The Bindermeyer Theory

By: Nicholas Wardigo

CAST OF CHARACTERS
EDWIN BINDERMEYER A scientist in his late thirties, boo!or"ish, !ears
#lasses, lo! sel$%estee"&
A'AN O!ner o$ the ca$e, late t!enties, sel$%ass(re), lies to hel* *eo*le,
#oo) at #i+in# a)+ice, #oo) !ith *eo*le&
MARCY B(siness e,ec(ti+e in her late t!enties, +er- *rett-, easil- taes
o$$ense, has a )istinct $e"inist bent, sel$%s($$icient&
RAY Dri$ter%t-*e in his earl- thirties, (nsha+en, scr($$-, .(iet, ee*s to
hi"sel$, o$ten lost in another !orl)&
A'E/I 0(- in his earl- thirties, elo.(ent, !ell%"annere), a**reciati+e o$
bea(t-&&&as i$ he hasn1t seen an-thin# bea(ti$(l in se+eral cent(ries&
ROBERT Distin#(ishe) #entle"an in his si,ties, *olite, !ar"&
2ENNIFER So*histicate) !o"an in her si,ties, *recise, has a bit o$ an e)#e on
her 3in the st-le o$ Bett- Da+is4&
YO5N0 ROBERT Sa"e as ROBERT, b(t thirt- -ears -o(n#er&
YO5N0 2ENNIFER Sa"e as 2ENNIFER, b(t thirt- -ears -o(n#er&
SCARMI0'IONE A )e"on, bi#, i"*osin#, !ears a )ar s(it, hair is c(t short an)
slice) bac&
6AN The hal$%"an7hal$%#oat 0ree #o) o$ *astoral s*len)or&
3We are in Alan1s Ca$e at ten *ast ele+en at ni#ht& There is a co(nter !ith
stools 8o$ the bar +ariet-9 sta#e le$t& Behin) the co(nter are bins o$ co$$ee
beans, co$$ee "aers, es*resso "aers, co$$ee c(*s, etc& There are *ict(re
!in)o!s (*sta#e center an) sta#e ri#ht& The )oor lea)in# o(tsi)e is (*sta#e, to
the ri#ht o$ the !in)o!s& The )oor lea)in# to the la+ator- is sta#e le$t,
)o!nsta#e $ro" the co(nter& There are a n("ber o$ tables an) chairs set (*
insi)e the ca$e& There is nobo)- insi)e the sho* e,ce*t A'AN, !ho is behin) the
co(nter, !i*in# it !ith a ra#& 6AN enters $ro" o(tsi)e, crosses the roo" !ith a
certain a"o(nt o$ cociness, an) sto*s on the other si)e o$ the co(nter $ro"
A'AN&4
A'AN
Can I #et so"ethin# $or -o(, sir:
1
6AN
Yes, one ca**(ccino, *lease&
36AN br(shes bac tail an) sits on stool& A'AN brin#s hi" a ca**(ccino&
6resentl-, EDWIN enters the ca$e, )ishe+ele), !ith scorch "ars all o+er his
clothes, soot on his $ace, an) his hair a tan#le) "ess& 6AN )oesn1t tae notice
as EDWIN crosses to A'AN&4
A'AN
He-, Dr& B& Here in) o$ earl-, ain1t -o(:
EDWIN
3So"e!hat incoherent4 Alan:
A'AN
Yeah, Dr& B:
EDWIN
Where is e+er-one:
A'AN
Yo( beat the late cro!)& The- (s(all- co"e in aro(n) no!&
3E)!in $ranticall- scans the roo", s*ies 6AN, an) stares at the #o)1s bac&4
So, Dr& B, !hat1ll -o( ha+e: 3EDWIN )oesn1t ans!er4 Are -o( all ri#ht, Dr& B:
EDWIN
What ti"e is it:
A'AN
5h, abo(t ten *ast ele+en&
EDWIN
Ten *ast ele+en&&&ten *ast ele+en& Alan&&&
A'AN
Yeah:
EDWIN
I1" #oin# to the $acilit-&
A'AN
Oa-&
EDWIN
3Starts to!ar) la+ator-, sto*s s())enl-4 B(t $irst I nee) a c(* o$ co$$ee&
3A'AN *o(rs hi" a c(* o$ co$$ee&4
Than -o(&
3EDWIN taes the co$$ee an) ti*%toes across the $loor, scannin# it as i$
calc(latin# so"ethin#& He *o(rs the co$$ee on the $loor, so"e!here a!a- $ro" the
center o$ the roo"& He ret(rns the c(* to A'AN& 6AN )oesn1t notice an- o$ this&4
A'AN
2
Are -o( s(re -o(1re all ri#ht:
EDWIN
'isten to "e& It1s i"*ortant& Don1t "o* (* that co$$ee& 5n)erstan):
A'AN
S(re&
EDWIN
I1" #oin# to the $acilit- no!, b(t )on1t tell an-one I1" in there& Don1t tell
an-one I1" in the $acilit-, an) )on1t "o* (* the co$$ee& 5n)erstan):
A'AN
S(re&
3EDWIN e,its into the la+ator-& O+er the ne,t se+eral "in(tes, a cro!) a"asses
insi)e the ca$e& This cro!) incl()es YO5N0 ROBERT, YO5N0 2ENNIFER 8both sittin#
to#ether at the center table9, MARCY, RAY, ROBERT, A'E/I, an) SCARMI0'IONE 3!ho
sits so"e!here in the bac#ro(n)4& A'AN r(ns $ro" table to table, tain# or)ers,
*o(rin# co$$ee, "ain# san)!iches, etc& A$ter so"e ti"e, EDWIN re%enters $ro"
o(tsi)e, cleane) (*&4
A'AN
What )i) -o( )o, Dr& B: Cli"b o(t the !in)o!:
EDWIN
E,c(se "e:
A'AN
Yo(1+e been in the bathroo" $or $ort-%$i+e "in(tes, no!& Yo( loo a lot better,
b(t -o( co(l)1+e (se) the )oor to the ;ohn lie e+er-bo)- else, -o( no!&
EDWIN
Alan, I ;(st #ot o$$ "- !orst )a- o$ !or e+er, an) all I !ant ri#ht no! is a
c(* o$ es*resso&
A'AN
He-, -o( )i)n1t *a- "e $or the co$$ee be$ore&
EDWIN
36(llin# o(t a "one- bill an) sla**in# it on the co(nter4 Alan, this is a
h(n)re)%)ollar bill&
A'AN
Oa-&
EDWIN
I !ant -o( to tae it&
A'AN
Oa-&
EDWIN
What I !ant -o( to )o is set (* $i+e c(*s o$ es*resso ri#ht here in $ront o$ "e&
When I )rin the", -o(1re #oin# to re$ill the"& Then I1ll )rin the" a#ain, an)
-o(1ll re$ill the" a#ain& An) !e1ll ee* #oin# lie that (ntil I tell -o( to
sto*&
3
A'AN
36icin# (* bill an) e,a"inin# it4 Oa-&
3A'AN sets (* $i+e es*resso c(*s an) $ills the"& EDWIN o*ens (* a noteboo,
*(lls o(t a *en, an) !rites& EDWIN sa-s !hat he1s !ritin# o(t lo()&4
EDWIN
<The Bin)er"e-er Theor-=
3The c(*s are $ille)& EDWIN *(ts )o!n his *en an) )rins )o!n all $i+e c(*s lie
a ro! o$ shots& I""e)iatel- a$ter!ar), he co(#hs an) s*(tters, b(t #est(res
to!ar) the e"*t- c(*s& A'AN re$ills the"&4
A'AN
Nee) to sta- a!ae, Dr& B:
EDWIN
Sta- a!ae: No, Alan& Not .(ite&
A'AN
