Black Men

better Understood

Articles for black male growth & prosperity

By Gian Fiero
 Dedicated to misunderstood black males everywhere

© 2016 Publishing

All rights reserved. Except as permitted by the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this may be reproduced,
distributed, or transmitted in any form, or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without
the prior written permission.

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Black Men: Better Understood
Just the facts about the Deepening Plight of Black Men in America
>In Education/Family
 Only 45% of Black men graduate from high school in the United States.
 Just 22 % of Black males who began at a four-year college graduated within six years.
 69% of Black children in America cannot read at grade level in the 4th grade, compared with 29%
among White children.
 Only 7% of Black 8th-graders perform math at grade level.
 32% of all suspended students are Black. Black students (mostly Black males) are twice as likely
as Whites to be suspended or expelled.
 67% of Black children are born out of wedlock.

>In Employment/Economics
 At comparable educational levels, Black men earn 67% of what White men make.
 White males with a high-school diploma are just as likely to have a job and tend to earn just as
much as Black males with college degrees.
 Blacks make up only 3.2% of lawyers, 3% of doctors, and less than 1% of architects in America.
 Many of these are Black women.
 53% of Black men aged 25-34 are either unemployed or earn too little to lift a family of four from
poverty.
 Light-skinned Blacks have a 50% better chance of getting a job than dark-skinned Blacks.
 While constituting roughly 12% of the total population, Black America represents nearly 30% of
America's poor.
 45% of Black children live below the poverty line, compared with 16% of White children.
 The net worth of a Black family in America is $6,100 versus $67,000 for a White family.
 In New York City in 2003 only 51.8% of Black men ages 16 to 64 were employed vs. 75.7% for
 White men and 65.7% for Latino men.
 White men with prison records receive far more offers for entry-level jobs in New York City than
black men with identical records, and are offered jobs just as often - if not more so - than black
men who have never been arrested.

>In Incarceration/Crime:
 In 2001, the chances of going to prison were highest among Black males (32.2%) and Hispanic
males (17.2%) and lowest among White males (5.9%).
 Blacks account for only 12% of the U.S. population, but 44 % of all prisoners in the United States
are Black.
 Blacks, who comprise only 12% of the population and account for about 13% of drug users,
constitute 35% of all arrests for drug possession, 55% of all convictions on those charges, and
74% of all those sentenced to prison for possession.
 In at least fifteen states, Black men were sent to prison on drug charges at rates ranging from
twenty to fifty-seven times those of White men.
 A young Black male in America is more likely to die from gunfire than was any soldier in Vietnam.
 The Justice Department estimates that one out of every 21 Black men can expect to be
murdered, a death rate double that of U. S. soldiers in World War II.
 1.46 million Black men out of a total voting population of 10.4 million have lost their right to vote
due to felony convictions.
These statistics were compiled from various sources by The Black Star Project. You may email them or request sources at
blackstar1000@ameritech.net. Join the movement to save young Black men and to educate Black children.
Website: www.blackstarproject.org.

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Black Men: Better Understood
What Black Men and Peacocks Have in Common

The interesting thing about being the only black man, and black person, in an office
is that I have this unique opportunity to educate white people about black culture.

For me, and many black men in similar positions, we find that once the initial barrier
of resistance is overcome and a rite of passage is granted, a competent and
professional black man can go about the serious business of shattering stereotypes.
This includes representing the entire black race and engaging in the refined behaviors
that engender trust from our colleagues. Though it’s hard to believe, that in this day
and age, many of the whites that we are exposed to, will have had very limited
intimate contact with other black men.

Yes, trust is the key that opens up the door to comfort and intimacy with our white
corporate colleagues. That's why, when one of them makes a naive or ignorant
remark, we are quick to dismiss it. Such remarks are considered innocuous by
cultivated and mature professional black men. It's only when they consistently recur
that we become agitated, offended, or pissed.

Such was the case when a former co-worker asked me one day about the loud (i.e.,
colorful) clothes that black men wear. As I recall, the conversation went like this:
"Gian, I've noticed in our building that black men wear the loudest colors. You wear
pretty bright colors too, why is that?" he asked with a quizzical tone.

After I inhaled and exhaled deeply, I made the decision to seriously engage him. But before I could respond, I needed
confirmation that he was making a serious inquiry and not just instigating some lighthearted office banter to pass the time
on a Friday afternoon. I replied, "How long have you been thinking about that?" His response was firm, "Since I started
seeing more black guys working in the building," he said. "Whenever I see them they are kind of flashy and they stand
out...like peacocks."

Peacocks?

No, I didn't launch into a Paul Mooney tirade, nor did I succumb to any violent impulses which would have caused me to
spend the weekend in jail. I pondered what he said and made an effort to make sense of it. I could not, and I abandoned
the conversation and went back to work.

Looking back on it (with no emotion and more analyzation) I can now say - many years later - that I can see, on a surface
level, how a white person would draw that comparison. Since my co-worker made that statement, I've come to realize
that my reaction to it was based as much on my ignorance of peacocks, as his ignorance about black culture.

To say that black men are like peacocks is a very colorful use of simile, but it also has merit beyond the obvious
flamboyant inference.

Peacocks, like black men, are fascinating species. I only recently learned that only the males are called peacocks and
females are called peahens. While the peacock is a wild bird by nature, they have been domesticated in many countries.

When many people think of a peacock, the first thing that comes to mind is their resplendent and colorful tail feathers
which only the males have. These tail feathers (which do not come into full bloom until the peacock is about three years
old) spread out into what is called a "train" when they are on full display. A train covers more than 60 percent of the
peacocks total body length.

