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Maria Elsa King

Professor Gabrielsson - March 4, 2014
English 1A - Course #9113
Parental Alcoholism And Its Psychological Effects On Children: We Must Act Now

In Reyna Grandes biography & autobiography The Distance Between Us: A Memoir, Grande
and her siblings are faced with many hardships one of which included alcoholism. For them their
alcoholic father would terrorize Grande and her siblings Margo and Carlos with verbal and physical
abuse. This abuse left an everlasting trauma in all of their lives. There was one particular incident where
Reynas brother Carlos was hurt while playing soccer and he was badly hurt. Their father refused to take
Carlos to the hospital and left Mago and Reyna to deal with the responsibility that should have been
immediately handled by their father (p 253). Today, like Grande, many children suffer the consequences
of growing up in homes where parents/guardians are alcoholics. Alcoholism is known as a disease to
many who have fallen victim, but the bigger victims in this illness are the innocent children who are
raised in homes where alcohol abuse is a daily reality. The amount of people who battle alcohol abuse
has risen to an astonishing level. A community health report from The County of Los Angeles Public
Health Department, reported 140,000 males, and 102,000 females binge drinking in the course of only
one month (3). With these statistics, one can only imagine how many children are crying themselves to
sleep at night desperately hoping that someone will come rescue them from their constant nightmares.
Now is the time for everybody to stand up and make a difference. We must think about the innocent
children who do not have people that care enough to reach out and offer shelter or support. Without
support, they will either continue the cycle of this learned behavior or will face psychological distress,
which can affect their social behavior, chance for academic success, and their future social relationships.

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Growing up in such an untrusting and unstable environment can create emotional and
psychological distress to a child who in turn can burden their own children, or may be traumatized and
have many emotional problems that are carried into their social relationships. One way to help stop the
vicious cycle of alcoholism amongst adults is to educate and provide support to children of elementary
school age instead of waiting until they are older. Psychological distress has been directly related to
parental alcoholism as Kashubeck discovers in her 1994 study (1). As a child, I was faced with having an
alcoholic father at home. At school my teachers discovered that I faced problems of fear, low self-
esteem, and isolation from others. This behavior was due to my alcoholic father and the violence that I
often witnessed at home. Adults avoided talking to me about my situation because of its taboo nature.
This avoidance made me feel alone and unnoticed. I wasnt able to enjoy much of my childhood and
instead I found refuge in day dreaming and isolation. The grown-ups who didnt want to talk to me
about adult situations were forgetting that my home life was in fact an adult situation, and my
youth was slowly being chipped away. We must ask ourselves, why not start talking to children who
come from homes with alcoholic family members at a much earlier age? Other children who experience
similar situations bare constant witness to so much violence, neglect, confusion, and fear. Sadly,
children often blame themselves. I remember one year for Fathers Day, I wrote a poem to my father on
his Fathers Day card asking for him to please stop drinking and if he did, I promised not to be a bad girl
anymore. I also begged him not to hit my mother anymore because she was a good mom and didnt do
any wrong. Unfortunately children very often believe that mistreatment from a loved one is a result of
what they deserve. We have to teach our children that this is not true, but instead, the parent or
guardian has a disease, which has spiraled out of control and has nothing to do with the child.
The behavior that children observe when growing up in a home with an alcoholic parent is so
impressive that most often the child grows up to act out what they learned by observing in how to

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handle difficult situations or emotions. Alcoholics turn to alcohol or some other type of self-destructive
behavior. Not all children grow up to continue the cycle of alcoholism. I narrowly escaped it, but sadly
many dont. I remember telling myself repeatedly, when my father would go into an alcoholic rage and
beat up on my mother, that I was never going to drink or marry a man with any vices. Yet, I found myself
drawn to the alcohol at moments when I felt that my life was out of control or when I felt deep sadness.
I hated myself for feeling this way and gave into it a few times. I recognized that I was practicing
something I had learned from my father as a coping mechanism. Caught in a desperate situation, I
sought professional help through a counselor. I learned to deal with my problems by facing them and
changing what I had control over. Such as, where I want to live and the environment that I can provide
for my children. I also learned I had no control over my fathers alcohol abuse and I cannot change his
addiction no matter how much I think Im helping. Often an alcoholic will continue to have a reason why
they think they need to drink. Children in situations similar to mine spend most of their childhood trying
to save their alcoholic parent by believing these reasons and trying to fix them or change them. Children
believe that if their parent loved them enough, they would give up drinking for them. This would be true
if for some reason the child was to blame for the problem, but children are never to be blamed. The root
of the problem goes much deeper and often before the child or children were born.
Psychological disruption can affect a child in so many ways. For one, it can force a child to
mature much faster than other children, therefore practically skipping a childhood which can then only
be experienced through storybooks. This distress can create intimacy problems and anger issues.
Kashubeck concluded that children of alcoholic parents can be affected in different ways, but almost
always the effects are negative, and that we should focus on bringing out the strengths of these children
and help to result a positive impact (2). For many young men, it is much easier to believe that it is a
manly thing to drink excessively, just like their father did. For young women, because they had an

