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The 2 activities in this download are free to use in training at a single corporate site.
1999 by Jonamay Lambert and Selma Myers The materials that appear in this book, other than those quoted from prior sources, may be reproduced for educational/training activities. There is no requirement to obtain special permission for such uses. We do, however, ask that the following statement appear on all reproductions: Reproduced from 50 Activities for Conflict Resolution, by Jonamay Lambert and Selma Myers. Amherst, Massachusetts: HRD Press, 1999.
This permission statement is limited to reproduction of materials for educational or training events. Systematic or large-scale reproduction or distributionor inclusion of items in publications for salemay be carried out only with prior written permission from the publisher.
Published by HRD Press 22 Amherst Road Amherst, MA 01002 1-800-822-2801 (U.S. and Canada) 1-413-253-3490 (FAX) 1-413-253-3488 http://www.hrdpress.com
ISBN 0-87425-498-1 Production services by Clark Riley Cover design by Eileen Klockars Editorial Services by Robie Grant and Suzanne Bay
The 2 activities in this download are free to use in training at a single corporate site.
Table of Contents
Workshop Activities
About the Authors.......................................................................................................... v Preface .............................................................................................................................. vii Introduction..................................................................................................................... ix
Part 1
I. Exploring Conflict Defining Conflict: Where Do You Stand? .......................................................... 1 Two Responses to Conflict: Fight or Flight ....................................................... 5 How Can We Both Win? A Quick Demonstration ........................................... 7 II. Know Yourself Individual Conflict Styles: A Zoological Approach ......................................... Identifying Helpful Communication Styles ...................................................... I LoseYou Lose................................................................................................... Approaches to Conflict: Role Play Demonstration........................................... When Conflict Creates Stress, Dont Just Stand There! ................................... Introduction to Listening: A Self Inventory ...................................................... III. Understanding Conflict Tug of War or Peace.............................................................................................. Red Flags ................................................................................................................ Benefits and Barriers: Exploring Third-Party Intervention............................. Mismatched? Are You Reading the Nonverbal Clues? ................................... Constructive or Destructive Conflict: Lessons to Be Learned ........................ IV. Values and Perceptions Gaining a Different Perspective .......................................................................... Assumptions: Who Needs Em?.......................................................................... The Big Bad Wolf. Or Is It?................................................................................... Portrait of a Peacemaker....................................................................................... V. Resolving Conflict Situations What Kind of Question Is That?.......................................................................... Brainstorming: The Case of the Stolen Account ............................................... Resistance . . . Options to the Rescue!................................................................. Listening for the Other Persons Point of View: Paraphrasing ...................... Third-Party Mediation.......................................................................................... Formulating Clear Agreements........................................................................... Curbside Conflict Resolution ..............................................................................
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11 13 15 17 23 25 31 33 35 37 41 45 47 49 53 59 61 65 69 71 77 79
89 91 95 97
II. Know Yourself The Role of Values in Conflict Resolution......................................................... 101 In the Heat of the Moment .................................................................................. 103 Which Conflict Resolution Style Is Yours?........................................................ 105 How to Deal with Hot Buttons ........................................................................... 109 III. Understanding Conflict Resolving a Conflict through Planning ............................................................. 113 Why People Avoid Dealing with Conflict Resolution..................................... 115 Four Conflict Resolution Styles: When to Use Each ........................................ 117 Mediation: Test Your Knowledge ...................................................................... 121 IV. Values and Perceptions Evaluating Your Conflict Resolution Skills....................................................... 127 First Thoughts about Others: Perception IQ Quiz ....................................... 129 The Ideal Peacemaker: Can You Imagine That?............................................... 133 V. Resolving Conflict Situations Uncovering the Hidden Agenda ........................................................................ 137 Your Turn: A Nonjudgmental Exercise ............................................................. 139 A Questionable Exercise ...................................................................................... 143 Direct Communication: Its Use in Conflict Resolution ................................... 149 Supportive Listening: Whats Your Score? ....................................................... 151 Skills That Make a Difference.............................................................................. 153 Fact vs. Opinion .................................................................................................... 155 Escalate vs. Acknowledge: The Choice Is Yours .............................................. 157 Turning Negatives into Positives ....................................................................... 159 Eight Different Points of View ............................................................................ 161
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The 2 activities in this download are free to use in training at a single corporate site.
Selma Myers
Selma Myers, M.A., a trained and experienced mediator, has been engaged in alternative dispute resolution since 1983. In addition, as an international consultant, she is president of Intercultural Development, a California company specializing in communication and intercultural training. As the co-author of ten trainers guides in the Diversity at Work trainers series, and 50 Activities for Diversity Training, she has also written additional guides and handbooks, linking the subject of Alternative Dispute Resolution to intercultural training. Ms. Myers helped found, and was director of, the American Language Institute at San Diego State University, where she administered programs for foreign students and businessmen. She has also lived and worked abroad and traveled extensively, gaining particular insights into cultures different than her own.
