gazette

The sword of truth, in association with TOTAL WAR ROME II from SEGA ADVERTISEMENT FEATURE

Dies Veneris
vi September MMXIII
the Roman
Published in Roma
and Arenacum

Roman soldiers’ newspaper of the year ADIX

Rome will triumph! 200 years ago today Take the career quiz
Friends, we may have lost What lessons can modern Soldier, do you have what
the battle at Teutoburg, but Rome learn from Hannibal’s it takes to be a centurion in
we will NOT lose the war crossing of the Alps? the modern Roman army?

Great victory
in the east
The Danube has been secured

The four-year insurrection in

Pannonia and Dalmatia is over,
and the rebels have been defeated.
Bato of Desidiato, the surviv-
ing rebel leader, finally surren-

Ambushed!
dered to the Roman commander
Tiberius at Arduba, and now
awaits his fate. The Emperor Au-
gustus has awarded Tiberius a
Triumph for his victory in a war
that has cost Rome thousands of
lives and millions of sesterces.
Germanicus has been given
Brutal barbarians batter brave Romans in cowardly attack

M
ore than 20,000
Roman soldiers
have been mass-
acred by barbarian
tribesmen led by a
renegade German auxiliary officer,
in an attack in the Teutoburg forest
beyond the Rhine frontier.
Three legions under the command
of General Varus – the 17th, 18th and
19th – were lured into an ambush by
trickery and deceit and, despite fight-
ing with exceptional courage, the le-
gionaries were overwhelmed and the
legions’ eagles lost.
Emperor Augustus has an-
nounced 30 days of public mourn-
ing and an emergency meeting of
the Senate has been called to discuss
ways to quash the rebellion. A reward
of 1,000 gold aurei was immediately
offered for the head of the renegade
commander, Arminius, a prince of
the Cherusci tribe.
In a statement, the Emperor called
for calm and said the defences on the
Rhine would be strengthened to pre-
vent rebel incursion into the prov-
inces of Gaul or Germania.
“General Varus was a fine leader
and a brave soldier, but he was be-
trayed by a man he believed was his
friend,” the statement said. “This
Arminius, on whom we had con-
ferred Roman citizenship, shared the
general’s campfire and had gained his
trust. When word reached the camp
of trouble in the north, Arminius
urged the general to act and assured
him the route was safe. He said he
would join him on the march with
the warriors of his tribe.”
Instead, the renegade gathered his
tribesmen, along with 30,000 war-
riors from the Chatti, Cauchi, Bruc-
teri, Marci, Angrivarii and Mattiaci
tribes, and waited in ambush. Led on
by Cheruscan guides, General Varus
and his unsuspecting troops were in
marching order, with their swords
sheathed and their shields covered.
By the time they reached the Teuto-
burg forest, the column was strung
out over many miles.
Gaius Bracchus, decurion, first
century, third cohort of the 17th, one
of the few survivors, said: “On the
third day of the march we reached a
Continued on page 3 >>
a praetorship for his part in the
campaign against an enemy re-
nowned for ferocity. Germanicus
led the assaults on the towns of
Splonum, Seretium and Raetium,
where the rebels poured liquid fire
down on the attacking legionaries
and burned many to death.
Victory secures the frontier on
the river Danube and the loyalty
of a people who it was once feared
had the strength and means to
march on the city of Rome.
On his surrender, Bato blamed
Rome and the greed of previous
governors for the revolt. “We are
your flocks,” he said, “yet you
didn’t send shepherds to tend us,
you sent wolves.” New civil ar-
rangements are being put in place
to ensure there is no repeat of the
corruption that led to the fighting.
II THEGUARDIAN.COM/TOTAL-WAR-ROME-2 06.09.13
Opinion: why our cowardly enemy should fear an angry Rome
Welcome to
Rome, AD9
Looking back from a distance
of more than 2,000 years,
it's easy to see today’s world
as the inevitable result of, as
Alan Bennett wrote, "one
f***ing thing after another".
But making history is
an uncertain business,
with the outcomes for
those involved just as
unpredictable as in, say,
modern Syria or Egypt.
For this eight-page special,
we travel back to AD9 and
a battle that would prove
pivotal for Rome.
This is how we imagine
a newspaper for Roman
soldiers may have reported
it. It is published with
SEGA, whose new PC
game, Total War ROME
II, plunges players into an
immaculately recreated
golden age of the Roman
empire, refighting key
battles and campaigns.
Caveat lector
Commissioning editor: Nigel Kendall
Supervising editor: Graham Hayday
Produced for Guardian Labs to a brief
agreed with SEGA. Paid for by SEGA.
All editorial controlled by SEGA.
Writers: News and opinion by Douglas
