ARJONA, Zeus David V.

BSED English / 4th year Translation Analysis Jade Flower Palace Tu Fu Original English Translation 1 Lines 1-2 Where the streams wind and the wind is always sighing, Hoary gray mice scurry among abandoned roof tiles. Lines 1-3

Translation and Editing of Text Dr. Neliza Casela

Kenneth Rexroth Translation

The streams swirls. The wind moans in The pines. Gray rats scurry over Broken tiles.

Lines 3-4 No one knows the name of the prince who once owned this house Standing there, even now, under the hanging cliffs.

Lines 3-5 What prince, long ago, Built this palace, standing in Ruins beside the cliff?

Line 5 In dark rooms ghost-green fires are shining.

Lines 5-6 There are Green ghost fires in the black rooms.

Line 6 Beside the ancient battered road a melancholy stream flows downhill.

Lines 7-8 The shattered pavements are all Washed away.

Lines 7-8 Then, from the flutes of the forest, come a thousand voices; The colors of autumn are fresh in the wind and the rain.

Lines 8-10 Ten thousand organ Pipes whistle and roar. The storm Scatters the red autumn leaves.

Lines 9-10 Though the virgins have all gone their way to the yellow graves, Why is it that paintings still hang on walls?

Lines 11-13 His dancing girls are yellow dust. Their painted cheeks have crumbled Away.

Line 11 Charioteers of gold chariots all have gone.

Lines 13-14 His gold chariots And courtiers are gone.

Line 12 There remain of those ancient days only the stone horses.

Lines 14-16 Only A stone horse is left of his Glory.

Lines 13-14 Sorrow comes and sits on the spreading grass. All while singing, I am overwhelmed with lamentation.

Lines 16-18 I sit on the grass and Start a poem, but the pathos of It overcomes me.

10

Lines 15-16 Among these lanes of lines disappearing in the distance, Who can make himself eternal?

Lines 18-20 The future Slips imperceptibly away. Who can say what the years will bring?

Analysis Original English Translation 1 Sentence Form: 1 Declarative (Simple Present) Subject: "mice Describes the action of mice in the described atmosphere Started with relative clause ("where") to emphasize the place Kenneth Rexroth Translation Sentence Form: 3 Declarative (Simple Present) Subject: "streams", "wind", "rats" Describes the atmosphere of palace Divided into three sentences to enumerate description of atmosphere of palace. wind(move in twisting motion) = swirls (move in twisting motion), sighing (deep exhalation) = moans (low sound), mice = rats, among (surrounded by) =/= over (above), broken (crushed)=/= abandoned (left behind) 2 Omission of "where" (relative pronoun), "always" (adverb), "hoary" (greyish white) Commission of "in the pines" (prepositional phrase), "roof" Sentence Form: 1 Declarative (Simple Present) Subject: "no one" Answers the question "who" / who "knows the name of the prince" Sentence Form: 1 Interrogative (Simple Past) Subject: "what prince" (in question) Asks "what prince / about the identity/characteristics of the prince

owned (possess) =/= build (construct), under (preposition) =/= beside (preposition), house (building) = palace (l arge house)

3 -

Omission of "the name", "who once", "there", "hanging" Commission of "what" (interrogative), "ruins" Substitution of long ago with even now Sentence Form: 1 Declarative (Present Progressive) Subject: fires Started with "in dark rooms" to emphasize on the place Sentence Form: 1 Declarative (Present Progressive) Subject: fires Started with "there" to denote presence of the subject

dark = black, "ghost-green" (hyphenated adjective) = "green ghost" (both used individually as adjectives) Omission of " are shining" (verb phrase) Commission of "there" (adverb)

Sentence Form: 1 Declarative (Simple Present) Subject: "stream" Started with prepositional phrase to emphasize location of subject

Sentence Form: 1 Declarative (Simple Present) Subject: pavements Subject, linking verb, adverbial phrase "pavements" may directly be "washed away" by "melancholy stream" (which was not mentioned in Original)

5 -

The "stream" flows beside the "road" battered = shattered, road = pavements, downhill = washed Omission of "beside" (adverb), "ancient", melancholy stream" Commission of "are all", away Substitution of flows with washed Sentence Form: 1 Declarative (2 Independent Clauses, Simple Present) -

