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The Profound Abstruseness of

Life and Death

The Meaning of
Near-Death
Experiences (35)
By Vajra Master Pema Lhadren
Translated by Simon S.H. Tang

What is Your Most Wanted Thing When You Come Across a Major Crisis?
How to Express your Genuine Concern to a Seriously-Ill Patient?

Excerpt of Last Chapter: Various


Reasons on the Formation of Different
Scenes at the Moment of Death
The scenes at the moment of death can be roughly classified in
the following categories in accord with the varieties of the main
causes and auxiliary conditions:

1. The Separation of the Four Elements the main cause (the


internal consciousness and sub-consciousness, including
all kinds of memories) conjoins with the auxiliary conditions
(the Separation of the Four Elements in the external circumstances) in forming the scenes at the moment of death (please
refer to the articles on The Meaning of Near-death Experiences in Issues 8 and 20 of the Lake of Lotus).

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1. Protectors or avengers: (i) good ones saw kith and


kin who had passed away, unknown protectors,
deities or Buddhas coming to fetch for oneself
(ii) bad ones being besieged by a crowd of ferocious persons or beasts, and going along in
company with groups of people who looked
confused.
2. Strange places: (i) good ones saw pavilions, balconies, buildings, flower fields, rivers, light zones,
towns or cities.
2. The Endorphins Inside the Brain the main

(ii) bad ones saw wilderness, forests, darkness,

cause (the internal consciousness and sub-

caverns, hells.

consciousness) conjoins with the auxiliary conditions (the endorphins inside the brain of the

3. Messy Issues that cannot be recalled clearly.

external circumstances) in forming the scenes at


the moment of death (please refer to the article

How would the Buddhist point of view comment on

on The Meaning of Near-death Experiences in

these phenomena? According to the Buddhist teach-

Issue 21 of the Lake of Lotus).

ings, it was said that rebirth would take place within


forty-nine days after a person has passed away, then

3. The Karmic Forces the main cause (the in-

why would a dying person see the kith and kin who

ternal consciousness and sub-consciousness)

had passed away long time ago still coming to fetch

conjoins with the auxiliary conditions (the kar-

for him or her? Why had not the kith and kin taken re-

mic forces of the external circumstances) in form-

births after so many years posthumously? Are the ap-

ing the scenes at the moment of death. This can

pearances of these deceased persons merely the illu-

be further classified into the following two kinds:

sions of the person who is going to die? Or were they


really true? Are there any other reasons? Are those

i. Wholesome Ones arising from: (a) virtuous

strange places the destinations where they are going

retributions (please refer to the article on The

to be reborn into? Under what circumstances would

Meaning of Near-death Experiences in Issue

the normal rebirth of a dying person be negatively en-

21 of the Lake of Lotus); and (b) the efforts of

cumbered? Is there any way to help a deceased per-

ones Dharma practice (the main theme of this

son to avert sufferings

article in this issue).

and elevate to a better


place of rebirth?

ii. Unwholesome Ones arising from: (a) vicious


retributions; and (b) the forces of karmic credi-

Human

tors in seeking compensations on ones karmic

four kinds of condi-

debts.

tions of conscious-

beings

have

ness (please refer


According to the records of different surveys, most of

to the article The

the dying people had seen the following scenes:

Wisdom

in

Directing

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the dying patients respond to the transformation of consciousness and change of scenes at
the moment of death for guiding the emotions and
spiritual direction of the dying patients? Could the
transformation of consciousness and the change of
scenes at the moment of death be complementary
to each other? Furthermore, the disintegration of the
Four Elements of the physical body also affects the
transformation of consciousness, as well as on the
change of the scenes at the moment of death.
Hence, how should one support and provide guidance to a dying patient in order to reduce or resolve
the predicament from these problems?

