Geldard y Geldard, 2008, Cap. 13

Copyright 2008. Charles C Thomas. All rights reserved.
. May not be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher, except fair uses permitted under U.S. or applicable copyright law.
EBSCO Publishing : eBook Academic Collection (EBSCOhost) - printed on 3/3/2013 9:24 AM via UNIVERSIDAD DE LAS AMERICAS - MEXICO AN: 446174 ; Geldard, Kathryn, Geldard, David.; Personal Counseling Skills : An Integrative Approach Account: s6718345
Copyright 2008. Charles C Thomas. All rights reserved. May not be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher, except fair uses permitted under U.S. or applicable copyright law.
Chapter 13 CONFRONTATION
hat do you feel emotionally when you decide to confront someone? Many people feel apprehensive and worry about the outcome of confrontation. What is it like for you when someone confronts you? Is it sometimes threatening? It may be. Generally, when we use the word confrontation we think in terms of opposing parties and of people disagreeing as they confront each other. In such a situation the person being confronted is likely to feel threatened and may become defensive, while the person doing the confronting is likely to feel anxiety.
Confrontation in Counseling Confrontation as a counseling skill is different from the generally perceived view of confrontation. The microskill of confrontation involves raising the awareness of clients by presenting to them information that in some way they are overlooking or failing to identify. Correct use of this skill involves bringing into a clients awareness, in an acceptable way, information that the client may consider to be unpalatable and which is either being avoided or just not being noticed. How do you help a child to swallow medicine which doesnt taste nice? You can either force it down the childs throat, or use a more gentle persuasive approach. The problem with trying to force the medicine down is that the child may well vomit it up and your relationship with the young person will not be improved. Respecting the childs feelings is likely to have a more positive outcome than ignoring them.
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Personal Counseling Skills
Similarly, clients deserve a high degree of respect, and they usually dont like being told painful truths. Metaphorically speaking, the art of good confrontation is to help the client to swallow bad medicine voluntarily, so that they can incorporate it into their bodily system and digest it. Confrontation is clearly a difficult skill to master and should not be attempted until the skills previously described in this book have become a natural part of your counseling style. The skills you have learned already, together with the skills described in Chapters 15 to 21, are often sufficient in themselves, making confrontation unnecessary. Additionally, it is important to avoid using confrontation until a trusting relationship has been established with the client, as otherwise the client is likely to feel threatened and may withdraw from the counseling process without receiving the help they need.
INAPPROPRIATE CONFRONTATION IS LIKELY TO DAMAGE THE COUNSELING RELATIONSHIP.
Self-Examination Before Confrontation Before using confrontation look within yourself to examine your feelings, motives and goals. Ask yourself, Do I want to confront because I am impatient and not prepared to allow the client to move at their own pace; do I want to confront because I enjoy confrontation; am I wanting to use confrontation to put my own values onto the client; or am I feeling angry with the client and wanting to express my anger through confrontation? If the answer to any of these questions is Yes, then confrontation is inappropriate. Satisfying the counselors own needs is no justification for confrontation. Confrontation is most appropriately used after the use of other microskills has failed to sufficiently increase the clients awareness. When to Confront There are a number of situations in which confrontation is appropriate. For example, confrontation is appropriate where:
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1. the client is avoiding a basic issue that appears to be troubling them; 2. the client is failing to recognize their own self-destructive or selfdefeating behavior; 3. the client is failing to recognize possible serious consequences of their behavior; 4. the client is making self-contradictory statements; 5. the client is excessively and inappropriately locked into talking about the past or the future and is unable to focus on the present; 6. the client is going around in circles by repeating the same story over and over; 7. the clients nonverbal behavior does not match their verbal behavior; or 8. attention needs to be given to what is going on in the relationship between the client and counselor, for example, where dependency is occurring, or where a client withdraws or shows anger or some other emotion towards the counselor.
GOOD CONFRONTATION IS RESPECTFUL.
In situations such as these, the counselor may decide to confront the client by sharing with the client what they feel, notice or observe. Good confrontation usually includes elements of some or all of the following: 1. a reflection or brief summary of what the client has said, so that the client feels heard and understood; 2. a statement of the counselors present feelings; 3. a concrete statement of what the counselor has noticed or observed, given without interpretation. In addition to the above, good confrontation is presented in such a way that the client can feel O.K. rather than attacked or put down. These points are best explained by means of examples.