Jackson, author of six novels set in ancient
Rome. Hannibal and other content by
journalist and historian Dominic Wells.
Images: Colour from Total War ROME II,
except for statue image, right.
Black and white illustrations by
Dave Hopkins.
Barbarians, we are coming back
to make a desert of your lands
The whole of Rome knows that
S 
this defeat simply will not stand
oldiers of Rome, do not
be downhearted by this
setback on the German
frontier. Our treacherous
barbarian enemies have
stabbed your comrades in the
back, but soon they will reap the
consequences of their actions.
Do these German forest dwellers
believe our Emperor will turn the
other cheek? Do they think they can
slink back to their huts and their
holes in the ground unchallenged?
No, they have acted like the
basest of animals and like animals
they will be hunted down.
Cry vengeance!
Your comrades will have their
vengeance. Emperor Augustus is
already planning the campaign that
will destroy these murderers. His
legions will sweep across the river
and take their swords to Rome’s
enemies. Death is the only
fate that awaits any man
beyond the Rhine who
opposes a Roman
soldier, slavery for
those who kneel before
him. For the renegade
Arminius, a man this
Empire took to its
heart, there can be only
one end: crucifixion.
We have all heard the
stories. How our tribunes
were tortured and burned
alive. How our surviving
soldiers were tormented
horribly by the barbarians,
even their women and
children, before being
slaughtered. What better way to
repay the Cherusci, the Chatti the
Cauchi, the Bructeri, the Marci,
the Angrivarii and the Mattiaci
than by turning their lands into
a wilderness? And when the
bones of its former occupants
are bleached white, what better
use for them than as fertiliser
for the tens of thousands of
Roman veterans who clear and farm
it? Barbarian blood will nourish
the soil that will feed Rome for a
thousand generations to come.
Yes, that will be the reward for
every man who helps bring
justice to the rebels. Twenty-
five jugera of prime land
in one of the most fertile
places in the Empire, filled
with new opportunities.
opportunities.
The future is bright
And that is only the start, for it is
known that beyond Germania lie
other fertile lands, lands that are
currently wasted on their barbarian
owners. Soon there will be land for
all, even the meanest beggar on the
capital’s streets.
But that is for the future, and a
bright future it will be.
Can it be so easy, I hear you ask,
against warriors – if we dignify
them with that honourable title –
who have so recently defeated three
legions of Rome’s finest soldiers?
I say yes, because their victory –
how the word grates – was gained
by subterfuge and deceit, by lies told
by a man whom Rome honoured
with citizenship and a place in
its ranks, by cowards who fought
from behind trees against men who
were surprised and unready. It has
been proved a thousand times that
no Roman soldier need fear the
barbarian in open battle. When we
next meet these Germans there will
be no surprise and no
skulking in the forest.
The fight
We will force
them to fight
on ground of
our choosing;
a battle where
armour, and
shields and a
gladius with
a strong arm
behind it
guarantee
it, will
victory. Your
javelins will
scythe the enemy
down before they
reach your line and
the iron of your swords
will give them a merciful
end they ill deserve.
General Varus, fine
soldier though he was,
was fatally lulled by
whispers from men he
called friends. As he
discovered so
tragically, trusting a
German is as sensible as
trusting a wolf with your
infant child. Harder men
are required to ensure
that Arminius and his
like are taught a lesson
they will never forget.
Fortunately, those
men are on hand in
this time of trial.
WERNER OTTO / ALAMY
Why Teutoburg, AD9,
still matters in AD2013
What happened?
Arminius, a barbarian raised in Rome,
turned on his imperial masters, luring
the army into the forest where his
tribesmen were waiting.
How bad was it?
As many as 20,000 Romans were
killed. Tacitus claims that Roman
officers were sacrificed and their
bones cooked up in barbarian pots.
What happened next?
After this defeat, the Romans largely
gave up on Germany.
Why does it matter now?
The most devastating defeat ever
suffered by Rome led to the erection
of a barrier between German and
Latin cultures that endures. If Rome
had won, Germany and the Czech
Republic might never have existed.
The war in Pannonia is at an end,
victory secured by Tiberius and
his nephew and brother-in-arms,
Germanicus. They march at the
head of no fewer than 15 legions,
75,000 veterans blooded against
the Illyricans and the Dalmatians,
the Dacians and the Sarmatians:
enemies who make the cowardly
Germans look like new-born lambs.
You will join these heroes when
our Emperor hurls them like a spear
at our foe. You will take the fight
to the backstabbers. And you will
destroy them!
Fancy yourself at the helm of the
Roman empire, scheming and
plotting your way to the top? Now's
your chance, in SEGA’s Total War
ROME II. For more information, see
theguardian.com/total-war-rome-2
ADVERTISEMENT FEATURE 06.09.13 III
Romans ambushed!
The hero of Fort Aliso
<< continued from page 1 Several thousand camp followers
are also thought to have perished, Lucius Caedicius, we salute you! Fort Aliso withstood the siege
W
hilly area, with deep gorges and along with a number of auxiliaries. for some time, but with supplies
marshes on the lower ground that Emperor Augustus pledged that hile his comrades running low and the fort crowded
made it difficult to keep station. The the perpetrators of the atrocity would were being slaugh- with civilians seeking refuge,
barbarians came out of the trees be brought to justice and subject to tered in the Teuto- Caedicius decided to break out.
without warning, supported by the full force of Roman law. burg forest, Lucius Under cover of a storm, the oc-
volleys of slingshots and throwing Caedicius, camp prefect of the cupants marched out through
spears. Our javelins were tied with 17th legion, was saving the hon- German lines. Unfortunately they
WANTED
our shoulder poles, so all we had our of Roman arms with a worthy were discovered and the barbar-
were swords and shields. They’re feat of soldiering. ians launched a ferocious attack.
big men, the Germans, and tough General Varus had given pre- Caedicius used his soldiers to
fighters, and they were on us before
we could form a proper line.” DEAD, NOT fect Caedicius command of Fort
Aliso, one of a line of camps on
protect the unarmed civilians and
they fought their way through to
Decurion Bracchus said the fight-
ing lasted for almost four days, with ALIVE the Lippe river. By deception and
treachery all the other forts were
the Rhine. Senator Lucius As-
prenas, General Varus’s nephew,
the column gradually being depleted. This the head of the taken and burned, but the prefect had rushed his troops to Vetera
“We abandoned our baggage on and his men halted attack after at- and they were able to evacuate
the morning of the third day,” he re- traitor Arminius. tack by the barbarians, who suf- the refugees and the retreating
Bring it to us and get fered heavy casualties.
vealed. “By that time we were heavily legionaries to the west bank.
outnumbered and the cavalry had run 1,000 aurei reward!
off. General Varus was wounded and
when he heard the eagles had been
lost he fell on his sword. Some of the
other officers decided to surrender,
but I managed to get out with a few of
my men and marched for the Rhine.”
Military commentator Velleius
Paterculus suggested General Varus
might have been wiser withdrawing
to a more defensible position.
“In a set-piece battle there can have
been no doubt of a victory,” he ex-
plained. “Of course, he was a Roman
soldier and it was a matter of honour
for him to continue.” He condemned
the officers who surrendered. “What
did they think they were achieving by
prolonging their lives?”
IV THEGUARDIAN.COM/TOTAL-WAR-ROME-2 06.09.13
When Rome almost fell
200 years ago
Eight lessons
from Hannibal
W
e should not
let the ambush
at Teutoburg
forest, in
which three
courageous legions perished, dent
our morale. Our soldiers are the
finest, bravest and best organised
in the world, and it took an
ambush to defeat us. It is fitting
that we learn from our mistakes
and from the lessons of history.
This is what the Carthaginian
general Hannibal’s first campaign
has to teach us.
Enemies sneak up on us
Hannibal may have been a puny
Punic, but he caught the Roman
Empire completely unawares. His
very name is still used to terrify
bad children two centuries later,
and his reputation will surely
inspire respect in 2,000 years.
Do the unexpected
If Hannibal was going to attack
Rome from Carthage, it would
surely be by sea. Instead, he took
the Iberian peninsula, passed
unscathed through the barbarian
tribes in southern Gaul and then
crossed the snow-capped Alps – a
remarkable feat in itself with a full
army and a herd of elephants.
Try diplomacy
Hannibal did not want to be the
first to declare war, so he began
his campaign by trying to turn the
Iberian Saguntines against Rome.
ADVERTISEMENT FEATURE 06.09.13 V
If that fails, use force
Instead, the Saguntines sent
warning to Rome, so Hannibal
attacked their city of Saguntum.
After an eight-month siege, he
sold off the inhabitants as slaves.
Bribery can be effective