Yo( "in) i$ I as !h- -o(1re )oin# this to -o(rsel$:
EDWIN
Science&
A'AN
'ie !hat: Anato"- or so"ethin#:
EDWIN
'ater&
A'AN
Are -o( oa-:
EDWIN
I1" tire)& I1" tire) o$ !atchin# "- s(*er+isor tae cre)it $or e+er- little
thin# I acco"*lish& I1" tire) o$ lettin# hi" !al all o+er "e an) !atchin# hi"
#et a!a- !ith it&
A'AN
So stan) (* to hi"&
EDWIN
I can1t, Alan& I ;(st )on1t ha+e it in "e&
A'AN
Yo(1re )oin# $ine ri#ht no!&
EDWIN
I1" here& At the lab, thin#s are so"eho!&&&)i$$erent& 36a(se4 Ho! are thin#s
#oin# $or -o(:
A'AN
Sa"e as al!a-s& Yo( no! ho! it is&
EDWIN
4
Ho!1s the cro!) toni#ht:
A'AN
An interestin# b(nch& A co(*le bi>arros& A co(*le lonelies& A #oo) "i,& O+er
there in the "i))le !e #ot a co(*le lo+ebir)s&
EDWIN
3'ooin# at YO5N0 ROBERT an) YO5N0 2ENNIFER4 The- loo ha**-&
A'AN
Yeah, the- loo #oo) to#ether& Not a lot o$ "one-, b(t the-1re in lo+e&
EDWIN
Yo( no! the":
A'AN
No&
EDWIN
Ho! )o -o( no! all that, then:
A'AN
The- #(- or)ere) t!o ice) co$$ees, an) the- s*lit a san)!ich&
EDWIN
An)&&&
A'AN
An) the #(- !o(l)1+e or)ere) t!o san)!iches, b(t he )i)n1t ha+e the "one-&
EDWIN
Ma-be the-1re not that h(n#r-&
A'AN
He still !o(l)1+e or)ere) t!o& The-1re in lo+e&
EDWIN
Yo( )on1t no! that& That co(l) be a #(- on a $lin# !ith his secretar-, an) he1s
too chea* to b(- t!o san)!iches&
A'AN
3Shain# his hea)4 I tol) -o(& The-1re )rinin# ice) co$$ees&
EDWIN
So:
A'AN
Yo( )on1t )rin ice) co$$ee !ith so"eone (nless -o(1re in lo+e&
3EDWIN tries to res*on), can1t, an) )rins the line o$ es*ressos instea)& He
co(#hs a#ain, b(t not as ba)l-& A'AN re$ills the c(*s&4
EDWIN
So, !ho else ha+e !e #ot toni#ht:
A'AN
Well, !e ha+e so"e in) o$ #oat%"an o+er there&
5
EDWIN
3'ooin# at 6AN4 No! there1s so"ethin# -o( )on1t see e+er- )a-&
A'AN
Yeah, an) !e ha+e a lonel-heart o+er there& See hi": The ol)er #(- !ho ee*s
looin# at the lo+ebir)s !hen he thins no one1s !atchin1&
EDWIN
3'ooin# at ROBERT4 Yes, he loos lie he hasn1t a $rien) in the !orl)&
A'AN
That, an) he or)ere) a tea !ith le"on&
EDWIN
Alan, lots o$ *eo*le )rin tea !ith le"on&
A'AN
At ho"e, s(re& B(t not in a *(blic *lace& Not !hen -o( can )rin ;(st as #oo) a
c(* in the co"$ort o$ -o(r (n)er!ear or !hat ha+e -o(& So"eone taes the tro(ble
to sho!er, #et )resse), an) #o to a co$$ee sho*, an) the- onl- or)er a tea !ith
le"on, -o( no! the-1re $eelin# blan)&
3EDWIN loos at hi" $or a secon), then )o!ns the line o$ es*ressos& A'AN
re$ills&4
EDWIN
So, lonel- *eo*le or)er tea !ith le"on&
A'AN
So"eti"es& An) so"eti"es the- #ot a taste $or co$$ee !ith a #allon o$ crea" in
it& Tho(#h that1s "ore the thin# $or )e*resse) *eo*le than lonel-hearts& That1s
!hat the la)- is )rinin#&
EDWIN
Who:
A'AN
The la)-& The one in the )ress that ;(st #ot (* to tal to the scr($$- #(-&
EDWIN
3Sees MARCY4 Oh& She1s reall- *rett-&
A'AN
S(re is, Dr& B& B(t there1s "ore crea" than co$$ee in that c(* o$ hers&
So"ethin#1s #ot her )o!n& An) that #(- isn1t #oin# to be "(ch hel*&
EDWIN
Wh-1s that:
A'AN
He1s )rinin# so)a !ater, the )rin o$ a $r(strate) "an&
EDWIN
Well, I1" s(re Marc- !ill $i#(re that o(t $or hersel$&
A'AN
6
Yo( no! her, Dr& B:
EDWIN
No, she ;(st sai) her na"e& Di)n1t -o( hear:
A'AN
Hear !hat:
EDWIN
The "an sai), <Yo(r na"e !o(l)n1t be Mar-ann 0it>s"e+it>, !o(l) it:= An) she
sai), <No, it1s Marc-&=
A'AN
Dr& B, -o( co(l)n1t ha+e hear) the"& The-1re clear across the roo"&
EDWIN
3Raisin# an e-ebro!4 Reall-: 3Writin#4 Fi$teen c(*s Senses beco"e enhance)&
3The $oc(s o$ the action no! )ri$ts a!a- $ro" EDWIN an) A'AN an) onto MARCY an)
RAY& RAY is seate), starin# into his so)a !ater& MARCY stan)s ne,t to his table,
hol)in# her co$$ee&4
MARCY
I1" sorr-& I )i)n1t no! -o( !ere e,*ectin# so"eone&
RAY
I1" not&
MARCY
The- !h- )i) -o( as i$ I !as Mar-ann 0it>&&&0it>s"ert&&&&
RAY
0it>s"e+it>&
MARCY
So"eone -o( no!:
RAY
No&
MARCY
36a(se4 What1s -o(r na"e:
RAY
Ra-& M- na"e is Ra-& I (se) to !or in a ban& I )on1t no!&
MARCY
36a(se4 That1s interestin#&
RAY
No, it1s not& Not at all& E+er-one no!s bans aren1t interestin#& E+en i)s&
E+er as a i) !hat he !ants to be !hen he #ro!s (*: The- al!a-s sa- a co!bo- or
an astrona(t or a $ire"an& The- #et ol)er an) it1s a roc star or a $ootball
*la-er& Then a little ol)er an) it1s a )octor or la!-er or electrical en#ineer&
B(t ne+er a baner& Yo( no! !h-: Nothin# e+er ha**ens& Yo( no! !hat I )i) on
"- ;ob: I stare) at a co"*(ter screen an) !atche) a b(nch o$ n("bers #o to a
b(nch o$ na"es& Fort- ho(rs a !ee& It !as nice !hen it starte)& 0oo) *a-&
7
Stea)- ho(rs& No hea+- labor& I !as e+en able to rela,, ;(st !atch the scrollin#
na"es, "ae s(re all the n("bers !ere ri#ht& Then I sa! that one na"e #o b-&
3Stares into s*ace4
MARCY
What na"e:
RAY
Mar-ann 0it>s"e+it>& Her na"e& I sa! her na"e& It scrolle) ri#ht b-, an) I
co(l)n1t sto* it& I co(l)n1t brin# it bac& It !as #one, an) there !as a screen
$(ll o$ all these other na"es& Well, I !ent bac to !or, b(t e+er- other screen
or so, I s!ear I sa! <Mar-ann 0it>s"e+it>=, *lain as )a-& Then I bline) an) sa!
