When it all Falls Down

Sophia Pontoon
Copyright Sophia Pontoon 2013

This is a legally distributed free edition from www.obooko.com The authors intellectual property rights are protected by international Copyright law. You are licensed to use this digital copy strictly for your personal enjoyment only. No part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed without the prior written permission of the author. This book must not be offered for sale in any form.

Paint a perfect picture Bring to life a vision in one's mind The beautiful ones Always smash the picture Always every time The Beautiful ones Prince

Heartache has to be the worst kind of pain there is. Its a peculiar type of pain, because there is no obvious wound or source of infliction. Heartache in itself is not deadly. The person suffering from a broken heart may appear to be fine, but inside where the heart used to be, there is big gaping hole, that cant be filled. Its the worst because nothing can heal it but timebut then again even time cant heal all wounds.

Chapter One - The Wedding I think I fell in love with Jason Jacobs from the very first moment I saw him. No. In fact, I know I did. He smiled at me with delicate cornflower blue eyes and a flash of perfect white teeth. I saw him out the corner of my eye. He was supposed to be making sure the food was adequately prepared but every now and then I caught him stealing glances at me. It made my nerves stand on end with anticipation. The way he moved intrigued me. He ran his fingers through his messy light brown hair. He was exceptionally tall and ruggedly handsome... Every ounce of him oozed sex. I was a bit taken aback by the attraction I felt for him. I wasnt at all experienced with such notions. He wasnt like any of the guys I had gone to school with; boisterous and hiding behind bravado. His confidence seemed natural. There was something inviting about him. My best friend Emery MacKay (soon to be Dale) had briefly introduced us earlier that morning; His name was Jason Jacobs and he was the caterer for her wedding. Emery was always playing matchmaker to me. I knew she had her uncertainties about me and my flailing attempts with the opposite sex. At the age of 20, I had never really had a boyfriend. Of course I was interested in the opposite sex. I was just a bit reluctant to take any relationship past friendship. Love and Romance were the furthest things from my mind.that is, until I met Jason. Even as he worked, I could feel his eyes on me. I self-consciously twisted one of the few dreadlocks that were free from the flawless up-do Emery had coaxed my hair into. I usually wore my hair straight down my back or in a pony tail, but wanted to look somewhat polished for Emerys big day as I was her maid of honor. I was beyond the moon when she asked me. I always assumed when Emery got married, her older sister Samara would be her maid of honor. 2

I just had no idea of how uncomfortable I would be in the attire. The lacy fabric aggravated my skin and I absolutely hated the way I looked in the dress as it was a bit revealing. It was lavender and utterly horrendous, even for a bridesmaid dress. It was just wrong on so many levels although it fit me perfectly. The purple monstrosity made my almost non existent boobs appear quite ample and accentuated the roundness of my bottom. Emery had complimented on how great my ass looked in the dress when she picked it out. The dress even brought out the intense color of my mostly green eyes. Emery was always trying to glam me up. I preferred low key styles. Jeans and T-shirts were a staple of mine. Emery had sent me to the reception hall to check on things before the ceremony. I had a sneaking suspicion she wanted the caterer and I to have some alone time. She was hoping for sparks, hiding behind the pretense of typical pre-wedding jitters. I had known Emery since Elementary School. She and her family had moved from London to San Diego when we were in the third grade. Emerys mother was South African and her father was of Scottish decent, which attributed to her curly fiery red hair and freckles. Her heart shaped face was delicate like her mothers. The exoticness of Emerys features and the uniqueness of her accent always found her in the center of attention. I took a tentative glance around the reception hall avoiding his eyes. We werent entirely alone. Servers, a few bartenders and other stragglers, all bustled at the task at hand with the impending ceremony looming over their heads. Everything appeared as it should. Everything was in its rightful place. Flowers, candles, table linens, settings, dcor.absolutely stunning. It was then that I inhaled. I took a moment to absorb the atmosphere and I really took notice of the aromas floating from the dishes that Jacob was working so hard to make presentable. Emery couldnt stop raving about all of the French Creole dishes that she had sampled and now I knew why, the smell was heavenly and inviting just like his eyes. I couldnt help myself any longer. I had to approach him Whats that, that smells so delicious? He looked up, his eyes intent, focusing on me completely for the first time. My whole body tingled. Everything.. he smiled, a crocked little grin, then added, Your eyes are the most amazing shade of green I have ever seen. I almost burst into a million pieces. I couldnt imagine what he was thinking I reached out to finger a lilac Jason was gingerly placing in front of the chafing dishes he had arranged, I admired the contrast of our skin tones, his skin ivory, like piano keys and mine smooth and the color of rich chocolate. I smiled up at him, my eyes sparkling and piercing green. Jason reached out and placed one of the Lilacs behind my ear. Whats that for? I asked appreciating the gesture. 3

Arent you full of questions? he continued working quietly. I admired his craftsmanship. Good ones, I hope, I paused slowly taking him in with my eyes, then added as an after thought, Thank you Youre welcome. He spoke with a hint of a southern drawl that was pleasing to my ears. Everything about him was perfect, even the way he smelled. We stared at each other for a moment. I could feel the blood rushing through my veins. My face was growing warm, a blush coming into my checks. I didnt know how to act around him. I felt silly. Like a school girl. Where are you from? I nervously shuffled my feet. Baton Rouge. Ive lived here for about 6 years though Ive never been to Louisiana before. My voice trailing off You should go for a visit, theres no place like it. Maybe I will one day, especially if they all look like you. It was his turn to blush. Im looking forward to trying all the dishes you made. I guess I should get goingback to the Church I mean Hurry back He looked at me again and it took every fiber of my being to propel myself towards the exit. I wanted to stay, but I had to keep moving. I had a wedding to attend.

Emery looked beautiful walking down the isle. Beautiful wasnt even the word for it. She was stunning. The light found the crystal beading in the bodice of her dress and she absolutely beamed. Her hair had been straightened and flowed just below her shoulders in loose waves. Emery met Drake Dale one crazy weekend in Vegas 3 years before. We were both underage but had no trouble getting into clubs or casinos of our choice...we had a friend who hooked us up with fake IDs that were pretty severe. Emery called herself cheering me up. I had been in a funk and she wanted to have some wild crazy fun. We were both running away from turbulence in our lives. It seemed like a grand idea, us taking a road trip to get away from the pain in our lives. We met Drake outside of a bar. He and his entourage where leaving trying to find some action. Drake was famous in his own right but at the time neither one of us had the faintest idea of who he was. I guess you could say it was lust at first site. Emery couldnt stop gushing; I think Drakes flashy ways piqued her interest more than his obvious good looks at first. Drake was a race car driver and everything about him was ostentatious and fast. He caught so much attention being one of the few African American race car drivers to compete in NASCAR. As we were about to go inside, Drake grabbed Emerys hand. He was so used to getting everything he wanted, he figured Emery would be just as easy but she put up quite the fight. Their

relationship was tumultuous but their love was also strong. Drake would move heaven and earth for Emery if he could. Samara, Emerys sister couldnt stand Drake. She was convinced he was nothing more than a thug or a play boy at best. Drake was neither. It was true he was flashy, but he honestly just liked to have a good time. He figured if he had the money he might as well spend it. It wasnt like he could take it with him. He wasnt exactly reckless with his earnings. Drake Dale was quite the businessman. I glanced in Drakes direction. The only thing I saw in his face was love. My heart leaped for Emery. She deserved to be happy. The ceremony went without a hitch. Emery and Drake had written their own vows. Emerys full of humor and flair while Drake was straight to the point. They jumped the broom and kissed passionately after the Minister pronounced them Husband and Wife.. The congregation exploded in applause and light bulbs flashed as pictures were taken. I became so caught up in the moment that I found myself tearing up. Emery reached out to hug me and I squeezed her tight in return before she and her new husband dashed back down the aisle.

Chapter Two - The Reception I was completely and utterly full. Jason Jacobs was wondrous with food, so much so it was insane. Tantalizing Shrimp Remoulade, Crawfish touffe, Bananas Foster. I wish I could have eaten more but my stomach would not allow it. Had too much? Christopher Tracy slowly learned towards me smiling boyishly. I did, I groaned, patting my stomach, but I couldnt help myself. Everything was delicious. Christopher shrugged, It was alright, I guess. He said quietly pushing a gold rimmed plate away from himself. He appeared to be just as stuffed as I was. Come on, I retorted, your plate is clean. It couldnt have been all that bad. I said shaking my head. I was hungry, he said sheepishly. -to say the least I couldnt help but smile. My spirits were high. Christopher shifted rather uncomfortably in his seat. I guess fancy food really isnt my cup of tea. And what exactly is your cup of tea? I grinned, slouching back into my padded chair.

Christopher looked at me and let out a long exhale. His eyes twinkled wildly as he pondered my question. It never dawned on me that I would not be prepared for his response. You are, he whispered, his deep brown eyes boring into my soul. For the first time, I could see. Christopher was gorgeous. There was no doubt about that. His body was sleek and muscular due to the many sports he participated in. His hair cornrowed in intricate designs, hung down his back. Christopher dressed well and always smelled nice. There was a certain swagger about him that drove the girls wild. That is everyone, but me. I had known Christopher, it seemed for ever. We lived across the street from each other all our lives. Christopher had always been the quiet thoughtful one. Our friendship formed quite easily out of necessity. For as long as I could remember, Christopher and I had always traded lunches at school. I dont know how it began or why it started, but Christopher was always there for me in a way that no one else ever could be. I never had to ask Christopher for what I needed, because he always knew, sometimes even before I knew myself. We were cut from the same cloth. I relied on him too heavily and not once did he complain. I never thought that, maybe it was because he liked me. I opened my mouth to respond, even before I knew what I wanted to say. I could not form the right words in my mind. It was futile, I was grasping, pulling at straws. There was a knot forming in the pit of my stomach. I fought hard to clear my mind. He couldnt actually like me? Could he? I wondered. It was pointless. I wrenched my hands, my palms beginning to perspire. I could see the hurt creeping into the corners of Christophers face. His eyes began to cloud in anger and his jaw tightened, his lips pressing thin. I struggled, but the words wouldnt come. I was lost. My mouth went dry. I felt a cool hand on my shoulder. It was Emery and she was smiling, her face flushed from all the dancing she had been doing. She pulled me to the floor without speaking a single word. I couldnt help but feeling a sense of relief. It was impossible for Emery to know that she had somehow managed to help me escape epic fail. Before we disappeared into the crowd of dancers on the floor, I turned in Christophers direction. His eyes were easy to find, they were none too pleased with me. I did the only thing I could think of to make up for my inability to speak and the abruptness of my subsequent departure. I shrugged my shoulders and mouthed, Im sorry. I feigned a smile and hope momentarily sprung within, but was quickly squashed when Christopher removed himself from the table and dodged out of sight. 6

