Kindergarten Cop Excuse me. Shithead. You shouldn't be here. I know. Ask for at least $ okay?

I'll get as much as I can. You hide. is wife took his kid and a cou!le of million... and we won't get a thousand. Shut u! and stay hidden. I told him I was coming alone. ey" #r. $ris!.

good care of you. (kay. +hat sounds fair. I was doing a deli&ery for $orky last week out of state... All right. and I ran into your ex. ow'd she look? She looked great" #r. $ris!. Yeah. She changed her hair and stuff... but she looked like a million dollars. In fact" she looked like about $million. *id she see you? *id you tell anyone else this? ,o. ,o way. ey" I'm not stu!id" #r. $ris!. You're not? *anny. *anny- ,o*anny,o. I was changing a tire... and suddenly" there she was across the street... taking her kid into this school. #y boy? *anny.et u!*on't you die on meAt the school where I saw them... Astoria Elementary School. +hat's... It's in Astoria" (regon.

ow's it going? You said you had information about my family. Yeah" yeah" I do. %ell" let's ha&e it. %ell" it's going to cost you. 'ike $? 'ooked great. (kay" that's ob&iously not my final offer. would be fine. I mean" more than fine. It snows in winter there. )ust tell me what you ha&e" *anny... and I'll take *anny... e looked &ery healthy. It's a real nice" healthy !lace where they're li&ing.

I didn't kill him. I didn't kill him. %as it $ris!? I don't know. I didn't see anything. %hat are you doing? ey" hey" heySto! it- *on't do that*on't go anywhere.

where are they? /

'et me goI know what I'm doing. ,o- 'et me off of himE&erything is under control. I don't like what you'&e done. I really don't like it. $ris!" you're under arrest. It feels terrible" and it looks dreadful. I'm trying my best. #aybe your best isn't good enough. I'm back. +hey're u!. (h" great. %ell" that was fast. It was easy. I ha&e some great" exciting" wonderful news" #other. (h" you always exaggerate" $ullen. E&erything is always great" terrific. So" what's so great? I 0ust found out where they're hiding. Are you serious? You really know where he is? #anicure" #r. $ris!? +his man is under arrest. (h" how could I say no to you? +ell me. %hat's ha!!ened? )ust let me handle this myself" #other. I'm checking. You can't 0ust walk in here *ro! the gun*ro! the guney" I'm a !olice officer. +his is an arrest. +his man's cra3y. 'ook at him. e'll kill me. You're 0ust going to stand there? 4ree3eI'm a co!I'm *etecti&e )ohn 2imble. %hen will you lea&e me alone? 1ut your hands on your head It's all right. I'm a !olice officer.

I ha&e witnesses. I ha&e a witness" too. It's murder one this time. ,ow you're mine. +he bastard handcuffed me to a dead manA dead manand get u!$ome on. Sit down. 2imble" not again,ow" did *anny e&er say Your handswhat $ris!'s wife looked like? ,o. *id he e&er say what name she was using in (regon? e didn't say anything. 'ook" I 0ust want to go home. After the lineu!" I'll dri&e you home. I'll e&en buy you dinner. I'll e&en cook you dinner. I'm not doing any lineu!... and there ain't 0ack shit you can do about itI'&e been after $ris! for four years... and she's letting my key witness walk away? 2imble" sit downand !ut a gun in my face. Sit down. I'm trying to get a manicure. 5 Sit. 6

5 Sit. ,ow listen to me. e killed your boyfriend.

2imble" hold on a second. '... *ifficult man. .ot to get to know him. (h" I can't wait.

ShitI'm the !arty5!oo!er. i" $indy. *o you mind if I sit down?

All you ha&e to do is !oint your finger... and we can !ut him away foryears. e wasn't my boyfriend. I hardly knew the guy. I know you're in there. I know what you want" but you ain't getting it. ,o lineu!" no testimony.

ey" baby. ,o. %hat you mean" 7 ey" baby7? Sit down" man. 8*9nde &as? Shit(h" excuse me. I forgot to introduce myself. #y name is )ohn 2imble... and I lo&e my car. $indy" I don't like you using foul language... not a classy girl like you. *on't you ha&e anything better to do? You don't understand. Shit. %ho does he think he is? e's lucky I didn't kick his ass. (!en u!. You can't come in. +hank you. %hat the fuck? All right... days" nights" weekends" holidays. ,o. ,o" you can't. Yes" I can. I'm going to hang out with you : I ha&e nothing else to do... and I ha&e nowhere else to go. %hy are you staring at me like that? I like you" $indy. I'm going to be around you a lot... (h" it's so nice to see you again. %hat are you doing here" you asshole?

So sho&e your handcuffs u! your ass,ow let me out of here-

I'll kee! an eye on it for you. You got a beautiful ride.

Slow down(!en it and let me out(' ara" meet 2imble. 2imble's been on this a long time. i. 'et me take care of $indy. She'll make $ris!. I guarantee it. %hat are you going to do... !arty's o&er. handcuff her to your car E&eryone go home. and take her for a ride? ,ext time" my !lace. I'm not going to offer to cook her dinner. So who are you" man?

and distributors... until the end of time. and I'll tell the 0udge All right" mo&e it in. 'et's go. Ste! onto the numbers. 4ace front. E&erybody" hands to your side. +hat's the cree!. %ho? ,umber fi&e. +hat's him. .ood. ;ery good. #r. $ris!" you will be remanded into custody until your trial. <ailiff" remo&e the !risoner. Shh. *on't say anything. )ust take it easy. I'll take care of it. +rust me. You know what to do? I'll be out in a week... I'm your mother" aren't I? #ind if I talk to my friend a little bit? I'm not talking to anybody without my lawyer. e's right in here. You gi&e me the names of your drug su!!liers %ithout me" you wouldn't e&en ha&e a life. #y old lady left and you'll still be eating take5out food in that dum! you li&e in. Yeah" I know all about you" 2imble. and what has it gotten you" hmm? ,othing. I bet she would make a much better witness. 2imble" you'&e wasted years chasing after me... on the testimony of that 0unkie? You could be right. <ut what about your wife? You remember her? All that hard5earned drug money she stole from you? ow much was it... $million? what a nice" coo!erati&e killer you are. You think the 0ury's going to con&ict me

