Fall 2006: Intro to IHOP

Intimacy Assignment Part III

How we use words
I know that the assignment was meant to hel us e!lore the e""icacy o" words# $ut
%ecause I came here in &uly' I was surrounded %y silence "or the %etter art o" si! weeks#
I(m way too "amiliar with it now to look at it as a three day e!eriment# )here was no
way to really do this "ast %ecause I reeatedly go three days without seaking with
anyone e!cet my closest "riend in short surts#
I ha*e %egun to see silence in connection with loneliness and words as a source o"
com"ort# As o"ten as I ha*e wounded or %een wounded %y words' silence has actually
%een the greater source o" ain# I would rather ha*e a three day argument with those I
lo*e than one day o" silence le"t alone with my "ears and insecurities#
I thought +uite a %it a%out what ,ouwen had to say a%out silence and although I
understood his oint' I thought his use o" scriture and +uotes to suort his ersecti*e
were o"ten used out o" conte!t# In articular' I took issue with his *iew o" -an .ogh(s
+uote a%out walking ast a house with a "ire in it# It ru%%ed me the wrong way and I
couldn(t ut my "inger on why / so to seak#
)hen' one a"ternoon while I was at the hosital' I icked u an article on -an .ogh and
%egan to read e!certs "rom his diary# I e*entually came across the *ery same +uote and
reali0ed why it had %othered me# -an .ogh wasn(t touting silence# He was grie*ing o*er
it# He used those words to descri%e his loneliness1 his solitude e*en though he was
surrounded %y eole# He was saying that he was a house with a warm "ire in it' %ut no
one e*en %othered to take the time to turn "rom their %usiness long enough to sit down
and take notice# ,o one had the interest to actually seak with him and listen to his heart1
the thoughts that he had were %ound in an internal uni*erse and he had no one to share
them with# It was loneliness that -an .ogh was lamenting1 not the need or %ene"its o"
silence# -an .ogh needed words#

I used to come home a"ter a %usy day and cra*e the silence o" my aartment# One day
alone without seaking with anyone was the %est ossi%le day o"" that I could imagine#
,ow' I welcome any interaction# I actually got to the oint that a con*ersation with the
%ank clerk was the highlight o" my a"ternoon#
.ranted' words can cut deely# I(m starkly aware that I am caa%le o" using them to ush
someone away as easily as draw them closer# Our culture is "illed with words %eing
soken 2234 # # # %ut so is the House o" Prayer# .od uses them to create# 5atan uses them
to lie# 6ertainly' how we use them determines whether they are creati*e or destructi*e#
All in all' words are healing "or me right now# I need words like I lo*e you' I miss
you' I care a%out you' 7ou make a di""erence reeatedly# I am ain"ully aware o"
how imortant those words are and I try and say them e*ery day now' as o"ten as I can# I
need silence so I can hear "rom .od and so I can hear eole(s hearts# )hat(s where it is
most hel"ul# Howe*er' I need words to release lo*e#