WORTH THE WAIT

The winners of the Bloody Scotland Glengoyne Whisky Short Story Competition 2012 BloodyScotland.com

Published by Blasted Heath, 2012 The copyright to all the stories in this anthology remains with the individual authors. All rights reserved. o part o! this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any !orm or by any means without permission o! the publisher. All the characters in this boo" are !ictitious and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Foreword by Iain Weir

#ar"eting $irector %lengoyne &his"y 't(s no secret that characters in crime novels can occasionally be !ound en)oying a dram, as indeed can crime !iction readers * and, one might imagine, a !air !ew crime !iction authors too. +n that level alone, there(s a clear synergy between !ine ,cotch malt whis"y and -uality ,cottish crime writing. They literally go hand in hand. And o! course our %lengoyne distillery is only a short hop along the whis"y trail !rom ,tirling, home to Bloody ,cotland, so we are geographical neighbours as well as spiritual soul mates. But it goes beyond that. ,cottish crime !iction and malt whis"y are both international success stories and two o! this nation(s greatest e.ports. &hy/ Because here in ,cotland we understand that -uality cannot be rushed. 0ra!ting a great crime story ta"es time, care, attention and commitment. 't doesn(t happen overnight * but when it does come together, it(s magical. At %lengoyne $istillery, we share those core values. #a"ing the natural, unpeated taste and !lavour o! the %lengoyne single malt is a time1honoured tradition and a s"illed cra!t that ta"es years o! patience. The result/ +ne o! the !inest malt whis"ies in the world. 2ou(ll !ind plenty o! crime !iction -uality on show at Bloody ,cotland, )ust as you will in every drop o! our !ine malt. ,o with that in mind, we were delighted to sponsor Bloody ,cotland(s inaugural short story competition. The competition was designed to !ind new talent and showcase -uality writers who have the potential to go on to create something truly special. &e believe it has done )ust that. +ur than"s to all 230 writers who entered Worth The Wait and our congratulations to all the writers whose wor" is !eatured in this collection * with a hearty slinte to our deserved overall winner, ,arah 4eynolds. &e invite you now to sit bac" and savour these !ine crime stories * along with a dram o! %lengoyne, o! course. &ill the ne.t star o! ,cottish crime !iction emerge !rom these pages/ &ell, perhaps not overnight5 but then the best things are always worth the wait6 7777

Contents

Natural Causes - by Sarah Reynolds ...................................................................................................... 6 Flowers On The Flagstone - by Mairi ilson........................................................................................ !

Magi" #eans - by $wan %ault............................................................................................................. &3 Mrs al'er - by Caroline %rebbell..................................................................................................... &(

) *ear )nd ) +ay - by $a,onn %ri--in............................................................................................. 24 The +eath O- Me - by .isa %ray......................................................................................................... 2( )ll in the /ast - by 0ane Osis............................................................................................................... 3& The /a1er Trail - by /aula M"guire..................................................................................................... 34 Tenderness - by Flora 2ennedy........................................................................................................... 3( #irdie - by $ilidh Tho,as.................................................................................................................... 44 ild-lowers - by 0ose1h 2nobbs......................................................................................................... 4! Following in Father3s Footste1s - by Fran"es )bbot............................................................................ 44 The +eadweight - by Matthew Storer.................................................................................................. 4( )n )lternati5e Sour"e o- Mandarins - by To, +i"'son...................................................................... 64 No Me $ither - by Mindy 6uigley....................................................................................................... 6( +ouble Trouble - by Mi"hael Rigg...................................................................................................... 73 #lessed )re The Cheese,a'ers - by Noel Chidwi"'........................................................................... 7( orth the The ait - by Robert 0en'ins..................................................................................................... (4

aiter - by 0a,ie %ro5es............................................................................................................. (!

Natural Causes - by Sarah Reynolds

%illie had always !eared the trains. He had always !eared her. Howling beasts, turning everything to chaos with no more warning than a !aint rumbling beneath his tiny home. &hen he8d been tiny himsel! %illie had thought the hammering engines8 )aws only missed the walls because o! the yew trees on the bend. 'n his dreams he saw a dragon, restless in its lair, weeping as it writhed, trying to claw sharp, green leaves !rom its gums. &hen there was raspberry )am at brea"!ast, he8d watch his grandmother how"ing seeds !rom her dentures with cruel !ingers. ightmare and reality would snap at the rest o! his day. %randma8s )oy was to gnaw the happiness !rom everything. ,he8d made a shadow o! his mother long since, whilst he shivered, too young, too small, to help her. Today though, %illie was ten years old. He was ten, and his mother had pressed his !ather8s watch into his hand and told him with tears trapped in her eyes that he was the man o! the house now. &hat did a man do/ %illie wondered as he lay on his bac" in the drowsy August sun. The only men he "new were shadows too. #r Bain !rom the village shop, whose hands trembled as he measured and mar"ed, whose le!t leg clun"ed on the wooden !loor and made him lurch and roll li"e Teacher8s wee, !at dog. ,hadows. 4everend Arnold, 9armer #c0oll ... and Teacher8s brother, who got rolled into the schoolhouse cottage garden in a crea"ing wic"er bath chair. &ho sat, pipe smo"e streaming, staring into nothingness. The men %illie "new were all old, or bro"en !rom the war. +r the war had "ept them !or itsel!, and all that was le!t behind were pictures and silent watches. There were no trains any more. The station had closed when %illie was )ust newly born, so he8d never "nown one stop. As he8d grown, he8d learned to place things between himsel! and his !ears. '! playing in the garden when he !elt the ground shudder, he8d rush the path to the abandoned tic"et o!!ice and stand with his bac" to the rails and his !eet !irm on the plat!orm. He watched the iron monsters through bro"en windowpanes, where they could not really touch him. 9our summers ago the trac" had been closed too. A gang o! ten had come to li!t the rails and sleepers. #um made them hot scones and tin mugs o! tea. +ne o! them, Tom, gave %illie chocolate, and stic"s o! gum that he wasn8t allowed. %illie had been lying in the grass, chewing, watching mum peg the washing out. ,he8d stopped suddenly to loo" at the railway that was turning into an empty ditch, and at Tom, who had stripped to his waist in the heat. ,he8d loo"ed at him the way she did at the picture o! his $a on the mantelpiece. 8That8s your $a, %illie. 2ou remember your $a, don8t you/8 He didn8t. He always nodded anyway. +ne ,aturday Tom had ta"en #um and %illie out in his car. They8d eaten high tea !ar away by the seaside and wal"ed on the beach a!terwards. %illie !ell asleep on the way home with the waves and the smell o! )oy singing in his mind. He8d wo"en in his attic bed to roars and tears ... a train monster6 o. His grandmother. Tom hadn8t ever come bac".

%illie rolled onto his belly and pluc"ed a stal" o! grass to chew. He !lattened himsel! to watch the golden !lec"s o! wasps bu::ing in the tangles climbing the plat!orm walls. 2ellow gorse, hawthorns and wild brambles had crept !rom the emban"ment to smother all the neatness %randma boasted %randpa had won pri:es !or. There were silver cups and certi!icates all over her chint: bedroom !or best1"ept station. 1;23, and 2<, and on and on until 1;3=, when there weren8t any more. #um said %randma was stuc" in 1;3=. 't made her very cross. >verything made her cross, especially %illie, and #um. The more #um did !or her, the more %randma glowered and sniped and spat. %randma peed the bed now too, and never rang the wee silver bell !or the pot. #um was always washing and pegging. ?ast night %illie had heard her tears escaping again. They8d stolen all the e.citement !rom it nearly being his birthday. The day was heavy, waiting !or something to nudge it along. &et sheets hung listless, li"e !lags o! surrender on the line. +nly small things moved. They darted and whi::ed, carrying sunbeams through the yew grove li"e miniature torches. &asps. %illie smiled. 8@ill it ... "ill it68 %randma was seething in her great brass bed, a dragon with bleeding gums. 8't8s only a wasp, %randma.8 8 ow, %illie ...8 #um was shooing the bumbling, golden thing out o! the window, 8you8re not to sco!! li"e that. 2ou "now how bad your %randma ta"es with a wasp.8 ?ast summer there had been a wasp house under the eaves by %randma8s window. 't was a beauti!ul thing, li"e a cloud caught in the corner. A wasp had stung her. ,he8d swollen up, and clutched at her chest, whee:ing, with her lips all blue and slobbering. %illie got a shilling !or running so !ast to the village to get the doctor. The doctor had said the wasps had to go. A man had come !rom ?anar" in a big, blue van. He8d pu!!ed the wasps with smo"e that made them sleepy. He8d cut their beauti!ul paper home down and set it alight not yards !rom where %illie lay now. The poor creatures, panic"ed and hal!1dead, had tried to pluc" their baby wasp grubs !rom their burning rooms. 't was a shame right enough, the man said, standing on the plat!orm drin"ing hot tea as butter oo:ed !rom his scone. ,tinging things, he8d in!ormed %illie, did not, as a rule, bother you unless you bothered them. This wasn8t true o! %randma. Teacher was always saying e.ceptions proved rules. %illie eased up onto his elbows. The grass was a so!t mattress beneath him, the s"y a warm blan"et above. The sun was glinting on his glass )ar in the hawthorns, ma"ing the ruby blob o! raspberry )am inside it glow. He !elt a bit sorry !or the insects imprisoned by the paper cone he8d !olded inside the rim, but they were en)oying the )am. And they8d be !ree soon. >veryone would be !ree soon. The wasp man had "ept dropping by !or tea and scones. Aust passing, he said, and thought he8d ma"e sure the eaves were still clear, even in winter. He8d )ust dropped by !or lunch today ... 82ou "eep your eye on %randma, %illie,8 #um had warned, not a tear at all under the brim o! her best hat as the wasp man opened his van door !or her. 8,he8s not li"ely to wa"en i! you "eep yoursel! out here in the sunshine and ma"e sure you8re nice and -uiet. &e8re only going !or a wee run. Bring bac" !ish and chips !or a birthday tea, eh/ Aw, don8t loo" at me li"e that68 ,he8d tottered bac" up the path in her ,unday shoes to

twea" his dimples. 8Teatime isn8t that !ar away. The best things are always worth waiting !or, aren8t they/8 %illie smac"ed his lips. 9ish and chips were the best. He could already !eel hot vinegar nipping his tongue, the pleasure o! scalding !ried potato in his mouth, all gritty with salt. +! course he wouldn8t get to eat them when they came bac". And #um would probably cry. But she8d have the wasp man to cry on, wouldn8t she/ ot some silly picture o! a soldier in a !rame. He clawed the paper !rom the )ar with a twig and slapped the lid on. 2ou had to be -uic", he8d !ound, all the times he8d practised catching them through the school holidays. August wasps were slower. The wasp man said they were dying, and best avoided, because dying things got very grumpy. There were a good do:en o! them !easting on the )am, and this time, not a single one had escaped. %illie8s !eet were slow on the stairs. He was care!ul, so care!ul, as he opened %randma8s bedroom door inch by inch. The curtains were drawn, and the air was grey, and she was snoring li"e a dragon in its lair. He set the )ar down be!ore tip1toeing to open the window and part the curtains. %randma8s sweet bowl was on her bedside table. Plump, stic"y dates, shining and syrupy in the summer heat. 't was easy enough to smear one o! the !ruits on the pillow by her drooling mouth, to drop it into the sheathed claw o! her hand. >asier too, than %illie had ever thought it could be, to sha"e the wasps !rom the )am )ar and close the bedroom door behind him ...

Flowers On The Flagstone - by Mairi Wilson

't was the upturned pram they !ound !irst, behind yon hal!1built wall at the bac" o! the school. &here the council had started to build a nursery !or the incomers8 children to learn our %aelic, but they8d not stayed and the schoolhouse itsel! had !allen empty since the last o! our own !inished primary. &hich would be why no one had reported the pram be!ore, what with the long lying o! the snow that winter too, and the travellers there till the spring. The police had -uestioned them !irst o! course, but they8d had babies in the camp themselves that year and they8d have said nothing about the pram would they, those tin"s, "eeping to their ways as they do. A !ine wee pram it had been ' mind well, be!ore the weather got to it. Be!ore its blue had !aded and its wheels twisted. At !irst the council8s men paid it no heed, )ust a part o! the midden the travellers le!t behind. Then later when she8d seen it there on the !latbed o! $onnie #uc"8s lorry, she8d screamed and carried on something dread!ul. #any8s the day '8d seen her pushing that pram the length o! The ,treet down and bac", and bac" and down, its wheels cutting through the snow leaving parallel trac"s li"e the warp threads o! the loom waiting !or its we!t. A bairn li"e that made even a stone heart smile, but then it had been a good while since there8d been weans in the village and goodness "nows we all missed them. Auld !ol" need young laughter li"e porridge needs salt, and without it we are all the sadder. ,he wasn8t !rom the island though, nor even the mainland. 2ou could tell soon as loo" at her. Those dar" sloping eyes and that straight sweep o! thic" hair shining blue as a raven8s wing in the sunshine. o, she was not a belonger, that one. ,eoras Bg brought her with him when he returned !rom the ships. ' suppose he "new none o! us would have had him, what with the drin"ing and bullying and him so li"e his !ather. But !or all her strangeness she was a good woman, ' was sure o! it. And even a bad one would not have deserved all that happened. Her smile was that sweet, her !ace that innocent, it ma"es me near cry to thin" o! it even now. 2ou could tell she8d le!t the ways o! a port li!e behind, i! indeed the elders were right in those assumptions. Those cross1 eyed crows would turn their bac"s rather than loo" at her. But '8d long since stopped caring what those auld hypocrites thought and hadn8t set !oot in yon cauldron o! a @ir" since they8d damned me !or my #Crag. 8 ame the !ather and the ?ord will !orgive you,8 they8d said to me then. 8 ame the !ather and the @ir"8s mighty arms may yet embrace you again.8 Aye, and set the @ir"8s mighty gossips a1cluc"ing, '8d thought. And what good would the naming do when he8d never ac"nowledge what he8d done to me and ' no longer bore the bruises that proved it/ They8d have called me a liar as well as a whore and ' had no need o! a double damnation, nor my child o! the dar"ness o! his shadow. 8Ae:ebel8 they8d called me then, throwing it at my bac" as '8d le!t with my head high in de!iance o! their )udgement. And 8Ae:ebel8 they whispered behind her bac" now. Perhaps that8s why ' too" to the lonely young stranger, watched !or small ways to reach her. ' "new what it meant to be cut cold li"e that. ,amina her name was. ,trange to our tongue, but it made me thin" o! the sun and the lapping o! waves on the sand. '

never heard anyone else call her by her given name. '8d o!!ered her mine but she8d not use it. 8#rs #ac'ver8, she8d say, though unmarried ' was. #aybe she8d !elt 8>ilidh Bheag8 too !amiliar !or a woman older than her own mother. &hen they !ound the pram, suspicion lit on the travellers again with a certainty o! conviction any #inister might hope !or in a %od1!earing !loc". And with that certainty all sorts o! strange wonderings became !act, told and retold over pots o! tea in "itchens, over >!!ie8s Post +!!ice counter between stamps and pensions, and o! course at the bar o! the Am 9uaran on those !ew occasions ,eoras Bg was absent. &e had a rare talent in the village !or embellishing our recollections, re!ining and cementing our speculations. And !or blaming our troubles on strangers. ,o the police were recalled. ,uspicions and sightings relayed, rumours retold. Then the village settled down and waited. 2ou never saw them together o! course, him and wee ,amina, not be!ore nor a!ter, and not once did ' see that man with his baby. And on the days a!ter the nights when he8d roared li"e a winter storm beating in !rom the west, she8d be wal"ing up and down !or hours, whether there was sun to warm her bairn or not. +n those days '8d open my door and wait !or her, the "ettle already heated at the hearth. &e all "new why she stayed out so long in all weathers. &e recognised the traces o! a drun"en tattooing. ot even that time she sat in my "itchen hardly able to swallow a sip !or the pain did ' mention it though. or even when '8d moved the arm that was hugging her side and li!ted her too1big )umper. The tears had run down her !ro:en !ace as '8d struggled to still my own at the sight o! the purples and blues o! recent blows, and the greens and yellows o! older. #y mother8s ointment had helped and '8d tuc"ed another pot o! it under the sleeping bairn8s blan"et !or the ne.t time. Perhaps i! '8d not "ept the silence, i! '8d spo"en up in her name. But who would have listened/ A!ter the ointment, it was a lotion !or her wee lassie8s rash. And then a poultice !or her own tooth that was bothering her. ,he was interested, ' could see, so ' started to share the old ways. &e8d always been gi!ted, my !amily8s women, the only daughters o! only daughters on bac" through the generations. The chain was unbro"en until my #Crag8s asthma that day, and me too scared to give her a taste o! the hemloc" roots ' "new would ease it till the medics came, !or !ear '8d be mista"en in the amount o! it. ' could give ,amina a place in the village, '8d thought, so ' too" to teaching her the plants8 many secrets. And she was -uic" too. ' li"ed that. ,he8d wor" -uietly beside me, care!ul, meticulous. >.cept that time a!ter the baby had gone and '8d clattered the metal coal scuttle on the hearthstone and she dropped the pan o! witch ha:el and stood sha"ing. '8d heard it mysel! that night but not "nown it till later. '8d lain in my bed as so o!ten ' did listening to him roaring and banging, to her screaming and weeping, and the baby crying all the while. But it had stopped too suddenly that night and ' was !rightened. '8d slipped round to the "itchen door, tapped lightly and waited. 'n time she8d appeared, pulling her cardigan over blood on her dress, eyes darting li"e herring scattering be!ore the nets o! a trawler. 8%o please, #rs #ac'ver,8 she8d begged, 8please go.8 ,o '8d le!t her. ot happily mind. But '8d le!t her. Then later that scraping and clattering o! steel on stone, sharp in the night despite the mu!!ling o! !resh snow !alling thic"ly around us. The snow hadn8t let up !or three

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days a!ter that. And when it did the bairn was missing. The police were called and noses po"ed in but the wee"s passed and nothing came o! it. 2on lass was beside hersel!. &ell, wouldn8t you be. And himsel! with the !ace li"e thunder. And the bruises, they said now in the Post +!!ice, hadn8t she earned them when she8d lost the poor man8s baby/ 't was her penance, her punishment, his way o! grieving. And who o! us could blame him/ Auld !ools. ,he8d have "nown they8d get nothing !rom the tin"s, o! course. And with the pram so near to home she8d have worried the police would get to wondering again. That la:y brute o! a husband couldn8t even get rid o! a pram right. He8d have thought himsel! clever, mind, leaving it by the traveller camp. Aust as stupid he was, as his beast o! a !ather. But when the police didn8t come bac" and no arrests were reported in the papers, the tal" !aded again. ,pring turned to summer and the shag iris bloomed yellow in the bog ground where she8d help me pic" the plants !or healing, !or even then she8d still wor" with me sometimes in the "itchen. But her light had gone and there was really only one -uestion !or me that she had, and she8d as" that same one over and over. +ne morning as ' opened my door to a watery Hebridean sun, there was something in the silence that chilled me. ' !ound them both at the "itchen table, sti!! in their chairs, his !ace twisted, hers serene, and the !lowers on the !lagstone at her !eet li"e a shrine. And ' "new what the sound o! steel on stone in the dead o! that night had been, where the poor wee mite had gone to. '8d loo"ed !or traces o! the roots and !ound them, as '8d "nown ' would, and '8d cleaned the pan where she8d boiled them. o need to ma"e it easy !or the police a!ter all, and ' didn8t want them as"ing me their -uestions. But too hasty '8d been, going then !or help. '! '8d !elt the !aintest o! !lic"ers at his nec" '8d have waited. They8d !lown him to the mainland. 't had ta"en some wee"s in intensive care but they8d got him bac". And that8s when we heard his story. How, so he said, she8d murdered his bairn. Thrown her body on it when he hit her )ust to spite him, s-uashing the li!e !rom the wee lamb he8d adored, crac"ing bones li"e "indling beneath her. How he8d buried it under the bloody !lagstone to remind her o! her wic"edness every time she sat at his table, and how she8d scrubbed the stone clean till it shone li"e a new one again. 'n the village they8d loved his story, -uic" to pity where once they8d been -uic" to damn. But not me. ' "new that !amily and the treachery o! its men, ,eoras Bg li"e his !ather be!ore him. He must have struc" her hard that night, !or her to have !allen so. 0ut o!! be!ore it could scream, poor mite. A poo! o! air and then the !eel o! itD the so!t spreading under the very body that had borne it. o mother could live long with such a memory. He served a short time but the ,heri!! went gentle on him. His dead mother8s cousin, wasn8t it. And then he came home. 9or a while he stayed away !rom Am 9uaran but that didn8t last long and he8d sit in the corner there be!ore bringing a bottle home with him a!ter closing. He8d drin" staring at that !lagstone, !alling asleep with the bottle not empty, wa"ing up with the dawn light to drain it. And all the time ' was watching through the window, loo"ing !or a way to !inish it !or her, to deal him the )ustice '8d never dared deal his devil o! a !ather.

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An empty !rom his bin was easy to !ind, one bottle )ust li"e another. The unloc"ed door, the bottle switched be!ore dawn, then switched bac" later in the morning. That had been easy. 't was the waiting that had been hard. &aiting !or someone !rom Am 9uaran to care enough !or his absence to come calling. ear a wee" that had ta"en. ,witches clic" and dar" silence settles about me. ot the silence o! the island, but welcome all the same. ' settle bac" against the narrow mattress o! my bun" and close my eyes. ' see the s"y glowing red as the sun drops behind the outer isles, bruising the sea purple with its touch. ' see my #Crag playing on the sand and young ,amina cradling her baby whilst my hand, sure and steady, pic"s the hemloc" we8d both o! us needed. And in my head '8m home and near happy. #ost days, it8s enough.

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Magi !eans - by Ewan "ault

The station bar is a strange mi. o! alcoholic businessmen limbering up !or the o!!ice, a group o! cleaners in oversi:ed coats and a girl dolled up in last night8s clothes. ' sit in the corner contemplating the menu, waiting !or something to happen. The bar is part o! a chainD the menu glossy with photos o! !ood that loo"s shinier and more succulent than anything appearing on customers8 plates. Through the windows ' watch 0hristmas shoppers bustling across the station8s concourse. Trains catching their breath hum tunelessly along to the chirrup o! 0hristmas songs that the bar sta!! are torturing us with. ' loo" at the puggy8s lager1bright lights !i::ing up to the twenty pound pri:e. #y !ingertips tingle. '8m about to get up when an old boo:ehound lurches over !rom the bar and clings to the machine li"e a lover. He drops some coins into the slot and starts serenading it in a rasping voice. The !ruit stops spinning and a barrage o! coins !ire into the tray. He bends to scoop up his winnings. 8Been waiting on that one all day,8 he cries to the mottled eyes o! his companions. ' imagine this scene being repeated in all these identi"it bars across the country, as the same music, at the same volume, drives the masses to drin". o chance o! winning now. ot unless it8s one o! those machines that pay out twice but it sounded li"e it had emptied itsel!. That leaves me in the same league as the people who hang about the station entrance starting sentences with, 8'8m not a )un"ie but 58 and who are always going to Balloch and have such an insatiable need !or tea that they8re prepared to beg !or it. ' put down the menu. The barman has been )oined by a barwoman who is lobbing glances in my direction. ' sit on my hands and read the beer mats. 9or a moment ' have the terrible certainty that there is a mouse crawling about the insides o! my )ac"et. The woman comes out !rom behind the bar wiping lager !roth on her blac" apron. ' pretend to be interested in the menu, in the !ood that ' have no money to buy. ' have a !eeling something demeaning is about to happen, that ' am going to have to e.plain mysel! in the language o! )ob interviews. But she wal"s right past. 8>.cuse me, but you cannae sleep here.8 A braised !ace peers out o! a du!!le coat, stained and stic"y as the pub carpet. The woman gives me a 8what can you do/8 loo" and says, 8>.cuse me,8 li"e she8s carrying some e.pensive load through a crowd. The dreaming du!!le coat doesn8t budge. The body under the du!!le coat is curled up, as i! bracing itsel! !or a "ic"ing. ' wonder i! the hori:ons o! his dreams "now what is about to happen. 8Hoy pal, get up.8 A tu!ty brown head appears, !ollowed by eyelashes, blin"ing in the bleary light. The boy snorts. 8Be gone in a bit. Aust need mair 58 He !laps his hand, li"e some sort o! sign language, the last word too pain!ul !or him. The hood o! the du!!le coat is pulled bac" over his head, as i! it8s all the protection he needs !rom the world.

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8&hat planet you on son/ 0annae sleep here and that8s that.8 The barman has )oined us, the tea towel he8d been drying the glass with wrapped round his hand, bo.ing glove style. 8'8m calling the police,8 he says, loo"ing around him !or approval. 8 o, don8t do that,8 ' say. 8' "en the boy !ae school. '8ll see him right.8 82ou "en that scru!!/8 He scours me with a Brillo pad stare. 89ive minutes and ' want both ay you out.8 ' crouch down. 8Beamer, Beamer.8 He stin"s this close, li"e opening a !orgotten lunchbo. at the bottom o! a bag. ' slap his !ace li"e they do on 0asualty and he starts gagging. He bares his eyes and spits out a tooth. 't rattles on the cold tiled !loor. ' pic" it up. &hite, per!ect, smooth. A virgin tooth, a !riend to his tongue. ' press it gently into his cold concrete palm. 8@eep it. A dentist could put it bac".8 He snarls and s-uee:es his tongue through the s-uare gap. Then he throws the tooth and ' hear it bouncing across the tiled !loor li"e a horrible bone dice. Beamer burrows bac" into his hood and stares at me with his !rosted eyes, the irises shatterproo! glass through which a pupil1si:ed hole has been shot. &e called him Beamer at school because he had these bright red chee"s, li"e someone always coming in !rom the cold. '8d last seen him at a party in ,tirling. He8d been physically "ic"ed out !or pulling down all the shelves in a cupboard whilst shouting about another party through a secret door. o one was able to !ind his other shoe and there was an embarrassing scene on the doorstep as he used words li"e 8inhumane8 whilst hopping about on one !oot. ' had seen him the ne.t evening, hopping about town still wearing one trainer. ' hid in a doorway as he as"ed randoms i! anyone had seen his handle. The only thing ' could do was laugh. ' did a lot more laughing in those days. But now he8s out cold and ' start sha"ing him the way soldiers do in !ilms when their buddy8s been hit and they8re angry at them !or dying. He starts slipping o!! the bench and as ' hold him a do:en or so amber pills drop out o! his inside poc"et. ' hold them in my cupped hand. 8#agic beans, yours !or a !iver,8 he murmurs, li"e some special needs child who8s been given one line to deliver at a school play. His eyes start rolling bac" into his head, a parody o! the !ruit machine. 82ou got change o! a tenner/8 He grunts towards his inside poc"et. ' slip my hand in and pull out a wallet. 8He still here/8 the barman bar"s. 8?oo"s li"e it,8 ' say, stu!!ing the pills and wallet into my )ac"et. 8' told you, i! you dinnae get him out '8m calling the police.8 82ou8d be as well getting an ambulance and aw. Boy8s totally doomed.8 The barman loo"s a little stunned by this call !or action, but heads to the phone. The moment his bac"8s turned '8m o!! out the door. ' have a -uic" shoo!ty through Beamer8s wallet, pull out the money and bin the rest. 't was then that ' came up with the plan to go bac" to ,tirling and burglarise my dad8s new house. #ore o! a brain1dri::le than a brain1storm but desperate times and that. He8d promised me a burst lip i! ' set !oot in the house again and there was some sort o! court order banning me !rom going within a mile o! the place. The ,tirling train8s not !or another ten minutes and ' try to mingle with the commuters chec"ing and double1 chec"ing departure times they already "now.

&4

A woman, who loo"s a lot li"e the actress that plays Aimmy @ran"ie, stands beside me with a luggage trolley. %a:ing at the !low o! commuters she mutters, 8't is not so much hell they !ear, as the colours they will see now that they8ve got here.8 ,he turns her eyes on me as ' nod thought!ully, pretending ' understand. +ne o! the station attendants opens a gate. ' move !orward to get a better view o! the heart1warming moment when some relative or !riend laden down with bags greets her. But she wal"s right through the rush o! people, who curse and dodge her. 9or a minute she stands on the empty plat!orm and ' cling to the hope that someone will appear. A!ter a bit she returns, ma"ing a beeping noise. The plat!orm number !or the ,tirling train comes up and we pile through the gate. Aust be!ore we go, some old drun" stumbles into my carriage. He wal"s as though stepping over unseen hurdles, holding onto headrests as i! the !loor might suddenly )ump up and greet him. $espite the carriage being hal! empty he sits across !rom me, his mouth opening and closing li"e a man duc"ing !or apples. ' am unsettled by all this madness and hedonism so early in the day. ' had le!t my !lat thin"ing ' was the only one. The old !ella "eeps sni!!ing the air as i! chasing my scent. Ta"ing a boo" out ' try to lose mysel! in the words. The man starts placing all his possessions on the tableE wallet, "eys, pac"et o! Polos. He pats each ob)ect then double1chec"s it8s still there with an alcoholic8s mistrust o! the inanimate. The tic"et woman appears with a 8Hello ?enny, is it yoursel!/8 His !ace brea"s into the "ind o! smile you normally only see on the !aces o! children or the insane. He li!ts a hand as though blinded by celestial light and says, 8#aggie/8 ,he leans !orward and he gently touches her !ace with long yellow nails. 8,o where you been today/8 the tic"et woman as"s. 8$own to ?args !or some tea and sea air.8 He has an ama:ing voice. ?i"e Ben %unn on a Treas re !sland tal"ing boo" ' had as a child. 82ou8re some man, ?enny.8 ' am con!used. #y watch says it8s -uarter to si. yet this man is claiming to have travelled to ?args. &e come out the tunnel and ' see the s"y is dar"er than when ' entered the station. 8 ight time,8 ' gasp. The tic"et woman and old !ella gape at me as ' try and comprehend this cartwheeling day. The train rolls past the dar" shapes o! abandoned railway buildings, lines that are used !or sleeping trains, the cra:y places that gra!!iti artists have gone to get their words seen. #y head !eels li"e a balloon lost at a !airground. ' put my tic"et bac" in my poc"et and !eel Beamer8s pills. ' pop two o! them. The old man chuc"les and pulls out a boo" with a blan" cover. He seems to shape his lips round words, chews, and lets them roll about his mouth. ' try lip1reading but it8s impossible. ' lean over to get a glimpse o! the te.t but instead see a page covered in Braille. ' want to lean across and close his eyelids, li"e a priest with a dead man. ' want to "now what shape my !ace is in his head. But it8s my own eyes '8m shutting and my body !eels li"e it8s on the stic"y wall at the shows, when you spin round and round and gravity presses you against the sides.

