their position, but try
to verbalize their needs and concerns.
1. Repeat back the content of what was said: This is the least effective sage of empathic listening, but
at least you have not evaluated, probed, advised or interpreted …
2. Rephrase the content: Put their meaning into your own words: A little bit more effective already,
because you show understanding.
3. Reflect their feeling
4. (= 2 + 3): Rephrase the content AND reflect the feeling: Repeat the idea, subject or conclusion and
confirm the feeling.
E.G.: You’re really frustrated about …. You feel like Y is not doing you any good
You think he really has the right idea
The key is to genuinely seek the welfare of the individual, to listen with empathy, to let the person get to
the problem and the solution at his own pace and time. Affirming your motive is a huge deposit. You
can say things like:
“I realize I haven’t listened to you like I should. But I want to. I really care about you and
I want to understand. I hope you’ll help me.”
But when you speak like this, you’d better be sincere. Otherwise your words are going to backfire.
Listen, Invest one-to-one time, Do things together, Build the Emotional Bank Account. Give Air.
6. Synergize
Synergy means that differences are the source of creating new things. When two parties co-operate in a
creative way, the form a whole together which is greater than the sum of its parts. In fact, their rela-
tionship is a part in and of itself. Not only a part, but the most catalytic, the most empowering, unifying
and exciting part.
Compromise means 1 + 1 = 1, because both parties give up something in order to reach an agreement.
To the individual party, compromise even means 1 + 1 = ½, because they end up with less than they
started with.
Synergy means 1 + 1 may equal 3, 8, … or even 2.425 because it produces solutions which are better
than any originally proposed outcome, and all parties know it.
Synergy however requires trust, a high emotional bank account, thinking win-win and seeking first to
understand.
People genuinely enjoy the creative enterprise. They feel freed from all kinds of fears and restrictions.
Instead of communicating in respectful, careful and predictable ways, they become open and authentic
and communicate in creative, synergistic, open ways, valuing and transcending differences.
The attitude is: “If a person of your intelligence, competence and commitment disagrees with
me, then there must be something one of us does not see or understand and we have to find
out what.”
Valuing the differences is the essence of synergy. And the key to value the mental, emotional,
psychological … differences between people is to realize that all people see the world, not as it is, but as
they are.
Synergy is particularly powerful in dealing with negative forces that work against growth and change.
Driving forces generally are positive, reasonable, logical, conscious and economic.
In juxtaposition, restraining forces are often negative, emotional, illogical, unconscious and
social/psychological.
Both sets of forces must be taken into account: increasing the driving forces alone is not enough. The
restraining forces need to be unfrozen and loosened up. New insights must be created, that actually
transform those restraining forces into driving ones.
III. RENEWAL
===============
PHYSICAL: “being a good animal”: healthy food, exercise, sleep, economic (make good living), …
SPIRITUAL: “being a saint”, perspective, service, contribution, meditation, …
MENTAL: “being a good craftsman”: recognise, develop and use talents.
Autonomy, education, study, reading, writing, organizing, planning, …
SOCIAL / EMOTIONAL: “being a good friend”: connectedness, how we treat people, human relations,
Finding meaning through purpose or contribution and through organizational integrity.
Although renewal in each dimension is important, it only becomes optimally effective as we deal with
all four dimensions in a wise and balanced way.
E.G.: the economic and the social/emotional dimension are both important to a company. If the two are
not balanced well, the company will suffer.
Spending one hour a day in renewal of the four dimensions is the key to the development of the seven
habits and it’s completely within our circle of influence.
Firstly, is it serving my body, mind heart and spirit? In other words, is it serving your bodily needs:
does it allow you to make a good living; does it more-than pay the bills; does it feed and clothe you
and your family and provide you with a lovely home?
Secondly, is it serving your need for mental stimulation: do you find it truly stimulating, engaging
and challenging?
Thirdly, is it serving your emotional needs: do you just love it and are you passionate about it?
Finally, does it serve your spiritual needs: do you believe it is the right thing for you to be doing with
your life?
If you can answer those four questions with a resounding 'yes', then you have 'found your voice'.
The reality is that very many people have not found their voices or perhaps have lost their voices. The
result of this cane be seen everywhere. People may go to work just to earn money only, i.e. to serve their
bodily needs but do not really put their creativity, talent and intelligence into the job.
Perhaps the job is serving more than your bodily needs: perhaps it is also mentally stimulating you but,
if you won the lottery, you might immediately resign because it is not really what you want to be
spending your time doing if monetary considerations were not present.
Perhaps, most difficult to imagine is having a job that provides the money, is indeed stimulating and you
love doing it, but it is still not the right thing for you to be doing.
The cost to business of employing people who don't really understand or even care about the Vision and
Mission of the company is a loss of the 'voice' of the organization.
To find your voice, you need to examine your natural talent - you are good at something! Don't let
anyone convince you otherwise. You have a unique talent. You must find out what that is. Isn't it
interesting that you may actually be carrying a talent that is presently unknown to you! You must find
out what you absolutely love to do. You must find out what really interests you. And you must listen to
the confirming inner voice of your conscience that tells you what is the right thing for you.
When you have found your voice, you can begin inspiring others to do the same thing: really go for what
excites them in life - that is the second part of the habit.
Great leaders have always inspired us to 'find' ourselves - to find our own 'voices' and to find the 'voice'
of the organisation - that is the essence of greatness. People and organizations who have truly found
their 'voices' go on to become great. I hope that you will invest the time to discover your own greatness.