How to Give Her What She Wants to Keep Her Coming Back for More

By Dr. Alex Benzer

The Tao of Sexual Mastery

TP.BZ Special edited by epic2sk8 (Aeros request)

Chapter 1 The Driving Principles Now that you have been through The Tao of Dating course, you have a much better sense of who you are and what you want. You now how to find desirable women, how to meet them, how to attract them and how to !er!etuate a relationshi! with them. "t is now time to dicuss sexual mastery. Besides being a tremendously worthwhile life s ill in its own right, sexual mastery can also be a great source of your masculine !ower. The best source of confidence is com!etence. #nowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that you can create an extraordinary sensual and sexual ex!erience for a woman gives you the ind of !ower that no one can ta e away. $nce you have it, it is there forever. A wise man once said that when a hungry man as s you for food, you can either give him a fish or teach him how to fish. The former ta es care of his need for a day% the latter ta es care of it for a lifetime. &ost sex guides tal about s!ecific techni'ues, which are nice but more li e giving you a single fish. " have gone through dozens of these boo s and extracted from them their !rinci!les ( the ey ideas behind the techni'ues. $ur focus here will be on these !rinci!les, which have been true for the !ast hundred thousand years and will be true for the next hundred thousand. $nce you now the !rinci!les, you can a!!ly your initiative and significant creativity to them to create your own techni'ues )and maybe write your own boo someday*. To get you started, we tal about at least one techni'ue to illustrate each !rinci!le. The Tension-Release Principle +leasure is the release of certain neurotransmitters. The more of them you release at once, the better it feels. ,o if you create a massive buildu! of neurotransmitters and release them all at once, that can feel really good. Thin of it the way a dam wor s- you let the water build u! behind it, and then when you let the floodgates o!en, whoosh, you get this incredibly !owerful burst of water, much more intense than .ust the tric le of the stream. /ere are two ways of a!!lying this !rinci!leTeasing. &assage the body !arts around the erogenous zones. #iss around the li!s and ni!!les for a while before actually issing them, stimulate the outer vagina with your !enis for a while before entering it. Build tension, then release it ( then re!eat. "f you do nothing at all but do this well, you will succeed in driving her totally wild. 0esting stro es. 1hen stimulating your !artner, alternate stimulating stro es with resting stro es, i.e. lic the clitoris the way she li es it 2 times, then lic around the less sensitive areas for two stro es. The two stro es in the less sensitive neighborhoods will build antici!ation and tension, and raise the !lateau of stimulation when you go bac to tic ling the little sailor. The in!-an!-Persist Principle A lot of guys li e to vary their stro e, do a whole bunch of things in a short s!ace of time, thin ing that they3re !roviding variety or demonstrating versatility. Don3t do that. 4ust thin about when you3re receiving oral sex ( do you li e it best when she3s all over the !lace, giving you this diffuse stimulus, or doing the one thing that feels .ust right5 1omen o!erate the same way. ,o, the !rinci!le- initially, ex!lore the stimulus s!ace a little bit )eg see Al!habet techni'ue in the 6unnilingus !ortion of our discussion*. 1hen you find something that she really li es, ee! on doing it until she sto!s li ing it as much or until she achieves an orgasm or twelve. This begs the 'uestion of how to find out what she really li es7 The ee!"ack Principle Your goal is to ma e your !artner ex!erience ultimate !leasure. You can accom!lish this best by finding out what feels good to her, then continuing to do that )see above*. 1omen do not come e'ui!!ed with a !leasure8o8meter, so you need a reliable way of gauging her res!onse to your stimulus. Two methods6lose observation. Become a connoisseur of female arousal signals. ,ome signs that you3re doing well- heavy breathing% moaning, cooing, sighing sounds% body undulation% holding you