Sentence Form: 2 Declarative (Simple Present) Subject: organ pipes, storm Subject, verb in Sentence 1 Subject, transitive verb, direct object in Sentence 2 "autumn" became direct object from being subject in Original, "storm" became subject in from being direct object ("wind and rain") in Original

Subject: voices, colors Started with "then" (subordinating conjunction), prepositional phrase (subjects source), verb, subject in Independent Clause 1

Sentences are divided by semicolon Subject, verb, prepositional phrase in Independent Clause 2

voices (from flutes of the forest) =/= organ pipes; flutes (wind instrument) = pipes (wind instrument), come (travel)=/= whistle and roar (make noises), the wind and the rain = storm (strong wind and rain), colors = red (color)

6 -

Omission of then, "from the flutes of the forest", "come", "colors of", "fresh" Commission of "ten" (increases number of "voices"), "scatters", "red", "leaves" Substitution of "come" with "whistle and roar", "voices" with "organ pipes" Sentence Form: 1 Interrogative (Simple Present) Subject: paintings Started with dependent clause before independent clause (question) to emphasize action that have been done by virgins Sentence Form: 1 Declarative (Simple Present/Present Perfect) Subject: girls, cheeks Use of possessive pronoun his with dancing girls to denote ownership (not mentioned in Original) dancing girls is the antecedent of their (not present in Original)

Relationship between paintings and virgins is not presented clearly

virgins (women who have yet to experienced sex) = girl, graves =/= dust, paintings =/= painted cheeks , hang(suspended) =/= crumbled away (break)

Omission of "though", why is it that Commission of "dancing Substitution of "have all gone their way to the" with "are", graves with dust (may be possible since corpse turn to dust), paintings with painted cheeks, still hang on walls with have crumbled away

Sentence Form: 1 Declarative (Present Perfect) Subject: charioteers Started with "charioteers" as subject Use of dash () to show abrupt pause between subject and predicate

Sentence Form: 1 Declarative (Simple Present) Subject: chariots and courtiers (compound) Started with "his" (prince) for emphasis of ownership of subject ("gold chariots and courtiers")

8 -

charioteers (people who draw chariot)=/= "gold chariots" (vehicle) and "courtiers" (companion of prince) Omission of of, all Commission of his Substitution of "charioteers" with "courtiers", have" with "are" Sentence Form: 1 Declarative Simple Present) Subject: horses Started with "there" to denote presence of subject Sentence Form: 1 Declarative (Simple Present) Subject: horse Change in number of "stone horse" Started with "only" to emphasize on singularity of "horse"

9 -

left = remain Omission of "there", those" Commission of "is" Substitution of "those ancient days" with "glory" ("ancient days" of "prince" may be "his glory") Sentence Form: 2 Declarative (Simple Present) Subject: sorrow, I "sorrow" is subject in Sentence 1, "lamentation" is "singing" in Sentence 2 Sentence Form: 2 Declarative (Simple Present) Subject: I Persona ("me") became direct object in dependent clause "poem" is antecedent of "it" in dependent clause

Sentence 2 started with adverbial phrase to emphasize action

done along with action in independent clause sorrow (abstract) =/= I (personal pronoun), overwhelm (become strongly affected by emotion) = overcome (overwhelm), lamentation (song of grief) = pathos (evoking sadness) 10 Omission of "comes", spreading", "all while" Substitution of "singing" with "start a poem", Sentence Form: 1 Interrogative (Simple Present) Subject: who Started with independent clause/prepositional phrase to emphasize place where action can be done Sentence Form: 1 Declarative (Simple Present), 1 Interrogative (Simple Present) Subject: future, who Subject, intransitive verb, adverb in Sentence 1; interrogative pronoun, modal, verb, interrogative adverb, subject, modal, intransitive verb disappearing (cease to be visible) =/= slips imperceptibly away (move away without notice), make (change something)=/= say (utter words), "lanes of lines" (concrete noun) =/= "future" (abstract noun) Omission of "among" Substitution of "these" with determiner "the", "lanes of lines" with "future", "disappearing" with "slips imperceptibly away", "eternal" with "the years will bring" (being "eternal" may mean seeing or knowing, and thereby having the ability to say "what years will bring")