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Examples to Illustrate the Use of Confrontation EXAMPLE 1 The client had been referring obliquely to her concerns about her sexuality. She mentioned the sexual problem briefly several times and then immediately deflected away from it by talking about seemingly irrelevant trivia. Counselor Confrontation: Im puzzled because Ive noticed that several times youve briefly mentioned your sexual problem, and then have started talking about something quite different. Notice how the counselor first expressed her feelings by saying, Im puzzled, and then gave a concrete statement of what she had noticed occurring. This response is minimally threatening as it merely feeds back to the client what the counselor has observed, without judgment. EXAMPLE 2 An angry separated husband who had been denied custody of his children was threatening to burn down the matrimonial home when his wife and children were out. Even though he had been asked about possible consequences he failed to recognize the serious consequences of his threat. The counselor had reflected back the clients anger and attitude towards his wife. This had reduced the clients anger level but he still felt excessively vindictive and admitted to this. Counselor Confrontation: You are so furious with your wife that you want to hurt her by destroying the family home. Im very concerned when I hear you threatening to do this because you would hurt your wife, your children and yourself. Clearly, if you were to burn down the house your children would lose their home and possessions, and you might end up in jail. Notice how the counselor first reflected back the feelings and content of the clients message, followed this by a statement of his own feelings, and completed the confrontation by giving a factual state-
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ment of likely consequences. This latter statement was not a statement of the counselors opinion, but was an accurate statement of the likely consequences. There is also an ethical issue here. Where people or property could be injured or damaged the counselor has a clear responsibility to take action to prevent this from occurring (see Chapter 25). You may wish to discuss the issue of confidentiality in a situation such as this with your training group or supervisor. EXAMPLE 3 The client had come to the counselor as a result of a crisis in her current relationship with a longstanding close friend. The counselor helped her to explore past events at length, as she chose to do that. It seemed to the counselor that nothing further would be achieved by continuing to focus on the past. However, although the client said that she wanted to talk about her present crisis, she continually recounted past events. Counselor Confrontation: I am puzzled. My impression is that you want to resolve your present crisis and yet you continually talk about past events. Unfortunately, the past cant be changed but what you can change is what is happening in the present. The response started with a statement of the counselors feelings Im puzzledfollowed by a reflection of the clients desire to talk about her present crisis, and then a concrete statement of what the counselor had observed: You continually talk about past events. In this example the counselor adds another factual statement which might be useful for the client: Unfortunately the past cant be changed, but what you can change is what is happening in the present. Remember that it is appropriate for clients to deal with past events in a constructive way where those events are significantly influencing present thoughts and feelings. However, the suggested confrontation would be appropriate where a client was inappropriately and excessively using past history to avoid facing present problems.
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EXAMPLE 4 Here is an example of a counselor response that addresses repetitive behavior by a client, who kept repeating herself by going over and over the same ground. Counselor Confrontation: Ive noticed that we seem to be going round in circles, so Ill summarize what weve talked about . . . (the end of this statement is a summary). This example demonstrates how the client was confronted with her repetitive behavior. The counselor first told the client what she had noticed happening, and then gave a summary. By confronting in this way, a counselor can increase the clients awareness of what is happening. With increased awareness the client may be able to move out of the rut in which she is stuck. However, sometimes, even after confrontation, the client will persist in going around the track again and repeating the same details. It is here that stronger confrontation is needed and the counselor might say, Im starting to feel frustrated, because once again we are going around the same track. EXAMPLE 5 The client said, I feel really happy in my marriage, using a very depressed tone of voice and slumping down in her chair as she spoke. Counselor Confrontation: I noticed that your voice sounded very flat and you slumped down in your chair when you said that you felt really happy in your marriage. Here the counselor confronted by reflecting back what he observed without putting an interpretation on his observation. The client was then free to make her own interpretation of the feedback given. In summary, confrontation increases the clients awareness by providing the client with information which the client may have been unaware of. Confrontation is best done caringly, sparingly and skillfully!
Confrontation LEARNING SUMMARY
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Confrontation involves bringing into the clients awareness information which: - may be unpalatable to the client; or - may have been ignored or missed and needs to be considered by the client if the counseling is to be optimally helpful. Good confrontation often includes a summary, followed by a statement of the counselors feelings and a concrete statement given without interpretation. Good confrontation leaves the client feeling OK and not attacked. Practice Examples: Practice examples to help when learning to use appropriate confrontation are provided in Part VI.

Geldard y Geldard, 2008, Cap. 13

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Geldard y Geldard, 2008, Cap. 13

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Copyright 2008. Charles C Thomas. All rights reserved.

Personal Counseling Skills

INAPPROPRIATE CONFRONTATION IS LIKELY TO DAMAGE THE COUNSELING RELATIONSHIP.

GOOD CONFRONTATION IS RESPECTFUL.

Personal Counseling Skills

Personal Counseling Skills

Confrontation LEARNING SUMMARY

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