closer or tighter% arching of nec or bac % flailing of arms% flushing of face and body% screaming loudly 9Ta e me now, big boy.: +re8arranged feedbac system. 6ommunication is ey here. " find that verbal communication tends to disru!t the flow, so a non8 verbal alternative is useful. $ne way to do this effectively is by s'ueezing hand signals. ;or exam!le, as you are going down on her, have her hold your hand. As her to s'ueeze harder when something feels !articularly nice% as her to loosen her gri! when something doesn3t feel as good. Alternatively, you can as her to give you a s'ueeze when some stimulus reaches a !redetermined level of arousal )eg 2<=>* ( that way you now you3re headed in the right direction and how far you have to go. ?erbal communication. @ven though most !eo!le don3t use it, it still wor s. "t3s .ust a matter of achieving a comfort level with the idea of tal ing during sex. &ost cou!les find it com!letely natural and an enhancement to the ex!erience once they become comfortable with the idea of tal ing during sex. The Rela# an! Have $n Principle This is not a com!etition. This is not an o!!ortunity to im!ress, dis!lay !rowess, or bring ego into the situation in any form. This is an occasion for fun. Do you ever com!ete with your friends about who can have the most fun5 Bring the same attitude here and chec your ego at the door. Neither of you have anything to !rove beyond the en.oyment of each other3s com!any. And if you3re both there, that3s already ha!!ening, and everybody3s ha!!y. Chapter 2 What Women Want In Be There is one thing that all women have in common- they are all different. "n fact, the same woman will be different de!ending on time of day, wee , month, or year. /owever, there are some large8 scale trends that you can count on. "n his boo /ow to Drive Your 1oman 1ild in Bed, Araham &asterton !rovides the results of his informal survey of B>> American women answering the 'uestion, 91hat do you ex!ect out of a man when he ta es you to bed5: &emorize this. You3ll than me for it=* #issing- &ore im!ortant than anything. #iss her everywhere. #iss her as if she really, really matters. 1omen cannot get enough of this. C* Tal ing- Be 9flattering, romantic, arousing and encouraging.: As always, use the feedbac !rinci!le. D* 6aressing. E* +laying- 9Tender, !assionate love!lay and !lenty of it:. ;ore!lay ", sex ( !rolong it, en.oy it. "deally, do it until she3s so wor ed u! that she starts begging. B* 6limax- No ex!lanation necessary. Note that it is not in the to! E. F* $ral sex- &ore on this in the next cha!ter. G* Aood solid fuc ing- As one of the !articularly reserved characters from the T? show ,ex and the 6ity said, com!laining that her husband was ignoring her sexually, 9,ometimes don3t you .ust wanted to be !ounded hard5: " leave it to you to figure out what that means. 2* Body language- at the very least, now the difference between withdrawal and advance. H* After!lay- iss, touch, tal , caress, iss, !lay, iss, hug, hold. Do N$T !ass out. =>* I&orning glory3- the surveyed called sex in the morning both Iromantic3 and Ireassuring3. Chapter ! "iving #er What She Wants$ The Techni%ues orepla% A lot has been written about fore!lay. $nce again, we3re going to stic to the !rinci!les and learn one good techni'ue. The !rinci!le is ma e your !artner feel safe and comfortable )those two again* such that she can have !ermission to feel aroused. Then you intensify her arousal and do your duty of ma ing her feel li e the Jueen of the Kniverse.The number one fore!lay techni'ue which " use and recommend is massage. "f you already don3t now how, go ta e some lessons, or buy a good boo , or .ust get a good massage and notice what you li e, then do the same for her. &assage accom!lishes all the ey goals of fore!lay- by focusing your attention fully on her and her comfort, you3re ma ing her feel safe, comfortable and loved% you3re delaying your !leasure and attending to hers, setting yourself a!art from all the other drooling brutes% and you3re loosening u! her mind and body, o!ening the floodgates for massive arousal.