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Black Men: Better Understood
 The train boasts colorful "eye" markings of blue, gold, red, and other
hues. They also have a crest, or crown, on top of their heads, making
them appear even more regal.

The large train has one purpose: to attract females for mating. Peahens
choose their mates according to the size, color, and quality of these
outrageous feather trains. A train that lacks vibrancy indicates
infestation and lack of vitality.

The bigger and healthier the train appears, the greater the chances are that the peacock will be chosen by the female over
its competitors with smaller, less healthy appearing trains. Peahens choose their mates based on who is most desired by
other peahens. This confirms their perception that the peacock can produce healthy offspring that will have the
characteristics of their dominant peacock fathers who will pass along qualities that will ensure their survival and success
in life.

Since the time I was a young boy, I've witnessed black men in my family, in my church, and in my inner circle, wear
fancy, colorful clothing. Eventually, I would adopt the same practices. As a teenager I noticed that I received attention
from the females - much like the peacocks - as a result of my flashiness. It provided positive reinforcement to continue
wearing them.

As a young man armed with a credit card, I had more expensive, but equally as flamboyant clothing. I continued to
receive attention, but like most young black men who are not subconsciously aware of it, I, like the peacocks, was trying
to outshine my competitors and create the outward appearance of status.

In black culture the men are often desperate to be positively acknowledged in a society that is still plagued with so many
negative perceptions of them. Status obtained through sports, talent, academics, and other professional pursuits all
require significant effort.

Like peacocks, the appearance of status entitles one to privileges,

benefits, and a greater selection of women. In black culture, focus by
black men is often misplaced, and as a result, too much effort is expended
on the acquisition of status symbols instead of the actual status itself. It's
a trap for living above one's means.

Clothing, jewelry, cars, and other material items communicate false

messages of worth (not self-worth) to onlookers. They do not fill the
deeper void. In fact, they only divert from the real issue: black men who
feel displaced, disadvantaged, and discouraged - and try to compensate
for it, like peacocks, by building and displaying a pretentious "train"
which includes, but is not limited to clothing.

When I joined the workforce I toned down my colorful attire; opting for the incorporation of colors instead of excessive
colorfulness. I did this because I wanted to "fit in," and also because I no longer felt the need to draw attention to myself
in the manner, or for the reasons, that I did earlier in my life. Yes, I still have flair, but it's more of my personal style than
"flash."

Ironically, I've met many white men in corporate America who have a penchant for fine dressing and designer labels, but
they are driven by the pursuit of real status that's not defined or easily detected by the quality or appearance of their
clothing. In addition, the cost of their attire is proportionate with their income.

So even though considerable years have passed, I hope that I have sufficiently answered the question of what black men
and peacocks have in common, and more specifically, why black men tend to wear loud, colorful clothing for my former
co-worker, wherever he may be today.

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Black Men: Better Understood
Afraid of the Dark –
Working With Black Men in Corporate America
I've worked on-and-off in corporate America for 20 years as a
consultant, independent contractor, and employee. In that time, I've
had the dubious distinction of being the only black man, and many
times, the only black person in an office setting.

The thing about being the only black person in the office (i.e.
“token black”) is that it comes with psychosocial responsibility.

Many times, I, and other black men in similar situations, represent the lone intimate contact that our white colleagues
will have with other black people - and black men in particular. The extent of these interactions will be largely
determined by their comfort level and acceptance.

While many (white people) find it shocking that a black man can still be the sole representative of the black race in any
workplace, others (black people) know the phenomenon of the "token" black employee is still alive and well - especially
in geographical regions where there is not a high preponderance of blacks who work in executive or corporate positions.

Corporate environments are not for everyone; this seems to hold especially true for black men.

Because of the obvious absence of black men in the offices and corridors of corporate America, one can draw the
assumption that black men don't have a predilection for corporate jobs. That's not true. They just don't like them, and in
many cases, cannot handle their superficial nature.

Entry into the corporate environment for black men is especially rigorous. Qualifications and racism aside, there are high
barriers to entry which many of us simply are not aware of, and too often, are not qualified to meet. These barriers, which
also serve as filters, are predicated on the fears of those who create them.

On an executive level, hiring managers base their decisions on answers which revolve around questions such as: "Can I
see him bringing strong leadership to this company?" or "Will the other directors/managers/supervisors get along with
him?" and “Can we trust him?" and perhaps most importantly, “Do I feel comfortable working with him?”

From what I've seen, and what I've been told by people in HR who have spoken to me in confidence, is that for black
men, the real question is this: Does he fit in… while standing out?

Every company has its culture. When black men show up for an interview they are often unfamiliar with that culture.
Fitting in - or the perceived ability to fit in - is a major consideration in hiring decisions.

But it doesn't end with the obvious. On a deeper level, fitting in can also mean upholding
someone else's agenda.

Sometimes black men are hired because they will be less of a threat for advancement (i.e., less
likely to take someone's job), and less expensive because they tend to lack executive
opportunities, and thus executive experience for competitive executive pay, or because they
make a positive statement about a company's "commitment" to a diverse workforce.

Whatever the case, the office dynamics between black men and their white co-workers are truly something to behold. It's
common knowledge among black men who work in corporate America that white people get PR points for being
politically correct; therefore it behooves them to act as if they don't notice color.

But they do.

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Black Men: Better Understood
You can see it in their eyes when black men show up for interviews (especially when they don't have a "black" sounding
name (it’s now well-documented that discrimination takes place on that level as well). Once hired, black men have to
quickly put people at ease with the hiring decision by making co-workers feel comfortable, or by overtly proving that we
are qualified for the jobs they have been given.