'cause of the money. Yours left because she 0ust couldn't stand the sight of you. I'&e ne&er seen anyone so little eat so much. Yeah" I know. I'm hy!oglycemic. If I don't eat regularly... I get a little nuts. So... where you from? Austria. ow long you been a co!? I been a co! foryears. #y father was a co!... my brother was a co!... my mother was a co!'s wife. And I ha&e no hobbies. You two are booked on the first flight to 1ortland tomorrow. 'ocate $ris!'s wife and offer her immunity in exchange for her testimony against him. ,o offense to (' allahan... but this is my case" and I work alone. e works alone. ,ot anymore. She's going in underco&er =

as a substitute kindergarten teacher. ,ot exactly a 0ob for you. I used to be a teacher. %e'll be fine. %hat do I do? She locates the kid...

+hat's heryears later. It's a great shot of an ear. You get in touch with her !arents? +hey're both dead.

I want to read it" too. Sto! it. 1lease? 'et me take a look. ey" come here.

+he only relati&e she's got left is the kid. ey.

If you don't sto! screwing around back there... this is what I'll do with you. (hh.

you find the mother and the cash... and $ris! s!ends his life making license !lates. <on &oyage. (h" and" 2imble" the name's (' ara. (2. ere's the wife at .

(kay. +his is the only !icture we ha&e of him. $ullen )r." aged months.

%hat's the matter? +hat hel!s much. I don't know. It's the best I could do. I 0ust don't feel so good. <reakfast" sir? #a'am? You hungry? 1lease. >eal name's >achel #yatt. ,o. ,o" no. She's from annibal" #issouri" class of '. $heerleader" first &iolin in the school orchestra... ca!tain of the girls' softball team. er ambition was 7+o tra&el... ex!erience life... and meet interesting !eo!le.7 'ike $ris!. (kay. A long time. >elax. *on't let him get to you. 1eo!le won't ex!ect us to talk much to each other. Excuse me. (h" I hate feeling like this. ? before we ha&e to !retend we're married. %hat do you want to know? ow long ha&e we been married? #aybe we should take a wild stab at getting to know each other #aybe it was the burrito. (r it could'&e been the sausages. I don't think it was the crab salad. It couldn't ha&e been the doughnuts. Is your wife okay" sir? $om!ared to what? +hat's a first. 'isten" I was 0ust thinking. I got to get out of here right now. .et those tree stum!s out of my way before I &omit all o&er them.

when he was. I hate it" too. @h5oh. @h5oh what? @h5oh... !ull o&er. ,ow? Yeah. 1lease hurry. +he key.i&e me the key+his is my ferret. *o you need a hand? You okay? I'm fine. I'll be fine. $lass starts atA in the morning. I'll be fine. e sends me an obstacle. You look much better already. ere. (h. 2indergarten"5year5olds. (h" .od. +hat's why I Buit teaching" you know. I got so sick of other !eo!le's kids. I was afraid that I'd ne&er want to ha&e any of my own. I 0ust got... I ha&e a son. (h" .od. e's . ow do I look? I remember *on't worry. I'm going to make it. I 0ust need a minute. I'll be ready in 0ust a minute. +his is all I need... an obstacle. A goddamn obstacle. e doesn't bite. *on't worry. $ome on. $ome on out. e li&es with his mother and ste!father. Aah%hat's the matter? %hat... is... that? (h" excuse me. I forgot to tell you.

+ake off the gun. +hat's a good idea. +he little bastards are going to eat you ali&e. .et some rest" and don't worry. I'&e been working underco&er for a long time. +hey're5year5olds. ow much trouble can they be? (n second thought... take the gun. #atthew... I sent you to the !rinci!al's office because you !unched )enny. I know. She !oisoned your hamsters. She told me all about it... and she's &ery sorry. And I'm sorry that I didn't belie&e you. 5 <ut you shouldn't !unch !eo!le. 5 <ut she... #r. 2imble" #iss Schlowski will see you now. 'et's go back to class. $an I hel! you? I'm )ohn 2imble" your new kindergarten teacher. C

+hey're not in danger. %e were ex!ecting a #iss (' ara. +here's been a change of !lan. 4our weeks into the new semester... my su!erintendent told me I had to re!lace #rs. agley... a kindergarten teacher ofyears' ex!erience... with an underco&er !olice officer... and he wouldn't e&en tell me why. I don't su!!ose you would do me the courtesy of filling me in. *id she die? I can't do that. (h. You can't do that. I'm watching you. All I ha&e to do is tell my !arents that you're with the !olice... and they'll yank their kids out of this school so fast... we'd ha&e to close. And don't you think I won't if I feel my children are in any danger. ,o" 'owell. She went to see someone. *id they die? ,o" 'owell. E&eryone dies" you know. I know" but not for a long" long time. ,ow" until #rs. agley comes back... we ha&e someone s!ecial to hel!. +his is #r. 2imble... I assume you ha&e some teaching ex!erience. +hey wouldn't ha&e sent me otherwise. )ust wait here a minute. E&erybody sit down on the car!et.ood morning" e&eryone. .ood morning" #iss Schlowski. Your teacher" #rs. agley had to go on an im!ortant tri!. %here'd she go? +hat doesn't matter.

.ood morning" #r. 2imble. .ood morning. +hey're all yours. I'll be watching you. i. ow are you? I'm &ery ha!!y to be here. 4irst I would like to 0ust get to know you. Duiet. I'm going to ask you a bunch of Buestions. I want to ha&e them answered immediately. ow many of you were born in Astoria? >aise your hands. 'et's see them. (kay" hmm. ,ow" anyone that was not born in Astoria... somewhere outside like $alifornia... raise your hands. Yes. I need to go to the bathroom. (kay. You can go.

your new kindergarten teacher. <oys ha&e a !enis. ,ow" let's e&erybody say" 7.ood morning" #r. 2imble.7 .irls ha&e a &agina.

