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Marriage and family

Introduction: Marriage is considered to be the oldest of the divinely ordained institutions. Till very recently marriage and family are very closely linked in such a way that marriage originates the family. However with changing times and trends marriage no longer is considered to be the starting of a family. Today we see families without marriage and sometimes we see children attending the marriage of their parents. But for the purpose of this paper we shall consider marriage and family as a unit which are linked together. There are different forms of families in the society and each form of family has their own way of functioning. Marriage: Lesley Brown defines marriage as the legally recognized personal union entered into by man and woman with the intention of living together and having sexual relations, and entailing property and inheritance rights. As far as I perceive there are two ways of looking at marriage one that of the marriage of convenience and the other being the marriage till death do us apart. The former being the trend of modern times and celebrities while the latter can be typically classified as the Christian, Indian or for that matter conservative set-up. However, we cannot generalize it to the core of the west and east. There are different forms of marriage like monogamy, polygamy, polyandry and group marriages etc. marriages can also be classified as endogamous (marriage within the social structure), exogamous (marriage outside the social structure), hyperogamous (marrying a person of higher rank or caste) and homogamous (persons marrying similar persons)
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Family: The word Family is derived from the Latin term familia. Family as an institution is found in all societies. As a social unit it is made up of father, mother and children. Family is always regarded as the basis both of the state and of the society. The family is a place for nurture, care and love. It is a place where individuals are strengthened to face the challenges in society. There are different types of families and structures all around the globe. Patriarchal and matriarchal and patrilineal and matrilineal family types can be
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Lesley Brown eds., The New Shorter Oxford English Dictionary on Historical Principles , Vol. 1(Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1993), 1701 2 J. C. Wynn, Marriage in The Dictionary of Pastoral Care and Counselling, edited by Rodney J Hunter (Bangalore: TPI, 2007), 676. 3 Ibid., 4 Stuart B. Flexner, Family Word Finder: A New Thesaurus of Synonyms and Antonyms in a Dictionary Form. (USA: Readers Digest Association, Far East Ltd.1977), 292. 5 William J. Goode, The Family (New Delhi: Prentice Hall Inc., 1982), 8. 6 W. F. Logthouse, The Family and The State (London: The Epworth Press, 1944), 9. 7 Aruna Gnanadasan, The Family SomePerspective (Madras: All India Council of Christian Women Publication, N.D), iii.

classified under family types. There are also joint and nuclear families which can be chiefly classified under the family structures. Biblical View on Marriage and Family The Old Testament understanding of marriage and family can be summed up in three themes, which are found in the books of Genesis, Proverbs and Hosea, they are as follows 1. Sex is ordained by God for procreation and pleasure. 2. The institutions of marriage and family are ordained by God which can be perceived in terms of the covenantal relationship that exists between YHWH and Israel and 3. Men and women have a set of roles to play in marriage and family life. Gods plan of marriage and its model is monogamous, but, yet we see the practice of polygamy during different periods of the Old Testament.
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The New Testament understanding of Marriage and Family offers different views which can fall under two sections which derive its sources from Pauline writings. The first source being Eph. 5:22-33 which talks explicitly marriage, family life and issues related to it. The second source is Gal. 3:23-29 which talks of radical freedom and equality. As a result of these diverse views there is considerable tension in deciding the standpoint of the New Testament understanding of marriage and family. During His earthly life, Jesus pointed that Gods plan of marriage is between one man and one woman to join together as one flesh and that this union is not to be separated (Matt. 19:6). However, we read in Deut. 24: 1-4 that Jewish community practiced divorce and remarriage. Both the testaments see marriage and family as an institution and a special relationship. As an institution the family regulates sexual mating, progeny, lines of descent, property and inheritance. And as a special relationship it gives individual an identity and character which it expresses for good and ill .
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Richard Bondi, Family, Christian Theology and Ethics of in The Dictionary of Pastoral Care and Counselling, edited by Rodney J Hunter (Bangalore: TPI, 2007), 406. 9 Jack Dominion, Marriage, Faith and Love,(Great Britain: Hazell Watson & Viney Ltd, 1981), 12. 10 Richard Bondi, Family, Christian Theology and Ethics of in The Dictionary of Pastoral Care and Counselling, edited by Rodney J Hunter (Bangalore: TPI, 2007), 406. 11 Jack Dominion, Marriage, Faith and Love,(Great Britain: Hazell Watson & Viney Ltd, 1981), 17. 12 Richard Bondi, Family, Christian Theology and Ethics of in The Dictionary of Pastoral Care and Counselling, edited by Rodney J Hunter (Bangalore: TPI, 2007), 406.

