10th grade

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl

next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I
stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was
mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew
it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for
the notes she had missed the day before and handed
them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss
on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to
know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her
but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She
was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her
love had broke her heart. She asked me to come
over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did.
As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft
eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew
Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she
decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said
"thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to
tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be
just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I
don't know why.

Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. My
date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I
didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a
promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go
together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom
night, after everything was over, I was standing at
her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at
me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want
her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that,
and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time,
thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to
tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be
just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I
don't know why.

Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I
could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her
perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get
her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't
notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone
went home, she came to me in her smock and hat,
and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head
from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend,
thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to
tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be
just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I
don't know why.

A Few Years Later

Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is
getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and
drive off to her new life, married to another man. I
wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like
that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she
came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks"
and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I
want her to know that I don't want to be just friends,
I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl
who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they
read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school
years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he
was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I
know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I
don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just
too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell
me he loved me! `I wish I did too...` I thought to
my self, and I cried.

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist asking for the

time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell
is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where
the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their a** to

search the entire room for the TV remote because
they refuse to walk to the TV and change the
channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your

cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake
if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you

look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep
looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who
and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya

see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the
cinema and stare at the damn floor!

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"...

Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is

it? If it's new, then there has never been anything
before it. If it's an improvement, then there must
have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell???

Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!!
What can you do thats longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone

asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would
I be standing here???

Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer

Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing
the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to
yank the doors open, then act as if you're
embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask
him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then
announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back
away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all
the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a
button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a
while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and
ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency
phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and
announce to the other passengers: "This is my
personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the
elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it
wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a
shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people
but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for
your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say
"Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to
help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone
in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review
emergency procedures and exits with the
Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was

astonished to see the bed was nicely made and
everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope
propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It
was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition,
she opened the envelope and read the letter with
trembling hands:

Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that

I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new
boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with
Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with
Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings,
tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's
not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed
said that we will be very happy. He already owns a
trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for
the whole winter. He wants to have many more
children with me and that's now one of my dreams
too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really
hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and
trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and
ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that
science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get
better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm
15 years old now and I know how to take care of
myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so
you can get to know your grand children.

Your daughter, Judith

PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the

neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that
there are worse things in life than my report card
that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call
when it is safe for me to come home.

In Honor of Stupid People

In case you needed further proof that the human

race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual
label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.

(Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on
my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No

purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular

soap,"
(and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving

suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) --
"Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will

be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron

clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a

car or operate machinery after taking this
medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause

drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or

outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for

the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit
curious)
On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts --

"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, ooh...fly Delta?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this

garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for
this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop

chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my ..was there a lot of this happening
somewhere?)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn

to spread the stupidity.

When a GIRL is quiet,

Millions of things are running in her mind
When a GIRL is not arguing,
She is thinking deeply
When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of
questions,
She is wondering how long you will be
around
When a GIRL answers "i'm fine" after a
few seconds,
She is not at all fine
When a GIRL stares at you,
She is wondering why you are lying
When a GIRL lays on your chest,
She is wishing for you to be hers forever
When a GIRL calls you everyday,
She is seeking for your attention
When a GIRL sms's u everyday,
She wants you to reply at least once
When a GIRL says I love you,
She means it
When a GIRL says that she can't live
without you,
She has made up her mind that you are
her future
When a GIRL says "i miss you",
No one in this world can miss you more
than that.

