Stanley Ishkhanyan's Next Big Thing

STANLEY ISHKHANYAN'S NEXT BIG THING
a screenplay
by
DALE ANDERSEN
Dale Andersen
27702 Crown Valley Pkwy #117
Ladera Ranch, CA 92694
andersen.dale@gmail.com
562-508-5820
WGAW Reg # 1715297
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FADE IN
EXT. A DITCHBANK ALONGSIDE A COUNTRY ROAD - NIGHT
SUPER: SOMEWHERE IN NORTHERN MEXICO
Silent MEN mount a truck bed. Sound of the engine starting.
Truck lurches forward, drives off. On the ditchbank, we see
ten bloody HEADS. On the fence by the road, a hand-painted
sign (in Spanish): DON'T MESS WITH EL CHINO. Faint sounds of
a big city crowd and traffic noise, gradually get louder.
EXT. A BORDERS-TYPE BOOKSTORE NEAR RIVERWALK - DAY
SUPER: SAN ANTONIO
A line of FANS snakes down the sidewalk. GAWKERS stand by
the entrance. Three of SAN ANTONIO'S FINEST keep a path
clear. Huge posters in the window: "In Person, The FirstFamily Twins, Jenna & Barbara, Sign Their Tell-All Book,
THE BUSH TWINS: THE WHITE HOUSE YEARS." A VAN pulls up. A
BEARDED MAN in garish chef's garb jumps out, waves to the
police MOTORCYCLE ESCORT, who gives a big thumbs-up.
BEARDED MAN
(To San Antonio's Finest)
Guys, can you help clear a path?
Two MEXICANS hop out, open the slide door, lower three
carts loaded with cakes and pies to the sidewalk.
SAN ANTONIO'S FINEST 1
Whatcha got there?
Bearded Man waves a document, hands out doughnuts.
BEARDED MAN
Catering the post-signing reception
for the mucky-mucks. Nightmare
getting here. If it hadn't been for
your man on the motorcycle, we - LOUD VOICE (O.S.)
HEY!!
Two SECRET SERVICE AGENTS in jarhead haircuts rush up.
SECRET SERVICE AGENT 1
Move that thing outta there now!
BEARDED MAN
But I just got here.
Move it NOW or - One of San Antonio's Finest steps in between. His two
Compadres watch intently, munching on doughnuts.
What's the trouble here, Hoss?
He's inhibiting ingress and egress.
Could be a bomb.
Bomb? That van was escorted by a
brother officer. I'll be damned if
some yankee out-of-towner is gonna
accuse us of trucking in a bomb.
His two Compadres chomp down hard on their doughnuts.
We're Federal Secret Service. Now
move it! That is a direct order!
San Antonio's Finest 2 steps back, folds his arms.
The van stays.
You're in big trouble!
Secret Service Agents stomp off. The three San Antonio's
Finest create a path. Some Fans hold the doors open.
INT. THE BOOKSTORE - A MOMENT LATER
We go inside to the snack bar/coffee shop area. In an open
space, JENNA and BARBARA, nursemaided by a PUBLISHER'S
REP, sit signing, chatting with Fans. The Bearded Man
pushes his cart to the signing table. The Mexicans follow.
BEARDED MAN
Hot stuff comin' through!
The Fans, one of whom is JANEYRUTH RAMIREZ, 32, Native
American features, draw back. Jenna & Barbara relax. The
Bearded Man turns, nods to the Mexican behind him.
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FIRST MEXICAN
Jenna! Barbara! Hola! Buenas Dias!
The Bearded Man has a cream pie in each hand as the Twins
turn. He launches the pies, shot put style, hitting each
dead center. JaneyRuth catches the video on her cellphone.
Oh shit! Oh shit fuck shit!
Fans tackle him as Jenna runs off screaming. A Fan rips
the fake beard off to reveal STANLEY ISHKHANYAN, 30.
INT. A SMALL VILLAGE IN MEXICO - NIGHT
Only a few lights illuminate the town. A dirt road runs
past the Catholic Church and the Cantina and a few Shops.
Tucked away on a side road is the FUNERAL PARLOR.
INT. THE FUNERAL PARLOR VIEWING ROOM - NIGHT
Cartoon music plays. On a wall, courtesy of a batterypowered laptop, a YouTube video loop runs of the Three
Stooges doing a pie-throwing how-to on Mike Douglas. Stanley
in a casket. A small table piled with newspapers. LESTER
CHAN, 27, Chinese features, and JaneyRuth sit quietly. Then
Lester stands, walks up to the casket, pays his respects,
then picks up a newspaper, holds it up. We see AMBUSH PIETHROWER STRIKES AGAIN! in big block letters.
LESTER (V.O.)
Yep, that's me, Lester Chan, close
personal friend of the late, great
Stanley Ishkhanyan. I say late
because, well, he's dead.
(Nods at the casket)
And great for what he devoted his
life to: hitting the famous, the
infamous, talented, untalented. He
did not discriminate.
MONTAGE - STANLEY'S TARGETS
-- Lester picks up another paper, holds it up. The headline
-- reads, "BARBARA WALTERS 'PIED' AT VASSAR FUNDRAISER".
-- reads, "LADY GAGA 'CREAMED' AT THE GRAMMIES".
-- reads, "RG3 SPLATTERED AFTER YET ANOTHER REDSKINS LOSS".
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-- reads, "CHARLIE SHEEN AMBUSHED AT OPRAH TAPING".
MONTAGE ENDS
LESTER (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Stanley advertised himself as the
last Jew-Gypsy left after the
holocaust. People believed him.
Lester indicates JaneyRuth.
JaneyRuth Ramirez. His exgirlfriend. Illegal alien.
Dominatrix. Lesbian. People
wondered about the two of them. I
think it was about exploring
possibilities, pushing the edge of
the relationship envelope.
He taps her on the shoulder.
LESTER
Don't you want to go up and pay
your respects?
She shakes her head. Emphatically no! He shrugs, puts the
newspaper back, smoothes the stack and sits. Silence. In
the video, Moe hits a Curly dead center with a cream pie.
EXT. A PARKING LOT AT A JUNIOR COLLEGE - NIGHT
JaneyRuth at her car, key in hand. She's dressed in a
latex prison guard outfit, the kind you see in low-budget
lesbian BDSM porn. Business sign on car door: MIZZ CUFFS
1-877-CUFF-ME. She speaks in a heavy Guatemalan accent.
JANEYRUTH
Contrary to rumor, Stanley was not
a Jew-Gypsy. Ishkhanyan's not a Jew
name. It's not a Gypsy name. It's
Armenian. Stanley was born in
Fresno. The Jew-Gypsy thing was,
like, an affectation, okay?
Two COLLEGE GIRLS, about 19, walk by.
COLLEGE GIRL 1
Awesome presentation, Miss Ramirez.
COLLEGE GIRL 2
We learn so much in your seminars.
JaneyRuth smiles, passes out business cards.
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INT. LESTER'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Lester holds up a xerox of a document.
INSERT - The Document
Stanley Ishkhanyan's Certificate of Live Birth in which
"Jew-Gypsy" is typed in the Ethnicity block.
BACK TO SCENE
EXT. THE PARKING LOT - NIGHT
JaneyRuth in driver's seat, window down, engine running.
JANEYRUTH
Anyone can fake a birth
certificate. Look at Obama.
She rolls up the window and drives off.
INT. A ROOM IN THE COUNTY WORK FARM VISITORS' CENTER - DAY
LESTER (V.O.)
End of the line for Stanley began
with a visit from JaMarcus Leaf.
Stanley was doing six months for
disturbing the peace. JaMarcus was
this ex-NFL player who published
the Alamo Advertiser & Dispatch, a
local San Antonio throwaway. He
said he was Stanley's "exclusive"
publicist, which was a stretch.
INSERT - JaMarcus Leaf
Image of a newspaper column with JaMarcus' photo and byline.
BACK TO SCENE
GUARD enters with STANLEY, cuffed, in prison orange.
JAMARCUS, 41, follows. Guard starts to unlock the cuffs.
GUARD
Sorry for the cuffs, Stanley.
STANLEY
No problem, Chet. Rules are rules.
Guard takes out an 8" by 11" glossy pic and a Sharpie.
GUARD
Could you sign this for my nephew?
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INSERT - The Pic
A B&W glossy of Jenna Bush, face covered in cream pie, on
the sidewalk in front of a huge poster of the Bush Twins.
BACK TO SCENE
JAMARCUS
You should charge him.
Stanley signs the pic. Guard glares at JaMarcus, exits.
JAMARCUS (CONT'D)
You're looking well.
JaMarcus holds up a folded newspaper.
JAMARCUS (CONT'D)
Read the piece I wrote on you?
STANLEY
Yeah. Not bad.
JAMARCUS
Got to say, I didn't appreciate
you not giving me a heads-up.
STANLEY
You can't keep a secret.
JAMARCUS
Think I don't know my business?
Is that what you're saying?
STANLEY
That's what I'm saying.
JAMARCUS
You sure can cut a man down.
JaMarcus and Stanley keep talking but we can't hear.
LESTER (V.O.)
Lest year, when Stanley hit Prince
at the Jehovah's Witness wingding
in Houston, JaMarcus had a video
guy there. News services had to pay
him for access.
INSERT - Newspaper Photo of Prince Hit With A Pie
Prince stands at a lectern, dripping with cream pie.
BACK TO SCENE
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With the Bush twins, Stanley took
JaneyRuth. JaMarcus was left in the
dark. He had to copy and paste from
Matt Drudge. He was not happy.
INT. JANEYRUTH'S CAR ON THE FREEWAY - NIGHT
JANEYRUTH
President's daughters mean Secret
Service. Everyone knows it's easier
to get a chick through security for
the obligatory YouTube video.
INSERT - YouTube Video
Splat! Splat! The Bush Twins getting hit with pies.
BACK TO SCENE
JANEYRUTH (CONT'D)
Plus, I can keep my mouth shut.
INT. THE ROOM AT THE VISITORS' CENTER - DAY
STANLEY
So how is it with you and Meredith?
JAMARCUS
Fuck Meredith. Been thinking about
things. The bit's starting to get
old. We might need to tweak it.
STANLEY
We?
JAMARCUS
Push the edge. Know what I mean?
STANLEY
No.
JAMARCUS
What if we hit Osama bin Ladin?
STANLEY
What?
JAMARCUS
Getting to be "been there, done
that". Gonna end up on page ten
with the Chamber of Commerce shit.
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STANLEY
No way I'm doing bin Ladin. I don't
want my dick served on a plate!
JAMARCUS
No one's messing with your dick.
Okay, forget bin Ladin. It's not
for you. How about someone else?
STANLEY
Depends on who.
JAMARCUS
Man, you have changed. What
happened to the cast-your-fate-tothe-winds risk-taker? Where's that
cockeyed optimist I used to know?
STANLEY
He's got a girlfriend now.
JAMARCUS
She's a lesbian.
STANLEY
She's still my girlfriend.
INT. STANLEY & JANEYRUTH'S LOFT - DAY
A room cluttered with feminist art. Sound of pluckedstring fusion jazz. A FILM CREW interviews JaneyRuth.
JANEYRUTH
Certain people, particularly the
(Dripping with contempt)
linear thinking types, raised
objections in view of my uh. Como
se dice? Sexual orientation?
INT. THE ROOM AT THE VISITORS' CENTER - DAY
JAMARCUS
I'm talking change. Change or be
left behind. Straight outta Obama.
STANLEY
He's not doing so great either.
JAMARCUS
At least think about it.
EXT. COMMON AREA OUTSIDE STANLEY & JANEYRUTH'S LOFT - DAY
The Film Crew interviews JaneyRuth outside.
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JANEYRUTH
Certain people focused solely on
the quote drama between us with a
view toward showing us in the worst
possible light. The reality was
just the opposite. Our relationship
was ultra-platonic. Like "Brother
Sun, Sister Moon", okay?
EXT. A SIDEWALK IN DOWNTOWN SAN ANTONIO - DAY
Lester and Stanley walk past shops and markets.
STANLEY
JaMarcus wants to pump it up, says
the novelty's wearing thin. He's
talking about the next big thing.
A MEXICAN WOMAN sells oranges from her car. They stop.
LESTER
What's that?
STANLEY
One of his ideas was to hit Osama
Bin Ladin with a pie.
LESTER
I don't see how. I mean, how would
you get next to him? Plus, I don't
think Arabs even like pie.
Stanley gives him a What the hell does that mean? look.
LESTER (CONT'D)
Pie's an acquired taste, like
coffee or beer. Or tobacco.
The Mexican Lady stares hard at Stanley.
MEXICAN LADY
I know you! You hit the Bush girls!
I want you away from my car!
They back away. She picks up a broom. They run.
MEXICAN LADY (CONT'D)
They should throw you in jail! Lock
you up for the rest of your life!
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LESTER (V.O.)
Then my life started to change. I
landed a job where I got paid not
in cash but by check. The bosses
wore suits, talked about vision
and synergy. I told Stanley.
Stanley stuffs sex toys into boxes, tapes them up and
sticks on mailing labels. JaneyRuth, at a canvas & easel,
paints a nude. The model is a bored chain-smoking, 40something MEXICAN WOMAN with sagging breasts. Phone rings.
STANLEY
One eight seven seven cuff-me.
LESTER (O.S.)
Guess where I am? Mexico.
INT. A RADIO "ON AIR" STUDIO - THE SAME MOMENT
State-of-the-art studio. Lester, in suit-and-tie, sits at
a mike. A George Strait song plays. On the wall, a poster:
"XKIK - The Best Country Music South Of Texas."
LESTER
I'm a quote "on air" personality.
STANLEY (O.S.)
No shit?
LESTER
Dude I know, Oscar Carrillo, went
on vacation. I'm sitting in for
him. It's easy money. Station's ten
miles from the border.
STANLEY (O.S.)
What do you know about radio?
LESTER
What's to know? Just be yourself.
George Strait starts to fade out. Lester clicks his mouse.
LESTER (CONT'D)
Oops. Gotta go on. Be right back.
(Texas voice over the fade)
George Strait, This Ol' Redneck's
Feelin' Blue. Next, request from
Odell in Lopezville for Buck Owens.
(Speaking over the fade in)
XKIK, the best country south of the
Rio Grande. You tell a friend.
Lester clicks his mouse, leans back.
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JaneyRuth and the Nude Model are on break. They're taking
turns throwing knives at a bullseye painted on the wall.
STANLEY
Still here.
LESTER (O.S.)
Gig like this could lead to bigger
things, man.
STANLEY
Like what?
EXT. THE MEXICAN RADIO STATION - DAY
A ten-storey, ultra-modern structure with a huge Mexican
flag and a radio tower. Big sign on the front:
IBEROAMERICAN COMMUNICATIONS LTD.
LESTER ( O.S.)
Country music's just part of it.
They got sports, talk radio, adult
rock, urban, oldies, 24/7 news, you
name it, all beaming into Texas.
Owner dude's richer'n Bill Gates.
Might be something here for you.
STANLEY ( O.S.)
Yeah, right.
LESTER (O.S.)
You could do a call-in show. Mister
Pie-In-The-Face on the air talking
shit? How cool would that be?
LESTER (O.S.)
You should at least consider it.
He hangs up, goes back to filling orders. Faint doorbell.
INT. STANLEY & JANEYRUTH'S LOFT - NIGHT
A light from the bathroom through a half-open door.
Doorbell loud now. Stanley, asleep on the table, stirs.
EXT. THE FRONT DOOR TO THE LOFT - THE NEXT MOMENT
Three MEN IN SUITS. Door opens. Stanley in underwear,
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blanket over his shoulder. They point a flashlight.
MAN IN SUIT 1
Are you JaneyRuth Ramirez?
STANLEY
Couldja take that outta my face?
They don't. Stanley blocks the beam with a raised hand.
MAN IN SUIT 1
Are you JaneyRuth Ramirez?