it !as <Martha 0ertr()e= or <Mable 0l(cose= or !hate+er& The na"e !as #one& As
the !ees !ent b-, I starte) thinin# abo(t her "ore an) "ore& Not onl- at !or,
b(t in "- )rea"s& I e*t hearin# her +oice, a sil+er- sort o$ sin#in# +oice lie
in those 0er"an car co""ercials, sa-in#, <Ra-& I1" here, Ra-&= An) I1) as !ho
an) the +oice !o(l) sa-, <Mar-ann 0it>s"e+it>&= I co(l)n1t #et her o(t o$ "-
hea)& I )e)icate) son#s to her on the ra)io& When I too a sho!er, I1) !rite her
na"e on the stea"e)%(* tiles, "ain# the <M= an) <0= reall- bi# an) c(rl-%c(e
lie on all those ol) )oc("ents& I e+en bo(#ht a #ol)$ish ;(st so I co(l) na"e
it Mar-ann 0it>s"e+it>& E+ent(all-, she !as all I co(l) thin abo(t& I co(l)n1t
concentrate at !or& E+er- other na"e looe) lie Mar-ann 0it>s"e+it>& I starte)
"ain# "istaes& One )a-, I let a na"e sli* b- !ith t!o or three too "an- >eros
attache) to it, an) I !as on the street& B(t I )i)n1t sto* looin#& I *ore) o+er
*hone boo a$ter *hone boo, searchin#, searchin#& When she !asn1t in the local
*hone boos, I or)ere) o(t%o$%state *hone boos b- "ail& I too o(t a)s in The
Ne! Yor Ti"es, The Chica#o Trib(ne, The 'os An#eles Ti"es? <Mar-ann 0it>s"e+it>
6lease call "e Ra-=, !ith "- *hone n("ber& I #ot a can o$ s*ra- *aint an)
!rote, <Where are -o(, Mar-ann 0it>s"e+it>:= on "- car an) )ro+e it across the
co(ntr-&
MARCY
She "(st ha+e been +er- s*ecial&
RAY
She is&
MARCY
What !as she lie:
RAY
I )on1t no!&
MARCY
What )o -o( "ean, -o( )on1t no!:
RAY
Well, I1+e ne+er "et her& I ;(st sa! her na"e once, b(t I ne+er $o(n) her&
MARCY
Yo( "ean to tell "e -o( lost -o(r ;ob, *(t a)s e+er-!here, an) )ro+e across the
co(ntr- beca(se -o(1re obsesse) !ith a na"e in a co"*(ter:
RAY
Not ;(st a na"e& Her na"e&
MARCY
B(t -o( onl- sa! it once& An) -o( ne+er sa! her&
8
RAY
Well, ho! "an- ti"es )i) Moses see the b(rnin# b(sh: Ho! "an- a**les $ell on
Ne!ton1s hea) be$ore he #ot the i)ea: Ins*iration is a .(ic thin#& 6oo$, an)
there1s the Sistine Cha*el& 6oo$, an) there1s Beetho+en1s Fi$th& 6oo$, an)
there1s Mar-ann 0it>s"e+it>& I no! I1" $ate) $or this& I can $eel it in e+er-
bone& She1s o(t there so"e!here& An) )a"n it, I1" #oin# to $in) her&
3There is a lon#, (nco"$ortable *a(se& D(rin# it, RAY ret(rns his stare to his
)rin& MARCY #lances aro(n) the ca$e ner+o(sl-& She s*ots A'E/I starin# at her&
She #lares at hi" to )iss(a)e hi", b(t he contin(es to stare&4
MARCY
E,c(se "e&
3MARCY crosses to A'E/I& RAY )oesn1t e+en notice her lea+e&4
3To A'E/I4 Was there so"ethin# -o( !ante):
A'E/I
No&
MARCY
Di) it e+er occ(r to -o( that I "i#ht not en;o- bein# looe) at:
A'E/I
I1" sorr-& It1s ;(st that I thin -o( are the "ost bea(ti$(l thin# I ha+e e+er
seen&
MARCY
A" I s(**ose) to be $lattere) no!:
A'E/I
So"e !o"en no! ho! to tae a co"*li"ent&
MARCY
Yes, !ell, so"e !o"en "a- $all o+er at a *rett- !or), b(t -o( sho(l) be than$(l
I )on1t *o(r -o(r )rin o+er -o(r hea)&
A'E/I
M- )rin is e"*t-&
MARCY
An) that1s the onl- reason -o(1re )r-&
A'E/I
No!, no!& I )on1t s(**ose it1s e+er- )a- a !o"an hears she1s bea(ti$(l&
MARCY
Yo( ha+e no i)ea !hat I hear e+er- )a-&
A'E/I
Care$(l, Miss& @anit- is a )an#ero(s thin#&
MARCY
@anit-, nothin#A Do -o( reali>e I ha+e a Masters $ro" Col("bia: Do -o( reali>e I
#ra)(ate) secon) in a class o$ se+ent-: Do -o( reali>e I co(l)1+e !ore)
an-!here I !ante):
9
A'E/I
I sho(l) thin I co(l) har)l- reali>e that& I )on1t e+en no! -o(r na"e&
MARCY
3Thro(#h clenche) teeth4 Marc-&
A'E/I
Hello, Marc-& I1" calle) Ale,i& I !o(l) lie it +er- "(ch i$ -o( !o(l) sit an)
chat !ith "e&
MARCY
I1" s(re -o( !o(l)& S*en) a .(iet e+enin# !ith a *rett- $ace&
A'E/I
Is there so"ethin# !ron# !ith that:
MARCY
Ma-be I1" sic o$ bein# a *rett- $aceA E+er thin o$ that: E+er thin "a-be I1+e
#ot a real brain: E+er thin "a-be I1" sic o$ #ettin# *ro"ote) beca(se so"e
+ice%*resi)ent tho(#ht I ha) a nice ass: E+er thin at all:
A'E/I
Yes& Ri#ht no! I thin -o(1re bein# terribl- bitter to!ar) so"eone -o( )on1t
e+en no!&
MARCY
Biss "- assA Yo(1+e been starin# at "e this !hole ti"e lie a *iece o$ "eatA
A'E/I
Or a !or o$ art&
MARCY
Art has nothin# to )o !ith it&
A'E/I
Art has +er- "(ch to )o !ith it& A$ter all, !hat is art b(t a *h-sical
"ani$estation o$ e"otion: An) !hat is the h("an bo)- b(t an o(t!ar) e,*ression
o$ the sel$:
MARCY
So -o(1re sa-in# I sho(l) be ha**- !hen a b(nch o$ constr(ction !orers !histle
beca(se I #a+e the" an erection:
A'E/I
6eo*le loo at -o(, an) the- $eel bea(t-& That is art& That is !hat it "eans to
$eel ali+e& 36a(se to loo a!a- $or the $irst ti"e4 'et "e tell -o( a stor-&
There !as once a "an !ho s*ent a +er- lon# ti"e not seein# an- bea(ti$(l thin#s&
The- !ere al!a-s there aro(n) hi", he ;(st ne+er sa! the"& He )i)n1t care& He
