"Stake Through

the Heart"
by Steven Donnini

(Production Book)

Library Of Congress
WGA
Copyright Steven Donnini 2004

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Stake Through the Heart is a Dramatic Comedy about the

lives of the people within a community theater company in

the small college town of Denton, Texas.

Here, we have a Drama/Comedy where actors become in life,

what they rehearse.

So, we go from “STAGE SETTINGS” to “REAL LIFE” situations.

THE CAST

Edna McCoy...A 70 year old woman.

Edna was once a raving beauty, but is now a faded Texas

rose. All of the plastic surgery and cosmetics can’t bring

back her youthful appearance. She has become addicted to

pain meds as a result of all the surgery. Her drinking and

cigarette smoking has only added to the deterioration. She

has been able to survive the years of abuse, to the

amazement of her son and many doctors. She is creative and

funny when lucid and down right mean when she doesn’t get

her way. Acting is her only love and she is exceptionally

good at it after thirty years playing equity theater.

Danny McCoy...The 25 year old son of Edna McCoy.

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Danny is a lovable loser that wants everyone to think he’s

a millionaire. His dead father had disowned him after he

failed in law school and a business venture. It was a great

idea to grind up used car tires and spread them across land

fills and create new golf courses all across the country.

He had lost more than $500,000 to a Mexican partner who was

to supply the auto tires. His father didn’t want to loose

any more of his fortune on Danny’s get rich quick schemes.

However, when Danny got in trouble his dad gave him enough

to keep him from embarrassment. Danny now is a momma’s boy.

Since his father’s suicide, he has become a thief. Stealing

from his mother’s checkbook whenever there’s a crisis.

Ben Allen...50 year old. The community theater company

director.

Ben is a college professor that once had high principles

and aspirations, but now he wants to play out his academic

career by directing a community theater company. His latest

production had the worst reviews of his career. The Dallas

Morning News critic wrote, “Ben Allen’s latest attempt at

play writing uses every cliché in murder mystery. But, he

is not a good enough writer to pull it off.”

He is always on the edge because he used false credentials

to get his first job at the college 17 years ago. The fact

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is, he never graduated from the University. He bought his

diploma and bluffed his way in. He was recently discovered

by... the chancellor. He was warned but not fired, because

all of his students would have to be notified that the

course work that was taken with him was worthless as

credit. They would have to return to school or give up

their diploma’s. So, nothing was done. His writing and

directing at the community theater supplies him with a

steady supply of starry eyed coeds.

Diane Raver...35 year old theater company Producer

Publicist.

Diane is a stunning, clever and witty over achiever. As a

student she shined and was top of her class at Vanderbilt.

Her early loss of both parents to an auto accident left her

emotionally wounded. She is unhappily married to an older

man that has developed heart problems and passes time with

his best friend, alcohol. She has resigned herself, that

she will come home one afternoon to discover him dead in

front of the TV. She is the chosen one to save the failing,

but heavily endowed community theater.

Barbara Biggs...The 20 year old student actress.

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Barbara is the daughter of a well known Doctor and has had

every advantage, except a loving home. Her mother is a

social climber with the 500 club. 500 woman that devote

their lives to pretentious tea party’s and gala Opera

events. Barbara is a clone of her mother. She is always

looking for an easy way out of dependence on her mother and

father, but doesn’t want to give up the good life to

achieve independence. She presents a cool and controlled

appearance. But, she is driven by her mother’s competitive

nature to be out front in every situation, marry well, be

the center of attention and put on a good show no matter

what. Her need to keep up appearances causes many

uncomfortable moments for her few friends.

STAKE THROUGH THE HEART

FADE IN

INT. THEATER
A community theater in the college town of Denton, Texas.
The stage is clear for rehearsal of the next production.
There is seating for 250 people.

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Ben Allen, is standing in the orchestra pit at the edge of
center stage. He is writing names on the cover pages of a
script. He’s apprehensive about the new play he is about
to begin rehearsal on, because it’s not one of the little
theater standards like "The Gin Game." Nor, is it going to
be talked about in the same way as "Angels in America."
However, he’s hoping that this new play will bring new
excitement to the theater.
Ben has been the director for many years. During his tenure
the productions have been met with mixed reviews by the
area newspapers. In fact, it has been getting more and
more uncomfortable for him at the dinner parties he must
attend. The sponsors are looking for a way to stop the
mounting losses from sagging ticket sales. They are
offering more creative in-put.

Diane Raver, walks across the stage to talk to Ben. She is

not sympathetic to his situation. All she wants is to fill
seats. She is cold and all business. As she approaches,
Ben looks up to see her in high heels with one foot
standing on a of the copy of the latest script.

She was assigned by the largest corporate sponsor in Denton

County to get things on track. Although she has no theater
experience, the people that matter think she can do the
job. The last production was a disaster. The theater
company board members are looking for a hit this time or
Ben is out.

INT. THEATER
(Ben looks up.)

BEN
You can lift your foot anytime.

DIANE
(Holds her foot firm.)
I’ve got some news for you. The Company

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 board members are meeting today. They’re
looking for a hit this time. In my own best
interest I will try to minimize the problems
and promote the show.

BEN
Isn’t that in your job description.

DIANE
It’s not my responsibility to save
your failing career. But, under the
circumstances your fate is linked to mine.

BEN
I’m happy you see it that way. You may
discover some new ways to support the
effort here.

DIANE
Everybody thinks that you’re a burn-out.
I don’t think you ever got warm.

(She turns her shoe into the

script then walks away.)

DIANE (CONT’D)
Have a nice day.

Edna McCoy 70 rolls out in her wheelchair from behind the

stage curtain and rolls across the stage toward Ben.

EDNA
I’ve been listening to you.
I didn’t want to eavesdrop
but, I couldn’t help it.

BEN
It doesn’t make any difference.
Everybody knows what’s going on.

EDNA
I want to do this show.
It may be my last one.

BEN

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 The way it looks this could
be my swan song, too.

EDNA
Tell me about how you see the play.

BEN
I know that just beneath the
surface we all have contradiction.

EDNA
Oh!

BEN
Everyone ages, but hangs on to their
youth, like an old Hollywood child
star that dresses and acts like
their last memorable performance.

EDNA
Like Mickey Rooney and Liz Taylor?

Danny McCoy, walks across the stage to join Ben and Edna.

BEN
It’s good you could make it, Danny.

Danny has never performed on the stage with his mother.

He’s not happy at the prospect.

DANNY
Well, what are we going to do?

BEN
We’re going on a cruise ship
where you fall in love with
an astonishing young woman.

DANNY
But, I’m already in love.

Danny grabs his mother in his arms.

EDNA
It’s illusion, a real man
in love, maybe for the first time.

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 DANNY
I’ll get affection at last?

BEN
I would call it passion.
Wait till you meet your lover.

EDNA
Another ill fated romance.

BEN
She’s on her way.

DANNY
Anybody I know?

BEN
I don’t know.
Her name is Jan Whittle.
But, you will call her Barbara.

DANNY
What has she done before?

BEN
Only college credits so far,
but I think she’s a natural.

EDNA
If you think she is talented,
then she’s in.

Barbara Biggs, opens the theater doors at the entrance and

walks down toward the stage. She is carrying a canvas bag
with books in it. Ben introduces her to the others.

BEN
Edna, Danny, meet Jan...
I mean Barbara.

Danny is enraptured by her gracefulness. He can’t take his

eyes off her.

EDNA

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 Ben has told us all about you.

Edna is not happy with Danny in that he is showing his

awkward nature when around woman, especially in front of
his mother.

BEN
Barbara, this is your script.

BARBARA
What’s it about?

BEN
A mother and son go on a cruise ship.
Barbara, that’s you and Danny that’s him...
(Ben points toward Danny.)

BEN (CONT’D)
meet on the cruise ship and
fall in love. The mother is
extremely jealous of the love
affair. She has been very ill
and this is to be the last trip
she takes with the son before
she dies. He wants to please her.

EDNA
This could be a little too
close to home.

DANNY
Don’t talk like that.

BEN
The story is about passion.

BARBARA
What do you think Barbara will
desire? Sex? Or what?

BEN
She is attracted to him at
first. Then she discovers he

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 is about to become a wealthy
man. Passion and greed combine.

BARBARA
Sounds like my love life.

BEN
Very good. Well, we’ve got
two weeks till the show opens.
As you know this is the last
show I’ll do here. So, we can
do whatever we want with it.

Edna is busy reading the play.

(Ben turns away from

the stage and walks
to a chair. He opens
his copy of the script.)

BEN
Look on page 20 please.

(They all turn pages

of their script.)

BEN
This is one of the most important
scenes. Here, Edna tells Danny that
he will never have his inheritance.

BARBARA
Is this about his greed
and my passion?

DANNY
I don’t know.

BARBARA
Sounds like what all my family
and friends are going through.

BEN
It’s about all of that. It’s
about pain that love can bring.

(Ben stands up with

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 the script in hand
and walks in front of
the stage.)

BEN (CONT’D)
I like the notion that when
two people fall in love it
effects everyone around them.
It changes the existing
relationships, the game changes.

EDNA
As a mother, I think, “How
could my son want to leave
his mother alone to die?”

BEN
For years she has used his
inheritance to manipulate him.
He is humiliated constantly.

DANNY
I can see why he would be impatient
to get the inheritance.

EDNA
I need to read the script
before I have questions.

BEN
Is there anything else before
we go? OK, I’ll see you Wednesday
night at 7:00.

(Everyone picks up
their scripts and
leaves the theater.
Danny and Barbara look
at each other across
the stage one last time.
She stops and turns.)

BARBARA
I don’t know if I can do it.

(Danny watches her

leave the theater.)

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Ben sees Danny standing in the aisle looking at Barbara
leave.

DANNY
Give me some direction about how
to play this guy.

(Ben walks to a seat

and Danny joins him.)

BEN
I’ve chosen you and Edna for
this show, because I know this
subject is close to home.

DANNY
The thought occurred to me.

BEN
You know, it’s just another
play until you bring it to
life. I chose it as my last play
because we can do whatever we
want. I’m finished here.

DANNY
That’s not true.

BEN
I’ve never seen it different.
Not in University. Not anywhere.

DANNY
So, what your saying is I’m
on a sinking ship so to speak.

BEN
I’m saying you’ll be the last
actor considered by the new
director. They’ll pick a people
pleaser to take my spot.

DANNY
I can get along with a people
pleaser!

13
 BEN
That’s not what I mean. Look,
you’ve done a lot of shows with me.

DANNY
Don’t you think other directors
will see my talent?

BEN
Not when there’s politics involved.

DANNY
I don’t understand.

BEN
It’s not a matter of taste.

DANNY
What do you expect from me?

BEN
Fall in love with Barbara.
She is dangerous, yes?

DANNY
Why?

BEN
You will feel the infatuation
and get lost in it.

DANNY
She’s beautiful. If she doesn’t
feel anything for me I’ll ....
I won’t be convincing.

BEN
She likes you. I can tell.

DANNY
How?

BEN
Other people can see these
things before we can.

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 DANNY
I don’t think my mother will
like her.

BEN
Good.

INT. THEATER
Ben is standing on the stage with Danny. They are looking
at the script.

DANNY
I want to play this scene
with my dad like this.

(He walks off stage.

Stops.... turns back.)

DANNY
What are you doing with that
gun? You’ve been drinking.
I’m sick of your shit.

(Ben stomps his

foot on the stage. Boom.)

DANNY
Oh, God!

(Danny falls on
the stage next
to his dad.)

Edna wheels herself out in her chair. She is in a drug

stupor.

EDNA
Did Daddy fall again?

DANNY
Yes. Go back to your bedroom.

EDNA
All right!

Danny gets to his feet and walks to a table, picks up the

15
telephone and calls 911.

DANNY
Please send help. My father
has shot himself in the head.
We’re at 1407 Hollowridge Rd.
Hurry!

EDNA
What’s going on out there?

DANNY
I want you to go into your room.

EDNA
You can’t talk to me that way.

DANNY
Please mom, go to your room.

Edna slowly wheels herself across the stage.

He puts down the phone and goes over to his father on the
floor. He sits down and holds his father’s head in his lap.

DANNY
Oh, Dad don’t leave me.

BEN
Danny. I want to break here.
and work Barbara a bit.

BARBARA
Where do I start?

BEN
I want to hear your introduction
to Danny and Edna. Page twenty
eight. I’ll read for Danny and Edna.

Ben points to the line he wants her to start at.