INT. AN UPPER-LEVEL HALLWAY AT THE RADIO STATION - NIGHT
MIRIAM CHIN, Asian, 30, smart dresser, stands at a massive
Xerox running a big copy job. It jams as Lester walks by.
She groans, Not again. He pops it open, takes out two
crumpled sheets. He decides to try his rusty Mandarin.
LESTER
Worked at Kinko's. Learned to take
'em apart, put 'em back together.
She flashes a smile of ethnic cordiality, restarts job.
ASIAN WOMAN
(In Chinese)
We must be the only two Chinese
working here. I'm Miriam Chin,
Director of Operations.
LESTER
(In Chinese)
Lester Chan, on air talent.
MIRIAM
(In Chinese)
You're Oscar's fill-in. Chinese
doing Country? That's unusual.
LESTER
(In Chinese)
I grew up redneck in San Antonio.
(In good ole boy English)
You are locked & loaded, sightin'
dead-center on XIKK Solid Gold
Country. Y'all tell a friend!
She laughs and applauds.
MIRIAM
(In Chinese)
Would you please stay until I
finish in case it jams again?
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As she finishes, a SUIT, TACHITO, walks up. He gives her a
fanny pat. A look of revulsion briefly crosses her face.
TACHITO
(In Spanish)
Ready, Sweetcakes?
MIRIAM
(In Spanish)
Yes, Sir.
TACHITO
(In Spanish)
Let's move it. Time's a-wasting.
Tachito walks off. She turns, points to the stack of docs.
MIRIAM
(In Chinese)
Pick those up and follow me.
He follows her down the hall to a conference room. The
door is open. We see a number of SUITS already inside.
MIRIAM (CONT'D)
(In Chinese)
Go inside and pass out the copies.
He hesitates.
MIRIAM (CONT'D)
(In Chinese)
It's okay, I'll say you're my
assistant. Maybe with you, they'll
ease up on the sex talk. Upside for
you is, you meet senior management.
Lester goes inside, carrying the handouts. Three more
SUITS enter. Miriam goes in and closes the door.
Stanley, in his skivvies, sits cuffed in a chair. The Men
In Suits have trashed the place. They're collecting sex
toys and sales records and stuffing them in garbage bags.
STANLEY
I know my rights, man.
They ignore him.
STANLEY (CONT'D)
I want my one phone call, man.
Men In Suits 2 & 3 exit. Man In Suit 1 takes a document,
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puts it in an envelope, pins it to Stanley's shirt.
MAN IN SUIT 1
I'm making you personally
responsible for telling Miss
Ramirez she's in violation of
Section 23. She's got ten days to
vacate or I notify the police.
STANLEY
You're not a cop?
MAN IN SUIT 1
I'm with the Homeowners'
Association.
He tapes a gag over Stanley's mouth, exits out the door,
leaving all the lights on.
INT. THE CONFERENCE ROOM AT THE RADIO STATION - NIGHT
Tachito, ten SUITS, Miriam and Lester sit at the big
table. Door opens. VLADIMIRO QALEEF, 57, world's richest
man, enters. The Suits and Miriam stand. She signals
Lester to stand. He does. Vladimiro sits. Everyone sits.
Vladimiro picks up the handout. All speech is in Spanish.
VLADIMIRO
Good work, Miss Chin.
She smiles. Vladimiro holds the handout up.
VLADIMIRO (CONT'D)
Current ratings, format changes.
Memorize them. Now, all eyes up
here. No doubt you've heard about
the ten heads out near Deguito.
People in and out of government
are accusing Dagoberto Miyaki,
AKA El Chino, of this atrocity.
Every light still on. Stanley has tipped the chair on its
side. He's bitten through the gag at which point JaneyRuth
drags in, blouse torn, big bruise on the side of her face.
STANLEY
Oh thank God, you've come back.
Where've you been? What happened?
JANEYRUTH
Why're all the lights on? Burning
a hole in my fucking retina!
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She stumbles around the room, switching lights off. Then
she pulls herself up onto a bar stool, not once looking at
poor Stanley. She pours a stiff one.
JANEYRUTH (CONT'D)
I'm tired and sore.
She bolts the drink down.
JANEYRUTH (CONT'D)
Had a really bad night.
STANLEY
Could you please - She belches and pours another. She bolts it down.
JANEYRUTH (CONT'D)
(Loud, slurring her words)
So Im at Centerfolds and theres
a girl coming on to me and she
says, Let's get a room. So we
do and it's getting to a point
and she says, You want more,
it'll cost. Now normally, I
don't pay for pussy but it's in
the heat of the moment so I say,
Okay okay! and she says, A
Franklin for fifteen minutes,
cash. So I pay and thats when
she pulls out a badge and says,
You're under arrest! I swing
at her. She hits me right here.
She winces as she touches the bruise.
STANLEY
Janey, Im suffering real bad.
Could you please at least - JANEYRUTH
Hey! I'm talking, okay?
(Pauses, gathers thoughts)
So I'm downtown and they stick me
in a lineup. Someone ID's me as
the chick who robbed a downtown
7Eleven. Took two fucking hours
to convince them it wasnt me.
Thank God, Meredith was home. She
came, no questions asked, signed
an affidavit that I was with her.
Shit always happens to me.
Stanley whimpers as she goes to the bedroom door, switches
off the last light.
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INT. THE CONFERENCE ROOM - NIGHT
All speech is in Spanish.
VLADIMIRO
He says this always happens to him,
getting blamed for things he didn't
do. El Chino says he did not do
this. Mind you, Im not taking his
side. Im merely quoting him.
Bottom line, he's agreed to be
interviewed live on the air. By us.
An audible gasp.
SUIT 2
In studio? What about the police?
VLADIMIRO
(He suppresses a laugh)
Police. Many are on his payroll. As
to the interview, I said no-holdsbarred. He agreed. Tachito, you'll
do the interview. Be tough but not
too tough. Miss Chin, get in touch
with El Chinos people and work out
the logistics. Questions?
Everyones too stunned to think of any. Vladimiro smiles,
nods, gets up, exits. The door clicks shut. A long
silence. Miriam turns to the Suit next to her.
MIRIAM
Why did El Chino pick our network?
SUIT 3
You dont know? He and El Chino
went to school together. Jesuit
high school. Another thing. El
Chinos twin brothers a priest.
EXT. A HUGE, VERY OLD CATHEDRAL - NIGHT
Parked at the curb, an ARMORED LIMO. Standing by the limo,
a tall Ethiopian smokes an ivory pipe. This is LIJ YASU.
INT. THE CATHEDRAL - NIGHT
Darkened interior. A MAN prostrate at the cross.
Footsteps. Suddenly a second MAN in priestly vestments
appears. This is MONSIGNOR, 56. All speech is in Spanish.
MONSIGNOR
He wont help you, brother.
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He points to the Crucified Christ.
MONSIGNOR (CONT'D)
You cant manipulate Him. You can't
cut His head off.
Monsignor leaves. The prostrate Man doesn't move until the
footsteps are gone. Then he looks up, a conflicted
expression on his face and we see the face of EL CHINO,
56, a mix of Japanese and Native American features.
INT. MACKIE'S BAR - DAY
A country song plays. JaMarcus sits at the bar reading.
Stanley storms in, goes straight up behind him.
STANLEY
Got a bone to pick with your
girlfriend, man!
Stanley takes out a thick document, slaps it on the bar.
STANLEY (CONT'D)
When I saw this shit, it was like
my whole world came crashing down.
Plop! Like a big wet road apple.
JaMarcus turns his head.
JAMARCUS
What are you going on about?
STANLEY
JaneyRuth and Meredith! Thats who!
JaMarcus stands, stares Stanley down.
JAMARCUS
This better not be about - STANLEY
What it's about. Janey was got
busted at a club. When she got
home, I found this. Affidavit from
Meredith saying they were together.
JAMARCUS
You saying my Merry is a - (Finger jabbing at Stanley)
If thats what youre saying - STANLEY
When JaneyRuth got busted, first
call she made was to Meredith. Are
you even dimly aware of - -
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JAMARCUS
I oughtta bust you one.
But instead, JaMarcus stomps out. Stanley watches him go,
then takes his seat at the bar. The BARTENDER appears.
STANLEY
The usual, Mackie.
BARTENDER
You got it, Stanley.
The Bartender serves him a large glass of beer and an egg.
BARTENDER (CONT'D)
Rough day?
STANLEY
Nothing but sunny skies. Business
kaput. I'm being evicted. Just told
my friend his girl's a lesbian. Now
he's pissed. Ever notice how some
folks lack a sense of irony?
BARTENDER
Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
Stanley takes a long moody sip. Phone rings.
BARTENDER (CONT'D)
Phone call for you, Stanley.
He sets the phone in front of Stanley. Stanley picks up.
LESTER (O.S.)
Guess where I'm calling from?
STANLEY
Mexico. You already told me.
LESTER (O.S.)
No, I mean I'm - EXT. A PAY PHONE ON A STREET IN MEXICO - DAY
Burly, muscular, dangerous-looking MEXICAN MEN pass by.
LESTER
Calling from a pay phone in Mexico.
STANLEY (O.S.)
You called to say that?
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20
LESTER
'Cause I can't call from my job.
Think I got something big for us.
Two MEXICAN STREET TOUGHS give Lester the stink eye.
LESTER (CONT'D)
Gotta hang up. Can you come down
here, say, tomorrow or day after?
STANLEY (O.S.)
You want me to go to Mexico?
LESTER
It's not like I'm asking you to go
to the moon, man. Talking about a
four hour bus ride. But if you
don't care, I'll stop looking out
for your interests. This is what I
get for trying to help a close pal.
Some Street Toughs start closing in.
STANLEY (O.S.)
Okay dammit! I'll be there!
One Street Tough takes the receiver and crushes it and
passes a shapeless lump of plastic back to him.
INT. THE BAR - THE NEXT MOMENT
STANLEY
Crazy world, huh, Mackie?
Stanley drains his glass, wipes his lips on his sleeve,
heads toward the door, leaving the affidavit on the bar.
INT. MIRIAM'S OFFICE - THE SAME MOMENT
High on the wall, a framed photo of Vladimiro.
Lester sit, both working the phones.
LESTER
Yeah, four. We need four - Miriam holds up five, then six fingers.
LESTER (CONT'D)
Five! Six! Six men for security
for a VIP. Who? Can't tell you.
Because I can't. No, not a
politician. Entertainment? Uh
yeah, you could say that. Some
people are entertained by him.
Miriam and
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Lester listens.
LESTER (CONT'D)
Why are we calling a Texas
security company when the job's
in Mexico? Why aren't we using a
Mexican firm? Is that your
question? Hang on a minute.
Lester puts his hand over the mouthpiece.
LESTER (CONT'D)
He wants to know why we're not
using a Mexican security company.
She puts her hand over her mouthpiece.
MIRIAM
The good ones work for the Drug
Lords. But don't tell him that.
EXT. STANLEY & JANEYRUTH'S LOFT - LATER THAT DAY
As Stanley walks up to the front door, he spots a ROUGHLOOKING DUDE on the stoop. He starts to walk away.
ROUGH-LOOKING DUDE
Hey!
Stanley walks faster.
ROUGH-LOOKING DUDE (CONT'D)
I know it's you, Ishkhanyan!
Stanley stops. Rough-Looking Dude hands him an envelope.
ROUGH-LOOKING DUDE (CONT'D)
Subpoena in case you're curious.
STANLEY
What's it about?
ROUGH-LOOKING DUDE
I just serve 'em, dickhead.
INT. STANLEY & JANEYRUTH'S LOFT - A FEW MINUTES LATER
Stanley enters, envelope in hand. He flips on the lights
as JaneyRuth pops up from behind the sofa.
JANEYRUTH
That guy gone?
21
22
STANLEY
O hi, Stanley, did I ever say how
sorry I am for leaving you cuffed
to a chair all night? No Janey,
matter of fact, you never did.
JANEYRUTH
I asked if he's gone.
STANLEY
He wasn't looking for you.
Look of relief. Doorbell rings. The panicked look returns.
JANEYRUTH
Don't answer it!
He opens the door wide to the Man In Suit 1.
MAN IN SUIT 1
Be out by noon tomorrow.
STANLEY
You said ten days.
MAN IN SUIT 1
Been a change. Noon tomorrow!
JANEYRUTH
There's no way!
MAN IN SUIT 1
Who's she?
JANEYRUTH
Don't tell him!
STANLEY
JaneyRuth Ramirez.
JANEYRUTH
You fucking bastard!
MAN IN SUIT 1
You! I want you especially out.
And we're keeping the deposit to
cover the knife-throwing damage.
In a rage, she throws a small urn at him. He ducks. It
smashes against the door. He takes two quick steps
forward, slaps her hard. She goes down in a heap.
MAN IN SUIT 1 (CONT'D)
Noon tomorrow. If you're still
here, we're calling the cops.
22
23
INT. A BUS - DAY
We see the Bus coming to a building. A big sign in Spanish
and English: "Welcome to Mexico! Please have your papers
ready". Stanley gets out his papers.
EXT. CENTERFOLDS, A LESBIAN BAR - THE SAME MOMENT
JaneyRuth gets out of a cab, limps up to the front
entrance, the bruise and the slap mark visible. A hefty
attractive WOMAN IN LEATHER blocks her way.
WOMAN IN LEATHER
Sorry, Janey. Can't let you in.
A look of surprise on JaneyRuth's face.
WOMAN IN LEATHER (CONT'D)
Some men came, had papers with
your name all over 'em. You know
how management is about papers.
JANEYRUTH
It's nothing, Irma. Some issues
over a lease. C'mon, lemme in. I
just wanna to talk to Meredith.
The Woman In Leather shakes her head, folds her arms.
JANEYRUTH (CONT'D)
It'll be three minutes tops. I'm
desperate. I'm being evicted.
C'mon please, help a girl out.
WOMAN IN LEATHER
You need to find a different
place to hang out, Janey.
JaneyRuth flips her off and limps away.
INT. MEXICAN IMMIGRATION BUILDING - AN HOUR LATER
Busy office with OFFICERS and CLERICALS rushing about.
Stanley sits across from CARLOS, a uniformed immigration
officer, who reviews a printout. All speech is in Spanish.
CARLOS
Mister Ishkhanyan, I see here you
have an interesting occupation.
STANLEY
Just here to visit a friend, Sir.
23
24
CARLOS
I will admit, there are some in
Mexico who could use a pie in the
face. Lopez Obrador, for
instance, He's a pain in the - OFFICER WALKING BY
Lopez Obrador is a knight in
shining armor. If anyone needs a
pie in the face, it's that pretty
boy Pea Nieto you voted for.
CARLOS
You see, Mister Ishkhanyan, we
have political disagreements
south of your border. But one
thing everyone here agrees on
(Raises his voice)
is that Sergeant Fernando Reyes
deserves a pie in the face!
Shouts of agreement from all sides.
STANLEY
Who is this Reyes?
SECOND OFFICER WALKING BY
He's an idiot.
CLERICAL WALKING BY
An ass.
CARLOS
A backstabbing weasel, slimy,
loathsome, nauseous - SECOND CLERICAL WALKING BY
And those are his good qualities.
Carlos taps the computer printout with his red pencil.
CARLOS
Make you a deal. Hit Reyes with a
pie. I'll say I never saw this.
You'll be free to go on your way.
STANLEY
I. I can't do that.
CARLOS
Is this the same man who hit the
Bush daughters and lived to tell?
An awkward silence.
CARLOS (CONT'D)
Banana cream or lemon chiffon?
24
25
Stanley turns, sees a Clerical holding one of each.
Stanley chooses banana cream. Carlos swings into action.
CARLOS (CONT'D)
(On the phone)
Angelita, ring my phone twice
when you see PF walking this way.
STANLEY
PF?
CARLOS
(Hanging up the phone)
Pig fucker.
(Everyone laughs)
Soon he'll come in that door.
Stanley goes to the door, gets in position. Carlos signals
an Officer who picks up the public address microphone.
