Focusing on Whats Important

Overview Tips on how to focus on what matters most to you in life. Knowing whats most important to you Ways to focus on what matters most

We all have competing commitments, responsibilities, and priorities throughout our lives. You may be putting in long hours but not seeing as much of your family as you would like. You may wonder why you never have enough time for good friends or to spend quality time with your partner. In this article youll find tips on how to focus on whats most important to you and avoid getting distracted by things that dont really matter. Knowing whats most important to you
Behavioral researchers have found that most people have two to five values that are most important to them -- things like love, kindness, creativity, spirituality, and leadership -- and that incorporating these values into their lives brings greater happiness and fulfillment. Here are some ways to identify your core values so that you can use them as a guide for daily living: Identifying your personal core values. Keep in mind that your core values are not shoulds or even needs but reflect whatever you naturally feel is important to you -- for example, adventure, collaboration, humor, accomplishment, authenticity, or security. One way to recognize your core values is to recall times you considered highlights in your life. What were you doing and with whom? What was important about the experience to you? What values were reflected in it? Make a list of your most important values in life. Start by listing all the values that matter a lot to you. Then narrow your list to the five or six that are most important to you. If your list is too long, youll risk getting sidetracked by things that wont matter as much in the long run. Think about how you would like people to remember you. Try this exercise to give your five or six most important values a reality check: Imagine people talking about you at your funeral. What qualities you do you hope they would mention? All or most of those values should appear on your list of your five or six core values. If they dont, consider revising your list to reflect them. Get feedback from other people. Ask trusted friends or relatives to tell you what they perceive as your most important values. Their feedback may give you a different perspective on your life. For example, if close friends or relatives feel that one of your core values is to make a lot of money -- when, in your mind, how much money you make matters less than having strong relationships with family and friends -- you may hold one set of values, but live by another.
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Focusing on Whats Important

After youve identified your five or six most important values, write them down. Review this list regularly to help you stay focused on where you want to be.

Ways to focus on what matters most

We all want to live a balanced life that includes time for family, friends, work, contributing to our community, and other pursuits that reflect our personal values, such as trust, independence, or lifelong learning. Here are some ways to focus on whats most important: Ask yourself if you use your time in a way thats consistent with your values. According to Dr. William Doherty, a therapist and author of The Intentional Family, most people say their relationships are a top priority, but they often fit them in around work or other activities. Look for ways to bring your values and your actions into alignment. Be intentional about spending time with people you love. Create regular times to be together that are meaningful, William Doherty advises. Block out time for a monthly breakfast with a close friend or for a weekly date night with your partner. Say no to things that interfere with these important commitments. Create rituals that help you focus on whats important. Rituals add meaning to life and provide a way to express your values. If you want to have strong relationship with your partner, for example, you can create routines that will help. William Doherty suggests that you have rituals of connection such as a goodnight kiss, saying I love you every day, and greeting each other warmly after work. Work on one thing at a time. Aligning your values and actions will be easier if you work on one area at a time. If you have children, the research shows that the most important activity you can do with your children is a family dinner, William Doherty says. So you might start by committing to a certain number of family dinners a week. If you do, youre less likely to regret sometimes missing school or sports events, because you have a built-in way to catch up. Ask people what they need from you. Take into account the views of other people whose help you need to focus on whats most important. If having a good marriage is a top priority for you, ask your spouse what you could do to strengthen it. If you want to make a contribution at work, ask your manager how you could make yourself more valuable to your employer. This will help you work with, not against, the important people in your life. Learn from older adults. Ask people in their 70s or 80s what life experiences they have found most rewarding or fulfilling. Their answers may give you a fresh perspective on what, in the long run, may turn out to matter most to you, too. Keep money in perspective. Avoid thinking that you need more money to focus on what really matters. Researchers with the Cornell Legacy Project have spent

Focusing on Whats Important

nearly a decade asking older people to describe the most important lessons they have learned in lives. Many of the participants had grown up in the Great Depression and had to live on almost nothing. They learned that you could be very happy with almost nothing if you had a loving family, supportive friends, and didnt try to compete with others who had more than you did. If you tend to put too much emphasis on money, remind yourself of the old saying, The best things in life arent things. Create a bucket list. Think about what you would most love to do someday, maybe a secret desire that youve never mentioned to anyone. Would you love to write a novel? Get in shape to run in an annual race in your community? Revisit a place you loved when you were younger? Start planning now for how you could make that happen even if it might take you a few years. If a top priority is having strong ties to family and friends, consider drawing up a joint bucket list of things all of you want to do together someday, such as taking a camping trip. Use your vacation time. Pulling back from day-to-day work pressures can help to clear your head and give you a fresh perspective on whats really important. Youll find more ideas for focusing on whats important in 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice From the Wisest Americans (Hudson Street Press, 2011), by Karl Pillemer, a gerontologist and nationally known expert on aging. The book grew out of Dr. Pillemers work with the Legacy Project at Cornell University, which since 2004 has gathered the responses of nearly 1,500 older people to the question, What are the most important lessons that you have learned over the course of your life?