+hanks for the ti!. Yes?

You know" kindergarten is like the ocean. *on't turn your back on it.

If he bites you" you get rabies and die. ,o. +hat's not true. e ne&er bites. $an I !et him? Sure" but one at a time" okay? .ood. (kay" next one. $ome on. Yes.

I need to go to the bathroom... and I can't get these things off. I'll get someone to hel! you. I'll be right back" okay? You'&e learned that the 7e7 is often silent when it immediately follows another &owel. ,ow write and say these words... (h" um... class" uh" $atherine... can you take o&er for me" !lease? +hank you.

+hey're okay. *on't worry. E&erything is under control. ,o. #onsters. %hat are you doing with this?

.ood. Aren't you going to break it u!? ,o. +wo more days of this... and he'll Buit. Shut u!Shut u!- Shut u!Shut u!. ,o. *on't start this. #rs. agley is a lot better than you. Is she? Is she really? #y mom's a teacher in this school... and she's a lot better than you" too. .reat. (n #onday nights" my mom tutors and #rs. Duinn takes care of me. She's better than you" too. .reat. And 4rankie" my swimming teacher... F Yeah. .ood. ,ow we're ha&ing fun. %hat's that su!!osed to mean?

7E7 is the fifth letter of the al!habet. Yes" can I hel! you? I ha&e a !roblem. #r. 2imble... I need to go real bad. 4irst day? Yes. I'll take care of her. +hank you.

AahAttention+his is your new class mascot. %hat ha!!ened to your dog? +his is not a dog. +his is a ferret. %hat's a ferret? +hat's a ferret. (h-

Anyway... and .us" my +5ball coach" are better than you" too. I really a!!reciate your honesty. You ha!!en to know someone that's not better than me? I don't know that many !eo!le. )ohn? Are you there? ow did it go? .o away. .ood morning. It went that well" huh? I told you he was big. You take o&er tomorrow. 1lay with the kids" honey. And blow our co&er? $an't do it. +hey're horrible. +ell me about it. e's gay. %hat kind of a man teaches kindergarten? e's ob&iously gay. A male kindergarten teacher. A male kindergarten teacher isn't what I'm used to. Samantha calls him 7+he giant.7 +here he is. %here" honey? oly cow" is that your new teacher? +hat's unusual. You're not from around here" are you? ,o. I'm not. +hank you. ,either am I. uh. *oes Syl&ester e&er see his father? i. I'm )illian" Syl&ester's mom. *o you ha&e a minute? I'd like to s!eak with you. Sure. 1lease. +hank you. I caught him doing it yesterday. (h. (h" well" that's a relief. <ut I'll kee! an eye on him" okay? I think I can hel! you with that. >eally? e uses the dolls to look u! girls' skirts. a little obsessed with !laying with dolls. You know" it's weird. %ell" it seems that's he's becoming 'ike what? <e good. I'll be back to !ick you u!. .ood morning" #r. 2imble. Yeah. um... (h" my .od. I ha&e a small !roblem. %hat are you doing? Yes? 5 I'm not wearing makeu!. 5 ,one of us are. You're married. You're allowed to look like slobs. You see" Syl&ester's father doesn't li&e with us anymore... and I'&e 0ust been worried about Syl&ester. e's been acting a little strange lately... You know" doing odd things.

,o. ,o" not since he was. is father li&es in $alifornia. +hat is far away. #m5hmm. %ell" if you gi&e me his name and number... I could talk to him about taking more interest in his son. +hat's &ery kind" but I don't think so. <ut it's tough on Syl&ester" don't you think? ,o. ,o" what's tough on Syl&ester

for which it stands... one nation" under .od... indi&isible... with liberty and 0ustice for all. Are these all your lunches? You mean you eat other !eo!le's lunches? Sto! it,ow we're going to do something extremely fun. %e're going to !lay a game called... 7%ho is my daddy and what does he do?7 Yes?

(h. .et it? %e start right here. You. #y dad re!airs cars dri&en by women who are !inheads. #y dad doesn't do anything since the crash. #y dad gi&es money to !eo!le that doesn't ha&e money... then !eo!le use that money... then they gi&e other money back and they gi&e the same amount of money back to my dad. #y dad doesn't li&e with us anymore. e li&es in ,ew York and dri&es a taxi. #y mom ho!es he's going to die real soon. #y dad watches +; all day long. #y dad works on com!uters...

is his father left us for another man. Are you married" #r. 2imble? ,o" I'm not. e's not married" #om%elcome to Astoria... the single5!arent ca!ital of America. +hank you for your time.

Is your daddy a fireman? e's !robably big. Is he a wrestler? A basketball coach? ,o" no. %hat's the matter? I ha&e a headache. It might be a tumor. It's not a tumorand he's" um" the boss of his com!any... and" um" he has a mustache and a beard. #m5hmm. %hat I meant was... Yeah. you tell me who is your daddy and what does he do? e doesn't ha&e that much hair because...

I !ledge allegiance It's not a tumor at all. to the flag of the @nited States of America... and to the re!ublic

/H

and he... his head is so big that he can't wear any hats.

e doesn't like anyone to talk to him. e's a !oo5!oo head.

$ome on" come on. .et all together. E&erything together. $ome on. $ome on. Duiet. Duiet- $ome on. Shh- Duiet. %ell" we're all glad the kindergarten class could 0oin us. +hat's four minutes.