The Kellogg School of Management recently conducted research which showed that black
men who had what they describe as a "Teddy Bear" face (chubby-cheeked cuteness) or a
"babyface" (youthful, warm, innocent) are preferred in these settings because such faces are
disarming.

The lead conductor of the research was quoted as saying: "To function effectively as an
African American male in the U.S. it helps to have a disarming mechanism."

They noted that a disarming mechanism is a physical or behavioral trait that eases perceptions of threat—it signals to
whites that they do not have a reason to fear this particular black individual. “Babyfaceness" is but one example: political
conservatism, style of speech or dress, smiling behavior, or even a Harvard education might also serve a similar
disarming function.

Interesting.

This is why so many black men who work in corporate America fit a particular profile: educated, articulate, cultured, and
non-threatening. When these characteristics are on full display, they contribute to the comfort level of whites.

Once some level of comfort is achieved, it has to be reinforced with positive interactions over a period of time. Each
interaction with our white co-workers will either confirm, or dispel pre-conceived notions that they have about us. Yes,
we are in a delicate position to alter perceptions.

Kinship is very important in any sphere of life. It creates a sense of belonging and relatedness that psychologists say is
key to work and career happiness.

Regardless of what type of face we have, there's always the presence of a palpable racial dynamic; in spite of our efforts
to ignore it. We can sense it just in the way we are greeted (or not greeted), the content of the conversations that we have
with others, body language, enthusiasm, etc. These actions or inactions often leave us feeling disconnected, if not
alienated.

If you are a white person reading this, just know that the token black guy in your office is well aware of it. He is also
aware of the fact that you are aware of this too. Working with us doesn't have to be awkward. All any of us want is
inclusion, full participation, equal treatment, and respect.

Some would call that a reasonable and realistic desire.

Surveys have shown that the best companies view their diversity (what little of it
there may be) as an asset; therefore, the presence of black men is to be applauded.
So let's focus together on the task at hand, and what we have in common. In doing
so, you will realize that being afraid of the dark is not only senseless, but an
individual choice.

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Black Men: Better Understood
The Repositioning of the Black Male

In the first presidential debate, Senator John McCain repeatedly accused

former Senator Barack Obama of lacking experience, being naive, and most
ironically, not knowing the difference between a tactic and a strategy. It was a
portentous allegation.

On Super Tuesday, after watching the Maverick and war hero (a.k.a.) McCain
go down in defeat, state after state, one thing was abundantly clear: "that one"
(a.k.a. Obama) not only knows the difference between tactics and strategies, but
has mastered them. It proved that you don't have to be a former prisoner of war
to effectively use tactics and strategies to accomplish your goals.

This article focuses on how black males can use the same tactics and strategies
employed by President Obama to reposition themselves to achieve success in
their professional endeavors and add momentum to the black male movement.

First, let's define terms to ensure that we are on the same page and are speaking the same language:

Tactic: a device for accomplishing an end. Strategy: a careful plan or method; a clever stratagem b: the art of devising or
employing plans or stratagems toward a goal. (There are many war references made in its alternate definitions; thus the
reason for McCain's arrogance.)

The commonly used and often misunderstood term "position" was created by marketing pioneers Al Ries and Jack Trout
in the 70s. According to them, position simply means to occupy a unique mental position in one's mind. We are all
positioned in one way or another. Positioning is the deliberate effort of establishing and controlling one's position. To
reposition is to change or improve one's original position. The act of positioning and repositioning should be thought of
and used as an element of strategy.

Now let's move on to the specifics of how the repositioning of black males can be accomplished through lessons
provided by President Barack Obama's historical campaign run.

First, I have to say that while both blacks and whites adroitly handled racial issues in this election with stunning
diplomacy, we all know - whether we care to admit it or not - that race, like sexuality, is always an issue. It's the big
elephant in the room that we are aware of, but try to ignore, as I try to ignore the fact that I now have over a decade of
experience working in corporate America and have yet to work alongside another black male. With the election of our
first black president.

No doubt we've crossed an epic racial barrier - but we still have many battles to be fought. We can't
be naive; racist issues (not to be confused with racial issues) still exist and they will undoubtedly
surface during Obama's Presidency. Many of the racial issues which pertain to and specifically
effect black men, can now be dealt with openly and politically since they were eclipsed by
universal concerns during the election. Focus upon them would have created the appearance of an
imbalanced perspective for Obama. After all, black issues are esoteric.

Obama's campaign team, lead by David Plouffe, and his chief strategist David Axelrod, have acknowledged that one of
the key tenets of the campaign was, in fact, to avoid discussions focused on race. From polling and interviews, the
campaign concluded from the outset that it was imperative to define Obama's candidacy in terms that would transcend
skin color. Who were their first efforts aimed at? Blacks.

Apparently, they deemed it imperative to get blacks to move beyond their "natural" skepticism that one of their own
could indeed become president. They knew that Obama would have to position himself to be chosen as a leader because

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leaders don't choose their followers; followers choose their leaders - regardless of race.

In a report on MSNBC.com by Adam Nagourney, Jim Rutenberg and Jeff Zeleny, Obama's campaign team made the
following quote, "The biggest race problem we had to solve was not with the white voters," Mr. Axelrod said, "but with
African-American voters, a deep sense of skepticism that this might happen."

How about that?

