YOU might be a nurse if 1.

. The front of your scrubs reads Nurses here to save your ass, not kiss it! 2. You occasionally park in the space with the physicians only sign and knock it over. 3. 4. 5. 6. You You You You believe some patients are alive only because its illegal to kill them. recognize that you cant cure stupid. own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them. believe theres a special place in hell for the inventor of the call light.

7. You believe that saying it cant get any worse causes it to get worse just to show you it can. 8. You wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom. 9. You believe that any job where you can drive to work in your pajamas is a cool one. 10. You consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil. 11. Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural. 12. Youve been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider it a form of birth control. 13. Youve ever heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring, and twelve earrings say Im afraid of shots. 14. Youve ever placed a bet on someones blood alcohol level. 15. Youve told a confused patient that your name is that of a coworker and to call if they need help. 16. Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebagos water tank. 17. You have seen more penises than any prostitute could dream of. 18. You believe that not all patients are annoying some are unconscious. 19. Your family and friends refuse to watch medical sitcoms with you because you spend the whole time correcting everyone and pointing out upside down x-rays. 20. You dont get excited about blood, unless its your own. 21. Youve sworn to have do not resuscitate tattooed on your chest. Soon. 22. Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal is perfectly normal to you. 23. Your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat. 24. Your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change. 25. You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac. 26. You believe that shallow gene pool should be a recognized diagnosis. 27. You believe that the government should require permits to reproduce. 28. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone who utters the phrase Wow, its really quiet, isnt it? 29. You have ever wanted to write a book entitled Suicide: getting it right the first time.

30. You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say I have no idea how that got stuck in there. 31. Youve had to leave a patients room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.

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