After Feminism Stole my Identity: How I became a Mensch By Henry Makow Ph.D. Au ust !

" #$$% &hen I was #% years old" and li'in in Israel" I recei'ed a letter from my mother. She had taken my sa'in s and in'ested in a town house. ()ow" you are a mensch"( she said. I wondered what she meant. How did ownin a house make me a man* I wanted to be defined by my character" not by my +ro+erty. I came of a e at a time when youth was (lookin for identity.( I was searchin for it in Israel. ,ater" I became a -anadian nationalist. In each case" I didn.t find identity in (community.( I had a stron +atriarchal father" an e/cellent role model. He built a successful career" and su++orted a family. (&ork is the backbone of a man"( he would tell me. (It.s the most im+ortant decision a man makes. A wife is the second most im+ortant.( But for some reason" his e/am+le didn.t re ister. &hy didn.t it* For centuries men ha'e defined their identities in terms of masculinity. &hy was I so clueless* I was a feminist. I rew u+ in an era that has bou ht the feminist lie that men and women are identical. In our culture" women are encoura ed to do e'erythin men do" and 'ice 'ersa. I belie'e in e0ual o++ortunity but I mistook (e0ual( with (identical(" and this retarded my +ersonal de'elo+ment by #1 years. I doubt if I am alone. (Identical( made me look for a mate who was not only my e0ual but also my e0ui'alent. In essence I was lookin for myself. I was literally attracted to lithe youn women with cro++ed boyish haircuts: my own +ersona. 2hus" I +ut a woman on a +edestal because she had my identity. She could i'e it back to me. Some women were immediately re+elled. 3thers en4oyed the adulation for a while" but e'entually lost res+ect. &hat I needed was someone 0uite different from me" my feminine com+lement. It hasn.t hit us yet but e'entually feminism will be reco ni5ed for what it is: a 'irulently anti social" anti6 feminine" anti heterose/ual ideolo y that has achie'ed e/traordinary +ower by +retendin to cham+ion women.s ri hts. By thus foolin society" they ha'e been able to enact +olicies which emasculate men and encoura e women to become masculine. In other words" women ha'e usur+ed the masculine identity" and in the +rocess" both se/es ha'e lost their own. 7nbelie'ably" the destruction of heterose/uality is the stated oal of feminists who belie'e ender difference is not only unnatural but also the source of all in4ustice. Most +eo+le don.t reali5e that the current feminist mo'ement is a li'in anachronism from the cold war and the Mar/ist re'olutionary si/ties. Most of the leadin feminist thinkers" includin Betty Friedan and Simone de Beau'oir" ha'e been Mar/ists" and many ha'e also been lesbians. But they would not ha'e succeeded if they had been u+ front about their bi5arre re'olutionary oal" which is to coerce heterose/uals into the closet. In this li ht" terms like (se/ism"( (+olitical correctness"( and (se/ual harassment"( take on new meanin . Feminism is about +ower not choice. ()o women should be authori5ed to stay at home and raise her children"( said feminist founder Simone de Beau'oir. (&omen should not ha'e that choice" because if there is such a choice" too many women will make that one( 8Saturday 9e'iew" :une %;" %<=1>. If