Now there is good massage techni'ue and there is great massage techni'ue. The one you are about to learn 'ualifies as !henomenal techni'ue. "t3s derived from Tantra Yoga, and it3s called the #ama &arma techni'ue. "n Tantric tradition, ama marmas are erogenous zones to stimulate the !hysical body and nourish the !sychic body. There are tertiary, secondary and !rimary ama marmas. 1hat you want to do is start by stimulating the secondary zones, then go to the !rimary and finally to the tertiary zones. The effect is that of a tease, release, then su!er8tease of newly activated tertiary erogenous zones. A suggested method is to first touch, then blow, then lic each !art in turn. Do this right and !re!are to be worshi!!ed li e the sex god that you are. /ere is the list of !rimary, secondary and tertiary erotic zones+rimary zones=* Li!s and labia C* Breasts, ni!!les D* Aenitals ,econdary zones=* @arlobes C* Na!e of nec D* ,acrolumbar .unction E* Aluteal fold B* "nside of thighs 88 light stro e F* Bac of nees Tertiary zones=* @dge of !in ie C* +alms of hand 88 circular stro e D* Navel 88 cloc wise stro e E* Anus B* Nostril F* @ar orifice G* ,oles of feet 2* Big toe C$nniling$s Again, we3re going to stic with general guidelines, and leave the s!ecifics for you to discover with each individual !artner )since each one will be different*. =* Do the fore!lay stuff. &a e sure she3s nicely wor ed u! )see arousal signs above*. A woman is ready for you to go down on her when her legs are comfortably relaxed and naturally se!arate with nees somewhat bent. "f there3s any resistance or tension in the legs, go bac to fore!lay, or tal to her. ,ome women may not be comfortable with cunnilingus, so find out about that sooner rather than later. C* Tease. ,tart from the outside margins ( lower leg, outer thigh ( and slowly wor your way in, issing and lic ing lovingly along the way. Ta e your time in getting to the gates of !leasure. D* Delay. Ta e as long as !ossible before getting to the actual clitoris. Touch, iss, lic the outer labia, inner labia, and vagina first before you get to the clitoris. E* @x!lore. ,o now you3re on the love button. ;ind out what she li es ( notice her arousal or withdrawal signals. "f you3re unsure about what she li es, as ( it3s o ay. You3re not a mind8reader, and remember the feedbac !rinci!le from before. ;or some women, the ti! of the clitoris )the glans* is far too sensitive and it3s best to .ust stimulate the shaft or to stimulate it indirectly. The variables you3re dealing with are- s!eed% !ressure% area of contact% surface area of contact )ti! of tongue, flat of tongue, whole mouth*. $nce again, remember feedbac and communication. B* +ersist. $nce you3ve found what she really li es, ee! on doing it. 1hen in doubt, slow is better than fast ( .ust ee! it u! for a long time. +orn movies ma e for terrible instruction videos% a good rule of thumb is to avoid doing whatever you see there. ,!eed u! or increase !ressure only if she gives you signals to do so, e.g. !ushes your head down, !ushes her hi!s u!, or starts moving your head around li e an eggbeater and screams 9faster, Turbo.: F* Be !atient. ,ometimes it ta es a while for a woman to climax li e this, so ee! those tongue and .aw muscles fit. An hour is not unusual, but no worries ( she3s en.oying the ride. "f you have good communication )that word again*, she3ll tell you if something3s not 'uite right. G* Lay off. $nce she has had one )or two* clitoral orgasms, her clitoris tends to get hy!ersensitive, similar to how the !enis behaves after climax. This is when you can go bac to fore!lay, or to start !aying attention to other body !arts, or to start intercourse. But remember ( the show has .ust begun. Another good techni'ue to remember for cunnilingus is the al!habet techni'ue. $ne way to find the tongue stro e that she li es the most is sim!ly to trace around her clitoris the letters of the al!habet and<or numbers. Do this slowly ( =8C seconds !er figure. ,ome guys .ust want to go through the whole damn

