Basic Human Needs

It's high time we deal with this topic since our needs factor into: our everyday lives, how we relate to each other, and our individual behavior. First, i'll list out what i consider 'basic human needs' and why then later going into lesser needs but still significant. Attention: We all need attention. We seem to crave it. It can be sexual, one to one, many to one, platonic, or any combination. A psychology professor at !ichigan "tate once said #Attention is the most powerful human need. When we attend to someone, we're charging their batteries. When they attend to us, they charge ours.# It's an interesting way of loo$ing at attention. %ut it ignores all the nuances of attention and how our moods color perceptions of attention. Attention can be aggressive, coercive, domineering, sub&ugating, or any number of less negative characteristics. 'here are subtleties of attention which can actually dominate the interaction. For instance, if two people are flirting with each other via body language or facial cues, but are overtly concentrating on other interactions, the flirting may be actually 'hidden from view' by both participants at a conscious level. 'hey may be, and li$ely are, flirting with each other subconsciously and largely pretending to be platonic. 'his points to the duplicitous nature of modern relationships where we try to satisfy our basic needs via socially approved interactions but find we must satisfy them in more 'natural' channels established tens of thousands of years ago. (ess theoretically, we need to flirt )a $ind of sexual attention*, we do it with friends and people we 'have no business' flirting with but we do it anyways because we need to. 'eenage girls seem to flirt naturally, automatically, and indiscriminately. In my understanding, they're not pursuing sex )as many men might mis read their signals* they're pursuing attention plain and simple.

+alidation: 'he next most powerful human need is validation: we need approval. !any times, the need for attention is intertwined with this need. Imagine a boot camp of !arine cadets. ,o matter how domineering and aggressive the drill sergeant is, the inductees still need his attention. If he ignores them, it's a $ind of punishment. 'he same goes for approval-validation. Withholding approval - validation is a $ind of punishment. .hildren need a (ot of attention and validation. %oot camp is a $ind of 'return to childhood' for men. /hysically and mentally they're mature but the !arines needs to remold them into obedient loyal 'fighting machines'. 'hey do this through careful application of attention and validation attitudes very selectively reinforcing 'desirable behavior' and

and punishing-ignoring the rest. "ociali0ation of human individuals follows a very

similar pattern. We need validation almost as much as we need attention. We need to be told when we're doing well &ust as much as we need the attention that allows that interaction. "o together, attention and validation are Extremely powerful needs-forces in our society. 'ogether, they mold and define social behavior of individuals and our interactions.

Intimacy: I saved the most important basic human need for last because we typically confuse it with sex. %oth men and women confuse our need for intimacy with sex. !en believe their sex drive is the most powerful thing in their lives. 1rowing up male has shown me this. Fighting this drive is pointless not because it's natural )which it is* but mainly because it's rooted in our deeper need for intimacy. We deeply viscerally need to be close to other human beings. It seems to be our primary need as human beings. !arriage, sibling, and parent child relationships are the most powerful relationships on the planet. Why2 %ecause of their level of intimacy. We are closest to our mates, siblings, children, and parents because we've let them into our hearts. Imagine your heart li$e a big hotel with many rooms. 3ur parents, our children, our brothers and sisters all have permanent rooms in that hotel. And if we're luc$y enough to have married our soul mates, then they have permanent rooms as well .. Why are people so passionate ma$ing love2 Why does it seem so desperate and visceral2 "ome need for approval and attention is li$ely in 'the mix' but largely it is our desperate need for intimacy which drives the sex act. We need intimacy li$e we need air, water, and space to live. 'he more we pretend we don't need it, the more it forces us to respect and ac$nowledge it. 'he human need for intimacy is here to stay how we deal with it and how we attempt to satisfy it is for future generations to establish. 3thers that are important but not critical to our day to day survival: "elf expression: As i write, I4m acutely aware of our need for self expression. !y late father was an artist and writer5 he also had an acute need for self expression. We need to express our opinion, creativity, individuality, uni6ueness, all of our self characteristics. Watching women express

themselves on blogtv, I4m forced to recogni0e not all activity there is a 'attention fest'. "ome legitimate self expression exists there &ust as a musician needs to perform their uni6ue talent. A fellow blogtver, li$ely with far more experience than me, labelled one woman an 'attention whore'. It was funny and seemed appropriate though there is another li$ely scenario: perhaps she re&ected his advances and so he needed to label and dismiss her as 'slutty' )because she did not put out to him in particular*. As i've written before, i feel we must be careful with labels and how we use them because many times we employ them as defence mechanisms. I could easily label all women on blogtv as 'attention whores' but that's unfair. We all need attention. It's a primary human need. 7ow we deal with that need ma$es us appear: slea0y, needy, wea$,.. i will address this later.