This article is based on a Ceridian podcast, Focusing on Whats Important, with William Doherty, PhD. Dr. Doherty is a practicing therapist and author of several books, including The Intentional Family and Take Back Your Marriage. 2013 Ceridian Corporation. All rights reserved. 032713

How to Develop an Optimistic Outlook

Overview Ways to develop and maintain a positive outlook at home, at work, and elsewhere. Understanding optimism Recognizing your negative thinking Tips on staying optimistic

Optimistic people tend to believe that good things happen more often than bad things. They may face many challenges, but when they have setbacks, their positive thoughts help them cope. Research has found that optimists experience less stress, have stronger relationships, and show more of the perseverance needed to succeed at work and in life. Experts believe that while some people seem to have been born on the sunny side of the street, others can cultivate optimism and reap the benefits of a positive outlook. In this article youll find tips on how to become optimistic, whether youre dealing with small concerns or major challenges that involve your family, work, health, or finances. Understanding optimism
Optimism isnt the same thing as happiness. Both optimists and pessimists may feel happy about something that has happened, but their thoughts about it may be very different. When a happy event occurs: An optimist might think, This is one of many good things that have happened in my life. Maybe other good things will result from it. A pessimist might think, This good feeling will never last. Look at all the bad things that have happened to me in the past. In other words, optimism is a tendency to think about things in a positive way. Pessimism is a tendency to think about them in a negative way. Optimists and pessimists also view setbacks in different ways. Optimists consider setbacks temporary and surmountable, and that circumstances or bad luck are to blame. Pessimists think setbacks will undermine them and will be long term, and they tend to blame themselves for the situation. These differences are important because they can affect how people act. Researchers have found that when optimists face a setback, they are less likely to give up, and their persistence can help them reach their goals. They have also found that even if you tend to see the glass as half empty instead of half full, you can strengthen your ability to stay optimistic and break the habit of giving up when you face challenges.

Recognizing your negative thinking

Negative thoughts arent always unhealthy. Your fears about walking down an unlit street late at night may lead you to choose a safer route. And concerns about

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the economy may prompt you to get helpful advice from a financial professional or to save more money to protect yourself and your family. But certain types of negative thoughts can reduce your optimism about your future. These ideas may have a variety of causes, including inaccurate messages youve read or heard from other people. Some common types of unhelpful negative thoughts are: Overgeneralizing, or making assumptions about yourself based on too little information. You might tell yourself, Im no good at making presentations, when you havent really made many and you might be able to improve your skills. Personalizing, or blaming yourself when things go wrong, even if you dont have control over the situation. You might think its your fault that a friend always seems unhappy when shes around you, although she may not have a cheerful temperament or may have personal problems you dont know about. Catastrophizing, or tending to expect the worst. You might think youll never be able to handle a new assignment at work even when you know that the manager who gave you the task has a good understanding of your skills. Filtering, or screening out the positive aspects of a situation and dwelling on the negative ones. After giving a great party, you might focus on a guest who got sick and couldnt come, even when those who attended said they had a wonderful time. Splitting, or all-or-nothing thinking. You might think that if co-workers dont have all the skills you have, they arent making a contribution to your organization, when they may have other abilities that your employer values. You may notice that at certain times you fall into one or more of these thought patterns -- for example, when you face new challenges. If you so, you can dispute your negative thinking and focus on replacing it with positive thoughts in those situations. Youll be more likely to succeed if you work on changing one type of thought at a time instead of trying to adjust your entire outlook all at once.

Tips on staying optimistic

You can develop a more positive outlook by taking steps every day to change how you think. This process may take time, especially if you see yourself as a pessimist or are facing unusually large challenges. But you may see a difference right away just by doing a few simple things regularly. Here are tips on building more optimism into your life:

How to Develop an Optimistic Outlook

Be aware of your negative thoughts. Pull back from time to time and listen to the messages youre sending yourself. If you have negative thoughts about a situation you cant change, try to replace them with positive ones. Practice talking back to yourself. Create alternate responses to the negative thoughts you would like to overcome, and consider writing those responses down. For example, if you think, Ill never be able finish that project, try, Ill break it down into manageable parts. If you think, I dont know how to do that, try, I have a chance to learn something new. Use thought-stopping techniques. Learn a few ways to interrupt negative thoughts, which some scientists call thought-stopping techniques. Psychologist Martin Seligman suggests in his book Learned Optimism that you carry a 3 x 5 card with STOP written on it in red and look at it when you want to break a thought pattern. He adds, Many people find it works well to wear a rubber band around their wrists and snap it hard to stop their ruminating. Distract yourself. If you cant or dont want to use thought-stopping techniques, find other ways to distract yourself from negative thoughts. Play a musical instrument or a sport that requires your full concentration. Or make a tape, burn a CD, or create a playlist of upbeat songs that make you want to sing along. Bring more humor into your life. Tap the power of laughter to banish gloomy thoughts. Rent funny movies, post cartoons on a bulletin board, or enjoy the jokes or humorous songs your friends upload to Facebook or a blog. Spend time with optimistic people. Research has found that moods and ideas can be contagious. Chronic complainers may bring you down even if you arent aware of it. Spend as much time as you can with optimistic people who lift your spirits. Use your core values. Behavioral scientists say that most people have two to five values that are especially important to them, which may include things like humor, kindness, creativity, spirituality, leadership, or a capacity to love. These core values (often called signature strengths) are strongly linked to more satisfaction in life. And using them may increase your optimism almost effortlessly because exercising them makes you feel invigorated rather than exhausted, psychiatrist Alicia Salzer writes in her book Back to Life: Getting Past Your Past With Resilience, Strength, and Optimism. Practice gratitude. A pessimistic outlook may cause you to lose sight of the things youre thankful for, and practicing gratitude can restore the balance. Spend a few minutes each day thinking about the good things in your life, or sharing them with a friend or family member. Some experts suggest that you keep a gratitude journal and write down the things that make you feel grateful. Control what you can control. Even if youre basically an optimist, you may start to feel pessimistic if you dwell on things you cant control. Focus on doing all you can to improve what you can control.

