So how do you get happy? Here's a don't-do list to set you on the path to happiness.

Don't look outwards: Seeking external sources of happiness can sabotage your peace.
San Francisco-based sustainable happiness expert Dr Aymee Coget suggests, "Focus on
controlling your emotional state by choosing happiness and adopting positive psychology
principles, build your resilience, follow your heart and meditate into the greatest states of
bliss."

Don't hold a grudge: American writer Rita Mae Brown said it right when she wrote, "One
of the keys to happiness is a bad memory." Forgiveness doesn't come easy, but is key; anger,
antagonism and resentment are detrimental to your self. Dr Vandana Tara, a Delhi-based
clinical psychologist, says, "In all probability, the person concerned will go on with life while
you nurture ill-will. This bitterness could leave you physically and mentally ill."

Don't mistreat yourself: Happy people know the importance of looking after themselves
they eat healthy, exercise regularly and get enough sleep. Exercise keeps you fit, lets you
relax, boosts brain power and improves your body image. Sound sleep lets you focus and
increases productivity. Sleep-deprived people fail to recall pleasant memories, but are good
at recalling glum moments.

Don't neglect family and pals: Studies have consistently proven that spending time with
close ones impacts our happiness quotient. Harvard happiness expert and author of
Stumbling on Happiness, Daniel Gilbert sums up: "We are happy when we have family, we
are happy when we have friends and almost all the other things we think make us happy are
actually just ways of getting more family and friends." Also, make time only for those who
matter; superficial relationships sap mirth.

Don't compare: Keeping up with the Joneses doesn't help the happiness cause. Constant
comparisons with people who are smarter, more attractive or successful leads to
resentment. "Comparing is a battle, a fight. If you were to look back on your life, you don't
want to think you've wasted your time on it," Keller says. Tara says the way out is to
compete with yourself. "Easier said than done, but every individual is unique. Another
person's weakness might be your asset."

Don't be self-centred: Doing good makes us feel good. Research indicates that helping
others ups our sense of self-esteem, setting us on the path to real and rewarding happiness.
University of Pennsylvania professor Martin Seligman, in Flourish: A Visionary New
Understanding of Happiness and Well-being, says, scientists "have found that doing a
kindness produces the single most reliable momentary increase in wellbeing of any exercise
we have tested". When the recipient of your gesture expresses joy, it acts as a reward, says
Dr Samir Parikh, director of the department of mental health and behavioural sciences at
Fortis Healthcare. Tutoring your house help's kids or volunteering at a care centre yields the
same result: A happy you.

Don't fail to live in the moment: "It is our nature to dwell on past events, especially
negatives. We need six positives for our brain to overcome what happened in the past.
Training our mind to live in the moment a sink-or-swim skill is the way to happiness,"
Coget says. Learn from past mistakes, but live in the present.

Don't be ungrateful: Being grateful increases satisfaction. Think of three good things that
happened to you in a day or keep a journal of what you are grateful for.
The Journal of Happiness study revealed that writing letters of gratitude increased
happiness and life satisfaction while decreasing depressive symptoms. "We all don't have
things that we want, so it's easy to be negative. Soon, this emotion seeps into our
subconscious and takes over our minds," Keller says.

Don't be afraid: Fears of what may or may not happen will persist, but happy people take
the first step towards turning their dreams into reality. "Whatever you've dreamed of, get
started. Don't wait for that one fateful day when everything will fall into place," Desai says.
to become a loving, positive person
It's one thing to wax eloquent on positivity, but quite another to be a positive person at
heart.

Despite believing to have a positive outlook, we invariably weigh the cons first, consider
several times before sparing a compliment, and broadcast only the odds when someone
counts on us for advice. What's more, we prefer needless sarcasm for humour, manage a wry
smile when something is genuinely funny, and believe deep down that the glass is actually
half empty.