&4

&hen ' wa"e the blind man is mapping my !ace. 82ou alright son, you alright/8 ' push his hands away. 8,orry son, we8ve terminated. 2our breathing and heartbeat sounded terribly slow.8 8'8m o",8 ' say, staggering o!! the train li"e '8m climbing stairs in the dar" and "eep ta"ing that one e.tra, imagined step. The blind man shouts a!ter me but his voice sounds li"e people tal"ing in a li!t you8ve only )ust missed. +utside the station, snow has begun !alling !ast and heavy ma"ing the par"ed cars loo" as innocent as children8s toys. &atching it swarm across the night ' thought that now would be the time to phone someone you loved to tell them to loo" out o! the window and laugh at the vastness o! it all. ' stop at the tra!!ic lights, the snow soa"ed red, amber, green. +nly one car has passed this way since the bli::ard began. The snow1smoothed silence ma"es even thin"ing about the rude insistence o! cars di!!icult. ' :ip my )ac"et to the nec" and shu!!le through the centre, up the old cobbled streets covered in tra!!ic1calming devices to ma"e tooling about town more !un !or the boy1racers. ' can see the silhouettes o! statues in the castle8s graveyard. ,now caps their heads, gathers in hands raised up to heaven. &e used to go up there to drin" and because we could watch bands !or !ree when concerts were played on the castle8s esplanade. There were ghost tours through the graveyard. ,ome old guy in a sheet employed to !righten people. &e used to hide behind gravestones, )ump the !ella )ust be!ore the tourists arrived. Haunting old ghosts * that8s what coming bac" here !eels li"e. ' turn the corner onto 0athedral ,treet, and momentarily hear carols !rom the church as a choir singer steps out to ma"e a phone call. 0hristmas trees bustle at windows, big show1o!! ones covered in !airy lights, their colours con!used as a 4ubi"8s cube. '! memory serves, and it usually doesn8t, '8m outside my dad8s new place. #y original intention to brea" in was based on the understanding it was morning and he8d be at wor". ' couldn8t imagine where he8d be on a 9riday night but the lights are all out. ' slip the "ey !rom my poc"et and into the door. The corridor smells much li"e our old house. &hat can ' say about that smell/ ot much in words but it !elt com!ortable in a way that wearing someone else8s unwashed clothes doesn8t. ' mean to !ind his bedroom and go through the drawers but wander into the sitting room. A rectangle o! streetlight slumps on the couch. There isn8t anything missing !rom the room but it seems unlived in. A na"ed 0hristmas tree still trussed up in the mesh in which it was bought leans in the corner. ' recognise the couch as one that got relegated !rom our old sitting room to my sister8s room and then into the garage. The ornaments around the !ireplace are these strange mice eating di!!erent pieces o! !ruit. The strawberry, apple and pear mice are at my mum8s. He has a series o! school photos o! my sister and me up until when we were about thirteen. ' want to "now i! he8d chosen these pictures because they stopped at that age or i! it was because they were the only ones my mum had given him. They didn8t seem li"e the pictures a dad would choose. ' sit down ne.t to a new stereo and !lic" through his record collection, remembering old $ylan and $onovan albums ' hadn8t heard in years. ' !ire the record on the turntable and drop the needle. $ylan starts singing, the old vinyl crac"ling in the bac"ground li"e a camp!ire. ,"ul"ing through the house, ' !ind his

&6

room, the per!ectly made bed, clothes !olded over the bac" o! his chair, shoes standing to attention under it. ' ra"e through drawers poc"eting loose change. Fnder the soc"s and belts and hand1strengthening gadgets ' !ind a pile o! porn mags. ' throw them onto the bed. 4eaders8 &ives, <0G and other amateur shite !ull o! s"an"ing birds. ' !eel strangely satis!ied that this is where my dad is at. ' stash them bac" into the drawer and notice a creased leather wallet !rom bac" in the day. ' pic" it up. 't !eels as !amiliar as his palm. 'nside there8s a couple o! cards and a picture o! my mum. ' ta"e out a gold credit card and am about to go when the !ront door slams. The !loorboards crea", a woman spea"s and my dad tells her to be -uiet. #y head !i::es li"e '8ve )ust done a load o! poppers. ' move towards the toilet li"e a puppet whose strings have got tangled. All ' can hear !rom downstairs is $ylan8s sad voice. ' sling the window open. The night air hits me li"e a wet towel. 't loo"s a long way down but the snow will so!ten the !all. #y dad is coming up and there8s no way ' can !ace him li"e this. ' )ump. #y an"le crac"s and a searing pain stabs !rom heel to hole. ' blin" bac" the tears and start running. He8s out the door !ast. 9uc"er8s going to catch me, nothing surer. His !ootsteps are closing in. Then suddenly they slow and '8m pulling away. 84ichard,8 he shouts. 84ichard.8 't8s his voice, shouting my name. ot because he8s angry or disappointed but because he wants me to stop. '8d do anything !or him, but ' can8t loo" bac". ' ta"e o!!. He doesn8t !ollow. By the time '8m at the station my an"le8s causing me serious grie!. The train rolls in and ' limp aboard pulling my in)ured !oot up on the seat. ' gub a couple more pills and slip into a sleep !ull o! treacle people, chasing me with their cloth !aces, !eatureless but !or blan" glittering eyes that rattle as they run. The man collecting litter !rom the carriages at Hueen ,treet wa"es me with a prod. ' un1crumple my bones and hobble onto the plat!orm. The Aimmy @ran"ie woman is waiting !or me, ma"ing her high1pitched beeping sound. ' sit on the luggage trolley and she pushes me to the tic"et gates. 8&elcome,8 she sing1songs, 8but watch what you do with your eyes.8 The station wor"ers don8t blin" as we roll past people8s an"les, the station bar a dar" !orest o! upturned stools. %eorge ,-uare8s 0hristmas lights * gaudy angels and ringing bells * have momentarily mal!unctioned and the &inter &onderland is closing, the s"aters going home. #y poc"ets are heavy with gold and my heart !eels heavy and cold. The snow hasn8t arrived here yet and only ' "now that the heavens are about to open, the real angels about to descend. ' wal" past insomniac pigeons, pic"ing at patches o! pa"ora pu"e, crunch plastic cups no longer !illed with 0hristmas cheer. ' stretch mysel! out on a bench and await the blessed bli::ard, the !irst touch o! snow, gentle as !orgiveness.

&7

Mrs Wal#er - by Caroline "rebbell

' !ocused on the lips in !ront o! me. The sharp little birdy bea". 't cheeped and twittered as ' stripped the polish !rom my thumbnail, !eeling the gritty !la"es settle across my tongue. 8,cared/ +! !lying/ +h now, there8s nothing to be scared o!.8 A little bird would say that, ' thought. 8Pac" it yoursel!/8 2es. o, nothing e.plosive. othing tangible at any rate. ,it, seatbelt, e.hale. 't was dar" in the cabin and ' gradually became aware o! a prolonged !idgeting at the very edges o! my vision. ' tipped my head bac" and shut my eyes to await the inevitable. 't may ta"e a little longer than e.pected, the empty seat separating us would act as a minor deterrent, but it would come. &ithout a doubt, it would come. ' held my own hand as the plane ta.ied into position, then the pause !ollowed by the weirdness, the wailing ahead o! acceleration. >yes still closed, ' observed mysel! as a little girl. ' was dancing in the garden. 0owboy hat, silver si.1shooter in each hand, a leather1loo" holster belt sliding to the ground across non1e.istent hips. The tape recorder balanced on the window ledge, turned up !ull. ' made mysel! remember the words, reciting them in the lowest o! whispers, distracting mysel! !rom the !light ahead. Anyone might have thought ' was praying. ' was going to wallow in this time away, clear my head, ' "new nobody in %lasgow. Then there it was, the light touch on my !orearm. 8Are you travelling to %lasgow/8 And again. 8>.cuse me ...8 ' opened my eyes and loo"ed down at the hand which rested lightly on my arm. 8' was )ust wondering i! you8re travelling to %lasgow/8 #anicured nails, not long, but cared !or. ' turned my head towards her but managed to avoid eye contact. 8&here is this !light going to/8 8%lasgow.8 8&ell, it loo"s li"e we8re both travelling to %lasgow then.8 ,he smiled a brittle smile. 8'8ve bothered you, '8m sorry. ' don8t o!ten !ly alone.8 Teeth small and white li"e a child8s. 8'8m nervous.8 7777 The woman turned away and ' noticed a delicate !iligree o! !rost on the window. The so!t curls o! her hair had settled to lie still against the nape o! her nec", a dainty white !lower in each ear, edelweiss, or daisies perhaps. #y stomach lurched as the plane le!t the ground and the woman became agitated, repetitively pushing at a top1heavy diamond, sliding it around with her thumb, automatically, as one might !inger a rosary. That made two o! us in prayer. ice roc", i! a bit too bling with the daisies, ' thought.

&(

,he wasn8t that young. $e!initely more li"e !orty than thirty1!ive. Aust li"e me. ' saw my hand !loat towards her shoulder. ,he turned with a start then !linched, as i! being called !or her own e.ecution. 8' hate !lying as well. ' get irritable, my apologies.8 8#y husband isn8t -uite right.8 The woman gestured towards the vacant seat between us, as i! the man was sitting there. 8'8m sorry/8 8He8s not well.8 8+h dear ... '8m sorry to hear that.8 't wasn8t loo"ing good. 8+h, it8s nothing serious.8 ' wished '8d sat somewhere else. ' shouldn8t have !lown that morning. ,he continued. 8'8ll only be gone !or the night. A bit o! business to tidy up on his behal!, that8s all. He got me a room in the city centre ... my husband. He thought '8d li"e that 5 to stay in the city.8 ,he leant !orward then gestured towards the !ootwell below the empty seat. 8&ould you mind/8 8+! course.8 As ' !olded bac" the metal clip o! my seatbelt, ' wondered why ' was about to reach !or this woman8s handbag when she was sitting as !ar !rom it as ' was. ' plon"ed it onto the middle seat with a mild disdain that went unnoticed. The woman produced and opened a large leather purse, repositioning it to !ace me, as i! displaying a desirable lot at auction. A heavily tanned, shiny1headed man glared out through a scratched plastic s-uare. He wore sunglasses and a blue short1sleeved shirt which clung to his belly. #atching shorts led to brawny legs, then to white sport soc"s, hac"ed away at the edge o! the photograph to render his shoes a mystery. Behind him stood the blac" )agged spi"es o! a palm tree, motionless against a luminous s"y. 8&illiam ... Bill. #arried !or three years, three years three months.8 Her eyes twin"led, as i! the number was somehow magical. 8 o children. ot that we didn8t want them ... a !ew problems.8 As she spo"e, the woman li!ted a little plastic bottle !rom her bag and with an unceremonious movement, placed two white pills onto her tongue. ,he dropped her head bac", sha"ing it li"e a gull and !or an instant, the curls o! her hair bounced !ree. ' studied him, &illiam ... Bill, !or as long as ' could bear. An image o! a child or a pet was easy, how sweet, how cute, but ' was thrown by this steely !igure. His ga:e somehow interrupted, this was no care!ree snap ta"en by the pool. A!ter several minutes the woman closed her husband over with a slow !old and placed her palm !lat onto the leather. ,he patted the purse once, then twice, be!ore burying it deep into her bag which she o!!ered bac" to me. ' clenched my !ingers to "eep them still and watched as she dropped the bag to the !loor, sliding it below the seat in !ront o! her with the point o! a shoe. ' leant bac" and closed my eyes in an attempt to tune out the crac"s and groans emanating !rom the straining body o! the plane. 9or me there was no such thing as a smooth !light. ' awo"e sometime later to the clac"1clac"ing o! seat belts. The plane had landed and the other passengers were standing, crushing against each other, sharing between them the same impatient shallow breaths o! stale cabin air.

&!

The woman had gone. ' hadn8t !elt her leave, even though she would have had to climb over me. ' watched the ma)ority o! passengers clear be!ore standing, and as ' did, my eyes dropped to the !loor, to the bag still wedged beneath the seat. ' stretched down and pulled it !ree. 8>.cuse me, the lady ' was sitting ne.t to has ...8 8%oodbye 5 than" you 5 goodbye 5 goodbye ... than" you ...8 The steward gestured towards the steps with the enthusiasm o! a poisoned shrub. 8' was )ust trying to e.plain that the lady ne.t to me le!t her ...8 8,orry ... goodbye ... than" you ... customer services ... this way 5 than" you 5 bye ...8 A second o!!icial had been positioned on the tarmac at the bottom o! the steps. Te.ting !uriously, head down, a spare arm was pointing away !rom the obvious dangers o! strolling into a )et engine. 8Hi there 5 this way ... hi ... this way ... hi ... hello 58 80ould you tell me 58 8,orry, this isn8t my 5 you8ll1have1to1as"1i!1you1)ust1go1through 58 ' could have made him listen. ' could have been more assertive. ' entered the terminal as a stretcher crashed through the door !rom the ladies8 toilets. There was a body. A mas", tubes, ' couldn8t tell. ' !ound a place alongside the paramedics and attempted to spea" to them as they moved. 8>.cuse me, ' thin" ' was sitting with this ...8 8 ot now, we8re sort o! busy ... stupid cow.8 8But, ' ...8 The stretcher pierced, then split the crowd. +n the !loor lay a single white !lower. The last !ew passengers shu!!led through the !rosted glass o! the arrivals area. ' stood and watched them as they cleared. 0ustomer services, lost property, whichever appeared !irst, ' would hand the bag in and be done with it. Put it behind me. %et into the city and !ind a bar. But ' dri!ted past these places without see"ing e.planation. The IJKLMNOPQRJSLINTUJVNJVSULNOLSWOVSNOPXPQLIYNZN[P\XSIIN]ULXN^XUOMS_NKJNKNIKOVSJNP`NIQ]KLaNIPQb\ tedium lapping about her. The handbag "noc"ed lightly against my thigh as ' cleared the gates and moved along the e.pectant grins o! the remaining meeters and greeters. They stretched their nec"s to peer around me and a child swung on the rail, her !lat hair sweeping across the !loor li"e a !ine sil" cloth. As ' reached the end o! the barrier a man stepped into my path. ' had started to swerve to avoid him, my head down. 8&al"er/8 He held a sheet o! white paper against his chest. ' hesitated then !ound mysel! smiling. ' stared at the word. 't was written in red biro. &al"er. A thic"1set guy appeared !rom the gentleman8s toilet, a dry hand rearranging his !lies. There was a dar" spot the si:e o! a !ive pence piece on the !abric o! his trousers. He loo"ed at my chest then bac" to the !irst man. 8#rs &al"er/ &e thought you8d done a runner.8 He smir"ed and tapped his crotch lightly and brie!ly !or a !inal time. 8&ell, certainly worth the wait.8 There was gun" in the corners o! his mouth which stretched in threads between his lips as he spo"e. The !irst man remained still, his ga:e set. 8#y apologies #rs &al"er, his manners need some re!ining.8

28

' smiled again, a !re-uently used but irritating personal reaction. Pause !or a smile, give mysel! the chance to reconsider a more appropriate response. ' viewed it as one might view a thic" slathering o! barrier cream. A precautionary measure that seldom wor"ed. #y !ingers curled more tightly around the handles o! the bag. ' had no idea what to do, how to react to these men. ' was already in !ree !all, everything ' had le!t behind, everything ' had based my li!e on had recently turned to crap. But this new an.iety thrilled me, the un!oreseen was into.icating. ' blin"ed hard in an attempt to push away the notions that !looded my mind. 0ra:y idea. ,tupid. 't will end in tears. But it might be !un !or a while. 't was )ust too tempting. How bad could it be/ 8#rs &al"er, are you !eeling alright/8 >.actly one wee" be!ore, almost to the minute, driving through the dar", the pouring rain, windscreen wipers at !ull tilt. ' remembered the car as it moved below the road bridge. 9or an instant everything was still. o rain. o sound. 0larity. ' opened my eyes and read the name again. &al"er. 8#rs &al"er, are you o"ay/8 82es. 2es, '8m !ine than" you.8 ' would be e.posed within the !irst hour but why not/ 9or %od8s sa"e ' thought, !or %od8s sa"e, )ust !or once have the courage to do something spontaneous. 8?et8s go gentlemen.8 7777 The !irst man gestured towards the e.it and the three o! us wal"ed out o! the airport and across to the car par". 8 ice enough night !or it #rs &al"er.8 82es, it is indeed.8 #y stomach was churning and it was all ' could do not to laugh out loud. The second man split o!! to the pay station, catching up with us in time to hold the car door open !or me. ' hesitated slightly be!ore getting in but by then ' was on a roll. ' !elt li"e a teenager choosing a bus ride over the dreariness o! another school day. The leather upholstery s-uea"ed as ' ad)usted my s"irt. ' set the woman8s handbag, and my own, onto the seat ne.t to me and thought bac" to the !light. ' could have sat anywhere. $id a bi:arre !ate lead me to my place on the plane, which in turn lead me to the interior o! this car, to these two men, these two strangers delivering me, Bill8s wi!e, to her hotel !or her business meeting/ The second man wal"ed around the car, !lic"ed his cigarette across the concrete and slid in beside me. He e.haled as he pulled the door towards him and ' watched the smo"e curl o!! the window. 't smelt cheap and )abbed at my throat. A plastic yellow and pin" hula dancer stood paralysed in the centre o! the dash. ,he was the only thing o! colour in the car, her lips the only red. The !irst man, the driver, leant over his phone !or a !ew seconds be!ore tossing it into the door poc"et. He bac"ed the car !rom the space, moved through the barriers, then the roundabouts and onto the motorway that led to %lasgow. As he drove he set his elbow against the window and all !our doors loc"ed with sharp clic"s. 8How long be!ore we get there/8

2&

8 ot long. ,it bac". >n)oy the scenery.8 The driver leant !orward and turned the 0$ player on. The volume startled me and the second man put his hand on my leg, brie!ly, as one would do to reassure an ancient relative. 8%eorge Aones.8 ' !elt a damp chill creep across the s"in on my bac". He nodded and wiped the unpleasantness !rom his mouth to leave a pasty smudge on his sleeve. 8He8s smashin8. A pure legend.8 ' didn8t "now who %eorge Aones was but ' "new ' didn8t li"e this man. ' too" out the woman8s purse and loo"ed at the photograph. The sweaty husband. ' thought o! my own husband. The disappointment. &e pulled o!! the motorway and drove !or another mile or so, the roads becoming less and less populated. The car then slowed to turn tightly into a paved alley. 4ight, then right again. #y heart was racing. 8's this the hotel/ ' thought ' was staying in the city centre/ #y husband ... he thought ' would li"e the city centre.8 &e pulled up at a set o! electric roller doors. The driver retrieved the phone and dialled, slowly edging the car !orwards beneath the grey metal edge as it inched higher in gradual )er"s to reveal the space behindD a sober, rectangular building comprising three massive runs o! window. The space beyond the glass appeared to be glowing, to be moving, sha"ing. ' rubbed my eyes and my !ocus shi!ted. A ban" o! colossal silos sat vibrating within a cloud o! dust that hung in the air. 't cast a pin" !ilter across the scene, con!using me. $ashes o! !luorescent tubes chopped the strange !og into chun"s, between which the silos mar"ed a certain time and although there was a rhythm o! sorts it was not one o! calm. The driver spo"e so!tly into his phone but ' couldn8t hear what he was saying and his conversation was brie!. The engine stopped and the loc"s snapped open. The second man got out as the driver turned to spea" to me. either o! the men was smiling. 8Here we are #rs &al"er. ?ast stop.8 ' swallowed, !inding my throat parched and hard, and slid mysel! towards the car door where the second man stood with an outstretched hand. >verything was dar" around him. 8's this the hotel/8 ' whispered, barely audible. ' "new this wasn8t a hotel. ' stepped !rom the car, which moved immediately away to vanish into the blac"ness that had us surrounded. 8&here is he going/ ?isten, ' thin" '8ve made a terrible mista"e.8 ' noticed a shape against the wall and opened my mouth to call out but as ' changed my position ' saw it to be a pile o! !abric or sac"s or gravel, ' couldn8t tell. All ' "new was that it wasn8t the person who would save me. The second man pressed his hand into the small o! my bac" and ' tried again. 8'! you would let me e.plain 5 there has been a mista"e 5 this is all wrong.8 He directed me towards a steel door, the pressure in his hand now more determined. The door swung open on its thic" hinges yet ' couldn8t see anyone on the other side. &e entered the building and as my !ear grew ' became aware o! the booming o! the silos that pounded the space surrounding me. ' !elt unsteady, the pressure in my head a thunder which crac"ed against my s"ull.

22

82ou don8t understand, '8m not #rs &al"er. ,he was at the airport, she was ill and they too" her away, i! you would )ust let me e.plain.8 ' could !eel the heels o! my shoes hitting the concrete, then the so!t carpet o! dust which slid beneath to eradicate my grip. ' was losing balance. 8' can prove it, ' have '$ in my bag.8 At this ' saw both bags sitting on the bac" seat o! the car. 8#y bag, it8s in the car, where has the car gone/8 7777 The noise was staggering, the smell o! grain heady and sweet. ' was reminded o! grandmother8s house on the day they !ound her. The sweet miasma o! decay. ' turned, in total panic, to !ace the man. ' held out my hand, which shoo" as i! diseased, and ' placed it onto his arm. ' was reaching !or a !lic"er o! compassionD one ' "new wasn8t there. 82ou have to believe me. Please, get the car bac" and ' can prove it. 2ou are ma"ing a huge mista"e.8 ' couldn8t hear mysel! tal" and in my terror realised he had no intention o! trying to hear me, trying to understand. He glanced again at my chest then stared through me, as i! ' was no longer human. He too" a hold o! my arm and led me through another door. &e wal"ed beneath a heavy steel beam and ' noticed the thic" layer o! dust along its edge as it passed above my head. ' remember thin"ing how odd it was to notice something so insigni!icant. ' remember thin"ing how each second was a li!etime yet how my li!e had passed as i! in a second. The door swung to a close behind me and ' !elt mysel! become very cold.

23

A $ear And A %ay - by Ea&onn "ri''in

' remember reading something once about how time seems to go by !aster the older you get. ot on a second1by1second basis, perhaps, but on a wee"1by1wee", month1by1 month, season1by1season basis. Time slips away. And it slips, so the article said, because your brain perceives each unit o! time ca wee", sayd as a percentage o! your whole li!e e.perience. ,o, when you8re young, that wee" stretches out impossiblyD the wee"end never seems to come. &hen you8re older, the wee" goes by between blin"s i! you don8t pay attention to the moment. 't8s always #onday morning again. ' can8t remember i! that piece ' read was what passes !or newspaper hard science or )ust some gossipy opinion in a maga:ine, but ' "now how the person who wrote it !elt. '8m li"e the dog in a Tom and Aerry cartoonD ' can go where ' want, but only as !ar as the chain allows. A chain held !ast by a spi"e driven !irm into the ground. &asn8t the dog called ,pi"e too/ >ven in cartoons, you become what restrains you. ?et me e.plain a little more. 7777 &e meet in the same pub, at twelve noon, every three hundred and si.ty1si. days. +ver time, that ta"es some doing. Planning, dedication, gumption. ?ies. ?ies li"e you wouldn8t believe. +r maybe you would. ' shouldn8t pry. '8m here to tal", not to listen, a!ter all. ' shouldn8t have even been there in the pub that !irst time. ' had a date. 't was a beauti!ul sunny day and ' had a new T1shirt on and ' had a date. >.cept she te.ted me cthis was bac" in 200; when everyone still had mobile phonesd to say that she was tired and she was sorry at such short notice and whatever. ' got the te.t about hal! past eleven. By twenty to twelve ' was in the pub. ' was three gulps into my second pint when it all went dar" around me. And standing between me and the sunlight was Aasper. He had two pints in his hands. 8Hey.8 8Hey.8 ' didn8t "now Aasper that well. He was )ust one o! those guys. Those guys you recognise and nod to in the street and whatever and probably met at a party or a wedding, or who went out with your sister once years ago. +ne o! those guys. 8%ot you a drin",8 Aasper said. He sat down opposite, all smiles. 8How did you "now/8 ' said, indicating the beer. Blac" ,heep bitter, in the logoed glass. 8,aw you through the window. 9elt li"e stopping by. As"ed the ginge on the bar.8 Aasper rolled his eyes li"e that sort o! thing should have come as easily to me as it apparently did to him. o.

24

8,o what8s the bee!, chie!/8 Aasper as"ed. He always tal"ed li"e that. 82ou8ve never been a boo:er.8 He was right. ' wasn8t. '8m not. ,o ' told him, a little at !irst. About this girl. Aasper nodded, saying encouraging and supportive things every now and again. &omen, eh/ And "ept buying the drin"s. '8d o!!er, but each time he8d )ust wave his hand li"e it was nothing, and nip bac" to the bar !or two more. ,oon he had the whole story. The brea"1up with my last girl!riend, the months o! living alone, the internet dating cthat was big then tood and this, today8s, date. And then the te.t. 8Bet you want to "ill her,8 Aasper said. 8@ill her/8 8,ure. Thin" about it. Bac" in a moment,8 Aasper said, gesturing bac" over to the gents. He came bac" with crisps. 8&ell/8 ' opened the cheese and onion, tearing the bag wide and spreading out the pac"et !or us to share. Then ' told him why not. Between mouth!uls. &hy that was e.treme, mental, over the top. And as '8d never met her and didn8t "now where she lived, impractical. 89air point. But,8 Aasper said, indicating passers1by, 8what about one o! them/ A random/8 8&hy/8 8Thin" about it.8 8That8s sic".8 Aasper lic"ed salty yellow crisp dust !rom his !ingers. 8's it/8 And that was how it started. +ver more snac"s and more pints we discussed the details. Pic" a loner, someone easy. 4andom selection so as to avoid lin"s bac" to either o! us. 9ollow them bac" to their home. 'mprovise. Ta"e out our !rustrations on their !rames. +n their bodies. +n their lives. 't was )ust pub tal". At !irst. The !irst one was simple enough. An old guy. #aybe seventy. &e saw him and )ust "new. ?i"e he had a blac" halo around him. &e dran" up !ast and wal"ed behind him. &e played games, alternating being up close and then dropping bac". Fntil we got to his terrace. Bins in the little !ront garden, scrubby weeds on the path. 't too" less time than you8d imagine. Here, then not, and that was that. Aasper too" him apart. He let me have a swing, but he did the wor". &e stayed there !or ages. ' made something to eat. &e didn8t tal" at !irst. Then we made an agreement, over the old man8s beans spooned over the old man8s bread, toasted. ot to be seen together. ot to discuss. But to meet up, in a year and a day. The interval was Aasper8s idea. ' li"ed the sound o! it, so ' agreed. ' washed up and dried the pots while Aasper went through the old guy8s stu!!. ' wiped down any sur!aces we might have touched, using a bleached1out souvenir tea towel. ?langollen. '8ve still never been there.

24

Aasper dragged the body to the bottom o! the stairs. Then we did a last chec" around, went out the bac" way through the "itchen, through a grey rear yard that led to an alley beyond. +n the wal" bac" into town, ' deleted the girl8s name !rom my address boo", and then did the same to all the te.ts to and !rom her. And that was that. 7777 ' watched the papers !or days a!ter, e.pecting something. 't never came. There never was a mention. ot even one o! those stories about council wor"ers !inding a long1dead someone1or1other a!ter a neighbour8s complaint about how bad the drains were stin"ing. And, eventually, our anniversary came around. And so what would become our ritual began. +ver time, we established a rhythm. A groove. A duet. &ith the passing o! time we got con!ident. &e developed competencies. &e too" turns. 7777 Aasper was more impetuous, more o!! the cu!!, more creative. He was stabbings and blunt !orce trauma and spatter patterns and periodic headlines. 'n comparison, ' was staid. +!ten as not, the ones that ' led were never reported as anything other than tragedies waiting to happen. The so!t ballooning o! a smothered !ace. %entle but restricting hands. +nce, a gi!t o! methadone. ,ometimes, there8d be trin"ets. #oney, only ever cash, because you never "new what they could do with computers. ,ouvenirs. ' li"ed to ta"e boo"s i! we did them at their homes. Aasper was more * more varied. '8d pretend not to notice, o!ten as not. >very year and a day. The same pub. '8m not sure what we8d have done i! it had closed down. >very year ' dran" the same bitter. >very year he dran" whatever was in !ashion. Bottled cider with ice. 9ancy lagers. +ne year '8m sure it was gin and co"e. ,ometimes we8d be there maybe an hour. ,ometimes it would ta"e all day and into the night until the right one came by. ,ome years it too" over my li!e. ,ome years it was never there until the day came around and with it whatever e.cuse '8d con)ured up to be away !rom wor", !rom home, !rom the new !amily that8s since grown up around me. 9rom my wi!e, who turned up to her date. 9rom the two "ids, one o! each, who have since grown !rom babes to children to young adults, almost old enough to buy drin"s in pubs themselves. But ' accommodated it all. These days out became both part o! me and something outside o! me. ?i"e a holiday romance. &e even had an alibi sorted outD that Aasper and ' were secret lovers and would have been with each other i! the police ever came as"ing. They never did. 7777

26

But everything loses its appeal over time. '8m doing this, not out o! the needs and !rustrations ' had when ' was young, but out o! routine. ' don8t "now i! that ma"es me a better person, or a worse one. This isn8t me. 't isn8t. '8m not a murderer. '8m )ust someone who8s murdered. &ho murders. That8s a big di!!erence. &ould you want to be )udged on less than point three o! one percent o! your adult li!e/ &ould you thin" that !air/ #e neither. 7777 't8s twelve soon, and today8s the day. +ur almost annual general meeting. And though '8m balder and !atter than ' was all those years ago, and though Aasper will be still greyer and thinner in the !ace and he may have newer glasses with thic"er lenses than be!ore, we8ll still act the same way with each other. He8s the spur1o!1the1moment one. The same as he was that !irst time. The same as he was last year with that woman and that blade that ' didn8t "now he had in his hand. But it8s not his turn this year. 't8s not his time to ta"e the lead today. '8ve thought about this !or as long and as hard as the advancing cloc" has permitted. Times change. The beer doesn8t taste the same as it did all those years ago. Hoppy dryness has degraded to metallic soil. ' hate the asteris" in the diary. ' hate that the criss1crossed lines that are always the !irst mar"s ' ma"e in each successive new year8s volume wait !or me, and that as the years pass, they grow more impatient. ' can8t bear the waiting any more. And so '8ve come to a decision, made preparations. 'nstead o! sitting in that pub !or !ate or destiny or random chance to bring someone towards us, '8ve already made my selection. The spi"e in my poc"et is heavy. '8m not sure Aasper will approve. '8m not sure that8ll matter.