How to Develop an Optimistic Outlook

Develop or keep up good-health routines. Optimism is easier to maintain when you feel good physically and mentally. Eat a healthy diet, sleep for 7 to 9 hours a night, and get 30 minutes of vigorous exercise at least three times a week. Get help if you have unwanted negative thoughts that wont go away. A therapist or other counselor can give you other ideas on what to do if you have persistent negative thoughts that are interfering with your work, relationships, or enjoyment of life. Your employee assistance program (EAP) can give you information on how to find a therapist in your area. Youll find more tips on how to develop or maintain your optimism in Martin E. P. Seligmans Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life (Vintage, 2006).

Written with the help of Alexandra Mezey, LICSW. Ms. Mezey has a masters degree in social welfare, and completed postgraduate training in family therapy and advisement for Employee Assistance Professional certification. She has worked as a family therapist and an EAP counselor, helping people with issues across the lifespan. She is president of Life Clarity Coaching, located in Massachusetts, working with people in transition. 2011 Ceridian Corporation. All rights reserved. 051111

Managing Stress

Overview Tips for recognizing and managing stress. What is stress? What causes stress? Symptoms of stress Managing the symptoms of stress Relaxation techniques Taking care of yourself Finding help

Stress affects most of us -- its how our minds and bodies react to change. A difficult change such as job loss or divorce can cause severe stress. But happy changes such as having a baby or starting a new job can cause stress as well. Stress can be a good thing, energizing us as we try new activities and adapt to new circumstances. Unmanaged stress, however, can take a serious toll on our health, our relationships, and our ability to be successful in life. It can lead to unhealthy behavior, such as binge eating or excessive drinking. It can cause us to lash out in anger at our friends, relatives, or co-workers. Over time, stress can contribute to health problems such as depression and heart disease, and it can suppress our immune system, leaving us more vulnerable to other illnesses as well. In this article, youll learn more about stress, how to manage it, and where to get help if youre suffering from severe stress, anxiety, or depression. What is stress?
Stress is the reaction we have to any change in our environment or within our bodies. In a threatening situation, the human body releases a surge of adrenaline. Your heart beats faster, your blood pressure rises, and your breathing quickens. When you are under stress your muscles tighten, you may perspire more, and you may even feel your stomach clench. This classic stress reaction is called the fight or flight response, and its an evolutionary adaptation to the archaic need to survive when hunting or faced with danger. Most experts agree that some degree of positive stress is actually good for us. It can stimulate us to peak performance for an important task. It is also linked with feelings of joy and exhilaration. In fact, a brief round of positive stress can leave us feeling refreshed, relaxed, and recharged. But stress is not healthy when it occurs many times a day, day in and day out, year in and year out. With chronic stress, our bodies dont fully relax between threats but stay tense and poised for the next challenge. Chronic stress is associated with feelings of anxiety and overload. It is also the source of the serious health and personal consequences that are the gravest risks of stress.

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Managing Stress

What causes stress?

We feel stress when we experience change at work or at home, when were pushed to do something new and uncomfortable, or when something in our lives is not working out as expected. For many people, the causes of stress include both positive and negative changes, such as moving, starting a new project or job, receiving a difficult performance review, falling in love, breaking up, or even getting ready for a vacation. But the most common causes of severe stress are typically because of negative change, such as job loss, divorce, financial setbacks, or a serious illness.

Symptoms of stress
The first step in managing stress is to become aware of it in yourself. Once you learn to recognize your own body cues, you can begin to treat your stress effectively. Stress affects everyone differently, but some of the most common signs of stress include the following:

Physical symptoms of stress

difficulty sleeping fatigue headaches neck or back pain muscle tension chest pains heart palpitations or shortness of breath stomach pain or upset stomach constipation or diarrhea blushing, feeling hot sweaty hands or feet trembling, nervous tics increased menstrual symptoms and more extreme PMS decreased sexual drive

Psychological symptoms of stress

irritability or hostility anger depression

Managing Stress

floating anxiety (you are anxious or afraid but are not sure why) rapid emotional swings overpowering urge to cry, run, or hide

Behavioral symptoms of stress

binge eating or food cravings drug or alcohol abuse increase in smoking increase in use of prescription drugs bullying, aggressive actions over-exercising emotional outbursts inactivity or lack of energy withdrawal from relationships or activities that were once pleasurable single-mindedness and extreme focus, or, the opposite -- inability to focus and to follow through on tasks Most stress comes and goes. Its normal to notice some of the above symptoms for a few minutes or even a few hours at a time. And often, you can relieve your symptoms by following some of the simple stress-management techniques outlined in the following sections. But if these strategies are not working -- if youre experiencing these symptoms for days or longer, if youre experiencing racing thoughts, if youre unable to control your emotions or actions, or if youre afraid that you might harm yourself or someone else, its important to seek help immediately. See the Finding help section at the end of this article.

