FEBRUARY 2014 3.

99
SPECIAL REPORT
Nigerias child
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taking on
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By Alex Preston
SEX ADDICTION
Three decades
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Zero shame
THE SECRET LIFE
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Michael
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PLAYER2 MUSTRELOAD! GQs informative, cheat-lled
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Michael Fassbender
photographed for British GQ
by Jean-Baptiste Mondino
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FEBRUARY2014G
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February 2014
Treat yourself or a friendtoa subscription toGQfor just 15 for six issues
andget free digital editions. Visit gq-magazine.co.uk/subscribe/9325
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BRITISH
Features
Editors letter 19
Details 27
Kate Mara deals her hand on House Of
Cards Series 2; Central Saint Martins
photography competition; cocktail
ights land in London; GQs
gold-standard Oscar predictions.
Jokes 33
More gifts fromthe gabs.
What I wear 42
Alook into Paddle8 auctioneer
Alexander Gilkes winter wardrobe.
HugoRifkind 44
Hownot to... fear public speaking.
RodLiddle 47
Advice on life, love and licentiousness
fromour refreshingly frank physician.
Exposure 54
GQs 25th-anniversary art auction in
aidof the Princes Trust; Savile Row
celebrates our silver jubilee in style.
Cars 59
Introducing the all-electric city
cars of the future: BMWs i3 and
Renaults Twizy F1 .
Taste 63
The best pubs, clubs and restaurants,
surveyed and sampled in GQs new
and improved food and drink digest.
Michael Wolf 68
In topsy-turvy Britain, the public
still put taste before press freedom.
Travel 74
The Beverly Hills Hotels Polo Lounge
is still Hollywoods most glamorous
place to graze, Fifties style.
TonyParsons 76
Dont begrudge rich Russians their
fun even if it is on our patch.
Watches 83
Montblancs Star Twin Moonphase.
The lab 84
Five lightweight laptops of the
future; sound bases bring the
boom; real-world apps; drones.
Dresser 89
THEONE-STOPSECTIONFOR
EVERYTHINGMENSWEAR...
Re-imaginingLacostes croc; Louis
Vuitton; Style Shrink; Cerrutis rebirth.
RichardEGrant 96
Diary Of APerfumed Ponce:
part three.
Grooming 98
The GQSpa Guide: ve go-to retreats
to rest and recharge your batteries.
GQdirectory 100
Products, events and ofers.
Talk
Politics by MatthewdAncona 111
David Camerons 2014 will be
one long obstacle course.
Literatureby Olivia Cole 113
Two tales fromthe Big Apple.
Musicby Dylan Jones and
Dorian Lynskey 114
Lou Reeds amazing body of
work; keeping an open mind
about discovering newartists.
Letter fromZanzibar
by Jake da Motta 116
Crime, poverty and extremismmake
life unlivable on the African island.
Art by Sophie Hastings 118
Meet the collector who really cares.
Film 119
12 Years ASlave; Mandela: Long Walk
To Freedom; The Wolf Of Wall Street.
Sport by Martin Samuel 120
Its time for Englands footballers
to put intellect before instinct.
Life 207
GQs seven-step diet guide and
menu planner; personal training
session No5; Sex Shrink.
GQintel 236
The next key motor shows, explored.
Onthe cover
Michael Fassbender wears suit by
Armani, 1,570. armani.com. Shirt by
Smyth & Gibson, 125. smythandgibson.
com. Tie by Thomas Pink, 69. thomaspink.
com. Collar bar by Budd Shirtmakers,
12.50. buddshirts.co.uk. Knuckleduster
by SWS, 65. swsoondon.com
DONALDFAGANby Dylan Jones 48
Steely Dans sardonic frontman has haunted the dark
corners of rock music for the past ve decades. GQ
celebrates the man and his masterpiece, 1977s Aja.
ARAKESPROGRESSby Anonymous 78
Aserial sex-addict who has slept with more than 500
women charts the highs and (very) lows of coping
with an unquenchable thirst for philandering.
GQSBESTDRESSED2014 123
The denitive annual countdown of Britains 50standout
sartorial heroes.
BOKOHARAMby Alex Preston 166
As this ultra-violent Islamic terrorist group threatens to
bring Nigeria to its knees, GQmeets the teenage protesters
risking life and limb to clawback their freedom.
COVERSTAR: MICHAEL FASSBENDER
by Jonathan Heaf 174
Whether staking his claimto the Academy in 12 Years A
Slave, exploringnewworlds in Prometheus or pushingthe
limits of technique andtaste in Shame, no one straddles the
art-house and the multiplex like the newBrando.
GAMINGby Stuart McGurk 182
Multi-billion-dollar franchises, sophisticatedsatire and the
risingstars of eSports. Heres our all-encompassingguide
to the next generation of grown-upgames.
Fashion
MARKET MOVER
by Greg Lotus and John Naughton 190
Ex-Neighbours siren Margot Robbie swaps the small
for the silver screen in The Wolf Of Wall Street.
STYLEBEYONDTHEBOUNDARY
by Robert Fairer and Jo Levin 196
Lords plays host to a London Collections: Men showcase
of Cool Wool tailoring and contemporary cuts. Hows that?
GFEBRUARY2014
EDITOR
DYLANJONES
PATOTHEEDITOR&EVENTSCO-ORDINATORStephanieSleap
DEPUTYEDITORBill Prince CREATIVEDIRECTORPaul Solomons CREATIVEFASHIONDIRECTORJoLevin
MANAGINGEDITORMarkRussell FEATURESDIRECTORJonathanHeaf ASSOCIATEEDITORRobert Johnston
SENIORCOMMISSIONINGEDITORStuart McGurk COMMISSIONINGEDITORCharlieBurton HEALTH&SPORTSEDITORPaul Henderson COMEDYEDITORJamesMullinger
ARTDIRECTORWarrenJackson DEPUTYARTDIRECTORPhill Fields
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PHOTOGRAPHICDIRECTORJamesMullinger DEPUTYPHOTOGRAPHICEDITORGeorginaBreitmeyer ASSISTANTPICTUREEDITORCai Lunn
STYLE&GROOMINGEDITORJessicaPunter FASHIONPRODUCTIONEDITORPhilippaJefrey ACTINGFASHIONPRODUCTIONEDITORGraceGilfeather FASHIONASSISTANTHollyRoberts
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ContributingEditors
Mel Agace, ChrisAyres, JasonBarlow, StephenBayley, TaraBernerd, HestonBlumenthal, DebraBourne, Michael Bracewell, KevinBraddock, CharlieBrooks, EdCaesar,
Naomi Campbell, NickCandy, Robert Chalmers, NikCohn, GilesCoren, IainDale, MatthewdAncona, JohnnyDavis, AlanEdwards, DavidFurnish, AAGill, AnthonyHaden-Guest,
SophieHastings, MarkHix, BorisJohnson, JohnKampfner, SimonKelner, DavidLamb, TimLewis, FrankLuntz, CraigMcLean, SimonMills, PiersMorgan, IanOsborne, TomParker Bowles, TonyParsons,
Oliver Peyton, JonathanRay, DavidRosen, DariusSanai, SimonSchama, AlixSharkey, EdSmith, EdVaizey, EdVictor, CeliaWalden, JimWhite, Michael Wolf, NickyWoolf, Robert Yates, Peter York
ContributingPhotographers
MilesAldridge, GuyAroch, DavidBailey, Coppi Barbieri, GavinBond, RichardBurbridge, RichardCannon, KennethCappello, MatthiasClamer, DylanDon, SimonEmmett,
Jill Greenberg, WilsonHennessy, MarcHom, BennyHorne, NormanJeanRoy, NicholasKay, TonyKelly, DavidLaChapelle, BrigitteLacombe, JoshuaLawrence, Peter Lindbergh, ZedNelson,
Vincent Peters, Sudhir Pithwa, TerryRichardson, MickRock, MarkSeliger, MarioSorrenti, SrenSolkr, SamTaylor-Wood, MarioTestino, EllenvonUnwerth, MarianoVivanco, MatthiasVriens,
NickWilson, JohnWright, RichardYoung
DIRECTOROFEDITORIALADMINISTRATIONANDRIGHTSHarriet Wilson EDITORIALBUSINESSANDRIGHTSEXECUTIVEStephanieChristostomou
INTERNATIONALPERMISSIONSMANAGEREleanor Sharman SYNDICATIONsyndication@condenast.co.uk
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JAMIE BILL
BUSINESSMANAGER/PATOTHEPUBLISHINGDIRECTORSarahCocks
ASSOCIATEPUBLISHERJustinBarriball ASSOCIATEPUBLISHERFASHIONVanessaKingori ADVERTISEMENTMANAGER HannahOReilly
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REGIONALSENIORSALESEXECUTIVEBethHardie REGIONALSALESEXECUTIVEKrystinaGarnett HEADOFTHE PARISOFFICEHelenaKawalec PARISOFFICEFlorent Garlasco
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DIRECTORSJonathanNewhouse(Chairman), NicholasColeridge(ManagingDirector), StephenQuinn, AnnieHolcroft,
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CHAIRMAN, CONDNASTINTERNATIONAL
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I
n this months issue youll nd our annual
Best-Dressed Men supplement, our regular
tabulation of those men deemed by our
panel of experts to wield genuine sartorial
inuence. We started the Best-Dressed list
more than a decade ago, as there wasnt one
dedicated exclusively to men. Ours is still
the only one, which is perhaps
why there is such a media urry
when it appears.
Of course, there are always
those journalists who think
that the GQ staff spend an
inordinate amount of time
worrying about what to wear
to the ofce, although I can
reliably assure them that this
isnt true. Apart from a few
notable exceptions, most of the
men tend to turn up wearing a blue
suit. Either that or jeans. Yes, we had an editor
who once turned up in a tartan onesie, but as
we knew he was being provocative, our
indifference meant that he was soon back in
his skinny jeans and Converse.
Rather than obsess about what theyre
wearing, I think what most of the GQ staff
do is dress their age (which is not
something close to the hearts of
those on this years Worst-
Dressed Men list). Dressing
your age is probably the
secret to being well-dressed,
as what no man wants to be
accused of is trying too hard.
Have you ever tried too hard?
Have you ever loped around
the house like a 13-year-old,
in baggy, voluminous jeans, an
oversized hoodie and a pair of training shoes
the size of King Kongs Ugg boots? Or have
you ever dressed like your father, sitting in
front of the re wearing a pair of battered
old yellow cords, a V-neck cardigan under
your jacket, and a pair of brogues that
were last polished when the old king was
still alive?
In my time Ive certainly been
guilty of not dressing my age.
If I cast my mind back to when
I was 13 or 14, all I cared
about was looking 17 or 18.
I remember I had a pair of
cream-collared Oxford bags
that Ellen MacArthur could
have used to get her across the
Atlantic; a fantastically ugly,
tight-tting French shirt with a
properly ridiculous buttery collar; and
a pair of gargantuan two-tone platform boots
that even Geri Halliwell in her prime wouldnt
have worn. Did I look older than I was? Of
course not, I just looked like every other
suburban 13-year-old boy who was desperate
to look ve years older.
These days, I wear clean-cut three-piece
pinstripe suits, expensive bespoke shirts
and ties, and bench-made chisel-
toed shoes that are so highly
polished I once saw my wife
use one as a mirror in the back
of a taxi when she wanted to
reapply her make-up. Do I
look older than I am? Probably.
But then Id rather look like
a generic City gent than do
what most creatives do in their
thirties and forties, which is try
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Michael Wolf
GQ
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Dylan Jones O Editor Britains biggest-selling quality mens magazine
SEARCH
GFEBRUARY2014
to look like theyre still in their teens. They will
sport the requisite beard (ginger is best), along with
Tintin hair and John Lennon glasses. Theyll either
have pink camouage trousers or the kind of skinny
jeans that look as though they were applied by
aerosol. Theyll sport old-skool sneakers and
a T-shirt with some sort of cartoon drawing of a
Japanese gorilla on it. Theyll give you a funny
handshake and ick their ngers just like rappers
do (and, boy, do they like rappers). And to listen to
them talk youd think they were all brought up in
the projects in the South Bronx and then shipped
to a school in Jamaica where they were taught to
speak only with a mid-Atlantic accent. Wiggas
they used to be known as, although for years they
have been called Shoreditch c***s. Many of them
appear to work in the advertising industry, but if
you work anywhere near Silicon Roundabout on
Old Street you are contractually obliged to look like
this no matter how old you are. You can skip the
goatee beard and the baseball cap if you speak with
an Oliver Twist vernacular, but youll never be
allowed to ditch the box-fresh trainers.
Increasingly there are those who say that men
today can wear anything they like, and thats
because fashion has become so much more
democratic, so egalitarian and more mass market
(even at the luxury end) not to mention the fact
that in many respects the generation gap seems to
have vanished like the smoke from the rear end of
Kenickies Ford Thunderbird in Grease that we
have carte blanche to wear something from
American Apparel one day and something from
Herms the next (and on the third day we wore
them together, and nobody laughed!). You know
the sort of thing: at 8am youre a street-styled
teenager, mucking about on your iPhone. By 11am
youve become a 40-year-old desk-jockey, sitting
behind your laptop at work. At 7pm, youre a
relaxed thirty-something about the house, before
turning into a mid-twenties success story, dressed
up to the tens (the nines are so 20th century) in
time for a night out. And lets face it, if you can
afford a Tag Heuer Monaco, does it matter if youre
18, 35, or indeed 60?
This is all very well, I think, as long as you dont
reinvent yourself to the extent that you no longer
wear the clothes that everyone else your age wears
(those that arent trying to look younger, that is).
Because if you do that, youll just look silly. And
small children will throw stones and laugh at you
in the street.
My advice to anyone who has any aspirations
to look younger than they do is simple: dont. Or
rather, dont. Its forgivable, I think, even endearing,
to try and look older than you are (and a lot of
men have success in this respect, even when not
meaning to). And while it might seem gauche when
a spotty, whey-faced 18-year-old turns up for work
on his rst day in the type of suit that was last
fashionable when really awful, cheap-looking suits
were last fashionable, at least theyre attempting to
interact with the grown-up world. Trying to dress
like someone ten, 20, even 30 years younger than
you only makes you seem sad, desperate and out
of touch (and Im not just talking about Bruce
Jenner here).
So, according to those in the ofce who know, if
youre in your twenties then you should be wearing
vintage Converse All Stars, some skinny jeans you
found in a second-hand store somewhere on the
fringes of LA and weird-looking T-shirts with funny
logos that can only be bought over the internet
(and even then at only certain times of the day);
if youre in your thirties you should be sporting
a dark top-of-the-line Hugo Boss suit, a Ralph
Lauren shirt and a pair of heavily worn-in Chelsea
boots; and in your forties youll probably be
needing a Savile Row bespoke suit (Anderson
& Sheppard or Richard James, perhaps), Angelo
Galasso shirts (big collars worn without ties are
still massive up West; at least they are in Vogue
House), and a brand-new pair of Grenson brogues.
But there we are. I have to go now, as Ive been
told by the staff that if I want to make next years
Best Dressed list I need to spend a lot more time
in Shoreditch.
However, I think they might not be telling me
the truth.
Enjoy the issue.
This month on GQ.co.uk... DiCaprio! Scorsese! Hill! We salute
the style and swagger of The Wolf Of Wall Street (spoiler: it may
convince you to invest in a pinstripe suit). Plus Alex Massie on
Scotlands search for independence, Oscar Isaac on the Coen
brothers latest and AA Gill on why Toy Story is the greatest
screenplay of the modern age. All this plus everything you need
backstage, on the front row and the most sophisticated
street-style looks from London Collections: Men.
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GFEBRUARY2014
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In Africa, life is cheap.
Although scarce
resources are shared
communally, they are
jealously guarded from
outsiders. Ask and you
will usually receive;
take and see how fast
a situation can descend
into violence, says
Jake da Motta, who
writes about his
experience of crime-
ridden Zanzibar for
this months Talk
section. There are
two diferent types of
crime here. One, the
opportunistic predation
that happens to tourists,
from Leicester Square
to Grand Central station.
The other a hate crime
born of intolerance.
The former was
committed by jealous
interlopers to an area
where only the
residents benet
from tourism. The
latter by hard-core
fundamentalists who
abhor any non-Muslim
presence in their society.
It felt like a story from
the outer edges of
human experience the
city marooned in the
desert, the extraordinary
violence of the terrorists,
the heroism of the young
men ghting them,
says Alex Preston,
who travelled to the
Nigerian city of Maiduguri
to report on Boko
Haram and the unrest
threatening to heighten
the tribal, religious and
ethnic rifts. Did he ever
feel in real danger? Yes,
when we were stranded
in the darkness of a
desert storm. But also
at night, in my hotel,
knowing that Boko
Haram were on the
other side of the imsy
mosquito-mesh window.
But you discount the
warmth, strength and
ingenuity of the Nigerian
people at your peril. I
was much impressed by
Governor Shettima and
if anyone has the resolve
to pull northeastern
Nigeria out of the mire,
it is him.
Sex [is] the explanation
for everything... our
master key. Thus said
philosopher Michel
Foucault, and he had
a point. Everything we
do is sexually driven.
And there are few things
in life which arent
Contributors
improved by coming
before, after or during
white-hot lovemaking,
reckons GQs sex shrink,
Rebecca Newman, who
answers your problems in
this months Life section.
This month is something
of a top trumps, with
two new gadgets to
maximise her pleasure
during intercourse. Also,
since the most masterful
loving will capture her
body and mind, I explore
a way to use lightest
sensation play to
transport her to dizzy
heights and then to
tip her over the edge.
Newspapers, everybody
really knows, are just
political instruments,
says GQs US-based
Contributing Editor
Michael Wolf, who
this month ponders
the typically British
preoccupation with
manners when it comes
to matters of press
regulation. The real
British belief is that
hurt feelings, public
embarrassment,
personal indignation,
unpleasantness of all
sorts, caused by a coarse
and unfeeling press,
demand nuanced
redress. Already an
author of ve books,
including the denitive
biography of Rupert
Murdoch The Man Who
Owns The News, Wolf
can now add Media
Commentator Of The
Year to his belt of
achievements after
winning at the Editorial
Intelligence Comment
Awards in November
for his GQ column. The
prize will slot in nicely
alongside his two National
Magazine Awards.
On GQ.co.uk,
Contributing Editor
AA Gill mulls over why
Toy Story may be the
greatest cartoon script
ever, and why he wont
be writing one. OK,
so bear with me for a
moment. Just wind it
back in your head
and think about it.
On every level, from
plot, narrative ow,
dialogue, spectacular
repeatable scenes and
characterisation, its
unimpeachable, he
explains. So who
actually wrote the script
for Toy Story? I have no
idea. But whoever he
is, Toy Story is epic. Its
Homeric. Now, although
I admire cartoons
beyond measure, I
dont think Im going
to write for one. Theres
no credit, no kudos.
And you have to spend
half a decade working
with people in small,
dark rooms who think
sword-and-sorcery
gaming with pizza is the
height of sophistication.
Another GQ contributor,
Anthony Loyd, deserves
congratulations for
sweeping the Foreign
Press Association
awards at the end of last
year. He not only won
the Print And Web News
Story Of The Year for
his report on Syrias gas
victims, but was also
crowned Journalist Of
The Year.
GQMusic: NowonSpotify!
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TheBoss is back: tomarkhis 18thstudioalbum, we
celebrateour personal favouriterough-hewnrarities andrariedrockanthems from
BruceSpringsteen. Plus, hear SharonJones AndTheDap-Kings startlingsoul LP,
GiveThePeopleWhat TheyWant, andDanger Mouses sublimenewrecordwith
BrokenBells, After TheDisco.
22
Martin&Co CHELTENHAM - Wempe LONDON Weir&Sons DUBLIN - Owen&Robinson LEEDS
Preston&Duckworth GUILDFORD - Laings GLASGOW - Laings EDINBURGH
Rox NEWCASTLE Chisholm Hunter ABERDEEN
www.baume-et-mercier.co.uk
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Power play:
Kate Mara fronts
Netix agship
drama House
Of Cards
Jacket by Holmes
& Yang, 1,200.
At Selfridges.
selfridges.com.
Bra by Topshop,
18. topshop.com.
Skirt by Alexander
Wang, 650.
alexanderwang.com
THIS MONTH:
Kate Mara brings
the house down
Edited by Charlie Burton

2
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3
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7
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TECH
BULLETIN!
Above: The
amount Samsung
makes every ten
minutes, according
to nance website
happier.co.uk.
Thats more than
Jay-Zs entire
net worth in less
than a day.
Politics Can Alistair Darling
save the union?
Trend Dare to wear sweaters
FilmWholl defy Gravity at
this years Oscars?
London Get the measure of
the capitals cut-size cocktails
27
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The man
ghtingto
save the UK
Alistair Darling is
staking his career
on a single vote
On 18 September, Scotland
will decide whether it wants to
become an independent country
and the build-up is going
to dominate this years politics.
GQ travelled to Edinburgh to
quiz Labours former chancellor,
Alistair Darling (inset), who is
leading the No campaign.
Hows it going? Ill let you
know in September.
Do you really think Scotland
wouldnt cope by itself?
I would never argue that you
couldnt go it alone. If Scotland
were to become independent,
what would worry me is that
20 per cent of all tax revenues in
Scotland come from North Sea
oil. Its not going to run out
tomorrow morning, but its
nite. As a small country, you
are more vulnerable especially
if youve got too many eggs in
one basket.
Scottish National Party leader
Alex Salmond is promising
to cut taxes, and raise the
minimum wage. Wouldnt
that be good for Scotland?
You have a long list of promises
of money, money, money, but
without a single price tag. With
independence you can have
low taxes, you can have free
childcare, you can have a higher
minimum wage. You name it,
you can have it. But its totally
uncosted, and for that reason its
not credible.
Andy Murray recently refused
to say what side he was on.
Are you worried that he might
come out in favour of
independence? I dont know
what view hell take, and its
entirely up to him. Frankly,
whether a famous person comes
out one side or the other, it adds
to the colour of the debate but
I dont think it will conclusively
swing opinion.
Even if its a Scottish national
hero? People will take this
decision mainly on the
economics. Of course theres
an emotional element to it
as well. In every general
election, stars come out
on both sides. Sir
Sean Connerys on
their side, Sir Alex
Fergusons on our
side. I welcome as
much support as
we can get [but] people will
decide whats best for them and
whats best for their country.
Lets be cynical. There are 41
Labour seats in Scotland; one
of the reasons you care about
it staying part of the union is
because it would be bad for
Labour if it broke away. No, if
you look at the general elections
since the Second World War, I
think we would not have won on
the two 74 elections [without
Scotland], and theres one other
election we would not have
won. But we would still
have won 97, 2001, 2005.
Interestingly, if that
thesis is right, youd
think the Tories would be
in favour of seeing the
back of Scotland.
Some of them are.
The mainstream
Tory leadership
most certainly
is not.
Labour gave Scotland
devolved powers and its own
parliament. Now that it could
break away, do you feel that
devolution was a mistake? The
big mistake was the Tories trying
to pull back the demand for a
Scottish parliament. The Tories
are virtually extinct in Scotland
as a result. This city was run by
the Tories for 800 years until
1984, when they lost for the rst
time. Theyve not been able to
get back.
If you succeed in September,
would you want to serve under
Prime Minister Miliband? I will
decide in the days following the
referendum if I stand again.
I will have been campaigning
nonstop for two years at that
time, thats how long this things
been going on for longer than
a US presidential election. Ill
decide at that stage if I stand
again. And then if I do, what
I do. Charlie Burton
Airtatious Bondwithhistory
For all the similarities between James Bond and his creator the progression from Eton to espionage via the University
of Geneva, a golf handicap of nine, a penchant for vodka Martinis Ian Flemings life inevitably lacked the glamour
that cinema afords. So who cares that for Sky Atlantics four-part biopic, Fleming: The Man Who Would Be Bond, out
this month starring Dominic Cooper, they sexed things up a little? Speedboats, bikinis, three-pieces, a gaggle of girls
(including Lara Pulver, pictured, as the writers future wife): the kinks of the Bond franchise run throughout; a franchise
from which realism has long been missing in action, yet has kept us returning to it for more than 50 years. Louise Donovan
Man of mystery:
Dominic Cooper
cuts a debonair
Ian Fleming; at
play, at war and
as author of the
James Bond novels
TRAVEL BULLETIN! Left: The maximum saving by booking
a taxi through web startup Bounce (which puts users directly in
touch with licenced drivers) compared to a black cab. The service
begins this month in West London. bouncecars.com/web 40%
28
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Press for
stimulation:
The Rok manual
espresso maker
is made from a
toughened
metal alloy for
extra strength
Muscle upanespresso
All very mod-con, an electric espresso maker but brewing pre-set cups determined by the
man is just not what cofee culture is about. The Rok, however, which is powered entirely by
your own hands, absolutely is. Having poured a cup of hot water into the top and locked the
grounds underneath, raising and lowering the engine-grade metal arms lets you pull a shot with
up to ten bars of pressure. In other words, you make it exactly to your taste. Thats not to
mention the machines good looks, which owe something to a wine opener, though unlike
that device, youll feel good about using it in the morning. LD 129. rokkitchentools.com
Now trending (but dont wear
them simultaneously)
STYLE BULLETIN!
Tying check
shirts around
your waist
One-button
jackets
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Champagne
cocktail ights
May Fair Bar, 35
Ever since The May Fair
hotel was opened by
George V in 1927 it has
carved a reputation
for outlandishness.
So its apposite that
the bar was one of
the rst to bring ights
to mixology. This
run of drinks is
served with food.
Glass 1: Schiaparelli
(champagne topped
with watermelon)
Glass 2: Opium
(champagne topped
with pomegranate)
Glass 3: Amarillo
(Amaretto, Grey Goose
La Poire, Hennessy
XO, Maraschino cherry
liqueur, apple juice
and pear pure, topped
with champagne)
Comes with (in order):
Halloumi fritters and
fresh black olive
powder; pomegranate
jelly, golden raisin pure
and champagne granite;
hot pear tart. CB
The May Fair Hotel,
Stratton Street, W1.
themayfairhotel.co.uk
Martini ights
Voltaire, 25
It might be on the
site of a former prison
in one of the oldest
parts of the city,
but Voltaire feels as
modern as tomorrow.
The best seats are
in the old cells (the
vaults) which cater
for two to ten people
and have personal
iPod docks. Its
primarily a champagne
and cigar bar but,
boy, can they make
a Martini. All the
below use Russian
Standard vodka
and (mercifully)
smaller glassware.
Glass 1: The Rossi
(with Martini Dry)
Glass 2: The Merlot
(with Lillet Rouge)
Glass 3: The Dubonnet
(with Dubonnet Red)
Glass 4: The Noilly
(with Noilly Prat)
Glass 5: The Carpano
(with Antica Formula)
Pair with: The
Selezione Grande
sharing platter (38).
19 New Bridge Street,
EC4. voltairebar.com
Margarita ights
Casa Negra, 18
The hipper Shoreditch
sister of Soho Mexican,
La Bodega Negra
(yes, the one hidden
beneath a sex shop)
is paradoxically easier
to nd than its sibling
yet feels more like a
speakeasy. Imagine a
Harold Pinter stage set
and youre halfway
there. Margaritas are
the bars speciality
theres no standard
ight but heres
the sequence we
recommend.
Glass 1: Classic
Frozen Margarita
(El Jimador blanco
tequila, home-made
orange and lemon
sherbet, fresh lime)
Glass 2: ...with
spiced mango
Glass 3: ...with
raspberry and mint
Glass 4: ...with
strawberry and
black pepper
Pair with: Braised
beef cheek (20).
54-56 Great Eastern
Street, EC2.
casanegra.co.uk
City ights
North Audley
Cantina, 16
North Audley Streets
latest addition is all
about French sharing
plates, but its co-owners
actually hail fromthree
diferent countries.
Their backgrounds are
reected in the recipes,
the interior and in this
set of cocktails inspired
by their home cities.
Glass 1: Paris
(Janneau armagnac
VSOP, Mandarine
Napolon liqueur,
Angostura bitters)
Glass 2: NewYork
(Pikesville straight
rye whiskey, Antica
Formula, Noilly
Prat vermouth)
Glass 3: Rio de Janeiro
(Sagatiba Cachaca
rum, dark chocolate
liqueur, fresh
ginger, blood orange
liqueur, dash of
Angostura bitters)
Pair with (in order):
Pissaladire onion tart
(6), boeuf (14) and
churros (8).
41 North Audley Street,
W1. naclondon.co.uk
Chilli cocktail
ights
Min Jiang, 65
For upscale, authentic
Chinese cuisine in the
heart of the capital, this
outdoes anything in
Chinatown. On the
tenth oor of the Royal
Garden Hotel, with
views over Kensington
Gardens, it is a
favourite with Eastern
expats the signature
dish is the Beijing
duck, served up in
a variety of ways.
Alternatively, theres
a special set menu
of spicy specialities
teamed with these:
Glass 1: Sichuan Mary
Glass 2: Chilli
Caipirinha
Glass 3: Chilli
Chocolatini
Comes with (in order):
Bi feng tang soft-
shell crab or Sichuan
chicken; gong bao
prawns or mapo
tofu (both with
steamed rice); and
Sichuan pancake.
2-24 Kensington
High Street, W8.
minjiang.co.uk
Short and sweet:
Take your ights
with French
sharing plates
at North Audley
Cantina, Mayfair
TristramHunt hada
rockyrst termwith
Laboursshadow
educationbrief, getting
bulliedbyJeremy
PaxmanonNewsnight
andbeatenupby
Michael Goveinthe
Commons. But now
Huntsbeenputtingout
pressreleaseswith
erroneousapostrophes
andincorrect spellings.
3/10, seeme.
InresponsetoTory
partymembership
incomedroppingfrom
863,000to747,000
inthelast year, it is
understandablethat
theyhaveslashedthe
joiningfeetojust 1 to
attract newsupporters.
Thatsonebill the
Conservativeshave
managedtokeepdown
shameabout
electricityandgas.
EdMilibandsaysweare
headingfor thedirtiest
electionin20years. He
must haveforgotten
about 1997, when
Labour briefedthe
mediathat JohnMajor
tuckedhisshirt intohis
underpants. Or 2005,
whenthepartyhadto
withdrawacampaign
against Michael Howard
that wasaccusedof
anti-Semitism.
By Harry Cole
The
Insider
TheTories election
strategist Lynton
Crosbyhasafearsome
reputationthat makes
himveryefective.
Surprising, then, that he
wouldurgeparty
spinnerstodistract the
oppositionsguard-
dogs withsquirrels
ametaphor from
DisneysUp. Luckilyfor
him, theaudiencefailed
tomaketheconnection.
MAINSTREAM
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MUSIC BULLETIN! Left: Why the
Coen brothers lmInside Llewyn Davis
is getting such a warmreception.
Cocktail ights take ofinthe capital
Reduced-measure tasting selections (or ights, if youre so inclined)
were once the preserve of whisky and wine menus. Now,
experimental mixologists are bringing them to the cocktail list...
30
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Prints amongmen
There was a time whensweatshirts hadbeennot cool for solongthat hipbrands suchas
Kenzorefusedtomake them. Of course, now, after that companys newcreative teamtooka
punt ona tiger-designversionthat still sells out withindays of arrivinginstores, theyre
backat the epicentre of style anda host of designers are releasinggraphic sweaters of their
own. Laidbackandfashionforward, these are the hottest ways tostaywarmthis winter... CB
Indefence
of Dad
denim
After a decade
of dark-wash
domination, lighter
jeans are back. But
while this paler
shade might remind
you of your father
in the mid-Nineties,
its a revelation on
correctly cut strides.
By which we mean
those that sit on
your hips with legs
that taper to the
ankle. Get that right
and the colour will
flatter men with
even the manliest
of thighs.
But the real
reason to get a pair?
Versatility. Just
listen to Christopher
Bastin, the designer
behind some of the
best Dad denim
on the market:
Gant Ruggers Well
Done Stick Boys.
Normally Id wear
them slightly rolled
up with my Crockett
& Jones cordovans,
no socks and a
white T-shirt, he
tells GQ. But you
can dress them up,
too. Id team them
with a crisp Oxford
button-down, navy
hopsack blazer and
white bucks. Oh,
and invest early:
theyre only going
to get better as they
soften and fade
with age. gant.com
Nick Carvell
1 By Zara, 29.99. zara.com 2 By Givenchy, 555. At Matches. matchesfashion.com 3 By Kenzo, 162. kenzo.com 4By Marc Jacobs, 325.
At Matches. matchesfashion.com 5 By Katie Eary, 295. katieeary.co.uk 6By MCQAlexander McQueen, 250. alexandermcqueen.com
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Ephemeral Indestructible Shelf Life
S
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High Hopes
Taken fromHigh Hopes
(14 January)
Bruce Springsteen
The Boss revisits his
rocknroll past with a new
version of a song that he
rst recorded in 1995.
Biggy
Taken fromWarpaint
(20 January)
Warpaint
Emily Kokals enchanting
voice will win favourable
comparisons with Bjrk.
Holding On For Life
Taken fromAfter The Disco
(14 January)
Broken Bells
Electro sounds and a
laid-back tempo make
this a haunting and
enticing track.
Retreat!
Taken fromGive The People
What They Want
(14 January)
Sharon Jones And
The Dap-Kings
Self-assured vocals meld
with a funked-up bass.
Five tracks that every manshouldlistentothis month(fromvenewalbums that matter)
Collard Greens
Taken fromOxymoron
(January)
Schoolboy Q
The hypnogogic standout
of a top-of-the-class third
album. Catriona Gray
This monthinzombie
legal issues...
As The WalkingDeadis resurrected, GQ
unravels the rights of reanimatedcorpses
Looting supermarkets,
mowing down zombies, killing
a few humans in The Walking
Dead thats just another day
at the ofce. But over the last
three series, we couldnt help
wondering: would doing that
stuff be considered legal? Ahead
of the shows return next month
on Fox, we tapped up Rory Little,
law professor at the University
Of California, for advice...
If a zombies not attacking
you, is it legit to
pre-emptively kill it?
Unlike in Britain, in America
[where The Walking Dead
is set] most states say
that you can kill if its
certain that you are
about to be killed, even
though the threat is not
imminent. And theres
another defence: youre
not killing a human
being youre killing
a zombie. Murder does
not apply to wild animals.
Youd imagine a court
would say a zombie isnt
a human being.
What about raiding
abandoned shops?
Well, in the days after
Hurricane Katrina hit
New Orleans, the police were
dysfunctional so people looted
stores. The criminal law later had
to distinguish between people
who stole food, lets say, and
people who stole TVs. But what
if the store was not abandoned?
Thats akin to situations where
homeless people steal food
from other homeless people.
The American view says that is
theft. Unless you can show that
you would otherwise die.
One character kept zombies
on chains for protection
(although she had to
rst cut out their jaws).
Is that cruelty against
zombies? We allow
people to tie vicious
dogs up to poles to
guard shops. But
if the dog injures
a child, you
might have to pay
damages. If youre
torturing the
zombie for fun, that
might be a problem,
but if youre
removing the jaw
because that means
they cant bite, that
may make sense.
Just like declawing
a cat or a lion. CB
POLITICS BULLETIN! Everyones after some Obama election
magic for 2015. First, Ed Miliband hired the presidents web wizard for
his online push, then David Cameron enlisted his campaign manager
JimMessina. Youd almost think theyve lost faith in their own guys
32
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The quick and the
undead: Andrew
Lincoln retraces his
steps as zombie killer
Rick Grimes in the
fourth series of
The Walking Dead
next month
Live fromthe GQcomedycellar!
GQs Comedy Editor James Mullinger presents a haul of gags
for whenever theres a lull in the conversation. On the mic this month...
Youmight befeelingdangerous tomorrow. You
might think, Youknowwhat Imgonnado?
ImgonnagotoStarbucks cofeeshopand
get myself atakeawaycofeewithnolid.
Forget it. Themanwont let you. Hell let you
haveamuggedhot cofeewithnolid; theyll
let youdothat becauseits got ahandleonit.
Theyll trust youwiththat. But if youwant a
paper-cup-takeawayone, forget it. Theywont let
you. AndImlike, I dont want nolid! andtheyrelike, Sorry
sir, its companypolicy, its got tohavealidif youreleaving
thepremises, sorry, its companyrules, theyhadameeting
inSeattle, andImlike, Bitch, I dont want nolid! andhes
like, Sir, youdont havetospeaktomeinsuchaSeventies
racist sort of away, andImlike, Dont jivetalkme, sucka!
Immovin onup! TonyLaw
Milton Jones on
On Courtney Love: I was only in her
company two hours, but I cant blame
that Kurt Cobain fella. John Bishop
Crime: Years ago,
I used to supply
Filofaxes for the Maa.
Yes, I was involved in
very organised crime.
Aristocracy: The
Grand Old Duke
of York: he was a
manic depressive.
Well, when he was
up, he was up...
Health: As a child,
I had a medical
condition that meant
I had to eat soil three
times a day. Lucky my
older brother told me
about it, really.
Holidays:
RecentlyI went
onaballooning
holiday I put
onfour stone!
I reallyfancyEdMiliband. Mainly
becausehelooks likeDavid
Milibandreectedinaspoon.
GrinneMaguire
There are two positions in
snowboarding. One is looking cool,
and the other is dead! Eddie Izzard
Literature: Hopefully
Ive got a book coming
out soon. Shouldnt
have eaten it, really.
Thewar: My
grandfather is
always saying
that intheolddays
peoplecouldleave
their backdoors open.
Whichis probablywhyhis
submarinesank.
Book now for GQs Comedy Extravaganza
featuring John Bishop and Jennifer Saunders at
the Hammersmith Apollo on 10 March: Tickets, 25.
eventimapollo.com/events/detail/gq-comedy-extravaganza
The best storyfromthe newChelsea Hotel book
One cold, dismal night, returning[toNewYorks Chelsea Hotel] froma solitarydinner at
the BroncoBurger, LeonardCohenrealisedthat the womannext tohiminthe elevator
was Janis Joplinandshe was enjoyingthe ride as muchas he was. He understoodat once:
withall the problems theyhadsatisfyingthe demands of their recordlabel, here was
somethingbothof themreallyknewhowtodo. Takinga deepbreath, Cohenasked, Are
youlookingfor someone? She said, Yes, Imlookingfor Kris Kristofferson. Little lady,
youre inluck, respondedthe silver-tonguedpoet. I amKris Kristofferson. Innotime,
Canadas poet of pessimismfoundhimself inanunmade bedwithrocks newgypsy
queen. Inside The DreamPalace by Sherill Tippins (20, Simon&Schuster) is out on16January.
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Heres a bet. When Netixs political
thriller House Of Cards dominated water-
cooler conversations this time last year, you
repeatedly heard one piece of trivia about
its dynamic star, Kate Mara: Her younger
sister is the Girl With The Dragon Tattoo!
But although Kate and Rooney are hardly
doppelgngers, it shouldnt have been such a
revelation. They share the same almond eyes,
theyre both exactly 5ft 3ins tall and theres
a certain Mara family drive.Since I was nine
years old I knew exactly what I wanted to
do, says Kate. I knew I wanted to be an
actor and I was very, very focused. Growing
up, the sisters would play Annie together.
Fast-forward to 2010 and they were
co-starring in Best Picture nominees:
127 Hours for Kate, The Social Network for
Rooney. That kind of stuff doesnt get old.
So when it comes to her House Of Cards
character, the super-ballsy journalist
Zoe Barnes who does whatever it takes
to get information from Kevin Spaceys
Machiavellian politico (and returns with
the shows second series next month), Mara
approves of Barnes ambition. If not her
methods. She does use her sexuality to get
a story, and people sometimes dont really
respect that, I notice, she says, laughing.
But she knows what shes doing, shes not
an innocent bystander. Men do it all the time,
so I really dont know what the big deal is.
The next big deal for Mara this year is
hush-hush sci-fi epic Transcendence, directed
by Christopher Nolans cinematographer
Wally Pfister and starring Johnny Depp. Mara
plays another tough cookie, an eco-terrorist,
of sorts fighting the dominance of computers
over the human consciousness. House Of
Cards Netflix addicts know just how that
feels, and Mara has a binge-viewing
admission of her own. Embarrassingly, years
ago I watched the whole first season of 24 in
only a few days, which is just not healthy...
she says. I felt a little nauseous afterwards.
Dont worry, we wont tell a soul. Matt Glasby
House Of Cards series two is on Netix
in February. Transcendence is out on
25 April.
Leader of the pack
House Of Cards star
Kate Mara reveals her hand
The real deal:
Kate Mara returns
as super-ballsy
journalist Zoe Barnes
in House Of Cards
next month
FEBRUARY2014G
Bra by Mimi Holliday,
57. At Damaris.
damaris.co.uk.
Skirt by Gucci, 375.
gucci.com
Opposite: Blazer by
The Kooples, 365.
thekooples.co.uk.
Bra by La Perla, 270.
laperla.com. Shorts
by Calvin Klein, 36.
asos.com
Photographs
Brooke Bipar
Styling Annie Jagger
Make-up Coleen
Campbell-Olwell
with Exclusive Artists
using Chanel
Hair Mara Roszak
at Starworks
Manicure Michelle
Saunders for Essie
Location 5th And
Sunset, Los Angeles
To-do list
Re-size your
ideas about
alterations
Inthe January sales youwill
oftenget solda lie: if youlove
anitemthat doesnt t, you
canjust have it adjusted.
Alterations expert Hidalgo
Brothers reveals the truth
Trousers
Before you buy: Check for 2-3cm of
inlay if you want to extend the legs.
For cuffs, you need lots of material:
a 30in inside leg needs 9cm extra.
Dont even think about adjusting...
the waist more than two inches
the pockets will be out of position.
Jackets
Before you buy: Whether its
economical to change the sleeve
length depends on the cuff buttons.
If they function, it will need to be
altered (expensively) at the shoulder.
Dont even think about adjusting...
the shoulders themselves.
Shirts
Before you buy: Veer too big rather
than too small, as sleeves are easier
to shorten than lengthen.
Dont even think about adjusting...
the chest, as its largely unalterable.
The Hidalgo Brothers, 13 Savile Row,
London W1. hidalgobrothers.co.uk
POLITICAL
SCIENCE

=
+
House Of Cards
Macbeth
White House
Hook-ups
35
GFEBRUARY2014
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Andthe winner is
Some years its clear whats going
to clean up at the Oscars, but
others (like this one) are so packed
with worthy contenders that its
hard to get a handle on it. Ahead
of the ceremony on 2 March,
heres GQs gold-standard guide
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M
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D
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A
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f
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C
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n
Best Picture predictions
Wild cards
F
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*Odds of winning Best Picture
(at the time of writing)
according to William Hill
**Award it is most likely to win
This years noms
are lost
In space
In America
12 Years A Slave
Budget
20m
11- 0
100m
Cast members
92 7
$29m $246m
160
**
4.5
3/5 5/5
Tagline terseness
The extraordinary
true story of
Solomon Northup
Dont let go
Gravity
US box ofce
so far*
Can Tom Hanks
do the double*?
*For Captain Phillips and Saving Mr Banks
Number of
actors who
won both
Actors who have
been nominated
twice in one year
*Box Ofce Mojo
**Book published in 1853
O Drama 50%
O Adventure/epic 12%
O Musical 12%
O Crime/thriller 11%
O War/western 9%
O Comedy 6%
Sci- 0% Uh-oh!
Good luck, Gravity...
Previous Best Picture
winners by genre
A N S W E R : A l l o f t h e m , d u m m y !
A Salt
B 2012
C American
Gangster
D Children
Of Men
Which of these
lms did outta-
nowhere Best
Actor hopeful
Chiwetel Ejiofor
(12 Years A Slave)
appear in?
Chiwetel
who?
Years to reach
the screen
The big
two
Lone Survivor
Could win
Sound Editing
Except This
sonically
stunning war
ick was written
and directed
by Battleships
Peter Berg.
Steve Coogan
Could win
Adapted
Screenplay
for Philomena
Except Is the
Academy really
ready to say
A-ha! to Alan
Partridge?
Scarlett
Johansson
Could win
Supporting
Actress for Her
Except She
only appears in
Spike Jonzes
sci- romance
in voice form. MG
Captain
Phillips
Gravity
All Is Lost
Everything
else
At sea
36
GFEBRUARY2014
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In 2013, GQ teamed up with
Central Saint Martins College,
London, for an annual
photography competition
sponsored by Nikon, to nd
the world-class photographers
of tomorrow.
The brief was simple. Shoot
a picture you could visualise
appearing in GQ, in one of four
categories: fashion, portrait,
still life and reportage. Judges
included photographers Simon
Emmett, John Wright, Vincent
Peters and Zed Nelson; the
winners were chosen based on
originality and storytelling.
Each received 500.
The standard was staggeringly
high, as youd expect from the
worlds leading school for art and
design education, says GQ
Editor Dylan Jones. We spent
days deliberating, but we know
we made the right decisions, as
you can see here... James Mullinger
The new
focus group
GQs photographic
competition snaps
up future talent
38
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4
8
3
2
Ye Love, 29
MA communication
design
JUDGES NOTE:
A startlingly
impressive set of
images that I could
easily picture on
the pages of any
leading fashion
magazine. Lit and
formed in a hugely
professional manner.
John Wright,
photographer
6 Runner-up:
Lusa Martelo
1
Haley Ma, 19
BA graphic design
JUDGES NOTE:
Haleys shoot
displayed a real
sense of place and
an eye for fashion.
Everything from the
models pose to the
styling impressed
us, and I can see
Haley shooting
fashion for world-
famous magazines.
James Mullinger, GQ
Photographic Director
5 Runner-up:
James & Gregory
Chester
3
Leonard
Arceo, 23
BA fashion,
communication
& promotion
JUDGES NOTE:
A brilliant concept
executed with skill
and precision.
Paul Solomons,
GQ Creative Director
7 Runner-up:
Sandra Autukaite
4
Auzana Irani, 22
BA fashion,
communication
& promotion
JUDGES NOTE:
A beautiful piece
of reportage that
captures the mood
of a moment and
captures the eye of
the reader instantly.
Zed Nelson,
photographer
8 Runner-up:
Scarlet Evans
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39
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emissions:
216159 g/km. The mpg and CO
2
figures quoted are sourced from official EU-regulated test results, are provided for comparability purposes
and may not reflect your actual driving experience.
Life, intensified.
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GFEBRUARY2014
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WHAT I WEAR
NEXT
PURCHASE
I take my hat of to
Patrick Grant for the quirky
standards of E Tautz and have
my eyes on a checkered suit.
I am also considering a bid
on the Keith Haring Swatch
watches on Paddle8...
wrist art.
Trousers
Mustard brown chinos from J Crew. The
pencil leg is a good, slim t. There is
enough space in the leg but they present
a narrow, trimmed-down silhouette.
By J Crew, 40.50. jcrew.com/uk
Watch
This was a very generous wedding gift.
I was bowled over. It is a 1966 Girard
Perregaux chronograph reproduction.
By Girard Perregaux, 10,000.
At Watch Club. watchclub.com
Shirt
This is from a
Japanese store called
United Arrows a
beauty and youth
brand. My wife picked
it up in Tokyo.
By United Arrows,
135. united-arrows.jp
Coat
The coat is an RAF overcoat that
I happened upon when scouring
the thrift stores of San Francisco.
My
style
online auction house
Paddle8 talks us
through his old, new,
borrowed and blue
winter wardrobe
Alexander Gilkes:
Auctioneer
Shoes
I bought these double monks in St Jamess this
year. My strides have over-scufed themalready.
ByCrockett &Jones, 365. crockettandjones.com
Luggage
This is from Le Bon March
in Paris. It has great simplicity,
great puritanical design.
By Globetrotter, 365.
glove-trotter.com
Pocket square
A pocket square is
essential. I have an
array of spotted
handkerchiefs. This
is navy-blue silk
with white dots it
matches the shirt. I
should claim that its
unconscious, but its
far too conscious.
By Hackett, 26.
hackett.com
Stop Watch
A Patek Philippe from 1890, which
was given to me by a very generous
father-in-law the day of the shoot.
The co-founder of
42
JERMYN ST
SELFRIDGES
HARVEY NICHOLS
DUCHAMPLONDON.COM
A
ccording to a survey I read the
other day, on average, women are
more afraid of public speaking
than death.
Than death. Than death. Than death. What
the freaking heck, women? As Eminem once
said to Stan, why are you so mad? It makes
me think of a woman in a doctors surgery,
frightened, eyes red-rimmed, having gone
in for some test results.
GP: Im afraid its bad news.
WOMAN: Oh doctor! Is it terminal?
GP: Its actually worse than that.
WOMAN: You mean...?
GP: Yes. You have to give a six-minute
speech on a topic of your choice to members
of your local Womens Institute.
WOMAN screams, faints, books passage to
Swiss clinic, etc.
Or, you know, similar. She could be hanging
from a bit of driftwood in the Pacic,
surrounded by sharks, legs bloody stumps,
thinking to herself, Well, at least I dont have
to give a PowerPoint presentation. Or she
could be Marie Antoinette, told she could
dodge the guillotine by reading out that bit
from Corinthians about the bells that
somebody always has to do at weddings.
Mais non! she says, counting her blessings
as her severed head merely rolls into the dust.
Bonkers. Look, its really not that bad. Its
just talking. Its nothing at all.
Aha! you might be thinking. Well, thats
easy for you to say, because youre on telly.
To which I would reply, rst, thanks for
noticing, because its normally late at night,
and Im not sure even my mother has
noticed. Second, I would say, yes, but I too
once had the fear, so I know of what I speak.
I conquered it in a single evening by doing
stand-up comedy really quite badly. Best
thing I ever did. No looking back. I suppose
it could be conquered all the better by doing
stand-up comedy not badly at all, but that
takes special skills. For me, it was at an
open-mic night at a notorious comedy club
in Glasgow, about a decade ago. I bombed.
But you know what? The world still turned.
Yes, I was scared. In fact, to be honest,
Im not sure I have ever been more scared.
I remember sitting shaking in a grim, bleak
dressing room with a pair of grim, bleak
comedy types, and one of them telling
me that I was brave to try my rst gig in
Glasgow, because comedians call Glasgow
the comedians graveyard. Then I remember
walking down the grim, bleak backstage
corridor towards the stage, and feeling fear
unlike anything I had ever known. And then
I remember nothing at all.
Its odd, that sort of fear. The manifestations
are entirely physical; through psychological
and out the other side. I felt incredibly hot
and also crushingly tired. As though I could
have lain down on the horrible, stinking
backstage oor and, instead of walking out
into the light and making a series of quite
rubbish jokes about my parents spaniel,
simply gone to sleep. Never had anything
like that, before or since. But it passed, thats
the thing. And death famously doesnt.
Personally, I dont write speeches. I write
brief notes, and then I try to say them. And
if I cant, I just keep trying until I can. Some
of the maddest-sounding speeches Ive ever
heard have been delivered via autocue,
because they sound uently memorised but
are clearly far too boring for any sane mind
to have held them in. If youre going to just
read something out, be honest about it.
Most of all, keep it short. Whether you are
good or bad, this is really the most important
thing. John Major said: Neil Kinnocks
speeches go on for so long because he has
nothing to say, so he has no way of knowing
when hes nished saying it.
A speechwriter once told me of offering
last-minute advice to another senior Labour
gure who I shouldnt identify, so Ill just say
his name rhymes with John Prescott. Say
at the start how many points you are going
to make, he suggested, so that people
know how long theyre stuck there for.
As it turned out, he had 49 things to
say, and the audience perhaps could have
done without knowing. Now I think of it,
I suppose that listening to speeches can
sometimes give death a run for its money.
But giving them? Never.
O Hugo Rifkind is a very funny writer
for the Times.
GFEBRUARY2014
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HUGORIFKIND
Giving a speech or telling a joke is not a fate worse than
death. Not always, anyway. GQs vocal advocate says its
time to stand up and be counted. Glossophobes beware...
fear public
speaking
Message in a bottle: Dying on stage is nowhere near as bad as actually dying even in Glasgow
HowNot to...
44
TABLET TWI TTER I NSTAGRAM FACEBOOK
P
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The worlds leading
mens magazine
THEWINNEROF
MAJOR AWARDS
GQis the only magazine
in Britain dedicated to
bringing you the very
best in style, investigative
journalism, comment,
mens fashion, lifestyle
and entertainment
2013 EICA Media Commentator Of The Year
2013 DMA Digital Lifestyle Magazine Of The Year
2013 BSME Editor Of The Year
2013 Fashion Monitor Journalism Awards Outstanding
Contribution To London Collections: Men
2013 PPA Magazine Writer Of The Year
2012 Mark Boxer Award
2012 BSME Editor Of The Year
2012 DMA Digital Lifestyle Magazine Of The Year
2012 Help For Heroes Outstanding Contribution
2012 Px3 Prix De La Photographie Paris Gold Medal
2011 Foreign Press Association Media Awards, Sports
2011 Amnesty International Media Award
2010 Amnesty International Media Award
2010 One World Media Press Award
2010 The Maggies Magazine Cover Of The Year
2010 P&G Awards Best Styling (GQ Style)
2009 PPA Writer Of The Year
2008 BSME Editor Of The Year
2007 BSME Magazine Of The Year
2007 BSME Brand Building Initiative Of The Year
2007 MDA/MJA Press Gazette Awards Best Cover
2007 P&G Awards Best Styling (GQ Style)
2006 P&G Awards Best Grooming Editor (GQ Style)
2006 P&G Awards Best Styling (GQ Style)
2006 MDA/MJA Press Gazette Awards
Interviewer Of The Year
2006 MDA/MJA Press Gazette Awards
Best Designed Consumer Magazine
2006 MDA/MJA Press Gazette Awards
Subbing Team Of The Year
2006 PPA Writer Of The Year
2005 PPA Writer Of The Year
2005 Magazine Design Awards Best Cover
2004 Association Of Online Publishers Awards
Best Website
2004 BSME Magazine Of The Year
2003 PPA Writer Of The Year
2002 BSME Magazine Of The Year
2002 PPA Writer Of The Year
2001 BSME Magazine Of The Year
2001 PPA Designer Of The Year
2001 Printing World Award
2000 Total Design Award
2000 Jasmine Award Winner
1999 Printing World Award
1999 Jasmine Award Winner
1998 PPA Designer Of The Year
1995 Ace Press Award Circulation
1995 Ace Press Award Promotion
1995 PPA Columnist Of The Year
1994 PPA Publisher Of The Year
1991 British Press Circulation Award
Best Promotion Of A Consumer Magazine
GQis the magazine tobeat
48
FEBRUARY2014G
RODLIDDLE
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Dear Dr Rod,
Every morning I cycle eleven miles to
work saving the planet and keeping
myself t! For the last few weeks
Ive seen this really beautiful young
woman behind the wheel of one of
those little cute creamy Fiat things
that nice women always go for. Shes
sort of brunette, with a sweet little
snub nose. I usually pass her at the
lights where I turn of to my ofce.
Thing is, I dont know how to introduce
myself, or whether instead of turning of one morning I should follow her and see
where she goes. What do you advise?
Oliver, Crouch End
RL: Well, Oliver, I need a little more information rst. Do you wear one of those
pompous and stupid little plastic helmets? And are you covered from head to toe in
Lycra? Do you have a little holder on your bicycle for mineral water? And do you
speed past the Fiat and turn into your ofce regardless of what colour the trafc
lights are showing because the rules dont apply to you? And do you do all this with
an expression on your face of smug rectitude, because youre stupid enough to think
that youre saving the planet? If so, then I would advise you to be very, very,
careful because the girl in the Fiat almost certainly hates you as much as I do.
And those cars may be small and dinky, but they are also quite fast and made of
very strong metal.
For to-the-point answers to lifes
whys and wherefores, share your
burning issues with GQs agony
uncle, Rod Liddle, at:
askdrrod@condenast.co.uk