al!habet as if it3s a race. This is not necessary. $nce you find the stro e that she li es, .ust ee! on doing it until she tells you to sto!. "f you3ve found the right letter, chances are she won3t. G-spot stim$lation& e#ten!e! m$ltiple orgasms& an! female e'ac$lation This is the ey techni'ue that will se!arate the boys from the men. "t3s safe to say that less than =M of all mean can consistently find and !ro!erly stimulate a woman3s A8 s!ot. "f you3re able to do that, you3re in !retty good sha!e and li ely to be one of the most satisfying )if not the most satisfying* lovers she has ever had. A8s!ot orgasms tend to be felt dee!er and more intensely than clitoral orgasms. They also have the convenient feature of being able to occur consecutively, with no real u!!er limit as to number. "f you do it .ust right, your !artner might even e.aculate. Locating the A8s!ot. The A8s!ot is located =.B8C inches u! on the anterior wall of the vagina, at the =C o3cloc !osition )or somewhere between == and =*. $ne way to describe it is that it3s directly behind the clitoris, .ust behind the !ubic bone. The fact is that its location is somewhat variable in that neighborhood% your best bet is to find it by feel. /ow do you do that5 Normally you can3t really find it. "n a way, finding the A8 s!ot is a bit li e finding an erection- there has to be some arousal in order to find it. Therefore the best time to find it is when the woman is highly aroused ( either right after orgasm, or getting really close to it. Now you !ut your forefinger in ( gently ( hoo it behind the !ubic bone, then bring it forward in a come8 hither motion. 1hen you feel a little mound of s!ongy tissue, between the size of a nic el and a 'uarter, with texture slightly different from the area immediately surrounding it )often a bit smoother*, you3re there. "t3ll feel as if there3s a !ea .ust under the surface of the mucosa. Before you start doing this, it3s very im!ortant that you tal to your !artner about what3s about to ha!!en )communication again*. /ave her !ay a visit to the bathroom first. ,ome of the sensations that she will ex!erience will feel li e she needs to urinate. "f she has that on her mind, she won3t be able to let go com!letely, which is necessary for allowing the A8s!ot orgasm to ha!!en. You should also tell her about what3s about to trans!ire. 6hances are good that she hasn3t ex!erienced something li e this before. The sensations will be weird, novel, maybe even scary to her. Tell her that this is normal ( she should .ust flow with it. "f she says that the stimulation ma es her feel as if she needs to !ee, tell her that3s o ay. "t3s a normal !art of the !rocess, and it3s also !hysiologically im!ossible for her to urinate. 4ust go with the feeling. "f she feels as if she3s floating or falling, that3s all right too ( you3re right there, holding her, reassuring her, ma ing sure she3s !erfectly safe. The ey thing is that she should .ust let go com!letely and flow with the sensation. &ost im!ortantly, if she gets that wanting to !ee sensation, she shouldn3t fight it. ,he should aid it along, and !ush through it. That3s how she3s going to get to the reward at the end. Now=* You want to stimulate the s!ot with your forefinger ( gently at first, then slowly increasing the !ressure. Aet feedbac ( if it feels good, continue. Ta e a minute at least before increasing !ressure each time. The two variables are s!eed and !ressure. ;or some women, a little !ressure is enough. ;or others, you3re !ushing !retty hard ( almost lifting them ( to get the right stimulus. &ore often than not it can ta e hard !ressure. As always, get feedbac . C* 1hen you notice that she is starting to res!ond, insert the middle finger along with the forefinger. Now you can do a cou!le of things-D* ,lide your finger u! and down inside the noo . ,tart above the noo , near the cervix, and slide down to it, then re!eat. E* Alternatively, rub around the noo area in a circular motion ( gently at first, then with increasing !ressure. B* 1hen your !artner is a!!roaching orgasm, it will feel as if her vaginal muscles are !ushing your fingers out. This is the dee! A8 s!ot orgasm we were tal ing about, which involves the dee! musculature of the !elvis. You3re doing great ( hang in there. F* After she3s had one of these orgasms, level off the stimulation a little bit )less s!eed<!ressure* without sto!!ing com!letely. "n a moment she3ll be ready for more stimulation, at which !oint you resume the !rotocol. ,ometimes she3ll want a brea % sometimes she3ll want you to go on. Again- feedbac and communication. G* "f you notice too much leveling off, it may be a good time to go bac to clitoral stimulation. Then at the the a!!ro!riate time you can return to dee! vaginal stimulation. 2* De!ending on the woman, this can go on for a while. Let her have as many orgasms as she can ta e, or continue until you3d rather do something else, li e intercourse. /ave fun with it.