Boys, just do it!----Tell her you think shes cool. Tell

her why you think shes so cool. Smell her hair. Talk
to her in movie theatres. Pick her up and pretend
youre going to throw her in the river; shell scream
and fight you but secretly, shell love it. Hold her
hand and skip. Hold her hand and run. Just hold her
hand. Pick flowers from other peoples gardens and
give them to her. Tell her she looks pretty. Let her
pay for stuff if she wants to. Introduce her to your
friends as The coolest girl I know. Sit in the park and
talk to her. Take her to the library, and playgrounds,
and train stations. Tell her dirty jokes. Tell her stupid
jokes. Write poems about her. Just walk around with
her. Throw pebbles at her window at night. When she
starts swearing at you, tell her you love her. Take her
to shows of bands shes never heard of. Hold her
hand in the mosh pit. Let her fall asleep in your
arms. Call her. Call her back if she calls you. Sing to
her, no matter how bad you are. Carve your names
into a tree. Get her mad, then kiss her. Give her
piggy-back rides. Go see her band play even if they
really suck, and tell her they were great. Give her
space if she needs it. Push her on swings. Stay up
with her all night when shes sick. Make up pet
names for her, but cool ones, not sappy ones. Teach
her guitar. Lend her your cds. Write on her. Make her
mixtapes. Write her letters. If she asks you to go to
a show with her, go, even if it means a 5 hour train
trip. Take her to cool shops, and let her take you to
even cooler ones. Listen to all the bands she
mentions. Dont tell her that her favorite bands suck.
When shes sad, hang out with her or stay on the
phone with her, even if shes not saying anything.
Buy her ice cream. Let her take all the photos of you
she wants. Look into her eyes. Slow dance with her,
even if the music is fast. Kiss her in the rain.When
you fall in love with her, tell her. <3

Dear Girls (from us guys)...

*Don't assume that guys won't care where you are,

because we do.
It makes us feel secure to know that our girlfriends
aren't off flirting with guys we've never heard of.
*Also, don't talk about your ex-boyfriends.
We never have, nor ever will respect or like them,
nor do we want to hear about them.
When you do, you're asking your boyfriend to be
jealous.
You're asking your boyfriend to lose trust.

*On that, don't hump everything that walks into the

room.
We don't care if you talk to other guys.
We don't care if you're friends with other guys.
But when you're sitting next to us, and some random
guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle
him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us
off.
It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten
minutes without even acknowledging the fact that
we're still there.

*Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/

gorgeous/ cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it.
Don't tell us we're wrong.
We'll stop trying to convince you.
The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.
Yeah, you can quote me.

*Don't be mad when we hold the door open.

Smile and say "thank you."
Let us pay for you.
Don't "feel bad."
We enjoy doing it.
It's expected.
Smile and say - everybody together now - "thank
you."

*Kiss us when no one's watching.

If you kiss us when you know nobody's looking we'll
be more impressed.

*You don't have to get dressed up for us.

If we're going out with you in the first place, you
don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt
you have, put on every kind of makeup you own.
We like you for WHO you are and not WHAT you are.

*Don't flirt with guys when we're not around.

We'll find out. Trust us.
We have eyes everywhere.
And when we find out, we're pissed.
Not necessarily with the guys you flirted with, more-
so with you.

*Don't take everything we say seriously.

Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.
Don't get angry easily.
Stop using magazines/media as your bible.

*Don't talk about how hot Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt is

in front of us.
It's boring, and we don't care.
You have girlfriends for that.

*Whatever happened to the word "handsome"?

Why does everything have to be "hot/sexy"?
I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with
"Hey handsome!" instead of "Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/
sexy" or whatever else you can think of.
Claiming girls or guys to be "hot" shows immaturity.

**Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren't

being treated right by a guy, don't wait for him to
change.
Ditch his sorry, disgrace-to-the-male-population ass,
and find someone who will treat you with utter
respect.
Someone who will honor your morals.
Someone who will make you smile when you're at
your lowest.