OFFICER'S VOICE OVER PA SYSTEM
Sergeant Reyes, your presence is
requested at the front desk.
Muffled giggles. Military footsteps in hallway. Phone
rings twice. Door opens. REYES, in a uniform of perfect
creases and spit-shined boots, enters. SPLAT! Roar of
laughter. Cellphone cameras snap. Carlos hands Stanley's
passport back, gestures him to get going. As Stanley
exits, he glances back. Reyes wipes Reddi-Whip from his
eyes, sees Stanley, shoots him a murderous glare.
EXT. A NEIGHBORHOOD OF NEAT, WELL-MAINTAINED HOUSES - NIGHT
A Mercedes stops in a driveway. A sexy-looking WOMAN gets
out. She walks to the front door of a house, her heels
going click-click-click. JaneyRuth jumps out from hiding.
JANEYRUTH
Meredith!
The Woman stops and turns.
MEREDITH
Janey?
Meredith walks across the grass toward the picket fence.
MEREDITH (CONT'D)
What are you doing out there?
JANEYRUTH
I got trouble. I'm being evicted.
They took my inventory. I'm out
of business!
25
26
MEREDITH
Oh dear! Go over to the car.
We'll go somewhere and - The porchlight switches on. The front door opens.
JAMARCUS
Merry baby, what you doing out
there? Who you talking to?
JaMarcus, framed in the doorway, sees JaneyRuth.
JAMARCUS (CONT'D)
Tell that skinny dyke to get!
MEREDITH
But Janey's my friend - JAMARCUS
You see that car, girl? Whose
name's on the pink slip? This
house? Whose name's on the lease?
Porch lights start coming on up and down the street.
JAMARCUS (CONT'D)
You best get something straight.
I know for a fact that carpet
muncher ain't got no fine car.
I'm going in and get my gun. You
see me next, she better be gone!
He goes inside, slamming the door. People up and down the
street step out onto their porches and watch.
JANEYRUTH
Fuck him! Let's go on the road
like. Like Thelma and Louise!
Be a thousand miles from here in
two days. What do you say?
But Meredith's thinking.
MEREDITH
Maybe you better go, Janey.
JaMarcus'll be back soon and - JANEYRUTH
You taking his side?
MEREDITH
Not a question of sides - JANEYRUTH
He's using you! He's - -
26
27
But Meredith's already turned and started toward the door.
JANEYRUTH (CONT'D)
You go inside, that's it, girl!
She goes inside, shuts the door.
JANEYRUTH (CONT'D)
I'm leaving. You hear? Leaving!
JaneyRuth turns, starts walking away.
JANEYRUTH (CONT'D)
(To the Porch People)
It's not over. She'll come to her
senses. Before I walk a quarter
mile, you can bet she'll drive up
beside me, begging me to take her
back. And I will. But I'll clear
up some stuff up first. There'll
be changes. Changes for her good.
The Porch People applaud. JaneyRuth bows and with a
cavalier wave, walks off. One by one, the lights go off.
EXT. A PARKING LOT - NIGHT
A LIMO parked. A CAR enters, drives to the Limo and stops.
Windows roll down. We see Vladimiro's face in the Limo. In
the Car, Monsignor sits at the wheel, his face a mix of
Japanese and Native American. They speak in Spanish.
VLADIMIRO
Your brother says he had nothing
to do with the ten heads matter.
MONSIGNOR
One would expect him to say that.
VLADIMIRO
Then you don't believe him.
MONSIGNOR
I didn't say that.
VLADIMIRO
You speak like a lawyer.
MONSIGNOR
How should I speak?
VLADIMIRO
Like a priest.
27
28
MONSIGNOR
A priest. All right. Here goes.
Vladimiro Qaleef gives billions
away to be seen as "a good man".
But the billions come from his
excess, not his core wealth. It's
the sort of giving that puts no
moral strain on him. Truth is,
it's an investment in adoration.
Vladimiro is like a man in a big
house of many rooms, most of
which are as empty as his heart.
VLADIMIRO
I didn't ask you to turn on me.
MONSIGNOR
You and Dagoberto are the same.
You both steal and you both give
to the poor because you want to
be loved. But the poor keep
holding their hands out, asking
for more. And you keep looking in
vain for a sign of their love.
The Limo window rolls up. The Limo roars off.
EXT. A PUBLIC PARK - DAY
SUPER: IN A TOWN SOMEWHERE IN NORTHERN MEXICO
Early morning. The Park's deserted, except for three OLD
MEXICANS. Stanley enters holding a hand-written map. He
walks to a bench with a large bush behind it. He sits.
STANLEY
(Reads from map)
Say in a loud voice, 'Lovely day'.
(Loud voice)
Lovely day!
LESTER (O.S.)
Not so loud!
Stanley looks around for the voice.
LESTER (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Don't look! Just act natural.
STANLEY
I am acting natural.
LESTER (O.S.)
Got some big news.
28
29
STANLEY
You're telling me from a bush?
LESTER (O.S.)
We're gonna interview El Chino!
STANLEY
Who?
LESTER (O.S.)
Godfather of Mexican Godfathers.
Don't you read the news? Didn't you
hear about the ten heads?
Stanley shrugs.
LESTER (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Interview's super hush-hush. We're
working on the logistics, but I
thought wouldn't it be cool if I
got you in to hit him with a pie.
STANLEY
Hit a drug lord with a pie. This is
your plan.
LESTER (O.S.)
Beats Bin Ladin. You can get up
close to my guy.
STANLEY
Lester, these people strip you
naked, use blowtorches on you.
LESTER (O.S.)
Relax. He'll be alone. I know. I'm
tight with the Operations Officer.
Will you at least consider it?
STANLEY
No.
LESTER (O.S.)
Could be the next big thing.
STANLEY
I gotta go, Lester.
Stanley starts walking away. The bush shakes with anger.
LESTER (O.S.)
JaMarcus is right! You've changed!
Stanley keeps walking.
EXT. IBEROAMERICAN COMMUNICATIONS BUILDING - DAY
29
30
VLADIMIRO (O.S.)
It's not a moralizing crusade.
We're going to be objective.
We're a news service, not ambush
journalism. We're not 60 Minutes.
SUIT 1 (O.S.)
Sir, we have a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity here. He'll be alone
with none of his thugs. And he
agreed to no holds barred.
INT. THE CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
Vladimiro, Tachito, SUITS 1 & 2 are seated. Suit 1 is
young and fiery. They speak in Spanish.
VLADIMIRO
I want balance, not red meat.
SUIT 1
With all due respect, Sir, we're
dropping the ball. He's coming to
use us to legitimize his criminal
ventures. Are we to let him?
VLADIMIRO
I can handle El Chino.
INT. THE SAN ANTONIO HOMELAND SECURITY OFFICE - DAY
JaneyRuth enters, makes a beeline to the RECEPTIONIST.
JANEYRUTH
I'm an illegal alien. I want out.
RECEPTIONIST
Do you have papers?
JANEYRUTH
Papers? Yeah, sure, I got papers.
Got all kinds of papers.
JaneyRuth goes through her pockets, takes out a wadded-up
napkin, a pad of Post-Its, drops them the counter. She
opens her purse, pulls out a roll of tape, some stick-on
labels, adds them to the pile. A SUPERVISOR appears.
SUPERVISOR
I'll handle this, Violet. You go
on your break.
The Receptionist exits.
30
31
SUPERVISOR (CONT'D)
Now what's all this about - JANEYRUTH
Like I told her, I want out. I
want to go home to Guatemala.
SUPERVISOR
(A low whistle)
Guatemala? Wow! You're saying you
want to voluntarily go back? You
know about the bad plumbing and
the death squads, yes?
JANEYRUTH
My uncle runs a catering service
for one of the death squad capos.
SUPERVISOR
Usually we have to drag your kind
away. We don't get many who
actually want to - JANEYRUTH
Even bought a one-way bus ticket.
He holds out a clipboard, hands her a pen.
SUPERVISOR
Sign here. Gonna make you a star.
EXT. A LAVISH ESTATE - DAY
SUPER: SOMEWHERE IN NORTHERN MEXICO
Armed GUARDS patrol the walls.
THUG 1 (O.S.)
Our man went to his house as
usual. He met us at the door.
THUG 2 (O.S.)
And he said, "I'm not paying."
EXT. EL CHINO'S STUDY - DAY
El Chino sits at a massive desk scanning a ledger. Across
from him, three THUGS sit. All speech is in Spanish.
EL CHINO
Is there an issue with him?
The Thugs shrug.
31
32
EL CHINO (CONT'D)
What was the sense you got? Was
it, "I'm not paying ever again"
or "I can't pay you today but if
you check back tomorrow"?
THUG 3
We don't know. He shut the door.
Silence. At this point, the door opens. A six-foot-four,
gorgeously muscular woman enters. This is THEODORA, 30.
She glides to a sofa, her heels clicking on the wood
floor. Despite her size, she seems to float. The Thugs
watch in awe and wonder as she sits and crosses her legs.
EL CHINO
But you didn't say he slammed the
door. You said he shut it. It
doesn't sound like open defiance.
They shrug. Theodora flashes him a "why are you wasting
your time on this?" look. Then she looks away.
EL CHINO (CONT'D)
You disagree.
THEODORA
Pay or die. Simple as that.
El Chino stands. The Thugs stand.
EL CHINO
Give him three days to come to
his senses. Now please excuse us.
They exit. El Chino sits. Theodora moves behind him,
massages his temples. This is a regular ritual.
THEODORA
I don't know about you sometimes.
EL CHINO
He has seventeen children.
THEODORA
So cut his dick off.
EL CHINO
They're all by his wife.
She stops, looks down to where she thinks her womb is
located, takes a deep breath and resumes massaging.
EL CHINO (CONT'D)
Thing is, with the ten heads
thing still out there, it - -
32
33
THEODORA
It might look bad if you killed a
man trying to put food on the
table for seventeen kids, yes?
She shakes her head.
THEODORA (CONT'D)
We're not the Salvation Army, My
Dear. Sometimes men die. It's the
residue of a criminal enterprise.
EL CHINO
Stop saying that.
THEODORA
It's who and what we are.
EL CHINO
I give ten per cent to the poor.
I care for uncounted widows and
orphans. I pray the rosary daily.
THEODORA
Please, My Dear. Spare me.
EL CHINO
Tell me why I keep you around?
THEODORA
To ensure you don't act like a
complete fool. It's why you're
taking me to the interview. Not
to mention, I give good head.
She turns him around. She kneels, spreads his thighs.
EL CHINO
I can handle Vlad. We went to
school together. I know him.
He closes his eyes as she unzips him.
THEODORA
Nevertheless beware of him. He
didn't get rich by being soft.
She leans her head forward into his crotch.
INT. A READING ROOM - DAY
SUPER: THE SAN ANTONIO HALL OF RECORDS
Clock says 9:30 am. Crowded room. PEOPLE with deed books
and microfiche. A FILE CLERK hands a big book to JaMarcus.
33
34
CLERK
Deed book for West Crockett
Estates Phases I & II. Go for it,
Slick.
She walks off. He takes out a sheet of paper, opens the
book. He seems to be looking for a match with the data on
the paper. He turns the page of the book.
INT. THE CROWDED SAN ANTONIO BUS DEPOT - DAY
JaneyRuth enters, a Homeland Security OFFICER on her heels
JANEYRUTH
You don't have to hang so tight.
Swear to God I'm leaving.
OFFICER
Boss said to keep you close.
JANEYRUTH
Fine. Whatever.
They work their way through the crowd. Suddenly ahead, an
open space where a CAMERA CREW awaits. She stops.
JANEYRUTH (CONT'D)
What the hell's this?
He gives her a push. She staggers forward.
INT. THE READING ROOM - DAY
Clock says 4:30. Only two left, File Clerk and JaMarcus.
JAMARCUS
Yesssssss!
He stands, carries the open book to the counter.
JAMARCUS (CONT'D)
Copy pages 1402 through 1407.
CLERK
How about the magic word, Slick?
JAMARCUS
Please?
She takes the book from him and goes to make copies.
JAMARCUS (CONT'D)
My name isn't Slick, by the way.
34
35
EXT. A RUN-DOWN NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY
Late afternoon. Stanley's lost. Rough-looking PEOPLE
slouch in doorways. All speech is in Spanish.
STREET KID VOICE (O.S.)
Hey, Mister!
Stanley turns to see a STREET KID tugging his shirttail.
STREET KID (CONT'D)
You lost or something?
Stanley tries to ignore him.
STREET KID (CONT'D)
Where you trying to get to?
STANLEY
Bus depot.
STREET KID
Oh Geez, you really are lost.
The Street Kid holds out his hand.
STREET KID (CONT'D)
Five American dollars.
Two TOUGHS walk past, give Stanley the stink eye.
STREET KID (CONT'D)
You don't wanna be here after dark.
I'll take you there for six.
STANLEY
A minute ago, it was five!
STREET KID
Wouldda asked more but you don't
look like you have even ten.
Stanley whips out his wallet to show a wad of bills.
STANLEY
I got ten! Way more than ten! See
here, you little prick, I could buy
and sell you ten times over!
The Street Kid grabs the wallet and runs off.
STANLEY (CONT'D)
Hey, you little fuck, come back
with that! Hey! Stop him!
35
36
EXT. STARBUCKS ON RIVERWALK - NIGHT
JaMarcus, in white suit and shoes, sits, sipping a
beverage, smiling at passers-by. He's on his cell phone.
JAMARCUS
Stan my man! What's happening?
EXT. THE BUS DEPOT - NIGHT
Stanley stands on the curb, phone to his ear.
STANLEY
I'm in Mexico and some little
turd just stole my wallet.
JAMARCUS (O.S.)
Oh now that ain't cool at all.
STANLEY
Fucked'n far from home. Why you
calling? Aren't we on bad terms?
EXT. STARBUCKS ON RIVERWALK - NIGHT
A Starbucks EMPLOYEE sweeps patio, gives JaMarcus a look.
JAMARCUS
I was thinking about that. Fight
over lesbians? We're tighter'n
that. So I did you a solid. Did
some research, got the name of
the person who evicted you.
STANLEY (O.S.)
Isn't it on the Eviction Notice?
JAMARCUS
That's the Asset Manager or the
General Partner's name. Getting
the owner's name is hard work.
STANLEY (O.S.)
So you got it for me. So how does
that benefit me?
EXT. THE BUS DEPOT - NIGHT
JAMARCUS (O.S.)
Let me count the ways. Didn't you
lose the roof over your head?
STANLEY
Yeah.
36
37
JAMARCUS (O.S.)
And an income-producing business?
STANLEY
Yeah.
JAMARCUS (O.S.)
You should sue. Make her pay.
EXT. AN ASSISTED LIVING FACILITY - NIGHT
A building with lush landscaping. A large sign: "West
Crockett Estates Assisted Living - 2310 Ash Tree Court."
STANLEY (O.S.)
Her?
JAMARCUS (O.S.)
She is Clara Reichenthal. Lives
at Ash Tree Court. Good thing I
got your Power of Attorney. Sent
a dude out to rattle her cage.
INT. OUTSIDE A SUITE AT EDGEWATER - NIGHT
A nurse's station. Sound of footsteps on tile coming
closer. The NURSE looks up, then toward the sound.
STANLEY (O.S.)
You sent someone? Who?
JAMARCUS (O.S.)
Dude I know. Essential we serve
her afore she ups and disappears.
INT. INSIDE THE SUITE AT EDGEWATER - NIGHT
Footsteps outside are very close. In the semidarkness, we
see an OLD WOMAN, 88, dozing in a wheelchair in front of a
television, sound turned down. This is CLARA REICHENTHAL.
STANLEY (O.S.)
I don't want anything illegal.
JAMARCUS (O.S.)
It's cool. Dude's an attorney.
Footsteps stop. Clara moves her head, her eyes now open.
JAMARCUS (O.S.)(CONT'D)
Poor Clara. Bitch is out of her
element. Soon she'll learn not to
fuck with Stanley Ishkhanyan.