Emery wrapped herself around me, smelling of vanilla and cherry blossoms, she was dragging me deeper into the crowd. The music enveloped us; I could feel the thud of the bass vibrating throughout my body. Everyone around us was dancing and laughing, swaying to the music. She was trying to tell me something but I couldnt hear over the band, Emery pulled me closer to her and then whispered in my ear, You have to tell me about the caterer. Isnt he magnificent? Jason, ofcourse. I barely got a chance to speak to him. Eme. So what did he say?, I saw him checking you out while you were eating. You know hes over there at the bar. Really, where? I saw her point to the far corner on the right. Jason was serving drinks and looking quite good while do so. The previous mishap with Christopher begin to dissipate, I could feel the tension that had built up inside of me, slowly releasing. I grabbed the back of my neck reaching for one of my dreads, so I could twirl. Emery grabbed my hand. She had excellent reflexes. Dont you dare mess up your hair, she exclaimed What are you nervous about anyway? Christopher and I sort of had a fight Whats Chris bleeding about now? It was nothing, I briefly glanced down and then bit my lip. It was her wedding day. We shouldnt be discussing such things. Im sure, Emery gave me a stern look What are we going to do with you Keira? She shook her head and put her hands on her tiny hips. Im a mess, I know, I sighed. No youre dashing" Im going to miss you Eme I know, Im going to miss you too. Thank goodness Alastairs coming to keep you company, eh I nodded, meekly. My 17 year old brother Alastair had been living with my Aunt Rae ever since our mother had died. Emerys family had taken me in and treated me just like I was their daughter. My brother was only 11 at the time and even though the MacKays would have gladly taken him in, Aunt Rae insisted Alastair come live with her. I hated being separated from him but I had just started High school and couldnt bear to leave the only place I had ever called home. After I turned 18, Emery and I moved into my old house. I begged Alastair to come back home, but he had grown settled. It completely took me by surprise when Aunt Rae had called not even a month before and told me Alastair wanted to come live with me. I could tell by the slightly cool tone of her voice as we spoke on the phone that something had gone awry. She was worried. I tried to coax it out of her, but she assured me everything was fine. She insisted it was just time. Aunt Rae concluded that my brother and I had been apart too long and she was getting old to 7

boot. When she told me that, I remember laughing out loud. I had never thought of Aunt Rae as old, even though she was nearing 70. There was a certain vibrancy about her that didnt endear her to anything being old. Drake jerked me out of my reverie. He had come to reclaim his wife; it seemed I was taking up too much of her time. He drew Emery into a heavy embrace. I made a silly face, feigning disgust at their newly wedded bliss. Emery squealed in delight as Drake, swept her off her feet. Before I could maneuver off the Dance floor, Mr. Mackay asked me to dance. I always looked up to him as a father, since my own father was never around. He was always joyful to be around, although sometimes I had no idea of what he was saying. His Scottish accent was thick and hard to decipher, especially when he was excited. His words tended to blur together. I had gotten better at understanding him over the years but sometimes I still had to get Emery to translate for me. He was all smiles though, as the proud father of the bride. We barely spoke. My Mackay was an extraordinary dancer. I could hardly keep up, every time he twirled me around or dipped me, I laughed with glee. It was like being caught in a gust of wind. After we finished our dance, he hugged me tightly. I couldnt help but feeling a sense of loss. It wasnt likely that wed see each other much since Emery was moving to La Vegas. I danced a few more dances with old high school friends, catching up with the ins and outs of their life. Everyone else it seemed had so much more to report than me. I wondered if I was just standing still. As the party died down, Drake and Emery decided to make their big leave. Emery tossed her bouquet. I tried only half-heartedly for the bouquet and still the flowers managed to make their way into my hands. Emery must have talked the other ladies into giving the bouquet to me. She winked at me, knowingly and I held the bouquet up for everyone to see acting overjoyed at the prospect of me being next in line for marriage. Emery hugged me quite the actress, she murmured in my ear. A smile curled around the corners of her lips but a fleck of sadness snuck into her eyes. I cant ever remember us being apart, she said her voice cracking as she struggled to choke back tears. Neither can I, I fought for as long as I could, but the tears eventually came. Emery kissed both of my checks. I hugged her goodbye because I couldnt bring myself to actually say the words. I love you, Eme. and I love you. In a flash she was gone. I hung around arbitrarily, hoping to run in to Christopher, but it appeared that he departed after our fiasco. I collected my belongings to leave, and strolled outside. The warm June air kissed my skin. The air was thick and I could barely breathe. I knew it was silly, but I took off my stilettos and wiggled my toes. My feet were numb from all the dancing I had done. I couldnt stop just there so I removed several pins from my hair and shook my locks free from their imprisonment. I ran my fingers through them several times but some were still curling in different directions. I looked up to admire the night 8

sky. As I turned to head towards my car, I saw him. Even in the dark I could see the light in his cornflower blue eyes.

Chapter Three - Jason You arent cutting out on me are you? He seemed more relaxed and at ease. The pressure of the earlier festivities not weighing on him anymore, he smiled offering up a brown carry out bag. I told you to hurry back and you never did, I took the bag from him not sure of what I was being given. Whats this for, I wrinkled my nose quixotically Thats the second time tonight you asked me that. I laughed. I thought you might like some leftovers. Mrs. Dale told me how much you enjoyed the food. I hardly ever have leftovers, but I hide some back for you. I hope Im not being too forward. Thank you, that was awfully sweet of you. Im sorry about before. Its been kind of a crazy night. No problem, it was my pleasure. I wanted to approach you earlier. I just wasnt sure how to do it. You seem to be doing a good job now. I didnt think I was ever going to get you alone and why did you want to get me alone? Im shy, I dont do well in crowds Youre lying, I quipped Maybe, would you forgive me if I was? I could forgive you. Excellent, he paused I know this is going to sound crazy. Mrs. Dale I couldnt get used to Emery being called Mrs. It sounded foreign, I stifled a laugh. Jason gave me an odd look. Im sorry, I said fighting back the laughter. Its the Mrs. Dale thing, you can call her Emery. She wont mind Excuse me then, Emery, he paused again Well she gave me your cell phone number.. before he could finish, I cut him off mortified SHE WHAT, I could feel my eyes growing wide, my mouth hung open from the shock. I couldnt contain myself. How could she? I turned from Jason as I didnt want him to see how embarrassed I was. I covered my face in my hands and shook my head furiously. Im so sorry, I said to Jason under my breath. You must think Im so lame. I mean my friend giving you my number. I cant believe she did that.

I felt Jason behind me and I became wrapped up in the earthiness of his scent. It was intoxicating. He reached out for me, his arms slipping around my waist, pulling me closer to him. His nearness drove me to distraction. I could barely think. I felt faint, drunk off the exquisite smell of his warm body. I turned to face him and before I knew it his mouth found my lips and we were kissing. The faint brush of his tongue was slow at first, but then became more intense as I relaxed. I could hardly believe what was happening. I was kissing a complete stranger and enjoying every minute of it. Jason pulled me closer and my fingers found themselves in his hair, locking us together. This was so unlike me, but I couldnt stop my self. Jason was the first to pull away. Im sorry, I have been wanting to do that all night. he groaned in my ear. I could still taste the sweetness of him on my lips. Wow, was all I could muster. My heart pounding, racing, I could barely catch my breath. I wanted your number; I just wanted to make for sure it was okay with you first, he said tracing the curve of my lips with his fingertips. So is it okay? I nodded Then can I call you? his eyes were as wide as saucers. I nodded again. Good. he said and then gave me one final kiss before parting. *** Strangely cheerful was the mood I was in leaving my Calculus class, and it wasnt just because finals were over or that I would soon be a college senior. Jason had called me as promised and had asked me on a date. A real date. Jason wouldnt tell me where we were going and it was driving me crazy. I had never been on a date in my entire life, but I was looking forward to this one. I wasnt a girlie girl by anyones standards but I had no idea of what I wanted to wear. Emery usually helped me with such things but she was still on her honeymoon. I had decided to go to the mall, to search for something appropriate for a first date. I really had no idea of what that was. My cell phone buzzed suddenly, startling me. I had put it on vibrate while I was in class. I fished my Iphone from my left pocket and then grinned when I realized Jason had sent me a text message. 10

Looking forward to our date tonight. Pick you up at six. I bit my lip, exasperated at the lack of time to prepare, and then quickly texted him back. See you soon I enjoyed talking to Jason. Wed been calling each other every day for almost a solid week. On more than one occasion our phone calls lasted into the wee hours of the morning. Jason and I could talk about anything. It was most refreshing. We would have gotten together sooner but school and work got in the way. I was also preparing the house for Alastairs return. I wasnt the worlds best house keeper. Emery always said I lived in complete chaos. There was a method to my disorganization that no one could figure out but me. I didnt see the point in cleaning up, especially when it all would just get dirty again. I fidgeted with the straps of my shoulder bag on the way to my car, a red Mini Cooper. I bought it when I turned 19, compliments of the trust fund my mother had set up for me before she died. Alastair also had a trust fund waiting for him as soon as he turned 19. My mothers family was extremely wealthy. Even though she always had money available to her, she still managed to become a success on her own, despite her parents. My book bag dug into the grooves of my shoulder and I gladly threw it into the passenger seat with a thud, muffled by the plush leather seats, turned the ignition, clicked the wheel on my ipod until I found the perfect cruising song and then drove as fast as I could manage home. After rifling through my wardrobe for what seemed like ages, I finally selected a sleeveless silk ruffle top, black three quartered length trousers and ballet flats to wear on my first date with Jason. It was the most feminine thing I could find. I also found a perfect pair of dangly silver earrings to wear that my mother had bought from Tiffanys. They were hidden deep with in my jewelry box. I hardly ever had a chance to wear them. I plunked my ipod into the dock, next to my television. I already knew the track I was searching for. Princes Controversy boomed through my speakers. I turned the shower on full blast and while I waited for the water to run hot, I brushed and flossed to minty freshness. The shower I took was extra long as the flow of the warm water running over my shoulder and down my back soothed me. Afterwards I wrapped myself in an oversized towel and begin to pull my dreads into a haphazard high ponytail.

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Applying makeup had never been something I did on a regularly basis, but on a whim decided to apply a cool purple eye shadow that highlighted my green eyes and a beach bronzed lip gloss that complemented the mahogany undertones of my complexion. A brief glance in the mirror was all I needed to confirm just how much I was sure Emery would approve of my attire. It excited me, albeit in passing to realize I actually enjoyed being girlie at times. Before Jasons arrival, I decided to devote the remaining minutes I had in straightening up the living room. Princes Sexuality rung out from the bedroom as I put away shoes that were scattered about the floor. Several articles of discarded clothing were strategically placed over chairs and the banister that led up stairs which I briskly collected and deposited in the laundry room hamper. Once satisfied with the tidiness of the room, I returned to my bedroom removed the ipod from its dock and placed it in my purse. The doorbell rang and my heart fluttered. Dont be nervous. I dashed downstairs, took a deep breath and then opened the door. Jason stood tall, both of his hands tucked into the pockets of his dark well fitting jeans. His hair was freshly cut and delicately waved below his ears. A smile crept across his face and he stepped forward to give me a warm hug which I gladly returned. He is affectionate. I like that. Hey beautiful... ready to go? Sure, just let me grab my purse, I beamed Jason held the door to his silver Acura TL open for me and I slid gracefully inside. Once he was seated next to me, I fastened my seat belt then asked quizzically, So where are we going? You dont like surprises, do you Keira? he said gazing at me. The way he said my name made my heart skip a beat. I love surprises. Its the waiting that kills me. I promise not to keep you waiting, he said as he started the car. He glanced at me before checking the rearview mirror. Jason backed out of the driveway slowly. What kind of music are you into I asked randomly. It was a nervous habit of mine. I always tried to fill voids with questions. I also wanted to know as much as I could about Jason Jacobs.

