Chapter 26 – How to Get Politicians to Listen 101

You know that evening news shot of Congress? The one where the congressmen

sit in a semicircle of wooden desks, all nice and orderly, democrats on one side,

republicans on the other, and they all listen to someone talk on the floor in front of

everyone? Yeah, the day we went in, it looked nothing like that.

The politicians were scrambling about, climbing over chairs, tables and each

other, all trying to find an exit or a place to hide. There were a few agents trying to

maintain order, but their guns came out once they saw us. A few politicians shrieked like

schoolgirls. Others tried to run for the door.

“Relax, everyone, I’m not here to hurt you.” Dave spoke a little louder than

usual, loud enough that it seemed like everyone in the room could hear him clearly

through despite the clatter. “Take your seats, you don’t want to miss the show.”

The politicians still looked clueless, and a lot of them blocked our path down to

the floor. This didn’t stop Dave. He floated up in the air, right over everyone and

shouted down, “My friends, bureaucrats, politicians in bed with special interests or

banging interns, lend me your ears and your eyes. I am here to demonstrate to you the

power of the new evolution. Magic. You can deny the stories, you can squash the

reports, but you can’t forget what you see. There is no trick. You know your secret

service boys, and boy are there a lot of them in here right now. You know your building

that my little bro here nicely chopped up for you. Now, I’ve got a trick for you. I am Mr.

Go.”
 My brother’s grandstanding got them all to stop and stare up at him. Thing is,

politicians really don’t like anyone taking the stage from them, especially in their own

house, especially when they suddenly had a hundred agents rushing in with machine guns

backing them up. They started screaming at my brother. “Get him out of here!” “What

gives you the right to speak to us like this?” “Liar! Terrorist!” “Use whatever force you

need to remove that man!”

Dave raised his hands and took in the sounds. Then he flew, or maybe teleported,

down to the floor. I say that because he moved faster than we could see. “Thank you for

your cheers, for you will see something truly amazing. Now, you may have heard the

stories, about how I escaped from your best supermax prison. Or maybe how I started a

fight or two in the hole?

They’re all true.

But today’s trick has nothing to do with escapes or fighting. Today, I will cheat

death. Watch as I heal my own wounds and pull my own body back together. Shudder

as you see my corpse fall, only to rise once again.

You might ask yourself, is this real? Can this be true? It’s every bit as real as

the money you just pocketed yesterday.

You might wonder if this hurts? It hurts as bad as it looks. This is real, baby.

This is a live show.”

By now, the agents surrounded my brother on the floor. They kept their distance

from me. Not that I blame them. Still, I was in no mood to fight. I leaned back against a

barrier and waved them on.

 “Thank you, we have a volunteer.” Dave was pointing at the captain of the

agents, currently pointing his pistol right at Dave’s head. “You, my friend, will assist me

with this demonstration. Now, tell me, what is your name?”

“Shut up, asshole! You’re under arrest. Turn around and put your hands in the

air.”

“Very well, Mr. Asshole, now let me tell you what to do. I’m giving you five free

shots at me. Not one, not two, but five. Take anything you want. Nine millimeter to the

head? Sure! Shotgun blast? Go for it! Be creative. If you decide you’ve had enough,

feel free to stop, but remember, I’m being fair. I figure that if you imbeciles haven’t

figured it out after five shots, then there’s really no point continuing, and maybe we need

to heat things up in here a little.”

No one moved. None of the agents or politicians really knew what to do, but

nobody wanted to miss the show either.

“Come, Mr. Asshole, you may have the first shot.” Dave moved right in front of

the captain. “Come on, let’s get this show on the road.” He then reached out and

grabbed the captain’s gun. It was probably a reflex to someone grabbing his gun, but the

captain fired.

BOOM

Blood sprayed out the back of Dave’s head and he slumped to the ground.

He sure looked dead.

But a few seconds later, his body started moving. A few seconds after that, he sat

up. Then, wiping his head on his sleeve, he stood up and looked pretty much ok, well,
maybe just a little bloody. He bowed and said, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Who’s next. Who wants the next shot?”

BOOM A shotgun blast nailed him in the gut, slamming him against the wall. He

looked dead, but just like the last time, he stood up, cleaned himself up as best as he

could, and bowed. “Yo, I’m getting kind of messy here. Anyone got a towel?”

That’s when an agent snapped. He screamed and rushed my brother. He started

beating Dave over the head with his baton, over and over, smashing and swinging, until

the baton bent and he could hit no more. He glared down at Dave, hands bleeding from

the impact, teeth clenched and breath racing. It made no difference. Dave got up and

smiled.

“I’m not going to bother cleaning myself off, I don’t think there’s anything clean

on me anymore. But I’ll just count that as one. Two more, anything else? Anymore?”

I thought I heard some buzzing in the crowd about an airstrike, but then a voice

from the back of the room filled the hall. “That’s enough.” It was a familiar voice to all

of us. It was the President. “I think we all believe you now, so why don’t we go

somewhere and talk, unless of course there are any objections.”