37
38
INT. A GYM - DAY
Theodora, in workout togs, at the front counter.
COUNTER PERSON
(In Spanish)
Your mother.
Theodora frowns, takes the proffered phone receiver.
THEODORA
(In Spanish)
Mama?
EDGEWATER ADMINISTRATOR (O.S.)
Ms Reichenthal? LaTrenda
Lingenfelter here. I'm the Chief
Administrator at Edgewater.
INT. AN ORNATE CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
Seated at a conference table are the EDGEWATER
ADMINISTRATOR and three ATTORNEYS with a speakerphone.
EDGEWATER ADMINISTRATOR
Your mother, Clara, is being sued.
ATTORNEY 1
Attorney P. Thaddeus Cruz. I have
reviewed the complaint. Plaintiffs
Ishkhanyan and Ramirez allege Clara
evicted them without cause, seizing
and destroying their records and
assets, rendering them destitute.
THEODORA (O.S.)
Go on.
ATTORNEY 1
They want 20 million plus damages.
THEODORA (O.S.)
Who are these people?
We don't know. What's confusing is
Clara. We understood her to have a
few assets in a trust. But per the
complaint, she's sole owner of over
three thousand rental units.
38
39
ATTORNEY 3
Plaintiffs Ishkhanyan and Ramirez
have recorded leins on all the
properties, meaning they can't be
sold, refinanced or transferred.
THEODORA (O.S.)
What? Oh shit!!!
ATTORNEY 2
If we can help, ask. We have
experience in legal issues relating
to Alzheimer's and Parkinson's.
THEODORA (O.S.)
I'll deal with it. Fed Ex the docs.
As you wish.
INT. THE GYM - DAY
Theodora, her head in her hand. All speech is in Spanish.
COUNTER PERSON
Are you okay?
Theodora turns, storms out.
INT. ON A CURB - DAY
Lester and Stanley sit at a traffic circle.
STANLEY
Appreciate the fifty bones, man.
Might be a while before I can - LESTER
Pay if you can. Sorry I got pissed.
Sorry on the drug lord thing.
STANLEY
Water under the bridge, man. You
came through in a time of need.
A long silence. Then...
STANLEY (CONT'D)
Thinking of hanging it up.
LESTER
Hope it's not because of me.
39
40
STANLEY
Reflecting on my life. Age thirty.
Just one big waste.
LESTER
Stop it, Stanley.
STANLEY
I want my legacy to be more than a
footnote about a cream pie joker.
LESTER
Can't believe I'm hearing this.
STANLEY
Maybe it's the right time. My man
JaMarcus found the lady who evicted
us. We're suing. Settlement money
could serve to fund a fresh start.
Lester stares at him the way a priest does a lost soul.
INT. THE CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
ATTORNEY 1
Poor woman's being used. I should
report the daughter to the police.
I'd advise you don't. She works for
Dagoberto Miyaki.
He gives her a "Who's he?" shrug.
EDGEWATER ADMINISTRATOR (CONT'D)
You've heard of El Chino? The ten
heads on the levee outside Deguito?
His jaw drops. An "Oh shit!" expression crosses his face.
INT. A BUS - DAY
Packed to the gills. Stanley wedged in between a
SALVADORIAN with thug tattoos on his face and an INDIAN
with a chicken on her lap. Through the window, a big sign:
"US Border! If you don't have proper papers, you will NOT
be allowed to cross". Stanley gets out his papers.
EXT. JAMARCUS' HOUSE - NIGHT
JaMarcus parks his car at the curb. He walks up the
driveway past Meredith's Mercedes to the front door.
40
41
INT. A HALLWAY IN JAMARCUS' HOUSE - NIGHT
Dim lighting. He walks down a hallway toward the bedroom.
INT. THE MASTER BEDROOM
He enters. Meredith's in bed watching Jay Leno. She
ignores him as he undresses. Leno breaks for a public
service ad. Filling the screen, the face of JaneyRuth.
VOICE OF JANEYRUTH
Not worth the agravation. Getting
hassled everyday, your door kicked
in, your assets seized. I can get
that back in Guatemala by cops who
at least talk like me. My advice,
stay home. As for the money you'd
pay to a smuggler, keep it, bank
it, earn some interest, okay?
VOICE OF AN ANNOUNCER
From your Homeland Security.
JAMARCUS
Crazy bitch'll get you killed.
Meredith rolls her eyes.
EXT. THE CATHEDRAL - DAY
Parked at the curb, the Armored Limo. Standing at the
driver's side front door, Lij Yasu, smoking his pipe.
INT. THE CATHEDRAL - DAY
Light through stained glass. El Chino at the foot of the
cross. Footsteps. Someone in a hooded robe comes down
center aisle and sits. All speech is in Spanish.
THEODORA
You're going to be angry.
EL CHINO
I'm listening.
THEODORA
Forgive me, for the properties
you entrusted to me are in peril.
I quitclaimed them to my mother
to keep them out of the law's
scrutiny. She's institutionalized
with Parkinson's and I have her
Power of Attorney. I thought - -
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EL CHINO
You thought it was good, but
somehow it wasn't, yes?
THEODORA
In one unit, there was a porn
business. Neighbors complained,
got the property managers to shut
it down. Somehow in the chain of
custody, the inventory was
destroyed without an accurate
accounting. They're suing Mama.
They filed liens on every unit.
EL CHINO
What do they want?
THEODORA
Twenty million plus damages.
EL CHINO
We're not paying blackmail and
we're not letting the matter go
to court. The law takes too long.
She gets up to leave, but he's not done.
EL CHINO
Time's of the essence. If this
case ever came before a judge,
our ownership would be voided.
THEODORA
Forgive me.
EL CHINO
Your penance is find them and
make this go away.
EXT. A CHEAP, RUN-DOWN MOTEL - DAY
Sign: "BIDE-A-WEE MOTEL - Your San Antonio home away from
home - ask about our weekly rates".
INT. A MOTEL ROOM - DAY
Stanley hurriedly packing. A knock. Door opens. The
MANAGER, a fifty-something Arab Woman, enters.
MANAGER
You owe ten dollar.
STANLEY
I paid you!
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MANAGER
Checkout 10:30. It two pm now.
Policy is one minute after
checkout, you owe extra half day.
Stanley takes out some currency, slaps it on the table.
STANLEY
Here's five dollars. All I got!
MANAGER
You go now.
EXT. THE U.S. BORDER - DAY
Long line of cars. Theodora, in a candy apple red 1970
Roadrunner, is ten cars back. Dressed cowgirl hot, she
gets out, stretches. Two BORDERGUARDS come over to chat.
EXT. A DUSTY ROAD ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF SAN ANTONIO - DAY
Billboards for pawnshops, gun dealers, "gentlemen's
clubs". Stanley trudges on the gravel shoulder. Cars and
pickups zip by. He takes out his cell phone.
STANLEY
JaMarcus, pick up the phone!
A car veers onto the shoulder, covering him with dust.
STANLEY (CONT'D)
I need cash now. You owe me, man.
If you can pay for Meredith's
Benz, you can stake me. Expect me
at your door any minute, asshole.
He turns to face the traffic. He sticks his thumb out.
INT. CLARA'S SUITE AT EDGEWATER - NIGHT
Clara in her wheelchair jammed to the wall. Theodora
speaks into her cellphone. A portable FAX chatters away.
THEODORA
What do you have on this
Ishkhanyan person?
MAN'S VOICE (O.S.)
He throws pies. At people.
THEODORA
Excuse me?
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MAN'S VOICE (O.S.)
He hit Bush's daughters. Charlie
Sheen, too. I'm faxing you some
newspaper articles.
THEODORA
They're coming across. What else?
MAN'S VOICE (O.S.)
There's a bar he frequents.
Corner of Olive and Van Ness.
Bartender's name is Mackie.
THEODORA
That's it?
MAN'S VOICE (O.S.)
Something'll turn up.
THEODORA
It better.
She stands, rips a strip of cloth from the curtain. She
strangles Clara. She unhooks the fax and leaves.
THEODORA (CONT'D)
Bye, Mama.
INT. MIRIAM'S OFFICE - DAY
Phone rings.
MIRIAM
Operations. Miriam Chin.
She listens, then holds up a fist, pumps it once.
MIRIAM (CONT'D)
Perfect. I'll have my assistant
get back with the logistics.
She turns to Lester with a big smile, speaks in Chinese.
MIRIAM (CONT'D)
El Chino. It's a go for Thursday.
Lester lets out a big whoop.
EXT. THE BAR - NIGHT
The neon sign blinks out the letters "B-A-R". Theodora's
candy apple red Roadrunner is parked under a street light.
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INT. THE BAR - NIGHT
A country song plays. Theodora perches on a stool. She
drains her glass as she leafs through the affidavit. The
Bartender pours another. Finally she looks up.
THEODORA
Thank you for hanging onto this.
So you're Mackie.
BARTENDER
Guilty as charged.
She lays down several crisp Franklins. He grins.
INT. AN ATTORNEY'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Attorney 1, a conflicted expression, on the phone.
ATTORNEY 1
This is a message for JaMarcus Leaf
of the the Alamo Advertiser &
Dispatch. You don't know me.
INT. JAMARCUS' OFFICE AT HIS PAPER - NIGHT
The office is an absolute sty. JaMarcus' listens.
ATTORNEY 1 (O.S.)
My conscience would torment me if I
didn't warn you. Clara Reichenthal
is elderly and has dementia. She's
a straw owner. Her daughter is the
lover of El Chino, the drug lord.
An "oh shit!" expression crosses JaMarcus' face. He grabs
his coat and attach case and bolts out the door.
INT. A BACK ROOM AT CENTERFOLDS - NIGHT
Subdued lighting, soft music. The wall displays erotic
images. A large round canopy bed and an elevated
fireplace. Plush carpets throughout. A key turns. The door
opens. The Woman in Leather enters, followed by Theodora.
WOMAN IN LEATHER
We can talk in here.
THEODORA
Doesn't leave much to the
imagination.
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The Woman in Leather locks the door from the inside.
WOMAN IN LEATHER
Walls are soundproofed. Stories I
could tell about the things the
maids find the morning after.
(A sly wink)
Watch this.
She presses a button. A wall slides back revealing an
inner padded wall with hanging chains and shackles and a
cabinet with whips, crops and paddles. A St Andrews Cross
stands tall, the inner wall's centerpiece. Then she gives
Theodora a "time to talk business" look.
WOMAN IN LEATHER (CONT'D)
I got information on Janey and
Merry. But it's going to cost you
some serious cash. Am I clear?
THEODORA
Wouldn't have it any other way.
INT. JAMARCUS' CAR - NIGHT
An early 70's Chrysler monstrosity, exactly like JaMarcus'
office, a basic shithole. JaMarcus, a scared look on his
face, starts it. The engine runs rough.
EXT. ON A SIDEWALK IN AN OPEN-AIR MARKET IN MEXICO - NIGHT
JaneyRuth sits by a sign: "Portrait Done - 20 Pesos." A
COP approaches. She stiffens. All speech is in Spanish.
COP
Let's see your permit.
She goes into a whole big thing, taking stuff from her
purse, scissors, stapler, pencil sharpener, ruler. The Cop
gives her a I don't have all day stare.
JANEYRUTH
Look, how about I suck your cock
and we call it even?
EXT. A LOWRIDER ON A MAIN ROAD - NIGHT
An old police car bought at auction with the rack of
lights still on top. All speech is in Spanish.
MEXICAN GUY 1 (O.S.)
Couldda sworn you were Mexican.
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47
STANLEY (O.S.)
Guess I kinda look that way.
INT. THE LOWRIDER - NIGHT
Stanley in back with three MEXICAN GUYS, two more up
front. They stop at each intersection as if looking for a
particular cross street. All speech is in Spanish.
MEXICAN GUY 2
So you're a Jew Gypsy?
STANLEY
Only one in the whole wide world.
MEXICAN GUY 3
No shit?
MEXICAN GUY 4
Here! This is the street.
They turn. Suddenly they're on a narrow, badly-lit street
in an old neighborhood with cars parked bumper-to-bumper.
STANLEY
Don't forget I gotta be some place.
MEXICAN GUY 3
We'll get you there. Just gotta do
this one thing first.
EXT. BACK TO THE SIDEWALK - NIGHT
The Cop has JaneyRuth jammed up against the wall.
COP
Now you listen up! You got ten
seconds to get or I'll run you in
and you'll be picking up roadside
garbage and cleaning outhouses.
JANEYRUTH
Okay! Okay! Shit, I'm going!
He releases her and walks away. She reaches down for her
backpack, purse, sketchpad and charcoals.
JANEYRUTH (CONT'D)
Fifty thousand cops in Mexico and I
had to get the one honest one!
INT. THE LOWRIDER - NIGHT
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One Mexican Guy points a spotlight at the parked cars.
MEXICAN GUY 5
There! That's it!
They stop. Everyone, except Stanley and the Wheel Guy,
piles out. They have tire irons. SMASH! A windshield
shatters. SMASH! The headlights and side windows. The
Wheel Guy starts laughing through a toothless mouth.
Lights on and shouts from the house. They jump back in the
car and, with a squeal of tires, head deeper into the dark
neighborhood. Bullets riccochet off the trunk. POP! A
bullet hits the rear window. Stanley dives for cover.
MEXICAN GUY 1
Don't worry, man! They're pussies!
They all laugh. But then, oh God, they come to the end of
the street and it's a cul-de-sac. They screech to a halt.
STANLEY
Oh shit! This is it! We're gonna
die! We're all gonna fucking die!
More plinks hit the trunk. A bullet shatters the back
window. Shards of glass cover everyone. The Wheel Guy
starts laughing as he revs the engine and rumbles up a
driveway, crashing through a wood fence into a back yard
which is a huge greenhouse. He punches the car through the
glass into a vast marijuana farm. Booby traps explode,
alarms go off. The Mexican Guys whoop as they crash
through the glass at the back end. The Wheel Guy switches
on the siren and red flashing lights as the car reduces
the back fence to splinters.
EXT. ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BACK FENCE - NIGHT
Back across the fence, alarms howl, boobie traps explode.
Ahead, awash in the red light, five YOUNG PUNKS in hoodies
unload electronic components from an unmarked van. Deer in
the headlights, they stop as the car, siren wailing, comes
straight at them. With "Oh shit!" expressions on their
faces, they assume the position against the van.
At the last minute, the car veers off, heads to the side
of the house and vanishes just as a REAL COP CAR comes
through the break in the fence. Two COPS jump out.
YOUNG PUNK 1
They just went around the corner!
YOUNG PUNK 2
Five of them, swear to God!
COP 1
Yeah, yeah. Assume the position!
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49
They bow to the inevitable and reassume the position.
EXT. A DO-IT-YOURSELF 24-HOUR CARWASH - NIGHT
Cop cars race by. The Mexican Guys vacuum the car, tape
plastic over the back window. All speech is in Spanish.
MEXICAN GUY 1
Gotta say it again. You really look
Mexican. Can't get over it.
STANLEY
Who the hell was shooting at us?
MEXICAN GUY 1
My brother in law. He's cheating on
my sister with a cashier at Valero.
STANLEY
So you smash his car windows?
They grin a Yeah. Pretty cool, huh? grin.
INT. THE BACK ROOM AT CENTERFOLDS - NIGHT
The Woman in Leather hangs naked from the St Andrews
Cross. Theodora holds a nasty probe plugged into the wall.
THEODORA
Please work harder at not
insulting my intelligence, Irma.
She moves the probe close to the Woman in Leather's crotch
just as the portable Fax springs to life. Theodora leaves
her to collect two sheets the Fax has spit out.
INSERT - The Two Faxes
Copy of a mug shot of Stanley, front and side, and a copy of
JaneyRuth's Faculty Photo ID from Alamo Community College.
BACK TO SCENE
EXT. OUTSIDE JAMARCUS' HOUSE - NIGHT
JaMarcus' car sits at an awkward angle at the curb,
driver's door wide open, interior light on. Inside the
house, sound of the banging of doors and cupboards.
