Help for the soul in daily living January 2012

Dear readers, I have decided to continue my monthly newsletter in 2012, but in a different way, and in a different format. This newsletter now begins with questions and answers culled from various seminars. The second section contains short talks that I have given on specific topics at various courses. You can read these presentations, and also listen to them or watch them, as they were recorded and released on DVD. The third section contains two meditations. These you can also both read and listen to, for they were also recorded. In the last section you will find extras. This month you will find feedback from participants of a workshop in Graz responses that will touch our heart and also a reflection on birthdays. So you see, this year I will also be here with you month after month, exploring what helps us continue. I walk with you with love. Yours, Bert Hellinger

Overview
Questions and answers
Movements of the soul, movements of the spirit Cognized and known Agreeing and resonating Gone bust Being serious Meditation: The question Different consciousness The not Perpetrators and victims Insight Agreeing 3 4 4 6 7 8 9 11 13 13 14

Short talks on specific topics

The way to our mother Meditation Basic orders of love 15 15 16

Meditations
Our illness Our completeness 20 20

Extras
Feedback from the workshop in Graz Dec. 2011 Reflection: Birthdays 21 27

Questions and answers

Movements of the soul, movements of the spirit
Please, how do you distinguish, perhaps as a definition, between the movements of the soul and the movements of the spirit?
HELLINGER:

This is an important question that comes up again and again, for some

people are confused about it. I am happy to answer this question. This question has to do with the development of family constellations. As I saw that the representatives in a family constellation were moved from within, by another power, I named these movements movements of the soul. This was what they appeared to be. As family constellations developed further I saw that these movements were movements of the spirit. I will explain the difference. The movements of the soul are limited in scope and depth. Very often they refer to our family and to what happens within the family. They also have to do with feelings. These are the movements of the soul. The movements of the spirit are not related to feelings. They move on another level. Then I observed more closely still what soul really is. Soul is what holds something together; the body, for instance, is held together by a soul. A family is also held together by a soul. This soul has a boundary. It defines itself against something beyond itself. The movements we see here in family constellations are of a different kind. An essential attribute of the movements of the spirit is that they are kindly disposed to all involved, and they have no preferences. Furthermore, they are devoid of feelings. They are something greater, beyond feelings. The movements of the spirit are inclusive, they never exclude. In contrast to this, the movements of the soul both include and exclude, in equal measure. I think now I have briefly summarized this for you.

Cognized and known

HELLINGER:

I have a suggestion for you. Think about your question once more. You

can also change it if you feel that something else is more important. In the constellation with the man and the child, how did you know it was a child? Could it not also have been a sibling?
HELLINGER:

I did not think about it. Suddenly I knew, without any deductions and

without being positive about it. But the sentence was clear. Therefore I said it the way I did.

Agreeing and resonating

My question is partly personal, but not only personal. As a human being we experience ourselves through feelings. I experience myself through feelings, feelings of any kind. Do you see a danger that the expectations of people could grow through your philosophy, and that therefore there could be the danger that we might override our feelings for a certain time in our development, in order to become spiritual, even though this is not the case at all?
HELLINGER:

I will put it into another context. When we move on the level of the spirit

or let the spirit move us, we arrive at an agreeing. For instance, you come into an agreeing to ourselves when you are on this level. You also arrive at an agreeing with other people. With your mother for instance. So we come into this agreeing. This agreeing is in the spirit, but it moves something in the soul. So this agreeing is also felt at the same time. Through this spiritual agreeing I come into a resonance in my feeling. You can follow that. Take your mother, for instance. Lets just look at this here. Now you come into a vibration of agreeing to your mother, and this vibration reaches your mother as a vibration. So, the movement begins in the spirit. It sets some vibration in motion, in the soul and also in the body. This vibration reaches the other as a vibration. This means

the other is also moved by this vibration, and resonates in turn. This resonating vibration reaches you. Can you still follow? Yes, clearly.
HELLINGER:

Now this was a simple example. Everyone can understand this. Now I

transfer this to something more complex. There is someone of whom you think: that guy, for instance. But on the level of the spirit you come into an agreeing to him as he is, exactly as he is. You hand yourself over to this vibration. This vibration reaches him, and he vibrates in turn. In this exchange of vibration something of you becomes a part of him, and in his responding vibration something of his becomes a part of you. You look at it, and you realize, this is a part of yourself. I approached this via a detour. Has your question been answered? Thank you.
HELLINGER:

I will say something else about this. This here is different to when I just

follow my feelings. When he movement begins on the level of the spirit and then takes hold of the feeling, the feeling is spiritualized at the same time. We can also apply this to someone who is seeking our help. And sometimes we have this movement: That one again. And there we are, in a strange vibration. He senses it immediately. Thats the end of it. But if you let him sit next to you, as I demonstrate it here, and you move into an agreeing with him, and that is, not just with him, but also with his parents, with his situation, then this is a spiritual process. Suddenly you begin to vibrate differently, and he resonates to it. Then the doors to success are open. Okay? I will give you an example. Recently a woman wrote me a letter. Many years ago she had come to see me. This woman was part of a group travelling in Cashmere. This group was kidnapped. Behind her stood a man and he pushed his gun into her back. This was the situation.

But this woman had learned something about family constellations. She moved into an agreeing with him and with his fate. Suddenly there was a vibration from her to him, and she said to him: I know you are a good man. His immediate response was to put his gun away. Then he separated her from the other kidnappers and took her to a safe place. One person from this group was beheaded, and others were never seen again. This is resonance. But this was a feeling. Only as a feeling could it vibrate.

Gone bust
How did you know in one constellation that someone had gone bust?
HELLINGER:

I did not know anything. Suddenly I had the word: Bust. Then I asked him.

He was moved immediately. Then I knew the sentence was right. Thats all, more I did not do. In this course we will learn in detail how we can come into contact with another person. Suddenly something about the person is given to us -- a sentence, for instance. This was such a sentence. You just cant make it up. Some wonder, how did he come up with this. Well, I didnt. I just suddenly had it. Such a sentence always works. If it doesnt, it was made up. Many such sentences are frightening. How can I say to someone: He went bust. Or how can I ask someone: Whom did you kill? I even say that sometimes. And it is right of course, if the sentence comes to me. When something like this happens, we arrive at a deep trust in another guidance. And thats what it is. Youre already on the path anyhow. Okay? Yes.

Being serious
I had several questions, but I only have one now. Can I ask it?
HELLINGER:

No. Am I allowed to listen to her question? Is she serious about her

questions? Is she serious, or does she play with me? I will give you another opportunity later on. Okay? Yes.
HELLINGER:

This was training what I just did. Many think they have a right to ask

questions. Often these questions are not serious but rather in the form of: Lets see what he will say to this. Here we could see this immediately. Firstly, she was fast. That alone shows us it is not a serious question. Secondly, who wants to ask several questions at once demonstrates that the questions are not serious. But this is an external observation. I perceived immediately that this was not serious. Then I dont answer. I keep my dignity. Thats important. This is a learning experience for us, for many clients come to us with such questions. Then we need to sense what is going on: Is it serious or not? For instance, does the person become stronger when I listen, or weaker? Do I remain strong when I listen, or do I become weaker? Will my answer serve this person? Or will it be a hindrance? These are questions we can ask ourselves inside. This happens like lightning, instantly. Then we teach the client some discipline, the discipline of seriousness. So what you just did was a great experience of learning for us. The other thing that makes you feel sorry for yourself, you can forget it.

Meditation: The question

In the other dimension you talk about, are there any questions at all? Are there still fields at all?
HELLINGER:

I will do an exercise with you. With this exercise I am answering your

question. Just close your eyes. We imagine our body is asleep, and our spirit stays awake. We leave our body behind, and the spirit goes into another dimension, wide awake, into the expanse. Whilst we thus allow our spirit to advance into another dimension, we come into contact with another consciousness, with a universal consciousness. Then we ask a question, a personal question. A question with which we ask for something, for an answer. Then we wait. Did you receive an answer? I have no personality.
HELLINGER:

Then you would be very far advanced. Did anyone get an answer? I dont

want any details, just an idea. Did some get an answer to their question in this exercise? Some did get one. These questions are not answered precisely. This consciousness is kindly turned to all. It does not give us preference over others. When we ask a question that goes in that direction, we dont get an answer. Only an answer that is in accord with something greater. I can add something to what you just said: There is a poem by Rilke, that begins: Oh come. I only say these two words. I can also say: Oh come. I am ready. What for? For the ultimate. Ready when? Now. The question is: Can I come? Or do I have to wait? If I wait, am I waiting? Can I wait for it? Am I ready? Do I have hopes, for instance? Or fears?