Email us your
letters for Dr Rod
Dear Dr Rod,
I have recently started using an app known as
Tinder, which enables me to browse through
long lists of women who apparently are
interested in having sex with me. This may well
be because while the photograph I downloaded
for them to view was of myself, it was only of
myself up to the neck; I Photoshopped the head
of one of those English public-school actors who
are very popular these days. I cant remember
the name. Is this a major deceit or harmless fun,
do you suppose?
Benedict, Tottenham
RL: Some of the rst words you read on the
Tinder website are Its like real life, but
better. So, given that this is their selling point,
I would say that you are entirely within your
rights and that it isnt even a minor deceit.
Bear in mind that most of the women will have
Photoshopped some babes head on to their
own picture or, worse, found the only photo of
themselves which doesnt make them look like
a drooling bassett hound. All is fair in love, war
and apps.
Dear Dr Rod,
My wife has recently confessed to an extramarital
afair, but in order to mitigate my displeasure,
asserted that it was and I quote with a retard,
so that doesnt count. I am not so sure that this
is the case. He may well have been a retard, but
it seems terribly old-fashioned to assume that
this would lessen my disappointment. Retards
are human just like the rest of us, no? What
should I do?
Bob, Dundee
RL: They will try anything to lessen their sense
of guilt, Bob, my old friend. They are quite
shameless. A girlfriend of mine once slept with
my best friend of the time and explained to me,
I did it in order to be closer to you. See what
I mean? There is no trick they will not try to
pull. The thing to do is nod your head sagely
and accept her explanation, and then go off and
have an enjoyable revenge affair yourself. And
then confess it to her, adding the rider, But she
was a blonde, so it doesnt count. Shell almost
certainly divorce you as a consequence but
youll have had fun in the meantime.
DrRod
Dear Dr Rod,
Increasingly, I nd that people at
work are becoming more sensitive
about stuf, as if no one has a sense
of humour any more. Last week,
for example, the work-experience
girl brought in some biscuits on her
last day. Anyone like a nger? she
asked. Gill, thesort-of-boss-because-
shes-sleeping-with-the-boss piped
up, Id love a nger. I said, Oh
Gill, Ive heard you prefer a st?
This sort of humour used to get me
a laugh, now it gets me a meeting
with the harassments and bullying
liaison ofcer at work (who happens
to be a menopausal woman herself)
Is this just PC gone mad or women
in general?
Adam, Stalybridge
RL: I think the problem lies in your
own sense of humour, Adam, which
seems to me about as funny as
waking up one morning and
discovering a small, malignant
growth on the side of your neck, just
by the lymph nodes. Your general
point is quite right: people are more
sensitive these days, and probably
also more politically correct. And
much though I might rail about that,
every so often some cock like you
comes along and suddenly it all
seems entirely justied. Ah well.
Incidentally, your comment, this sort
of humour used to get me a laugh...
when, exactly? Year Six? You make
Frankie Boyle resemble Voltaire.
47
Ahead of his time:
Forward-thinking
Steely Dan founder
Donald Fagen
looks to the future
in 1982, a future
full of acclaim
I discover new things every time I put a Steely Dan record on. Im still discovering songs for
FEBRUARY2014G
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DONALDFAGEN
As one half of Steely
Dan, Donald Fagen was
responsible for what
many consider to be one
of the greatest albums
ever made, 1977s jazz-
infused masterpiece,
Aja. With a career
that has seen him veer
from rock stardom to
pathological secrecy,
via long periods of
inactivity, Fagen remains
one of the most
enigmatic men in the
music industry, and
adored by the likes of
Kanye West, Daft Punk
and Mark Ronson
Donald
Fagen
ICON
L
ike most bands from before my
time, I discovered Steely Dan
through rap music, specifically
because Peg had been sampled
by De La Soul on 3 Feet High And
Rising, says Mark Ronson. That was about
20 years ago, and I discover new things every
time I put a Steely Dan record on. Im still dis-
covering songs for the rst time. No other band
managed to let groove and intellect coexist as
seamlessly. The most incredible rhythm sec-
tions with the most captivating narratives and
these crazy chord changes.
You can tell almost all you need to know
about a person by asking them what sort of
music they like. And although thats the sort
of question usually only asked (and answered)
by boys between the ages of 12 and 18, I was
asked it a while ago by someone Id never met
before. It felt like a childish thing to be asked,
but even though I could have easily beaten
it back by saying something ippant the
last One Direction single, the next Jake Bugg
album I was stumped.
The American writer Chuck Klosterman said
that, having for many years experimented with
a litany of abstract responses when asked
this question, he started to say, with some
honesty as well as accuracy, Music that sounds
like the opening 14 seconds of Humble Pies
I Dont Need No Doctor, as performed the frst time MARK RONSON
STORY BY DYLAN JONES
49
GFEBRUARY2014
pop groups, past or present. Those who hate
the band call themsterile, surgical, cold. Which
is sort of the point. Fagen and his band mate
Walter Becker fundamentally sociopaths mas-
querading as benign dictators like to give the
impression theyre being as insincere as pos-
sible, the very antithesis, frankly, of almost
everyone else in the music business.
Aja is as gentried and as anal a record as
youll ever hope to hear. Fagen and Beckers
masterpiece is a homage to passive-aggres-
sive studio cool, even though they were as
disdainful of the palm tree and ared-den-
im world of Los Angeles as the whey-faced
urchins from west London. The bands nihilism
is plain for all to hear, disguised as FM-friendly
soft rock. Fagens lyrics are dispassionate, the
architecture of their songs often labyrinthine,
the guitar solos ridiculously sarcastic. Yet on
Aja they made some of the most sophisticat-
ed, most polished, most burnished music ever
heard: Black Cow, Deacon Blues, Home At
Last and the rest. Aja is also the record that
many musicians rate as the personication of
musical excellence. Technically and sonically it
is beyond compare. (The late NewYork Times
critic Robert Palmer no relation to the singer
said that Steely Dans music sounded like it
had been recorded in a hospital ward.)
You rarely meet a musician who doesnt love
some aspect of Aja, and whenever Ive inter-
viewed a rock star at their home, Ive often
seen a CD copy around the place somewhere.
It used to be played constantly in those places
where you went to buy expensive hi- equip-
ment, and can still be heard in the type of
luxury retailers who understand the notion
Metal
guru
Donald Fagen/Steely
Dan records in order
of importance
live on their 1971 album, Performance:
Rockin The Fillmore.
Now, never having heard the record in ques-
tion, I couldnt comment although it certainly
sounds like the sort of thing I wouldnt like at
all but apparently it has the desired effect,
the reply having the added bonus of changing
the conversation, or (preferable, this) ending
it entirely.
Usually, the answers to questions like
these are either endearingly banal: Oh, the
usual, you know, Jay-Z, the Beatles, a bit of
Coldplay; unbearably pretentious: the rst
five Fall singles and pretty much nothing
else before or since; or, in the case of most
politicians, simply lies.
Having thought about it myself, Ive decided
to adopt Chucks policy. Initially I thought of
just saying Steely Dan, because it not only
shows condence (by any modern denition
of the term, theyre not really what anyone
would call cool), but like Marmite, they are an
acquired taste, and unless youre an acionado,
youll probably hate them.
However, like Chuck, Ive decided to be
annoyingly specic, and while I thought about
singing the praises, yet again, of their sixth
album, Aja, the next time someone asks me
what kind of music I like Im going to say,
having first locked them in with my most
sincere stare, Music that sounds like the guitar
solo in Green Earrings [from Steely Dans fth
album, 1976s The Royal Scam], the one that
arrives after two minutes and seven seconds,
the one that makes you feel as though youre
cruising over the Florida Keys Seven Mile
Bridge in a rented Mustang.
And if I were asked what the best album
of all time is? Well, it isnt Nevermind, isnt
Revolver, and isnt Pet Sounds. Strangely it isnt
even Rumours, London Calling or the Ramones
Leave Home. No, the best album of all time
was released at the end of August 1977, just as
the sweltering Summer of Hate was beginning
to wilt, a record that has nothing to do with
the Sex Pistols, the Clash or the Jam (who all
released classic LPs that year), and which has
no afnity with the estuarial guttersnipe squall
of punk. In fact this record is as far away from
the insurgency of punk as southern California
is from the Westway.
Steely Dan werent just up my street; they
were, to paraphrase Nick Hornby, knocking on
my door, pressing the intercom and peering
through the letter box to see if I was in. Which
I was, crouched over the B&O, devouring the
pop-art dystopia that was the DNA of the
Steely Dan brand (available in different forms
on Cant Buy A Thrill, Countdown To Ecstasy,
Pretzel Logic, Katy Lied and more, see right).
Aja was their high-water mark. You can keep
your Zuma, your Neon Bible, your Back To
Black, your Parachutes, and your OK Computer.
You can even keep The Chronic. They might
all be straight from the heart, but Steely Dans
Aja offers the delights of a world uncharted by
Show biz kid:
Dan fan Mark Ronson
performs at Camp
Bestival, 2011; and
(below left) Donald
Fagen in a rare
stage appearance
Fagens lyrics are
dispassionate, the
songs labyrinthine
and the guitar
solos sarcastic
1
Aja
1977
The bands masterpiece
features jazz giants Joe
Sample, Wayne Shorter
and Tom Scott, and
contains Deacon Blues,
Black Cow and Josie,
plus four other classics.
The compositions were
extraordinarily complex,
even though some
found the album bland.
2
Countdown To
Ecstasy 1973
Their secondalbumwas
the one on which Fagen
and Becker began to
take more control it
shows, with a slicker,
more polished sound. A
sample fromShowBiz
Kids formed the basis
of The Man Dont Give
AF***, the 1996 single
by Super Furry Animals.
3
The Nighty
1982
A message in the liner
notes reads: The songs
on this album represent
certain fantasies that
might have been
entertained by a young
man growing up in
the remote suburbs
of a northeastern city
during the late Fifties
and early Sixties.
50
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of immersive wealth. Having listened to the
albums Deacon Blues, Ricky Ross named
his band after it, while Peg would become
widely known because De La Soul sampled
it on Eye Know. Three years ago it was
deemed by the Library of Congress to be cul-
turally, historically, or aesthetically impor-
tant and added to the United States National
Recording Registry. Get them!
At the time Becker and Fagen were hard task-
masters in the studio, and would hire dozens of
session musicians to record the same guitar solo
or drum ll until they felt they had something
approaching what they had imagined. They
were obsessive perfectionists who spent mil-
lions of dollars relentlessly torturing the dozens
of Grade-A guitarists who apparently werent
yacht-smooth enough. Musicians would
spend hours, sometimes days, in one of the
many Los Angeles studios that Steely Dan used
to record Aja, only to nd that their work had
been jettisoned in favour of someone elses.
We just kept adjusting our standards higher
and higher, says Becker, so many days wed
make guys do 30 or 40 takes and never listen
to any of them again, because we knew none of
them were any good; but we just kept hoping
that somehow it was just going to miraculously
get good.
He later said: The studio is all about the
idea of the setup, particularly for men. A room
where you have all this technology to help you,
and where you have some toys. Its about that
space-age bachelor-pad vibe. The studio sat-
ises a lot of those urges. And you need air-
conditioning, and a book with menus in it. Its
kind of a minimum livable standard, really.
At the time of Aja, Fagen and Becker were
New Yorkers on location in LA, and although
they revelled in the recording facilities and the
abundance of great musicians, seemingly on
tap they spent their days getting studio tans
as opposed to any other kind they found the
city faintly ridiculous.
LA was certainly a lot of laughs, says
Fagen. Neither of us really liked it, because
we just werent LA-type people. We called
it Planet Stupid. Nobody seemed to under-
stand us there.
Becker and Fagen are interesting charac-
ters, sort of isolationists by nature, said one of
their session musicians at the time. They live
in these houses in Malibu, not near anybody,
and I have a feeling LA helps them keep their
music going on a certain level theyre almost
laughing at the people in their songs.
Almost? Still, they werent above sentimen-
tality. There was always a kind of skeuomorphic
feel about Steely Dan records, in that they are
imbued with a certain nostalgia, even though
the songs themselves were incredibly modern.
Aja was a case in point. Released at a time
when both punk and disco were experiencing
their own apotheoses, it seemed completely
at odds with anything else. As a testament
to that, the record was remixed 13 times in
the five months before its release. Becker
and Fagen were scathing about the hard-rock
world nding groups like Led Zeppelin and
Bad Company preposterous and were far
more interested in the construction of old jazz
records. For them, the only correct response
to the entire culture of rock was to be dis-
missive about it. They were occasionally, and
unfairly, compared to the soporic jazz-rock
that seeped across US radio in the Seventies,
as their obsession with technical prociency
was mistaken for musical indolence.
Fagen and Becker were far more radical
than that, and although they expressed the
same disdain for punk and disco as they felt
for the hegemony of mainstream rock, they
enjoyed the fact that both were rebelling
against the orthodoxy of FM radio. Not only
that, but Fagen always seemed to be singing
with one eyebrow raised.
Nevertheless, Aja oozed a detached sophisti-
cation that was all its own, the highly polished
surface disguising awkward time signatures
and extra-credit guitar lls.
Were actually accused of starting
4
Cant Buy A
Thrill 1972
The title stemmed from
Beckers belief that:
You cant buy a thrill
in California... its like
living in a morgue. In
1983, Italian band
Clubhouse fused Do It
Again with Michael
Jacksons Billie Jean,
thus fashioning an
appalling Euro-hit.
5
Pretzel Logic
1974
Steely Dans quirkiest
record sees Fagen
and Becker publicly
displaying their jazz
roots. Contains a cover
of Duke Ellingtons East
St. Louis Toodle-Oo,
and Monkey In Your
Soul, which sounded
like Nel Coward
crossed with Stax.
6
Morph The Cat
2006
Fagen admits, there
are some comparisons
with Woody Allen. Hes
an over-educated Jew,
and I think he feels
more at home here than
anywhere, and maybe
feels like an outsider
outside of Manhattan.
Maybe even inside
Manhattan!
7
Katy Lied
1975
This is the album that
made a Rolling Stone
reviewer ponder on
whether or not he
was a thickhead.
8
The Royal
Scam1976
Abona de guitar
album, albeit with
a disco hit, The Fez,
and a cod-reggae
radio favourite,
Haitian Divorce.
9
Kamakiriad
1993
The Nightys narrator
peeks into the future,
a digitally enhanced
dystopia. Its a journey
of loss, says Fagen.
I like the sci- idea
because it divorces you
from the present. It
lends itself to a mythic,
heroic plot, gives the
story a magical quality.
Steely resolve:
Kanye West
made a personal
plea to sample
Steely Dans Kid
Charlemagne
51
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smooth jazz, which I dont think is exactly
true, says Fagen. A lot of the effects we got
were intended to be comic, like Hey Nineteen
[from 1980s Gaucho]. We were in our thirties,
still saddled with these enormous sex drives and
faced with the problemthat you can no longer
talk to a 19-year-old girl because the culture
has changed. Thats set against an extremely
polite little groove. And then the chorus is set to
jazz chords, and when you play them on elec-
tronic instruments theres a attening effect, a
dead kind of sound. And its scored for falset-
to voices, which adds to the effect. To me, its
very funny. Other people think its nauseating.
Some people rejected the idea that a rock
group could sound so slick. For them, rock
should be guts and re and feeling in the
words of Steely Dan fan Nick Hornby, not dif-
cult chords and ironic detachment.
What has never been revealed is how much
Becker and Fagen were enthralled by disco.
They had all these records that were just
whack-whack, so perfect, the beat never uc-
tuated, and we didnt see why we couldnt
have that too, says Becker, except playing
this incredibly complicated music, and the
drummer would go and play a great fill or
something and come exactly back at the
perfect beat at the same tempo, you know?
It seemed like a good idea.
Like a lot of those obsessed by recondite
impulses, both Fagen and Becker were as intimi-
dated as they were dismissive about the popular
and the cool.
At the time, Fagen said, We write the same
way a writer of ction would write. Were basi-
cally assuming the role of a character, and for
that reason it may not sound personal. Becker
added, This is not the Lovin Spoonful. Its not
real good-time music.
White-hot chops and black humour, more
like. Yet Steely Dan were actually cooler than
anyone. Maybe not on a haberdashery level,
but cool all the same.
As the band didnt project their personali-
ties, determined instead to anonymously tell
their tales of dissipated, sun-bleached Seventies
California angst, they became faceless. This
is what happens when you dont construct an
archetypal persona, says Chuck Klosterman.
If youre popular and melodic and faceless,
you seemmeaningless. [Look at] Steely Dan, a
group who served as the house band for every
1978 West Coast singles band despite being
more lyrically subversive than the Sex Pistols
and the Clash combined. If a musician cant
convince people that hes cool, nobody cool is
going to care.
As a personality, Fagen is an acquired taste
but then he always was. He never warmed to
the weave of the sleeve and, like his music, was
always perhaps a little too cool, dry and fastid-
ious. In this sense an important sign of legiti-
macy has been missing, but then this is what
makes Fagen who he is: someone who doesnt
need validation.
Yet he and his band are revered.
Years ago, I ew out to LA to visit a girl-
friend who dumped me as soon as I arrived,
says Mark Ronson. I couldnt change my ticket
so I had to stay in LA, miserable, for ve days.
I bought the Steely Dan songbook and a cheap
electric piano and stayed in my room for the
duration of the time, teaching myself those
songs. I dont often think of the girl but I use
those amazing chord voicings nearly every day.
Cyberpunk eminence William Gibson is
a huge fan, and liberally sprinkles his novels
with band references: Alot of people think of
Steely Dan as the epitome of boring Seventies
stuff, never realising this is probably the most
subversive material pop has ever thrown up.
It lifts your heart up, said the late Ian Dury.
Its the most consistently upful.
Film-makers the Farrelly brothers based an
entire soundtrack on them, with eight Steely
Dan songs covered by the likes of Wilco, Ben
Folds Five and the Brian Setzer Orchestra fea-
tured in their 2000 movie Me, Myself & Irene.
Only one person turned down our request to
do a cover, and that was Jonathan Richman,
says Peter Farrelly. I called him up and said,
Look, will you do a cover of a Steely Dan
song? He called back and said, Uh, Peter, Id
like to do this, but the lyrics I dont know
what they mean. I never understood what they
were saying. When Jonathan sings, he puts his
whole heart into it, so he passed.
They have another lm fan in Judd Apatow:
I dont think I have listened to any band more
than Steely Dan, he says. They are a bottom-
less pit of joy. The songs are gorgeous, the lyrics
are mysterious and witty. When I was young I
used those records as a gateway drug to learn
about a lot of great jazz performers. I would
read the credits and buy the albums of all the
people who played on their records. That led
to thousands of hours listening to the Brecker
Brothers, Larry Carlton, Phil Woods, Wayne
Shorter and countless others.
10
Gaucho
1980
Their nal albumbefore
semi-retirement, this
found themrepeating
the sound of Aja
without the material.
Standout track The
Second Arrangement
was accidentally erased
by a recording engineer,
although you can nd
it on bootleg records.
11
Two Against
Nature 2000
Controversially, the
winner of a Grammy
for Album Of The Year
instead of the heavily
tipped Eminem release
The Marshall Mathers LP.
12
Sunken
Condos 2012
Contains one
copper-bottomed
classic, The Weather
In My Head, with
Fagens whiny, nasal
voice undiminished
regal, even.
13
Everything
Must Go 2003
During writing, Becker
and Fagen would go for
walks around Manhattan.
We wanted the lyrics
without being
specically about us
or our own personal
feelings to be true to
who we are and what
were doing now in our
lives, says Becker.
Digital love:
Frances Daft Punk
channel Fagens
high-concept and
high-delity sound
52
The Blackpool singer Rae Morris, who has
toured with Noah And The Whale and Tom
Odell, is a fan, albeit begrudgingly. I was
exposed to a lot of Steely Dan when I was little,
she says. I hated it [then] but now Im start-
ing to think it was a good musical inuence.
Other fans include Phoenix and Daft Punk.
The latter have made no secret of their fond-
ness for the band, whose inuence can be heard
all over last years RandomAccess Memories. If
people still went into stereo shops and bought
stereos regularly, like they did during the era
Daft Punk draw from, this record, with its
meticulously recorded analog sound, would be
an album to test out a potential system, right
up there with Steely Dans Aja and Pink Floyds
Dark Side Of The Moon, wrote Pitchforks Mark
Richardson. Daft Punk make clear that one
way to give life back to music is through the
power of high delity.
The band are a sampling smorgasbord, and
have been grazed by Beyonc (Black Cow
on the JTy remix of 2004s Me,
Myself And I), Ice Cube (Green
Earrings on 1992s Dont Trust
Em), Hit-Boy featuring John
Legend (The Boston Rag on
2012s WyW), Naughty By
Nature (Third World Man on
1999s Live Or Die) and dozens
more. Kanye West famous-
ly sampled their 1976 hit Kid
Charlemagne on his 2007
single Champion, although not
without a lot of heavy lifting.
From time to time, we get
requests for licences for hip-hoppers to use
part of an old song or something, says Fagen.
We usually say yes, but we didnt like the
general curve of the way that one sounded...
Kanye actually sent us a sample of his tunes
and, frankly, Walter and I listened to it, and
although wed love some of the income, neither
of us particularly liked what he had done with
it. We said no at rst, and then he wrote us a
handwritten letter that was kind of touching,
about how the song was about his father, and
he said, I love your stuff, and I really want to
use it because its a very personal thing for me.
Surprisingly, the plea worked.
Somewhat perversely, Fagen and Becker
were the winners of the 1999 award from the
American Society of Composers, Authors and
Publishers for the most-played rap song, Deja
Vu (Uptown Baby) by Lord Tariq and Peter
Gunz, who had used the intro from Black
Cow. Ascap sent us these handsome plaques,
but they told us we shouldnt come to the cer-
emony, said Becker. They said there was
some violence the year before and we should
stay at home. So I did. The rappers, who had
originally used the song without a licence,
managed to irritate P Diddy, too. According to
Fagen, They were angry because the sample
Continued on page 218
I was born
into paranoia.
I grew up with
the expectation
of worldwide
nuclear war
DONALD FAGEN
new
website
condenastjohansens.com
Camp Jabulani, South Africa
Searching
for magical
memories?
The Phillips Gallery hosts GQs anniversary art auction
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Alexander Gilkes
conducts the auction
David Bailey
and Alexandra
Shulman
Jeremy King
and Nick Rhodes
Tamsin Egerton
and Mellissa Lacy
James Mullinger,
Gulnida Toichieva
and Paul Solomons
Safron
Aldridge
Benedict
Cumberbatch Oliver Peyton
Claudia
Winkleman
Hall of frames
Bids abound for original
prints at GQs silver jubilee
celebration in aid of
The Princes Trust
FEBRUARY2014G
Dean Gomilsek-Cole
and Robert Johnston
Stephen Quinn,
Sarah Manley
and Colin Henry
Catherine
Thomas
and Kaela
Fenn-Smith
Joseph Wan
Peter York Heather Kerzner
Guests at the Phillips Gallery
Ben and
Elle Caring
Marina and Ben Fogle
Nicholas and
Georgia Coleridge and
Massimiliano Pogliani
Kris Thykier,
Tara Bernerd
and Nick Jones
55
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Richard James
Huntsman
store
Crockett & Jones
Hawes & Curtis
Hardy Amies Daks
Edward Sexton Henry Poole & Co
Budd Shirtmakers Spencer Hart
Anderson & Sheppard
Alexander McQueen
Savile Row celebrates
GQs 25th birthday
As the countrys leading menswear magazine, GQ has always been a
stalwart supporter of the creamof British tailoring. So it was tting
that its biggest names joined together to celebrate our silver jubilee in true
sartorial style. Both the magazines very rst and 25th-anniversary cover
stars, politician Michael Heseltine and Rihanna, were displayed in the
windows of Savile Rowand St Jamess nest. In addition, a photographic
portfolio of Britains biggest rocknroll stars of the past quarter of a
century dressed in bespoke tailoring produced alongside Merino wool,
meant that Paul Weller, Roger Daltrey and Ray Davies alongside
younger Turks such as Mark Ronson and Chilli Jesson stared out from
the worlds most famous tailors windows. Its the sort of smart move
that only comes along every couple of decades or so. Robert Johnston
56
FEBRUARY2014G
Edited by Paul Henderson
THIS MONTH: BMW AND RENAULT UNLEASH THE ECO-MOBILES OF TOMORROW
Electric dreams come true
Smart, structurally unique and the environments newbest friend the
i3 city car is BMWs brightest spark to date, says Jason Barlow
59
Need
to know
The i3 has a
range of between
80-100 miles,
but for an extra
3,150 you
can invest in
a BMW Range
Extender that
will boosts your
driving distance
to a maximum
of 186 miles.
Power
22kWh,
lithium ion battery
pack driving
an AC electric
motor; equivalent
to 168bhp, 184lb
ft of torque
Performance
93mph top speed
(limited); 0-62mph
in 7.9 seconds
Price
25,680
(including subsidy)
Contact
bmw.co.uk/i3
GFEBRUARY2014
T
he future has been a long time
arriving. In Woody Allens 1973
slapstick classic Sleeper, the
great man awakes from a cryogenic
deep freeze to discover a world of
Orgasmatrons, robotic menservants,
and automated electric cars. They
malfunction, of course, but the
superannuated Volkswagen Beetle
Woody discovers starts rst time.
That was then. Distrust of
technology in 2014 is so 20th century.
Not yet protable, Twitters IPO still
generated a startling valuation and
breathless headlines far beyond the
nancial pages. The Guardian deies
Apple. GQ is no longer a magazine,
its a multi-platform content generator.
All this activity has caught the car
world on the hop. Y2K babies have
grown up into millennials, addicted
to connectivity and disinclined to
drive (even if they could afford to buy
or insure a car). The global population
is due to rise from seven billion to
eleven billion people, and a far greater
proportion of them will be living in
megacities. The traditional car, in
this sort of strangulated environment,
suddenly looks like an impossible
indulgence. Whats needed, say the
experts, is a paradigm shift not only
in the sort of energy used forget
fossil fuels but also the entire
mobility model. Fine, so long as
the end result doesnt force me into
anything resembling the wretched
G-Wiz or its stunted ilk.
BMW, once purveyor of the ultimate
driving machine, has spent around
2bn creating the most plausible
answer yet. The i8 supercar arrives
later this year, but rst up is the i3,
a small car full of BMWs usual
premium touch points that was also
designed from the ground up as an
electric car rather than haphazardly
reverse-engineered. This, in other
words, is the GQ of electric city cars:
no apologies and no compromises.
Inevitably, there are still a few
stumbling blocks. Question: can you
dene the aesthetic of the electric
car? Since these things use an electric
motor powered by modules of lithium
ion batteries, theoretically the
vehicle itself could posit a whole new
architecture. That the i3 looks too odd
for some and not odd enough for
others demonstrates the current
dilemma. A high-rise city car on
extra-skinny wheels, it also has
rear-hinged suicide doors and
deep back windows, to throw some
light into the rear compartment.
Awkwardly proportioned and
unusually surfaced it may be, but
the i3 is still convincingly gadgety.
Even more so inside. Four
different interior worlds are
available, reworking wood and
leather staples and natural bres in
a way thats as modish as a boutique
Berlin hotel. Most of the focus is
on a large central display; as well as
handling all the usual multi-media
stuff, this also acts as a hub for
BMWs ingenious but vaguely
Orwellian ConnectedDrive service.
Designed to lessen the range
anxiety that undermines all pure
electric cars, the system harnesses
the sat-nav to optimise your journey
based on geography, topography,
trafc, battery charge and even
weather. Its all done via a bunker
full of servers somewhere in Munich,
Power trip: BMWs clever ConnectedDrive system will
communicate with the i3s sat-nav and optimise your
journey based on trafc, battery charge and weather
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FEBRUARY2014G
possibly called Hal. Edward Snowden
would hate it.
The i3s indisputable cleverness
goes further. Its structure uses a
mix of aluminium, thermoplastic
and carbon bre, in order to get round
the fact that batteries are unavoidably
heavy. The synchronous AC electric
motor and transmission are mounted
at the rear, reducing the amount of
cabling needed, the suspension and
wheels are made of forged aluminium,
and the drive shafts are hollow. Even
the screws and bolts are aluminium
rather than steel. All in all, the i3
weighs just 1,195kg, which is a
stunning achievement.
The 22kWh battery pack sits
under the oor eight modules,
each containing 12 individual cells
producing the equivalent of 168bhp
encased in aluminium and protected
by chassis rails, while the cars
passenger cell is made of carbon bre,
which is light, strong, and usually
the preserve of low-volume and
extremely costly high-performance
cars. BMW has spared no expense.
Thankfully, its a great experience.
Rotate the steering column-mounted
drive controller into D mode,
and away you go. Two sensations
immediately predominate. The rst is
of instant and impressive acceleration;
electric motors deliver their torque
in full from standstill,
Renault, more than any
mainstream carmaker, is committed
to electrication. But its also one of
Formula Ones main engine suppliers, not
least to world champions Red Bull. The Twizy
F1 is an eye-catching advert for the former,
using one of the key bits of tech from the
latter. Kers, to be exact. It stands for Kinetic
Energy Recovery System, a box of tricks
introduced into F1 in 2009 that harvests
energy lost during braking or deceleration,
stores it in batteries, then lets the driver
redeploy it in 80bhp slugs of power for
around six seconds per lap. Fitted to
Renaults all-electric city car, it boosts the
Twizys output from 17bhp to the equivalent
of 97bhp, making its acceleration amusingly
rampant. Release the steering-wheel-
mounted paddles, and the thing catapults
forward. Every home should have one if it
were to ever go on sale. (Sadly, it wont.) JB
CARS
Lean machine:
Reduced cabling,
hollow drive shafts
and aluminium
bolts and screws
mean the i3 sits
at just 1,195kg
so the i3 slams to 30mph faster than
most sports cars, and on to 62mph in
7.9 seconds. This is no gloried milk
oat. Secondly, there is pronounced
regenerative braking; in other words,
when you come off the throttle, the
i3 slows down. In fact, with good
anticipation you can nip and tuck
through the city without touching
the brake pedal at all. Needless to say,
Hal in Munich is monitoring all this,
and an i3 app evaluates, among other
things, the overall efciency of your
driving. Groer Bruder will also
pre-condition ie, heat or defrost
the car while its still charging.
As with most eco cars, this
encourages greener practices, not
least because the gentler you go, the
more you can eke out of the batteries.
BMW claims a conservative range of
80-100 miles, against an average daily
two-way commute of 25 miles. Factor
in low charging tariffs, and you get a
cost-per-mile equivalent to a diesel
car capable of 400mpg. Ultimately,
its a question of mind-set. With an
i Wallbox tted at home, the i3 fast
charges to 80 per cent in three hours;
a standard domestic charge takes
ten to 12 hours. (A DC rapid-charge
will do it in less than an hour, where
available.) As with your smartphone
or laptop, so with your car. Via
your smartphone or laptop, in fact...
The i3 costs 25,680, including a
government subsidy, but BMW has
re-imagined the whole ownership
model as a rather complex early
adoption palliative. Theres also a
range-extender version, with a 650cc
petrol engine. Either way, the i3 is
a small BMW that just happens to
use electricity. Provided you dont
look too hard at the cleanliness of
that as an energy source its a
coal-red hornets nest this is
easily the best EV yet.
61
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You may have rm opinions on whether you prefer an olive, a twist or like it dirty. Well take it for granted that you
know your preference for a classic Berrys No3 London Dry, a delicate Hendricks or a herbal and savoury Berkeley
Square. But chances are youve never thought too hard about the vermouth and whether to give the nod to Noilly
Prat, say ciao to Cinzano, or try to seek out something closer to home. Based at the Lurgashall Winery in Sussex, Blackdown
Spirits has recently produced a white vermouth alongside its small-batch gin, making it possible to drink a 100 per cent English
Martini for the very rst time. More aromatic than its European predecessors, this vermouth is made from a base of silver-
birch wine which is then fortied along with a blend of herbs and spices, giving a rich and complex nish. Amy Matthews
OBlackdown Sussex Vermouth, 24.99 for 70cl. northandsouthwines.co.uk
Edited by Bill Prince & Paul Hend
FEBRUARY2014G
The frst
all-English Martini
The Asprey
Tell Me How cocktail
shaker is made fromgilt
and sterling silver with
details on the side for
howto mix and shake
the perfect cocktail.
6,950.
aprey.com
OStrip rosemary leaves fromstem
OMuddle in base of shaker
OAdd 75ml London Dry Berrys No3
ODash of Blackdown Sussex Vermouth (a
large dash if you prefer a less dry Martini)
OStir or shake gently with ice until chilled
OFine strain into a chilled glass.
METHOD
HERI TAGE
OIt is believed the original
Martini evolved froma
cocktail served in San
Francisco in the early
1860s, which people
drank before taking an
evening ferry to the
town of Martinez.
THE DRINK
The Restaurant The Bar The Hote The Cl ub The Pub The Nei ghb
GQs new
food and drink
section!
From new bars,
great pubs and exciting
restaurants, through to the
coolest clubs, neighbourhoods to
discover and essential places
to stay, all our monthly
recommendations
will be tried and
tasted by us.
GQ SAYS
OFor an equally English
savoury touch, try
using thyme or a
bay leaf instead of
rosemary, or an
elderower sprig for a
more aromatic drink.
+ +
63
GFEBRUARY2014
Nights Templar
How should I dress? The
crowd is wealthy, European
and likes to consume
conspicuously (Mason
Houses owners, Marc
Merran, Eamonn Mulholland
and Jean Philippe Kley, are
also behind Chinawhite). So
more is denitely more.
Whens the best time to
turn up? At 10.30pm,
because the party will have
started but the queue will
still be short.
Havent we been here
before? Almost certainly. Its
the former site of R&B
hotspot Mo*Vida, which
had the same management.
Though, inside, the area that
used to be the kitchens is
now part of the main club.
Whos playing? New DJs
every time there are no
residents. Thursday night is
house and R&B, Friday is
eclectic and Saturday is
mainstream house.
What should we drink?
When in the bar (known as
Room 33), dont stray from
the champagne list. Ace Of
Spades is advisable, and the
bigger the bottle the better.
How much to sit down at
one of the 30 tables? There
is a minimum 500 spend.
We hear theres a secret
members room. There is,
hidden behind a bookcase
towards the far end of the
dance oor. Membership is
open from this month and
costs 250.
When does Mason House
shut? The main club closes
at 4am, the members room
at 6am. Charlie Burton
Mason House, 8-9 Argyll Street, London W1.
mason-house.com
In the mid 18th century, the secretive Freemasons colonised
Londons Argyll Street. Now, a new nightclub, Mason House, pays
homage to the roads heritage with a space that resembles a Masonic
temple. That is, if you ignore the fashionable clientele, chequered dance
oor and thumping sound system...
Da Vincis codes
Ace Of Spades
champagne
Mo*Vida
Mason House
Jay Zs Magna Carta
Holy Grail
+