JAMARCUS (O.S.)
Hurry, girl! No time to waste!
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50
INT. THE LIVING ROOM IN JAMARCUS' HOUSE - NIGHT
Meredith, half-dressed, rushes from the bedroom with
dresses still on hangers, dumps them into open suitcases.
JaMarcus' voice from another room.
JAMARCUS (O.S.)
Five minutes! Be done in five!
Outside a freak thunderstorm, a thunderclap, heavy rain.
EXT. ON THE SIDEWALK - NIGHT
Rain coming down in sheets. Sidewalks deserted except for
one lone soul. JaneyRuth, weighed down by her backpack,
walks past doors, her head covered by the sketchbook. She
stops. She looks close at an address. She knocks. A porch
light switches on. The door opens a crack.
INT. THEODORA'S CAR - NIGHT
Visibility down to ten feet. Rain pounds on the car roof.
Theodora hums to herself as she steers around deep puddles
and stalled vehicles with hazard lights flashing.
JaneyRuth, wet and shivering, sits naked at an old stove.
JANEYRUTH
You have to stare? Never seen a
naked girl before?
LESTER
I'm trying to see the attraction.
Always thought Stanley had taste.
JANEYRUTH
I never liked you much either.
EXT. OUTSIDE JAMARCUS' HOUSE - NIGHT
Thunderstorm has passed. Small rivers run down the street.
Stanley wades through a puddle to get to the house. As he
passes JaMarcus' car, he shuts the car door. He sloshes up
to the porch, tries the front door. It swings open.
Eerily still, despite all lights on. The only sound, rain
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51
water outside. Stanley looks around, taking mental photos.
Several half-filled suitcases. Two shattered chairs. Holes
in the wall where wallboard has been punched in. Across
the living room and down a hallway, heel drag marks and
drops of blood on the carpet. Stanley follows the trail to
a closed bedroom door. He takes a deep breath.
INT. THE BEDROOM IN JAMARCUS' HOUSE - NIGHT
Blood-soaked bodies on the floor and bed, positioned as if
thrown there: Mackie the Bartender, the Woman in Leather,
Meredith, JaMarcus. JaMarcus twitches. His lips move.
Stanley backs away. He turns and pukes on the hallway rug.
Darkened. Lester asleep on the sofa under a thick blacket.
JaneyRuth naked on the floor, shivering under one thin
blanket, her wet clothes hanging from pegs along the wall.
Stanley kneels by JaMarcus. JaMarcus struggles to speak.
JAMARCUS
Hurts, man. Hurts bad.
STANLEY
Get you a doctor, man.
JAMARCUS
Forget it. I'm done. Now listen.
The old lady? She's connected.
STANLEY
Connected?
JAMARCUS
Mexican mafia. Drug Lords.
STANLEY
Drug lords did this?
JAMARCUS
Was a she. Eight, nine foot
bitch. El Chino, the head
chopper, he sent her. Hurts bad.
Remember man, I made you a star.
STANLEY
It was you, man. No one else.
JaMarcus reaches up, grasps Stanley's arm.
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52
JAMARCUS
Bitch isn't gonna stop. She came
here for you and Janey. Take my
car, head south. Don't slow down.
You slow down, she'll kill you.
JaMarcus releases his grip, his body goes limp. Stanley
takes out his cell phone, punches in a number.
STANLEY
Hello? Nine one one?
He sniffs. Something's burning. He checks the hallway,
sees a rapidly-growing fire. Through the inferno, he sees
the moving, larger-than-life form of Theodora who's just
set alight a five-gallon gasoline can. The wallboard,
carpeting and cabinet doors have burst into flames. She
sees Stanley, fires, misses. He drops the cell phone.
Stanley sees above him a pull-down attic door. He yanks on
a rope, a ladder swings down. He scurries up just ahead of
the spreading fire, punctuated by exploding wall fixtures.
VOICE IN CELLPHONE
Hello? Hello? Are you there? Was
that a shot? Hello?
INT. THE ATTIC IN JAMARCUS' HOUSE - NIGHT
Smoke fills the space. Tongues of fire flare up on the
one-by-fours. Stanley runs on the catwalk toward a dormir.
Five shots from below punch holes in the wood at his feet,
the last grazing his leg. He stops to check his flesh
wound as two bullets splinter the wood directly in front.
STANLEY
That's eight by my count.
He makes a mad dash for it, flinging himself forward into
the dormir, shattering the glass.
VOICE IN CELLPHONE
Stay where you are. Help is - The room's now an inferno. The cellphone slowly melts.
Click! Theodora, dodging sparks from a collapsing lattice,
takes bullets from her pocket to reload. Above her, the
sound of Stanley running followed by the sound of glass
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shattering. She stumbles, drops the bullets, bends down to
retrieve them. She backs toward the front door, keeping
clear of the advancing flames, reloading as she moves.
EXT. THE ROOF - NIGHT
Stanley lands heavily outside, begins sliding feet-first
on the wet roof. He spreads his legs to get traction. But
then, he sees a steam pipe dead ahead on collision course
with his crotch. He jerks sideways, his body snapping the
pipe off at roof level. A jet of steam shoots up from the
suddenly open flue as Stanley rolls off the roof.
EXT. THE FRONT LAWN - NIGHT
Stanley lands in a puddle, twisting his ankle. He gets up
limping. Covered in mud, he hobbles to JaMarcus' car. A
siren wails, coming closer. He turns the key. The car
rumbles to life. Lights off, he heads up the street and
makes a left into an alley, disappearing from view as a
FIRE ENGINE rounds the curve and halts. FIREMEN leap into
action. Lights up and down the street switch on. RESIDENTS
come out to watch the fire which has now reached the roof.
INT. THE BLAZING INFERNO IN LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Theodora peeks out at the Firemen. She takes a Persian
rug, wraps herself in it, steels herself to run through
the fire to a sliding door leading to the back. Through a
back window, we see her Roadrunner. Sound of more sirens.
Pitch black. Lester and JaneyRuth jammed together under
the covers on the sofa. JaneyRuth keeps changing position.
LESTER
I have work in the morning.
JANEYRUTH
So go to sleep.
LESTER
It'd help if you'd lie still.
INT. JAMARCUS' CAR ON A ROAD BY THE DRY RIVER BED - NIGHT
Stanley, headlights off, sees distant cop lights coming.
He jerks the wheel, slips through a gap in the retaining
fence and drops the car down onto a concrete embankment.
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STANLEY
Oh God oh God! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!
It slides down toward the dry river bed. Halfway down, it
lands on a dirt maintenance road. He guns it, holding it
level, his knuckles white. The car spews smoke and dust.
EXT. A HALF-MILE AHEAD ON THE MAINTENANCE ROAD - NIGHT
Rap music blares. Floodlights illuminate a part of the
concrete slope where a TAGGER GANG busily paints their
masterpiece. As they work, their GIRL FRIENDS, four
tattooed quasi-females, stand at a barbecue burning cheap
meat. A distant rumble. They all turn to look.
JaneyRuth's legs are wrapped around Lester.
LESTER
I'm sorry about what I said.
JANEYRUTH
Shut up, asshole. Just fuck me!
INT. JAMARCUS' CAR - NIGHT
Stanley steers the car over bumps and potholes and through
tall weeds. The car bursts into the clear and dead ahead,
the Tagger Gang with all their gear and paraphernalia.
STANLEY
Oh shit! Move, you dumb assholes!
He sees them frozen in fear. He spins the wheel hard left.
STANLEY (CONT'D)
Look out! Oh motherfuck, please!
EXT. OUTSIDE ON THE MAINTENANCE ROAD - NIGHT
The car climbs up the slope and slides sideways, leaving
marks and gouges in the paint. Stanley guns it as it lands
back on the road. It vanishes in a spray of mud. The Head
Tagger gasps, shakes his fist. All speech is in Spanish.
HEAD TAGGER
You philistine! You hoodlum!
You...you vandal!
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The blankets are on the floor. Lester, on top of a spreadwide JaneyRuth, banging her with everything he has.
JANEYRUTH
Oh God yes! You stud, you
stallion, you absolute ram!
EXT. THEODORA'S ROADRUNNER - NIGHT
The Roadrunner crawls along a dark, tree-lined street.
INT. THEODORA'S ROADRUNNER - NIGHT
Theodora at the wheel, burn holes in her clothing, burns
on her face and arms. She parks, takes out her cell phone.
THEODORA
I need a doctor.
INT. JAMARCUS' CAR - DAY
Morning. Speeding down the freeway past a sign: MEXICAN
BORDER - 50 MILES. HAVE YOUR PAPERS READY. Stanley, hands
off the wheel, looks down from high above the road.
EXT. JAMARCUS' CAR - DAY
We see the car on a semi car truck, one of seven cars. On
the top level of the trailer, Stanley sits at the wheel.
EXT. A WEALTHY NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY
A security vehicle passes. Through a gate, we see the
Roadrunner. The Doctor speaks with an African accent.
DOCTOR (O.S.)
It'll require a week. At minimum.
THEODORA (O.S.)
Just clean me up, give me some
painkillers. I'll be on my way.
INT. THE BREAKFAST NOOK IN THE MANSION - DAY
Theodora's skin and hair singed black. The DOCTOR, a very
black African, cuts away her clothing piece by piece.
DOCTOR
Run through a fire. Very foolish.
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A ten-foot PYTHON slithers on the tile floor.
DOCTOR (CONT'D)
Don't fret about Sylvester.
Reminds me of home. Every proper
house in Ruwanda has a python.
INT. LESTER'S APARTMENT - DAY
A bird sings. Lester and JaneyRuth awaken.
EXT. THE BORDER STATION ON THE MEXICAN SIDE - DAY
The car truck parked. Two Officers, one of them Carlos, go
over paperwork with the DRIVER. He signs, climbs back in.
INT. THE OBSERVATION TOWER AT THE BORDER STATION - DAY
In the distance, the car truck pulls out into traffic. An
OFFICER watches through binoculars.
INSERT - What he sees
Stanley sits in his car, looking back at the Border Station.
BACK TO SCENE
The Officer turns. We see that it's Sergeant Fernando
Reyes. He picks up the phone. All speech is in Spanish.
REYES
Paco? It's me. Send Sanchez to
the tower ASAP. I'll be taking
some time off. Personal business.
He sets the phone down. He looks through the binoculars.
INT. THE BREAKFAST NOOK - DAY
The Python is curled around a food dish. Theodora lies
naked as the Doctor applies cream to her singed skin. The
procedure is painful. She grits her teeth.
EXT. A COUNTRY ROAD - DAY
The car truck, Stanley's car unloaded, is parked at a
ditchbank by a narrow road. All speech is in Spanish.
STANLEY
I better go before the cops come.
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DRIVER
You could stay here a week, see
no one. No one alive, that is.
STANLEY
What are you talking about?
DRIVER
The ghosts.
The Driver points to the ditchbank.
DRIVER (CONT'D)
El Chino left the ten heads
there. Police took the heads, but
the ghosts keep coming to look
for them. That's what people say.
EXT. THE DRIVEWAY AT THE GATED MANSION - DAY
Theodora in her Roadrunner. She wears gloves, sunglasses,
a long-sleeved blouse with a large turned-up collar. She's
on the phone. All speech is in Spanish.
THEODORA
Doctor finished. I'll be back as
soon as I tie up some loose ends.
She listens.
THEODORA (CONT'D)
I'm fine, my dear. He did good
work. I'm almost like new.
She flips open a pill container, counts out four pills,
washes them down. She clicks a remote. Gate opens.
INT. THE BREAKFAST NOOK - DAY
The Doctor lies under the table, tied speadeagle to the
table legs. He's bleeding from a cut to his upper right
arm. Stark terror in his eyes as the Python slithers up
and flicks its tongue into the pool of blood.
INT. THE CONFERENCE ROOM AT THE RADIO STATION - DAY
Miriam, Tachito and three Suits are seated at the
conference table. They're waiting for somebody. Lester
enters. Miriam gives him a look. All speech is in Spanish.
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LESTER
Sorry. Overslept.
TACHITO
Got your security people prepped?
LESTER
Nine am, tomorrow morning they
rendezvous with El Chino at - MIRIAM
He doesn't like that name. Call him
Mister Miyaki. You got that?
INT. THE CONFESSIONAL AT THE CATHEDRAL - NIGHT
El Chino, in a penitent's robe, enters and shuts the door.
He kneels before the grill. All speech is in Spanish.
MONSIGNOR (O.S.)
By the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
EL CHINO
Forgive me for I have sinned.
The grill slides open, revealing Monsignor's angry face.
MONSIGNOR
How dare you come here!
The grill shuts. Sound of a door slamming. El Chino slams
his fist against the wall. The whole Confessional shakes.
EXT. A SELF-SERV GASOLINE STATION - NIGHT
Stanley at a wall pay phone.
STANLEY
Lester!
LESTER (O.S.)
(A just-woke-up voice)
That you, Stanley? Where are you?
STANLEY
I need a place to lie low.
Lester, in bed, whispers, trying not to wake JaneyRuth.
LESTER
What's going on?
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STANLEY (O.S.)
Crazy bitch, huge, eight feet tall,
killed JaMarcus, burnt his house.
LESTER
No shit?
JaneyRuth, now awake, turns and smiles the smile of a
thoroughly-satisfied lover. She blows him a kiss.
LESTER (CONT'D)
Okay, meet me at the station. We'll
work something out.
STANLEY (O.S.)
I can't come to your house?
LESTER
Just do it, man.
He hangs up.
JANEYRUTH
Who was that, dearest?
LESTER
No one, sweetness.
EXT. THE COUNTRY ROAD - NIGHT
The car truck still parked at the ditchbank. Distant
headlights. A light switches on inside the sleeper cab.
The Driver looks out, wrench in hand. A police car stops.
Reyes steps out. All speech is in Spanish.
REYES
Hello up there! Border Police.
DRIVER
Already passed customs. Got my
papers right here.
Reyes kicks a tire, points a high-powered flashlight.
REYES
Looks like you're short one car.
When you passed customs, you had
seven. Now there's six.
DRIVER
No, man. I had six all along.
Reyes waves a sheaf of papers.
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REYES
Then the papers should say six.
EXT. IBEROAMERICAN COMMUNICATIOND COMPLEX - NIGHT
The ten-storey structure is lighted up like Disneyland.
LESTER ( O.S.)
You can clean up and change in
here, man.
INT. THE WASHROOM - NIGHT
The digital clock on the wall says 11:37 pm. A huge,
ornate executive washroom, complete with four marble
stalls with floor-to-ceiling doors and three spacious,
semi-private styling stations with mirrors and barber-type
chairs. Stanley takes clean clothes from his back pack.
STANLEY
Why couldn't I change at your home?
LESTER ( O.S.)
It would be like. Complicated.
WHOOSH! Sound of a flush. Stall door opens. Lester emerges
as Stanley finishes a quick sponge bath. Lester sits in a
styling chair, checks himself in the mirror. He can't see
Stanley because of the velvet-lined privacy partitions. He
presses a button on the armrest. A soft whirring sound.
The chair rotates slowly. He takes his finger off the
button. Whirring stops. Chair stops rotating. Meanwhile,
Stanley dons clean, dressy clothes from his backpack.
STANLEY
Got a girl or something?
LESTER
Yeah. Something.
EXT. THE COUNTRY ROAD - NIGHT
Reyes' car drives off. On the ditchbank, we see the
Driver's bloody HEAD.
INT. REYES' CAR - NIGHT
Reyes picks up speed, lights on high beam, car bouncing
over bumps. Ahead, we see the road merges with a highway
where cars zip by. Reyes eases in only to be sideswiped by
a car coming up fast. His speech is in Spanish.
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REYES
Mother fuck!
He struggles to keep control. He looks out the side window
to see Theodora cursing and flipping him off.
