THE ABUSE STOPS HERE

Women have been the bedrock of our societies from time immemorial. They are the glue in our family units. The homes in which they put on the garments of both man and woman are innumerable. No right-minded person can deny the permanent importance of women in all spheres of life. And no one can risk advocating for their exclusion from the material aspects of life without inviting upon himself indignation and upon his philosophy the label of absurdity. My mother remains my hero and I am certain that I am not alone in this chant of praise. I have had what I deem to be the distinct privilege of growing up primarily with women. I can recall too well their perpetual struggles and their exhibition of unparalleled strength. I have seen their economic genius- I have seen them manage homes with resources so meager that they were nearly microscopic. Their show of frustration was but minimal and always brief; if longer and graver, then they did an equally good job at concealing it. My experiences are by no means unique and these practices are commonplace in many homes. I Have seen women emerge from the shadows of the men in their lives and cast shadows of their own; oftentimes more gigantic than the men who prevailed upon them. At times their assertion of independence has come at great personal costs- to familial life, to the subsistence of relationships with the men whose egos are bruised in the course of the womens climb, and even to their notions of equality. I have seen women in all their glory and all their beauty. But I have also seen them in that place which has become too familiar; that place which familiarity has seemed to make it acceptable- that place of ABUSE. I have been exposed to women who have been raped or the victim of some form of sexual abuse. The unrecorded statistics are appalling. The reality is that 7 out of every 10 women have been victims in some fashion. It is even more objectionably that the perpetrators are mainly family members or persons close to the victims. I have witnessed firsthand the brutal beatings of women by males who are convinced that their dominance is best asserted by a show of physical prowess. And no, I have not stood by idly in these matters. I have been stabbed in my knee and was made to appear in court in defence of one such

woman. Several of these matters are reported, only to be withdrawn when called up before the courts. Many women withdraw at this stage because of fear, because of a misconceived notion of love, because they see no alternative but a continued life with their abusers, because of inadequate national support systems, etc. Yet still many reports are disregarded. Yet still very many of these instances go unreported. Our media boast a wealth of coverage of instances in which women are brutally killed by their assailants after prolonged abuses go unabated. These cases invite the popular rehearsed response, An investigation will be conducted. Our society responds with an outrage that lasts only until the dust settles; an outrage which is only revived when the media coverage is renewed. Not only is our government effectively silent on these matters, not only is our government as quick as snails in implementing mechanisms to combat the prevalence of Domestic Violence and Abuse Against Women generally, but beneficiaries of the government perpetrate these acts with impunity. It takes some audacity for a Minsters son to repeatedly beat his girlfriend, even while pregnant, and to eventually rape her. It takes little imagination to determine where this will end once it persists. If the practice can be condoned at the highest level then the ordinary man is unlikely to be persuaded to act otherwise. If we attach even an inkling of value to our women we would stand opposed to substandard treatment meted out to them in any form. I am appealing to all women to stand by your sisters- be their refuge, their shoulder to lean on, their advisers, and their support. My brothers, we are not only doing a disservice to ourselves but to the entirety of manhood by treating women as objects of our domination. Abusing women is not a demonstration of strength but an act of weakness, so much so that it strips us of our very claim of being men. A man is supposed to be a protector, a provider, a nurturer, a role model to his children and to the wider society. He cannot be these things and yet be an Abuser of Women; he simply cannot! What are the examples we are crafting for the boys and younger men who look up to us? Are we telling them that their mothers, sisters, female cousins, female friends and women generally are but objects for us to trample upon? They will grow into us and we are leaving them a dangerous legacy. Men, it is time we MAN-UP. Ronald J. Daniels

25th June, 2013 1:30 pm