27

The %eath O' Me - by (isa "ray

Today is the day that '8m going to die. Have ' got your attention now/ %ood. ,orry !or coming over all dramatic there but, as you can imagine, this is -uite a big deal !or me. &hen the person you should have been able to trust more than anyone else in the world is about to s-uee:e the very li!e out o! you, drop by bloody drop, that merits a bit o! drama, surely/ 9or most o! us, murder is something that happens in !ilms or television shows. >specially i! you8re un!ortunate enough to live in the village o! #idsomer or happen to "now Aessica 9letcher. That8s what it was li"e !or me anyway. 9antasy, !iction. That is, until ' met him. To be honest, '8ve "nown !or a long time now that this day would come. '8ve !elt death closing in on me. +ne o! us was going to end up si. !eet under and ' "new it would probably be me. '8ve been thin"ing about murder -uite a lot recently. About how the act itsel! is probably -uite easy to commit i! you really put your mind to it and have the balls to actually do it. 't8s getting away with it that8s the tric"y part. That8s what '8m counting on, anyway. ' don8t want to end up with a starring role in one o! those documentaries about unsolved crimes in years to come. 2ou "now, with interviews with people that ' didn8t even li"e very much, wearing their obligatory sad e.pressions and sha"ing their heads and saying things li"eE 8't8s the not "nowing that8s the worst part. 't8s about getting closure.8 ,o, how did it come to this/ ?et me try to e.plain by ta"ing you bac" to the very start. 't was a hot Aune night, the year was 200e. 't was in the middle o! the &orld 0up and ' remember >ngland were playing. 't was standing room only in the pub and most o! the men were ,weden !ans !or the night because ,cotland hadn8t -uali!ied and the only option was to support whoever >ngland were playing. ' was out with the girls and not loo"ing !or anything serious. ,ure, ' was dating a !ew men, ' had my admirers. '8m not too modest to admit that ' was a bit o! a loo"er bac" then. 0urves in all the right places and happy to show them o!!. ' was happy. ' had a well1paid )ob with a big public relations !irm, a !un group o! !riends and a busy social li!e. But he was )ust my type. He chee"ily tugged my s"irt as ' passed by his table on my way to the bar. ' didn8t so much as do a double1ta"e as almost brea" my nec". 9or a start, he stood out !rom the crowd because he didn8t have a beer1gut or !eel the need to whoop and )eer every !ew seconds and, more importantly, his penetrating green eyes were !i.ed !irmly on me rather than the big1screen telly. ' was mesmerised. Thic", dar" hair curled around the collar o! a light blue shirt. The sleeves were casually rolled up showing o!! toned, lightly tanned !orearms. Athletic without being a no1nec" muscle1head. ?ong legs wrapped in blue denim suggested he was at least si. !oot tall even though he was sitting down. He wore a large, e.pensive1 loo"ing silver watch and, than"!ully, no wedding ring. His lips curved upward, e.posing even white teeth and a "nowing grin that said 8'8m coming home with you tonight.8 He was right. He did come with me that night and he never le!t. 't was the start and, although ' had no way o! "nowing it at the time, it was also the beginning o! the end.

2(

The relationship was wildly passionate and !righteningly tempestuous right !rom the outset. ' was a !eisty type, gave as good as ' got. Plates, wine glasses, in !act anything within reach, would be smashed as terrible rows escalated into !ull blown screaming matches. Then we would "iss and ma"e up. As !or the time spent in the bedroom, well, '8m sure ' don8t have to spell it out !or you. &hen he wanted to be, he could be the sweetest man in the world. ' told mysel! that all couples had to ta"e the rough with the smooth and had to wor" hard to ma"e relationships wor". To me, it was no di!!erent to those da!t soaps ' used to watch. Then he hit me. '8d told him ' would be late home !rom wor". The company had a potential new client and they wanted me to ta"e him out !or dinner, have a !ew drin"s with him and ma"e sure he signed on the dotted line. The client was !at, bald and in his f0s. There might have been some harmless !lirting involved but ' was good at my )ob, ' was pro!essional, and ' "new where to draw the line. A couple o! bottles o! wine later, the contract was in the bag and ' headed home !eeling a little bit tipsy and a big bit pleased with mysel!. 't was almost one a.m. when ' silently slid my "ey into the door and slipped out o! my shoes in the dar"ened hallway so as not to wa"e him. ' headed !or the lounge, wondering whether to have a cup o! tea be!ore bed, when ' heard movement. #y eyes hadn8t even had a chance to ad)ust to the gloom when ' !elt him grab my hair and smash my head against the wall. Then he punched me so hard he "noc"ed me o!! my !eet and onto the so!a. ' cried, he cried and he promised me it would never happen again. o amount o! Touchg hclat was going to cover such a cor"er so, the ne.t day in the o!!ice, ' put the blac" eye down to a lethal combination o! too much #erlot and !ive inch 0hristian ?ouboutin heels. The other girls giggled at my clumsiness but my own laughter was !orced. A!ter that, the lies came easily. As the years passed, the giggles were gradually replaced with concerned glances between colleagues as the 8accidents8 became more !re-uent. 0lose !riends were aware o! the truth and begged me to leave him. ' "new he would "ill me i! ' did but ' also "new '8d end up dead i! ' didn8t wal" away. '8m sure you can understand the predicament ' was !acing. $amned i! ' do, damned i! ' don8t, as they say. ' should have realised there would be no happy ending, that it would all come down to this moment. ,o here ' am now, bracing mysel! !or the end. Thin"ing o! !riends ' will never see again, "nowing panic will soon engul! my !amily when they realise something is badly wrong. ' "now, ' "now, '8m being all dramatic again. ' wonder how long it will ta"e be!ore someone raises the alarm. He might even have the chee" to phone the police himsel!. ' can )ust imagine him, in !ront o! the cameras at a hastily1convened press con!erence, s-uee:ing out a couple o! big, !at tears and ma"ing a heart!elt appeal !or anyone with in!ormation to get in touch, while cops and reporters loo" on sympathetically. 0ompletely oblivious to the truth. ' wonder i! my picture will ma"e the !ront page o! the "#ening Times, when the hunt !or a missing local woman stretches !rom days to wee"s. '8ve always wanted to be in the paper although, admittedly, not in these circumstances. ' hope they at least choose a decent snap. +ne !rom the old days when ' still loo"ed pretty hot and li!e with him hadn8t yet ta"en its toll.

2!

' wonder when !riends and wor"mates will share their concerns, when the police will start !ocusing on him. How long be!ore o!!icers !ind the phone number !or the women8s shelter hidden in my diary at wor" and how -uic"ly they will discover the tiny spots o! blood and strands o! long, blonde hair in the boot o! his car. #ost o! all, ' wonder how long it will ta"e them to charge him with murder without a body. 7777 ' loo" at mysel! in the mirror now and tug at the short, blac" bob. 't really doesn8t suit me but that doesn8t matter. The !act that it loo"s so di!!erent, that ' loo" so di!!erent, that8s what matters. The hair aside, ' hardly recognise the woman who stares bac" at me. The !ace is pale and dar" circles stand out li"e smears o! purple paint under dead eyes. ' -uic"ly slip on oversi:ed sunglasses which are, than"!ully, bac" in !ashion. They conveniently hide the !resh bruising and swelling, as well as covering most o! my !eatures. ' pull down the sleeve o! my dress to cover the bandage wrapped around my arm. The sel!1in!licted gash still throbs but ' "now the pain will soon be over. ' open my handbag and chec" once again that the train tic"et is still there. 't is. +ne way, no going bac" now. #y hand brushes against the large bundle o! cash that, until today, was hidden in a shoebo. at the bottom o! my wardrobe. 't8s ama:ing how much money you can save, bit by bit, over 1i months by wor"ing some overtime and ditching a designer shoe habit. ' leave the ladies8 room and head !or plat!orm one where the electronic screen tells me the 1f0f to @ing8s 0ross is now boarding. ' ta"e a deep breath and step onto the train be!ore the doors slide shut behind me with a satis!ying whoosh. As !ar as '8m concerned, Amanda $avis is now dead. He may not have wielded a "ni!e or a gun or in!licted a !atal blow but, ma"e no mista"e, in every other way, he "illed the young, vivacious blonde who wal"ed into that pub si. years ago. As !or me, '8ll start again. Another city, a new li!e. $on8t you worry about me, '8ll be !ine. 'n !act, better than !ine. '8ve always !ancied ?ondon. The anonymity o! it all, the chance to be )ust another !ace in the crowd, the ease with which you can become someone else. 4emember the name, though, because !airly soon you might be seeing it everywhere * in the evening paper, the local news bulletins, maybe even those 2< hour news channels. But the day my photo is replaced by his mugshot, that8s the day when '8ll "now '8m really !ree. And do you "now what/ 't will be well worth the wait.

38

All in the )ast - by *ane Osis

+n each smooth turn o! his head he opens his mouth to ta"e an inward breath, !eels the cool wash o! chlorinated water part then re1!orm around him. 'n his mind a series o! slide1show images glide be!ore himE his mum reaching out !rom a stretcherD a strawberry ice cream pressed to his !aceD the blac" and white s"etch o! a grim1!aced young woman with short wavy hair. He listens to the !ading siren o! the ambulance ta"ing his mum to the hospital, whining, -uieter and -uieter, between the howls o! the storm. He hal! e.pects the ambulance to turn bac". #um can be very persuasive. &hen he8s certain that all he can hear is the bac" gate crea"ing and ne.t door8s tree scraping against the window, he goes into her bedroom. Fsually, when #um leaves him at home, she loc"s her door and snaps the "ey inside her handbag, but he doesn8t need a "ey now. The door8s wide open. Her !ace had gone -uite pale, almost see1through, as she was li!ted onto the stretcher. $eart attack, he heard the paramedic say on the phone to the hospital. #rs Hobson !rom over the road promised #um she8d come round to ta"e him to school. He8s got two hours. The ambulance men didn8t want to leave him in the house on his own. #um had s-uee:ed his hand till her nails dug in when they strapped on the o.ygen mas", sti!ling her gasps. He had !ive little red mar"s across his palm. 't hadn8t ta"en much to persuade #rs Hobson once the ambulance had goneD she was yawning, desperate to get bac" to her bed, and who8d want to set !oot in the grime o! number twenty1three i! they didn8t have to/ Fnder the bed is the obvious place to start. $ust isn8t anything out o! the ordinaryD he has this game he plays o! drawing pictures on sur!aces around the house and seeing how long it ta"es !or a new layer to !orm and cover up his stars and smiley !aces. The dust is so thic" down here as he wriggles through the valance that it8s turned into sludge that he has to scrape aside !rom the lino with his hands. Balled1up tissues, a pair o! shoes that haven8t been worn !or years, a dog1eared library boo" stained with spilt co!!ee. He !irst "new he wasn8t right, that something didn8t !it, when he got pic"ed !or the swimming team. The clean cut o! water passing under his per!ectly e.ecuted !ront crawl was the best !eeling he8d ever "nown. The mu!!led sounds and the manu!actured blue o! the pool at the leisure centre was his place. Being up !or early morning training meant he didn8t have to go out !or #um8s !ags when she wo"e up and he8d even become !riends with the other "ids in the team. He8d never been much good at ma"ing !riends and he li"ed sitting, part o! the group o! toned youngsters, in the ca!eteria a!ter training. They8d ta"e the big table in the centre, comparing in)uries and training times, the girls brushing out the tangles !rom their wet hair, him eating a cheese sandwich, so!tened in its cling !ilm wrap by the counter lights. The team was going up north !or an inter1county competition and #r Aupp "ept telling @eith he could wal" the 200 metres i! he "ept up the trainingD that he8d never seen such a talent develop in )ust a !ew months. Three wee"s to go and #r Aupp too" him aside a!ter training as they got out o! the pool. 8The consent !orm.8

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8' handed it in, sir.8 @eith shoo" his head li"e a dog, trying to clear the water !rom his ears. 8Fse a towel, son, can8t you/ Here.8 #r Aupp passed him a towel !rom the bench. 8&e need more details. 2our mum8s le!t out your ational Health number. '! she can8t !ind it, she could get it !rom the doctor8s.8 8$on8t thin" '8ve got a doctor, sir. ever needed one.8 @eith stuc" the corner o! the towel in his le!t ear and screwed it around until he !elt it s-uea". Actually he8d been ill as o!ten as anybody but his mum didn8t believe in all that nonsense, she said, so he8d dose up with aspirin when he !elt under the weather, cough medicine i! he needed it. +nce, he8d had this aw!ul !lu and the temperature wouldn8t go with aspirin. ,he made a poultice and the smell * li"e gone1o!! cabbages * made him throw up so his temperature dropped. 8,ee,8 she8d said. 8't wor"ed alright.8 8?uc"y you68 #r Aupp patted him on the shoulder. 8A copy o! your birth certi!icate would do. By ne.t wee".8 @eith wrapped the towel around his waist. He s"ipped the shower, pulling on his clothes over damp s"in, and made straight !or the bus stop without his cheese sandwich. He8d never heard his mum go o!! li"e she did the ne.t wee" when #r Aupp phoned. ,he sometimes got nar"ed when someone pushed in !ront -ueuing at the #ini1#art on a ,aturday morning but not li"e this. ot swearing. 8'8ve not got any bloody certi!icate. ,urely you8ve got better !uc"ing things to do than pester me at home/8 ,he suc"ed on her !ag until the ash !ell to the hall carpet, si::ling through the dust balls and burning a small round hole. 8'! you8re going to get stroppy with me, maybe it8s best to leave @eith out o! the team.8 And that8s what happened. #r Aupp said @eith was welcome to come bac" to training a!ter the competition but his hands were tied, he said, he couldn8t ta"e @eith to competitions without a proper consent !orm. He wished she8d told him when he was younger. 't was li"e she8d tric"ed him, leaving it all those years. 8,pecial8 and 8chosen8 were the words she used when he8d !inally !orced it out o! her. That was as maybe but someone had to give up on you !irst be!ore you got adopted. That wasn8t too 8special8. ,he re!used to say who his real parents were and that didn8t seem li"e a good sign. @eith began to inspect peopleD he e.plored up and down the estate, watching men mowing lawns and cleaning cars, women gossiping at the bus stop, bringing in shopping. He loo"ed at eyes and hair and compared them to his own. He didn8t even "now i! he8d been born round here. He and his mum had never moved so it stood to reason that this was his birthplace. +r did it/ #aybe adoptive parents were advised to move away. 't was hard to see how anyone could have thought she8d ma"e a good mother !or him. ,he couldn8t coo", they lived on !ro:en meals, and her idea o! a treat was a can o! !i::y pop and scrapings !rom the chip shop !or tea. 0leaning was ta"ing out the rubbish when the bin stench made her cough. #aybe she8d done all that motherly stu!! when he was little and he8d !orgotten. He dredged his mind !or early memories. There was one. He was eating an ice cream on the beach, his hand was too small to hold the cone and someone was bending down in !ront o! him so he could lic" the drips. He hated strawberry !lavour and she was pushing it at him so he had to lic" it. His stomach was -ueasy. He couldn8t see the woman8s !ace, so there was a chance it was #um. The sea!ront seemed !amiliar * pebbled beach, a neon1lit arcade blasting out music, gulls

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shrie"ing * but that could mean anything. #um might have ta"en him on holiday. He couldn8t imagine her ever spending money on a holiday though. +r it could be where his real parents lived. He concentrated really hard but he couldn8t get more out o! the scene. He bashes his head on the bed as he s-uirms out !rom under it. e.t he tries in the bedside drawer, ri!ling through, trying not to loo" at the grubby underwear crammed inside. That )ust leaves the wardrobe. This is the one place that8s vaguely tidy. #um8s clothes are hung with all the trousers on the le!t, s"irts and blouses mi.ed up on the right. Aumpers are piled up on the shel! above and he pushes in between them to chec" right at the bac". 't occurs to him that there might be something pretty disgusting lur"ing there. ,tic"y !ungus, or a rat8s nest. ,o, when his !ingers touch a hard corner, he !alls bac"wards with !right, pulling all the )umpers down on top o! him. #ohair and wool smother him, dust motes swirling. He8s sure he8s swallowed a mouth!ul o! something !urry. Fgh. He !olds up the )umpers to replace them on the shel! and that8s when he sees the suitcase. >ven though he "nows there isn8t a lot o! time, he stops to open the bedroom window and damp morning air gusts in. He heaves the suitcase down !rom the wardrobe onto the bed and stands loo"ing at it !or ages be!ore he moves to undo the clasps and li!t the lid. A!ter all, he8s waited all his li!e. There isn8t much inside. 't smells o! mushrooms and wet grass. He unwraps a little hand1"nitted )umper !rom tissue paper. 't8s stained all down the !ront, pin" mar"s with brown edges, hard to the touch. ,trawberry ice cream could go li"e that, he guesses, prodding at the lumps. Fnderneath the )umper is a newspaper cutting, crisp with ageE a couple o! columns o! print ne.t to an identi"it drawing o! a woman8s !ace. The headline reads, 8#argate boy still missing. Parents distraught. Have you seen this woman/8 He doesn8t let #rs Hobson in, stepping outside brus-uely, his "it all pac"ed in his du!!le bag, slamming the !ront door while she8s still hovering on the step. ,he loo"s annoyed and mutters something about a waste o! time. 8 o need, #rs Hobson, '8m ta"ing the bus to the pool. Training. %otta rush.8 7777 't !eels great to be bac" in the water. He sets out to swim a couple o! lengths o! !ront crawl to warm up, loving the cut o! his hands through the water, the power o! his "ic". He needs to concentrate and get the timing per!ect, only two wee"s since he last trained and he8s getting sloppy. ,o he !ocuses on breathing, ma"ing precise and even turns o! the head.

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The )a+er Trail - by )aula M guire

+B'TFA42E Fr-uhart, >leanor 10th August 1;<2 * 20th Aune 2012 >leanor Fr-uhart, e;, passed away due to in)uries sustained in an accident within her home in &illoughby on &ednesday, 20th Aune 2012. >leanor was born in &illoughby and remained a li!elong resident o! the area, spending most o! her adult li!e with her !amily in 'ngle House. ,he is preceded in death by her husband, %iles, c1;<0 * 1;i2d and her only son, Aulian c1;=0 * 2000d. As Head o! The Bowmore ,chool since 1;=2, >leanor dedicated her wor"ing li!e to the education and standing o! its young scholars and was admired and respected among the school8s illustrious students and parents ali"e. +n retirement in 2003, she continued to support the school8s pupils and sta!!, and, in particular, its alumni !or whose bene!it she had served so passionately !or three decades. ,he is survived by her sister, 0harlotte, and nephew, %raham, who would welcome all who "new >leanor to )oin them at the service in ,t. 0olumba8s 0hurch at 10 a.m. on 30th Aune and therea!ter at &oodside 0emetery. 7777 0+?T+ A0A$>#2 P4+%4>,, 4>P+4TE 9ebruary 1;i1 A#>E @enneth Branch 0?A,,E 3B 0+##> TE @enneth struggles somewhat with several o! his sub)ects but the e!!ort he applies can be impressive. His attention wavers, however, and his teachers worry that he is not "eeping up with the pace and level o! wor" !or his age group. @enneth is a -uiet, polite and reserved student with a very trusting nature, which some o! his classmates have been "nown to e.ploit. His teachers are care!ul to ensure that @enneth8s impressionable character is not manipulated in this way. @enneth communicates more easily with the school8s younger pupils but continues to spend most o! his !ree time alone. 7777 The ,outhside ,tandard 11th Aune 1;i2 ?+0A? ,0H++?B+2 $>TA' >$ 9+4 ,'0@ AA 'T+4 ATTA0@

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A 1< year1old !ound guilty o! a brutal attac" on a school careta"er has been detained !or a minimum o! eight years. @enneth Branch, a student o! 0olton Academy, carried out a terri!ying assault, which caused e< year1old )anitor, &illiam 9ergus, severe head trauma and irreparable physical in)ury. 9ergus, who has wor"ed at local private school, Bowmore, !or almost twenty years, was struc" repeatedly with a bric" as he secured the building8s gates on the evening o! 9riday ovember 2=th 1;i1. The school was disturbed, with several small items being removed, none o! which were recovered. Branch8s mother, Arlene, and sister, Aamie1?ee, cried out in disbelie! as Branch, who had protested his innocence throughout the trial, was led away to start his sentence. Branch8s lawyer, Tristan ?aird, re!used to comment on the outcome. A second boy, originally accused o! the o!!ence, was ac-uitted without charge. 7777 Aulian Fr-uhart * 1<th Aune 1;i2 The Bowmore ,chool ' must not allow my character to be wea"ened by others. ' must ma"e better choices. ' must not allow my character to be wea"ened by others. ' must ma"e better choices. ' must not allow my character to be wea"ened by others. ' must ma"e better choices. ' must not allow 5 7777 'n ?oving #emory o! @enneth Branch Beloved ,on and Brother Born 20th ovember 1;ei $ied <th +ctober 1;i3 Trapped 'n ?i!eD 9ree At ?ast 7777 The Bowmore ,chool BulletinE 9ebruary 2002 9rom the Head Than" you to all who attended 9riday8s surprise service to celebrate my thirtieth year o! leadership o! our magni!icent school. ' would li"e to o!!er a particularly large

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than" you to those !ormer Bowmore pupils who returned to support me on this special occasion, including Tristan ?aird, who "indly presented a commemorative silver shield to the school on my behal!. 2our generosity and loyalty to my !amily throughout the years are truly appreciated and will never be !orgotten. >leanor Fr-uhart Head o! ,chool 7777 &ednesday 20th Aune 2012 'ncident notes P.0. Alan &aites 0;<0E Body o! >leanor Fr-uhart lying at !oot o! hall stairs in own homeE 'ngle House, #anse ?ane, &illoughby. House has no other occupants. 4eported by Aamie1?ee Brown ce 0ardell %ardens, 0oltond. $iscovered body on arrival !or wor" as cleaner at 0;1f. House undisturbed. Pronounced dead at 101f * $r. ,ylvia 9ran"lin, in!ormed. 7777 10th Aanuary 2012 $ear #rs. Fr-uhart 4eE Aamie1?ee Branch Than" you !or your recent en-uiry. As ' am sure you are aware, 0loser 0leaning is the !astest growing pro!essional cleaning service in your area, with a !ull range o! domestic and commercial cleaning options tailored to meet your needs. 'n response to your -uery, 0loser 0leaning do not, as a rule, assign speci!ic employees to customers on re-uest but, given the circumstances, ' am at liberty to in!orm you that we do not currently employ a $omestic Assistant o! the above name speci!ied in your letter. ' hope that this will not discourage you !rom using our services in the !uture. ' am sure that our !riendly and highly s"illed sta!! will -uic"ly learn your re-uirements and do their utmost to match the standards o! your previous domestic employee. Please do not hesitate to contact me !or any !urther in!ormation on the services we provide. ewton. e.t o! "in, sister, 0harlotte

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,incerely, Agnes ?ane +perations #anager

37

Tenderness - by Flora ,ennedy

' call them the tender mornings. 2ou "now the tenderness ' mean. >verything loo"s bright and vivid and new. The world is a better placeE ripe with miraculous possibilities. #aybe today he will !eel avenged and ' will be released. ' slip out o! bed early, a ghost o! mysel!. ' haven8t loo"ed in my mirror !or a long time. All the same ' notice a rip in the stoc"ings ' had on last night. +cht, and there8s blood as well. ' let out my breath. #aybe '8ve !ailed. ' ma"e mysel! a mug o! co!!ee. ' don8t stand at the "itchen window loo"ing at the sharp pea"s o! the 0uillins as ' do on the cruel mornings. 'nstead, ' open the !ront door wide as you li"e, !eel the night1chilled air bring blood to my chee"s, put my wellies on and get going. ' ta"e a )ac"et with me. o sense catching a cold. '8m nearly seventy years o! age a!ter all. The bones are old. '8ve tried my best to put things to rights !or me and 0allum these past !orty years. '8m getting tired. There8s nothing coming down the brae. &ell, o! course not, it would be highly suspicious at !our in the morning. '8ll see a deer '8ve no doubt. And maybe that !o. with the dar" blac" ears. ' !orgot to put dog !ood out !or him last night. &ell, ' had my mind on other things, -uite understandable so it is. ' would have li"ed a dog. #y BjB guests are always suggesting ' get one !or the company. But ' can8t have one sni!!ing about, and digging especially. 't8s a dread!ul burden all this so it is. The wild glen is star" in the pale grey light. The withered scrub trees reach their bare branches to heaven but they8ve roc"s amongst their roots. ' ma"e a point o! crac"ing the crispy ice that8s crept over the puddles. ' worry that something has heard me. The sound o! the ice brea"ing is )ust li"e a bone crunching. #y auld heart !lutters li"e a !rail wee birdy. ' strain to peer into the edge o! the pine !orest behind me. ' don8t see anyone. ' stumble over the pallet bridge that 0allum built. 't8s getting ric"ety now and is slic" with algae. The brac"en bushes are dar" lumps. ' don8t li"e the way they come bac" with such a lurid, green vengeance in the summer when you thin" they died in the winter. They8re li"e monstrous creatures returning !resher than ever they were. 2ou )ust never "now when they8ll appear. The devils. That devil that "illed my 0allum. 2es, ' "now it was me who put him out o! his misery li"e ' would any animal. But it was the devil who invaded our home and did what he did to me who really too" my 0allum away6 ' have a wee rest on the bench that 0allum made. &e used to sit here, part o! the wilderness. The wood has gone to so!t pulp where the bolts drive through the plan"s. There8s a wild dog rose grows behind it that ' planted !rom a cutting. Pin". ' li"e pin". #y !ront room where the guests watch Tk is a lovely so!t pin". 2ou8re a good girl, #ary, you try hard. 7777

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People said ' wouldn8t survive out here on my own a!ter 0allum died. They8ve always underestimated me. '8ve got to be care!ul not to do it too o!ten though. ,tewart8s an auld !ool but he8s an o!!icer o! the law nonetheless and damned with a good, long memory, bless him. ,o this is my wee pilgrimage on these li!eblood morning1a!ters. #y spirit soars with what '8ve done and what ' might have achieved. #y mug o! co!!ee is warm in my hand. ' don8t li"e it too hot. %ives my right hand chilblains i! ' hold the mug too close. ' did bring the list didn8t '/ '8m !orgetting things !rom yesterdays but remembering olden days with 0allum. The past is curling itsel! over me. &ho8s that/ +h, mother o! %od, what a !right you gave me you pretty wee grouse. 0oming out o! the woods li"e that in such a !lap. ,he pec"s the ground, ignoring me. ow, yes, ' have my list. obody is !ollowing me. '8ll )ust leave my mug here and collect it on the way bac". ' can see ring mar"s o! other co!!ee mugs '8ve brought over the years. There are ten now counting the new, wet one. 's that enough/ Ten lives to avenge the murder o! my husband/ ' had a reporter here once !rom %lasgow. kery "een eyes she had and too much mascara. ,he was up because o! the hi"er they !ound at the bottom o! the 9alls. eeded a place to stay so naturally she came to my bed j brea"!ast. ' thin" he was the third one. '8m not sure. 0allum will "now e.actly. ?ucy her name was, ' remember. Pretty name. ,he wondered how ' could live out here on my own with the mountainous glens closing into strangleholds. +cht, what did she "now about strangleholds/ ' told her my guests made it worthwhile. They8ve been my li!e8s wor" since 0allum died. +ur secret place is !ar !rom the house, in the opposite direction !rom %lenelg. ' don8t want some hi"er !inding it. They get everywhere li"e wee ants in your "itchen. 't8s well hidden ne.t to a spruce. ' planted the brambles here mysel! with the nettles. There are plenty o! dead branches too li"e spindles wound with moss. ' made it li"e a !o.8s den burrowed into the wee hill. ' brush the brambles out o! the way. $ash it, '8ve got a bruise on the bac" o! my hand. That devil last night. ' bruise so easily now. 't8s a right nuisance. 7777 't8s lovely in here. The air smells stale but in a nice way, li"e the crypts we visited at %lasgow 0athedral. %od shines on my 0allum, His sunlight streaming through the spaces above where the roots have let the earth !all away. Hello 0allum. How are you today/ +cht, you8ve !rost on your bones. And a bit o! green on your s"ull. ' don8t li"e that. '8ll need to bring the bleach the ne.t time. +h 0allum, ' am getting so very drained so ' am. +cht, let me )ust melt that ice away !rom your !ingers with my hands. He8s sitting propped up on his old chair. He sits up straighter as a s"eleton than he ever did with s"in on. ' don8t li"e the way his bottom )aw "eeps !alling open. 't ma"es him loo" glai"it and ' don8t li"e that. ' have to read)ust his tweed )ac"et on his shoulder. 't8s so di!!icult these days with my auld arthritic !ingers and his bones li"ely to !all o!!. 4ight then 0allum. ' ta"e the list we made out o! my poc"et and smooth the paper.