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A little bit of everything, since Ive been living in San Diego, he said absentmindedly scratching his head. Im a country boy at heart, though; sometimes I miss good country music. What about you? he added. I like good music period. As long as the music moves me, I will listen to anything. I like how you are so open about everything. Its refreshing. he paused most of the girls around here are pretentious. Do you date a lot, I asked my heart sinking from the possibility of not being the only object of Jasons affection. He must have sensed something in the way I spoke my words. His voice was lower than usual, Ive only had one really serious girlfriend. He paused clearing his throat, But we broke up long ago. Im sorry. I apologized What for, it wasnt your fault. he offered. Water under the bridge. I know, but it was tacky of me to bring your personal history up like that, I never think before I speak. I winced. I felt like the biggest asshole. Dont be silly. I want you to ask me anything you want. he smiled instantly putting me at ease. Have you had many boyfriends? Ive never had a boyfriend. I answered I mean Ive have had friends who were boys and Ive hung out with guys, but Ive never dated. And why is that? he asked with a gleam in his eyes. My verbal outpour had piqued his interest. Ive never met anyone that made me feel like I wanted to say, Like you, but I couldnt bring myself to do it. That would have been overly revealing. Like? Jason asked, his eyebrows arching at me. like.. I wanted to date them, I offered lamely thats not what you wanted to say 13

I know, I sighed, Honestly my life hasnt been conducive to dating. Is your life conducive to dating now? he smiled flashing those gorgeous white teeth of his I think it is yeah, I said, smiling back at him. Thats good to know. he said, his face lighting up. He seemed to have been pleased with my response and that delighted me to no end. I took a moment to glance outside the window and realized instantly where we were going. I turned back around to face Jason; his eyes were wide, still intent on me and for some reason it made me feel dizzy. Jason appeared to have that effect on me. Were going to the beach arent we? I exclaimed. Oh, Keira, he sighed mockingly, rolling his eyes Youve ruined my surprise. I clapped my hands and squealed, the beach, yay! Jason couldnt resist my charm He laughed heartily. I still have a few more surprises for you. The beach was a lucky guess.

*** Jason held his hand out for me as I stepped outside of the car. I took his hand to balance myself and ended up stumbling into him. Jason didnt seem to mind, his arm instinctively encircled my waist. I had to catch my breath. He smiled that dazzling smile of his. We ended up on the north side of Mission Bay beach. Jason had thought of everything. He spread a blanket out on the sand and motioned for me to sit while he worked on building a fire in a pit close to the shore. The sun was just beginning to set and I could see its fiery red reflection on the water. The air was slightly cool, but I didnt feel cold. Jason was done with the fire and began to unpack some of the goodies he had brought for us to dine on. The look on his face reminded me of the first time we met.. I removed my shoes and inched my toes into the sand. Being near the water always had a calming effect on me although at the moment butterflies were fluttering in my stomach. I watched the waves crash into the shore.

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Would you like something to drink? Jason peered up at me from the large cooler. I have watersodasbeerwine? I wasnt that big of a drinker but decided to have some wine. My 21st birthday was only a few weeks way. Jason handed me a red solo cup of white wine. I took a sip and watched as Jason went back to work. He wrapped chicken kabobs and potatoes in aluminum foil and slipped them into the bottom of the pit using skewers. Once he was finished he grabbed a bottle of water and sat next to me our knees slightly touching. I trailed my fingers in the sand. Are you cold? he said. I have a jacket in my car, if you need it? Im fine, thank you You look cold, here, said Jason as he leaned towards me and put his arm over my shoulder. He began to rub my arms with his hands, warming them to his satisfation. I glanced down and was again taken by the contrast of our skin tones. I know you said you havent dated much- I paused, but have you ever been with a black girl before? No I havent. Have you ever been with a white guy? I chuckled, No. So, why are you here with me? He asked slyly. Because I like you. I grinned nervously, unsure if I was saying too much, which was a bad habit of mine. Oh you like me. Jason quipped. He smiled flirtatiously, I like you too. Why are you here with me? You intrigue me, your eyes are the most amazing shade of green I have ever seen he whispered in my ear I love the way you speak, your accent is so sexy Is it really? 15

It is. Jasons lips brushed the back of my neck, sending shivers down my spine. Keira, what are you doing to me? he breathed heavily behind my ear, Im not usually like this -neither am I, I whispered back. I dont remember when we started to kiss but we were. I could feel the passion behind Jasons lips and a deep longing from within that turned my insides to fire. He was almost on top of me, his hand pressed against my thigh firmly. I felt like my whole world had been rocked and nothing else mattered besides us. My body ached with pleasure at his faintest touch. I wanted so much more of him. More than I should. I knew I was being reckless, but I didnt care. The feelings I had were so intense. My mind was racing. My attraction for him had been instant and felt completely natural from the beginning. The electricity between us was undeniable. I could feel it in his touch and they way he looked at me. Jason wanted me just as much as I wanted him. I was sure of it. Keira, Jason groaned pulling away from our exquisite embrace, Its so easy to get carried away with you. Whats wrong? I panted not wanting to part from the sweetness of his kiss Nothing, Jason groaned burying his head into my lap. I dont want things to get out of hand, I might not be able to stop What if I dont want you to stop? I asked Dont tempt me, Keira I want to take things slow with you Why is that? I asked bewildered. Because you are special, Ive been with a lot of women, Keira.. I dont want to lie to you. Im not at all proud of it. My life wasnt like it is now, I sucked at life back then and all I wanted was just to have a good time and it didnt really matter who it was with. His eyes shifted from mine. I could tell this was hard for him, telling me of his past transgressions.

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Jason stood his face glum. He went to the fire pit to check on the kabobs. I had almost forgotten them. After a while I got tired of waking up next to women I didnt know. I realized I wanted someone that I could actually carry on a conversation with past hello I swore to myself I wouldnt have meaningless sex anymore. Ive concentrated on my catering business and getting off the ground. I havent even thought about being with a woman romantically and its been almost two years. It hasnt been easy. There were times when I could have slipped back into my old ways, but in the end it just wasnt worth it to me. I have already been there and done that. When I first saw you, I felt something I havent felt in a long time. I think it could be right with you, I know it could be right with you. I just dont want to rush it. I took Jasons hand in mine then said, I understand. Your past doesnt matter to methere is no need for you to explain. I just like being with you and thats all. Im happy just being with you I shrugged. Is that so? he said the twinkle return into his cornflower blue eyes. He leaned forward, his lips brushing mine. I could almost taste the sweetness of his mouth but it was my turn to pull away even though I didnt want to. Thats how we got into trouble last time, I sighed. I guess Im just a glutton for punishment he spoke barely inches from my face and I could see his chagrin. His parted lips moved lightly over my neck. I longed to kiss him but I knew I had to resist for his sake. Maybe we should eat. I whispered feebly. My dear, I think youre right. Jason kissed me lightly on the lips, his eyes intent on mine. Neither one of us spoke. My heart was pounding. I wondered if Jason felt the electric connection I felt to him, that ran though my body like the blood through my veins. Jason reached out and gently fingered a lock of my hair. He carefully tucked the dread behind my ear. I loved how he always founds reasons to touch me. I wanted to be consumed by him. Never in my life had I felt an attraction so intense. Jason face was serene but I could tell he was struggling with something inside. I wish I knew what he was thinking. You are beautiful he said quietly then went hesitantly to prepare our food. 17

*** I woke up just before the sun rose, warm and snug in Jason arms. I didnt remember falling asleep. The ocean roared against the shore. I felt Jason stirring from behind. Youre up? Barely, I grumbled Jason laughed, Rough night? Perfect night I said squeezing Jasons arm that wrapped around my waist. Im glad you enjoyed it his voice was like silk. Did you? Of course I did, he said as he stretched. We should get going though before we get caught Do we have to? I said snuggling back against Jason For the time being he paused stroking my back. I closed my eyes, not wanting to move. We can always come back, he said. I live right up the street What? My eyes shot open, my face growing stern I cant believe we just slept on the beach and you live nearby I didnt want you to think.. his voice trailed off, It was romantic though, wasnt it he said taking my hand. I paused quickly running over the previous nights events in my head. I enjoyed every minute So why are you mad? I was suddenly embarrassed at the way I reacted. My voice was much calmer this time, I could have seen where you live? You still can 18

My face grew warm. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. Good. I said curtly trying to conceal the excitement I felt. Jason laughed at me then. My face could never hide my emotions but I didnt want Jason to see how easily I crumbled when around him. Jason made a silly face for my benefit. He was too cute for words. I could not stand it any more so I begin to laugh as well. Oh, Keira, he said as he stood and pulled me up with him, What am I going to do with you? I looked into his eyes. We stood there for a minute, unmoving. I wasnt sure of what I should say. Jason reached out, my face in his hands. I was expecting a kiss but he looked deeply into my eyes, but what he was searching for I could not fathom. I was just happy to be near him. He kissed my forehead and I hugged him in return. It was time to go.

Chapter Four - Christopher As I was about to step inside the door, I had the slightest feeling I was being watched. My heart fluttered for a moment as I contemplated turning around. Maybe it was just my imagination. I was prone to overreaction. Jason had just dropped me off, on his way to get ready for another party he was catering. I was still coming down from the euphoric high our date had brought me and our romantic night on the beach. Just getting in? a familiar voice came from behind. It was Christopher. My body grew rigid. We had not spoken since Emerys wedding. He had fallen completely off my grid. Partly due to my unwillingness to acknowledge how awkward things had become between us. As I realized this, I became ashamed. Above all else Christopher was my friend. Yeah, I said as I turned around to face him. I still couldnt bring myself to meet his eyes. I was afraid of what I would see. When I spoke my voice was frail. What are you doing here? Waiting for you, he inched closer to me. I could tell he was keeping his distance You know what I meant, Chris. You didnt come home last night. 19

So, youre spying on me now? I rolled my eyes, growing impatient. Im just saying, I came by last night and you werent home. I shrugged. So? Its not like you to be out all night, like that? What are you saying? I wanted to apologize, thats all. You dont have to apologize. That was true. He hadnt done anything wrong. I was the one who had acted like a fool. Im the one whos sorry. I hesitated momentarily. You just took me by surprise and I didnt know what to say. My voice softened. Do you know what to say now? Christopher I struggled for words. Were just friends. Just friends, huh? he said his face hardening again. I see. He turned his back to me unable to face me. My heart sunk. I was loosing my friend and I couldnt bare the thought of it. We had been friends too long, to let this impasse come between us. Christopher suddenly turned back around. His eyes were full of accusations. Who was that dude who dropped you off? Immediately my whole body tensed. I could not bring myself to answer. I wasnt even for sure if I wanted to. I folded my arms in front of me and for the first time looked into Christophers cold ebony eyes. Your boyfriend? he snarled when he realized he would not get an answer from me. I bit my lip. Christopher had never been this angry with me before. I didnt know how to react. I was taken aback by Christophers sudden intrusiveness and my stomach became unsettled. I knew that there was something else inherent in the question Christopher had proposed. Was Jason my boyfriend? 20

