BUSINESS: The Ultimate Resource

April 2003 Upgrade #7

ACTIONLIST
Managing UpwardWhat to Do with a Difficult Boss
Getting Started
Many people have a difficult or challenging relationship with their boss. It can be tempting to lay the blame for this type of a situation at the bosss feet because of his or her unreasonable, negative, awkward, or unhelpful behavior. Whether justified or not, the good news is that as a significant party in the relationship you can do a good deal yourself to change the dynamic.

FAQs
My boss is always making negative and derisive comments about the way I do my work. What should I do? See if you can find a private moment when you can explain how this makes you feel and ask your boss to stop doing it. You could request clear guidelines and constructive feedback that will help you to meet his or her expectations and develop your talents. Point out that constant nagging affects the way you work and that you would be much more effective if he or she took a positive interest in what you do. If the negativity continues you might consider lodging a complaint of discrimination against your boss. If you take this route, make sure you have a record of the incidents and the witnesses present. You may also decide to seek further advice from your human resources department. My boss has favorites and I am definitely not one of them. As a result, Im not given essential information and I miss out on good opportunities. How can I change things? Lack of communication often contributes to workplace misunderstandings. Try approaching your boss with information about what you are doing for a consultation on your methods and goals. If your boss persists in denying you the information you need, you may have a case of bullying against him or her. If the problem persists, ask advice from an impartial person in the organization, such as a human resources manager or union representative. As a last resort, you could look for another job or, if the treatment youve received is truly abusive, you might have grounds for filing a harassment claim. I have a boss who is really moody and bad-tempered, making work almost intolerable. Is there anything I can do to change this? Observe whether there is a pattern in this behavior and try to figure out how you can influence the situation in a positive way. You could try giving constructive feedback, letting your boss know how his or her mood swings affect you. Use assertive
Bloomsbury Publishing Plc 2003

BUSINESS: The Ultimate Resource

April 2003 Upgrade #7

language and ask if there is anything you can do to help solve any work-related problems. Timing is important. By being observant, you will probably know when best to approach your boss with this kind of message, when you will have the best chance of finding an understanding ear. If the behavior persists, you may want to consult your human resources department to see whether there are any formal procedures in place to deal with such a situation.

Making It Happen
Remember to Consider the Impact on Your Own Health and Happiness Rather than deal with the problem directly, many people are tempted to live with the difficulties of having a troublesome boss and seek ways of minimizing the impact he or she has on their working lives. However, using avoidance tactics or finding ways to offset the emotional damage can be time consuming and stressful. Focusing on your own health may encourage you to tackle the problem rationally and seek an accommodation that will keep you from either jeopardizing your health or feeling that you have to leave your job. Understand Your Boss You may think that youre experiencing a terminal personality clash, but by digging beneath the surface of your relationship youll probably find that you and your boss have different values, have divergent working styles, or disagree on what your job entails. All these factors are common causes of the difficult boss syndrome; it is rarely just a personality clash. However uncomfortable it may feel, try putting yourself in your bosss shoes. Recognize the goals and objectives that define his or her job and think through the pressures that your boss is under. Make a mental list of your bosss strengths, preferred working style, idiosyncrasies, values, and beliefs. Paint a human picture with which you can empathize, then take time to notice whether or not you have appraised the characteristics of your boss accurately. Observe his or her behavior and reactions, watch where he or she focuses their attention. This will help you deepen your understanding. Very often, when we feel disliked or when we dislike someone, we avoid building this understanding and instead look for ways of avoiding the issues. Compare the Way Each of You Perceives Your Role in the Organization In getting to understand your boss, you may benefit from comparing the perceptions each of you has of your respective jobs and the criteria used to judge your performance. Very often relationships deteriorate because you both have assumptions and perceptions that are not shared. You may feel that youre performing well, but if youre putting your energy into tasks your boss finds irrelevant, youll be rated poorly. Bosses are the link to the wider organization, and however unpalatable it may seem, they can make or break your career with the business. It may, therefore, be worth taking the initiative to explore their expectations and agree on your objectives. Ask For the Support You Need Managers sometimes overlook what information and support they need to give to those they supervise. This creates ambiguity and forces the employee to second-guess
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BUSINESS: The Ultimate Resource