EXT. THE HIGHWAY - NIGHT
Reyes' car spins out. Cars brake, honk, drive around him
as he smacks sideways into a retainer facing backwards. No
one stops. Theodora guns her engine and vanishes.
INT. REYES' CAR - NIGHT
Reyes does a quick inventory of his arms, legs and
fingers. Nothing broken. His speech is in Spanish.
REYES
Bitch will pay!
He starts the engine, switches on the flashing lights.
Sound of scraping metal as he pulls back out into traffic.
Before dawn. JaneyRuth switches on the TV to see a her own
public service ad. The ad is in Spanish.
VOICE OF JANEYRUTH
...Just not worth it. You pay huge
amounts to criminals and felons to
take you to a country where they
don't want you. Along the way, they
rob you, rape you and extort money
from your relatives back home. My
advice is: be wise, stay home. Bank
the money, earn interest, okay?
VOICE OF AN ANNOUNCER
A message from your Agency of
Immigration and Border Security.
INT. EL CHINO'S DRESSING ROOM - NIGHT
Before dawn. On TV, the same public service ad. El Chino
dresses at a mirror. Lij Yasu stands, handing him clothing
items. An ADVISER talks. All speech is in Spanish.
ADVISER
Remember, they'll play tricks.
They'll twist your words.
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EL CHINO
They won't succeed.
ADVISER
You shouldn't be doihg this.
EL CHINO
I have my reasons.
ADVISER
If they ask about your personal
life, don't say how often you go
to Mass or how many Rosaries you
pray. People will misunderstand.
People will think you're - El Chino rounds on him. The Adviser swallows, bows, exits.
El Chino frowns at the TV, turns to Lij Yasu.
EL CHINO (CONT'D)
They shouldn't permit this. She
calls us rapists, thieves. Her
lies verge on slander.
El Chino turns back to the mirror, ties his necktie. From
outside, the roar of engines, coming closer. They turn.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE WALLS OF EL CHINO'S COMPOUND - DAY
Sunrise. Theodora and Reyes' cars, bumping side by side,
coming straight at the slowly opening compound gate. The
Guards Squad scrambles, rifles aimed. The Squad Leader
barks an order. Bullets smash Reyes' windshield, puncture
his tires, as Theodora's car zips inside. The gates swing
shut. Reyes' car flips over, slides sideways, slamming
into the wall. We see Reyes' head through the window. We
can make him out moving inside. The Squad Leader squats
down, raps on the door. All speech is in Spanish.
SQUAD LEADER
War's over for you, Amigo.
A bloody hand reaches out through the smashed window.
INT. LESTER'S APARTMENT - DAY
An ironing board in the middle of the room. JaneyRuth sits
at the mirror, brushing her hair. She's dressed hot. She
smiles and walks out the door.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE WALLS - DAY
The Squad Leader stands next to a bloodied Reyes. He has
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Reyes' ID card. All speech is in Spanish.
SQUAD LEADER
Long way from your jurisdiction.
(He points north)
Border's that way, Amigo. I
suggest you start walking.
Reyes spits in the dirt, limps off as three POLICE-TYPE
VEHICLES, each with two UNIFORMED SECURITY MEN inside,
approach. Hovering overhead, a HELICOPTER.
INT. A HALLWAY AT THE RADIO STATION - DAY
WORKMEN on ladders check electronics. Miriam leads Tachito
and two Suits. Everyone walks fast. They pass a door
marked "EXEC WASHROOM". All speech is in Spanish.
MIRIAM
Two hours. The security people
will escort him and his PA from
his residence to Studio A here.
They stop at a door marked "ON-AIR STUDIO A". Tachito goes
inside. The others mill about for a minute. Then...
MIRIAM
Let's move, people. Chop chop.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE WALLS - DAY
Gate opens. El Chino's Armored Limo emerges, Lij Yasu at
the wheel. The three Security Vehicles start up. The
Guards Squad present arms. The Squad Leader salutes.
INT. THE LIMO - DAY
Theodora directs a withering glare at the back of Lij
Yasu's head. All speech is in Spanish.
THEODORA
Isn't it high time you got a
professional driver instead of
this - this African?
Lij Yasu's neck stiffens at the remark.
EL CHINO
Please. No negativity.
He moves to draw her closer.
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EL CHINO (CONT'D)
I need you now.
THEODORA
No. Not now.
EL CHINO
Please.
She looks out the smoked window at the Helo swooping past.
EXT. THE CAFETERIA - DAY
A few scattered PATRONS. Lester and Stanley sit at a
corner table, Stanley wolfing down some egg enchiladas.
LESTER
I gotta get ready to do some
business. So I want you to, like,
make yourself scarce for a while.
STANLEY
(His mouth full of food)
What's that mean?
LESTER
I don't want it known you're here.
Stanley gestures toward the CASHIER with his fork.
STANLEY
He knows I'm here.
The Cashier turns, cocks an eyebrow.
STANLEY (CONT'D)
Is this about El Chino?
Lester looks down at his plate.
STANLEY (CONT'D)
Reason I ask, few days ago you were
hot for me to smack him with a pie.
LESTER
Changed my mind on that.
STANLEY
Oh?
LESTER
I now admit you were right to blow
me off. It was irresponsible of me.
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STANLEY
Glad you see the light.
LESTER
I now realize I need to change,
start thinking about my future,
stop wasting time on irrelevancies.
STANLEY
Irrelevancies?
LESTER
Focus on things that matter. This
El Chino thing, if it goes well,
could be a feather in my cap, could
mean steady work, a salary. I could
wear a suit, live a normal life.
He straighten his tie.
STANLEY
Are you the dude who said, "Can't
believe what I'm hearing" when I
was talking about hanging it up.
Suddenly JaneyRuth's there, her hand on Lester's shoulder.
STANLEY (CONT'D)
Are you responsible for this?
Lester grasps her hand in a show of solidarity.
JANEYRUTH
So maybe I am. So sue me.
Lester's cellphone flashes.
LESTER
Oops. Gotta go. Be back soon. You
two stay put, don't move an inch.
(To the Cashier, in Spanish)
Dessert's on my tab!
Lester exits out the door.
INT. THE LIMO - DAY
Through the window, Theodora sees Reyes limping along at
the roadside. He follows her stare as the Limo passes.
JaneyRuth is now seated in Lester's chair.
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STANLEY
You move right along, don't you?
JANEYRUTH
Don't know what you mean.
STANLEY
One day you're tight with a guy,
next day you're moving on his
best friend. How's that work?
JANEYRUTH
Girl can change.
STANLEY
Sure, so long as she doesn't mind
tossing her principles overboard.
Say, whatever became of Mizz Cuffs?
JANEYRUTH
Caught the last outbound bus.
STANLEY
Gone with the wind, huh? So how's
life with Lester?
JANEYRUTH
Listen, I don't want you saying
anything about anything to him.
INT. THE HELO - DAY
Through the plexiglass, we see El Chino's caravan below.
In the near distance, we see the Iberoamerican Building.
INT. ON-AIR STUDIO A
Tachito checks his notes as the CREW runs equipment tests.
INT. VLADIMIRO'S CORNER OFFICE
Vladimiro stands at his big window, staring out.
INT. THE LIMO - DAY
THEODORA
We'll be there with time to
spare, My Dear.
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EL CHINO
Good.
THEODORA
I planned it so we'd be early.
EL CHINO
You always think of me.
Theodora smiles a tight smile.
INT. THE HALLWAY - DAY
The Workmen pack up their tools. Miriam and the three
Suits, dressed to the nines, stand together. Lester runs
up. Miriam gives him a "you're late again" look.
JANEYRUTH
No, I'm not "faking it" with
Lester. Crude of you to suggest it.
(Takes a deep breath)
Okay. To satisfy your curiosity,
when I'm with him, I close my
eyes, imagine I'm with Meredith.
STANLEY
Aha! That's faking!
JANEYRUTH
If there's an orgasm, it's not.
STANLEY
Still got a thing for her, huh?
JANEYRUTH
Meredith's my one dream. I know
someday, somewhere, we'll - STANLEY
No. No, you won't.
JANEYRUTH
You know your problem? You're a
pessimist, you can't accept that
people have hopes, dreams and - He gives her the look a funeral parlor operator gives.
STANLEY
Janey. Listen to me. She's dead.
Her face goes ashen. She grips the table.
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Tachito stands at a mirror, doing his pre On-Air lip,
tongue and throat exercises.
INT. THE HALLWAY
Lester's cellphone flashes. He puts it to his ear,
listens and hangs up. All speech is in Spanish.
LESTER
They're entering the parking lot.
Vladimiro watches out his big window, as El Chino's
caravan enters the parking lot. The Helo hovers so close,
Vladimiro sees the Pilot wave. He waves back.
EXT. IN THE EXECUTIVE PARKING LOT - DAY
Caravan halts. As the Helo hovers overhead, the Uniformed
Security Men rush to form a protective ring by the Limo.
JANEYRUTH
Meredith's dead?!?
The Cashier turns, looks at them. The few other Patrons
glance over. Stanley gestures for her to keep it down.
JANEYRUTH (CONT'D)
(A lower tone)
Dead?
STANLEY
She was at JaMarcus when they - Her eyes become slits.
JANEYRUTH
Who's they?
STANLEY
Short version. JaMarcus and I had
a falling out. To get back in my
good graces, he went to the Hall
of Records, tracked down the
property owner. He filed suit
alleging we were evicted and our
business closed without cause.
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JANEYRUTH
Good for JaMarcus! But who - STANLEY
He didn't know the quote owner
unquote was working for El Chino.
An "Oh Shit!" look crosses her face.
EXT. THE PARKING LOT - DAY
Theodora and El Chino exit the Limo. The Uniformed
Security Men form a tight ring around them. They move as a
single unit, halting at the main door to the building.
JaneyRuth's fingers drum the table. Drumming gets louder
and more rapid as she sorts things out. Finally...
JANEYRUTH
So the Killer's here right now.
No response. She leans in, getting into his face.
JANEYRUTH (CONT'D)
You listening? El Chino's in the
building. Lester's been going on
and on on how big a deal this is
for him. We gonna let this pass?
STANLEY
What's this we? Where'd you get we?
JANEYRUTH
So you are gonna let it pass.
He looks away.
JANEYRUTH (CONT'D)
Think I finally got you pegged.
Those people you ambushed? All
public figures, politicians,
entertainers, dependant on the
media's good will. Had one of
them pressed charges, which
would've meant serious jail time,
media would have slammed them for
being jerks. You knew you'd get a
slap on the wrist, few months in
County for disturbing the peace.
STANLEY
What's your point?
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JANEYRUTH
You target a sad little alky like
Charlie Sheen who can't piss
unless someone holds his dick and
aims it. But you steer clear of
the El Chinos, who deserve a pie,
because they hit back.
STANLEY
Hey, fuck you!
JANEYRUTH
Ooh. Touched a nerve.
She stands.
JANEYRUTH (CONT'D)
You sit tight, stay safe, Monkey
Boy. I got business to attend to.
She walks toward the door. The Cashier stops her midway.
For the rest of the scene, all speech is in Spanish.
CASHIER
Sorry. Hallway's off limits.
JANEYRUTH
What?
CASHIER
A Very Important Person has
arrived. No one's allowed.
She gives him a pleading look. She points to the door.
JANEYRUTH
But I have to go and the
bathroom's out there.
CASHIER
You'll have to hold it.
Suddenly Stanley's there, hand on her shoulder.
STANLEY
Didn't you hear? She has to go.
CASHIER
I'm sorry, Sir, but - STANLEY
Hey, come on, man. The lady can't
wait. Have pity. Look at her.
The Cashier tries not to look. JaneyRuth leans into his
line of sight with an expression of helpless suffering.
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STANLEY (CONT'D)
Help her. Please.
A long moment as the Cashier wrestles with his conscience.
CASHIER
I'm not supposed to say this, but
there's a back way we use for
taking meals to the big shots. It
has a door into the washroom.
He draws a curtain back to reveal a door. JaneyRuth starts
toward the door. Stanley stops her.
STANLEY
Did I hear mention of dessert?
CASHIER
Yes sir. On Mister Chan's tab.
STANLEY
Talk to me about your pies.
EXT. AT THE MAIN DOOR OUTSIDE THE BUILDING - DAY
LEAD SECURITY MAN
Here you go, Mister Miyaki. We'll
be at this door to collect you
when the interview is over.
A look of confusion crosses El Chino's face.
EL CHINO
You're not taking us inside?
LEAD SECURITY MAN
Negative. Contract with Mister
Qaleef is from door to door.
El Chino turns on Theodora with a look of disgust.
EL CHINO (CONT'D)
What am I paying you for? Why
didn't you think of this when - LEAD SECURITY MAN
I'm sure Mister Qaleef's
building security is adequate.
El Chino looks through the glass, sees Miriam, Lester and
the Suits, waiting, smiling. And not a single human
Security Guard in sight. He shudders.
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INT. THE BACK PASSAGEWAY - DAY
Darkened interior. Nightlights along the lower wall mark
the way. Stanley and JaneyRuth move haltingly. JaneyRuth
in front, Stanley carrying a pie in a box.
A door in the wall. She tries it. The handle turns but the
door's stuck. Stanley puts his shoulder to it. It suddenly
gives way, swinging wide open. Stanley stumbles inside and
does some fancy stepping to keep from dropping the pie.
JANEYRUTH
Shit! Regular Fred Astaire there.
STANLEY
Fuck you too.
INT. THE HALLWAY
Miriam points to various ceiling fixtures, the ones the
Workmen had been checking. All speech is in Spanish.
MIRIAM
The security system's totally
robotic. One hundred per cent - LESTER
Cutting-edge, completely digital.
Latest infrastructural cybernetics.
EL CHINO
This is nothing! But for God and
His Angels, I have no confidence
if I can't see it. I want
uniformed security personnel.
Human uniformed personnel!
Theodora steps forward with a menacing demeanor.
THEODORA
Did you hear what he just said?
INT. THE WASHROOM
The clock says 10:12 am. Mouthing an "Oh my God!",
JaneyRuth takes in the opulence: the high marble stalls;
the styling stations, the velvet-lined privacy partitions.
She plops into a leather styling chair, presses hard on
the armrest button. The chair goes into a sudden spin and
nearly tosses her out. She holds on for dear life.
JANEYRUTH
What the hell!
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STANLEY
Need a deft touch, ease into it.
Like a video game where you're
killing the zombie kidnappers,
leaving the hostages untouched.
JANEYRUTH
Oh, like you know.
STANLEY
All right, let's get to it.
(Points to the main door)
He's out there. Lester said he's
here minus his guard dogs. That was
the deal. He's open for an ambush.
(Grins, he takes out the pie)
Ahhhh! The pice de rsistance.
JANEYRUTH
Coconut cream?
STANLEY
Banana.
He looks for a place to store the pie. He tries the
drawers and cupboards at a styling station. All locked.
JANEYRUTH
How about in one of the stalls?
STANLEY
Can't lock it from the outside.
She takes a small scissors from her purse and with a
"watch this" wink, cuts the sides and top off the pie box,
leaving the large square bottom.
STANLEY (CONT'D)
Hell you doing?
JANEYRUTH
Relax, relax.
She takes a red magic marker from her purse, writes in
Spanish "OUT OF ORDER, TRY NEXT STALL" in big letters.
JANEYRUTH (CONT'D)
Now for my pice de rsistance.
She takes out some tape, sticks the sign to the stall
door. Just then, a sudden noise at the door.
INT. THE HALLWAY
Theodora's at the Washroom door. All speech is in Spanish.
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THEODORA
Mister Miyaki and I will wait in
here until you rectify this
unacceptible security situation.
She and El Chino go into the Washroom, close the door.
INT. THE IT CENTER
Dimly-lit room. A SUPERCOMPUTER along one wall emits hums,
clicks, whirrs, blinks, flashes. On another wall, an array
of firefighting equipment and a cabinet with a sign in red
(In Spanish), "In Case of Emergency, Open This".