So what, you like white guys now? he snickered Christopher, I snapped What exactly is your problem? You are my problem, Keira. He thundered. I am sick and tired of these games you play. What are you talking about Christopher? What games? Like you dont know? No, I dont know Christopher. Listen Im tired and I just want.. Before I could get out the rest of my sentence, Christopher pounced, slamming my back against the door. I gasped at the suddenness of his aggression. He wasted no time parting my lips with his tongue. At first I was shocked. I couldnt believe he had the nerve to kiss me so brazenly...on my porchin full daylight. But the urgency of his lips, the hastiness of his desire, stirred something in me that had not been there before. What was happening to me? Christopher was kissing me and before I could stop myself, I kissed him back with the same burning resolve. I lost complete and utter control. We were both pushing and pulling at each other with such abandon that I quickly forgot my immediate surroundings. I could barely breath, our mouths were locked fervently. I realized with much trepidation that I enjoyed kissing Christopher just as much as I had Jason. This shouldnt be happening. I began to fight the yearning that had sprung up from within. I fool heartedly tried to push Christopher away, but he wasnt having it. I had already lit the fire. It was too late to put it out. I yielded into the waves of passion, allowing Christopher to kiss me deeply. After what seemed like forever, Christopher firmly pushed me back towards the door breaking our embrace. We were both out of breath and it took him a few seconds to respond. For the second time that day I couldnt bare to look at him. I was appalled by my behavior. I brushed my lips with the back of my hand even though I knew I couldnt erase what had just happened. You kissed me Christopher said. That told me everything I need to know. He reached out to touch me. 21

You should go. I said swatting his hand away. You do like me Keira he said seemingly unfazed by my rebuff. You just dont know it yet. His voice was soft. I like you as my friend. I pleaded Thats not what your lips said. In my heart I knew he was right. Maybe I did like him. I just couldnt deal with the reality of it. I dont know what just happened, I stuttered, but it wont happen again You sure about that? He came in close, his lips barely inches from my own. I turned my head in defiance. Since you want me to go, I will leave. He said abruptly. but, Im not going to let you get away from me. Im tired of pretending. I wanted to say something in return but couldnt. My lips had already betrayed me enough for one day. I watched Christopher walk towards his house before I retreated into the comforts of my own home. *** You kissed Christopher? Emery murmured stunned. What the fuck is going on? Ive only been gone for a week and youre kissing Christopher. My God! Thats insane. It just happened, Eme Sure it did. Emery said unconvinced. Hes been in love with you forever. I never knew that. Everybody knew, how didnt you? Blind I guess? What about Jason?

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I kissed Jason, too Unbelievable. I leave and you turn into a slut. Emery said jokingly. Never in a million years I dont know what to do, Eme Thats simple. Dont do anything. Im confused. Well, who do you fancy? I really like Jason. Hes amazing. We vibe, I think. What about Christopher. Lately, hes been driving me nuts. The way he just kissed me like that.Im mean no warning. You should have seen him, he was so smug, Eme like he just knew I would kiss him all along. Did you enjoy it? It was really intense. Im sure it was. Christopher is bad in that good way...you still didnt answer my question. Is Jason a good kisser? I went weak in the knees I gushed. So the passion is there...for both guys. Lucky girl. Why were you so surprised when I told you about Christopher? I dont know, I guess I thought, if you guys were going to screw, you would have done it already. Eme! What? said Emery slightly annoyed. Just fuck them both. Get on with it. I would never 23

Yeah, Keira...you would. She laughed. I know you, better than you know yourself It was true. Emery did know me. I wasnt innocent by anyones standards. I lost my virginity when I was 16. Just like everything else in my life, it just seemed to happenwith no rhyme or reason. I had gotten detention for flipping off my history teacher after she busted me for talking during a lecture. My punishment was 3 days of detention. On the 3rd day I ended up walking home with Courtney ONeil, who was an exquisitely handsome, football player that I had secretly harbored a crush on since elementary school. Courtney was pretty much straight to the point. He asked if he could touch my boob and I didnt object. We kissed hesitantly at first and then Courtney offered me weed. We got high in his garage, listening to rap music and ended up fucking on his parents old ratty orange couch. I was ready to let go. I was tired of being a good girl. It was fast, painful and hard. I wasnt at all impressed. Even so Courtney and I hooked up a few more times over the summer. I appreciated his vigor. I didnt realize until much later Courtney made a habit of de-virginizing a scathing amount of young women. Our relationship, for lack of better words ended almost as quickly as it began. There was only one other person with whom I had a sexual encounter and I preferred not to think of him. Stop! You know what they say, darling, the truth hurts Whatever you decide. Whomever you decide... Ill be happy for you no matter what. Thanks Eme. Anytime doll. I have to go, Drakes getting a bit randy God, Emery! I said laughing Have fun. I tossed my cell phone on my coffee table and sank into the softness of my couch. I was tired. I felt like I hadnt slept in ages. Even though all I wanted to do was black out, I ran upstairs to freshen up first. I had to pick Alastair up from the airport later that evening and decided showering and then sleeping would be the best course of action given how exhausted I was.

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After dressing, I removed a bottle of Tylenol from my medicine cabinet. I popped two pills and swallowed them down with a glass of water. I could feel a headache coming on and wanted to be prepared. I fell asleep before my head hit the pillow.

Chapter Five - Alastair Several hours later I waited at the bottom of the stairs for my brothers flight to arrive. I paced nervously around the airport checking my watch every few minutes for the time. It had been almost a year since I had seen Alastair. My emotions were running high. I was excited. When we were younger Alastair stayed glued to my hip. He told me I was his most favorite person in the world. I could never understand why. We were complete opposites. When our mother died, something inside me broke. I only went through the motions. I remember being at my mothers funeral, feeling utterly alone and void. I hated the way people looked at me, like I was slipping away. Alastair pulled me back. He sang at my mothers funeral and my heart broke. He was so young and so sweet. I had realized then I would never be able to forgive my mother for what she had done to us. I saw Alastair appear at the top of the stairs. I couldnt contain the joy I felt inside and bounded up to greet him. He had grown several inches. I had to strain to look up at him. His hair was cut low and wavy. He wore designer jeans and a blue and white polo shirt, His almond shaped eyes were guarded but I could still tell he was glad to see me. I gave him a huge hug and he bent down to kiss my cheek. Hey sis, His voice was deep and smooth like velvet. Alastair, oh my god! you have gotten so big I said amazed. Its been awhile. He shuffled uncomfortably, shifting the weight from his carry-on to his opposite shoulder. I know, Im so sorry I couldnt make it for Christmas. I wanted to go to Jersey for holidays but life got in the way. Alastair still seemed a bit sore. As a mental note, I promised to make it up to him. Its cool, he shrugged. Your dreads are getting really long. He reached out to touch one. 25

Alastair, unlike Emery supported me fully when I decide to get dreads. Emery thought I was crazy to cut all of my hair off. She believed grief had turned me insane. Alastair always maintained I should do whatever made me happy. My brother was the easiest going guy I knew. I really missed you Alastair. It was true. I missed you too. After collecting Alastairs luggage from the baggage carousel, he and I headed out to my car. Alastair thought my mini copper was cute. We were both starving and decided to go for a bite to eat. We agreed on Chinese and ended up at P.F Changs China Bistro. We used to go there frequently when mom was alive and dad was still around. Those were the days. I ordered the chicken lettuce wraps and Alastair had Moo Goo Gai Pan. We caught up on each others lives and reminisced about our childhood. I also told Alastair that I had signed him up for the performing arts summer program at his new high school. Aunt Rae made me promise to keep him busy and I didnt want to let her down. I had hoped Alastair would be excited but his eyes showed no sign of interest. I assured him it would be fun. He still wasn't convinced. Dont you still love to sing? Its alight. Come on, don't be like that" "I guess I just have a lot of stuff on my mind" he sighed. "Anything you want to talk about?" When it came to Alastair I didn't like to pry. I knew if it were something serious he would tell me. I also didn't want to bug him on his first day back. I had a feeling something had happened while he was in Jersey to make him want to come home. I wanted to find out the cause but figured now wasn't the right time to get into the nitty-gritty of it all. "I'm cool." he said gruffly. Strangely, I felt hurt by his reply. I hadn't expected him to answer, though it would have been nice if he had. I feared distance had some how set us apart from each other. It seemed we had work ahead of us in order to repair the bond we once shared. I was willing and I prayed my brother was too. I watched Alastair push his food around with his fork. I realized with much regret our dinner had come to an end. As soon as I saw the waitress I signaled her to bring the cheque. Alastair seemed 26

relieved. Once he realized I wasn't going to push the matter any further, our conversation slowly returned to its more optimistic origin. By the time we got home, Alastair had cooled to the idea of the performing arts workshop. Especially after I explained he would need a car to get around on his own. I hated playing chauffeur and I knew how much Alastair would appreciate his own ride. Nothing screamed independence like a set of wheels. I had no intention of hovering. Aunt Rae was still the executor of Alastair's trust fund and she had already given her approval. All we had to do was pick out the vehicle. Alastair had his heart set on a Challenger. He said it was "sick". I couldn't help but laugh. I told him as long as he got a job to pay for the insurance it was cool with me. Alastair completely geeked. He thought I would say no. My brother wasn't used to my lackadaisical way off life. Aunt Rae ran a tight ship. It wasn't in me to be as rigid. "What did you do to my room?" Alastair asked as he finally made his way upstairs into the bedroom he possessed since he was born. I had taken the liberty to break his bunk bed down into to twins which I pushed together to make one bed. I rearranged his desk so that it was facing toward the room and not the wall. I also installed a few shelves. Emery had gotten me on a feng shui kick. Although the most dramatic aspect of Alastair's room were the walls. I decided to paint the entire room black. I bought a red comforter and other red accents to highlight. Red at one time was Alastair's favorite color. I hope he still liked it. "Yo this is crazy sick!" Alastair pumped his fist in the air before bringing it to his mouth and shouting, "Oh!" I giggled at his obvious enthusiasm. I was glad my assumptions hadn't been wrong. He had once begged our mother to paint his room black, but she refused. Alastair had been heartbroken. My mother was conventional. She thought anyone who wanted to paint their walls black had to be on drugs. I understood Alastair just wanted to be different. I believed both Alastair and I inherited our wild streak from our father. Neither one of us had seen or spoken to him in years. He lived in San Bernardino with his new wife and children. He could care less about us or so it seemed. I tried not to think of him either. "So you like it, right?" "Hell yeah!" his eyes gleamed. "Wow, I can't believe you remembered...that was so long ago." My heart swelled in gladness. "Of course I remember," "You're my little brother...it's my job to remember." I gave Christopher a hug before leaving him to settle in. I couldn't get over how good it felt to have him home. 27

The events from the last 24 hours still had me reeling. So much had happened and barely anytime to process it all. I needed to clear my head. I usually went on long drives or took a swim when my mind was full, but I didn't want to leave Alastair at home on his first night back. The couch seemed to be calling my name but decided to go to my room first to change. There I found a pair of comfy shorts and an old t-shirt in my dresser which I put on without a second thought. I undid my hair and let my dreads hang freely. Once downstairs I went into the kitchen and grabbed an ice cold bottle of water from the fridge, then finally plopped down on the couch and began to flick through cable channels. Nothing interested me. I discovered this after several minutes had past and decided to watch HGTV or rather let it watch me. I could hear Alastair shuffling around upstairs, unpacking. A short while later, music began thumping through the floorboards. Alastair was having a grand time. All of a sudden I heard a hesitant knock at the door. It appeared that whoever was at the door wasn't sure they should be knocking in the first place. Maybe someone was lost? It was late after all and I wasn't expecting any visitors. But who ever knocked on strangers doors anymore? Why didn't they use the doorbell? I stood, somewhat startled by the abrupt interruption. I had gotten comfortable on the couch and my shorts had risen up my thigh. I quickly pulled them down, feeling self conscience, before I arrived at the door. I peeped through the hole and gasped. Jason was standing on my porch, completely uninvited, but his presence nonetheless welcomed. I opened the door and was quickly pulled into a warm embrace. The coolness of Jason's leather jacket sent a slight chill through my core. "I missed you" Jason whispered in my ear. " "I hope you don't mind me popping by. I know it's late but I wanted to see you. "It's cool." I said ushering him inside. I didn't want Christopher to see us on the porch. If he was watching that is. Jason grabbed me around the waist and nuzzled my neck with his nose. I was caught off guard by his overt display of affection and quickly wriggled from his grasp. I detected a hint of chagrin in Jason's face as I pulled away. It pained me to see even the least bit of displeasure behind Jason's eyes as I was genuinely happy to see him. I wasn't for sure why I felt such unease. Was it the kiss Christopher and I shared?

