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Wa l k Y o u
H Ome?
A rare glimpse (and thus a very rare friend) into the
struggles experienced by caregivers.
Rev. Richard Gilbert
Author of Finding your Way After Your Parent Dies
M ay I
Walk You
H Ome?
Courage and Comfort
for Caregivers of the Very Ill
To my aunt, Jean,
“Imagine” ix
Preface x
Acknowledgments xiii
Introduction 1
About the Stories and Prayers 7
T H E S T O R I E S
Imagine
Imagine
Imagine
Imagine
Imagine
Imagine
ix
P R E FA C E
J OY C E RU P P
x
Preface xi
days” one would often walk a companion to his or her
home. There were walks home from school, from
church, from a dance, or from other social gatherings.
Walking someone home allowed the opportunity to
give protection and guidance to the destined dwelling
place. It also provided an opportunity to reflect on life
and what had just been experienced. Sometimes this
walking was done mostly in silence. Sometimes there
was much talking going on. In any event, the walk
home was one of companionship, trust, and apprecia-
tion of each other.
So it is with Joyce Hutchison in her care and com-
panionship of the dying. While I had heard some of
Joyce’s moving stories on how she has journeyed with
the dying, it wasn’t until I had the privilege of observ-
ing her firsthand at the bedside of patients that I
learned what a gift she is to them. I learned so much
from her just by watching and listening. That is how
the teachings are given in this book, not by anything
formal or didactic but rather by simply getting inside
the stories, being there, listening to Joyce, observing
how she is present with the very ill and with their
families.
Joyce was the one who first suggested that we
write this book together. I readily agreed, knowing
how much I had learned from being with her and
believing that others could also gain insights into the
process of dying through the experiences she was will-
ing to share. I also wanted to help caregivers of the
xii M AY I WA L K Y O U H O M E ?
My husband, Gary, was always so supportive of my
work and never begrudged the long hours when it
took me away from home. He would often tell me
when I came home late that if I helped someone who
was struggling that it was worth the sacrifice to him.
Gary, perhaps you had so much understanding and
compassion because of the journey you were travel-
ing. Even though I had not completed these stories
before you died, I have constantly felt your little
nudge from afar. Thank you, Gary, for your faithful
love and support.
I would never have co-authored this book without
the expertise of Joyce Rupp, who has written many
excellent, inspiring books. She was always there with
her knowledge, supportive friendship, and uncondi-
tional love. Thank you, Joyce, for continually guiding
me on my spiritual journey by your presence in my
life.
To my children Joe, Mike, and Julie, I give thanks
and love for the wonderful human beings that you
have become.
xiii
xiv M AY I WA L K Y O U H O M E ?
J OY C E H U TC H I S O N
1
2 M AY I WA L K Y O U H O M E ?
Lo v e d O n e s
While “loved one” is used in the prayers to refer to the
one who is ill, we realize that many times we may
have relational difficulties with spouses, parents, and
others for whom we are caring. Some readers may not
have a loving relationship with the one with whom
they walk. Also, some readers may have a profession-
al rather than a personal relationship to the one who
is ill.
Therefore, we suggest that “loved one” be replaced
with another word that is more fitting when the situa-
tion calls for it. “Dad, Mother, patient, sister”, etc.,
could be substituted. Use whatever word will help the
prayers to be relevant and helpful for you.
Caregivers
Who are caregivers? As we wrote this book we thought
of all those who accompany someone who is ill. Some
central caregivers are spouses, parents, daughters,
7
8 M AY I WA L K Y O U H O M E ?
What Is Hospice?
The word hospice means “lodging for travelers.” Those
who are dying are traveling a special journey and hos-
pice care provides these “travelers” with companion-
ship and loving care for the final journey of life.
Hospice is for anyone who has a medical diagnosis in
About the Stories and Prayers 9
G iving
Permission
to Die
13
14 M AY I WA L K Y O U H O M E ?
C A R E G I V E R ’ S R E F L E C T I O N
Meditation
Pr a y e r
Tender and consoling God,
your love is like a nurturing mother.
You know what it is like
to love with a full heart.
You understand how hard it is
for me to let go.
Assure me that the love
I have for my loved one
will live on in my heart.
My “letting go” will not diminish
our relationship.
Please help me give my loved one
permission to die.
Grant that I can find the words
to say what needs to be said.
May I have the courage to do this.
Bless our time together.
18 M AY I WA L K Y O U H O M E ?
Fo r To d a y