=
X
Theyre already calling it Bloomsburys answer to Balthazar (well,
its catchier than the old East Banking Hall of Pearl Assurance).
Topping of Rosewood Londons 100m restoration of the 100-
year-old site in Holborn, in February Des McDonald (former MD of
Caprice Holdings) will introduce the hotels relaxed dining ofer, serving up
British classics with a twist. The menu, overseen by former Le Caprice
head chef Lee Bull, runs from bar snacks to trenchermens
favourites (steak and Camden ink suet pudding) to high tea
ofering sh-nger sandwiches and Welsh Rabbit. The Martin
Brudnizki-designed room includes bar dining, as well as a
terrace extending on to the revamped courtyard. For those
on the go, the adjoining Holborn Delicatessen will have
sandwiches, soup and salads, plus the best of British bread,
charcuterie and cheese. BP Rosewood London, 252 High
Holborn, London WC1. 020-7781 8888, rosewoodhotels.com
Rosewood London, with Holborn Dining Room
and Holborn Delicatessen
Club class
The science of going out
Temple fortune: Inside new haunt Mason House
THE CLUB
THE HOTEL
THE BOOK
The A-Z
Of Eating Out
by Joseph Connolly
The rst
entry is,
somewhat
appropriately, the
least satisfying All-
You-Can Eat Buffets
but persevere with
Joseph Connollys
jocular account of
the vagaries and
effronteries of the
dining scene and
theres plenty to
savour: this modern
overview covers
everything from
Escofer to greasy
spoons, dress codes
to liquid lunches
(still alive, if feeling
a little unwell). The
A-Z Of Eating Out is
a staunch advocate
of common sense
in the kitchen and
an above-average
guide to etiquette
for both sides of
the pass. BP
The A-Z Of Eating Out
(16.99, Thames &
Hudson) is out on
10 February.
64
FEBRUARY2014G
T A S T E
If January
is the
traditional
time of year
to give your miserable,
overworked liver a
brief sabbatical, you
can still enjoy happy
hour thanks to west
Londons new
alcohol-free
gastrobar,
Redemption. Sharing
space with furniture-
upcycling social
enterprise Goldnger
Factory in the shadow
of Portobellos
now-hipster high-rise
Trellick Tower, this
temple of good
intentions found a
permanent home here
in September, after a
whirlwind summer of
pop-ups in Bethnal
Green and at the
Notting Hill carnival.
Theres a wholesome
range of soups, salads
and stews on ofer
(3-10), but the real
drawis its constantly
changing list of
imaginative mocktails.
Fromthe Spiced
Cranberry Sour to the
Mock-jito, these are
no cursory cocktail-
menu footnotes, but
the sin-free stars of
the show. Jennifer Bradly
Wild, wild life
The Wild Rabbit, Church Street, Kingham, Oxfordshire, OX7.
01608 658389, thewildrabbit.co.uk
Say what you like about the price of their spiced cranberry and almond
granola (a teeth-grinding 9.99), Lady Carole Bamford has turned the
Daylesford brand into a global leader in luxury organic produce, all farmed
using sustainable methods. Their new project is a pub, the Wild Rabbit, located
in Kingham: the sort of beautifully manicured Cotswold village spoilt only by the
roar of the V8 engines favoured by the nearby Chipping Norton set. Although
the buildings faade still boasts all the characteristics of a 1750s ale house, inside
the refurbishment (nished in September) is essentially John Pawson lite pale,
waxed-wood surfaces, roaring (tidy) res, while the restaurant dining room is lit by
several large panoramic windows that ood the room with that golden
Oxfordshire hue. The fare crisp pigs head croquettes, ox-tongue
open sandwiches, potted rabbit is traditional by way of Harrods
Food Hall. There are 12 rooms attached as well, all decked out
with Bamfords award-winning lotions and warm cashmere
throws. The standard in sumptuous rural luxury has just
been raised. Jonathan Heaf
Redemption
Mix it yourself
Redemptions Coco Rita, 3
Hunt down
local artisan
beers at the
Wild Rabbit
O Redemption Bar, Goldnger Factory,
13-15 Golborne Road, London W10.
07950 745684, redemptionbar.com
People think that cocktails are all about
the alcohol, but a lot of it is in the shaking it
helps the avours mix properly and the ice
splinters into tiny shards which break down
the drink and give it body, says Redemption
founder Catherine Salway. This has the
sour-and-salt tang of a margarita,
but it is super-healthy.
O240ml
coconut water
O1 tsp agave syrup
O1 tbsp fresh, organic
lime juice
ORock salt for the rim
plus a pinch for the
drink, to taste
OPrepare the glass
by running a slice
of lime around the
rimand dipping it
in salt.
OPut a fewcubes of
ice into a cocktail
shaker, then add
the lime juice,
agave and
coconut water
(and a pinch of salt,
if you like).
OShake for 20
seconds. Pour
into the glass
froma height for
extra froth.
On the hop: Kinghams
luxurious Wild Rabbit, featuring
salt-crust-baked chicken
THE PUB
THE BAR
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For a taste of Gymkhana at home, try KaramSethis KidGoat Keema
recipe. In the restaurant, it will cost 11 (14 with kid brains).
Method
1. Heat the oil in a heavy-bottomed pan and add in bay leaves, nely chopped
onions and fry until light golden. Then add the kid mince. Fry and stir until the
mince becomes light brown in colour.
2. Addinthechoppedginger, garlic, greenchilli andfryfor 2minutes.
3. Add the powdered spices and cook for a fewminutes. Nowstir in the chopped
tomato and reduce the heat, and continue to fry.
4. Finelychopthemethi leaves, removingthestalks. Addthis tothecooked
mince, alongwithhalf acupof water. Thencover thepan, reducetheheat and
let it simmer for 10minutes.
5. Finely shred fresh coriander leaves and add to the mince.
6. Servethekidkeemawithaparanthaor pao(Goanbread).
Gym class
Gymkhana, 42 Albemarle Street, London W1S.
020-3011 5900, gymkhanalondon.com
O320g kid
shoulder mince
O30ml
vegetable oil
O2 onions, nely
chopped
O2 tomatoes
O2 bay leaves
O10g turmeric
powder
O10g red chilli
powder
O20g ginger
O6 garlic cloves
O2 green chillies
O10g garam
masala powder
O100g
fresh methi
(fenugreek)
leaves
O40g fresh
coriander
OAcup of water
OSalt
Karam Sethis homage to the colonial Indian sports clubs of the British Raj is a
luxurious two-oored temple full of oak booths, marble tables and chocolate
banquettes. It is the modern Indian menu, though, that is attracting almost all of
the attention. With a focus on the tandoor oven and unusual ingredients, stand-out
dishes include veal sweetbreads, roe deer chops and suckling pig vindaloo.
Insider tip...
Seats at the downstairs bar
cant be reserved... so try your
luck if you havent booked.
Try to sit
In a mid room booth upstairs
with friends. Downstairs for
a more romantic moment.
What to drink
Sommelier Pavol Sedik
will advise on the best wine
and curry pairings.
Expect to pay
130 for two.
From the bar, order
A Quinine Sour.
Ingredients (Serves 2)
Gymkhanas Quinine Sour:
Tanqueray gin,
tonic syrup, ginger,
fresh curry leaf, lemon and
egg white. 10
THE RESTAURANT
THE RECIPE
Sporty spice:
The luxurious interior
of Mayfairs new
Indian, Gymkhana
Tamarind
20 Queen Street
Est. 1995
The rst Indian restaurant in the
world to hold a Michelin star.
tamarindrestaurant.com
Chor Bizarre
16 Albemarle St
Est. 1998
Recently revamped London
outpost of a NewDelhi favourite.
chorbizarre.com
Benares
12a Berkeley Sq
Est. 2003
Former Tamarind chef
Atul Kochhar won his second
Michelin star here.
benaresrestuarant.com
Gymkhana
42 Albemarle St
Est. 2013
KaramSethis hot-ticket tribute
to a Raj-era Anglo-Indian
sporting club.
gymkhanalondon.com
East meets west
A brief history of Indian
restaurants in Mayfair
FEBRUARY2014G
T A S T E
Leith, Edinburgh
Train
London Kings Cross to
Edinburgh Waverley,
from 21 (one way).
Time
From four hours and
24 minutes.
eastcoast.co.uk
Taxi
From Waverley to
Leith, from 7 (or
a 25 minute walk).
The aming French
Connection cocktail,
and safron poached
pear with cinnamon ice
cream, courtesy of
modern Indian
eaterie Mithas
The Stornoway black pudding breakfast
roll at Mimis Bakehouse (above);
Restaurant Martin Wishart (below)
Malmaison looks out over
Leiths Tower Place (above);
Printworks Cofee (below)
Roseleaf (above
and right) and roast
turkey at Bond No 9
(below)
1
2
3
9
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There was a time, back in the late Eighties, when Leith in the north of Edinburgh was
not so much a dining destination as a drug-infested ghetto for the penurious. Read a
fewchapters of Trainspotting by the burghs most infamous son, IrvineWelsh and
youll quickly get a taste of howdire life had become in the once thriving port. But in
the last 20years Leith has got clean: waterside apartments instead of damp-ridden
tenements, cofee shops in place of charity shops, and Michelin-star restaurants rather
than shooting galleries.
Leith is only a couple
of miles from the centre
of Edinburgh, but if
you want to base yourself by the
water, the place to stay is the
(1) Malmaison (1 Tower Place.
0844 693 0652, malmaison.com).
Built in a 19th-century seamens
mission, what it lacks in the
sophistication of the city centres
ve-star hotels, it makes up for
with a funky and friendly feel.
You can get a decent breakfast
in the Malmaison brasserie, but for
a caffeine hit try (2) Printworks
Cofee (42 Constitution Street.
0131 555 7070). It is the only
stockists of Monmouth coffee in
Edinburgh, and does pretty good
soups, paninis and gluten-free
cakes. For more indulgent pastries,
aim for family-run (3) Mimis
Bakehouse (63 Shore. 0131 555
5908, mimisbakehouse.com).
Everything is good, but dont leave
without trying the award-winning
chocolate raspberry brownies.
Dont overdo the dough though,
because Leith is a serious dining
destination. There are three
Michelin-starred restaurants,
minutes apart, and they all deserve
a visit. (4) Restaurant Martin
Wishart (54 Shore. 0131 553
3557, restaurantmartinwishart.
co.uk) opened in 1999 and is
Leiths most famous ne-dining
restaurant. The Plumed Horse
(50-54 Henderson Street. 0131 554
5556, plumedhorse.co.uk) is more
understated, but no less brilliant.
GQ, however, recommends
(5) the Kitchin (78 Commercial
Quay. 0131 555 1755, thekitchin.
com). The jewel in Edinburghs
dining crown, chef Tom Kitchins
philosophy is from nature to
plate so dont be surprised if
matre d Sylvain Ranc pops out
with a live langoustine to show
you how fresh your meal will be.
You will also be given a map of
the country illustrating where the
produce has been sourced, so be it
the salty and succulent shellsh
rockpool, the langoustine and
rolled pigs head, or the gamey teal
with winter vegetables, this is the
denitive taste of Scotland.
Away from Michelin, Leiths
most exciting new eaterie is
(6) Mithas (7 Dock Place. 0131
554 0008, mithas.co.uk), serving
modern Indian food with an
emphasis on local ingredients
and impeccable service. Special
mention must go to the scallops,
monksh tikka and a stunning
Tawa lobster. Tell the manager,
Jaimon George, that GQ sent you.
Just outside Mithas is (7)
Teuchters Landing (1c Dock Place.
0131 554 7427, aroomin.co.uk),
a freehouse with a tempting array
of whiskies. Other pubs worth
a visit include the (8) Malt &
Hops (45 Shore. 0131 555 0083,
barcalisa.com), and (9) the Kings
Wark (36 Shore. 0131 554 9260,
thekingswark.com).
For a more fashionable drink,
GQ loves two bars: the quirky
and cosy (10) Roseleaf (23/24
Sandport Place. 0131 476 5268,
roseleaf.co.uk) try one of its
signature pot-tails (a cocktail
in a teapot) and (11) Bond
No 9 (84 Commercial
Street. 0131 555 5578,
bondno9.co.uk). With
its low beams and low
couches, it would be
easy to lose yourself for
hours especially after
the absinthe-based
Red Faery.
In other words... choose
good food. Choose cool bars.
Choose great pubs.
Choose Leith. PH
67
GFEBRUARY2014 68
FEBRUARY2014G
MICHAEL WOLFF
BY MI CHAEL WOL F F
Winner 2013 EICA Media Commentator Of The Year
69
GFEBRUARY2014
I
have come to think of the last few years
debate about the virtues or lack of virtues
of a free and louche press in Britain as
more about Britishness than about the
press or about its expressiveness.
In this I nd myself, pressed full of curi-
osity to the glass, agog and amused by the
natives. If this sounds condescending, it is
and should be. Its one of the more comical
aspects of the debate: that, in the universe
of information, Britain continues to believe
it means something. A priggish debate goes
on in Britain, while around it the worldwide
ow of information could not care less, barely
acknowledging that a debate is in progress,
and shrugging off its consequences.
Not long ago, I wrote something salacious
in the US about a certain press lord and his
family and acts of a certain nature they might
have engaged in with a certain person in legal
difculties in the United Kingdom. The normal
ow of information of course exposed this to
get bad press). And largely among people
who know each other. Hence, their myopic
belief that the press is growing in power
rather than waning in fact, haemorrhaging
inuence and reach.
The truer worry should rightly not be about
press ethics, or the details of regulation, but
about the press disappearing. And soon. The
end is here.
T
he puzzling thing for an American
is that these same self-interested
people are not defending the ever-
weakening business they work in, but
at least many of them attacking
it. Again, this is partly about the smallness
of it. As the stakes get lesser, the quarrel-
ling ercer. It is the old university English
department syndrome, where internecine
quarrelling is most erce because the crumbs
are so meagre. If there are no jobs anyway, at
least you can ght about righteousness.
people in the UK, including the solicitor of
the person in difculties, who promptly wrote
me and my US paper a letter threatening dire
consequences, including quite a number of
years for me in prison.
My papers lawyers, who usually take other
lawyers letters very seriously, were only
amused. It was not a question of free press
and principles nor possible sanctions, but of
who cares? We could publish without bother,
with merely a tweak, which kept UK servers
from the salacious page. Regulators, and reg-
ulation fans in the UK, can have no effect on
information itself. These are ostrich measures.
Then again, the very element, the smallness
of the UK, that makes this tempest largely
irrelevant, jump-starts the issue too.
Concerns about the British press and its
bad behaviour and mendacious owners
occur in a solipsistic world of people mostly
employed by the media or directly affected
by it (that is, celebrities and politicians who
Everyone above a certain level in the press hierarchy has a tendency to
70
FEBRUARY2014G
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MICHAEL WOLFF
The current forms of the ght: Leveson, the
royal charter, the reputation of the Miliband
father, are in a sense show trials more
symbolic than real. The conclusions of the
debates are largely preordained.
The ght now is not so much about prin-
ciple but advantage, with the press a small
hot potato in a larger political battle. This
is the ultimate problem of there being no
institutional standard of a free press lip
service rather than formal, written agreement
in the end nobody really believes it exists.
Or, if you do believe it, youre a chump. A naf.
Newspapers, everybody really knows, are just
political instruments. (Indeed, you are now
saying to yourself, But arent they? Answer:
no, they are their own instrument.)
It is also a class war. The British news
business Fleet Street has always been
in a signicant way about its own culture,
as inbred as that of coal miners. On the top
theres a proprietor and his court and minions,
and under them a free-oating, dependent,
certainly cynical working class sometimes
grateful for employment, often resentful.
As technology pushed the real working
classes out of the newspaper business, the
journalists become the fungible and redun-
dant class. There are more out-of-work or
precariously situated journalists now than
ever before, with futures as bright as that of
printers after Wapping, where, in 1986, Rupert
Murdoch broke the union.
Certainly, it is hard to defend the structural
integrity of the British press class system,
feudal to a comical extent. British proprietors,
as a whole, are quite a ridiculous bunch, awed
personally and professionally.
Robert Maxwell, Conrad Black, Richard
Desmond, and now the entrance of Russian
oligarchs... need anyone say more?
And then, with greater historical entitlement,
there is Lord Rothermere, with the hegemonic
Daily Mail.
And there is Murdoch, the alpha lord of
British press power. Underneath the pro-
prietors, you have court apparatchiks and
Rasputins such as Rebekah Brooks, Andy
Coulson, Piers Morgan and Paul Dacre, and
a hundred other names uttered every day
with awe, scorn and fear by the people on
the totem pole below them. It is a system of
princelings and despots. And everyone above
a certain level in the press hierarchy has a
tendency or permission to be larger than life
arrogant, self-dramatising, bitchy, untouch-
able, excessive in so many aspects.
Hence, in that regard and in that context,
a free press is a pretty peculiar concept.
There is nothing democratic, or process-
oriented, or even all that logical about the
system. Its arbitrary, if not semi-demented.
The system, so top-down, so class-ridden, so
absolute, so inescapable, has become indistin-
guishable from the words. Or, for the obsessed
and oppressed people of this world,
Press charges:
Rebekah Brooks
(left) and Andy
Coulson (above)
face reporters at
the Old Bailey
be larger than life arrogant, self-dramatising, bitchy, untouchable
71
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FEBRUARY2014G
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MICHAEL WOLFF
the product seems to be hopelessly part
and parcel of the people who own and run it.
Writers, particularly those not employed by
one press despot or another, dont see their
own work as necessarily having common cause
with what a newspaper proprietor produces.
Nor is there much of an entrepreneurial
publishing class in Britain, save for Murdoch
himself, to defend a system in which it might
hope to participate and realise its ambitions.
So government regulation.
P
ress control is generally a strategy
favoured by authoritarian govern-
ments or right-wing opponents of
sassy and ribald expression. But in
Britain, press rules are a halcyon
state favoured most hotly by the left.
In addition to the class attack, press laws are
a specically Murdoch attack.
This somewhat confuses the
issue, or, anyway, confuses the
issue in Murdochs own mind,
because he sees himself as an
attack on class. In that sense, the
British left has long reected its
own snobby values of disdain
for the interloper and vulgarian.
MyTwitter feed, which was set
up, in part, to keep me abreast of
the views of Murdochs critics as
the hacking scandal unfolded,
has become a singular mantra of
regulation. If Rupert Murdoch
is your whale, regulation has
become your harpoon.
The fact that Murdoch repre-
sents a major righteous liberal
verity, that governments should
not in any way interfere with the
press, is negated by his support
for right-wing causes, for busi-
ness preferences in general, for
low-class vulgarity and, for good
measure, for the destruction of print unions at
Wapping (forgetting the fact that the left was
wrong about Wapping, and Murdochs actions
there extended the newspapers business
for another protable generation). All these
Murdoch sins attest to the need for regulation.
Isnt the very lack of regulation the thing that
made Murdoch possible? Heh?
The orthodoxy and religious demeanour of
the left when it comes to the heretical press
is kind of amazing or frightening. Or comic.
Not too long ago, at a dinner sponsored
by the Guardian whose own left-leaning
heart often makes it wobble in the debate
about its own freedoms I sat next to a
woman representing Hacked Off, the group
most determined to see the British press
restrained. She was really fromcentral casting.
Humourless, mousey, churchy, sour... let us say
it, sexless. Of course she was not going to like
a amboyant, mean-minded, garish press. The
press and its freedoms are, in the end, always
a matter of temperament. People psychologi-
cally and emotionally resistant to the crass and
intemperate join with people who have political
reasons to control the message.
Inevitably, given politics and prudery, the
words have largely changed meaning here.
Everybody is for the freedom of the press,
except, of course, when there is so obviously
a crying need for safeguards.
It is not press regulation that the left is after,
but ownership rules and regulation.
And lastly, of course, it is not the government
that is going to be interfering here and imposing
rules and oversight, but some amorphous third
party answering to a greater good.
Manners are the rallying cry in this debate,
and, of course, a British preoccupation.
The press is responsible for a particular
sort of British upset a failure of civility and
niceness. Arguably, British tabloids are so
tasteless because buttoned-down Britain has
always found them so naughty and thrilling.
I
n the US, press misbehaviour, even
within the narrow parameters through
which it can be pursued, can only
be measured and defined by actual
damages. That is, you have to prove
that a rogue press caused some adverse mate-
rial consequence, if its harsh words, or blatant
lies, cost you money, or a job, or... well, not
much else. Even a blow to your reputation has
to be quantied what has a loss of reputa-
tion actually cost you? Embarrassment and
hurt feelings, being impossible to quantify,
are not a cause of action.
The softer, unquantiable sense of British
decorum being crossed makes misbehaviour
by the press merely a reection of sensitiv-
ities. Personal offence is the standard. Its
moral legislation.
There is a law against the specific act of
phone hacking, and so it should be upheld. But
the real reason Murdochs News Of The World
closed and various executives of his face jail,
is that Murdochs paper upset a murdered girls
family, offending the national good manners
canon, and thereby making a case for press reg-
ulation. An upset family was upset even more.
In fact, the original complaint that Murdochs
reporters actually interfered with the investi-
gation by deleting voice mails turned out to be
not true at all. Anyway, hacking itself is illegal.
The effort nowis not so much against hacking,
but against emotional upset.
The same newand growing standard of upset
became the cause of complaint when Ralph
Miliband was besmirched not long ago.
I need hardly unravel this one. Reporters
sneaked into Ed Milibands uncles memorial
service, called his father an old
communist bugger and said he
wasnt too fond of England. And
great umbrage ensued?
Forgive me, but Britain is a
nation of pantywaists.
It is a curious and stubborn
thing. I have not been able to
nd anybody in Britain who can
get their heads around this idea
that hurt feelings, without an
actual, demonstrable change in
circumstances, are not real. Or
not measurable. The real British
belief is that hurt feelings,
public embarrassment, personal
indignation, unpleasantness
of all sorts, caused by a coarse
and unfeeling press, demand
nuanced redress.
The larger justification that
vulgarity and blasphemy and
prurience and really needling
insults and even untruth and
calumny, not to mention the
unmasking of secrets of state and of the
bedroom, ought not to be circumscribed
because they serve the greater purpose and
ultimate social good of loosening the tongues
and the imagination and the sense of propriety
and fearfulness in the rest of us, is not, I sense,
ever going to get a lot of traction in Britain.
Or, on the other hand, they do actually
have a lot of traction and such transgressions
against the good are in few places so vibrant
and corrupting, but being British its necessary
to pretend otherwise.
How Leveson Failed
(Michael Wolf, GQ.co.uk, November 2012)
What Leveson Can Learn FromAmerica
(Michael Wolf, May 2012)
The Growing Threat To Press Freedom
(Nicky Woolf, GQ.co.uk, October 2013)
MORE
FROM GQ
For these related stories,
visit GQ.co.uk/magazine
Talking liberties: Hacked Of campaigners speak out in favour of press
regulation after the publication of the Leveson report, 29 November 2012
73
GFEBRUARY2014
The best places on earth and how to get there in style
Edited by Bill Prince
Lucky stars: A taste
of the inimitable
glamour of the
Beverly Hills Hotel
in the Fifties P
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74
FEBRUARY2014G
TRAVEL
Hollywood is as susceptible to
change as the popularity of its most
visible citizens (the talent). Some
things here, however, are as constant as the
weather like the Polo Lounge.
There are many talismanic places in Los
Angeles, but in the restaurant world, few are
more famous than the Beverly Hills Hotels
eatery. Not only have more deals been cut
here than anywhere outside a studio, but
its still the place to be seen while grazing
on breakfast, pushing your lunch around, or
stepping up and out for dinner. Of course, the
place really comes alive during cocktail hour,
when obese septuagenarian producers can
still be caught guiding the careers of aspiring,
sapling-thin actresses. Industry people
havent drunk in Hollywood for years, not
properly anyway, yet you can still see the
odd Martini here, albeit mixed up with the
spritzers and Camparis and sodas (Hollywood
used to drink Negronis, but no more).
The Polo Lounge retains its charm by
remaining relatively
unspoilt, and although
the new owners are
threatening to renovate
the restaurant theyve
already started on the
rest of the Pink Palace
you can sit in one of
the indoor booths and
feel what it must have
been like in the Golden
Age. During the day
youll see the occasional
swarm of tourists in their
Brobdingnagian training
shoes, but at night youll
find spivvy young execs
in midnight-blue suits
and patent-leather
driving shoes wooing
each other with charm, guile and imported
vodka. The Polo Lounge is like a fine old
mink coat, said the near-legendary
restaurant critic Bryan Miller. Opulent,
dignified and warm. And the Lounge is one
of the few places where a mink wouldnt look
out of place (on her, though, not you).
Its still a heady experience, still a thrill, in
the way that the Four Seasons in NewYork or
Harrys Bar in Florence are still places to soak
up the past. The last time I went, I sat in the
garden relishing a Cobb salad with all the
trimmings (by which I mean sunglasses,
iPhone and Variety); usually, though, I grab
a booth, sink into the banquette and imagine
Im Burt Lancaster in Sweet Smell Of Success
transported to the West Coast, or Robert
Evans in any of his book-jacket photos. Isnt
that Douglas Fairbanks over there? Isnt that
Henry Fonda?
The world is increasingly full of places that
their custodians like to call very GQ. Well,
the Polo Lounge really is.
AHollywood hotbed since the Golden Age,
the Polo Lounge is one of those Beverly Hills
legends that still glimmers and shimmers
By Dylan Jones
LAconfidential
The Polo Lounge,
the Beverly
Hills Hotel, 9641
Sunset Boulevard,
Beverly Hills,
California 90210.
beverlyhillshotel.
com. British
Airways ies to
Los Angeles from
Heathrow airport
from 616.65
return. ba.com
75
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Stop being so mean to the Russians!
I
will never forget the Russian girl I met at the height
of the Cold War.
She was an Aeroot stewardess on a night ight
between Tashkent and Leningrad. I was a young,
weary traveller in a strange and hostile land. And as I slept
tfully with a soldiers boots pressed into my back, she
woke me with a kick.
It was not a hard kick, but it was delivered expertly
by a large foot inside a sensible shoe, striking me at
the top of the shin just below the knee. It was enough
to jolt me awake and chill my blood. I stared into the
unsmiling face of a woman who combined the menace
of Rosa Klebb with the physical presence of a Russian
shot-putter.
She indicated the trolley she was pushing. Its dusty
tiers contained what looked like the contents of a garbage
can. A battery. A small hammer. A ball of string. Some
sad stuffed toy that looked as though it was meant to
resemble roadkill.
Souvenir trolley, she told me.
That lost Russia managed to terrify and depress you.
The Soviet Union was the only place I have ever been
where, as a matter of routine, the immigration ofcers
read your address book. At Moscow airport, as you
stood in a scarred glass box that calibrated your height,
a Red Army soldier from a John le Carr nightmare
xed you with his thousand-yard stare and scrutinised
your passport. Young men starved of life, beauty and
blue jeans approached you in Red Square and tried to
buy your Levis.
Every shop had empty shelves, but there was plenty of
food for tourists and all of it was inedible. When foreign-
ers boarded anAeroot ight and I roamed all over that
po-faced land, fromMoscowto Samarkand, fromBukhara
to Leningrad the locals were made to stand aside and
let us board rst. They watched us and who can blame
them? with undiluted hatred in their eyes.
There was some music and lots of alcohol at the Intourist
hotels, and the locals struggled to get inside with the
desperation of Vietnamese collaborators hanging on to
the last helicopter out of Saigon. There was no advertis-
ing, but there were gigantic signs everywhere, all of them
apparently written by George Orwell.
The Soviet Union Is The Source Of Peace stood on top
of one grey tower block. The Aims Of The People Are
The Aims Of The Party, lied another.
Dont begrudge Londons migr elite their oligarchic excess
youd want to have fun too after a century in a straitjacket
Russians
abroad
looked
like they
were
making up
for lost
time. They
wanted
money,
sex and
oblivion,
probably
in that
order
The tourists I was with were all liberal, curious and
broadly sympathetic to our Russian hosts if we werent,
we would have stayed away. And yet when our ight
home took off from Moscow airport, everyone clapped.
It was a country that made you feel like you were suffo-
cating. And within a few years, it would cease to exist.
Even from a distance of more than 20 years, the speed
of change boggles the mind. When I was there in the
Eighties, Mikhail Gorbachev had already begun his
economic and social reforms perestroika and glasnost,
slightly lifting the jackboot fromthe throats of the people.
What nobody anticipated was that lifting the jackboot
would make the whole rotten edice come crashing down.
In 1989, mass protests removed tinpot Communist
dictators all over Eastern Europe. In November that year
the Berlin Wall came down. And at the end of 1991, the
Soviet Union itself was dissolved.
But Russia did what it has always done through
the invasions of Napoleon and Hitler, the cataclysmic
changes of Lenins revolution, Stalins purges and the total
collapse of Communism.
Russia endured.
A
lmost immediately, Russians started turning up
abroad. At rst it was young women. In the very
early Nineties you saw them in frontier towns,
places where the nights were still untamed
in the high-end joints of Manila, in the rougher parts of
Hong Kong and all over Macau. Especially Macau.
Blonde women and they were all blonde, by birth or
bottle huddled together in the cafs outside casinos, or
in the cavernous bars that stood on the top of big hotels.
They were not all great beauties. Those Russian girls in
Macau the earliest exports of the Russian Federation
tended to be busty, hard-eyed and very young. Many
of them had already travelled a tough road. I remember
one of them telling me that her last gig had been on an
industrial estate in Inchon, Korea. It showed.
The Russians you saw abroad in those rst years of
freedomlooked as though they were desperately making
up for lost time. They wanted money, sex and oblivion,
probably in that order. One night in the Nineties, I was
having dinner on a boat going down the Seine, and as
we drifted by the immortal glory of Notre Dame, the two
Russian businessmen at the next table were supplement-
ing the ne wines with a bottle of vodka they kept handy
under the table.
GFEBRUARY2014 76
FEBRUARY2014G
FIGHT ORFLIGHT
The old Russia was a puritanical place. If a foreigner
kissed his girlfriend in public, some old babushka
tramping the streets in her lthy carpet slippers would
inevitably shriek abuse at him.
But whatever the new Russians turned out to be, it
would not be puritans.
And nowthe Russians are everywhere. You never used
to hear Russian spoken outside of Russia. Now you hear
it in the lift of the Mandarin Oriental in Hong Kong, on
the beach at Ko Phi Phi in Thailand and when another
Russian knocks on the front door of your London home,
ready to make you an offer.
There are said to be 300,000 Russians in the UK. That
gure seems high until you realise that so many of the
conversations in the money belt from Chelsea in west
London, through Knightsbridge, Kensington and Mayfair,
to Hampstead in the north seem to be in Russian.
When I walk my dog, Stan, at the crack of dawn,
on Monday to Friday we pass the same man and boy.
They look like afuent Londoners have always looked
business-suited dad off to the ofce and his long-haired
son lugging sports kit and books off to his private school.
What is new is that they talk to each other in Russian.
The UK Border Agency issues Tier 1 visas to foreign-
ers who have a minimum of 1m to invest in the UK.
Approximately 100 Russians currently have Tier 1 visas.
Not all Russians are rich, but rich Russians the novyi
Russkiy always seem to want you to know it.
The West used to fear reds under the bed, said the
Daily Telegraph. Now we marvel at their Prada sheets
and gold-monogrammed pyjamas.
Rich Russians buy football clubs, newspapers and
150m penthouses in Knightsbridge. The Chinese buy
stuff in the sales at Selfridges. The Russians are more
likely to buy Selfridges itself.
What do Russians love about London? It is more than
the private schools, the royal parks and big houses. The
greatest draw is our rule of law.
It is the work of the judges who preside at the Royal
Courts of Justice on the Strand that means most to many
oligarchs, said the Guardian. The UK courts resistance
to efforts to extradite Russians back to face charges in
Moscow amid ongoing concerns about the fairness of
trials is priceless.
Russians in London might be beyond extradition. But
they are not beyond the reach of their enemies.
Alexander Litvinenko was a Russian secret serviceman
who fell out with his paymasters. He ed court prosecu-
tion in Russia and received political asylumin the UK. On
1 November 2006, Litvinenko became seriously ill and
was hospitalised. Within three weeks he was dead from
poloniumradiation. Nuclear terrorism, said his doctors.
Mysterious circumstances tend to follow exiled
Russians around like a lovesick spaniel. Boris Berezovsky
the so-called bulletproof oligarch was found dead with
a ligature around his neck at his Ascot mansion in March
2013 (the postmortem found no signs of a struggle).
German Gorbuntsov, a Russian banker, was shot six
times in an assassination attempt in Canary Wharf in
March 2012 (he survived). Alexander Perepilichnyy, who
accused Russian ofcials of a Swiss money-laundering
scam, died suddenly while jogging in Surrey not usually
a hazardous pursuit. Two autopsies were inconclusive.
Although the UK is still seen as a land of safety and sta-
bility, the novyi Russkiy are no longer untouchable here.
Until a couple of years ago, they believed if they moved
to London they were not going to get assassinated, said
Mark Hollingsworth, co-author of Londongrad: From
Russia With Cash; The Inside Story Of The Oligarchs.
In many ways, the Russians are perfect guests in the
UK. If they kill anyone, it is always some other Russian.
But the death of Litvinenko in particular placed enormous
strains on the relationship between the UK and the
Russian Federation.
Yet still they come. And it is more than the fact that
they like our judges and we like their money. When the
British and Russians look at each other, they recognise
what they see.
A
nation on the edge of Europe, part of the conti-
nent and yet forever separated by instinct and
geography, a land of great writers and football
hooligans, binge drinkers and ghting men,
where nights teem with thugs and tarts, and yet a land
with a history to be intensely proud of a warrior nation
that sacriced much for its own freedom and for the
freedom of the world. A country that lost an empire
almost overnight! and yet kept its superiority complex.
Sound familiar?
They lost the Soviet Union. We lost the British Empire.
Yet still we and they strut the world, pretending we
have not lost an empire, just misplaced it for a while. And
we both have royal families (although they shot theirs).
What we share above all is the war the war that almost
crushed us and still denes us, the war before we were
born that still feels like yesterday.
In the Second World War the Great Patriotic War, as
the Russians call it they were our greatest allies, if we
measure greatness in the sense that they sacriced the
most, with up to 25 million dead.
Walk around the Piskaryovskoye Memorial Cemetery in
St Petersburg and you will see only 186 headstones but
these are mass graves holding 500,000 bodies, not even
half the number who died during the siege of Leningrad.
The freedom of the Western world is built upon the
suffering of Russia in the Second World War. And even if
they were ghting for survival, rather than our liberty, it
does not diminish that enormous blood sacrice. The price
of Nazi Germanys defeat was 25 million Russian dead.
We sneer at the brashness of the newRussia. There are
plenty of middle-class Russians in London who are embar-
rassed by the image of the big-spending novyi Russkiy and
his Botox babe. But I remember the old Russia where the
stewardesses onAeroot woke you up with a kick. It was
not a land t for the heroes of the Great Patriotic War, nor
a land worthy of those 25 million dead.
At Moscow airport in the Eighties, Red Army soldiers
looked at Penguin paperbacks as if they were deadly
weapons. It wasnt the kind of hell that Russians knewin
Lenins famine, Stalins purges or Hitlers invasion but
it was life bled of all that is good. Aeroot didnt even
show movies.
That Russia was a place to survive, suffer and get in
a queue, an Orwellian nightmare where you could buy a
bust of Chekhov but not one of his books, where they
could blow up the planet but not sell you a pair of jeans
or a cold beer. That old red Russia would turn anyone
into a bling-maddened, bimbo-bonking materialist. So go
crazy, Russia. Go nuts.
Its your time now.
Not all
Russians
are rich,
but rich
Russians
always
seemto
want you
to know
it... The
Chinese
buy stuff
in the
sales at
Selfridges.
Russians
are more
likely
to buy
Selfridges
itself
77
A
rakes
progress
A
rakes
progress
The ability to charmany woman into bed
sounds like a dreamcome true. But for one
man, his compulsive philandering led himinto
a cycle of infdelity and self-destruction. And
the addiction showed no signs of letting himgo...
StorybyAnonymous
The ability to charmany woman into bed
sounds like a dreamcome true. But for one
man, his compulsive philandering led himinto
a cycle of infdelity and self-destruction. And
the addiction showed no signs of letting himgo...
StorybyAnonymous
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FEBRUARY2014G
WOMANISING
The woman for whom I have just cooked dinner
is a fashion model from Leeds. I picked her up a
few nights back at the bar in town where I work.
As usual, I wrote my number on the business card
that we hand out with the bills and waited for the
call. It came this morning. Her name is Suzy and
she has almost perfect curves, long dark hair and
bright blue eyes. As soon as dinner is over, we are
on the sofa, kissing and touching. Then I massage
her shoulders and, just at the right moment, suggest
we introduce some oil. She follows me upstairs to
the bedroom.
Her clothes come off quickly all of them.
Minutes later, Morcheeba is blasting on my stereo
and Imf***ing her reverse cowgirl. She thinks Im
in the throws of passion, but none of this is an acci-
dent. Ive positioned her to face a video camera Ive
hidden up on my wardrobe underneath a towel,
and Im praying the music masks the whirr of its
cassette. Ive lost count of how many other sex
tapes are stashed and locked in the box next door.
This morning, there was another woman in here,
equally as good-looking. She works on the other
side of the lens, in the film business. Ive been in a
relationship with her for three months.
The sex stops abruptly. Is that a camera? the
model asks. Jesus Christ, are you recording me?
She has seen the candlelight reflecting in the lens.
Im prepared for this. S***. Pinteresque pause.
I have a girlfriend.
What the hell does that have to do with a
hidden camera?
We film each other having sex, I say, lying.
I must have left it plugged in.
I dont believe you. I want to see it. The anger
in her voice disguises tears. I rise off the bed and
pretend to eject the tape, instead grabbing a differ-
ent one that I stashed next to it earlier.
I put the decoy tape in my VCR and turn on the
TV. We press play and sit down. The screen fills with
me and another girl having sex.
Suzys response is deliberate and calm. You are
a w***er. I never want to see you again. She
dresses and slams the door behind her. I retrieve the
real tape fromatop the wardrobe and put it on the
living-room TV. I masturbate until I reach orgasm.
Igave up counting the number of women Id
slept with when it reached 250. That was in 1995. I
dread to think howmany it is now. Easily more than
500. I wanted all colours, shapes and sizes. There
was the curly-haired PR manager from Scotland
who would tease me about my Englishness, the co-
worker at a Bristol hotel with whom I had sex on
one of the function-room tables after a shift one
night, the advertising exec who I screwed in the
office before getting fired a few days later. Some
were voluptuous, some overweight, some way too
skinny, some wildly athletic. Ive had sex on trains,
phone sex while driving, public toilets, church
altars, hay barns. Ive had more than 100 relation-
ships since 1983, fallen in love three times and
married once. Ive been unfaithful to every single
one of these women.
It has caused me shame, embarrassment and
heartache. But not enough to stop.
My childhood was unusual, to say the least. My
father was a nine-to-five criminal: pimping, robbery,
fraud, dealing in anything that would make quick
money. On and off, he spent the best part of 20
years in jail.
When he wasnt inside, there were women. Lots
of them. He was a serial adulterer. One day, when
I was eleven and my mother was staying with her
parents following an argument, I confronted my
father about a girl who kept coming over. We sat
down together in the kitchen.
Why is she always here? I asked.
She wants me to f*** her, but Im not really
interested. I gave her one in the back of a car just
to get her off my back.
I was strangely impressed.
My father was incredibly charismatic, and in
the Sixties and Seventies, if you had an ounce of
charm and knew how to dress, you won a certain
amount of social mobility. He used to spend his time
in nightclubs and became friends with a harem of
models, actresses, and heiresses. He was a god to
me. He told me never to get hooked on women:
Love doesnt exist. Get what you want, buy them presents but dont
ever tell them how you feel.
Because of him, addictive, nonstop sex surrounded me as I grew up. I
remember the first time I was conscious of it. Early one Christmas morning,
whenI was verylittle, I was playingwithmynewActionManinmydadand
his girlfriends bedroomwhere we were staying in Cornwall. They woke up
and I knewinstantly what was going to happen. I hid behind the curtain,
listening to the skin-on-skin sounds coming from their bed. I was
I gave up
counting how
many women
Id slept
with when it
reached 250.
That was in
1995. I dread
to think how
many it is
now. Easily
more than 500
79
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GFEBRUARY2014
terrified they would realise I was there. But it
seemed adults had sex any chance they got.
If Id known howto get an erection I would have
lost my virginity at seven. Instead, that day came
on my 13th birthday with a girl who was used for
sex by many of the boys at school.
A couple of years later, I committed what I con-
sider my first serious act of infidelity. I was in a rela-
tionship with a psychotic skater chick who went to
a school near my fathers house in south London.
One night we went to the local pub with her insep-
arable best friend, a pale-skinned Goth who had
been giving me the eye for weeks. The three of us
went back to my place, drunk. My girlfriend was
tired and went up to bed. About half an hour later,
the Goth and I started kissing in the hall, en route
to the kitchen. I hitched up her skirt and we had sex
up against the wall. If we get caught, she whis-
pered in my ear, she will stick a knife in both of us.
You first. The danger made the sex so much better.
Afewmoments later, my girlfriend emerged at the
top of the stairs. For f***s sake, she said. No
anger, nothing just collected her things and left.
She let me continue to go out with her for the fol-
lowing year until, at a house party, I kissed another
girl too many.
It would be easy to write me off as a heartless
bastard. Many women do. But the truth is I care
about people. I dont want to hurt them. When Im
at the brink of cheating, a little voice inside pleads,
Leave this one alone; you dont even like her. And
afterwards, when the adrenaline wears off, the
reality of what Ive done fills me with regret. Its
a feeling that endures until I find another woman
that can take my mind off the pain.
Ileft school at 16 and there followed a tangled mess of girlfriends,
one after the other, each interwoven with other women, some of whom
became girlfriends replacing ones Id get bored with or whod caught me
out or got fed up with me.
At 18, I met my Mrs Robinson. She was the mother of an old school
friend I was staying with at his house outside Brighton. My new girl-
friend was there, too. I knew her from school as well, but we had only
got together recently. The group of us spent the evening getting stoned
and listening to guitar bands. That night I wandered downstairs to fetch
a drink and my friends mother cornered me in the kitchen. She asked me
to come down to the end field to see some wild badgers. But I couldnt
see any. She got behind me and pointed at something far off in the dark.
Then she brought her arm across my chest and started kissing my neck.
I turned around and began kissing her back. Within a few minutes we
were stripped down and having hard sex on the grass in the rain.
We had more sex back in the house that night: in the kitchen and finally
the woodshed. Her over-the-top orgasms echoed round the old place.
The next day at breakfast no one said anything, not even her husband.
I imagine he knew: she had done it with some of our other friends before.
I walked to the end of the drive with my girlfriend, again in silence. Then
she hurled abuse at me in floods of tears. I never saw her again.
Sex had become a drug. And I liked drugs. At 12, Id sworn never to
smoke cigarettes; at 16 I was hooked on smoking heroin. My father was
dealing and I stole it off him. I loved the buzz. My first withdrawal kicked
in at 17, sitting in a police cell for robbing a friends parents house. I was
looking for his porn collection.
At 21, I decided to get off drugs for good it was damaging my health
and taking over my life. It took 18 months to recover: intensive residen-
tial rehab followed by nine months of semi-residential and then a final
stage while I was working and going to college. Ayear later, my pornog-
raphy habit began to get out of control. I had a four-foot stack of mag-
azines ranging from Fiesta to Club International. I kept them hidden in
a bedroom cupboard.
I moved to Leeds two years later and began studying photography.
I worked in a pub to bankroll college and it was here that my addiction to
women really took off. I gave my number to around ten women a night.
On average, three would respond positively. Of those, one would inevi-
tably end up in my bed by the end of the week. That kept me up to my
neck in girlfriends, infidelity, paranoia and sex for years. I wrote lists of
names and family histories of each woman to keep up and not get caught.
I had developed a successful strategy for attract-
ing girls. It was based entirely on the first ever time
I approached someone in public. She was sitting
across from me on a London Underground train,
smartly dressed and Amazonian-looking. I had to
get her number. I got off two stops early and fol-
lowed her on to the escalator. I walked up behind
her. I felt my heart whacking into my chest. Hi,
I dont normally do this, I said. I simply wrote down
my number for her, and tried not to come across as
overbearing. Thats why being nervous is actually
a good thing it gets a woman to trust you. She
called a few days later, but I only saw her twice
the second time I told her to slowdown during sex
and she punched me. That rather soured relations.
The dictum that women need intimacy for
sex and men need sex for intimacy is absolutely
right. The problem was I never got past the sex.
I fooled myself into believing the soft humof post-
coital bliss meant intimacy. It didnt. But there
was one woman who was different. I was in my
mid-twenties, living in Manchester and studying
a further-education course (photography hadnt
worked out). I was in the college library, sitting
across from a beautiful redhead, and we kept
catching each others eye. When she packed up
her books, so did I. I walked up alongside her on
the pavement outside and gave her my number. A
few days later we went to a restaurant together.
She was highly intelligent, with a degree in law
and a weakness for men in touch with their feel-
ings. I hadnt met anyone quite like her before. Im
leaving for America in a month, she told me that
night. I want to spend every free moment of that
time with you. You up for that? I dropped every-
thing, put all other women on hold and spent every
available moment with her. I felt like I was falling in
love: wed go for walks in parks, I met her parents,
and when we werent doing that we were watch-
ing films and having sex. It was a different kind of
sex: more engaged, more kissing. Then the morning
came for her to leave. She kissed me goodbye in bed
and went to the airport. We vowed to stay together.
That very evening I slept with two women simulta-
neously. When I finally sawmy redhead walk back
through the arrivals gate at Heathrow four weeks
after that, I knew in a heartbeat it was over.
In those days, a lot of the women I was with were
in relationships, and I started to fear for my safety.
I decided to run. I went to the northwest coast of
Scotland and set up a new life. It was up there, in
a farming town in the middle of nowhere, at 30,
that I met a 22-year-old who was to become my
I gave my
number to ten
women a night.
On average,
three would
respond with
a positive.
One would
inevitably end
up in my bed
80
WOMANISING
FEBRUARY2014G
sexual nemesis and the beginning of the break-
ing of me. Our paths crossed at a friends party.
She had long, strawberry-blonde hair and a pretty,
almond-shaped face. We didnt talk much on
the night but I gave her a lift home. She kissed
me long and hard on the lips in the car, gave me
her number and left me speechless. I saw her a
few days later. We went for a drive out in the
hills and I had sex with her on the bonnet. I con-
tinued seeing her her aloofness intrigued me.
She was in my face one minute, all over me like
I was the last man on the planet, then the next
moment flirting with the next good-looking guy
in the room. Her posh voice and expensive taste
in clothes made her entirely out of place in the
wild, Scottish landscape. We went out for about
five months and then the arguments began. When
she had a drink she would completely transform,
saying she was disgusted at my sexual history
and telling me about men she wanted to sleep
with. When I got annoyed she said I was clingy.
It ended with me having a one-night stand with
someone else I met in a pub, but by that point I
already knew it was time to leave her.
This girl had, however, made me realise that my
track record with women could prove problematic.
But that didnt truly hit home until three years
later. I had brought my collection of sex tapes
to Scotland. They were precious gold: a nest egg
for when I was old and grey and unable to entice
girls into bed. One day, at five in the morning, I
got a knock at the door. It was a knock that I had
expected for years. I opened up to find a furious
man on my porch, baseball bat in hand, threat-
ening to cave my head in. I know what youre
doing, he said. Youre not going to get away with
it. His girlfriend had told himthat I was sleeping
with her, and that one night we had filmed our-
selves. He wanted the tape. I gave it to him and
he left but I couldnt get back to sleep, so I took
my cassettes into a field, built a pyre, spooled the
reels out of the plastic casings and set the lot on
fire. A bonfire of the vanities. I stood watching,
wondering if Id done the right thing. Knowing
I had. Wishing I hadnt.
I got into therapy full time. As I slowly loosened
my talon-like grip on porn, phone sex, multiple
girlfriends and the minute-on-minute fantasy of
the next conquest, I began to experience full-on
physical withdrawal. It was worse than coming off
smack. I went celibate for two years. And then,
still living in Scotland, I met the woman who was
to become my wife.
She was a tough Irish girl, a PR manager, who had little time for my
over-sensitive nature. This wasnt for lack of care or love, she just didnt
indulge it. While proudly talking about my size in bed one night, she
looked down at it and declared: Christ, you do go on about it. It isnt
that big. Ive seen bigger. I was crushed, and hooked. Nine months into
the relationship, we were cooking roast chicken together in my little
kitchen and I told her I loved her. She turned and hugged me. Towards
the end of the year, we took a boat out on a loch and I proposed to her
in the middle of the water. She said yes immediately. We went to a local
pub to celebrate and married six months later.
But the bedroom swiftly turned into a warzone. She was frustrated
at how I was never really there emotionally: my autopilot routine of
kissing, oral sex and then f***ing. So in the last two years of our marriage,
I started having phone sex with other women to appease my appetite. If
my wife was at home, Id go up into the hills and call one of a handful of
old girlfriends on my mobile phone. If my wife was out, Id do it right
there in the bedroom. I always felt dreadful afterwards.
By the time I ended up back in Manchester with the woman
for whomI was to break my wedding vows, I was on a mission.
She was an old work colleague in the embers of
her marriage. I got to her house, body shaking
with nerves and excitement. She opened the door,
smiled, let me in and we were lying on the living
roomfloor in less than five minutes. This was the
moment we had been threatening over the phone
for almost two years. Her nine-year-old son was
upstairs on his PlayStation. The moment I left her
house I knewmy marriage was over, walking away
fromthe best sex Id had in years, but feeling like
a first-person witness to a car crash.
Back in Scotland a fewweeks later, I was having
sex with my wife. Suddenly she stopped, looked
me dead in the eye and said, Youve been with
someone else. She could just sense it. I said
nothing. The following week we went walking.
We sat down on an outcrop of rocks, looking out
over a valley with a river in it. I have something
to tell you, I said. She looked at me wide-eyed.
Ive been unfaithful. Imsorry. Iman arsehole. I
dont expect you to forgive me. She stood up and
glared down at me. I saw her eyes dart around,
presumably looking for something to hit me with.
Mercifully, all we were surrounded by was grass.
I want you and your stuff out before I get back,
she cried. She turned and walked off up the hill.
I couldnt move.
We eventually dealt with the fallout in therapy.
The last session was ugly, snot-filled and final. But
I did something different with this break-up. I
tried to stop the cycle properly. I want to become
a father, and if I can live a more stable life, my
children will have an infinitely better chance of
ending up well-adjusted. Not to mention, theyre
more likely to have both parents fully in their
lives. That said, you never knowif youll fall back
into the vortex but something happened last
year when I was on retreat in Ireland that gave
me hope. On the final night, a bohemian Italian
girl told me in no uncertain terms that she wanted
me. I dodged her advances and later, lying in my
room alone, wind and rain battering against the
window, I forced myself not to get up and seek
her out. I felt like Odysseus tied to the mast, but
I survived.
It was a defining moment. And, at 42 years old,
about time.
calculations
that a tally
gained currency.
The gure does
not include daytime
quickies, drive-bys,
casual gropings,
stolen kisses and
so on, says Biskind.
Charlie Sheen
5,000 women
Never one for
moderation, Sheens
#winning sexual
career (the number
is a widely reported
gure) puts him
among the most
prolic ladies
men. His total is not
solely comprised of
pick-ups: the Heidi
Fleiss prostitution
scandal outed him
as one of her most
frequent clients.
Gene Simmons
4,800 women
Simmons (inset) says
hes avoided the fury
of women scorned
because he has
always been upfront
with his lovers. But,
two years ago, he
announced he was
growing up and
marrying his
girlfriend
Shannon
Tweed.
Jack
Nicholson
2,000 women
At 76, he reportedly
only uses Viagra
when with more
than one woman.
Of his youth, hes
said: The mantra for
my generation was
Be your own man!
And to this day
unwed he still is.
Think you can
hold your own
when it comes
to the art of
seduction?
Think again.
Here is the
pick of the
worlds most
consummate
conquerors
Fidel Castro
35,000 women
The dictator (inset)
had a rapacious
sexual appetite.
According
to a former
Castro
insider, he
had sex
with at
least two
women
a day: at
lunch, dinner
and sometimes
at breakfast.
His guards would
prowl the beaches
to recruit fresh
oferings.
Wilt
Chamberlain
20,000 women
In the American
basketball players
1991 autobiography,
he claimed to have
had encounters
with more than
20,000 women,
based on tallying up
the number of girls
he slept with over
a ten-day period,
then extrapolating
the results for
his lifetime
minus 15 years.
Warren Beatty
12,775 women
This notorious rake
counts Diane Keaton
and Madonna among
his conquests but
it was not until
his biographer
Peter Biskind
performed
some
Suddenly she stopped,
looked me dead in the
eye and said, Youve
been with someone else.
She could just sense it
81
FE RUARY 20 4 3 99
S ECI L R PORT
Nigerias child
vig lantes
tak ng on
Boko Haram By A ex P es on
S X DDICT ON
Three decades
1,000 women
Zero shame
THE SECRET LIFE
OF A SERIAL
PHILANDERER
Michael
Fassbender
EVIL NEVER
LOOKED THIS
GOODBy ona h n H af
12 YE RS A S AVE O CAR BUZZ
VOTED MAGAZINE
OF THE
YEAR! A ain ! )
THE 30
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THAT LOOKS
LIKE YOU
SPENT 300
BEST-
DRESSED
MENIN
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50
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THE GQ DIET
STRONGER
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FOR LIFE!
R S
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(yet st ll a l ttle snarky) GUIDETOGAMING
M h t h d f B i GQ b J B t M i
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Digital Lifestyle
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INTERNATIONAL
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Edited by Bill Prince
T
his month sees the rst of the
watch worlds annual hooleys
kick off in Geneva. The Salon
International de la Haute
Horlogerie is where ne watchmakers
cluster to show off their wares, and
introduce some new (and old faces).
Principal among the new/old contingen
will be Jrme Lambert, former CEO
of Jaeger-LeCoultre, now in charge
of another Richemont-owned brand,
Montblanc. The latters watches have
tended to play second ddle to its writing
instruments, but thats changing and
Mr Lambert will surely accelerate the
process. We are particularly taken by this
new piece, which features a rare dual
moonphase, and allows the wearer to
consult the phases of the moon in the
northern or southern hemisphere. The
all-new Montblanc Star Twin Moonphase
has a sweeping date subdial an elegant
counterpoint to the twin-disc moonphase
display at six oclock and is housed in
polished steel 42mm case. BP
O Star Twin Moonphase by
Montblanc, 3,500.
montblanc.com
Whichever side of the equator you find yourself,
the Montblanc Star Twin Moonphase ensures you
will always be in the right horological hemisphere
FEBRUARY2014G83
GFEBRUARY2014
Sleek preview:
Slimline but high-
spec, the MacBook
Pro is a sign of
laptops to come
1
THE
This month: Light laptops; sound bases; friendly drones
Edited by Charlie Burton and Stuart McGurk
Power
tripping
Until recently, travelling
with a lightweight laptop
meant processor-heavy
tasks (video editing,
say) were out of the
question. Fear not,
this new generation
is very slim but also
very powerful
Photographs by
Matthew Beedle
84
FEBRUARY2014G
THEGQLAB
TEST
1
MacBook Pro
2,560 x 1,600
1.57kg
314 x 219
x 18mm
512GB
2.6Ghz
8GB
Screen
resolution
Weight
Dimensions
(w x d x h)
Storage
Clock speed
Memory
3,200 x 1,800
1.39kg
320 x 223
x 14mm
128GB
2.6Ghz
4GB
Samsung Ativ
Book 9 Plus
The breakdown
3,200 x 1,800
2.01kg
371 x 254
x 18mm
512GB
16GB
Dell XPS 15
3.2Ghz
1,920 x 1,080
1.3kg
323 x 224
x 13mm
128GB
4GB
Acer Aspire S7
1.7Ghz
2,560 x 1,440
1.4kg
325 x 226
x 15.5mm
512GB
8GB
Asus Zenbook
Innity
2.8Ghz
13-INCHMACBOOK PRO
WITHRETINA DISPLAY
The key diference between this
iteration and the last is that, at 18mm
deep, its almost a MacBook Air. It also
completed our speed test (converting
a 4Kvideo le to Blu-ray format) in the
fastest time, so unless youre trying to
nd the Higgs boson its a reliable
all-round workhorse.
1,099. apple.com
Win: Durable battery life
Fail: Relatively heavy

SAMSUNGATIV
BOOK 9 PLUS
Alight computer that ranks midway in
terms of speed, but was the only machine
(bar the Mac) not to run out of battery
while we performed the test. Its display
is actually better than the Macs, with an
impressive 3,200x 1,800resolution, all
housed in a business-like chassis.
1,300. samsung.com
Win: Loudest speakers on test
Fail: Shallowkeyboard

ASUSZENBOOK INFINITY
We wanted to love the Asus simply on the
basis of its sleek, brushed-metal design,
but we had some niggles. For one, ours
didnt grip well on the surface. It was also
the slowest performer in the group.
1,480. asus.com
Win: Speakers by B&O
Fail: Trackpad jolty when scrolling

ACERASPIRE S7
At the slower end of the computers
on test, but makes up for it in other ways.
The keyboard is satisfying to type on,
and for such a small device it feels sturdy.
The trackpad, though, is a curates egg:
very precise but pleasing though
that is its sensitivity meant we often
left-clicked inadvertently.
1,099. acer.com
Win: Full, round audio
Fail: Battery drained during test

DELL XPS15
This large laptop has a robust keyboard
and feels securely weighted on a moving
surface, plus its reasonably priced.
The drawbacks are that the keyboard
is positioned so far forward your watch
catches on the edge of the body, and the
trackpad is frustrating at slower speeds.
829. dell.com
Win: Speedy second only to the Mac
Fail: Runs hot

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1
3
4
2
Bose Solo TV
sound system
525mm 600mm 608mm 700mm
525 x 309 x
70mm
600 x 330 x
80mm
608 x 355 x
71mm
700 x 320 x
35mm
N/A
Virtual
Surround
No No
N/A
Innite Sweet
Spot
Night Mode,
two-way
speaker system
Optical
Cinema Mode
Width
Dimensions
(w x d x h)
Speakers
Wireless
connectivity?
Inputs
Special
sound modes
Orbitsound
SB60 airSOUND
BASE
Denon
DHT-T100
The breakdown
Yes Yes
Sonic boom
Forget puny sound bars
sound bases are the
new aural jump-start
for your home-cinema
setup. GQ rounds
up the contenders
BOSE SOLOTV
SOUNDSYSTEM
Bose was one of the rst brands on the
sound-base bandwagon, but its Solo TV
systemnowseems lacking. While still
providing the richness and depth youd
expect, it feels entry-level compared to
the others theres no virtual surround,
and it doesnt double as an all-in-one
wireless system. With a bulky faade
(and price) its hard to recommend.
350. bose.co.uk
Win: Deep sound
Fail: No wireless connectivity

ORBITSOUND SB60
AIRSOUNDBASE
The problemwith sound bases is that,
of course, the output comes fromone
place. The Orbitsound gets around this
with its impressive Innite Sweet Spot
technology, with twin two-inch drivers
at the front and side providing immersive
all-round audio. The downsides include
a lack of wireless connectivity so it
wont work as a general music system
and a harsh high-end.
300. orbitsound.com
Win: Brilliant Innite Sweet Spot tech
Fail: Poor high-end sound

DENONDHT-T100
Aserious possibility as an all-in-one
music system, the Denon DHT-T100
uses a special proprietary CD-quality
Bluetooth feature called aptXthat allows
you to streamhigh-quality music to it
directly. The sound is powerful, with
the Virtual Surround putting you right
in the middle of the action. Add in the
reasonable price tag and sublime Night
Mode feature which delivers clear
sound while limiting unexpected volume
leaps and you have a winner.
249. denon.co.uk
Win: CD-quality streaming; great price
Fail: Chunky

LGLAP340 SOUND PLATE

The sleekest on test, the LGLAP340
Sound Plate (catchy name, fellas) is
smaller than most sound bars, but
still delivers a signicant sonic punch.
Patented dual-neodymiummagnets
(Google it) mean you hear every bullet
thud, while the Bluetooth option lets you
use it as a wireless music system. The
killer feature is the ability to connect to
your TVwirelessly, meaning it can sit
anywhere all you need is power.
350. lg.com
Win: Super-slim; totally wireless
Fail: No surround-sound tech