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I hadn't been able to stop thinking of the moment...of the heat between us. How had things become so complicated? "What's wrong Keira?" "I'm sorry Jason, I guess I'm just tired." "Do you want me to go?" "I should have called first. I'm Sorry." "No," my words came out more forceful than I intended. I discerned from my initial reaction that I indeed wanted him to stay. I was being silly. Whatever happened between Christopher and I was a fluke. There was nothing more I wanted than to be with Jason. "Don't go." I said my voice pleading as I pulled Jason to me. We shared a tender kiss and then he cupped my face into his hands looking into my eyes. Regret washed over me. I had been so idiotic earlier. Being so near Jason... taking in his scent, my head began to swim. "I brought you something" he said, his eyes sparkling with glee. "What?" I said barely hiding my excitement. Before Jason could answer Alastair came cautiously down the stairs. He had heard us in the foyer and was curious as to who our visitor was. There was no sign of surprise or astonishment on Alastair's face even though Jason and I were standing much too close together to be considered just friends. I stepped back "You must be Alastair." Jason said taking the lead. "I'm Jason Jacobs," he said as he stepped forward to shake my brother's hand. "Hey man, what's going on" Alastair said as if he had known Jason for years. They shook hands heartily and Alastair quickly shot me an inquisitive look. I could clearly hear the question formulating on his brain. Is this your boyfriend? I shrugged just as Jason put his arm around me and ever so slightly squeezed. My hand reached up "I was just about to tell your sister that I brought her some desert. Bananas Foster. A Specialty of mine" "I have enough to share. "Won't you join us, Alastair?" Jason said and I nudged him feeling embarrassed. When had WE become an US?

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Alastair looked skeptical at first but I assured him it was fine with me. Jason went to his car and brought in a brown grocery bag. It seemed he planned to whip up the desert fresh and I was mortified. I was sure our kitchen wasn't up to Jason's standards. I barely even cooked. Jason recognized the apprehension in my face. "I always come prepared," he said removing his jacket and placing it on a nearby chair. I lead him to the kitchen and Alastair followed behind us. Alastair and I watched as Jason wasted no time and fired up a pan filled with butter, rum cinnamon and sugar on our stove. He added bananas a few minutes later and asked if I didn't mind scooping out the ice cream he brought for us. I happily obliged. Jason and Alastair began talking basketball. The Lakers were in the finals and of course both Jason and Alastair were big fans. I immediately tuned out of their conversation. Sports was my least favorite subject. Emery and I used to sit through game after game in High School. Christopher ran track and played ball. I was always there to support Christopher in whatever sport he was playing, but for Emery...it was strictly about the boys. "Who are you rooting for Keira?" Jason asked breaking my reverie "Keira doesn't know anything about sports" Alastair interjected. "That's not true" I sighed then rolled my eyes, "I do know a few things." "Sure you do" Alastair said shaking his head. "I'm going for the Lakers." I said ignoring Alastair. Jason laughed and motioned for me to bring the bowls of vanilla ice cream I scooped out to him. I carefully balanced the ice cream bowls in my hands and brought them to Jason where he dished the rum sauce over the top. I playfully licked my lips and said "Yummy!" I handed Alastair his bowl and he sat down on a wooden stool near the island in the kitchen. Both Jason and I pulled up a stool as well, the legs loudly scraping across the linoleum floor. Silence ensued as we began to enjoy the decadent treat before us and I then noticed Jason's hand rested on my knee. I looked at him and smiled coyly. My silver spoon rested backward on my lips.

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"Yo this is really good!" Alastair said astounded, scraping the sides of the bowl to savor every minute. "Jason is a caterer," I explained "I met him at Emery's wedding." "Oh yeah?" said Alastair "Cool." "Do you have a favorite dish?" Jason asked Alastair "I just like to eat food, period...but umm, I guess anything with seafood in it." Jason laughed, running his large hands through his brown hair "Your sister likes seafood too. " Jason said smiling at me then turned to Alastair "I want to make you guys dinner sometime. I can tell Keira, not that much of a cook." I playfully poked Jason's side. "Don't tease me," I said smiling mischievously. Jason winked at me and lightly tugged one of my dreads. We stared at each other for a bit unable to keep the grins off our faces. We were behaving like lovesick teenagers. I couldn't help myself. Flirting with Jason was just as good as the ice cream I spooned into my mouth. "How long have you guys been going out?" Alastair asked his eyes slowly darting between Jason and I. I could feel the blood rushing to my face. "We ..just.. met," was all I could get out. "A few weeks" Jason corrected giving me a sideways glance. I sheepishly began to twirl a dread at the nape of my neck, "You two seem really familiar with each other" said Alastair not missing a beat. "It's true we haven't known each other long... but I do look forward to getting to know your sister. My intentions are entirely pure, you have my word." I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "Come on guys" I sighed "It's not that serious" "It's serious to me," Jason said. "I'm sorry, I just meant...it's serious to me too" "Good." said Jason 31

"This is way to mushy for me, I think I'm going back up stairs" Alastair said cringing. I laughed at my brother's obvious disdain. Alastair placed his dishes in the dishwasher, then gave me a hug before returning to his room. Jason nudged me playfully then took my hand and led me back into the living room. He was about veg out on the couch when he noticed my collection of vintage cameras that were displayed in the far right corner of the den. Jason went over to the display case with wonder in his eyes. "You like to take pictures or just collect the cameras?" "Both," I said breathlessly "I think that's awesome" he smiled at me flashing, perfect pearly white teeth. "Really?" I crossed my legs nervously and folded my arms across my chest. It had been awhile since someone had taken interest in my hobby of photography. I was always fond of picture taking. My mother had bought me my first camera when I turned 9. My mother had always encouraged me, no matter what the endeavor. I missed her...more than words could say. Sometimes, without her, I felt all alone. I began to tug at my dreads. "Yeah. Everyone should have a passion," Jason said "You already know what mine is." "food," I said automatically and smiled remembering how good desert had been. "not just food, " said Jason coyly. I gazed into his eyes...searching for something behind them. I found his eyes were warm and so full I hope. I felt instantly at ease. Jason pulled me in closer then removed one of the cameras from the wooden shelf for closer inspection. It was the argus seventy-five. I had picked it up at a yard sale, purchasing it for only one dollar. This camera was inarguably the favorite in my collection. "What do you like take pictures of?" he said after several seconds had passed, still handling the argus.

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"People, faces, random macro shots...." I said letting my voice trail off. "I would love to see your work" "It's no big deal," I said shrugging. "Don't be bashful," he said as he placed the camera back on the shelf. "It's okay if you aren't ready to show me yet." Jason looked at me knowingly. "I understand. I can wait." I nodded, relived. It wasn't that I didn't want Jason to see my pictures. I felt somewhat embarrassed. What if he didn't think they were any good? Jason led me back into the living room. He was already becoming familiar with the layout of my house. Jason seemed at ease anywhere, unlike me. I admired him for it. He was never apprehensive about anything. I wondered how Jason had been when he was young. Once back in the living room I noticed, it was much too bright. My eyes begin to squint and I rubbed at them involuntarily. Jason plopped down on the couch, unaffected. He motioned for me to sit beside him and I nodded. I decided to turn off the overhead lights first, leaving on just the light from the lamp next to the couch. Jason shot me a slightly impatient look and I wrinkled my nose in jest. Dim lighting was relaxing to me. I still felt the tiniest bit nervous around Jason and hoped he hadn't noticed. It didn't seem as if he had. I settled on the couch next to him and my heart began to thud loudly in my ears. His scent overwhelmed me in the most pleasant way. We were sitting close, my leg over his knee, his hand in my hair, my head on his chest and strangely I felt comfortable there... intertwined. Jason filled my thoughts. There was so much I wanted to know about him, so much we hadn't discussed. "Tell me about Baton Rogue." I said toying with the buttons on his shirt. "What's there to tell?" he said slowly. I wondered if I had hit a nerve. "What made you move to California?" Jason was silent for a few moments. He appeared to be deep in thought and I didn't want to interrupt. I could wait.

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"I was getting into trouble....and needed to get away." "oh," I said quietly. "I was having problems at home. My dad's a drunk." "We never really got along" He used to hit my mom, but she used to always go back to him. "It killed me watching her go through that. I tried to help her, I even went crazy on my old man...but it was me who ended up in jail...I mean I tried to protect her from him and she still picked him over me." "I couldn't deal with it anymore. I haven't spoken to her or my old man since." . "After everything happened, I got into some trouble. My life was going nowhere and then one day I just woke up and realized I'd had enough." "Me and my boy Danny moved here, with his sister Julie." "Wow." was all I could muster. I really didn't know what to say so I gave Jason a gentle hug instead. Jason, satisfied, responded by stroking my back. I climbed into his lap like a baby and there I lost all track of time. His warm woodsy scent enveloped me. I cupped his smooth chiseled face in my small hands. I saw melancholy in his eyes and my heart filled with sadness. I wanted to hold him. "Let's go to bed" I said, my words breaking the silence. Jason nodded and followed me upstairs, the floorboards creaking under our steps. Inside my room he undressed silently and climbed into bed with me where I welcomed him. His skin was smooth against mine. We stared into each others eyes, both of our heads resting on a single pillow. The moonlight shined on our skin from the window. I took pleasure in how toned Jason's body was. It was clear to me that he worked out regularly. My body was soft and pliable. Exercise had never been one of my top priorities. I felt safe lying next Jason. There was no fear. Just us. I could see forever in his cornflower eyes. Guilt began to penetrate me. Thoughts of Christopher and our porch rendezvous filled my head. I knew what happened earlier was just a fluke. It had to be. I loved Christopher but as a friend. I didn't want anything to get in the way of that.