#y dad's di&orced. e's a !oo5!oo face. #y mom's di&orced. e's a ca5ca !oo5!oo. #y dad" um" is a !sychologist... and he hel!s !eo!le that are hurt or lost their feelings... and" um" that's it. Duiet. (ur mom says that our dad +hat's enough. is a real sex machine. ey" Kach. .ood. I don't know what my dad does. I ha&en't seen him in a long time. e li&es in 4rance. 'ea&e me alone#y dad is a gynecologist... %hat's that? and he looks at &aginas all day long. #i !a!I traba0a en la casa... y Jl 0uega conmigo mucho. +hank you. ;ery good. (kay. ,ext" uh... I'm on fire%hat's his name with his back to me? is name's Kach Sulli&an. // 'et's find a restaurant. ;ery straight. ;ery straight. $an we talk business? It's a fire alarm$ome on" come on. E&eryone together$ome on. I'm on fire$ome on. All togetherAll right" let's get back into school. #rs. Sulli&an#rs. Sulli&anSo the doctor says it's a stomach flu. I'm fine. I can eat anything I want. I'm &ery disa!!ointed. *id your daddy teach you this game? $ome on" Kach. 'et's all !lay together. It's so much more fun. your times were an im!ro&ement... but they're still not good enough. <ut they're still not good enough. All the other grades... You should be ashamed of yoursel&es. e's a !oo5!oo ca5ca. 5 1oo5!oo ca5ca5 1oo5!oo ca5ca5 1oo5!oo ca5ca5 1oo5!oo ca5ca-

+here areboys in the classroom. So far I ha&e three !ossible sus!ects" one likely. ere's a !icture. You listening? I'm listening.

(h" that? @h" that is" uh... I am his sister.

$ome to me. I want to start. (kay. I want a rib eye steak with mashed !otatoes

(h" really? and a large green salad. I wouldn't ha&e guessed. You ha&e to excuse my brother. (h" no. %ait a minute. I want to start with the s!icy chicken wings. Are they the tiny ones without meat? Actually" it's Buite a large ser&ing. Ah" good. (oh" good arms. And a large bowl of the clam chowder. @h" and the blueberry !ie with ice cream for dessert. )a. )a. I like how they talk. Yes" of course. +hat would be great. i. +here will be four of us. +able . I'&e been trying to get to know the !arents... but some of them are a&oiding me. Some of them are like that. It's a strange town that way...

is name's Kach Sulli&an. %hat do you think? e's cute. *oesn't anybody eat around here? 'isten" he's a dead ringer for $ris!. 'ook. #aybe. $ome on" )ohn. I'm hungry. A table for two. +hank you &ery much. +wo hot dogs. +wo hot dogs? #r. 2imble#r. 2imble*ominic. It's him" #om. )oyce. ello" )oyce. *ominic has been a great hel!. e's a good kid. %ho's that? %ho? er.

e has no manners. #y name is @rsula. %onderful to meet you. I'm &isiting here from Austria. I'm )oyce 1aulmarie. I work at )ohn's school. Ah. And this is *ominic. ,ice to meet you. %ould you like to 0oin us for dinner? 5 ,o. 5 )a.

%hy did you tell her you were my sister? >elax" butch. +he lo&e doctor is here.

es!ecially with new arri&als.

/6

%hat do you mean? I think a lot of !eo!le that come to small towns are trying to get away from something or they're hiding something. 'ike what? %ell" for exam!le" what brought you here? #e? %ell" there was an o!ening for a kindergarten teacher. Yeah" but what made you become a kindergarten teacher? I mean" it is a bit unusual. )ohn is a bit unusual. %ell... You are. I was born in Austria. #y father was a teacher. #y mother was a teacher. It is good. So is @rsula. +hanks again. )a. ,ice to meet you. %e ha&e a tradition in Austria +hank you. where we follow the footste!s of our !arents. So when I mo&ed to this country... I taught geogra!hy <ye. I had a great time. )a" me" too. ow long ha&e you been teaching kindergarten? It's my second day. (h. and !hysical education in Ari3ona... and then I coached basketball

%ell" 2imble" I think you scored. %hoa" whoa" whoa. %hat are you talking about?

at an all5girls school in >hode Island" but... none of it made me really ha!!y. %hy weren't you ha!!y? )a. %hy weren't you ha!!y?

I'm only interested in her because she works at the school. She knows the children and the !arents. If you were any stiffer...

%ell" I got tired of teaching teenagers... because by the time they came to me... I felt there wasn't much I could do with them. I reali3ed that the real action is in kindergarten.

we could take you surfing. ,ow" I know you like that woman. %hat is your !roblem? +he only !roblem I'&e got is that I'm doing your 0ob. You should be cleaning u! the !aint and reading stories about bears that go sho!!ing. I'm stuck with your 0ob.

(oh" excuse me" but it's good.

Yeah. You are. +hat's right. I am. 'ook" you're going to be out of here in a few days. You told me yourself you had a few good leads. You'll be back dealing with 0unkies and murderers in no time. /:

to wi!e your tushies. +hey're !ushing me around. (h" no. %ho? +he kids. +hey're walking all o&er me. 'isten" 2imble. You got to handle this +here is no bathroomlike any other !olice situation. You walk into it showing fear... you're dead... and those kids know you're scared. ,o fear. ,o fear. +oday we're going to !lay a new fun game. It's called 7!olice school.7 I'm going to be your sheriff. You're going to be my de!uty trainees. $ome on. %ait for it. Sto! whining. %ait for it. You kids are soft. Sit down. You lack disci!line. >eady? %ell" I'&e got news for you. .o Buickly. You are mine now. You belong to meYou're not going to ha&e your mommies here .et your toy. .o. .o for it. take your toy back where you got it and come right back. /= %hen you hear two whistle blows... ,ow we're going to !lay another game. You did &ery well. ;ery good. .ood. +hen bring it back to the car!et... !ronto. +ake it back>eady? All right. I'm not a !olicemanI'm a !rincess. each one of you get one toy. ow many? (ne+ake your toy back to the car!et. ,ow" the first thing the de!uty trainees ha&e to learn is to free3e whene&er you hear this. ,ow" the next time you hear this whistle... <ack to the car!et. Duickly. Emma. Emma... take your toy to the car!et. I'm not a !oliceman. I'm a !rincess. It's time to turn this mush into muscles. ,o more com!laining. ,o more" 7I ha&e to go to the bathroom.7 <ring it back to the car!et. Duick" Buick" Buick. .ood. Duickly. <ring the toy back to the car!et. Yes. ;ery fast.

ow many whistle blows? 5 +wo5 +wo.ood. >eady? .o. $ome on. $ome right back to the car!et. Yes. It works.