!as !hat -o( "i#ht call a *ractical "an& For a lon# ti"e, his onl- concern !as
sec(rit-& For -ears he !ore) e,tra ho(rs, thro(#h the ni#ht an) holi)a-s,
sa+e), s*ent as little as he co(l) to )ress )ecentl- an) eat "o)eratel-& A$ter
"(ch !or an) s($$erin# he a"asse) so"ethin# o$ a $ort(ne& An) $or a !hile this
"a)e hi" ha**-, (ntil he )isco+ere) !ith a certain a"o(nt o$ horror that he
ha) nothin# to s*en) it on& He ha) nothin#& An) so it re"aine) $or the rest o$
his li$e& 36a(se4 Yo( see, i$ I loo (*on -o(, I can $eel a little o$ !hat it is
to be ali+e& An) *erha*s that is so"ethin# I can ee* !ith "e&
10
MARCY
Is this the *art !here I s!oon:
A'E/I
Oh, Marc-, I be# -o(, )on1t be a +icti" o$ -o(r o!n +anit-&
MARCY
I1ll be a +icti" o$ an-thin# I lie&
A'E/I
3Thinin#4 Yo( sai) -o( st()ie)& S(rel- -o( rea) Dante:
MARCY
A little&
A'E/I
Then s(rel- -o( no! !hat ha**ene) to '(ci$er, the "ost bea(ti$(l o$ 0o)1s
creations, !ho $ell +icti" to +anit- an) rose a#ainst his 'or)& He !as cast $ro"
Hea+en into the )ee*est bo!els o$ Hell, s(b"er#e) to his !aist in the $ro>en
!aters o$ Coc-t(s, ne+er a#ain *er"itte) a #li"*se o$ *ara)ise, #nashin# his
teeth in tor"ent, beatin# his !in#s a#ainst the s(r$ace o$ the ice $or all
eternit-& I !as ;(st !on)erin# i$ -o( ne! that&
MARCY
3'on# *a(se4 E,c(se "e, I nee) "ore co$$ee&
3MARCY crosses to the co(nter& A'AN lea+es EDWIN to !ait on her& A'E/I tries
har) not to stare at her& The $oc(s o$ attention is on MARCY an) A'AN&4
A'AN
Can I #et -o( so"ethin#:
MARCY
Yes, I1) lie a re$ill&
A'AN
Co"in# ri#ht (*& 3Be#ins to re$ill MARCY1S c(*4
MARCY
Onl- hal$ !a-&
3A'AN obli#es& MARCY attacs a nearb- bo!l o$ crea"ers, *(ttin# an insane a"o(nt
o$ crea" in her co$$ee an) tossin# the e"*t- crea"ers in an ashtra-& A'AN
!atches her )o this !ith so"e interest, an) hal$!a- thro(#h, he interr(*ts&4
A'AN
Yo( no!, I co(l) #et -o( so"e $resh crea" i$ it s(its -o(, Miss&
MARCY
No, than -o(& This is $ine&
3MARCY contin(es )("*in# in crea"& A$ter $o(rteen, she sto*s, stirs the co$$ee
!ith a $in#er, an) si*s& She *(ts in three "ore, stirs, si*s, an) ret(rns to her
ori#inal table alone& A'AN ret(rns to EDWIN, !hich is !here the $oc(s o$
attention has shi$te)&4
11
A'AN
3To EDWIN4 Se+enteen crea"s& Se+enteen crea"s& That la)-&&&
EDWIN
Marc-&
A'AN
&&&Marc-, *(t se+enteen crea"s in her co$$ee& Yo( can1t tell "e she ain1t so"e
in) o$ )e*resse)& Not !hen she1s )rinin# that in) o$ concoction&
EDWIN
5h, Alan&
A'AN
Yeah, Dr& B:
3EDWIN #est(res to the e"*t- c(*s& A'AN re$ills&4
Yo( no!, -o( ne+er )i) tell "e !hat -o(1re )oin#&
EDWIN
E,*eri"entin#&
A'AN
Yeah, b(t !hat are -o( tr-in# to *ro+e:
EDWIN
It1s ;(st an i)ea I !as *la-in# !ith !hen "- s(*er+isor !as harassin# "e& I1ll
tell -o( abo(t it later& Ri#ht no!, I1) lie to hear "ore abo(t the *eo*le in
the sho*&
32ENNIFER enters the sho* an) sits at a table on the e,act o**osite si)e o$ the
center table $ro" ROBERT&4
A'AN
S(re thin#, Dr& B& B(t ri#ht no!, I #ot another c(sto"er&
EDWIN
The "i))le%a#e) !o"an:
3A'AN #a*es, then loos at the co$$ee bins behin) the co(nter an) la(#hs&4
A'AN
Yo( sa! her re$lection on the co$$ee bin co+ers, h(h: 6rett- slic& I1ll be
ri#ht bac, Dr& B& I ;(st nee) to $in) o(t !hat she !ants&
EDWIN
I e,*ect a $(ll re*ort on her character !hen -o( ret(rn&
A'AN
Yo( #ot it&
EDWIN
Oh, an) )i) -o( notice ho! Mr& 'onel-heart1s e-es lit (* !hen she ca"e in:
A'AN
No, an) neither )i) -o(& Yo(r bac !as to hi" the !hole ti"e& 3Crosses to
12
2ENNIFER4
EDWIN
3Writin#4 Fort- c(*s De+elo*s e,tra%sensor- *erce*tion&
3The $oc(s o$ attention "o+es to A'AN an) 2ENNIFER& A'AN "aes a !i)e circle
aro(n) the ca$e so as to a**roach 2ENNIFER $ro" behin)& He *(lls o(t a *a) an)
*en& 2ENNIFER is r(""a#in# thro(#h a *(rse, stealin# #lances at YO5N0 ROBERT an)
YO5N0 2ENNIFER& A'AN sto*s at 2ENNIFER1S si)e&4
A'AN
C(te co(*le, h(h:
2ENNIFER
3Fri#htene), )ro*s her *(rse4 Is it that ob+io(s:
A'AN
No, Ma1a"& Not ob+io(s& 6robabl- !h- I notice) it& Here, let "e hel*& 3Bneels
an) re*laces the *(rse1s s*ille) contents4 I1" sorr- $or scarin# -o(, Ma1a"&
2ENNIFER
That1s all ri#ht& It !as "- $a(lt& I !as o$$ in another !orl)&
A'AN
I no! !hat -o( "ean& I #et lie that so"eti"es "-sel$& 3Ret(rns *(rse4
2ENNIFER
Than -o(& I a**reciate it&
A'AN
No *roble", Ma1a"& So"ethin# I can #et -o(:
2ENNIFER
2(st a c(* o$ tea, i$ -o( )on1t "in)&
A'AN
Don1t "in) at all& 3Writes in *a)4 I )on1t s(**ose -o(1) lie le"on !ith that:
2ENNIFER
Act(all-, that so(n)s .(ite nice&
A'AN
I tho(#ht it "i#ht&
2ENNIFER
Ho! )o -o( "ean:
A'AN
Well, it1s ;(st "- e,*erience that lonel- $ols )rin tea !ith le"on& An),
e,c(se "e $or sa-in# this, b(t -o( sort o$ str(c "e that !a-&