Theological view on Marriage and Family The Christian doctrines understand marriage and family as the fulfillment of Gods plan of creation. Gen. 1:27 testifies to this that we were created as male and female and that too in the image of God. The doctrine of Christian marriage is shaped in such a way that it provides a paradigm for Gods relation to humanity. The analogy in Jer. 31:32 and Isa. 54:5 portray the relationship of God to us as a loving husband to a wife. The synoptic Gospels and Pauline writings present Christ as the Bridegroom of the Church and that the Church is awaiting the groom. Ross T. Bender quotes Paul King Jewett in saying that the belongingness, mutuality, complementation and relatedness of maleness and femaleness that require each other for completion and fulfillment is emphasized in this image.
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Richard Bondi classifies four frameworks for understanding the theological implications of the family and they are Physical (which emphasizes family as ordained institution primarily for sexual intercourse), Social (emphasizes the propagation and rearing of children of the family), Spiritual (emphasizes the covenantal and sacramental character of the family) and the Personal (emphasizes ones experience within institutional forms and the qualitative enrichment of it).
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The analogy drawn in Eph. 5:21-33compares the relationship between wife and husband to the mystical union of Christ with the Church. The essence of this analogy is to point out that marriage and family relationship is to be found in a covenant and that covenant should be both similar to and participates in the covenant between Christ and church, the key elements being love and faithfulness.
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The Roman Catholic Church as well as the Eastern Orthodox Church perceives Marriage as one of the seven Sacraments. Marriage as a Sacrament is understood as a relationship within the context of the Salvific work of God. The Sacrament of marriage is seen as the bond between Christ and the Church and that the partners entering the sacrament establish a partnership with each other and also with Christ for the entirety of their lives, which is characterized by unity, fidelity and indissolubility mirroring Gods love towards the Church.
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J. C. Wynn, Marriage in The Dictionary of Pastoral Care and Counselling, edited by Rodney J Hunter (Bangalore: TPI, 2007), 677. 14 Ross T. Bender, And God Made.Marriage and the Family in Marriage and Family Education in Theological Perspective: Pastoral and Practical Implications (Milan: WCC, 1979), 40. 15 Richard Bondi, Family, Christian Theology and Ethics of in The Dictionary of Pastoral Care and Counselling, edited by Rodney J Hunter (Bangalore: TPI, 2007), 407. 16 Ross T. Bender, And God Made.Marriage and the Family in Marriage and Family Education in Theological Perspective: Pastoral and Practical Implications (Milan: WCC, 1979), 42. 17 J. Miller & S. J. White, Matrimony, Sacrament of in The Dictionary of Pastoral Care and Counselling, edited by Rodney J Hunter (Bangalore: TPI, 2007), 695.

All through the Bible, this covenant is seen as binding for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health which emphasizes that it is a free choice involving an obligatory task that seeks for permanence.
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Psychological View on Marriage and Family The psychological significance of family and its members was first identified by Sigmund Freud and later A. Adler and Carl Jung. On the basis of the free thought association of his patients undergoing psychoanalytical treatment, Freud described the roles of the parents in relation to the child and also of child in relation to the parents during the early stages of its development. In the line of similar observations, Adler discussed the typical behavior tendencies of a number of siblings and objected that Freuds characterization of the family situation in early childhood was merely for children. Next was Jung to develop his concept of archetypes, including innate images of the father and the mother which need not necessarily coincide always with the characteristics of the real father and mother.
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Anne Anastasi in her article entitled Male Vs. Female Attitudes points out that several researches done on the attitudes pertaining to marriage, women are more accurate in estimating what men want in women than men in estimating what women want in men. She goes on to say that these findings reflect the greater social awareness of women. She quotes the researches of Baber, Christensen, Hewitt and Langhorne & Secord in pointing out the psychologies of men and women in terms of their expectation in their spouses. She concludes that men want a partner who is Physically attractive, socially adept, sexually responsive, and a good home maker whereas women do not stress the good looks in man, but want a husband who is industrious, ambitious, has good occupational prospects, is considerate , and conforms to moral and social standards.
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Psychologists studied the specific ways in which the child learns sex roles and sex stereotypes from culture and pointed out that from infancy on boys and girls receive differential treatment from parents, teachers, playmates, and other associates. In many number of ways children are made aware of what is expected of them in speech, manners, play activities, attitudes, interests, and abilities and virtually in all they do, think, and feel. In this case the personalities of the mother and father are major factors in the development of the sex roles and the sex stereotypes. These cultural pressures interact with the biological

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J. C. Wynn, Marriage in The Dictionary of Pastoral Care and Counselling, edited by Rodney J Hunter (Bangalore: TPI, 2007), 677-678. 19 W. Toman, Family in Encyclopedia of Psychology, Vol. 1, ed by H. J. Eysenck, et. Al. (London: Search Press, 1972), 365. 20 Anne Anastasi, Male vs. Female Attitudes in Marriage: A Psychological and Moral Approach , edited by William C. Bier, S.J. (New York: Fordham University Press, 1968), 61-62.