None of the other politicians had much to say. Dave started strutting up toward

the exit, walking all cocky and stuff. That’s when a blast of fire knocked him off his feet

and left him looking like an ashy lump of coal.

I’ll have to claim responsibility for this one.

Yeah, I shot my brother, but he got up. It took a little longer for him to fix

himself, and he was like butt naked, so everyone got a good laugh at his expense. He
deserved it after all the crap he put me through, especially dragging me across the country

just to use me as a little extra muscle to pressure Congress.

During the walk across the mall, Dave asked me why I shot him. I said it’s

because he’s a cocky jackass. He said, “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

A few minutes later, I sat in the Oval Office with my brother and the President.

He looked quite presidential, just like on TV. Dave looked like an idiot in his US Capitol

t-shirt and sweats, but otherwise looked pretty clean. There wasn’t a scratch on him. I

still looked like hell.

The President nodded to his Secret Service Agents and didn’t seem the least bit

concerned. I can’t say the same for the agents. “Are you sure, sir? We can stand here

and watch.”

“No, please go outside. I’ll be fine.”

“Alright, but we’ll be right outside. If anything happens…”

“Go. Now.”

Oddly enough, the President didn’t seem the least bit surprised by my appearance.

He looked me over and did the same to my brother. Something about that look set me on

my heels. I’m not sure if it was magic, or maybe that’s just what happens when you meet

the president.

After the uncomfortable moment, he spoke. “You wanted my attention. That’s

the only reason for you pulling a stunt like that, so here I am. What do you have to say?”

Before Dave could say anything, I jumped in. “I got a few questions for you.

What the hell is going on with Astrial and all that shit?”
 “Astrial is our agency to regulate magicians such as yourself. Especially after

your antics today, I doubt you have any evidence to argue otherwise.”

“But you were working with Maharin.”

“You mean Dr. John Maharin? I believe you killed him yesterday.”

“You were working with Maharin, the man who was trying to take over, trying

turn me into his zombie, the man who killed and injured my friends, the man who’s made

my life hell.”

“Yes, that’s correct.”

I think I paused a moment to seethe. Then the words just poured out. “You must

have known that he was just advancing his own agenda. How couldn’t you tell that he

was just tricking you into funding his own drive to become the leader of all things

magical, if not the whole country? Why did you give him all that power and authority?

What the hell were you thinking?”

“That’s quite a bit to respond to, but to address your first question, yes, of course

we knew.”

“Then, why.. why did you let him continue?”

“To be honest, Dr. Shao, if you look at most of the government’s dealings,

especially with foreign entities, you’ll find cooperation with people who are only out for

their own interests, so this isn’t anything new for my administration. As to why we

worked with him, we needed a way to manage the magical growth of our nation. He

tracked each one of the most powerful magicians in the country, including yourself. This

will always be important information for us, so we had to get it no matter what the cost.
But we also knew the nature of our associate. There were always protocols and means to

control him if necessary.”

“What exactly are means to control him if necessary?”

The President sat up straight in his chair. “You seem to have controlled his

aggressions quite well. I don’t think I need to explain this any further.”

He was right, and I had nothing more to say. What could I do, yell at him? He

knew exactly what he was doing, why he was doing it, and maybe I could disagree with

him, but he had his reasons.

Dave, on the other hand, was just getting warmed up. “You’re talking about

means of controlling your cohorts, but what about those beyond control?”

“Well, Mr. Go, I believe that’s what you prefer to be called, I suppose you’re

speaking of yourself now.”

“That’s right, and my bro, of course. Now, you just saw with your own eyes that

you can’t kill us. Law and order depends on a deterrent to exact control. That usually

means jail or getting shot. Well, you’ve tried both and you saw what happened. That

means you can’t control us. Hell, you’ll can’t even touch us. So what are you going to

do?”

“Excuse me?”

“What are you going to do? You’re in a room with two gods amongst men. You

can chuck every bullet, missile, or bomb at us, and it’ll just piss us off. We’re still

coming to kick your butt. What are you going to do?”

 My brother’s words surprised me, but not as much as the lack of reaction from the

president. He sat motionless for a moment. Then when he spoke, he just had this to say.

“Mr. Go, what are you going to do?”

“Uh. Um. Excuse me?”

“Yes, Mr. Go. What are you going to do to America?”

Yeah, my brother didn’t expect this. For the first time in a long time, he didn’t

have a smart-ass reply or cocky insult.

The president stood up and stared my brother down. “I’ll ask you again. What

are you going to do? Are you going to attack America? Fight against every citizen

unless we bow down to you? Well, come on. Bring it. Kick our ass. Destroy every

tank, every soldier, on every single block, in every single city across the land. Go ahead.

We can’t stop you, can we? Why don’t you destroy us?

That’s right. Because you still need someplace to live. If you trash America, then

what? Move to London? Sydney? It’ll only be a matter of time before you piss them

off, they rise up against you, and then you have to beat them all down, just like us, all

over again. And that will keep going on until you’ve destroyed every city in every little

corner of our globe.