1
2
3
4
Optical audio,
coaxial and
R-L audio
TOSLINK
optical, 3.5mm
audio jack, RCA
Optical and
coaxial digital,
analogue
4.1 Channel
Surround
System
Integrated
subwoofer, side-
ring speakers
86
FEBRUARY2014G
THEGQLAB
The Trend: Real-world apps
Tired of wasting hours on Angry Birds and Candy Crush? Try
an app that will maximise, rather than max out, your downtime
CRIB
NOTES
The word drone
immediately calls to
mind a scenario out
of Homeland: agents
staring at screens in an
American control centre
while, on the other side
of the world, a terrorist
goes down in a blaze
of Hellre. And, up until
recently, that would
have been justied.
Military drones
or unmanned aerial
vehicles (UAVs)
have been used since
2001 for surveillance
and, more recently,
kill missions.
Now, however, as
drones head to our
own airspace, theres
a semantic shift
happening. The word
is coming to mean
something much
friendlier that, typically,
uses four helicopter
rotors rather than
wings. So-called
quadrotor drones
are cheap (Parrots
AR.Drone 2.0, pictured,
costs around 320) and
easy to use. And thats
got the worlds makers
and doers innovating.
Fromherding cattle
to guided tours and
lm-making theres
a drone for everything.
Amazon is planning to
use themfor delivering
parcels. The WWF
employs themin aid
projects to protect
endangered rhinos
in South Africa. And
there are farmers
experimenting
with drones which
autonomously analyse
elds and spray
fertiliser where
its needed.
Arecent study by
research rmthe Teal
Group found that the
worldwide expenditure
on the commercial
drone market could
surpass $89bn in the
next decade.
One start-up with
major growth potential
is DroneDeploy, backed
by TimDraper (an
early investor in both
Hotmail and Skype),
which specialises in
systems for controlling
multiple drones, and
is currently building
specialist software
for land-mapping.
And then theres
Matternet (funded by
Andreessen Horowitz
and the Bill & Melinda
Gates Foundation), a
project for transporting
medical supplies to
rural areas in need.
Currently the only
(OK, quite major)
obstacle is the law. In
the States, the Federal
Aviation Administration
bans the use of drones
in American airspace for
commercial purposes,
while UKofcials have
only granted permission
to 130companies to
y unmanned aircraft.
Still, over the next
decade, these laws
will change and
so will our skies.
Louise Donovan
FRIENDLY DRONES
C
TINY GAMES
Answer a fewsimple questions
where you are, who youre
with, your mood and it comes
up with a social game to play in
the real world. Fromdeveloper
Hide&Seek, it has a library of
248 options. hideandseek.net
A
EATWITH
Imagine Airbnb for restaurants:
take your pick of people willing
to invite you round for dinner
(for a small fee). With users
across the world, you need
never settle for another
tourist trap. eatwith.com
B
TINDER
Everyones favourite app has
made hook-ups sorry, dating
perfectly unembarrassing.
Swipe right if you like, swipe
left if you dont. Users have
rated several billion proles
so far. gotinder.com, free
E
BORROWMY
DOGGY
This website connects dog
owners and wannabe dog
owners for a fee. Borrowers
can take dogs for walks,
weekends or an entire holiday.
borrowmydoggy.com
F
LIFTSHARE
Either sell the space in your
car or request a ride. Liftshare
lets you advertise your journey
to others in a similar area,
then split the petrol money
and save on carbon emissions.
liftshare.com, free
D
TASKRABBIT
Need your kitchen cleaned?
No problem. This online
errand-running business lets
its users complete tasks for
money. Simply hire someone to
do all the chores youve been
putting of. taskrabbit.co.uk
The bottom line:
Sound bases ofer
a neat all-in-one
alternative to
heavy-duty
surround-sound
systems
87
In next months issue
On sale 6 February
The newpower players are not fire-breathing moguls or fearsome chairmen
of the board in the age of social media it is the hyper-connected who make up
the elite, the men and women who both know, and know everyone in the know.
From the man behind Justin Bieber to the new entertainment oligarchs to the
360-degree marketing rm for whom marketing is just the start of the service.
Welcome to the hyper-communication business age.
THE100MOSTCONNECTEDMENINBRITAIN!
The newglobal elite is here...
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F E B R U A R Y
LOUIS VUITTON + STYLE SHRINK + LACOSTE + DIESEL + CARTIER + SMYTHSON
Coat, 1,580. Shirt, 310.
Trousers, 500. Scarf, 245.
All by Cerruti 1881 Paris.
At Matches.
matchesfashion.com
Cerrutis
second coming
When Nino Cerruti, the scion of an
Italian textile dynasty, launched his
eponymous fashion label in Paris in 1967
few predicted its astonishing success. But
by the time he introduced the famous 1881
line (the date his grandfather founded the
family mill in the Alps) a few years later
it was recognised as one of the coolest
menswear labels in the business.
Of course, Cerrutis movie-star good
looks were certainly no disadvantage
when it came to market the clothes and his
Italian style helped him in Hollywood where
he dressed the likes of Robert Redford,
Harrison Ford and Al Pacino as well
as having cameo roles in a number of
(admittedly eminently forgettable) lms.
But by the time he exited the company
in 2002 it seemed the writing was on the
wall, and throughout the noughties the
label seemed to lurch from mishap to
crisis. But today Cerruti 1881 is having one
of the greatest comebacks since Lazarus.
Now owned by the Hong Kong-based
Trinity Group (which is also behind
Savile Rows Gieves & Hawkes) it
appointed Aldo Maria Camillo as its
new creative director in 2012. An alumnus
of Ermenegildo Zegna, before arriving
at Cerruti 1881, Camillo had been
involved in the critically acclaimed
relaunch of Valentino so the
label should be in good hands.
The new collection is
available at the Paris agship
and globally exclusively
through matchesfashion.
com. The new aesthetic
has been described as
strongly minimalist
but masculine with
an eye for leather,
sharp tailoring
and owing coats.
Were pleased
to report that
Cerruti is
back with a
bang. RJ
FEBRUARY2014G89
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GFEBRUARY2014
Snap judgement
Peter Saville re-imagines Lacostes croc for its 80th-birthday range
NEWORDER
Power, Corruption & Lies
(1983)
Featuring the painting
A Basket Of Roses by
Henri Fantin-Latour, which
Saville decided to use after
seeing a postcard of it in
the National Gallery shop,
in London. The squared
colour-based code in the
top right corner spells
out the albums title,
with the decoder on
the rear, and was later
used again for the iconic
Blue Monday sleeve.
PETER GABRIEL
So
(1986)
Having been told that
his previous album covers
alienated women, Gabriel
allowed Saville to go
with this simple portrait
featuring two letters of
beautifully set type
containing a deviously
italic letter o, hinting at
a softer, more accessible
Gabriel sound. Saville
was paid 20,000 for
the artwork, which he
has revealed was the
highest payment he ever
received for a cover.
NEWORDER
Republic
(1993)
Saville relocated to
California, but his
relationship with New
Order continued. Republics
artwork constructed
from stock photos of a West
Coast beach and the LA
riots reects the title to
comment on modern
societys decadence. This
mirrors the fall of Rome
when the patricians
arranged for circuses to
entertain the plebeians
while the cities declined
around them.
GQ Art Director Warren Jacksons pick of Peter Saville-designed album covers...
Box fresh: Lacostes limited-edition shirt packaging
1 2 3
Ameeting at a Patti Smith concert back in 1978 launched the career of Peter Saville, one of the countrys
most celebrated graphic designers. It was this meeting that resulted in Tony Wilson commissioning Saville
to produce the very rst Factory Records poster (FAC 1) and Saville becoming a partner in the legendary
record label. He worked with Factory for years to come, his last design being Tony Wilsons gravestone
in 2007 it was labelled FAC 501 and was the last ever Factory artwork.
For Lacostes 80th birthday Saville was commissioned to create a special range. His response was to
take the famous green crocodile and reinvent it in lots of different ways by scribbling over it, redrawing
it and even reducing it to little more than a squiggly line. There was a sharp intake of breath when I
showed executives the idea, admits Saville. Right up until the very end I thought someone would put
their foot down and say, No way, we cannot do this to the logo.
Luckily the Lacoste team held their nerve and the project was given the thumbs up. Lacoste has
previously worked with designers including Tom Dixon and the Campana Brothers on its holiday ranges.
They still look like Lacoste shirts even if they dont have a crocodile on them, insists Saville.
Its about requisitioning the mainstream to translate an idea that is not about selling. RJ
Jacket, 265.
Shirt, 100.
Chinos, 90.
Bag, 65.
All by Lacoste.
lacoste.com
Jacket, 280.
Jumper, 170.
Chinos, 90.
All by Lacoste.
lacoste.com
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NEWS+
Get to the beat
Louis Vuitton entered the watch business
back in 2002 when it introduced the
rst Tambour, with its now iconic
drum-shaped case (tambour is, of
course, the French for drum). Since
those early days, the Tambour
has appeared in a wide variety
of guises, from quartz
models to diving
watches, chronographs
to tourbillons and
a number of high-
complication pieces most
often with a connection
to regattas and yacht racing.
The connection has always been
Vuittons long-standing role as the
ofcial timekeeper of the Americas
Cup World Series and sponsorship
of the Louis Vuitton Cup. And the
latest model, the Tambour Blue,
retains its nautical but nice styling.
The companys commitment to ne
timekeeping can be seen in its choice to
lead the watchmaking division Hamdi
Chatti, one of the most respected names
in the business and its purchase of the
Geneva-based horological design house
La Fabrique du Temps to up its game.
And the results? Serious timepieces that
are no slouch in the technical department
as well as having the ne lines you would
expect from the worlds leading luxury
brand. And thats worth a trophy even
if you are sticking to dry land. RJ
Tambour Blue by
Louis Vuitton, 2,800.
louisvuitton.co.uk
Smythson goes to work
British stationery legend Smythson continues to go from strength to strength
and is quietly turning itself into an all-round luxury lifestyle brand. GQ favourite
designer Jonathan Saunders has collaborated with Smythson before and we
love his latest update of the classic Eliot Folio in eye-catching colours and
cool patterned linings. RJ Bags by Smythson, 895 each. smythson.com
91
GFEBRUARY2014
+ADVICE
Style
Shrnk
By Robert Johnston
All-weather musts,
from staying smart
in the driving
rain to saving a
much-loved leather
briefcase; ofce
dressing that shows
ambition; looking
after your scalp
Shirt, 135. Tie, 95. Both by Richard James. richardjames.co.uk
Above: Coat by
Gloverall, 399.
gloverall.com. Below:
Coat by Hancock, 925.
hancockva.com. Right:
Briefcase by Mulberry,
995. mulberry.com.
Spray by Waterstop,
7.39. At Amazon.
amazon.co.uk
Having become tired of my
companys black nylon laptop cases,
I invested in my rst proper briefcase,
a Mulberry Heathclife. On contact with
liquid, the leather is left with unsightly
watermarks. How can I return it to its
former glory?
Simon, via email
Simon goes on to curse a clumsy
friend who just wanted a look and
managed to spill a pint of water over his
bag. We all have friends like that. Water
really is the enemy of leather and suede,
so always treat leather goods before
taking them into the great British
outdoors. Indeed, I have come to the
conclusion that suede shoes are almost
(I stress almost) more trouble than they
are worth for this very reason. The people
at Mulberry recommend using Collonil
Waterstop spray to protect against
rain spotting this is available through
Amazon. Remember that the natural oils
in your skin as well as hand creams will
mark leather. The bad news is that once
the damage is done there is little you can
do although a specialist leather-cleaning
service such as Johnson Cleaners may be
able to help. But the good news is that the
patina that builds up with use is one of
the most charming features of leather and
why, in my opinion, it improves with age.
There is nothing more handsome than a
well-worn, well-loved briefcase. So if the
leather is marked, feed it with a decent
lotion or cream (again I would
recommend Collonil) and enjoy its
character. Each mark can be a memory,
even if it is only a reminder of why you
want to punch a cack-handed friend.
LETTEROF THE MONTH
I have started a new job and I
need to walk over Londons Tower
Bridge every day to get to the
ofce. What type of foul-weather
coat could you recommend that
looks smart enough to wear on
a night out after work without
looking like a trainspotter?
Jim, via email
The point about mentioning the
route is that Jim tells me the wind
whistling up the Thames precludes
the possibility of putting up an
umbrella. Strangely, I am rst going
to recommend what is probably
seen as the archetypal outt of the
trainspotter the dufe coat. And
I actually think they are very stylish.
At the top end you could try the
Duvetica down-lled wool dufe.
This is a collaboration with Japanese
designer Junya Watanabe and there
is nothing remotely nerdy about it.
Or you could go trad with a Gloverall
the inventor of the original dufe
back in 1954 in a factory behind
St Pauls Cathedral. I am particularly
taken with the mid-length model
in a Tattersall check Harris Tweed.
Tattersall takes its name from an old
horse market in London that started
in 1766 and was famous for its
distinctive checked horse blankets.
Its on trend and a little piece of
history. On the subject of history,
when the weather warms up, one
of the most stylish ways to keep dry
on your morning commute is in a
raincoat by Hancock, named after the
man who rst patented vulcanised
rubber with Mr Mackintosh. With
taped seams to keep even the most
driving rain out, one of these will
keep you dry and looking cool.
I am a 25-year-old professional
in an ofce where men wear anything
from a full-on suit to an open-neck shirt.
I take pride in my appearance but worry
about overdressing.
Ross, via email
Ross goes on to say he is the most
junior staf member and is concerned
people will think he is getting above his
station if he is too suited and booted.
Well, I couldnt count how many times
I have said this, but the rule is you should
always dress for the job you want, rather than the one you have. In other
words, unless you work in B&Q and wear a top hat, you shouldnt worry about
looking too smart. Also, remember that while the way we dress is a way of
showing status, it is also a way of showing respect. If you are unsure of a dress
code, it is best to err on the side of caution and dress as smartly as you think
might be required. I was recently talking to a friend about a big job vacancy
that had just come up, and I suggested an acquaintance I thought might be
suitable. I was told he would never be considered, as he had once turned up
for an interview with the managing director wearing shorts. So for Ross to
wear a shirt and tie to the ofce is absolutely acceptable even preferable
for someone who is starting out in his career.
92
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LUXURY+
Tanks for the memory: Cartier wearers Yves Montand (with Marilyn Monroe) and Alain Delon (centre)
Submit your questions to our style
guru: styleshrink@condenast.co.uk
Thanks to a large bald patch, Ive
shaved of all my hair. The problem
is when I shower I end up with
dry skin on my scalp. Is there any
product out there that might help?
Mark Roach, via email
One of my great heroes in
the grooming world is Susan
Harmsworth, the founder of Espa
(espaskincare.com). Not only has she
built an empire of spas all over the
world, but she is also incredibly good
company and just the sort of woman
you want to be sat next to at dinner.
I asked her for advice for Marks
unfortunate condition, and she
tells me that thanks to the lack of
protection that hair would normally
provide, an exposed scalp is prone
to drying out due to central heating
and hard water in particular. This is
because the higher levels of minerals
in hard water act to dry out the skin
and are also less efective at rinsing
away soap and other residues, which
can lead to irritation. Susan suggests
treating the scalp as an extension
of the face and to adopt the same
cleansing routine. You wouldnt, after
all, wash your face with shower gel
or if you do you are mad, as it is
far too harsh. (And Im sorry if I am
shattering illusions, but it is a bit of
a b to say that hands that do dishes
can be as soft as your face.) She also
suggests moisturising the scalp after
shaving as you would your face with
products such as Espas Optimal Skin
ProSerum, Mens Hydrator, 24-Hour
Balancing or Age-Rebel Moisturiser
would be perfect. As a special treat,
an Espa Face Treatment Oil will
they
hero
nd
w her
scalp
k and
be
ke it.
an
GQ LUXURY
National treasures
As Cartier exhibits its glittering history in Paris, Nick Foulkes explores
how the French masters lend a touch of class to the everyday
THE OTHER DAY I was in Lisbon for an exhibition
of ne jewellery by Cartier. I like jewellery, but
I am afraid to imperil what masculinity I possess
by wearing too much of it not that I could have
afforded any of the pieces on show anyway.
As the national jeweller of France, Cartier is less
of a business though, of course, it is that, too
and more of a cultural bastion. The French have
a knack for clothing luxury goods with a mantle
of culture that is unequalled by any other nation,
and in France it is possible to be elegant without
surrendering your Y chromosomes. This was the
subject of my recent conversation with Pierre
Rainero, who although he would never assign
himself such a grand title, is about the closest
thing that Cartier has to a creative director. He
and I were pondering the future of male elegance
in light of the Cartier exhibition that opened
in December in Paris.
Of course, you cannot have a future without
a past. For example, Cartier is a watchmaker as
much as it is a jeweller, and it is generally accepted
that the modern wristwatch was born in 1904
when Cartier made a small, square watch for the
dandy aviator Alberto Santos-Dumont, who
wanted to have his hands on the controls of his
ying machine rather than shing about in his
pocket for a timepiece. Then, of course, came the
Tank, the most famous straight-sided watch ever
made and one of the few dening items of design
to remain the same throughout the century the
exhibition, of course, includes Tanks, along with
photographs of some of the men who have worn
them, for instance Gunter Sachs and Alain Delon.
But there is more to it than the watches. Also in
the show will be the toys of a generation of men
for whom life was incomplete without being able
to pluck a cigarette from a gold, nephrite, coral
and enamel cigarette box, ignite it with a table
lighter made from carved jade and then extinguish
it in a gadrooned rock crystal, gold and ebonite
ashtray. Compared to this, todays culture of
furtively choking down a gasper huddled outside
the ofce should come not just with a health
warning, but an elegance warning, too.
Of course, these items refer to a way of life that
has in great part vanished. It is hard to pull out,
say, a platinum cigarette case with a baguette-cut
diamond clasp without seeming to be trying just
a little bit too hard but what such objects show
is how Cartier was able to elevate quotidian tasks,
such as imbibing the stimulating nicotine-laden
fumes of a cigarette or opening the post, and
give them a bit of grace, style and elegance.
Alas, one of my favourite Cartier creations will
not be present in the exhibition: Stewart Grangers
pair of guilloch gold-backed hairbrushes, with
a matching comb and a clothes brush, the actors
initials picked out in lapis lazuli cabochons.
And it is with such items that the real genius of
Cartier lies; after all, there are countless actions we
perform each day so we might as well make the
best of them. If we smoke, we might as well use a
Cartier lighter; we use keys, so we might as well be
pleased with our key ring; and we need to tell the
time, and instead of a computer screen or phone,
it is so much nicer to do so on a Cartier desk clock.
In fact, when you think about it, there are still
plenty of ways that Cartier can help us achieve
a bit of elegance every day.
Cartier: Style And History runs until 16 February
at the Grand Palais, Paris. grandpalais.fr
The author of our Letter Of The Month
will receive a stylish black and rhodium
Townsend fountain pen worth 190
from Cross. Cross is the maker of
quality writing instruments and
has a range of distinctive lifestyle
accessories. www.cross.com
Moisturiser by spa, 26.50.
espaskincare.com
93
GFEBRUARY2014
PUT the man responsible for
some of the most arresting
fashion images of the decade
together with the man who
created one of the coolest
fashion brands in the world and
you would expect it to result in
something special. So when it
was announced that Diesel
founder Renzo Rosso hired
Nicola Formichetti, the stylist
who helped transform Lady Gaga
into a global phenomenon, as
his new artistic director, the
expectations were sky-high.
Now 36, Formichetti was born
in Tokyo. His father was an Italian
pilot and his mother a Japanese
ight attendant. He grew up in
Rome but from an early age he
longed to move to London. I had
always been into fashion and I
wanted to move to where all the
cool magazines came from, he
explains. His excuse to his family
was that he wanted to study
architecture. But I literally
walked in the front door of the
architecture school and then
ran out of the back one to go
clubbing for three years.
Not surprisingly, there came
a time when he needed to earn
money to pay the rent so he
became involved in The Pineal
Eye in Soho, in the early
noughties perhaps the hippest
fashion store on the planet.
It never made any money but
it was so much fun, he recalls.
I was a shop assistant,
merchandiser and window
cleaner incredible! Thats
where I met everyone! One of
the people he met there was the
inuential stylist Katy England,
who at that time was working
Nicola
Formichettis
Diesel power
Former Lady Gaga
stylist fuels the revival
of one of the worlds
coolest labels
for magazine Dazed & Confused,
and then went on to work with
Alexander McQueen and marry
Primal Screams Bobby Gillespie.
She told me she liked my style
and that they wanted to give me
a page in the magazine every
month and thats how it
started, explains Formichetti.
I ditched the store and started
editing the magazines fashion
coverage and doing shoots.
Before that I never even knew
that stylists existed.
He then went on to become
the magazines fashion director
in 2005, eventually becoming its
creative director three years
later. By then he had worked
with almost every fashion
brand and photographer,
from Dolce & Gabbana and
Terry Richardson to Nike
and Nick Knight. But his next big
moment came in 2009 when he
was working on a cover shoot for
the American magazine V and
met Stefani Germanotta, better
known as Lady Gaga. He said it
was love at rst sight and later
that year he fashion directed her
appearance at the MTVVideo
Music Awards, as well as almost
all her other major appearances.
By the time he worked with
her on the video for Bad
Romance she was the biggest
star in the world and he was one
of the most famous stylists.
I hated the attention! he
says. I was never interested
in being in front of the camera.
Gaga pushed me onto the stage
and I really hated it. Before I was
just doing it for myself; suddenly
seeing nasty comments
everywhere was quite hard. Gaga
taught me how to deal with it.
She would say, Look on the
positive side, you have all these
amazing fans, people that love
your stuff and that is much more
important. So I changed the way
I thought. I have a voice now and
I get to use that in a positive way.
It was around this time when
Diesels owner Rosso got in
touch. I had been in contact
before, explains Formichetti,
and he had always been a big
supporter of what I had been
doing. He would come to
events that I was
hosting, pop-up
stores and the
like, but we
had never
talked about
working
together. At the
time I was doing
Gaga and a lot of
other stuff so when he told me
he wanted me to work with
Diesel I was shocked. I didnt
really know what to think. It was
Renzos lifestyle that persuaded
me to do it. I wanted to be just
like him. And then he told me the
same thing that I reminded him
of himself when he was younger.
So Formichetti left Gaga in the
capable hands of his assistant,
Brandon Maxwell, and signed on.
Rosso had originally
founded Diesel back in
1978 with his mentor
Adriano Goldschmied.
It rapidly became a
huge commercial
success as well as one
of the coolest denim
brands in the world. By
2010 it was a billion-
dollar company and
available in more than
5,000 stores around the world.
Formichettis job is to inject a
new shot of creative energy into
the company. Renzo was very
hands-on in the Nineties, he
says, but as a company gets
bigger and bigger it is naturally
going to lose that personal touch.
I feel that it is my job to bring in
all those special things that Diesel
had at the beginning. Diesel was
the coolest brand and young
people had to wear it. Today
there are so many things out
His dark materials:
Nicola Formichetti, Diesels
new artistic director
Gaga
changed the way
I thought. I have
a voice now and
I get to use that
in a positive
way
I had
always been into
fashion so I wanted
to move to London,
where all the cool
magazines
came from
At the
time I was doing
Gaga and a lot of
other stuf, so when
Renzo told me he
wanted me to work
with Diesel I was
shocked
94
DIESEL+
there that it is difcult to be the
one but I think its possible.
Although based in NewYork,
Formichetti now spends most of
his time at Diesels HQ in the
former Laverda motorcycle
factory in Breganze. I want to
get all Diesels DNA from Renzo,
he explains. He is with me the
whole time, indoctrinating me
with 35 years of the brands
history. That is so important for
me because then I can take over
his role for the next 35 years
hopefully! Of course, it helps
that they are in the middle of the
countryside with great wine and
food. It is really beautiful.
He accepts that his new job
means he will have to search for
a lot of new collaborators and
he is going about this in a very
modern way. I am nding them
online, he says. We are creating
this community on Tumblr
its one of the fastest-growing
communities on there. We are
communicating through visuals
I give them assignments and
they send back art works. So, for
example, the pictures we did with
Nick Knight for the Diesel Tribute
capsule collection advertising
campaign are beautiful. And
we shot the whole thing on an
iPhone. So we can tell people
out there that we used these two
apps from iTunes and show them
that they can do the same sort
of work as one of the greatest
photographers alive. I think Im
really good at taking peoples
talent and amplifying it I think
thats my talent. I love nding
new ideas and new creativity
and doing something with it.
Formichetti has already
presented his new collection
internally. Im not at all sure
what they were expecting
lobster hats perhaps, he laughs.
People know me for crazy stuff,
but the team went, Wow, we
can actually wear these things.
I think I have created something
that is very commercial and that
ordinary boys and girls want to
wear. Ive had the chance to use
all my ideas, and put into play all
the experiences I learnt over the
past ten years in fashion. And I
get to do it all in one place.
It already looks like there will
be nothing bad about Rosso and
Formichettis bromance. RJ
Im not sure
what they were
expecting lobster
hats perhaps! But Ive
created something
for ordinary boys
and girls
Shirt, 100. Sunglasses, from90.
Both by Diesel. diesel.com
GROOMING
GFEBRUARY2014
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Diary of a perfumed ponce
In the third chapter of Richard E Grants journey into the scented universe,
the Withnail star battles the moneymen before a new friend rides to the rescue
N
o sooner have I bid au revoir to Grasse, than chief honcho
at Robertet, Francis Thibaudeau, email-intros me to their
London representative, Julie Harris. He suggests that we meet
up and make his perfume dreamcome true. Atta boy! The
French have taken me seriously, which bucks my day up a good deal.
Malcolm Gladwells book Blink: The Power Of Thinking Without
Thinking revealed that we make assessments of strangers within 15
seconds. It takes half that time to feel the warmth and kindness of
Julie Harris who patiently outlined how the perfume market worked
high-end luxury brands sell well, as do their low-price counterparts,
but the mid-range products are struggling in the current credit crunch.
Advising that it was near impossible to go it alone, Julie suggested
I meet up with someone who is essentially a one-stop-ts-all oper-
ator whose company will license, bottle, package, label and
product-distribute via their in-house sales team.
I need to decide whether to aim for the luxury-store route
signposted Harrods, Harvey Nichols, Liberty and Selfridges,
or head for the Via Appia of Argos and Boots.
The Langham hotel is the rendezvous for our one-
man-band meeting but it took all of one blink to
know that this wasnt going to go anywhere.
If youd called Central Casting for a used
car salesman type, he was a perfect t.
Talked the talk and gabbed the gab. Ten
to the dozen. As much as Julie had
loved my perfume sample, indicating
the direction I was headed in, this
bloke loathed it and bluntly said so.
His invisible thought bubble
popped up above his head and I
could make out the word ponce
beginning to spell itself out.
Interspersed with a verbal fusillade
frombelowopining that, This juice
business is all a load of crap, just a bit
of scented water bunged inna fancy
bottle and blinged up inna box. Childs
play. Nothing to it. Done loadsa celebrity
scents. You name em, Ive done em. Did a
straw poll of what people thought of you and
they all said, Quintessentially English and a bit of an
oddball an eccentric type. So there you ave it. Topped
off with a run-down of what prots we could make together
in less time than it would take to wind up a toy monkey.
I felt a pang for Julie because Mr Blokey and I were in
no way a business t and my aspiration to make a luxury
perfume with integrity was kiboshed at the get-go. In
other words, a no-go a thank you very much, well be in touch
over-and-outski.
Afewdays later, Annalise Quest, the beauty merchandise manager at
Harrods, meets me for some business advice detailing which perfumes
are top sellers, the cost of oor space and staff, the short shelf life of
celebrity perfumes and advice not to try and brand it with my name.
Why the vintage Union Jack ag idea for the packaging? she asks.
Ive obsessively collected ags and bunting forever and want my
packaging to be unmistakably British. She also says that having a
very clear vision is vital to success. What are you going to call it?
This question has been pin-balling around my head for a while
and Anya Hindmarch suggested using my initials. However, the
prospect of a perfume called R.E.G conjured up images of Reg
Varney or Terry-Thomas bounding up to a counter and demanding, A
couple of bottles of your nest R.E.G please, and dont be shy with the
wrapping! Something quintessentially British, but what?
Annalise says she is having lunch with Kenneth Green, whose
company is the biggest distributor of luxury brand perfumes in the
UK and will ask him if he is prepared to meet me.
Im overwhelmed at how generous people have been with their
time, advice and help. Ado-re-mi domino effect, with each contact
opening yet another door that I had never imagined entering before.
May 2012: I drive to Woking, summoned by Mr Green himself, and
upon entering the building, the big-name brands he distributes are
all on display and seemingly following my every step, like those
moving-eyed portraits in old horror movies. Kenneth Green
is the original no-shit-Sherlock self-made man who gives
you your medicine straight up. Identifying my chicken and
egg situation; needing a licence to make the perfume and
register its formula on the one hand, then needing to
nd an agent on the other, get it distributed and
taken to market.
Sounds like a phrase from a fairy story,
which at this moment this is all begin-
ning to resemble. Confirmed by his
follow-up email, while full of sugges-
tions of whomto approach, a licence
specialist friend of his in New York
has warned that, The market is
very tough and I fear that Richards
idea may be too niche to find a
suitor. Niche, suitor and to
market have segued into fairy-tale
Grimm-speak!
While sharing his contacts and
business acumen, Mr Greens progno-
sis is decidedly, Stick to your day job,
boyo and be done with dreaming scents.
Two days later I interview 30-year-old
multi-millionaire Dan Fleyshman who pat-
ented the phrase Whos Your Daddy? for a line
of drinks which made his entrepreneurial fortune.
Dan gives me this advice: The story of why and
how you do it, is the thing. No amount of advertising can
compete with the story. Smell and packaging is important,
but the sales distributor is everything. Avoid the giants. The
corporate Goliaths will gobble you up and spit you out. Get
the best teamaround you. Keep it simple. Can you identify
your product or brand from ten feet away? Editorial is all!
June 2012: But then, like all fairy stories, you need some magic and
luck for a happy ending. And the wizard who came to my rescue,
yet again, was Mr Roja Dove. And heres how: I want you to meet
Catherine Mitchell at IFF perfume company. That sentence caused a
chain reaction to everything that happened next. Not only is the IFF
ofce in Roehampton, a ve-minute drive from where I live, but as
Roja intuited, Catherine and I proverbially clicked in a blink.
Richard E Grants diary continues next month. His fragrance
will be launched in April 2014 at Liberty.
Riding high:
Richard E Grants fragrance
fairy tale continues
after struggles over costs
and distribution
PART 3
Making
contacts
96
GFEBRUARY2014
Edited by Jessica Punter
Western medicine:
Take a restorative dip
in Canyon Ranchs
pristine pool
February: ofcially the
worst month of the year.
The perfect storm of
u season, Christmas
comedown, ongoing
deadline hell and SAD-
inducing weather make
for a pale, lined face and
an unwanted paunch.
Want to feel rested,
re-balanced and refreshed?
Whether you have two
hours, or two weeks, why
not ght those wrinkles,
boost your immune
system and recharge
your energy reserves at
one of the worlds nest
spa destinations?
CANYONRANCH
Tucson, Arizona
Squint in that High Noon kind
of way, andyou couldbe back
in the OldWest. Appropriately,
Canyon Ranch, in the cacti-
strewn foothills of Tucsons
Santa Catalina mountains,
was once a dude ranch, nding
lmfame duringthe last hurrah
of the Hollywoodhorse opera
in the late Forties andearly
Fifties. Thanks tocareful
tendingover 30years by
husband-and-wife owners
Mel andEnidZuckerman, its
nowan all-inclusive wellness
spa that leaves home-grown
chintz-and-chai establishments
sprawlingin the dust.
Bunkhouses have given way
tobungalows that dont exactly
stir the heart, but its all about
gettingupandout. This isnt
boot camp, but it isnt Butlins
either. Instead, its an adults
playgroundwhere you can get
serious about gettingt or
recover fromserious untness
usingtime-honoured
distractions such as hiking,
biking, swimming, tennis and
class upon class of yoga, Pilates,
stretchingandsomething
calledWallyball. Group
activities are thus the norm,
but dont miss out on a range
of singularly intense massages.
Alternatively, saddle up for
one of the Life Enhancement
Centers week-long courses,
run by ex-Johns Hopkins
doctor ParamDedhia. Its here
that the serious diagnostic
work gets done, followed by an
appointment with Dr Dedhia,
whose holistic viewof
medicine is underpinned with
a deep understanding of what,
eventually, will go wrong
(hes a specialist in geriatrics).
Fall back into the arms of
Dr Dedhias team, who are
well-drilled in the needs of the
many return guests, and youll
discover the secret of Canyon
Ranchs carefully orchestrated
care. Theres a whole lot more
to the Old West than a bellyful
of beans. Bill Prince
An all-inclusive ve-night
package costs from3,289pp
basedon deluxe double
occupancy. British Airways
ies toPhoenix fromHeathrow
from631 return. ba.com.
canyonranch.com.
Goodfor: heart-starting
exerciseinanextreme
environment
Badfor: solitude. Group
activities predominate
Dont forget: cross-trail
runningshoes anda
eecefor earlystarts
Dont leavewithout:
exploringTucsons lively
musicscene
Spa Guide
2014
98
FEBRUARY2014G
GROOMING
Nest and relaxation: Six
Senses Laamus treatment
rooms are built into the trees
RelaxontherunFor thetime-pressed, CrmedelaMer ofersits
ExpressTreatment at selectedcounters. This30-minute, individually
tailoredfacial usessignaturerestorativemassagetechniquesfor
arevivingpick-me-up. 50(redeemableagainst purchase). cremedelamer.co.uk
5
SIXSENSESLAAMU
Maldives
True tothe Six Senses mottoof barefoot
luxury, youll be liberatedof your shoes
before you even set foot on Olhuveli
island. As the only tourist development
in the southern Laamu Atoll, Six Senses
has a lot more toofer than screensaver
sands andempty reefs for world-class
divingandsurng. With its beach-front
spa andgym, its the ideal place todetox
without the boot-camppenury.
The spa favours a holistic menu
of Ayurvedic treatments and
complementary therapies such as
acupressure andaromatherapy in
a one-of-a-kindsetting the treatment
rooms are small domednests built into
the trees. An authentic Thai massage will
soon iron out any kinks fromthe ight and
the gym/yoga instructor is on handto
devise a personalisedwellness schedule
for all abilities andneeds. Intimate classes
in vinyasa yoga, tai chi, meditation and
Pilates take place on the rooftopdeck or
by private arrangement on the beach.
This is eco-conscious luxury built in
harmony with the landscape there are
nogoldtaps or marble oors, just gold-
standardrelaxation. JessicaPunter
Sevennights costs from2,469pp
withTurquoiseHolidays, including
breakfast, dinner, ights andtransfers.
turquoiseholidays.co.uk. sixsenses.com
Goodfor: incrediblesurroundings
Badfor: singletravellers most
activities arebetter valuefor two
Dont forget: youcant bringalcohol
intotheMaldives
Dont leavewithout: asnorkel or dive
trip this is primemantarayhabitat
Whereas some luxury spas
temper native traditions
for Western tastes,
Ananda wears its heritage
with pride. Ayurveda,
the systemof traditional
Indian medicine, is the
modus operandi here, with
meals andspa treatments
customisedaccordingto
your dosha, one of three
specic body-mindtypes.
Spa treatments
executedby holistic
therapists are basedon
ve elements andbegin
with blessings andprayer
rather than a dull
questionnaire. Daily
activities include yoga,
groupmeditation and
lectures on Vedanta, the
ancient Hindu philosophy
of self-realisation. Guests
are requiredtowear
a kurta (a loose-tting
pyjama), soleave those
designer labels at home.
While familiar options
are available, its best to
embrace a programme
includingtraditional
therapies such as
Abhyanga (four-handed)
massage andReiki.
The level of surrender
requiredtoachieve this
kindof catharsis, however,
may challenge the
less-seasonedspa-goer.
There are unusual oils
andtinctures for your
skin, loin cloths in place
of paper pants and
handwork thats very
intimate comparedto
Western norms.
Returningguests
come tode-stress, detox
or simply gain a fresh
perspective; something
that is inevitable here.
After all, fewplaces on
Earth are more inspiring
than the Himalayas.
AhmedZambarakji
Seven nights costs from
1,660ppwith Health
andFitness Travel based
on double occupancy,
includingfull boardand
transfers. healthandtness
travel.com. Virgin Atlantic
ies toDelhi from
Heathrowfrom632.
virgin-atlantic.com.
anandaspa.com
Goodfor: detoxing,
yogaandalternative
approaches to
wellbeing
Badfor: anyone
whocant sit still
Dont forget: avisa
andsomeImodium
Dont leavewithout:
visitingRishikesh,
wheretheBeatles
learnedtomeditate
Fresh approach:
Yoga lessons make
the most of Anandas
Himalayan setting
ANANDATheHimalayas, India
3
Good for: an
invigorating
urban spa
Bad for: fresh
air its all
indoors
Dont forget:
your swim
shorts
Dont leave
without: a
bite at Heston
Blumenthals
Dinner
MANDARIN
ORIENTAL
SPA
Knightsbridge
An oasis of calm
and tranquillity
in the beating
heart of west
London. Set over
two subterranean
oors, the spa
facilities include an
amethyst crystal
steam room,
sanarium and
relaxation areas,
which you may
have to yourself,
as appointments
are staggered.
The Mens Renery
Essential Facial
experience begins
with a hot towel
and a cup of green
tea. Then lie back
on the heated
treatment table
as your therapist
cleanses, exfoliates
and applies
a face mask while
massaging your
head, neck and
scalp. Finish with
a dip in the vitality
pool and youre
ready to face
the world again.
Phill Fields
The Mens Renery
Essential Facial
costs 125.
mandarinoriental.
com/london
4
2
99
Directory
GQs style insider brings you all the latest fashion
+
exclusive events
+
grooming kit
+
news
+
competitions
Edited by
Giorgina Waltier
Two tone
If youre looking to be a little more
adventurous with your footwear choices,
then why not consider a two toned shoe?
Available in navy and red or cream and tan
combinations, Berlutis take on the trend
is the ultimate luxury lace up.
1,430. berluti.com
New kid on the block
Launched in September 2013, Dom
Reilly is the latest brand to enter the
world of luxury accessories. Including
everything frombriefcases and holdalls
to wallets and iPhone cases, this
collection is denitely worth exploring.
895. domreilly.com
Return of the mac
While we all enjoy a good baseball jacket or parka,
nothing seems to look quite as good as a classic beige
trench coat its the ultimate go-to outerwear choice.
TeamMichael Kors take on the fashion favourite with
jeans and a sweater for the weekend and wear over
your suit for more formal occasions.
499. At harrods.com
GFEBRUARY2014 100
P
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a
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T
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Down time
Winter dressing is all about layering and Penelds
down lled, shirt style jacket is the perfect piece for this.
Wear over a cotton round neck T shirt and under a slightly
longer parka to perfect the look.
135. peneld.com
Blue suede
shoes
They may be best
known for their classic
yellow worker boot but
Timberland are a dab
hand at desert boots
too. Team these blue
suede numbers with
turned up denim jeans
and a blue Oxford shirt
for a casual smart look.
110.
timberlandonline.co.uk
Beach ready
If you are looking for some
winter sun to escape the
bitter cold then a new pair
of swim shorts is surely
in order? To ensure that
you get something thats
both incredibly stylish
and incredibly well cut,
make sure you check out
Orlebar Browns extensive
swimwear selection.
225. orlebarbrown.co.uk
All wound up
Available in steel
or rose gold, the
name of Panerais
new timepiece The
Luminor Marina 8
Days really says it
all. Paying homage to
Panerai timepieces
that date back to
the Forties, the new
Luminor model makes
use of a modern hand
wound movement that
ensures a phenomenal
eight day power reserve.
5,400. panerai.com
Winter woollen
We may only be a few weeks away from seeing spring/
summer collections in store, but it is denitely not time
to pack away the winter clothes. Keep toasty and wrap
up warm in one of Wolseys classic knits.
255. wolsey.com
A royal
welcome
Originating in
Kazakhstan, if you
have not yet heard of
Snow Queen vodka
then youre in for a
pleasant surprise.
Crisp, clean and
certainly refreshing,
its the perfect base
for a vodka Martini
and tastes great
straight up or on
the rocks.
40. selfridges.com
Grey matter
When it comes to tailoring, investment pieces are
always the way to go and a grey pinstripe suit is most
denitely an investment. Check out Gieves & Hawkes
entirely British made, double-breasted version.
Suit, 2,595. gievesandhawkes.com
FEBRUARY2014G101
BARA
DENIM
We take a look at Barcelona FCs wardrobe, by Replay. The
denim brand will dress the Bara team for the next four years
Photographs Daniel Alea
GPromotion
Neymar wears jeans
and denimshirt by Replay
GPromotion
The denimworn by Dani
Alves and Cesc Fbregas
is Replay DenimZero,
made with an eco-friendly,
ice-crystal process that uses
90 per cent less water
In addition to Andrs Iniesta
and Gerard Piqus
team-mates, Barcelonas
basketball and handball
players will also wear Replay
denimfor the next four years
GPromotion
All the denimshirts (90)
and jeans (125) in this
feature are by Replay.
Available in stores now.
replay.it/fcbarcelona
^\^I^BI `OV
VOGUEONDESIGNERS
VOGU| ON Ckl:IO|A| |A||NClAGA by Susan Irvine ISBN 978 1 84949 311 6) VOGU| ON COCO CHAN|| by Bronwyn Cosgrave ISBN 978 1 84949 111 2) VOGU| ON CHkl:IlAN lOk by Charlotte Sinclair ISBN 978 1 84949 112 9)
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QUADRILLE PUBLISHING, 15 EACH
`VI1O`S
FEBRUARY2014G
Edited by Bill Prince
Illustration Ben Jennings
Camerons leap year
Fixed-term parliaments have cost the prime minister the element of surprise
in an election run-in that promises to provide one hurdle after another
POLITICS
Matthew dAncona
LITERATURE
Olivia Cole
MUSIC
Dylan Jones and
Dorian Lynskey
TRAVEL
Letter from Zanzibar
ART
Sophie Hastings
FILM
This months new releases
SPORT
Martin Samuel
Mayday, mayday:
The European
elections on 22 May
will be one of
David Camerons
toughest tests
111
GFEBRUARY2014 Illustration Ben Jennings
POLITICS
From man of destiny to hostage to fortune
UKIP and Scotland, Labour and living standards: 2014 will be one long obstacle course for David Cameron
By Matthew dAncona
IN politics, as in life, it is often the most dry, technical, and
little-noticed changes that end up yielding the most important
consequences. The granting of royal assent to the Fixed-term
Parliaments Act in 2011 was not, it is safe to say, a water cooler
moment. Yet it has completely transformed our political culture.
The measure has brought stability to the coalition years, helped to
calm the nancial markets, and locked both governing parties into
an unambiguous timetable. But it has exacted a political price, too.
In all the preceding parliaments of the modern era, the prime
minister enjoyed an enviable advantage: the right to decide the
election date. He could tease, bluff, y kites, shoot them
down, and keep the other side guessing while he made
his own private plans based on a decision only he and
his inner circle knew about (sometimes not even his
inner circle). Not so David Cameron. The next general
election will be held on 7 May 2015: its the law.
To compound this loss of power, the next year is
going to be an unenviable steeplechase for Cameron,
a back-breaking course of obstacles, hurdles, and
water-pits. A prime minister seeking a fresh mandate
or, in Camerons case, his rst clear Commons majority
wants the last full calendar year before polling day to be a
smooth slip road. No serious political analyst would describe
what lies ahead of Cameron in such terms.
First, there are the European elections on 22 May. The
UK will send 73 elected members to the European
Parliament in Strasbourg. In 2009, the turnout was
only34.7 per cent. Ameagre proportion of people can
name their MEP (can you?). But this years elections
will be scrutinised in Westminster for reasons that
have much more to do with Camerons domestic fate
than the EUs CommonAgricultural Policy or the plight
of the Eurozone. If the UK Independence Party can
nudge aside the Tories to win these elections an entirely
conceivable outcome the Conservative movement will
panic, and may even lose its head.
European elections are a good moment to register a protest
and what better moment for disaffected Tory-inclined
voters to express their anger at the perceived failures of the
coalition, the slow pace of the recovery, the cost of living, the
supposed metropolitan obsessions of the Westminster elite, the
UKs apparent loss of border control, the paint peeling in the GPs
surgery, the shortage of places at good state schools and, well, just
about everything else? The Tories live in terror not of Nigel Farages
party winning seats in 2015 but of an organic split in the right-of-
centre vote that will deny the Conservatives victory in the marginals
they need to win if Cameron is to secure a Commons majority.
Later in the year, and much too close to the general election for
comfort, the PM faces the test of the Scottish referendum. On 18
September, the Scots will decide whether they want independence
which is to say, whether they want to brand Cameron in the history
books as the Conservative prime minister who could not hold the
Union together. There are Tories who whisper that the rump of
England, Wales and Northern Ireland might be a better long-termbet
for their party electorally. But the personal ignominy for Cameron of
a vote for independence would be colossal, branding hima loser and
a liability, upon whose watch the United Kingdom fragmented:
scarcely a glorious prelude to the 2015 campaign.
The 2014 Budget and (at a pinch) Autumn Statement will be the
nal opportunities for George Osborne to announce pre-
election giveaways. There will certainly be such rabbits in
the chancellors battered hat. But will they be anything
like enough to persuade the punters that the recovery
they hear about on the news applies to them?The gap
between ofcial growth and day-to-day reality has to
close dramatically for the Tories to snatch victory.
What matters is not only that the economy gets
healthier during 2014 but that the electorate believe in
its convalescence and in the connection between the
gures on screen and their own standard of living. Again
and again, the Tories will say: dont give the keys back to
the people who drove the car into the ditch. But what if
the voters believe that the car is still stuck there,
abandoned by public school boys who look after their
own, but are constitutionally incapable of empathising
with ordinary people?
Whats more: things upon which the Cameroons
were relying when they formed the coalition in 2010
have not happened. Ed Miliband and Ed Balls have
bickered, but conspicuously refused to repeat the
errors of Tony Blair and Gordon Brown. Labour has
faltered and stumbled intermittently, but failed to
fragment or to collapse into civil war. The divisions
within Milibands party are real enough, but are more
than matched by the feuds and resentments on the
Conservative side of the House: over Europe, gay marriage
and the alleged detachment of the Tory elite.
Famous for his love of smooth surfaces and calm
deliberation a character trait he shares with Barack Obama
Cameron nds himself clambering across the jagged rocks of reality.
His rise through the ranks was more or less frictionless, but life in
Number Ten has blooded him. This year will be far more interesting,
in the Chinese sense, than he and Osborne planned when they
mapped out the 2010-15 Parliament. In December, Cameron will have
been Tory leader for nine years and will still be waiting to secure a
Commons majority. During 2014, his fate is to be settled, mostly by
forces beyond his control. The hardest lesson a politician ever learns
is how little say he has in the forging of his own destiny.
Whats the big idea? This is...
Names Not Numbers, the festival of
exclusive ideas, returns to Aldeburgh
and Snape Maltings in East Anglia in
March for three days of topical debate,
lively social intercourse and a fair
smattering of diligent networking.
Hosted by knowledge curator Editorial
Intelligence in partnership with a host
of engaged and highly opinionated
brands (including GQ), this years
sessions will focus on What Matters?
and includes a panel discussion led by
GQ writers on the history of conict.
Tickets are available now, from 995 a
day (talks only) to 3,500 (including
full accommodation and transport).
Names Not Numbers runs from 23-25
March, 2014. namesnotnumbers.com
In the bubble: David
Cameron will struggle
to full his dream of
an overall majority
112
FEBRUARY2014G
LITERATURE
Queens English
Two outsiders explore love and loss in NewYork City
By Olivia Cole
AS a transplant to Eighties New
York from Soviet Leningrad,
young Gary Shteyngart is bemused
by E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial: I wonder
aloud why the lm never ventured
into outer space, never revealed to
us the wrinkled fellows planet,
his birthplace and true home.
It is little wonder that E.T. struck
a nerve. After all, to all intents and
purposes NewYork could have been
a different planet.
The immigrant story, explored
this month in Shteyngarts
autobiography, Little
Failure: A Memoir,
and Jonathan Lethems
ninth novel, Dissident
Gardens, is as much
about looking back as it is
about the new life. Your
parents are the rst memo
to come across your desk,
on a page so large you
cant see past its edges,
Lethem has written.
Dissident Gardens is
an almighty ctional reckoning
with his family history, exploring the
lives of three generations of a Jewish
immigrant family in Queens from
the Fifties to the present day.
Lethem was brought up in
a commune in Brooklyn (long before
gentrication) and, after dropping
out of college, spent years working
in bookshops. Dropping out was
in his genes, he wrote in an essay
collected in 2011s The Ecstasy
Of Inuence: Nonctions, Etc:
My mother left college in favour of
the counter culture. In the legend of
Judith Lethem it was a brilliant move
with no regrets. These lines also
provide a perfect description of
Miriam Zimmer, one of the novels
central characters. She is called
a raven-haired Jewess with a
vocabulary like Lionel Trilling. To the
horror of her formidable mother, Rose,
a would-be pillar of the Sunnyside
Gardens community in Queens and
a card-carrying American communist,
Miriam squanders her potential by
escaping college to Greenwich Village
at the rst possible opportunity.
There she gets together with
a useless Irish folk singer, Tommy
Gogan, who nds his socially
Inside The Dream
Palace: The Life
And Times Of New
Yorks Legendary
Chelsea Hotel
(above)
Sherill Tippins
(Houghton Mifin
Harcourt, 20)
There cant be a
dingier spot in the
world with a more
inspiring collection
of guests (Dylan,
Cohen, Joplin)
haunting its
corridors. The
denitive guide to
the hotel and
its ghosts.
Roth Unbound:
A Writer And
His Books
Claudia Roth
Pierpont
(Jonathan Cape, 25)
The closest thing yet
to a biography of
the US greatest
living writer. After
years of interviews,
the author has as
much to say about
Roths life (he dated
Jackie Kennedy) as
his extraordinary
body of work.
The Loudest Voice
In The Room: The
Inside Story Of How
Roger Ailes And
Fox News Remade
American Politics
Gabriel Sherman
(RandomHouse,
20)
If you cant believe
the pronouncements
on Rupert Murdochs
right-wing American
news channel, this
behind-the-scenes
account is for you.
You really couldnt
make it up.
conscious act stolen by Bob Dylan
(Did we ever open for Dylan? he is
constantly asked. He f***ing opened
for us!). The pair bring a son into the
world. The poor mite is given the
preposterous name Sergius, in honour
of the character in Norman Mailers
1955 novel The Deer Park whose
fate it is to bear witness.
Early on, a teenage Miriam smuggles
a would-be lover back to the borough.
Free love is here, albeit not in her
mothers apartment. The spluttering,
prematurely ejaculating
Columbia student is called
a rapist by Rose in a
scene of extraordinary
histrionics during which
she puts her daughters
head in the oven.
After Khrushchev
denounces Stalin and word
of the Great Terror seeps
out of the USSR, Rose, as
an American communist, is
an unexploded bomb of
disappointment and fury. A
teenage harpy/tearaway is the least of
her problems. Rose is both a monster,
and the mothering heart of the novel.
With the Booker rules changing to
include American writers this year,
Dissident Gardens is surely a major
contender: a book with a soul at least
as big as its ideas.
Lethems method of refracting
his life experiences into ction
has, until now, been the modus
operandi of Gary Shteyngart. But
in a big departure, Little Failure is
a straightforward memoir. And if
his ction always has a fantastical
dimension, here, too, there is much
that beggars belief.
Among the rst beneciaries of
the Cold War thaw were Russian
Jews, who were permitted to leave
the USSR for Israel, Canada or the US
in the Seventies. Enter the Shteyngarts
and their asthmatic son, Igor, who was
nicknamed Snotty by his father in
honour of his permanent ailments.
The family moved from Leningrad