*12 signs your falling in love*

12. You'll read his/her txts over and over again...

11. You'll walk really really slow while you're with
him/her...
10. You'll pretend 2 be shy whenever you're with
him/her...
9. While thinking bout him/her...your heart will beat
faster and faster...
8. By listening to his/her voice...you'll smile for no
reason.
7. While looking at him/her..you cant see the other
people around you...you can only see that person...
6. You'll start listening to SLOW songs.
5. He/She becomes all you think about
4. You'll get high just by their smell...
3. You'll realize that you're always smiling to yourself
when you think about them..
2. You'll do anything for him/her...
1. While reading this, there was one person on your
mind the whole time.....
- a chain letter

True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been

dating for over a year, and so we decided to get
married. My parents helped us in every way, my
friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a
dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very
much indeed, and that one thing was her younger
sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years
of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses.
She would regularly bend down when near me and I
got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to
be deliberate. She never did it when she was near
anyone else. One day little sister called and asked
me to come over to check the wedding invitations.
She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me
that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings
and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and
didn't really want to overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just
once before I got married and committed my life to
her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a
word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom,
and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and
get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I
watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the
top she pulled down her panties and threw them
down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment,
then turned and went straight to the front door. I
opened the door and stepped out of the house. I
walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-
law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he
hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you
have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a
better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

The moral of this story is: Always keep your

condoms in your car.

*What Does Love Mean?*

A group of professional people posed this question to

a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"
The answers they got were broader and deeper than
anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't

bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my
grandfather does it for her all even when his hands
got arthritis, too. That's Love. Rebecca - age 8

When someone loves you, the way they say your

name is different. You just know that your name is
safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts

on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each
other." Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody

most of your French Fries without making them give
you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."

Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my

daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to
make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you
get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and
you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that.
They look gross when they kiss" Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if

you stop opening presents and listen." Bobby - age 7
(Wow!)

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start

with a friend who you hate." Nikka - age 6

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then
he wears it
everyday." Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man

who are still friends even after they know each other
so well." Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was

scared. I looked at all the people watching me and
saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only
one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore." Cindy -
age 8

"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't

see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." Clare -
age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of

chicken." Elaine-age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and

sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert
Redford." Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after

you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives

me all her old
clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren
- age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and

down and little stars come out of you" Karen - age 7

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and

she doesn't think it's gross." Mark - age 6

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you

mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot.
People forget," Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo

Buscaglia once talked about contest he was asked to
judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the
most caring child. (Now this will melt your heart.)
The winner was a four year old child whose next door
neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently
lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy
went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his
lap, and just sat there. When
his Mother asked him what he had said to the
neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped
him cry."

19 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With

Sunglasses on and Point A Hair Dryer At Passing
Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise

Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something,

Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It

"In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once

Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions,
Switch To Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For

Sexual Favors"
7. Finish All Your Sentences With "In Accordance
With The Prophecy."

8. Don't Use Any Punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh

Hysterically After They Answer.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To

Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems

Don't Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And

Play Tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't

Attend Their Party because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your

Wrestling Name "Rock Hard".

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I
Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards

The Parking Lot,Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're
Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The
Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You
Go."

WHAT IS LOVE?
Love is a slow kiss goodnight, It's anticipation.
Love is flirting ourtageously and still remembering
that the person at your side is not obligated to do
anything, It's respect.
Love is an imperfection in your self not bothering
you, it's acceptance.
Love is passing up an opportunity because the time
isn't right yet, It's patience.
Love is a back massage that starts above the hairline
and ends around the insoles, it's exploration.
Love doesn not have to say, "lets make love,"
because you know what the other person wants, it
understands.
Love is being given an honest chance to say no when
you thought you were committed, it's consideration.
Love is both of you remembering protection, it's
responsibility.
Love is saying the perfect phrase to make a solemn
embrace dissolve into giggles, it's humor.
Love is being told "stop and i'll kill you." It's desire.
Love is reviewing the damge to your living room and
realizing personal effects are strewn in a clockwise
pattern from the front door the to bedroom, it's
abandonment.
Love is seeing what your love really looks like for the
first time, it's truth.
Love is knowing what time it is and not caring, it's
joy.
Love is the arms around you tightening their
embrace, it's ecstacy.
Love is seeing a new side of a person you thought
you knew, it's renewal.
Love is telling a person if you have to leave, you will
let them sleep, and being told they would rathr be
woken, it's tenderness.
Love is waking up to find the subject of the dream
you were having asleep on your shoulder, it's where
fantasy meets reality.
Love is being there to wake your lover slowly, it's
sensuousness.
Love belatedly knows why you bothered to buy a
queen-sized bed three years ago, it's practicality.
Love is two people only taking up a third of a queen-
sized bed, it's closeness.
Love knows you gave the extra set of keys to your
apartment to the right person, its trust.
Love is saying good-bye and knowing you will be
back by mutual consent, its faith.
Love is stretching your arms and discovering the real
meaning of the word "sore" it's a lesson in human
frailty.
Love is opening your medicine cabinet finding your
tube of toothpaste turned into a prezel, it's
adaptation.
Love is sitting at the window, looking out and
remembering who you were with the night before,
it's reflection.
Love is hearing the weather forecast for a winter
storm and wishing you could spend it in bed with
your lover, it's loneliness.
Love is stories that will never be told, it's personal.

