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ASTRO GOLF, SPACE TURF - BY RUSTEEN HONARDOOST Everything that follows is based on true experiences, except for the parts that are not. INT. ASTRO GOLF PARTY There's a college party going on in an apartment. The lights are dim and covered in colored tints, washing the room in red light. Its packed wall-to-wall with cans of PBR and plastic bottles of tequila. Gross. NEET SUR, a 20-something in glasses, is standing alone with his back against the wall. Nearby is a banner that reads "Astro Golf - Space Turf", and we see that everyone there is dressed in spaceman/golfer attire (Astronaut helmets and golf cleats. You get the picture). He is dressed as Fry from "Futurama". Sipping on his beer, Neet sees someone across the room who catches his eye. Its actually her eye that catches his eye. More specifically, a giant cyclopes eye painted on her forehead. She has dyed purple hair (meaning she is dressed as Leela, also from "Futurama"), and Neet cranes his head to get a better look at her. He loses sight of her behind a caddy's golf bag. Suddenly, the caddy vomits onto the wall directly over Leela's shoulder, and is escorted away by Chewbacca Woods (Chewbacca + Tiger Woods), allowing Neet to get his first good look at her. Her purple ponytail bounces around as she frantically searches for a paper towel to clean off the vomit on her shoulder. Neet is instantly smitten, but his smile drops when he sees that she is walking straight towards him. His eyes drop down to his beer to avoid eye contact but his deflection of her gaze is unsuccessful because she takes a spot against the wall right next to him. He doesn't make eye contact, even when she asks him for some paper towels he's unwittingly blocking her access to. As Leela settles into her spot right next to Neet, "I Am A God" by Kanye West plays over the speakers, obscuring all other noises rendering their conversation inaudible. Slowly, and by Leela's initiation, a conversation that we cannot hear forms. Its not a coincidence then that the passion and depth of the conversation is directly proportional to the amount of alcohol they have consumed. Leela is severely hammered by the end of their talk, but Neet isn't sober either. It's this drunken behavior that prompts Neet to put his arm

around Leela. To his surprise, she isn't surprised. In fact, she starts making out with him, then pulls him by the arm out the front door. EXT. ASTRO GOLF PARTY Leela pushes Neet against his car door. He fumbles for his keys but drops them. He attempts to reach for them, but Leela pins him down against the door so they won't stop making out. She pulls away, leaving a trail of saliva between their lips. LEELA (Slurred) Fuck me, Fry. Fuck me. After a second of contemplation, Neet flips her around, pinning her face down against the hood of his car. She lands with an "oof" as the wind is knocked out of her lungs. Neet pulls down her pants, kisses her bare ass, then pulls down his own pants. He's starts fucking her from behind, and he's so happy/drunk that he doesn't notice Leela fall asleep. (How many guys know they're bad at sex? Not Neet.) It's all going well until red and blue lights splash onto the street. Neet looks back and is blinded by the police spotlight. Oh fuck! In his haste to pull out Neet slips and falls on his own trousers, leaving Leela laying on the hood still asleep with her panties around her ankles. Just as Neet gets up (with his pants now on), he is tackled by a police officer. Neet hits the floor, knocked out by mass of the overweight police officer. POLICE OFFICER WE GOT YOU, YOU DATE RAPING FUCK! The other officer attempts to wake up the snoring Leela, while in the background Neet protests his arrest from the back of a squad car but he can't be heard over the siren. INT. ASTRO GOLF PARTY No one notices what's going on in the driveway, and the party continues. [THE END] NEET