With a war chest bulging with
Saguntine loot, Hannibal was able
to buy off the tribes of Catalonia.
We Romans wrongly expected he
would be tied up with fighting,
but a fleet of 60 Roman ships
sent to intercept him under the
command of Publius Scipio
arrived too late.
Outflank the enemy
Hannibal should then have
been stopped at the Rhone. The
Cavares were waiting on the east
bank, jeering Hannibal’s forces as
they crossed on boats and rafts,
ready to strike them down in a
hail of arrows before they reached
the shore. But Hannibal had sent
a separate force to cross 25 miles
upriver, double back, and attack
the Cavares from the side.
Hide your true intentions
The alpine pass was barred
by the Allobroges. A direct
assault, uphill, would be suicide.
Hannibal’s spies spotted that
the tribe left their encampments
by night, so Hannibal lit fires at
his base camp to pretend that
he and his army were settled for
the night, then climbed uphill to
rain down upon the Allobroges.
Fighting upwards, a precipice
them the tribe were soon
behind them,
overwhelmed.
Maintain morale
The alpine crossing was brutal.
These soldiers from North Africa
and Iberia had never seen snow
before. A landslide blocked
the way. The elephants were
starving, restless. But Hannibal
made one of those stirring
speeches for which he was
renowned, reminding his
men of the treasures awaiting
them in Rome, and they
pulled through for him.
He never did sack our
glorious capital, thank the
gods, but he put the boot
into Italy for years.
VI THEGUARDIAN.COM/TOTAL-WAR-ROME-2 06.09.13
Letters, puzzles et cetera. Your pre-battle entertainment starts here
Why a Roman
is better than
any barbarian
BECAUSE OF HIS SHIELD
A legionary’s scutum can be used
for defence or offence. It protects
him from the enemy’s spears,
swords and arrows, but it also has a
heavy iron central boss that can be
used to smash a warrior’s skull.
BECAUSE OF HIS SWORD
The gladius hispaniensis, a 24-inch
blade with a triangular point, is a
proven killer in the trained hands
of a legionary. It darts out from
behind the scutum like a striking
snake; three inches of iron is
enough to kill any man.
BECAUSE OF HIS SPEAR
The pilum is a heavy javelin with
a weighted point. Thrown with
enough power to pierce an enemy
shield and the man behind it,
the iron behind the point is soft
enough to bend if it hits armour, so
that it cannot be thrown back.
BECAUSE OF HIS TRAINING
A Roman soldier is as hard as
stone from marching, road making
and camp building, and any spare
time is spent training. Hours of
hammering at one another with
heavy wooden swords and being
screamed at by centurions makes
real battle almost a pleasure.
Are you centurion material?
Take our quiz and find out
1 Minimum age for a centurion is
A) 25
B) 30
C) 100
2 A centurion’s vine-stick is called
A) Venis
B) Vitis
C) Vidis
3 The lowest rank of centurion is
A) Hastatus inferior
B) Hastatus posterior
C) Hastatus buttox
4 What is the top rank?
A) Maximus pilus
B) Primus pilus
C) Totalis pillux
5 Unlike a legionary, a centurion
always wears his sword on the
A) Right
B) Left
C) Who cares, if it draws blood?
EPISTOLAE
IT’S ENOUGH TO
SOFTEN YOUR PILUM
I hear there has been an
addition to the Lex Julia,
which already has a whole
raft of measures to punish
adulterers. But what exactly
is the point of the new Lex
Papia Poppaea? It’s a bit rich
the Senate trying to promote
family values anyway – we
all know what they get up to
behind closed drapes!
Besides, they need to
make up their minds:
on the one hand, the law
stipulates penalties for not
marrying, and penalties for
not producing children after
marriage; on the other, it
forbids senators to marry the
children of actors, prostitutes
or gladiators. Some of my best
friends are gladiators, I’ll have
you know! As to prostitutes,
that’s between me and Venus.
But the worst of it is, it’s
one law for them, another
law for us. We soldiers are
not allowed to marry at all!
Twenty years of service, with
no wife waiting for us at
home. How is that going to
promote family values? And
more importantly, after the
defeat we have just suffered,
how is it going to help
morale?
Numerius Nautius Ruso
VARUS’S BASTARD
Does anyone else think
all this legislation about
marriage coming from
the Senate is hypocritical?
6 How is a centurion’s helmet 10 If a centurion orders a testudo, (Yes. See previous letter
different? what does he get? – Ed.) Augustus’s own
A) It’s made of gold A) A pet tortoise to keep him MYSTIC MAXIMA’S granddaughter, Julia, was
B) It has a horse hair crest company ENTRAIL SPECIAL recently exiled for adultery
perpendicular to the front B) A totally impregnable with senator Decimus Junius