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This is what we do. This is how ' as" him. ' don8t need glasses to read. Than" %od !or small mercies. 1 Has to be !rom %lasgow 1 Has to be a man 1 Has to have the devil about him 1 $oesn8t ta"e a drin" 1 #ight wear a woollen hat 1 &ears hi"ing boots or similar 1 #ust have gold wedding band ,o 0allum 5 ' managed again. >.cept 5 still no wedding band. ' !alter. ' "now. 't is li"e the Holy %rail itsel!, the wedding band. He8s reminding me that the list, the pact, is precise. But do you not thin" the close enoughs add up to enough 0allum/ ' thin" ' have ten. o, he says, ' do not. The right one, he says, he8s worth the wait. ' touch the crepe s"in o! my !ace with my !ingertips. The one last night * $an his name is * should he go in the basement 0allum/ There8s two down there !rom years ago/ o, ' don8t want to ta"e one to the 9alls again. 't8s too slippery. ' could use the rope harness to drag him but oh, 0allum 5 ' am so very worn down by it all. 0allum8s saying '8m not !ollowing the pact at all. That all these others are )ust useless substitutes. That things won8t be right until ' get the one that e.actly matches the one that did !or him. $o you not remember #ary, he8s saying. $o you not remember how he invaded our home, invaded your body, how he battered me when ' tried to stop him/ As i! ' don8t remember6 ' am there every single morning1a!ter. But surely i! we doaway with maybe twenty o! them would that not add up to the one that got you/ '8m having terrible bother with the wedding ring 0allum. ' pour him a tumbler o! whis"y. He says not to worry about $an. '8ve to )ust put him in the basement but be sure to ta"e my time unsealing the trap door and sealing it up with superglue at the edges this time. But see 0allum, you had no plan, you was )ust going at him li"e a rutting stag, adumb animal, and that heathen he had the evil in him6 ow he8s not wanting to remember but ' do. 4emember how he ate his brea"!ast, 0allum/ 9ull coo"ed brea"!ast and you lying on the !loor staining our new cream carpet/ ' cut him a slice o! my homemade bread with my "nuc"les white on the bread "ni!e and my thighs hurting 5 why did ' not )ust get him then/ +cht, what8s the use/ 7777 &hen 0allum passed away $r #c@echnie prescribed me sleeping tablets. ' still get a repeat prescription !orty1odd years later. But it8s not me who has them. '! ' had ta"en those tablets ' wouldn8t have had my wits about me to dig 0allum up a!ter the !uneral and bring him home.

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' crush them up between two spoons. 't8s ama:ing how -uic"ly they wor". All ' really have to do is humph the bodies to their resting places. At !irst ' used to hac" at them a bit. ' was very angry bac" then. '8m thin"ing all this** as ' slide the rug over the trapdoor. ' dropped $an down, he !olded up a bit against the bottom step. ' don8t go down the ladder mysel!, ' don8t want the others grabbing at me li"e those :ombies on Tk, horrible things. '8ve no sooner put the sign bac" out on the road and am thin"ing o! ma"ing mysel! a wee bit o! lunch than a silver car comes up our driveway. ' can8t be bothered. ' am bone1 tired. ' am !ar too old !or it. ' am so old ' can8t remember my age. There8s a hard "noc" at the !ront door. ,ounds li"e someone who8s used to gaining entry. ,omething inside me "nows be!ore ' even open the door. ,ure enough, there8s evil in the air all about him * a cloud o! it around him li"e midgies !easting. He8s wearing a woollen hat, hi"ing boots, the whole wor"s. 8 ice wee place you8ve got here8 he says. A %lasgow accent. ' remember those words well. ice wee place. He has brought a crowd o!murderers with him, ' can see them all clustered about his body, leering. ' am almost too e.cited to loo" at his hand but ' "now it is there. A gold wedding band catches the hallway light as he comes in. ' notice mysel! in the hall mirror. #y eyes are twin"ling li"e his gold band. ?ord above but it8s true li"e you say. The dar"est hour is )ust be!ore the dawn. And now ' shall be !ree at last. 0allum will be avenged. #e redeemed. He is here. #y salvation. 8' drove past last night but there was no sign out8 he says. 82es. ' only put it up when it suits me. People ignore the l + kA0A 02m you "now. ' don8t li"e that. '8m #rs Ae!!ries. 2ou can call me #ary.8 8kery good #ary. '8m 9ergus. 9ergus #c>voy.8 He smiles at me. This is all !amiliar. ?oo" at him. There8s badness all over him. ' can see it in his eyes too. He8s seen things li"e '8ve seen things. Blood and torn s"in and dead eyes and battered !aces and green bones. ,in!ul things. 8'8ll )ust show you your room8 ' say, and wal" up the hallway. ' open the door and he steps in. 8's that glue ' can smell #ary/8 8%lue/8 ' say. 82es, you8ve not had people sni!!ing glue in here have you/8 he laughs. &hat a !unny thing to say. '8m not going to wait until tonight. 't8s so close '8m impatient. ' could even nip bac" down to 0allum later today. ever rains but it pours he8ll say. 2ou did it #ary6 2ou did it6 8'8ll )ust ma"e us a cuppa * tea or co!!ee 9ergus/8 80o!!ee would be great #ary.8 He8s sni!!ing about the room. 8There8s something else ' can smell #ary. 2our last guest didn8t die in here did they/8 He smiles at me. 8's that a )o"e 9ergus/8 ' am a little nervous, but he won8t notice. Too !ull o! himsel!. 8&ell, yes and no #ary. ,ee, ' can smell something dead in here. 't8s a smell ' "now very well.8 8's it now/ '8ll )ust get your co!!ee 9ergus8 ' have to stop mysel! running down the hallway. '8m relieved this modern "ettle boils -uic"ly. ' put two spoon!uls o! instant co!!ee in the mug and three spoon!uls o! the sleeping powder !rom the other sugar canister.

4&

82ou didn8t as" me did ' ta"e sugar #ary8 he says !rom the doorway. 8+h, 9ergus ' didn8t hear you coming dear 58 ' pour the hot water into the mug right away. 82ou do though don8t you/ early all my guests do.8 8Aye, that8s !ine. '8ve had a long drive. ' could use the hit. '8ll ta"e some mil" too, than"s.8 He comes into the "itchen and stands close to me. 8$id you have a guest last night #ary/8 He is watching me. ' don8t li"e it. ' won8t have to put up with it much longer. +h, ' can taste my salvation already. 8Here you are 9ergus.8 ' give him the mug. 8>h, no, ' don8t thin" ' did have anyone last night.8 8 o/8 8&hat brings you up this way 9ergus/8 8'8ve a very stress!ul )ob, #ary. ' ta"e mysel! away !or the odd wee"end. Head !or the hills. 4echarge the batteries.8 ' gesture at his shining, golden sun o! a wedding band. 8&hat about your wi!e/8 8+h, she8s glad to see the bac" o! me !or a !ew days. '8m li"e a bear with a sore head a!ter a big case. ' need the time out. +therwise ' might murder someone mysel!.8 8&hat8s your line o! wor" 9ergus/8 80.'.$. #ary.8 80.'.$. * what8s that/8 80atching "illers #ary.8 8+h.8 ' spill some o! the hot water '8m pouring into my mug. 8&ill you not have your co!!ee 9ergus/ $rin" it while it8s hot.8 8#ary, ' wonder * would you mind i! ' made a -uic" phone call !irst/ #y mobile8s got no reception up here in the bac" o! beyond.8 82es, o! course. The phone8s in the hallway there. Ta"e your co!!ee with you 9ergus.8 ' hear the beeps as he presses the buttons on the phone. He8s waiting !or someone to pic" up. 8Bloody disgrace. Answer the phone68 He turns to me and smiles. 2ou might have to e.cuse my language here #ary.8 8Aye68 he shouts down the phone, 8Answer the !uc"ing phone6 '8m away twominutes and you8re all sitting about on yer arses68 His voice lowers into a menace. 8' "now '8m supposed to be on holiday68 He moves the phone to his other ear. 8The last !uc"ing thing '8m wanting to do right now is spea" to you6 Put me through to 9ran". Aye, right away. &ell get him at home then you dunderheid and put him through6 0hrist almighty.8 He turns to me. 8'8ll )ust be a minute #ary.8 He8s not touched his co!!ee. 't8s on thehall table. ' wal" down towards the open door o! his room. ' pee" in. The rug8s been moved onto the bed and the trapdoor8s open. ' turn to loo" at him. He puts his hand over the receiver. 8$on8t you worry now #ary. 't8s all going to be )ust !ine. 't8s not your !ault. ' can smell a dead body at !i!ty paces me. A curse so it is.8 8Aye68 He8s tal"ing into the phone. 8' "now6 ' am on my holidays. 2ou need to get a team up here right away. At least three dead bodies under the !loor o! my BjB room, one !resh. Ah, shut the !uc" up. kery !unny. &hat8s the address here #ary/8 he shouts at me.

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82< ?one ,pruce 4oad, %lenelg.8 82< ?one ,pruce 4oad, %lenelg. Ta"e the 4est and Be Than"!ul road up. Aye. ,ee you soon yoursel!6 &ell, that8s us #ary. They8ll be a while yet. They8ll need to contact orthern 0onstabulary. &e8ve a bit o! time to ourselves !or a wee blether. How8s that/8 ' !eel relie! !lood me and it8s the relie! o! a weight li!ted that ma"es me collapse in my own hallway. He8s ne.t to me, holding my hand. ' see his wedding band over mine. 82ou came at last.8 8Aye, '8m here #ary. 't8s all going to be all right now. 2ou )ust ta"e deep breaths. That8s it.8 ' touch his wedding band. 8'8m married too 9ergus. '8d li"e you to meet myhusband.8 8'8d li"e that too #ary.8 He ta"es my hand. 't8s the tender way he traces the bruiseon the bac" o! it that releases them. #y !irst tears in !orty years.

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!irdie - by Eilidh Tho&as

Birdie watches the gulls screaming over discarded !ish papers and drags heavily on her cigarette. The !airground lies be!ore her * by evening, an immense machine o! colour and noise, now muted and silent. ,he sees couples lingering in the shadows, entwined in anticipation. ,mall groups o! !riends, laughing, share the last wrap o! chips as !ood vans roll up their awnings and loc" their shutters. ,mells o! grease, vinegar and "etchup linger !rom the ba"ed sounds o! the day. #otionless, the big wheel arches its supremacy in the sunset and Tommy Pharaoh races through its rigging, chec"ing !ittings li"e an old dec" hand. Three dogs yelp and scrabble at a child8s lost ball. A small blac" car approaches. 't stops !or her and she )umps in. ,he hopes it8s been worth the wait. 't8s Birdie who !inds the summer )ob along the coast. 8't8ll get us away !rom home !or a !ew months and it8ll be li"e a holiday * silver service waitressing at the $oon Hotel in Ayr * lots o! tips.8 ina !inally agrees to go. The seaside, the Pavilion and the clubs in Ayr sound "ind o! cool too. The Barrowlands is the !urthest !rom home ina8s been !or a music gig and her childhood holidays were all spent in 4othesay. ,he thin"s maybe it8s time to spread her wings. +nce they settle into their room Birdie doesn8t hang around and is out meeting new people all the time. They get into a routine with wor", and most nights a!terwards they go to the shows, and most nights Tommy Pharaoh is there too. Tommy Pharaoh, they soon discover, is a local legend. 8Hurry, hurry.8 ina pulls Birdie towards the dodgems. 't8s their !irst visit and they have an hour be!ore wor" starts. 8't8s my !avourite ride,8 says ina, as she leaps onto the trac", impatient to !ind an empty car. Tommy Pharaoh8s minding the "ios" and Birdie pays him !or tic"ets. He win"s at her and promises to run the ride into e.tra time. ina continues to shrie" and prance tiptoe, li"e a ballerina in pumps, dashing bac" and !orth along the edge until the cars stop. 8Hurry, hurry.8 ina drags Birdie, teetering in white stilettos, to the nearest car. +il !umes and noise roar into their heads. 'n the dim light the cars start to move. 0rushed together, Birdie and ina cling to each other as the car whirls them across the !loor. Bumping and s-uealing with e.citement they ma"e contact with others then )olt out o! control. 9rantically they birl the wheel, trying to manoeuvre. And then they8re surrounded. #enacing and intense, !our youths in two cars wedge them against the bumpers. ina is pulled !rom her seat. A hand reaches out and grips Birdie8s "nee. A voice leers into her !ace, 8' will pay you.8 &hen Birdie loo"s up, ina is running across the !loor. Birdie swings out at the youth with her !ist and catches him !ull across the !ace. ,he pulls o!! her heels and leaps !rom the car but be!ore she reaches the e.it Tommy Pharaoh and his pals appear and are up !or the chase. ?ater, Tommy lights up a cigarette !or Birdie. 8$on8t worry, they "now who we are, they won8t mess with you again.8 And there and then Birdie !alls in love with him. All Birdie8s new !riends agree that Tommy Pharaoh8s e.citing, dangerously e.citing. '! he8s been sitting in a ca!g drin"ing co!!ee, he8s always )ust leaving when they arrive. '!

44

he8s wal"ing down the street, he8s always crossing the road as they approach. His gangly !rame lur"s in doorways. His eyes ga:e over their heads, unnerving in shades o! washed1out green. ina warns her o!! him, tells her that no good will come o! it, but Birdie tells ina she "nows nothing about anything. +n their days o!! ina goes shopping, but Birdie goes to the ,howground. ,he !inds out a lot about Tommy Pharaoh. His caravan is the slee"est on site. ,omeone "eeps it nice but she only ever sees Tommy going in and out. &ho does he live with/ ,he thin"s it must be his mother. 't8s all silver trim and lace curtains. Pots o! geraniums sit at the door. ,ometimes he8s outside cleaning his bi"e, or !i.ing things at the bac" o! the caravan. Birdie decides that they are made !or each other, a!ter all, she hears him play her "ind o! music 5 and then when he smiles 5 she "nows. At least she thin"s she "nows. '! she goes to the edge she is sure he will !ollow. ,he8s a girl who !lies with no !ear. &ill he glide in the updra!t o! her storm/ &ill he soar with her as she soars * high and away/ ,he doesn8t "now, but she8s going to try to !ind out. +ne day Birdie ta"es ina with her to the !ortune1teller8s caravan. A small dar"1 haired girl shows them inside. >verything is pristine and ina senses that Birdie is uncom!ortable !or some reason. ina wonders i! it reminds her o! Tommy8s caravan but decides to "eep -uiet. %lass cabinets are !illed with crystal, tablecloths are o! starched lace, the walls are !inished in walnut and the !ittings shine li"e gold. They leave their shoes at the door, wal" across deep pile carpet and sit at the table on leather1covered seats. 8&ill #adame be long/8 The girl loo"s straight at ina and considers her -uestion. ,he answers that her name is #aria and she will read their hands !irst, then the cards. ,he draws the curtains and Birdie and ina settle with e.citement and e.pectation. An hour later Birdie helps the trembling, tear!ul ina bac" to the hotel. Birdie o!!ers ina a cigarette and !or once she ta"es it. 8't8s all nonsense o! course,8 Birdie tries to calm ina. 8?oo" ina, loo" at me, '8m not crying and '8m the one who should be, considering what the !ortune1teller said. 0ome on, mop up, we8ll tal" it over later and then we can have a laugh at it.8 ,he hands ina another han"ie and continues her bravado. 8That girl #aria * you do "now she8s learned all that * tric"s * how to guess things * you "now, !rom body language, !acial e.pressions, clothes and stu!! li"e that.8 To ina it sounds more and more li"e Birdie is trying to convince hersel!. 8How about i! we go out a!ter wor" tonight and have some !un/ There8s a good band on at the Pavilion. $o you !ancy that/8 ina agrees even though she wants to go home instead * to her real home. ,uddenly, she !eels very young at seventeen. 7777 't8s an evening in late Aune when Birdie and ina wal" arm in arm across the ?ow %reen, the long light !alling li"e so!t pearls, warm on the 9irth. They8re o!! wor" early and everyone8s out tonight. ,unburnt mothers push their prams along the promenade. $ads play at the water8s edge with dogs and older children. A small crowd gathers when the Punch and Audy show announces its last per!ormance. Birdie waves to someone she "nows, but doesn8t spea". +lder !ol" sit in beach shelters watching the sunset and young

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people lounge on the sea wall * still hot !rom the day. +thers hang round the Pavilion as music !ilters into the red s"y. Birdie and ina stop at #ancini8s new "ios" !or an ice cream. Birdie "nows by now that on some nights Tommy Pharaoh and his !riends !re-uent the local pool hall at the bac" o! the Pavilion. ,he wal"s ina along that way and they sit on benches outside to !inish their cones. ,ome o! Birdie8s new !riends )oin them and ina !eels a bit le!t out. ,he notices Birdie is more animated now, loud and brash. Birdie hands round cigarettes and they all start to tell rough stories. ina doesn8t li"e the new Birdie, posturing and preening !or the other girls. ,he can see that Birdie intends to be the leader o! this pac". Aust when ina thin"s she might snea" bac" to the hotel, Tommy Pharaoh and his pals appear !rom the pool hall. ,ome o! the girls "now the lads already and start to chat. Birdie holds bac" with her eye on the main target. ina whispers into Birdie8s ear. 8$o you thin" he !ancies you/8 Birdie shrugs and laughs and suddenly ina realises that Birdie and Tommy already "now each other well and she wonders where and when they met. Tommy lurches over and slings his arms around both their shoulders. 8How8s my two beauties tonight then/8 ina smells the closeness o! him, !eels his muscles pressing hard against her and is aroused and !ear!ul at the same time. ,he laughs as Birdie pulls away and Tommy !ollows. They play some silly cat and mouse game all the way to the Pavilion while ina trails along with the other girls. 'nside the Pavilion the music !ails to li!t ina8s mood. ,he watches with an ominous !eeling in her throat. &ords !rom the !ortune1teller start to come bac" to her and even worse, begin to ma"e sense. But Birdie had dismissed the predictions o! !ortune1tellers so ina doesn8t mention it again. 'nstead she spends a miserable evening sitting watching the others pair o!!. ina !eels li"e a !ish out o! water and can8t sha"e o!! a !eeling o! !oreboding. ,he han"ers !or her old !riends and their camaraderie. ,ometimes during the evening Birdie remembers about ina and tries to coa. her into the spirit o! the night, but ina8s been drin"ing Bree:ers li"e lemonade and can hardly stand. &hen they go outside, ina8s legs buc"le under her and she !eels strong arms pull her to her !eet. ,he wants to sleep. A small blac" car pulls up and ina tries to open the door but is hustled away !or a wal". ,he can hear others telling her the !resh air will do her good. A greasy burger is handed to her, which ma"es her throw up. ina8s not sure where Birdie has got to but someone laughs and ma"es crude comments. 't seems to ina that the crowd is never going to go home. &hen she tells them that she8s going home by hersel!, someone holds her bac". &ho is it/ ,he can8t remember. ,he !eels terrible yet all the time she tries to ma"e hersel! !ind Birdie. ,weaty bodies and bad breath are everywhere and she can8t !end them o!!. A ta.i appears and two girls bundle her in with them. e.t thing she "nows someone8s shoving her into her bed at the hotel. They shout at her to drin" some water then slam the door and are gone. ina tosses and turns all night and tries to remember something important but it won8t come to her. '! only she could remember she8s sure it would help her !ind Birdie. #orning comes early enough and Birdie isn8t in her bed, but ina isn8t surprised. ,he struggles up and spends a long time in the shower and wonders i! she will ma"e it down to do brea"!asts. ,he "nows i! Birdie doesn8t turn up she8s on the shi!t alone. The che! loo"s at ina as she stands in the "itchen and he starts swearing loudly, but she8s

46

got used to that now. He rings !or someone to help and tells her to stay put where he can "eep an eye on her ma"ing pots o! co!!ee and tea and toast. He says he won8t report her as long as it doesn8t happen again. ina promises. ina struggles through lunches, and still Birdie hasn8t appeared. The manager tal"s about sac"ing them, but ina is so tired she hardly listens. All she needs is an a!ternoon in bed and then she can loo" !or Birdie. That8s all she needs, she tells hersel!, as she !alls asleep. 7777 9or the ne.t two days ina wanders the streets o! Ayr and scours the shoreline as !ar as $unure 0astle. ,he doesn8t care about her )ob now * it can wait. ,he thin"s she8s the only one interested in loo"ing !or Birdie. The other girls whisper to each other * the new !riends that are no !riends at all. They tell ina to !orget Birdie )ust li"e Birdie has !orgotten her. 8,he8s away with her gypsy rover,8 they say, and they laugh, but not in a nice way. ina as"s at "ios"s and at the shows and in the bars and clubs. ,he8s no longer surprised to !ind that so many people "now Birdie. They "now Birdie but they8re not part o! her li!e. Birdie has swooped past them li"e a gull hungry !or scraps. ,he e.cites their interest but wings away as -uic"ly as she arrives, chasing the ne.t shoal. ina has been !lying in Birdie8s tail wind * she can see that now. And on the third morning ina pac"s her bags to go home. The hotel has told her to leave. 9rom the bedroom table she pic"s up a silver ring engraved with a bird and puts it onto the little !inger o! her le!t hand. ,he waits at the bus station, empty in the morning sun. The gulls screech at her and she screams bac". A vagrant appears at the ne.t bench and shouts abuse. ,he wanders over to the newsagent to buy a paper and the headlines lurch out at her li"e a physical assault. ina8s glad when summer8s over. The police -uestion her !or wee"s until she isn8t sure any more what it is she does and doesn8t "now. The hotel certainly doesn8t want to "now her. They don8t want that "ind o! stigma attached to them. 't8s bad enough that all the guests are inconvenienced, as"ed to help with en-uiries, to disrupt their holidays, delay their business trips, relate illicit a!!airs * all o! them )ust people in the wrong place at the wrong time. All e.cept the thirteen 'rish priests * they continue to en)oy a !ew e.tra nights o! good whis"y without the 8e8. ina "nows that the rest o! them blame her. '! only she could tell them * run a!ter them as they wal" away * let them "now that Birdie is her !riend and she wants her bac". &hen the police show ina the pictures she8s hysterical. ina had warned Birdie that the cards don8t lie but Birdie had laughed and shrugged it o!! in her invincible sort o! way. The police thin" ina8s lying, that they8re all lying, and the press have a !ield day. 8%ypsy8s Hueen 9ound $ead at 0assillis 4oc"s8 and 8?over8s $ule * #urder Hunt !or the Pharaoh8 are two o! the better headlines. 'n the end they can8t prove a thing. Too many people vouch !or Tommy Pharaoh and his whereabouts that evening. Too many people saw Birdie climb into a small blac" car. Too many people can tell o! Birdie8s other li!e * a li!e !ull o! strangers and dri!ters. ,omehow, ina "nows Tommy Pharaoh would not have gone to the edge * not li"e Birdie. Birdie would have ta"en him with her i! she could, but he wouldn8t go. ina8s sure o! that.

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All ina can thin" o! is Birdie and her spirit !lying !ree.

4(

Wild'lowers - by *ose+h ,nobbs

The highlands, so beauti!ul and e.pansive all summer, clenched li"e a !ist around us. 't was the !irst year that mysel! and Blair, my little sister, had been allowed out unsupervised. #other was economising, saving up !or a car. ,he le!t us at home during the days when she wor"ed, rather than give the to"en !iver to #rs %albraith to "eep an eye on us. ' rewarded this philanthropic spirit by destroying every pair o! trousers ' owned in !ive seconds !lat. ?ittle Blair !ound a wildcat, Tu!t, who we had to start inviting to the dinner table. 'n the end we would have been a lot cheaper sat in #rs %albraith8s garden, re1reading the boo"s that her own "ids hadn8t ta"en with them when they moved away. &e spent three glorious wee"s treasure1hunting, digging up hal! the bac" yard and having hu!!ing arguments over the spoils. A!ter one1such argument, Blair !led down the bac" !ield and rolled down a hill. &hen ' caught up with her, she was righting hersel!, loo"ing enviously at a picnic"ing mother and daughter. The little girl was close to her own !ive years1o!1age. But Blair didn8t envy her braided hair, crisp summer dress or designer dolly. Her )aw loc"ed, and ' tried to ta"e her hand and lead her away. ,he snatched it bac", though, held it to her !ace. 8&hy isn8t our mummy ever here/8 she said. ,he was always the stronger o! the two o! us. 9ar more li"ely to rail against un!airness. +n the other hand ' hid my !eelings better. Blair always stood out. ' would watch her heart brea" three or !our times a day, her little )aw -uivering, li"e the last line o! de!ence be!ore tears. 8,ome "ids have their mums with them all summer,8 ' said, 8but the luc"y ones get their big brothers instead.8 Blair regarded her drab little dress. ,he stood stubborn and sad !or a moment, then so!tened some. ,he dusted down her clothes and loo"ed shyly up. 82ou8re not so big,8 she said, giggling and charging at me. &e hit the ground laughing. 7777 't was only a !ew days later that the rain came. The rain poured endlessly, and the proud summer wild!lowers outside san" their sodden heads. That was around the time that 0hristian arrived. &hen he crashed into the side o! the house, ' sat bolt upright in bed. The !ront end o! his car was crumpled up against the wall li"e an accordion, and the engine8s death rattle roared through the building, sha"ing the window ' pressed mysel! up against. ' remember my teeth chattering !rom the vibrations as #a ran out in her nightgown. Hesitantly, she opened the driver8s1side door. A bloodied arm shot out and she recoiled !rom it. The !ingers bec"oned her bac" and she !ollowed them, helping a man !rom the wrec"age. As they staggered into the house, he snatched a loo" up at my window and we loc"ed eyes.

4!

' tried to breathe calmly. ' would stay up all night. Thin" o! every possible thing that the man might say to me and !ormulate appropriate, masculine responses. ' wasn8t used to being around men and, to tell the truth, it worried me. ' remember wondering i! it was even possible to grow into one without a !ather. Then ' remembered Blair. ' hurtled through the door, across the hall and into her room. ,he was gone and, !or one mad moment, ' thought the crash had )olted us into another reality, changed everything. ' heard a crea" on a !loorboard. Padding -uic"ly and -uietly along the landing, ' caught Blair8s hand as she was wal"ing down the stairs. ,he had Tu!t pressed against her chest. 8Bac" to bed, sweetheart,8 ' whispered. 8But there8s a man here.8 8' "now, sweetheart, bac" to bed.8 8But he wo"e up Tu!t,8 she said, stomping on the !loor. Tu!t yawned up at me !rom her arms. 8&e8ll give them hell tomorrow,8 ' said. ,he stood on her tiptoes, the better to whisper in my ear. 8&hat will we do to them/8 That night ' resented it. Having to loo" a!ter a baby when ' should have been practising being a man. ' thin" Blair realised a!ter a while. 8't8s o"ay,8 she said, holding a hand to her !ace, 8'8m not really scared.8 Her !ree arm wrapped unconsciously around Tu!t, who had long1since gone bac" to sleep. ' !elt ashamed, somehow, and sat with her silently until ' was sure she8d gone o!!. '! ' could tal" to Blair now '8d tell her the best start ' had in being a man was caring !or my little sister one blac" summer. '8d tell her that we were both scared. The ne.t morning, ' crept downstairs a!ter listening to #a phone in sic". ' waited ten minutes so she wouldn8t thin" ' had been eavesdropping, but ' needn8t have bothered. ,he was sat at the table, oblivious to the world, !olding and re1!olding a nap"in. 9inally ' had stood there so long that ' !elt aw"ward. ' glided bac"wards out o! the room, re1entering with a cough. 8&hat are you doing up/8 #a as"ed, not turning to loo" at me. 8' went to bed early,8 ' said, gravel1voiced !rom lac" o! sleep. 8$id you hear anything last night/8 8 ah,8 ' said, 8Blair had a bad dream, though, so ' sat with her while she calmed down.8 8An old !riend o8 mine8s staying,8 #a said, giving up on the nap"in and tearing it in two. &hile we had been tal"ing ' thought ' heard an engine revving outside. ' wondered whether the man had restored it to wor"ing order, whether he was a mechanic and could teach me about cars. As ' wal"ed through the "itchen, though, ' saw that the sound was coming !rom him. He was asleep on the so!a, snoring li"e a sea lion. 'ntermittently, he would thrash his hands around and "ic" out his !eet. &hen he did this, #a would start suddenly, not ta"ing her eyes o!! him until he stopped. ?ater, ' heard him creep up the stairs. He tried two doors, the bathroom and Blair8s, be!ore he got the one he was loo"ing !or. #a8s. ' heard a terse e.change o! words but he didn8t come out again that night.