(-spot stim$lation "t3s always good to have a re!ertoire of techni'ues handy, and besides, you may want to try something other than the A8s!ot every once in a while. The A8s!ot is an informal term for the anterior fornix ( a little noo .ust in front of the cervix. ,timulating it can result in orgasm in HBM of women, according to one source. Location. 1here is it5 To find the A8s!ot, you have to go all the way inside. +ut your longest finger in, go u! and all the way to the bac . "t3ll be .ust in front of the cervix, in the little tenting or ballooning of the vagina in that neighborhood. ,timulation. To stimulate it, use techni'ues similar to the ones above. +rimarily find out what feels good to her. During intercourse, most rear8entry !ositions are good for stimulating the A8s!ot on dee! thrusting. You can also stimulate it with a front8 entry !osition with her legs !ushed far bac so you can thrust extra8dee!. 1hich brings us to the next cha!ter7 Chapter & Intercourse Positions There are four basic !ositions. All the other ones are variations on these four themes. @ach !osition has features you should be aware of. /ere they are=* &an on to! C* 1oman on to! D* ,ide8by8side E* 0ear entry 1hat you want to do is now the female anatomy well enough such that you have a sense of what !art of her vagina or external genitalia you3ll be stimulating with each !osition. Aenerally s!ea ingN &an on to! allows for stimulation of clitoris with your !ubic bone. You can stimulate the A8s!ot with dee! thrusting, es!ecially if you bring her legs u! or !ut a !illow under her butt N 1oman on to! is always an excellent choice, because it allows for her to thrust the way it ma es her feel good, stimulating whichever !art she li es best, and for you to have good e.aculatory control, since gravity is draining blood from the !enis. N 0ear entry is excellent for stimulating the A8s!ot% also allows for dee! thrusting and A8 s!ot stimulation. 1ith her on her nees, she also has control of de!th and angle. /ighly stimulating to the male, since introitus is narrowed% less e.aculatory control. N ,ide8by8side is fun to try, and allows for intimate whole8body contact ( ex!eriment with it and see what you li e. Again, now that you have the general !rinci!les, a!!ly them, ex!lore them and use the feedbac !rinci!le to find out what feels good to your !artner. Thr$sting The variations on thrusting are infinite. /ere are some ideas you can !lay withBac 8and8forth thrust. @x!eriment with alternating length and rhythm. Ao D shallow, = dee!, then F shallow, = dee!, then H shallow, = dee!, then start over. The H-= shallow vs dee! rhythm is the one that the classic Taoist sex manuals recommend. The boo ,exual ,ecrets by Douglas and ,linger has more on this to!ic. K!8and8down stro e. "nstead of going bac and forth, !ivot u! and down with the !enis mostly housed where it3s ha!!iest. You3re stimulating her most sensitive !art )clitoris and outer third of vagina* with your least sensitve !art )outer shaft*. This gives you good e.aculatory control. ,tirring. @ither swivel your hi!s or use your hand )it3s allowed* ( find out what she en.oys best. ,low and steady. This is usually better than a .ac hammer rhythm ( again, !orn movies are incredibly bad instructors. Chapter ' Training to Be a Multi()rgasmic Man &ost !eo!le are aware that women are ca!able of having multi!le orgasms, but far fewer seems to now that it3s 'uite !ossible for men to do that as well. The Taoist masters have long nown this and used these techni'ues as !athways to higher consciousness. Three elements go into this- familiarizing yourself with your own sensations, strengthening the !ubococcygeus muscle, and learning to circulate energy. All three will re'uire !ractice. "f you start doing the exercises diligently, you can start having some control in about two wee s% good control in about F wee s% and total control in C8D months. #ee! u! the conditioning. This is li e any other ind of fitness. ;or more information on this, consult the wor s of &anta 6hia.