These are called intraracial issues. They offer a window, if not a measurement, into just how
long the roots of negativity and its insidious effects can have on the psyche of an oppressed
people. Were we really skeptical? Yes, initially, but we were not doubtful of Obama's
competence; we were doubtful of his chances based upon our system, and our individual and
collective black experiences.

After identifying the hurdles to the White House, Obama's camp had their agenda, a mission,
and a message. They were all set to execute a textbook course on repositioning Obama, and offer
America's black men invaluable lessons that they could use to transform their lives and achieve
greater success in their professional endeavors.

This brings us to lesson 1 in repositioning the black male: Remove skepticism - primarily your own - and identify
the hurdles to your success.

With Obama's campaign mantra of Change you can believe in, and Yes we can!, they created a strategy that would enable
them to fuel hope and engender allegiance at a time when our nation is at war and in dire economic straits, while
simultaneously instilling optimism into the psyches of African Americans, and the vast majority of Americans, in the
process.

The strategy was brilliant, but not surprising when you consider that Obama wrote a book entitled The Audacity Of Hope,
in which he wrote: "Hope is that thing inside of us that insists, despite evidence to the contrary, that something better
awaits us if we have the courage to reach for it, and to work for it, and to fight for it." The tears that flowed so copiously
during his acceptance speech were tears of hope. He clearly understands that one cannot have hope without optimism. He
may want to entitle his next book The Benefits Of Optimism.

Lesson 2 in repositioning the black male: Understand the mental and emotional state of the people you will serve in
order to inspire optimism. Build a bridge from them to you (not the other way around).

Psychologist Martin Seligman, author of the book Learned Optimism, says that optimism has been defined by some
researchers as simply seeing the silver lining and suggests that your explanation for why something happens has a major
impact on how you will act in the future and what result your actions will bring about. This in turn has an eventual
impact on your self-esteem and self-image. Optimists expect the best outcome, even during setbacks, and they're more
motivated to bring it about.

This is the reason why a record number of blacks, youth, and first time voters shed their apathy and zealously headed to
the polls in record numbers which accounted for 13 percent of the electorate.

The significance of optimism is not to be understated. Since studies show that black men live 7.1 years less than other
racial groups, have higher death rates than women for all leading causes of death, and experience disproportionately
higher death rates in all the leading causes of death, they'd be interested to know that increased optimism has health
benefits. The May 2008 issue of Harvard Men's Health Watch explores possible reasons for this connection.

Among the report findings: Highly pessimistic men were three times more likely to develop hypertension, and people
who display positive emotions had lower blood pressures. In one study, the most pessimistic men were more than twice
as likely to develop heart disease compared with the most optimistic. That's welcomed news since 40% of black men die
prematurely from cardiovascular disease as compared to 21% of white men.

The report concludes: These results argue persuasively that optimism is good for health. It is possible that optimists enjoy
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better health and longer lives because they lead healthier lifestyles, build stronger social support networks, and get better
medical care. In addition, optimism itself may have biological benefits, such as lower levels of stress hormones.

Because I know that many black men are church-going folks, they are sure to revel in the fact
that the Bible also contains scripture on optimism and its effects. (Matthew 8:25-27) Pessimism
results from lack of faith. Pessimism is born of doubt; optimism is born of faith. The
repositioned black male will have more faith in himself and will prove to be adept at garnering
the faith of those who were once reluctant to give it. Being extraordinary will be the norm.

Cornell Belcher, a pollster who worked for Obama's campaign and studies racial voting patterns
said to the press, "It would be difficult for an African-American to be elected president in this
country; however, it is not difficult for an extraordinary individual who happens to be African-
American to be elected president." Obama made mention of this in his acceptance speech when
he said, "I was never the likeliest candidate for the office." But he ran anyway. And he ran unlike any other presidential
candidate in history because he had to. Analysts say he ran a perfect campaign that was extraordinary in its execution.

Lesson 3 in repositioning the black male: Understand that being qualified begins in your mind with your own self-
image; the least likeliest candidate can still get the job. Also, you are no longer the least likeliest candidate.

Like Obama, you must make it your mission to get employers to become comfortable with you and the role in which you
will play in their company by demonstrating your ability to handle the challenges within that role. If your values are
aligned with theirs, all you have to do is effectively manage expectations and deliver - which is what the world is waiting
for Obama to do next.

It was obvious from the outset that Obama was a proficient politician, but he got better during the election in the same
manner that any talented and driven athlete gets better as their season progresses. He became superlative during the
playoffs of politics, the election run, and was simply indomitable in each of his debates. He didn't just win the election,
he restored faith in the integrity of the presidency while repositioning himself and showcasing solid character.

Lesson 4 in repositioning the black male: Showcase solid character at all times.

Where does the process of building character begin? At the very beginning of your journey: at home with your parents
and in college. It intensifies when you are pursuing the experience and skills necessary to successfully navigate through
your career when entering the workforce. It doesn't matter where you want your vocational journey to take you because
most people can't imagine where they are going to end-up; they just need to be prepared to succeed when they get there.

Chances are Obama didn't imagine being president when he was working with victims of housing and employment
discrimination. That experience, along with teaching at the University of Chicago Law, and landing a spot in the senate,
clearly helped him to acquire the skills, knowledge, and experience necessary to navigate the slippery slopes of the
political process without getting tripped up - despite the disproportionate lack of experience he had in comparison to
McCain.

Lesson 5 in repositioning the black male: Lack of experience does not equate lack of opportunity unless you allow
it to.

As previously stated, for many Americans, character takes shape in college. For black men, college attendance - on the
community college and university level - is dwindling. According to the spring 2006 Integrated Postsecondary Education
Data System survey (IPEDS), Black, non-Hispanic male students had the lowest three-year graduation rate - 16 percent -
among all minority male community college students.