Managing the symptoms of stress

The best way to deal with stress is to identify what is causing your stress and to confront it at the source. For example, if youre worried about what your boss thinks of your performance at work, you could ask and find out. If youre anxious about a task on your to-do list, you might block out some time and get it done, or break it down into pieces and at least get started. Other stresses cant be dealt with so directly. Most of us need to learn to live with a certain amount of conflict, change, and uncertainty. Learning about stress

Managing Stress

management techniques, and finding one that will work for you, will help you cope with the stress that you cant avoid.

Relaxation techniques
Stress increases your heart rate, breathing rate, and blood pressure. Relaxation techniques do the opposite: They lower your heart rate, breathing rate, and blood pressure. As an added benefit, regular use of relaxation techniques -- even for just a few minutes once or twice a day -- can reduce stress all day long. Many people benefit from relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, visualization, and yoga. Some of these techniques, like yoga, are best learned with the guidance of an expert. If you are interested, look for classes at a local Y, health club, or community center. What follows is a brief explanation of some of the simple but effective relaxation techniques.

Deep breathing
Deep breathing is probably the easiest relaxation technique to master and among the most effective. Slow, deep, diaphragmatic breathing actually slows down your heart rate, reduces blood pressure, and relaxes tense muscles. Stand, sit, or lie down in a comfortable position with good posture so that your stomach is not compressed. Put one hand over your belly button. Now breathe in slowly and deeply through your nose, letting your stomach expand as much as possible. Hold your breath for a few seconds, then exhale slowly through your mouth. When youve relaxed your stomach muscles and this deep breathing is working, youll feel your hand on your stomach rise and fall about an inch with each breath. Keep your shoulders and the rest of your body relaxed; if you find that your shoulders are rising and falling as you breathe in and out, you are working too hard. Remember, your diaphragm should be doing the work. Slowly count to 10 when inhaling and when exhaling. When your lungs are empty, start again with another deep breath. After just three or four breaths, you should feel the calming effect through your whole body. If you keep at it for a few minutes, you should feel a significant drop in stress. Deep breathing is one relaxation technique you can use throughout the day, even when you have only a minute or two to spare. Its a great stress reducer when in heavy traffic or in a long line at the supermarket or bank.

Managing Stress

Meditation
Find a quiet, comfortable place to sit, where you wont be interrupted or distracted for at least five or 10 minutes. If your shoes are uncomfortable, take them off. Loosen any tight clothing. Sit quietly, close your eyes, and begin to breathe deeply as described above. Focus your thoughts on a single calming image or word, clearing your mind of all other thoughts. Keep your mind clear and focused on that one word or image for several minutes. It takes most people some practice to really concentrate on one thought and clear their minds of all distractions. If you have trouble sitting still for meditation, you might find it helpful to walk (with your eyes open) and meditate at the same time. Concentrate on your breathing or on the length and pace of your stride. As you become able to concentrate more easily, gradually increase the amount of time that you meditate. Meditating for even 15 minutes can be refreshing.

Visualization
Follow the instructions for meditation, but instead of focusing on a single word or image, use your imagination to create an entire relaxing world. Think of a scene or a place that relaxes you and imagine it in detail. You might picture yourself walking on a beach on a warm, calm evening. Imagine the sounds, the smells, the feeling of sand on your feet. Or imagine yourself in a beautiful forest, sailing a boat, or sitting by a waterfall. Many audio recordings are available to help with visualization and guided imagery. You can find them at bookstores, music stores, and libraries.

Getting your right and left brain to communicate

Moving both sides of your body will help to build communication between your left and right brain, decreasing levels of stress. This is why walking or tossing a soft ball from one hand to the other eases stress for some people. The key to using relaxation techniques is to do them two or three times a day and to protect those times in your schedule as high-priority relaxation breaks. Some of these techniques may be difficult at first, but the more often you do them, the more easily your body learns to respond.

Taking care of yourself

When youre under stress, its important to take care of yourself. Set aside time regularly for activities you enjoy, such as listening to music, going to a movie, watching a game, or talking with a friend. Also, make sure you get enough sleep, eat healthfully, get some regular but moderate exercise, and practice positive thinking.

Managing Stress

Healthy eating
Healthy eating is a key part of managing stress. One good way to use nutrition as a stress management tool is to follow the 80/20 rule. If 80 percent of what you eat is healthy -- with a nutritious, low-fat mix of vegetables, fruit, and grain products -- you can allow yourself to eat what you want for the other 20 percent. Regardless of whether you follow that rule, its important to eat in moderation, avoid foods with lots of salt and sugar, limit caffeine and alcohol, and drink plenty of water. This can help you keep stress under control.

Moderate exercise
Regular exercise is one of the best ways to reduce stress and improve your mood. You can ease tension with vigorous activities like brisk walking, running, swimming, bicycling, or swing dancing. Stretching exercises can help relieve tense muscles and improve your bodys flexibility. Be sure to avoid overexertion as youre getting started. Ask your doctor what would be healthy for you. Look for a level of exercise thats safe, comfortable, and enjoyable and that youll be able to sustain over time.

