You know, I have no idea how to start this...

I haven't even been able to make up my mind if I wanted to say anything, or just keep quiet and let things as they are for now. I feel like openess and honesty are the best way to go though (as well as my only option for retaining sanity lol), so here goes... I kind of wish I'd never said anything about liking or aring about you. It's too late to take it ba k now, but sometimes I wonder if keeping my mouth shut wouldn't have been better. You never said, even when I asked later, if you just thought of me as a friend or if you liked me too. I didn't want to ask, but I knew I needed to know so I ould either try to move on or we ould figure it out. You told me then that you weren't sure, that you needed time to sort through your emotions and figure things out and I was alright with that. !ntil I wasn't. "nowing the answer means being able to do something, to make a de ision and then be able to follow through with it. #ot knowing on the other hand, it drives you ra$y, throws you into an emotional wasteland where everything spins out of ontrol. It hurts. %here are downs, but then there are the good parts too. %hey give you a false sense of strength, make you think you'll make it through to the other side uns athed. %hat's why one day I know I an't just be friends while you try to figure things out, and the ne&t I'm telling myself that I an do it. %hat I really an keep myself from getting any deeper, knowing I'm lying to myself all along but not wanting to admit it. 'ow hard is it to know( I mean really, either you feel something or you don't. If it takes you weeks to figure it out, I'm leaning towards not, or else not enough. I know you don't feel like you're ready for a relationship, I may not know why you feel that way, but I an respe t it. 'owever, sometimes things happen that we an't avoid and we just have to find a way to deal with them. )hanging relationships are one of those unavoidable things. *ight now there are two ways this an go that I an see, no more no less. +ne, you just think of me as a friend. In whi h ase, ,!-% %.// 0.1 I will somehow manage to find a way to live through it. 2ain in life is just a fa t. It doesn't last forever though and eventually in time it fades and is forgotten. 3on't be afraid to be open and honest with me be ause you're afraid of hurting my feelings. 4etter to deal with it now than deal with it later. - enario two, you do like me and for whatever male reason, have de ided I'm better off in emotional 5nar ti a not knowing about it. In whi h ase, ,!-% %.// 0.1 I'm really good at being patient, when I have a good reason to be. /iking someone does not involve a lifetime ommitment. It means you're lu ky enough to have found someone you might be ompatible with. 0ight being the key word here. You never know if it's going to work or not unless you give it a han e in the first pla e. I don't think you start out in a relationship feeling 6ready6 for it. .spe ially not if you've never been in one before. 3ating is a huge leap of faith, you either fly or you fall. %he thing is, you'll never know unless you jump. %hings will work out in the end or they won't, that's just apart of it, of life. /iking someone means talking so you're both on the same page and then figuring out what to do ne&t that's best for both of you. -ome people feel the need to rush, others believe in taking things slow. %hen there are the people who pass up their han es. #o one gets anywhere though, without owning up to how they feel or don't feel as the ase may be, and then doing something about it. I'm not e&pe ting an instant reply here to any of this. %hink about it. I just needed to let you know where I am right now. I really need you to let me know where you are too,

and what you're thinking about all this. +pen and honest is all I'm asking for. I suppose I should say I'm sorry I'm su h a girl, with all this talking you ould probably do without... 4ut you're just gonna have to deal with it 782 )assie