In an article published in 2007, Disappearing Acts: The Vanishing Black Male On Community College Campuses,
Lorenzo I. Esters and Dr. David C. Mosby write: What is most alarming about the current state of the Black male on
America's community college campuses is that those who are in positions of leadership have been slow to recognize the
situation as a state of emergency and have been almost reluctant to own up to their responsibility to take corrective
action.
Research on the subject of Black male student retention may be a source for community colleges to gain some insight as
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to how they may appropriately respond to the epidemic.

Over the past 33 years, black women have enrolled in four-year colleges at higher rates than have black men, according
to the results of a new study conducted by the Higher Education Research Institute at UCLA's Graduate School of
Education & Information Studies. In 2004, black women comprised 59.3 percent of all first-time, full-time black students
attending four year institutions, compared to 54.5 percent in 1971.

With this type of research and data, why haven't there been any special initiatives or greater outreach from colleges to
address this issue? My research found a potential answer: Black male enrollments are shockingly low at many colleges
and universities, even those with good track records at attracting a diverse student body. While some demographers have
noted this situation for years, many colleges have shied away from dealing with the issue head on, fearing that doing so
could reinforce stereotypes, offend women, or draw conservative criticism.

Perhaps Obama will put this on his ever growing list of priorities. He's well aware of the problem and has referred to it
on several occasions, the first in his Democratic National Convention speech when he stated: "Yes, we must provide
more ladders to success for young men who fall into lives of crime and despair. But we must also admit that programs
alone can't replace parents (and) that government can't turn off the television and make a child do his homework...that
fathers must take more responsibility to provide love and guidance to their children."

Last year, at the NAACP forum on July 12, 2007, he was also quoted as saying: "We have more work to do when more
young black men languish in prison than attend colleges and universities across America." That is incorrect. The media
has perpetuated that myth by reporting the total number of incarcerated black males, in comparison to the total number of
college-age (18 - 25) black males. Accurate statistics reveal that since 2005 there are, in fact, more college age black
males enrolled in colleges and universities than there are incarcerated in the same group.

Lesson 6 in repositioning the black male: Increase and expand your education with the goal of becoming smarter.
That includes, but is not limited to, enrolling in school. Education builds character and is a crucial tactic in our overall
success strategy. Education shapes values, alters perspectives, and fosters altruism. Studies show that there is a direct link
between increased education and decreased levels of crime and violence - even within the prison system.

Education is also the fountain from which the tactical resolutions to the previously stated problems and those which have
plagued us for centuries will be spawned. The repositioned black male must encourage the next generation of black men
to take interest in pursuits other than sports and entertainment at a younger age. We need to deepen our talent pool of
future policy makers who can instigate and sustain change. A generation of young men, who like Obama, will be
efficient at using tactics and strategies to get results.

That's the crux of President Obama's success. Success is within closer reach for the repositioned
black male who comprehends that positioning is an art, a psychology, and a science. It's not just
for the artful, the psychological, or the scientific; it's for determined visionaries who want better
lives and a greater share of resources for their families, their communities, and themselves.

And while we have reached our most significant milestone as black men, we must now look
ahead to the future and prepare for it in the present, the way Obama did when he contained his
emotions, less than 30 minutes after being elected, and had the presence of mind during his
shining moment, to take the opportunity to manage soaring expectations by remarking in his
acceptance speech:

"The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even one term, but America --
I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you -- we as a people will get
there...there will be setbacks (see paragraph above on optimism and setbacks) and false starts. There are many who
won't agree with every decision or policy I make as President, and we know that government can't solve every problem.
But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree."

Final lesson in repositioning the black male: Always see the big picture and your place within it.

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The Proper Care & Maintenance of Black Men
The woman who loves a black man has a special challenge. She will have to be
diligent in her efforts to understand a man who often has difficulty understanding
himself. It's not that we black men are being purposely or intentionally elusive;
many of us simply don't know how not to be that way.

It's part conditioning, part programming, and part choice. Black men enter
relationships with many complex emotions which are often intertwined with
unresolved childhood issues, unique socioeconomic obstacles and the cumulative
effects of racism.

By the time we are ready to "settle down," our decision to do so is usually accompanied by trepidation. It's not that we
don't want to commit; many of us just don't know how to. Yes, we know conceptually what commitment means, but its
definition is not reinforced by examples that we can see and emulate in our homes, our communities, in most of our
friend's relationships, or in our churches.

A random sampling of any urban radio station also reveals a subtle, yet insidious cultural affliction which undermines the
value and respect for committed relationships: a gluttony of songs about being a player.

When black male teenagers inculcate these messages in their brains, it alters how they think about women, and how they
view relationships with women. But they are not discouraged from listening to these types of songs. No one can do that;
not even their parents who are usually trying to establish romantic relationships of their own, but more on that in a
minute. At the very least, parents should encourage their young men to think about the misogynistic lyrics that they can
recite better than the star spangled banner.

My many conversations with older black men about music in the 60s and 70s confirm one thing: the love song was alive
and well back in the day. It was an integral part of the courtship strategy that black men used to "woo" women. Smokey
Robinson, Barry White, Teddy Pendergrass, and Luther Vandross supplied the soundtrack and the lyrics which
influenced the romantic aspirations and psyches of young black men.

Babyface carried the torch in the 80s. After that, "booty calls," "hook-ups," and "friends with benefits" became - and still
is - what the majority of Hip-Hop and R&B songs are about. You'd be hard-pressed to find a song which extols the
virtues of being a family man, the love for one's children, or a song that mentions the word "wife."