BEN
Here you are standing in line

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 waiting to be seated for dinner
in the dining room of the
cruise ship Northern Star.
Danny is pushing Edna in her
wheel chair just ahead of you.
She is most demanding. She
doesn’t like waiting. You
introduce yourself.

BARBARA
Hi, my name is Barbara.

BEN (AS DANNY)

Nice to meet you. I’m Danny
and this is my mother Edna.

BEN (AS EDNA)

Am I going to sit here all
night like that ice sculpture
over there, melting away.

BARBARA
Let me see if I can help.

Barbara walks to the center of the stage and mimes greeting

a waiter.

BARBARA
The lady in the chair would like to
have a table as soon as possible.

BEN
(with his best whisky
voice as EDNA.)
I want a drink. A double scotch
on the rocks.

BEN (AS DANNY)

Mom please, not so loud.

BEN (AS EDNA)

Don’t tell me how to act. I’m
too old to care what other people
think.

BEN (AS DANNY)

I’m not.

17
Barbara hears Edna calling for a drink and returns to Danny
and Edna.

BARBARA
It will be just a minute on
the table.

BEN (AS EDNA)

What about my drink? I want a
scotch on the rocks. A double.

BARBARA
We can go to the bar and wait
for our tables.

Ben puts down his script.

BEN
That was very good. I’ll get
the others out here for the
next scene in the bar.

Edna and Danny come out from behind the curtain.

EDNA
You can push me a little faster.
I’m not going to get whiplash.

DANNY
I’m just being careful since
the accident.

BEN
OK, we’re in the bar and Edna
wants a drink. Take it from there.

Danny walks Barbara to the bar.

DANNY
Can I get you a drink?

BARBARA
I’ll have a Gin Tonic. Don’t
forget the scotch on the rocks.

18
 DANNY
How could I forget.

EDNA
Where’s my drink.

BARBARA
It’s coming.

DANNY
Bartender, I need a double
Johnny Walker Red on the rocks,
Gin Tonic and a draft beer.

Barbara sits down next to Edna.

BARBARA
Do you mind if I sit with you?
I’m alone on this trip.

EDNA
It’s up to you. If you can stand
being with a sick old lady and
a momma’s boy. It’s OK with me.

BARBARA
He doesn’t seem like that.

EDNA
That’s because you don’t know him.

Danny returns to the table with the drinks.

EDNA
It’s about time. I thought
you had left me here to fend
for myself. You know, the
last time we went out to dinner,
Danny went to the men’s room
for 30 minutes. He didn’t
even eat his food.

DANNY

19
 It’s a good thing I’m crazy
about this old lady.

BARBARA
Like she said, she’s too old
to care what people think.

EDNA
Where’s my pill box?

DANNY
I don’t want you drinking and
taking pills on top of it.

EDNA
(RAISING HER VOICE)
Do as I tell you, now. Or, I’ll
give you a night to remember
little boy.

BARBARA
Look, I think it’s time for me
to leave you alone to work
things out.

DANNY
I’m really embarrassed about
this. Don’t go, it’s just her
way of letting everyone know
who’s in charge.

EDNA
I want my pills, please.

Barbara gets up from the table. Danny grabs her hand.

BARBARA
No, I really want to go.

Danny gets up to follow her across the stage.

DANNY
Please don’t leave me here
alone with her. I want to
spend some time with you.
Can I meet you later for a

20
 night cap?

BARBARA
I’d like that.

DANNY
How about 10:30 at the bar?

BARBARA
OK, that sounds good.

EDNA
Danny!

DANNY
Nature calls. I’ll see you then.

Barbara looks back at the table then turns and walks off
the stage.
Danny slowly returns to the table and sits down.

DANNY
Why did you drive her off
like that?

EDNA
All I wanted was a pill.
Which I still don’t have.

Danny reaches down under the table and picks up her purse.

DANNY
Only one.

EDNA
In the morning, I want to see
the ships doctor. I’m having
trouble with my vision.

DANNY
The doctor in New York told
you what was wrong.

EDNA

21
 I think he’s full of it.

DANNY
He told me that you were
drunk and stoned on the drugs,
and that you can’t walk without
falling. You can’t focus your
eyes for the same reason.

EDNA
I told you I need new glasses.

DANNY
Yeah! I heard you.

EDNA
I know you can’t wait to get
me into a nursing home.

DANNY
You need to be in a place
where people can take care of you.

EDNA
You’re not going to get my
money while I’m alive. You
tried to get me put away when
I went to the hospital.

DANNY
They called me and asked that
I come and get you. They didn’t
want to mess with you. You almost
got yourself committed.

EDNA
I don’t want to talk about this.
Get me a fresh pack of Pall Mall.

INT. THEATER REHEARSAL / CENTER STAGE

The stage lights go down. A spot light creates a pool of
light over Danny.

22
 DANNY
She’s right. She is so
pitiful sitting there about
to fall out of the chair or
burn herself with the cigarette.
At Christmas, when she gave me
the check for two Zillion dollars,
I knew she was on to me. How
can she be so drunk and stoned
and still think? The doctors
don’t understand how she is
still breathing.

The stage lights come up.

Ben claps his hands and walks to the stage from where he’s
been sitting.

BEN
Why don’t we stop here?

Diane walks on to the stage from behind the actors.

DIANE
Wait people, we have a little
problem I want to share with
you. A note was left on the
theater door this morning,
followed by a threatening phone call.

BEN
Jesus, what for?

DIANE
I have called the police. It
appears that there’s a group
of nuts out there that don’t

Diane (Cont.)
want us to put on this play.
They say we are advocating
abuse to the elderly.

EDNA
How did they find out what
we’re doing?

23
 DIANE
I sent out a PR Release and
somehow a theater critic at the
University paper got a copy
of the script.

BEN
Do you think we’re in any
danger?

DIANE
As you all know we don’t want
any of you to get hurt, so
please be watchful. The board
has asked me to put a guard
outside the front door. At
the end of all rehearsals
please go out the front door
and have the guard walk you to
your car.

She turns and walks off the stage.

BEN
We have no way of knowing
whether this is a real threat,
or just a hoax. Let’s not
get upset without knowing more.

BARBARA
I won’t let some old fart
tell me what kind of
play to do.

BEN
I agree. I don’t want to back
down. It’s more than likely
just some stupid redneck or
a college kid pulling a prank
to make us sweat.

BARBARA
It’s getting late. I’ve got
a date.

24
 BEN
OK, go ahead. I would feel
better coming back when we
have a guard at the door.

They all pack up to leave the theater. Barbara, Danny and

Edna walk out the front door. Ben stays behind to talk to
Diane. He walks to the production office back stage.

INT. PRODUCTION OFFICE

Diane is sitting in his chair leaning back with her feet
crossed and resting on his desk.

BEN
Why didn’t you tell me first
about the letter and phone call?

DIANE
I didn’t think it mattered.
What difference does it make?

BEN
It makes a lot of difference.
I’m the director.

DIANE
I know how important you
think you are, but don’t become
more of a problem than you
already are. I don’t have energy
for this.

BEN
So, let me see the note.

DIANE
The police have it. Go have
a drink or do whatever you do.

BEN
Why don’t we have a drink
at Lockers? Bury the hatchet.

25
 DIANE
All right, why not? It’s always
fun to see how the bottom
feeders spend their free time.

BEN
Bottom feeders, cute.

DIANE
If the shoe fits...

They get up and leave for Lockers.

INT. LOCKERS BAR (NIGHT)

Lockers is a dark, smoky neighborhood bar. Rose, 36 is the
bartender. Regulars are sitting at the bar smoking, sipping
beer and shots. Diane and Ben walk up to the bar and sit
down on stools. Rose calls to them.

ROSE
What will you have?

DIANE
A Vodka tonic please.

BEN
You know what I like Rose.

ROSE
Yeah, I know what you like
Ben. How’s the wife.

BEN
Which one?

ROSE
(Hands Ben a scotch
and water)
The last one.

BEN
She left with her yoga instructor.

ROSE
I know that song. “All my ex’s

26
live in Texas.”

BEN
She got mad at me because one
of the young actresses had a crush
on me and sent love notes to
the house.
DIANE
That’s believable!

ROSE
It’s true, his wife came in here
looking for him one night
with tears in her eyes. Her
heart was broken.

DIANE
Instead of doing your work and
taking care of business at home
he’s out chasing coed’s. That’s
great. What an example.

BEN
I can’t help it if young, beautiful
women find me charming.

ROSE
That’s why we keep the lights
down low around here. We don’t
want the rest of the customers
to see the sewer backing up.

DIANE
I think he’s telling the truth.
He is charming if you’re an 18
year old school girl that’s
never been away from home.

ROSE
She’s got you nailed.

BEN
She doesn’t like me.

DIANE
No. I just don’t understand you.

27
 BEN
What don’t you understand?

DIANE
Look your job is to produce
the best play for the buck.
All you have to do is pick
plays everyone wants to see
and produce them reasonably
well. What’s so hard about that?

BEN
I don’t want to just do the
standard stuff. I want to experiment.

DIANE
You can’t experiment in the
sticks. The people around here
want to go to a Broadway play
once a month. But, they can’t
afford the air fare. Does
that make sense?

BEN
Yes, but I think the Daughters
of the American Revolution
need to keep to themselves when
it comes to producing theater.

DIANE
Not everyone here is like that.
Lots of people want to see
good stuff.

BEN
Like what?
Almost every new show in
New York is about gay men.
I’m not gay and it’s not
interesting to me.

DIANE
You’re just not sensitive to
them. But, people find their

28
lives interesting.
Just like middle class, white
people that live in the suburbs
find poor blacks interesting.
They don’t want to sit next
to them on the bus or train, or
live next to them, but they
still want to see how they live,
but from a distance.

BEN
They’re always in turmoil.
People can be entertained by
chaos, I admit, but when it’s
all said and done there’s no
point to it.

DIANE
The people in this town live
in a fish bowl. It’s clean
and orderly. Chaos is exciting
to them.

BEN
I think having a threat to
the theater company adds a
little chaos to the mix, don’t you?

DIANE
It’s also a great way to get
the word out about the new play.

BEN
If I thought you had an active
imagination, I’d think you conjured
all this up.

DIANE
I’ve learned all about PR.
It’s very dangerous because
it almost always backfires.

BEN
What do you mean.

DIANE
PR is used to make fame or

29
to direct attention. If the
story is good, all the news
people start looking closer
to continue the story. The
more they look, the more blemishes
they find. Before long the
blemishes are all people what
to hear about. It may take
time, but PR almost always backfires.

BEN
So if you’re right, the idea
is to start the fire and leave
the area.

DIANE
Very good.

BEN
What if, it’s your house that’s
a blaze?

DIANE
That’s the hazard.

BEN
You’re an arsonist.

DIANE
I guess you could say that.
But, I don’t think anyone
would believe you.

BEN
Rose get me another one.
(Holds up his glass.)

ROSE
Got it.

DIANE
Vodka and tonic, please. The art
of PR is best practiced with a
controlled burn. If you control
the fuel, then you control
the backfire.

30
 BEN
I see that this is a game
to you.

DIANE
Yes it is. I hope we can
stay on top of it.

BEN
I don’t ever see you with
your husband.

DIANE
What’s the question?

BEN
You never talk about him.

DIANE
I married an older man. I
wish now after 10 years that
I hadn’t.

BEN
Why?

DIANE
He’s got heart problems. I’m
always worried about him having
an attack out in the art studio
we built in the back yard.

BEN
Why don’t you divorce him.

DIANE
I don’t want people to think
I’m heartless. Besides, he’s
a good guy. He’s just a slouch.

BEN
I know a lot of older guys
mooch on younger woman.
They grow to resent it. In fact,
it’s a great racket. In the

31
beginning the girl is looking
for a father and a good looking
older man comes along. He’s
got a great career, or at
least he’s making big bucks.
But, after a few years the
day comes when he doesn’t
feel too hot so he goes to
the doctor and gets bad news.

DIANE
What’s a girl to do?

BEN
It’s a bad heart, prostate
cancer, perhaps kidney stones,
or colon cancer.

DIANE
I see you’ve been thinking
about this.

BEN
A buddy of mine drives
around calling everyone on his
car phone hoping to catch
somebody that would like to
have a drink with him. His wife
thinks he’s out looking for work.

DIANE
My husband has done that more
times than I care to count.

BEN
How old is he?

DIANE
62, but he says he’s 58.

BEN
I’ve thought about looking
for a young woman to help me
into the golden years.