amiliari)ing %o$rself with sensations 1hat you want to do here is to figure out exactly where your !oint of e.aculatory inevitability is, and 'ualitatively what it feels li e. Then when you get close to it, you can bac off. /ow do you bac off5 Three ways=* 0elax the musculature around the !enis and !elvis. Learn how to do testicle raises so you can relax the muscle that !ulls the testicles u! )cremaster*. C* Do !ush8outs. +ush8outs are similar to bearing down when you3re sitting on the throne. /ave an instant cool8down effect. +ractice them. D* ,to! stimulus altogether and ta e a dee! breath. 1or s li e a charm% needs woman3s coo!eration to wor well. Strengthening the PC m$scle The !ubococcygeus is the hammoc 8li e muscle hanging down low in the !erineum, the area between the scrotum and the anus )referred to as the taint in common !arlance*. ;ound it5 Aood. You can contract it by !retending li e you3re sto!!ing the flow of urine. To strengthen it, you have to wor it out li e any muscle. /ere are some three recommended exercises/olds. Breathe in, and as you do, contract and hold as hard as you can% count to three% release. Aradually increase the count to B, then =>. Do D sets of =>, gradually increasing to D sets of C>. ;lutters. 0a!idly ma e a full contraction, let go of the +6, holding for about a second, then letting go. ,tart with D sets of =>, and build to B sets of C>. ,to!8and8go. ;or the lazy man who doesn3t get around to doing = and C. Any time you3re urinating, com!letely sto! the flow of urine 2 times, then resume. +retend li e you3re sending a message in &orse code. &a e this a habit so you3re doing this all the time. +6 muscle wor outs are com!letely unobtrusive. You can do them at a sto!light, while doing groceries, while folding laundry, while tal ing on the !hone. Circ$lating energ% During sexual activity, energy tends to build u! in the groin area. The buildu! can lead to reduced e.aculatory control. "n addition, the old Taoist masters saw the circulation of this massive amount of energy throughout the body ( es!ecially to the head ( as the ey to achieving higher states of consciousness. ,o they develo!ed techni'ues for this ind of energy circulation along the microcosmic orbit, a loo! of energy starting in the groin, running u! the s!ine, into the head, coming down into the mouth and then down the front channel at the center of your chest, down into your abdomen. The Igate3 connecting the front channel and the bac channel of the microcosmic orbit is the tongue. By touching the ti! of your tongue to the front !alate, you connect the front and bac energy channels and allow the energy to be stored safely in the abdomen. "magine that sexual energy is building u! in your !elvis. Then imagine that your s!ine is a straw, and as you breathe in, contracting the +6 and roc ing your !elvis, you are drawing the energy u! your s!ine and into your head. Notice how your head starts to feel a little light and tingly. Now circulate the energy around your head in a cloc wise s!iral until it feels very, very good. $nce you feel as if your head is getting hotter and more tingly, touch the ti! of your tongue to the roof of your mouth, com!leting the microcosmic orbit which allows the energy to flow down your front channel and be safely stored in your belly. "f you do this right, you can feel your whole body getting very tingly, and you can delay orgasm indefinitely. By the third or fourth consecutive orgasm, you will be having an ex!erience of a very different 'uality and intensity than a conventional e.aculatory orgasm. You may even get a sense of why the Taoist masters thought of this techni'ue as a !athway to higher consciousness. ;or further elaboration on these techni'ues, " highly recommend reading The &ultiorgasmic &an and a!!lying it. "3m barely touching u!on the material in there, which in turn is barely touching u!on the vast literature on Taoist sexual !ractice, energy circulation and transformation. 6onsider this the beginning of your .ourney to sexual mastery. Bi"liograph% Brauer, Alan and Brauer, Donna )=H2D*. @,$- /ow You and Your Lover 6an Aive @ach $ther /ours of @xtended ,exual $rgasm. New Yor - 1arner Boo s. 6hia, &anta and Abrams, Douglas )=HHF*. The &ultiorgasmic &an- /ow any man can ex!erience multi!le orgasms and dramatically enhance his sexual relationshi!s. New Yor /ar!er6ollins.

Douglas, Ni and ,linger, +enny )=HHH*. ,exual ,ecrets- The Alchemy of @cstasy, Twentieth Anniversary @dition. New Yor Destiny Boo s. Aoddard, 4amie and Brungardt, #urt )C>>>*. Lesbian ,ex ,ecrets for &en- 1hat @very &an 1ants to #now About &a ing Love to a 1oman and Never As s. New Yor - +lume Boo s. &asterton, Araham )=H2G*. /ow to Drive Your 1oman 1ild in Bed. New Yor - ,ignet Boo s.