How to Develop a Stronger Bond with Your Mate: Ten Tips

Most people in a committed and loving relationship would like to have a strong bond with that special someone. However not all people are willing to do the things that cause people to grow closer. The ten tips below on how to develop a stronger bond with your mate is for anyone who does wish to grow closer to the one they love. 1 - Stop and listen. If your wife starts talking, mute the television or turn it off. If your husband has something to say, stop reading your magazine or your computer screen. The point is, if your mate has something to say, let them know you consider it important by stopping what you are doing and listening. 2 - Look past your own views. If you want to be truly close to your mate, you need to extend your view of the world to include your husband or wife. If you see something clever or amusing, consider how your mate might see it, and then share it with them. Expand your horizon beyond your own thought process to include those of the one you hold most dear. 3 - Put the other first. If both parties to a relationship put the other first, then there will never be the need for either to feel as if they are an afterthought. Or to put it another way, if both people put the other first then there will never be the need for arguments between them. The next time you find yourself faced with a decision to make, whether big or small try asking yourself first, what is best for my wife? Or my husband? 4 - Do things together on purpose. If dishes need to be done, do them together; same with other chores. And why not do something together in the evenings after dinner, or after the kids are in bed, rather than zone out watching television or playing video games? The are literally millions of things you can do with your mate, why not start doing some of them. 5 - See each other through tough spots. Very few things bind people together more thoroughly then going through tough times together. Whether it's financial problems, a death in the family, or other serious situations, the possibilities are ripe for some very serious and deep bonding. On the other hand, if you don't go through these times as a team, the chances are good that you'll actually loosen whatever bonds you may have had. 6 - Offer assistance. If your wife needs help reaching for something, don't make her ask for your help, just step in and do it. If your husband needs help making a decision, step in and help him figure out what he needs to do. The bottom line here is, it is ever so much better to offer help

than it is for someone to have to ask for it. Doing so makes people feel worthy of the effort. It makes them feel loved too. Two things that really help cement bonds between people. 7 - Be there. If something serious happens, does your wife know how to find you? Does she know that you will drop whatever you are doing to come help her deal with it? Does your husband know that you will support him no matter what career choice he makes? Does he know that you will stand up and defend him if things should go awry? People who grow close and develop strong bonds behave in ways that cause the other over time to trust them to virtually any length. If you want to develop stronger bonds with your mate, than start being the kind of person that is worthy of such devotion. 8 - Be affectionate. Developing stronger bonds requires two people to be almost constantly affectionate with one another. It doesn't have to be kissing and hugging, but it likely will mean an occasional gentle nudge, or soft touch on the cheek. To develop strong bonds with your mate, touch him, or her. Squeeze or hold her hand. Put your arm around her. Tussle his hair. Do things that people who really like each other a lot do. 9 - Go out of your way. You hear sometimes how a man who truly loves a woman will go get something if he knows she wants it without being asked, just because he wants her to be happy. You also hear about the women behind the man, who made all of his success possible. It's just these kinds of things that strengthen the bonds between each other. 10 - Allow your mate to be human. In life, mistakes will be made. People that truly love one another and want to remain close don't use these mistakes as opportunities to inflict damage or to make a point. Instead, they choose to overlook these moments and instead focus on the good in that person and to cherish all the things they love about them. These ten tips on how to develop a stronger bond with your mate, are for anyone who is in a committed relationship and wants to grow closer to the person they've chosen to be with. If you are such a person, I hope some or all of these tips help you, now and in the future. Good luck.

10 Ways to Create a Strong, Intimate Relationship

Here are 10 ways to create true intimacy, find pure love, and be truly happy in your relationship:

1. USE RELATIONSHIPS TO TEACH YOU HOW TO BE WHOLE WITHIN.

Relationships arent about having another person complete you, but coming to the relationship whole and sharing your life interdependently. By letting go of the romantic ideal of merging and becoming one, you learn as Rainer Maria Rilke says, to love the distances in relationship as much as the togetherness.

2. SEE YOUR PARTNER FOR WHO HE OR SHE REALLY IS.

The romantic tragedy occurs when you view the person you are in love with as a symbol of what they have come to represent, the idea of them. When you realize that more often than not you dont really know your partner, you begin to discover who they are and how they change and evolve.