Positive thinking
Most of us are our own toughest critics. We think negative thoughts about ourselves all day long. Positive thinking -- a kind of cognitive restructuring -involves paying attention to the negative messages we often send ourselves, and then turning them around to be more positive. Even very successful people often think of themselves as failures or underachievers because of comments from parents or teachers that have remained with them. Youll never amount to anything. Youre a girl, or You dont have the self-discipline to succeed, or Youre such a slob. By replaying these deep-rooted (and generally untrue) messages to ourselves, we reinforce them. Positive thinking replaces these internal messages with more positive (and truer) statements that make us feel better. Ive accomplished a lot and I can keep on doing it. I procrastinate once in a while, but Im usually on time. My house gets messy sometimes, but I do get it back in order eventually. Taking time to write down three things youre grateful for each day -- from enjoying a sunset to a talk with a friend or special time with your child -- will also help keep you in a positive frame of mind.

Social support
Research shows that companionship -- time spent with friends sharing thoughts and feelings -- makes you feel better and has a significant effect on your health.

Managing Stress

Exercising with a friend, finding people who share a hobby, looking for compatible people at work or through your childs school, or getting back in touch with siblings can all help you build a healthy social support network. And those connections can form an important defense against stress. One idea that works for many couples is for each person to make a list of things his or her spouse can do to help when theyre feeling stressed and needy. This is easy to adapt for close friends. When one person is having a bad day, the other knows from the list what he or she can do to help.

Expressing emotions
Writing and talking about your feelings and emotions has been shown to be an effective way of releasing tension and relieving stress. Even a 15-minute conversation with a close friend or relative can help if youre under stress. Studies show that people who spend time writing about their feelings and their reactions to traumatic events are less likely to feel anxious and depressed about them. If youre worried about something, try taking a few minutes to write down your thoughts. It can free your mind to move on to other things.

Finding help
If youre having trouble coping with the stress in your life, here are some resources that may help. Contact your EAP or employee resource program. Employee assistance programs and employee resource programs are designed to help employees deal with issues that are causing them stress at work and at home. They can help you address shortterm issues and to identify resources and referrals for emergency and long-term issues. If you have access to a consultant through your EAP or employee resource program, he or she may be able to discuss your particular concerns and help you find the resources you need. If you need immediate help or if you are having thoughts of death or suicide, call the National Hopeline Network at 1-800-442-HOPE (4673) or go to the nearest emergency room. Talk with your doctor. Your primary care physician can help determine whether your symptoms are indicative of a more serious problem, such as anxiety, depression, addiction, or another disorder and may be able to recommend initial treatments and refer you to a counselor or therapist in your area. Your health plan may also be able to give referrals or have a list of participating mental health counselors.

Managing Stress

Talk with clergy members or other available counselors at a house of worship. Members of your religious community may be able to offer both emotional and practical support.

Written with the help of Alexandra Mezey, LICSW. Ms. Mezey has a master's degree in social work and she has completed postgraduate training in family therapy and advisement for Employee Assistance Professional certification. She has worked as a family therapist and as an employee assistance program counselor. 2000, 2009 Ceridian Corporation. All rights reserved. This article is an example of the information offered through Ceridians Work-Life and EAP Services. Ceridian is making the article available as a public service. It may be copied and distributed to anyone affected by a natural disaster or other tragedy. 051209

Quick Tips for Making Time for Yourself

Balancing work, family, and friends is hard. Sometimes it may seem like you barely have enough time or energy to do the things you have to do, much less the things you want to do. But making time for yourself is important because it can give you the energy you need to tackle everything else thats going on in your life. Below youll find some ways to make more time for yourself: Decide that making time for yourself is important. Then schedule your favorite activities into your daily or weekly calendar. That way you wont put yourself last. Stop trying to be perfect. Its OK to leave chores undone for a day or a weekend if it means making time for you. Dont feel guilty about doing something for yourself. Its not selfish to make time for you. Its actually good for the other people in your life -- when you feel positive, your relationships with others are more positive, too. Get up 30 minutes earlier in the morning and use that time to call a friend, read the paper, go for a walk, or just sit and have a cup of coffee by yourself. If the mornings are too hectic in your home, make some time for yourself at night after everyone else has gone to bed. Find some activities that you enjoy that dont require a lot of time or preparation. You could go for a walk right after or before work, sew, or do light carpentry at home on the weekends. You might enjoy crossword puzzles, reading a magazine, or chatting with a friend on the phone. Talk with family members about why its important for you to have time for yourself. You can tell older children that you need some time when you come home from work to unwind before you start cooking or helping with homework. Talk with your spouse about how you can both make time for yourselves and still get everything else done. Ask family members to share household responsibilities. Teach your kids to pack their own lunches or do their own laundry, or ask your partner to take over cooking dinner a few times a week. Use this free time to do something for yourself.

Developed with funding from the IBM Global Work/Life Fund. 2005 Ceridian Corporation and IBM Corporation. All rights reserved.

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Quick Tips for Staying Healthy

When youre healthy, you have the energy you need to keep up with a demanding work schedule and everything else thats going on in your life. Below are tips for staying healthy.

Three keys to being healthy and feeling good

1. Get a good nights sleep. When you dont get enough sleep, you may be more irritable, have less patience, or have trouble concentrating. 2. Exercise. You need to be in good shape in order to be successful at work, which means that you need to exercise. It doesnt matter what you do -- walking, running, aerobics, gardening, or playing with your kids. Just try to do something physical for 30 minutes every day. 3. Eat healthy foods. Cut back on fats and sugars -- especially soda and candy -- and increase the amount of fruits and vegetables you eat. Try to bring healthy snacks and meals to work, like fruit, cheese and crackers, or carrot sticks, and avoid the vending machines.