Women have to view black men as computers. When they consider getting involved with a black man, they need to find
out what programs the model of their computer comes loaded with. Ideally, you want a computer that's equipped with the
programs that cater to your needs, enable you to execute your daily functions, and fulfills your desires.

That's not usually the case. Most women will have to add some programs, or do some reprogramming.

Because a successful relationship is really about having ongoing successful relations, the first area of concern - and
undoubtedly the greatest challenge - is communication. "Black men don't talk." I've heard this before. I've never been
accused of it, but I'm aware of it. What's interesting is that women don't say that black men don't talk before they get into
bed with them. Chances are he talks just as much now as he did before you became lovers. The only difference is that
you are listening to (and viewing) him differently. With your new level of intimacy, you have a stronger need (and
desire) to connect with him verbally, not just sexually.

He doesn't feel the same way.

Yes he pursued you. Yes he expressed his desire efficiently and convincingly in the beginning, but once in a relationship,
black men tend to retreat to safety. It's part of our conditioning. The vulnerability that we feel is juxtaposed with the
strength (a.k.a "swagger") that we superficially display. Unfortunately, we don't know when to drop it, or display it in a
different manner (e.g., with compassion, tenderness, or empathy). Have you ever heard someone say, "He's got a
compassionate swagger?" Of course not. Swagger is all about confidence and strength. It protects us from other men, and
makes us desirable to women. We just have to be programmed to know when it's appropriate and safe to be swaggerless.

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 Because black men don't talk openly and freely about the issues that affect them most (with
their women or anyone else for that matter), they internalize a great deal of rage, anguish,
and fear. Some manage it better than others, but we all have it to some degree. It stems from
fragmented or non-existent relationships with our fathers, constantly being treated as
perpetrators, and having to work two to three times harder than our white male peers to
achieve the same success.

Unlike black women who benefit from the mental and emotional support of girlfriends,
relatives, networks, or even co-workers, black men tend to be isolated - personally and
professionally. On the surface, it seems that black men are the kings of the jungle giving
"pounds," handshakes, and random hugs to random people. To any onlooker it would appear
that they know everyone.

Nothing is further from the truth. We thrive in the area of social status because we often lack status in other areas; the
areas that count the most. Publicly, our social persona helps us maintain the appearance of being someone, and being
liked. It also fortifies the illusion of our swagger.

Privately, we go through it. Black women have their mothers to call for reassurance and direction which they can draw
strength and exemplification from on a wide range of topics. Black men have a longing for their father's guidance, and a
desire to be connected with other men to receive emotional support, but it's not to be.

Presenting one's self in a weak, needy, or distressed light to another black man obliterates the perception (a.k.a "a front")
which we black men work hard to create, and even harder to uphold. It makes the creation of a black male support
system exceedingly and unnecessarily difficult. So we suffer alone to avert judgment.

For the black woman who is in a relationship with a black man, know that he does not
experience - nor does he see - the world the way that you do. You were embraced both
socially and professionally before we were. You've never been considered a threat, and
you've received more opportunities as a result. The world that your black man lives in
can feel like an uphill race. A good woman (i.e., a woman who understands her man and
how to positively motivate him) can help a black man embrace his struggles, and not
feel victimized by them.

Statistics show that black men are lagging far behind black women in education, professional accomplishments, starting
businesses, and executive advancements. Yes, in the words of Aretha Franklin, "sisters are doin' it for themselves," but
they are doing it alone.

African-Americans have the lowest marriage rate out of all demographics. African-American women are three times as
likely to never marry as their white counterparts - which has to be a contributing factor in 70 percent of black children
being born out wedlock. Black men often feel displaced. They don't see their place or their role in their homes when their
women achieve the level of self-sufficiency that they have in the last decade.

The black men who do marry are apparently a special breed. According to published reports by the U.S. Census Bureau,
45 percent of black men and 42 percent of black women have never been married. Of the black women who do get
married, 52 percent of them marry by age 30, compared to 81 percent of white women who are married at the same age.

In spite of that, 65% of never-married black women have children, double that of white women. 22% of never-married
black women with incomes over $75,000 have children, which is 10 times that of white women. 85% of black children
do not live in a home with their fathers. With the reality of these statistics, the magnitude of the problems concerning the
proper care and maintenance of black men can't be overlooked by the women who love them. These problems also can't
be overlooked by the black women and families that are plagued by them.

At the root of so many of the problems which afflict black men is self-love. From self-love comes self-
respect. From self-respect comes honor and pride in who you are; not what you do or how much money
you make. Self-love and self-worth are delicately intertwined. Women can love their black men to
death, but if they don't love themselves, they will never feel deserving and worthy of the love and the
life they are blessed to have. Black men must be reprogrammed to use self-love as a foundation upon
which a greater love of life, and love for others can be built. Self-love and swagger may look the same
from afar, but one emanates from the inside. Now you will be able to tell the difference when up close.

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B a b e s & B a b i e s
How They Influence & Impact Black Men

In the movie I Think I Love My Wife, comedian and actor Chris Rock
plays a sexually deprived husband and loving father who develops a
crush on an old college friend (played by Kerry Washington).

They start hanging out and his rekindled friendship awakens some
romantic desires which create a disruption in both his marriage and his
job.

When he becomes dizzy with lust and starts to lose grip on his responsibilities at the prestigious investment firm for
which he works, his boss has a heart-to-heart with him and delivers some profound advice: "You can lose a lot of money
chasing women...but you can't lose women chasing money."