differences between the sexes in the development of attitudes and other psychological traits.
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Robert J. McAllister in his article Role expectations in Marriage writes that a man may consciously adopt or unconsciously imitate his fathers role towards his mother. He says that in each husband there is more of his father than he realizes. He goes on to say that sometimes, his role playing as a husband is an attempt to compensate for the failure of his father in his marital role. Just as a man acquires a certain role expectation for himself from his father, so also he acquires a particular role expectation for his future wife from his mother.
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Marriage and Family Crises Counseling pertaining to husband and wife relational problems is called marriage counseling whereas counseling related to parent-children problems and ones of that of the in-laws is referred to as family counseling. Problems relating to the wife and husband relationship may have two origins; the first is the shattering of the conceptions that each had of the other and the second being the divergent conceptions which are present at the time of marriage or which develops after marriage. P. D. Devanandan and M.M. Thomas add to this by saying that new ideas, new social sanctions and new social structures of the west seem to have direct or indirect influence on the understanding and value system of family and marriage. They view that globalization in the name of economic development is secularizing the Indian family. They also state that advancement in employment opportunities for youth in IT sector with huge pay cheques, deprival of normal social interactions and being distanced from the traditional family patterns also cause marriage crisis. Jack Dominion points out that sexual dissatisfaction, apathy between spouses and psychological adjustments between married, remarried and divorced couple gives rise to crisis in the marriage. In the family crisis i.e., between the parents and the children, the chief concerns can be 1.problem behavior of children, 2.major emotional disturbances and 3.adolescence.
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Anne Anastasi, Male vs. Female Attitudes in Marriage: A Psychological and Moral Approach, edited by William C. Bier, S.J. (New York: Fordham University Press, 1968), 62. 22 Robert J. McAllister, Role expectations in Marriage in Marriage: A Psychological and Moral Approach , edited by William C. Bier, S.J. (New York: Fordham University Press, 1968), 153. 23 Weldon and Joyce Viertel, Marriage and Family Life,(Texas: Carib Baptist Publication, 1978), 141. 24 Ernest W. Burgess, Harvey. J. Locke and Mary Margaret Thomes, The Family: from Institution to Companionship, (New York: American Book Company, 1963), 417-418. 25 P. D. Devanandan and M. M. Thomas, The Changing Patterns of Indian Family, (Bangalore: CISRS, 2007), 20-33. 26 Jack Dominion, Marriage, Faith and Love,(Great Britain: Hazell Watson & Viney Ltd, 1981), 205. 27 Ernest W. Burgess, Harvey. J. Locke and Mary Margaret Thomes, The Family: from Institution to Companionship, (New York: American Book Company, 1963), 418.

Pastoral care Pastoral Care to the family in crisis can be termed as a form of ministry of Christ with a message of reconciliation, by the body of Christ as a community of belief and love, by a ministry which equips the saints for their work of ministry and by an understanding of the family as a human group within a society. Howard J. Clinebell tells us that rolerelationship marriage counseling, family group therapy and Eric Bernes transactional approach to therapy are the three useful tools for helping the disturbed marriage and family relationships. B. J. Prashantham explains that the role of a counselor in counseling the marriage and family conflicts is that of a facilitator and that the partners in relationship should listen to each other. By listening in the marriage counseling, the wife and husband come to know that beneath their accusations was their hurt and beneath it was a longing for intimate and loving relationship. catalyst and limit setter
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In the family counseling set up the counselor becomes the

Marital and family crises usually involve breakdown in communication and this results in hostility and the mutual needs of the wife and husband and the members of the family are unmet. Therefore successful counseling requires reopening lines of communication, catharsis for hostilities and anger, and reconciliation. In this process each individual of the family should be aware of their roles and that they should know what is expected of them. Conclusion Marriage initiates family and family as a social unit plays an important role in nurturing, guiding, sustaining and shaping the children of the family. Therefore it is very important to note that the family conflicts have a direct and indirect effect on the psyche of the child which destines his/her temperamental traits. The husband and wife conflicts should be resolved as quickly as possible to avert developmental crisis which leads to break down of marriage. The religious resources can be used as the source for counseling the marriage and family conflicts.
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Russell J. Becker, Family Pastoral Care, (Philadelphia: Fortress Press, 1965), 13. Howard J. Clinebell, Basic Types of Pastoral Care and counseling, (Nashville: Abington Press, 1966), 100. 30 B. J. Prashantham, Indian Case Studies in Therapeutic Counselling , (Vellore: Christian Counselling Centre, 1978), 72-73. 31 Ibid., 78. 32 Weldon and Joyce Viertel, Marriage and Family Life,(Texas: Carib Baptist Publication, 1978), 151.

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