2ENNIFER
'et "e #(ess& Beca(se it1s not ob+io(s, ri#ht:
A'AN
So"ethin# lie that& I #et .(ite a $e! lonelies in here& Es*eciall- at this
ho(r&
13
2ENNIFER
That )oesn1t s(r*rise "e&
A'AN
As a "atter o$ $act, the #entle"an o+er there is )rinin# a tea !ith le"on, too&
Oh, *ar)on "e, Ma1a", I1" nee)e)& I1ll brin# -o(r tea aro(n) in a "in(te& Ho*e
-o(1re $eelin# better&
2ENNIFER
Than -o(&
3A'AN sca"*ers o$$ to !ait on SCARMI0'IONE& The $oc(s o$ attention re"ains on
2ENNIFER, !ho loos be-on) the center table to s*- ROBERT on the other si)e&
The- stare at each other, !ith a loo o$ reco#nition& Attention ret(rns to A'AN,
!ho lea+es SCARMI0'IONE an) ret(rns to the co(nter an) EDWIN& A'AN re$ills
EDWIN1S c(*s&4
EDWIN
So !hat1s the stor-, Alan: 3Drins the line4
A'AN
3While #ettin# a c(* o$ tea an) a c(* o$ co$$ee rea)-4 Another tea !ith le"on&
See"e) nice eno(#h, ;(st lonel-& Ma-be a *otential "atch $or Mr& 'onel-heart&
Abo(t the ri#ht a#e& So I in) o$ cas(all- n()#e) her in his )irection& Yo(
no!, all s(btle%lie& 3Re$ills the es*resso c(*s4
EDWIN
That !as nice o$ -o(&
A'AN
Yeah, !ell, it1s sort o$ "- ;ob, Dr& B& An-one can ;(st *o(r co$$ee or "ae a
san)!ich& B(t the *a-o$$ is in tain# the tro(ble to hel* so"eone o(t i$ -o(
can&
EDWIN
Yo(1re one in a "illion, Alan& 3Raises an es*resso c(* in toast4 Here1s to -o(&
3Do!ns the line4
A'AN
3Re$ills4 Thans, Dr& B& That "eans a lot to "e&
EDWIN
Who1s the other c(* $or:
A'AN
H""": Oh, the #(- o+er there at the table !a- in bac& The one !ith the )ar
s(it an) slic hairc(t& This is the thir) co$$ee since he1s been here& Drins it
blac& I can1t #et a rea) on the #(-& It1s lie he1s !aitin# $or so"ethin#& I
)on1t no!& I ;(st can1t see" to $i#(re hi" o(t&
EDWIN
3Do!ns the line4 He1s a )e"on&
A'AN
I1ll sa- he is& Bea)- little e-es& The !a- he h(nches o+er his co$$ee& Not the
in) o$ "an I1) tr(st in a h(rr-& Ties his tie a bit too ti#ht& Sa-, Dr& B,
14
-o(1re *(ttin# these thin#s a!a- a!$(ll- $ast&
EDWIN
What can I sa-, Alan: Ca$$eine "aes "e thirst-&
A'AN
'or) no!s !here -o(1re *(ttin# it&
3A'AN re$ills the c(*s& As he re*laces the *ot, EDWIN !rites&4
EDWIN
3Writin#4 Si,t- c(*s Abilit- to i)enti$- bein#s $ro" lo!er )i"ensions&
A'AN
3Ret(rnin#4 Thin -o( can tell "e !hat this is all abo(t, Dr& B:
EDWIN
Abo(t: It1s abo(t science, AlanA It1s abo(t heartA It1s abo(t *(shin# "an
$arther an) $arther, e,ten)in# one1s li"its, reachin# $or the #ol)en $leeceA
A'AN
Can1t sa- as I no! "(ch abo(t that&
EDWIN
No, b(t -o( shall& 3Do!ns the line4
3A'AN hesitates& He re$ills the c(*s& B- the ti"e he #ets to the $i$th, EDWIN
has alrea)- )o!ne) the $irst& B- the ti"e A'AN li$ts (* the *ot, the entire line
is cons("e)& A'AN hol)s the *ot in "i)%air, starin# at EDWIN& EDWIN stares
bac&4
EDWIN
Another ro(n), Alan, i$ -o( *lease&
A'AN
I ne+er tho(#ht I1) hear "-sel$ sa- this in a co$$ee *lace, b(t&&&)on1t -o(
thin -o(1+e ha) eno(#h alrea)-:
EDWIN
Yo( no!, there !as a $a"o(s scientist na"e) Sinner, !ho (se) to loc cats in
bo,es to st()- their tho(#ht *rocesses !hile esca*in#& This !as all $ine an)
)an)- (ntil he !ante) to st()- ho! h("an tho(#ht *rocesses )e+elo*e)& Then he
ha) no choice b(t to loc his o!n in$ant )a(#hter in a bo,, so"eti"es $or ho(rs&
Mo)ern science has learne) a lot $ro" Sinner, b(t *robabl- the "ost i"*ortant
thin# is that it1s #enerall- not a #oo) i)ea to loc -o(r i) in a bo,&
A'AN
36a(se4 So !hat1s that s(**ose) to "ean:
EDWIN
3Co(nter%*a(se4 It "eans, *o(r "e another ro(n) o$ es*resso&
3A'AN consi)ers, shr(#s, an) re$ills the c(*s& He *laces the tea an) co$$ee on a
tra- an) )e*arts&4
A'AN
I1ll be ri#ht bac, Dr& B& 6ro"ise "e -o(1ll tae these slo!l-, oa-:
15
EDWIN
Absol(tel-&
3EDWIN )rains the c(*s be$ore A'AN is ten *aces a!a-& He s*ins on his stool an)
st()ies the ca$e& He #ets (* an) crosses to MARCY&4
EDWIN
E,c(se "e, -o(r na"e is Marc-, isn1t it:
MARCY
Yes&
EDWIN
Mine is E)!in& I )on1t "ean to bother -o(, b(t !o(l) -o( "in) stan)in# (*:
MARCY
Stan)in# (*:
EDWIN
6lease&
3MARCY stan)s&4
EDWIN
Than -o(& No! tae t!o no, three, bi# ste*s bac!ar), a!a- $ro" the table&
Oh, here, tae -o(r co$$ee !ith -o(& 3'ea)s MARCY bac4 There, no! ;(st stan)
there&
MARCY
I )on1t (n)erstan)&&&&
EDWIN
It1s si"*le& I1" "ar+elo(sl- eccentric&
3EDWIN ret(rns to his seat an) !rites& MARCY stan)s b- hersel$, hol)in# a c(* o$
co$$ee, ob+io(sl- looin# (nco"$ortable&4
EDWIN
3Writin#4 Se+ent-%$i+e c(*s Abilit- to $oresee the i""e)iate $(t(re&
3Attention shi$ts to YO5N0 ROBERT an) YO5N0 2ENNIFER& The- stan) an) al"ost
*ro"ena)e to the e,it& As the- near the )oor, ROBERT #a>in# at the co(*le
stan)s an) slo!l- *lo)s a!a- $ro" his table& The co(*le iss& ROBERT is