What is the Ultimate Assistance


in the First Stage of Approaching
Death?
Ones Dharma Practice in Issue 26 of the Lake of
The care-givers, kin and kith and professional

Lotus) as follows:

counselors should perform the following steps when a


1. Beta waves the conscious condition of daily living;

dying person is approaching the first stage of death:

2. Alpha a waves the relaxed consciousness condi-

1. Accepting and Understanding

tion, such as in entering into the elementary stage

2. Listening and Observing

of visualization, or at the first stage of mental

3. Analyzing and Adopting

concentration; or the condition when the spiritual

4. Leading Out and Guiding In

body is slowly separating from the physical body;

5. Accompanying with Unspoken Consensus

3. Theta O waves the peaceful conscious condition of having entered into higher levels of
visualization, or at the deeper levels of mental
concentration;
4. Delta waves slow conscious condition of not
having any dreams, and in a stage of slow-wave
deep sleep.
In fact, how does the arising of the different stages
in approaching death and its transformation of consciousness affect the thoughts and behaviors of
dying patients? What are their relationships with the
scenes at the moment of death? How should
the family and kin and kith who take care of
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The key points of applica-

lyzing and Adopting is to be directed by a dy-

tion and their importance

ing patient, while the second part of Analyz-

on the issues of Accepting

ing and Adopting, which is to be directed by

and Understanding and

the care-givers, kin and kith and professional

Listening and Observing

counselors , have already been discussed in

had been clearly

high-

the previous two chapters (please refer to the

lighted in the cases of the

articles on The Meaning of Near-death Expe-

previous chapters (please

riences in Issues 32 and 33 of the Lake of

refer to the articles on The

Lotus). The fourth step on Leading Out and

Meaning of Near-death Ex-

Guiding In has already been discussed in

periences in Issues 29-30

the last chapter (please refer to the article on

of the Lake of Lotus), as

The Meaning of Near-death Experiences in

well as on the issue of Ana-

Issue 34 of the Lake of Lotus). Now, we are

lyzing and Adopting by

going to discuss the fifth step on Accompanying with Unspoken Consensus.

the dying persons (please refer to the article on The


Meaning of Near-death Experiences in Issue 31 of

What is Your Most Wanted Thing


When You Come Across a Major
Crisis?

the Lake of Lotus) have been clearly explained.


To most people, the issues of Accepting and Understanding and Listening and Observing are not
difficult to do and it is relatively easy to carry out un-

When a person comes across a major crisis, some

der the call of love and with ones wisdom. Not too

expectations will certainly arise from oneself. Besides

many skills will be required. Even though a person

some vague wishes, it is crucial that some pragmatic

has never learned of the relevant know-how, nor have

needs should be satisfied which would are more

received any such relevant training, he or she can

significant to them. For instances, when a person

still spontaneously provide proper care or resolve

gets cancer, the most needed thing would be that

various problems for the seriously-ill persons, or dy-

someone is caring about him, understanding him,

ing patients.

accepting him, making company with him and assisting him to go through the proper treatments.

However, the quality and depth of the resolution to


a problem would be inadequate or imperfect, due

Therefore, a care-taker

to the lack of relevant know-how or training by the

must stand by the side

participants. In order that both the care-giving fam-

of the patient and un-

ily members and the dying patients do not have re-

derstand what is the

morse which will be too late to repent later on, but

patients most wanted

only ultimate offering in farewell with a heart-to-heart

thing. At the same time

connection and having no trace of regret, the follow-

of understanding, the

ing three steps should be included in the issues that

care-taker would best

must be done when a dying patient is approaching

be able to develop a re-

the first stage of death.

lationship on the issue


of Accompanying with

There are at least two parts to the issue of Analyzing

Unspoken Consensus

and Adopting in the third step. The first part of Ana-

with the patient. There


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Among which the most commonly-arisen


emotion that is often seen is that how is my
illness seen in the eyes of others?. Apathy?
Gloating over the mishap? Grieving excessively?
Giving no weight to it? Paying no attention to it?
Intending to help out but lack of ability? Caring
with genuineness? Providing assistance?
As a patient, he or she would have certain anticipation or viewpoint upon the response of
each and every person. If the response of the
kith and kin differs too much from the anticipa-

are a few key points in the development of such kind

tion of the patient, a certain unspeakable feeling of ab-

of a relationship:

sence of mutual understanding would result. It would


affect the caring provided by the kith and kin, or the

(1) On the same camp of companionship comprising of

care-giver, which might worsen the negative emotions

a) Listen to the patient empathically,

of the patient.