More ways to be healthy

Spend time doing things that make you happy. The way you feel emotionally is connected to the way you feel physically. Part of a healthy lifestyle is having fun and doing things that make you happy. Manage stress. There are many ways to deal with stress and feel more relaxed, like going for walks, writing in a journal, or deep breathing. Find some that work for you. Help your body make it through a long shift sitting at a desk. You can do neck rolls, stand up for a few minutes at a time, stretch your legs under your desk, or take a walk during your break. Dont forget to drink lots of water during the workday.

Developed with funding from the IBM Global Work/Life Fund. 2005 Ceridian Corporation and IBM Corporation. All rights reserved.

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Relaxation

Overview Learn to relax to relieve stress. The importance of relaxation Therapies you can do on your own Other relaxation therapies

Stress is a fact of life for most people. We carry stress with us in our bodies as everyday pressures cause our muscles to tense up. Too much stress can make you physically ill and leave you at greater risk for serious conditions such as heart disease and high blood pressure. There are several ways to relieve stress. Some methods require instruction by qualified teachers; others you can do on your own as you go through your busy day. The importance of relaxation
Learning to relax is one of the best ways to deal with stress and its physical and emotional symptoms. Relaxation gives your body and mind a chance to calm down and recuperate from stress. It can also help you manage pain, get an energy boost, or just feel better in general. Here are some other potential benefits of relaxation: - decreased muscle tension - lowered blood pressure - increased energy - decreased irritability - increased ability to concentrate The key to learning how to relax is to find one or several strategies that work well for you.

Therapies you can do on your own

You can teach yourself some ways to relax and relieve stress. Some methods, such as taking a few minutes to just sit quietly, are very simple; others may require instruction and practice because you need to tune in to and teach your body to shift into a relaxed state. The key is to keep trying. Your first attempts at relaxing will probably be less than fulfilling. But as you experiment to find what works for you and practice, youll find yourself more and more able to relieve tension any time you want to. First, find a comfortable place, free of distraction. Deep breathing. Concentrate on your breathing, inhaling with slow, deep breaths through your nose, and slowly exhaling through your mouth. Imagine calmness entering your body with every inhalation and tension leaving your body with every exhalation. Counting each breath will help you stay connected to your breathing.

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Relaxation

Progressive muscle relaxation. Lie down, on a bed, sofa, or floor -- anywhere you can stretch your body out. Breathe in and out slowly and deeply while you concentrate on each of the muscles groups in your body one at a time. Starting at your toes and working your way up through your body to your neck and face, contract each muscle area and feel the tension as you breathe in, and then concentrate on letting it go on the exhale. Gradually your entire body will be completely relaxed. Meditation. There are many ways to meditate that have been developed over thousands of years. Meditation offers techniques and practices for attaining inner peace by focusing on images, sounds, or breathing. For instance, you might take a few minutes in a quiet place to close your eyes and quietly focus on a mental image, such as walking on a beach or in a wooded area, or on an object that calms you. Stretching. Tension builds up in the muscles throughout your body. Just a few minutes a day of slowly and gently stretching your muscles can relieve a lot of that tension. Hold each position for 30 seconds and dont bounce. Dont stretch too hard -- you want to feel the muscles extended, but not pulled. Exercise. It doesnt have to be very strenuous. Even a quick walk around the block can help to relieve tension. Find an activity that works for you and exercise at least a couple of times a week. Massage. Massaging muscles can relieve tension and help your muscles relax. You can pay a professional to give you a massage, or you can rub the tension out of your neck and shoulders yourself any time you feel tight. Remember to take a moment to stop what you are doing and concentrate on relaxing while you massage your neck and shoulders.

Other relaxation therapies

Some people find it helpful to take classes or learn about more structured relaxation therapies, such as yoga or tai chi. Each of these methods requires some training.

Yoga
Yoga began in India almost 5,000 years ago as a spiritual practice, but you dont have to be in search of enlightenment to benefit from yogas physical and mental effects. Yoga postures, breathing exercises, and meditation combine to provide stress relief and improved physical fitness. Yoga can also increase flexibility, help with high blood pressure and circulatory problems, relieve back and neck pain, and improve conditions like asthma, fatigue, insomnia, arthritis, rheumatism, and anxiety. There are several different traditions of yoga, but they all combine postures, stretching, breathing, and meditation to make your body and mind relax. Some

Relaxation

of the postures are difficult -- never force your body to do something its not ready for. A yoga instructor will be able to help you adapt the postures for your abilities.

Tai chi
Tai chi movements are taken from Chinese martial arts and are based on the principle that the human body has an energy flow, called chi, which can become blocked. The purpose of the tai chi exercises is to unblock the chi and restore its natural flow. Like yoga, tai chi relies on postures and breathing to increase circulation and promote healing and relaxation in the body. And, like yoga, there are several styles of tai chi. In tai chi, you slowly and smoothly move from one position to the next in a specific order. There are up to 108 separate movements, but beginners can usually find a short form that uses between 20 and 40 movements.

The Alexander technique

The Alexander technique was developed in the 1890s by F. Matthias Alexander. It involves re-learning how to use your muscles while doing everyday activities so your body works more efficiently and with less tension and strain. The Alexander technique may help people who have stress, fatigue, insomnia, anxiety, depression, neck and back pain, circulatory disorders, chronic muscle tension, digestive disorders, and voice and breathing problems. To learn about the Alexander technique, contact an instructor in your community.