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The 2 activities in this download are free to use in training at a single corporate site.
50 Activities for Conflict Resolution Ms. Myers was a visiting lecturer in residence at the Beijing Institute of Technology; recipient of a Senior Fulbright Consulting Grant in South America; and a Summer Teaching Fellow at Harvard University. Her clients have included Fortune 500 organizations, not-for-profit, government agencies and other areas of business. Ms. Myers offers workshops in Conflict Resolution and provides mediation training for the San Diego Mediation Center and for regional and national conferences.
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The 2 activities in this download are free to use in training at a single corporate site.
Preface
Business people are becoming much more interested in understanding workplace conflict, its causes, and its impact. This book is designed to meet the needs of professionals who are expected to resolve their own personal and immediate conflicts or train others to do so. It also deals with the specific skills one needs to act as a third party in helping others resolve their conflicts. Some people believe that conflict is a necessary part of life, and that without conflict there is no growth. Others believe that the only way to handle conflict is to avoid dealing with it. Individuals participating in the workshop activities and self-study exercises offered in this book will examine their own concerns with conflict, their own individual styles, and the role conflict has played and is playing in their lives. They will also learn skills to help them become more effective in interpersonal relations at work. Ultimately they and their organizations will benefit through reduced conflict, improved communication, and a more productive work environment. Dispute resolution is often seen as a win-lose situation, or a constant series of compromises. However, conflict-resolution techniques and activities can help people understand and deal with it in a way that considers and respects individual as well as cultural differences. The increased diversity within the United States makes it even more important to know how to handle conflict. It is often difficult to recognize, howeversignposts and guidelines are not clear, and body language is often hard to read. More material has recently come to light about communication conflicts between men and women, but there are many instances in which peoples actions in general are being misinterpretedinstances when they are behaving in ways they believe are totally innocent. Recognizing the signs and acting sensitively can go a long way toward prevention or resolution. This book focuses on activities and self-study exercises. Some exercises point out ways to look at conflict, while others help people explore their own beliefs and values. Other exercises deal with how to understand individual conflict styles. The objective is to be able to recognize conflict, size up the situation, and keep it from becoming destructive to ongoing relationships. The activities and exercises also offer ways in which parties can recognize the kinds of language that might make things worse, as well as explore what might be done or said to make things better.
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The 2 activities in this download are free to use in training at a single corporate site.
50 Activities for Conflict Resolution Certain assumptions form the basis for the activities in this book: One of the goals is to help those giving and receiving messages avoid misunderstandings and be accurate in using language and communication skills. Nonjudgmental communication skills can help people who must diffuse volatile situations. In resolving conflicts, it is important to meet the interests and needs of all parties, and to work toward an agreement that is acceptable to each individual and the organization as a whole. The path to conflict resolution is not the sole responsibility of any one person, but rather of all of those involved. Acknowledging differences up front is an important step in interactions involving values and behavior in diversity issues. The more one knows about conflict styles (ones own natural styles, as well as the styles of others), the more effective the solution. Practicing good communication skills will help you resolve conflicts, as well as prevent them from escalating.
The authors assume that those who are conducting these activities or participating in them will be comfortable with our short, experiential style, which presents an opportunity to learn in an interactive way. Finally, the activities are designed to be non-threatening, and designed for success. The objective of this book is to provide a series of learning experiences carefully constructed to: Look at conflict and its various stages Understand the impact of differences on conflict Become comfortable with various conflict styles and resolution methods Learn responsible and effective communication skills
This book is not a road map to the complete conflict resolution process. However, it does address techniques and approaches to conflict resolution by teaching respect for the individual, the problem, and the process. In it we stress the importance of understanding differing values and perceptions, which often cause conflict without our realizing it.
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The 2 activities in this download are free to use in training at a single corporate site.
Introduction
Whether you are a dispute resolution specialist, a trainer, a manager, or anyone else whose responsibility includes dealing with conflict, this book is for you. It is unique in that it addresses two very important topics in specific sections: Group Learning in Part 1, and Self Development in Part 2. Though both of these sections deal primarily with conflict and conflict resolution, the beauty of the activities and exercises is that they can be incorporated in any number of other training programs. They fit in well with subjects dealing with Management and Leadership, as well as those related to Communication. Trainers in the field of Negotiation, Interpersonal Skills, Diversity, or Problem Solving will also find both sections useful. Each section of this book on conflict resolution uses workshop activities and selfstudy exercises; some point out ways to look at disputes, while others help people explore their own beliefs and values concerning conflict. There are additional exercises dealing with conflict styles and resolution skills. The overall objective is to show you how to recognize conflict and size up a particular situation, and help you learn how to prevent it from becoming destructive to a new or ongoing relationship. The activities and exercises also offer ways to avoid using the kind of language that makes things worse, and explore what can be done or said to make things better. The two different sections of the book are described below to give you an idea of their contents and how they can be used.