en#rosse)& When the co(*le lea+es, ROBERT reels as tho(#h $aint an) st("bles
into MARCY1S table& MARCY )ashes to hi"&4
MARCY
Are -o( all ri#ht:
3ROBERT see"s too incoherent to s*ea& A'AN r(shes to the"&4
A'AN
Tae it eas-& I1" callin# an a"b(lance&
ROBERT
3Beco"in# coherent4 No, no& That1s all ri#ht& I ;(st beca"e )i>>- $or a "o"ent,
16
that1s all&
A'AN
Are -o( s(re: Yo( loo a little *ale&
ROBERT
Yes, I1" $ine& 3Stan)s4 I1ll ;(st sit $or a !hile to be s(re& I1" sorr- $or
bein# s(ch a n(isance&
A'AN
3S"ilin#4 Yo(1re not a n(isance at all&
MARCY
3Tain# ROBERT1S ar"4 I1ll !al -o( to -o(r table&
ROBERT
That1s +er- in) o$ -o(&
MARCY
3'ea)in# ROBERT to his table4 There -o( are& No!, are -o( s(re -o(1re all ri#ht:
ROBERT
Yes, I ;(st ha) an enco(nter !ith an ol) #host, that1s all&
MARCY
0host:
ROBERT
Ha+e -o( e+er ha) so"ethin#, so"ethin# -o( cherishe) $or a lon# ti"e, an) then
lost it:
MARCY
S(ch as&&&
ROBERT
'o+e&
MARCY
No, I1+e ne+er ha) that&
ROBERT
Then -o( ha+en1t li+e) -et& It1s so"ethin# !on)er$(l an) a"a>in# ;(st lie in
all the $air- tales& B(t !hen it1s #one, it lea+es a hole that e+ent(all- #ets
$ille) (* !ith re#ret& As "(ch re#ret as there !as lo+e& So -o( start looin#
bac to the )a-s !hen the re#ret !asn1t there& Yo( tr- +er- har) to reli+e those
)a-s& Then the ti"e co"es !hen those )a-s loo bac at -o(& An), !ell, -o( start
$allin# into tables&
3MARCY la(#hs&4
ROBERT
Do -o( (n)erstan):
MARCY
I thin so&
ROBERT
17
Then -o( no! I1ll be all ri#ht&
MARCY
Oa-, b(t i$ -o( nee) "e&&&
ROBERT
Robert&
MARCY
&&&Robert, I1ll be ri#ht o+er there& Tae care& 3Bisses his chee4
ROBERT
I $eel better alrea)-&
3MARCY la(#hs a#ain an) ret(rns to her table& A'AN has reset it, re$ille) her
co$$ee 8hal$%!a-9 an) set an entire bo!l o$ crea"ers on it& Attention $oc(ses on
ROBERT an) on 2ENNIFER, !ho crosses to hi"&4
2ENNIFER
Hello, Robert&
ROBERT
Hello, 2enni$er&
2ENNIFER
Ma- I sit )o!n:
ROBERT
O$ co(rse&
2ENNIFER
3Sittin#4 So, Robert, still "ain# a s*ectacle o$ -o(rsel$, I see&
ROBERT
2enni$er, it1s o+er& There1s no nee) to be so bitter& No here& Not no!&
2ENNIFER
Yes, here an) no!& The ni#ht -o( ase) "e to "arr- -o( thirt- -ears a#o&
ROBERT
Di) -o( see ho! -o(n# !e looe):
2ENNIFER
I sa!&
ROBERT
0o), !e !ere so -o(n#&
2ENNIFER
An) $oolish&
ROBERT
We ha) no "one-&
2ENNIFER
No one to hel* (s&
18
ROBERT
No chance&
2ENNIFER
We ha) each other&
ROBERT
36a(se4 Wh- are -o( here:
2ENNIFER
Wh- are -o(:
ROBERT
Do -o( re"e"ber !hat it !as lie:
2ENNIFER
To be in lo+e:
ROBERT
To be in lo+e !ith "e&
2ENNIFER
3Thinin#4 I re"e"ber !alin# !ith -o( on the bac streets o$ the So(th Si)e& It
!as *itch )ar& The street li#hts !ere o(t $or so"e reason& I co(l)n1t see
an-thin# an) e*t tri**in# o+er the *a+e"ent& I re"e"ber ho! ti#htl- -o( hel) "-
han) to "ae s(re I !o(l)n1t $all& I co(l) al"ost $eel the bloo) bein# s.(ee>e)
o(t, b(t I )i)n1t sa- an-thin# beca(se I !ante) -o( to hol) "e that ti#ht& It
e*t "e sec(re, so"eho!& Then !e sto**e) at a railin#, an) there belo! (s the
ri+er stretche) $or "iles& I co(l) barel- hear the ol) stea"boats #oin# b-, all
lit (* lie Christ"as trees& An) the cit- #lo!e) on the other si)e, across the
bri)#e& It !as lie !e ha) ste**e) into a "a#ical !orl)&
ROBERT
When !as that:
2ENNIFER
Toni#ht& Abo(t an ho(r $ro" no!& 2(st be$ore -o( *ro*ose)&
ROBERT
3Ch(clin#4 0o), I !as so ner+o(s& It !as all I co(l) )o to ee* "- han)s $ro"
shain#&
2ENNIFER
Yo(r han)s !ere shain#&
ROBERT
The- !ere:
2ENNIFER
Yes& E+en !hile -o( !ere issin# "e& I co(l) $eel the" tre"ble a#ainst "- bac&
ROBERT
Yo( ne+er sai) an-thin#&
2ENNIFER
I )i)n1t "in)& 3'on# *a(se4 Where )i) !e #o !ron#:
19
ROBERT
I thin !e lost so"ethin# i"*ortant& When I *ro*ose), !hen I sai) that I lo+e)
-o(, there !as so"ethin# "a#ical abo(t it& For that "o"ent, it !as the onl-
thin# that "attere)& Then !e starte) learnin# abo(t checin# acco(nts, an) ta,
$or"s, an) ho! to !or t!o ;obs& I thin that, so"e!here alon# the line, !e
sto**e) belie+in# in "a#ic& We sto**e) belie+in# in each other&
2ENNIFER
Robert, !h- are -o( here:
ROBERT
It1s been thirt- -ears, lon# eno(#h to $or#et !hat it !as lie& Wh- are -o(
here:
2ENNIFER
Beca(se I re"e"ber !hat it !as lie&
3A'AN arri+es at the table&4
A'AN
E,c(se "e, Sir, are -o( thro(#h !ith -o(r c(*:
ROBERT
Yes, tae it&
3A'AN senses the a!!ar) "o"ent an) h(rries to clean (* the table an) ret(rn to
the co(nter an) EDWIN& The $oc(s o$ attention $ollo!s hi"&4
A'AN
Well, I #(ess I *(t "- $oot in it that ti"e&
EDWIN
Don1t !orr- too "(ch& The- !eren1t )oin# too !ell to be#in !ith&
A'AN
3Re$ills c(*s4 Oh, I )on1t no! abo(t that& The- looe) lie the- !ere carr-in#
on +er- !ell&
EDWIN
S(re, that1s the !a- it looe), an) that1s !hat the- !ant, b(t the-1re not #oin#