In all I said, one word adds its frequency: The word is: I, or personally. That is the same. It would also be I. The ultimate comes when the self ends. And it is coming now. Have I answered your question? It is enough.
HELLINGER:

Okay.

Different consciousness
I am relatively new in this. I probably also lack certain concepts around this. I have many questions in me. One that really unsettles me is the state in which I cant really find my way yet. But perhaps one or the other here still has the problem or does not have it anymore. The states, I will describe it like this: I know this, I have heard it again tonight, that is perhaps the worst when you stand there, from the logic out of your head, then you cant be how you should be. The second thing I know, is the
HELLINGER:

Wait, I will stay with what you said just now.

What counts in an insight is the content. In a fruit the content is often protected by a shell. One has to crack the shell to get to the content. This is easily understood. Now Ill get to the point of course. What is the shell we have to crack first to get to a deep insight? You dont have to answer this. I just present this for deliberation. It is our logic. The logic protects the content and bars access to it both at once. So, therefore, if you go into logic, you cant get to it anymore. Even though logic is important in certain connections, here it does not work. Most of what I say is not logical. You cannot unravel it logically. The essential is never logical. It goes far beyond it. Now I have taken you along on the path of insight. Is that okay for you?

This was really only the first one.

HELLINGER:

You get a chance for the second one, too.

I would just like to know where I am in the right state. This was the first one that I already know and that I did experience today. The other state is where I have managed to let go for a while and to have a kind of emptiness in myself. Then I noticed I am no longer myself, I respond, and I am surprised by what is going on there. I am still me, but I am without my own action. It is an unknown action I am doing. And beyond that I have a third thing, where I
HELLINGER:

Wait, one thing after the other. What you describe is what each

representative experiences. The representatives are no longer with themselves. This means they are guided from elsewhere. And yet, in this experience they come to themselves in a much deeper way than what they knew before. This is the other side of this: in the big things logic comes to an end anyway. Take love, for instance. It is beautiful that the logic ends there. And it is the same here. Because you are so nice, I also give you the opportunity for the third thing. But thats it then. The third is similar to what I just described for the second state that I know. The third one is the same, except that I am totally baffled there. I cant relate to that one at all until now. This has nothing to do with logic anymore. Only then I am not at all myself anymore. Then I suddenly have images of the scenery where I represent or where I am, either when I know who I am and when I dont know. I am someone then, and I see as through that ones eyes. Then I am somehow
HELLINGER:

This shows you are in deep contact there. Then it is like that. Then you

suddenly know things and see things. You are in another dimension, and yet you are still yourself. You are not away from yourself. Being away from yourself also happens.

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Many healers, for instance, are possessed. They do something, wake up, and dont know what they have done. That is still another dimension. But it does happen. The question is: How do you deal with yourself. When you come into this state, then say inside: Oh come. Okay.
HELLINGER:

Yes? All the best.

The not
Can you say something about the not? This occupies me again and again since I heard the story of the merchant and the monk. Everything else in the story I understand. But the not is very new to me.
HELLINGER:

This is a hard question for this time of night.

But still so, this is about the not, and that has to be distinguished from the nothing. These are two completely different things. There is a very simple observation. Everything that is, is surrounded by something that is not. Your knowing, for instance, is surrounded by a not-knowing. The not-knowing, your not-knowing, in infinite, compared to your knowing. This holds true for everyone, of course. I will do an inner exercise so you can see what that means. Imagine there is this thing it can be anything at all and you know everything about this thing, really everything. How do you feel then? Do you feel bigger or smaller? Smaller.
HELLINGER:

Exactly. Exactly, because the not-knowing is missing. So the not gives a

fullness to what is. When I look at this theologically: Do you believe in god means do

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you believe in something. Do you believe in something great or in something small then? In something small.
HELLINGER:

Exactly, everything that is, is small. The essential, that which remains

hidden from us, this is the not. Our deepest longing does not go to existence, like eternal life or something. It goes to the not. In the not we dissolve into something infinite. I went a bit too far now. Now Ill do it really simply. I reduce it to something quite ordinary. Are you married? Yes.
HELLINGER:

Then it is quite easy with you. I only work with him, and you can stay on

the outside. Just close your eyes. You look at your wife, at what you know and also sense about her, and you are glad about her, of course. Now, at the same time, you also look at her not: What you dont know, what you cant sense. You look at her also with your not that she cant know and even you cant know. So, when you call her later, you will be slightly changed. Okay? Yes.
HELLINGER:

Good. I had imagined we would have a comfy evening, but that we would

go into these dimensions I had not imagined.

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Perpetrators and victims

This morning when you talked about victims and perpetrators, that was suddenly mixed up in me.
HELLINGER:

This is what one calls progress. Is your question answered?

I dont know. I think I have answered it. Not just for you, but for many others also. Okay? Yes.

Insight
You said once: Perception, this is what is important in this work. Everything else results from the capacity to perceive. I remember when you talked about the mole and the ant today , and you mentioned perception and said that it is limited as such, or it belongs to the field. Can you say something about distinctions concerning perception?
HELLINGER:

On the level of the spirit there is no perception. On the level of the spirit

there is insight. Perception is superficial. Of course, it has its place. But trusting in perception alone is not enough. We go beyond it to the level of insight. This is quite a philosophical evening today. I will say something about insight. Insight is new. This means, it did not exist before. Here one must distinguish very carefully. How do we arrive at a new insight? So, if I want to know something about something, that is nothing new. New is what is creative, what has not been there before. We come into this cognizing when we come into accord with a movement of the spirit, a creative movement. In this movement we expose ourselves to something that is coming, without knowing it. Suddenly an insight comes. It is like this sometimes with the sentences that come to me. They are insights, not perceptions. They are

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sudden insights that have an effect. This means the insight that I gained from this cognizing is in the process of becoming, it is happening. It is brought about. This is the difference. I think I leave it there. You have posed a difficult question, but I have given you an answer.

Agreeing
You said a few times today that one goes into an agreeing, as if it were something that overcomes you. But I experience agreeing more as a conscious willing and an action that refers to something specific, and where I have to cross something, like a threshold.
HELLINGER:

You are on a good path. It is precisely like that. Agreeing means: I

acknowledge something as it is, and I agree to it, exactly as it is. With some matters it is easy sometimes. But agreeing to everything exactly as it is, agreeing to yourself, exactly as you are, in everything, that is another dimension. And as you can see, it brings happiness. Yes.
HELLINGER:

Is your question answered?

Yes.
HELLINGER:

Okay, good.

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Short talks on specific topics

The way to our mother
Over the years we have seen more and more clearly in family constellations that basically it is always about the same issue. Something that was separated comes back together again. All the problems we can observe, also concerning our health, have their origin in a separation. Something that belongs together cannot and is not allowed to come together. What it is that separates us from others and from a part of ourselves we dont know. In family constellations it comes to light. We could just see here that what was missing was the mother. What was rejected was above all the mother. The healing movement begins with the reunion with our mother. So what was experienced as separating, what separated us from our mother, comes together. This is an achievement. We cannot simply do this with our goodwill. For the separation from our mother is connected with a deep feeling of pain, and also with a feeling of reproach. As some children come onto the stage: Children are always welcome. They are never in the way. This is about family, and the children belong to it. So, this is a painful process, the way back to our mother. I have also experienced this myself. I also had to find my way back to her, and walk it. When I had succeeded in this, I was totally surprised. My image of my mother turned out to be completely wrong.

Meditation
Now you close your eyes. We look at our mother. First of all we look at the image we formed about our mother. What a presumptuous image we have perhaps formed. Arrogant, full of complaints and reproaches, as if we were entitled to dictate to her how she to be. In this we overlook what she has given to us over so many years, day after day... so much love, always there for us. We took it for granted, as the most natural thing, that she helps us and is always there for us.