<ig circles. <ig circles. .ood. ,ow do the same thing. %ay back. And down in big circles. <ig circles. Yes. +his is a fire drill+his is a fire drill.

#arch". #arch". Swing your arms. . Swing them high. . . . %ow. >eading" writing" arithmetic. >eading" writing" arithmetic+oo much homework makes me sick. +oo much homework makes me sick%hen it's time to !ass the test... %hen it's time to !ass the test... kindergarten is the best. 2indergarten is the best. YayE5l5E5l5( And on that farm he had a duck E5l5E5l5( All right. +ake your milk.

+his is great. >un to the door. 4aster" faster. *ominic" don't forget 4erret. $ome on. Yes. It's a fire drill. Yes. $ome back. +errific. $ome on. +his is working. %ait. (h" this is terrible. I mean" you're &ery good de!uties. Your sheriff is !roud of you. . . . . . . . (ne more. %ait- +ake me. *own. @!. *own. Yes" yes" yesYou'&e got it. Yes" %anda. .ood. ;ery good. $ome on. *own and u!. YesYesKach is the winner. $ome on" you guys. /? $ome on. $ome on. . .

It makes you big and strong. It's story time" #r. 2imble.

%hy don't you want to see your little boy? %as he bad?

i. i. I didn't mean to startle you. I must ha&e do3ed off.

All right. ,o" he was not bad. %e all like this one... It wasn't his fault at all. and if you read us a story now... You see... e&erybody will go to slee!. All right. I used to read this to my son. %hat's his name? %ho? Your son. (h" Alex is his name. %here is he? e li&es with his mother. You see" his mother and I... we are... *i&orced. I know. %hat's a di&orce? It's when your daddy li&es some!lace else and comes o&er to take you !laces... and your mommy says he's a deadbeat. ,o. It's when the daddy doesn't want to see his little boy anymore. +hat's not what it is. uh/C +hat's where I wanted to go today. %here am I going? I don't Buite know. %hat does it matter where !eo!le go? *own to the wood where the bluebells grow. Anywhere. Anywhere. I'll see you tomorrow. I don't know.7 See you tomorrow. +hat would be fine. %hat? @m... You... You'&e got a little mustache. (h" it must be from the milk. %ell" I'd better get back to class. you'd lean on the wind when the wind came by. You'd say to the wind when it took you away... his mommy and I" we 0ust ne&... )ust sit down" okay? I was wondering if... 'et me 0ust start reading. %hy don't you all lie down? (kay. .ood. And rest. 7If you were a bird and li&ed on high you'd like to come to my !lace for dinner tomorrow night. I would like that. Yes. .reat. %ell" here are the directions. ow aboutAA? I can't belie&e you got them all to slee!. I worked them hard.

4ree3e,o,o. +his is enry Shoo!... my fiancJ. i. Your fiancJ? Yeah" my fiancJ. +hat figures. enry" this is ob&iously my !artner... )ohn 2imble. (h" 0ee3. @h... i. ow you doing? 'et me get this... and I'll be right out. (hIt's okay" honey. I'll be right out. It's my birthday. %ell" congratulations. +hanks. e came u! here 0ust to sur!rise me. And he made me my fa&orite... !asta a olio. I lo&e you" enry. I lo&e you" too" 1hoebes. +hanks. You want some of this? It wasn't o&ercooked? You're the best. It wasn't a little o&ercooked? ,o. Al dente. Kach. Excuse me. I'm )ohn 2imble" Kach's teacher. I didn't know he was following me. i. I'&e been lea&ing messages on your machine. (f course. You're a genius" enry. ,ot 0ust a good chef? %ell" nice to meet you. $ongratulations. a!!y birthday. You mean that" a great chef? @h... %ell" I'&e got to head back tonight. I'&e got to work.

I'm sorry. +hings ha&e been hectic. %hat about now? @h...

enry's a chef. .o for a little walk. I'm a chef. You're marrying a chef? I'm marrying a great chef. Your teacher and I ha&e to talk. @h... I know what this is about. I su!!ose you saw the bruises on Kach's legs? #y husband has started counseling about this. e's been going for three weeks now. 1lease don't bring the school system into it. It will make matters worse. e's beating you" too? If he wasn't going to counseling... I could see the !oint of saying something... but I'm sure there won't be any more occurrences. You won't say anything" will you? 1lease? If he does it again" I !ress charges. Kach. You got the stuff? /E

+hanks" man. ere" lady. I ga&e her your stuff. %here's the rest of my money? %ho are you" old lady? Your fairy godmother.

%ell" here we are. %ow. +his is Buite a !lace. +hey must be !aying you a lot more than they're !aying me. I wish it was my house.

It's a laser... and it'll burn a hole right through you. (kay. I'll be careful. (h" don't shoot. 5 <oom- <oom5 *on't shoot. I !ut u! these lasers to !rotect us. +o !rotect you from what? +he bad !eo!le. *o you want to see something else? $ome on. %hat? See that?