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alcoholic father at home, they may think that it is acceptable to be in relationships with men that also
drink and behave violently towards them. A child who grows up in this environment can also draw away
from people and have the inability to concentrate in school, resulting in interruption of their studies.
Most of the psychological traumas can result in long lasting effects. My daydreaming hasnt shed from
me completely, but I have learned how to set it aside long enough to focus on something else. This type
of behavior can disrupt the ability for a child to advance with their peers and sometimes cause them to
fall behind or worse, can lead to dropping out of school or giving up on their dreams. We must take a
stand and form a commitment to make a difference. I realize most people are hesitant to help for many
reasons, but if each person was to help just one child in the world, our children would have a chance at
a brighter future.
One way to help make a difference in the lives of these children that are victims of circumstance
is to offer our kindness and listen to them through programs that can be created specifically for younger
age children. This provides a safe place where they are free to talk or listen to other children who face
similar situations. The worst and most confusing thing for a child is to feel alone and unwanted. It is a
cruel and dark world when so many people both young and old turn their head and do nothing while a
neighborhood child suffers. In this out of sight out of mind world we live in, we fail to reach out and save
a life when we might hold the power to make a difference in a childs life. We must show these children
that they are valued and that people care about what happens to them. We have to prove to them that
we will do all we can to offer as much sanity and normalcy to their scary and disruptive lives. Kashubeck
also proves that Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACAs) that had more social support, showed lower levels
of psychological distress (1). I propose that we create programs during regular school hours that offer
group sessions to all students who want to participate or want to just sit, listen, and hopefully become
encouraged or willing to participate. It would be a program that is offered to children who show signs of

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problems or children who approach a teacher or counselor and confide in the disruption that may be
happening at home. In the beginning, there might be hesitation, but with time it will be a known and
much needed resource. There are places that offer help and support groups throughout our
communities, but they are not always within reasonable distance. For other children, with an alcoholic
parent who is violent or abusive, there would be no other opportunity to attend outside of regular
school hours. These sessions should be led by compassionate individuals who are willing to educate and
give motivational testimonies, therefore creating an encouraging and supportive atmosphere. There
should be a place that allows children the ability to escape the solitude and realize that there are others
who have suffered and survived. There is no greater motivation than to witness a survivor through
his/her story. Places like Al-Annon/Alateen Family Groups, which can be found in Los Angeles County
and many other locations throughout the state, offer support group counseling to adults and to
teenagers. There are no current programs geared towards younger children. I strongly encourage young
adults to reach out to the younger children who look up to them. Young people must make an unselfish
decision to start making a difference now. This decision should not be next month or next year, to fulfill
a class project or an internship, but instead to do it because it is the right thing to do for humankind.
I encourage everyone to make a difference and volunteer at a local community or school as a
mentor. We must continue to do so until awareness is embedded, not only into the children of our
communities who suffer this immense problem, but also those who live good and fruitful lives because
all can benefit from this. We must think of the innocent children who suffer every day while we find
refuge in the safety of our homes. Some children are crying themselves to sleep feeling cold and hungry
because a neglectful alcoholic parent/guardian doesnt care for them as every child should be cared for.
Some children scream out for help and some suffer silently. As Pat Benatar so movingly cries in her song
Hell is for Children (1980):

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They cry in the dark, so you cant see their tears
They hide in the light, so you cant see their fears
Forgive and forget, all the while
Love and pain become one in the same
In the eyes of a wounded child
Because hell
Hell is for children
Benatars words tragically paint a portrait of hurt, scared, and confused children who sometimes live in
a cold dark world of terror at the hands of abuse and neglect. The safety of our children is the promise
of a future. We are responsible for our world and our people. We can make a difference by not looking
the other way, but instead face the dark and shed some light to those children who desperately need
our love, support, and help.
References
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Groups. Los Angeles-AFG Office of Southern California. 4936 Lankershim Blvd.
North Hollywood, CA. 91601. (818) 760-7122. Web. 24 Apr. 2014.

Benatar, Pat. Hell Is For Children. Crimes of Passion. Universal/BMG, 1980. CD.

Grande, Reyna. The Distance Between Us: A Memoir. New York: Washington Square Press, 2012. Print.

Kashubeck, Susan. Adult Children Of Alcoholics And Psychological Distress. Journal Of Counseling &
Development 72.5 (1994): 538-543. Business Source Elite. Web. 24 Feb. 2014


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Los Angeles County Department of Public Health. Office of Health Assessment and Epidemiology.
Reducing Alcohol-Related Harms in Los Angeles County: A Cities and Communities Health Report.
Revised Edition, December 2011. Web. 24 Feb. 2014