to )o an-thin# abo(t it&
A'AN
An) !h-1s that:
EDWIN
The- thin the-1re ol)& 3Drins4
A'AN
Yo(1re ne+er too ol) to li+e, Dr& B&
EDWIN
Yo( no!, -o( co(l) tell the" that& It "i#ht hel* the" o(t&
A'AN
No, I1+e alrea)- )one !hat I can& An-thin# else !o(l) "(c it (*& I$ an-thin#1s
#oin# to co"e o(t o$ this, it1s (* to the"&
20
EDWIN
B(t -o( !o(l) hel* the", i$ -o( tho(#ht -o( co(l)&
A'AN
Well, s(re, Dr& B& It1s lie I sai) be$ore, it1s sort o$ "- ;ob&
EDWIN
No, it1s not, Alan& Yo( )on1t care beca(se it1s -o(r ;ob, -o( care beca(se
that1s the !a- -o( are&
A'AN
Thans&
EDWIN
B(t s(**ose -o( ha) the *o!er s(**ose -o( ne! -o( ha) the *o!er to $i,
e+er- *roble" in this roo" ri#ht no!, b(t -o( co(l)n1t $in) the #(ts to )o it&
A'AN
Then I1) sa- I !as the one !ith the *roble"&
EDWIN
3Consi)erin#4 Alan, !o(l) -o( sa- I !as a "ee "an:
A'AN
Mee:
EDWIN
Yes, i$ -o( !ere )escribin# "e to so"eone, !o(l) -o( (se the !or), <"ee=:
A'AN
No, I !o(l)n1t sa- -o( !ere "ee, Dr& B, ;(st a bit reser+e) is all& Nothin#
!ron# !ith that&
EDWIN
30rinnin#4 Yo( "i#ht !ant to brace -o(rsel$ $or this&
3EDWIN stan)s& He ste*s *(r*ose$(ll- to the center table an) cli"bs on to* o$
it& The e$$ect is so"ethin# one "i#ht $in) at the Acro*olis&4
EDWIN
3To the ca$e4 E,c(se "e, can I ha+e -o(r attention, *lease: For $i+e "in(tes:
See, I1+e +er- recentl- co"e into "- #o)hoo), an) I1) lie the o**ort(nit- to
hel* -o( !ith -o(r *roble"s&
3The ca$e h(shes& 6AN #lances o+er his sho(l)er&4
RAY
3Scorn$(ll-4 What are -o( sellin#:
EDWIN
I1" not sellin# an-thin#& I1" #i+in# -o( ans!ers&
RAY
Yo( )on1t ha+e an-thin# I !ant&
EDWIN
21
I can #i+e -o( Mar-ann 0it>s"e+it>, or at least tell -o( !here she is&
3RAY o#les&4
EDWIN
Yo(1ll ne+er $in) her lie this, Ra-, an) I1ll tell -o( !h-& Most *eo*le )on1t
#i+e i)eas na"es, b(t -o(1+e so"eho! "ana#e) to )o it& While -o( !ere at the
ban, -o( )rea"t o$ !hat -o( !ante) to be& So"eho!, -o( tho(#ht the onl- !a- -o(
co(l) obtain that )rea" !as to "ae it *h-sical, #i+e it a na"e, b(t that1s
e,actl- !ron#& Mar-ann 0it>s"e+it> is insi)e -o(, b(t -o(1ll ne+er $in) her so
lon# as -o( ee* callin# her that& Yo(1ll ne+er $in) the )rea" (ntil -o( sto*
looin# $or it an) start bein# it&
RAY
3Sobbin#, +iolent4 Yeah, !hat )o -o( care abo(t it an-!a-:
EDWIN
I )o, an) that1s all there is to it& What -o( )o no! is -o(r )ecision& 36i+otin#
to MARCY4 Marc-& Yo(r $rien) !as !ron#& Yo(1re not a +icti" o$ -o(r +anit-, b(t
o$ -o(r *ri)e&
MARCY
What )o -o( no! abo(t it:
EDWIN
E+er-thin#, !hich is "ore than -o( can sa-& Yo( bla"e -o(r bea(t- $or e+er-thin#
that h(rts -o(, beca(se it1s eas-& It1s eas-, b(t it1s a lie& Yo(r loos can
onl- hin)er -o( i$ -o( let the", i$ -o( let the" o(tshine -o(r !ar"th& Rest
ass(re), Marc-, bea(t- is onl- sin )ee*, an) -o(r bea(t- !ill $a)e& B(t !hat
-o( ha+e insi)e !ill bene$it e+er-thin# $ore+er& Hol) onto that& Hol) onto !hat
-o( are, not !hat -o( ha**en to loo lie&
3MARCY $l(shes& EDWIN *i+ots to ROBERT an) 2ENNIFER&4
EDWIN
The t!o o$ -o( ha+e *la-e) aro(n) the iss(e $or .(ite a !hile, no!& Yo( can1t
stan) one another& Yo( can1t li+e !ith one another& An) -et -o( both (se) the
technolo#- o$ -o(r )a-, !itho(t the no!le)#e o$ the other, to tra+el thirt-
-ears bac to here, to the sa"e ni#ht at the sa"e *lace to !atch -o(rsel+es !hen
-o( !ere -o(n# an) in lo+e& 2(st ho! "(ch o$ a coinci)ence )o -o( nee): Can1t
-o( both, $or a little !hile, $or#et !ho -o( are an) re"e"ber !ho -o( !ere: An)
as -o(rsel+es, i$ !hat -o( are is so "(ch better, then !h- are both o$ -o(
here:
3ROBERT an) 2ENNIFER #a>e at each other& EDWIN ho*s )o!n an) crosses to a
$ri#htene) A'E/I&4
EDWIN
I no! -o(r stor-, Ale,i& I no! all o$ it& Yo( are a $(#iti+e $ro" the Fo(rth
Circle o$ Hell, the *lace !here the "isers an) the s.(an)erers roll h(#e stones
a#ainst one another, then t(rn aro(n) an) roll the stones the other !a- aro(n)
the rin# (ntil the- "eet at the other si)e a#ain, bac an) $orth $or all
eternit-& The *lace !here -o( sli**e), an) -o(r stone *l(n#e) a hole into the
si)e o$ the 6it, the hole thro(#h !hich -o( $le) bac into the Real" o$ the
'i+in#& Yes, I no! -o(r stor-, Ale,i&
A'E/I
22
3Fri#htene)4 6lease, -o( "(st hel* "e&
EDWIN
Yo( can1t sta- here&
3Behin) EDWIN, SCARMI0'IONE stan)s& EDWIN !hirls to con$ront hi"&4
EDWIN
B(t -o( !on1t ha+e hi", eitherA
SCARMI0'IONE
Yo( ob+io(sl- )on1t no! !ho I a"&
EDWIN
I no! e,actl- !hat -o( are& Yo( are the )e"on, Scar"i#lione, s(""one) $ro" the
Ei#hth Circle to retrie+e this so(l&
SCARMI0'IONE
Then -o( no! !hat "(st be )one&
EDWIN
I sense no e+il in this "an& 'ea+e hi" #o&
SCARMI0'IONE
Yo(r senses )o not concern "e& I a" co""an)e)&
