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T
here are many things that Jonas Fein does well.
For instance, hes awesome at coming up with plau-
sible stories on the spot that will placate even the most
suspicious of parents and the most stern of teachers. Hes
a virtuoso of the hackneyed excuse: Ive seen him feed his
homework to his dog, self-induce flu-like symptoms, and
excuse himself from final exams to rescue non-existent
puppies from imaginary fires. But mostly he gets by with
his smile. If theres a cute girl or whatever that you want
to talk to, but youre, like, feeling shy, Jonas has no qualms
whatsoever about going up to her and breaking the ice.
they may have actually decided this before I was even born.
Supposedly something like 47% of all Gittleman grads go
on to study at Brandeis. Which makes it perhaps not the
most diverse collegiate experience I could possibly have.
In case you havent guessed, Im not sure Im interested
in going to Brandeis. Im tryingwas trying all summer,
in factto think about how to break this news to my
parents. I havent come up with much, inspiration-wise.
Camp Ramah wasnt totally conducive toward brainstorm-
ing. Mindy Jacobs finally started wearing a brathe real-
ization of which took up most of my bunks emotional
energy.
From outside, I hear a car horn honking. Two short,
quick consecutive blasts, moms signature honk.
Jonas nods. F^&*, man. Right on schedule.
Duh. My parents are extremely fond of their sched-
ules.
Jonas smirks at me by way of reply. With a sudden
burst of energy, he leaps into the air and breaks out into
an impromptu air guitar, singing along in his best Adam
Levine.
I wince. Dying, heated cats.
Jonas is going to have to practice, I realize, as I make
my way downstairs, out the door, and into my mothers
appallingly suburban SUV. She kisses me on the cheek and
I furtively check the rearview mirror for lipstick stains. I
feel as if I can still hear him caterwauling even through the
walls of the house. Jonas is going to have to learn to sing.