Buttons in the 21st Century: A Retrospective

Jesse Andersen

Technology in the early 21st Century revolved around Magic Buttons'. The buttons werent actually magical, but they felt that way to the people. When pressed, the buttons provided a reward. Different buttons gave differently. Some buttons summoned transportation. Other buttons provided food. One button summoned a servant who would perform any task desired. There were buttons that could conjure any book, song, movie, TV show, written material, or other recorded information, instantly. Buttons existed for a myriad of desires, large and small. One particularly unique button brought forth a man in a bunny suit who would tickle the presser to their hearts content. It was the golden age of button pressing. Of course, the buttons werent free. Every button had its price. Empires were built and destroyed by the pressing of buttons. The best minds of the time devoted their energy inventing new buttons and new uses for buttons. The most powerful corporations controlled the most popular buttons. The stock market itself was bought and sold through the pressing of buttons. Humanitys course was enacted through the incomprehensible combination of trillions of button presses. Buttons acted as an abstraction. Instead of people doing, buttons did. Before long, there were buttons that pressed other buttons. It became difficult to understand why buttons were being pressed or what their reward would be, but people pressed on. Next came the invention of the selfpressing button. At this, the situation began to rapidly deteriorate. The world was able to function without humans. Buttons pressed themselves. Buttons pressed other buttons. Button pressers were no longer required. Life went on, but without the need for humanitys direct participation. Consider the story of Jonathan Doe: an unfortunately named but totally real person who definitely did exist. Mr. Does prime adult years coincided with the rise of the Magic Buttons. Mr. Doe was a car insurance salesman with a penchant for Chinese takeout food. Before buttons, Doe stopped by Delicious Dragon 2 every Wednesday night on his way home from work. On his drive there, his anticipation for the food grew to overshadow any anxiety that had built up throughout his work day. Behind the counter, a beautiful dark haired woman took his order. Jonathan Doe loved this woman. He loved her as much as any man can love a woman with dark hair whose only interaction with said man is standing behind a counter and taking his order. Doe loved the experience. He loved the reading of the menu, the talking to the pretty dark haired woman, the smell of the food, the pang of sadness as he left the shop and woman but the accompanying excitement on the race home to consume his acquired food. This was the experience of Jonathan Doe on Wednesday nights. On July 9th, 2014, Doe was working late to resolve issues for an important client. The work delayed his normal Wednesday night routine. Toiling at his desk late into the night, Doe gave in to the cries of his empty stomach and decided to try a new button he had read about. The makers of the button claimed it could bring food from Delicious Dragon 2 directly to Doe's location within 30 minutes or less. Doe pressed it. The button worked. The food was delicious. Doe was satiated. Next week, Doe drove to the shop as per his usual Wednesday night routine. As he left with food

in-hand and drove home, it occurred to Doe that he could save time every week if he used the button. Why do I drive 20 minutes out of my way when the food could just meet me at home? he thought. The following week, Doe used the button. For months, this became his new routine. But, after time, Doe realized he missed his old routine. He missed the drive. He missed the dark haired woman. He missed the reading of the menu and the talking to order. He decided that next week, screw the button, he was going back to his old ways. Immediately upon entering Delicious Dragon 2 after months absent, Doe could tell something had changed. The dark haired woman was missing. In her place was a panel of buttons - one button per item on the menu. Doe called out Hello? to anyone who might hear back behind the counter, but received no response. Disappointed, he pressed the button for Commander Zhangs Extra Crispy Spicy 'n Sweet Teriyaki BBQ Chicken, swiped his credit card, waited 5 minutes, received his food through a system of conveyor belts, and left. Ten years later came the invention of the self-driving car. With a single button press, a car would arrive to shuttle the button presser anywhere, anytime. Self-driving cars were nearly perfect and rarely made mistakes. Consumers adopted them en masse. Auto accidents became a freak occurrence. The need for car insurance salesmen was in sharp decline. Jonathan Doe lost his job. With no job and no dark haired woman, Doe had little else to do with his time than press buttons. He pressed the buttons that were supposed to make him happy, but the happiness was not forthcoming. He pressed the buttons that were supposed to entertain, but he could not be entertained. Doe found little meaning in the pressing of buttons and the results they achieved. He grew tired of pressing buttons but had become dependent on them for food, transportation, and even shelter. To escape the required daily button pressings that were necessary to live a normal modern life, Doe built a button that would press buttons for him. And to press that button, he jerry-rigged a bouncing childrens toy to smush said button at regular intervals ad infinitum. Doe no longer had to decide what to eat, when or where to go, or what to communicate to other button pressers; it was all automated. To most outward appearances, Does life seemed to be functioning normally. His food arrived when it should. His status updates were posted on time. A car arrived at his home Monday through Friday at 8am and returned at 6pm. His life went on like clockwork. The only piece missing was Doe himself. Doe was nowhere to be seen. After automating his life, Doe had simply walked away from it all. His family didnt discover his absence until 3 years later when the death of a sibling and Jonathan's ensuing non-presence at said sibling's funeral raised alarm. The Doe Family pressed the required buttons to try and locate Jonathan, but to no avail. He was never seen nor heard from again. Jonathan Doe was a pioneer, but his story is not unique. Many followed in his steps. After his disappearance was discovered, a local news agency published the peculiar details and their report quickly went viral. Sales of bouncing childrens toys skyrocketed. 2029 was Big Boy Bounce Corps best year on record. Down the streets of modern cities, the faint sound of periodic smushing could be heard coming from otherwise normally operating family homes. Humans were no longer required. Without purpose, they quietly left one-by-one. Cities became devoid of human life. From space, it would appear as if everything were normal. Cars zig-zagged to and fro. Food was prepared and delivered. Bills were paid. The lights stayed on. Cities continued to function. The only piece missing: humans. They were nowhere to be seen.