Jason caressed my chin lovingly and I shuddered involuntarily at his touch. I wanted him so much, it hurt. I couldn't explain the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach, it almost felt like I would die if I couldn't have him. I wanted to consume him, to take every part of him in every part of me and that scared me. I could feel myself falling.

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My fingers found themselves into his hair, my lips slightly parted, we kissed tenderly. To my chagrin it ended much too soon. I ached for more, but knew for the moment it had to be enough.We drifted to sleep in each others arms. Jason's lips softly pressed against my forehead.

Chapter Six The next morning Jason spoiled Alastair and I with a huge pancake breakfast. I told Jason he "better watch it", because I was sure to get fat with all the cooking he was doing for me. Jason grinned and said he liked big girls. All I could do was roll my eyes. Alastair still seemed squicked out by our outwardly display of affection. Jason had to leave shortly after breakfast was done. He had a party to prepare for but he promised to catch up with me later. Alastair and I also had a big day ahead of us. We were going car shopping. Alastair left the table to shower and dress after he was done stuffing himself full. I on a domestic whim decided to clean the kitchen before getting ready to go out. It didn't take much time. Jason had kept everything in order while he cooked. I washed the few dishes that were in the sink and wiped the table down. Excitement was building inside me but for the life of me I couldn't figure out why. For the first time in a long time I felt as if I had a purpose. There was something out there greater than me. I smiled as I journeyed upstairs. I took a quick shower and threw on a pair of jeans and an old tshirt. I decided to wear my hair down and pushed my favorite black sunglasses over my head and behind my ears, wearing them like a headband. Alastair was waiting for me downstairs. I could tell he disapproved of my attire by the way his eyebrows furled as he gave me the once over. My tastes were far to bohemian for him. I shook my head at him."What?" I inquired perplexed. "Do I really look that bad?" "No, I wouldn't say that.." his voice trailed off. "You look comfortable" "I am comfortable." I said slowly. Then laughed. "Thanks I think?" Alastair was just as bad as Emery when it came to my chosen eclectic fashion sense. I liked being me, whimsical and all and saw no reason to change. I wasn't as hip as my brother. Nor did I have a penchant for spotting fashion trends before they happened like Emery had the knack for.

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I was more of a free spirit. I liked going with the flow. I didn't like being constrained or put into a labeled little box or being told what I should be. I just was. It always saddened me a little being judged on my appearance and not the person who I was within. I know my brother loved me, but he didn't get me. For some reason that bothered me. "Let's go" I said opening the door. I spotted Christopher outside washing his red sports car. He pretended not to notice me but I could tell he knew I was there. I waved to get his attention. He still ignored me and that made me mad. Alastair headed out to my car. He never liked Christopher...probably because Christopher used to tease Alastair when we were younger. I had the craziest inclination to ask Christopher to go with Alastair and I. Picking out cars.....hot rods...seemed to be something Christopher would know more about than me. I stuck my head in the car and asked Alastair if he would mind if I asked Chris to tag along. I told him Christopher would have much better input given the situation. Surprisingly Alastair didn't object. He wanted the perfect set of wheels, more than he was worried about anything Christopher would have to say. I gathered up as much courage as I could muster and strolled up to Christopher as nonchalantly as I could. The spark we shared still had me thrown for the slightest loop. I placed my hands gingerly on my hips and stood as close to Christopher as I could manage. Christopher looked up at me in the most curious way. I began to feel warm. 'I was thinking...." I said quietly "that maybe you would like to come with my brother and I to pick out a car." I shuffled nervously. "He has his heart set on a sports car...and I know you like sports cars and I know nothing about them...and you would be way more help than me..." I could feel my self rambling but I couldn't stop. It was embarrassing. Christopher's eyes never left me and the heat I felt was definitely radiating from between my legs. All I could think about was how his lips felt against mine "Sure" he said in that mellow way of his. All I could do was smile. *** Christopher did prove to be the greatest help. I think in the end even Alastair was happy I asked him along. Instead of the much more expensive Challenger, Christopher some how convinced Alastair 36

to get the new Camaro. In Christopher's expert opinion the specs were much better on the Camaro than the Challenger. Alastair was pleased, he picked out a silver one. After we had the paperwork finalized, I let him take it for spin around town. He had some old friends he wanted to see. He promised he'd be careful. I enjoyed seeing the absolute glee in his eyes. He tried to play it cool, but he could never lie with his eyes. I still had to remind him how insanely high the insurance was and he assured me he'd look for a part time job in the morning. Alastair gave me a huge bear hug and twirled me around. He took me by surprise and almost knocked the wind out of me. I told Alastair he still had a curfew and to be home by midnight. It was Alastair's turn to grin. Christopher proposed we go to the movies once we left the dealership. I took a few minutes to mull it over. I wasn't ready to go back home and it had been awhile since I had been to the movies. Christopher was overly enthusiastic when I said yes. We ended up seeing a big budget slasher flick that didn't disappoint with the thrills. Christopher put his arm around me for of the movie. I didn't complain. I enjoyed the comfort, but it was obvious he thought we were on a date. I didn't really know how to feel about that, so instead of objecting, I kept quiet-- stuffing my face with the golden bucket of buttery popcorn I held in my lap. Christopher was used to my overzealous eating habits. He barely even noticed. At appropriate times throughout the film he'd give me a reassuring squeeze when he thought I may be scared. There were also several times when our hands brushed in the popcorn bucket and our eyes met, sending shivers through my spine It was beginning to dawn on me that I was indeed attracted to Christopher and that scared me. How could I want one of my best friends? We had been through so much throughout the years. Was it just a natural progression of events for us to be together? How did I miss what was happening between us, I pondered..my mind barely on the movie flashing before me. Jason and I were definitely on our way to coupledom. I liked him too...maybe even more than liked. There was this spark that turned on inside me from the moment Jason and I met. I felt like I had been sleeping and he is what woke me up. Before Jason I wasn't in interested in love or all of it entraps but now-- here I was caught into this massively tangled web. I didn't want to hurt anyone or lie...but I wasn't ready to let go of either Christopher or Jason. I didn't know how I felt about either one of them-- it was still much too soon. The only way I could ever figure anything out was to just let things be. That was always my answer to everything back then. If only I had known...

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After the movie was over, I let Christopher take me out for dinner. We really needed to talk even though I dreaded it. My chest was really heavy. "What's wrong?" Christopher asked breaking our long silence. I couldn't bear the hurt look on his face. Even though Christopher tried to be hard, I knew deep down he wasn't everything he projected. "You're right, I...do..like you." I said barely believing I had finally admitted the feelings I had been trying to over look. "What's wrong with that?" Christopher said his face brightening. I reached out for his hand. "Nothing is wrong...I just...I mean I'm afraid that things will change between us." "What if they do Keira?" "I'm seeing someone else." I blurted out unintentionally. "You mean that white dude." Christopher frowned, "I know." "His name is Jason." "So?" Christopher asked through clenched teeth. It pained me to be honest but I knew I had to be honest for both of our sakes. "I like him too." I swallowed really hard. "I don't give a fuck about that dude." Christopher's words stung. His eyes grew cold. "You give a fuck about me though, right?" I choked out He was silent for a moment "Keira, you know I do." I exhaled. I hadn't even realized I was holding my breath. The waitress came suddenly and set our food before us. We both ended up ordering the same thing. Some how my appetite was gone. "Christopher this is all new to me. These feelings....how I feel for you.." I reached out for his hand again but he brushed my fingers away.

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"You're scared." "I am scared. You're right. When we kissed. I never...." I found myself out of breathe. I could barely speak. "That's never happened to me before." "So what are you saying?" "I want to see how things go." Christopher rolled his eyes "When did you become me? he laughed sarcasticly. "I'm the player not you, I wrote those lines." "I'm not trying to play anybody Chris." "Everything with you is always a game." "This isn't a game." "Sure it isn't." "Don't do that. Don't shut me out because you aren't getting your way. I'm not the one who is playing a game, Chris. You are." "You think I am not scared Keira? I love you. I have loved you, since the very first moment I saw you. I finally get the courage to tell you how I feel and you shut down. I kiss you. You kiss me back...but then you like some other dude. So you say "Oh! Let's see how things go." That's bull shit and you know it." I was stunned. "You love me?" "Yeah, you just now figuring that out?" "I love you too." When I said the words, I knew deep down inside that I meant them. Not just friendship love...but love--real love. I loved Christopher and had for a long time. I felt sick to my stomach. How did I let this happen? Christopher stared at me. He knew I had been running away from this, probably longer than even I cared to admit.

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"Do you love Jason too?" he demanded "Christopher, I .....I don't know." "I know you love me...but I want to be the only one. I am not beat for your loving some other dude too." "This sucks." "Yeah, tell me about it." he grimaced "I'm sorry Chris." "Don't be. I love you Keira. I mean that. That's never going to change." I nodded. I didn't know what else to say. We left the restaurant after both of us picked over our food. Christopher couldn't bare looking at me. I felt ashamed. The ride home was silent. Christopher insisted on driving my car with the windows rolled down. I turned towards the cool wind and felt it's icy fingers on my face. It was sobering. Christopher pulled into my driveway and we sat there for a few moments, neither one of us able to move. I felt Christopher's hand slide into my own. "Keira, I...." He looked at me and I could feel my heart swelling. I kissed him first before he could even finish his words. His hands cupped my face his lips moving against mine. He pulled away from me and I felt hurt...even though I could not blame him. "Keira, I'm leaving tomorrow." "What?" I said in surprise. "Why?" "I just found out I got that internship in Washington I was telling you about." "How long will you be gone?" "Six weeks."

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"Oh, " I said my heart sinking, "That's fantastic." I said not even attempting to hide how terrible that made me feel. "What will you be doing?" "Working for our senator" "Cool." I said feebly. I was excited for Christopher but it would be strange not having him around especially after all that had happened. "It's probably for the best." he muttered his mouth twisting into a frown. " It will give you some time to work things out." he paused becoming more determined. "I love you Keira, but I'm not going to share you with anybody. I want you all to myself." I stared into his big deep brown eyes. "I know," I said sadly. He was right. I should have thanked him for being so understanding but his words left a bitter taste in my mouth. "Will you keep in touch?" I asked hopefully. "I think you need space." Christopher said finally opening the car door. He came around to my side and opened my door too. "What do you need?" I said staring him in the face--searching. He was slow with his response and appeared to be in thought. "I need you to make up your mind." he said finally. I looked down at the pavement. Christopher took my face into his hands and gently forced me to look at him. We kissed one last time before he made his way across the street. "I'm going to miss you." I said calling out after him "That's what I'm betting on" he said turning towards me. I could almost make out the smile that curled across his face in the distance. He gave a slight wave as he disappeared behind his front door. I felt alone. I supposed it was good for me to feel this way after all I didn't know what I wanted and I had to figure it out. I was about to open my door when I realized there was a single red rose laying on top of a card at my door step. I held the rose to my nose and inhaled. It smelled divine. I tore into the card and

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realized Jason had been there and I had missed him. A sense of regret mixed with guilt washed over me. I read the card, it simply said thinking of you. I smelled the rose again, a smile erupting on my lips and went inside. I went into the kitchen and found a suitable vase, then texted Jason. Where are you? A few minutes later came the reply. At the beach house...come see me? I didn't even have to think about it. I wanted to see Jason. I knew I should feel somewhat bad for how I was behaving--but I knew this was the only way to figure out what I wanted. I texted him back and Jason sent me the address which I quickly plugged into the GPS on my phone. I was horrible with finding places I had never been to. I took a quick shower and slipped on a floral summer dress. I pulled my hair into a pony tail, leaving a few dreads out to frame my face. I even put on gold hoops. I very seldom wore jewelry but figured why not? I left a note for Alastair on the fridge along with some extra money in case he was hungry when he got back. The drive to Jason's was relaxing. I blasted Lauryn Hill and sung along with her. I found Jason's place without a hitch. I was pleased with myself because I usually got lost in situations such as this. Jason greeted me at the door with a kiss. "Hey beautiful." he whispered in my ear "Hey yourself." I said smiling up at him. He hugged me, gently stroking my back then lead me inside. Instantly my mouth dropped as I looked around. Jason smiled at my obvious surprise. "I take that..as you like it?" he said cheerfully. Jason's beach house was stunning with an open and airy design. The golden brown wooden floors sparkled they were shined so carefully. Everything was tidy and its it's place. There was a huge overstuffed white couch in the center of the room and on the adjacent wall was an enormous fireplace.