Then what? Where will you live? You might be able to blow us back to the stone

age, but then you’ll be stuck in the stone age as well. You don’t seem the type who lives

in a cave and eats crickets.

You want your luxury hotel. You want a 72-inch flat screen HDTV in front of

your leather couch. You want gourmet meals, single-malt shots, thousand dollar bottles,

all the shit this world can pack together. And if you kick our asses, it’ll all be gone.
 Don’t think the people won’t fight you. People have been fighting occupation

forces for all your years, and even your grand-daddy’s. They don’t care if there’s no

chance at survival. They’ll blow up their own ass just to piss you off. Bet that’ll be a lot

of fun for you.

So, come on. Kill me. I’m the President of the United States. Kill me! You’ve

got the power, go ahead.

But oh, you won’t. You’ve got something to live for, and the second you cross

that line, you can kiss those posh dreams of yours goodbye.

Your brother gets this.”

I looked at the President and my brother. I didn’t really respond, but it was true.

I’d rather have my life back and be done with all of this than burn down the White

House.

Dave backed down. “Ok, let’s talk.”

The President sat down and straightened out his suit. “Excellent. We’re both

reasonable men. What would you like?”

I jumped in first. “I need my house back. I need my job back, and I need all this

extra paperwork over. I’m here to treat patients, not fill out forms. I need the reactor, I

need all your agents off my ass, and I need this no questions asked.”

“Done. Anything else?”

I didn’t have anything. I think I was just too shocked to say anything. Actually,

what could I say? That I hated all he’d done to me, that he could have done this long ago

but didn’t? Even if I blew up at him again, the conversation would have gone like this.

“You knew all the time? You must have known. Maharin and Astrial are you stooges,
and if I was in all your hearings, I must have also been in your briefings. You put me

through hell, but you just wave your magic wand and everything’s kosher?”

And then he’d say, “Yes, that’s right.”

Maybe I should have said it anyway, but I knew. Somehow. Still, after all the

hell I’d gone through, could it be as easy as that, just a simple executive order?

Yeah, it was. They’ve never troubled me again, but I guess there’s a reason for

that.

Dave took his time before saying, “I’ve got a few things. I need my lab back,

my… oh, both of our records clean. I want to keep my cash, though you wouldn’t find it

anyway, and, uh…” He paused, not sure of what else to ask for.

The President took out a folder that read, “Astrial. For your eyes only.” He slid it

to my brother and said, “I think I have something that’ll take care of all your needs. This

briefing is for the director of Astrial. That means, the big boss. The director controls a

500 billion dollar budget, with plenty more in reserves, just come up with a reason. He

also gets immunity from darn near anything short of high-treason. He can set up

whatever research or investigation he deems necessary, as well as deputize whomever he

wants. He also sets his salary, as well as that of his highest lieutenants.

This is for you, Mr. Go. If you accept this position, it will fill all of our needs, as

well as yours.”

“Who was the previous head? And what are your needs?” I still felt skeptical.

“I think you’ve met our previous head, but he’s been permanently removed from

his position. As far as our needs, it’s simple. We cannot allow unregulated growth of

magic in this nation. We cannot stop it or control many things in this world, but with the
use of regulations and their enforcement, we find that the population falls into line. In

this case, who better to set policy and enforce than the most powerful magician around?”

“You think he’s the most powerful?”

“I don’t seem to be able to kill your brother, do I? And oh, we’ll need you on as

well. We need to tell the world that we have both Mr. Go and the Spellcaster working for

us. Thanks to your display of power, the world believes that you’re the most powerful

magician around. Personally, I don’t really care. But the press will.”

“Why would I ever want to work for you? Do you know what kind of shit you

put me through? Am I supposed to just forget all that, shake hands, and sing kum-bay-

yah? And, oh yeah, you’re nuts if you think I’m going to be Maharin’s replacement. I’m

not going anywhere near those jerks working your shops.”

“That’s right,” said my brother. “I’m Maharin’s replacement, and I accept. I

expect regular briefings, and will provide you with the same.”

The President didn’t seem surprised. “Details are inside that folder. Welcome

aboard.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. “Wait, I’m not working for you.”

“Yes you are,” screamed Dave. He calmed down and said, “Well, not really

working since I’m not going to make you do anything. That’s cool, right?”

The President nodded. “You’re in charge.”

Dave grabbed me and the folder and dragged us to the door. “Thank you, Mr.

President. I’ll be in touch.”

“That you will. But set up an appointment. Not that it’ll kill you, but the secret

service might give you some trouble if you just pop in. Why am I telling you this? You
should remember from all the times they whisked me away from you. I’d rather not have

that happen anymore.”

“Not a problem. Thank you, Mr. President.” Dave pulled me out the door and

slammed it behind us.

And just like that, the government gained control over magic. Or maybe they just

held onto the same control they always had. I don’t know.