112 ways to say... I LOVE YOU

English - I love you

Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief
Albanian - Te dua
Arabic - Ana behibak (to male)
Arabic - Ana behibek (to female)
Armenian - Yes kez sirumen
Bambara - M'bi fe
Bangla - Aamee tuma ke bhalo aashi
Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu
Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo
Bulgarian - Obicham te
Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah
Cantonese Chinese - Ngo oiy ney a
Catalan - T'estimo
Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse
Chichewa - Ndimakukonda
Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male)
Creol - Mi aime jou
Croatian - Volim te
Czech - Miluji te
Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig
Dutch - Ik hou van jou
Esperanto - Mi amas vin
Estonian - Ma armastan sind
Ethiopian - Afgreki'
Faroese - Eg elski teg
Farsi - Doset daram
Filipino - Mahal kita
Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua
French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore
Frisian - Ik hâld fan dy
Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort
Georgian - Mikvarhar
German - Ich liebe dich
Greek - S'agapo
Gujarati - Hoo thunay prem karoo choo
Hiligaynon - Palangga ko ikaw
Hawaiian - Aloha Au Ia`oe (Thanks Craig)
Hebrew - Ani ohev otah (to female)
Hebrew - Ani ohev et otha (to male)
Hiligaynon - Guina higugma ko ikaw
Hindi - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae
Hmong - Kuv hlub koj
Hopi - Nu' umi unangwa'ta
Hungarian - Szeretlek
Icelandic - Eg elska tig
Ilonggo - Palangga ko ikaw
Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu
Inuit - Negligevapse
Irish - Taim i' ngra leat
Italian - Ti amo
Japanese - Aishiteru
Kannada - Naanu ninna preetisuttene
Kapampangan - Kaluguran daka
Kiswahili - Nakupenda
Konkani - Tu magel moga cho
Korean - Sarang Heyo
Latin - Te amo
Latvian - Es tevi miilu
Lebanese - Bahibak
Lithuanian - Tave myliu
Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu
Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu
Mandarin Chinese - Wo ai ni
Marathi - Me tula prem karto
Mohawk - Kanbhik
Moroccan - Ana moajaba bik
Nahuatl - Ni mits neki
Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni
Norwegian - Jeg Elsker Deg
Pandacan - Syota na kita!!
Pangasinan - Inaru Taka
Papiamento - Mi ta stimabo
Persian - Doo-set daaram
Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay
Polish - Kocham Ciebie
Portuguese - Eu te amo
Romanian - Te iubesc
Russian - Ya tebya liubliu
Scot Gaelic - Tha gra\dh agam ort
Serbian - Volim te
Setswana - Ke a go rata
Sign Language - ,\,,/ (represents position of fingers
when signing'I Love You')
Sindhi - Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan
Sioux - Techihhila
Slovak - Lu`bim ta
Slovenian - Ljubim te
Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo
Swahili - Ninapenda wewe
Swedish - Jag alskar dig
Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di
Surinam - Mi lobi joe
Tagalog - Mahal kita
Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li
Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe
Tamil - Nan unnai kathalikaraen
Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu
Thai - Chan rak khun (to male)
Thai - Phom rak khun (to female)
Turkish - Seni Seviyorum
Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu
Urdu - mai aap say pyaar karta hoo
Vietnamese - Anh ye^u em (to female)
Vietnamese - Em ye^u anh (to male)
Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu di
Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh
Yoruba - Mo ni fe

Suggestions For Women To Respond To Pickup Lines

"Haven't I seen you someplace before?"

"Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

He: So what do you do for a living?

She: Female impersonator.

"Is this seat empty?"

"Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

"So, wanna go back to my place?"

"Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

"I'd like to call you. What's your number?"

"It's in the phone book."
"But I don't know your name."
"That's in the phone book too."

"What sign were you born under?"

"No Parking."

"I know how to please a woman."

"Then please leave me alone."

"Haven't we met before?"

"Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."

"I want to give myself to you."

"Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

"I can tell that you want me."

"Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you... to leave."

"Hey, baby, What's your sign?"

"Stop."

"Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot

spots?"
"Sorry, I don't date outside my species."

"May I see you pretty soon?"

"Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"

"Your body is like a temple."

"Sorry, there are no services today."

"I'd go through anything for you."

"Good! Let's start with your bank account."
"I would go to the end of the world for you."
"Yes, but would you stay there?"

"Your place or mine?"

"Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

After hearing a pickup line:

I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

If you are looking at a girl and she says "What are

you looking at?"
say "I thought you were good looking, but I was
mistaken."

He: Would you like to dance?

She: Not with you.
He: Oh, come on. Lower your standards a little, I
just did.

He: Do you wanna dance?

She: Yeah but not with you!
He: You must have misunderstood me, I said you
look fat in those pants!

Q: Does beauty run in your family?

A: It obviously doesn't in yours!

Q: What's your name sexy?

A: Taken!

Q: Do you believe in love at first sight or do you

want me to walk by again?
A: Yeah, but this time don't stop!

Q: I think you're the best looking girl in here.

A: Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking
guy then, hadn't I!

He: Your legs go clear up to your a**.

She: Most peoples' do!

Q: Can I buy you a drink?

A: Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one
too!

"You look like a dream."

Response: "Go back to sleep."

He: What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the

bar?
She: What`s it like being the biggest liar in the
world?

"I can see forever in your eyes."

Response: "But all I can see is never in yours."

"I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and

your name was included."
Response: "Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to
jerk."

10 commandments of being a teenager:

1. Thou shall not sneak out when there parents are

sleeping (why wait?)

2. Thou shall not do drugs (alochol lasts longer)

3. Thou shall not steal from K-mart (Walmart has a

bigger selection)

4. Thou shall not get arrested for vandalism

(destructon has a bigger effect)

5. Thou shall not steal from their parents (everyone

knows Grandma has more money)

6. Thou shall not get into fights (start them)

7. Thou shall not skip class (take the whole day off)

8. Thou shall not go to strip clubs (Hooters has

better food)

9. Thou shall not think about having sex (like Nike

says... just do it)

10. Thou shall not help old ladies cross the street
(leave them in the middle)

Life's Highs...

