6 Steps To Releasing Anger And Feeling Anger is a lethal force that underminesour lives in all kinds of ways.

Sometimes it erupts openly and other times it camouflages itself and covertlyundermines y our life. Some experienceanger as strength and power. They feel it is necessary in order to maintaincontrol. Others assume they have the right to express anger. These are some of the lies anger tells us. In fact, when we are angry we are out of control and our ability to respond wise ly is diminished. It s time to look at anger in a new way and understand what it r eally is. Then we can take new steps that help us of anger, make us feel better, and see clearly what to do. Step 1: Realize that anger is a choice you make Anger is not a form of power, strength, or control. It is a toxin, which sometim es provides a temporaryhigh. After this high subsides,the individual is left wea ker and more uncertain than before. Not only that, the negative consequences of our outburst have to be handled. Basically anger narrows our focus, creates confusion and limits our ability to find constr uctive solutions. When anger arises, stop, breathe deeply, and immediately look at the larger pers pective. Put the incident in context. For a moment, allow the other person to be right . Tell yourself you have plenty of time to beright later. Your main goal is to have the anger subside so you can be in control. Step 2: Pinpoint the 24 forms of anger. Anger camouflages itself and manifestsin many ways. Unrecognized anger turns int o all kinds of unwanted behavior that become impossible to stop. We have to beco me aware that this behavior is just another form of anger and pull it out at the root. Some of the 24 forms of anger are: depression, hypocrisy, self-sabotage, low sel f-esteem, burnout, passive aggressive behavior, compulsions, perfectionism, goss iping, lying, and various addictions. When you realize that these are being fuel led by anger, you can take appropriate steps to handle them. Step 3: Give Up Being A Martyr StopGiving and Taking Guilt Most martyrs do not think of themselves as martyrs. They may describe themselves as long-suffering, giving much more than they get. There s a huge difference betw een giving and manipulation. Martyrs manipulate with guilt. But guilt is a lethal toxin, fuelled by anger. When you make someone feel guilty , you are harming them. When people feel guilty they find some way to punish the mselves and others. Giveup giving guilt and also give up taking it. Recognize th is as a form of anger, which has no constructive outcome. Step 4: Stop Casting Blame Blaming others (and ourselves) is an expression of hurt, disappointment and ange r and never leads to a constructive solution. Stop casting blame. By blaming oth ers you are disempowering yourself. By taking responsibility you are taking back control. Stop a moment and see the situation through your opponent s eyes. When y ou do this blame dissolves on the spot. The best defense against being hurt isto feel good about yourself and the way a person responds to you says more about them, than about you. Asyou stop casting blame you will be letting go of all kinds of resentments. Resentment inevitably affects our well-being and always bounces back on us. Look for and find what is positive in each individual. Focus on that. Step 5 - Create Realistic Expectations There is nothing that makes us more angry and hurt than expectations we ve been ho lding onto that have not been met. It is important that youbecome aware of your expectations. Are they realistic? Does the other person hold similar expectation s in your relationship? Let go of unrealistic fantasies. Once this is done, much opportunity for anger d iminishes on the spot. Step 6 Develop A Grateful Mind See what different people in your livesare truly giving to you. We often take ma ny things for granted and are even unaware of all that we are receiving day by d

ay. Take time to write down each day what you are receiving. Be grateful forthat. Ma ke a point of giving thanks. The more we thank others, the happier we become. Also, take time to write down all that you have given others that day. It may be a surprise. We often think we are giving so much and receiving so little. This is a great cause of anger and feelings of deprivation. However, when we take tim e daily to look carefully, we are often surprised and how much we have received and howlittle given in return. As we see how much we receive daily, anger natura lly subsides and we learn to take pleasureboth in what we give and receive. Cc/author/2007 Anger is a lethal force that underminesour lives in all kinds of ways. Sometimes it erupts openly and other times it camouflages itself and covertlyundermines y our life. Some experienceanger as strength and power. They feel it is necessary in order to maintaincontrol. Others assume they have the right to express anger. These are some of the lies anger tells us. In fact,when we are angry we are out of control and our ability to respond wisely is diminished. It s time t...