Blabity Blah Blib 1234 Alpha Road Omega, Bravo 21983

Oakley Company 1 Icon Foothill, Ranch CA. 92610 November 13, 2013

To Whom It May Concern:

I have purchased Oakley since I was knee-high to a grasshopper and have always hated the female frames so I find myself buying male frames that never compliment my face but are of great functional quality. So much so, that I have a pair of Oakleys for just about every sport I participate in. Recently in fact the last two years I have been having a loving, overly-protective if not possessive relationship with my Batwolfs. Everyone compliments them, from the cute produce guy at Savemart to the carwash lady with the Grinch-like grin. Heck, even my high-school students think I am a bad-ass with my Bats and although my therapist sees the dark lenses as a socially avoidant maneuver on my part - I love my Batwolfs! When not in use, My Bats rest comfortably on my golfing visor or sleep peacefully on my nightstand after a nice bath and microfiber massage. Everyone has to get the daily gunk off - even my Bats. In the morning, they great me with their sleek frame and splash of purple that screams girl-but-not-too-muchgirl and we are off to another day of blocking that big ball of fire from killing my optical organs! All was swell in our world of sun and style. It was truly the best of times. And then suddenly the worst of times reached out and bitch-slapped me, literally. Recently, I took a Thule bike rack bar to the face (damn Swedish instructions) and damaged the lenses to my Batwolfs. My orbital socket is fine and my eye-balls are as cute as ever and even my frames survived the Thule attack of 2013 but after a long examination by the emergency shades doctor it was determined that I had to pull the plug on the lenses but the frames could serve as a donor to a needy lens waiting on a shelf at the Oakley warehouse. Another lens would truly have a great chance at life! Alas! A silver-lining in such misery and loss.

So, this morning I was on a mission to find some replacement polarized lenses and icons to spice things up since I'm apparently a serial-single chick with impeccable shades-taste. I mean - I cant show up to my own birthday party without some shades, what will peeps think? However; to my abject horror I noticed there are NO green icons on your site! How am I supposed to confidently survive in a zombie apocalypse without Zombie Green Icons!!! Don't you watch, The Walking Dead? Maybe if Andrea had some green Oakley icons that zombie wouldn't have eaten her! Seriously, To Whom It May Concern, you are putting my life in peril by not having zombie green or Walking Dead Icons. Music notes? What the hell! Way to attract the zombies with all of that noise! Are you trying to get me killed? Not having green icons is tantamount to tripping me- the fat chick- when zombies are chasing you- the business exec- so that you can get away. That is full Shane style and you should never ever go full Shane! The Walking Dead is the most watched television show in cable history! Oakley is the most bad-ass manufacture of sunglasses in history yet there are no green icons on your site? No Zombies? No Walking Dead? How is this even possible? I have a pair of Oakley for cycling, a pair reserved for shooting, a pair for golf, a pair for running, a pair reserved for style (my bats) and even a pair to wear when I have migraines, yet I have no pair for a clearly impending zombie apocalypse. I have no green Oakley Icon to put on my Bats. Sure, I see some sets of authentic-green Oakley on Ebay going for post-apocalyptic prices but are they the real deal? Is it a counterfeit, because I dont see them offered on the official site? Not to mention they are four times the amount of the ones listed on your site. I feel like the zombies will not be properly repelled against something made in some counterfeiting back-room in Thailand. This does not motivate me to purchase a new polarized replacement lens. It saddens me, like maybe Ill show up to a zombie fight with a squirt-gun. I feel like I am being left alone to fend for myself in this big scary world, kind of like how Rick just left Carol out in the middle of nowhere to fend off zombies. Why not just bring Carol back to the group? Ill tell you why because she didnt have green Oakley icons, thats why! Please, you must have a green icon or a zombie icon, something! Without it, I will turn into The Walking Dead, alive but truly dead, wandering the earth yearning to be put out of my misery seeking refuge at the base of a tree only to be eaten by a zombie. Please, dont let that happen, dont allow my blood to be on your hands. Get some green icons, the future of humanity depends on it. Sincerely,

Blabbity Blah Blib P.S. If you dont come up with some sort of green icon or Walking Dead icon I will be forced to buy some Wal-Mart shades that look ridiculous, and arent dark enough and my therapist will win. Please dont let my therapist win. She has already taken away my super powers - dont let her take my Bats!