"I don't even want to see your kitchen." I teased "This is amazing." 42

"Thank you." he said taking my hands. We kissed again and I felt completely at ease. "Let me show you around." I carefully placed my bag on his couch as not to upset anything. We walked around Jason's house holding hands as he pointed different rooms out to me. When we came to a picture in a gold frame he paused and carefully lifted it from the desk where it rested. He handed the picture to me. "This is my mother...Sara" Jason said. I could tell he was saddened. The fact that he wanted to share this picture with me made me feel special. Sara looked a lot like Jason. Her eyes were the same cool cornflower blue. Their hair the same light shade of brown. Her nose was slightly more delicate than Jason's though. She was very young on the picture and there was a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. Just by looking at her picture, I felt if we ever met I would definitely like her. "She's beautiful." I said Our gazes locked. "So are you." Jason took the frame from me and thoughtfully put it back down in the exact spot from which he moved it. "Are you hungry?" "Not really." I said thinking of only Jason. He was all I wanted. "Good." he said kissing me passionately before my brain had the ability to register his actions. Maybe it was the way he looked at me or how his smell always made me want to be near him, but I couldn't resist him. In fact, I didn't want to. I kissed him back and his lips were sweet on mine...like honey. I wrapped my arms around his neck..and then we were all over each other. Jason swept me up in his arms and I felt like the tiniest doll. I was out of breath but I still couldn't keep my lips off of him I kissed his neck and playfully bit his ear. He groaned as he placed me onto his bed. I didn't realize that's where we were going and I was a bit surprised, but still willing, able and ready...it had been a very long time.

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Jason kissed me and climbed on top of me, pressing me into his soft mattress. His hands slide up my thigh under my dress and I gasped in pleasure. He was hesitant but I wanted his hands to reach even further. I placed my hand on top of his to propel it forward but he wouldn't budge. In response, he kissed me even deeper then moved his lips down my neck to the tops of my exposed breasts. "Is this making you uncomfortable?" He whispered in his slow drawl. "No," I moaned loudly as he made his way down my torso. "I want to kiss you." he breathed into my stomach. My hands were in his hair. "So kiss me" I said pulling his face to mine. At first I didn't understand but his eyes were so full of desire. I knew he wasn't talking about my mouth. "I want to kiss you here" he said as his fingers finally found the spot I had longed for him to touch only minutes before. I moaned uncontrollably as he plunged deeper inside me with his fingers. "Can I Keira?" he teased in his sexy voice-- knowing already what my answer would be. "Can I kiss you here?" He said staring up at me with sultry bedroom eyes I bit my lip, then nodded my head. Jason hands went slowly back up my thighs. I could barely contain myself as he slipped my panties down over my ankles and dropped them to floor. He started kissing my foot working his way back up...until his lips finally met the soft curve of flesh between my legs. I sucked in a sharp breath at the warm sensual sensation of Jason's tongue and the intense feelings that shot through me. I arched my back allowing him even greater access as he spread my thighs even wider. "It' so pretty" he muttered hoarsely as his wet tongue flickered over my hard pearl. Then he begin to suck and I went crazy. I wriggled my hips against against his face in a frenzy. We were both moaning and panting. My body was pulsating with a force I had never known before. I was on the brink of something extraordinary. "you taste so good" he groaned burying his face in my passion-moistened depths.

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"Jason...Jason..please don't stop" I panted over and over again carefully wrapping my legs around his head. Jason moved in circles against my core. Every action was bringing me closer and closer to ecstasy..but I couldn't take it...I felt like I was about to pass out from pure pleasure. I gripped the sheets ferociously in an effort to control the blaze that was yearning to take me over. I tried to back away unconsciously....afraid of what was to come...but Jason wouldn't let me get away. He pulled me even closer, lapping me up, like he didn't want to miss a single drop. It only took a few seconds until I was screaming in delight, riding the wave of passion that completely owned every single part of my being. I totally let myself go. ..I was like putty. Then came the ultimate joy....I exploded. It was like my body burst into a million pieces of rainbow shaded confetti paper. Trumpets were blaring, birds were singing. I could barely move, let alone speak. My heart was thudding so hard my chest hurt. My body was weak and covered with thick perspiration. Jason pulled down my dress chivalrously, then greeted me with a tender kiss. His lips were cool, despite the fire that had just erupted from me. I took his face in my hand and kissed him with all my might. We stared at each other for a while. I was completely wiped but I could barely keep the smile from curling around my lips. Jason played with a strand of my hair. "Wow," I said then immediately felt embarrassed by my lack of forethought. "You enjoyed it, then?" "Did I." I groaned He looked at me with utter triumph and flashed his perfect teeth in a wide smile. "That's never happened to me before." "What?" he said his interest fully piqued. "any of it....no one's ever done that to me before "Are you serious?" "Completely......" I chuckled. " "I never came before either" I said quietly

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"Never?" he repeated astounded by my revelation. "Never." "Well then..I'll just have to do it again.." he said--a mischievous grin spreading across his face. "But aren't you tired?" You were down there for a long time" I teased "I could never get tired of doing that to you." "Really?" I said in my sexy voice. "Really." he huffed back.... "But what about you." I slide my hands over the well formed bulge in his jeans. "What about me...I can't get enough of you. I like the way you taste.....smell...everything about you." he said as he playfully bit at my neck. He tugged at the straps on my dress..wanting to get at what was beneath. I could already feel myself becoming aroused again. ...but this time I wanted him in my mouth. I wanted to please him the way he had me. Jason tugged at my dress again and I slipped it over my head...revealing my bare breasts....Jason hungrily took my swollen nipple into his warm mouth and cupped the other breast in his hand. "What are you doing to me Keira" he moaned. "Just wait and see.." I said pushing Jason on to the bed. I unbuckled his belt and stripped him down to his birthday suit. I kissed Jason's rock hard stomach and lead a trail of kisses down to his throbbing hardness, which I also kissed...teasing him. "Oh, Keira...baby...God!" he moaned. I looked at him, my passion for him burning out of control and then I slowly took him into my mouth...working up to the eruption I was sure to come. This experience was also new to me..I followed my instincts..doing anything I believed would make Jason feel as good as he had made me. I liked the way it made me feel to be in control...to hear

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Jason panting with pleasure..to feel his hands in my hair...pressing himself deeper inside. Sometimes I would stop, just to tease him..brushing my lips against the head of his straining erection. Jason groaned in blissful agony. I could tell he was enjoying every tantalizing minute. His responses made me want to continue. I enjoyed seeing the effect my mouth had on him. I loved hearing him moan my name and telling me how good my lips felt wrapped around him...how much pleasure my actions were bringing to him. I was equally satisfied when he flooded in my mouth moments later. I swallowed reflexively...never giving it a second thought. "You're amazing." he said as he kissed my lips urgently. "I wasn't expecting that." "I wasn't either..." I said breathing heavily "that was a first too." "You were fantastic.....are you sure that was your first time..?" "I'm positive." I giggled. Jason snuggled close to me and we held hands, both content. For a moment , he gazed deeply into my green eyes. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, but I knew it was far too soon. I wondered if maybe what I was feeling was simply lust.. not even love at all. It was too hard to fathom...my feelings were all jumbled inside...even the feelings I felt for Christopher were different that what I was feeling for Jason at the moment. I had a strong inclination that Jason felt the same way about me...whatever it was we were feeling...we were definitely experiencing it together. His eyes told me when he looked at me...his fingers conveyed his thoughts when he touched me. It, whatever it was ..was there between us. I knew it was....but it was impossible to define. Or maybe I didn't want to define it. All I knew is that I wanted to be with Jason and for the moment that was all that mattered. I stared down at our legs intertwined....Vanilla and Chocolate. We were such an odd pair. So completely opposite in every way. Jason was neat, clean cut and so pulled together. The only messy thing about him was his unruly hair....and even his hair was perfect in a sense. I on the other hand was a whirlwind... a bit rough around the edges..free. Where I was soft Jason was hard...there were lists of things that made us different. Maybe that's what made us perfect for each other.. Jason pulled me from my reverie. "Are you hungry now?" he asked still using his sexy drawl. He kissed me again deeply. 47

To Jason food was the ultimate aphrodisiac. He enjoyed feeding me. "I am." I whispered into his lips. "Good." he said pulling me on top of him. We kissed again and then wrestled playfully as I found myself on my back again. I was like a feather in Jason's strong rippled arms..I liked it when he got a little rough with me. "What am I going to do with you Keira?" he said when I successfully pinned him down... arms above his head. He was trying to tickle me. I knew he was letting me win..but I didn't care. I felt victorious nonetheless. "Whatever you want, babe." "Is that so?" "hmm maybe." I said placing my hand on my chin, tilting my head to the side "Maybe?" he teased his handing sliding again up my thigh "Jason," I exclaimed..swatting his arm. I wanted him to continue..but my stomach rumbled. "You're right...we should definitely eat." he said pulling me to my feet. "Let's go.." Jason threw me one of his shirts as he slipped his boxes back on. I felt the faintest regret admiring how beautiful and masculine his body was. He smiled at me...not the least bit shy. "We need some nourishment before round two." Jason said as he left his bedroom "Round two?" I blurted out astonished following after him. "You're going to wear me out" I laughed. "I plan on it.." Jason said as I caught up with him in the kitchen, the mischievous grin I had grown to love back on his face. "How about some homemade mac & cheese?" "Sounds good." I knew any food Jason made would be anything but ordinary.

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Jason whipped everything up in no time. I was amazed by his culinary skills. We laughed and talked while Jason poured me a glass of wine. He abstained...when I asked him why, he simply stated "I just don't drink." I didn't want to push him any further. I sipped the wine in silence. A few moments later our conversation resumed. After we finished eating...we ended up in the bedroom for round two and in the shower for round three. We took turns pleasing each other all night..until I last track of all time.