If only young black men would take heed to this advice as they are growing up. Such focus would prevent the
underdevelopment of potential and values which cause them to go astray and seek validation in other ways.

Culturally, black boys (especially those who have modest or above average looks) hear how many girlfriends they are
expected to have, how many hearts they are going to break, or what a "lady killer" they are going to be before they learn
to tie their own shoes.

With the seeds of distraction planted so early in their fertile minds, and predictions of being a future "heartbreaker,"
black boys formulate subconscious achievement motives that entail the validation, edification, and prioritization of
“babes.”

The validation confirms that they do indeed appeal to the opposite sex. The edification is what allows them to elevate
themselves above the male competitors in their age group; further allowing the boosting of the ego and feelings of self-
worth. The prioritization is the rank of importance that they place upon the expenditure of time used in the pursuit and
conquest of women.

Combined, they form the roots for many of the problems that plague black families. I call it the babes and babies
syndrome: black men who are driven by the pursuit of babes and shun the responsibility of taking care of their babies in
the process.

For many of these young boys that become young men who suffer from this syndrome, it's hard to change their
mentality. After all, if you are constantly asked how many girlfriends you have as you are growing up, it creates an
unconscious expectation. Coupled with the fact that many of your peers are engaging in, and thereby endorsing the same
behavior, our black teenage boys are more likely to get their player's cards before getting library cards.

Despite the fact that friends and family members tell them to "settle" down when they get older (now full-grown men), it
takes time (and usually some drama) before they develop a sense of consciousness about their lecherous ways. It's not
that they can't help it, they often simply don't know how - especially after spending most of their lives as virile men
whose self-worth and self-esteem is tied to the validation they receive from the sexual conquest of women.

Breaking habits and changing the way we think is a tremendous challenge for all of us, but for the players of the world,
it's exceptionally difficult. It doesn't happen simply because they feel "it's time," or because they feel like they're "getting
older," it happens when the conquest of babes no longer holds the allure, power, validation, or meaning that it once did.
Then - and only then - can there be a true shift in values.

Some do make the successful transition from boys to men. They are the ones who either never bought into the "player's
mentality" because they were guided or focused from an early age by parents, had off-setting values, or they played the
field and their conscious made them change their ways; thus avoiding the babes and babies syndrome.

Those who cling to the predatory mentality of using women to build, feed, or sustain their egos well into their adulthood

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Black Men: Better Understood
comprise the bulk of the perpetrators who contribute to the demise of the socioeconomic plight of today's black families.

It's a very serious problem.

How serious? SAVE AMERICA Ministries published A Portrait of the Black Family 2007: Descent into Destruction! in
which the following statistics were documented:

-70% of all black children are born out of wedlock.

-62% of black families with children are headed by a single parent.
-85% of black children do not live in a home with their fathers.
-Only 15-20% of black children born today will grow up with 2 parents until age 16.
-70% of African-American boys in the criminal justice system come from single-parent
homes.
-50% of all new AIDS cases are in the Black community which comprises only 12% of
the population.
-85% of all AIDS cases in Atlanta are black women.
-African-Americans are 20 times more likely than whites to have gonorrhea.
-AIDS is now the #1 killer of black women, age 25-44.
-67% of black women with AIDS contracted HIV thru heterosexual sex.
-Black men in America engage in polygamous relationships, 3 1/2 times that of White or Hispanics.
-Nearly 2 million black males are either currently in a state or federal prison or have been in one.
-By age 30, only 52% of black women will marry compared to 81% of white women, 77% of Hispanics and Asians.

James Flynn, whose claim to fame is his much discussed "Flynn Effect" in which he documents the increase in black IQs
by about 15 percent, published the following information which relates to the demise of black marriages in New Scientist.

Government statistics show that at birth there are 104 black boys for every 100 girls. Between ages 25 and 45, six more
men than women are dead, leaving 98 men for every 100 women. Of these 98 men, nine are in jail, eight are missing and
21 are employed less than half-time.

That leaves 60 "promising" black men - men who are alive, employed and not convicted felons. Also consider that
promising black men living with a non-black partner outnumber white men with a black partner by three. That leaves
only 57 black men for every 100 women in a position to be a permanent partner. Out of 100 black women, 43 face the
choice of either having a child by a black man who is unlikely to settle down with them or going childless - assuming
they (a) want to get married, and (b) want to have children.

That's compelling information. Is it accurate? The wreckage that can be seen in fragmented black families which are
headed by single mothers says that it is. Also, just witnessing the number of wayward black men who continue to
celebrate their masculinity through procreation instead of through the active and full parent participation in the lives of
their children, is further proof.

When black men can find significance and meaning in their lives internally they are less reliant on external
circumstances for an ego boost, or to fill a void. They can find pride, peace, and salvation in the sanctity of marriage, and
the joy of fatherhood if they choose to attach value to it.

This brings me back to the movie I Think I Love My Wife.

Once Chris Rock’s character reveals his lust to his long lost friend, they agree to have a "good-bye
fling." He arrives at her place and continues to ponder his decision to go through with it. She opens
the door wearing very revealing lingerie, which effectively confirms his decision to go through with
it. He catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror with his tie on his head and is reminded of his
young daughter (who he is in a previous scene playing with affectionately). It's a moment of
reckoning for him. He reassembles himself and leaves without becoming another victim of the
babes and babies syndrome

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Black Men: Better Understood
 T o n g u e - ti e d :
Black Men Speaking Out In A White World

"He is a light-skinned African-American with no Negro dialect, unless he wants to have one."
These were the puzzling words of Senator Harry Reid who made the statement in reference to
President Obama. They invoked a staunch reaction from blacks, and caused uproar in some
political circles. Was it a malicious remark? Or was it an innocuous statement taken out of
context?