DIANE
If you are serious about this,

32
you better start now. There’s
a lot of competition out there.

BEN
Don’s been mooching off his
last wife for at least 10
years. Every so often she
gets on his ass for a few day’s
about money. Then, they have
a big fight and make-up. She
ends up feeling sorry for him,
because he breaks down and
cries. He tells her he’s afraid
of dying. In the end, she
forgives him and covers all
the bills he’s accumulated.

DIANE
I hate to admit it, but that’s
what I do. It feels good to
get it out in the open, even
if we’re not solving the problem.
As much as I want to kick him
out, when it comes down to
doing it, I just can’t.

BEN
Men put up with woman that
don’t want to work. What’s
the difference?

DIANE
I feel tricked. It wasn’t
part of the deal going in.

BEN
What about the vows? In sickness
and in health? For richer or poorer?

DIANE
You see, the part about
sickness is, he has caused all his
heart problems, by drinking at
Louie’s Bar and eating pigs feet.

33
 BEN
What if he goes into a coma?

DIANE
That makes the point mute
then, wouldn’t you say? Well...
it’s seems cold blooded
to question these ideas.

BEN
But, look at the wedding ring
you wear. That’s a lot of rock.
He paid dearly for it,
didn’t he?

DIANE
He didn’t. My last husband did.

BEN
I don’t understand. Why are
you wearing the wedding ring
from your ex?

DIANE
Well, when I met Ted he was
getting a divorce and we didn’t
have money for another wedding
set. So, he paid me $14,000
over 3 years for it and I
just kept it. Look I picked
it out in the first place.
If I had been forced to pick
out another so as not to hurt
Ted’s feelings, then it wouldn’t
have been a trophy set.

Diane (Cont.)
Ted would have felt bad because
he would have given me a
piece of junk.

BEN
I see woman showing off their
diamond rings all the time. I
worked with a guy that bought
his bride a 3 CT. diamond

34
ring. He told me it wasn’t
real, but, she didn’t know it.
She’s one of the gals that you
see in the porno mags. You
know the ones pictured in
the little ads for S&M stuff
with the black gag masks.

DIANE
What’s a gag mask?

BEN
I’ve seen one in the Pleasure
Chest in L.A. They put a ball in
the mouth and then put a mask
on top.

DIANE
So, that’s how you spend your
summer vacation?

BEN
No. I always thought a gag was
a joke, until I went to L.A.

ROSE
Why is it that when people
get a few drinks in them
the subject of sex comes up?

DIANE
Look at that guy over there
he’s not talking.

ROSE
Yeah, that’s Mark, he doesn’t
talk too much anymore, since
Rose (Cont.)
his wife died. Sad, but...
he’s a good drinker. I’ve never
seen him drunk. He sits there
everynight and drinks till
closing. I wish I had a bar
full of guy’s like him. Real
sweet guy.

BEN

35
I heard a woman stabbed her
hubby here the other night.

ROSE
That was Ginger, she was sitting
at one of the high tops over
by the dart boards. Her husband
came in and they got into a
fight. She was sloppy and fell
backwards and hit her head
on the floor. He picked her
up and carried her to the car.
I thought she was OK, because
he came back in and ordered
a drink. She came back in, walked
up to him and stabbed him in the
shoulder blade with a screwdriver.

BEN
That must have been a mess.

ROSE
He turned around and grabbed
her hand before she got him
again.

DIANE
What did the cops do?

ROSE
I don’t call the cops. People
get in fights here all the
time. If I call 911 every
time, we’d get shut down.
I only call if there’s a
robbery or shooting.

DIANE
What did the couple do?

ROSE
She went to the bath room and
got some paper towels and
I gave him crushed ice to keep
the swelling down. She hit a
nerve and his hand has no
feeling in it. He can’t work now.

36
 BEN
What happened to the fat guy?
You know the one that used
to sit over in the booth.

ROSE
You’re thinking of Big Ed.
He doesn’t come in any more,
because he’s gained too much weight
and can’t get in his car.
He’s a computer whiz, you know.

DIANE
I need to get going. Do you
want a ride?

BEN
I was hoping you’d ask.

EXT. LOCKERS BAR PARKING LOT (NIGHT)

Ben and Diane get in her BMW and drive quietly as they
listen to a talk radio station.

RADIO HOST
Your listening to Marshal
Bateman. Tonight we’re talking
about how to stop terrorist
in big cities like NY from
coming in and invading our town.
Let’s take our first caller.
"Hello, you’re on the air."

CALLER JED
I’ve lived here all my life
and I hate to think we’re
so stupid that we just let
these guys come in and take
over.

RADIO HOST
What’s your question?

37
 CALLER JED
Why don’t the police stop
these guy’s from setting up
shop here?

RADIO HOST
I don’t think they were expecting
them to come here in the first
place.

CALLER JED
OK, but they’re here and we need
to get rid of them.

RADIO HOST
Got any ideas?

CALLER JED
Yeah, nail them to the nearest
tree.

RADIO HOST
I think that’s still against
the law.

CALLER JED
So what, so is selling crack
and heroin to school kids.
But, that doesn’t stop anybody.

RADIO HOST
OK. You nail them to the tree.
Then what?

CALLER JED
Take a photo of them, print
up a thousand flyers and drop
them all over New York and L.A.

RADIO HOST
I think you may be on to something
there. Let’s take another caller.
Thanks for calling. What’s

38
your idea about how to deal
with terrorist?

CALLER LISA
They need to go home to whatever
Arab country they came from.

RADIO HOST
What about the people that
get killed by these thugs?

CALLER LISA
It’s like war. Some people get
in the way. All we got to do
is make it deal with them.

RADIO HOST
The President says, It’s better to
hunt them down than to sit and wait
for them to blow up another night club.

CALLER LISA
I say rock on.
RADIO HOST
( click )
Hello next caller, what’s your idea?

CALLER CLAUDIA
I’ve been thinking a lot about
this problem and I think if
you catch someone trying to
bomb a building, take away their
U.S. citizenship and make them
leave the country.

RADIO HOST
Where would they go?

CALLER CLAUDIA
Any country that would take
them, or to a place like Panama
that we control. The idea is
to get rid of them in a way
that we don’t have to support them.

RADIO HOST

39
The idea isn’t a new one. But,
it hasn’t been used in a while.
Thanks for calling.
( click )
Hello. What’s your idea?

CALLER BILL
I think we should cut off their
testicles.

RADIO HOST
Don’t you think that’s a
little drastic?

CALLER BILL
Why not? These people cause
all kinds of problems, like
AIDS. I’ll bet if you cut
off the balls of every terrorist
and let the cops do whatever they
want them with.
It wouldn’t be much fun to be
in terrorist, now would it?

RADIO HOST
So, the cops should do whatever
they want to the terrorist?

CALLER BILL
Sure. Let the cops divide up
the guns and money they find
between them.
Like a bonus for doing good work,
corporate businessmen do it.
Why not?

RADIO HOST
I’m sure the N.R.A. would love you.
( click )
Next caller. Hello.

CALLER CAROL
I think these guys are use to
doing what they want.
They don’t need jail.
They don’t need pandering either.

40
 RADIO HOST
What do you suggest?

CALLER CAROL
Nerve gas them. When the neighborhood
gets infested with them, come in
and gas them. Just like pest control.

RADIO HOST
We sure have a lot of the stuff
just sitting in the hills of
Arkansas.

CALLER CAROL
If a cop sees a gang in the
street with guns and bombs their
human rights should be revoked
on the spot.

RADIO HOST
Next caller....

EXT. BEN’S HOUSE (NIGHT)

The BMW comes to a stop at the curb in front of a small
home in the burbs.

BEN
Thanks for the ride.

DIANE
You need to understand, I want
to take credit for the success
of the play.

Ben steps out of the car and closes the door. Diane pulls
away into the night.

INT. BEN’S OFFICE AT UNIVERSITY (DAY)

The following day Ben sits in his office at the University.

41
It is messy and cluttered with stacks of folders. He sorts
though them clumsily looking for a lost student’s
assignment. He looks over at the answering machine and the
light is flashing. He presses the message button.

( Beep ) Mr. Allen, this is

Art Halprin, I’ve been calling
you for 4 days looking for my
test score please call me at
354-7426.
( Beep ) Ben, this is Susan, I
left my hair brush at your
place the other night and I
need it. Please call me.
( Beep ) Ben, if you ever come
to work again, call your boss.
That’s me, remember. The shit
is going to hit the fan in the
Pres. office. There’s a witch
hunt going on. ( Beep )

Ben picks up the phone and calls his department head.

BEN
Hi Jim, sorry I’ve been busy
working on the new play.

INT. JIM’S DEN AT HOME (DAY)

He’s talking to Ben from his desk in his den.

JIM
The Queen is on the warpath.
There’s talk about trying to
force early retirement on us old
boys. I think its going to happen

Jim (Cont.)
next Friday. They’ll start by holding
pay checks for the next pay period.

BEN
Thanks for the warning. Is there
anything I can do?

JIM

42
 Yeah. Come in the next few days.
That will help. At least they can’t
dock your pay for being absent.

INT. BEN’S OFFICE (NIGHT)

BEN
I’ve got a way to screw her.

JIM
What are you talking about?

BEN,
I’ve got a VHS recording of the
Queen’s son with a young soccer
player. He was one of my students.
He was better with a hidden camera
than acting.

JIM
I don’t want to know the details.
That way I won’t be a lying if she
asks me about it.

BEN
Don’t worry, she’ll be looking in
another direction by 5 PM.

JIM
Thanks Ben.

Ben puts the phone down and digs through his desk. In the
top draw he finds the VHS. He writes her name on an
envelope.

INT. THEATER
The stage set with a table and wooden chair.

BEN
Jim knew what I was going to do.
Together we have done dirty tricks
in the past.
The best one in recent years was
when Jim was in a political fight

43
 over control of the department.
His rival was a smart political guy
from University of Chicago.
He had collected negative stuff
about Jim and was about to use it.
Two days before he could,
I broke into his office,
put on a pair of surgical gloves,
opened a baggy with my morning
dump in it and smeared it all over
everything in the office.
The walls, desk, lamp, telephone,
everything.
The students call it "Droggies".
He was finished. Everybody on
campus knew. And nobody would
clean it up.
So, the guy had to do it himself.
He was gone in 4 weeks and Jim
became the new department head.

EXT. CAMPUS (DAY)

Ben is walking across campus talking on his cell phone.

BEN
Look Susan, I do love you. But,
I’m trying to get the play together.
I can’t spend a lot of time with
you right now.

SUSAN
All I want is to come over tonight
and get my brush. That’s all.

BEN
You’ve got the key. Just go over
and get it.

SUSAN
I didn’t want to just show up.

BEN
It doesn’t matter.

44
 SUSAN
I’ll stop over about 7.

BEN
Stop and get a pizza, OK?

SUSAN
You’re using me again. You said
you wouldn’t do that anymore.

BEN
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SUSAN
The word is that the President
is out to get you.

BEN
What have you heard?

SUSAN
I was talking to Jean in the
administration office. She said
next Friday is D-Day. They plan
to push all the old regime over
the cliff.

BEN
Tell me more.

SUSAN
You and Jim are at the top of
the hit list.

BEN
What have they got?

SUSAN
The usual stuff about you. Absent
professor with the good old boy network.
And a taste for young ripe coed’s.

BEN
The Queen loves to fight.

SUSAN
Can she win?

45
 BEN
Not without taking a major hit.

SUSAN
What are you talking about?

BEN
You know I’m not going to hurt her.

SUSAN
Dirty boy!

BEN
I’ll see you later.

INT. McCOY’S HOME (NIGHT)

The den at the McCoy home is cluttered with theater
memorabilia. Publicity photos of shows that Edna had
performed in are hanging all around the room. Danny is
sitting at the desk looking through the bank statements
that have come in the daily mail. The long time housekeeper
Sophia 55 comes in and startles him.

DANNY
Don’t sneak up on me like that.

SOPHIA
Are you looking for something in
Edna’s desk?

DANNY
I don’t think it’s any of your
business.

SOPHIA
I think a person has a right to
open their own mail.

DANNY
Lately, she has forgotten to open
the mail.

SOPHIA
I know what you are up to.

46
 DANNY
What’s that?

SOPHIA
You and your smartass lawyer are
trying to put her away.

DANNY
Go clean something.

SOPHIA
I’ll tell your mother what you
are up to.

DANNY
She won’t remember.