b) Express the empathic feelings as personal


Therefore, kith and kin,

experience to the patient,

or care-giver, must fig-

c) Pass on the message of accepting, under-

ure out a way to develop

standing and tribute with genuineness.

a good relationship of
mutual

(2) Unspoken Consensus from Heart to Heart com-

understanding

prising of

and

trust

with

the

a) Develop Unspoken Consensus under reason-

patient. For the first step,

able circumstances, carry out more welcome

one must listen to the pa-

behaviors to the patient,

tient with empathy. The

b) Express Unspoken Consensus with the attitude

first thing is to find out

to express feelings that the patient recognizes

what is the expectation,

and considers as of same direction,

or viewpoint, of the pa-

c) Coordinate Unspoken Consensus when

tient upon you. There-

deviation appears, employ proper approach

fore, at the same time of

to coordinate mutual thoughts to shorten the

listening to the patient, it

distance and seek for building of common

is better to guide him to express to you what is his or

ground for unspoken consensus.

her expectation or viewpoint on you.


In fact, this is a rather important step. It is a quick

(1) In the same camp of companionship -

and effective way of breaking the septum and doubt

a) Empathically listen to the voice from the bottom

among each other. There is a case about a husband

of the patients heart:

who was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

Under

When a patient comes to know that he or she is

the situation of not many alternatives, he decided

seriously ill and might not live long, the kind of complicated

to go for naturopathy. Moreover, he thought that the

emotions would certainly cause confusion in thoughts.

fung-sui of his residence was not good, such that


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Dislike is a sort of negative emotion which would


worsen or accelerate the symptoms. Changing the
residence to a place where the patient likes would
definitely bring a fresh and peaceful feelings to the
patient, which will be good for the recovery of the patient. Therefore, it is no longer an issue of whether it
is a superstition or not, or not to be as superstitious
as the patient. Rather, it is an issue of whether one
is willing to devote to the patient for his well-being
or not, or whether one really loves the patient or not.
In avoiding the troubles by refusing the requests of
the patient, which is undoubtedly an expression of
he ended up with an incurable disease. For the sake

the wifes behavior that made the patient felt that his

of a slim chance of survival, he expected to live in the

wife did not care about his feelings and situations, but

best living environment to cope with the naturopathy.

only cared about her own benefits and standpoints.

As such, he proposed to his wife for moving to an-

To the patient, it was such a gesture of message that

other residence.

really hurts deep down inside. From the statement he


made, one can deeply feel that he was so desolate,

(Remark: Fung-sui is a kind of traditional Chinese

and was thus thinking, I dont need your help. I will

metaphysics dealing with the environment, setting,

save myself.

construction, decoration, etc. in the residence or


graveyard with which, it is believed to be connected

Apparently, the patient didnt feel being accepted

to the fortune, health, wealth and so on of those

or sympathized. He had decided to face all those

people concerned.)

challenges all by himself in walking alone on the


road. Therefore, during this critical period of life and

It was a pity that the wife firmly refused to move as

death, the kith and kin, or care-giver, should not offer

she regarded that it was too troublesome to move out.

an opinion or make a decision casually. One should

As a result, the husband declared to the wife, if you

first listen to the patient empathically. Only then, can

dont want to move, I will move out. I will separate

a direction of companionship be figured out.

from you and I can take care of myself. Everybody


has gotten ones own reasons for doing things. However, as the kith and kin or care-giver, please keep in
mind that this is a moment of life and death, and so
a person should not merely take ones own viewpoint
for consideration and keep arguing but not giving
way for any concession. Instead, one should listen to
the patient empathically.
As a patient, if he firmly believes that his disease was
derived from the residence, then the home is definitely the origin of sickness to him and is thus not suitable for rehabilitation. This rationale is very simple:
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6. How should I convey the message that, even


though I didnt make any concessions, it is purely
because I have better and more suitable suggestions for the betterment of his benefits?
7. How should I convey the message that he has full
authority in making choices and he is not being
forced or being isolated?
8. How should I express my feelings so that he can
feel that those feelings of mine are to be in
congruent with his?
9. How should I convey the message so that he can
feel that I am totally on his side for a "heartfelt