,eed to understand: 'here's an excellent video about a new experiment at Fermilab. 'he 89( is: http:--www.youtube.com-watch2v:;Auxy0<=o'A 7uman beings seem to have an insatiable curiosity a desire to understand nature - our

environment. 3f all our needs, i feel this need in particular is most admirable. 3f course, our need for attention, validation, and intimacy can be expressed-accepted as love but this will be addressed later. 3ur need to understand is the root behind all science as curiosity is the source of all exploration. i don't happen to agree with the purpose of the new experiment at Fermilab but we won't $now for sure unless we actually >o the experiment. >o we live in a holographic universe or perhaps a simpler 'classical universe'2 We won't $now unless we perform the experiment. We wouldn't have even designed - thought of the experiment without our collective need to understand. "o than$ 1od for that? 'he whole point of listing out - itemi0ing our basic human needs is to address how we might go about satisfying them. 'o me, it's $ind of pointless otherwise .. 7ow do we satisfy our need for intimacy2 "exually2 9ough and tumble sex2 >eep sharing friendship2 Anonymously online2 We can find intimacy in the 'oddest' places .. 'he confessional at church, on the toilet, playing with our pets, at the pool,.. !y point of writing this article is one: first be honest with ourselves our ravenous need for intimacy it's normal, natural, and fully human. 'wo: be aware of how we

satisfy that need. We may do it in 'socially acceptable' ways or not. What is socially acceptable is not necessarily 'right' or 'wrong'. What is socially acceptable in one country-location may not be in another. Further, what's socially acceptable at one time in history )of a country-location* changes over time. )'han$ 1od for true progress.* @@ "o we need to be fully aware and respect intimacy as a valid enduring healthy human need. 7ow we attempt to satisfy that need is addressed next. We may see$ intimacy in self destructive modes-ways. 'hese are avoidable and controllable. We may thin$ we li$e sadism because 'we en&oy pain' but this is )an example of* mental acrobatics we perform to pretend security and 'wisdom' when it truly is self deception. ,o one actually en&oys pain or self destruction. We have the illusion of temporary endorphins but these are the same produced when seeing a long lost friend. If we associate bliss with pain, it's the same $ind of sic$ness - mental illness a person performs when they torture an animal. In this case i'm not calling it ab normal5 i'm calling it Wrong. 'orture an animal : self inflicted pain : both wrong. "o we repeatedly get into abusive relationships because we 'don't deserve better'2 'hat's &ust as sic$ wrong. As you can surmise, i spea$ from personal experiences .. It's a difficult trap to brea$ out of because so many of our needs listed above are satisfied even in an abusive relationship. If a teen age girl starts 'wal$ing the streets' )hoo$ing* because she 'needs the money' and attention, can we blame her or her customers2 3r do we blame society for pushing her into that situation2 'his is &ust a guess but i contend everyone is to blame: her parents, herself, her customers, and society in general. If we throw a few guys in &ail for statutory rape, that does not

solve the real problem. First, we must acknowledge our desperate need for intimacy, validation, and attention. And figure out socially acceptable ways to satisfy those needs. 'hen when those mechanisms fail, then we start putting people in prison but only then. We must do the groundwor$ of laying the foundation, in our society, of satisfying basic human needs first and foremost. /riests sexually abusing boys, teachers having sex with their students, step fathers raping their step daughters,.. Aou hear stories li$e these almost daily. It's not perverse men committing these crimes. It's society committing them indirectly by not directly addressing our basic human needs .. /ush it off onto family or mate2 "ome men in their BCs have not even had a girlfriend. Is it a problem of attractiveness2 3r 'playing the game'2 3r again perhaps our general neglect of basic human needs2 If our society )all societies around the world* truly focused on satisfying basic human needs for all individuals, we'd have much less: sexual abuse, illicit sex, rape, and i argue even substance abuse because even those are many times attempts to fill holes in our lives .. 'he same holes left from not getting our basic human needs satisfied. (et me get real explicit because this is all $ind of meaningless unless i do .. As hinted above, i'm in an abusive relationship. "ome years ago, i was repeatedly beaten physically to the point of losing my hearing in my left ear .. For many different reasons, i endured it: stoicism, 'true love', proof to myself i was patient,.. 'he list goes on and on ad nauseum. %ut it's all really rationali0ation. When i get tired of that, i drin$ beer. It helps me forget. It helps me pretend, if only for a short moment, i'm worthy of true love. i try my best not to provo$e her. i try my best not to give bac$ to her or others her: indifference, coldness, apathy, sarcasm, and pure hate .. 3ver the years, the physical abuse transformed into emotional and verbal abuse. @@ And we live in a $ind of 'stalemate' )no one wins5 no one loses* but we both are losing in actuality. We have a son together and he's the only reason i endure her shit presently .. /lease get this straight: I4m not as$ing for pity, sympathy, or even compassion. All I4m as$ing for at this point is understanding what $inds of mental and emotional gymnastics we all perform on a daily basis to '$eep the ship floating'. @@ We All would be better off: recogni0ing what our basic human needs are and then trying to find reasonable ways to satisfy them. .. i met a few very interesting individuals on blogtv recently .. %ut fre6uently the girls are in denial about why they're even there .. 'hey cannot even seem to recogni0e what needs they're attempting to satisfy by going there .. It's sad .. We're all human, we all have basic needs which i've tried to identify above,.. And we all have our own uni6ue ways to attempt to satisfy those needs .. 7opefully society will progress in: honesty, ac$nowledgement, respect, and mutual satisfaction of those needs .. i will try my best to live with integrity and respect of our needs and elevating interactions )those activities which raise our collective awareness and 'right to survive'*. .. For we must earn that right. 'hat much is clear.

.ontinue reading at ,ow/ublic.com: basic human needs D ,ow/ublic ,ews .overage http:--www.nowpublic.com-health-basic human needsEix00;&xFGsHFs