C) It’s extra large for his fat head shield wall I have petitioned Apollo to Silanus. And now that sleepy
7 How many men in a century? C) A pig’s scrotum, freshly show me the signs in the buffoon Varus has had his
A) 60 roasted over flames entrails of a sheep. Be not head chopped off by the
B) 80 afeared, for the bottom of the Germans, it’s safe to repeat
C) 100 better centurion than you. first liver was folded inward – the rumour that’s been
8 What is the centurion’s second- C: Hopeless. Your mother would make a a propitious omen. The Illyrian going round: did you know
in-command called? rebels will surely be crushed that his ‘nephew’, Nonius
A) Optimum and the Rhine secured. Quinctilianus, is really his
important people.
B) Optio
secure letters of recommendation from
C) Up to you
distinguish yourself in battle and
9 What salary can a junior
centurion material. Now you must Test your wit, cunning and courage as
centurion expect?
B: Congratulations! You are definitely you build the Roman empire.
A) 5,000 sesterces vitis should see you right. SEGA’s Total War ROME II is out now.
B) 15,000 sesterces A: Not there yet, but a few beatings with a
C) No pay but the honour is IF YOU ANSWERED MOSTLY
worth more than gold
S-S-TAR LETTER
Can I be the first to
congratulate Claudius on
his marriage to Plautia?
Not just on his fine
choice of bride, but on
finally managing to get
out the words “I d-d-d-
d-d-d-d-do!”
Titus Herminius
Sabinus
Editor’s note: Pray that
Claudius never makes
Emperor, or you might
get c-c-c-c-crucifixion!
son? Yes, I have it on good
authority that Quinctilianus is
the defeated general’s bastard,
but was then adopted by his
sister and brother-in-law.
How did Augustus punish
that? He only promoted
Quinctilianus to consul!
Mamercus Herminius
Mancinus
AVID FOR OVID
Does anyone now know
exactly why Ovid was sent
into exile on the direct orders
of Augustus? A shame, as
he was one of my favourite
poets. Not so much the recent
Metamorphoses, but my
copy of the Amores is well-
thumbed, I can tell you!
A year on, all sorts of
rumours are circulating: that
he was betrayed somehow
by general Marcus Valerius
Messalla Corvinus (he’s
dead now, so we can’t ask
him!); that a poem of Ovid’s
displeased Augustus; some
even say he caught Augustus
‘with’ his daughter, but if you
believe that you’re losing your
head (literally, so watch out).
What is the real story?
Gnaeus Claudius Flavius
Editor’s note: can any other
readers shed light on this? An
amphora of wine for the best
response, but don’t be Juvenal!
ADVERTISEMENT FEATURE 06.09.13 VII
Can you think like Caesar?
T
he late Julius Caesar’s 4. Heavy casualties
tactical genius has The traps and spikes inflict heavy
never been more casualties on the Gauls, who
sorely missed than at retreat. They then attack by night,
Teutoburg forest. Would you before gambling on an assault by
have what it takes to step into 60,000 men on the north side of
his sandals? See how you would Alesia, which is soon on the point
have fared at the glorious battle of of collapse.
Alesia, 61 years ago. What do you do?
A) Counter-attack the hill fort
1. The scenario B) Order your men to hold fast
The year is 52BC. Caesar has C) Personally lead a cavalry
already suffered heavy losses at attack from the rear
the hill fort of Gergovia and now
has Vercingetorix pinned down in After Caesar's decisive action, the
the hill fort of Alesia. The enemy Gauls are slaughtered. The next
forces number 80,000; Roman day, Vercingetorix surrenders
forces 60,000. unconditionally.
What do you do now? What did Caesar do and what
A) Attack would you do? See overleaf for
B) Retreat the answers.
C) Lay siege
2. Military genius
In just three weeks, Caesar’s
troops build 18km of 4-metre
fortifications, backed by equally
deep trenches and man traps.
Vercingetorix sends cavalry
to disrupt the work; they are
repulsed, but many break through
the Roman line and are likely to
alert reinforcements.
What do you do?
A) Give chase
B) Prepare for battle
C) Build further defences
3. More building
Caesar builds a second ring of
fortifications: this one to keep
out Gauls. A vast enemy force
of 250,000 men attacks.
What do you do?
A) Get out there and fight.
B) Sue for peace
C) Adopt a defensive position
 ADVERTISEMENT FEATURE 06.09.13 VIII

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POTIONS OIL AND
1. Answer C). Attack would be suicide; PASSED DOWN CANTHARIDES
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2. Answer C). Caesar would not wish to THE PRIESTS FEEL THE
split his forces. OF APHRODITE BURNING LOVE.
WILL LET YOU GUARANTEED
3. Answer C). The traps allow Roman
UNSHEATHE TO TURN YOU
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