How to Express your Genuine


Concern to a Seriously-Ill Patient?

companionship"?
10.How should I convey the message so that he can

b) Express your empathic feelings as personal

feel that, even though our thoughts may differ


only slightly and if given some minor coordination

experience to the patient:

and readjustment, I will be totally on his side for a


"heartfelt companionship"?

After listening to her husbands heartfelt words, his


wife should have thought of the following points:

When the kith and kin, or care-giver, encounters


1. How should I vent out his unfolded emotions at the

emotional reactions of the patient, it is best to pass


out such a message: It is better to be just an ordinary

present moment?

person, and dont strain oneself to be an angel.


2. How should I convey the message that his emo-

Therefore, we should accept that it is normal to see

tional exposure is a normal reaction and not to be

emotional reactions of a

surprised?

patient, and this is just


natural for such kind of

3. If I follow his requests, how many and how great

responses.

In

dealing

with the situation in such

would be the benefits to him?

a way, the patient will feel


4. How should I convey the message that I do share

that he is being accepted

the same opinion with him, so that he would feel

and understood, which

pleased and comforted?

would help to vent out his


emotions.

5. How should I convey the fact that, even though


there are messages that we dont share the same

Since listening to the

opinions, I have made concessions purely on the

patients needs is the

ground that I love him so as to make my sacrifice

top

as a tribute to him?

procedures for caring

hierarchy

in

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the patient, the kith and kin or care-giver should

After listening, and if the circumstances allows, we

not make any casual remarks or suggestions to the

should attempt to resolve the existing problems un-

patient before having thorough understanding, analy-

der the consideration that it would not disturb the

sis and preparation. If the patient express dislikes to

patients emotions too much. Genuine concern is not

the medical staff in anger, the kith and kin or care-

only limited to the expressions by spoken soft words,

giver should listen to the patient with an attitude of

but it should also include actual support and assist-

attempting to realize the situation, and should not de-

ance. This sort of sentimentally attentive and intimate

fend, or battle against the medical staff with the pa-

caring would shorten the distance between oneself

tient. Any actions to heighten the confrontation, or to

and the patient, such that both would feel that they

express an opposite opinion, should never be em-

are on the same side for companionship.(To be

ployed. One should merely show an attitude to listen

Continued)

patiently for realization and understanding.

Accompanying and Unspoken Consensus

On the same camp of Companionship

Listen to the patient


empathically

Express the empathic feelings as


personal experience to the patient

Pass on the message of accepting,


understanding and
tribute with genuineness

Unspoken Consensus of Heart to Heart

Develop unspoken
consensus under
reasonable circumstances, carry
out more likeable
Behaviors to the
patient

Express unspoken
consensus with
the attitude to
express feelings
that the patient
recognizes and
considers as of
same direction

Coordinate unspoken consensus


when deviation
appears, employ
proper approach to
coordinate mutual
thoughts to shorten
the distance and
seek for building
of common ground
of unspoken consensus

Remarks:
1. The newly-released book on The Meanings of Near-Death Experiences (1) has been published. Its contents
include the articles on The Meanings of the Near-Death Experiences from Issues 1 to 10 of the Lake of
Lotus.
2. The newly-released book on The Meanings of Near-Death Experiences (2) The Key Points at the Moment
of Death and the Essential Revelations of the Tibetan Book of the Dead has been published. Its contents
include the articles on The Meaning of the Near-Death Experiences from Issues 11 to 20 of the Lake of
Lotus.
3. The newly-released book on The Meaning of Near-Death Experiences (3) The Various Ways of Realization
and Rescue of Dying Kith and Kin has been published. Its contents include the articles on The Meaning of
Near-Death Experiences from Issues 21 to 30 of the Lake of Lotus.]
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