to Queens, where the formative years
of Igor/Gary/Snotty are an assault
course of assimilation into American
life. While Igor is easily turned into
Gary (after Cooper), becoming an
American teen was far harder to pull
off, especially dressed in an array of
T-shirts that other school kids families
had donated to this strange, poor
Russian in their midst.
With little spare cash for toys,
Snotty brandishes his one-armed
Chewbacca and murmurs a wide-eyed
Vow! at his friends armies of Luke
Skywalkers. To him, Chewie is simply
Monkey because, of course, he
hasnt seen the lm. Meanwhile, his
ambitious parents fantasise about
him winning a place at Garvard.
Fast forward to a recent birthday
dinner at the Marriott Marquis in
Times Square. The father of Little
Failure (his other nickname) takes
stock. Though Garvard has eluded
him, via a few years of heavy drinking
and more of psychotherapy their son,
approaching 40, is a contributor to the
NewYorker. A ranking of NewYork
writers came out on the internet...
pronounces Papa. You were ranked
30, and David Remnick was eight
positions ahead of you. Philip
Gourevitch was ranked number
eleven. They are both ahead of you.
The atmosphere of love, pain,
torment and sheer hilarity sustained
throughout Little Failure is best
summed up by Shteyngart himself.
Asked to dene what he nds funny,
he replied, Whatever makes me cry.
If you can get your head around
that, you will adore this book.
Little Failure: A Memoir by Gary
Shteyngart (Hamish Hamilton,
16.99) is out on 27 February.
Dissident Gardens by Jonathan
Lethem (Jonathan Cape, 18.99)
is out on 30 January.
113
GFEBRUARY2014 Photographs Gary Gross/Getty Images; Rex
MUSIC
UP until Lou Reeds death I used to
think that he hadnt made a good
record since 1972. For instance, a lot of fuss
was made about NewYork when it was
released in 1989, but I have to say all the
acclaim passed me by.
Like any sane, sentient human I bowed with
great reverence before the edice that was the
Velvet Underground. They were inspirational,
they were rst, and they were seriously good
(best VU album? A tie between their third,
The Velvet Underground, and the live double,
1969). Yet the only Lou Reed record I liked
was the one rescued and produced by David
Bowie, Transformer. Its extraordinarily rich,
camp, and full of great tunes. Like any Bowie
record of the time, in fact.
The only Lou Reed song Id knowingly
enjoyed since Transformer was Some Kind
Of Nature, the Gorillaz track that Reed sang
on their 2010 album Plastic Beach (and even
then he was outshone by Bobby Womack
and Snoop Dogg).
A variety of people felt the same. Many
critics (as well as civilians) certainly felt
antipathy towards Reed himself. But then he
only had himself to blame. If you spend your
professional life being unpleasant to people
(not that I think Reed thought of journalists
as people) then theyre going to start being
unpleasant back. You can only kick a dog so
many times, after all. For instance, They are
a species of foul vermin. I wouldnt hire
people like you to guard my
sewer... Journalists are morons,
idiots, I dont perform to
idiots. Journalists are
ignorant and stupid.
A good friend of mine
interviewed him around
the time of Magic And
Loss, in 1992. When Reed
entered the London hotel
suite where the interviews
were being conducted, he
immediately sat down and
started reading his own CD liner notes,
communicating only in reluctant
monosyllables. You know, said my friend,
if you dont enjoy doing interviews, heres
an idea dont do them.
At this, four minutes and 48 seconds into
the interview, Reed stormed out, in a
moody swirl of suede and leather.
Hilariously, Reed actually studied
journalism at Syracuse University, and
found time a few months ago to write an
invigorating review of Kanye Wests Yeezus
for thetalkhouse.com. Predictably, it wasnt
journalists whom Reed despised, it was only
those who despised him.
A few weeks after Reeds passing I was
standing with two friends at a private view
in Victoria and I trotted out my well-honed
theory about the man in my usual blas
fashion. Usually this contrary opinion
brought mock-outraged smiles and laughter,
but neither friend laughed. They simply told
me I was wrong. Neither was being overly
sentimental or respectful, they just looked at
me blankly and shook their heads. Suddenly
I was a punch line: The man who didnt like
anything Lou Reed wrote after 1972.
Lou Reed wrote more great songs by
himself than John Lennon, I would say over
80, said one. Listen to Berlin, said the other.
No one can say that Berlin is a bad record.
At the time I laughed this off, but as I
walked home later that night, I started to
wonder if I was wrong. There is a tendency as
you get older to start trying to embrace some
of the music you were dismissive of in your
youth (which surely is the only explanation
for Leonard Cohens recent sanctication),
though this was the rst time Id considered
revisiting the Grouch.
Glad I did. Seriously glad I did.
Having spent the last few weeks getting up
to speed with Reeds body of work, I almost
feel embarrassed that I didnt take it more
seriously at the time. Many of his records are
so absurdly theatrical, so full of streetwise
pose, that I know why I couldnt bring myself
to indulge them at the time, but God he could
write great melodies. He had a melancholic
streak the width of the East River (one that
would rival Samuel Barber), but its difcult
to listen to Coney Island Baby, Rock
And Roll Heart, Ocean, the
Songs For Drella album he made
with John Cale, Romeo Had
Juliette and all the other
songs and albums Ive
come to know recently
without being impressed
by Reeds belief not just
in his own talent, but in
his righteousness.
There is only one great
occupation that can change
the world, he said on stage at
Love you, hate you, love you...
A fresh look at Lou Reeds amazing body of work could convert even
the harshest critic to the Grouchs certain, if contrarian, genius
By Dylan Jones
Mirror man:
Lou Reed from the
cover of his 1979
album, The Bells,
and at the 2013 GQ
Men Of The Year
awards (inset)
114
FEBRUARY2014G
MUSIC
ON the October Sunday that Lou Reed
died I went straight for his 1970 Velvet
Underground song Rock & Roll, which
expressed the grateful belief in rock music
that never left him. The next day, Arcade Fire
released their fourth album, Reektor, on
which frontman Win Butler
asks, Do you like rocknroll
music?/Cause I dont know
if I do. I dont use the word
rocknroll much it makes
me feel like Don Henley but
I identify with that accidental
dialogue between faith and
doubt in the enduring power of
pop music, especially when one
year ends and another begins.
When I was at university,
everyone I knew loved
discovering music. It was as
ubiquitous as alcohol or lust.
Then, one by one, most of them
lost interest as careers and
families turned something that
once felt like a necessity into
a luxury, and nostalgia became
entrenched. It broke my heart
a little bit, this idea that nding
new music was a juvenile
indulgence to be outgrown,
seemingly without regret. When
I DJd at a friends 40th birthday
recently I didnt play anything
later than the Nineties because
I knew most people wanted to
revisit a time when they were
uent in the lingua franca of
pop, not to be reminded, by
some more recent, unfamiliar
hit, that they no longer speak it.
Perhaps music is simply too
powerful when youre young,
creating such high expectations
that some would rather put it on
the shelf than settle for a less
intense experience. The most
lyrical passages in Morrisseys
Autobiography evoke that time
when every new record you fall
in love with can change the
shape of your life, give you
important information about the
world, and make you feel things you havent
felt before: Song made a difference to
everything, and permitted expressions that
otherwise had no way through, he writes.
Neuroscientists and psychologists disagree
on how neuroplasticity works, and affects
your tastes. Daniel J Levitin, author of This
Is Your Brain On Music, believes lifelong
preferences are established at the magic age
of 14, but others think that taste keeps
evolving during the post-adolescent phase
that psychologist Jeffrey Jensen Arnett calls
emerging adulthood. Either
way, music will never mark you
as deeply as it does when youre
young. The records I discovered
before I was 25, even the ropey
ones, are an intrinsic part of me
in a way that a masterpiece I
discovered at 35 is not.
But practical factors might be
just as important. People love
new music when theyre young
because they have time to nd
it and friends to share it with.
As you get older, you have less
time and exposure, and you
no longer need music to help
form your identity or forge
relationships. Last year I wound
up discussing music taste with
Gustav Sderstrm of Spotify.
He said that the data showed,
to his surprise, that older users
were still enthusiastic about
branching out. By simplifying
the process of discovery and
sharing, Spotify creates a digital
approximation of a student
house with music leaking from
every room. Sderstrm now
thinks that the obstacle isnt
your brain, its your
circumstances.
There is a way, though, in
which your younger self spoils
music for you later on: the
conviction that everything is
new. Theres some truth in that.
Say you were born in 1950.
By the time you hit 40, new
releases, whether from Public
Enemy, My Bloody Valentine
or 808 State, would have been
indisputably different from the
sound of your teens, whether
you liked them or not. Its harder
now to nd seismic innovations,
so for someone turning 40 this year its easier
to feel that youve heard it all before.
You havent, though. Its just easier, if
youve fallen out of love with new music, to
tell yourself that its not you, its them, so you
clock every element that is familiar and
the Royal Opera House during the 2013 GQ
Men Of The Year awards (his nal signicant
public appearance), and thats real
rocknroll. I believe to the bottom of my
heart, the last cell, that rocknroll can change
everything. Im a graduate of Warhol:
The University, and I believe in the power
of punk. To this day I want to blow it up.
As well as listening to the records, I also
immersed myself in their reviews, some of
which were extraordinarily vitriolic. Is it any
wonder that Reed took against music critics
when Rolling Stone reviewed Berlin thus?
Lou Reeds Berlin is a disaster, taking the
listener into a distorted and degenerate
demimonde of paranoia, schizophrenia,
degradation, pill-induced violence and
suicide. There are certain records that are
so patently offensive that one wishes to
take some kind of physical vengeance on
the artists that perpetrate them.
His literary pretensions were exhausting,
and the way in which he continually
proclaimed his genius makes you think
that Morrissey perhaps studied Reeds
modus operandi as much as his songbook,
yet his work is endlessly fascinating, not
least in the way in which it attempts to parade
Reeds own continually changing sense of cool.
Lou Reed might have been a clich, but he
was a clich of his own making. After all,
Reed is probably the rst, last and only
person to get away with singing, And me,
Im in a rocknroll band.
Stay forever young
Teenage kicks are hard to beat, but dont let the trials of
adulthood blind you to the joy of discovering new music
By Dorian Lynskey
How many copies did The Velvet
Undergound & Nico actually sell?
Alongside the
eulogies, space
was reserved in
the memorialising
of Lou Reed for
Brian Enos
oft-quoted remark
that although the
rst Velvets album
sold pitiably,
everyone who
bought it went on
to form a band.
But quite how
badly did it sell?
Eno estimated
30,000. In fact,
according to US
royalty statements
dredged up by
collector site
Recordmeccas
Jef Gold, between
the albums release
on 12 March
1967 and royalty
statements dated
14 February
1969, a not
inconsiderable
58,476 copies
were sold in the
US alone.
recordmecca.com
Watching
Inside Llewyn Davis.
Funny, strange and
desperately sad, the
Coen brothers lm
about the pre-Dylan
New York folk scene
is the nest portrait
of thwarted musical
ambition that Ive
ever seen.
Anticipating
Bruce Springsteens
work with Rage
Against the
Machines Tom
Morello on High
Hopes (Columbia)
Loving
Warpaints rhythm
section. The
LA quartets
eponymous second
album (Rough
Trade) weaves an
eerie, nocturnal
spell around a deep,
dark bass (below).
LYNSKEYS
LIST
115
GFEBRUARY2014 Illustration Tim Marrs
LETTER FROM ZANZIBAR
ITS Ramadan. Im in Jambiani,
a village on the east coast of Unguja,
the main island of Zanzibar, with two friends
and their families. I dont speak Swahili, but
I am aware that, as in most tropical island
cultures, there is no doubt an equivalent
expression to the well-loved maana of the
Hispanic countries, though it probably wont
carry the same pressing sense of urgency.
This environment is a poor breeding ground
for work ethics. The temperature rarely drops
below 25C, there is fresh water piped from
indigo subterranean coral caverns a kilometre
inland and every other tree is laden with
coconuts, mangos, passion fruit and papayas.
Goats ourish, recycling the mountains
of disposable nappies behind every village
into ne protein. And then there is the sea,
which, despite the best efforts of commercial
shermen, still offers up a smorgasbord of
fare. Lobster, octopus, mangrove crab and
squid are there for the taking if you have
the know-how, and they do, these Swahili
sailors, who are as at home on the beaches
of the Indian Ocean now as they have
been for a thousand years.
Jambiani is a sleepy little place with
a population of around 8,000, extending
four kilometres along the back of a sea
painted a hundred different shades of
aquamarine and a glorious sandy beach.
The local mainstay has always been shing
with, historically, a little smuggling and some
piracy thrown in, but in the past 20 years or
so tourism has grown to overtake these as
the major industry. Now the village has
The other side of paradise
How religious extremism, poverty and lawlessness
are wrecking the African island idyll of Zanzibar
By Jake da Motta
Danger zone:
Crime is sometimes
followed by summary
justice in Zanzibar
downplay every bit that isnt. Online
comment threads are a chorus of disillusioned
voices claiming that Get Lucky is simply
a facsimile of Chic or Savages are an XX-
chromosome Joy Division tribute act, even
though theyre not. Almost everyone feels
that music was better when they were young;
not all of them concede that this might be
because they were young.
Every year I compile a playlist of my
favourite songs of the past 12 months and
it always strikes me as a small miracle that
theres a circus of words, noises, voices, ideas
and personalities that I didnt know existed
this time last year. To fall for a new artist or
play a new single six times in a row is one
of the purest pleasures that culture allows.
At the same time, being an older listener
is underrated. You get to experience the
overturning of old prejudices and the thrill
of unlocking an artist or genre that used to
confound you. It may not change my life,
because my life doesnt require dramatic
change any more (or, if it does, it wont start
with a song), but it enriches it immeasurably.
Like most people, I loved my rst youthful
infatuation with music but I want a lifelong
relationship too.
So the question is not Do you still believe
in rocknroll? but Do you want to? Its not
just your brain, or your diary, or the quality
of new bands its a choice, and it is always
more fun to say yes.
1 Vampire Weekend
Modern Vampires Of The City (XL)
2 Chance The Rapper
Acid Rap (Self-released)
3 John Grant
Pale Green Ghosts (Bella Union)
4 Daft Punk
Random Access Memories (Columbia)
5 Kacey Musgraves
Same Trailer Diferent Park (Mercury)
6 Manic Street Preachers
Rewind the Film (Columbia)
7 Pet Shop Boys
Electric (X2)
8 Janelle Mone
The Electric Lady (Atlantic)
9 Haim
Days Are Gone (Polydor)
10 Julia Holter
Loud City Song (Domino)
Lynskeys
pick of 2013
116
FEBRUARY2014G
Richard Fisher is deputy editor
at BBC Future. bbc.com/future
LETTER FROM ZANZIBAR
a dozen or so small hotels and guest houses,
and twice as many holiday homes like ours,
available for rent and owned by relatively
wealthy incomers a source of some
resentment in the village, where many
families live close to the poverty line.
Of late, some of the younger generation
of locals who mix with the kitesurfers and
backpackers at the north end of the beach
have got into drugs and, probably to fund
their habits, have begun to steal from the
holiday cottages and B&Bs, slashing the
screen windows and jimmying the shutters
in the wee small hours to rob whatever is
in arms reach and has a quick resale value.
During their stay, our guests lose a
BlackBerry from the bedside table near the
window, and our kids day packs, lled with
all their electronic toys, are taken, forcing
them to swim and play on the beach! The
rest of our party, who are renting another
holiday cottage 100 metres away, have
a satchel hooked out through the burglar
bars with their passports, camera, cards,
cash, airline tickets and car keys in it.
Between the three families, we are robbed
of more than 2,000 in cash and goods.
The local police take names but their
lacklustre approach does not bode well for
a swift or positive result. The villagers know
who the gang members are, but as long as
they only prey on tourists nobody seems
to mind. Five days after our robbery, and
three more holiday-cottage break-ins later,
a watchman is caught stealing about 2 from
a locals house. Long before the police arrive,
he is dragged by the crowd through the
village to the football pitch. Here, he is
pelted with stones, rocks and large boulders
until a couple of housewives literally up the
stakes, wielding broomsticks with six-inch
nails driven through their business end.
One of these in the eye provides the coup
de grce that permanently puts an end to
the suspects petty theft career.
The same despondent policemen collect
the body and make a few half-hearted
enquiries, but the villagers remain tight-
lipped. The robberies of foreigners, however,
continue unabated, despite one botched
attempt that results in the thief being
stabbed in his probing hand. When three
thieves are spotted cutting the mosquito
gauze at a neighbours place a few days
later, his watchman raises the alarm.
Two thieves take off into the bush behind
the village, and one makes the mistake
of sprinting off along the beach. We, who
have accidentally drunk half a bottle of
Patrn XO Caf tequila prior to retiring,
miss the commotion, but the women
wake to see the chase go past our house
at 2.30am to the cry of, Simama, mwizi!
(Stop, thief!) before the mob brings the
suspect to bay. After much shouting and
Thinking inside
the box
a few bloodcurdling screams all grows
quiet again and it is not until we regroup
in the morning that the full story emerges.
In this instance, the thief was subjected
to an initial beating with sts and feet,
followed by a stoning, until someone arrived
with a particularly well-honed panga, at
which point things took a turn for the
gruesome as the thief was hamstrung to
immobilise him, then had the soles of his
feet cut off. The couldnt-care-less cops
arrived and took him away, and we heard
that after being interrogated for some time
he was taken to the hospital, where he was
pronounced DOA.
Three days later we were given the update
that, in fact, the robber had not died but
merely been unconscious due to shortness
of blood. The police had informed my
friend that the suspect was recovering and
would soon be well enough for torturing.
They were condent he would surrender
the names of his accomplices. So was I.
Meanwhile, the waiters at our favourite
restaurant got good mileage out of showing
diners the bloodstains and pieces of brain
and matter over the wall while they waited
for their crab Alfredo, and for a few days
peace reigned in the village.
Before we left, we took a walk and
tried out a Neapolitan-Rastafari pizzeria
on the high-tide mark at the southern end
of the beach. The proprietor, a pretty young
Italian girl, told us of her struggle to set up
the business and gain a foothold in the
community, and we congratulated her on
a super spot, her excellent food and good
service. The next day I saw a pall of smoke
blossom above the thatched roofs of the
village and cycled down to investigate,
arriving at the same time as the re engine.
The restaurant had burnt to the ground.
We ew home to Zambia via Nairobi and,
with a few minutes to spare, trotted down to
duty-free to replenish the Patrn stocks. All
the retailers were being moved to a new part
of Jomo Kenyatta Airport, and builders were
gutting all the ttings leaving, I couldnt
help noticing, dozens of bare electrical wires
hanging from the ceiling. Soon after, when
the airport hit the world news engulfed in
a major reball, I was not surprised, and
would have begun, egocentrically, to imagine
some sort of personal Islamic curse against
me if two unfortunate English girls hadnt
had acid thrown in their faces a few days
later. Besides working as volunteer teachers
for a Christian organisation, its hard to
imagine what they might have done to cause
the passing jihadists vitriolic defence of their
own religious principles. But at least I now
know that the Zanzibari loathing of tourists
is generic, and that the crime tsunami and
suspiciously arson-like incidents had not
been aimed solely at me.
Few choices are
more likely to expose
our inability to play
the odds than making
an investment. Its the
same for money or
love. Consider the
cold, hard numbers:
75 per cent of
start-ups fail,
around two-thirds of
restaurants go under
within ve years,
and almost half of
marriages end in
divorce. Wouldnt we
be better of if we
could make decisions
based on true odds?
If only it were so
simple. A striking
example of the
difculties of
probability-based
thinking is a maths
puzzle called the
Monty Hall
problem, named
after a Seventies
gameshow host.
It goes like this:
imagine youre on a
gameshow where you
are ofered the choice
of three boxes, only
one of which contains
a hidden prize, say,
a car. You select one.
Before you discover
its contents, the host
opens another box he
knows to be empty.
Now only two remain
in play: yours and one
other. The host asks if
you want to switch
your original choice?
Whats the best
decision? Most
people swear it
doesnt matter; its
50/50 either way.
Not true. If you swap,
you double your
chances of getting
the car to 2/3.
Most people refuse
to believe this. Many
mathematicians, too,
were indignant when
the solution was
published. Yet it is
true. Always swap.
Why? Imagine that
you had instead been
asked to pick from
1,000 boxes
a 1/1,000 chance
of getting the car.
Next, the host opens
998 empty boxes to
leave yours and one
other. Remember, he
knows where the car
is, so if it is hidden
in one of those 998
very likely he
deliberately does not
reveal it. The box he
does not touch is
almost certain to
contain the car. But,
crucially, the 1/1,000
odds for your original
choice have not
improved, even
if it feels like it.
Why is thinking
probabilistically so
hard? One reason
is a mental shortcut
which is called the
availability
heuristic.
Psychology studies
show that when we
make decisions, the
information close
to hand becomes
weighted much more
heavily, which skews
judgement. It explains
why a start-up
founder or restaurant
owner forges ahead
against the odds
they look around and
see success stories;
the failures are less
visible. When
weighing up their
chances, they cant
incorporate events
theyre predisposed
to ignore.
Yet our failure to
think probabilistically
also has its virtues.
When people
overestimate their
prospects, they can
also reap the benets
of positive illusions.
The thinking goes
that we evolved
to discount the
true odds, because
otherwise wed curl
up in a ball and give
in. Billion-dollar
businesses, societal
change perhaps
even marriages
would never happen.
At least, theres
a good chance
that this is true
the probability
is denitely higher
than 2/3.
117
GFEBRUARY2014 Photograph Mark Blower
ART
ALSO
SHOWING
Richard Hamilton
Tate Modern
13 February 26 May
tate.org.uk
Shezad Dawood:
Wolf Panel/
Johann Arens:
Internet Centre And
Habesha Grocery
Paradise Row
Both until
1 February
paradiserow.com
Sensing Spaces:
Architecture
Reimagined
Royal Academy
Of Arts
25 January 6 April
royalacademy.
org.uk
Strange Beauty:
Masters Of The
German
Renaissance
National Gallery
19 February 11 May
nationalgallery.
org.uk
Bob Dylan:
Mood Swings
(above)
Halcyon Gallery
Until 25 January
halcyongallery.com
Hans Arp:
Chance Form
Language
(and a FRANZ-
WESTigation)
& Zhang Enli:
The Box
Hauser & Wirth
Both 10 January
28 February
hauserwirth.com
Build it... and they will show
Meet the property developer putting care into collecting
By Sophie Hastings
DAVID Roberts is an art-
world oxymoron: a property
developer who collects art and almost
never sells, a businessman worth more
than 80m who doesnt see art as an
asset class. As one of Britains most
signicant contemporary art collectors
and founder of the charitable David
Roberts Arts Foundation (DRAF),
Roberts is a major presence on the
international art scene, but he is quite
unlike the 21st-century breed of High
Net-Worth Individuals who stalk the
aisles of Frieze art fair or Art Basel
Miami Beach, snapping up brand art
and berating helpful gallery assistants.
(I dont care if the artist is black or
lesbian, the back story doesnt interest
me, I heard a man shout at a young
gallerista during last years Frieze.)
In contrast, Roberts is described
by Neil Wenman, London director of
Swiss gallery Hauser & Wirth, as a
modest, svelte gure on the art scene,
pushing boundaries and expectations
without raising his voice. DRAF,
housed in a 12,000 sq ft former
furniture factory in Camden, north
London, is not only one of the UKs
largest private galleries, it is a radical
space in which performance art,
discussions and dialogue take centre
stage and emerging artists are given
their rst solo shows. Curator Vincent
Honor, who has worked at Palais
de Tokyo in Paris and Londons Tate
Modern, loves conceptual art a bit
more than I do, says Roberts. But we
have annual reviews and 99 per cent of
the time I say yes to his programmes.
He uses the collection as a base but is
not tied to it; he borrows work from all
over and we lend to a lot of museums.
Another thing that sets Roberts
apart from the property-and-art-
buying global oligarchy is his love of
artists and the back story. I learnt
my art history along the way, he tells
me at lunch. It began to feel a bit
empty [not knowing]. Meeting older
artists, you get the history rst hand.
Artists are a tremendous mixture, a
very intense version of the rest of us:
very generous but very extreme. I got
to know [Sir Anthony] Caro quite well.
He was like a well-loved uncle, a man
of vast experience whod worked with
[Henry] Moore and knew Eduardo
Paolozzi. Some artists take their work
so seriously, theres no humour; others
are serious but great fun. You expect
so much from extraordinary people
but they can revel in the ordinary, too.
I love introducing people I put
[galleristas] Jay [Jopling] next to
Iwan Wirth because theyd never met.
The alacrity with which Roberts
describes his stellar circle is a far cry
from his working-class childhood in
Greenock, near Glasgow, where the
nearest he got to art was the stained-
glass windows of his local Presbyterian
church. (I was intimidated by
museums and galleries I had a sense
that they were for other people.)
Expected to follow several generations
of his family into the shipyards of Port
Glasgow, albeit as a grammar-school
boy in the white-collar job of naval
architect, Roberts found himself bored
by the training, got a job as a surveyor,
began dealing in property and moved
down south. I married, bought
a house, had [six] kids; I knew I
was interested in art, but I lived in
Ascot and wasnt part of the London
scene. The early stuff I bought was
decorative pieces I found on holiday.
Roberts rst acquisition was a
painting by Manuel Otero which cost
3,000. He then bought a picture
for the front room and another for
the bedroom, the odd bit of sculpture,
until his potential as a collector was
seen. Art dealers have a way of
snifng you out. Theres a sense that
youve broken the meniscus and
youre in. I was taken to shows, to
artists studios, and I often bought
because the artists were skint. There
are dealers who give bad advice, just
after a quick sale, and you get your
ngers burnt. But there are other
dealers who take their time helping
you develop as a collector.
As business took off, the collection
expanded, lling the Ascot house, the
London at, the ofce and ultimately
a warehouse, which felt a bit sad.
The Foundation idea evolved because
I needed space, wanted the work to
be seen, but I realised that the offer
needed to be more interesting than
just showing my art. I can see when
somethings wrong, but not how to
put it right. Thats why I admire artists,
I think theyve got huge balls to just
start, to put it out there.
At this point a beautiful woman
walks past the restaurant and waves at
Roberts, who beams and waves back.
It is his second wife, the Lithuanian
artist Indre Serpytyte. We met at
her degree show at the Royal College.
I offered to buy eight works if I could
get the ninth for free and she said,
No! Im a starving artist and youre
a rich businessman. So I married her
and its cost me a fortune ever since.
His son then walks past in the
opposite direction and we talk about
family, divorce and step-parents in
the most domestic conversation I have
had for years. There is much of the
artist about Roberts, not least in his
clear conviction that there is nothing
banal about the back story.
Everything I Do, I Do It Big by Lina Lapelyte
(9-11 January) and Geographies Of Contamination
(31 January 29 March) at the David Roberts Art
Foundation, 37 Camden High Street, London NW1.
davidrobertsartfoundation.com
Space age: Vincent Honors A House
Of Leaves. Second Movement expo, now
at the David Roberts Art Foundation
118
FEBRUARY2014G
FILM
The Wolf Of Wall Street
Being Jordan
Ever since the debut of the electrifying,
Black Skinhead-soundtracked trailer,
anticipation for the latest Scorsese and
DiCaprio show a biopic of swindling
stockbroker Jordan Belfort has been
feverishly high. The US release date
was pushed back, but though this is
normally a cause for alarm, the new
date of Christmas Day betrayed
a bullish condence, while the
re-edit has allegedly brought it in
under three hours and avoided a
restrictive certicate. Essential viewing.
John Naughton Out on 17 January.
Inside Llewyn Davis
Queer as folk
Like many Coen brothers lms, the
more you reect on Inside Llewyn
Davis the more highly you think of it.
The story is simple: a folk musician
drifting through Sixties America
with ample undiscovered talent.
But fragments of dialogue, great
support from Justin Timberlake and
Carey Mulligan, the terric soundtrack
and stand-out newcomer Oscar Isaacs
insouciant lead persist in the memory
for good reason and will draw
audiences back again and again. CB
Out on 24 January.
Lone Survivor
Weapons-grade Wahlberg
Rarely does a project with such a poor
pedigree prove such a revelation.
Directed by Peter Berg (Battleship)
and starring Mark Wahlberg, Lone
Survivor is the real story of Navy
SEALs pinned down by the Taliban on
a mountain in Afghanistan. Yet Berg
plucks gripping cinema from his
material; the battle scenes are brutal
and moving hell, you even care
about the helicopters. Berg claims the
studio told him to make Battleship
rst; this wont sink without a trace.
CB Out on 31 January.
Out Of The Furnace
Trouble at mill
Many lms aim for the mix of
blue-collar realism and romance seen
in the rst hour of The Deer Hunter,
and most come up short. This is one
such example, casting Christian Bale
as a saint-like steel-mill worker who
is eventually pushed down a vengeful
path by a series of unfortunate
events. No familial or criminal
clich is left unmined when badass
backwoodsman (an enjoyably OTT
Woody Harrelson) crosses Bales path.
As De Niro said to Cazale, This is this.
This isnt. JN Out on 31 January.
Her
Scarlett 3.0
Can you fall in love with your computer
operating system? Probably not if its
Windows Vista, but what if it was
funny, interesting, sounded like
Scarlett Johansson and, well, liked
you? Thats the premise of Spike
Jonzes Her, which sees Joaquin
Phoenix as a sad-sack divorcee in
a near-future LA falling for a piece of
self-aware software. It may sound silly,
but it treads lightly, asking crucial
questions about love, companionship
and compromise. A low-key thing of
wonder. SM Out on 24 January.
The Railway Man
Blood on the tracks
Colin Firth and Nicole Kidman
starring in a Second World War
drama based on a bestselling
autobiography (by Eric Lomax) may
sound like by-the-numbers Oscar bait,
but director Jonathan Teplitzkys
treatment is pleasingly subtle. The
story of Lomaxs torture in a Japanese
POW camp is undeniably disturbing,
and his mission to nd and confront
his captors in later life with the help
of his wife (the magnetic Kidman) is
as emotive as it was on the page.
James Mullinger Out on 1 January.
Mandela: Long Walk To Freedom
Cry twee-dom
In bringing Nelson Mandelas
autobiography to the screen, director
Justin Chadwick certainly packs lots in
from his subjects days as a freedom
ghter, to his 27 years behind bars, to
his release but theres little time for
reection. Idris Elba is remarkable as
Mandela (the sing-song accent is spot
on), and his chemistry with Naomie
Harris (as Winnie) is faultless. Yet
the tone is romantic rather than
questioning; a great-looking surface
with little underneath. Louise Donovan
Out on 3 January.
Jack Ryan: ShadowRecruit
Brains and brawn
The studio originally wanted the
CIA analysts latest outing to be a
run-and-gun action movie. Problem
was, Chris Pine, who is playing the lead,
wanted to star in a John le Carr-pace
drama. So the lm treads a line down
the middle but surprisingly doesnt
feel like a compromise. Jack Ryan, as
he attempts to thwart a Russian plot
to bring down the US economy, nds
himself in situations that occasionally
are into combat but arent at odds
with the larger spy games.
Charlie Burton Out on 24 January.
For your consideration
Awards season begins here with a modern
masterpiece leading the Oscar contenders
12 Years A Slave
McQueens great escape
Powerful, gripping, essential, a masterpiece Steve
McQueens 12 Years A Slave will be called all these
things, and none will be overkill. Telling the real-life tale
of free-born black man Solomon Northup (Chiwetel
Ejiofor), kidnapped in Washington in 1841 and sold as
a slave rst to a kindly plantation owner (Benedict
Cumberbatch), later to a tyrannical zealot (a career-
best Michael Fassbender) McQueen shows indignity
afresh through Northups eyes with a visceral gut-punch
of a lm, while Ejiofors unsentimental portrayal makes
him an Oscar shoo-in. Stuart McGurk Out on 10 January.
119
GFEBRUARY2014 Illustration Phil Disley
SPORT
ONCEthe session had nished, Jamie Carragher would return
to the changing block at Liverpools Melwood training ground,
sit on the perimeter benches and talk football some more. The room
was circular, designed that way at the request of former manager
Grard Houllier, so that all the players would face inwards. Corners,
Houllier thought, meant angles and shadows, and angles and shadows
meant cliques. He wanted an area where each player could look his
team-mates in the eyes. Total honesty, total commitment. It was a
perfect forum for discussion, too; except Carragher noted not
everyone wished to participate.
He recalls that Xabi Alonso was always up for talking tactics. Javier
Mascherano, too. Generally, the best foreign players would always
analyse the events of the day, the plan for the weekend, and the
majority watched the midweek games on television and thought
about what they saw. Carragher says, however, that he can count on
his ngers the times he became involved in a lengthy, meaningful
conversation about the mechanics of football with another English
player. They didnt want to know. The English just love playing, he
says. They run hard, their attitude is ferocious, they wont concede
defeat. Yet intellectually, they can be football ignoramuses. Not
unintelligent, just not interested. Carragher has long believed that
the limit of Englands progress at international tournaments is
governed more by thought than ability. The country has the
players, but not the thinkers.
This being World Cup year, English football
will come under scrutiny again this
summer. The last World Cup, in South
Africa, ended in a monumental
intellectual failure against Germany.
Joachim Lw, the Germany
manager, pulled Englands
defence apart with the simple
deployment of Mesut zil
deep. We knew all the
English midfield go up to
support the forwards and there
would be space behind,
said Lw. Germany 4
England 1.
On page 329 of his
autobiography, Sir Alex
Ferguson picks at a similar absence of
understanding. He writes of Wayne
Rooney: In my opinion, he was not the
quickest learner. What he had was a natural instinct to play the game,
an intuitive awareness of how football worked. In a training ground
exercise he wouldnt absorb new ideas or methods quickly. His
instinct was to revert to type, to trust what he already knew. He was
comfortable in himself.
Ferguson stops short of calling Rooney thick, but the implication
is there. And not the sick-as-a-parrot clich thick so beloved of
football snobs (who hear a 19-year-old interviewed seconds after
running his guts out for 90 minutes and think his breathless responses
are the extent of his intellectual capacity). Ferguson paints a picture
of Englands best player as a football dummy. He does not respond
to coaching or innovation of thought. The best of him is sheer
instinct and he acts on impulse alone. He knows what he knows,
says Ferguson. And he is comfortable in his ignorance of anything
beyond that.
Faster, fitter, stronger... dumber?
England will continue to struggle until home-grown footballers put intelligence before instinct
By Martin Samuel
Vive la evolution: Wayne Rooney and co will need the
on-pitch intellect of Jamie Carragher and his quick-thinking
counterparts if they want World Cup glory this summer
Martin Samuel is the chief sports writer of the Daily Mail.
Rooney would not be alone here. The dressing room in which
Carragher searched desperately for like-minded souls among his
compatriots would have included Steven Gerrard and Michael Owen.
He was a regular in England squads, and travelled to tournaments,
too. Carragher has now moved to the analysts chair and, along with
Gary Neville and a handful of others, revolutionised that industry
with well-researched insights. When one considers how many
footballers retire each year, it says a lot that there remained a gap in
the market in 2013.
Carragher was a member of the England team that lost 2-0 in
Croatia under Steve McClaren in 2006. That was the game in which
McClaren introduced three at the back for the rst and only time,
abandoning the project amid furious reminders that English
footballers could not adapt to strategies beyond 4-4-2. Carragher was
the exception that night. Unsurprisingly, the man who absorbed the
game and talked it with Spaniards
and Argentinians was the one
English defender perfectly
at home. The bi ggest
disappointment was Ashley
Cole. Asked to play as a left
wing-back he oundered.
Yet it is, in essence, the
same job as left-back, just
hi gher. Suppose Pep
Guardiola hadcome to Chelsea
and had wanted to change Cole
as he did Bayern Munich full-
back Philipp Lahm, who now
operates in holding midfield?
Unthinkable. Yet, technically, is
Cole inferior to Lahm? Of course
not, he just lacks his imagination.
In the downbeat aftermath of the
Croatia defeat, McClaren sat in a
room full of black-and-white
photographs of past Dinamo Zagreb
legends and picked over his failure. He
had not worked long enough
on the new system, that much
is true, and the score had been
0-0 with Croatia running out of ideas,
before goalkeeper Paul Robinsons
mistake saw him beaten by a soft header,
but even so. Those faces on the walls were not superstars, yet one
imagined they would not have been troubled by a simple switch to
a back three.
In 1994, an England Under-21 team beat Portugal in the nal of
theToulon tournament. To celebrate, the players adjourned to a local
beach bar. The Portuguese came down, too. Their sweeper was a
teenager and a rising star with Benca. To hold such an important
position so young made himexceptional, he spoke English, and Jamie
Redknapp sought him out. It almost caused a ght. Not with the
Portuguese. Some of Redknapps team-mates thought an interest in
more than the beer behind the counter was pretension. The night
ended with some randomacts of vandalismmore in keeping with the
English game. Twenty years have passed since. And so it goes.
120
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GFEBRUARY2014
THE PANEL
Mehmet Ali
Diane Almond
Bill Amberg
Imran Amed
Astrid Andersen
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Wouter Baartmans
Neil Barrett
Jamie Bill
Adam Brown
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Casely-Hayford
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Tim Little
Kevin Lobo
James Long
Christian Louboutin
Stuart McGurk
Agi Mdumulla
Sir Roger Moore
Andy Morris
James Mullinger
Richard Nicoll
Dermot OLeary
Pandemonia
Bill Prince
Jessica Punter
Christopher Raeburn
Paula Reed
Gordon Richardson
Lee Roach
Martine Rose
Remo Rufni
Caroline Rush
Mark Russell
Alessandro Sartori
Jonathan Saunders
Amber Siegel
Sir Paul Smith
Paul Solomons
Paul Surridge
Oliver Spencer
Luke Sweeney
Keita Takada
Craig Tyson
John Varvatos
Donatella Versace
Julian Vogel
David Walker-Smith
David Walliams
Stephen Webster
Thom Whiddett
Richard Young
Italo Zucchelli
Best-Dressed
Men
In Britain
GQs
Editor-In-Chief Dylan Jones Creative Director Paul Solomons Editor Robert Johnston
Fashion Editor Jessica Punter Art Director Warren Jackson Picture Editor Cai Lunn
Managing Editor Mark Russell Chief Sub-Editor George Chesterton
Sub-Editors Matt Glasby; Ben Pendry Editorial Assistant Annabelle Morell-Coll
2014 The Cond Nast Publications Ltd. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole
or in part without permission is strictly prohibited. Not to be sold separately from
the February 2014 issue of GQ magazine.
Welcome to GQs best-dressed list
2014, in association with Mercedes-
Benz, where we pay homage to the
most stylish men to grace these isles
from actors and singers, to
businessmen, sportsmen and a whole
bunch of other careers in between.
Voted for by GQ staff members
and a cut-throat panel of experts
(see right), this years winners make
up an eclectic celebration of the
cream of British manhood at its
most soign (and, while they are
ineligible for inclusion, we will admit
that our French friends are at least
good for words).
From cross-dressing artists to
heart-throb boy-band members,
British style proves yet again to be
a very broad church after all, we
pride ourselves on admiring
individuality every bit as much as
designer labels.
Elsewhere, musicians such as Tinie
Tempah and the xxs Oliver Sim
remain on the list, while new names
such as King Krule ring the changes.
Meanwhile, the royals are shown the
way forward by the granddaddy of
them all literally the Duke of
Edinburgh, whose medal for sartorial
excellence is added to a collection of
so many awards its a wonder he can
stand upright. Past GQ cover stars
such as Benedict Cumberbatch, David
Beckham and Daniel Craig also make
a good showing, proving you cant
keep a good icon down. And we
celebrate investment dressing in the
boardroom with our pick of Britains
most stylish businessmen.
There are even some unknown
names whose innate sense of looking
good has won them well-earned
inclusion on the list. But then, as the
great actor and director Orson Welles
once said, Style is knowing who you
are, what you want to say, and not
giving a damn. And that can be true
for all of us.
Robert Johnston, Editor
IN ASSOCIATION WITH
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50 NATHAN
STEWART-JARRETT
(New entry)
Nathan looks good suited and booted or
casual either way he has a relaxed style.
Nothing looks too forced.
James Long, designer
GQ says: In his role in Mists the actor could
turn back time, but now were more focused on
his future.
49 GRAYSON PERRY
(Last year No22)
He dresses as art. The craftsmanship of what
he wears is incredible and I love the dangling
silk genitalia in among the tulle. What a hero!
Anya Hindmarch, designer
GQ says: Its an over-used expression, but the
artist truly is a national treasure.
COLIN FIRTH
(Re-entry)
Sober and elegant, he represents a perfect
mix between indisputable British elegance
and impeccable Italian style.
Sergio Corneliani, creative director, Corneliani
GQ says: Like great wine, some leading men
just get better with age. This one certainly does.
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The Ten
Best-Dressed
Men voted by you at
GQ.co.uk
Henry Cavill
GQ says: Is it a bird?
A plane? No its what
happens when you put
Krypton/Jerseys favourite
son in a selection of Tom
Ford tailoring. Cavill may
have embraced Zach
Snyders gritty aesthetic,
but he scrubs up well
particularly when he
has everyones favourite
Texan dressing him.
Zayn Malik
GQ says: In
a sea of generic
monochrome suiting
on the red carpet,
Malik stands alone. He
was an early adopter
of the bold bomber-
jacket trend, wears
camo with the casual
ease of a Territorial
Army foot soldier,
and is possibly the
only person on earth
who can get away
with a dark shirt
under a dark suit.
No wonder he was
the rst member
of One Direction
to get engaged...
Robert
Pattinson
GQ says: The new face
of Dior shows no sign of
fading post-Twilight. Sure,
being shot by Romain
Gavras in a suit designed
by Kris Van Assche would
help most people look
good, but Pattison takes it
up a notch. We cant wait
for his return to the red
carpet when Australian
crime thriller The Rover
comes out later this year.
Tom
Hiddleston
GQ says: How do you
follow one of the biggest
blockbusters of all time?
You develop a friendship
with Giorgio Armani, stun
Cannes in Reiss tailoring
and fall in love with a Ralph
Lauren overcoat during a
GQ shoot. Hiddleston looks
extraordinary right now and
hes one of the rare celebrities
that seems to enjoy clothes
as much as any stylist.
Liam Payne
GQ says: When hes
not being abused by Luke
Pritchard from the Kooks,
Payne dresses really well. He
loves leather jackets, box
fresh trainers and the odd
killer trench. The only reason
hes not higher in this list? No
one can get rid of the image
of that dreadful mesh 79 top
he wore to Funky Buddha
(nothing about that last
sentence is good).
Benedict
Cumberbatch
GQ says: Sherlock Holmes
may be stuck in something
of a style rut, but the man
who plays him has expanded
his wardrobe considerably,
sporting cardigans from
Drakes and Margaret
Howell, suiting by Alexander
McQueen and ties from Dolce
& Gabbana. The Cumber
Collective arent the only ones
keen to see him go on to even
greater things this year.
Harry Styles
GQ says: We thought
he might win the public vote
through sheer follicle power
alone, but the fact is that
Styles is more than capable
of carrying of fashions
bolder looks. Put it this way:
ripped jeans and leopard
skin turned out to be perfect
for the Burberry front
row. His only failing? His
less-than-passable catwalk
session on 1D Day.
Nick Grimshaw
GQ says: The best
reason to wake up at 6:30am
is to catch what London
Collections: Mens newest
ambassador is wearing
on the Radio 1 Tumblr. He
consistently outclasses
everyone in the three parties
he attends a night, and it has
been great seeing him evolve
over the past few years.
Before 2008s Men Of The
Year awards he walked into
Dolce & Gabbana and asked:
Do you have any suits?
Louis
Tomlinson
GQ says: South Yorkshires
most sophisticated pop
sensation since Phil Oakey
sticks with what works.
He wears a lot of Topman,
short, black blazers, expertly
cropped trousers and
judicious pocket squares.
In the best possible way, he
dresses like a mid-twenties
hipster the moment he
does his top button up he
looks like he could tend bar
at an artsy Peckham pop-up.
David Gandy
GQ says: When Gandy
arrived at the 2013 Men Of
The Year awards, two things
happened: he was pestered
for photos at every turn,
and everyone wanted to
know the source of his black
tie (bespoke Henry Poole,
since you ask). GQ.co.uks
occasional car columnist
is rarely out of a three-
piece and remains London
Collections: Mens most
Instagrammed star.
02
01
06 07 08 09 10
03 04 05
Its all change this year on GQ.co.uks annual best-dressed list: two separate Time Lords,
one of the countrys leading male models, the most stylish judge on The X Factor and the
nattiest Hobbit in the entire Shire are all conspicuous by their absence. This years top
ten generated by more than 155,000 votes features no fewer than four members of the
worlds biggest boy band. But before you despair at the levels of One Direction fandom,
consider this: isnt it fantastic that we now have a British pop act a grown man can take
sartorial inspiration from without embarrassment? Here are the readers choices...
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PAUL SIMONON
(Re-entry)
Rockabilly, bad boy, punk, gentleman
gangster he is, and has been, all of the
above while still managing to remain Paul
Simonon, artist, bass guitarist and cool
dude. Even Captain Nemo couldnt rock the
submariners strip like Paul did. Between
you and me, he even looks good in the gym
where, lets face it, all men look pretty terrible.
Stephen Webster, creative director, Garrard
GQ says: The bassist may have rejected
ideas of reforming the Clash, but he has it all
together on the fashion front.
46 BEN ELLIOT
(New entry)
The quintessential English gentleman.
Timothy Everest, tailor
GQ says: The founder of concierge service Quintessentially
is the nephew of the Duchess of Cornwall and an old-school
man about town.
45 PATRICK GRANT
(Last year No38)
I always think of him as a truly elegant man. Actually,
apart from his charm, nothing specic jumps into my mind but,
for sure, Patrick Grant is a very groomed fellow.
Christian Louboutin, designer
GQ says: Style comes so easily to the suavest star of Savile Row.
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ANDREWWEATHERALL
(New entry)
An eclectic style, in both his music and wardrobe.
Lou Dalton, designer
GQ says: The DJ is the ultimate real mans
fashion icon.
43
44 BRYAN FERRY
(Last year No32)
For his timeless elegance.
Remo Rufni, chairman, Moncler
GQ says: As the man himself sings, more than
this there is nothing.
CILLIAN MURPHY
(Re-entry)
He always manages to nd an interesting
combination of dishevelled rogue and
slick-suited gent. The sharp, strong tailoring
complements his piercing eyes and Irish charm.
Baartmans and Siegel, designers
GQ says: This actors appearance
and appearances have never given us
a dull moment.
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SIR ROGER MOORE
(Re-entry)
Hes 86 years old, but still keeping the British end up in
immaculate blazers and slacks, his Unicef badge pinned
proudly to his lapel. Legend.
David Walliams, comedian
GQ says: The spy we will always love back.
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40 GARY OLDMAN
(Last year No29)
The ultimate in personalised style. He wears his clothes,
they dont wear him. Tim Little, shoe designer
GQ says: From the Prada catwalk to the Robocop reboot,
his look is always arresting.
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DUMI
OBUROTA
(New entry)
Dumis wardrobe
denotes business
savvy he always
seems to get the
details just right.
From his bespoke
suits with personal
air to his box-
fresh kicks and
denims, hes always
perfectly dapper for
sealing the deal.
Vanessa Kingori,
Publisher, GQ Style
GQ says:
The managing
director of music
and fashion label
Disturbing London
has a great groove.
39 JENSON BUTTON
(New entry)
His style reects success and a timeless elegance.
Kevin Lobo, brand and creative director, Boss
GQ says: Britains best-dressed Formula One driver
favours two buttons and a peak lapel.
38
133
GARY BARLOW
(Last year No11)
We have always respected him
and he has his own style, which is
very close to ours. He likes to wear
our clothes and he wears them with
the right touch of English elegance.
Domenico Dolce and Stefano
Gabbana, designers
GQ says: From boy band to
big name, hasnt he done well?
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PETER SAVILLE
(New entry)
Peter has a truly uncompromising approach
to everything he does, including his style.
Lee Roach, designer
GQ says: The art director behind some of musics
most memorable images can make a mark himself.
36 MATTHEWGOODE
(Re-entry)
Witty and self-deprecating an
underlying charm thats visible on
screen; style without too much efort.
Mehmet Ali, design director,
Hardy Amies
GQ says: His latest role is as
George Wickham in Death Comes To
Pemberley, and this actor knows how
to put some drama in his costume.
OLIVER SIM
(Last year No. 49)
This black-clad bassist looks great in high
fashion, worn skinny with a swirl of dry ice.
Luke Leitch, deputy fashion editor, Telegraph
GQ says: The xx have come a long way
since school in Putney. Today, Sims perfectly
at home with musics coolest customers.
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Get the look:
City style
Glasses by Oliver Peoples,
207. oliverpeoples.com
Shirt, 160. Tie, 105. Tie clip, 190.
All by Mathieu Jerome. At Matchesfashion.
matchesfashion.com
Cufinks by Alfred Dunhill,
250. dunhill.com
Watch by
Jaeger-LeCoultre, 5,900.
jaeger-lecoultre.com
Briefcase by Jonathan
Saunders For Smythson,
1,250. smythson.com
Raincoat, 750. Suit, 1,595.
Shirt, 250. Tie, 90. All by
Gieves & Hawkes.
gievesandhawkes.com
Vtiver by Guerlain, 40.
guerlain.com
Shoes by Jimmy Choo, 495.
jimmychoo.com
Power dress for a City lunch with
standout accessories
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TOM HARDY
(Last year No20)
Hes skilled at playing with British
classics to add a little surprise.
Paul Surridge, creative director,
Z Zegna
GQ says: One of the actors next
roles is the lead in the new Mad Max,
but he has always looked like the
perfect antihero to us. Even in a suit.
33
(Fromfront) Aaron wears:
Coat by Jonathan
Saunders, 895. Jumper,
195. Trousers, 365. Both
by E Tautz. Shoes by
Christian Louboutin For
E Tautz, 295. Sunglasses
by Giorgio Armani, 182.
Alamantis wears: Suit,
3,500. Shirt, 150. Both
by Spencer Hart. Shoes by
Dolce & Gabbana, 910.
Sunglasses by Cutler And
Gross, 310. Samwears:
Jacket by Paul Smith,
970. Shirt by Givenchy
By Riccardo Tisci, 390.
Trousers by Calvin Klein,
255. Shoes by Christian
Louboutin For E Tautz,
295. Charlie wears:
Jacket, 2,350. Shirt, 345.
Trousers, 760. Shoes,
930. Tie, 165. Pocket
square, 105. All by
TomFord. Jakob wears:
Shirt, poa. Shorts, 255.
Both by Christopher
Shannon, available at
Harvey Nichols. Shoes by
Nicholas Kirkwood, 415.
Tomwears: Jacket, 180.
Trousers, 107. Both by
Agi & Sam. Sandals by
Calvin Klein, poa. James
wears: Jacket, 750.
T-shirt, 350. Shorts, 175.
All by Jonathan Saunders.
Shoes by Nicole Farhi,
150. Sebastian wears:
Suit, 2,200. T-shirt, 480.
Shoes, 435. All by Herms.
Sunglasses by Cutler And
Gross, 310
GPromotion
Tailored at the Afalterbach studio in southern Germany,
the 360 hp Mercedes-Benz CLA 45 AMG is the most powerful
performer in the spring/summer collection
THIS SEASONS FASHION
ESSENTIAL
Driving force: The new CLA 45
AMG has the most powerful
series production four-cylinder
turbo engine in the world. Each
engine is assembled by a
single AMG Master Mechanic.
CLA 45 AMG shown 43,565
(Fromfront) Jakob wears:
Shirt, from655. Trousers,
from523. Sandals, from
796. All by Givenchy By
Riccardo Tisci. Alamantis
wears: Jacket, 1,180. Shirt,
340. Both by Dsquared2.
Samwears: Top by 3.1
Phillip Lim, 1,500. Aaron
wears: Shirt, poa.
Trousers, poa. Both by
Dries Van Noten. Shoes by
Nicholas Kirkwood, 395.
Sebastian wears: Shirt,
280. T-shirt, 150. Both
by Louis Vuitton. Tom
wears: Jacket, 1,770.
Shirt, 490. Trousers,
650. All by Gucci. Sandals
by Herms, 435. Charlie
wears: Jacket, 1,920.
Shirt, 470. Trousers, 635.
Shoes, 910. All by Dolce
& Gabbana. James wears:
Shirt, 291. Trousers, 333.
Both by Andrea Pompilio.
Shoes by Nicholas
Kirkwood, 395
GPromotion
(Fromleft) Sebastian wears:
Shirt, 150. Trousers, 400.
Both by Spencer Hart.
Shoes by Calvin Klein, poa.
Glasses by Oliver Peoples,
365. Bag by Smythson,
750. James wears: Jacket,
650. Jumper, 240. Both
by Nicole Farhi. Sunglasses
by Christian Dior, 555.
Jakob wears: Shirt by
Ermenegildo Zegna, 530.
Glasses by Cutler And
Gross, 310. Aaron wears:
Jacket, 805. Trousers,
390. Both by Prada. Vest
by Berluti, from570.
Glasses by Paul Smith, 235.
Tomwears: Jacket, 1,580.
Vest, 190. Trousers, 540.
All by Louis Vuitton.
