Questions and Answers from the Lake Orion Community Mental Health Forum on 2/23/14

How do you start conversations with Parents? What advice do you have for kids today with communicating with parents? The first step is to outline what it is that you need to tell your parents; the importance of the issue and the best way that you think it will be to let them know about it. Choose a time and place to discuss the issue with your parents. When choosing to talk to your parents, sometimes the best place is not at home. People generally will not risk making a scene in public after hearing what you have to say. Pick a parent that is best suited to discuss the issue. Depending on the issue, your mom or your dad may be the one to best talk to. Use your best judgment here and decide which parent is the right parent, or if telling both your parents at the same time is best. Talk to your parents. Now that you have completed the above three steps, it is time to unload what is on your mind to your parents. Be prepared that they may not respond as you wish them to, but then again they may respond in a positive manner. You can text the Crisis Text Line 24 hours a day; 7 days a week to practice or to work out what you want to say. Text # 741741 How do you support a friend who has lost a child to suicide? Reach out. Be there. Your very presence will be comforting and reassuring. Everyone grieves differently, at different paces, and different intensities.

Follow the lead of the person who is grieving. Some survivors of suicide loss find it helpful to talk about the details of the death, share pictures of their loved one, cry, or express their intense emotions. Others prefer not to.

Listen with your full attention. Don't be afraid to ask about their loved one or to say their loved one's name. It hurts so much more when no one talks about the person they lost. Offer to help with specific tasks. Instead of saying, Im here if you need me or Tell me what I can do to help, ask, Can I help by

What would you say are the top three root causes of suicide/suicidal thoughts? This is a difficult topic to narrow down to three root causes. However, experts believe a number of things determine how vulnerable a person is to suicide. Which include, but are not limited to: the loss or the threat of a loss (job, financial, relationship), life history (trauma, sexual/physical abuse, neglect), mental health conditions (serious conditions such as depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, etc. can be contributors), lifestyle (abuse of alcohol or other substances), genetics and family history. A newer theory about suicide, devised by Dr. Thomas Joiner, states that three main factors can cause someone to turn to suicide. They are:

a perception (usually mistaken) that they are alone in the world and that no one really cares about them

a feeling (again, usually mistaken) that they are a burden on others and that people would be better off if they were dead

fearlessness toward pain and death

I became suicidal when dealing with my sexual orientation. How do you support a GLBT youth or their family? You are not alone: Upon learning that your family member is LGBTQ, you may feel a variety of emotions ranging from relief and acceptance to shock, denial, guilt and anger. One of the most valuable resources is Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. PFLAG offers a volunteer-based network of peer

support chapters around the country (see www.pflag.org to find the chapter nearest you). Most importantly, reassure your child of your unconditional love. Show appreciation for the strength and courage it takes to come out: If your family member has come out to you, its likely that it took a lot of strength and courage to make that disclosure. Its now up to you to match this with your own courage, commitment, love and support. Your expression of your love and acceptance is extremely important for your childs well-being. Expand your knowledge of LGBTQ issues: Dont rely on unfounded myths and stereotypes about LGBTQ people. Supportive literature specifically intended for parents of LGBTQ youth can help you develop a better understanding of these issues and a better relationship with your child. Such resources can be obtained through PFLAG. Understand the importance of your support: Be mindful that your reaction to your childs sexual orientation or gender identity will have a major impact on his or her life. LGBTQ children and youth who are rejected by their parents face a significantly higher risk of depression, substance abuse and suicide compared with LGBTQ youth from accepting families. Dont try to change your family members sexual orientation or gender identity: While young people may go through a process to come to understand what their sexual orientation or gender identity may be, its important to understand that these traits are a part of each persons identity and can no more be changed for an LGBT person than they can for anyone else. Conversion therapies are regarded by mental health experts as ineffective, unethical and the cause of increased risk of depression, anxiety and self-destructive behaviors. Instead of trying to change your LGBTQ child, give him or her support. How can I support my child who is in a crisis or suicidal? Take the situation seriously, be aware of sudden changes in behavior or moods and be willing to be their support and/or to link them to support. If the child has been displaying symptoms of depression or other mental illness, share your concern with them and ask what would be most helpful for them. They may not know that help is available and how to access it. Ask clearly and directly if the person is thinking about suicide. You will never plant the idea of suicide. 3

To assess intent, ask the individual if s/he has a plan, access to lethal means (pills, gun, etc.), or has decided when to act. If the means are available, can they be safely removed and placed in the care of another person or police department.

Offer the person hope because these suicidal thoughts and feelings will pass; There is help available and people who care 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Offer to connect them with emergency department, their doctor or Common Ground for crisis and suicide intervention services.

Oakland County Youth Suicide Prevention has created a Parent Toolkit to empower parents with this difficult and important conversation with their children. You can contact Lauren Bizyk, Public Health Educator with the Oakland County Health Division at (248) 858-7171, if youd like a copy of the Parent Toolkit or for more information.