SOPHIA
I’ll never forget when you were
12 years old, Edna thought there
was five dollars missing from her
purse. I knew it was you that took
it. But, because I was new here, I
was the one everyone thought was
the thief. Thank God, Edna didn’t
dismiss me.

DANNY
So, what! I was just a kid?

SOPHIA
You are doing the same thing.
Only this time it’s with the help
of a lawyer.

DANNY
As soon as I have her put away
you’re out of here. Besides, I think
you’ve been squirreling
mother’s jewelry.

SOPHIA
If anything is missing out of
the jewelry box, I’m sure we both
know who’s sticky fingers were

47
there last.

DANNY
Why would I want to steal something
that’s going to be mine anyway when
she dies?

SOPHIA
Everybody knows, you haven’t
been able to make anything of that
business.

DANNY
Who, told you that?

SOPHIA
Sandy. Your back stabbing ex-employee.

DANNY
She’s a good person.

SOPHIA
That’s not how I see it.

DANNY
What are you talking about?

SOPHIA
She is always playing the weak one.
The single mother. Super Mom.

DANNY
That poor woman has had a horrible
time with that pig husband.

SOPHIA
She told me that he had a big
collection of porno films he used
to show at home to get her aroused.

DANNY
A lot of people like to watch them.

SOPHIA
She said she would catch him showing

48
 them to their girls.

DANNY
She should have stopped him and put
them away.

SOPHIA
She liked them.

DANNY
Not Sandy.

SOPHIA
Who do you think buys that stuff?

Sophia dusts off a lampshade with a feather duster and

leaves through the open door.

INT. BARBARA’S APARTMENT (NIGHT)

Barbara Biggs is walking around the living room of her
small apartment looking for the cordless telephone. She
finds it under pillows on the couch. Dialing it, she turns
to a window to talk to Mike Weller 45.

BARBARA
Hi. It’s me. What’s happening
tonight?

MIKE
I’ve been thinking about a
prenuptial agreement.

BARBARA
You think I want your money? What do
you care? You got it from your dad.
You haven’t worked a day in you life.

MIKE
When you inherit, you earn it.

BARBARA
You think I’m going to hang out with
you till you come up with something
better and dump me.

49
 MIKE,
What’s your problem? I get you
anything you want.

BARBARA
You only buy me things you want.

MIKE
All your girl friends have gotten
married to young lawyers or
stockbrokers. So, you feel left out?

BARBARA
Yeah. They have done what they set
out to do. I’m still sitting around
with you wondering what is going to
happen next.

MIKE
Look if we can come to an agreement
then we can get married.

BARBARA
If we don’t make it together.
I want half.

MIKE
I don’t want to be broke like all
my friends that got divorced.

BARBARA
I’m young and smart and I can have
any guy I want.

MIKE
If you’re affluent you can buy
any woman you want.

BARBARA
Don’t you know what commitment is?

MIKE
You’ve made your point. Let’s go
to dinner and talk about it.

50
 BARBARA
I mean business this time. If we
can’t come to an understanding,
that’s it.

MIKE
Besides, you’re very talented.
You’ll make your own wealth.

BARBARA
I’m an artist. I don’t want a
regular day job.

EXT. THEATER ENTRANCE (DAY)

A policeman is standing guard at the theater entrance. He
watches as different cars pass by. Ben walks up to him
through the crowd of protesters.

BEN
When did you get here?

POLICEMAN
About twenty minutes ago.

BEN
Have they been behaving themselves?

POLICEMAN
So far, they’ve just been talking
to each other.

BEN
Are those the Gray Panther guys?

POLICEMAN
I’ve faced down some trouble makers
back in the 80’s. They’re harmless.

INT. THEATER LOBBY (DAY)

Ben unlocks the theater door and walks in. The mail is
scattered around the floor in front of him. As he gathers
it up he sees a letter from his ex-wife. He knows that
whatever she has to say, it can’t make him feel better

51
about what happened between them. But, he takes a seat on
the couch in the lobby. A shaft of light from a second
story window creates a spotlight on him as he reads the
letter.

VO:Ben reading,

BEN
I wanted to say I’m sorry that
things didn’t work out for us. But,
I don’t know at what point things
got out of control. It’s always
harder to see what’s going on when
your inside the mess. I know now
how much you’re like my dad. Now that
he’s gone, I think of calling you
all the time. But, I know I’m not
welcome and I can understand that.
I have been able to see more clearly
how my mother used and abused me.
She hasn’t stopped. My greatest fear
is that I’m still controlled by her.
I thought you were the one trying to
control me and it was her all along.
It was easier to blame you for my
feelings. Love Lea.

Ben, folds the letter and puts it back into the envelope.

The door to the theater office opens and Diane comes into
the lobby to meet Ben. She is in a business mode.

DIANE
I hope our friends out front are
harmless.

BEN
They are looking for justice.

DIANE
What? You spend too much time alone.

BEN
Just look at them, they’re going to
be here everyday walking back and
forth carrying those signs.

52
 DIANE
I antagonized them. One phone call.

BEN
You would do something like that.

DIANE
I’m telling you that, because it’s
true. If anyone finds out I’ll
know where it came from.

BEN
Did they teach that in your ethics
class at business school?

DIANE
No. I learned all the good stuff
when I worked for PepsiCo. When I
was recruited out of Vanderbilt,
I was eager to become an Asst.
Product Manager. After six months
they promoted me to Product Manager
on the new cookie product. My boss
was an “Eagle.” He got a detective to
fly over the Sara Lee cookie
factory and photograph the layout.
He got caught and got a 2 million
dollar parachute. Marketing is war.

BEN
Where is he now?

DIANE
He’s the President of Group W.

BEN
I can’t imagine being that
interested in cookies.

DIANE
Don’t you like winning?

BEN
Just getting a good play produced
is enough.

53
 DIANE
I almost forgot. The secretary to
the Pres. of the college called
for you.

BEN
The axe murderer?

DIANE
Why does everyone like you so much?

BEN
Did she say anything more?

DIANE
Nope.

INT. BEN’S OFFICE (NIGHT)

Ben goes to the office to call and find out what is going
on. He knows that it’s a matter of time before he has to
face the new Pres. She has made it clear that all the dead
wood will have to go. She likes to do the firing in person.

The phone has post-it notes all over it. Dialing the phone
he hopes they have gone for the night.

Jean the sec. answers.

JEAN
Office of the Pres. How can
I help you?

Ben almost hangs up.

BEN
It’s me. You’re working late?

JEAN
We’re chopping some dead wood.
Splinters are everywhere.

BEN
Has revenge found a new level?

54
 JEAN
The Pres. wants to see you.
How soon can you get here?

BEN
I have rehearsal tonight.

JEAN
I think you better come on
over now.

BEN
I’ll be there in 20 min.

JEAN
I’ll tell her you’re on your
way. Bye.

He gets in his old Saab and looks for his tape recorder
which he puts in his coat pocket.

INT. UNIVERSITY PRESIDENT OFFICE (NIGHT)

The office of the Pres. is colored by dark wood paneling
and maroon leather chairs. The fire place is lit and two
chairs with small side tables are facing in front of it.
Ben enters cautiously.

The President turns in her high back leather chair and

looks at Ben over her reading glasses. The youngest
President of the College at just 38 she demands respect
from everyone.

She gets up and walks to the fireplace.

PRES.
Ben, I thought we needed a little
private meeting to plan the future.

PRES.
I’ve had my attention on you for some
time. There are some things in
your past that should stay there.

BEN

55
 The word on campus is that you’re
going to terminate the older boys.

Ben sits down across from her.

PRES.
I’ve poured you a glass of brandy.
Let’s just sit here and enjoy the
moment. Because, our fireside chat
could change things between us.

BEN
It’s very warm next to the fire.

PRES.
I’ve been looking at different
ways to improve the quality of
life on the campus.

BEN
I’m sure that’s always on your mind.

PRES.
There’s a video tape that I hear you
are in possession of that could be
very embarrassing to the University.

BEN
Yes.

PRES.
And I think it should be kept in a
safe place. No copies. You see?

BEN
Naturally. I will drop it in your
office in the morning.

PRES.
I’m happy that we see things
eye to eye.
Well then, I’ve got memos to get out.

She gets up and returns to her desk. Ben hurries to the

56
door.

PRES.
Close the door on the way out.

INT. ATLANTIC CAFE (NIGHT)

Barbara and Mike are walking into Atlantic Cafe a very good
place to be seen. The Maitre d’ greets them by name and
shows them to a table by the window.

MIKE
Once again, you’re the most
gorgeous woman in the place.

BARBARA
You’re just saying that so you can
get me in bed later.

MIKE
The thought had crossed my mind.

BARBARA
Well, get it out. I’m not looking
for a case of herpes.

MIKE
Not so loud. Are you trying
to ruin me?

BARBARA
You already did that.

MIKE
That night Johnny and I were so
drunk we didn’t know what was
going on.

BARBARA
So, you guys picked up a strange
old whore and took her to your
place?

MIKE
It was Johnny’s idea.

BARBARA
He called me today. He wanted

57
to come over.

MIKE
Why?

BARBARA
I’ve always had a thing for him.

MIKE,
I can’t think of a better reason
to nominate you for whore of
the week.

BARBARA
You think you should be the only
man I look at.

MIKE
When you jumped on me Thursday
night my dick was bent backwards.
It swelled up and turned blue.

BARBARA
Really, you deserved it.
A friend saw you with a woman
the other day.

MIKE
It hurts. Here take a look at it.

BARBARA
Keep that nasty thing in your pants.
You want every woman to see it?

MIKE
The only thing hard to figure about
you is how much to tip you.

BARBARA
I guess there won’t be wedding bells
ringing over us.

MIKE
I’m glad you were able to make it
tonight. Am I speaking to your evil
twin?

58
 BARBARA
I’m no different from any other
girl looking for a guy.

MIKE
I’m like every guy.

BARBARA
Then why do you hit me?

MIKE
Because you asked me, remember?

BARBARA
When did I do that?

MIKE
On our first date. We were
kissing and you whispered in my
ear, “Hit me.” I did and we’ve
been friends ever since.

BARBARA
I never told you to do it in
front of my friends.

MIKE
OK, I got pissed. You let that
stupid fagot Billy dressed in
your clothes, dance on the coffee
table. I paid a lot for that table.

BARBARA
I don’t see the point.

MIKE
That’s why you stay with me.

BARBARA
Anyway, I’ve got another guy that’s
in love with me.

MIKE
Who’s the lucky adolescent?

BARBARA
You don’t know him.

59
 MIKE
He must be in the stupid theater
group you joined up with.

BARBARA
How did you guess?

MIKE
Everywhere you go you wear that
come and get me look.

BARBARA
Guys think I’m cute and approachable.

MIKE
Usable is more like it.

INT. THEATER
The Stage is set for another rehearsal. A dining table and
chairs are in the middle of the stage. Ben is sitting at
one end with the set designer rolling out drawings of the
set to be built for the show.

DIANE
I think the feel of the 50’s is
perfect for the show don’t you?

BEN
This is not a nostalgia play.

DIANE
Yes, but this will make a statement.

BEN
The set should be simple. Contemporary.

DIANE
I’m an artist. That means I
express what I feel about things.
I have feelings.

BEN
I understand, but this set is a

60
 1920’s steamship.

DIANE
OK, how about an adapted eclectic
design, high tech and industrial
revolution?

BEN
Like retro?

DIANE
Yeah.

BEN
I want simple retro.

DIANE
Think interior decorator.

Diane rolls up the drawings and walks to the edge of the

stage.

DIANE,
Get your coed to do it.

Ben,
I expect you’ll be back with
a your brilliant designs. Right?

Barbara walks from behind the stage door and stops at the
edge of the stage. Danny is there and hears her enter. He
turns and walks over to her.

DANNY
You’re early.

BARBARA
I want to talk to you.

DANNY
Sure.

BARBARA
I don’t think I’m going to be
good at this. Maybe you should

61
look for somebody else.

DANNY
You have all the character for
this. Don’t worry. You’ll be fine.
It’s just the jitters.

BARBARA
My boyfriend is angry with me.
It’s got me upset.

DANNY
Oh?

BARBARA
He doesn’t want to marry me because
I’m not spending enough time with him.
All my friends are married now.
Even Linda married to a doctor.

DANNY
Do you want to marry this guy?

BARBARA
Hell no.

DANNY
Then forget it.

BARBARA
I would, but he takes good care of me.