Harry Reid said it was a compliment. But what was he complimenting? The fact that Obama is special? Or that he is
special because he does not use the stereotypical parlance associated with most black men?

Language has always been a measure of social status, educational level, and intellectual ability for men. Slave owners
actually preferred slaves who lacked communication skills because they were less likely to organize revolts. It's no
wonder: strong communication skills are inherent to all great leaders.

Slaves that were referred to as "field Negros" were only required to work with their hands;
doing laborious work outside the plantation. “House Negros” were generally viewed as being
smarter, less threatening, and having better communication skills. They were often the
descendants of slave owners, and as a result, were light-skinned.

It's not surprising that there are still whites (and white men in particular) who feel more comfortable with light-skinned
black males in a professional environment; any prolonged observation of our underrepresentation in America's various
workforces reveal this truth.

The plight of the house Negro and the field Negro persists. Language often divides them more than skin tone.

Harry Reid's comments were not offensive; they were insightful. If the media would have taken the time to place his
comment in its proper historical context, a valuable educational opportunity could have been had for both whites and
blacks.

Instead, the comment merely serves as a vivid reminder that times change, but perceptions remain the same.

Having good communication skills affords one an advantage in business (and in life). For black men it's especially true.
Good verbal communication skills enable us to penetrate the circles where greater opportunities reside.

President Obama is exceptional as a black male communicator, and extraordinary as a communicator. This is what
enabled him to distinguish himself. When his presidency is over, his prowess as an orator will be his true legacy.

For non-presidential black males, the stigma of being inarticulate is dissipating, but we will, seemingly, forever walk the
fine, tenuous line between being effective communicators, and using "no Negro" dialect...unless we want to.

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Black Men: Better Understood
 The reality is that every culture has its own dialect. No one questions the use of Spanish
by Hispanics in a professional environment. In fact, many Hispanic professionals are
hired because of their ability to communicate with those who speak the language.

Dialect is language; a variety of language used by the members of a group as a manner

or means of expressing oneself. It is distinguished by features of vocabulary, grammar,
and pronunciation. English is the world's language. It balances our linguistic differences.

To infer a preference for an African American "with no Negro dialect" illustrates

prejudice at best, and ignorance at worst. It's the equivalent of saying you prefer
Hispanics who don't speak Spanish so that you are not reminded that they are different from you.

Being tongue-tied (i.e., unable or disinclined to speak freely) is nothing new to black men. We have to choose our words
felicitously to make white men comfortable because we don't want them wondering if we talk "like the rest of them."

Speaking with the "Negro dialect" that we grew up with is natural to black men; using "no Negro dialect" is unnatural,
but can be done. Failure to do so can derail a career. Most successful black men are taught, or learn from experience,
when it behooves them to be tongue-tied.

The burden of "speaking white" (which many blacks ignorantly, and whites arrogantly refer to as "proper English") is a
challenge for many black men. They liken it to learning and becoming fluid in a foreign language. Both are achieved
with focus and consistent practice. And when it's achieved, you get to impress an ignoramus like Senator Harry Reid who
clearly has a checklist of attributes that black men must have to make him feel comfortable.

While more and more black men understand and reluctantly accept the conditions of our integration into the workplace,
we can only refrain from using "no Negro dialect" for so long. It comes out eventually - usually when our white male
colleagues become comfortable with us and use some form of Negro dialect themselves in an effort to "bond" with us.

This usually takes place during conversations about non-work related issues, such as sports or music.

Even when we remove (or think we are allowed to remove) the bonds from which our tongues are tied, they are never
truly unleashed. We can be liberal in expressing ourselves, but a black man with no tongue restraint is a black man who
becomes a target for silencing - no matter what arena he is in. Where’s our Rush Limbaugh? Where’s our Bill O’Reilly?

Martin Luther King and Malcolm X had very different dialects. Still, both suffered the same fate
because they expressed themselves with unprecedented freedom. There have been no black men
since (not even our beloved, but politically correct, President Obama) who were less tongue-tied
than them.

So it remains, black men continue to be discriminant about when, where, and to whom we are able
to "keep it real." And like Obama, we know that privately, if not publicly, using the full spectrum of
"Negro dialects" comes at a price that many cannot afford.

© 2016 Publishing

All rights reserved. Except as permitted by the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this may be reproduced,
distributed, or transmitted in any form, or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without
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Black Men: Better Understood
the prior written permission.

About the author

Gian has helped countless people achieve greater work, career & life success for
two decades. Specializing in the coaching of professionals, music artists, and
entrepreneurs, Gian has played pivotal roles in the career development and
achievements of clients in diverse industries, and is renowned for his psychology
based counseling expertise and strategies that facilitate growth.

Prior to launching Fiero Flair, his empowerment company specializing in

professional & personal development, Gian was an adjunct professor at San
Francisco State University where he designed and conducted a highly applauded
career development course that catalyzed the career and entrepreneurial successes
of copious students for a decade. Gian now utilizes his gifts as an educator and
coach in his newest endeavor, Success Circle, group counseling sessions for like-
minded individuals striving to achieve greater work, career & life success.

Visit Gian’s blog, The Growth Tree, for inspiration and growth.

www.thegrowthtree.blogspot.com
Media inquiries & feedback:
mrgianfiero@yahoo.com
(510) 924-6079

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Black Men: Better Understood