The Feldenkrais method

The Feldenkrais method was developed by Moshe Feldenkrais in the 1940s. He combined his expertise in judo with his knowledge of the Alexander technique to create a system that uses gentle exercise motions to increase flexibility, stretch and strengthen muscles, and relax the body. Group lessons teach movement, while one-on-one sessions with an instructor help you become more aware of your body movements. The idea behind the Feldenkrais method is to free your mind and body from ways of thinking and moving that dont work well for you. You may have to try a few different methods of relaxation before you find the one thats right for you. But when you do find the perfect relaxation method, you will benefit both physically and mentally from reducing the tension that everyday living can cause.
Written with the help of Alexandra Mezey, LICSW. Ms. Mezey has a masters degree in social work and she has completed postgraduate training in family therapy and advisement for Employee Assistance Professional certification. She has worked as a family therapist and as an employee assistance program counselor, helping people with issues across the lifespan. She is president of Life Clarity Coaching, based in Massachusetts. 2000, 2009 Ceridian Corporation. All rights reserved. 082609

Taking Care of Yourself

Overview Ways to take care of yourself and reduce stress. Eat a healthy diet Get exercise Get a good nights sleep Reduce stress

How you deal with everyday stress as well as the stress and anxiety related to significant events affects how you feel emotionally and physically. But if you pay attention to your health and learn ways to handle stress youll be better prepared to handle whatever challenges and changes come your way. If you make time to exercise, eat right, and do the things that make you feel good, youll have more energy to tackle all of the other things you have to do. Eat a healthy diet
There is no question that the foods we eat affect how we feel and look. You dont have to follow a strict diet, but it is important to follow a healthy diet. A nutritious, well-balanced diet gives you energy, protects against disease, and helps you maintain a healthy weight. One easy rule to follow is what some experts refer to as the 80/20 rule: If 80 percent of what you eat is healthy -- with a nutritious mix of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains -- then you can let yourself eat what you want for the other 20 percent. Here are more tips for improving nutrition without overhauling your entire diet: Try to fit in two to three nutritious snacks throughout the day in addition to wellbalanced, but not overly large main meals. This will give you more energy throughout the day, even during an afternoon slump. For example, you may find that eating snacks like crackers with cheese or peanut butter, yogurt, or fruits and vegetables gives you energy throughout the day so that you dont overeat at main meals. Drink water throughout the day. Cut down on the amount of soda and coffee you drink, as well as sports drinks that are often high in sugar. Sugar and caffeine may make you feel great for a little while, but when they wear off, you may feel even worse. Try to keep a bottle or large glass of water at your workstation and fill up throughout the day. Flavor with a little lemon or lime if you dont like the taste of plain water. Replace high-fat foods with low-fat versions. Buying low-fat salad dressings, mayonnaise, milk, ice cream, and other items you eat a lot of helps reduce calories and weight gain. Try to reduce your saturated fat intake to less than 7 percent of your daily calories.

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Taking Care of Yourself

Eat lots of fruits, vegetables, and fish. Vegetables like broccoli and tomatoes are full of antioxidants that can fight cancer, and some fish like salmon have Omega-3 acids that are great for your heart. Try to build fruits and vegetables into your diet everyday. Snack on apples, oranges, dried fruit, carrot sticks, and other fruits and vegetables. Try to eat fish at least once a week. Look at portion sizes when you indulge. A little of some junk food wont hurt you occasionally, but eating from the bag definitely will. Even using a smaller plate for meals will help to curb your food intake. Avoid multitasking at mealtimes. If you always watch television at meals or eat on the run a lot, you may not be aware of how much you are eating. If youre on the go a lot, keep healthy snacks in the car and eat a little while youre out, then a little more once you arrive home. Remember -- you dont want to eat big meals just before going to bed. If junk food is your downfall, dont buy it. Shop with a list to avoid impulsive buys. The healthiest foods are usually around the outer perimeter of the grocery store, so stay away from the aisles where the processed foods tend to be.

Get exercise
People who exercise even moderately have much lower rates of heart disease and other medical problems, and regular exercise is a great way to reduce stress. But exercise is often the first thing to go when schedules get busy or during difficult times. Experts recommend that adults get a minimum of 30 minutes of exercise that makes you breathe harder on all or most days of the week. If the thought of joining a gym or reserving half an hour everyday for exercise seems impossible, try starting with small steps and building up over time. Instead of worrying about fitting in 30 minutes of exercise into your daily routine, concentrate on what you can do whenever you have five or 10 minutes -- it will add up. Here are some easy ways to build exercise into your life: Take a short walk during breaks at work. Walking just 15 minutes a day can make a big difference in how you feel. If you have trouble breaking away from work, pair up with a co-worker to make sure neither of you misses a planned walk. Even parking farther away from your workplace will add in some exercise, as well as give you more time to clear your head before starting to work or starting the drive home. Park at the opposite end of the grocery lot when you have a little time -- combined with pushing the full cart, this will help both strength and endurance. Get exercise while youre watching television. Buy a set of hand weights and exercise during commercials or do sit-ups while youre watching TV. Get up during breaks to put in loads of laundry or take out the garbage. This will not only help you with exercise, but also help you get your chores done more efficiently.

Taking Care of Yourself

Turn family time into exercise time. Try exploring a local park, going for a hike or bike ride, or just walking around the block with your family instead of going to the movies or shopping. If you go to a house of worship thats within a mile or two, walk instead of driving to services. Stretch for just a minute or two when you wake up each day. In addition to helping you ease into your day, a brief stretching routine can restore or build flexibility and energize your body.