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Then some minor thing went wrong, and we were quick to forget what she has done for us. On the contrary, we got angry with her, perhaps even despised her. Now we look back at the time before we had these images inside us and the feelings that come with them. We go back into the blissful time with her, beginning with the time in her womb. We were one heart and soul, one body with her, sharing the same blood circulation, the same air. Her feelings were our feelings. Her pain was our pain, and her fear also ours. Can there be a deeper connection, more complete than the one with our mother in her womb? Then came the time of our first separation from her through our birth. What a brave effort on her part, as she had to give birth to us, and what ultimate effort on our part, achieving the breakthrough from her womb into the world. Then the umbilical chord was cut. Suddenly her breath stopped in us, and we took our own first deep breath in this world. And straight away we were one with her again, in another way. Now as another person, as a you, yet still held by her, taken to her breast, and still fed by her, with milk from her body. Thus we grew, always near her, with her always near us, a happiness we never questioned. With these images and memories we now turn to the images we have formed of her later on. What a difference. What an impoverishment. What a loss of happiness, of strength, of confidence. What a stagnation, instead of moving on, finding ourselves with her near us, and her by our side. Dear Mama! Okay. What do we say to our mother now? Oh! Oh that I took so long to know you!

Basic orders of love

Family constellations are a movement that keeps on advancing into more and more fields. In the beginning we just focused fully on the family. That means the present family of man and wife and children, and earlier partners that perhaps belong too, and our family of origin, our parents and our siblings. This is a relatively narrow focus. Then

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we saw that love follows certain orders, important orders. The two basic orders that really matter are: Everyone who belongs, in which ever way, has the same right to belong. Now there are many families in which certain family members are excluded, most important, of course, the aborted children, or the children who were given away, or earlier partners whom we reject now, with whom we want no further contact. They also belong, always. Wherever someone is excluded the whole family is affected. A particular effect is when excluded family members are then represented by other members of the family; by children for instance. As an example, there are parents who lovingly care for their daughter, and yet the daughter is always angry with the father, and he does not know why. In the constellation it comes to light that she represents her fathers earlier wife whom the father rejected. Once this woman is included again, with respect, the daughter can be a child again. This is just an example. So this is the first basic order: All who belonged will always belong. They have the same right to be acknowledged. Many illnesses have a connection to an excluded person. The illness represents this person. Here we can see that family constellations are a movement towards reconciliation, so that what was separated can come together again. So this is one basic order. Today in the lunch break we met an old friend, and we had a strange conversation. I told him something about fairy tales, like about the fairy tale of Rumpelstiltskin. Everyone knows the sentence: And oh! I am glad that nobody knows that I am called is Rumpelstiltskin! I studied fairy tales for a long time, and I was able to bring the secret message of many fairy tales to light. Fairy tales always have an allure. We are enticed to look into a direction opposite to what is really going on. The essential thing in a fairy tale is usually told in the beginning.

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Shall I tell you a bit about this fairy tale? Its a little diversion, something simple. So this fairy tale begins with the miller giving his daughter away. The fairy tale is about children who were given away. Then the daughter does the same. She promises to give a dwarf she meets her first child if he helps her. Then she had a child, and the dwarf wanted the child. But the girl was very sad, and the dwarf took pity on her. He said that if she find out his name, she could keep her child. And he gave her a deadline. In the meantime she had become queen. But kings have the same problems as other people. The queen sent out a messenger in the hope that he might find out what the dwarfs name was. Someone saw the dwarf dance around a fire, shouting: And oh! I am glad that nobody knows that the name I am called is Rumpelstiltskin! The messenger returned to the queen and said: I know his name. But I will only tell you when he comes. The dwarf came, quite cheerfully, and the queen asked the messenger: What is his name? He answered Rumpelstiltskin. She said: Rumpelstiltskin? But that was the name of my brother who was given away. This is the story. This is the secret of the story. Suddenly it comes to light.
SOPHIE HELLINGER:

Then this man with whom we had lunch, said: For all of my life, I

would have loved to have a brother and a sister. But my mother could not have any more children, for she had an extrauterine pregnancy. Then I said: But there they are! He said: What? Whats the matter now? What have I done? You cant really get hold of him ever. He is always ready for a defense reaction. He said: What is going on? I said: You do have your siblings, in the abdominal cavity of your mother. But in order to save your mothers life, they were taken out. This was the first time I saw him like this. We know him very well. And he is ill. I said to him: Why dont you give them a name? What are their names? He said: Christoph, I would like that name. And? Now he thought even harder, for he had never looked more deeply at this issue. Never. Then he said: Christina, Christiane? and Bert said, Yes, Christoph and Christiane.