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+n the second day he as"ed me to help him move the car. #a had gone bac" to wor" and he said he wanted it out o! sight, round the bac". At the time ' thought he was embarrassed !or having crashed. 't was the !irst time since then ' had been outside. 89irst brea" in this shit rain,8 said 0hristian. He reached inside the car, pic"ed up a blac" holdall !rom the passenger side and said 8&ait here.8 ' stood where ' was !or a !ew minutes while he went round to the bac" garden. He returned without the holdall, rubbing mud !rom his hands onto his trousers. He win"ed at me and said 8?et8s get started.8 A!ter we moved the car, he popped the boot open and too" one o! several bottles o! whis"y bac" into the house. 8&hat8s your name, son/8 he as"ed. 8Aidan.8 8Thirsty wor" moving a car, eh, Aidan/8 8Aye,8 ' said, my eyes on the whis"y. $read and awe "notted my stomach. 8&ell, ' tell you what,8 he said, 8!ind us two glasses and '8ll give you a man8s drin" !or your man8s wor".8 ' wal"ed to the cupboard, pulled out two glasses at random, then thought again and got two more that matched. &hen ' wal"ed bac" to 0hristian, ' saw that he had been watching me closely. He laughed as ' handed over the glasses, pouring two !ingers in each. ' almost gagged on the smell alone. He saw this and -uic"ly too" the glass !rom me. 8Tell you what,8 he said, 8has your #a got any sugar "noc"ing about the place/8 ' !ound some and he sweetened my drin", then, when he saw me blushing, sweetened his own as well. A!ter that we !ell into a pattern o! #a nudging me awa"e be!ore she le!t !or wor". 80hristian8s staying,8 she8d say, 8"eep an eye on your sister.8 't never occurred to me that these two things were related until the day ' let her out o! my sight. #a went early !or her bus. >ach morning ' would watch out the window, waiting there until she8d gone. ,ince 0hristian arrived she had become obsessed with cleanliness. 't was unli"e her, clearing up a!ter us, insisting on ta"ing the rubbish out. ,he would even chec" the large blac" bins outside each morning. 0hristian had ta"en to spending days on the so!a, sipping whis"y and reading through $ad8s old paperbac" originals. The covers were adorned with hal!1na"ed, hard1 boiled molls. ' only dared loo" at them when #a was out. 0hristian would hold up a ,pillane and sayE 8These are all you need, Aidan, old boy,8 then -uote !rom them in an American accent. ' would laugh and, when the language was appropriate, he would even give me and Blair lines. He always gave her the bad1guy8s dialogue. 82ou loo" li"e a Bond villain, wal"ing round with that cat,8 he8d say. ,he blushed but ' "new she was !lattered. 0hristian had wor"ed his way through the lot o! $ad8s boo"s when ' remembered that #a had given a bo.1!ull to #rs %albraith. @een to impress, ' said '8d wal" the mile1 or1so to her house and as" !or some bac". ' returned, arms burning with the burden o! the bo., to see a strange car on the drive. 0autiously, ' le!t the boo"s by the door and crept inside. ' was struc" by the heavy smell o! whis"y, as though someone had spilled a bottle, and ' strained my ears !or sounds o! li!e. ' thought ' could hear breathing. ,mall, evenly1spaced breaths against a bac"drop o! too much -uiet. 't sounded li"e Blair getting o!! to sleep.

4&

8&here the !uc" is it/8 a man screamed. ' heard him clearly through the closed door that stood between us. 89or 0hrist8s sa"e, 9rancis, leave o!! her,8 said 0hristian. He sounded li"e he had been crying. ' cowered bac"wards, tripped over the bo. o! boo"s and crawled !ren:iedly out o! the house. ' lay )ust beneath the window o! the !ront room, breathing -uietly until ' was certain ' hadn8t been heard. 8&here is it/8 screamed 9rancis. &hen ' was sure his voice was pro)ecting in the opposite direction to the window, ' pulled mysel! up and loo"ed. 0hristian was slumped on the so!a, bleeding heavily !rom the head. His s"in glistened with what loo"ed to me li"e diamonds. ' saw that one o! his bottles had been smashed against his !ace. A huge man, almost as wide as he was tall, towered over him. Then ' loo"ed to the !ar side o! the room. Another man, wiry and wearing a leather )ac"et, )er"ed edgily around the "itchen table. Blair was sat on it, her eyes wide with horror, clutching Tu!t to her chest. 8'8m going to as" one more time,8 said 9rancis, his voice mu!!led through the glass, 8where is it/8 He tried to put a hand to Blair8s !ace, but Tu!t clawed out at him. There was no doubt in my mind, now. He had been screaming at my little sister. #y !ear was replaced with something ' haven8t !elt be!ore or since. Tears o! rage ran down my !ace and ' realised my !ingernails were pressing into the palms o! my hands. 84ight,8 said 9rancis, nodding to himsel!. He calmly opened several "itchen drawers and !inally !ound a ball o! string. He rolled out a length the span o! his arms and wal"ed up behind Blair. 84ight,8 he said again. He sounded less angry now. He sounded almost sorry. ' pressed mysel! to the ground, unable to loo". 8 o, 9rancis,8 said 0hristian. ' heard what ' assumed was the large man hitting him about the head, and then endless seconds o! silence. 9inally, it came. A cho"ed little scream !rom Blair. ' s-uee:ed my eyes shut, as hard as ' could, seeing sunspots. Tears ran down my !ace until an aw!ul calm came over me. ' couldn8t live without my little sister. ' sat up, thin"ing o! the night that 0hristian8s car had crashed into the house. Thin"ing o! collisions so hard that they could )olt us !rom reality and change everything. 9rancis had tied the string around Tu!t8s nec" and was dragging him across the room. The cat resisted and, !inally, 9rancis wrapped both hands around the string and threw Tu!t into the wall with all his weight. The cat thrashed on the !loor and 9rancis repeated the action twice more until the animal was docile. He pic"ed up an empty, mud1scarred blac" holdall, the same one ' thought 0hristian had buried, and turned to loo" at Blair. 8&here is the money that was in this bag/8 Her eyes were tightly shut now. 9rancis nodded at her silence and stu!!ed the cat into the blac" holdall. 8'8m drowning your !riend here, sweetheart,8 he said, 8and i! you don8t tell me where the money is, '8m drowning you ne.t.8 He disappeared round the corner, thumping up the stairs. ' opened the door gently, hoping not to provo"e a reaction !rom the large man looming over 0hristian. He watched me wal" towards Blair who, when ' rubbed her arm and said her name, gave me the ghost o! a smile. Blair didn8t move at all.

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8Aidan,8 said 0hristian, sei:ing on my arrival, 8tell them, mate. Tell them where the money8s gone. 0ome on now, you saw me with the bag.8 Tears streamed down his !ace, mi.ing with the bright, wet blood !rom his head wound. 9rancis wal"ed bac" into the room and sighed. ' heard his !ootsteps on the !loor, then !elt wet hands, loose round my nec". 82ou or your sister dug up the money,8 he said, 8now where is it, son/8 8 o1one8s gonna be angry with you, mate,8 0hristian called over. ' "ept my eyes on him, hoping he would get up and save me. He )ust stared at the ceiling, sayingE 8 o one8s angry,8 again and again. #a wal"ed through the door li"e it was any other day. ,he loo"ed e.hausted and her hair covered her !ace. ,he had thrown her "eys on the table and started to as" 8&hose car is that outside/8 be!ore she too" in the situation. ,he spun on her heel and started to run bac" through the door but tripped on the bo. o! boo"s. 80hrist,8 said 9rancis, wal"ing a!ter her, 8is anyone else coming home/8 The big man laughed. 8That8s it, ' swear,8 said 0hristian. 9rancis too" #a by the hair and threw her onto the so!a. ' could see Blair8s little loc"ed )aw -uivering out o! the corner o! my eye. ' couldn8t bring mysel! to loo" at her. 8Tracy, love,8 0hristian said, 8' buried some money in the bac" garden and thin" one o! the "ids dug it up. 9ind out what they did with it, eh/8 #a didn8t even loo" at him. 8That8s your problem, 0hris,8 she said. 8?ove,8 he pleaded, 8' don8t want to get you or the "ids hurt, '*8 8Am ' to understand,8 9rancis cut in, 8that you really have no idea where the money is/8 8 one,8 said 0hristian, 8' swear.8 8Then what the !uc" good are you to me/8 said 9rancis. He pulled a revolver !rom his leather )ac"et, pointed it at 0hristian8s head and pulled the trigger. ' threw mysel! around Blair, covering her eyes and ears, absorbing a scream. &hen ' loo"ed over at the so!a, #a was covered in blood but hadn8t moved a muscle. 8't8s your problem now, love,8 said 9rancis. ,waying !rom the shoc" o! what he8d done, he wal"ed towards me and Blair. He prised her !rom my arms and threw me to the !loor. The gun loo"ed obscene against her little head, and her )aw wobbled with !right. 89or the last time,8 said 9rancis, 8where/8 8'8ve no idea,8 said #a, her eyes remaining !i.ed on the window. 9rancis glared at her in disbelie!. 't was only when ' got to my !eet that it !inally made sense. #a wasn8t loo"ing at the window. ,he was loo"ing outside, her eyes loc"ed on the bins. 9rancis too" a deep breath. 8&ait,8 ' said, my voice sounding strange, 8' "now where it is.8 #a loo"ed at me then, utter hatred in her eyes. 8't8s in the bins,8 ' said, pointing outside. 9rancis nodded at the large man who wal"ed out loo"ing relieved. &hen he came bac" in holding an open bin bag, nodding at 9rancis, ' almost !ell over. He rubbed Blair8s hair a!!ectionately and clipped me round the ear. 8,tupid little shit,8 he said, 8you could have got your sister "illed.8

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?eaving 0hristian8s body behind them, they trudged out to their car and drove away. The silence was terrible. #a stood up, the blood on her !ace in bright contrast to the dar" lines beneath her eyes. ,he shran" into a corner, loo"ing li"e a witch. ' too" Blair8s hand and guided her outside. 9at, warm spots o! rain slapped against us as we wal"ed the mile1or1so to #rs %albraith8s. 't was the last day o! my childhood, and ' o!ten thin" o! it. Thin" o! everyone involved. Fnable to !it into the lives they were given, counting the days until they could ris" everything to live the ne.t li!e over. All colliding in the same wrong place at the same wrong time. ' wonder i! any o! them went away thin"ing it had been worth it. Blair and ' went into care soon a!terwards. &e dri!ted apart early on, though, when she was adopted by a well1o!! >nglish !amily. ' was raised in the home but didn8t resent her one bit. ' never saw #a again.

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Following in Father-s Footste+s - by Fran es Abbot

' can tell you the very day the attraction !irst too" hold. 't was my sister8s eighth birthday. #y mother was preparing a small party !or her. A trestle was set up in the !ront room and covered with a white bed sheet. +n it, at regular intervals down the middle, were plates o! -uartered sandwiches, sausage rolls and dainty iced biscuits, each showing the edges o! a paper doily peeping !rom beneath the !ood li"e the !rills o! a lady8s petticoat. ' watched my mother centre a large bowl o! tri!le be!ore she turned to remove a tissue1wrapped bo. !rom the cupboard where %ranny "ept her linen. ' was di::y with anticipation, or was it the illicit association in my boy8s mind with the thought o! ladies8 underwear/ Perhaps it came !rom being allowed to enter the !ront room, a place ' had hitherto only glimpsed !rom behind my mother8s bac" when it was opened !or its wee"ly clean. Those were years o! austerity and it may be that the drabness o! that room was merely a !eature common to every other room in every other house in the row o! bric" terraced, bac"1to1bac", two1up1two1downs commonplace in the town we had come to. 't was certainly as dar" and un!riendly as my grandmother hersel!. #y mother had done the best that scarce money and a little ingenuity could provide and ' could see that she was pleased with her e!!orts. ' was treated to a rare smile and a conspiratorial win" as she hid the bo. !rom the cupboard under the !loor1length table covering. ,he was a timid, !rail loo"ing thing, my mother, stic"1li"e almost. ' used to watch her on her "nees scrubbing the !loors, all elbows and sharp shoulder blades, and wonder i! one o! these days she would )ust snap and splinter under all her wor", scattering !ragments o! brittle bone across the wet linoleum. But that day she was di!!erentD there was a hint o! colour in her chee"s and a suggestion o! de!iance in the tilt o! her head. ' had mi.ed !eelings. &hat was %ranny going to say about all this/ ' "new, at si. years old and having lived with her only a short time since my !ather died, that she de!initely would not approve o! the show o! opulence. ' "new that %ran did not approve o! anything. ?oo"ing bac" ' can almost see the li!e1destroying disapprobation leaching through her pores, clinging to her every word, every movement, even to the brooding !urniture and the very !abric o! the gloomy house she had reluctantly opened to enclose my mother, my sister and me. ,he was my !ather8s mother, but ' don8t thin" he got along with her !or ' don8t remember ever meeting her be!ore we moved in. ,he never tal"ed about him, not even disparagingly as she did the rest o! us. Though she had an album o! !aded photographs, there was none o! my !ather in it. ' became curious as ' grew older, but ' could never gather enough courage to as" her about him. ot that she would have given me the satis!action o! an answer. ' thin" o! the three interlopers she hated me most. 9or some reason my mother would hear no complaints about my grandmother. ,he seemed to thin" we should be e.traordinarily grate!ul to her !or ta"ing us in. 9or that

44

one single act o! charity she sub)ugated her will, and my sister and ' !ollowed her e.ample. ' used to wonder why we had moved. '! we had to stay with relations ' would rather it had been on my mother8s side. ,he had a large e.tended !amily all living within a !ew streets o! each other. ' "new all my aunts and uncles and cousins. &e were in and out o! each other8s houses all the time. Hard wor"ing, %od !earingD they did not go in !or demonstrations o! a!!ection, but in each house there was a -uiet welcome and an acceptance that ' belonged. ' thought at the time there must have been some tremendous -uarrel, !or we moved away !rom the town where they lived and we never saw any o! them a!ter that. ' didn8t learn the truth until many years later. The day o! the birthday my usually mild mannered mother sprouted some spirit. ,he must have disposed o! %ranny somewhere. How o!ten have ' wished she had disposed o! her. How o!ten as ' grew up did ' wish ' could dispose o! her * permanently. ' certainly have no memory o! her sour1smelling presence at the party. ' don8t remember much about the party eitherD strange, considering the lasting e!!ect that day was to have on me. ,ingle images are caught li"e photographs in the mind8s eyeE my sister8s !ace bent !orward to blow out the candles on her ca"eD her eyes bright, copper pennies as the light caught her ational Health spectacles. The stills change to moving pictures when she unwraps the tissue1covered bo., removes the lid and li!ts, one in each hand, a pair o! red tap1shoes. How prosaic that sounds. 't doesn8t convey the burst o! magic that entered my soul thenD how the drear and dingy bac"ground !aded li"e sepia around the central redness o! the shoes. 't was a sunburst, a !ire crac"er, a spar"ling )ewel. The shoes were alive. ' could !eel them pumping the blood round my pounding heart when my sister slipped her !eet into them, tied the red laces and moved o!! the central carpet on to the brown painted !loorboards at the edge o! the room and began to dance in her red shoes. ' was trans!i.ed. Those s"inny white legs in short white an"le soc"s )er"ed and twitched and )iggled and "ic"ed. The red shoes clattered and clac"ed, a cacophony o! sound. 0olour, sound and movement pulsed through my being with a paro.ysm o! )oy. &ere ' a volcano, ' would have erupted then. As it was, it was my con!irmation o! being alive. 't was then, that day, that moment ' !elt what has been the one source o! happiness ' have !ollowed all my days, the gravitational pull o! the sound made by women8s shoes. #y pleasures were innocent at !irstD as"ing permission to go to the bathroom when ' heard a teacher heel1tapping down the corridorD !re-uenting the marble1!loored atrium o! the museum on ,aturday mornings and !ollowing whichever pair o! shoes caught my ear round the e.hibits. By the time ' was in my late teens ' was !ollowing the shoes home !rom the local dance1hall, through the busy town centre, on and o!! buses, down dar" suburban roads. ' didn8t mind i! another boy escorted my target home, or i! it were a couple o! giggling girls. Having another person unaware o! me heightened my en)oyment. ' o!ten wish ' could go bac" to those days. 2ou as" me what changed. ,everal things. #y sister married early to get away !rom home. ,he is doing well, '8m told, but we never see her. #y poor little mouse o! a mother died. 0ancer, they said because there is no medical term !or unremitting drudgery. And '

46

was le!t to care !or %ranny, who was by then so badly crippled by arthritis that she re-uired constant attention. 2ou might suppose that having to be dependent on me would so!ten her attitude. 2ou would be wrong. The reverse is true. The more dependent she becomes the more she hates me. The more ' continue to attend her with my usual -uiet competence the more it in!uriates her. 't was during one o! her outbursts, occasioned when ' brought her the wrong coloured cardigan, that ' learned the truth about my !ather. #y mother told me he was a merchant seaman. That much was true. But, in a voice !ull o! venom, with many a descriptive aside, my grandmother too" pleasure in telling me that, !ar !rom being drowned in an accident at sea, he was hanged !or the murder o! a girl in a red1light district o! a !oreign port. #y mother, shunned and deserted by her own, brought her shame to be trampled on by the wi:ened harridan who, !ace thrust close to mine, was telling me the !ull story. $oes your !amily li"e games/ &e play a game her and me. ,he does her best to goad me. ' do my best to show her that nothing she can do or say a!!ects me. But ' thin" she "nows she8s winning. ,he gives me such a loo" sometimes when '8m on my way out, as i! she "nows what '8m going to do. There is malice in it, yes, but ' thin" ' catch a glimpse o! pity at times. ' li"e it best when ' can detect envy. 't8s as i! she recognises the !eeling o! power that combines with the e.plosion o! pleasure ' e.perience when ' catch up with the women8s shoes and !eel the legs twitch, "ic" and )er" against me as my hands tighten on my victim8s throat. '8m not altogether sorry you have caught up with me. Please don8t thin" '8m e.pressing remorseD that would be )ust too hypocritical. '8ll save that !or later when the time comes !or parole. o, '8m thin"ing that my poor old granny is going to have to go into a home, where in due time ' !ully e.pect some hard1pressed underpaid care assistant to drown her in her bath. ' can wait. '8ll have plenty o! time.

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The %eadweight - by Matthew Storer

Beginning at two that morning, $anny had hi"ed cross1country and be!ore dawn he was in position, high on a ,cottish hillside covered in heather and gorse. A cold wind was coming o!! the ridge, but there was nothing he could do about that. This was a real cold )ob alright. He pulled his hat down and pulled the sleeping bag !urther up around his shoulders. The !armhouse was in its own valley, a !ew miles !rom where he had hidden the @awasa"i. 't wasn8t ideal, no -uic" getaway here, but he was pleased with the view through the binoculars. A clean line o! sight to the house. 't had its own drive, close to a mile long by his rec"oning. The car * a large silver #ercedes * was there, par"ed on the gravel, )ust li"e #r A had said. The brie!ing said Target was going to be here all wee"end. Target * some bigshot ban"er who8d called in some loans on people he really should have let be. That was the problem with ban"ers. ever "new when to stop. The lowest o! the low. And that was !ine with $anny. 't was always better when you could ta"e the high ground. $anny could see steps had been ta"en to ma"e the building secure * cameras, high !ences, a gatehouse at the end o! the drive. He8d anticipated on1site security * i! there were any, they8d be in there. He8d been watching !or !our hours and no patrols. He didn8t care either way, but it made things easier. He settled down in the sleeping bag. There was a lot o! waiting in this )ob, but he didn8t mind it. He had !ood and warm clothing. He )ust needed to ma"e sure the cold didn8t get to his hands. He had already assembled his ri!le. 't lay covered in camou!laged sheeting, a converted 8Bara"8 H1, Precision. >!!ective range over a thousand metres. #r A had sorted it out !or him when they had decided he should deal with more comple. )obs. 9ive years ago, that. He didn8t use the gun much * the Bara" was hardly an everyday piece o! "it and it tended to attract attention. The times he had used it though, well, $anny had no complaints. 't was accurate, that was the main thing. And he en)oyed sniping more than the other types o! cold wor". 't made him !eel glamorous, li"e >dward 9o. in The $ay o! the Aac"al. ,o he waited. ?ate in the morning the wind died down. ,till, no movement. 't was beginning to loo" li"e it could be a long wait, maybe even a night on the hillside. 9inally, mid1a!ternoon, the door opened and there he was. ,ilver1haired, -uite small. &earing gol! gear that loo"ed e.pensive, and carrying a huge gol! bag. $anny loo"ed down at the photo #r A had given him, then loo"ed again through the binoculars. 't was him all right. He slid over into position behind the ri!le. >ven at range $anny thought he could see the sel!1satis!action in his telescopic sight. He !ocused, settling himsel!. Target was putting the bag into the #ercedes8 boot. $anny "ept his breathing steady. He put Target, his head, into the crosshairs. He breathed in, he held it. Then he s-uee:ed the trigger, so!tly, so!tly. He !elt the shot, and watched the head e.plode.

4(

7777 A!ter he had stashed the bi"e and the gun in the loc"1up he8d chec"ed in. 8,o/8 8$one.8 8%ood lad. Any issues/8 8 ope.8 8>.cellent. 2ou still good !or the hot one/8 80ourse.8 8%ood. ?et me "now when it8s done.8 7777 8Hot8 and 8cold8. They were $anny and #r A8s own categories. 0old was your bog standard clean "ill, usually done at distance. Huic", surgical, leave no trace and collect the cash. Hot was when there was a bit more to it. 9or when people really wanted their target to "now about it, when it was all up close and personal. $anny loo"ed !orward to the hot )obs because he got to use all his s"ills. 't wasn8t o!ten you got one so you had to en)oy them when you could. #ost clients didn8t want to pay the e.tra premium !or the special menu * the optional hot specialities that $anny o!!ered. This one, though, the client had made it clear wasn8t to be rushed. They8d even paid e.tra !or the boat trip. $anny li"ed their way o! thin"ing. He always en)oyed a boat trip. 7777 't was a wee" later by the time he had got everything in place. The contact address was nowhere special, )ust a terraced house on a housing estate. $anny watched !or a couple o! hours be!ore he decided to chec" it out up close. Always best to scout things out. +n a hot )ob you needed to be care!ul. '! there was anyone with Target he would have to do them too * such messiness was best avoided. He8d worn his salesman suit, so he )ust went up and rang the doorbell a !ew times. o answer. He pic"ed the bac" door loc". The house was tidy and clean, as i! it was out o! a home !urnishing maga:ine. ?oo"ed li"e a short1term rental. 9rom the state o! the shower, $anny rec"oned Target was on his own. othing to do but wait. $anny par"ed up !urther down the street in his blac" ?e.us. He didn8t mind waiting. At least he was warm this time. 7777 't was eight in the evening when Target arrived. As per #r A8s brie! he was on a bi"e * a ,u:u"i. ot bad. $anny couldn8t ma"e a visual '$ as Target was wearing his crash helmet, but the number plate matched up. This was his man.

4!

At three in the morning he too" his bag !rom the hidden compartment in the boot. A !ace mas". ,everal coils o! rope. A Beretta, with silencer. 0hloro!orm. 0otton wool. A strait)ac"et. A hood. Blac" ga!!er tape. ,"eleton "eys. ight vision goggles. &ith the night vision, re1pic"ing the bac" door loc" was no bother. He crept into the house, the rooms lit in a green glow. 8Piece o! ca"e8, as #r A would say. 8?i"e ta"ing baccy !rom a baby.8 The helmet was on the "itchen table. The "eys to the bi"e too. $anny resisted the urge to ta"e them. He too" the stairs gently, care!ul not to ma"e a noise. He held the long pistol with its silencer in his right handD the chloro!orm and cotton wool in his le!t. Fpstairs there was only one room with the door shut. The main bedroom. 0are!ul not to ma"e a sound he twisted the door handle and let himsel! in. Target was snoring li"e a trooper. $anny "ept the gun trained on the bed as he moved into position above the sleeping man. He care!ully placed the pistol on the bedside table. He needed both hands now. He unscrewed the chloro!orm. He liberally poured it into the cotton wool, being care!ully to "eep it at arm8s length !rom his !ace. He had the mas" on but you couldn8t mess about with that stu!!. He * so!tly, so!tly * pulled across the duvet so he could place the cotton wool over Target8s sleeping mouth. &hat the !u5./ A manne-uin. An iPod with a spea"er breathed up at him !rom the mattress. $anny )ust had time to recognise he was in trouble when the lights went on and he was shot, a sharp pain in his bac". He was blinded in the light, a magnesium !lare through the goggles as they overloaded. He instinctively shut his eyes and went to remove the headset with his le!t hand whilst his right hand !lailed !or his pistol. 't was too late. He !elt another sharp pain as he was shot in the shoulder. He had the pistol then, but it was "ic"ed out o! his hand. His eyes were struggling to ma"e anything out save !or the a!ter1image o! the glare. He spun round and could see Target. He was dressed )ust li"e $anny, all in blac". $anny lunged !or him but !or some reason his legs weren8t responding properly. Target )ust side1stepped him. Target had $anny8s gun. 8$on8t !ight it. 't8s pointless to !ight it.8 't was then $anny realised he8d been shot with two tran-uilliser darts. He tried to !ight, but Target was right, it was pointless. He was on the !loor now and he )ust couldn8t get himsel! up. His eyes and limbs !elt as heavy as lead. He8d been right done over here. He couldn8t even move now, couldn8t resist as Target rolled him over. 9or the !irst time $anny saw Target8s !ace. 't wasn8t the !ace in the photograph he had been given, but that was o", it was o" because he "new now he must be asleep, he must be dreaming. He had to be. He was dreaming o! a dead man. 7777 &hen $anny came to, he was on his boat and they were travelling at pace. The engine vibrations were going straight through him. His head was hooded but he "new where he was. He "new that boat li"e the bac" o! his hand. He was on the dec" at the bac" above the engine, propped up against the seating. He couldn8t move. He was trussed up with the ga!!er tape. A loop o! rope held him in place, he could !eel it under his arms. His hands were in !ront o! him and he tried to ease the tape looser but it was too tight, there was only the smallest amount o! give. He had to get loose.

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$anny twisted. His legs were cramping. He might have been imagining it but the tape seemed to be giving )ust a !raction. He needed something sharp but there was nothing in reach. 't was another !i!teen minutes or so until the boat slowed. $anny had never !elt sic" in the boat be!ore but a wave o! nausea hit him as the boat bobbed. The tape around his wrists was de!initely loosening now but it was nowhere near loose enough. The boat8s !loodlights were switched on. >ven through the hood they made him wince. He could !eel hands on him, the rope being roughly untied. Then it was being looped again, round his legs this time, and he was being pulled, yan"ed across the dec", and he couldn8t cushion himsel!. His head banged hard against the oa" boards o! the dec", and then he was being pulled upwards over rubber, he could !eel it rubbing against his combats and then he was !alling over it, and he "new that it was the dinghy and it was pumped up and he was in trouble. He had been pushed bac"wards and he !ell hard onto tarpaulin. 't was cushioned, it wasn8t the bottom o! the dinghy. The sandbags. He needed to be care!ul here. He would probably only get one chance. He was only bound at the wrists. '! he could ma"e good contact, he "new he could ta"e him. The problem was "nowing where he was. The !loodlights made it impossible. He !elt a hand against his shoulder and thought now was as good a time as any. He swung his arms up with as much !orce as he could generate, but he swung into air and his momentum twisted him and he slipped down again onto the tarpaulin. He !elt something brush his nec" and then he was being strangled by the rope. He moved his hands up to his throat but it was pointlessD even without the tape he wouldn8t be able to get under the rope. He "new that it wasn8t meant to end li"e this. 't had been too planned out. He hadn8t been brought all this way to be strangled. This wasn8t the plan. He was right. 9inally the pressure on his nec" eased. The hood was ta"en o!! his head. 8Bet you don8t remember me, do you $anny/8 He did, o! course he did. The "id was pretty much as he remembered. He must be getting on !or thirty now but he still loo"ed impossibly young. Aust a !ew lines o! age, the blac" hair now greying and longer. There was nothing remar"able about his !ace but it was memorable to $anny. This "id was deadD he8d been dead !or years. The last time $anny had seen him he had been sin"ing beneath the waves o! the Atlantic. &hen/ >ight years ago. The !irst hot )ob/ #aybe not, but one o! them. The !irst boat trip. Target was )ust a "id then. $anny had been given his name, but he could never remember the names. The "id had crossed the #a.ted !amily, he remembered that. ,omething about the youngest daughter. +ld #an #a.ted had had words with #r A, and that was that. 't had all gone swimmingly. The "id li"e a rabbit in headlights. Aust couldn8t believe it was happening to him. 8Been a while, eh/8 $anny didn8t say anything. He was trying to thin". '! the "id had got out o! this, he could too. 8,till, all good things come to those who wait, so they say.8 $anny had never really thought about the possibilities o! escaping the boat trip. 't didn8t seem !easible that a target could even thin" it all through, let alone actually do it.