Get a good nights sleep

When youre well rested, everything in your life is easier. You think more clearly, feel better, look better, and have more stamina and energy. But sleep is a basic need that many people ignore. Many people dont get the eight hours of sleep that are recommended for good physical and emotional health. And during times of stress, even people who usually sleep soundly may have trouble getting enough sleep. A lack of sleep -- even for just a few days -- can leave you feeling irritable, frustrated, and forgetful, and can also make you more susceptible to illness. Here are some tips for getting a good nights sleep: Establish a bedtime routine. Even adults need a bedtime routine. By adopting a routine and then sticking with it, you can train your mind and body to feel relaxed and ready to fall asleep when you start the routine. A bedtime routine can be as simple as listening to soft music, drinking a cup of herbal tea, or taking a bath and then turning out the lights at the same time every night. If you watch TV before bed, try not to watch programs that are violent or make you think too much, as it may then be difficult to turn off your brain. Avoid or limit caffeine and alcohol after five oclock. The effects of caffeine can last for three to four hours and for some people, even longer. And though it may seem like alcohol makes it easier to fall asleep, an alcoholic drink before bedtime may cause you to wake up later in the night. Try to exercise during the day. Many people find that regular exercise helps them sleep well at night. However, exercise too late in the afternoon or evening may actually interfere with sleep. If you have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, try not to lie in bed worrying about the fact that you cant fall asleep. Get up and do something relaxing instead. You might try the following: - Read something light or listening to music in another room until you feel sleepy. - Do deep breathing or other relaxation exercises. - Drink a cup of hot milk -- research shows that the amino acids in milk may help you get to sleep.

Taking Care of Yourself

- Have a pad by your bed to write down what you are thinking about when you wake up. Sometimes just putting it on paper will get it out of your head so that you can sleep better. If your sleep problems persist, you may want to talk to your health care provider. Some sleep problems can be related to depression, anxiety, or chronic pain, all of which can be treated with professional help. For more tips on getting a good nights sleep, visit the site for the National Sleep Foundation at www.sleepfoundation.org.

Reduce stress
Stress is a normal part of life for most people. But stress can affect your health, the way you feel, and your ability to perform well at work and at home. Thats why its so important to learn ways to deal with stress. In some cases, the best way to deal with stress is to go straight to the source. If youve been worrying about tackling your to-do list, you can take a minute to prioritize it. If youre anxious about what your manager thinks of your job performance, you can ask and find out. But some stresses cant be dealt with directly, and you will have to learn to live with them. The first step in managing stress is becoming aware of how you react to it. Once you learn how you react to stress and how its affecting the way you feel and behave, you can start treating it. Here are some common symptoms of stress: fatigue depression anger or irritability, particularly with respect to some of lifes little annoyances headaches or neck or back pain stomach pain changes in appetite (eating too much or too little) drug or alcohol abuse or increase in use increase in smoking Different techniques for dealing with stress work for different people. You may need to try several different approaches before you find something that works for you. Here are some ideas: Learn some relaxation techniques. Deep breathing and meditation are two of the most widely used relaxation techniques. To do deep breathing, try inhaling as you count to five slowly, and exhaling as you reverse the count. Some people also

Taking Care of Yourself

find it helpful to relax each part of their body in succession, starting with the right foot, right leg, right shoulder, right hand, and so on, back down the left side. Use exercise to relieve stress. The next time you feel frustrated or overwhelmed at work or home, try taking a walk or bike ride. Many people find that physical activity relieves stress. Express your emotions. Writing and talking about your emotions can be very effective for dealing with stress. Talking to a trusted friend or writing about your feelings in a journal can help you release strong feelings instead of keeping them bottled up, which can lead to more stress. Or you might send e-mails to yourself about what is leading to your stress, particularly if it is due to a particular situation or person. Make time to do things that make you feel good. Whether its going to a movie, spending time with a relative or friend, or going for a walk, its important that you schedule time to do things that you enjoy and make you feel good so that you can cope with the pressures that cause you stress. Make a date with someone who supports you. During times of stress, it helps to reach out to others who care and who will listen and understand. Dont be afraid to ask for help and support, as your friends and family members may not realize that you are under a lot of stress. They may be able to help you find solutions to some of the issues you are facing. Contact your health care provider, your employee assistance program (EAP), or the program that provided this publication for help with stress reduction. Your health care provider, EAP, or the program that provided this publication can offer resources and support with reducing stress. If you find that stress is interfering with your job performance, personal relationships, or sleep, it might be time to consider talking with a counselor about how to better handle your stress. Often, people do better talking about it rather than trying to ignore all that is going on or trying to handle it themselves. A fresh perspective from someone not intimately involved in your life may help you to find other ways to cope or relieve some of the stress. Taking care of yourself means paying attention to your physical and emotional needs. It means eating nutritious foods, getting exercise and sleep, and carving out time for pleasure and for being with people you care about. It also means

Taking Care of Yourself

learning ways to cope with feelings of stress so that youre able to handle whatever challenges come your way with resilience and flexibility. These are all things you can start working on -- today. The program that provided this publication has additional resources on managing stress and maintaining good health.

Written with the help of Deborah Borchers, M.D. 2002, 2009 Ceridian Corporation. All rights reserved. 120209