DANNY
What’s that mean?

BARBARA
He takes me places I like to go.
You know, ski trips, Mexico.

DANNY
You don’t have to marry him for that.

BARBARA
Yeah but, he buys me nice things, too.

62
Ben walks up interrupting the conversation.

BEN
Are you two ready to do the scene
in the ships cabin? Start on page 61.

BARBARA
I read that last night before going
to sleep.

DANNY
You know I’m always prepared.

BEN
Let’s do it.

The ships cabin set is represented by a single bed, night

stand, and chair.

BEN
This is the first time you have
been alone together in a place where
you can express your infatuation.
I’d like you to take it slow.

Barbara is standing beside Danny as he sits on the bed.

Barbara strokes his hair.

DANNY
My mother was in one of her foul
moods again this morning, so I gave her
an extra couple of pills. I think
she’ll sleep for an hour or so.

BARBARA
She has caused you a lot of grief.

DANNY
I just want her gone, so I can
go on with my life.

BARBARA
How long has she been like this?

DANNY
Forever.

63
 BARBARA
Wow. You’d think she’d be dead of
pickling by now.

DANNY
I’ve talked to more doctors than
I care to remember and they all
say the same thing.

BARBARA
She’s a drug addict, alcoholic?

DANNY
Yes, and it’s amazing she is
still alive. One day she’ll take
one too may downers and she’ll crash
and die.

BARBARA
How horrible.

DANNY
It wasn’t so bad before I got into
high school. Then I was afraid to
bring anyone home.

BARBARA
I didn’t like to stay at home much
either. They were always fighting.

DANNY
Why?

BARBARA
My “Doctor” Dad was always looking at my
girl friends. They just got
uncomfortable. I told him to stop
looking at them that way, but he
wouldn’t. After a while I stopped
asking them over.

DANNY
He must have been unhappy, too.

64
 BARBARA
Hold me.

She takes his hand to her breast. He lies down and she
joins him. They make love.

INT. SUSAN’S APARTMENT (NIGHT)

Ben and Susan are at Susan’s apartment standing in the
shower washing each other with soap. Ben puts shampoo in
her hair and starts to rub it in.

SUSAN
Harder, rub it in harder.

BEN
Why do you always want me to
do things differently than I’m
doing them?

SUSAN
Because, I like to tell you
what I want.

BEN
Just once, I would like to do
something right from the start
and not be interrupted in the
process.

SUSAN
I think it’s more intimate to
tell you how I feel.

BEN
How about just moaning or something.

SUSAN
I like that. See you’re learning.

BEN
Your right of course. Now can we
get down to business?

65
EXT. MEXICAN CAFE (DAY)
Susan, Barbara, Ben and Danny are sitting in an open
courtyard Mexican restaurant ordering lunch. It’s a warm
and sunny summer day. The waiter is taking lunch orders. He
is tall and young.

WAITER
What drinks can I bring you today?

SUSAN
White wine.

BARBARA
Same.

DANNY
Beer.

BEN
Margarita on ice. No salt please.

The waiter leaves to the bar.

BEN (CONT’D)
I’m looking for some grad students
to help out with the play. Does
anybody know of any prospects?

SUSAN
I think you’ve used up all the
suckers I know.

BEN
No one wants to be in the theater
business anymore. It’s easier to get
a job as a lawyer. Why bust your chops?

BARBARA
The students have you figured out.

BEN
But, it’s credit.

BARBARA
Most guys do it, to meet other
guys and women do it for fun.

66
 BEN
It’s a great chance to get to
work on a production.

SUSAN
They don’t want to carry sets
around and get yelled at by the
stage manager.

DANNY
They don’t see the connection
between that kind of abuse and
success as an actor.

BARBARA
Not like we do.

BEN
I don’t violate the trust of my
interns.

SUSAN
Really?

BARBARA
I don’t think I want to know.

BEN
I remember when it was cool to
be in the theater department.

SUSAN
I know this professor and his wife.
At first, she was in awe
of what he did. Then, they got
married and the reality slowly
set in.

BARBARA
She’s ready for anything.

SUSAN
She’s afraid he’s a loser.
But, she can’t openly admit it.

BARBARA
My generation has this art stuff

67
in perspective. The truth is it’s
a game. Artists need a PR person
more than good work.

DANNY
Then why do it?

BARBARA
I know only one in a thousand actors
will ever make money at it. So why
teach it in college?

DANNY
The point is that we’re crazy. We
are looking for a way to work out
the incomplete relationships we have
experienced as a child.

SUSAN
Hold that thought Dr. Phil.
I need another glass of wine.

BEN
Yeah, we are. That’s what makes it
exciting.

BARBARA
So, when do you grow up?

BEN
Picasso said, “We are children
looking for lost joy.”

BARBARA
Isn’t anyone worried about those
people in front of the theater,
everyday?

SUSAN
I think they’re harmless.

DANNY
Yeah.

68
 BARBARA
I’m not so sure. But I’ve got
protection.

BEN
You don’t look like the karate
type to me.

DANNY
She’ll get you with her lipstick.

SUSAN
I never know what to expect
anymore. The other day this man
was hanging around the
administration building checking
out all the girls walking by.

BEN
You can’t blame that guy. He’s
just doing what comes natural.

SUSAN
Anyway, this girl walks by and
he tries to talk to her.
I thought, what if he was a
stalker?

Barbara opens her purse and takes out a Smith & Wesson 38
and shows it to everyone.

BEN
Do you know how to use that?

BARBARA
We’ve had guns in the house since
I can remember. My dad showed me
how to defend myself.

SUSAN
What if the thing goes off?

69
 BARBARA
There are no miss fires when you
know how to handle a gun.

She cocks the gun hammer.

BARBARA
Now imagine if I was a nut and
I wanted better service. Waiter!

DANNY
It’s the equalizer.

Barbara turns the gun to Danny’s gut and looks at him.

BEN
Don’t screw around with that thing.

BARBARA
I never screw around with a gun.

SUSAN
He’s still pissed about having
been circumcised.

DANNY
I was only 1 day old. How would
I remember.

SUSAN
Don’t move the gun.

BARBARA
Are you angry at the doctor that
cut the tip off in the hospital.

BEN
I have a friend in Florida that
got his circumcision when he was
20 years old.

DANNY

70
 Oh, that must have hurt.

BEN
He’s a clean freak. Always washing
himself.

BARBARA
I like a guy that knows how to take
care of his pistola.

Barbara holds up the gun and starts polishing it with a

cloth napkin.

BEN
I thought he had gone to the hospital
for a nose job. I went to his house to
see him and he couldn’t stand up because
it hurt so much.

DANNY

I wonder what they do with the skin.

SUSAN
Researchers grow new skin and ears
in petri dishes with it now, it’s amazing.

INT. THEATER
Barbara is standing on stage facing Edna, in her wheel
chair.

EDNA
I want you to know that you will
never have a lasting relationship
with Danny.

BARBARA
I don’t understand. We love one
another.

EDNA
That will change in time. He
doesn’t have time for you.
He has other responsibilities.

BARBARA

71
 Like pushing you around?

EDNA
Taking care of a sick mother
is important.

BARBARA
What if he doesn’t want to?

EDNA
He won’t stop, because he’ll
loose all that’s waiting for
him when I die.

BARBARA
I don’t want to come between
you and Danny.

EDNA
No one has yet.

Ben and Diane Raver are sitting in theater seats talking.

DIANE
I think it needs a little more sex.
Don’t you?

BEN
Oh.

DIANE
Sex sells, on stage, on film. It doesn’t
matter. Put some sex in the next scene.

BEN
What would you suggest?

DIANE
I was thinking about Danny and
Barbara late at night on the deck
of the ship.

BEN

72
 Standing, sitting, or missionary?

DIANE
I’ll leave that to your creative
genius.

Diane opens a folder with the print ads for the play.

DIANE
Here look at the ads we’ve done.

Ben looks at them.

BEN
Sex and the North Sea?

DIANE
Look, you’re finished as director
here, so sit back, relax and spread them.

INT. THEATER
Danny and Barbara are standing on the theater stage.

BARBARA
I want to know how much you
love me. I want you to prove
it to me.

DANNY
I want to take care of you.

BARBARA
You can’t. Not now anyway.

DANNY
You told me your father is gone
all day, he doesn’t know what
is happening. Just take what
you want.

BARBARA
Please don’t talk about my
dad that way. He’s a very
important man.

73
 DANNY
I know. You don’t mind letting
me wait for hours. Then, you
call with some lame excuse.

BARBARA
That’s why I want to break it off
for a while. I need time to get
things together.

DANNY
I’m going down the road.
I won’t wait around.

BARBARA
What about that girl you had in
the room?

DANNY
She’s a cleaning person.
Nothing happened.

BARBARA
Then why did she leave her ear
rings on the night stand?

DANNY
I don’t know. Please don’t do this.

BARBARA
Until, your mother dies, you’re
screwed.

DANNY
She doesn’t know what time of day
it is.

BARBARA
Maybe, she needs a little push.

DANNY
What are you saying?

BARBARA
Let’s call it an exit strategy.

74
 DANNY
I can’t do that. How could I?

BARBARA
I know you hate her. But, you
won’t after she’s gone. All the
stuff she put you through
will be forgotten.

DANNY
I don’t feel that way about her.

BARBARA
I can see it in your eyes,
just go into her room when
she’s sleeping. Pick up a
pillow and do like so.

DANNY
You’re kidding?

BARBARA
No muss. No fuss.

DANNY
What if she starts to wiggle around
and gets loose? She’s pretty strong.

BARBARA
Put extra sleeping pills in
her drink before bed. What’s the
difference? She’s out of it most of
the time.

DANNY
I confess, I’ve thought about
it many times when she embarrasses
me in front of someone.
Then, when I see her looking at me
I think “That’s your mother.”

EXT. THEATER BACKSTAGE ENTRANCE (DAY)

Ben meets Diane at the stage door as she takes a cigarette

75
break.

BEN
What’s up?

DIANE
We’ve got a little challenge for you.

BEN
I wish you wouldn’t use that word.

DIANE
What word?

BEN
Challenge. It implies that if I
don’t want to deal with your problem
I’m a wimp.

DIANE
Bill Park died last night.
The Chancellor’s office called and
they want to see the script.

BEN
What a pain in the stones.

DIANE
Bill was the moral compass and he
loved the show. They want to make
sure things are not going to
blow up in their faces.
With all the controversy.

BEN
You were the one that started
all this. I’m not making any
more script changes.

DIANE
I don’t need you, to change
the script.

Diane turns and walks in the stage door.

76
EXT. THEATER PARKING LOT (DAY)
Barbara Biggs and Danny McCoy are sitting in Danny’s 78’
MGB in the theater parking lot as Diane walks past talking
to herself.

BARBARA
What was that?

DANNY
She’s always pissed about something.

BARBARA
You know, she’s going to give
everything away to a tele evangelist.

DANNY
I’ve talked to my attorney about
Mother and he advised me to put her in
a nursing home.

BARBARA
If you want to have a life, you
better do it now. I’m not waiting.

DANNY
What about my acting career?

BARBARA
With inheritance, who cares?

DANNY
I guess.

INT. McCOY HOME (DAY)

Edna McCoy is walking into the living room of her house
aided by Sophia her day nurse.

EDNA
Thank you for all your kindness.
My son should be taking better
care of me.

SOPHIA

77
 I’ll never understand it. I’ve
seen this situation over and over.
It’s always the same.

EDNA
I need another drink and sleeping
pills.

SOPHIA
Sure. In our family, we don’t have
much, but we take care of the elders.

The nurse walks to the bar and pours Edna a highball.

EDNA
I did everything to raise him up
right. But, now when I need him,
he’s chasing whores.

SOPHIA
Some young people have no respect.

EDNA
I want you to have something when
I’m gone. For everything you’ve done.

SOPHIA
I could sure use it. I’ve been
supporting my sick mother for
almost 10 years now.

EDNA
See there, that’s what I mean.
He wouldn’t lift a finger.

SOPHIA
What would he do if he found out
you’re leaving me something?

EDNA
I don’t know. But, when I’m gone
he’ll have to get a job. I’m not
leaving him anything.

SOPHIA

78
 Your new night nurse will be here
about 8:00. I’ll stay to introduce
you and show her around.

EDNA
I hope she is better than the last
one they sent over. I need you to
get some paper and a pencil. I want to
write a letter to the religious
editor at the Morning News.

SOPHIA
What are you going to say?