Chapter Seven " You didn't fuck him?" "Emery!" I gasped shocked that she would ask such a thing. "What?" "It wasn't like that." I said sipping on my coke "Sure it was. I would have." I could hear Emery through the phone rattling pots and pans in her kitchen. Attempting to cook. "Yeah right." "So how was it?" "It was fantastic." "I can only imagine." "So that's it then? You made your choice?" "It's complicated." "How so?" asked Emery genuinely interested. "Christopher left about a week ago...he's in Washington. Honestly I don't know what's going on with us. I told him I loved him...we haven't spoken since" "You did WHAT?"

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"I dunno. Maybe I got carried away?" "Well do you love him?" "I think I do?" "What's to think? Either you do or you don't." "I told you it's complicated." I laughed rolling a dread in the palm of my hand "Rubbish!" said Emery getting agitated with me. "I think you know very well who you love and who you don't." "Love...love...love. All this talk about love is driving me insane." I said shaking my head in despair. "It's far too soon for love. I mean, I just met Jason....and well Christopher...How can I be sure it's not just deep affection? We've ben friends way too long...I can't even tell the difference." "Poor Keira .... what's a girl to do?" Emery said mocking me. "You're right. I'm being melodramatic." "You don't say." "You're young .. have fun. Screw the consequences. That's what I always say." "I'm inclined to agree" I said with resolve. "Being in love or not being love with two guys....seriously not the end of the world." Emery laughed and I joined in. It was good talking to my best friend. She always gave me much needed insight. I realized I needed to chill. I was freaking out for no reason. Things would happen as they may. As I was hanging up the phone I heard Alastair's keys rattling in the door. Alastair had started the Music program on Monday and he seemed to be enjoying it rather well..especially for someone who had seemed less than enthusiastic about it from the beginning. "Hey Sis," Alastair said as he threw his keys on the table with a jingle. I was surprised to see that he wasn't alone. Standing before me was a tall, attractive Asian dude with shaggy hair. He appeared to be of Korean decent and was rocked out in black: tight jeans .. eyeliner, fingernail polish, spiky belt and all. I was immediately impressed by his style.

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"This is Gabriel Lee." said Alastair gesturing towards his friend. He was standing beside Alastair rather cockily....his head tilted at an angle, one thumb looped under his belt. He held a large guitar case in his other hand. "Hi Gabriel. I'm Keira" I said offering my hand. Which Gabriel took with a smile. I smiled back at him "Nice to meet you." "Same here." he said with a shiny glimmer in his black eyes "We have to compose a song for class" Alastair said rather quickly. I gave him the once over. If I hadn't known any better I would have said he was some what embarrassed. "Cool." I said shoving my hands in my back pocket. "You guys hungry?" "No we just ate," said Alastair, his voice an octave higher than usual. Gabriel nodded in agreement. A sly grin on his lips. I couldn't help but wonder what joke I was missing out on. "We're just going to go upstairs and get started...if that's cool?" "Oh yeah, of course" I said with a wave of my hands. It was good to see Alastair making new friends. I watched as they both made their way up the stairs into Alastair's room. I scratched my head and pondered what kind of music they would be making together. Interesting combination, I reflected as I pulled my cell from my pocket and began to text Jason. What's up for tonight? Just as I placed the cell phone back into my pocket it began to buzz. I jumped back, startled, even though I knew I should have been expecting it. I laughed at my utter dorkiness. I'm picking U up at 8. B Ready. There's a surprise... The first thing I though was "Oh, Shit!" Jason and his surprises. I didn't know how to dress for them. I was happy to be seeing him though. We hadn't had much alone time since our night together. I felt bad for leaving Alastair in the house alone his second night back so we had spent some much needed quality together the last few days goofing off and being silly at the beach. I also took Alastair to the San Diego Zoo. We both used to love going as kids. Mom would take us...we would pig

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out on the over priced concession stand food and gawk at the animals. I always enjoyed seeing the snakes...Alastair liked the Giraffes. Our mother loved the pandas. Jason had been busy so everything just sort of fell into place. Jason managed almost always to join us for at least one meal a day. I was getting used to his cooking for me and had come to expect it...as was Alastair. I wandered upstairs in search of something to wear. I rolled my eyes. This was going to be fun. I peaked in on Alastair and Gabriel .. their Jam session was in full swing. Gabriel was strumming his guitar and Alastair had pen and paper in hand. He appeared to be deep in thought searching for words. I smiled and left quickly as to not disturb them. I cringed as I opened the door to my room. It was a mess. I resolved to clean up after my date with Jason. I was hoping he would never have to witness the atrocity that spilled out before me. The thought crossed my mind that Jason may actually want to come upstairs at some point so I picked up a few articles of clothing from the floor and put them in the bathroom hamper. Better. I quickly made my bed and shoved the drawers on my dresser closed making sure everything appeared tidy. It wasn't perfect but it would do. I ventured into my closet. I decided to wear a puff sleeved dress that was striped and a bit frilly at the bottom. It was fun, flirty and perfect. I had a red belt to go over it and red sandals. I had picked up in a thrift shop. I took a quick shower and dressed just as fast. I decided to let my hair out and just let it cascade down into whatever fashion it pleased. I always felt my hair looked best when I just let it do it's own thing. "How do I look?" I said popping in on Alastair and Gabriel. "Wow, you look great" said Alastair without the hint of sarcasm that I had become accustomed to. "Really?" I said my face breaking out in a huge smile. "Really." he said nodding. "Yay!" I jumped up and squealed. "I like this look on you...very becoming" Gabriel said in agreement "Thanks guys" I said twisting my dress around like a little girl.

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Alastair laughed at my silliness. "How's the song coming along?" I asked as I plopped down beside him on the bed. "It's actually going good...wanna hear it?" "Sure." "It's called "Why don't we levitate?" It's just the chorus so far" Alastair gave Gabriel a nod and Gabriel began to play his guitar. The open riff was mid tempo and mellow...almost soulful. I smiled at Gabriel as he played...shocked at how skillful he was. I bopped my head along with the beat. Alastair began to sing, his voice velvety smooth. Why don't we levitate Girl Rise & Fly in the Sky Let's Levitate Girl then you can be mine Why don't we levitate Girl Rise & Fly in the Sky Let's Levitate Girl then you can be mine I began to harmonize along with Alastair. Alastair was a much better singer than I, but I still managed to hold my own. We used to sing together in choir at church, but I had long ago stopped going. Sometimes I felt as though God had given up on me. Gabriel finished the song with a bang...rocking out. I was truly amazed. "That was awesome." I said taken aback. "It's just the chorus..." "Even so it's fabulous" I turned my attention towards Gabriel "Dude, you play a mean guitar."

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"Thank you." he said evenly. I wondered if he was always this cool. "I have faith in you guys. " I said vigorously rubbing the top of Alastair's head. "I have a date, so don't wait up" I was at the door almost into the hallway. "There's money in the cookie jar, if you guys get hungry..." "Cool, thanks Keira." "Nice to meet you Gabriel" "Same here." he said with a quick wave I was on the stairs when the doorbell rang. Jason's timing was impeccable. I rushed to the door and greeted him with a kiss. "You look beautiful." He whispered in my ear "Thanks," I said and we kissed again. "So what's the surprise?" "You're just have to know don't you," he said laughing I nodded unable to contain my excitement "We are having dinner with an old friend of mine...I think I mentioned him before. Danny." "Your old roommate?" I asked. "Yes, that's him" "I thought you guys had a falling out.." "We did of sorts..but it's all water under the bridge now. We're two different people, you know." There was a twinkle in Jason's eye that hadn't been there before. I could see this meeting meant a lot to him and I wanted to make him happy. I summoned up a smile that I am sure didn't reach my eyes. I didn't know why but I felt a twinge of doom. I called up to Alastair and Gabriel to let them know we were leaving. "You guys have fun." shouted Alastair from above. 54

Once inside the car I asked Jason where we were going. "It's a little Thai place in Hillcrest, I'm sure you'll love it. Have you ever had Thai? "No... I don't think so." "Don't worry babe. Do you like spicy food?" "Umm," I was embarrassed by my lack of threshold for spicy seasoning. Jason chuckled "It'll be fine Keira. I promise you." "I trust you." "I know you do" The restaurant was simple in decor but inviting. The lights were dim and intoxicating smells wafted from the kitchen. My mouth begin to water as I imagined the dishes that could be created from such divine aromas. Jason held my hand tightly as the hostess guided us to a table where a strikingly handsome blonde man and an equally attractive brunette woman already sat. The blonde, Danny stood and pulled Jason into a huge hug. "Man, I am so glad you came." Jason generously patted Danny on the back before turning his attention back to me. Jason's entire face lit up. "This is my girlfriend Keira Ryan." My mouth flew open briefly at the use of the world girlfriend. It seemed we were official. I nervously reached up and touched my hair. "You must be Danny" I said reaching out to shake his hand Danny sidestepped my hand and gave me a gentle squeeze taking me completely off guard. I wondered if all southerners were so friendly. I squeezed back 55

"The one and only" Danny said. "This is my wife Allison" he said. Allison stood revealing a giant pregnant belly. She had a glow about her but her eyes looked very tired. I could only imagine the strain on her body. We also hugged briefly. Allison's hair smelled like Jasmine. "When are you due?" I asked. She laughed as her hands went over her belly. "Two weeks. I don't think I can hold out until then. I'm so ready to pop." "I bet you are so excited" "We are very excited. I can't wait to get these babies out of me. We're having twins" "Twins?" My eyes grew big "Wow! Congratulations" "Ask me how lucky I feel in about 3 weeks" Alison said. We both laughed. I felt at ease We all took our seats and the waitress came and took our drink orders. Jason and Danny began to tell childhood stories. Both Allison and I were enthralled. "Julie wanted me to tell you hello. I told her I ran into you the other day" "Wow? How's she doing? I haven't spoken to her in years...since." Jason voice trailed off. "Since she left." "She doing fine. She's back in San Diego now. You know how Julie is. My sister can never make up her mind about anything." "I didn't know she was back in town. That's cool. Tell her I said hello, too." "Will do." said Danny The evening was winding down. Jason and I said our good-byes to Danny and Allison. Allison and I kissed each other on the cheek. She made us promise to come visit after the babies were born.

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"Who's Julie?" I asked. We were on our way to Jason's house. The windows were down and the wind blew through my hair. "Danny's twin sister." "I guess twins run in the family." "I know she's Danny's sister but , I mean was there something between you two?" I asked my voice cracking at the end. "We were together. briefly. It was complicated." "Complicated how?" "Keira it happened so long ago. It doesn't even matter." "It matters to me." "Why." "I don't know. Something in your voice when you were talking about her." "We dated. It ended badly. End of story." "Did you love her." "Doesn't matter." "Why doesn't it?" "Because I love you." My heart skipped a beat. "You love me?" I stammered. "Is that surprising?" "Yes...I mean we barely know each other." "So?" "So how is that possible?" 57

"How is anything possible Keira?" His eyes shifted to the floor. "look it's okay if you don't feel the same way. I shouldn't have said anything." "I didn't say that!" "So then what are you saying?" "I'm saying as crazy as this all sounds..that I love you too." "You love me?" he gasped mocking me "Shut up Jason!" "Only if you want me too" He smiled then kissed me slowly. End.

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This is a legally distributed free edition from www.obooko.com The authors intellectual property rights are protected by international Copyright law. You are licensed to use this digital copy strictly for your personal enjoyment only: it must not be redistributed commercially or offered for sale in any form.