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I have never seen him like that. He is really quite ill. Suddenly we saw how something went through his whole body. He feels drawn to go to these siblings. The conversation had taken us there because he said that one doctor sends him to another, and so forth. And the cardiologist says that another doctor should help him, and the other doctor says the same thing. And he says: But I do have a right to be helped, now do something! I said: They cannot do anything. If one them knew what to do, he would do it. But in your case they dont know what is going on in your body. But after this insight he was deeply moved, and his body posture was very different. He stood differently and looked differently. We have never seen him like that.
BERT HELLINGER:

You see, even in the lunch break family constellations happen

around us. So, I am still with the order of rank. All who belong must be given their place. And even these here, the aborted children, all belong. Now it is important that we find our right place in the order of rank, our exact place. Most of us who think they are the first or the second or the fourth or the fifth, stand in a wrong place. Many are excluded here. I will do this with you as a little exercise for a change. You close your eyes. Now I count out loud, and you feel which number feels good and grounded for you. This would be your number in the order of rank among your siblings. There we go one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty. Here I stop. Some have a hundred siblings. A doctor told us that in a constellation it showed that the parents had wanted to have a child through artificial insemination. Many zygotes were inseminated. It turned out they all belong, all of them. We cant manipulate such facts. Okay, have I gone astray, or am I still on track? So, the two basic orders of love that are most important are: the same right to belong, and the order of rank, so that we are in our right place, and our children are also in their right place.

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Many problems that parents have with a child come from a disorder of rank, for the child does not know where his or her place is.

Meditations
Our illness
We close our eyes again. Now we look at our illness or our ailment, or some pain, and we put this illness or complaint in front of us, at some distance. We wait for how the illness or the complaint moves. Away from us, for instance, towards someone else, and inside us we follow the movement of our illness. Where is it drawn? To a child who has lost a place in our soul or in our family? Or is the illness drawn to someone from whom we separated, perhaps in a way where we became angry with this person? Then inside us we put this other person in front of the illness. Then we follow the movement of the illness by standing next to it or behind it. How is this illness feeling? How is the other person feeling? How are we feeling? Okay.

Our completeness
This is about our completeness, about including the excluded again and letting them have their place with us. What we experience as a complaint suddenly ends, for it has served its purpose. Now close your eyes again once more. We imagine, we form a circle of many people. We roughly know how many people it will have to include, five or twenty or thirty, depending. You know how many. You imagine you form this circle in front of you. You set it up. Then you stand in the middle of this circle. Then you walk around in the circle, seeing every person, and you sense where you need to pause and what happens to the person opposite you - and also to yourself of course. As you go from one to the next this way, you say to each person: I see you welcome.

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There is also a movement beginning to happen in the circle. What happens to you then? To your body, for instance? Is there also something coming together in your body, something that was not acknowledged? Do we perhaps celebrate a reunion or even a birthday? Okay.

Extras
Feedback from the course in Graz
16.-18.12.2011 Dear Sophie, Dear Bert, To sum it up in one sentence: I am well. As soon as I got home, I reduced my daily dose of Ritalin (which is said to help concentration). I do not want to stop taking it abruptly (for then I would be sleeping all day), but rather slowly (my body needs a bit of time for the change over), my spirit has already adjusted to it since the constellation. I notice that I can concentrate well without this medication, and that does me good and makes me stronger. In the break I asked Bert something about the eyes, how he did it, managing without glasses. He said: I read a book a while agofrom Norbekov one has to exercise a bit, but it is quite easy. And you also look much nicer without glasses. This made me exercise, too (I started today, and I really enjoyed it). I also arrived at an insight, that you, dear Sophie, gave to me. You said in the seminar: Energy follows thought. And today I suddenly realized, it is not even the exercise itself, but mostly the inner attitude, to 90%. I thought of something beautiful, and I saw better instantly. This proves again that the eyes are not sick. Dear Sophie, if I may, I will keep you both posted. Finally I want to say THANK YOU from my heart, Thank you (= you, dear Sophie + you, dear Bert) *** Dear, much appreciated couple, Dear Bert and Sophie Hellinger! I would like to express my deeply felt thank you for the three moving days in Graz.