EDNA
It’s time this old lady told somebody
about how I’m being treated by my
son. Just to get it on the record.

INT. THEATER
The theater stage is busy with set construction and
painting. Stage hands are taking orders from the stage
manager. Ben is sitting in the orchestra pit going over
script notes. Barbara approaches and sits down next to him.

BARBARA
The crowd out front has thinned down.

BEN
Yeah. They aren’t getting the press
coverage they expected.

Ben’s cellular phone goes off. He can hear it, but it’s
buried under in his backpack and he digs around until he
can feel it.

BEN
Hello!

DIANE
We need to make some more changes
in the script.

79
 BEN
Like what?

DIANE
I want a murder in the first act.

BEN
What? That’s crazy.

DIANE
The board members agreed that
you need to make the first act
more exciting.

BEN
But, it doesn’t make any sense.

DIANE
Kill something! That will satisfy them.

BEN
Just when I was beginning to like you.

INT. McCOY HOUSE(NIGHT)

It is late at night at the McCoy house. Danny is in the

kitchen mixing sugar and rat poison in a cup of warm milk.

DANNY
I’ve got some warm milk for you Mom.
Would you like some cookies to
go with it?

EDNA
Why are you being so nice to me?

DANNY
I know you sleep better when you
have your warm milk.

EDNA
Maybe, I should skip it tonight.
I haven’t been feeling good.
I could be lactose intolerant.

80
 I don’t think that’s the case.
It’s likely to be the new pain
prescription.
You know, that stuff can be
hard on the gut.

Danny carries the tray with cookies and warm milk into
Edna’s room.

EDNA
When are you going to take me
to the doctor? I’ve been having
a lot of gas.

DANNY
I’ll call tomorrow.

EDNA
I’m going to give that doctor
a piece of my mind.

DANNY
He can’t wait, I’m sure.
I hear you’ve been writing
letters to the editors again.
Is that true?

EDNA
So what? I have some rights
you know?

DANNY
The last time, you thought that
roaches were in your inner ear
talking to you in tongues.
Remember that?

EDNA
The doctor told me not to worry.
It was only earwax. A large
orange ball.
He removed it. But, I think they
were feeding on the wax and they
left after it was removed.

DANNY
Get to bed we have a rehearsal

81
 tomorrow.

INT. THEATER STAGE

The theater stage is arranged for the cruise ship’s dining
room. Danny, Edna, and Barbara are sitting at a table. A
woman singer is standing at the microphone stand. A piano
player is sitting at his piano to accompany her. Danny is
standing on the edge of the stage. The music rehearsal
begins.

SINGER
We have a very special guest here
with us tonight she is celebrating
her 75th birthday. That’s a long time
to be on this earth.
And I hope you will all join me in
giving her a big round of applause.
I’d like to ask her to come up
here an say a few words.
Come on up Edna!

Edna grabs her drink, takes a gulp and tries to wheel

herself to the center stage microphone. Danny grabs the
chair to stop her, but she pulls away. Barbara gets up,
takes the wheelchair and pushes her to the microphone. The
singer hands her the microphone.

EDNA
You’ll have to make allowances
for this old lady.
I’m not what I used to be.
There was a time when I could have
danced all night and frequently
did so with my life long friend,
lover, and dearly departed
husband. His untimely death
was totally unexpected.
He was depressed after sobering up
and took his own life.

Barbara grabs the microphone from her before she can

finish. She speaks to the audience.

BARBARA
Please excuse Edna, she has had
a long day.

82
Barbara wheels her off the stage.

Music comes up and the singer begins the song Sweet Violets.

Barbara joins Danny at the table during the song.

DANNY
She is trying to get me.
I think it’s time.
She could roll off the
deck into the water and
never be seen again.

BARBARA
Not a bad plan, but she
has the luck of the Irish.
Someone might see you push her.
There’s got to be away to blame
the cruise ship for her death
and sue them for millions.

DANNY
Really, this woman could live forever.
My grandfather lived to be 102
and was sharp as a tack.

The singer walks back to the microphone and tells the story
of the North Sea Captain that disappeared in a storm one
night.
He returns once a year looking for his true love.

SINGER
In the 15 hundreds, a North Sea
fishing boat captain named
James Vergon was sailing in
these waters.
The ship attracted Norwegian
bats known in mythology to be
able to infect one with a fatal
disease and reanimate the corpse
with a single bite.
They would come out to sea at
this time every year.
Once bitten, a person will have
eternal life that slowly reverses
the aging process.

83
 It is said that James Vergon
sails these waters in search
of his soul mate.
He is clever and dashing,
many woman have offered themselves
to him, but to this day
his quest for her continues.
His longing for her is what
this next song is about.

The singer sings the song of longing of Captain Vergon for

his true love.

The stage goes black. Ben walks into a spotlight at center

stage.

BEN
Then, later that night Edna
meets Vergon in a dream state.
She is enchanted and Vergon is
likewise smitten.
He promises that she will return
to her youthful beauty and
spend eternity with him.

Stage lights go to black. Ben returns to his seat in the

audience. In the moon light we see Danny and Barbara
standing in the shadows behind a woman in a wheelchair. She
is looking out at the open sea.

BARBARA
You grab one side and I’ll get
the other. We’ll lift the chair
and over the side she goes.

DANNY
I’m not sure I can do it.

BARBARA

Come on it’s like throwing out

the trash.

DANNY
I can’t do it.

84
 BARBARA
Don’t be such a wimp! Do you want
to hide behind your mother’s skirt
forever? Follow me.

DANNY
Oh!

They walk to each side of the wheelchair and lift. It’s a

lot heavier than they had thought. Barbara isn’t strong
enough to lift her side and they almost turn it over
sideways. Danny manages to get it to the top of the railing
and they push it over the side. There are no sounds from
the wheelchair.

BARBARA
She must have been out cold from
the sleeping pills and booze.

DANNY
Oh, my God what have I done?

BARBARA
You have freed yourself from a
miserable old drunk.

DANNY
What should I do now?

BARBARA
Keep your mouth shut. We’ll report
her missing in the morning.

DANNY
I need a drink.

BARBARA
Me too.

They walk to the bar. As they get closer they hear Edna
trying to sing with the piano player.

EDNA
I don’t remember so well anymore.

85
They see her in her chair talking and drinking.

DANNY
Jesus, am I seeing things?

BARBARA
I don’t think we’ll need to report
this old lady missing.

DANNY
Who was that we just pushed overboard?

BARBARA
In the dark they all look the same.

Danny walks over to Edna and holds her hand.

DANNY
It’s been a long night,
don’t you think?

EDNA
Not for me. I feel like I’ve
been rejuvenated.

DANNY
I’m surprised you can feel anything.

The lights dim and Barbara stands in a spotlight.

BARBARA
Plan B.
I really don’t have another
plan. I guess if we put our minds
to it we can think of some way to get
rid of her.
We can drug her and push
her over the railing, again.
What about bad food from the
midnight buffet?

86
The lights come up and we see Edna leaning over to kiss the
piano player on the cheek.

PIANO PLAYER
Oh! She bit me.

DANNY
What the hell did you do?

EDNA
I just wanted a nibble.

DANNY
Sorry, I don’t think she meant it.
She’s had a little to much to drink.
Let’s get you to bed, Mother.

Danny wheels her off the stage. Barbara leans over to the
Piano Player.

BARBARA
Are you OK?

PIANO PLAYER
She has sharp teeth. I should get
something extra for this, hazard pay.

BARBARA
You’re kind of cute, how about I buy
you a drink and take care of that
bite?

PIANO PLAYER
Do you bite too?

BARBARA
Yeah, but not on the neck.
You know what I mean?

Danny walks into a pool of light.

DANNY
When you meet a girl you never know
what kind of person she is for about

87
 a year or so. In the mean time ...
there’s a kind of emotional limbo.
Knowing that doesn’t help one bit,
but it does help me feel less like a
sucker.

Center stage, Ben is sitting at a table with a lamp as the

only lighting.

BEN
Sometimes, I wonder about the
wisdom of marriage to someone you
don’t know. The reason is, you
think you have seen everything
in a person, then you marry them
only to discover that they’ve become
their parent. It’s a ghastly
sight to see a beautiful woman
become her mother overnight.
But, the hardest thing to accept
is to feel yourself become
your father.

Diane walks up to Ben and pulls up a chair.

DIANE
I have more fan mail.
Dear director and producer,
It’s come to our attention that
your new play is telling
the story about how an older
person is being cheated.
It also portrays an older
woman as a drunken degenerate and
doesn’t reflect the behavior
Diane (Cont.)

of most older people.

Clearly, you are dwelling on
the seedy side of life to make
a point. But, can’t you find
another way to do this.
We are offended. And we’ll be
there opening night to protest.
Sincerely,
The Gray Panthers

88
 BEN
Is this one of your PR efforts?

DIANE
No, we’re getting the real thing now.

BEN
Is this when your PR backfires?

DIANE
Yes. I don’t know what to expect.
The Board of Directors, is very
concerned about this, but they
also see the word of mouth value
this controversy brings to the
show. Everyone’s talking.

BEN
I suppose that’s good.
But, what if someone gets pissed
and they hurt someone?

DIANE
It’s just a play. Don’t worry.

She gets up and walks off stage as Edna rolls to the table.

EDNA
I love the Norwegian Sea Captain
I feel different. It’s never too
late to fall in love.

BEN
So you’re really in love?

EDNA
Like never before. It gives me
a new sense of peace and a
feeling that we will live
together forever.

BEN
He’s very mysterious, I’ve never
seen him. What do you know about him?

89
 EDNA
I wish I had met him 25 years ago.
He’s very clever you know.
His name is Vergon.

BEN
You know he’s not real. I just
made him up.

EDNA
That’s not true. I’ve been
spending much of my time with
him talking about all kinds of things.
No sir, you’re mistaken. He’s as
real as you and me.

BEN
OK, if you say so.

EXT. SHIPS DECK (NIGHT)

Barbara is standing on the ships deck looking out at the
ocean. Danny comes to join her.

DANNY
I can see the wheels turning.

BARBARA
We’re running out of time.
It’s now or never.

DANNY
Why don’t you do it? Everyone
knows what I’m about and how I would
benefit.

BARBARA
What is happening to her? She is
looking better everyday. Younger,
stronger, I don’t understand it.

DANNY
I know. She’s up all night and
it doesn’t bother her. Also,
she isn’t using the downers like
she use to.

90
 BARBARA
Let’s get someone to do it.

DANNY
I heard that you could get
someone killed for $500.

BARBARA
That doesn’t sound right.
I think if should cost at least
$1,500 or you won’t get a good job.

DANNY
I don’t want to spend that much.

BARBARA
Now isn’t the time to go on the
cheap. I’ll ask around, see what
the chances are of finding someone
on the ship.

DANNY
There’s got to be a sailor that
will do it. But, I can’t afford more
than $1,500 that’s my limit.

BARBARA
Just think we’ll have all that
money to play with.

DANNY
Yeah, but this is how we could get caught.

BARBARA
If I’m going to show you how to
do this, then I’m going to have
the right to spend it.

DANNY
I don’t know about that. I’ve
worked a long time to get to this
point.

BARBARA

91
Tell me about it.

DANNY
My business has grown over the years,
because I worked at it.

BARBARA
Edna told me that you always come
to her for money to bail yourself out.

DANNY
She shouldn’t be talking about my
business.

BARBARA
What if the ship goes down?

DANNY
What about us? I’m not a strong
swimmer.

BARBARA
If we know it’s sinking we’ll be
the first ones on the life boat.

DANNY
I thought women and children go
first.

BARBARA
We’ll have a wedding onboard and
that night, the ship goes down.
You’ll be guaranteed a seat
on a boat.

DANNY
Who’s wedding?

BARBARA
Don’t you want to marry me?

DANNY
I think it’s too soon.

BARBARA
So, you want me to do all the

92
 work, but you don’t want any
commitment?

DANNY
Don’t we need a marriage license?

BARBARA
We can get the Captain to do the
wedding. No problem.

DANNY
Can I think about it?

BARBARA
If you want to wait, there’s lots
of guys out there that think I’m
hot. It’s sink or swim.

DANNY
Very funny. How are we going to
sink this ship? That’s got to be
a big problem.

BARBARA
I’ll ask the Captain.
Run along and check on Edna.
I’ve got a lot of thinking to do.

Danny walks away dejected and almost runs into the piano
player.

PIANO PLAYER
Isn’t that your boyfriend?

