Overcoming Shyness

Posted on October 9, 2007 by Editor in Chief, Pick The Brain | CATEGORIES: motivation, popular, productivity tips, psychology, self improvement

All my life Ive been an inwardly directed person. While some people like to think out loud, I prefer to process the world internally, answer my own questions, and come to a conclusion before speaking up.

This personality trait has benefits and drawbacks. On the positive side, its a source of strength as a writer and analytical thinker. Without it I wouldnt have taken an int erest in books/writing and this site wouldnt exist. On the downside, my tendency to keep everything inside is responsible for one of my major weaknesses shyness.

Understanding Shyness Shyness is rooted in fear an irrational fear of speaking up and being humiliated or ignored. Why are some people so afraid of speaking out? In my mind the main causes are oversensitivity and insecurity. When you associate speaking out with pain and embarrassment, youll do almost anything to avoid it.

Unfortunately, shyness is an enormous detriment to success. For people who share this problem, its important to understand the causes and work towards overcoming it.

Its Not You Its Them For naturally quiet people, the fear of speaking can arise from a few bad experiences, especially at an early age. When an adult reacts angrily or dismissively to an attempt at self expression, its natural to take it personally and shy away from future expression. Even if this only happens once or twice, people tend to exaggerate these incidents until they become mental monsters. Growing up, it took me a long time to realize how self centered people are. The way someone reacts to something you say usually has nothing to do with youits more likely a reflection of the mood theyre in or a recent event in their life.

A key to overcoming shyness is recognizing these perceived slights for what they are meaningless. When someone reacts to you negatively, dont take it personally. Imagine the other persons perspective. Is there something that may have put them in a bad mood? Are they

trying to cover up their own inadequacy? Considering the perspective of the other person makes it easier to put their reaction in the proper context.

Its also essential to let go of bad experiences. When you dwell on a bad experience, it grows into something much more frightening than reality. Dont do this to yourself! The more you think about a bad experience the more power you give it. Dont blame yourself. Think about something constructive. The more you can fill your mind with positive memories of speaking up the easier it gets.

Other People Arent So Different Another important step in overcoming shyness is realizing that other people are basically the same as you. Everyone is insecure and afraid of embarrassment. Other people usually arent as smart as you think. If you have a question, chances are someone else is wondering about the same thing.

Dont let one or two bad experiences dictate your entire opinion of humanity. By and large, people are friendly and interested in connecting with others. Theyll respond favorably to your attempts at communicating. In most cases, people will be thrilled that you took the initiative to break the ice.

Realizing Self Worth The second cause of shyness is insecurity. If you dont think you have anything valuable to contribute, whats the point of risking embarrassment?

To get over this you need to recognize the merit of your own thoughts and the value they present to others. Its ironic that the people most inclined towards shyness are often the most thoughtful. To reach your potential, you need to share yourself with the world. Your brilliant insights dont hold any value until theyve enlightened someone else.

The best way to get accustomed to sharing is practice. Force yourself to speak up, especially when you dont want to. Sit in the front of the room and make yourself visible. Understand that sharing your insights with people is doing them a favor. Once you get used to opening up, youll notice how positively people react. This will build your self confidence and faith in the goodwill of others.

The Duty to Contribute Overcoming shyness isnt just something you should do for yourself, its also part of being a contributing member of society. When you have a thought or idea that deserves to be heard, youre not only hurting yourself by keeping quiet, youre hurting the people around you.

A basketball coach once explained to me how passing can selfish. If a player has an open shot that she can make, and she decides to pass instead, that player is being selfish and hurting the team. When you pass up the chance to excel because of shyness or the fear of failure, youre hurting the group to shelter yourself.

Other people need you. They need your intelligence and insight. They need your help to work through problems. By hiding behind shyness, you limit the help you can give to your friends, family members, and colleagues.

A college professor of mine used to make a big deal about overcoming shyness. He called it a, silly, foolish habit, and said, the sooner you can break it the better. Shyness doesnt benefit anyone. Saving yourself a little embarrassment doesnt amount to much in the long run. By overcoming shyness, you give yourself the chance to be recognized and promoted. You create opportunities and open yourself up to forming meaningful relationships.

Dont keep your talent inside, share at every opportunity so it can grow and flourish.

Read more at http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/overcoming-shyness/#H2pq1tOfiw8kBbKp.99

The selfie syndrome

The selfie syndrome is something all of us (or at least the ones active on social media websites) have witnessed first-hand. Selfies have quickly become an obsession, and even celebrities are getting in on it. What Are Selfies?

Some might see the need to clarify, so lets go ahead and do that first. After all, selfie is now a word in the Oxford English Dictionary, and was even the word of the year for 2013. A selfie is a self-portrait photograph, typically taken using a handheld camera of some sort and then uploaded to a social media website. You May Have Selfie Syndrome Too

Unlike other conditions with the word syndrome attached to them, selfie syndrome is easy to spot. Constantly taking selfies can flood your friends newsfeeds, but the real problem is how it might affect you. Psychologists have identified selfies as a way for people to seek validation. Teens and adults alike use selfies to reach out to the masses and get their approval. But this can turn ugly when it leads to cyber-bullying, or even when you get too much positive validation as it can result in unhealthy self-obsession. The Link Between Selfies And Narcissism Being preoccupied with yourself isnt a psychological condition per se. But its important to identify whether or not youre becoming more narcissistic than youd like to be. Taking too many selfies is a sign of narcissism and can also lead to you replacing real life interactions with those on social media. And narcissistic personality disorder is the next stage of narcissism, where seeking gratification can start becoming more of an obsession than an occasional indulgence. Are you a victim of selfie syndrome too? Maybe its time to put down your smartphone and appreciate the real world What is Narcissism? Narcissistic personality disorder involves a preoccupation with self and how one is perceived by others. Narcissists pursue gratification from vanity and the admiration of their own physical and intellectual attributes. Signs of narcissism: Unilateral listening Instead of listening in order to respond, narcissists listen in order to dismiss, negate, ignore, minimize or otherwise make someone elses concerns irrelevant Preoccupied with self

 Narcissists act selfishly and, even if being generous, are generally only responsive to their own concerns Being above the rules Narcissists feel that they are above others and that the rules dont apply to them Inability to take criticism While narcissists have an inflated idea of their own importance, they can be quickly deflated by negative criticism Refusal to take responsibility Narcissists have a tendency to blame others for things that go wrong Quick to anger Narcissists may become easily angered by critical comments or being ordered what to do Negative Effects of Social media: According to research from California State University: Excessive use of social networking may be connected to psychiatric problems Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Depression Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Narcissistic Personality Disorder Hypochondriasis Schizoaffective and Schizotypal Disorders Body Dysmorphia Voyeurism Addiction The Effects of Popular Platforms: Facebook- The Social Mirror People who use Facebook the most tend to have more narcissistic or insecure personalities Those with higher narcissism scores were frequently updating statuses, posting pictures of themselves and using quotes or mottos to glorify themselves Based on a study of Facebook users ages 18-25 using the Narcissism Personality Inventory and Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale.

 A 2012 survey of divorce lawyers showed that Facebook had been implicated in of all divorce filings the previous year Twitter- The Social Megaphone In a University of Michigan study of college undergraduates, it was found that those who scored higher in narcissism also posted more often on Twitter Young people are using Twitter to broaden social circles and broadcast views. This usage leads people to over evaluate the importance of their opinions Is narcissism an inevitable reaction to our social culture? http://www.hashslush.com/selfie-syndrome/