$ome in. It belongs to a friend of mine. i. It took all day... but I found out Kach Sulli&an and his mother... aren't related to $ris!. I 0ust found out. (h. I got a bottle of wine for your big date... It's not a date" I know. <ut )oyce shouldn't think that. $an you start a fire? +hanks. I don't think it's a good idea. Duickest way to sli! u! doing underco&er work is doing things you normally wouldn't do. %ait a minute. In here. You mean you wouldn't take wine to a woman who's in&ited you for dinner? (f course you would. I made it myself. And flowers as well. ere you go. She'll lo&e them. I'm lost. %hat's this? %here is the dining room? *on't touch that/F +his is my secret hiding s!ot. a&e you guys had fun? %ow. Yeah. <e right out+his is ama3ing. %hat you doing in there? 'ast one to the table is a rotten bananaYou mean the tower? It shouldn't be a !roblem. I'll show you where the wood is. $ome on. $ome on>ight here. (therwise the bad !eo!le will know where it is. I'm going to !lant one of my lasers on that antenna. <ut I'll ha&e to do it at night. After the di&orce" he said we could stay here in exchange for kee!ing the !lace u!. You must ha&e nice friends. Yes" I do. *inner won't be ready for a few minutes.

+his house is huge. 5 4ollow me" silly. 5 %hew. +hese are beautiful !ictures of you and *ominic. +hank you.

Yeah. %hy? %ell" *ominic was talking to me about ha&ing to mo&e around a lot to kee! the bad !eo!le away. I was young and stu!id" and I made a mistake. I don't want *ominic to !ay for it. 'ook" nobody around here knows anything about this. I can't e&en belie&e I told you. You ha&e to !romise me you won't tell anyone. You can trust me. I didn't know who my ex5 husband was when I married him.

%hen I was !utting *ominic to bed... he mentioned you had a son" too. +hat's right. <ut I'm di&orced. I'm lucky. #y ex got remarried to a &ery nice man. e's really good to my son. I see him a lot. %hat about your ex5husband? *oes he see *ominic a lot? @h" no. After the di&orce" he mo&ed back to 4rance. %hat about child su!!ort and alimony? *oes he take care of you?

<ad !eo!le? Something about ha&ing to lea&e in the middle of the night and lea&e his toys behind. (h" .od. I thought he'd forgotten about that. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to u!set you. It's not your fault.

+hat's &ery good. 1erfect. (kay. 'et's try it again. #ary" you first. 4ourscores and se&en years ago.

+he truth is" my ex5husband is a walking nightmare. e didn't lea&e us" we left him. e found out where we were and tried to kidna! *ominic.

4ourscores and se&en years ago. (ur forefathers brought... 4our fathers? #r. 2imble" did 'incoln ha&e four fathers? @h... I had three fathers... (ne named %alt" two named >al!h. *id 'incoln ha&e four mothers? As a matter of fact" he had two mothers.

I'm sorry about being so !ersonal. I was so glad to see him go

e doesn't know where we are now... and I'd like to kee! it that way.

I didn't worry about that !art. *ominic doesn't e&en remember him. I !refer it that way. Are you sure?

(f course. I'm glad he's in 4rance and doesn't li&e nearby. e doesn't li&e in 4rance. I told *ominic that he li&ed in 4rance.

/G

@nfortunately" the first one died. I knew it. @m... (kay. 'et's take a break. $ome on. I want you to walk around in a circle. .o. Start. $ome on.

anything to do with her ex5husband? I know it's her.

I see they stuck you with the .ettysburg Address this year. +hey sure did.

2now what I think? $om!any" haltYou want it to be her. @m... You really like her" and it's scaring you. Excuse meSur!riseAbout last night... I'&e been thinking about it" and... I'm glad I told you all those things. So am I. @m... I5I better get going. Yeah. I ha&e to get going" too. Is e&erything okay? Yeah. %ho the hell is that? See you tomorrow at the fair. She's the one I was telling you about. er husband ran away with another guy. It's been terrible for her. ShhYou're not getting mellow on me" are you? . ... #arch-. I was 0ust talking to the teacher" that's all. Yeah. *on't laugh. i. $ome on.. (kay. I'm !roud of you. 2ee! going. I'm sorry Kach's late. +he car wouldn't start. 6H I'm looking forward to it. %hat are you looking at? a ha ha-

%ell" )oyce's story about the house checked out. It belongs to a guy who only uses it during the ski season. She's got under $ in the bank... no stocks" no bonds" no other assets under the name )oyce 1aulmarie. er teacher's salary is less than mine" which is !athetic. 2ee! looking. $heck for offshore accounts under *ominic's name... She doesn't li&e like someone with millions of dollars. She doesn't e&en seem the ty!e. 2imble" this might not be her. It's got to be her. %hy? <ecause she doesn't want to ha&e

'adies'adies" sur!rise. (b&iously" I'm not into baking cakes... so I brought these little things to donate for the raffle !ri3es.

$ome on. .o" go.

Excuse me" e&erybody. You be a good boy. I lo&e you. i" cham!. (hIt was a mistake. %hat's the matter? I checked you out. (h" no. I fell down again. ey" wait a minute. @h... I forgot to close the door to the basement... and Kach had a bad fall. You all say the same thing" 7 e fell down.7 *on't you ha&e anything better to say? I don't ha&e to 0ustify myself to youYou ha&e no right talking to me like that. ow are you doing? You must be the #r. 2imble we hear so much about. You must be the #r. 2imble we hear so much about. You hit the kid" I hit you. You bastardYou're not worth it. but you're a &ery good teacher. I'm !ressing charges against you. +hank you. 6/ Sorry it took so long" $ullen. +here is no record of you e&er ha&ing taught at any !ublic school... +hank you. in $alifornia or anywhere else. #r. 2imble... you ha&e no teaching ex!erience whatsoe&er" do you? Someone finally noticed. I thought the introduction of a ferret was a horrible idea... but the children seemed to like it. I thought the use of your !olice whistle was outrageous... +hat's all I could think of. +hey're looking into it. 1lease allow me to finish. a&e them tell the wife 5 Sorry. 5 <ut it worked. I ha&e no idea what kind of !olice officer you are... we're letting $ris! go" and he knows where she is. If she wants !olice !rotection" she'll !roduce the money. Yeah. Yeah" that's her. And there goes our goddamn case. +ell (' ara and 2imble their witness is dead... so $ris! is going to walk. %e want them back here. %e'&e got lots of other cases to clear. (' ara says they think they'&e located the wife. And the money? %ell" tomorrow morning. <right and early. Yeah. It felt great. I'm sorry. I shouldn't ha&e hit the man... es!ecially in front of the children. ,ow" will you tell me something? *on't lie. %hat did it feel like to hit that son of a bitch?

ey" you're looking great. I lo&e you" #other. %e're going to be a family again" son. .o4ourscore and se&en years ago 4ourscore and se&en years ago our forefathers brought forth on this continent our forefathers brought forth on this continent a new nation

+hank you &ery much. (hI'd like to introduce you to our kindergarten teacher. e came to us as a substitute teacher... and he's !ro&en to be a wonderful asset. 'et's welcome him into our community and ho!e that he considers staying on a !ermanent basis. 'adies and gentlemen...