BARBARA
He’s my fiancée. My wannabe
future ex-husband.

PIANO PLAYER
We see a lot of failed romances
on these cruises. On the Caribbean
cruises we do a lot of weddings.

BARBARA
Yeah, I was going to ask the

93
 Captain about doing a wedding
for us before we get to port.

PIANO PLAYER
Where are you thinking about doing it?

BARBARA
In the ballroom. What do you think?

PIANO PLAYER
I’m sure he’ll do it whenever you
like. It’s the least we can do
for a lovely young bride. In fact,
I’ll be happy to play for you for
a small fee.

BARBARA
How about a deposit?

She takes his arm and they stroll off across the deck.

Ben is sitting behind the desk at center stage in a pool of

light.

BEN
Sinking a ship that is 354 feet long
is no small feat. There’s a lot to
consider. But, the most important
thing is doing it so that the
shipping company is neglectful, so
that the insurance company
will pay for any loss of life.

Diane approaches the table.

DIANE
I’ve decided to ask for a divorce.

BEN
Why now?

DIANE
I’m sick of the charade. It’s time
to move on.

94
 BEN
You’ll get a divorce, go
buy a new red convertible,
and run up your credit cards.

DIANE
OK, you talked me out of it.

BEN
There, wasn’t that easy?

DIANE
I’m sorry I’ve been such an bitch.
I didn’t want you to think
I was a pushover.

BEN
You were trained to be tough.

DIANE
I want to be in charge. Women are
better in stressful situations.

BEN
What do you mean?

DIANE
Whenever there’s a disagreement,
we work things out first before
beating the crap out of each other.

BEN
But, in matters of the heart...

DIANE
That’s a whole other animal.

BEN
Most women want the two S’s.
Sex and Security.
The love stuff is just
what men want to think.

DIANE
Don’t tell the others.

95
INT. EDNA’S CABIN (NIGHT)
In Edna’s cabin, Barbara is looking through the luggage.
She opens a small box and removes a string of pearls. She
holds them up to her neck and admires herself in the mirror.

BARBARA
Asian I suppose, tedious work for
oysters.

Danny walks in the door and saw Barbara playing with the
pearls.

DANNY
What the hell do you think
you’re doing?

BARBARA
Just playing a game of fish.

DANNY
What?

BARBARA
Fish stupid. That’s what will be
swimming around in here, a whole
school of them.

DANNY
Put that back and let’s get out
of here.

BARBARA
Not yet I’m not finished.
You can tell a lot about a woman
by looking at her stuff. Here, look
at this diamond pin. Some what out of
style. But, in it’s day, very amusing.

DANNY
I don’t think she’ll be amused to
see you going through her jewelry.

BARBARA

96
 Oh, what’s this? A photo of your
father?

DANNY
Don’t drop it.
(reaching for photo knocks it from her hand)
97

Barbara drops the framed photo to the floor and the glass
breaks.

DANNY (CONT’D)
Now look what you have done.

BARBARA
Lighten up, you’d think it was
the Holy Grail.

DANNY
She will have a fit.

BARBARA
So, what. She doesn’t know what’s
happening anyway. Just blame the
careless porter. There’s no harm
done. Relax.

DANNY
Got a cigarette?

BARBARA
No dummy. You don’t smoke. OK!
I’ve got things arranged. We’ll
be married tomorrow afternoon in
the Grand Ball Room.

DANNY
Won’t your mother and dad get
up set that you didn’t invite them?

BARBARA
Of course they’ll feel really left

97
 out. When they get over it, my
mom will give me a big wedding at
their country club. They’re prepared
for the worst.

Danny opens the door and looks down the hallway. A waiter
rolls a room service cart down the hall. They wait till the
he’s out of sight before leaving.

SHIP’S DOCTOR’S OFFICE (DAY)

The ship’s doctor is examining Edna in the health room.

EDNA
I’ve been having these dreams
where I’m bitten by bats that
fly into my room. See here,
Look at these bites.

DOCTOR
Yes, it could be. But, there
are no bats out here in the
middle of the ocean. That’s
just a myth.

EDNA
I did meet the Captain
James Vergon when I was out
on deck the other night.

DOCTOR
Are you on any psychotropic drugs?
Anti-depressants or sleeping pills?

EDNA
I need them to help me sleep.

DOCTOR
So, you are traveling with your son?

EDNA
Yes. Well I haven’t seen him in
days. I’ve been up all night.
I can’t seem to get to sleep.

98
 DOCTOR
I think we better give you something
stronger to help you get some rest.

EDNA
I think that would be wise.

DOCTOR
You could have scratched your neck
with those long finger nails.

EDNA
No, those are the bat bites, I tell you.

DOCTOR
Of course it is. Here take this,
I’ll get you some water.

INT. SHIPS WHEELHOUSE (DAY)

Barbara and Danny are visiting the ships wheel house to
meet with the Cruise Ships Captain.

CAPTAIN
Look at the 10 black and white photos
mounted across the top of the window.
They show the sea from this point of
view.

BARBARA
Interesting. About the wedding plans,
I thought it would be good to have
the ceremony about 1:00pm?

DANNY
Yeah, that would be good.

CAPTAIN
Let’s say 2:30. After the food
service has finished it’s shift.

BARBARA
Whatever.

CAPTAIN
I think you’ll be very happy with

99
the affair. Everyone else has been
pleased with the way we do things.

DANNY
What’s this for?
( Looking at a computer.)

BARBARA
Can this ship sink?

CAPTAIN
Well yes. But, Northern Star is a
new generation cruise ship.

It’s naval architects were

mindful of the Titanic sinking and
things have changed since that tragic
event. That’s not going to happen here.

BARBARA
What your saying is that it is impossible?

CAPTAIN
In theory, no. The nature of a ship
is to want to displace water with it’s
weight.

BARBARA
What if there’s a hole? What then?

CAPTAIN
The only way that can happen is if we
were to open the sea cocks.

BARBARA
Sea cocks?

CAPTAIN
It’s like a plug in a bathtub, you open
the plug and the water rushes out. In
this case it rushes in. No, the biggest
danger on this ship is fire.

BARBARA
I get your drift.

100
 CAPTAIN
So, it’s agreed we will prepare
for the wedding tomorrow.
Very romantic.

DANNY
Thank you for your time Captain.
Let’s run along sweetheart.

BARBARA
Watch out for the icebergs?

DANNY
Just kidding.

EXT. DECK (NIGHT)

Danny and Barbara are walking down the deck in the moon
light talking.

BARBARA
Don’t you think it’s strange that
no one has missed the person in the
wheelchair?

DANNY
I’m not worried. I’m terrified.
I feel like everyone’s looking at
me, as if they saw us do it, but
aren’t quite sure.

BARBARA
It just goes to show how easy it’s
going to be to get rid of your
mother.

DANNY
Now, she’s telling everyone she’s
been bitten by bats. But, the ships
doctor thinks it’s hallucinations or
dementia.

BARBARA

101
 Who cares. It doesn’t matter, she’ll
just disappear after the wedding.
Never to be seen again.

DANNY
Now what are you up to? I thought you
were going to sink the ship.

BARBARA
The whole sea cock thing is too much
trouble. I have another idea.

DANNY
Well?

BARBARA
If I tell you it will spoil
the surprise.

INT. SHIPS BALLROOM (DAY)

The ships ballroom is filled with people eating finger food
and drinking cheap Champagne. The room is decorated with
colorful balloons. The band is playing as Danny and Edna
arrive.

EDNA
Champagne is all they have?

DANNY
Come on Mom don’t trash my
wedding day.

EDNA
You know I don’t care who
you marry. I have my own
plans for the future.

DANNY
I can’t wait.

EDNA
I’m in love with Capt. James Vergon.

DANNY

102
 That’s just a story. He’s
not real.

EDNA
Tomorrow night we’ll be in
Stavanger and I’m meeting
him there.

DANNY
Right.

EDNA
Where’s the wide bride?

DANNY
What? She’s beautiful.

EDNA
I see a little baby fat just
under her chin.

DANNY
Don’t say anything.

EDNA
Looks like a starch bomb
to me. I’ve seen her with
the cheese cake.

DANNY
Please.

EDNA
Cute fat deposits that look
harmless enough, but when
she’s about 35 boom, she’ll
explode.

DANNY
Here, this is our table.
Stay put, I’ll be back.

The piano player joins her at the table.

103
 PIANO PLAYER
You look lovely tonight Edna.
What would you like from the bar?

EDNA
Scotch on the rocks. Make it a
double. I need a little lift.

PIANO PLAYER
I hear you.

EDNA
They don’t know that James Vernon
is a real man. They think I’m a
old joke that you laugh at when
my back is turned. Stupid people.

(She is talking to
herself.)

The Piano Player returns with the drinks and sits in a

chair next to Edna.

EDNA
You do know that Vergon is a
wonderful man?

PIANO PLAYER
James Vergon? The Norwegian Captain?

EDNA
You don’t think he’s walking about?

PIANO PLAYER
That would be a very big trick.

EDNA
I’m going off with him tonight.

PIANO PLAYER
That’s nice. Excuse me I’ve got
to go back to the bandstand.

( Edna grabs his hand

and bites at the veins.)

104
 PIANO PLAYER
Ouch! That hurt. Let go.
( He pulls his hand away
with surprise.)

EDNA
Tasty.

PIANO PLAYER
I’m bleeding. Jesus.

EDNA
Wash it down with a little
scotch. ( She takes a gulp.)

INSIDE STATE ROOM (DAY)

Barbara is in her stateroom with Danny dressing for the
wedding. Her white dress is simple but elegant. She is
admiring herself.

BARBARA
The old bag has met her match.
A perfect day for a disappearance.

DANNY
I think I’m going to loose my
lunch.

BARBARA
It will be over in no time.
Breath deeply and try to relax.
Stay here, I’ve got one thing
to do. Stay put for 20 minutes,
then meet me in the ballroom.

DANNY
OK.

(She walks out the door.)

105
INT. THE BALLROOM (DAY)
The ballroom is alive with laughter and people are dancing
to the music. The Captain walks up to the microphone on the
bandstand. The band stops.

CAPTAIN
We’re here today to witness the
union of two youngsters. I hope
all of you will share in the
moment. After the ceremony we’ll
continue the music, dancing, and
refreshments. Danny come up here
and join me.

(Danny makes his way though the crowd)

CAPTAIN (CONT’D)
Barbara please join us.
( The band plays, “Here comes the bride.”)

(Barbara throws kisses to everyone as she

meets them.)

BARBARA
Thank you all for coming to my
wedding.

CAPTAIN
You are about to begin a journey that
will be as beautiful as any experience can be.
There will be times when emotions will
flare like a North Sea storm. But,
remember that it won’t last long.
You have chosen your course as fate
CAPTAIN (Cont.)

would have it. That can’t be denied.

Danny do take this woman to be your
bride?

DANNY
Is this legal?
(Whispers)

BARBARA
Yes, I think it is.

106
 DANNY
Oh. Yes I do.

CAPTAIN
Barbara Biggs, do you take this man
to be your lawful husband?

BARBARA
Yes, I do.

CAPTAIN
Then by the power invested in me by
International Maritime Law, I now
pronounce you husband and wife.
Turn around. You may kiss the bride.
( They kiss and turn to the crowd.)
I give you Mr. and Mrs. McCoy.
( Everyone applauds. )

Barbara and Danny kiss and leave the bandstand to join Edna
at the head table the Captain follows.

DANNY
I feel sea sick.

BARBARA
Stop complaining. We’re almost
there.
DANNY
I don’t want to sit with her
right now. Let’s dance.
( The music comes up )

The fire alarm sounds off as smoke enters the ballroom.

Everyone stands still as the band stops. The Captain goes
back to the microphone.

CAPTAIN
I want very one to remain calm.
Go to your fire station and
get a life preserver and remain
on deck. I will make announcements
as I gather information.
Please stay calm.

107
 DANNY
What the hell.

BARBARA
Why don’t you go sit with your
mother.

EDNA
FIRE! FIRE!

DANNY
Stop screaming. You know I have
sensitive ears.

The passengers start to run for the doors pushing each

other out of the way.

EXT. ON SHIPS DECK (DAY)

Barbara pushes her way out to the deck to see the thick
black smoke pouring out the starboard side of the ship.
People are trying to get the lifeboats uncovered and ready
to be lowered into the icy North Sea.

Danny tries to settle Edna down.

DANNY
They know what they are doing.

EDNA
Take me to the fresh air.
The smoke is killing me in here.