6&

To do all that whilst they were tied up and sin"ing/ They8d be panic"ing, in a hopeless situation. They8d never have the presence o! mind. Then to somehow get to land6 But the "id had. How had he done that/ +ne thing at a time. The sandbags. 't must be that. They were made o! hessian. They8d be wet * maybe you could tear them. A big enough tear might release the sand, release the weight !rom your legs. He must have loo"ed at the sandbags. The "id was smiling. 82eah, that8s right.8 't was a strange smile. ?i"e they were sharing a )o"e. $anny needed to thin". He needed time. He had to "eep the "id tal"ing. 8How/8 he said. 8'nterested, eh/ Thin" it8ll save you/8 There must be a !air !ew sandbags in the dinghy. '! he was tied to them all he was screwed. He had only tied the "id to two bags. That was the point, the beauty o! it. 't wasn8t meant to be -uic". 2ou didn8t want the weight to be so great that he8d sin" li"e a stone. 't needed to be )ust enough to tire him out slowly, a!ter a struggle. 8't won8t save you.8 The "id went bac" into the cabin and brought bac" the air ri!le. 82ou8re right though. Hadn8t thought about the sandbags, had you/8 He coc"ed the gun. 8,uch a calm night, do you remember/ And you were in such a hurry to get bac".8 He !ished out a pellet !rom his poc"et. 8' was luc"y. 2ou were sloppy. Those sandbags were old, easy to rip. ' was young. 2oung and strong and a good swimmer. >ven luc"ier that by sheer chance a 9rench !ishing boat !ound me be!ore ' drowned.8 The "id put his !oot against the side o! the dinghy. 8The odds o! that eh/ 2ou a betting man $aniel/ Thousand to one/ A million/8 He coc"ed the ri!le. 8,till, you ma"e your own luc", eh/8 He pushed hard with his !oot. The dinghy moved a !oot down the dec". 8,o ' got to 9rance. o money, no identity. And a dead man. But that was !ine with me.8 He "ic"ed the dinghy again. 't was almost over the side. 8't too" a while to sort mysel! out. %ot mysel! a new name too. >ven made some money. ever !orgot you though $anny. Promised mysel! that one day '8d get you.8 The "id loo"ed down at $anny. He didn8t even loo" un!riendly. 8And here we are. &orth the wait eh/8 He "ic"ed the dinghy again and $anny was over the side with a splash. He was low in the water but the dinghy was !loating, )ust. $anny twisted himsel! upright. He didn8t have long. The dinghy was dri!ting away !rom the boat. He needed to rip the bags. He clawed at the !irst. 8$on8t worry 8bout them,8 the "id shouted. $anny didn8t get what the "id meant. He wasn8t going to stop to as". He ripped through the bag. Then he saw. The "id was right, he needn8t have worried. The sandbag was loose. 't wasn8t tied to him, wasn8t tied to anything. He dumped it over the side. He wasn8t tied to the ne.t one either.

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't was when he went to !lip that one overboard that he !elt it. 0old and clammy. 't wasn8t )ust sandbags he was lying on. 8%oodbye $anny. ' hope it was all worth it.8 The "id pointed the air ri!le at the dinghy and !ired. The !irst shot went wideD it !i::ed into the water beyond the dinghy8s yellow rubber. $anny was staring down at the bottom o! the in!latable. He was staring at a body. >ven though it was !ace down and was still hal! obscured by the bags, he could recognise the bul"y bac" o! #r A. He didn8t need to !ollow the chain around his !oot to "now that the other end would be loc"ed around #r A8s leg. The second pellet hit the rubber. $anny could hear the high1pitched whistle o! air escaping. 't was a large dinghy. 't would ta"e some time be!ore it would totally lose its buoyancy and collapse. That was the beauty o! the boat tripD it gave time !or the sub)ect to thin", to dwell on their sins, to regret the acts, the omissions, that had brought them there. ,o $anny lay bac" with #r A. He listened to the escaping air. 't was all so pointless, o! course it was, li"e always. othing he could do now but wait. He "new there was )ust the a!termath to come * $anny had reached the end.

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An Alternati.e Sour e o' Mandarins - by To& %i #son

&e reach at the same time, two hands moving in parallel, two sets o! !ive !ingers :eroing in on the last bag o! mandarins in Tesco8s 9resh Produce department. ,he laughs and steps bac", de!erring to me. 8,orry8, she says, and ' can8t spea". 0an8t move. ,he8s close, very close. +ut o! the corner o! my eye ' catch a !lash o! blue !leece. Then there8s a trundling and a clac" o! medium heels. ,he8s steering her trolley away, on up the aisle to pastures new. ,ay something. Anything. ' stand there, rooted to the spot, gripping the nylon mesh so tightly it pushes tiny red diamonds onto the palm o! my hand. &hen ' !inally loo" up she8s disappearing towards $airyE tall, blonde, the blue !leece s"imming her shoulders then !alling to hug her waist. Blac" )eans. #aybe boot1cut. ,he8s neither young nor old. ot particularly beauti!ul by current standards. But the warmth o! that laugh ... +! course, ' !orget to pay and there8s this whole hoo1ha at the door which results in my being marched bac" inside while she continues across the car par". ' e.plain it8s )ust a misunderstanding and the security guard, bless him, says '8m a regular customer, here every wee" and there8s never been a problem. ,o the manager lets me pay !or the mandarins. They sit on my table now, slumped in their netty cage. The wa.y :est !ills my head. ' eat each slowly, savouring the miracle that is 9ate. That was #onday. 7777 Tuesday, '8m there when they open. They8ve restoc"ed overnight and a whole heap o! little mesh bags perch ready !or purchase. ' hover hope!ully !or !ive minutes. Ten. A!ter !i!teen, a boy in green overalls as"s i! he can help me. ' tell him '8m )ust loo"ing. 9or anything special, he en-uires/ ' bite my tongueE i! only he "new. ,o we discuss the provenance o! their mandarins while three customers * none o! whom are her * add a bag to their trolleys and ' discover these !ruit are neither 9air Trade nor organic. This news lets me ma"e my escape. &ednesday and Thursday ' pop in at intervals. ' see the boy in the green overalls again but he8s !orgotten our previous encounter. The lad must see hundreds o! customers every day. 0ome the wee"end ' wander the streets, scanning the !aces o! strangers. ,unday night, ' pray she8s a creature o! habit. 7777 #onday, -uarter to !ive, '8m the early bird to that most desired o! worms with a smile !or everyone because ' )ust "now today8s the day. 9resh Produce seems to be e.pecting her tooE a 8Buy +ne %et +ne 9ree8 sign dangles over a display groaning with mandarins.

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Ten to. 9ive to. The hour itsel! arrives then departs. 9ive past. Ten past. ,he8s late. ,he8s not coming. ,he8s !ound an alternative source o! mandarins. ,he8s dead, "illed in a motorway pile1up as ine.plicable as our !irst meeting. &iping damp palms on the thighs o! my best trousers ' try to unthin" the unthin"able. And !ail. '8m hal! way to writing her eulogy when ' hear that laugh. ?ady ?a:arus pushes her la:y trolley over !rom Plants and 9lowers. #y heart leaps then crashes to earth. ,he8s not alone. He8s there. ,on/ Husband/ Boy!riend/ Fncertainty drops a stone into the pit that is my stomach. ,he reaches past me !or beansprouts. Her arm almost brushes mine. %reen -uilted nylon this time. He says something to her. Their lips move, hers !ull and generous, his thin and tight, the mouth o! an interloper. At the chec"outs, ' slip to 8Ten 'tems and Fnder8. He8s tal"ing on his phone now, she8s unloading the trolley8s contents onto the conveyor belt. ot laughing. ot even smiling. ,he now loo"s old enough to be his mother, pac"ing the shopping into recycled carriers. A care1worn woman, caring about the environment. &e leave Tesco8s. &e cross the car par". He8s still on his phone, this man1boy with no manners. They stop at a battered #ini. He produces "eys and tal"s on. ,he loads three o! the !our recycled carriers into the bac" seat. #oving round to the driver8s side he catches the "eys she tosses without brea"ing stride in his conversation. This is not right. This is !ar !rom right. Aust be!ore he drives o!!, he winds down the window. ,he leans in, her chee" presented. The "iss is duti!ul. ,he waves a!ter him until the battered #ini disappears !rom view. And when she wal"s away with her shopping, ' !ollow. 7777 Twenty minutes later, the door closes on umber 9i!teen %arthland $rive. ' watch one, two then three lights !lic" on. And ' wait. An hour. Two. 't8s )ust a!ter nine when she closes the living1room curtains. 't8s )ust be!ore eleven when the bedroom light goes o!!. ' cross the road and wal" up the paved path to touch the door"nob gently, my !ingers curling where hers curled. A warm glow !ills me and when ' glance at the small pearlised plate above the letterbo. it8s almost an a!terthought. ,. Aac"son. ,andra/ ,usan/ ,indy with an 8,8, li"e the "iddies8 dolls/ ' have to "now. To my right, a neat !lowerbed, a tall wooden !ence. And a gate. A dog bar"s in the distance. ' open the gate. Her blue bin brims with scrupulously clean tins and )ars. This caring, care1worn woman8s newspapers are care!ully tied, her )un"1mail envelope1!ree because envelope1 adhesive cannot be recycled and to relegate such items to the recycling bin would be wrong. ' close the lid and turn to its wheeled neighbour. As ' wal" home my poc"ets bulge with the discarded detritus o! her li!e. 't8s ama:ing what people throw away. Post code. Ban" details. Phone number. ame. 7777

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e.t morning, '8m bac", seven a.m. ,amantha passes me )ust be!ore eight, dressed in ?ycra, pin" and glowing, a whistle around her nec". Twenty minutes later she leaves the house, sensible slac"s and the green -uilted nylon, striding purpose!ully. ,he8s timed it well. The bus arrives. &e get on, ladies !irst. ' !lash my season tic"et then scan the crowded lower dec". &e both stand. ' scowl on her behal! at those seated. ,he gets o!! less than a mile !rom my !lat. '8m ama:ed we both live and wor" in the same small area. ,he wal"s to a nondescript building, punches a number into a "eypad then enters. ' read the scratched sign a!!i.ed to the wallE $epartment o! ,ocial &or". '8m suddenly proud. This caring, care1worn woman cares !or others. 9rom the other side o! the street ' scan windows behind which she8s solving problems, e.tending a helping hand to those down on their luc". '8m suddenly aching. ' !ind a phone1bo. and leave no message. ' ring another twice )ust to hear her voice on the machine. The tall wooden !ence screens me !rom prying neighbourly eyes. A potted geranium on the bac" door step hides another piece o! luc". The house is !ull o! her. A spotless "itchen, the gleam o! lemon cleaner. Her !ruit bowl contains bananas and a wrin"ly apple but is mandarin1!ree. Fpstairs, three bedroomsE one a converted study. 'n the second, postered walls and a #an Fnited banner await the return o! the man1boy. The double bed in the third says two. The lac" o! male clothing in the wardrobe says one. $ivorced/ ever married/ ' li!t a photo !rom her bedside table, loo"ing !or answers. A child stares bac" at me. &ith the man1boy8s eyes. ,amantha8s eyes. Be!ore ' "now what '8m doing '8m on the bed, my !ace in her indented pillow, breathing the warm, impossibly alien smell o! her. 7777 ,he wor"s long hours, my "ind and pro!essionally caring, care1worn ,amantha to whom clients spill their troubled lives. #onday nights she shops with the man1boy. &ee"ends she tends that neat garden and attends a Pilates class. And she runs seven to eight every morning, three miles to the par", round the gol! course and bac". The camera8s cheap but it does the )ob. ow she8s with me even when we8re apart. ' phone her every day. +ne day perhaps '8ll even spea". +r perhaps not. &hat would ' say/ 7777 The days shorten into autumn. The cloc"s go bac" and we go !orward. Together. To wor". To Tesco8s. To the bus stop opposite !i!teen %arthland $rive !rom where ' watch her bed winter geraniums. ' sign up !or Pilates. #y core strengthens wee" by wee". 0ourtesy o! those early morning runs '8ve never been !itter. ' hal!1hope she8ll notice me. '8m hal!1glad she doesn8t. 't8s enough to be near her. This good woman. #y care1worn caring ,amantha who recycles and helps those less !ortunate than hersel!. Part o! me wants a man in her li!eE she8s still attractive, she shouldn8t be on her own. But she8s not on her own, is she/ 7777

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't8s a dar" $ecember morning. &e8re in the par", turning up towards the gol! course. &e pass the usual early doors dog1wal"ers, e.change smiles and nods. ,he always pulls ahead about here, pushing hersel! into a sprint up the steep hill through the trees. And ' always let her, the gap widening between us until she8s almost out o! sight. Almost, but not -uite. At the top o! the rise ' see him be!ore she does, a strea" o! swi!t1moving grey against the lightening s"y. +ne hand8s around her nec", another over her mouth. Pale blue trainered !eet !lail as he pulls her into hawthorn cover. 0old sweat blooms on my s"in and '8m running !aster than ' "new ' could. ,he8s on the ground when ' reach them, his larger, heavier legs pinning her there. He8s pawing at her sweatshirt. +ur eyes meet over the top o! his head, hers un!ocused by panic. Her !ace is a patch o! pale terror. The Pilates pays o!!. ' grab the collar o! his )ac"et. He8s lighter than a !eather as ' thrust him away. ,urprise is on my side and it ta"es him a moment to recover. 't8s all ' need. All we need. ' can )ust about hear her rasping breath over the pounding in my head. ' "ic" him. He grunts and tries to get up. ' "ic" him again. He curls into a ball. ' "eep "ic"ing, my !oot impacting the "idney area with a so!tly satis!ying scrunch. An ear1splitting blast o! sound ma"es us both )ump. ,omehow he8s on his !eet. And we8re running, bac" down the hill towards the side gate. 4unning on instinct, the sound o! her whistle still echoing in my head when ' get home. ' hate that ' le!t her there. o one deserves to be abandoned, alone and scared. ' try to get my breath bac", the photos on my bedroom wall blurring. ' tell mysel! she8ll be !ine. But !or the !irst wee"end in ten ' s"ip Pilates. ' avoid %arthland $rive and Tesco8s. The !eeling that ' let her down re!uses to leave. ' can8t !ace her. 't8s Tuesday be!ore ' leave the house again. 'n Asda, ' buy the local paper because ' always buy the local paper and there she is, my ,amantha, on page three. The photo8s not as good as the ones ' ta"e but the headline more than compensatesE 8,ocial &or"er than"s her %uardian Angel.8 #y hands sha"e. ' have to sit down. ' !ind a wall in the car par" and lean against it, her in"ed words wriggling be!ore my eyes. A warm glow spreads to replace the cold shame o! the last three days. ' was there !or her. ' was and always will be there !or her. ,he8s )oined a gym. ' )oin too. o more dar" par"s !or us. &e now run side by side on ad)acent, state1o!1the1art treadmills. ,he gives me a smile, most mornings. Tomorrow, maybe '8ll o!!er her a mandarin.

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No Me Either - by Mindy /uigley

2ou8d thin" it8d be hard to get close to someone i! you wurnae sure i! it was them that put !our bullets in your ma8s chest and another one right between your da8s eyes. But the !act is that me and my brothers and my sister couldnae8ve been closer. '8d8ve trusted all o! them wi8 my li!e. ' still remember )ust how my ma loo"ed the day she got shot. ' can still see her slumped against the wall wi8 smears o! blood behind her all down that ugly blue wallpaper. ,he was )ust sittin8 there wi8 her dressing gown open at the !ront. ,he only had her "nic"ers on underneath, so you could see her whole chest and count the !our holes. +ne o! her tits8d been shot in hal!. +ne o! those big, drooping tits * the "inda tits me and Brenda inherited and that still give my bac" )ip to this day * was blown almost in two. And either Brenda or one o! the boys done it. 9or the third time in !orty1eight year, ' was sittin8 in a solicitor8s o!!ice. The solicitor was young, scrawny and serious. He8d a wee silver letter opener, and he cut through this brown envelope and pulled out a piece o! card. 8 o me, either,8 he read. He turned the card around so we could see it. ,lap bang in the middle was the words 8 + #> >'TH>48, written in my sister Brenda8s shoogly handwriting. 89uc" me,8 muttered my brother, $ere". And then louder, 8'8ll be !uc"ed.8 He ran his thic" !ingers over the top o! his head, as i! to !i. his hair i! he8d had any le!t. 89uc"8s sa"e, Pauline, ye was only nine year old.8 The solicitor coughed. 8'8m a!raid ' don8t understand the signi!icance o! this card. 's it something to do with the inheritance/8 The solicitor wisnae posh. ' mean, he was )ust your bog1standard lawyer, but ye could tell he was the type 8ut didnae li"e swearin8. #a used to "noc" the shite outta us when we8d curse, which was a !uc"ing )o"e seeing as she had a gob on her that would8ve geid a sailor a red !ace. $ere" had a good laugh at the solicitor8s -uestion about the inheritance. He laughed 8til tears rolled over his !at chee"s. The solicitor held out a bo. o! tissues, but $ere" wiped his eyes wi8 the bac" o! his hands, and we stood up to leave. 8 o, pal. 2ou8re awright.8 '! '8d8ve been in a di!!erent mood, ' might8ve laughed, in all. 9or !uc"8s sa"e, what inheritance was he on about/ Brenda8s will, which the solicitor had )ust read out, had said that a!ter all her worldly goods was sold, the balance o! the estate should be geid to Historic ,cotland. 8The balance o! the estate.8 ' mean !or !uc"8s sa"e, she died o! a burst ulcer in her council house with only an eight1year1old kau.hall Astra to her name. +nce we pay the underta"er and the solicitor, the le!tovers wouldnae be enough to buy a blade o! bloody grass !or the lawn o! one o! them !uc"ing castles. ' could well picture Brenda laughing her arse o!! when she put that in her will. #e and $ere" went up the road to a wee ca!g near #aryhill 4oad. aebody else was in. ,tuc" up on a shel! in the corner there was a wee telly, and the woman behind the counter was watching Paul +8%rady wi8 the volume turned up loud. &e too" a seat right in !ront o! the window. 8'8ve gotta say, Pauline, '8m gobsmac"ed. '8d8ve laid odds 101to11 on it bein8 Brenda. ,he was such a mother hen to ye. But ' guess

6(

it ma"es sense.8 His hands reached !or the pac"et o! cigarettes in his shirt poc"et. He had one hal!way to his mouth be!ore he remembered the smo"in8 ban. He put the !ag bac" in the pac"et and dran" his tea. 82ou thin" it was me/8 ' as"ed. ' never said ' was clever, and it had ta"en me a wee while !or it all to dawn on me what $ere" was saying. 82ou thin" ' "illed 8em/8 ' whispered the last bit. 8&ell, who else could it be/ 2ou and me8s the last ones. 't wisnae Brenda. 't sure as shite wisnae me. ,o there8s only you that8s le!t.8 7777 2e may no be !ollowin8 my dri!t, so ' should probably e.plain something. 9orty1eight year ago, there was !ive o! us %lamcy "ids living at home in a three1 bedroomed tenement wi8 my ma and my da. ' was )ust coming up !or ten. Brenda was the eldestD seventeen she was. Then there was #ichael. He must8ve been si.teen. Then there was $ere", then me, then %ilbert. '8m no ma"ing e.cuses !or my ma and my da, but it was a load o! us pac"ed into a wee !lat. But anyway, the !act was that my da was shagging Brenda and lettin8 other men pay to do it as well, and my ma and my da were beating the shite outta us all the time. And when they wurnae beating us, they were starving us. That8s how it was and ' didnae "now any di!!erent. 2ou8d8ve thought, wi8 all that goin8 on, the neighbours would8ve said something. ' mean, we was all used to it, but sometimes even the bigger boys8d scream out when my da would stub out his cigarette on the so!t part 8neath the top o! their arms. But even though we lived on the top !loor in the middle o! a tenement, naebody heard nowt. The auld lady on the one side was stone1dea! and wisnae the "ind to spea" up about what goes on ne.t door. And the !lat on the other side had been boarded1up and empty !or years. The cold used to come in through all the walls on that side o! our !lat and there was patches o! blac" damp growin8 right the way up the wallpaper. The rest o! the tenement was !ull o! neds and )un"ies. ,o naebody heard. +r at any rate, naebody said a word about it. &ell, what happened was this. +ne day, these two auld men !rom down the road came to ours. #y da called me out to the living room, where there was this man"y, bare mattress laid down on the !loor with a curtain strung up 8round it. ' dinnae thin" ' need to tell you what happened. 't was a wee !lat, and the other "ids all heard me screaming. 't was probably around about midnight when they !inished and ' ran straight to the bedroom ' shared wi8 Brenda and wee %ilbert. &e all climbed into Brenda8s bed together and she stro"ed our hair 8til we !ell asleep. ?ater that night, we heard BA %1 BA %1BA %1BA %1BA %. 9ive times. ?i"e ' told you be!ore, !our o! those bullets were !or my ma, and one !or my da. &e all wo"e up and ran out into the hallway. #y ma was there, li"e ' said, and then my da8s body was through in the bedroom. He was lying on the bed, loo"ing real surprised1li"e, with his mouth puc"ered open li"e a !ish and a big hole between his eyes. This may seem !unny to ye, but we )ust all "new it8d been one o! us that8d done it. &ho else would8ve done it/ #y da was always so care!ul about loc"in8 the door. He used to loc" it wi8 a padloc" every night and he had the only "ey on a chain round his nec".

6!

And what seems !unny to me even now is that we never bothered too much about which one o! us had done it. &e all went to the "itchen, and Brenda made us all a brew. ' remember $ere" or #ichael had as"ed who had done it and where they8d got the gun and what they8d done wi8 the gun. >verybody said it wisnae them and that they didnae "now. A !ew o! them pointed !ingers at each other, which made me and %ilbert upset. Brenda told 8em to leave o!!, and that there was no point in "nowin8. ,he said we should all )ust be grate!ul to whoever done it and maybe it was %od hi8sel! that came down and done it, and to leave it alone. #ichael and $ere" got to wor" pretty much straightaway, li"e they8d always "nown what to do when you wa"e up in the night and your ma and your da is shot by one o! your brothers and sisters. They wrapped my ma and my da up in blan"ets and dragged 8em into the bathtub. Then, #ichael got the "ey o!! o! my da8s chain, unloc"ed the door and went away !or a wee while, and came bac" later with some tools he pinched !rom somewhere. But then Brenda said that it was going to be too much palaver and that we couldnae very well do without a bathroom !or %od "nows how long. ,o the bigger boys hoisted my ma and my da up into the lo!t and wheeched them down through the ceiling into the empty !lat ne.t door. 2ou see, the way them tenements was built, even though there were walls between all the !lats, all the lo!ts o! the top !lats were connected. 2ou could )ust wal" all the way along the )oists !rom one end o! the tenement to the other. ,o they dragged my ma and my da up and across and down into the one ne.t door. A!ter they moved 8em, me and Brenda cleaned up the blood and the other bits and pieces wi8 bleach while %ilbert listened to records in the big boys8 bedroom. e.t day, we all had a lie in and missed school. That wisnae unusual !or us, and naebody !rom the school gave two !uc"s. Bac" then was a di!!erent time. The other wee", my daughter !orgot to ring the school to say that my grandson was o!! sic" with vomiting and diarrhoea, and the school rang her mobile at twenty past nine giving her a right row. Anyway, ' didnae "now it 8til a !ew years later, but what the older ones done was this * they put my ma and my da in the auld bathtub inside the boarded1up house and used a hac"saw to cut 8em up into pieces. ?ittle by little over a wee" or two, they threw some o! the wee pieces out wi8 the rubbish and burned some o! 8em up in our coal !ire 8til they was all gone. #y ma and da had never wor"ed and had never "ept much company. #y da didnae even go to the pub. +ver the ne.t couple o! wee"s, men would sometime come round loo"ing !or Brenda, but #ichael and $ere" )ust met 8em at the door with a cric"et bat and a length o! chain and told 8em to !uc" o!!. ,ometimes someone at the shop would as" how my ma was, but ' would tell them that $a had !ound #a with another man and chuc"ed her out on her arse. Pretty soon they stopped as"in8. #ichael and $ere" le!t school and got )obs. Brenda stayed at home and loo"ed a!ter us all. 9or a long time, we )ust got on wi8 our lives. Brenda applied !or us to live in a council house and somehow e.plained how we8d ended up living on our own without any ma or da. >ventually, we all got married or got )obs and moved out. But we8ve always lived on the same estate and we seen each other 8most every day. About twenty year ago, the doctors told %ilbert that he had a tumour the si:e 8o a por" pie on his liver and that he better ma"e his last peace as -uic" as he could. He died about three months later. &hen they read out his will, there was a bit in there that said, 8To my brothers and sisters, ' )ust want you to "now, it was not me.8

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%ilbert8s wi!e, ?ynda, didnae "now what he was on about. ,he had no notion about any o! it and she )ust saw all us sittin8 there with our )aws hangin8 open, li"e we was tryin8 to catch !lies. #ichael piped up and told her and their "ids that it was an inside )o"e. ,omething about who used to use the last o! the loo roll. &e all laughed and naebody said more about it. But then a !ew years later, when #ichael hi8sel! was getting put into the ground a!ter he had a stro"e, he done the same thing. 8 ot me, either,8 his will had said. ,o we all o! us went out and got wills done !or ourselves, so every time one o! us %lamcy "ids, as was, died, we8d have that bit in there. &e never said nowt to each other. &e )ust "new in ourselves that it8d be worth the wait when the last o! us went. ?i"e waitin8 !or the punchline o! a )o"e. And that8s how we came to the part that ' was telling you about be!ore, where $ere" thought it was me. 8't wisnae me,8 ' said. 8Huit !uc"ing wi8 me,8 $ere" said, laughing a wee bit. 8'8m telling you * honest to %od, $ere" * that it wisnae me. '8d tell you i! it was. 2ou "now ' would.8 't crossed my mind !or a minute that $ere" might be !uc"ing wi8 me. But ' "now my brother li"e my own hand, and ' didnae thin" he was )o"in8. &e sat a wee while, drin"ing our tea. 89uc",8 $ere" said. ot angry or nothin8, but )ust summin8 it all up. 82ou dunnae suppose one o! the others was !uc"ing wi8 us/8 But he and ' both "new that they wouldnae8a done that. 8#aybe #rs. ?orimer/8 ' said. 8&ho/8 8The auld woman that lived ne.t door,8 ' said. 8,he had her husband8s gun !rom the 9irst &orld &ar. And sometime she used to gi8 me and %ilbert some tatties or a piece 8n )am i! she seen us out. ,he could8ve got in through the lo!t.8 8How the !uc" is an auld woman gonna Harry !uc"in8 Houdini hersel! up into the !uc"ing lo!t, across the )oists, creep down into our place li"e a !uc"ing cat burglar, do what happened, and then magic her bloody sel! away again be!ore any o! us saw her/8 8&ell, who then/8 8&hat about that auld bastard that lived at number 31/ He !uc"ing hated my ma. 4emember when he came to the house and said she poisoned his dugs/ ,he probably did, too. ,he !uc"ing hated dugs.8 8How would he o! got bac" up into the lo!t be!ore any o! us seen/8 $ere" thought !or a wee minute. He too" a cigarette out and put it to his lips. Then he remembered again and tuc"ed it behind his ear. 8He wouldnae8a had to. He could8ve )ust hid in the wardrobe in their bedroom 8til we all !ell asleep. Then he could8ve )ust wal"ed right out the !ront door. 't were unloc"ed by then.8 8' need a wal",8 ' said. ' wisnae upset, e.actly. But you8ve to admit that it8s a lot to ta"e in. ' mean, Aesus. 9or !i!ty year we was all coverin8 up !or each other and loo"in8 out !or each other. And now we come to !ind out that we was probably covering up !or some lowli!e piece o! shite !rom the auld tenement. #e and $ere" went out. 't8d started to rain, but not hard. &e too" our time, wal"ing and thin"ing.

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8$o you really thin" he would8ve "illed her over his dugs/ ' mean, they was )ust dugs. And why would he "ill my da/ And why not "ill any o! us/8 #y brain !elt li"e all the ideas in it had dried up, li"e when you been cryin8 !or so long that you run outta tears. 89uc"ed i! ' "now. He was a mean bastard. He might8ve.8 $ere" lit up a cigarette. He o!!ered me one, and even though ' -uit about ten years bac", ' too" it. &e wal"ed a while more, )ust smo"ing. #y daughter te.ted and as"ed me could ' pic" up some tights !or her wee8un to wear to her cousin Aaycey8s birthday party ne.t wee"end. ' stubbed out the !ag on the pavement. 8?et it alone, $ere",8 ' said. 8' !eel li"e we should do something. 't disnae seem right that some murderin8 !uc" should8ve got away with "illing my ma and my da li"e that.8 ' "issed him and as"ed did he need anything !rom the shops. He shoo" his head. 8Brenda was probably right,8 ' said. 8't was probably %od hi8sel! that came down and did it.8 ' gave him another "iss and said '8d call round later. And then ' wal"ed away.

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%ouble Trouble - by Mi hael Rigg

&e were starting to lose too many !riends, Aonny and me, and not )ust !rom natural causes either. ?ondon was getting too warm !or us and it8s not the weather '8m tal"ing about. 't was time !or a change o! scenery. ,cotland loo"ed good on the map. A -uic" trip up the >ast 0oast line, a couple o! lads on holiday, melt into the bac"ground, maybe see i! there was a bit o! business to be done. o bother getting !itted out with !resh '$, ' still had plenty o! contacts and we made sure none o! the paperwor" let on we were related. 't8s handy having a twin brother nobody "nows about i! ever you need an alibi, i! you "now what ' mean. Peas in a pod, as our ma used to say. Peas in a pod. Aonny said he8d go over to >dinburgh, loo" up an old !riend who owed him a !avour. ' gave my cousin #ic" a bell, my Auntie ?aura8s youngestD we8d always got on whenever he and his brothers came down south. He8d signed on !or a spell with the army who8d trained him up, shipped him out to "ic" up the dust in the bac" alleys o! Baghdad and on to play with the Taliban on the dirty side o! the @hyber Pass. ow he was bac" on home tur!, doing o" in the old ice cream trade. 't didn8t ta"e long to get me set up with a van. Parliamo %lasgow, no bother, ' pic"ed up the patter soon enough once ' hoo"ed up with ?ynn. Aonny8s speciality is electronics, he8s always been a genius with the computers. 0rac"ing passwords, he says, it8s a sight easier than going out in the cold and wet to stic" a lump o! plastic under a sa!e. o danger o! the heavy brigade coming screaming in on you when your hands are !ull o! crisp new notes and the stench o! melting metal8s hanging in your nostrils. The beauty o! it is he can do his wor" !rom anywhere. #ile >nd 4oad, the 4iviera, a room with a view o! kesuvius. +r Arthur8s ,eat, come to that. But this isn8t a geography lesson. &hat ' was going to tell you about was what happened to Aonny. ' was stuc" in the Bar1? when ' !irst heard. Bit o! a holiday !rom wor", you could say. ever mind why, let8s )ust say it wasn8t !or helping old ladies across to the shops in ,auchiehall ,treet. #e and Angus were having a wee blether, he8s always good !or a laugh when time hangs heavy. His heart8s in the right place even i! his mouth runs away with him sometimes. ot that ' mind, it8s )ust tal" and it8s always best to "eep Angus smooth. ,lasher Angus, that8s what they cry him, and it isn8t )ust !or the )aggy scar that runs down his le!t chee", he8s pretty slic" with a blade himsel!. That morning, a 9riday it was, late ovember, ,lasher was going on about the bampots on B Bloc". 8,erves them right,8 he was saying, 8i! they wal" into a shut door and come out with three smashed ribs. Things they do to women, girls, underage and that, The ,un wouldn8t print it, never mind The $erald. 2oung boys, too, you wouldn8t credit it, their own weans even. ,ee what '8d do to them/8 ,licing the air with his right hand, he gestured at his crotch. ' nodded. 't8s always best to agree with ,lasher even i! he tells you #otherwell8s a cert !or the 0up.