How do you support a child who loses a friend to suicide? Talk about and remember the person who died: Bringing up the name of the person who died is one way to give the child permission to share his or her feelings about the deceased. It reminds the child that it is not taboo to talk about the deceased. Respect Differences in Grieving Styles: Some children want to talk about the death, while others want to be left alone. Some like to stay busy and others withdraw from all activities and stay home. Recognizing and respecting that each child grieves in his or her own way is essential to the healing process for a family. Listen to children talk about their feelings and watch their behavior, and you will help clarify and affirm these natural differences. Listen without Judgment: One of the most helpful and healing things we can do for a child is to listen to his or her experiences without jumping into judge, evaluate or fix. Well-meaning adults often try to comfort a child with phrases such as, I know just how you feel, or, worse, advice such as get over it or move on. While our intentions to soothe a grieving child are correct, using such responses negate the childs own experiences and feelings. Use open-ended questions such as Whats that been like? or How is that?" Children are more likely to share their feelings without 4

pressure to respond in a certain way. This is just one way we can validate their experiences and emotions, helping them regain a sense of safety, balance and control. Take a Break: Children grieve in cycles. For example, they may be more inclined to play and divert their focus from the death when the death is recent and parents are grieving intensely. More than adults, children need time to take a break from grief. It is important to know that its okay to take a break. Having fun or laughing is not disrespectful to the person who died; this is a vital part of grieving, too. Who can or should people call if they are concerned about their child? Common Grounds Resource & Crisis Helpline (800) 231-1127 is seen as our gateway into services it is available 24/7 and through that we link those to our internal programs. Common Grounds Oakland Assessment & Crisis Intervention Service (OACIS) is our 24/7 crisis intervention and assessment department for adults and children. It is located at 461 W. Huron Pontiac, MI 48341 which moved into a new location located at the 1200 N. Telegraph Complex this winter. Oakland County Community Mental Health Authority: (800) 231-1127 to ACCESS services Family physician: They may know family history and can make proper referral to mental health professionals. Family services agencies, such as Catholic Charities, Family Services, or Jewish Social Services Educational consultants or school counselors and Clergy Psychiatric hospitals accredited by the Joint Commission on Accreditation of Health Care Organizations

If you would like to see these things happen in your school district, how would you start?

Have local youth collaborate with prevention service providers and coalitions to address the issue with school(s) superintendent, school counselors.

Why does it seem like Lake Orion is experiencing more suicides than other areas? Suicides are happening in other areas and at the same rates as Lake Orion. Because Lake Orion is smaller per capita, the impact seems greater. Any loss in any area is a tragedy and combining prevention efforts with county wide resources helps decrease the negative stigma that encapsulates mental health and empowers community members to get the help they need. How can I find out more about Mental Health First Aid Training? Does it really help?

You can find out more about MHFA Training by calling our TTI Training Department at 248-524-8801. Yes it does help MHFA is able to introduce participants of risk factors and warning signs of mental illnesses. This training helps build skills in order to help individuals through crises some people will only need help through that one circumstance and others will need more professional help and this training helps determine the difference in those circumstances, as well as the resources that can offer further help if needed. How long did it take before you asked your parents for help and what was their response?

It took me about 4 months to tell them. It was after my second close call that I knew that if I didnt get help then I would eventually succeed. The fact that my mind chose suicide as a rational option to solving my problems scared me. Because I was giving off signs that I wasnt aware of, my parents had a feeling that something was wrong so when I told them that I needed help because I was afraid that I was going to hurt myself, they listened and got me into treatment. How do I take care of myself when my child is struggling? EXCELLENT question!!! Always put your oxygen mask on first. You cannot help anyone if youre tank is empty; empty buckets have nothing to give. Ok, enough with the analogies but you get my point. Do what works for you. Here are some basic things: 6

Seek help from a therapist This is an emotionally overwhelming time for everyone in your family. Model for your child that mental health therapy is not taboo.

Eat a healthy well balanced diet this tends to be the first thing to go when under high stress. Exercise you dont have to run a marathon; walking 15-20 minutes a day, simply daily stretching. Phone a friend frequently we feel as we a burden to our friends when in fact they are more than happy to support our journey. Wouldnt you? Get up 15 minutes early enjoy the quiet; Stay up 15 minutes late Enjoy the quiet Maintain intimacy with your partner physical, mental and emotional. This is very important your children will eventually leave home. Your partner is forever and you need each other now more than ever. Date nights together are a must!

Take a vacation day from work and: play golf, watch Netflix all day, and have a date day with your partner Take a hot bath, get facial, pedicure, manicure Do one thing EVERY DAY for 10-15 minutes that will relax and/or make you happy

As parents of a daughter who suffers with anxieties, we are unsure how to help her work beyond them. She is in therapy, but at age 15, still struggles immensely. She struggles leaving home, social struggles.

This is difficult. Anxiety is very physical and scary to the individual struggling and yet; as perplexing and scary to loved ones around her. Im pleased to hear that she is receiving therapeutic services. Be aware that achieving mastery over social anxieties takes time. Without knowing her or your family it is difficult to comment specifically. I recommend she continue to follow through and be patient with therapists and/or psychiatrists recommendations. If you feel that the current treatment is not effective or there is no improvement at all after several months you may consider seeking another provider.

Why do some of the medications to treat depression actually cause suicidal thoughts? Why would someone take it then?

This is actually a controversial topic in the medical community. A few medical trials for one medication indicated that there was a risk for suicidal thoughts. Therefore doctors have an obligation to share this with patients and discuss any possible risks or side effects. If you have any concerns about medications always discuss this with your doctor. Remember, before prescribing medication the psychiatrists first inclination is do no harm. So she will always have your best interest in mind. How can you tell if depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain or just from a cause and effect? Quite simply you do not leave it to the professionals. If it is a chemical imbalance a psychiatrist MAY prescribe medication. Either way, do not try to determine this yourself, seek help from a mental health professional who will work with you to determine the best course of treatment for you. What happens when people begin getting mental health services? Whats the next step? After the initial assessment and eligibility determination for public mental health services is determined by Common Ground, individuals are given information about OCCMHA service provider agencies. These agencies, including Community Network Services, Easter Seals Michigan, Oakland Family Services, and Training and Treatment Innovations, work with people to develop a Person-Centered Plan to help them achieve their mental health and life goals.