Alamantis wears: Jacket by
Bally, 2,695. Shirt, 140.
Trousers, 1,070(part of
a full suit). All by Canali.
Shoes by Dolce &Gabbana,
910. Glasses by Persol,
254.99. Charlie wears:
Shirt, 495. Trousers, 650.
Shoes, 710. All by Bottega
Veneta. Sunglasses by
Paul Smith, 235. Bag by
Dolce &Gabbana, 900
Mercedes-Benz CLA45 AMG
Engine: 2.0-litre, four-cylinder turbocharged
Maximumspeed: 155 mph (restricted)
Power: 360 hp, 0-62 mph; 4.6 seconds
Combined fuel economy: 39.8 mpg
CO2 emissions: 165 g/km. mercedes-benz.co.uk/cla
Photographs care of Blackbox Lighting technician
Tom Andrew Photo assistant Chloe Tun Tun
Thanks to Karl at karmersetbuilding.com
Hair by Roku Roppongi at Saint Luke using
Kiehls, assisted by Show Fujimoto
GPromotion
Ofcial government fuel consumption gures in mpg (litres per 100km) for the new CLA-Class range: urban 31.0(9.1)54.3(5.2), extra urban 47.9(5.9)74.3(3.8), combined 39.8(7.1)
62.8(4.5). CO2 emissions 165-117 g/km. Ofcial EU-regulated test data are provided for comparison purposes and actual performance will depend on driving style, road conditions and
other non-technical factors. Model featured is a CLA 45 AMG at 43,565 on-the-road with optional 19 AMG alloy wheels multispoke design in matt black nish at 360, brake callipers
painted red at 330, AMG Performance Exhaust System at 460, Intelligent Light System at 570 (on-the-road price includes VAT, delivery, 12 months Road Fund Licence, number plates,
rst registration fee and fuel). Some combinations of features/options may not be available. Please contact your local Retailer for availability. Prices correct at time of print, December 2013.
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TOBY STEPHENS
(New entry)
Toby always looks immaculately debonair. Whether in Hollywood
lms or on the UK stage, he carries a strong, directional sense of style.
Elisabetta Canali, communications director, Canali
GQ says: When your mother is Dame Maggie Smith you were born
to be fabulous and he has certainly fullled his potential.
DANIEL CRAIG
(Last year No25)
The most stylish Bond, alongside my friend Sir Roger Moore,
of course. Always impeccably dressed, on and of the screen.
Angelo Galasso, designer
GQ says: No one has ever worn a Tom Ford tux with such
aplomb as this 007. Apparently he even wears one in the bath.
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Eric Wright
He personies style
and balance between street
hip and classic tailoring.
Tracey Emin, artist
GQ says: Having worked with
the likes of Karl Lagerfeld,
Roberto Cavalli and
Faonnable, designer Wright
has an eclectic take on style
but rarely puts a foot wrong.
Stefano Pilati
Pilatis recent
appointment at Zegna
has provided him with
the perfect canvas to
create his own dream
wardrobe of uid yet
classic menswear
silhouettes that have
an elegant laissez-
faire sensibility. He
wears it with ease
and panache.
Imran Amed, founder
and editor, the
Business Of Fashion
GQ says: The Zegna
Couture designer
is his own best
advertisement.
Michael
Fassbender
He takes on diverse roles
with ease, and the same
can be said of his way
of dressing: minimally
simple at all times. He
looks great in a suit and
tie: a dark suit underscores
his irresistible magnetism
and dynamic energy.
Giorgio Armani, designer
GQ says: A leading man
of the old-school. Style
and glamour twinned with
remarkable talent.
A$AP Rocky
A$AP continues
to dress amazingly fresh.
By dressing comfortably
and with consideration he
always looks super lux. He is,
indeed, turning the tracksuit
into the new power suit!
Astrid Andersen, designer
GQ says: Originally named
after hip hop idol Rakim,
Harlems most stylish son
has lived up to the legacy.
Oskar
Metsavaht
The owner of Osklen, the
most international of Brazilian
brands, has a minimalist,
casual style and, although he
seems like he doesnt spend
more than ve minutes in
front of a mirror, he always
looks elegant.
Ricardo Franca Cruz, Editor-
In-Chief, GQ Brazil
GQ says: Osklen is becoming
an international phenomenon
and Metsavaht is the perfect
fashion frontman.
David Lynch
A paragon of easy,
unfussy elegance. Whether
he is dressed up or wearing
his summer uniform of a
buttoned up shirt and khakis,
his demeanour plus his
amazing signature grey hair
make him a very interesting,
sophisticated man.
Italo Zucchelli, mens
creative director,
Calvin Klein
GQ says: The directors new
look is every bit as aberrant
as his lms.
Luca
Rubinacci
Lucas lucky to be
extraordinarily photogenic
and this, coupled with his
unique look, has made
him a style icon across
the world.
Robert Johnston,
Associate Editor, GQ
GQ says: Being the scion
of a dynasty of Neapolitan
tailors means that Rubinacci
actually knows the cut of
his cloth. Nice hat, dude.
Lungile Radu
Scene socialite and
TV megalith, Lungile may
be one of South Africas
youngest actor/producer/
directors, but his age in
no way undermines his
talent. His signature street
meets vintage style is of
the charts.
Craig Tyson, Editor,
GQ South Africa
GQ says: Actor, TV presenter
and enviable clotheshorse
hes already becoming
annoyingly impressive.
Tadanobu
Asano
When it comes to fashion,
he has his own style. When
he plays music, he rocks
a relaxed grunge look.
When he goes to lm
premieres, hes a well-
dressed gentleman. He
knows what works best for
him in various situations.
Keita Takada, Features
Editor, GQ Japan
GQ says: He is one of Japans
biggest actors and always
looks every inch the star.
Juan Jos
Padilla
The bullghter lost his
eye in the bullring but he
put a patch on and let his
sideburns grow. A corsair
with classic elegance,
bravery and mystery.
Daniel Entrialgo,
Editor-In-Chief, GQ Spain
GQ says: No one can beat
the romance of a matador,
and Padilla is still the king
of them all.
02
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30 JOSH
MCCLOREY
(New entry)
I saw the Strypes at
Bestival this year and
was instantly impressed
with their stage presence
and how Josh made
a suit look so efortless
and stylish, especially for
someone so young.
Gordon Richardson,
creative director, Topman
GQ says: When they
played at Men Of The
Year in 2013, we all knew
we were seeing stars
in the making.
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EDDIE REDMAYNE
(Last year No10)
Fabulously British bit dandy, bit brave but always immaculately turned out. Adam Brown, founder, Orlebar Brown
GQ says: There is nothing miserable about the Les Misrables star he just oozes efortless lan.
CHARLIE SIEM
(New entry)
He has a fresh, natural appeal that seems uncontrived and easy.
Tom Ford, designer
GQ says: The contemporary classical violinist proves that just
sometimes the coolest kids did hang out with the youth orchestra.
ANGELO GALASSO
(Last year No18)
What Angelo has done in shirt-making and wearing
is innovative and completely new.
Sir Roger Moore, actor
GQ says: The godfather of Italian dressing.
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TOM ODELL
(New entry)
Hes my wild card I love his casual scrufy chic and then his old-school
formal style, rocked with great hair. Denitely one to watch.
David Walker-Smith, managing director, Fenwick of Bond Street
GQ says: Perez Hilton described the singer-songwriter as the best in the
business, and the jury reckoned that he looks pretty good too.
26 PRINCE PHILLIP
(New entry)
Top-down management still rules among the royals, evidenced by
the degree to which the Duke of Edinburghs sons, grandsons (and,
who knows, great-grandson) hero-worship his time-honoured style.
Bill Prince, Deputy Editor, GQ
GQ says: The Big Daddy of the royals deserves yet another medal
for his services to classic British tailoring.
24 JAKE BUGG
(Last year No39)
His look is very
modern but at the same
time very traditional.
Sir Paul Smith, designer
GQ says: If he is
this good aged just
19 what will he be like
when hes 30?
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Best-DressedMen2014]
KING KRULE
(New entry)
He recently emerged
on to the music scene with
a bang. I like his dressed-
up yet still casual style,
which he carries in an
efortless way. It makes
for an interesting blend
between hyper-ordinary
and a sophistication that
is beyond his very young
age. His red hair also adds
a quirky and very personal
element to his overall
look. Italo Zucchelli,
mens creative director,
Calvin Klein
GQ says: Before he
even turns 20 the singer-
songwriter has taken
the British music scene
by storm and he looks
every inch a stylish star
in the making.
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Get the look:
Norfolk style
Watch by TAGHeuer,
2,995. tagheuer.com
Jumper by H&M, 24.99.
hm.com
Capby Dolce & Gabbana,
230. dolcegabbana.com
Parka, 995. Chinos, 165.
Both by Burberry Brit. Top
by Burberry Prorsum,
995. burberry.com
Flask with leather case by
Paul Smith, 225.
paulsmith.com
Boots by Hunter, 65.
hunter-boot.com
Blanket by Hackett, 125.
hackett.co.uk
Bagby Aspinal of London,
595. aspinaloondon.com
Be blown away by warm layers in
all-weather materials
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JUDE LAW
(Last year No35)
Jude has an efortless style, nonchalant but with a great eye. He strikes a great cool factor balance,
especially in his private life, and he is denitely a modern-day muse. Neil Barrett, designer
GQ says: From pretty-boy Bosie to safe-cracking loose fuse Dom Hemingway, Laws looks make him
one of Britains most bankable stars.
22 JOLYON BEXON
(New entry)
He plays with British classics, adding a little surprise.
Christopher Raeburn, designer
GQ says: As store manager at Gieves & Hawkes, No1 Savile Row,
its no surprise that Bexon sets the highest sartorial standards.
21 DAMIAN LEWIS
(Last year No12)
He always looks fabulous, whether in sweats or suits.
Dermot OLeary, presenter
GQ says: A performer of real conviction, but when it comes to
communicating his efortless style hes preaching to the converted.
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MARK RONSON
(Re-entry)
Mark Ronson always looks playful but elegant and isnt afraid to experiment with his look from
formal to casual. Hes actually a creative dresser, which is rare. Richard Nicoll, designer
GQ says: Theres no doubt that one of the multi-talented musician and DJs nest productions
is his own wardrobe. He even remembers to leave his bottom button undone.
19 SIR ELTON JOHN
(Last year No21)
No one ever did, or ever will, dress quite like
Elton. He not only redened stage costume,
bringing more gaiety to the nation than Lady
Docker, but also pushed the boundaries of
what a man can wear and get away with in
real life. Among all this, he has spotted and
encouraged new talent and invented an of-
stage look that embraces classic tailoring,
colourful, eclectic cheek and beautiful one-of
accessories. He has an extraordinarily good eye
and never fails to be original and surprising.
Theo Fennell, jeweller
GQ says: Arise Sir Elton, you have no equal.
18 AARON
TAYLOR-JOHNSON
(Last year No41)
Not only is he the husband of the
incredibly talented artist and director
Sam Taylor-Wood, but he also has a very
special and personal style. I love the way
he puts his outts together.
Alessandro Sartori, artistic director, Berluti
GQ says: It has been announced that
the actor will play Quicksilver in the new
Avengers lm, making him very much
a mutant la mode.
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The Ten
Worst-Dressed
Men
Ozwald Boateng
GQ says: The self-proclaimed smoothie of Savile Row is so convinced of
his sartorial superiority that it has morphed into bad taste.
George
Galloway
GQ says: When you
look at the left-wing
rebrand you just have to
pray that the revolution
wont be televised.
Brian Cox
GQ says: We
love everything about
TVs favourite scientist,
apart from the fact he
still insists on looking
like one of the Monkees.
Vincent
Simone
GQ says: Even a professional
dancer should know better
than to reveal his leopard skin
briefs during Im A Celebrity...
Get Me Out Of Here!
Paul Flowers
GQ says: To be
honest, its the least of
his crimes, but still the
Co-op Banks former
chairmans dress sense
should be an ofence.
02
Jamie Laing
GQ says: There are
so many to chose from in
Made In Chelsea, but theres
something about Laing that
is particularly dire.
Aston Merrygold
GQ says: The JLS singer
started his career as
a childrens entertainer
and he doesnt seem to
have ever quite shaken
of the style.
Andy Carroll
GQ says: Most men
tend to look better in a suit,
but the West Ham centre
forward looks like a 13 year
old outside the heads ofce.
Gregg Wallace
GQ says: The
MasterChef presenter is
always telling people how to
cook, so when will someone
tell him how to dress?
Nigel Farage
GQ says: He doesnt
look too bad in a suit, but
when he goes casual it
always begs the question:
why would someone who is
still under 50 dress like that?
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DOUGLAS BOOTH
(Last year No34)
Douglas has a head start when it comes to looking good, but his
charm, mischievous humour and understated style which he wears
with a natural, unassuming ease only add to the efect. Quite unfair.
Jeremy Langmead, editor-in-chief, Mr Porter
GQ says: In the mould of Terence Stamp and Peter OToole, the actor is
a pin-up boy for British elegance.
16 DAVID
FURNISH
(Last year No14)
From suited and booted
on the red carpet to pushing
a pram, David looks comfortable
in every situation which, to me,
is the true essence of style.
Patrick Cox, designer
GQ says: An outspoken
advocate for the best in British
menswear, the lm producer
makes sure he practises what
he preaches.
15 THEO
HUTCHCRAFT
(Re-entry)
Theo has a signature look
and a great sense of style. He
epitomises the type of man
Id like to see in my designs.
Nicholas Kirkwood, designer
GQ says: The lead singer of
Hurts is pitch-perfect when it
comes to his look.
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Best-DressedMen2014]
(Last year No36)
He always looks elegant, whether hes just in
a T-shirt, jeans and biker boots on his Harley-
Davidson or in a suit at an event. He has learnt
the word elegance in a good way. Its nice
when people can dress casually and formally
and do both well.
Richard Young, photographer
GQ says: Despite retiring from the pitch, he is
undoubtedly one of the most recognised men
on the planet and his style makes him one of
the worlds most inuential menswear icons.
DAVID
BECKHAM
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Tom Ford
GQ says: London has claimed as one of its own the Texan head of
his eponymous label. Indeed, despite his roots, he has achieved national
treasure status here.
Tom Meggle
GQ says: Being
perfectly turned out is part
of the job description if
you want to work at Louis
Vuitton, which makes the
UK and Irish MD almost
over-qualied.
Jason
Broderick
GQ says: Harrods is an
iconic department store
and its extremely suave
menswear director Jason
Broderick is known as
a fashion icon.
Christopher
Bailey
GQ says: From chief creative
ofcer to CEO of one of
the most successful British
fashion labels, Bailey has set
Burberrys boardroom bar at
an all new high.
Peter
Cashmore
GQ says: When you see the
wardrobes of billionaires
such as Mark Zuckerberg you
thank heaven for the CEO of
Mashable the smartest side
of the digital revolution.
Arnaud
Bamberger
GQ says: The executive
chairman of Cartier UK is
a xture on the capitals
social scene, where his Gallic
air makes him stand out.
Ed Burstell
GQ says: The
managing director of
Liberty is a TV personality
thanks to the y-on-the-
wall documentary on the
legendary store, and he
always dresses the part.
Lord Browne
GQ says: The ex-head
of BP is now chairman of
the countrys only shale
gas driller. His immaculate
tailoring, however, is a lot
less controversial.
Christian
Candy
GQ says: One half of the
property-magnate Candy
brothers, the lower-key
Christian is the best-dressed
man in the building business.
10
Mark Carney
GQ says: The new
boss of the Bank Of England
brings a much-needed sense
of style to British economic
life. No wonder the outlook
is better than it has been
for years.
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The Ten
Best-Dressed
Businessmen
02
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Get the look:
Riviera style
Belt by Orlebar Brown,
40. orlebarbrown.co.uk
Sunglasses by Persol,
255. persol.com
Jacket, 550. Shirt, 95. Trousers, 100.
All by Hackett. hackett.com. Pocket square by
Richard James, 50. richardjames.co.uk
Shoes by Tods, 285.
tods.com
Snoodby Burberry Prorsum,
395. burberry.com
Gloves by Alfred Dunhill,
250. dunhill.com
Watch by Cartier, 15,600.
cartier.com
Always take the scenic route just pop your collar up
and the roof down
GFEBRUARY2014
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LUKE DAY
(New entry)
The thing I love about Luke is that he knows how to dress
for any occasion, be it on the beach or on a night out he
always looks the part. He takes risks, but pulls of extreme looks.
Kim Jones, mens style director, Louis Vuitton
GQ says: The Fashion Director of GQ Style is a biannual
bigwig, and quite possibly the coolest man in Vogue House.
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11 HARRY STYLES
(New entry)
The Papillon-esque tattoo, the quif like a ski jump, the Saint Laurent shearling it could have gone
so wrong for Harry. Turns out, he can carry it of. With lan. Jonathan Heaf, Features Director, GQ
GQ says: Is it any surprise that One Direction provoke such passion in millions of minxes the world over?
09 CHARLIE
CASELY-
HAYFORD
(Last year No31)
He looks classic but
super-modern at the
same time. He doesnt
dress according to what is
perceived as cool, but always
manages to look like the
coolest guy in the room.
Astrid Andersen, designer
GQ says: Following in
his fathers footsteps as a
designer to watch, his style
is always interesting and his
fashion sense is impeccable.
DAVID
GANDY
(Last year No16)
A great ambassador
for menswear. Whether
dressed down or in a three-
piece, guys take notice. He
has what I call the Steve
McQueen gift even in
a T-shirt and jeans he still
looks a million dollars.
A modern-day king of cool.
Luke Sweeney, tailor
GQ says: From the very
model of a Mad Hatter to
a man about town, Gandy
is the epitome of elegance.
10
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06 TINIE TEMPAH
(Last year No3)
Tinie always looks so
slick. Hes forever on-trend
and always looks condent
in anything whether its
the trademark glasses
that only he can pull
of, or a red-carpet suit
hes had tailor-made to
t his style. I love the
subtle fashion risks he
takes, while still staying
true to his very clean-cut
urban sophisticated style.
Consistently cool!
Jessie J, musician
GQ says: In streetwear
or tailoring, our favourite
rapper embraces the best
of British style at every
turn and always comes
out looking like a star.
08 ALEX TURNER
(Re-entry)
Hes just a cool guy, I think recording in LA
has done them good. I like the new teddy-
boy thing. The whole band looks grown-up.
Jonathan Saunders, designer
GQ says: The Arctic Monkeys lead singers
latest look is as cool as night at the
North Pole.
DERMOT OLEARY
(Last year No5)
Recently appointed ambassador to London Collections: Men, Dermot
is a champion of both traditional tailoring and British brands. He never
fails to dress for the occasion, looking equally dapper in a dinner jacket
as he does in a dressed-down bomber. His efortless ability to mix
and match styles makes him a winner every time.
Caroline Rush, chief executive, British Fashion Council
GQ says: The secret of the TV stars success is that he makes everything
he does look so easy and his seemingly efortless style is no exception.
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05 DAN
STEVENS
(Last year No1)
His look in Downton Abbey
is, by denition, faultless.
And its difcult to make the
transition from that into being
efortlessly stylish in real life.
But he dresses the part of the
English gent, no doubt; all is
polished, all is smooth.
Melinda Stevens, Editor-In-
Chief, Cond Nast Traveller
GQ says: His character bit
the dust in Downton, but
everywhere else his star is rising.
Equipped with
the kind of natural
machismo that
makes dressing seem
efortless, Idris Elba
wears clothes that
casually challenge
conformity with verve
and condence.
Imran Amed, founder
and editor, the
Business Of Fashion
GQ says: Will the
actor be the next Bond
as rumoured? He is
already a British style
icon, so he must surely
be in the running.
IDRIS ELBA
(Last year No6)
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BENEDICT
CUMBERBATCH
(Last year No24)
Benedict is recognised around the
world as a leading British artist. He is
a great face for British menswear and
his style is as versatile as his acting.
From heritage tailoring with a modern
twist as Sherlock Holmes to the
minimalist, no-nonsense bad guy
in Star Trek Into Darkness.
Nick Keyte, head menswear buyer,
John Lewis
GQ says: What a diference a year
makes. Today the actor is a global
icon and the coolest dragon ever
in The Hobbit.
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02 TOM
HIDDLESTON
(Last year No2)
He dresses in a uniquely
personal manner and no one can
carry of a slim, dark suit in such
a contemporary way as him.
Giorgio Armani, designer
GQ says: The most stylish member
of the Avengers cast pulls no punches
in the wardrobe department.
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Grimmy has mastered the Margiela school of dressing. Jacket: structured, cropped and
slim-t; T-shirt: looks a bit worn; jeans: hes thin enough to work spray-ons; and a knackered
shoe: vintage-looking. This year he hits the big three-oh and still manages to look down
with the kids his listeners but avoids looking remotely mutton dressed as ram. Its not easy
for any fella to look half decent standing next to Harry Styles. Believe me, Ive tried.
Luke Day, Fashion Director, GQ Style
GQ says: Grimmy has done his growing up in public and after the exuberance of his earlier
days he is now a bona de style icon from his head to his toes. The GQ jury reckons youd have
to get up pretty early in the morning to look better than this.
NICK
GRIMSHAW
(Last year No4)
Best-DressedMen2014]
01
164
Band of brothers:
Members of the
Civilian JTF, armed
with machetes and
clubs, patrol a
Maiduguri highway
in search of Boko
Haram, July 2013
THESE LOOSE-KNIT
SQUADS OF YOUNG MEN
WERE FIGHTING, AND
OCCASIONALLY BEATING,
THE TERRORISTS
FEBRUARY2014G
BOKOHARAM
Story by Alex Preston Photographs by Sunday Alamba
Sons of anarchy
In northern Nigeria, radical Islamic terrorist group Boko Haram is facing a vigilante
backlash from armed young men with nothing to lose. Amid the renewed optimism
of this teenage uprising are fears it could push a troubled nation closer to civil war.
GQ reports exclusively from a region ripped apart by violence
167
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wo days before I landed in Maiduguri, security forces made a
gruesome discovery in one of the citys suburbs. After a tip-
off, soldiers carried out a dawn raid on ten squat buildings
by the sluggish river the Ngadda that ribbons through
the city. Under a hail of bullets, they swooped on a secret
stronghold of Boko Haram, the radical Islamist group that
has terrorised Maiduguri, and the whole of Nigeria, for the past four
years. During the gun ght, the troops killed 95 suspected Boko Haram
members, arresting scores more.
Abdulkareem Haruna, a local journalist, arrived on the scene shortly
after the shooting nished. He helped search the warren of underground
tunnels the terrorists had dug beneath their base. We found bodies
with their hands tied together, their throats cut, he told me. Piles of
bones; decomposing esh. On the shelves of
the huts, there were jars and containers full
of blood that made us think that Boko Haram
had cannibalised the bodies. Down towards
the river, we came upon shallow graves. It
had been raining and as the water owed over
the mud, skulls were exposed. Another mass
grave, another dark chapter in the history of
one of the worlds newest and most brutal
terrorist organisations.
I travelled to Maiduguri, capital of Borno
State in Nigerias isolated northeast, four years
to the day after the violent revolt with which
Boko Haramannounced its jihad. Id just spent
weeks meeting Amnesty International, Human
Rights Watch and other NGOs. They described
northern Nigeria as a warzone, with the
terrorists and the army locked in an intracta-
ble battle, heaping atrocity upon atrocity, blood
soaking into the desert sands. Julia Knittel,
a researcher at Action On Armed Violence,
said that her organisation had had to curtail a
project tracking violence in Borno as the secu-
rity situation deteriorated. We couldnt expose
our people to that kind of risk, she told me.
The place is a security vacuum. The terror-
ists bombed busy marketplaces, slaughtered
schoolchildren, enslaved thousands of women
and girls; in response, the government sent its
soldiers on brutal rampages, burning villages,
carrying out extra-judicial executions.
It was a story of unimaginable violence, and
I found it staggering that Boko Haram had
managed, despite the nihilism of its message
and the best efforts of the fourth largest army
in Africa, to bring immense tracts of northern
Nigeria under its sway. Amid the carnage, Id
also heard a solitary note of hope in the shape
of a vigilante gang calling itself the Civilian JTF
(Joint Task Force). These loose-knit squads of
young men, backed by the most powerful man
in the north, the governor of Borno, were ght-
ing, and occasionally beating, the terrorists.
Hope, some said, had returned to the Nigerian
Sahel for the rst time in years, borne on the
skinny shoulders of these teenage vigilantes.
Events in Maiduguri are of vital political
importance as Nigeria heads towards elec-
tions in 2015. President Goodluck Jonathan
will be judged on his ability to beat Boko
Haram, and the unrest in the north threatens
to deepen tribal, religious and ethnic divides
that have dogged the country since independ-
ence. Jonathan is a southerner, and a Christian,
and many of those I spoke to on the streets of
Nigerias northern cities while horried at
Boko Harams tactics suggested that the group
is at least sending a powerful message to the
president. The Muslim north, far from the oil-
drenched wealth of Lagos and Port Harcourt,
feels isolated and angry, and the violence seen
in Nigeria over the past few years could be a
prologue to bloody collapse in 2015. As one
local diplomat put it, Finally, in Boko Haram,
people in the north have found an organisation
that hates the government as much as they do.
Boko Haram was founded by Mohammed
Yusuf, the imam of a Maiduguri mosque, in
2002. Initially a local movement calling for the
imposition of sharia lawin northern Nigeria and
the rejection of Western culture, it morphed
into a jihadist terrorist organisation during the
latter years of the last decade. Boko Haram
has been responsible for at least 4,000 deaths
and tens of thousands of casualties since 2009,
when the group launched a series of vicious
attacks across north and central Nigeria. Since
then, the region has lurched fromcrisis to crisis
as the Nigerian government turned the full force
of its military machine on the terrorists. In his
1979 novel about an uprising in an unnamed
West African dictatorship, A Bend In The
River, VS Naipaul wrote, It isnt that theres
no right and wrong here. Theres no right.
This is the history of Boko Haram, where every
week brings fresh horror and much of it goes
Law of the land (above):
Nigerian police confront
a vigilante group in
Maiduguri; an armoured
personnel carrier patrols
the streets (below)
168
BOKOHARAM
unreported. The Nigerian-American author Teju
Cole wrote to me fromNigeria before I arrived,
telling of yet another atrocity that had been
swept under the carpet by the authorities. Last
week, we had news of 30 or more students in a
boarding school inYobe shot to death or burned
alive by Boko Haram. In any other country, the
massacre of several ten-to-12-year-olds would
have been cause for serious alarm, and all nor-
malcy in the country would be put on hold. But
this story was not even carried by the national
television service, the number of dead was not
conrmed, and there is no evidence of an inves-
tigation. It happened last week, and its already
vanished from the papers.
Boko Haram translates as Western educa-
tion is forbidden, and while this isnt how
the group refer to themselves (preferring the
snappier Jamaatul Ahlis Sunnah Liddaawati
Wal Jihad), it neatly sums up their crusade
against progress. The groups spiritual leader,
Mohammed Yusuf, drew large crowds to his
mosque in downtown Maiduguri, mainly dis-
enfranchised locals and wandering teenage
almajiris children sent by their parents from
the wastes of the Sahel to receive Islamic
instruction in the large cities. Yusuf was dis-
owned by the Muslim establishment for his
literal at-earth philosophy. He rejected
belief in evolution, evaporation and the notion
of a spherical globe. He also called for the
imposition of sharia law, the boycotting of
Nigerias Westernised education system, and
for revolution against the countrys sclerotic,
corrupt government.
In July 2009, the situation in Maiduguri
unravelled with terrifying swiftness. During the
funeral procession of a Boko Haram member,
there was a standoff with local police, who
tried to make motorcyclists in the corteges
escort wear their helmets. It is a sign of how
edgy things had become in the city that insur-
rection sprung from such a mundane tiff. The
skittish police opened re, wounding four Boko
Haram elders. The sect had been arming itself
for some time: the police were taken on, and
defeated, in scenes of uncontrolled violence.
Over the last week of that bloody July,
Maiduguri was a city under siege. Bodies
policemen, Christians, moderate Muslims
were piled in the car park outside Maiduguri
hospital, more thrown into mass graves dug in
the citys outskirts. Some were left to rot in the
streets, worried by the dogs and goats who, for
several days, were the only life to be seen in
the city. The Red Cross counted 780 bodies in
Maiduguri alone, with hundreds more killed in
neighbouring Bauchi andYobe states. The revolt
spread out from Maiduguri to take in much of
north-eastern Nigeria, spreading like a bush-
re through the desolate countryside, moving
in ravenous leaps from one town to the next.
Police stations were attacked across the region,
more police killed, guns and weapons seized.
On 28 July, with the situation in Maiduguri
desperate, the army was deployed to come to
the aid of the hapless police force. Most of the
policemen who survived the initial onslaught
had quit town, overwhelmed by guerrillas
who seemed to crouch behind every corner.
The military acted with ruthless aggression,
raining down shells on the compound in which
Mohammed Yusuf had holed himself up with
his acolytes. Several hundred Boko Haram
ghters were killed over the next two days,
until finally the compound fell. Yusuf was
seized by the army, who handed him over to
Maiduguris chief of police.
In the nal hours of 30 July, the forces of
the Nigerian state sowed the seeds of the vio-
lence that was to come, violence that would
replicate the devastation of Maiduguri in
towns and villages across the region. There is
internet footage of MohammedYusuf, heavily
bandaged, issuing a stumbling confession in a
cell. An hour later, Yusuf was dead, executed
without trial. While the police later claimed hed
been trying to escape, witnesses reject this.
The 39-year-old Yusuf left behind four wives,
12 children and a legion of enraged followers.
Worse than this, Yusufs assassination cleared
the way for his second-in-command, Abubakar
Shekau, to take control of Boko Haram.
What remains:
People pass by the
burnt-out wreckage
of Baga Market,
Maiduguri,
following a Boko
Haram bomb,
July 2013
GFEBRUARY2014
Terror list:
The Nigerian
government has
placed a 50 million
naira (200,000)
bounty on the head of
Abubakar Shekau, the
leader of Boko Haram
170
FEBRUARY2014G
BOKOHARAM
Shekau is a sinister, shadowy figure,
rumoured to have escaped from the Federal
Neuropsychiatric Hospital in Maiduguri some
time in the late Nineties. Despite Boko Harams
eschewal of all things technological, he is a
regular on YouTube, appearing in front of
the groups piratical ag clutching an AK-47
and spewing bile against Christians, the gov-
ernment and the evils of education. He drifts
like a desert djinn along Nigerias borders, one
day in Chad, the next in Niger, smuggling guns
through the notorious Darfur Corridor. He
has deepened the groups links with Algerias
al-Qaeda in the Islamic Maghreb (AQIM) and
Somalias Al Shabaab the two other major
African terrorist organisations. Recently, the
US government put a $7m bounty on his head.
Since Shekau took control of the group,
Boko Haram has spun a web of terror across
the north and central belt of the country,
with devastating attacks on all of the regions
major cities, regular bombings of churches
answers. Those days in Abuja come back to
me now as a bad dream scripted by Kafka.
The amount of time you have to wait to see
someone is a sign of their status in Nigeria. So
I kicked my heels for hours in the gloomy ves-
tibules of generals, bureaucrats and politicians,
staring out over Abujas unnished skyline
towards the National Mosque and National
Christian Centre, which face each other com-
batively across a busy highway.
I met brigadier general Chris Olukolade in
the red, black and green ofces of the Nigerian
Army Headquarters. A heavy, sad-eyed man,
he coordinates the military response to the
Boko Haram crisis. I asked him about the
reports of human-rights abuses by the army
in their efforts to clamp down on Boko Haram.
He repeated lines Id heard fromthe politicians
with whomId had dinner the night before: that
in holding terrorists without trial, in bombing
remote villages they believed to be harbouring
insurgents, in meeting the barbaric violence of
Boko Haramwith rmmilitary muscle, Nigeria
was only following a template laid down by
the US and its allies in dealing with al-Qaeda.
Guantnamo became a kind of code word in
my discussions with the Nigerian military, as if
American excesses on that shameful patch of
Cuban soil provided an excuse for local abuses.
I told himthat Id spoken to experts on Boko
Haram Makmid Kamara at Amnesty, Eric
Guttschuss of Human Rights Watch, Julia
Knittel at Action On Armed Violence all of
whom had expressed signicant concern at
the actions of Nigerian soldiers. Olukolade
frowned at me, practically spitting his next
words. Human-rights organisations, backed by
foreign states, need to nd evidence of brutality
and military atrocities to justify their existence,
to receive ongoing funding, he said. I pressed
him further. The army had gone into Baga, a
town by the swiftly receding shores of Lake
Chad, in pursuit of Boko Haram. Thousands of
houses were destroyed, with locals describing
the army as berserkers. Again, the brigadier
general frowns, shaking his head, xing me
with those mournful eyes. There were only
nine graves in Baga, he said. The foreign press
said 280. Nobody said nobody died, but the
exaggeration was intended to paint Boko
and schools. Women and girls are rounded up
from distant villages and forced into tempo-
rary marriages Boko Haram shorthand for
rape. In 2012, Shekau led Boko Haram to war
in Mali, where they played a major, if losing,
role in the battle against the French. They came
back with guns, expertise and a thirst for blood.
Before travelling up to Maiduguri, I spent
several days in Abuja meeting state ofcials
and military sources, trying to esh out my
picture of the war against Boko Haram. Afriend
in England, the writer Noo Saro-Wiwa, whose
father was executed by the Nigerian military
dictatorship in 1995, had warned me not to
expect much from these meetings. You cant
ask questions like a normal journalist, she said.
They just wont respond to that. You have to
let them think youre on their side. Pose your
questions carefully, and dont expect straight
On the road: A soldier
searches a car at a
Maiduguri checkpoint,
one of dozens guarding
routes into the city; armed
Civilian JTF stop and
search a tuk-tuk (below)
YOU CANT BEAT
FUNDAMENTALISM WITH
EXTERNAL FORCE.
CIVILIAN JTF IS A
FORCE
FROM WITHIN
171
GFEBRUARY2014
Haram as victims. In fact, it was the
Nigerian Red Cross who counted the bodies at
Baga, and set the gure at 187. A local politi-
cian, Senator Maina Maaji Lawan, visited the
scene of the massacre and estimated the death
toll at 228. Even Olukolade had admitted in an
earlier interview that almost 40 people were
killed by his men, before reverting to the of-
cial government-approved gure of nine.
The brigadier general fixed me with his
mournful eyes. The attacks on the school in
Yobe, he began, a catch in his voice. They said
they wouldnt kill children, so they lined up the
students and made them take their clothes off.
The children stood there naked, afraid, and any
of them with pubic hair were shot. Those who
tried to escape were hunted down and executed.
Then they set the school on re. Forty-two
people were killed that day. This is what you
should write about Boko Haram. This is the
truth. He picked up his BlackBerry, ipped open
its Herms case, and began to type. The inter-
viewwas over. It was time for me to head north.
Flying into Maiduguri, you become aware of
the engulng vastness of the landscape. It is a
city of a million people, clutched in the dusty
palmof the Chad Basin, blasted by sandstorms
from the Sahara. It is the sole major city in
Borno State, nestling in the joint where Nigeria
borders Chad, Niger and Cameroon. Maiduguri
is closer to Darfur than it is to Lagos. This is a
place at the very edges of human existence,
facing economic depredation and an ever-
encroaching desert. It is not only regularly
called the most dangerous city in Africa, it is
also one of the most remote.
Western journalists usually visit Maiduguri
under military escort. Kidnappings are one of
Boko Harams major sources of funding: the
best you can hope for if youre snatched by
the group is several months in a malarial oubli-
ette. More likely youll suffer the fate of British
quantity surveyor Chris McManus who, after
pleading for his life on video, was executed in
the squalid dunny of the compound in which
hed been held captive for ten months. The price
of freedom, at least for a French family seized in
April 2013, is apparently $3m (1.85m).
My photographer, SundayAlamba, and I step
into the yard of the airport, feeling suddenly
vulnerable. Im unconvincingly disguised as a
light-skinned local, with a beard and a zawa
prayer cap, a dark-grey Kanuri robe and sun-
glasses. Imsweating, and its not only because
of Maiduguris coruscating heat. Its noon and
40C, massy red clouds stacking in the sky to the
north. Gbenga Akingbule, our local xer, ushers
us into a burgundy BMW, which he drives as if
Shekau himself is on our tail. People and goats
ash by, scurrying between the umbrellas of
shade provided by the dark-leaved neemtrees
that line the citys streets. We pass cars whose
licence plates bear Borno States motto: Home
of Peace. Local wags have taken to scratch-
ing out Peace and replacing it with Bombs.
We move through checkpoint after check-
point, some staffed by soldiers, others by the
police, all of them hard-faced and inscruta-
ble, ushering us by with the nodding muzzles
of their machine guns. A procession of jeeps
with Operation Restore Order emblazoned
across their bonnets comes roaring up behind
us, soldiers standing on the back seats, waving
us aside. We pull over and watch as the jeeps
race by, followed by bulky armoured vehicles,
charging towards downtown Maiduguri like
angry rhinos. After another checkpoint, this
one bearing a turret gun that trains its eye sus-
piciously on us as we pass, we drive through
large pink gates and into the city proper. We
have arrived in Maiduguri.
Id expected the moment to summon a jolt
of anxiety, but Maiduguri is nothing like Id
imagined it nothing like it is presented in
the Western media. Id pictured a cloud of fear
hovering over bomb-blasted buildings, nervous
locals skittering from one house to the next,
a sense of defeat and trauma in the eyes of
the few wed persuaded to talk to us. Instead,
theres an extraordinary energy, as if, having
been conned to their homes during the months
of crisis, the people of Maiduguri are making
up for lost time. The streets humwith economic
activity: buildings going up on every corner,
roads re-paved, queues outside market stalls.
Billboards are adorned with the owlish face of
the governor of Borno, Kashim Shettima, with
peppy slogans like No Shaking Now. Gbenga
points out a huge construction site that the
governor has commissioned to provide afford-
able housing for the citys teachers. Id expected
many things from Maiduguri, but never this
sense of optimism and civilised bustle.
Its Ramadan, and I havent had anything to
eat or drink since dawn in Abuja. We stop at
a neem-shaded market and I buy some water.
Gbenga seems to know everybody in the town,
and the car is soon surrounded by teenagers
with luminous grins. The locals conrm my
impression that a deep and recent change has
taken place in Maiduguri they are cheer-
fully garrulous, slapping me on the back and
laughing at my mangled attempts at Hausa,
the local language. Their talk is of two things:
the governor, whose work in the city they fall
over each other to praise; and the Civilian JTF,
the home-grown vigilantes who they claim
have defeated Boko Haram.
I ask them how Maiduguri has come to feel so
normal, so thriving. A young man with a foot-
ball under his arm answers. In the past month,
the Civilian JTF has chased Boko Haram away,
he says. Now the governor gives us jobs, gives
us houses. Another teenager puts it down to a
powerful turn in the communal mind. In the
old days, he says, everyone would run away
from a gunshot. Now weve become so fed up
with Boko Haram that everyone runs towards
it. So far, Ive only seen soldiers and police
in the town. I want to meet these vigilantes,
and ask if the young man can take us to them.
The army have forced them out of the centre,
he tells us. They were becoming too strong,
causing too many hold-ups.
We drive out of the city and into the suburbs.
The buildings here are mud-walled, some of
themrooess. We edge through herds of ribby
goats as veiled women stare out from door-
ways. Soon, the road becomes rutted and
near-impassable. The boy taps Gbenga on the
shoulder. At a crossroads ahead there is a block-
ade like many of the others we have passed
through that day. Instead of soldiers, though,
a posse of gangly teenagers clusters around the
sandbag chicane. We sit for a while and watch
themwork. In place of machine guns, they have
machetes, baseball bats, bows and arrows. One
of the boys, wearing a Marseille football strip,
is carrying a branch spiked with nails. They
search the cars as they pass through, opening
boots and riing through suitcases, patting
down the drivers. Motorcycles are banned in
the city they were Boko Harams preferred
mode of transportation but there are thou-
sands of Chinese-manufactured tuk-tuks that
act as taxis. When one of these draws up at
the checkpoint, the vigilantes rock it on its
haunches until it leans at a precipitous angle
and they can check the bottom for bombs.
We get out and I go to speak to the boy in the
Marseille kit. His name is Abdulai and hes 14
years old. He tells me that yesterday he went
with his local chapter of the Civilian JTF to
Bama, a town 43 miles from Maiduguri. They
came upon a Boko Haram hideout and cap-
tured 35 militants. The terrorists had guns and
rocket launchers, but were taken by surprise
and overcome by sheer numbers. I ask him if
he was scared. He looks at me with cool, cine-
matic eyes. Im not scared for my life, he says.
Fighting talk:
We have won the
battle but not the
war, says Borno
State governor
Kashim Shettima
Continued on page 220
BOKO HARAM
TRANSLATES AS
WESTERN EDUCATION IS
FORBIDDEN
172
BOKOHARAM
The avengers:
Civilian JTF members
in the Mairi district
of Maiduguri. In
green is Abubakar
Muhammed, one of
the leaders of the
vigilante group
The hunt is on: The
army targets Boko
Haram strongholds
along the porous
borders that Nigeria
shares with Chad,
Niger and Cameroon
Suit by ThomSweeney,
1,900. thomsweeney.
co.uk. Shirt by Pal Zileri,
169. palzileri.com
FEBRUARY2014G
MICHAEL FASSBENDER
M
-
I
C
H
AEL ER FA ND S B
E
S
M LE
A
G 0214
Q
2YAS
2 77 4
WORDS BY
JONATHAN HEA
F
1
OB
D
STYLING BY
PHOTOGRAPHS BY JEAN-BAPTISTE MONDINO
TANJA MARTI N
175
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about the rst and only play he ever put on in
his hometown of Killarney, southwest Ireland,
when he was just 18. The play was an adapta-
tion of QuentinTarantinos Reservoir Dogs. Not
just any adaptation of Reservoir Dogs, however,
but his adaptation of Reservoir Dogs. (This will
become a signicant detail.)
Fassbender along with directing, producing
and generally kicking the play into a muddled,
chaotic, yet ultimately triumphant existence
played the jabbering Mr Pink (Hes got the best
lines!) while his best friend fromFossa National
School, Owen OShea, was cast as Mr Orange.
The half-Irish, half-German actors parents,
Adele and Josef, had endlessly worried that
their son would end up behind the bar at the
family-run West End House, where his father
was a chef. But before announcing his directorial
debut, having left college the previous summer,
he set up a theatre company. Just like that.
To be honest, this wasnt Fassbenders rst
foray into the world of artistic performance if
you ever meet the auburn-haired man with a grin
like a great white, ask himabout theTwo Mikes,
a band specialising in acoustic Metallica covers,
and try not to laugh too hard but it was his
rst serious attempt to do something he couldnt
not do. (If that sounds melodramatic, thats kind
of the point.) He called his company Peanut
Productions. Maybe because a peanut is small
and can produce an awful lot of energy? Big
things; small beginnings. Coincidental prophecy
can be utterly comedic in hindsight.
The small big idea was inspired by a third-
party Fassbender had met back in Killarney, a
boy called Donny. Donny a name Fassbender
pronounces in that clench-jawed southern-
Irish/German lilt as D-own-y was a sharp
kid who had gone off to the Gaiety School Of
Acting, Irelands pre-eminent drama centre, and
swaggered back into town running acting work-
shops and theatre groups and generally reck-
oning himself to be the small towns answer
to Orson Welles. Donny was a little bit older
than Fassbender. Maybe, at the time, a little
bit cooler if only through age and experi-
ence. It was, in fact, while attending one of
Donnys amateur workshops that the future
star of Shame, X-Men: Days Of Future Past (out
in May) and this months 12Years ASlave rst
really caught the acting bug.
Fassbender even did a little part-time work
for Donny pantomime, some pub theatre
here and there, although nothing too ambi-
tious. After six months, however, the classes
stopped, Fassbender struck out on his own, set
up Peanut, and announced to his parents,
to his older sister (now a brain surgeon),
to Owen OShea, to Donny, to the whole
town of Killarney population 14,219
that he would be staging a version of
Tarantinos bloody masterpiece. On the day
of the announcement Fassbender remembers
feeling like a god! For about an hour. Then,
of course, the fear began to creep in. The self-
doubt. The night sweats. It was the terror,
he admits. The terror of everyone, the entire
town, my parents, watching me fail.
Apart from those infamous jet-black suits
(hired or borrowed or otherwise blagged by the
actor) and the cops severed ear (a lamb chop),
everything else seemed to be a real problem.
Even nding a venue, for example, was proving
hard. The town hall was out. Some octogenarian
spoilsport had deemed the material too crude,
despite the actor insisting all prots were going
to charity. (Years later Fassbender would tell
Quentin Tarantino this story at his audition
for the role he eventually won in Inglourious
Basterds. According to Fassbender, Tarantino
replied sort-of-jokingly-but-not-really, So long
as no one was making money out of my shit!)
Eventually, however, Fassbender caught
a break. He got a stage. Well, a podium; the
owner of Revels nightclub agreed to host. It
was perfect. He knew he could use the strobe
lights during the torture scenes and wash the
stage with a red hue to heighten the menace.
But despite the progress Fassbender couldnt
shake the jitters. He was in over his head and he
knewit. Even the other actors began to sense it.
Two weeks before curtain up, one of the older
cast members staged a mutiny: Hey Mike,
maybe we should get Donny to have a look at
some scenes... Fassbender wobbled and pan-
icked: Shit. Maybe hes right, he remembers
thinking. Maybe we need some professional
help here. Maybe we need f***ing Donny.
Fassbender went home that night raging,
shredded with worry. He couldnt sleep. By
morning he was pale well, paler still but hed
made up his mind. He walked into rehearsals,
gathered his people and cleared his throat. I
told them, Were going to take the risk. Were
going to do it ourselves. Reecting on it today
he adds, I wasnt going to work for weeks on
end and then allowDonny, anyone else, to waltz
in and take the credit and save the show. The
actor/director told his cast, If it goes right, it
goes right and if it goes to hell it goes to hell.
The older, belligerent actor wasnt buying his
shaky bravado. He told Fassbender if he didnt
pull the emergency cord and get Donny in fast
he would quit then and there. Quit then, spat
Fassbender. Ill recast you. Froma dark corner
of the rehearsal room one of the other actors
mumbled something. It was OShea, Everyone
be cool! Laughter broke the stand-off. The
production ran for two nights. In Revels. With
a lamb chop as a prop. First night saw 120 in
attendance. Second night 140. Afull house. Or
at least a busy dance oor. No sign of Donny. I
learned all I knowfromthat experience, chuck-
les the actor. Everything.
ichael is an artist. There are actors
and there are artists. Artists are
people who fail, better, says Steve
McQueen. If anyone helped rein-
force and evolve the germof an idea that began
on a nightclub podium nearly two decades ago
it is this director, who has cast Fassbender in
all three of his acclaimed lms, Hunger (2008),
Shame (2011) and 12 Years A Slave. Tonight
Im at a hotel bar in Soho with Fassbender as
the promotion for the lm grinds, froths and
zzes towards the inevitable awards-season
game of Guess Who?. Fassbender is in a talka-
tive mood, though one doubts if he ever isnt.
As McQueen will tell me on the phone a day
or so later, Michael just has a talent for being
with people. Or as David Cronenberg put it on
encountering an upbeat Fassbender day in, day
out on the set of ADangerous Method, Hes so
perky it drives you crazy.
McQueens latest lmis a step above even his
own much-lauded cinematic projects. 12Years A
Slave a shoo-in for well-deserved Oscar glory
for those both in front of and behind the camera
is an adaptation of the memoir of the same
name written by a man called Solomon Northup,
rst published in 1853. In the mid-19th century,
Northup was lured to Washington, drugged and
kidnapped fromhis placid life as an upstanding
family man fromSaratoga, NewYork where he
had been making a living as a concert violinist
bundled onto a disease-ridden slave ship and
sold into forced labour amid the white-washed
pillars of Louisianas cotton plantations.
McQueen deals uninchingly with the horrors
endured by Northup and the other black slaves
he meets on his shackled and bound journey, all
the cruel horrors laid bare afresh in a lm that
demands that the audience witness the true
savage inhumanity of slavery. Northup is played
exceptionally by the British actor Chiwetel
Ejiofor, while Fassbender inhabits the wretched,
evangelical, psychotic mind of plantation owner
Edwin Epps a drunk, batterer and rapist who
treats his human property worse than cattle.
In the book Fassbenders rst touch point
when building the character for the screen
Northup describes Epps as a large, portly,
heavy-bodied man with light hair, high cheek
bones and a Roman nose of extraordinary
dimensions... When in his cups, Master Epps
was a roistering, blustering, noisy fellow, whose
chief delight was in dancing with his niggers, or
lashing themabout the yard with his long whip,
just for the pleasure of hearing themscreech and
scream, as the great welts were planted on their
backs. When sober, he was silent, reserved
R
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MICHAEL FASSBENDER
Michael wears suit
by ThomSweeney,
1,900. thomsweeney.
co.uk. Shirt, 99.
Pocket square, 7.50.
Both by Thomas Pink.
thomaspink.com.
Tie by Pal Zileri,
99. palzileri.com.
Ryan wears coat by
Mackintosh, 700.
mackintosh.com.
Suit by Dunhill,
1,195. dunhill.com.
Shirt by Armani,
250. armani.com.
Ring by HSamuel,
229. hsamuel.co.uk
Suit by TomFord, 2,820.
tomford.com. Shirt by
Smyth & Gibson, 125.
smythandgibson.com. Tie
by Turnbull & Asser, 95.
turnbullandasser.co.uk.
Shoes by Mr Hare, 425.
mrhare.com. Socks by
Wolsey, 10. wolsey.com.
Tie pin by Budd
Shirtmakers, 19.50.
buddshirts.co.uk
FEBRUARY2014G
MICHAEL FASSBENDER
and cunning, not beating us indiscriminately
as in his drunken moments but sending the end
of his rawhide to some tender spot of lagging
slave, with a sly dexterity peculiar to himself.
Make no mistake, or let Northups eloquent,
balanced and often beautifully restrained prose
sanctify the wretched, shameful reality: Edwin
Epps was a monster. And Fassbenders portrayal
is of a man who embodies near-unwatchable
evil. He is a monster, agrees Fassbender, but
he too is a man. As hard as it is to believe, I had
sympathy for him, despite his actions. I had this
primal feeling that what we do to each other
affects us, and that goes for both ends of the
whip, if you like. I wanted to bring that part of
Epps out to where the audience could recognise
themselves, even if just for a second. So then it
doesnt become so comfortable to keep his mon-
strosity at arms length. Bring himcloser and its
more effective. To force the audience into rec-
ognising the human being, the esh and blood
and brain behind the horror. Where does such
abhorrent racism stem from? And what does it
leave behind in a man like Epps?
I remember I had to practise on the whip;
I had to learn to crack it properly. I remember
thinking about the knot it created in my shoul-
der; the knot it would create fromdoing such a
physical task as whipping the skin off another
humans back. That physical memory would
stay in the body, my body, Epps body. The body
would retain the memory of what you have
done to your fellowman or fellowwoman. What
would the psychological effect of this be? The
retention of pain in your body memory? Its got
to be stored somewhere. Thats what I tried to do
with Epps. Theres a deep conict in the man.
McQueen is emphatic in his admiration for his
dear friend and star. Michael is always looking
to experiment and try something new or say
something else; most actors just lean on what
they know they can do well. Michael is a deep
well. He doesnt have his shtick. Hes willing to
make himself look like an idiot to get where he
wants to go. Its like painting the most beauti-
ful landscape, then taking a cloth and wiping all
that beauty away to start again. To be willing
to throwall that good work out of the window.
Hes not vain. Hes not precious. Hes the boxer
and Imthe trainer in that light. And every ght
will be different. The worst thing to do is come
to a ght rigid and prescriptive something a lot
of bad actors do. You need to be uid.
When McQueen rst cast the actor in 2008s
Hunger, the story of the IRA hunger striker
Bobby Sands, Fassbender despite some success
in the States with Spielbergs Band Of Brothers
was a rising star, yet to truly rise. Fassbenders
rst audition for McQueen went famously badly.
Although when he came back in, adds the
director, it was like seeing a different person.
Today, does McQueen ever feel a pang of jeal-
ousy when Fassbender whos potential has
undoubtedly been unlocked by working with
the director goes off to work with the likes
of Ridley Scott or Terrence Malick? Yes, I will
admit that I do! But you know hes going to be
in demand so I have to begrudgingly accept that.
He is the most inuential actor of his generation,
that is without doubt. He is Mickey Rourke or
Gary Oldman in that way.
Recently, Daniel Radcliffe has admitted to
something he calls the Michael Fassbender
test. The Harry Potter star, when offered a role
or a commercial deal, always checks the cred-
ibility of his actions by asking himself, What
would Michael Fassbender do? McQueen
agrees: People want to be an actor because of
Michael. Other actors nowwant to be attached
to a particular lmjust because he is in it. Thats
how inuential he is. Hes unusual as hes a
leading man who is also a character actor. I have