It's still in great sha!e. If you don't mind waiting" I'll wra! it u!. I'll knock L off... I ha&e a better idea. I'll !ay you twice what he's charging. I !romised my boy I'd get him one. I'd lo&e to hel! you... but my kid's been bugging me since $hristmas. I'll !ay you four times what it's worth. .et your kid something e&en better. Sorry. $an you gift5wra! it? anna" could you wra! that" !lease? ,o harm in trying.

a new nation #r. )ohn 2imble. concei&ed in liberty ,ice town. concei&ed in liberty mm. and dedicated to the !ro!osition and dedicated to the !ro!osition that all men are created eBual that all men are created eBual and that go&ernment and that go&ernment of the !eo!le by the !eo!le and for the !eo!le unless... shall not !erish from this earth. +his is the last one. Ahh- Smell that fresh air. %e should think about buying something u! here... like some log cabin in the woods near a lake. 2ids lo&e that outdoor kind of stuff. I'll be in the !harmacy. +ry not to ste! in anything. I'd like to hel! you. <ut we're !retty much out of the race cars...

+ourists. .reat" *ominic. You're doing well. I'll wait o&er here for you" okay? (kay. .reat day" huh? %e'&e run out of time. %e'&e got to !ress )oyce now. %hat do you mean? 5 $indy (.*.'d last night. 66

5 Shit. +hey released $ris! this morning. e's !robably on his way here. %here's *ominic? Sala3ar said if )oyce is $ris!'s wife... she's got to coo!erate about the money... or she gets no !olice !rotection. <astard. +here ne&er was@rsula" how are you? ,o" it's not fair%hat? I'm not finished yetI'&e got to tell you the truth. er name's not @rsula. She's not my sister. I beg your !ardon? %e're not who you think we are. <ecause he's a 0erk. %hat is this? 'ea&e me alone%e're !olice officers. )oyce" wait%e know who you are... %ait>achel. If you didn't take the money... +his is a 0oke" right? why is he after you? ,o. +his is no 0oke. You took $million. I think... $ris! knows where you are. e could be here any minute. %here's *ominic? e doesn't want me. e wants *ominic. She's going to run again. Yeah. @nless we do something about it. )oyceYeah. 6: You stuffed all this cra! into me" and nothing was wrong. +hat's why there was nothing wrong with you. ,ow" how can you argue with that? #other" you are going to make him sick. *oesn't hurt to take !recautions. +he boy's not sick. It is the season. +he bad !eo!le ha&e found us. %hat do you mean" 7no money7? %hy are you mad at #r. 2imble? $hildren's as!irin" children's decongestant... antihistamine. A thermometer? A lot of flu going around" right? .. +hat'll be .. (n a !ony. %e'll offer !rotection if you tell us about the money. +here's no money" you son of a bitch. You'll get immunity for your testimony... but we need you to hel! us. I'm sorry. I wanted to gi&e you a second chance. cash. %hat is wrong with you? I'm still not getting through to you" am I" *aryl? #other" got this great sur!rise for )unior. ey" sna! out of it*aryl. *aryl.

)oyce- *ominicYou bastard%here's *ominic? I don't know. %hat ha!!ened? You led him here. If he has *ominic" I'll kill you. 'et go of me%e'll find him. Sto! it. %e'll find him. %e'll find him. *ominic-

(h" good. (kay. I was going to !ut the lasers in the antenna. I know. *on't worry about anything now. I got you. )ust hold on tight now. old on tight" okay? .ood. If I lost *ominic... I don't think I could go on li&ing. You're not going to lose him.

a kindergarten teacher... but I'm not. I'm a co!. +hat's all I know how to be. I ha&e to get out of here. You ha&e a son. If you were me" you'd do the same thing. I ha&e a son I'&e hardly seen in se&en years. I don't mean anything to him. #y ex5wife got remarried. She doesn't want me to be !art of his life. I lost my family.

*id he say anything before he left? e said something about getting his lasers. 'asers? I think I know where he is. Aah- el!-

+hat's right. I'm not. $ullen said I stole his money so these cree!s would follow us for a reward. You don't know what he's like. (h" yes" I do.

I should ne&er ha&e let it ha!!en. %hy are you telling me all of this? I don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose *ominic. I swear you'll ne&er ha&e to run from him again. *on't worry about anything" okay? %e're going to be right across the hall. E&erything's going to be fine. %e 0ust want to be extra careful. +hanks. 6=

el!- el!I know him well. Somebodyel!old onI'll get him down. el!old on. I'm right here. .ood boy. All right. )ust hold on. (kay. )ust hold on. I wish I was +hat's why I don't want him to get you two. $an't trust you or anybody. You can trust me. +hat's what you said before. And you turned out to be a co!. '... I didn't mean to hurt you.

*on't worry. %hoo-

If a stranger knocks on your door... ne&er answer the door.

I'm checking the schools before we buy a home here. #ost kindergarten children can't read yet. #y son can. e reads at? +hat's good. And writes. I taught him myself. e sounds like a s!ecial child. e is. e's a great athlete. ere's what you'&e waited for. +he kindergarten. a&e a look.

All right" all right. Settle down. .ood morning.

<ecause we ne&er talk to strangers. 'et's say that together.