50 Activities for Conflict Resolution Title Of Activity PURPOSE EQUIPMENT MATERIALS PROCEDURE DEBRIEF TRAINERS NOTES (where appropriate).
Introduction II. Know Yourself III. Understanding Conflict IV. Values and Perceptions V. Resolving Conflict Situations Conflict affects everyone, but when it is allowed to develop and grow in the workplace, it can also affect productivity. However, no longer is the task of resolving workplace conflict left to managers and trainers. Innocent behavior can all too quickly be misinterpreted and grow into a minor dispute that gets out of hand before anyone is aware of it. Knowing how conflict can be prevented and resolved is becoming increasingly important to all workers. This book explores techniques and approaches to conflict resolution. Its objective is to teach respect for the individual, the problem, and the process, and to point out the importance of understanding the differing values and perceptions that so often are the cause of anticipated conflict. As a final note, we would like to point out that the activities contained in 50 Activities for Conflict Resolution will be useful to those of you working in industrial, commercial, service, government, and not-for-profit organizations, as well as in the fields of health care, education, and finance. Conflict resolution is an exciting field to be in, and we wish you good luck!
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The 2 activities in this download are free to use in training at a single corporate site.
The 2 activities in this download are free to use in training at a single corporate site.
I EXPLORING CONFLICT
The 2 activities in this download are free to use in training at a single corporate site.
50 Activities for Conflict Resolution DEBRIEF: Communication is not always easy, because we listen and respond to others based on our feelings, beliefs, attitudes, and values. What we say orally is only a small part of communication. Neurolinguistic researchers have found that the person receiving the message you are sending interprets about 65 percent of that message through nonverbal communication. What that means is that the words you use and your tone of voice are not as significant as the nonverbal signals you are sending when you convey a message. While we can choose our words, often our nonverbal behavior is largely unconscious. In any situation we need to be aware that we are sending nonverbal messages, but in conflict situations we must be even more diligent because our feelings and attitudes influence the nonverbal messages we send and receive. Note: Interpretation of body language varies around the world. This activity focuses on a Western view. TRAINERS NOTES: Make enough copies of the following instruction slips, cut to a convenient size. A. You are disinterested. Pay no attention to what your partner is saying. Look around, check your watch, yawn, and use other nonverbal behaviors that indicate lack of interest. Do what comes naturally for you. Think of a situation where you felt this way and recall your feelings. B. You are angry. Exhibit nonverbal behaviors that let your partner know you are angry. Do what is natural for you, but some ideas might include: tongue in cheek, downward frown, shaking head side-to-side in disbelief. Think of a situation where you felt this way and recall your feelings.
C. You are excited. Let your partner know this nonverbally. Some examples might include: nodding head, waving arms, clapping, jumping up and down. Do what comes naturally for you. Think of a situation where you felt this way and recall your feelings. D. You are sad. Exhibit nonverbal behaviors that let your partner know that you are down. Perhaps you are holding your head in your hands, averting eyes downward, crying. Do what comes naturally. Think of a situation where you felt this way and recall your feelings.
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The 2 activities in this download are free to use in training at a single corporate site.
Everyone communicates verbally and nonverbally, consciously and unconsciously. Every individual is a product of his or her own culture. All communication is culture-bound. There are numerous communication styles within racial, gender, and ethnic groups.
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The 2 activities in this download are free to use in training at a single corporate site.
The 2 activities in this download are free to use in training at a single corporate site.
DEBRIEF: It is important to see conflict as contributing to personal growth. Evaluating both destructive and constructive conflict can lead one to recognize the advantages of a win-win solution. It is significant that a win-win solution diminishes the destructive impact of conflict and offers a positive force for the organization as well as for the individual.
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The 2 activities in this download are free to use in training at a single corporate site.
50 Activities for Conflict Resolution TRAINERS NOTES: If the participants have difficulty thinking of specific destructive and/or constructive aspects, here are some examples: Conflict is destructive when: one person has to give in too much (win-lose) the dispute hurts a relationship there is no agreement reached there are uncontrolled emotions, anger, and raised voices the conflict prevents or stops people from working
Conflict is constructive when it: leads to resolution builds a strong relationship with improved communication opens people up to new ideas leads to a win-win resolution develops common goals clarifies a problem situation and leads to positive change
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The 2 activities in this download are free to use in training at a single corporate site.