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So for what do I wish to thank you? For my daughter who was waiting for me at the airport with a bunch of flowers. She is 28 years old, and for most of her life she has not liked me. Just before the seminar I read that the reason for this could be that the oldest daughter may be representing the rejected mother. I was not aware that I rejected my mother, but in the seminar tears were flowing, of reconciliation with her and her unfortunate death. During my tertiary education I left my daughter, just one year old, with my then mother-in-law, for more than a year. Since then I have had a child who did not want of know me and did not want to take anything from me. What a fateful error! For this smile my child gave me at the airport I thank you from my heart. Thank you for your meditations with us, dear Bert Hellinger. Now I know I am the second child and not the first born. I feel much better now. Also acknowledging that I am not a mother of three, but of six children, has made me happier. The lost children do belong too! Thank you for this also. I will have to do a lot more, and I will take time out for it. I try to remember every word you said. Who knows what miracles still await me. Perhaps I can save my second marriage, and make everyone around me happy. Who knows? I hope you forgive me that I found working with constellations to be too much at once. I would like to begin with myself first, to learn the YOU and THANK YOU first. In deep love for your great work. V.S. *** Dear Bert and Sophie Hellinger, A heartfelt thank you for having had the privilege to experience this seminar. It was the third seminar I participated in. I am overwhelmed by the breadth and depth of your consciousness, by the precision of your intuition. Not a word too many or too few. Where I did not understand something, I hung on to what was said, and the explanation came later. The last constellation in the seminar was the most overwhelming I have ever experienced. Whilst the constellation took place, I could not really follow, I was most deeply moved. Last night I woke up and the constellation ran again, like a film. Suddenly I

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could find the slot for everything you had said, and bit by bit it helped me to understand the constellation better. I am overwhelmed about the timing of what you say or bring to our attention. It is in conscious connection with what shows up immediately or also with what will show up later. I wish you a peaceful and contemplative Christmas time, and much happiness for the new year and above all, good health. With kind regards KL.S. *** Dear Sophie, Dear Bert, Dear Hellinger team, I would like to express my heartfelt thanks for this seminar. Is was one of the most beautiful ones that I have experienced. From the beginning, celebrating Berts birthday, it was very touching, and I felt very comfortable and carried by the energy. On Sunday morning it was different. While still at home I had the feeling that this day wanted to show me something. I felt somewhat ill at ease. I opened to a saying in my angel calendar: Yes. You are a dweller in two worlds. I put the book aside, with a little disappointment. Then at the seminar, the singing was very soothing, and I did the namaste exercises with joy, until my mother stood in front of me. (She was also participating in the seminar.) I stood in front of her, and my tears were flowing profusely, and she took me into her arms. Then Bert spoke about the universe and the other world, and I thought, well and good, but for me it was incomprehensible, larger than life. I thought, eventually I might perhaps understand it. And during the last constellation I did feel them, these two worlds, how they weave into each other. Since then an incredible process is unfolding inside me. I cannot put words to it. It feels as if a gate had opened. Thank you

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Namaste S. *** Dear Sophie, Dear Bert, and much appreciated Hellinger team, In-deed, this weekend was divine service and a gift of God. Now I also know what that is. THANK YOU that I could experience this birthday celebration. It touched me deeply. Peace and love have moved into my heart and in my soul. Thank you for this great gift, it feels so overwhelming and grand. My heart flows over with lovenow I have understood, thanks a million..thank you! I will carry this celebration deep in my heart on my path in life. In this sense, only the very best to you all. E. K.
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Dear Bert and Sophie Hellinger, This seminar has helped me a lot, even just in being able to participate. I can say thank you for receiving my life. This was not so before this seminar. I felt as if I was in a case, devoid of all feeling; there where the heart was I felt a great hole, and what is alive was no longer in my body. During the course I felt as if this hole would be filled again. My inside can find peace again, my churned-up life will calm down with your help. Much has also changed in our family since we began with family constellations (having participated in your seminars). We have learned that we are not in charge of time, and much, much more. We can communicate far more openly in our family, for we know how to by now. There would be much more to say, but I am so grateful that I could be with Sophie and Bert. Inside it feels as if some balm was moving through my body. One gets the impression that one could tell many people how easy it is to live and to be grateful for everything. Thank you. A.