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He was about to go on when the door burst open. ,crews, they don8t "noc", never mind what you8re up to, they always need to remind you who8s boss. ,lasher and ' "ept our heads down. Best not to invite any aggro. +ne o! the screws grabs hold o! my right arm. 8%overnor8s o!!ice,8 he says. 8Pronto.8 The other screw ta"es hold o! my le!t arm and we were o!!. ' hadn8t a clue what ' was up !or and o! course the screws didn8t let on as per usual so my mind was racing as ' was marched through the halls. Had someone grassed about my stash/ ' didn8t want ?ynn to be !or it, she was a good sort, came regular each wee" while ' was down there. Anyway, there ' was with my head !ull o! mince, trying to thin" up a story to account !or anything the governor might throw at me. There was the usual -uota o! cons lined up outside his room but the screws led me straight to the head o! the -ueue. That threw me. 't must be something serious. ' searched my mind but ' couldn8t thin" o! anything. Apart !rom the bit o! dope the cupboard was bare, not even a grain o! 0harlie, de!initely nothing a spaniel could get a sni!! on. The governor was sitting behind his des". He wasn8t smiling. Bet he never smiles even to his wi!e or "ids. ' wasn8t stood there long till he came out with it. 82ou have a brother/8 ow how did he "now that/ Thought we8d managed to "eep it a secret. ever even told ?ynn and ' "now !or a !act Aonny would never let on. 8 ame o! Aonathan #athew 4ailston/8 %ot his name right and all. &hat was the story/ #y '$ was "osher enough !or the top man o! #ossad to eat o!!. 8He8s dead.8 Aust li"e that. He might have given me a bit o! warning, but no, that8s never the way, is it/ #y !irst thought was, was this a stunt to set me up/ The man had to be )o"ing. Had to be. His mouth was still wor"ing. 8&e had a message,8 he says. 8't was received at 0i.f0 today.8 He pic"s up a slip o! paper !rom the pile on his des". 8Please in!orm prisoner number 3=f;20, Henry 0lar" 4ailston, also "nown as Andrew 9ergus 0ampbell, that his brother Aonathan #athew 4ailston, alias %rant #c$ougal, was observed lying on the pavement o! &arrender Par" Terrace ad)acent to Brunts!ield ?in"s, >dinburgh at 0<.13 this morning. +n e.amination, this person was discovered to be su!!ering !rom severe in)uries to the legs, spinal cord and head. He was trans!erred by ambulance to the accident and emergency department o! the 4oyal 'n!irmary where he was subse-uently pronounced dead on arrival. This event was timed at 0f.11 on the date o! this communication.8 He gives me a !ew more details, but that was about it. '8d been in!ormed but ' was none the wiser. ,eems the stupid bugger had ta"en the li!t to the penthouse suite in a high rise, )emmied the door, helped himsel! to a !ew glasses o! some guy8s !inest malt, opened a window and )umped out. Aust li"e that. As i! he thought he could !loat right bac" home to his bed or something. &hat8s more, it seemed someone had blown our cover and that spelt danger with a capital 8$8. ' came bac" to my ga!! to !ind the screws had turned it over. They never miss a tric". Tal" about "ic"ing a man when he8s down. #y twin brother had )ust tried to !ly without

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wings and ended up a mess o! blood and brains on the street and they8d been into my place and gone through all my stu!!. ,cattered ?ynn8s letters over the lino, emptied my best bottle o! a!tershave over them and snitched the dope !or themselves with never a chit o! a than" you note. ' went ballistic. 't too" si. o! them to sit on me be!ore they got the cu!!s on and hauled me down the stairs to the cooler. ' managed to get in a good !ew "ic"s !irst. A couple o! them wouldn8t be cosying up to their wives and girl!riends !or a while. &hat did ' care i! ' went down !or a couple more months/ Aonny was dead and here ' was, banged up all by mysel! with a bruise over my le!t eye that would8ve done ?enno. ?ewis proud. 't was unreal, let me tell you. Aonny dead/ o way. 't wasn8t till the ,heri!! gave me my marching orders and ' got posted up to ,hotts that ' !ound out the real story. ot right o!!, course not. 2ou have to have your wits about you in the )ungle, ta"e your time to chec" out the undergrowth !or nasties. ?uc"y '8d come prepared with a !ew grams o! the sweetest candy par"ed up high where the sun doesn8t shine. The main man was on the early shi!t. He was onto me as soon as there was a -uiet moment, )ust him and me and a couple o! other guys who made ,lasher Angus loo" li"e the #ona ?isa. The #an came straight to the point. 8&hat8ve you got/8 8Ta"e it easy,8 ' said, 8'8ve not had time to get my bags unpac"ed yet.8 +ne o! the guardian angels too" hal! a step towards me. ' made a bit o! a show o! it, no point in rolling over too easy and anyway ' still had a !ew connections as they must8ve "nown, because when ' handed hal! o! it over the #an nodded and the angels melted bac" into the shadows. ,eemed li"e ' was in. #aybe ' could call in a !ew !avours, somebody here must "now something. 't all started to ma"e sense when word o! what had really gone on got bac" to me. ' should8ve seen it right o!!. ' "new Aonny could be pretty da!t sometimes but not so da!t as to )ump out o! a high rise without a parachute. ,eems he wasn8t on his own, a!ter all. 't too" a while to piece it all together. People weren8t too "een to tal" at !irst, but with a !ew grains o! one hundred per cent certi!ied powder and the #an and his angels on my side, ' got the story out bit by bit. ?i"e ' said, give Aonny a used P0 and hal! a ban" code and you8ll !ind a couple o! grand in a ,wiss account under any moni"er you choose, but when he had cash in hand he could go a bit wild. He8d been told there was a good party going on up in one o! the poshest streets in >dinburgh and set o!! there with a nice wee pac"age o! the white stu!! snug in his bac" poc"et all !it !or a good night out. &hen he turned up at the place he !ound out some guy he8d crossed words with was there !irst. A!ter a !ew beers on top o! the lines they started to get into a bit o! a discussion and somehow Aonny had ended up getting his one1way tic"et out the window. ' wor"ed on it !or a while longer to !ind out everything about the guy who8d given him the push, so by the time ' was out in the !resh air again ' had it all straight. Big Aamie, his name was, stayed down the !ar end o! ?eith &al". Turned out he was in the same line o! business as me. >ast side o! the country o! course, outside my patch, still, being in the trade made things loo" more natural. 't too" a while to set up a rende:vous but ' wasn8t in a rush, !ive months had given me plenty o! time to wor" out a plan.

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+nce ' had it all chec"ed out, there was me and #ic" and ,lasher Angus sitting nice and easy one !ine evening up in a top !loor !lat over in the &ynd!ord, sipping a beer and )ust waiting !or events to un!old. &e8d a bit o! time on our hands and ,lasher was blethering away about the old days. 8Accidents with the slopping out bowls,8 he was saying, 8you should8ve been there. Those were the days, eh/ 0ourse it8s all changed now. #ust be )ammy being one o! they !ly lawyers. 2ou can sue the system right up to the big court in ,trasbourg i! they don8t stic" to health and sa!ety. e.t time around, '8ll mebbe get away along to Fni, !i. mysel8 up wi8 a !ancy degree, law, nuclear physics, social wor" even. &as it you was telling me you can get one in brewing/ That8ll do me.8 He too" another swig on his can and ' held up my hand. 't was nearly ten o8cloc". Time !or action stations. ,ure enough, dead on cue, in comes Aamie, not on his own o! course, he might have been thic" but he wasn8t that stupid, he had a couple o! !riends with him !or company. &e8d bargained !or that. #ic" had invited three o! his mates along !or the ride. They were holed up in the "itchen, )ust to be on the sa!e side. Aamie comes into the room !irst, catches sight o! me and stops dead. ' hold out my hand, all !riendly li"e, and ta"e a step towards him. ' didn8t thin" '8d clapped eyes on him be!ore but something about him seems !amiliar. His !ace is whiter than the purest powder. 8&hat8s the matter/8 ' say. 8,een a ghost/8 He opens his mouth but nothing comes out. 8?ost your voice/8 ' say. 8#aybe you need a bit o! air. &ould you be "ind enough to open the window, #ic"/8 But ,lasher steps !orward !irst and ' can tell he "nows the man too. 't8s then the penny drops. The !irst time we8d set eyes on Aamie he was down at the Bar1?, sa!e in the arms o! a couple o! screws coming out the bac" door o! B Bloc". ,lasher ta"es out his blade but ' wave him bac". This one8s mine. 'n the end, it8s almost too easy. &e never get to use any o! the metal, which is a bit o! a disappointment to ,lasher, never mind #ic" and his mates. They pass the time by showing o!! their samples o! military hardware to Aamies8s !riends while ,lasher and ' "eep our eyes on Aamie. All ' have to do is "eep wal"ing towards him. He "eeps wal"ing bac"wards till his arse rests on the window ledge. ' put my !ace close up against his. 8>ver ta"en !lying lessons/8 ' say. But he still can8t get a word out, though ' don8t hang about long enough to stic" my head out the window !or an answer once ' hear a siren starting up somewhere in the dar" down there on the streets. 7777 ow here8s the !unny bit. Turned out it wasn8t Aonny landed on the pavement over in >dinburgh bac" then a!ter all. '8d a hunch straight o!! there was something that didn8t add up about the story the governor chuc"ed at me and ' was right and all. Aonny had been holed up at his place all night. He was nursing a bit o! a headache a!ter sampling some stu!! that was eighty per cent chal" and twenty per cent %od "nows what "ind o!

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shite. He8d given some other guy his invite to the party, said he could use his name to let him past the guys on the door. Big Aamie never showed up himsel! that night either. He8d contracted out the details, thought it was all ta"en care o!. How was he to "now it was all a case o! mista"en '$/ A!ter that bit o! bother, Aonny le!t the country !or a spell. He8s been lying low at Fncle Ao8s place over in ew 2or" till ' post the all clear, but ' rec"on he8ll be bac". Two wings are better than one when you need to !ly, i! you "now what ' mean.

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!lessed Are The Cheese&a#ers - by Noel Chidwi #

' shared a table with the !armers8 mar"et poisoner. He munched a bu!!alo burger, and ' warmed my hands around a pot o! porridge. ' didn8t "now it was him at the time, not until his !ace appeared on %eporting Scotland one 9riday evening. 8' met him,8 ' said to my wi!e. ,he loo"ed up !rom her ,udo"o. 0aptured on video !or a !ew seconds on his way to the High 0ourt, kernon Aohnson wasn8t sure where to put his handsD he !elt his collar, then started scratching his moustache. 8He doesn8t loo" li"e he would "now how to hold a syringe,8 she said, con!idently writing a 8e8 in a bo.. 8He didn8t do it,8 ' said. #eanwhile the news moved on to an item on dead owls. 7777 The story/ 't was a crisp winter8s ,aturday, and by tea1time there were !ourteen sic" people in the 4oyal 'n!irmary, and one woman in the morgue * poisoned. The connection/ They all bought !ood at the !armers8 mar"et. ' was in luc", that was one time ' didn8t goD that day ' chose a warm co!!ee shop in Brunts!ield as my base to edit my latest collection o! >dinburgh tales. 't hadn8t ta"en the police long to !ind a culpritD the victims had bought items !rom the same stalls that Aohnson visited. At the mar"et everyone handled the !ood, and it would have been a simple matter to slip a syringe needle into a pac" o! minced lamb or a wa.ed cheese. But why did he do it/ kernon Aohnson was assistant manager at the supermar"et a !ew streets away * one o! those 8local8 branches. #aybe targets weren8t being hit, and his twisted motive shouted 8revenge !or the supermar"et68 in a sic" attempt to scare people away !rom the !armers8 mar"et, and persuade them to return mee"ly to the supermar"et, bac" to shopping by numbers. And there was the syringe. 9ound in the toilets at the base o! the multi1storey car par". That it had Aohnson8s !ingerprints on it was conclusive evidence. %ot him bang to rights, guv8nor. 't had been the wee" be!ore when ' had shared the ric"ety metal table, one o! a number placed in the middle o! the mar"et. They gave a !ine view o! the castle sitting high on its roc" behind the stalls with their neat blue and white striped canopies. Best o! all, it was a ring1side seat to en)oy the parade o! locals and visitors meandering in and out, a slow1motion set dance. ' remembered how nervous Aohnson was, staring at everyone, scanning the stalls. He spilled his co!!ee, the cascade narrowly missing my shoe. &e had e.changed a !ew words, and he had told me a little bit about himsel!. That8s how ' "new kernon was innocent. 't was ,aturday the ne.t morning, and ' was sitting at the same table. #y porridge was hot and creamy, my co!!ee steaming gently in the clear morning air. A pair o! bus"ers played a set o! -uir"y tunes on recorder and u"ulele as the shoppers began to wander along.

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' had ,lab * my digital notepad * with me, so ' s"etched a plan. A!ter a loo" at The Scotsman&s reports online, ' pinpointed which stalls had been selected by the poisonerE !ish !rom >yemouthD )ams !rom >ast ?othianD a butcher !rom 9i!eD >dinburgh ba"er $on8s $elightsD and Border 0heeses. The last three were all in a line, the stallholders with their bac"s to the car par" overloo"ing @ing8s ,table 4oad. 't was time ' bought my wee"ly supplies, so ' drained my co!!ee, hoisted my red ruc"sac" onto my bac", and too" in the sellers. ' as"ed at all the stalls, out o! curiosity, what they remembered o! the day. Aam ?ady had no memory. 8kery busy. Here, try the marmalade with cider.8 The butcher smac"ed his cleaver through a side o! bee!, sha"ing his head. $on shrugged. He o!!ered me a ba"em !rom a bas"et o! little bread balls with !illings. 8How do ' "now what they8ll have inside/8 ' as"ed. 82ou won8tE that8s the tric". >very1!lavour ba"em.8 +nly #artha the cheesema"er remembered kernon. 8He was very interested in my cheeses, as"ed me all about how ' made them. He tasted them all, ' remember. Pic"ed them up and smelt them. 2es, he seemed very )ittery, mind, always loo"ing about him.8 '8d reached the end o! the stalls, and !ound mysel! at the police bo. co!!ee standE it belched and hissed crossly as the girl inside prepared a steaming latte. ' loo"ed up at the castle and !ound ' could pic" out tourists staring down !rom the battlements. &hat did they ma"e o! the avenue o! canopies below/ Anyone spoiled by the riches o! the mar"ets in any 9rench town would probably laugh, but it8s our mar"et, and ' suddenly !elt an overwhelming sense o! warmth towards it and its gently middle class clientele, mingling and chatting as they e.amined the organic vegetables. ' went home, not sure o! what ' had learned. +ver the wee" ' pondered, trawling the internet !or whatever in!ormation ' could !ind. +ne person had diedE why only one/ &as she )ust very unluc"y/ There were a range o! ages and a mi. o! se.es, nothing to connect them. 9rom little Amy ?owrie, a pupil at Bonaly Primary to 'ain 9airburn, a bus driver retired twenty years previouslyD they recovered. Poor Paula ?ivingston, Head o! 'nternal Huality 'ssues c'H'd !or >dinburgh 0ouncil, did not. 't was 9riday a!ternoon by now, and nothing had come to me. ' had !illed ,lab with everything ' had !ound, every news item, all the details !rom the !armers8 mar"et website, lin"s !rom all the stallholders8 websites. 't was )ust bits and pi.els. $eciding that a drin" was needed, ' straightened a crumpled tie ' had !ound at the !oot o! my wardrobe, smoothed o!! a button shirt, and headed into >dinburgh. The #alt ,hovel pub sits at the bottom o! 0oc"burn ,treet, and ' remembered !rom my days playing cric"et !or the 0ouncil Planning $epartment that it was a common a!ter1wor" haunt !or council sta!!. And it was very close to the o!!ices o! the 'H'. There were !our o! them around a small table. >mpty crisp pac"ets and empty beer glasses showed that they had le!t the o!!ice a little early, ta"ing some well1earned !le.itime. ' approached the eldest o! the !our, a man with a shiny bald head, already glowing red in the dim lights o! the pub. 8Aames #c ab, isn8t it/8 ' said, stretching out my hand. ' -uic"ly invented a name. 8Aonathan PriceE ' may be wor"ing with you ne.t wee". '8ve )ust come up !rom Birmingham. Audit consultant. Thought '8d ta"e in >dinburgh !or the wee"end !irst, but

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' heard you8d be here. Hope you don8t mind. 0an ' )oin you/8 ' too" in their glasses. 8Here * let me get a round in.8 &hen ' listened to the recording on my poc"et voice recorder later that night, ' was struc" mostly by their vehemence. 't hadn8t ta"en long to manoeuvre the topic o! conversation to Paula ?ivingston, and it wasn8t hard to wor" out what her colleagues had thought o! her. +nly Aames #c ab had gone to her !uneral, to represent the department. 8And %ordon turned up too,8 he said. 8Probably to ma"e sure she was dead.8 The laughter was loud. 8%ordon who/8 ' as"ed. 8,omeone who used to wor" at 'H'. ?e!t months ago. Hated Paula8s guts more than the rest o! us. 4ec"oned she got the Headship through hori:ontal interview. #ost o! us didn8t agree * couldn8t wor" out who would want to. ,he probably !ibbed and !awned as usual. Andy * your round68 e.t day was ,aturday, mar"et day. ' heaved mysel! out o! bed to leave my wi!e sleeping peace!ully, a hard wee" o! wor" behind her. The dog was still curled up, snoring gently, so ' pic"ed up ,lab and headed into town be!ore the inevitable hangover drummed a bad strathspey on my s"ull. The day was bright, sunny and weirdly warm. ' had arrived at the mar"et )ust a!ter the stalls opened, and some were still setting out their goods. ' settled in my chair with a large co!!ee. The si::le and smells !rom the hog roast sauntered la:ily along the avenue o! stalls, teasing the early shoppers. A !ew stalls away !rom me, $on had set up a small gas oven !or his little ba"ems, the heart1warming scents mingling seductively with the roast hog. A pinpric" o! light caught my eye. High up on the castle battlements, tourists were ta"ing pictures, their cameras !lashing pointlessly. A !ew yards !rom where ' sat, a willowy tourist crouched as he !ramed the stalls in his camera view!inder screen. &hen %eorge +rwell wrote 1;i< ' don8t thin" he e.pected we would become our own Big Brother, spying on each other so !reely, so openly. ' wondered. ' switched on my ,lab and headed !or 2ouTube. ThereE three video clips date1stamped !or that particular ,aturday morning. Pity the te.t below was in Aapanese. ' !ired up the !irst oneE a view !rom >dinburgh 0astle, ta"ing in the ew Town and the gentle landscape o! 9i!e beyond the 9orth. The ne.t was o! two giggling Aapanese girls standing near the +ne +80loc" gun. The third video too" in the view !rom the bac" o! the castle, overloo"ing the !armers8 mar"et. The cameraman was providing a running commentary o! which ' understood not a syllable. He was obviously en)oying his cameraE panning and :ooming. Another voice spo"e. He replied, and panned slowly over the mar"et. Bless you, sir6 ' watched care!ully, not sure what ' was loo"ing !or. He :oomed in now, ta"ing in the canopy stripes. He held three stalls in his view, !rom the rearE the 9i!e Butcher, $on8s $elights and Border 0heeses. Because o! the high angle ' couldn8t see the customers, but ' watched as a hand reached out to the pile o! ba"ems in a bas"et, retrieved one, and vanished. A !ew moments later, $on too" the bas"et o! ba"ems, and tipped them all into a bag under the counter. He re!illed the bas"et !rom a bo. o! ba"ems and replaced it on the counter. ' watched the clip again. ' noticed, as she moved between stalls, the !igure o! a woman emerging into view !rom the shadow o! the ba"ems8 canopy. Her hand was moving down !rom her !ace.

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' peered close to the screen and played the clip !rame by !rame, trying to identi!y the woman. ,he had blac" hair, close1cropped, but ' couldn8t ma"e out the !ace. ,he was wearing a beige )ac"et o! some "ind. ' !lic"ed through my notes. Paula ?ivingston had blac" hair. ' searched through all the image websites, and !ound a !ew photos o! the mar"et ta"en that morning. ' care!ully loo"ed at all the people. There * de!initely Paula at a butcher8s counter, bending, e.amining the meat closely. Beyond her, ' could )ust ma"e out the !ace o! someone ' recognised * ba"ems man. But he was not behind his stall, he was watching Paula. &hy/ ' loo"ed through his details, !ound his website. $on #c'ver. The site was only three months old. Time to do some shopping. ' drained my co!!ee and threw the cup into the bin near the bus"ers. ' dropped a pound coin into their bo., and the recorder player raised her instrument in ac"nowledgment. ' too" my time at $on8s $elights. ' made a point o! reading one o! the lea!lets a!ter ' bought a bag o! assorted )am ba"ems. 8$on, isn8t it/8 ' said. 8That8s right.8 8These are delicious * been doing this long/8 8 o, ' only started selling them )ust be!ore 0hristmas.8 8+h, what gave you the idea/8 $on served another customer, !illing a paper bag with a do:en savoury ba"ems. 8Too" redundancy. 9riends said ' should sell these, so when the chance came, ' too" it. %lad to be out o! an o!!ice.8 8' "now what you mean. 't8s the politics that gets you, isn8t it/8 $on loo"ed at me. odded. 8&ho did you wor" !or/8 80ouncil.8 ' moved on to Border 0heeses * #artha8s stall. ' only hal! listened to her as she passed me the change a!ter ' had chosen one o! her solid, wa.1wrapped smo"ed cheeses, shaped li"e bloated ice hoc"ey puc"s. ,omething about delays driving up !rom %alashiels as police -uestioned drivers loo"ing !or witnesses. As ' turned, ' heard her call across to $onE 8' meant to sayE were you visiting !riends on the day o! the poisonings/ ' passed your van in a lay1by on the way home.8 ,toc"ed up, ' returned to my seat with another co!!ee and ' pulled out a ba"em !rom the bag * mango )am. ' wondered how $on !illed them. ' sat bac" and closed my eyes !or a moment. ?i"e scenes !rom a !ilm trailer, a possibility ran through my mind * but how to con!irm it/ 9irst, two last little pieces o! research. ' !lic"ed open ,lab, and summoned %oogle li"e a priest o! old would summon his god. Ten minutes later, ' wrote an email. ' hoped $on #c'ver had a smartphone, and sure enough ' watched him reach into his poc"et. ,ub)ectE Bakems #essageE Sorry' not an order' ( t ! needed yo r attention' )on *c!#er' formerly of !nternal + ality !ss es' "din( rgh Co ncil. ,o sed to work with -a la .i#ingston' didn&t yo / ! think yo poisoned -a la. .et me know if !&#e got this right. See my ne0t email.

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,o rs' 1 well2wisher 3 for 4incent 5ohnson. +ut o! the corner o! my eye $on peered at his phone. ' pressed the send button again. ,ub)ectE Why/ #essageE ,o didn&t like her' did yo / ,o left the !+! with delight. *ind yo ' no one else liked her either' ( t yo were l cky 3 yo took the red ndancy package and left the !+! as soon as yo co ld. . cky' that is' ntil she t rned p at yo r stall' and she still teased yo . Co ldn&t lea#e off the ( llying6 she hadn&t stopped after the (otched tri( nal 3 yo r colleag es were especially sympathetic' ( t -a la seemed to get away with anything. So when she t rned p at the stall' all the old emotions ( ((led o t 3 she was spoiling e#en this' yo r new life. ,o r (akems are good (y the way. He waited. ,ub)ectE $ow/ #essageE She was coming to the market e#ery week' now wasn&t she/ She had the 7o( yo sho ld ha#e had' and she wanted to make s re yo knew. ,o watched. 1nd yo plotted. 1ll it took in the end was slick timing and caref l doses. ,o offered -a la a free(ie 3 and she took it. ,o followed her after that' and at all the stalls where she (o ght some food' yo in7ected a 8 ick 7et of poison. 9ot too m ch6 7 st eno gh to gi#e someone a sore t mmy. ,o didn&t want to kill anyone else. 1nd that&s why yo threw away yo r (akems: all the samples were poisoned' with eno gh in each of them to fell a camel. $ow do ! know/ Watch this #ideo' taken (y a helpf l 5apanese to rist from the castle. ' waited !or a while. ,ub)ectE The syringe #essageE 1nd that&s where 4incent comes into this. ,o had popped down to the toilets straight after and thrown the syringe away. ,o tho ght a dr ggie wo ld take it away' e0cept it was poor 4incent 5ohnson who picked it p and p t it o t of the way. 1s a conscientio s food handler' of co rse' yo had yo r glo#es on' e#en as yo (o ght s pplies from the stalls as yo followed poor -a la. !&m right' aren&t !/ ;h' and here is a photo of yo watching -a la. She is starting to look a little pale' isn&t she/ Hmmm. He seems to be smiling at that. Time !or my best guess. ,ub)ectE The poisoned (akems #essageE $ow to get rid of them/ ,o can&t dispose of them at home in case the police do try to connect yo somehow' and as more than 7 st another stallholder whose food was poisoned. 1 few days after' there were reports of dead sparrowhawks and ( <<ards

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fo nd in the Borders' ro ghly in a line down to Galashiels. -olice were looking for witnesses' anyone who might ha#e seen anything. !n the afternoon yo took a little dri#e down the 1=' stopping from time to time to take in the scenery 3 and to throw the (reads in the (ins. ;nly' mice and rats fo nd them' and in t rn 3 well yo get the idea. There&s an innocent man waiting for the tr th to come o t. !&m watching yo #ery caref lly' *r Gor2)on *c!#er. #aybe ' shouldn8t have said that. He loo"ed up, and scanned the mar"et scene. A gap opened up in the crowds and he caught my eye. +ops. He let out a loud cry, and snatched up a cleaver !rom the butcher8s stall and ran towards me ... 2ou can watch what happened on 2ouTube * you wouldn8t believe how many camera phones there are at a !armers8 mar"et. He was within splitting distance o! me when a well1aimed wa.ed cheese connected with the base o! his s"ull and !loored him. #artha does come !rom good Borders !arming stoc", with !ive rugby1playing brothers. Bless you #artha. #c'ver was roughly tac"led and weighed down by a group o! shoppersD ' curled up in my seat crushed bac" against the wall, hugging ,lab. kincent was released within hours. He le!t the supermar"et, and set up in business, )ust him and his wi!e. 't was the dream he had con!essed to me, and why he had !urtively e.plored the mar"et when he should have been at the supermar"et. They run an artisan ba"ery, and they have a stall at the !armers8 mar"et. Their speciality is little bread rolls with random !illings, and they are delicious. ' get a !ree bag every time ' visit the mar"et. 2ou should try the cheese ones.