1. Laughing hysterically
2. Dancing your heart out
3. Star gazing
4. Shopping
5. Going to the beach
6. Listening to the rain
7. Ice-cream on a hot day
8. Feeling wanted
9. Getting that warm, fuzzy feeling when you think
about the one you love
10. ReceIving text messages
11. Personal jokes
12. ComplIments
13. Late night phone calls
14. Christmas
15. Hugs
16. Kisses
17. Knowing someone misses you
18. Knowing someone is thinking of you
19. Good dreams
20. Skipping school for a day
21. Lying on the grass starring into the sky
22. Going up to the snow
23. Jumping into a warm bed on a cold night
24. Seeing your guys/girls name on your mobile
when it rings
25. Your first kiss
26. Talking for hours about absolutely nothing
27. Looking back on the laughs
28. Receiving presents
29. Giving presents
30. Birthdays
31. Air conditioning when it's hot
32. Being full of energy
33. Seeing your boyfriend/girlfriend
34. Watching someone do something stupid, and
them thinking no one saw
35. Nice smelling perfume/cologne/deodorant
36. Good hair days
37. Turning on the radio to hear that your favourite
song is being played
38. Running into an old friend
39. Strolling along the pier at night
40. Finding $5 on the ground
41. Being home alone
42. Reading a good magazine
43. Sun baking
44. Sleeping in
45. Watching the sun come up
46. Seeing a shooting star
47. Waking up to find the person you love in your
arms
48. Weekends
49. Holidays
50. Jumping on a trampoline
51. Sitting infront on the fire on a cold evening
52. Smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies
53. Singing into your hairbrush in your room
54. Bubble baths
55. Turning up your sterio as loud as it will go
56. Being so happy it makes you cry
57. Summer
58. Finally completing somthing you started a long
time ago
58. Achieving a long time goal
59. Warm nights
60. Falling in love...
Having a guy dump you and say "We can still be
friends"
Is like having your mom say "Your dog died but you
can still keep it"

Derick:
I guess we are the left-overs in this world.

Lily:
I think so...all of my friends have boyfriends, and we
are the only the 2 people left in this world without
any special person in our lives.

Derick:
Yup, I don't know what to do.

Lily:
I know! We'll play a game.

Derick:
What game?

Lily:
I'll be your girlfriend for 30 days
and you will be my boyfriend.

Derick:
That's a great plan, in fact, I don't have anything to
do
much for the following few weeks.

DAY 1:
They watch their first movie
and they both are touched by the romantic film.

DAY 4:
They went go to the beach and have a picnic. Derick
and Lily have their quality time together.

DAY 12:
Derick invited Lily to a circus and they ride through a
Horror House.
Lily was scared and she thought she touched Derick's
hand but she actually touched someone else's hand
they both laughed.

DAY 15:
They saw a fortune teller down the road, and they
asked for their future advice.
The fortune teller said:
"My darlings, please don't waste the time of your life,
spend the rest of your time together, happily." Then
tears flowed out from the teller's eyes.

DAY 20:
Lily invited Derick to go to the hill
and they saw a meteor; Lily mumbled something.

DAY 28:
They sat on the bus, and because of a bumpy road
Lily gave her first kiss to Derick by accident.

DAY 29:
11:37 pm:
Lily and Derick sat in the park where they first
decided to play this game.
Derick:
I'm tired Lily...Do you want anything to drink? I'll
buy you one...I'll just go down the road.

Lily:
An Apple Juice, that's all. Thank you.

Derick:
Wait for me.

20 minutes later
A stranger approached Lily

Stranger:
Are you a friend of Derick?

Lily:
Yes, why? What happened?

Stranger:
A reckless drunk driver ran over Derick, and he is in
critical condition in the hospital.

11:57 pm:
The doctor walked out of the emergency room; he
handed Lily an apple juice and a letter.

Doctor:
We found this in Derick's pocket.

Lily reads the letter and it says:

Lily, These past few weeks, I realized you are a really
cute girl, and I am really falling for you-your
cherished smile, your everything when we played
this game. Before this game ends, I would like you
to be my girlfriend for the rest of my life.
I love you, Lily.

Lily crumpled up the paper and shouted:

"Derick! I don't want you to die-

I love you; remember that night when we saw a
meteor and I mumbled something. I mumbled that I
wish we would be together forever and that we
would never have to end this game. Please don't
leave me Derick .. I love you! You can't do this to
me!"

Then the clock strikes 12...

Derick's heart stopped pumping...

It was the 30th day.

THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME

*My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL
DONE-"If you're going to kill each other do it
outside-I just finished cleaning."

*My mother taught me RELIGION-"You better pray

that will come out of the carpet."

*My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL-"If you don't

straighten up, I'm going to kick you into the middle
of next week."
*My mother taught me LOGIC-"Because I said so,
that's why."