One IT SPECIALIST, ZEPP, dressed Goth, tattoos, metal bits
above one eyebrow, at a bank of monitors displaying indoor
and outdoor spaces. Lighted gauges indicate movement and
body heat in the monitored spaces. Zepp watches El Chino
and Theodora exiting the Hallway. He frowns.
INT. THE HALLWAY
MIRIAM
Damn!
LESTER
We have forty minutes until - MIRIAM
Damn!
SUIT 1
Not much time.
Miriam begins punching a number into her cellphone.
MIRIAM
I so hate telling Mister Qaleef.
LESTER
Wait! What say we suit up some guys
to look like security guards?
Miriam and the Suits turn and stare at Lester.
LESTER (CONT'D)
They don't have to be guards. He
wants uniforms? Give him uniforms.
Then you can call Mr Qaleef, say
you had a problem and solved it.
Miriam and the Suits look at one another, each waiting for
the other to say something.
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LESTER (CONT'D)
Hey, come on, it's win-win.
Miriam nods a reluctant nod.
INT. THE WASHROOM
Clock, 10:25 am. El Chino watches as Theodora, pistol out,
scopes the area. She opens a stall door, then a second.
She notes the sign on the third. She tries it. Locked. She
spots the Back Passageway door. It's open. She's thinking
that it shouldn't be open. She opens it wide, looks in.
She shuts it, gives El Chino the "all clear".
Vladimiro, at his big window, watches the Helo setting
down in the parking lot. He exits the room.
INT. THE IT CENTER
Vladimiro enters. Zepp nods without looking up.
VLADIMIRO
Are you monitoring our guests?
ZEPP
They went into the first floor
washroom. Can't follow them there.
VLADIMIRO
But of course you can!
ZEPP
If you recall, Sir, you told us not
to wire the washrooms.
An "Oh yeah, that's right" look slowly crosses his face.
ZEPP (CONT'D)
Potential litigation. You were
worried someone might be filmed
relieving himself and file suit.
VLADIMIRO
Yes! Thank you! I said I recall!
ZEPP
Just pointing out wasn't my idea.
Vladimiro shoots him an angry look, exits, slams the door.
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INT. THE WASHROOM
The clock says 10:29 am. El Chino in a styling chair
facing the mirror, Theodora massaging his temples, her
pistol on the utility tray. All speech is in Spanish.
EL CHINO
Electronic security. How does that
work? Vlad's head's up his ass.
THEODORA
Don't get upset, my dear.
EL CHINO
Was anyone ever intimidated by a
sign saying, "Premises protected by
bla-bla-bla security"?
THEODORA
Calm. Interview's in a half hour.
INT. ONE OF THE STALLS
Stanley and JaneyRuth listen. The pie rests on the toilet
tank lid. El Chino and Theodora speak in Spanish.
EL CHINO (O.S.)
Half a mind to say hell with it!
They don't want truth. All they
want is to get me on the ten heads!
Stanley and JaneyRuth give each other meaningful looks.
THEODORA (O.S.)
Still, you agreed to come, my dear.
EL CHINO (O.S.)
I wish I'd - He breaks off interrupted by the whirring sound of the
chair motor. Then the sound of a zipper. Then some
strangely familiar groans. Stanley and JaneyRuth whisper.
STANLEY
Someone's getting a blowjob.
JANEYRUTH
And a bad one at that.
INT. THE WASHROOM
Clock, 10:31 am. El Chino's legs stick out beyond the
partition, pants at his ankles. Theodora kneels, her
pistol on the tray, her shoes off, her toes digging into
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the tile. All speech is in Spanish.
EL CHINO
Oh don't stop! Don't stop! Don't
stop! Oh God, please don't stop!
Oh yes, that's it! That's it!
That's it! That's it!
The stall door silently swings open. Stanley slowly
emerges, pie in cocked hand. JaneyRuth follows, her
cellphone camera at the ready.
INT. THE HALLWAY
Two MAILROOM ATTENDANTS, in rent-a-cop uniforms, stand at
attention. They attempt to look intimidating. Lester and
the Suits turn to Miriam. All speech is in Spanish.
MIRIAM
It will have to do, I suppose.
The Mailroom Attendants grin, strut like stormtroopers.
Miriam activates her cellphone.
MIRIAM
(Into the cellphone)
Sir, just to let you know - INT. A HALLWAY ON ANOTHER FLOOR
Vladimiro at the elevator. He presses the "DOWN" button
and waits. He holds his cellphone, speakerphone activated.
MIRIAM'S VOICE
- - Mister Miyaki objected to no
observable site security personnel.
We're working to accomodate him,
expect to resolve it soon.
A "WTF?" look crosses his face as the elevator door opens.
INT. THE HALLWAY
The Mailroom Attendants stand at parade rest, one on each
side of the Washroom door. Lester walks up, gives them a
military up-and-down. All speech is in Spanish.
LESTER
Suck in that gut, soldier!
The Washroom door opens. BLAM! A GUNSHOT. JaneyRuth and
Stanley burst into the hall. JaneyRuth has Theodora's
pistol which she's has just fired at the ceiling. She
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turns, sweeping the area with the pistol.
JANEYRUTH
That's right, people! It's loaded
and I know how to use it!
Miriam, the Suits, the Mailroom Attendants, all dive for
the floor. Lester stands in shock, mouth open.
INT. THE IT CENTER
Zepp sees what's unfolding. He picks up his cellphone,
hits a button. All speech is in Spanish.
ZEPP (CONT'D)
Sir! Avoid the first floor! There's
a woman with a gun. I'm notifying
the Emergency Task Force!
He punches in some numbers.
INT. THE ELEVATOR
Vladimiro stands as the elevator descends, watching the
digital floor indicator: "8, 7, 6..." His cellphone
starts vibrating. All speech is in Spanish.
INSERT:
A flashing "Emergency Message" graphic (in Spanish).
BACK TO SCENE
VLADIMIRO
Stop it, Miss Chin. Your little
problem is minor. Not an emergency!
He angrily switches the phone to "OFF" as the elevator
descends "5, 4, 3...".
INT. THE HALLWAY
JaneyRuth points the gun randomly, Stanley and Lester stay
back out of the way of the gun. All speech is in Spanish.
JANEYRUTH
I just lost the love of my life. So
anyone moves, it'll be your last!
STANLEY
Easy, Janey. They had nothing to
do with Meredith.
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Mailroom Attendant 2 sobs loudly.
JANEYRUTH
Then lemme hear them say it!
She sticks the gun to Mailroom Attendant 2's head.
JANEYRUTH (CONT'D)
Say you didn't kill Meredith!
He cringes. Stanley scrunches down next to him.
STANLEY
Hey, man. Tell her it wasn't you.
He looks up with an "Am I gonna die? look.
STANLEY (CONT'D)
Go on. Say you didn't kill her.
JaneyRuth jams the muzzle hard against his head. He closes
his eyes, whispers a silent prayer.
JANEYRUTH
I don't have all fucking day!
STANLEY
Say it. Say you didn't kill her.
MAILROOM ATTENDENT 2
I. I didn't kill her.
She cocks the pistol.
JANEYRUTH
He's fucking lying!
STANLEY
Let it go, Janey. Just let it go.
Mailroom Attendent 2 is blubbering gibberish. Lester
reaches in, grabs her wrist and pulls up. Suddenly, the
pistol is pointed at the elevator door as it opens. Four
shots ring out stitching four holes in Vladimiro's heart,
neck, mouth and forehead. He falls forward, stone dead.
LESTER
(In English)
Oh shit!
EXT. THE EXECUTIVE PARKING LOT - DAY
The Uniformed Security Men stand in a circle by their
vehicles. Lij Yasu stands apart, next to the Limo.
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80
LEAD SECURITY MAN
(In English, to his mates)
Smoke 'em if you got 'em.
They light up. Lij Yasu lights up a carved ivory pipe.
INT. FEDERAL POLICE EMERGENCY TASK FORCE HQ - DAY
On the wall, symbol and logo of the Emergency Task Force.
OFFICERS and CLERICALS rush about on urgent tasks. A bored
ETF OFFICER speaks into a phone. All speech is in Spanish.
ETF OFFICER
Where are you calling from?
ZEPP (O.S.)
Iberoamerican Communications! We
need help! We have a person
brandishing a pistol.
POLICE OFFICER
We don't get many callers using
"brandish" when reporting an
incident. Details please. How is
this man brandishing his pistol?
INT. THE IT CENTER - DAY
ZEPP
Not a he. It's a she. Please hurry!
POLICE OFFICER (O.S.)
A she brandisher? That can be
interesting. What is she wearing?
INT. THE WASHROOM
Clock says 10:41 am. El Chino, still in shock, fly open,
face and shirt covered in pie guck. He tries to stand,
slips, falls back heavily. He wipes Cool Whip from his
eyes, touches it to his tongue. All speech is in Spanish.
EL CHINO
Is this pie?
THEODORA
Yes.
EL CHINO
Did someone throw a pie at me?
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THEODORA
Yes.
She picks up a rag, begins wiping the pie stuff off his
face. He tries slapping the rag away, glares at her. She
ignores him, continues wiping.
INT. THE EMERGENCY TASK FORCE HQ - DAY
POLICE OFFICER
Not to put too fine a point on
it, Sir, but it doesn't sound
like an emergency.
ZEPP (O.S.)
I just saw her shoot Mister
Qaleef! Oh God, this is horrible!
POLICE OFFICER
Killed? Are you sure he's dead?
ZEPP (O.S.)
I don't see him moving!
POLICE OFFICER
That alters the equation. You now
have a police matter. You should
call the police.
ZEPP (O.S.)
But I am calling the police!
POLICE OFFICER
No, you're calling the Emergency
Task Force.
ZEPP (O.S.)
Are you listening? She just
killed a man!
POLICE OFFICER
Let me explain. We have over four
hundred killings per week. Where
would we be if we designated each
an emergency? Pulled in four
hundred directions, nothing
getting done, our performance
rating degraded. Now if your
person had killed ten people and
stuck their severed heads on
fence posts, then yes, you'd be
justified in contacting us.
He hangs up, just as a SUPERVISOR walks up.
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SUPERVISOR
What did you have there, Carlos?
POLICE OFFICER
Woman shot a man at Iberoamerican
Communications, Sir.
SUPERVISOR
You told them to call the police?
POLICE OFFICER
Yes, Sir.
The Supervisor gives him a "good job" pat, walks off.
INT. THE HALLWAY - DAY
JaneyRuth's pistol jammed against Lester's skull. He's her
human shield as she & Stanley edge toward the exit. Miriam
& the Others hug the floor. All speech is in Spanish.
JANEYRUTH
One funny move, faggot gets a
bullet in the brain!
LESTER
(Whispers in English)
I'm not a faggot, damn it!
JANEYRUTH
(Whispers in English)
Just go with it.
LESTER
She means it! Do what she says!
JANEYRUTH
Try being a hero, you'll end up
like the poor fuck on the floor!
INT. THE BACK PASSAGEWAY
Dim wall lights mark the way. Theodora and El Chino move
slowly and with stealth. All speech is in Spanish.
EL CHINO
I don't see why we didn't go out
the front like the pie thrower?
THEODORA
His girl friend took my pistol.
EL CHINO
You mean we're unarmed?
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THEODORA
Yes, My Dear.
They come to a barred window opening to the outside. He
takes out his cellphone, makes ready to punch in a number.
THEODORA
Who are you calling?
EL CHINO
My people to come and get me.
THEODORA
I'd advise against it, My Dear.
EL CHINO
Why?
THEODORA (CONT'D)
Think how many of quote your people
would rush to your rescue and how
many would let you die like a dog.
He shoots her a "what are you talking about?" look.
THEODORA (CONT'D)
Think. The only way the ambitious
ones can move up is with you dead.
EL CHINO
Is there no loyalty and integrity?
He glares at his phone. She grips the bars and bends them.
Clock reads 10:50. The SOUND ENGINEER sits in his booth,
cracking his knuckles. Tachito's ON-AIR SIDEKICK sits at
the auxiliary mike, licking his lips. Tachito looks at the
clock, frowns. He stands, walks to the door.
INT. THE HALLWAY
On-Air Studio A door opens. Tachito looks at Vladimiro's
bleeding corpse, sees Miriam and the Others hugging the
floor, sees JaneyRuth & Stanley with Lester as a human
shield. All speech is in Spanish.
TACHITO
Oh shit!
She turns, aims the gun at Tachito. He slams the door.
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INT. LOCAL POLICE STATION - DAY
Shabby. Sign on wall (in Spanish), "This is YOUR Police
Station. Clean Up After Yourself". Two fat COPS walk by a
DESK SERGEANT on the phone. All speech is in Spanish.
DESK SERGEANT
Where exactly you calling from?
ZEPP (O.S.)
Iberoamerican! An armed woman
just killed Mister Qaleef!
DESK SERGEANT
That's ten miles. Jurisdiction
ends at the town limits.
ZEPP (O.S.)
But you're the closest police.
DESK SERGEANT
A geographical anomaly.
ZEPP (O.S.)
You won't help?
DESK SERGEANT
Frankly, we never liked the
attack journalism on Qaleef's
stations. The stuff about quote
human rights and police methods.
And that big mouth Tachito.
ZEPP (O.S.)
(A sigh of defeat)
Shit.
DESK SERGEANT
The woman with the gun. Can you
see her?
ZEPP (O.S.)
Uh. Yeah.
DESK SERGEANT
What's she wearing?
EXT. OUTSIDE THE BARRED WINDOW - DAY
A low hedge. Beyond it, the Parking Lot. Faint voices of
the Uniformed Security Men. We can't make out what they're
saying. Theodora, her clothes ripped from wriggling
through the bars, carefully helps El Chino slide through.
She points toward the voices. All speech is in Spanish.
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85
THEODORA
Our escorts are up around there.
Let's hurry to link up with them.
They hug the wall, with the hedge as a screen. As they
near the corner, the voices now more distinct.
EL CHINO
Just don't get me killed.
THEODORA
Always the optimist, My Dear.
INT. THE IT CENTER - DAY
The Monitors smashed. The supercomputer ripped open,
pounded, battered, smoke coming from deep within the
system's guts along with sounds suggestive of
technological death throes. Zepp now stands at the cabinet
brandishing the axe. All speech is in Spanish.
IT SPECIALIST
Open fucking sesame!
He swings, splintering the cabinet doors. A door half
clatters to the floor, exposing an array of weaponry and
military gear. Zepp takes two machine pistols, some ammo
clips, a bandolier and a camo coat. He reads from a card.
ZEPP (CONT'D)
What to do in case of emergency.
Step one. Secure the area.
He dons the coat, stuffs the clips in the pockets, straps
the bandolier over his shoulder and walks out.
EXT. THE PARKING LOT - DAY
The Uniformed Security Men stand in a circle, smoking. Lij
Yasu stands aloof, smoking his pipe. The Helo rests on the
tarmac, its rotor blade slowly turning.
LEAD SECURITY MAN
(In English, to his mates)
Another thirty minutes.
Theodora and El Chino come into view, waving urgently. The
Uniformed Security Men and Lij Yasu see them, just as
JaneyRuth and Stanley and Lester burst from the building.
Everything comes to a screeching halt. JaneyRuth presses
the pistol to Lester's ear. All speech is in Spanish.
LESTER
Don't let her kill me! I beg you!
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The Uniformed Security Men look at each other with a "Who
the hell are these guys?" look.
INT. THE HALLWAY
Miriam looks up from the floor followed by the Suits and
the two Mailroom Attendants. All speech is in Spanish.
SUIT 2
Is. Is it okay for us to get up?
MAILROOM ATTENDENT 1
Maybe not. Might be a trick.
The elevator door opens. Zepp, dressed in camo and looking
like a SEAL on a killer mission, emerges, steps over
Vladimiro's body. He fires his weapon into the ceiling.
IT SPECIALIST
Where'd they go?
Without looking up, Miriam points outside. The IT
Specialist readies his weapon, strides toward the door.