3. BE WILLING TO LEARN FROM EACH OTHER.

The key is to see the other as a mirror and learn from the reflection how you can be a better person. When you feel upset, rather than blame your partner and point fingers, remain awake to what has yet to be healed in yourself.

4. GET COMFORTABLE BEING ALONE.

In order to accept that love cant rescue you from being alone, learn to spend time being with yourself. By feeling safe and secure to be on your own within the framework of relationship, you will feel more complete, happy, and whole.

5. LOOK CLOSELY AT WHY A FIGHT MAY BEGIN.

Some couples create separateness by fighting and then making up over and over again. This allows you to continue the romantic trance, creating drama and avoiding real intimacy. If you become aware of what you fear about intimacy, youll have a better sense of why youre fightingand likely will fight far less.

6. OWN WHO YOU ARE.

We generally grasp at romantic love because were yearning for something that is out of reach, something in another person that we dont think we possess in ourselves. Unfortunately, when we finally get love, we discover that we didnt get what we were looking for.

True love only exists by loving yourself first. You can only get from another person what youre willing to give yourself.

7. EMBRACE ORDINARINESS.
After the fairy-dust start of a relationship ends, we discover ordinariness, and we often do everything we can to avoid it. The trick is to see that ordinariness can become the real juice of intimacy. The day-to-day loveliness of sharing life with a partner can, and does, become extraordinary.

8. EXPAND YOUR HEART.

One thing that unites us is that we all long to be happy. This happiness usually includes the desire to be close to someone in a loving way. To create real intimacy, get in touch with the spaciousness of your heart and bring awareness to what is good within you. Its easier to recognize the good in your partner when youre connected to the good in yourself.

9. FOCUS ON GIVING LOVE.

Genuine happiness is not about feeling good about ourselves because other people love us; its more about how well we have loved ourselves and others. The unintentional outcome of loving others more deeply is that we are loved more deeply.

10. LET GO OF EXPECTATIONS.

You may look to things such as romance and constant togetherness to fill a void in yourself. This will immediately cause suffering. If you unconsciously expect to receive love in certain ways to avoid giving that love to yourself, you will put your sense of security in someone else. Draw upon your own inner-resources to offer love, attention, and nurturance to yourself when you need it. Then you can let love come to you instead of putting expectations on what it needs to look like.

How to Build a Good Relationship With Your Husband

1. Keep an open mind about each other's views. 2.

2
Help each other, but not being overly solicitous (giving in too easily, or being a "Yes!" rubber stamp person).

3.3
Be flexible. Give a little to get a little.

4.4
Show kindness. Say, "Thanks! Excuse me. Please... I'm sorry." appropriately.

5.5
Communicate enough to keep each other in the loop, but pick your times -- so as not to be intrusive to have your say...

6.6
If you disagree on some issues, realize that unless those issues are the crux of your relationship they are not as important as your relationship.

7.7
Argue in a sensible and thoughtful manner, when you must disagree.

8.8
Try to be consistent, but not merely stubborn.

9.9
Accommodate each other's idiosyncrasies.

10.

10

Do the best you can to make your relationship better and stronger.

11.
Never go to bed angry.

11

12.

12

give small surprises even if you are not asked for.

Remember that opposites may attract in many ways, and so try to see the other persons opposite opinions as not that important for a family kind of relationship.

Think of and treat your marriage and your spouse as a great treasure, and as gift that you call a blessing Be Blessed.

Love is patient; love is kind and envies no one. Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude; never selfish, not quick to take offense. There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, its hope, and endurance. In a word, there are three things that last forever: faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of them all is love. The Bible

I'm fortunate to have some pretty amazing love in my life and it's something I don't, for a second, take for granted. Not everyone is as lucky as I have been when it comes to love and I truly value the time and energy spent on developing a truly loving relationship. Sadly, when it comes to love, there can be a lot of negativity in there. A few weeks ago at my sister's wedding, I heard that famous Letter to the Corinthians, which I've quoted above. Though I've heard it many times, at many weddings (and, of course, in Wedding Crashers), it struck a particular chord with me recently when I realized how much truth resides in those words. In order to create a loving and lasting relationship, one must adhere to those principles and focus on them with every passing moment a relationship experiences. As anyone who has been a relationship knows, they aren't all sunshine and rainbows, smiles and happiness. They are hard work sometimes, but I've found that you usually get just about as much as you put into them. If you want to have a strong bond with the one you love, you have to create that bond. And, once you've created it, you have to work on strengthening it all the time. How can you strengthen the bond with the one you love? Here are my suggestions:

1. Be patient and kind. For whatever reason, people often take out their worst emotions on the ones they love, but one of the best (and most obvious) ways to strengthen a bond with a loved one is to be patient and kind with that

person. It can be hard, at times, to remember patience and kindness, but those two elements are essential when it comes to maintaining a close bond with a loved one. 2. Avoid extreme selfishness. I'm all for the importance of putting yourself first, but, when it comes to making a true and lasting bond with the one you love stick, it's important to avoid extreme selfishness at all costs. Forming a bond has to be a give and take. You must be willing to put others' needs before your own at times if you want to create a bond that will last a lifetime.

3. Do not be rude or boastful. Again, going back to the first point, for some reason people tend to often be rudest to those they love the most. Maybe people think they can get away with it, but, even if you can, rudeness is a surefire way to put stop to forming a close bond with someone you love. If you want to be close, avoid boasting or treating a loved one rudely. 4. Be supportive and avoid envy. There will be times in a loving relationship where one person is more successful or happy than the other. This is normal and this is okay. What's not okay is to be envious of your partner. To create a strong and lasting bond, you must be supportive of the one you love and avoid, at all costs, letting envy take over your emotions. 5. Fill your heart with trust. Many of the biggest issues in many relationships stem from a lack of trust. With all of the various elements life can throw at us, it's not surprising that so many people have issues when it comes to trust. However, if you want to have the best possible bond with the one you love, you must let go of mistrust and open your heart to full and complete trust of one another. 6. Believe in the power of love. It might sound completely cheesy, but there's a lot of power behind love between two people. It can overcome a great deal -probably much more than you'd imagine. Love will overcome any negativity -if you believe in it. To create a strong bond, you have to believe in the love you share and you have to know that, with it, you can deal with all kinds of difficult situations. 7. Celebrate the love you share. Once you've formed a bond with someone, it can be easy to take that love for granted. Don't. Make time to celebrate the love you have in your life and you'll surely continue to increase the bond you share with the one you love. No matter how long it's been since that bond was first created, don't neglect your love. Take time to celebrate it every single day.

Relationship Help
Advice for Building Relationships that are Healthy, Happy and Satisfying
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A strong, healthy relationship can be one of the best supports in your life. Good relationships improve all aspects of your life, strengthening your health, your mind, and your connections with others. However, if the relationship isn't working, it can also be a tremendous drain. Relationships are an investment. The more you put in, the more you can get back. These tips can help keep a healthy relationship strong, or repair trust and love in a relationship on the rocks.

IN THIS ARTICLE:

How to strengthen your relationship Keep physical intimacy alive Spend quality time together Never stop communicating Healthy relationships are built on give and take Expect ups and downs If you need more relationship help

How to strengthen your loving relationship

IF YOU NEED HELP WITH DATING AND STARTING A RELATIONSHIP

See How to Find Lasting Love Everyones relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons. But there are some things that good relationships have in common. Knowing the basic principles of healthy relationships helps keep them meaningful, fulfilling and exciting in both happy times and sad: What makes a healthy love relationship?

Staying involved with each other. Some relationships get stuck in peaceful coexistence, but without truly relating to each other and working together. While it may seem stable on the

surface, lack of involvement and communication increases distance. When you need to talk about something important, the connection and understanding may no longer be there. Getting through conflict. Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree. The key in a strong relationship, though, is not to be fearful of conflict. You need to be safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation, and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation or insisting on being right. Keeping outside relationships and interests alive. No one person can meet all of our needs, and expecting too much from someone can put a lot of unhealthy pressure on a relationship. Having friends and outside interests not only strengthens your social network, but brings new insights and stimulation to the relationship, too. Communicating. Honest, direct communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears, and desires, trust and bonds are strengthened. Nonverbal cuesbody language like eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someones armare critical to communication.

Relationship advice tip 1: Keep physical intimacy alive

Touch is a fundamental part of human existence. Studies on infants have shown the importance of regular, loving touch and holding on brain development. These benefits do not end in childhood. Life without physical contact with others is a lonely life indeed. Studies have shown that affectionate touch actually boosts the bodys levels of oxytocin, a hormone that influences bonding and attachment. In a committed relationship between two adult partners, physical intercourse is often a cornerstone of the relationship. However, intercourse should not be the only method of physical intimacy in a relationship. Regular, affectionate touchholding hands, hugging, or kissingis equally important. Be sensitive to what your partner likes. While touch is a key part of a healthy relationship, its important to take some time to find out what your partner really likes. Unwanted touching or inappropriate overtures can make the other person tense up and retreatexactly what you dont want.