April 2003 Upgrade #7

their bosss requirements, risking a misalignment of expectations. Asking for the information and resources you need, or finding other ways to access these, will put you in control and protect you from the need to improvise. Understand Yourself Having scrutinized your boss and developed a greater understanding of him or her, you should conduct the same exercise on yourself. We very often have poor selfknowledge and are sometimes surprised by our reactions and the feedback we get. In getting to know yourself better, you may want to ask for input from coworkers. Ask them what they observe when you interact with your boss, how you come across, and how you could manage your communication differently. Although their perception may not represent the absolute truth about you, it nonetheless reflects the image you create. Although you cant alter your personality, you may want to consider changing some of your behaviors. This often prompts a reciprocal change in your boss. If you dont change anything about the way you interact with your boss, the relationship will remain the way it is now, so this is definitely worth a try. Recall past encounters you have had with your boss and think about them objectively, perhaps with a friend or coworker who knows you well. Does this particular situation feel familiar feel to you? Perhaps it happens over and over again. If so, it suggests that you hold some value or belief that is being repeatedly compromised. If you can understand what it is, you can learn to manage these situations more effectively. Perhaps you value attention to detail, but your boss is a big-picture person. In this case, every time you ask for more detailed information youll be drawing attention to one of your bosss vulnerabilities, and he or she is likely to become uncooperative or irritated by your request. Once you understand your own motivation as well as your bosss, you can work around them or accommodate them dispassionately. Remember That a Relationship Is Mutual In order to be considered effective, managers need a cooperative and productive team. But in order to be part of such a team each member needs their manager to provide the resources and support they need to do their job properly. It is well known that some of the most stressful situations arise when dependents needs are not met. People find a variety of ways to deal with this. Some become angry and resentful of the managers authority, some find ways of challenging decisions in order to assert some of their own power, and others become disruptive or even destructive. It is rare in business to find relationships in which there is absolutely no reciprocal power. If you are no longer willing to spend time managing your own behavior and your relationship with a difficult boss, remember you have the ultimate power: you can just walk away.

Common Mistakes
You Take Your Bosss Behavior Personally It is very tempting to take the behavior of a difficult boss personally. Try to remember that it is very unlikely that you are the problem. It may be something you do, it may
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be the values you hold, or it may be that you remind your boss of someone with whom he or she doesnt get along. You Dont Remain Detached Many difficult relationships deteriorate to a point where they are fraught with contempt and confrontation. This is never helpful in a work setting and only makes matters uncomfortable for everyone. If you find yourself being drawn into an angry exchange, try to remain emotionally detached and listen actively to what is being said (or shouted) to you. It may provide you with clues about why the situation has developed and allow you to get straight to the point of concern. Ask for a private debriefing afterward to explore the incident. This may bring to the surface issues that are relatively easy to deal with and that will prevent further outbursts from occurring. You Never Confront the Issue Because it is so challenging facing up to difficult people, many people avoid taking action. But inaction only prolongs a miserable situation. Fear of confrontation enables favoritism, unfair treatment, or other destructive behavior to continue and allows the offender an unreasonable degree of power. Try taking responsibility for your share of the problem and examine what you are doing that results in conflict between you and your boss.

For More Information

Books: Brinkman, Rick, and Rick Kirschner. Dealing With People You Cant Stand: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst. New York: McGraw-Hill, 1994. Cava, Roberta. Difficult People: How to Deal With Impossible Clients, Bosses and Employees. Westport, CT: Firefly Books, 1997. Chambers, Harry. The Bad Attitude Survival Guide. Cambridge, MA: Perseus Publishing, 1997. Lilley, Roy. Dealing with Difficult People. Milford, CT: Kogan Page, 2001. Littauer, Florence. Personality Plus: How to Understand Others by Understanding Yourself. Rev. ed. Old Tappan, NJ: Fleming H. Revell, 1992. Web sites: Dealing with difficult people: www.ivillage.com Improve Now.com: www.improvenow.com How to deal with difficult bosses and managers: www.workingwounded.com Super-Sized Stress, Mid-Career at Monster.com: http://midcareer.monster.com/articles/careerdevelopment/stresseffects/

Bloomsbury Publishing Plc 2003