We live in denial of our inherent negativity for the most part, and often wonder why the
world around is so mean and reckless. At work, we never fail telling our juniors how
meeting deadlines can be a tough proposition, and not to think too 'out of the box' to
impress the boss. In short, we never tire telling all concerned how tough things can be!
Unlike dogs we may not be born eternal optimists, but positivity is something that can be
imbibed even if a tad forcibly; such as by trying to tweak our sense of humour, the way we
react to a given situation, by being more pleasant and believing others too have a mind, and
by smiling each time somebody says 'thank you'.

While positivity is a state of mind, the answer lies in our perspective. Clinical psychologist
and lifestyle advisor Dr S.K Sharma shares his ideas on how to be a positive person
everyday.

Have the desire: First thing first, to become a positive person one must have a strong desire
to be positive. And the desire will come only if you are convinced that becoming a positive
person will enhance the quality of life. Positivity is like an aura, and you know you are a
positive person when people start trusting you, random people become polite with you,
colleagues at work start patronising you, and you start building rapport easily.

Be realistic: Do not try to become a saint. Becoming a positive person does not mean you
can never have any negative emotion or encounter any negative situation. It is the overall
attitude that matters. Don't get bogged down by failure, and disappointed when your
expectations are not met. Mentally, you should always be calculating a way out of difficult
situations come what may.

Experiment: Be a keen observer. Use everyday life incidents to see how you can manage
them in a more positive manner. These will serve as perfect instances to turn your outlook
more positive. For starters, contemplate how you could have better handled a situation by
being less hostile and more indulgent. Come up with five ways that could have saved the
day, and learn to take things at face value sometimes. Remember, your ability to trust the
other person also reflects your genuineness.

Speech and body language: Try and make positive words a part of your daily lingo, and work
on your body language in way that you come across as friendly and approachable. Look
amused when something is amusing, laugh when something is funny, congratulate when
someone's bought something new, and give others a chance to narrate their side of the story.
Never think you are the only interesting, knowing one around.

Company: One way to becoming positive is to seek positive company as both positivity and
negativity are infectious. If the people you spend most of your time with are grumpy or have
a pessimistic standpoint, you'll find yourself mirroring the same emotions before a different
set of people inadvertently. In order to inculcate positivity it is imperative that your friend
circle is a positive, energetic, and a happy bunch. You'll find yourself carrying the same
positivity everywhere you go.

Activities: Do not remain idle and brood. Take up positive activities with others or in
isolation. Share a joke, narrate a pleasant incident, take part in sporting activities, go for a
run in the evening after work, have healthy sex, and you'll find yourself bubbling with
positive energy.

Take it easy: Everyday life is bound to give you shocks. Be prepared to minimise impact and
shrug it off. For instance, you may get too hassled everyday while driving to work or trying
to park your car. When you accept the fact that certain things cannot be changed, you'll be
more at ease with yourself and those around too.

Learn yoga: Says yoga teacher and nutritionist, Abhilasha Kale, "Do pranayam everyday as it
lets you focus and meditate. Not only does it secrete happy hormones but also creates a
sense of awareness within you." With the help of yogic asanas you control your breathing,
and by way of it, control your mind from wandering. Every time you do yoga, you feel a
surge of positive energy through your body that calms your nerves, soothes your mind,
elevates your mood, and not to mention enhances your level of tolerance.

Maintain a diary: Instead of recounting all events of the day, filter out only the positive ones
and make a note of them. It could be anything trivial from your bus arriving on time, your
mom cooking a delicious breakfast, to remembering to pay the bills on time. When we look
for positivity in the little things that make our lives worthwhile, we leave no room for
negativity. "Try consciously practising this for 10 days, and at the end of day ten when you
read your diary back you'll only have memories of all the good things that happened to you,"
she asserts.

Say 'thank you': Thank god, thank your parents, friends, and thank yourself for all the hard
work you did, for everything you achieved. Says Abhilasha, "Saying thank you frequently
makes you humble, and a humble person is seldom cynical."

Try these methods, and you'll be surprised when others notice the change in you.