.ood morning" #r. 2imble. %e ne&er talk to strangers. Sit down. >ight. It's &ery nice to see you all again. #eet my &ery good friend" 1hoebe (' ara. .ood morning" 1hoebe. #iss (' ara is going to talk to you about something &ery im!ortant. Yeah" you can talk to dogs. So !ay attention to what she has to say" okay? >emember" no fear. +hanks. ne&er talk to strangers. Yeah? (n the kindergarten le&el... <oys ha&e a !enis. .irls ha&e a &agina. %ell" you taught them the basics. $aring" courtesy and courage. +hat's im!ortant. $ourage. (kay" now... +hat's my !hiloso!hy" too. today we're going to talk about something else that's really im!ortant. +oday we're going to talk about strangers. Are you a single !arent" #r. .reen? ,o" my wife had to stay behind to com!lete the sale of our home. we try to em!hasi3e the three $'sA <ut what you can't do... what you must ne&er e&er do is... $an we talk to kids? Yeah" it's okay. You can talk to kids. %hat about dogs? uh? $an we talk to dogs?

(h" *ominic" *ominic... *ominic is king of the mountain%ay to go" *ominic. ere's your crown. $ongratulations" *ominic. +he king of #ount 2imble*ominic. e looks odd" but he's a wonderful teacher. Yes" I'm sure he is. *id you see $ullen )r.? Yeah" yeah. She calls him *ominic. She'd always wanted 6?

to name him *ominic. %hat a dumb name. 1ut that cigar out. It's unhealthy for the kid. +hen you make your aero!lane go u! into the clouds. $heck it out. >ight. (kay" stay calm. (kay" it's !robably a fire drill. (h" man.

Stay behind me. *on't get se!arated.

e's inside. 2imble's looking for him. )oyce-

Aah)oyceAre you all right? el!$ome on. 'et's go. It's okay. It's okay. *ominic" waitI'm not going to hurt you. *ominicI'm not going to hurt you. *ominicIt's okay. el!- Somebody hel! meI'm a fireman. el!I hel! !eo!le. Stranger%ell" where's your hat? Stranger#y hat? StrangerStrangerStrangerStranger*ominic%here's *ominic? *ominicAah(kay" stay together. Stay together. Stay together. old onto your !artner. (kay" don't lag behind. Your father. old onto my hand. *on't you recogni3e me? Stay together. ,o. %here's *ominic? Sure you do. 6C I'm going to tell you something" *ominic. It's going to be hard for you to understand... but you got to belie&e me. I'm your father" *ominic. I lo&e this. I can't fool my own boy. e's 0ust years old. You're right. I'm no 0erk fireman.

2imble" the hallway's full of smoke. (kay" this is a fire drill. $ome on. +his is the real thing. )ust the way we !racticed. .o out there. 4ast. )ust the way we !racticed it. $ome on. $ome on. It's only water. *on't be scared. Stay close to the wall. 'et's go. $ome on. $ome on. *ominic" stay close to me" okay? Stay close to me.

It's me. *on't you remember +winkle" twinkle" little star? %e ha&e the same kind of hands.

.o on. *ominic? All right. $ome back. Duiet" you hear me? Duiet. %e're getting out of here. ,o*ominic? >achel'et go)ust what I need. 1lease" let him go. 'et him goow the hell do you get out of here? 1lease" !lease" don't do thisYou're scaring him.oing to start a whole new family. Aah*ominic.otchaI lo&e you. *o you understand? +ell me you understand that. Say it. Say itI understand. Scared? (f course he's scared. *addy. You told him lies about me. *addy. #y son doesn't know me because of you. 'isten)ust listen. *on't. *on't. You stole him from me1lease" gi&e him back. *on't touch himAahe's not your hostage. e's your son. *ro! it. (n the floor. You'll do this to your own son? *ro! itI'm losing it- urry>elax. I'm !utting it down. urryold it>ight there. *ro! it- urry-

*on't you remember? You're not my father. #y father li&es in 4rance. Your mother told you that... but that's not trueI'm your fatherI'&e been searching for you for fi&e years. el!- el!*ominic" I'm your father. You're going to ha&e to do what I say. *o you understand? 4ree3e*on't you know there's a fire? %e thought it was another drill. %ell" get outYes" sir. %hoa" honey. +hat's a fire in there. I got a kid in there. I'm a co!. If I need a ticket fixed" I'll call you. In the meantime" stay out.

*ominic" I had to do itI didn't want to do it. She made me. E&erything's going to be okay" *ominic.

6E

ere it is. (h" I hate this. ere it is. )ust don't harm the boy" okay? .ood. .ood. +hat's smart. All right. %hy don't you let the boy go now? +he boy is minei. ow you feeling? e's my boy#uch better. You get your own goddamn familyAah,oAre you okay? )ust don't throw u! on me. I'm okay. .et *ominic. (kay. *ominic*ominic%here's my grandson? I don't know. %here's my grandson? .o to hell. +hat's where you're going" you son of a bitchYou're not so tough without your car... are you? I got it caught. #r. 2imble" are you all right? And something I'm not going to throw u! on you... but I am going to kiss you. 1hoebe. +hanks. +hanks" !artner. Sure. ow's e&erybody feeling today? I brought goodies. *id I do that? .i&e me the flowers. ow about you? I'll li&e. $heck out of here. +his stuff will kill you. ,ah" he doesn't want to eat that. e's a tough guy.

I cooked myself. I almost didn't recogni3e you with all your clothes on. You look good yourself. Aah+ough guys don't eat )ell5(. *id l... I'm sorry. I'll come back later. +he wedding. i. Yeah. @h... You're coming to the wedding" right? Is it safe? I wouldn't miss this for the world. So... where do we send the in&itation? mm? +hey're all yours. i" kids. #r. 2imbleI'm back. Yay*idn't 0oin the union until... $lass" excuse me. @h5oh. +hey're going to do it. YayI got some goodies and...

6F