*My mother taught me FORESIGHT-"Make sure you

wear clean underwear, in case your in an accident."

*My mother taught me IRONY-"Keep laughing and I'll

*give* you something to cry about."

*My mother taught me OSMOSIS-"Shut your mouth

and eat your supper."

*My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM-"Will

you look at the dirt on the back on your neck!"

*My mother taught me STAMINA-"You'll sit there till

all that spinach is finished."

*My mother taught me about WEATHER-"It looks as

if a tornado swept through your room."

*My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS

PROBLEMS-"If I yelled because I saw a meteor
coming towards you; would you then listen."

*My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY-"If I've

told you once I've told you a million times-Don't
Exaggerate!!!"

*My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE-" I

brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
*My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR
MODIFICATION-"Stop acting like your father."

*My mother taught me about ENVY-"There are

millions of less fortunate children in this world who
don't have wonderful parents like you do."

THANKS, MUM!
Friends ' Best Friends

Friend: calls your parents by mr. and mrs.

Best friend: calls your parents by their first names.

Friend: has never seen you cry

Best friend: has always had the best shoulder to cry
on

Friend: never asks for anything to eat or drink

Best friend: opens the fridge and makes herself at
home

Friend: asks you to write down your number.

Best friend: they ask you for their number
(cuz they can't remember it!)

Friend: borrows your stuff for a few days then gives

it back.
Best friend: has a closet full of your stuff

Friend: only knows a few things about you

Best friend: could write a biography on your life story
Friend: will leave you behind if that is what the
crowd is doing
Best friend: will always go with you

Read this "HATE letter". It is so funny and creative.

This is a loveletter from a boy to a girl.... However,
the girl's father does not like him and want them
stop their relationship......and so..the boy wrote this
letter to the girl..he knows that the girl's father will
definitely read this letter..

1 "The great love that I have for you

2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you
3 grows every day. When I see you,
4 I do not even like your face;
5 the one thing that I want to do is to
6 look at other girls. I never wanted to
7 marry you. Our last conversation
8 was very boring and has not
9 made me look forward to seeing you again.
10 You think only of yourself.
11 If we were married, I know that I would find
12 life very difficult, and I would have no
13 pleasure in living with you. I have a heart
14 to give, but it is not something that
15 I want to give to you. No one is more
16 foolish and selfish than you, and you are not
17 able to care for me and help me.
18 I sincerely want you to understand that
19 I speak the truth. You will do me a favor
20 if you think this is the end. Do not try
21 to answer this. Your letters are full of
22 things that do not interest me. You have no
23 true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,
24 I do not care for you. Please do not think that
25 I am still your boyfriend."

So bad!! However, before handing over the letter to

the girl, the boy told the girl to "READ BETWEEN THE
LINES", meaning-only to read
1.3.5.7.9.11.13.15.17.19.21.23.25. (Odd Numbers)
So..Please try reading it again! It's so smart &
sweet.... :)

Happiness needs sadness.

Success needs failure.
Benevolence needs evil.
Love needs hatred.
Victory needs defeat.
Pleasure needs pain.

You must experience and accept the extremes.

Because if the contrast is lost, you lose appreciation;
and when you lose appreciation, you lose the value
of everything

|C|I|N|D|E|R|E|L|L|A| walked on broken glass

Sleeping Beauty let a whole 'lifetime' pass

Belle fell in .l.o.v.e. with a

:hideous beast:

(Pocahontas) risked her life for a feast

Jasmine could have had *anyone*, but instead chose
a
{p o o r m a n}

And Ariel [walked.on.land]

All for love and all for life

.B.l.o.o.d. .S.w.e.a.t. .n. .T.e.a.r.s.

*L*o*v*e* is about facing your |Biggest Fears|

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15

years. He breaks into a house to look for money and
guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair,

while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her,
kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the
bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his
wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his

clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and
hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed
your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't
complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no
matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is
probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill
us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my

neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he
was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we
had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom.
Be strong honey. I love you too!!"