INT. SHIPS KITCHEN (DAY)

Danny rolls her out through the kitchen to the deck. People
are absolutely panicked. They are running around trying to
find loved ones. Barbara greets them.

BARBARA
Thank goodness your all right.
Come over here I’ve got life
vests for you. Here put one on.

The wind shifts and the smoke envelopes them.

108
 BARBARA
Edna, hold my hand.

DANNY
I can’t see you.

EXT. SHIPS DECK (DAY)

In the thick of the smoke, Barbara is pushing Edna to the
railing.
Edna is putting up a fight.

EDNA
I don’t want to go. Let go
of me.

BARBARA
It’s time for us to abandon
the ship.

Barbara gets up on the railing and pulls Edna up to the top

rail. Edna is hanging on to her and looking down at the
water in terror. Barbara continues to pull her up to the
top. Edna pushes her back and Barbara loses her grip.
Barbara tumbles backwards toward the sea screaming. She
disappears into the smoke.

DANNY
Barbara!

EDNA
She tried to push me over
the rail, so I shoved her.

DANNY
You pushed her in?

EDNA
It was her or me.

Danny runs off through the smoke toward the stern of the
ship.

INT. THEATER

109
Inside the theater Ben and Diane are sitting in seats
looking toward the stage.

DIANE
Tonight I want everyone to be
wired for their best performance.

BEN
They’re all doing so well I’m
afraid to change anything.

Susan enters the theater and joins them.

SUSAN
How are things going?

BEN
Great. I think. Butterflies.

SUSAN
Everything will come together.

BEN
It’s too late to change
much without derailing this
thing.

DIANE
I think Edna is getting a
bit too authentic.

BEN
That’s just Edna’s thing. She
really gets into it.

DIANE
The Gray Panthers are coming.

BEN
Oh no, I don’t want them
around when the Board is here.

DIANE
I had to make a deal to get
them calmed down. They want to
shut down the production.
It was the best I could do.

110
 BEN
Sounds like your PR backfired
as you predicted.

SUSAN
I’m going home, see ya.

EXT. SHIPS DECK (EVENING)

The deck of the Norwegian Cruise ship is empty. All the
passengers are in lifeboats.

EXT. LIFE BOAT (EVENING)

Danny and Edna are sitting in a lifeboat with 9 other
passengers.

WOMAN PASSENGER
I hope we don’t have to stay here
much longer.

EDNA
Shut up , I’m sick of your
complaining. You missed a
meal. My son lost his bride.

DANNY
I’m in hell. This is no way to
spend your wedding night.

WOMAN PASSENGER
I’m sorry I didn’t know.

EDNA
What’s that noise.

CREWMAN #1
That’s my radio. It looks like
we’re being ordered back
to the ship.

CREWMAN #2
The fire is contained. Over.

CREWMAN #1

111
Do you want me to start back
to the ship? Over.

EDNA
Just in time for the
buffet.

CREWMAN #2
The fire was in the cleaning
supply room just a lot of smoke.
The Captain wants us back on
board. Over.

EDNA
I need a cigarette.

CREWMAN #1
I guess it’s OK.

WOMAN
How can we stand the smell of
smoke after what we’ve just
been through.

DANNY
Don’t you feel anything for
poor Barbara?

EDNA
Now, I need a drink. Hurry
driver. I think I’m going
to jump in and swim the
rest of the way before the
fog closes in.

CREWMAN #1
Maybe she was picked up by
another life boat. We won’t
know till we get back to the
ship and have roll call and
search the ship.

EDNA
She tried to push me overboard
So, I figure she deserves what
ever she gets.

112
 DANNY
She wouldn’t do that.

EDNA
I’m not that strong, but, I have a
trick or two left in me.

INT. HALLWAY TO CABIN.

Edna and Danny make their way to Edna’s cabin. He pushes
her in and turns to the door.

EDNA
Where are you going?

DANNY
I’ve got to find out what
happened to Barbara.

EDNA
Oh, yeah. Your new bride.

DANNY
What if she got rescued?

EDNA
Would you get me the pain
pills from my purse?

EXT. SHIPS DECK (NIGHT)

The Captain is talking to a large group gathered on deck.

CAPTAIN
The fire was nothing but
toilet paper rolls that were
smoldering and giving off
a lot of smoke. We wanted to
play it safe so, we got you
all off the ship as a precaution.

DANNY
I’m looking for my wife.
Has anybody seen her?

113
 CAPTAIN
We are looking for all missing.
There’s a lot of confusion now,
but we are doing a cabin
to cabin search. Hopefully, she
just got lost up in all the
excitement. She’s got to be here
somewhere.

DANNY
I’m going to look for her myself.

CAPTAIN
OK. I can’t stop you but, don’t
get in the way of my crew.

DANNY
I hear you.

Danny walks off down the ships deck.

CAPTAIN
In a few minutes we will be calling
out names of people that have
been reported missing. Chances are
your missing person will show up at
the ballroom then.

WOMAN
Is the buffet going
to be open as usual, I’m
getting hungry. My doctor calls it
CED, compulsive eating disorder
and a spastic colon.
I can’t help it, I get stomach
cramps, gas and diarrhea when
I get excited.

CAPTAIN
We wouldn’t want that. Yes, we

114
 will have food service at usual
times. On behalf of the crew,
thank you for your cooperation.

INT. EDNA’S CABIN. (NIGHT)

Edna is sleeping in her bed with all but the night light
off. The cabin door opens and Barbara pokes her head in.
She looks around to see Edna asleep. She closes the door
and moves closer. She picks up a seat cushion and puts it
over Edna’s face muffling her scream and holds it there
until she stops thrashing about.

EXT. SHIP’S DECK. (NIGHT)

Danny is walking along and saw Barbara coming toward him.

DANNY
It’s you. I’ve been looking
everywhere for you. Are you OK?

BARBARA
Yes. I fell into the water and
got picked up by a crewman that
happened to be taking a break
and smoking a cigarette on the
lower level deck.

DANNY
What luck. Saved by a cigarette.

BARBARA
I got to tell you that water
is cold. I earned my half today.
It’s done. She’s history.

DANNY
What? I just left Mom in
the cabin. She is asleep.

BARBARA
I couldn’t take any more
chances. So, I cut off the
air supply. Like this.

115
 DANNY
You really did it. I can’t
believe it. I’m free.
Did she suffer a lot?

BARBARA
Nah. Just a few kicks and it
was over. Not much to it.

DANNY
Did any one see you come
out of the cabin?

BARBARA
No. You need to discover the
body soon. Are you up to it?

DANNY
Do I have to?

BARBARA
Just go to a house phone and
ask for help, say you found
her dead in bed. They’ll think
all the excitement killed her.

INT. EDNA’S CABIN. (NIGHT)

Crewmen and Doctor are looking around for Edna. Danny and
Barbara are waiting in the hall way.

INT. SHIP’S HALLWAY.

Barbara is holding Danny to comfort him as the doctor opens
the door of the cabin.

DOCTOR
Didn’t you say she was dead
in bed? She’s not there. You
must have been mistaken.

BARBARA
You mean she’s gone?

DANNY
She looked dead the last time
I saw her.

116
 DOCTOR
My guess is she’s at the
buffet with the rest of the
old folks. Sometimes these older
people can have all the signs of
death and be very much alive.
I’ve see it before. You need to
get out of those wet clothes
Mrs. and dry your hair.
I don’t want you getting sick.

BARBARA
Thanks, let’s go.

INT. SHIP’S HALLWAY

Barbara grabs Danny and they walk down the hall way.

DANNY
Where is she?

BARBARA
Let’s check the lounge.

DANNY
But, you said she didn’t
move. Didn’t you check?

BARBARA
I thought she was dead.

DANNY
Why didn’t you check?

BARBARA
I’ve never done this before
what do you expect.

DANNY
I wasn’t being critical.

BARBARA
Yes, you were. I could hear it
in your voice. Passive aggressive.

DANNY

117
 What’s that suppose to mean?

BARBARA
Don’t act dumb, you know.

INT. THEATER LOBBY.(NIGHT)

Everyone is dressed to kill for the opening night

performance. Ben and Susan are working their way throughout
the crowd as they walk out for intermission. They meet
Diane and her husband.

BEN
How wonderful you look together.
I want to savor the moment.

SUSAN
Stop it, they know you.

DIANE
All too well, I’m afraid. This
is my husband Ted.

TED
It’s a pleasure. I’ve heard a
lot about you.

DIANE
I think the board members are
happy so far.

BEN
Oh. Watch out, here comes the
Captain of the Gray Panthers.

DIANE
Don’t say anything, I’ll handle
this.

GRAY PANTHER
It looks like you have been
infected with the disease
peculiar to your generation.
You portray this old lady as a
crazy, disposable person.

118
 DIANE
But, we don’t. She very resilient
don’t you agree.

BEN
Tell me, how long has it been
since you’ve taken a good dump?

The Gray Panther punches Ben in arm.

GRAY PANTHER
There. How’s that feel.

BEN
That hurt.

DIANE
OK boys. That’s enough.

SUSAN
Let’s head back to our seats.

BEN
Catch you later old man.

INT. THEATER LOBBY (NIGHT)

Ben and Susan make their way back to their seats. Diane
stays to talk with the Gray Panther.

DIANE
So, What do you want?

GRAY PANTHER
We want people to show respect
for us, like other cultures do with
their elders.

DIANE
This is just entertainment.

GRAY PANTHER
We have some unique qualities
that we bring to every life

119
 situation. One is experience.

DIANE
What you could do, is create
a play for older people.

GRAY PANTHER
Would you consider producing it?

DIANE
Sure! Why not.

INT. THEATER
Ben and Susan are sitting and talking. The curtain rises.

BEN
That old fart has a punch.

SUSAN
He used to own the health
food store on 3rd Ave. It’s
gone down hill since he
sold it.

BEN
What’s he so angry about?

SUSAN
That’s just his nature.
He would invite you to his
juice bar and make you a
special drink mixture from…

SUSAN (Cont.)
fruit juice to carrots, whatever
he thought you needed. If you
didn’t drink all of it, he would
throw you out.

BEN
He reminds me of my ex-father
in-law, when he gave me the
evil eye.

SUSAN

120
 Evil eye?

EXT. SHIPS DECK. (NIGHT)

Diane and Danny are standing on the deck looking out at the
ocean.

BARBARA
We’ll be in Stavanger in a few
hours. Then, they can search the
ship properly.

DANNY
With my luck she’s become one
of those undead we’ve been
told about.

BARBARA
That’s just a story, told to
make the trip more interesting.

DANNY
They say they are living all
around us. But, we can’t see
them. You know when you smell
something familiar, but it’s
not anywhere around you and
your hair stands up?

BARBARA
Yeah.

DANNY
That’s them messing with you.

BARBARA
She’s got you and she’s not
going to let go, even in death.

DANNY
It’s very frightening to think
she could live forever, teasing
me. Digging at me with those
finger nails.

BARBARA

121
What?

DANNY
She’d love to see me
suffer when she would pinch
me on the wrist.

BARBARA
She somehow got out of the cabin
and left.

DANNY
But, the wheelchair was still
there in the room.

BARBARA
Then, someone had to have helped her.

DANNY
I’m sure it was that Vergon guy.

BARBARA
No way, you’re just spooked. Listen to
what you’re saying. That’s impossible.

DANNY
That’s what I use to think too.

BARBARA
Well then, we just have to
hammer a wooden stake through
her heart.

DANNY
I couldn’t do it.

BARBARA
I don’t think I could either.
But if it’s true, we’ve got to do it.

DANNY
Are you sure she was? I can’t even
bring myself to say it.

BARBARA
I told you, I didn’t check.

122
 But, her tongue was sticking out
like this and her eyes were
bugging out.

DANNY
OK, did you get the pearls and
diamonds?

BARBARA
Yes. Maybe Vergon is really after
her. These tales get started somewhere.

DANNY
Yeah!

BARBARA
If she’s just missing, a will
wouldn’t be useful for a long
time.

DANNY
I’ll call my lawyer. He’ll
know what to do.

BARBARA
All we need is the body.

INT. THEATER
A large sign is on the stage it reads, (TO BE CONTINUED)

IN THE AUDIENCE.
Ben and Susan are looking at each other.

SUSAN
What are you doing?
To be continued?

DANNY
It’s an academic professionals
magic trick.

SUSAN
It’s called?

123
 BEN
It’s called job security.

FADE TO BLACK

124
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