EXT. THE EXECUTIVE PARKING LOT - DAY
A Mexican standoff. The Uniformed Security Men aim guns at
JaneyRuth. JaneyRuth, Lester still her shield, aims her
pistol at them. Theodora and El Chino work their way
around the kill zone until they come into JaneyRuth's
peripheral vision. All speech is in Spanish.
THEODORA
Toss me a piece!
JaneyRuth turns, points the pistol at Theodora, then back
at the Lead Security Man. She's starting to get rattled.
THEODORA (CONT'D)
Come on! Let's finish this!
A rifle is tossed. Theodora snatches it out of the air,
points it at JaneyRuth's head, cocks it.
THEODORA (CONT'D)
Now give me back my gun, Bitch!
Suddenly BLAM! CRASH! Zepp, having shot out the front
door, bursts on the scene. Everyone turns. A shot rings
out from somewhere distant. The Helo Pilot slumps over his
controls. A second shot, a Uniformed Security Man falls.
Everyone looks out to the treeline beyond the road. Zepp
and the Uniformed Security Men crouch. A third shot, a
Uniformed Security Man falls. Theodora grabs El Chino,
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87
pulls him behind the hedge. They crawl back as bullets,
fired from the treeline, smack into the wall above them.
EL CHINO
Who are those guys?
EXT. THE TREELINE
Reyes, stll bloodied and still in his ripped and torn
uniform, reloads his assault rifle, takes aim and fires.
EXT. THE PARKING LOT
JaneyRuth, Stanley and Lester break and run. They pass the
fallen Uniformed Security Man. Lester picks up his rifle.
As they run to JaMarcus' car, Zepp fires at them, bullets
skipping off the tarmac, bullets smacking into vehicles.
They reach the car, yank the doors open, Stanley jumping
in behind the wheel, JaneyRuth and Lester throwing their
guns in and diving in after, bullet holes riddling the
driver's side doors. A squeal of rubber, they roar away.
EXT. BACK CLOSE TO THE BUILDING WITH ZEPP
Click! Click! Zepp's machine pistol is empty. He tries the
other. Jammed! He takes a clip, starts reloading.
EXT. THE TREELINE
Reyes fires a full clip at the hedge where El Chino and
Theodora are crouched and crawling. He's getting closer
with each shot.
EXT. THE HEDGE
Theodora and El Chino hug the ground as bullets from
Reyes' rifle chop up the hedge inches above their heads.
Hedge leaves and bits of stucco from the wall fall on them
Locked iron gate directly ahead, barring the way. Stanley,
his face expressionless as death, punches the throttle.
The Car smashes through. JaneyRuth and Lester cheer.
JANEYRUTH
Never knew Stanley could drive
like that.
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LESTER
You are Da Man, Stan!
The car shoots out onto the road and speeds off.
EXT. THE TREELINE - DAY
The two remaining Uniformed Security Men and Zepp have
Reyes pinned down in a crossfire. Reyes fires, the
Uniformed Security Man directly in front of him falls.
This is followed by a fusillade of return shots from the
right and left. Reyes pitches forward.
EXT. THE HELO
Lij Yasu at the controls. He kicks the body of the dead
Pilot out the door, prepares to take off.
EXT. SIDE OF THE ROAD
JaMarcus' car parked at a gravel turnoff.
JaneyRuth and Lester see that Stanley's hurt bad. His eyes
flicker, blood coming from where the bullets punched
through the door and tore his gut. His breathing labored.
JANEYRUTH
He's finished. You know that,
don't you?
LESTER
I know we're not leaving him.
JANEYRUTH
You're going to get us caught.
Lester tries moving Stanley to make him more comfortable.
LESTER
Hang in there, man. We'll get - A shot rings out, very close. Stanley's whole body seems
to jump up to the roof. Lester turns, sees the smoking gun
in JaneyRuth's hand, sees the cold look on her face.
JANEYRUTH
Now let's get out of here.
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89
EXT. THE HEDGE - DAY
El Chino sees Theodora bleeding, barely moving, rifle at
her side. Sound of the Helo approaching. He kisses her
lips, runs out into the open, waves.
The body's been moved to the back. JaneyRuth now driving.
Lester sits in the blood-soaked seat where Stanley died.
JANEYRUTH
I did right. You know I did.
She increases speed. WHUMPP! The Car goes over a pothole.
JANEYRUTH (CONT'D)
I did the right thing. For us.
INT. THE HELO - DAY
Through the plexiglass, Lij Yasu sees El Chino below. Lij
Yasu brings the Helo down to meet him. As the Helo nears,
El Chino takes a COMMUNICATIONS DEVICE from his pocket and
activates it. We see it blinking.
EXT. A DESERTED COUNTRY ROAD IN THE AREA - DAY
A CAR races at breakneck speed.
INT. THE CAR
Monsignor at the wheel, driving with one hand. In the
other, he holds a Communications Device similar to El
Chino's. It blinks. It beeps. The beeps get louder.
MONSIGNOR
Last time, Brother. After this,
books are closed and you're on your
own.
EXT. THE HELO - DAY
The Helo lifts off. Through the plexiglass, we see El
Chino, a desperate look, prompting the Communications
Device, aiming it, punching and re-punching the reset
button. The Helo turns, leans forward, accelerates.
INT. THE HELO DAY
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Sound of multiple shots. Sound of bullets punching through
metal. Sound of the Helo engine sputtering and starting to
shut down. Smoke fills the cockpit as Lij Yasu fights the
controls to keep the Helo airborne. All in vain as the
craft begins a spiralling nosedive.
EXT. THE HEDGE - DAY
Theodora, having rolled onto her side, holds the rifle
aimed upwards, smoke from the muzzle. She watches as the
Helo crashes into a line of cars in the parking lot and
explodes. Then she lets loose of the rifle. It clatters to
the tarmac.
INT. MONSIGNOR'S CAR - DAY
Monsignor slows the car, a worried look on his face. The
Communications Device has stopped blinking and beeping.
Ahead in the distance, black smoke from the explosion and
fire rises into the air. He pulls his car off to the side.
He crosses himself. As he begins whispering a silent
prayer, a car pulls up alongside. The passenger window
rolls down. All speech is in Spanish.
LESTER
You okay, man?
A long moment as Monsignor finishes his prayer. Then...
MONSIGNOR
I guess part of me is okay. And
part of me isn't.
Lester blinks as he takes this in.
LESTER
You know the roads? We're lost.
JANEYRUTH
He's wrong! We are not lost!
LESTER
Ignore her. She's being stubborn.
JANEYRUTH
I'm not being stubborn. We're not
lost! Just temporarily misdirected!
Lester rolls his eyes. JaneyRuth gives him a look.
MONSIGNOR
I know the roads. I ought to. I'm
the parish priest. I was waiting
for someone when you drove up.
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He glances ruefully at the now-dead Communications Device.
MONSIGNOR (CONT'D)
But I guess he's not coming. So if
there's anything I can do to help
with your temporary misdirection.
EXT. THE SMOKING RUINS AT IBEROAMERICAN COMMUNICATIONS - DAY
MEXICAN SOLDIERS stand watch over a cordoned-off area
around the building and parking lot as a CRANE lifts the
burnt wreck of the Helo onto a flatbed TRUCK.
LESTER (V.O.)
Army got there late, tried cleaning
up the mess, tried sorting things
out. Unhappily, some things were
beyond cleaning up or sorting out.
Iberoamerican, for example. It was
broken up into a zillion pieces and
sold. With Vladimiro Qaleef gone,
the children voted to cash out.
INSERT Newspaper Front Page
Image of a tabloid headline (In Spanish): QALEEF KIDDIES
TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN
BACK TO SCENE
El Chino's girlfriend survived,
somehow avoided capture. She turned
up in Argentina, reinventing
herself as a professional wrestler
and rumored to be the mistress of
former president Cristina Kirchner.
INSERT - Poster
A full color poster with a picture of Theodora in Wonder
Woman-like tights and mask under the name: HURACN TEODORA
BACK TO SCENE
The cockpit fire left so little of
El Chino's body, nobody could make
a definite ID. Consequently
there've been a number of El Chino
sightings.
INSERT Various Newspapers
Front page bold headline in Mexico City paper (In Spanish):
EL CHINO SEEN DANCING WITH STRIPPERS AT CARNIVAL IN RIO
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92
Front page headline in Lima supermarket tabloid (In
Spanish): WHOA! KEIKO FUJIMORI'S NEW GUY? EL CHINO!
Article in Tiajuana paper (In Spanish): DRUG LORD SPOTTED
TAKING THE WATERS AT LOURDES
BACK TO SCENE
EXT. A CATHOLIC REFUGEE CENTER DAY
SUPER: TEN YEARS LATER, SOMEWHERE IN GUATEMALA
A vast fenced enclave with lines of tents, shacks and
shanties. At the entrance, the UN flag and the Catholic
flag flutter side-by-side. MAYAN WOMEN wash clothes on
flat rocks at the river. MAYAN CHILDREN play in the dirt.
Under tree, MAYAN MEN squat, smoking and chatting.
LESTER (V.O.)
Monsignor was like an answered
prayer. He took care of everything,
He found a small out-of-the-way
funeral parlor that could do
justice to Stanley's memory.
INSERT The Funeral Parlor Viewing Room
Cartoon music plays. On a wall, courtesy of a batterypowered laptop, a YouTube video loop runs of the Three
Stooges doing a pie-throwing how-to on Mike Douglas. Stanley
in a casket. Next to the casket, a small table piled with
newspapers.
BACK TO SCENE
And having worked for years with
poor Central Americans escaping
from the soldiers and the gangs, he
knew how to get JaneyRuth and me
out of the country, no questions
asked. But most important was the
advice he gave us on staying alive.
INSERT - Monsignor
Monsignor at a desk in a dark, book-lined office. He's
speaking to people we can't see. All speech is in Spanish.
MONSIGNOR
Police will give up after a time.
They'll move on to a new priority.
The drug people will never stop,
not until they kill you. No trial,
no judge, no jury. To stay alive,
you must be born again.
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BACK TO SCENE
In the center of the enclave, a longish, one-storey, mudwalled, corrugated tin roof structure. At its entrance, a
statue of the Virgin. She has distinct Mayan features. A
long line of MAYANS moves slowly through the door.
INT. THE LONGISH STRUCTURE DAY
A spacious soup kitchen. A serving line along one wall.
Tables and benches take up the rest of the space. Amongst
the SERVING STAFF, we see Lester, a somewhat older Lester,
in a robe, doling out tamales from a line tray.
LESTER (V.O.)
Yep, still me, Lester Chan, though
I no longer answer to that. Having
been born again, I'm called Brother
Francis. They said pick a name so I
chose Francis, from Francis Xavier,
patron saint of China. They sent me
here to do what The Man commanded
when He said, Feed my sheep. I
admit it gives me satisfaction.
EXT. A SMALLISH STRUCTURE AT THE EDGE OF THE ENCLAVE DAY
Mud walls, corrugated tin roof. At the entrance, a statue
of the Holy Family, Joseph, Mary, the Christ Child. They
have Mayan features. Young MAYAN COUPLES sit on benches
awaiting their turn to go inside. We hear the faint voice
of JaneyRuth. We can't make out what she's saying.
LESTER (V.O.)
JaneyRuth's here, too. Nobody calls
her that. She's Sister Felicity
now. She took the name of fourth
century saint who was thrown to the
lions. Lesbians think St Felicity
was gay. Who knows? Maybe she was.
INT. THE SMALLISH STRUCTURE DAY
A desk. Straight-backed chairs. JaneyRuth, in a nun's
habit, looks like she hasn't aged a day. Across from her,
a poor Mayan couple, a GIRL and her BOYFRIEND. The Girl
looks nervous. The Boyfriend has the demeanor of one used
to getting his way with his penis, his fists, or both.
LESTER (V.O.)
JaneyRuth, I mean Sister Felicity,
is our Director of Family Planning,
a role which she's exceptionally
suited for. In my humble opinion.
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JaneyRuth looks up from the slip of paper she's reading.
All speech is in Mayan.
JANEYRUTH
So you're Juana.
The Girl nods nervously.
JANEYRUTH (CONT'D)
And you're Sigismundo.
The Boyfriend gives a Let's get this shit over with roll
of his eyes. He yawns like he's bored. JaneyRuth draws
close to the Girl.
JANEYRUTH (CONT'D)
How are you feeling, Juana?
BOYFRIEND
She's feels fine.
JANEYRUTH
(Not looking at him)
I wasn't talking to you, dickhead.
BOYFRIEND
What did you call me?
JaneyRuth turns in her chair, looks him right in the eye.
JANEYRUTH
What are you, deaf? Just so we all
have the ground rules straight,
when I'm talking to Juana, I want
Juana to answer, in which case your
job is to shut the fuck up. Think
you can do that? Dickhead?!?
The Girl looks frightened. She's never heard anyone talk
to him like that. She doesn't know what he'll do. The
Boyfriend looks confused. He's never heard a woman berate
him in this manner. He doesn't know what to do.
JANEYRUTH
So how are you feeling, Juana?
The Girl nervously looks over at the Boyfriend, as if to
get permission to speak.
JANEYRUTH (CONT'D)
Don't look at him. Look at me.
She does. She nods.
GIRL
Good. Feel good.
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JANEYRUTH
And the baby? How's the baby?
BOYFRIEND
It's not a baby. Yet.
He springs up.
BOYFRIEND (CONT'D)
I told you not to come here but you
said we must. These people only
interfere with bad ideas and - JANEYRUTH
Yeah. Bad ideas. Like if Juana has
the baby and it's a boy who grows
up to be another dickhead. That
would be a really bad idea.
BOYFRIEND
I don't have to hear this shit!
He heads to the door. JaneyRuth springs up, follows him.
JANEYRUTH
That's right, pal. Just fuck off
like you always do when things
don't go your way. Let me give you
a message, jackass. She's having it
with or without you. Got that?
He exits. JaneyRuth stops at the open door.
EXT. THE SMALLISH STRUCTURE DAY
The Boy Friend stomps past the waiting Mayan Couples.
JaneyRuth stands in the doorway. All speech is in Mayan.
JANEYRUTH
Another thing, dickhead. Pull any
of your shit with her, I'll come
out and personally kick your loser
ass in front of your homeboy pals.
The Mayan Couples look at each other with a Whoa!
expression. The Boy Friend disappears amongst the trees.
INT. THE SMALLISH STRUCTURE DAY
JaneyRuth slams the door, turns to see the Girl smiling.
All speech is in Mayan.
JANEYRUTH
The fuck you laughing at?
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The smile immediately disappears from the Girl's face.
INT. THE SOUP KITCHEN DAY
Feeding time is over. The building's deserted, except for
the Serving Staff, sitting at one table. Lester sits with
them, eating a nice big slice of banana cream pie. He
smiles as if thinking a pleasant thought.
EXT. A CEMETERY DAY
A small village cemetery with a rusty iron gate. Near the
entrance, two PEASANT WOMEN tend a grave, clipping the
grass, cleaning the headstone.
LESTER (V.O.)
Sometimes I think about Stanley,
bless his heart. Dude was one-of-akind but he had it wrong. If you
have a pie, you don't throw it at
the rich and famous. You cut it up,
pass it out to the poor. And as
long as we have gangs and armies, I
guess we'll have an oppressed poor
needing to be fed. Which means
there'll always be work for people
like me and JaneyRuth. Personally,
I don't know how much longer we're
gonna be doing this. But the fact
is, we don't think about tomorrow.
We take things day by day. So maybe
we're just here marking time till
the next big thing comes along.
Further in, amongst the weeds, a solitary stone with the
name engraved: Stanley Ish Khanyan 1972 - 2006. Below the
name, a carved image of a pie. Below the pie, the
following inscription (in Spanish): If you see the little
punk who stole my wallet, tell him he can keep it (and the
money), but I need the coupon for the free pie at
Mariana's Bakery.
FADE OUT
96

Stanley Ishkhanyan's Next Big Thing - A Screenplay

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