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Brian Lyman Mr. Newman Rhetoric: 101 October 2nd, 2013 FloDesign: An Efficient and Clean Energy Source Wind turbines have been a big part of creating energy ever since the 1920s and have progressed in design and efficiency ever since. With a demanding need for a clean energy source, companies have been scrambling to make the most efficient turbine in the energy industry. Companies compete in the race to create the best product, but many fail due to the difficulties in making these large turbines. In the September 2013 issue of Fast Company, Jon Gertner explains the importance of furthering the wind turbine technology in his article Into the Wind (92), by including in-depth analysis of FloDesign products to explain that these are the products energy companies need to turn to in the future. Gertner utilizes his experience of observing FloDesign engineers and their wind turbines to successfully argue that these products are the future for a clean energy source. After explaining his first glimpse of these products, Gertner establishes his credibility by mentioning that he occasionally meets with FloDesign engineers and keeps track of their progress on new products being designed. First, he starts with a quote from Bill Joy, a partner of FloDesign, who sits on the companys board. Joy states This is real stuff, there is a lot to learn, which describins the difficulty and knowledge required to make a unique wind turbine (95). To further this idea, he explains how he had the opportunity to attend a turbine installation in California with Jantoon Reigersman, a company executive. Gertner states that building this technology is an extensive process which can take up to more than two years. Here he utilizes
Comment [BN4]: Excellent topic sentence. Comment [BN5]: A few issues here: comma before the verb, then a comma should go inside the quotes, then a crazy word youve made up. Comment [BN3]: So with this thesis, youre committing to only arguing that his observations of the engineers and turbines make the case. Comment [BN2]: No need to cite the title. Comment [BN1]: Not the right heading

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his analysis of FloDesign products by explaining the first step in which companies must prove that they have obtained new technology as well as the financial stability to develop and produce a turbine. Next, Gertner expresses FloDesigns plan to compete against top companies in the turbine industry. He explains how FloDesign does not want to follow top manufacturers ways of making large and remote turbines, but instead wants to build smaller and more local turbines. Gertner is providing his audience with this plan to convince them want to adapt to having local turbines instead of coal plants. It is not only about the technology in the turbine industry. Reigersman states It isnt just about making a new wind turbine. Its about changing the way we think about wind (96). Gertner added this to provide an example of the mindset an engineer has when brainstorming for new designs and locations to settle in. Gertner is smart by adding a picture of multiple turbine products and their shapes. In this picture, there are the original three-bladed turbines that range from 100 to 500 feet in the air. He included this height to compare a FloDesign product with the initial turbines arguing that it can produce more electricity than the intimidating blades of a 500 feet tall turbine (94-95). He makes a good choice when he includes this picture because it shows his audience that the larger turbines are generally located in the water and the smaller ones on land. Next, he introduces the inventors, Walter Presz and Michael Werle, and explains their plan and design for the FloDesign product. Gertner provides that fact that these two originally were working on jet engine propulsion. Then he states that the two scientists wanted to use what they know about jet propulsion and focus that into developing a turbine. At this point, Gertner does a great job explaining the main difference between the jet engine shape FloDesign product and the original three-bladed turbine. The two scientists call it a mixer -ejector which was designed to turn a
Comment [BN9]: 500-foot turbine Comment [BN7]: In this paragraph, maybe make more use of page numbers. Theres a lot of paraphrasing, so that needs citations, too. Also, you switch to past tense with added in the last sentence. Comment [BN8]: Maybe a stronger transition to the images. Comment [BN6]: Well, even more so, you include the names of 2 key people that impact what Gertner knows, so its important to reference that, too

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2mph wind into a 4mph wind. Therefore, this new product doubles the amount of wind passing through while still being able to be placed locally. Gertner states that it can produce around 100 kilowatts, enough to power a large building or 30 homes, allowing the FloDesign product to produce more clean energy than leading gas and coal companies. With this statement, Gertner furthers his argument that FloDesign products should become the future for turbine technology. One thought I had while reading this article is that if we are creating turbines to double wind speeds now, with technology increasing at a fast rate, turbines will be able to triple wind energy and we can refrain from depending on coal plants. In order for Gertner to reach his audience more, I believe he should have included insight on the factories where these turbines are produced and the engineers perspective of how difficult or easy building one of FloDesigns turbines is. In my opinion, Gertner did a great job of discussing the matter of size when it comes to turbines.
Comment [BN11]: The conclusion is a step up from the typical restate the thesis concept. I think that if you excluded the beginning of the sentence and began with If we are creating. You chose a difficult issue and wrote about it well. Comment [BN10]: Im not sure the 2 parts you include here blend well enough: you have images and these other scientists talking. Im not sure that all blends together. I really like how youre commenting on the quotes youre including.

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Works Cited Gertner, Jon. "Into the Wind." Fast Company Sept. 2013: 92-109. Print.
Comment [BN12]: The magazine is Fast Company? Also, its Work Cited (since it singular)

Textual Analysis Purpose (20): Successful (A+ thru B): As stated in the Norton, Your goal in analyzing a text is to lead readers through careful examination [considering the rhetorical situation] of the text to some kind of interpretation or reasoned judgment Genre (20): Successful (A+ thru B): Exhibits a strong understanding of academic discourse Contains a thesis that argues for a particular reading of the article Demonstrates insightful evaluation Design/Layout (20): Successful (A+ thru B): Incorporates MLA formatting correctly A Works Cited page is formatted correctly and appears at the end of the essay Audience (20): Successful (A+ thru B): Uses vocabulary appropriate for a college audience Uses grammar and punctuation appropriate for a college freshman Assumes a level of intelligence and sophistication for the audience Offers an intriguing analysis of the article Stance (20): Successful (A+ thru B): Makes an argument for a specific reading of the article Clearly evaluates the success or failure of the article in achieving its purpose Thesis is supported effectively with examples from the text Includes a consistent tone that presents the authors take on the article
Comment [BN14]: 18/20 Comment [BN13]: 19/20

Comment [BN15]: 17/20

Comment [BN16]: 18/20

Comment [BN17]: 18/20 Overall: 90%