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*** Dear Mr. and Mrs. Hellinger, Your seminar in Graz was unique. It was an experience that will stay with me for a long time. Berts work with the whole group had an instant effect on me. I wanted to put my hand up for a constellation, but as the seminar progressed I no longer needed it. I was especially impressed about the constellation with the Russian participant who had the problem of not finding the right partner, where Bert decided to stop the constellation. This took a lot of sensitivity and courage as well. There is no need to say anything about the last constellation, for one could feel the presence of God. Yes, this seminar was worship. Many, many thanks for this amazing experience. I wish you a beautiful and peaceful Christmas and a happy, healthy New Year. M.J. *** The days in Graz were moving, and with gratitude I think of this being-guided through Bert and Sophie Hellinger. The joy of being able to be present at Bert Hellingers birthday lay like a glow above everything. And how much gratitude was expressed by all the people who came from afar to be part of the celebration. Even on the evening of his birthday Bert Hellinger worked with us. There are two meditations that I love to tell people about, they touched me deeply and are changing my life from the depth. We were taken to our personal guilt. My intention was to ease my sense of burden and to free myself from it. But Bert Hellinger guided us away from wanting to get rid of our personal guilt, but instead towards taking it into our soul and our body. This was new for me. As I began to open myself to this, it was as if from a sense of floating, I was finding my way to the earth and beginning to feel the ground under my feet. A weight pulled me down to the earth, my feet began to expand. And as I felt heavier and heavier, I began to feel richer and more fulfilled, connected to the earth and to human beings, like I never felt before. I knew: this is the beginning of a path that I cannot abandon.

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The other meditation that touched me deeply was this one: We were led into a circle of people. There are 22 of them, I said to myself. Standing alone in the circle we went from one to the next, and we said to each one: Now I see you! I did not manage to do the full round in the allocated time, and I knew I would have to complete it on my own. Later that night I asked myself: How did I arrive at the number 22? There are my siblings, my parents and their siblings and half-siblings, and my grandparents, and also my grandfathers first wife. That makes 22 of them. And I felt such a fullness and such riches and the beginning of a glow on my face. How fortunate we are to be guided in this way by Bert and Sophie! Could I experience deeper or greater worshipping? I give thanks for this. R.W.

Reflection

Birthdays
Our decisive birthday came after nine months of concentrated development in our mother, carried and nourished by her. Then we had to break out of this protective environment, into the womb of another mother, our earth. We saw the light of the world and took our first deep breath. We were born. This birthday was the official beginning of our life. We succeeded in coming into the world with both our mothers and our own ultimate effort. Therefore we celebrate its anniversary every year, as our favorite occasion. When we succeeded in something decisive after a long preparation and the event could finally see the light of the world, we also speak of a birth. These anniversaries are also celebrated, such as the anniversaries of liberation from a yoke, through a victory over an adversary, and the ensuing peace treaty. This is a new beginning for both sides, the victors and the defeated, a time of growth and mutual support. For us, the most momentous event of this kind was the end of WWII, it also marked the beginning of a united Europe.

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These are the external and initially often painful events that give rise to essential new developments. Do we also look at our parents in the same way? Do we look beyond them at those creative powers that were at work before this birth and also in it? At the birth of an new era of peace, do we look at all the dead who paid the price for this birth? Do we also look at ourselves, at what this peace and its maintenance demands of us in terms of personal involvement and growth? Do we receive the result of such a birth as a gift that keeps on doing its work? Where above all do we look on these birthdays? Do we look back, do we count the years? Or are we looking ahead, to the next birth, and helping to bring something new into the world through it, like children of our own, here too, with our utmost effort? So, our birthdays keep on happening, and with them our happiness, a growing happiness.

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