Relationship advice tip 2: Spend quality time together

You probably have fond memories of when you were first dating your loved one. Everything may have seemed new and exciting, and you may have spent hours just chatting together or coming up with new, exciting things to try. However, as time goes by, children, demanding jobs, long commutes, different hobbies and other obligations can make it hard to find time together. Its critical for your relationship, though, to make time for yourselves. If you dont have quality time, communication and understanding start to erode.

SIMPLE WAYS TO CONNECT AS A COUPLE AND REKINDLE LOVE

Commit to spending quality time together on a regular basis. Even during very busy and stressful times, a few minutes of really sharing and connecting can help keep bonds strong. Find something that you enjoy doing together, whether it is a shared hobby, dance class, daily walk, or sitting over a cup of coffee in the morning.

Try something new together. Doing new things together can be a fun way to connect and keep things interesting. It can be as simple as trying a new restaurant or going on a day trip to a place youve never been before.

Couples are often more fun and playful in the early stages of a relationship. However, this playful attitude can sometimes be forgotten as life challenges or old resentments start getting in the way. Keeping a sense of humor can actually help you get through tough times, reduce stress, and work through issues more easily.

FOCUS ON HAVING FUN TOGETHER

Think about playful ways to surprise your partner, like bringing flowers or a favorite movie home unexpectedly. Learn from the play experts together. Playing with pets or small children can really help you reconnect with your playful side. If its something you do together, you also learn more about your partner and how he or she likes to have fun. Make a habit of laughing together whenever you can. Most situations are not as bleak as they appear to be when you approach them with humor.

LEARNING HOW TO PLAY AGAIN

A little humor and playful interaction can go a long way in relieving tense situations and helping you see the brighter side. If youre feeling a little rusty, learn more about how playful communication can improve your relationship, and for fun ways to practice this skill.

Relationship advice tip 3: Never stop communicating

Good communication is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship. When people stop communicating well, they stop relating well, and times of change or stress can really bring out disconnect. As long as you are communicating, you can work through whatever problem youre facing.

LEARN YOUR PARTNERS EMOTIONAL CUES

Each of us is a little different in how we best receive information. Some people might respond better to sight, sound, or touch. Your partners responses may be different from yours. Take some time to learn your partners cues, and be sure to communicate your own as well. For example, one person might find a brief massage after a stressful day a loving mode of communicationwhile another might just want to talk over a hot cup of tea. So much of our communication is transmitted by what we dont say. Nonverbal cuessuch as eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someones armcommunicate much more than words. For a relationship to work well, each person has to be receptive to sending and receiving nonverbal cues. Learning to understand this body language can help you better understand what your partner is trying to say. Think about what you are transmitting as well, and if what you say matches what you feel. If you say Im fine, but you clench your teeth and look away, then your body is clearly signaling you are not.

QUESTION YOUR ASSUMPTIONS

If youve known each other for a while, you may assume that your partner has a pretty good idea of what you are thinking and what you need. However, your partner is not a mind reader. While your partner may have some idea, it is much healthier to directly express your needs to avoid any confusion. Your partner may sense something, but it might not be what you need. Whats more, people change, and what you needed and wanted five years ago, for example, may be very different now. Getting in the habit of expressing your needs helps you weather difficult times, which otherwise may lead to increasing resentment, misunderstanding, and anger.

USE YOUR SENSES TO KEEP STRESS IN CHECK

If youre not calm and focused, you wont be able to communicate effectively. The best way to reduce stress quickly and reliably is through the senses. But each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing to you.

Relationship advice tip 4: Healthy relationships are built on give and take
If you expect to get what you want 100% of a time in a relationship, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Healthy relationships are built on compromise, and it takes work on each persons part to make sure that there is a reasonable exchange.

RECOGNIZE WHATS IMPORTANT TO YOUR PARTNER

Knowing what is truly important to your partner can go a long way towards building goodwill and an atmosphere of compromise. On the flip side, its also important for your partner to recognize your wants and for you to state them clearly. Constantly compromising your needs for others' will build resentment and anger.