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Worth the Wait - by Robert *en#ins

At !irst it didn8t seem it was going to be worth waiting, you "now, Alec. ,o no point in murder. &ell, ' didn8t even thin" o! it. +ur old Aunt #ay made a !avourite o! me, and ' thin" she was a bit a!raid o! you, in !act everybody was a bit a!raid o! you, my elder brother by !ive years. 2ou had real brains, and culture, and wotnot. 2ou were superman, ' was a bit patheticE that8s what people thought, but ' "new '8d show them. Anyway, Auntie #ay said to meE 8'8ll be leaving what '8ve got to you, Aames. 't won8t be much. ' only rent the house, and ' only have about twenty thousand in the ban", not bringing me much in, but ' will leave it there. But Alec has plenty, doesn8t he/ All that success with his own companies, then choosing the right shares in other people8s. ,o you8ll get what ' have, though ' e.pect to go on !or another ten years or so yet.8 8+h, '8m sure you will, Auntie #ay,8 ' said. And ' really didn8t mind. Twenty thousand is peanuts these days, is it not/ 0ertainly would be to you, Alec, living in that mansion up near ?och ?omond, ra"ing it in by computer, !or %od8s sa"e. Anyway, '8d decided to try my luc" abroadE perhaps America. But then Auntie had other news. 2ou had been to see her, you bugger, in that little %lasgow terraced house. Auntie saidE 8He wasn8t very nice about you, Alec.8 8 o/8 ' said, thin"ing 8bugger you, then.8 8 o, but don8t let it upset you. &hat he said to me to start with was that he wanted to see ' would be well loo"ed a!ter as ' got older. He as"ed me what my own plans were. ,o ' told him, o! course ' can get about at the moment, in spite o! my arthritis, but it is getting worse, so ' e.pected '8d have to go somewhere to be loo"ed a!ter, eventually. '8d been thin"ing about that. That8s all ' said to him.8 ,he8d made us both co!!ee with whis"y in it, li"e always. Then she told me what you8d said, that you didn8t trust the ordinary places, and you were going to pay !or a place !or Auntie where she could get a dedicated nurse i! needed, and plenty o! privacy, !ood to e.act order, all the trimmings. &ell, you had to show o!!, didn8t you, you bugger. Then you told her you wanted to administer the money needed yoursel!, "eep a chec" that the place Auntie ended up in was always up to scratch. 2ou wanted to sa!eguard Auntie8s !uture i! anything happened to you, so you8d revised your will, leaving her a tidy sum, and you hoped and trusted she would use it wisely to "eep hersel! well1cared !or, and be in a position o! power, so there was never any chance o! ill1treatment. 8A!raid it can go on even in places that have been the best,8 was what you said, and no doubt you were right. 2ou hear stories. A change o! management or getting some bad sta!! is all it ta"es, but i! you8ve got money you can do something about it. 82ou can do anything with moneyE money is power,8 you told her. +! course, you8d "now, Alec, you bugger. ,o you said you8d le!t a load to Auntie, )ust in case a bus ran you down, or something, though '8m not sure any bus would dare. &ell, you didn8t say 8load8, but a load it was. ' remember what Auntie #ay said. 8Around a million6 But he said ' mustn8t

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give any to you. #ade me promise. ,aid, ldon8t give any to my loser o! a brother, he won8t do anything good with it.m8 That8s what you told her, you bugger, and ' don8t thin" you8d care i! she told me. 2ou "new she never "ept things li"e that bac", brought anything that smac"ed o! gossip into the openD she had this code o! honesty, she was a bit unworldly. And she always "ept a promise. But the thing is, what she didn8t even thin" o! at the time, was she8d made a promise to meE promised to ma"e me the sole bene!iciary o! her will. &ell, you "now, Alec, ' didn8t thin" she8d get through a million or so, plus whatever it brought in, no matter what arrangements she made !or her own wel!are. Her needs were simple, and she was thri!ty. #ost li"ely the income !rom the interest would be enoughD the money you le!t her, in the unli"ely event o! that daring bus, would remain pretty well unspent. ,o that made the matter o! waiting suddenly more interesting. That and murderE yours. The beauty o! the matter was '8d no apparent motive to murder you. 2ou certainly weren8t leaving money to me, ' was sure o! that * in !act you8d told people that * and '8d no other motive. &e never -uarrelled. ' too" the most appalling insults !rom you without batting an eyelid cwell, '8d got used to itd, and now and then you8d tell everybody you loved your brother really, )ust !elt sorry !or him, and '8d )ust mooch in the bac"ground, as you put it yoursel!, mooch, literally or !iguratively. ot allowed anything else, even though you once said 8$on8t )ust mooch, Aames, stand up li"e a man68 But when ' stood up li"e a man, as you put it, you didn8t really li"e it, made me !eel ' was being pretentious. But what ' did have was a !eeling ' might stri"e bac" in the long runD in !act ' thought '8d show all o! them in the long run. &ith you dead, '8d eventually get that money you le!t to Auntie #ay, or most o! it. 2ou never realised she planned to leave everything to me, did you/ 2ou )ust "new what she8d said, all those years agoE 8'8ll be leaving my money to the 4,P0A, ' saw too much cruelty to animals when ' was little.8 &ell, her !amily were a pretty rough lot o! country !ol", weren8t they/ And you see, Alec, when she told me she8d leave it to me instead, she said, 8&ell, ' never promised the 4,P0A, and ' thin" you8ve been poorly treated yoursel!, Aames.8 ' as"ed her not to tell anyone about her change o! heart, and especially not to tell you, and she promised she wouldn8t. ' didn8t want her saying that to you, about me being poorly treated. ' could )ust see that supercilious smile o! yours. +! course, Alec, she meant ill treated by being made to play second !iddle all the time. ' might have been Auntie #ay8s !avourite, but you were the !avourite o! our parents, you bugger. ' was nobody, you were everybody. ' doubt they really believed the universe had any inhabitant other than you. c$id you ever properly realise that yoursel!, by the way/d Anyway, Aunty #ay could see it, and she always thought her elder sister put on airs anywayD ' e.pect she decided you were one o! the airs. &hich you were, come to thin" o! it, the main one. ,he was always boasting about you. ,o ' got to thin"ing, i! ' could arrange that bus, or something li"e it, then ' would wait. ' mean ' could never do any harm to Auntie, and in any case i! it didn8t come out li"e an accident, '8d be suspected, as the bene!iciary.

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'n !act the longer ' had to wait, the !urther !rom suspicion '8d get. ' wouldn8t be li"ely to have some smart1arsed police detective suspecting my concealed motive, wondering i! ' was playing a long game. #ind you, everyone would always say '8d never be able to play a long game, but '8d show them )ust what ' could do. Anyway, the point is, even a!ter ten years or so cand Auntie really wasn8t at all li"ely to go on !or much mored, '8d still be only in my !orties. ,o the problem was how/ 'deally, it needed to loo" li"e an accident, o! course. &ell, it was so obvious. >very now and then you invited me up to see you cwhy, come to thin" o! it/ To gloat/d. ' got to "now your routine. 2ou went running every ,aturday morning, starting not !ar away !rom your mansion, near the Arrochar Alps co! course, you )oined in the main Arrochar Alps run when it was heldd. 2ou told me all about your routine run, wanted me to )oin you. &ell, you even got me to do a bit o! it. 't was a regular route, wasn8t it, !or !itness !anatics li"e yoursel!, and part o! it was a roc"1climb up a little cli!!, about !i!ty !eet high. But you had to lose time, you and your !ellow !anatics, when you had a struggle to get over the very last bit o! the climb. There weren8t any very good holds there. ,o one o! you cwas it you/d hammered a spi"e into a crac" in the roc" near the top, a bloody great long thing which stuc" out enough to grab when you heaved yoursel! over that top edge. ,omebody complained that it wasn8t right to stic" something arti!icial thereD you told me when you got me to go out with you, remember/ &ell, ' went up the easy route on the other side and met you, didn8t ', one ,aturday. 2ou were always as regular as cloc"wor", and no one else went out to that course so early on a ,aturday. 84eally,8 you said in that scorn!ul way you had, 80omplaints6 The political correctness people again68 ' said, 8's it sa!e/8 2ou said, in your o!!hand wayE 8+h, we chec" it now and then.8 ' remember you got up the climb as though you were still running, then went on to !inish the course, me pu!!ing and panting behind you. Anyway, on my last visit to your mansion, on the night be!ore your run cyour last one, o! coursed, ' nipped out and got my car when everyone was asleep. 't was warm, with a good moonD ' see well in the dar" anyway. ' went up to the top o! that little cli!! !rom the other side, dragging a couple o! tools with me. The e!!ort o! carrying the heavy hammer and big long1handled grabs nearly "illed me, but ' success!ully bent over the edge and loosened the spi"e. ' wrapped cloth around the spi"e so it didn8t mar". 'n !act when you grabbed it, it didn8t come out but angled down in the crac". Anyway it made you !all and the drop was enough. ' never !elt really bad about it, it8s no good saying ' did. Aenny wasn8t going to grieve too much, was she/ ' don8t suppose you ever "newE she8d had enough o! your devotion to wor" and wor"ing out. Angus was pretty well grown up, he )ust said, 8&ell, poor old $ad. His bloody charging about !inally caught up with him then.8 Aenny didn8t really con!ide in me, by the way, not in the drawing1aside and whispering sense, but ' caught on !rom the odd loo", the odd remar". ' was always more astute than you8d give me credit !or, you bugger. Anyway, ' didn8t !eel bad. 'n !act ' was pleased '8d put one over on you. ' went and mooched at your !uneral. Than"s !or your letter, by the way, !orwarded by your bloody solicitor * than"s !or the nothing ' e.pected. 8'8m sorry ' haven8t !elt able to leave you

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anything, but ' did buy you the house in 0arlyle.8 &ell, that8s true, you bugger. A long time ago, when our parents were still alive, you bought it to get me out o! their hair cand your ownd. 0ourse, ' sold it a!ter a !ew years * cleared debts, saved me a beating * since then '8ve been in !lats. Anyway, you "now, that house did remind me a bit too much o! your bloody patronage. ,o then it was what ne.t/ &ell, it8s !unny how success breeds success. The in-uest said accidental death, so '8d been success!ul enough there, and then ' made some luc"y investments, and ' won a !air bit on the horses as well ci! you must "now ' got a !ew tips on !i.ed racesd. ' bought a new car and a !ew bits and showed o!! to Auntie #ay, )ust be!ore she went into the nursing home you and she had chosen )ust be!ore your 8accidental8 demise. Then ' didn8t do so badly !or a couple o! years or so a!ter thatE ' got a nice house, as good as the one you8d bought me, anyway. And ' got a decent girl, ?indsey, to live with. 2ou met ?indsey once. ,he was one o! a gang o! !riends '8d had !or -uite a while, and she was with me in the street in %lasgow when you turned up, large as li!e. 2ou "now, come to thin" o! it, you were wal"ing down !rom the area where Aunt #ay had her house. ' didn8t say 8&hat are you doing here/8 o! course * ' never could spea" naturally to you li"e that * but ' bet it was the time you8d been to Aunt #ay to tal" about ma"ing sure she was loo"ed a!ter. 2ou were your highly civilised, slightly aloo! sel!, wanting to be introduced and telling me a!terwards you thought she was a nice girl. 8,he li"es you, Aames,8 you said, 8perhaps a girl li"e that could "eep you in order. 2ou ma"e sure you treat her decently.8Anyway, ?indsey was impressed with you, you bugger, )ust li"e everyone who met you. &ell, o! course, ' made the best o! the re!lected glory cnot !or the !irst time, ' have to admitd and boasted about your achievementsE two degrees, business and science, highly success!ul business, sportsman, member o! the local #ountain 4escue team. ' o!ten boasted about you, come to thin" about it, you bugger. ,o did ' treat her right/ $id she "eep me in order/ &ell, the answer to the second -uestion is 8she tried.8 ?indsey tried hard to get me to stic" to a )ob * ' mean, '8m a practical chap, aren8t '/ %ot a reasonable )ob as a carpenter and stuc" it !or -uite a while, but then wanted change and got a )ob in a garage. 0ars were more my thing, and then * well, ' had several )obs. ?indsey "ept her secretarial )ob, o! course, which "ept us going. ' thin" we really did love each other, you "now. &e had some good times together. But she wanted children, and ' was never so sure. ' didn8t see mysel! as a doting !ather. &e didn8t have rows, but we dri!ted apart. >ventually she gave up on me and married her boss. &ell, she said she didn8t really love him * told me that to console me. But she could settle and there was a good chance she could have a childD it wasn8t -uite too late. ' thin" she8s ended up o"ay, AlecE you8d want to "now that. And then Auntie #ay died. ,he should have gone on a good bit longer, but she insisted on going out on her electric scooter when the weather had turned bitter. To do someone a !avour, o! course. ,he went to visit a !riend who needed her company, someone better o!! than hersel! health1wise, actually. 't was almost e.actly si. years a!ter '8d seen you o!!, and ' thought, 8&ell, here goes. ' can clear my debts and then launch out big time.8

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' was sorry about old Auntie, o! course, ' really was, but not nearly as sorry as ' !elt when it came to the reading o! her will. 'n a personal letter to me, what she said was thisE 8'8ve le!t you the twenty thousand ' told you when ' promised, as '8m sure you remember, but really, Aames, you8ve been doing so well lately6 And ' didn8t thin" you8d want people to thin" it was inherited money that "ept you going, because ' was sure you had a lot o! pride, really, no matter what people said. ,o ' decided to do what ' wanted to do in the !irst place, and leave the rest cthere8s -uite a bit6d to the 4,P0A.8 And she didn8t say it, but ' bet you had made her wonder i! a big sum o! money would really be 8good !or me.8 ,o, o! course, ' was "ic"ing mysel! then !or showing o!! so much, "eeping my real li!e concealed * Aunt #ay never even "new '8d lost ?indsey. +! course, the twenty thousand wouldn8t even cover my debts. Anyway, '8d been depressed !or a while by then. '8d already started drin"ing. And then, a!ter Auntie died, ' realised '8d missed you, you bugger. 2es, ' missed you a lot, ' had to !ace it. ' mean, you were a support, in spite o! everything, and ' did actually ma"e you a part o! my li!e. ' was always tal"ing about you, wasn8t '/ Telling people what my marvellous bloody brother had done. ' wonder i! now '8ve seen things * seen mysel! * so clearly !or the !irst time, it was worth the wait )ust !or that * worth the wait a!ter all. ,o, anyway, ' decided '8d )oin you. ' thought the best bet was to go up to the Arrochar Alps again, to that little cli!!, ta"e the easy way up and the -uic" way down, so that8s what '8m doing, you bugger.

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The Waiter - by *a&ie "ro.es

2ou line up here, si. at a time, o"ay/ ,i. at a time at this hatch. Teams o! si., got that/ Any more or any less you8ll mess everything up. ,i.. +"ay/ And plate up and ma"e your way to the anteroom, right, and here you get with another team, cos the hatch can only plate si. at a time but the tables are twelve, right/ The !loor manager chec"s you8re in twelves, so anyone who isn8t gets in shit, o"ay/ &e8re serving three hundred diners in seven minutes. o room !or error. The !loor manager tells you which table. 2ou all "now which table8s which. 2ou8ve all learned the !loor plan, yeah/ 2ou8ve done your rehearsal. Anyone not "now the tables, get lost, o"ay/ %o. ow. '8ll !ind a moron in the street to replace you. +"ay/ %ood. ,o when you get the number o!! the !loor manager you !ollow, single !ile, o"ay/ Two paces behind the man in !ront. +r woman. ,i. one side o! the table, si. the other. Per!ect circle. 2ou8ve all done this be!ore, you8re not stupid, o"ay/ Per!ect circle. 2ou don8t loo" at the diners. These are important people. $ignitaries. They8ve got important things to discuss, so no eye contact, no bumped shoulders, anybody spills the soup they answer to me, o"ay/ 9ollow your leader. Ta"e your cue. obody puts a bowl down be!ore or a!ter your team leader. Ta"e your cue. 9ollow your leader. This is silver service, ladies and gentlemen. 9inest dining in ?ondon. These are important dignitaries. Anyone !uc"s up, you8re out. +"ay/ ever wor" again. 7777 obody learned nothing reading a boo", >dan. %et out there and bring in those damn animals, you hear me/ &hat good is an education with our !ood running round getting poached/ Am ' right/ 0oncentrate. Head in the clouds, man. Always, head in the clouds. Honestly #arlen, this boy, head in the clouds. They say agitators blowing down the telegraph poles/ 't8s this !ool wal"ing along thin"ing himsel! blind * bump6 2ou thin" too much, you run the ris" o! having a clever idea. Am ' right/ &hatever good happened to any !ool round here got a good idea/ Answer me that, >dan. Answer me that. &hy you thin" this country8s in the state it8s in/ Too many damn !ools getting clever ideas. Am ' right/ 7777 Ta"e the Hit:er PP?1<2. +ne point two "ilograms. 9orty three percent o! that is the si.ty1round maga:ine. 2ou could sling it over your bac", march all day, and barely remember it8s there. ot that any o! us are doing much marching these days, right, 0olonel/ ' mean, it8s li"e a toy. ,eriously, you can pic" up BB guns in Hamleys weigh more than this thing. Hamleys/ Big toyshop. Aust round the corner. But you get the picture. 9our banana clips, double taped, you can ta"e down a whole battalion, not even !eel the recoil. 2ou "now the secret/ 2ou want to "now/ %el springs. 0arbon chassis. 2ou don8t need a drilled carbine when you8ve no shatter threshold. A@ !orty who/ This thing )ust doesn8t heat up. $oesn8t )am. &on8t rust. Can&t rust. 't8s cra:y. ,ay what/ +h no, !or

(!

proper !irepower you8d have to spea" to %dows"i. Hey, %reg. His >.cellency wants a word. 7777 This your !irst time/ ah, thought so. 2ou done that historian one, right/ Thought ' "new you. 2eah, ' done a !ew nights !or him, but the money8s o"ay, get me/ Through my auntie. ,he8s mates with him. Bit patronising * li"e, he8ll over1e.plain, get me. ?i"e, it8s silver service don8t you "now. How hard can it be/ Put a !uc"in8 plate down, get me/ Hey, we got twenty minutes. ,mo"e/ 2eah, normally ' bla:e a bit, get me, but they pretty tight tonight. 9ull search, get me. &hat8s that about/ ,aw them sni!!er dogs and shat mysel!, proper. %ood thing ' le!t the buds at home. $ouble two1pull o!! a Benson, though, still get a bu::, right/ Ao"es. 7777 ,top loo"ing at me. '8ve seen you, thin" you can hide behind that boo", silly man. '8ve seen you, watching. &hat is it anyway/ A novel/ Aren8t there better ways to !ill your brain/ 2eah, maybe. +"ay, wal" with me i! you li"e. 't8s a !ree country. +"ay, !igure o! speech. ' won8t tell anyone. &hich is the best way/ +! course '8ve seen you round, ' said, didn8t '/ ,illy man. 2es, ' come to the plains !or the summer. &or" the harvest. ' live over that way. ,ee the green hills/ A !ew days past them. ' go bac" when it rains. 2ou "now that though. '8ve seen you watching. ,o/ $on8t so me bac", ' as"ed you a -uestion. ,o/ 7777 Hop in, old boy. >dan, right/ Ha, don8t worry how ' "now. ' "now lots o! things. Hop in. &e should have a chat. ' thin" you may !ind we have some common ground old boy. How are you !inding the summer/ ot as nice as home, '8ll wager. +h no, really old boy, ma"e yoursel! com!ortable. 2our visa situation is the last thing you should be worrying about. +h no no. 0are !or a smo"e/ Ah, very sensible. #ind i! ' do/ &e should chat. Bernie, ta"e us around the par", would you/ ice to see the duc"s, don8t you thin" old boy/ 7777 2ou don8t smo"e. 2eah, !air enough. %ood to get some !resh air though, get me. Hot in there. 0an8t stand the heat, right/ #y uncle8s a che!. %ot his restaurant up @ingston 4oad. But he8s more running it these days, get me, doesn8t do none o! the hard wor". ,ays to me why don8t ' wor" !or him. ,ays !ive -uid an hour, cash in hand. 9ive -uid6 9or real. ' ma"e more than that selling buds. $on8t do that now, though, ' got a baby innit. ,traight legit, get me. ' may be a Hac"ney !uc"wit but ' ain8t stupid. ,o now '8m doing this. ,ilver service, don8t you "now. ,till though, nine pound an hour. Ain8t bad. 2ou got "ids/ How long you been here/ 2ou still got a proper accent. ot badly, ' mean, but ten years is time, get me. 7777
!8

+"ay. &e8ve built up a trust, >dan. That8s what it is. 2ou and me. '8m no !ool. ' heard o! romance, but don8t worry * shh. ' heard o! romance, but it interests me li"e sil", or sa!!ron. A nice idea, i! you can a!!ord it. ,hh, '8m sure we will, one day. But listen, >dan. o, stop that. ?isten. #y !ather "nows. #y aunt8s cousin, she came, ' saw her at the mar"etD she said. $e knows. ' don8t "now how. ' "now you haven8t told. But we8ve built up a trust, >dan, you and me. 't was only ever !riends. ' "now. 9riends and more. But we8ve bro"en rules * shh, we have. ' "now they8re not our rules, but we live in a society. 't can8t be helped. ?oo". #y !ather will tal" about his !ace. 't8s a big !at !ace though, so he can stand to lose a bit o! it. Ha ha. But '8m worried. People are tal"ing. +n the radio. o, not about us, silly man. About here, and now, and the agitators. And that bastard 0olonel. +nly a !ool believes it won8t come to war. 't8s not your war and it8s not mine, but the radio says it8s our people 5 &e should move, >dan. ' "now your mother says * shh. >dan, please. Thin" about it. &e should. ,hh now. Aust "iss me, you silly man. 7777 ' gather your training has been going very well old boy. kery good. '8m told you8re -uite the waiter. o * ha, good -uestion. o, we have no interest in your ablutions. 4est assured. &e allow a man that much dignity. But no, ha ha. To the matter in hand. +ur lab boys * and yes, we8re -uite li"e the !ilms in those matters, lots o! whi:: bang, e)ector seats, whatnot * no/ Aames Bond/ ot see that 5 oh well. Anyhow, our lab boys have produced these little things. A lot o! thin"ing along the way, a lot o! silly ideas. But sometimes the silly ones are the best, don8t you thin"/ ,o, this sachet. '! ' )ust care!ully tear here 5 ?oo"s )ust li"e salt, right/ 7777 >dan, get that damn wench up out o! that bed. ' don8t care. &e all been pregnant, >dan, ?ord "nows, we all carried a pup or two. ot all o! us curled up tight under a sheet, complaining it8s hot. #ost o! us wor"ed, >dan. There8s animals to tend. 0rops to weed. Am ' right/ '8m not as"ing her to chop !irewood. ,he8s not up to moving, there8s a can o! paint and a brush, woodwor" all blistering. >dan, listen, nobody loves you more than me and ' see you love that wench, but '8m not going to !eed her )ust on account o! you getting drun" and putting your willy in her. o no. ,ort it out, >dan. 9i. it up. Ta"e responsibility. ,o r responsibility. Am ' right/ 7777 +"ay, !ive minutes to service ladies and gentleman, you8ve all been designated your si.es and "now your twelves, i! anyone !eels unsure about the layout o! the tables you have !our and a hal! minutes now to consult the diagram behind me. 4emember, and may ' please reiterate !or the !i!tieth time, that you do not tal" to, you do not converse with, you do not even loo" at the !aces o! our guests. These are dignitaries. They are guests o! the government. +ur lovely British ta.payer has paid a lot o! money so that they can mingle over coc"tails and hobnob over dinner. That is not your concern. 2our

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concern is !ollowing your team leader. Two paces behind. Ta"ing your cue. Putting down your bowl at the same time as every other person in your team. This is teamwor", guys, o"ay/ ,eamless. The !inest dining in ?ondon. ' don8t want our guests to even notice you. These are very important people. 2ou are nobody. Fntil eleven thirty p.m. this evening, when you will be discharged with a pat on the bac" and maybe even a smile. This is silver service, ladies and gentlemen. Please don8t !uc" it up. 7777 Than" you !or waiting. ow. ' would as" you how can ' help you, but ' thin" we both "now why you are here. 't8s interesting that you should come. Brave, perhaps. 2our mother says that you are a dreamer, ' hear. But ' thin" you are more resolute. $o you "now what that word means/ %ood. ' would hate to thin" my daughter would choose an illiterate !or company. ow listen. This is the part where ' set my sons to beat you, and our !amilies !all out !or several generations. o no, you have gone about it all wrong. ,hh, boy. There are traditions. They are there !or a reason. 'mpractical and outmoded, yes. But still, nobody li"es to lose !ace. ' accept your apology, but nonetheless, ' still lose !ace, and a man li"es to "eep his !ace, doesn8t he, even i! it is a !at one/ $oes she/ 2ou "now 5 !or the !irst time 5 you "now * oh, ha ha ha 5 oh, that8s good, >dan * may ' call you/ * >dan, at least you8ve come to me. 't8s a long )ourney. These are dangerous times in our land. ' !ear !or my daughters, sending them away each year. As a !ather, as a man, ' appreciate that you8ve made the e!!ort. How old are you/ 2ou loo" older. 2ou "now, '8ve only nineteen more years than you. &ill you have some !igs/ &ine * do you drin"/ ' worry about her down in the plains. &on8t you thin" about moving this side o! the hills/ 7777 &ell it all depends how much you want to spend. ' mean, how long is a piece o! string/ 2ou can pic" up a Huey, good wor"ing order, patchy service history, winch and a twenty eight mil cannon with change !or hal! a mill. ,i"ors"y ,=e, get it battle ready with a !ew snea"y air to airs and all your sat and sonar, !ive million F,, give or ta"e. 2ou want the legit shit, though/ &e can get you the proper who1diddley. The send1your1 pilots1!or1si.1months81training1be!ore1they1"now1which1bit8s1the1on1switch. The "now1 your1enemy8s1on1his1way1be!ore1he8s1even1!inished1his1brea"!ast. The hellraiser, hell!ire helis * da kinci didn8t !oresee !our hundred years ago !our hundred rounds a minute o! tan"1piercing depleted uranium cluster1!uc". ' mean, how deep are your poc"ets, 2our >.cellency/ +! course, not your poc"ets. But, how deep/ 7777 ow loo", you8ve got the salt sachets. $on8t worry old boy, you won8t be searched. And i! anyone as"s, it8s !rom your day )ob. 0hic"en ,hed. $ouble shi!ts. 9amily bac" home, &estern Fnion, blah. obody8s going to chec", but i! they do it loo"s !airly convincing, smells the )ob. ,alt. ,odium chloride, plus 5 &ell, best you don8t now. Aust hope they don8t taste it, eh/ But seriously, nobody8s going to chec" in your poc"et, but i! they do, say it8s nothing. 0huc" it in the bin. Abort. $o your )ob. %o home. 2ou )ust have

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to be discreet old boy. 4ip, sprin"le. 4ip van ,prin"le. Ha ha. ,imple, right/ Aust don8t get seen. $on8t do anything stupid. +"ay/ ow loo". ow8s the time. '8m going !or a !ag. %asping. The doors are open. ?eave the sachets on the table and !uc" o!! i! you li"e. +ne way or the other, we won8t be here in an hour. >verything8s traceable in this world, >dan. >verything. >.cept us. 2ou do the )ob, !ollow the plan, step outside !or a smo"e once the soup8s served, Bernie8ll pic" you up. ,ame car as be!ore. And don8t !orgetE when you open the sachet, really, don8t get any on your s"in. 4eally. 't8ll wash o!!, but not be!ore it8s done the )ob. Aggressive to.in. 4apid absorption. ,low acting. Twenty minutes. But it does the )ob. $on8t as" how we "now. 2ou don8t want to "now, you "now/ 7777 +"ay teams, our guests are seated. &e8re go. 7777 >dan6 #arlen8s boy/ 0ome with me. +h ?ord, it8s terrible. o, stay o!! the road. Please, come with me. 2ou are #arlen8s son, right/ &e must stay o!! the road. 0ome to my shelter. ' thin" it8s sa!e. &hy are you here/ &hy are you not at home/ 't is a blessing * and a curse. $o you not listen to the radio, >dan/ +h ?ord have mercy. >dan, the war is come. The bastard 0olonel. o, stay6 Please, it is not sa!e. ,tay6 2ou will die. >veryone on the plains is dead. '8m sorry, my child. ,o sorry. The war is come. 9rom the s"y. #achines o! thunder. A coward8s war. &here are the soldiers/ %reen gas that burns the lungs, >dan6 o, >dan6 ,top, please6 >dan6 +h ?ord have mercy, stop6 7777 &e8re thin"ing a totally di!!erent league here. The #ephis two was purely and simply a reconnaissance drone, until some smart guy attached a couple o! high !re-uency servos and a !our pound payload. koila. @ami"a:e. ,ayonara. >.actly. But that8s going bac" !orty years. These things were old hat in the first %ul! &ar. Trouble with that was * no no, the e.pense/ Ha. o no, please. ,eriously. Two hundred buc"s on a model airplane/ Please. The trouble was i! it didn8t go o!! we had a dud, traceable, reverse engineerable. ow though/ Thin" o! a #'%12=. ineteen !i!ty eight. ,oviet military engineering at its !inest. Ha6 Air1sur!ace missiles, decoy !lares, thirty two mil canon. And so yeah, this is primitive. The only di!!erence between the #'%12= and this baby is the twenty !ive hundred "ilometres between the pilot and the war:one. This baby, you can have your !eet up, sippin8 a co"e. ,hit, one o! the colonels, his thirteen1 year1old nephew !lew one o! these across the red :one. Fnarmed, o! course. Aee:. &e have some sense o! responsibility. Ha6 7777 Table three please, team leader. 2ou "now what to do. %ood service, please. 2ou. ,top a sec. 2es you. 2ou lot "eep going, he8ll catch up. 2our tie8s not straight. '8ll hold that

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while you straighten it. ?e!t a bit. That8s right. %ood lad. ow ' hear the 0olonel li"es his soup salty. 0are!ul with that. $idn8t they give you gloves/ Aesus, never mind. Hurry along now. 7777 '8m hearing you, my !riend. 4eally ' am, ' hear what all your !ine colleagues tell me, and really it is o! interest to me. 4eally is. But we need to consider credit terms. 't is one thing !or the 0'A to be continually obsessed with their so1called &ar on Terror, but then they e.pect us to control this problem ourselves/ 0apitol Hill made this very clear. But my !riend, what are they, i! not terrorists/ $emocrats/ Please. How does destroying a bridge bring !airness/ +h, than" the ?ord, '8m starved. &hat is this/ Boy, come bac" here. 2es, you boy. &hat are you trying to do, "ill me/ &e wait twenty minutes and this soup is cold6 7777 Ha ha, )o"es man. How d8you get to be a world leader and not even "now ga:pacho8s served cold/ >ven ' "now that and '8m a Hac"ney !uc"wit6 Ao"es. ,o now we )ust "ic" it !or hal! an hour till mains, yeah/ ,mo"e/ Thought you didn8t/ Ha, why not/ ' really best stop, you "now. 4esponsibilities, innit/ '8m a dad now, get me. 2ou got "ids/ Thought you said no be!ore. 2ou had "ids/ +h. ,orry. Are you alright/ #ate, you loo" rough. Hang on * hear that/ ,hit bruv, they8re shouting !or a medic bac" there. Ha ha, some old !art8s having a heart attac" or something. +h my days, you see it all on this )ob. #ate/ 2ou alright/ >dan/ Bruv/ 2ou8re sweating, man. 2ou alright, bruv/ +h, shit. #edic6

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WORTH THE WAIT

The winners of the Bloody Scotland Glengoyne Whisky Short Story Competition 2012 7 Worth The Wait is published !or Bloody ,cotland by Blasted Heath, a ,cottish digital publisher o! superb crime !iction. Blasted Heath authors includeE 4ay Ban"s igel Bird Tony Blac" %erard Brennan %ary 0arson HA Hampson $ouglas ?indsay Brian Pendreigh $amien ,eaman Anthony eil ,mith ?en &anner 9or details, visit BlastedHeath.com

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