to say the name Brando. Only Brando comes
close as hes the only other actor who has that
duality, both qualities delivered so well.
Talking to Fassbender as he sits at the bar
and orders anAmericano you feel youre catch-
ing a man mid-ight. Since his career hit fth
gear with Shame three years ago, his feet have
hardly touched the oor. He has spent only 20
days in his at in Londons Hackney in the past
12 months. The only time off hes had was a
short motorbike tour with his father and a trip to
tour SouthAmerica with an old friend, the pair
making the decision one night after indulging
in too much red wine. We were drinking a
really great Malbec and we said, Hey, wheres
this from? Argentina? Lets go! Of course, as
Fassbenders prole has risen so has fames unre-
mitting glare the other side of being a modern
movie star that generates an actors heat in an
industry that, on the whole, is about putting
bums on seats rather than high art.
It was Shame, perhaps ironically, that trans-
formed Fassbender into the sort of man your
girlfriend or wife would swoon over. Her free
pass. Her one one-night-stand. You have one
of the two Kates (Upton or Moss) she has
Fassbender. Even McQueen has noticed it: Of
course hes a sex symbol! Ive seen the most
stunning, beautiful, ladies approach Michael.
Ive seen it happen with my own two eyes.
Blatant advances! Hes an attractive man and
it goes with the territory. Its maybe his open-
ness once again. Men, women, whoever. But
hes a gentleman. Hes not some f***ing cad!
Hes a fun person to be around; guys want to
hang out with him as much as girls want to go
to bed with him. It doesnt matter gay, straight
or whatever. What a wonderful human being!
Fassbenders beautiful co-stars couldnt agree
more, it seems, as Natalie Portman having
shot a Terrence Malick project with him last
year conrms to me. You lose your inhi-
bitions around him thats for sure, she adds.
Hes spontaneous and creative and one take
is never the same, which is a breath of fresh air
when youre having to do endless takes of the
same scene. He frees you up. You dont worry
about making a fool of yourself in front of him.
Did the Black Swan star and AcademyAward
winner see any of that wild man reputation
come out on or off set? I didnt, but I know
hes a man who likes to enjoy himself! And the
romantic scenes? Kissing? He relaxes you. It
stops being a big deal. The pressure seems to be
off when youre being close as he vanquishes
any weird feelings. That sort of romantic scene
can be weird trust me, its been weird for me
in the past. But not with Michael...
The 36-year-old actor does an excellent job
of keeping out of the gossip pages, but he does
have a wild-man reputation. Ive seen the dipso-
maniac within bubble to the surface once before,
two years ago at a party to celebrate the opening
of A Dangerous Method, held at 34 in Mayfair.
He had to be carried out before the starters had
even arrived, though today Fassbender insists
he wasnt overly intoxicated. Ive had to be
carried out of bars before. I was just larking
around that night.
Shame had just come out and, aside from
hailing his performance as the best of the year,
some papers seem to be more interested in the
size of his penis. Even George Clooney got up
on stage at the Golden Globes in 2012, thanked
Fassbender for taking over the frontal-nudity
responsibility, pointed to a grinning Michael
in the audience and added, Hey Michael, hon-
estly, if you can play golf like this, with your
hands behind your back, go for it man! I ask
Fassbender if that sort of attention grates?
I mean, what am I going to do? he laughs,
shaking his head. I couldnt stand up and be
like, Stop talking about my penis! I just had
to take it on the chin. I still do. It is what it is. I
was only worried that the subject and the power
of the movie would be overshadowed by... He
stops himself, knowing full well that anything
he says next will come out as a euphemism. Hes
been here before in interviews. Whatever, man.
I dont want to live in the past, Imnot like that.
But if youre asking me did the dick jokes get
annoying at times, yeah, sure they did. I mean,
just go and see the damn lm, you know?
Would all that schoolyard chat stop himdoing
full-frontal nudity again? No! Of course I would
do it again if the story needs it. When lming 12
Years ASlave, Steve wanted me to lose my pants
for a particular scene and I was like, Steve come
on, weve done Shame already! Listen, its not
a big deal. I mean half the population has one
between our legs and the other has something
else. Its weird how there seems to be so much
hype around one mans piece of anatomy! Its
ludicrous really. Did his reputation ever affect
his dating life? Its weird Imalmost not aware
of it. Maybe its a defensive thing. I almost disas-
sociate myself fromthat guy. Like that guy
179
GFEBRUARY2014
MICHAEL FASSBENDER
Clooney has made a dick joke about on stage
at a big Hollywood awards ceremony; like that
guy who is the movie star; like that guy who
supposedly has women falling at his feet. I dont
see myself as a pin-up. I dont dwell on it. That
sort of information isnt good for my own head.
ichael Fassbender has another story,
One that perhaps explains where his
head is at, about what he needs to
do to wring life like a rag until its
dry and spent. Or it might be hes something of
a hopeless adrenaline junkie. Ill let you decide.
Moving at an irresponsible speed is an impor-
tant part of Fassbenders life. Its why he rides
a Ducati one that sounds like a space shuttle
taking off. Its why he adores Formula One. Its
why when I ask him what he would do if he
could free up a little more time for himself he
tells me emphatically, Spend more time go-
karting. Its either stop dead or be a blur. Thats
why he keeps the drinking in check nowadays.
Its why he wont buy a TVfor his at: I would
end up slumped in front of it until 8amwatching
the God channel. Its why he cant ride a horse
properly he can sit stationary or gallop like a
madman. Theres no safe pace. No mediocrity.
Have you ever been skydiving? he asks me.
I tell him I havent and that I have no desire to.
Man, youve got to do it. Ive done two jumps
but I want to do more. Last time was in Hawaii,
NewYears Eve. An incredible feeling. And thats
the sort of thing that blows my mind about
human beings. Someone somewhere rst had
that idea. To jump out of a plane and free fall.
Doesnt he worry he could die? No. Of course,
you have to pull the parachute eventually and
thats the bit that freaks me out. When you
suddenly slowdown and you can see howhigh
you are. You can see the curvature of the earth.
Applying the brakes suddenly makes you
more aware of your own mortality. Before this,
everything is just a rush of browns and greens
as you scream towards the planet through
space. Then the chute opens and you can see
all the details. The cars. The trees. Houses. All of
life is brought back into sharp focus. Suddenly
reality appears a little too close somehow.
Wouldnt it be terrible to be on your deathbed
and suddenly think, God, why didnt I do that?
Was it because I was worried about failing? Or
what someone else might think of me? We are
all going to die eventually, Jonathan. Take the
jump. What have you got to lose?
12 Years A Slave is out on 10 January.
Actor Of The Year: Michael Fassbender
(Stuart McGurk, October 2012)
Michael Fassbender Blows Up!
(Olivia Cole, February 2012)
GQ&A: Michael Fassbender
(Oliver Franklin, GQ.co.uk, September 2011)
MORE
FROM GQ
For these related stories,
visit GQ.co.uk/magazine
180
Fromleft: Ryan wears
coat by Mackintosh,
700. mackintosh.com.
Suit by Dunhill,
1,195. dunhill.com.
Shirt by Armani, 250.
armani.com. Tie by
Gucci, 115. gucci.com.
Bracelet by HSamuel,
29.99. hsamuel.co.uk.
Christopher wears
suit by Marks &
Spencer, From220.
marksandspencer.com.
Shirt by Turnbull & Asser,
175. turnbullandasser.
co.uk. Tie by Budd
Shirtmakers, 65.
buddshirts.co.uk.
Michael wears coat
by Brioni, 5,750.
brioni.com. Suit by
Berluti, 3,250.
berluti.com. Shirt by
Smyth & Gibson, 125.
smythandgibson.com.
Tie by Turnbull & Asser,
95. turnbullandasser.
co.uk. Tie pin by Budd
Shirtmakers, 19.50.
buddshirts.co.uk. Ring
by HSamuel, 229.
hsamuel.co.uk
Models Christopher
Vian-Smith at Casting
Collective and
Ryan Pickard
Hair Tyler Johnston
at One Represents
using Schwarzkopf
Professional
Grooming Lucie Adams
using Mac
Location Motel Studios
and The Marksman Pub,
London. With thanks
to Virgin Atlantic.
virgin-atlantic.com
WELCOME
TOTHENEW
WORLDOF
GROWN-UP
GAMING
This isnt just big
business and its
nowbigger than
Hollywood games
are fast becoming
our dominant
cultural medium,
creating everything
fromiPhone
mega-hits to
all-powerful design
moguls and the new
adult gaming tribes.
But can the future
really be true?
Edited by Stuart McGurk
FEBRUARY2014G
GAMING
To me, gaming is
about the moment
of being there and
deciding who you are
Ken Levine, creator of BioShock
Super-sharp shooter:
First-person games
reach a whole new
level of complexity
with releases
such as Destiny
183
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The sex pervert of
gaming, the online
bludgeoner can only
take pleasure from
humiliating others.
This is the guy forever
online playing battle
games, and often the
one who kills you
within seconds when
you attempt to do the
same. The online
bludgeoner has
dedicated his life to
knowing where all the
secret weapons are,
what the most
complicated moves
can do, and what the
best sniper position
is. But while he takes
pleasure from your
demise sending
gloating abuse
afterwards his
constant bludgeoning
success has fattened
his soul and clogged
his guilt. The result?
As soon as you get
the upper hand a
couple of kills in Call
Of Duty, say, or go
2-0 up in a game of
Fifa 14 he will simply
end the game. Player
2 disconnected. The
online bludgeoner
wants to pull the
wings of a y. The
y is not supposed
to ght back.
Appearance Rictus
grin, baggy chinos,
the button-down,
buttoned-up shirt
seen on Jake
Bugg wannabes.
Likely to say Pwned!
(See below.)
Unlikely to say
Congratulations,
the best man won.
t used to be so simple. You had a games
console the Super Nintendo, say and you
had a game. Generally, this game was a
cartridge, something in plastic, something
you blew on to get the dust off, something
you plonked in the console like an oversize
shape-sorter toy. Cherchunk, and there it was
cartoon-bright, weird characters, and off
you went to win a race, rescue a princess, or
defeat the end-of-level boss.
Now, things are a bit different. Yes, the
new console overlords Microsoft and Sony
have nally released their next generation
black-box monoliths the Xbox One and the
PlayStation 4 but the bigger story is how
much the blockbuster games already sell.
At the time of writing, Iron Man 3 was the highest-grossing lm of
2013, having made $1.2bn total worldwide. And why not? Its got
Robert Downey Jr quipping while in a red metal suit that ies and
res rockets. Yet Grand Theft Auto V the violent, pulpy game where
players must steal cars and rob banks, released in September 2013
amassed that gure in little over three days. Three. Days. As your
teenage son might mumble to you over dinner, Wevs, Hollywood.
And the indie game scene has never been more alive. Requiring
little more than a nerd and a laptop, inventive micro-budget games
can make fortunes for the lone-wolf developers who sell via the
online stores of Xbox and PlayStation. The 29-year-old Phil Fish
became a millionaire on the back of his low-budget bedroom-gaming
smash Fez, in which a 2-D character must navigate a 3-D world.
Console games are just the start. Theres no escaping it gaming,
and the money it makes, is a serious, grown-up business.
Take mobile-phone games. In the UK alone, 20 million of us have
played mobile games, with 6.2 million playing every day. Take a look
down your Tube carriage these arent kids.
Now the Xbox One promises that its motion-capture device, the
updated Kinect, will be able to detect the movements of six people
at once, including 25 individual joints, facial
expressions, even heart rates.
The scope of games has never been more
complex or ambitious. A game such as
Bioshock Innite deals with the real-life
political and racial problems, and more
closely resembles a Thomas Pynchon novel
than a rst-person shooter. Though, dont
worry, you can kill people as well.
So here, in this brave new world, is GQs
indispensable, nerd-proof guide to gaming
from the new breed of tribes to our
correspondent Danny Wallaces secret life
as a video-game actor; from the Shoreditch
start-up making millions and bagging a
gaming Bafta, to our sex columnist Rebecca
Newman attempting to make her iPad
orgasm. Readers: power up! And remember:
Press X to not die. SM
1
The new gaming tribes:
Know
your
enemy
A brief
guide to
gamer
speak
The online bludgeoner
Boxing clever: The PlayStation
4 (above) and Xbox One
(below) usher in a more
sophisticated era of gaming
Open world
A game, like Grand Theft
Auto or Red Dead
Redemption, where, while
there are certain objectives,
you can choose which
order you play the game in;
or not do the objectives at
all, and just roam around
the game universe making
your own fun (a current
popular jolly in GTA V
involves players stacking
trucks in front of an express
train in unsuccessful
attempts to derail it).
On rails
In games of this description,
while you may be able to
look in every direction and
move about mostly as you
please, you will always be
dragged through a narrow
corridor of experience the
designers had in mind.
A game like Gears Of War,
in which you battle aliens
(what else?), is on rails.
MMORPG
Or massively multiplayer
online role-playing game.
I
FEBRUARY2014G
GAMING
Theyve got the God
Hammer. They know
the mountains of
HunRagh. Theyve
learnt all the dragon
whispers. Theyve
organised an ambush
on trolls, and they
took all their magic
points. Yes, thats
right, they are nerds,
addicted to the
fantasy adventure
or multiplayer
online role-play
games like the Elder
Scrolls series or
World Of Warcraft,
upgrading their
swords and magic
points, but rarely
their social lives. But
they are aware they
are nerds, so they
are nerds in secret.
Hidden nerds. Nerds
who walk among us.
It might be that guy
you chat football
with in the staf
kitchen. It might
even be your boss.
Appearance
Smart, respectable,
possibly even
incredibly successful.
Such noted covert
role-players include
new Superman
Henry Cavill, and Mila
Kunis (yes, really),
though both have
committed the
ultimate covert
role-player sin: its
no longer a secret.
Likely to say Swap
you a level-3 high
priest for your
plasma powers?
Unlikely to say
Candide by Voltaire?
Awesome read! SM
Sure, sure, she
doesnt do games.
Or at least she didnt,
until, one day, she
downloaded a puzzle
game on her phone
Candy Crush Saga,
say, or Bejeweled
and now shes like
a sweaty meth-head,
forever thinking about
her next x, telling
herself she doesnt
play it that much as
she misses another
Tube stop, or
meeting, or funeral,
and nds herself
spending a sizeable
chunk of her salary on
in-game purchases.
Having developed the
monotonous intensity
and reex ngers of
a Vegas slot-machine
jockey, the only hope
for this girl is that
she nishes the game
and moves on. The
problem is, they keep
making updates...
Appearance
Outwardly glamorous,
but the expression
gives it away: the
eyes half-scrunched
in concentration,
the half-smile at
every ping...
Likely to say But
Ive only been playing
for ten minutes!
Unlikely to say Why
dont we turn our
phones of tonight?
We all know this
person. Youre
at a house party,
everyone is drinking
and having fun,
when suddenly,
with mounting
horror, you realise
one of the hosts is
brandishing a Wii
motion controller,
and is suggestively
saying, Shall we?,
utterly unaware this
is now the social
equivalent of casually
proposing a mass
orgy ne if everyone
knows what theyre
getting themselves
into beforehand, but
just plain rude to
spring on a semi-cut
naive party-goer. This
person has convinced
themselves that this
is now an acceptable
activity for adults
at a party. It is not.
It never will be.
The only thing less
appropriate is naked
Pictionary, or asking
for ket if youre
a bank chief.
Appearance
Prim, fresh-faced,
scrubbed, eager:
like a Christian
missionary, trying
to teach new ways
to the savages.
Likely to say Look,
in this one you have
to catch butteries,
isnt that cute?
Unlikely to say Kick
around in the park
this Saturday?
2 3 4
For the hyper-nerd these
are often top-down games
(viewed from above), set
in a fantasy land where all,
or most, of the characters
are other people online.
Have a social life without
ever meeting anyone.
Pwned!
A mistake by a games
designer while mapping
World Of Warcraft has stuck.
Rather than saying a player
has been owned the glitch
misspelled the command
as pwned.
Side-scrolling
Remember when Mario
was jumping around on
platforms and turtles,
from left to right, and you
only saw the side of him?
That was side-scrolling.
Old school. Which is in fact
now, retrospectively,
new-school again.
FPS
Meaning rst-person shooter
the majority of console
games, in which you see
through your characters eyes
and, yes, shoot things.
Also to blame, according
to hysterical media outlets,
for many of the school
shootings in the US.
The not-so-casual
casual gaming addict
(in denial)
The guitar antihero The covert role-player
185
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IM INTERESTED in moral
choice in games. But not
choosing A or B. Our ability to
simulate moral systems is fairly
rudimentary I always nd it
unsatisfying. Making a moral
choice currently affects
one of the factors that are
predetermined by a designer.
One part of BioShock that I
wish I could take back was the
three endings. To me, whats
interesting about those moments
(as with Bioshock Innite, set
in 1912, where the character
is told to throw a baseball at
an interracial couple and can
choose not to) is the moment of
being there and deciding what
youre going to do. Who are
you? What I personally want to
do and Im still guring it out
is create narrative that can be
replayable, without adding path
A, B, or C. Look at a football
game. Its a set of rules with an
innite variety of drama. Thats
natural drama and that replays.
I think if you break that
content into small enough bits
that they can combine and
recombine like Lego, and then
you have the rule set which can
adapt to the players actions and
combines these Lego bricks, as it
were, in real time, then the
designer wont necessarily be
able to predict the outcomes.
For instance, [the game]
Civilization is the history of
mankind and civilisation you
need a rough rule set. You
choose a civilisation India or
whatever. You play the game,
and dramatic moments happen,
all of a sudden France or
whoever appears and history
gets rewritten, it doesnt actually
follow the real arc of history.
One of the great joys of being a
game developer is when you see
things that you never planned
happen. You are struggling over
the resources and you make an
alliance with the Mongols, and
they make an alliance with the
Dutch. I call this metadrama,
this sense of dramatic arc, but
theres no dialogue. Sport is
metadrama. So, how do you
paint that metadrama into
actual drama with real character,
dialogue and consequences?
Im working on it...
4
Fifa 14 for Xbox One/PS4
OK, yes, this is already out for older
consoles. But the new version looks set
to be a leap forward for the football game
stalwart. The opponents are four times smarter,
and the animation has ten times the depth
every single limb, including arms a player might
use to balance himself should all make this
the most realistic Fifa game yet. SM
2
Below
A nod in the direction of smaller-budget
inventive indie games from Microsoft,
Below is a simple yet beautiful top-down
adventure game for the new Xbox One in which
the computer itself generates the environments,
and most balls-out for a modern game death
is permanent death. Meaning one life, then
game over. Caution is advised.
3
Tom Clancys The Division
Another next-gen game making the
most of extra processing power by
populating the game world with other real
players, The Division sees you as part of a
special team trying to save a post-apocalyptic
New York City. The emphasis here is on
co-operation with your (real-life) colleagues,
and discovery around a wrecked New York
you start with only three days provisions.
1
Destiny
From the creators of the phenomenally
successful Halo comes the most
anticipated game for the new consoles
Destiny promises to use the extra processing
power of the Xbox One and PS4 to create a
live environment, meaning other people on
your side controlled by other players online,
and events taking place that were unexpected
by the makers. Still not convinced? Sir Paul
McCartney did the music.
The big
four
games
of 2014
Future gamer:
Let the
machine
decide
by BioShock creator
Ken Levine
2 1 1 3
FEBRUARY2014G
GAMING
IM STANDING in the back
room of a posh hotel at the
Bafta Games Awards when
a tall man in a tuxedo with a
rich voice sidles up to me and
says, Im Adrian Hough
then he smiles, for the big
reveal: Haytham Kenway?
Its Haytham Kenway! The
rst Grand Master of the
Templar Orders Colonial Rite!
Haytham Kenway! Who
once unknowingly sired a son
called Ratonhnhak:ton with
a woman called Kanieht:io!
Haytham Kenway! Who is
a completely ctional man!
Pleased to meet you, I say,
because this actors a rock star.
Some think hes even better
than Nolan North the
chiselled leading man of
the video-games world.
The industry has grown
since the days of plinky-plonk
music and faceless coloured
blocks. There are bigger
stories. Broader canvases.
Actors like Adrian Hough and
Nolan North: games stars.
I was in rehearsals for a
little play in Canada when my
agent rang me, Adrian tells
me, delighted. And said, You
got the Assassins Creed job!.
Im in Assassins Creed too.
A voice-acting gig offered to
me when a man approached
me at a party just like this one
and said, Theres a role youre
perfect for! A role that could
have been written for you!
It turned out the role was
intense, nerdy, sarcastic,
lonely man Shaun Hastings,
a role Ive been playing for
some years now, though critics
would say Ive been rehearsing
it since birth.
Nolan North does not
get roles like that. He gets
people who re guns and say
heroic things.
Once a year, I go to a studio
to record my non-heroic lines
and ad-lib jokes for a character
who looks and sounds like me.
Who are the Scorseses and Spielbergs of the
video-game realm? Let GQ be your guide to
the directors of the gaming age
My (other) life
as a video-game
character
By Danny Wallace
Sometimes I record with just
a director. Sometimes theres a
whole team. Sometimes I have
to wear a ridiculous helmet and
let strangers draw on my face.
Shaun has his haters, but
also his fans: two teenage girls
in Germany regularly wear
fake stubble and glasses and
then kiss a bit. There is a
wealth of homoerotic ction
in which Shaun gets off with
various men from history.
There is one terrically artistic
rendering of his testicles.
No one draws pictures of
Nolan Norths testicles.
But like Robert De Niro, I also
sneak a small independent
production in between
blockbusters. This is the only
similarity I have with De Niro.
But the same night I meet
Adrian, Im up for a Bafta for
narrating Thomas Was Alone
(above). It was my job to bring
personality to a series of
faceless coloured blocks so
I guess things havent changed
that much in games after all.
I end up winning.
Nolan North tweets that hes
quite annoyed.
The digital auteurs
Will Wright
SimCity, Spore,
The Sims
The Terrence Malick
genius recluse
A 2006 New Yorker
prole described the
speccy Wright as the
God of games. It was
praise, but was also
meant literally Wright
has created a sector of
gaming that places the
player as all-powerful
omnipotent creator,
controlling a world and
managing the fallout
from every decision,
from controlling a city
(SimCity) to an ant
colony (SimAnt), to the
minutiae of human
interaction (The Sims),
to the entire process
of evolution (Spore),
reinventing the notion
of what a game could
be you dont win
Wrights games. He is
said to be hard at work
at his new start-up,
Syntertainment,
on a secret project
that is dedicated to
changing the world
through uniquely
fun and lasting
user experiences.
In other words,
we have no idea. SM
Dan Houser
Grand Theft Auto
The Joss Whedon
blockbuster
boy wonder
As a child, the
39-year-old Houser
was asked what he
wanted to be when
he grew up. The
answer came instantly:
A bank robber.
The brains behind
the showboatingly
violent Grand Theft
Auto series, he grew
up in England, but
now lives in New
York, presiding over
his Rockstar Games
empire, and writing
the script for each
game. Described
by the Wall Street
Journal as a workaholic
with the temperament
and budget betting
a Hollywood mogul
and often seen
sporting the hip-hop
garb of the trouser
that never sees a
waistline, Houser is
said to have amassed
a personal fortune
of more than 50m,
and recently bought
himself an eleven-
bedroom townhouse
in Brooklyn.
Shigeru
Miyamoto
Mario, Zelda
The Brad Bird
Pixar-for-all-ages
The meek, genial
grandfather of family
gaming, 60-year-old
Shigeru Miyamoto
joined Nintendo when
it was still a novelty
games and playing
cards company, and
went on to create
some of the franchises
the brand was built on,
from the Super Mario
Bros series to the Zelda
role-playing games,
later reinventing
gaming as an all-family
pursuit with the
Nintendo Wii. A last
bastion of bright, bold
colours, Miyamoto
eschewed the era
of bullet-dint realism
that more powerful
consoles ushered in for
games of invention and
imagination. The man
himself, however, is
said to rarely play
games in his spare
time, preferring to play
the mandolin or banjo.
When he really wants
to let loose, he
rearranges his
furniture. Again.
4
Block party: The Bafta-winning
indie hit Thomas Was Alone
187
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LATE SUNDAY in a north-
London boozer near the
Arsenal stadium and the place
is alive. Fans are packed in
tight, eyes glued to projector
screens, but this isnt a game
of football. As Nivy has slain
Tinycatsh! receives whoops
that ripple around the bar,
its clear instead that tonights
capacity crowd is transxed
by ten video-gamers battling
on fantasy role-playing game
Field Of Justice, and this is
Meltdown, Londons rst
eSports bar.
The eSports phenomenon
is nothing new, but its
exploded in recent years and
with it have come several
entrepreneurs cashing in.
Fnatic, organisers of this
event, are ostensibly a team
(above right) and Elroy Pinto,
their beanie-sporting general
manager, jokingly refers
to them as the Manchester
United of eSports.
Incorporated in Australia
and headquartered in
Londons Old Street, theyve
grown in the last decade
to comprise around
30 professional gamers and
as many back-ofce staf.
Players are like
employees, with top gamers
receiving a hefty fee, while
promising new signings are
ofered expenses to fund their
training until they join the
big league.
Theyre scattered across the
globe, convening for training
sessions in Cologne where
they practise for tournaments
eight hours a day, alternating
gaming sessions with
playback, analysis and visits
to the gym. Theyre left
largely to their own devices,
as Pinto eschews the
MY FINGER spreading,
drumming, stroking... I made
my lover come. Six times. She
told me she wants more; it felt
glorious... All well and good
except, ysee, my lover is just
under ten inches tall though
extremely svelte... Ah heck,
yes, shes an iPad.
Why in Gods name would
you wish to make your tablet
climax, you may ask. Well get
to that later. But rst, how.
Luxuria Superbia (below),
a gaming app from developer
Tale Of Tales, which specialises
in experience and art
games (an earlier game, The
Endless Forest, simply saw
the player walk through an
atmospheric forest), calls itself
a journey from the sensuous
to the spiritual... designs
explode from your gestures.
The game opens with a
series of euphemisms: You
are entering a ower... it enjoys
colour. You travel through
tunnels (deep owers) with
an ascending number of walls
(petals). The more skilfully
you swipe, rub and tap the
screen, the more strongly you
arouse the ower, the more
richly coloured it becomes and
the more hearts, bluebirds,
stars and so on burst from it.
Eventually your owers form
a blossoming garden. Go too
hard and fast and the games
over; take your time, and with
nesse you reach one of
several intensities of climax.
Screen wipe: GQs
sex columnist has
her rst iGasm
By Rebecca Newman
In some ways Luxuria
Superbia is a basic shoot em
up game, in which the enemy
targets are buds. But such a
description would sell it short.
The interaction it demands
is sensual, it is a physical
relation of a sort. It requires
effort and imagination, and as
such will surely do no harm to
your actual love-making skills.
Moreover, its beautiful. The
owers owe something to
Georgia OKeeffes vulva-like
blossoms. The tunnels ow in
swoops, arcs, and astrolabes,
exploding into stars as things
heat up. The reworks of
pleasure you receive at climax
are strangely satisfying.
But its not for everyone. You
need to be enticed by the idea
of a playmate whose arousal
is demonstrated by a running
total, and whose exhortations
include Stick to my Stigma,
or Soften my Stem.
On the one hand, against
the other vaunted how to
masturbate a woman app
Happy Playtime, to be
launched this autumn (in
which a blushing doll-like
gure announces she is
hot and bothered), Luxuria
Superbia is a work of art.
On the other, there is only so
much excitement in having an
iPad demand a kiss. If youve
an evening free, tickling a
touchscreen seems a waste
of skilled nger-work.
2.49 from the App Store.
Also available on Mac, PC
and Android phones.
Bored of
high-octane
shoot-outs and
thrilling car
chases? No?
Well, seemingly
some are, as a
new breed of
game lets you
experience the
questionable
thrills of
working in
passport
control, a call
centre, or
servicing
toilets. Woo!
GQ selects
the best
(ie, the worst)
Real-life
games
Want to make
$200,000
killing blue
monsters?
Heres how
By Tim Chester
Papers,
Please
(PC/Mac)
You play an
immigration
inspector for the
ctional Soviet-
style nation of
Arstotzka during
Cold War-era 1982.
The game starts
of simple enough
only Arstotzkan
passports need
checking in. But
as time goes on,
all documents
need checking to
prevent smugglers,
spies and terrorists
from getting in.
Bureaucratastic!
188
FEBRUARY2014G
GAMING
BACK IN 2010, three former colleagues, all
game-design veterans - Roberta Lucca, 35,
Imre Jele, 38, and Henrique Oliers, 40
decided they hated every game on Facebook.
Copycats, they thought. Boring. And nearly
all like the hit FarmVille asked you to get
on with your friends. So they created a game
where the aim was to destroy them.
Monstermind was the rst antisocial social
game on Facebook! says Lucca, proudly. A
strategy game (below) that lets you unleash
B-movie monsters on your friends cities, it
was an instant hit, made their start-up (set
off the Silicon Roundabout in Old Street,
London, which is fast becoming an indie-
game mecca) the toast of the social-gaming
world, saw Elizabeth Murdoch partially
acquire their company, Bossa, for an
undisclosed sum, and won a gaming Bafta.
Their bright-orange ofce screams trendy
tech company. It contains a testing
environment with games consoles for
monthly 48-hour game jams when the
team brainstorms for two days solid.
One result of this enforced creativity was
Surgeon Simulator, Bossas viral hit from
last April. The concept is simple you must
perform a medical procedure, but your
hands are shaky. The result was internet
catnip. The game went viral and nearly a
million videos of players attempts have
been uploaded on YouTube. This is what
sets Bossa apart their sense of humour.
Their latest, Time To Live, is a spoof Hunger
Games-style blood sport competition, in
which you start in an arena with two
minutes of time, and are forced to steal
the rest from other contestants to stay alive.
Its a comedy about other games who take
themselves too seriously, says Jele.
He adds: Games now have the power
to create real emotional connections.
Companies like us, who are willing to do
something different and strange, instead
of this over-digested super-blockbuster
engineered thing: thats the future.
The game
satirists
By Louise Donovan
Cart Life
(PC/Mac)
Richard Hofmeiers
simulator sees you
play one of four
self-employed street
vendors. Money is
tight, and you need
to budget enough
for food and rent,
otherwise youll face
eviction. Each of the
four characters has
a diferent problem
from smoking
habits to dealing
with divorce
meaning you get
to experience
poverty and
heartbreak.
Virtually. LD
coaching strategy favoured
by Asian teams, insisting that
players know their game best
and no coach can come close.
Fnatic runs teams on
a variety of games, from
rst-person shooters such
as Counter-Strike to online
battles such as Dota 2 and
their prize haul to date, which
is split between management
and gamers, comfortably
numbers six gures.
They face stif competition,
however, not least from
another wildly successful UK
gaming company of around
60 players called Team
Dignitas, which has an HQ in
Bolton but training houses
in LA and Florida.
Founded by ex-gamer
Michael ODell in 2003,
Team Dignitas (no relation
to the Swiss assisted-dying
organisation) has grown fast.
Landing their rst sponsorship
deal of around 11,000 in
2006, theyre poised to rake
in a million pounds this year
as big businesses clamour
to grab a piece of the action.
Intel has recently joined
a variety of graphics
companies and digital
hardware manufactures
who enlist the gamers for
endorsements, consultancy
and product development.
ODell is building a new
training centre in his garage
in Bolton, where players will
practise and review their games
on a 60-inch TV in the weeks
leading up to a tournament and
he can, in his words, beat them
with a big stick.
It pays of. Our American
League Of Legends players
receive a basic salary of
$50,000 [30,000], ODell
says. Our star LoL player,
Scarra [AKA William Li] will
probably earn $200,000
[124,00] this year.
As eSports looks set to
explode in 2014, the focus
is increasingly shifting online.
Twitch.tv, a live streaming
platform dedicated to gaming,
is already pulling in 35 million
unique users a month two
years after launch. The
average viewer watches
for 90 minutes daily.
It adds up to an immense
number of eyeballs ripe for
monetisation. Imaqtpie
[Michael Santana] earned
about $8,000 in streaming
money in a recent month,
ODell reveals, adding Santana
will keep all of it. Gaming fans
dont watch TV, they watch
streams, ODell insists.
Everyone around them,
meanwhile, watches the
cash roll in.
I Get
This Call
Everyday
(PC/Mac)
What makes this
game so especially
soul-crushing is that
its based on creator
David S Gallants
real-life day job at
a call centre. The
player receives a
call from a customer
looking to change
the address on their
account. Do you
bend the rules and
help him? Or enrage
him by sticking to
condentiality?
Two ways, in other
words, to lose.
Chemical
Spillage
Simulation
(PC/Mac)
The latest rst-
person simulator
from German
boredom specialists
Excalibur, who
previously brought
us Farming
Simulator, Euro
Truck Simulator
2, Street Cleaning
Simulator yes,
the list really does
go on. This time
youve been enlisted
as a rookie member
of the Special
Chemical Disaster
Prevention Unit.
Antisocial media: City-stomp sim Monstermind
The E-team: Fnatic are
the Manchester United
of competitive gaming
189
Dress by Joanna Mastroianni,
2,976. joannamastroianni.com.
Shoes by Christian Louboutin,
462. christianlouboutin.com.
Vintage bracelet by CMadeleines.
cmadeleines.com. Handbag
by Lea Black, 435.
theworldoeablack.com
FEBRUARY2014G
FASHION
M A R K E T
M O V E R
Australian actress Margot Robbies
stock is rising after swapping television
stardomfor Hollywood and Martin
Scorseses The Wolf Of Wall Street
Story by John Naughton Photographs by Greg Lotus Styling by Danny Santiago
191
GFEBRUARY2014
Dress by Joanna Mastroianni, 3,224. joannamastroianni.com. Earrings, Margots own
192
FASHION
Dress by Alberta Ferretti, 1,765. albertaferretti.com. Vintage necklace by CMadeleines. cmadeleines.com
I slapped Leonardos face. There was a stunned
silence and then he said, Hit me again
Dress by Joanna
Mastroianni, 3,472.
joannamastroianni.
com. Vintage earrings
by CMadeleines.
cmadeleines.com.
Suit, 1,624. Shirt, 237.
Tie, 113. All by Dolce
& Gabbana. dolce
gabbana.com
Make-up Jun
Funahashi using
Chanel Rouge
Allure lipstick
Hair Rodney Groves
using Oribe Hair Care
Nails Mar Y Soul using
Chanel Le Vernis
Prop styling
Chad Tucker for
Lotus Photography
Model Sahib at Soul
Artist Management
Location Metropolitan
Building, Queens,
NewYork City.
metropolitan
building.com
Like many Australians, Margot Robbie (Maggot to
her friends) has a well-developed competitive spirit.
The 23-year-old actress, co-starring opposite Leonardo
DiCaprio in Martin Scorseses The Wolf Of Wall Street
a white-collar Goodfellas has already acquired an
impressive CV, ranging from Neighbours to Richard
Curtis latest, About Time, but she becomes most
animated when talking of her role as captain of the
Pan Am softball team.
We beat every other TV show every weekend, she
laughs, recalling happy times on the period US TV drama
before it was permanently grounded in 2012. I would
get us all into a huddle and give a big motivational
speech. I painted everybodys faces before the game. I
get very into my sports.
The same never-say-die spirit might have been instru-
mental in her being cast in the adaptation of Jordan
Belforts memoir of stock swindling. Halfway through her
audition, things were going badly. DiCaprio had unex-
pectedly started improvising and shed been thrown,
unable to respond. Now the scene demanded she have
a blazing row with him and storm out. Bottom of the
ninth, she came up with some improvisation of her own.
I got a little lost in the moment, she laughs. I slapped
his face and said, F*** you! There was a stunned silence,
then they all burst out laughing. Id thought they were
going to sue me. I apologised profusely but Leo said,
That was brilliant. Hit me in the face again!
Robbie has the talent to support her competitive streak,
while her natural looks recall former Scorsese blondes
think Cybill Shepherd circa Taxi Driver and ensure
shes erroneously linked with her co-stars, most recently
Will Smith. Shes self-deprecating about those looks,
insisting make-up and wardrobe did an amazing job,
and is happier to discuss the unexplained bruise on her
arm she acquired at the New Orleans bash for her latest
movie, Focus. Sign of a good party, she smiles.
Her svelte, if temporarily impaired, gure owes little
to conventional Hollywood regimes.
I dont have a very good diet, she confesses. I love
beer, fries, burgers, but if I have to get in a bikini then
I eat carrot sticks for three days. Im one extreme or the
other. Im not good at doing moderation.
Like many Australians, shes keen to avoid tall poppy
accusations. She speaks fondly of her time in a Melbourne
branch of Subway and even more warmly of her stint
on Ramsay Street. Whatever direction her career takes
post-Wolf, shes unlikely to forget her roots.
On a feature lm youre very aware that theres a lot
of money invested in you and its daunting, she reasons,
but on a soap theres so much pressure to be technically
perfect. Its far more difcult working on a soap.
The Wolf Of Wall Street is out on 17 January.
FEBRUARY2014G
FASHION
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STYLE BEYOND STYLE BEYOND
196
FASHION
In the Long Room at Lords, London Collections: Men showcases
the unrivalled heritage of British tailoring and Savile Rows
contemporary cuts all in luxurious Cool Wool fabrics
Photographs by Robert Fairer Styling by Jo Levin
FEBRUARY2014G
Fromleft: Tailoring by Huntsman.
h-huntsman.com. Ede &
Ravenscroft. edeandravenscroft.
co.uk. Edward Sexton. edward
sexton.co.uk. Holland And Holland.
hollandandholland.co.uk. Anderson
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co.uk. Richard James. richard
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Anderson. richardandersonltd.com.
Welsh And Jeferies. welshand
jeferies.com. Anderson &
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gievesandhawkes.com.
Chester Barrie. chesterbarrie.co.uk.
Richard James. Shoes by Edward
Green. edwardgreen.com.
Accessories by Anderson &
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buddshirts.co.uk. Emma Willis.
emmawillis.com. Cutler And Gross.
cutlerandgross.com. Leica.
leica-camera.com
THE BOUNDARY THE BOUNDARY
197
GFEBRUARY2014
Fromleft: Whites by
Anderson & Sheppard.
anderson-sheppard.
co.uk. Chittleborough
& Morgan. chittle
boroughandmorgan.
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& Sheppard.
Anderson & Sheppard.
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Timothy Everest.
timothyeverest.co.uk.
Anderson & Sheppard.
Anderson & Sheppard.
Anderson & Sheppard.
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Maurice Sedwell.
savilerowtailor.com.
Lutwyche. lutwyche.
co.uk. Anderson
& Sheppard.
Kathryn Sargent.
kathrynsargent.com.
Knitwear by Johnstons
Of Elgin. johnstons
cashmere.com.
Marianne Foal. At
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Shoes by Grenson.
grenson.co.uk
198
FASHION
FEBRUARY2014G199
Fromleft: Suit by Hardy Amies. hardyamies.com. Shirt. Tie. Both by Anderson & Sheppard.
anderson-sheppard.co.uk. Shoes by Edward Green. edwardgreen.com. Suit by Hardy Amies.
Shirt by Budd Shirtmakers. buddshirts.co.uk.Shoes by Edward Green. Suit by Chester Barrie.
chesterbarrie.co.uk. Shirt by Budd Shirtmakers. Tie by Emma Willis. emmawillis.com. Shoes by
Edward Green. Pocket square by Budd Shirtmakers. Suit by Richard James. richardjames.co.uk.
Shirt. Tie. Both by Budd Shirtmakers. Shoes by Gaziano & Girling. gazianogirling.com
FASHION
FEBRUARY2014G
Fromleft: Suit. Shirt.
Both by Huntsman.
h-huntsman.com.
Tie by Emma Willis.
emmawillis.com.
Shoes by Edward
Green. edwardgreen.
com. Pocket square
by Budd Shirtmakers.
buddshirts.co.uk. Suit.
Shirt. Both by Kilgour.
kilgour.eu. Shoes
by Edward Green.
Socks by Falke. falke.
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by Anderson
& Sheppard.
anderson-sheppard.
co.uk
201
Fromleft: Tailoring by Chester Barrie.
chesterbarrie.co.uk. Richard James.
richardjames.co.uk. Ede & Ravenscroft.
edeandravenscroft.co.uk. Lutwyche.
lutwyche.co.uk. Gieves & Hawkes.
gievesandhawkes.com. Anderson &
Sheppard. anderson-sheppard.co.uk.
Chittleborough & Morgan. chittle
boroughandmorgan.co.uk. Dege & Skinner.
dege-skinner.co.uk. Maurice Sedwell.
savilerowtailor.com. Hardy Amies.
hardyamies.com. Huntsman.
h-huntsman.com. Timothy Everest.
timothyeverest.co.uk. Davies & Son.
daviesandsonsavilerow.com. Hardy Amies.
Henry Poole & Co. henrypoole.com.
Richard James. All shoes by Edward Green.
edwardgreen.com
FASHION
FEBRUARY2014G203
Fromleft: Tailoring by Richard Anderson. richardandersonltd.com. Edward Sexton. edwardsexton.co.uk. Davies & Son.
daviesandsonsavilerow.com. Richard Anderson. Anderson & Sheppard. anderson-sheppard.co.uk. Anderson & Sheppard.
Anderson & Sheppard. Richard James. richardjames.co.uk. Huntsman. h-huntsman.com. Anderson & Sheppard. Kilgour.
kilgour.eu. Kilgour. Anderson & Sheppard. Edward Sexton. Richard James. Shirts and accessories by Anderson & Sheppard.
Budd Shirtmakers. buddshirts.co.uk. Emma Willis. emmawillis.com. Shoes by Manolo Blahnik. manoloblahnik.com.
Foster & Son. foster.co.uk. GJ Cleverley. gjcleverley.co.uk
Production Anda Rowland and
Sammy Aki Casting AdamHindle
Fashion coordinator Sammy Aki
Hair Tyler Johnston at One
Represents Grooming Celia
Burton at CLMHair & Make Up
FASHION
FEBRUARY2014G205
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Posted at 2.30pm
FEBRUARY2014G
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MANAGEMENT OF BODY SOUL
Do more. Be better. Live longer. Get ahead
This year, think
about food
differently. Weve
created a plan to
make you fitter,
healthier, stronger
and happier. Start
the GQ diet today
Edited by Paul Henderson
207
GFEBRUARY2014
The word diet has so many connotations and often comes
with a multitude of confusing messages. However, the GQ Diet
is something very different: a uniquely considered eating plan
that will provide a healthier, stronger and tter body and mind.
The GQDiet: a seven-step
food guide to a better you
LIFESTYLE
Eve Kalinik
Nutritional therapist
Gary Lee
Executive chef at the Ivy
Stephen Price
Personal trainer
Created
by our
panel of
experts
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Rule No1: Increase intake
of vegetables to at least
six servings per day
As our food becomes more convenience-
based and we move away from fresh
wholefoods, our diets have become
decient in many essential vitamins and
minerals. Vegetables are a crucial part of
our diet and support cellular health to
help maintain a strong body and mind.
Not only this, but vegetables are a source
of antioxidants, which boost immunity
and protect against oxidative stressors.
Add to this their gut-friendly benets
(such as providing bre), as well as
promoting the growth of healthy bacteria,
and we should all be eating more of them.
What to do: Eat more greens.
The nutritional powerhouse food,
greens include kale, broccoli, chard,
rocket, spinach and lettuce. Providing
a wealth of vitamins, minerals and
phytonutrients, they also contain high
levels of chlorophyll. A greens juice
(see recipe) is a perfect pick-me-up
and contains around 4-6 servings of
vegetables per glass. Vegetables are
also very alkalising for the body, which
Rule No2: Eliminate
all white sugar
Sugar, as in the white stuff, has
no nutritional benet at all. In fact
it can cause a host of inammatory
reactions in the body ranging from
skin conditions through to digestive
Rule No3: Include plenty
of healthy omega-3s
Fats have had a bad rap in recent
years with low-fat diets being one of
them. Lets make it clear: fats that are
found in healthy oils (in moderation)
do not lead to increased fat on the body.
In fact, they can help to burn fat. The
fats to avoid include all those processed
and trans fatty acids. Not only do
these increase fat deposition on the
body, but research has linked them to
a whole range of conditions such as
heart disease, diabetes and increased
cancer risk. So which foods are off
the menu? Junk foods such as fries
and poor-quality meats.
What to do: Choose the good fats.
Essential fatty acids are not
manufactured by the body so we
need to include them in the diet.
They are important since our cell
membranes are made up of fats
and its important to keep these
membranes supple to optimise cell
functioning. This is important for
energy, memory and mood, among
many other crucial processes. These
good fats can be found in nuts and
seeds; oily sh such as mackerel,
salmon, sardines, pilchards; eggs and
cold-pressed oils such as olive, sesame,
walnut. Just make sure to not heat
these oils and use them cold over food
once cooked as heat destroys their
benecial properties. Instead, cook
with oils such as coconut or ghee.
Organic butter is also ne to use, but
only in small amounts. (These fats
are more stable at high temperatures,
so do not cause the same chemical
reaction when heated.)
INGREDIENTS
1/2large
cucumber (peeled
if not organic)
1/4wholehead
of broccoli
(includingstems)
1 apple or pear
(optional)
1 tbspof chiaseeds
Juiceof 1/2lime
Plenishgreenpotent potionjuice
METHOD
Washthe fruit and
vegandcorethe
apple (or pear).
Runall througha
slowjuicer (push
liquidthrough
twice toremove
thebre).
Mix inthechia
seeds (for an
omega-3kick)
andthelime.
is important since the modern western
diet is so acidic. This is a result of an
overconsumption of pre-packaged
foods, animal products and sugary treats.
issues, as well as being linked to
diabetes and insulin resistance. It
is also usually the reason why many
people are packing on too much
weight. Unfortunately, we seem
to be surrounded by the stuff
and its often hidden in sauces or
dressings (always check the labels).
What to do: Keep your sugars natural.
Some natural alternatives to sweetener
include fresh dates, grated apple,
a little manuka or raw honey if
needed, and some high-grade quality
(and organic) maple syrup (very
occasionally). The benet of these
sweeteners are that they do contain
benecial vitamins and minerals
as opposed to the processed
white version.
208
FEBRUARY2014G
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Six body-
boosting
tness tips. By
Stephen Price
Foam rolling/
self massage
Introduce either for
improved muscle
fascia, which
allows the body
to move more
freely for day-
to-day activities.
triggerpoint
uk.com
Stability/mobility
Work your
abdominal and
lower-back
muscles with a mat
Pilates routine, or
purchase a Swiss
ball to get started
immediately.
physical
company.co.uk
Power
Build functional
capabilities of your
joints through high-
paced compound
exercises for short
periods of time to
raise fat-burning
potential. perform
better.co.uk
Strength
To build lean
muscle mass, pick
a resistance that
fatigues you by
the end of a set
once completed
comfortably,
increase weight
and start again.
powerblock.com
Metabolic
after burn
To achieve optimal
after burn, throw
in a high-intensity
interval training
(HIIT) or a body-
weight circuit
at the end of
your session.
gymboss.com
Breathing
Shallow breathing
may lead to tension
and fatigue, so
breathe with your
diaphragm to
decrease stress
and improve
energy levels.
getsomehead
space.com
Against the grain
1 in every 100 people
in the UK sufers from
coeliac disease and
would benet from
a gluten-free diet.
Green party
One cup of green
tea a day can
help protect the
brain against
Alzheimers disease.
Rule No4: Reduce
consumption of dairy,
wheat and gluten
Another problem for a lot of people can
be undiagnosed food intolerances, which
can often be linked to digestive and
inammatory conditions. The two big
ones to watch out for are dairy (mostly
cows milk products) and gluten.
Thankfully, there are lots of alternatives
on the market and if you do suspect that
you may have an intolerance to either or
both, then try eliminating for at least one
month and reintroduce slowly. You will
soon notice if you have a reaction.
What to do: Try plant-based alternatives.
Goats (and sometimes sheeps) milk
products are often better tolerated than
cows, but the best option is to remove
all dairy and replace with plant-based
alternatives. Home-made nut milks or
creams (such as almond or cashew)
are easy to make, or you can buy
plant-based milks such as oat, hemp
and almond at health food stores. Just
dont be tempted to go for junk soy
products such as milks, yogurts and
desserts, as these can often be just as
inammatory. Gluten-free options are
also readily available. Quinoa, a seed,
is one of the most popular ingredients
in gluten-free cuisine and is a great
substitute. This can be mixed into
salads or as a side dish. Other options
include brown rice, buckwheat and
gluten-free oats.
Rule No5: Increase
plant proteins
Often we think of protein as meat or sh,
but plant-based proteins are an excellent
source too. These include legumes and
pulses such as chickpeas, lentils and
butter beans, as well as nuts and seeds.
These plant counterparts contain
benecial vitamins and minerals such as
folic acid, B vitamins and zinc the latter
being of particular importance for male
reproductive health. They are also slower
releasing in energy, helping to keep blood
sugar levels balanced for longer.
What to do: Try quinoa.
This is a great plant-based choice as it
contains all nine essential amino acids
which are the building blocks of protein.
Plant protein powders can also be an
easy addition to smoothies look out
for hemp, rice and pea versions. (And
while we are encouraging a low intake
of animal products as part of the diet, it
is important to make sensible choices
when buying your meats and sh. Try to
ensure that these come from a good
source, so always go for organic,
free-range, grass-fed produce.)
Rule No6: Dont skip meals
One of the key pointers for a more
consistent metabolic rate is to keep
blood-sugar levels even, which means
regular eating and not skipping meals.
The reason for this is that when blood
sugar levels drop too low, the body
reverts into a state of hypoglycemia
and is more predisposed to weight gain.
This afects hormones such as adrenaline
and produces symptoms of shakiness,
headaches and lethargy. Conversely
having spikes in the blood-sugar levels
is just as damaging. Combine both
Rule No7: Follow
the 80/20 rule
Since this eating guide is for life and not
for the short term, its important to keep
in mind that the suggestions here are
meant to be for 80 per cent of the time.
That other 20 per cent you should enjoy
what you want (within reason). You
will nd, though, that since you are not
following a restrictive diet but rather
giving your body the nutrients it needs,
you wont want to reach for junk food
and youll be craving that green juice.
What to do: Try GQs Michelin-starred
quality healthy recipes.
The recipes included take a maximum
of 30 minutes to make, but some other
time-saving tips include making double
at dinner to take in for lunch the next
day, making breakfast the night before
and stocking up on handy snack
alternatives at work. Also, wherever
possible, opt for organic over non-
organic, particularly with vegetables
that are not peeled or porous. Not
only are you reducing your intake of
pesticides, but organic vegetables
contain more phytonutrients than
their non-organic counterparts.
INGREDIENTS
1 cupof soaked
cashews
1 vanilla-bean
podor 1 tspof
vanilla powder
4cups of
lteredwater
1 medjool date
tosweeten
Pinch of
Himalayansalt
Cashew-nut milkrecipe
(makes approx750ml)
METHOD
Soak thecashews
inlteredwater
for 2hours. Rinse
throughuntil
water runs clear
anddrain.
Addall of the
ingredients toa
foodprocessor
or blender (if you
havea Vitamix
blender, useit!)
andpulseuntil
blendedintoa
creamymilk
texture.
Pour intoa
sealable glass
bottle andplace
intothefridge.
Will keepfreshfor
about three days.
carbohydrates and proteins together
at each meal for a more even release
of energy.
What to do: Cut back on cofee
and snack sensibly.
Cafeine is detrimental to this process,
so stick to your one cup of good-
quality cofee per day, preferably in
the morning. For the rest of the day,
try alternatives such as ground chicory
or Barleycup. Herbal teas such as
green tea will give you that extra kick,
and liquorice teas are also great for
those who have a sweet tooth and
feel under stress. Some quick and easy
snack choices include oatcakes and
nut butter, or crudits and hummus.
209
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GFEBRUARY2014
Poachedeggsonryeor spelt toast (Serves 1)
Breakfast option
This is your most important meal, somakeit count. This bircher muesli is easy
tomakethenight before.
Breakfast option
INGREDIENTS
30gorganic oats
30ml cup
unsweetened
plant-basedmilk
(almond, hemp,
cashewor oat)*
1 vanilla pod, seeds
scrapedfromthe pod
only (optionalyou
canuse 3drops of
organic vanilla essence
instead, if youdont
have pods)
Juice of 1/2lemon
2 tbspchia seeds*
1 tbsphempseeds*
1 small handful of
mixednuts toinclude
walnuts, macadamia
andhazelnuts
50gblueberries
1/2apple
*available at health-
foodshops andonline
METHOD
Mix oats, milk, vanilla
seeds, lemonjuice
andall the seeds
together ina bowl
andplace inthe
fridge overnight.
Essential seed, fruit andnut bircher muesli (Serves 1)
Inthemorning
removefromthe
fridgeandlet it stand
for about quarter of
anhour tocomeup
toroomtemperature.
Adda littlemoreof
themilk (youcould
alsousesheeps
yoghurt if preferred).
Topwithblueberries
andslicedapple.
1
2
To kick start your GQ Diet, Gary Lee from
the Ivy has created two recipes for each
main meal of the day. Every one is simple
to prepare, healthy and delicious.
Menu planner
INGREDIENTS
2free-range eggs
(at the Ivy, we use
BurfordBrowns from
Clarence Court which
are available inmost
bigsupermarkets)
these shouldbe kept
at roomtemperature
2 slices of spelt
bread(youcould
alsouse rye)
1 tbspof malt vinegar
Himalayansalt (or
Maldonsalt akes
if not available)
andfreshly ground
black pepper
METHOD
Ina large saucepan,
boil a litre of water.
Addvinegar tothe
water whenboiling.
Reduce the heat
slightly. Crack each
egginto2separate
teacups. Whisk the
water until a well
appears inthemiddle,
andincrease the heat
again. Gently pour
theeggintothewell
inthemiddle, moving
thewater aroundfrom
the edges tokeepthe
liquidmoving. Add
the other egg. 2
minutes for soft; 4
minutes 30seconds
for soft-ish; 8minutes
for hard.
Removeeachegg
witha slotted
spoonandplace
ontokitchen
paper todrain.
Toast the
bread, put the
eggs ontop
andseason
totaste.
210
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Grains
Quinoa; polenta;
pearl barley; farro;
oats (gluten free);
buckwheat akes;
pasta opt for spelt;
wild or basmati rice.