feminism were really about choices" it would not indoctrinate women to enter the work force and become (inde+endent.( It would not demoni5e men and heterose/ual lo'e. Feminism is essentially a lesbian mo'ement in the sense that lesbians ha'e always been women who co'eted the male role. It is based on Mar/ist notions of (e0uality( and class conflict that ha'e been discredited and re4ected" notions that ha'e no rele'ance to a mystical reality such as lo'e. 2he breakdown in the traditional family caused by feminism" is 0uite sim+ly" the main reason for our social" +ersonal and e/istential +roblems. Peo+le ha'e always deri'ed their +rimary meanin and +ur+ose from familial roles 8e. . dau hter" wife" and mother> and from the life6cycle rituals" 8marria e" birth and death>. Indeed" marria e and family are a ?od6 i'en Path to achie'e lo'e and +ersonal fulfillment. &e do not find wholeness by tryin to incor+orate masculine and feminine in oursel'es but by unitin with our o++osite. Heterose/ual lo'e is the attraction of o++osites. Indeed" as heterose/uals we define themsel'es in terms of these differences. If we are male" we are not female" and 'ice6'ersa" like dark and li ht. Because I denied these differences" I didn.t know who I was. I didn.t understand women" and I didn.t know how to relate to them. I was almost 1$6years6old before I sol'ed the riddle. A book 2he Fli ht from &oman 8%<@;> by Aarl Stern" a +rominent -anadian +sychiatrist" confirmed what my instincts were tellin me. My mother had been ri ht all alon . A man makes the houseB the woman makes the home. Accordin to Stern" masculinity is defined by (+ower( o'er the natural and social en'ironment. Men +ro'ide the +hysical and cultural conte/t for the +ri'ate world of lo'e. 2hey are the do.ers: ad'enturers and builders" +rotectors and +ro'iders. Femininity is defined by (lo'in relationshi+s.( Feminine +sycholo y is founded on nurturin and lo'in husbands and children" and thereby bein needed and lo'ed. &omen are the en ines of lo'e" actin much like the heart in the body. 2hey create the family that is the fundamental buildin block of society and the foundry of the future. Men define themsel'es by deedsB women sim+ly are lo'e: beauty" race" faith and oodness. Men tend to be rational and ob4ecti'eB women sub4ecti'e" intuiti'e and emotional. Distinctions like these need not constrict us. 2hey are a theme u+on which to +lay our own 'ariations. For e/am+le" my wife mows the lawnB I do all the sho++in and cookin . But without the theme" there is confusion and chaos. 2he feminist os+el that traditional se/ roles are (o++ressi'e( is wron . For many +eo+le" a fle/ible inter+retation of traditional roles may be essential for ha++iness and fulfillment. I e/tra+olated from Aarl Stern.s distinctions. If man is moti'ated by +ower and woman by lo'e" heterose/ual lo'e must be an e/chan e of the two. A woman surrenders her +ower" in trust. 2his is how a woman e/+resses her lo'e: by trustin . In this way" women actually em+ower men. If a man betrays this trust" he loses his +ower. In return for her +ower" a woman ets what she really wants: a man.s +ower e/+ressed as his intense" undi'ided lo'e. He includes her in his s+here of self6interest: this is how two +eo+le become one. Her ha++iness is his ha++iness. He can.t hurt her without hurtin himself. 2eachin women to seek masculine +ower +re'ents them from ettin what they really want. &omen want to be +ossessed by a man.s lo'e. ?od.s lo'e of -reation is mirrored in a man.s lo'e of a woman. A irlfriend once told me" (I want to be used.( In a way" a man channels ?od.s lo'e to a woman by makin her a wife and 8+ossibly> a mother. &omen want masculine +ower" but it must be in a man. 2he same irlfriend also said that without a man" she feels (like a rudderless boat.( Similarly" a man without a woman is a rudder without a boat.

A man cannot lo'e a woman who is com+etin with him for +ower. 9elationshi+s between so6called (e0uals( are like mer ers" or roommates. 3ne +sychiatrist" Irene -laremont de -astille4o" calls them (brother6sister( marria es 8Anowin &omen: A Feminine Psycholo y" %<=C>. 2hey cannot achie'e the intimacy as when a woman surrenders her will to a man" and a man returns this trust with his wholehearted lo'e. Some +sychiatrists say her se/ual satisfaction is also linked to her ability to trust and surrender. Feminine women are creatures of ?od. In lo'e" they sacrifice their (sel'es( for lo'e" which in many reli ions is the key to transcendence. Helen Deutsch remarked on this masochist6narcissist syndrome in her 2he Psycholo y of &omen: A Psychoanalytic Inter+retation 8%<;;>. 2he ma4ority of women only achie'e fulfillment as wi'es and mothers. In their hearts" they know it. )or can women lo'e men with whom they com+ete. &omen are hy+er amous which means they seek men of hi her status than themsel'es. D'en the most ardent heterose/ual feminist only can lo'e someone more +owerful than she. 2he stru le for +ower is +oisonin male6female relations. It is the death of lo'e. Men cannot i'e u+ their definin characteristic and e/+ect to be men. &omen cannot critici5e and challen e men and e/+ect to ha'e satisfyin relationshi+s. &hen I com+rehended this" I felt liberated. I established a healthy relationshi+ with a woman who is my female com+lement" and married her. In conclusion" the uni'ersal com+laint is that men no lon er know how to be menB women don.t know how to be women. It hel+s to see heterose/ual lo'e as a mystical dance. In a dance" the male leads" the female follows. Eou can.t ha'e a raceful dance without each +artner +layin his +art. 2he dance is based on lo'e. 2he male is always considerin his mate.s wishes" because he lo'es her. In some cases" he will ask her to lead. As in a ballroom dance" who can say which role is more im+ortant. Both +artners are of e0ual 'alue. 2he dance re0uires both the leadershi+ and dynamism of the maleB and the beauty" lo'e and race of the female. In the dance of lo'e" two +eo+le become one" and the fruit of this mystical union" is often a child. theend