DONT MAKE WINNING YOUR GOAL

If you approach your partner with the attitude that things have to be your way or else, it will be difficult to reach a compromise. Sometimes this attitude comes from not having your needs met while you were younger, or it could be from years of accumulated resentment building up in your current relationship. Its all right to have strong convictions about something, but your partner deserves to be heard as well. You are more likely to get your needs met if you respect what your partner needs, and compromise when you can.

LEARN HOW TO RESPECTFULLY RESOLVE CONFLICT

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but to keep a relationship strong, both people need to feel theyve been heard. The goal is not to win but to resolve the conflict with respect and love.

Make sure you are fighting fair. Dont attack someone directly; use I statements to communicate how you feel. Dont drag old arguments into the mix. Keep the focus on the issue at hand, and respect the other person.

Relationship advice tip 5: Expect ups and downs

Its also important to recognize that there are ups and downs in every relationship. You wont always be on the same page. Sometimes one partner may be struggling with an issue that stresses them, such as the death of a close family member. Other events, like job loss or severe health problems, can affect both partners and make it difficult to relate to each other. You might have different ideas of managing finances or raising children. Different people cope with stress differently, and misunderstanding can rapidly turn to frustration and anger.

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FOR GETTING THROUGH LIFES UPS AND DOWNS

Dont take out your problems on your partner. Life stresses can make us short tempered. If you are coping with a lot of stress, it might seem easier to snap at your partner. Fighting like this might initially feel like a release, but it slowly poisons your relationship. Find other ways to vent your anger and frustration. Some problems are bigger than both of you. Trying to force a solution can cause even more problems. Every person works through problems and issues in his or her own way. Remember that youre a team. Continuing to move forward together can get you through the rough spots. Be open to change. Change is inevitable in life, and it will happen whether you go with it or fight it. Flexibility is essential to adapt to the change that is always taking place in any relationship, and it allows you to grow together through both the good times and the bad. Dont ignore problems. Whatever problems arise in a romantic relationship, its important to face them together as a couple. If an aspect of the relationship stops working, dont simply ignore it, but instead address it with your partner. Things change, so respond to them together as they do.

ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS REQUIRE ONGOING ATTENTION

Many couples focus on their relationship only when there are specific, unavoidable problems to overcome. Once the problems have been resolved they often switch their attention back to their careers, kids, or other interests. However, romantic relationships require ongoing attention and commitment for love to flourish. As long as the health of a romantic relationship remains important to you, it is going to require your attention and effort.

If you need more relationship help and advice

Need More Help with Relationships? Helpguide's Bring Your Life into Balance mindfulness toolkit can help. Sometimes problems in a relationship may seem too complex or overwhelming for a couple to handle on their own. In that case, its important to reach out together for help. There are a number of options available, including:

Couples counseling. Its a big investment, and time, energy, focus and commitment are needed from both people to make a difference, but you might consider couples or marriage counseling to resolve your differences. Both parties need to be willing and able to honestly communicate what he or she needs, face the issues that arise in counseling, and then make

the necessary changes. Its important also that both people feel comfortable with the counselor. Spiritual advice. Some couples benefit from spiritual advice from a religious figure such as a pastor or rabbi. This tends to work best if both persons have similar convictions of faith and have a good relationship with the spiritual advisor. Emotional Intelligence building. Try using Helpguide's Bring Your Life into Balance mindfulness toolkit, a free utility for building emotional health and emotional intelligence. This in-depth course provides articles, videos, and audio meditations designed to help you put the skills of emotional intelligence and communication into practice. Individual therapy. Sometimes one person may need specialized help. For example, someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one may need counseling to help him or her process the grief. If your loved one needs help, dont feel like you are a failure for not providing him or her everything he or she needs. No one can fulfill everyones needs, and getting the right help can make a tremendous difference in your relationship. Related Articles

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Emotional Self-Help Toolkit

To develop and maintain healthy, growing relationshipsboth personally and professionallyyou need to be able to quickly manage stress and recognize and appropriately respond to your emotions. Helpguides free Bring Your Life Into Balance Emotional Self-Help Toolkit offers training that can help you confidently meet relationship challenges, communicate better, and make stronger, more satisfying connections. Authors: Joanna Saisan, M.S.W., Melinda Smith, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D. Last updated: July 2013.