Pulses andbeans
Beans kidney, mung,
cannellini, butter;
lentils red and puy
(green-speckled);
chickpeas.
Saucesandoils
Tamari (gluten-free
soy sauce); oils such as
olive, sesame, walnut;
avocado to drizzle
over your food after
cooking; cooking oils
coconut, ghee, organic
butter; coconut milk;
apple cider vinegar.
Nutsandseeds
Nuts cashews,
almonds, walnuts,
pine; seeds chia,
pumpkin, sesame,
axseeds.
Spices andherbs
Dried herbs and spices
including chilli akes,
star anise, vanilla pods,
thyme, oregano and
ground coriander,
turmeric and cumin.
General
Marigold vegetable
bouillon stock; nut
butters & tahini;
sun-dried tomatoes;
Naturyas powders for
an immune-boosting
seasoning; gluten-
free bread such as
ABOs (artisanbread-
abo.com).
Lunch option
Taketimeout evenif its 20minutes tomake
sureyouhavetimetorest anddigest properly.
INGREDIENTS
2skinless free-range
chickenbreasts
1ltr chicken stock
(a good-quality stock
cube will do, but do
use all the trimmings
fromthe vegetables
andherbs including
half a stick of
lemon grass
3springonions, thinly
slicedat anangle
(save one for garnish)
1/2 small bunchof
at-leaf parsley,
chopped
1/2 small bunchof
coriander, chopped
(keepa little aside
unchoppedfor
garnish)
1/2 small bunchof
mint, nely chopped
1 large carrot,
Julienned
30gbeansprouts
20gwhite radishor
mooli, julienned
For thelimeand
chilli dressing
Juiceof 2limes
2tbspManukahoney
1 medium-sizedred
chilli, nelychopped
1 medium-sizedgreen
chilli, nelychopped
Asmall pinchof dried
chilli akes
4limeleaves, deveined
1/2astickof
lemongrass
1 garlicclove, peeled
andcrushed
2cmginger, peeled
andnelychopped
1 tspcoriander powder
150ml coconut yoghurt
2tbspshsauce
Skinlessfragrant chickensaladwithlime
andchilli dressing(Serves 2)
per cent of adults in
England are overweight,
meaning they will have
a higher risk of getting
heart disease, type
2 diabetes and
certain cancers.
61.3
METHOD
Tomake the dressing,
place chilli, lime leaves,
garlic, lemongrass and
ginger intoa pestle
andmortar andpound
until juices ow. Once
pounded, squeeze and
sieve the mixture and
retainthe liquidfor
the dressing. Discard
everythingelse. Add
honey andlimejuice
tothe liquidandstir.
Mix inthecoconut
yoghurt. (Ensure the
dressingis prepared
at roomtemperature.)
Topoachthechicken,
put stock withthe
trimmings andother
half of thelemongrass
intoa saucepan. Bring
toboil. Addchicken
breasts andsimmer
until tender (around
20minutes). Drainand
keeptooneside. Once
cool, shredintosmall
pieces andput intoa
saladbowl. Addthe
herbs, carrot, white
radishandbean
sprouts. Mix together,
addthedressing
andmix again.
Garnishwith
springonionand
coriander leaves.
1
Store-
cupboard
essentials
211
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Dinner option
Time-savingtip: makedoubleandhaveit for lunchthenext day.
INGREDIENTS
2x150gorganic
salmonllet, skinon
50ggreencurlykale
50gfreshspinach
50gtender-stem
broccoli
50gseavegetables
(availableonline)
Teriyaki sauce
(seeright)
Himalayansalt (or
Maldonsalt akes if not
available) andfreshly
groundblackpepper
Coconut oil,
for cooking
For theteriyaki
sauce
240ml vegetable
stock (a good-quality
organic stock cube
like Kallowill do,
but freshvegetable
stock is always better)
120ml Japanese
soy sauce
2 tbspManuka honey
1 tbspcornour
1 tbspwater
INGREDIENTS
50gquinoa
1 small bunchmint,
coarsely chopped
1 small bunch
coriander, coarsely
chopped
1 small bunchat-leaf
parsley, coarsely
chopped
1/2 redonion,
nely chopped
Juice of 1 lemon
1/2 preservedlemon,
zest only shredded
20gpomegranate
seeds
1 tbspwhite raisins
1 tbspsunower seeds
1 tspchia seeds
20ml sherry vinegar
Pinchof Ras-el-hanout
(Moroccanspices
widely available)
Splashof extra virgin
olive oil
Simple switches
Ground chicory
Raw brownie
Kale chips
Cofee
Chocolate bar
Crisps
Lunch option
METHOD
For theteriyaki sauce,
bringthe stock, soy
sauce andhoney tothe
boil. Lower theheat
andsimmer for 2
minutes. Mix cornour
andwater andwhisk
intothe teriyaki base.
Bringtoa boil and
simmer for 2minutes.
Remove fromheat.
Scoresalmonskinand
marinateinthesauce
for 2hours.
Heat the grill. Scrape
theexcess sauce of
the salmonandkeep
toone side. Brushthe
grill withcoconut oil.
Grill the salmonfor
3minutes. Turnand
baste withthe sauce.
Continue toturnand
baste until cooked
(8-10minutes intotal).
Steamall thegreens
separatelyanddrain.
Heat someof the
coconut oil ina frying
panandsautall the
greens till hot (around
3minutes).
Arrange greens on
2plates andplace
salmonontop. Drizzle
remainingmarinade.
Teriyaki salmonwithgreens, greens, greens(Serves 2)
Quinoatabbouleh(Serves 2)
FOR
FOR
FOR
1
2
Himalayansalt (or
Maldonsalt akes
if not available)
andfreshly ground
black pepper
METHOD
For the quinoa,
place intoa ne
steamer (if its not
ne enough, you
canline it with
greaseproof paper
or muslin) andcook
for 15minutes.
Placethequinoa
intoa largebowl
andmix withall the
dryingredients.
Squeezethelemon
juiceandoliveoil
intothebowl, mix
well andseason
totaste.
This saladcanbeeaten
withgrilledsh,
chickenor rabbit.
212
FEBRUARY2014G
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Kitchen tools Great gadgets to make your food xes stick
The amount
of time you
should leave
between main
meals to even
out your
metabolic
rate. Aim for
breakfast
between 7 and
9am, lunch
between 12.30
and 2.30pm
and dinner
before 8pm
(and defnitely
no later
than 9pm).
Have a snack
around 4pm.
Slowjuicer Choose Huroms
slow juicer as it keeps
the integrity of nutrients
(395. ukjuicers.com).
Blender Vitamixs Aspire
Platinum is the best on the
market and essential for any
kitchen (439. vitamix.co.uk).
Ceramic knives Useful as
they preserve nutrients when
slicing. Opt for a Kyocera
(29.95. kyoceraknives.co.uk).
Spice grinder Cuisinarts
model is great (50. cuisinart.
co.uk) for making your own
spice blends or pastes.
Sugar snap
According to a survey,
this year 180,000 deaths
worldwide may be
attributed to zzy drinks.
Dinner option 2
Organicgrass-fedbeef withbuckwheat
noodlesandchilli-scentedbroccoli (Serves 2)
4
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5
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INGREDIENTS
2llet steaks (around
160geach ask your
butcher for organic
beef, ensuringthat
its grass-fedand
not corn-fed)
100gbuckwheat
noodles
100gbroccoli
(about half a small
head), dividedinto
small orets
1/2 mediumredchilli,
deseededandnely
sliced(2cmlengths)
15ml dark soy sauce
2springonions,
nely sliced
3cmginger, peeled
andnely chopped
60ml coconut oil
1 tspsesame seeds
1 tspchia seeds
1/4bunchcoriander,
coarsely chopped
Freshly ground
black pepper
METHOD
Tocook the noodles,
bringa large saucepan
of water tothe boil.
Addthenoodles all
inone go. Stir tostop
the noodles sticking
together. Whenthe
water starts toboil
againandcreate
froth, adda cupof
coldwater. Once its
boiledagain, drainthe
noodles, rinsethem
under coldrunning
water anddrainagain.
Keeptoone side.
Haveanother
saucepanof water
ontheboil. Addthe
broccoli whenthe
water is boiling. Cook
for 3minutes. Drain
andrinsethrough
withcoldrunning
water. Drainagain
andkeeptooneside.
Heat half the oil
ina fryingpan. Add
beef andfry todegree
of preference 2
minutes oneachside
for mediumrare; 3-4
minutes oneachside
for medium; 5minutes
or longer oneach
side for well done
ona consistent heat.
(Youcanalways
grill the meat if you
prefer. Remove
frompanandleave
onthe side.)
Retainalittleof
thechilli andspring
onionfor garnish.
Heat theremainder
of theoil inthesame
fryingpan; addthe
broccoli, most of the
chilli andginger and
fryuntil theyhave
a touchof colour
around3minutes.
At thelast minute,
addmost of the
springonion, soy
sauceandpepper.
Slicethebeef thinly
andaddtothepan,
givingit all one
last toss.
Toserve, addthe hot
noodles toa serving
bowl, thenaddthe
broccoli andsteak.
Finishwitha little
springonionand
chilli, the chopped
coriander and
sprinkle withsesame
andchia seeds.
Tip: For the spring
onionandchilli
garnish, once sliced,
put ina bowl of iced
water they will curl
upfor extra visual
efect!
213
GFEBRUARY2014
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Sex Shrink
by Rebecca
Newman
of access through the veil to the booty, try
the gorgeous, sheer Kitty Black Ouvert by
Lascivious (64. At the Lingerie Collective.
thelingeriecollective.com).
An entertaining new technique to bring her
to orgasm by hand?
JF, by email
Fine question. No matter how many bells,
whistles, ball gags and pheasant feathers you
may sometimes throw in the mix, its always
worth returning to ngerwork. Start with her
aroused, her stockinged legs ung apart and
you with one hand cupping her face, the
other trailing down to her naked sex. She is
wet. You slide your nger between her lips
and touch just barely the top of her
clitoris with the tip of your nger. Look into
her eyes. Pin her down with the intensity of
your gaze. And, so lightly, move your nger
from side to side. But the movement is so
slight it is more of a vibration. Yes, it may
take a while. It will be worth it. So, if you a)
dont have much patience or b) wish to notch
it up still further, use the Luxuotiq Athena
Glass Dildo (74. At Sh! sh-womenstore.com),
with a lubricant (Sliquid Silver Silicone
Lubricant, 18.99. At Lovehoney. lovehoney.
co.uk), to put steady pressure on her G-spot.
She wants to put a ring on it. Oracle, I am a
man of style. Any suggestions?
WH, by email
Ahh, the cock ring. It makes your erection
that bit harder and your orgasm that bit
more intense. Add in the potential for
extra clitoral pleasure for her, and whats
not to love?
Too often, rings are associated either with
cheap, gooey pink plastic, or the S&M full
cock-and-ball Leatherman end of things.
Let me introduce you to an elegant, even
Renaissance, example the latest device
from Lelo, Oden 2 (104.95. At sextoys.
co.uk). Fifty per cent more powerful than
the rst Oden model, Oden 2 is a sleek
and elegant beast in smooth black silicone.
Imagine curling one nger in to your thumb
to make a circle and you have the rough
shape of the thing. The thumb end
vibrates. Screwed into the thumb is a tail
part that curls round the base of your shaft,
and can be pulled open for easy access. The
Oden 2 also comes with a second tail end,
which is a ring that cannot be pulled open:
this requires slightly more skill in putting on,
but has the advantage that no matter how
acrobatic your loving, it wont ping off...
Well, assuming you are doing this at least
in part for your more beautiful half, youll
naturally want positions where the Oden
snugly nestles into her. So, cowgirl, or
perhaps Asian cowgirl in which she
straddles you, taking her weight on her feet,
More stimulating counsel
fromGQs ecstasy aunt
SEXLIFE
I am a huge fan of her bottom. Please,
some elegant nothings with which to
celebrate it.
TC, by email
A man after my own heart. For a girlish look,
cast your eyes over Luciles delicate lace
knickers with a side tie (Luxury Long Side
Tie Knickers by Lucile, 65. lucileandco.com).
Belle et Bonbon's Bisoux has a more
decorative approach (78. At Coco de Mer.
coco-de-mer.com). Finally for, ahem, ease
Cheek to chic:
Reveal more with
Laviscious Kitty
Black Ouvert knickers
214
New sensation:
The Oden 2 is an
elegant variation
on the cock ring
FEBRUARY2014G
LIFE
Buzz words
In a survey by Adam &
Eve, the largest sex-toy
and adult-lm distributor
in the US, twice as many
married women use a
vibrator, compared with
singletons. And 78 per
cent of sex-toy users
are in a relationship.
Womens favourite fantasies
by Anka Radakovich
Tappingdeepinto
awomans sexual
fantasies couldturn
regular sexinto
moreinterestingsex,
andmayevenleadto
unforgettablesex. But
likesexitself, people
dont talkabout their
fantasies much. The
best-kept secret these
days is that many
women, especially
successful ones,
saytheyfantasise
about beingsexually
dominated. Successful,
accomplishedwomen
beingcontrolledinbed
bymenis thenew
sexual taboo. Its like
anal sexwas inthe
Nineties; something
peoplewantedtotry,
but didnt exactly
discuss at cocktail
parties. (Hi Sue;
sohows theanal
going? Great, Bob!
Myhusbandis really
learninghowto
get it inthere.)
Women's number-one
fantasy: Havingsex
withanalphamale
Thereasontheerotic
ctiontrilogyFifty
Shades of Greysold
morethan700million
copies worldwideis
becausetheromantic
leadof thestoryis
young, handsome,
powerful and
super-rich. And, like
eroticctions shyer
cousin, theromance
novel, thestoryoften
has thesameformula:
theyounginnocent girl
meets afabulous alpha
maleout of her league,
whocouldhaveanyone
hewants. But hepicks
her instead.
Alphamales could
becelebrities, sport
stars, popstars, rock
stars, televisionor
moviestars. Its
anthropological; the
morerichandfamous
youare, themore
peoplewant tobreed
withyou. Andyouget
all thebitches.
Runner-up:
Beingdominated/
dominating
Fantasies areuid, and
a35-year-oldalpha
femaleNewYorkCity
lawyer friendof mine
recentlytoldme:
I cringewhenaman
tells mewhat todoon
adailybasis, but I really
likethat inbed. I like
himtocompletely
takeover. Myfantasies
havechanged. In
mytwenties, I really
wantedtodominate
guys; tiethemup,
blindfoldthem,
torture them, that
kindof stuf. Because
I felt sort of powerless.
But nowthat Imafull
partner inalawrm, I
want tobedominated
byapowerful man.
I likefeelinginnocent
andvulnerable.
Cleis Press, aSan
Franciscopublisher of
eroticction(examples
pictured), says that the
number of bondage
novels beingbought
bywomenis divided
equallybetweenthose
withdominant female
characters, and
submissiveones. If you
cangureout what a
womanwants inbed,
youcanplaytherole,
andsatisfyher deepest
fantasies. Thenyou
will bedaman.
Thehot list
Sextherapists often
givecouples exploring
their fantasies a
worksheet toll out
whereeachperson
makes alist of sexual
activities theydoand
dont want todo. Put
theactivities intothree
categories: Yes,
Maybe, andHell no!
So,Light spanking,
yes. Hardspanking,
maybe. AndGiant
rubber st upmyass
yes, well.
Themoreextreme
your fantasies, the
moreyoudiscuss
them. Its alsogood
toresearchsome
techniques, especially
thekinkier youget.
WhenI rst realised
I was interestedin
doingbondageand
submission, I watched
videos onkink.com,
says afemalefriend
whohadbeenvanilla.
Porntobewild
ErikaLust is aSwedish
feminist lmmaker
whomakes erotic
movies that focus on
womens pleasure,
rather thanthe
male-createdporn
movieformulathat,
shesays, always ends
thesameway with
ejaculationonthe
womans face. Lusts
movies cater to
womens fantasies
whilethemenjoinin
for all thefun. Her latest
project is makingshort
lms about people
sharingtheir secret
sexfantasies and
sexual experiences.
Trueconfessions
Amongthestories
sent infor short-lm
content was awoman
beingtiedupand
masturbatingwith
avibrator whileher
boyfriendwatches,
another pegging her
boyfriendwithadildo,
andoneentitledSit
down, shut up, and
watch, whichinvolves
voyeurism, ahuge
femalefantasy.
Thetopsixfantasies
Lust has receivedfrom
femaleconfessions are:
havinganafair, role
play, BDSM, sexwitha
taboopartner (boss,
employee, professor,
in-law, etc), sexwith
another woman, and
groupsexwiththree
or morepeople. The
moral of thestoryis
that beingaparticipant
inawomans sexual
fantasies couldresult
inhavinggroupsex.
confessions.com
rather than her knees. (If you are gifted with
an exhibitionist lover, who is perhaps a minx
for a power trip, think to enjoy this in front
of a full-length mirror; it will be a trip for her
to watch herself hover over you, choosing
the pace, torturing and delighting you
and you might enjoy the view, too.)
Scissors is also an excellent position to
make the most of the toy. Begin with her on
her side, with her upper leg raised; you then
kneel between her two legs to take her, with
her upper leg now wrapped around your hip.
With the Oden 2 rotated to press on her
clitoris, try alternating long, slow thrusts with
holding yourself deep inside her and letting
the pattern of vibrations shudder through
her. Note that the Oden 2 has a remote
control (which has considerably better range
than the earlier version), so as you remain
pinned together, you can ramp up the
vibration patterns; it is also waterproof, so
all of the above can be done in the bath.
When shes had her fun, you may nd that
by rotating the toy you can position it to
maximise your sensations as it reverberates
through your balls. Lastly, some general
points on ring etiquette. If youre using the
closed ring tail end, you may wish to apply
some water-based lube such as Liquid Silk
(9.99. At Lovehoney. lovehoney.co.uk)
to ease the removal process. Equally, make
sure you that have dry hands when you
stretch it to put it on (having it snap into
your cock, is not so hot). And dont leave
it on for more than 30 minutes you want
to keep the blood owing.
215
GFEBRUARY2014
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LIFE
1 2 3
Seated close-grip lats
pulldown using SPRI
3setsof 12repswith45seconds
rest betweensets. 2seconds
pullingdownand4secondsup.
Sittingposition, torsoleaningback
at a30- to40-degreeanglewithtailbone
tuckedunder. Shoulders wideand
relaxed, arms extendedoverheadwith
palms facingin. As youbreatheout, slide
your shoulder blades downyour back
intoaV-shapeandpull your elbows
downcloseintothesides of theribs.
For moreinformation, visit
jonathangoodair.comor homehouse.co.uk
Side-facing lat press
with internal rotation
using SPRI resistance
with door attachment
2setsof 15repsfor eacharm, with45
secondsrest betweensets. 2seconds
pullingdownand4secondsup.
Standwithfeet hip-distanceapart and
shoulders wide. Handnearest thedoor
has handlewiththearmout totheside
parallel totheoor. Slideshoulder blades
downyour backanddrawyour armdown
behindyour hips, turningyour armsothat
thepalmof your handfaces backwards
bythetimeyour armis behindyour hip.
Kneeling wide lats pulldown
using SPRI
3setsof 12repswith45seconds
rest betweensets. 2seconds
downand4secondsup.
Kneel andkeepyour torsoupright and
shoulders wide. Arms areextended
overhead; hands havehandles with
palms facingforward. Slideyour
shoulder blades downyour backinto
aV-shape. Reachingyour elbows out
wide, pull thehandles totheoutsideof
your shoulders, lift your chest andas
youdosodrawyour elbows towards
eachother behindyour back.
A lovely pair of lats or latissimus dorsi, meaning
widest back muscle, will improve any torso.
They also give the V-shape that tted shirts
were made for. The lats work to extend the arm
backwards, draw the arm in towards the torso
and medially rotate the arm. Obviously chin-ups
are the daddy of all lats exercises, but are not
always practical. Here are three exercises using
SPRI tubing that you can do almost anywhere...
No5: Lats work-out
PERSONAL TRAINER: JONATHANGOODAIR
Three kings
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Running shoes for
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Vibram
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On Cloudracer
The Cloudracer is light,
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had already been licensed for Puff Daddy and
Mase. We actually heard that Puff Daddy was
riding around in a limo with Lenny Kravitz and
went crazy when he heard it. He said, They
stole my sample!
D
onald Fagen met his future song-
writing partner Walter Becker
while studying at Bard College,
a private liberal arts college in
Annandale-On-Hudson in New
York State, in the mid-Sixties. He was 19,
Becker two years his junior. I was walking past
this small building that they used for enter-
tainment of the student body, who were very
idle and bored most of the term, says Fagen.
And I heard what I assumed was Howlin Wolf
playing... I walked in and there was Walter with
this red Epiphone guitar. They clicked imme-
diately, both being shy, snarky smartasses
obsessed with bookish cool.
As a boy, Fagen was deeply into sci-fi, and
was even a member of the Science Fiction
Book Club. That was the golden age of science
fiction; all the great writers were active then.
I loved CM Kornbluth, AE van Vogt. I liked the
guys who were really social satirists. A lot of
these guys came out of the socialist movement
of the Thirties, and they had a very funny way
of criticising society. I really learned a lot from
them. Certainly [from] Alfred Bester. He was
a New Yorker. His first novel, The Demolished
Man, got the rapid flowof life in the city, which
I think is still present. Theres something about
the flow of Alfred Besters prose that I think
affected the way Walter and I write lyrics.
When Fagen was a teenager, cool was rare,
cool was underground. Nowadays the very
idea of being hip is so commodified and so
available that it is simply a part of a lifestyle
experience. Back then, in the days when you
had to seek out culturally subversive writers
and like-minded souls, being cool meant being
part of a very small club.
When Walter and I met, we had a con-
stellation of enthusiasms, really: science
fiction, jazz, black humour, novels by Thomas
Berger, Terry Southern, Philip Roth, Vladimir
Nabokov, Kurt Vonnegut especially. That cer-
tainly influenced the lyric writing. We also
liked comic songwriting, like Tom Lehrer. He
was a piano player and songwriter who wrote
these grim, funny songs [Exhibit A: Poisoning
Pigeons In The Park]. And then we were both
fans of Frank Zappa and the Fugs.
He was also a huge fan of WC Fields, a man
who understood that most of life is just, you
have to have the appearance that you know
what youre doing.
Fagen and Becker started writing together,
and eventually after deciding to pursue
songwriting as career when they left college
spent months pestering the publishing teams
in New Yorks Brill Building before being hired
almost on a whim as staff songwriters by ABC
Records producer Gary Katz and shipped out
to California. Having initially tried to form
various groups with traditionally clever-clogs
names such as Leather Canary and The Bad
Rock Group (at one point employing fellow
student Chevy Chase as drummer) they real-
ised their forte was writing, not performing.
Then, finding their songs were unsuitable for
ABCs artists why would the likes of Dusty
Springfield want to sing spiteful, gloomy songs
about goofballs, druggy hipsters and love-
sick aliens with macrocephalic heads? they
decided to form a band, building a musical
edifice around them with the finest studio
musicians they could find.
When they first started looking for talent,
they answered an ad seeking musicians: No
assholes need apply. And as Becker and Fagen
didnt think they were assholes, they got in
touch. They started recruiting like-minded
musicians, and eventually came up with a
band who were hired for their musical ability
rather than any notions of cool (which Fagen
and Becker were convinced they both had
in spades). And so two droll East Coast jazz
buffs were responsible for creating one of the
seminal West Coast rock bands of the early
Seventies, an ever-expanding group who would
produce some of the decades most impor-
tant albums. From 1972s Cant Buy A Thrill
and 1973s Countdown To Ecstasy, to 1980s
Gaucho, Steely Dan perfectly fused West Coast
cool with East Coast cynicism (as someone said
recently: the Eagles by Woody Allen). And got
away with it: their records sold in their millions.
Musically, they favoured weird key changes,
roller-coaster twists and jazz-driven hooks,
while their songs were sardonic, sour and
full of wit. They were the smartass eggheads
of rock, treating Chandleresque or sci-fi
scenarios with sophomore black humour.
As the New Yorker put it: The lyrics were
generally jaded assessments of young
women, the older men who coveted them,
and other humans caught at their least flat-
tering moments. Even their moniker was
sarcastic, being the name of a dildo in William
Burroughs The Naked Lunch.
Highly metropolitan, they excelled at manip-
ulated isolation, while Fagen and Becker were
labelled the most cynical and ferociously intel-
ligent songwriters in the business. Our music
is somehow a little too cheesy at times and
turns off the rock intelligentsia for the most
part, said Fagen in the mid-Seventies. At
other times its too bizarre to be appreciated
by anybody. Experts said they welded jazz
and rock into an alloy so smooth and shiny it
was difficult to tell where the one ended and
the other began, sneering at the world from
a position of bohemian superiority so rarefied
it was hard to tell exactly where it was situated.
We were interested in a kind of hybrid
music that included all the music wed ever
listened to, says Fagen. So there was always
a lot of TV music and things in there. It was
very eclectic, and it used to make us laugh: we
knew something was good if we would really
laugh at it when we played it back. We liked
the sort of faux-luxe sound of the Fifties, there
was just something very funny about it. I grew
up in a faux-luxe household, and it was a very
alienating world, so for me it has the opposite
effect: muzak is supposed to relax you, but it
makes me very anxious. So in a way, I think
I get it out of me by putting some of it in my
songs. Then I start to laugh at it when I hear it.
They were never very good at interviews,
or at least couldnt be bothered to hide their
disdain for music journalists. During one such
encounter, Becker said to the unsuspecting
hack: This is beginning to remind me of the
joke where the guy from Oklahoma goes up to
a New York cabbie and says, Excuse me, could
you tell me how I can get to Times Square, or
should I just go f*** myself?
In a business that largely revolves around
communication, both men have taken great
delight in being as unengaged as possible.
Fagen and Beckers forte was the intricate
nature of their records, and they hated taking
their band out on the road, which they saw
as an endless litany of musical compromises.
So eventually they did what the Beatles did,
stopped touring and moved into the recording
studio. At the time someone asked Fagen how
they had managed it, and he said: Easy. We
fired all the roadies so we couldnt go.
When they returned to the studios in 1979
to record Gaucho, knowing Aja would be a
hard act to follow, their obsessions got worse,
exacerbated by Beckers substance abuse. Then,
in January 1980, Beckers girlfriend died of
a drugs overdose, causing him to withdraw
from recording even further. Three months
later, he was knocked down by a New York cab
and hospitalised with fractures to his right leg.
On Gaucho, they were using up to six differ-
ent rhythm sections for the same song. One of
the small army of guitarists called in was Mark
Knopfler of Dire Straits. He described the expe-
rience as like getting into a swimming pool
with lead weights tied to your boots. Toto
drummer Jeff Porcaro, who played on the title
track, says that, From noon till six wed play
the tune over and over and over again, nailing
each part. Wed go to dinner and come back
and start recording. They made everybody play
like their life depended on it. But they werent
Continued from page 53
218
FEBRUARY2014G
DONALDFAGEN
gonna keep anything anyone else played that
night, no matter how tight it was. All they were
going for was the drum track. Fagen was so
neurotically perfectionist in the studio that
people called him Mother. (While record-
ing his vocal for Home At Last, he allegedly
spent four whole days punching in the words
Well, the at the start of the chorus.)
In 1981, shortly after the release of Gaucho
predictably, by far their weakest record the
band fell apart, with Becker skulking off to
Hawaii to get rid of his drug habit, and Fagen
sloping off to write a solo album. The record
that materialised just a year later, The Nighty,
was another masterpiece. A concept album
about the golden age of the Fifties, the record
was blatantly autobiographical, with many of
the songs touching on the tropes and moods
of the decade. The Nightfly himself was
largely based on the DJ Jean Shepherd, along
with other broadcasters such as Symphony Sid,
Mort Fega and Ed Beach.
I used to live 50 miles outside New York
City in one of those rows of prefab houses,
says Fagen. It was a bland environment.
One of my only escapes was late-night radio
shows that were broadcast from Manhattan
jazz and rhythm and blues. To me the DJs
were romantic and colourful figures and the
whole hipster culture of black lifestyles seemed
much more vital to a kid living in the suburbs
as I was. A lot of kids went through the same
thing, although I guess as I listened to jazz I was
in a minority. Thats why there was an explo-
sion of hipsterism in the Sixties, although it
turned into something else.
The albums cover artwork featured Fagen as
the Nightfly himself, wearing a suitable collared
shirt and tie, speaking into an old-fashioned
RCA 77-DX microphone. Ever the stickler,
in front of him is a turntable, an ashtray and
a pack of Chesterfield Kings cigarettes. On the
table you can also see a copy of the 1958 jazz
album Sonny Rollins And The Contemporary
Leaders. Behind him, the clock says 4:09.
Then, for the next ten years, Fagen appeared
to go into therapy, no doubt discussing the
writers block that plagued him for nearly a
decade. He dabbled in soundtracks and pro-
duction, and even started writing a column for
a film magazine, but he wouldnt re-emerge
properly until another concept album, 1993s
sci-fi-tinged Kamakiriad. Here, a Fagen-like
protagonist sets out, in his steam-powered
Kamakiri car, across an American landscape
thats both futuristic and debilitated. The record
evoked a De Chirico painting or a Michael
Mann film, an aching juxtaposition of hot sun
and cool metallic shadows.
Since then, there have been two more Fagen
records, and two from a reformed Steely Dan,
containing songs which, when jumbled about
on an iPod, sound like they were recorded by
the same people at the same time.
If The Nightfly was about adolescence,
and Kamakiriad about Fagens mid-life crisis
(albeit filtered through the conceit of science
fiction), 2006s Morph The Cat was about
mortality. Written in the fallout from 9/11, it
was a record full of apprehension.
I didnt see the actual thing happen, but
I was stuck in town for a few days afterwards,
because you couldnt leave, says Fagen. The
bridges and tunnels were all secured and
there was no traffic. I saw the people walking
uptown, trying to get home, and a lot of
people covered in soot. There were fighter
planes going overhead... Then this huge cloud
of smoke downtown started climbing towards
the moon. It was very strange. Everyone was
in shock. So not only did everything about
the town change, you were also seeing it from
a shocked perspective... While all the police
were downtown, they had these cadets from
the police academy, these grey uniforms Id
not seen before, controlling traffic at the
big intersections. It was their first chance to
exercise power, and I noticed they were kind
of bullying people around, which had a real
wartime vibe about it.
The album was written in a shroud of para-
noia, smack in the middle of the Bush era. The
Clinton era, if it didnt have hope, at least had
the illusion of hope, said Fagen at the time.
But I was born into paranoia, Im a hydrogen-
bomb baby, with the air-raid drills and all of
that stuff. I grew up with the almost certain
expectation of worldwide nuclear war. So Ive
always felt I was living on borrowed time, I was
taught to think that way. Then after the nuclear
threat died down, you had the Vietnam war
on TV every night. There were a few decades
after that when there wasnt that much overtly
threatening, but whats happening now is like
its back to living in terror all the time.
The album contains the extraordinary What
I Do, a conversation between a younger
Fagen and the ghost of Ray Charles, in which
the great pianist advises the lesser on how to
emulate his success with the ladies. I think
Ray Charles was one of the most mysteri-
ous people ever, says Fagen. Just watching
him, the way his body moves for a kid from
New Jersey to see that kind of passion, that
was really revelatory for me. At that point
I was living in the suburbs, and even though
I was a jazz fan when I was very young, and
used to hearing passionate performances on
records, the general tendency of jazz in the
Fifties was cool, so seeing Ray Charles, who
had that much gospel in his style, you could
tell he was utterly authentic.
In 1993, having hated the experience the
first time around, the band started playing
concerts, although I know to my cost that this
can be an enervating experience; live the band
can come across as self-indulgent and noodly,
while the crowd is usually made up of fifty-
and sixtysomething men dressed in ill-fitting
T-shirts and inappropriate jeans. As for the new
records, while theyve been good, often as good
as the earlier ones, none of them surpass them.
Fagen is a professional grouch, and while
he is one of the least high-profile grumpy old
rock stars still treading the boards, his Eeyore-
ish tendencies are famous in the industry. He
is not what you would call loosey-goosey, and
in recent years has been described as behav-
ing like a college professor trying to get fired.
I basically listen to the same 40 albums
that I listened to in high school, he says.
I had much better taste then. I was a kid jazz
fan. I only like seven or eight of the greatest
artists: Sonny Rollins, Charles Mingus, Miles
Davis, Thelonious Monk... And I like big-band
arrangers, like Gil Evans. Theres a band called
the Sauter-Finegan Orchestra that I used to like
for the arrangements.
Last year, Fagen became a bona fide author,
albeit tentatively, with his memoir, Eminent
Hipsters. As an eminent hipster himself, Fagen
is more than adequately qualified to write
about cool, although the book was a lot less
expansive than it could have been.
The first half of the book is a collection of
portraits of the cultural figures who influenced
Fagen growing up in New Jersey in the early
Sixties, including Jean Shepherd, composers
Henry Mancini and Ennio Morricone, and Ray
Charles. The second half of the book is a kind
of geriatric Diary Of A RocknRoll Star, and
catalogues in exhaustive detail the trials
and tribulations of touring in your sixties.
As you would expect from someone who has
been one of the most consistently mordant
voices in rock, Fagen can write. Here he
is describing Blake Edwards TV detective
series, Peter Gunn: Edwards camera eye
seemed to take a carnal interest in the luxe
and leisure objects of the period, focusing on
the Scandinavian furniture, potted palms, light
wood panelling and sleek shark-finned con-
vertibles. It was, in fact, all the same stuff my
parents adored, but darkened with a table-
spoon of alienation and danger. Sort of like
seeing a smiling Pan Am pilot climb out of his
707 with a copy of La Nause sticking out of
his back pocket.
Eminent Hipsters is full of such gems,
although for those who have silently wor-
shipped Fagen from afar for too, too many
years, perhaps he could have dug a little deeper
into his psyche, and described some of the per-
sonal and professional motivations that have
contributed to one of the most important
and influential bodies of work in all pop.
But then perhaps that wouldnt have
been cool.
Icon: Miles Davis
(Dylan Jones, August 2011)
The King Of Sixties Cool
(Dylan Jones, May 2009)
Chuck Klosterman on LCD Soundsystem and
Rod Stewart (Andy Morris, GQ.co.uk, October 2012)
MORE
FROM GQ
For these related stories,
visit GQ.co.uk/magazine
219
GFEBRUARY2014
Continued from page 173
Im happy to die young. He offers to intro-
duce me to his boss, and points me towards a
tall, elegant-looking man in a teal-green tunic.
We shake hands and get into the car to talk.
He introduces himself as Abubakar
Muhammed, 27, and chairman of the Civilian
JTF in the Mairi district of the city. Hed made a
living selling electrical wire in the market until a
Boko Haram bomb destroyed his stall. Now he
speaks in a low voice, steepling his ngers and
referring, touchingly, to the teenage vigilantes
as his boys. I ask why he chose to lead the
Civilian JTF. Boko Haram came into the area,
killing and setting off bombs. They destroyed
40 houses in the Mairi. My boys can no longer
take it. Now it has come down to either Boko
Haram kills us, or we kill Boko Haram. I put
it to him that it seems strange that kids with
baseball bats have succeeded where trained
soldiers failed. The soldiers do not knowBoko
Haram. The soldiers are not fromthis place. My
boys knowthe locals, knowif someone strange
moves in, if theres something suspicious.
Theres a brief commotion as a car tries to
circumvent the roadblock, riding up on the
pavement. The vigilantes race towards it,
banging on the bonnet and yelling until the car
beats a cowed retreat and takes its place in the
line. Abubakara tells me that many of his boys
were unemployed before they started working
for the Civilian JTF. Now theres the hope that
they, like others in the city, will be paid for their
services by the governor. I offer him money as
he gets out of the car, but he bats it away. One
of my boys was shot by Boko Haramyesterday.
Hes in hospital now. Pray for him.
On the road back into town, we hear the
familiar roar of engines. We look round, expect-
ing a convoy of military vehicles, but instead,
coming up quickly, we see six low-slung VW
Golfs, each of them on their hunkers under the
weight of eight or ten members of the Civilian
JTF. The boys at the back hang out of the boot
and drag their machetes along the road, sending
up showers of sparks. In front, the young war-
riors jut their chins, staring blankly forward.
We nd out later that the boys were heading
to the town of Dikwa, halfway to the Chadian
border, where they rounded up 20 Boko Haram
suspects. Nineteen were delivered to military
headquarters. The twentieth, a terrorist who
they claimed was responsible for 70 deaths,
the vigilantes took to a patch of waste ground
in the citys southern outskirts, doused him in
petrol, and set him alight.
In Maiduguri, darkness falls with the swift-
ness of a magic trick. The slow-ying ibises
that circle the city by day are replaced by enor-
mous bats that swoop so low that you can feel
the wind from their wings. At night, it becomes
a frightening place again, and you can sense
what it must have been like during the worst
of the crisis. Theres a curfew in place and the
streets are empty. Electricity is unpredictable
here and most of the city sits in inky darkness,
the occasional oil-drum re sending up cones
of light. Cigarettes burn on the lips of soldiers
couched in the double darkness of neem-
shaded checkpoints. We slap at mosquitoes,
check the mirrors of the car too often, peer out
into the shadow-haunted blackness.
At our hotel, we break fast with a group of
local businessmen. When he hears that Im
writing about Boko Haram, a waiter leans in.
My nephew, he says, is in the Civilian JTF.
His parents were killed by Boko Haram. You
have to be crazy to take on the terrorists, to
attack a man who has a gun with only a stick.
Its why its often the children of those mur-
dered by Boko Haram who are ghting. The
businessmen cut in to challenge our view of
Maiduguri as a city transformed. It is rather,
they say, an isolated oasis, temporarily pro-
tected from the surrounding violence by the
soldiers colonising the city, by the vigilance of
the Civilian JTF. They tell me that vast areas
of Borno remain under the control of the ter-
rorists: villages in the Gwoza hills have been
turned into Boko Haram training camps, the
insurgents have disappeared into the Mandara
Mountains, the Sambisa Forest on the border
with Cameroon. They are still carrying out
atrocities that go unreported in the press. In
the countryside, the military controls informa-
tion, one of the businessmen tells us. They
are trying to cover up the scale of the problem,
to make it look like theyve achieved victory.
Many are still being killed in remote villages.
Another man speaks with a warning wag of
his nger. Maiduguri may feel safe, but Boko
Haram are still here, waiting for the Civilian
JTF to grow bored, to let down their guard.
The next day, I am invited to meet the gov-
ernor, though I feel like I know him already, so
ubiquitous is his face on the citys billboards.
We steer through high white walls into the
compound. Then, inside the palace, which is
cool and dark, we are led through a labyrinth
of shadowy passageways to a gloomy ofce,
where Kashim Shettima, governor of Borno,
sits behind a large walnut desk. A local man,
Shettima rose from relatively humble origins
to prominence first as an academic at the
University of Maiduguri, then as a banker,
before being elected governor in 2012. Hes in
his late forties, although his round face gives
the impression of someone younger. He speaks
his elegantly constructed sentences with a
slight lisp. We have won the battle against
Boko Haram, he tells me, but not the war. The
war will be won not in the streets and alleys of
Maiduguri, but on the factory oors. We will
win by creating jobs and engaging our youths.
Beneath the nihilism of Boko Haram, beneath
the violence, there is the fundamental cause:
extreme poverty. Any military victory we win
now will be a Pyrrhic victory unless we treat
the underlying cause.
The governor is scathing about President
Jonathans government, and specically its
response to the Boko Haram crisis. We have
not received support from the centre, and we
do not expect to receive any. There is a lack of
appreciation of the dynamics at play. You need
to understand a problem before you deal with
it. They dont understand it. He portrays the
politicians in Abuja as entirely venal, giving me
several examples off the record of extraor-
dinary acts of political larceny, nishing his
diatribe by quoting the great Nigerian author
Chinua Achebe: If only our leadership could
rise up to meet our expectations.
We conclude our conversation by talking
about the boys of the Civilian JTF. They are
heroes, he says, the best thing that has hap-
pened here in the past ten years. Even if you
brought in the Chinese army, you cant beat
fundamentalism with external force. This is
force from within. I mention to the governor
a conversation Id had in Abuja with Freedom
Onuoha, one of President Jonathans closest
security advisors. Onuoha had told me, in
a rather poetic turn of phrase, that he was
afraid that from the womb of the Civilian JTF
will come a dangerous baby, that the vigi-
lantes could grow to be as much of a threat
to the security of the north as the terrorists
theyd forced out. The governor nods. After
this euphoria is over, we want to create jobs
for them. If we dont, we will have created a
Frankensteins monster. They could replace the
police who ed the city during the height of
the crisis, I suggest. If we call them police, the
centre [ie the government] gets agitated. We
will call them Public Asset Protection Squads.
Shettima gives a broad grin. It is a wonderful
thing to see: young boys with sticks chasing
Boko Haram members armed with AK-47s.
Snapshots from our remaining time in
Maiduguri: a cloth-topped army truck, the
back open, soldiers in black uniforms glaring
at us; on the oor of the truck are three Boko
Haram suspects, the only thing visible the soles
of their bound feet. A training session of El
Kanemi Warriors, Maiduguris Premier League
team, whove played throughout the state of
emergency, often with tanks at the corner
ags; as the footballers bow their heads for a
pre-training prayer, a crackle of machine-gun
re sounds, very close; none of them inches.
220
FEBRUARY2014G
BOKOHARAM
The Lost Boys
(Ed Caesar, March 2011)
Hunt. Capture. Kill. At Sea With The Pirate Police
(Frank Gardner, October 2012)
After The Spring: Syrias Civil War
(Anthony Lloyd, December 2012)
MORE
FROM GQ
For these related stories,
visit GQ.co.uk/magazine
A turquoise Civilian JTF VW, its windscreen
shattered, bullet holes pocking its rust-mottled
anks; outside a mosque near our hotel, lying
turtled in a ditch, the husks of a burnt-out car
and a tuk-tuk; relics of a recent bomb attack.
Before we leave, the governor invites us to
visit some of his housing projects with him.
Young men swarm across the construction
site, cheering as the motorcade blasts through
the gates, sirens blaring, and Shettimas burly
bodyguards jump from their vans, cradling
their guns and looking warily around. The
cheering increases as the governor steps from
his car. Balarebe governor, the crowd cries out
his nickname is a reference to his pale skin.
There is something cultish about it, the way the
young men look up at him with radiant eyes.
Soon there are hundreds of them mobbing the
governor, holding up their hands towards him,
chanting his name like a hymn or a prayer. One
of the bodyguards has picked up a wooden
beam; whenever the supplicants come too close
he brings it down on their shoulders, on their
scarred backs. Other guards stand with thick
wads of thousand-naira notes, handing them
out to the ardent young men.
Clouds have been massing on the horizon
all day, and just as we are about to leave the
housing project a storm comes up huge and
red out of the Sahara. Rain is driven in wind-
harried sheets and a watery darkness falls over
us, illuminated every few minutes by lightning
of coruscating brightness. The youths scatter
as quickly as they had appeared. Sunday and
I rush to the shelter of one of the governors
cars and we pull forward with the other SUVs
to form a loose corral around the unnished
school building in which the governor has
taken refuge. The radio station wed been lis-
tening to fades into a crackle of static.
It is a while before I realise that something
is wrong. A convoy of military vehicles comes
roaring out of the darkness and soldiers step
into the deluge, shouldering their machine
guns and peering around nervously. The gov-
ernors bodyguards are also now out, scanning
the perimeter of the housing project, search-
ing among the buildings. There is something
nightmarish about the darkness, and my mind
conjures spectral gures fromthe rain. I become
convinced that, just out of sight, a swarming
shadow-army lurks, waiting. Breathless minutes
pass. In the momentary illumination of light-
ning, I see that military vehicles now line the
road outside, more soldiers standing in water
that is already ankle deep. This, I realise, is what
it is like for the people of Maiduguri, the sense
of being islanded there in the desert, the con-
stant anticipation of bloody violence averted
only by the ubiquity of the armed forces. After
an hour, the stormabates, until there is only an
apologetic drizzle. Whatever the threat was, it
is now gone, and the soldiers climb back into
their trucks and move off.
We accompany the governor to the airport.
Were heading back to Abuja; he and his wife
are going on Hajj to Mecca. Dozens of the
towns worthies come to see him off, waiting to
bask in the serene glow of his presence. As we
board the aeroplane an ancient Arik Air 737
with Hungarian markings the assembled dig-
nitaries begin to applaud, some of the younger
ones cheering the governors name. After the
storm, we rise into air that seems washed clean.
I return to Abuja with the feeling that Ive
witnessed a miracle in the desert. Only a
matter of months after the city was engulfed
in turmoil, the terrorists have been driven out,
the vigilantes of the Civilian JTF offering hope
to Maiduguri where once there was none. In the
governor of Borno, the country nally seems to
have a leader more interested in putting food
on the tables of his people than lining his own
pockets. Id expected to nd another klepto-
cratic satrap in a gilded palace; instead I met a
man of admirable coolness in the desert heat,
who spoke with intelligence and feeling about
his plans for Bornos future, achieved with or
without the support of Nigerias government.
Peeling back the skin of the story, though,
Im left with a sense of unease that grows
during the rest of my time in Abuja. The peace
on the streets of Maiduguri is put down to the
Civilian JTF, but everywhere you look, the
military assert their unwieldy presence. The
situation feels tentative and provisional, apt to
unravel at any moment. The vigilantes give a
new and upbeat sheen to the struggle against
Boko Haram, but this has been at core an old-
fashioned story of military might against a
guerrilla uprising, and history tells us that you
cant kill your way out of situations like this.
Boko Haram cells have recently been reported
in Niger, in Chad. One hundred suspects were
captured in the south of Nigeria the week after
I left. September 2013 saw the bloodiest month
in more than a year, with ghting spreading to
the streets of Abuja and 142 people killed in
a massacre at Benisheik, western Borno. With
the terrorists casting their shadows further
across the breadth of the country, it is clear
that the army cannot stay in Maiduguri forever.
The 2015 elections continue to glower over
everything in Nigeria. President Jonathan is
certain to stand again and will make sure that
he wins, by fair means or foul. Depending on
how blatantly the polls are manipulated, the
north will either grumble loudly, or erupt in
violence. Northern elders, with, at their helm,
the governor of Borno, may decide that enough
is enough. Some commentators have predicted
civil war; others suggest that there will be a
process of decentralisation whereby the north-
ern leaders are allowed to run efdoms under
the umbrella of the Nigerian state. Maiduguri
certainly feels like its on the way to becoming
another country; Shettima struck me as more
presidential than the addled, faltering Jonathan.
We return, in the end, to the Civilian JTF. Just
as Boko Haram is merely a new chapter in the
history of religious violence in Nigeria, vigilan-
tismhas lled the vacuumleft by the ramshackle
security services. These vigilante groups have
regularly been co-opted by wily politicians into
personal goon squads, roughing up opponents
and intimidating voters. With Boko Haram on
the back foot, at least in Maiduguri, the ques-
tion lingers: what will become of the Civilian JTF,
whove grown fond of their machetes and the
power they confer? Already there are tensions
emerging between the towns various chapters,
with ve Civilian JTF members killed in a clash
during my visit. Even more worryingly, I was
told the story of Mala Othman, one of Shettimas
political rivals, whose house was attacked by a
group initially thought to be Boko Haram, but
later revealed as Civilian JTF. Othman escaped,
but the house was torched. Shettima is too
shrewd to have been directly involved, but he
has not condemned the attack. What we are
left with is a private army reporting to one very
powerful man in the run-up to a period of polit-
ical turmoil. Anywhere, it would be a recipe for
trouble; in Nigeria it sounds like a catastrophe
waiting to happen.
An unsteady calm reigns as I leave Nigeria.
Rumours are passed around like gifts: Shekau
has been seen in the Gwoza Hills; the army
have wounded him; he is surrounded in a com-
pound in the jungle. None of these appears to
be true. The spectral warriors of Boko Haram
still lurk in the vastness of the impoverished
north, waiting to strike. There have been more
attacks in the meantime, most shockingly on
the Agricultural College in Damaturu, a town
80 miles west of Maiduguri, where dozens of
students were massacred in their dormitories.
The brouhaha surrounding the Civilian JTF
may arise from the fact that, at least for now,
they offer a lone note of optimism in a story
that is so mired in gloom: it is a hard task to
choose between the monsters of Boko Haram
and those in the military sent to extermi-
nate them. Amid the rumours, though, a few
things are certain: there will be more attacks;
more innocent blood spilled; more schools,
churches, mosques burnt down. The build-up
to the elections will be extraordinarily tense,
the repercussions potentially explosive. The
people of Maiduguri may come to look back
on the peaceful summer of 2013, when they
cheered the Civilian JTF from the citys at
rooftops, not as the end of violence, but rather
as the eye of a terrible storm.
221
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Publishedunder copyright cooperationby
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PublishedbyBurdaInternational Polska.
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PublishedbyEdirevistasSociedadede
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UMHLLC. Vogue
03
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02
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2014
MILEY CYRUS by DAVID SIMS
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GQINTEL
No8: The inside track on the next key motor shows
Takingthe measurements of the GQworld
GENEVA INTERNATIONAL
MOTOR SHOW
Palexpo, Geneva
6-16 March, 11 salon-auto.ch/en
The European Detroit, at which Volkswagen,
Mercedes Benz andAudi launch heavy hitters
RUMOURED 2014 LAUNCHES: Volkswagen XLR,
Smart ForFour
EXPECT: Oversized watches; tuned exotica
for those with more money than taste
BUT DONT EXPECT: Ostentatious stands
every brands space is regulated
2013 ATTENDANCE: 690,000
KEY HISTORICAL LAUNCH: Range Rover (1970)
GETTINGTHERE: Easy. Palexpo is attached to
Geneva Airport
WHERE TO STAY: Le Richemond, the recently
refurbished sister of The Dorchester
NORTHAMERICAN
INTERNATIONAL AUTOSHOW
Cobo Center, Detroit
13-26 January, 8 naias.com
Where the USbigthree General Motors, Ford,
Chrysler unveil major models
RUMOURED 2014 LAUNCH: Ford Mustang
THE CITYS DEBTS: $1820bn, before ling
for Chapter 9 bankruptcy in July 2013
SOYOURE LIKELYTO SEE: Art-Deco
architecture decaying beside a token
protest from the UAW (United
Automobile Workers) union
BIGGEST HISTORICAL LAUNCHES: Dodge
Viper concept, Lexus LS 400 (both 1989)
2013 ATTENDANCE: 795,416
WHERE TO STAY: The Westin Book Cadillac
Detroit, walking distance from the show
LA AUTO SHOW
Los Angeles Convention Center,
California
19-30 November, 6-7 laautoshow.com
Aluxury showfor luxury cars Porsches
andJaguars particularly
2012 ATTENDANCE: 900,000
WHAT YOURE MOST LIKELYTO SEE: Hollywood
C-listers, Europes big beasts
WHATYOUWONT SEE: Major launches fromthe
American big three theyll wait for Detroit
KEY HISTORICAL LAUNCH: GMs EV1 (1996)
WHERE TO STAY: Hotel Clark, the latest in LAs
(newly invigorated) downtown
AVERAGE NIGHT-TIME TEMPERATURE:
11C. So pack accordingly
WHERE TO EAT: Shutters On The Beachs One
Pico restaurant
WHAT TO ORDER: Grilled swordsh
SEMA SHOW
Las Vegas Convention Center, Las Vegas
4-7 November semashow.com
Standingfor Specialty Equipment Market
Association, this is a tuningshowstraight
out of The Fast AndThe Furious
2013 ATTENDANCE: 135,000
WHAT YOURE MOST LIKELYTO SEE: Glamour
models in Lycra; unabashed Americana
KEY LAUNCH OF 2013: Ford F-100 Snakebit
a 1956 pick-up with a 550bhp engine
VALUE OF THE AFTERMARKET INDUSTRY:
Almost $30bn a year
WHAT NOT TOTAKE: A conscience (its Vegas)
TICKET PRICES: Technically, it is a trade show
so start blagging
BEIJING INTERNATIONAL
AUTOMOTIVE EXHIBITION
China International Exhibition Centre, Beijing
21-29 April, 5-8 china-autoshow.com
For European makers Bentley, LandRover
keen totapChinas huge market
WHAT TO EXPECT: Original Chinese
production cars that look strangely familiar
SUCHAS: The Hawtai B35 (resembles a
Porsche Cayenne); Great Wall Kulla
(resembles a Renault Twizy)
YOU WONT SEE: The BBC site on your laptop
CARS PRODUCED IN CHINA IN 2012: 19.3 million
THAT MEANS IT BOASTS: The worlds biggest
automotive industry Alistair Weaver
NEWYORK INTERNATIONAL
AUTO SHOW
Javits Center, NewYork City
18-27 April, 9 autoshowny.com
In the UnitedStates largest metropolitan area, this
showis about sellingcars andsellingthemhard
RUMOURED 2014 LAUNCH: Hyundai Sonata
GEOGRAPHICAL SIZE: 846,000 sq ft
YOURE LIKELYTO SEE: Set-piece stunts. In
2013, Land Rover shut down Manhattan
and hired Daniel Craig to launch the Range
Rover Sport
GETTINGTHERE: $52 at fare by taxi from
JFKAirport to Manhattan
WHERE TO STAY: Soho Grand Hotel, which
is as chic as the show
PARIS MOTOR SHOW
Paris Expo Porte de Versailles, Paris
4-19 October, 12 mondial-automobile.com
Asecond tier event, but French manufacturers such
as Peugeot andRenault holdit dear
RUMOURED 2014 LAUNCHES: BMW M4,
Vauxhall Corsa, a small Jaguar
THE SHOWALTERNATES WITH: Frankfurt
GEOGRAPHICAL SIZE: 1.7 million sq ft
EXHIBITORS: 270 brands from 23 countries
WHAT YOURE MOST LIKELYTO SEE: Chic
French models human and automotive
WHAT YOU WONT SEE: A bold rebirth of the
French car industry
WHERE TO EAT: Restaurant Chez Georges,
a classic brasserie that rarely misres
WHAT TO ORDER: Roast veal with garlic
and apple
DUBAI INTERNATIONAL
MOTOR SHOW
Dubai World Trade Centre, Dubai
10-14 November 2015 (its biannual), 9
dubaimotorshow.com
Avenue for the most expensive Rolls Royces and
Ferraris tondtheir most willingcustomers
WHAT YOURE MOST LIKELYTO SEE: Oil-state
elite buying concept cars right off the stand
DONT SAY: Is this the sister show to Qatar?
The two are deadly rivals
KEY LAUNCH OF 2013: Rolls-Royce Bespoke
Celestial Phantom
DIAMONDS SET INTO ITS INTERIOR: 446
WHERE TO STAY: Conrad Dubai
WHERE TO EAT: Ronda Locatelli, the
Michelin-starred chefs Dubai outpost
VITAL STATISTICS
Silver dream: A Daimler AG Mercedes-Benz
Vision Gran Turismo unveiled at LA in 2013