3SCARMI0'IONE raises his han)s, an) the ca$e t(rns into a te"*est& 'i#hts $lash
an) th(n)er crashes& A$ter se+eral secon)s, EDWIN "erel- sna*s his $in#ers an)
it all en)s&4
SCARMI0'IONE
That !as terribl- i"*ressi+e&
EDWIN
Than -o(&
SCARMI0'IONE
Ho!e+er, I a" a$rai) it chan#es nothin#&
3SCARMI0'IONE *oints o$$sta#e& A bloo)%re) li#ht see*s in $ro" the !in#s& Wails
can be hear)& E+er-bo)- on sta#e loos into the li#ht !ith horror&4
SCARMI0'IONE
Co"e, Ale,i& The Ab-ss a!aits&
EDWIN
Yo( !on1t ha+e hi"&
SCARMI0'IONE
Hell "a- not be )e$ie)&
EDWIN
We shall see&
3SCARMI0'IONE loses an- cl(e o$ co"*os(re& He snarls, #lo!ers, leers, circles
aro(n) EDWIN&4
23
SCARMI0'IONE
Yes, !e shall in)ee) seeA We shall see !hat "ortal co(ra#e loos lie !hen its
l(n#s are rent thro(#h its ribca#eA We shall see the bol) colors an) taste the
rare s!eetness o$ a hero1s s*ineA We shall seeA
3SCARMI0'IONE reaches the *())le o$ co$$ee that EDWIN s*ille) on the $loor
earlier& He sli*s, hits his hea), an) is noce) (nconscio(s& E+er-bo)- is
st(nne) $or se+eral secon)s&4
A'AN
Wo!, he1s o(t col)&
EDWIN
Yes& 0i+e "e a han) !o(l) -o(:
3A'AN an) EDWIN tr- to li$t the )e"on, b(t he is "(ch hea+ier than he loos& RAY
r(shes to hel*, an) the three li$t SCARMI0'IONE, carr- hi" to the *ortal, an)
toss hi" in& A'E/I a**roaches EDWIN&4
A'E/I
Than -o(&&&than -o(&
EDWIN
Yo( are not a sa$e "an, Ale,i& Others !ill co"e& An) soon& Yo( can1t sta- here&
B(t I can #i+e -o( this&
3EDWIN *oints into the li#ht& It t(rns bl(e&4
EDWIN
The #ates o$ Hea+en are barre) to all b(t the Worth-& The *ortal no! lea)s to
the $oot o$ Mo(nt 6(r#ator-& Yo( can *lea) -o(r case there& The- "i#ht tae *it-
on -o(& The- "i#ht not& B(t it is a chance, !hich is "ore than !hat -o( ha)
be$ore&
A'E/I
3Bissin# EDWIN1S han)4 Than -o(, Sir& I shall ne+er $or#et -o(&
EDWIN
No& Not $or a !hile, at least&
A'E/I
Ho! can I e+er re*a- -o(:
EDWIN
Mae thin#s better $or -o(rsel$&
3A'E/I s"iles& He !ins at MARCY an) then "arches o$$sta#e, into the li#ht&
EDWIN *oints at the li#ht, an) it )isa**ears& A'AN a**roaches EDWIN&4
A'AN
Yo(1re all ri#ht, Dr& B&
EDWIN
Yo( )o the best -o( can, Alan, !hate+er it is, an) ho*e it1s eno(#h&
6AN
E+er-bo)- !ants to be a #o)&
24
3EDWIN s*ins& 6AN *oints at hi"& There is an e,*losion, an) the li#hts #o o(t
"o"entaril-& When the- co"e bac (*, EDWIN is #one, *erha*s in the *ro+erbial
*($$ o$ s"oe& A#ain, e+er-bo)- is st(nne) into silence& 6AN sla*s t!o )ollars
on the co(nter&4
6AN
Thans $or the ca**(ccino& Bee* the chan#e&
36AN trots to!ar) the e,it (no**ose)& A'AN reco+ers&4
A'AN
Oh, "anA What )i) -o( ha+e to )o that $or:
6AN
3Sto*s, t(rns to $ace A'AN, shr(#s4 Not eno(#h e-s to the e,ec(ti+e !ashroo"&
3E,its4
3There is a $(rther, st(nne) *a(se as e+er-bo)- stares at the s*ot !here EDWIN
!as stan)in#& The la+ator- )oor s.(eas o*en, an) EDWIN cree*s o(t in the soot-
con)ition his !as in at the be#innin#&4
EDWIN
Is he #one:
3Nobo)- ans!ers& EDWIN scans the roo", )eci)es it1s sa$e, an) crosses to his
seat at the co(nter&4
EDWIN
Yo( can "o* (* that co$$ee no!, Alan& 3Writin#4 One h(n)re) an) $i+e c(*s
'i"ite) abilit- to tra+el into the *ast&
3The ca$e ret(rns to its noisiness& A'AN ret(rns behin) the co(nter& 6resentl-,
RAY a**roaches the co(nter !ith a bill an) so"e "one-&4
RAY
E,c(se "e, I1) lie to tae care o$ this&
A'AN
Certainl-& 3Main# chan#e4 So tell "e, !hat )o -o( *lan to )o !ith -o(rsel$:
RAY
I )on1t no!& A$ter s*en)in# so lon# chasin# a$ter #hosts, it $eels in) o$
e"*t- !itho(t so"ethin# to chase a$ter& I #(ess I1ll ;(st s*en) "- ti"e $i#(rin#
o(t !ho I a", or "a-be !ho I !ant to be& 3S"iles at EDWIN !ho s"iles bac
ner+o(sl-4 B- the !a-, this sort o$ thin# )oesn1t ha**en e+er- ni#ht, )oes it:
A'AN
No&
RAY
36a(se4 Sha"e&
3Attention shi$ts to ROBERT an) 2ENNIFER&4
ROBERT
2enni$er, there1s so"ethin# -o( sho(l) no!&
25
2ENNIFER
Yes:
ROBERT
Yo( no! ho! st(bborn I can be so"eti"es, an) I !as )eter"ine) not to let the
loss o$ -o( a$$ect "e& So&&&&
2ENNIFER
So:
ROBERT
I )i)n1t co"e bac on the thirtieth anni+ersar-& I hel) o(t $or the
thirt-%$irst&
2ENNIFER
3Thinin#4 Yo( "ean, !hen !e #o bac, I1ll ha+e to !ait a !hole -ear be$ore -o(
e+en no! abo(t this:
ROBERT
I1" a$rai) so& I )on1t see an- other !a-&
2ENNIFER
3Wr-l-4 Yo( co(l) #o bac !ith "e&
ROBERT
Yo( "ean #o to CDCC instea) o$ CDCE: Where !o(l) I slee*: The other "e !o(l) be
li+in# in "- a*art"ent $or a -ear&
2ENNIFER
Yo( co(l) "o+e in !ith "e& It1) be cra"*e) an) s"all, lie the ol) )a-s&
ROBERT
The ol) )a-s&
2ENNIFER
Or !e co(l) ;(st sta- here&
ROBERT
Here: FGGC:
2ENNIFER
Yo( )o re"e"ber FGGC, )on1t -o(, )ear:
ROBERT
S(re, I re"e"ber it& Yo( co(l) still #o ei#ht- "iles an ho(r beca(se the cars
still (se) real #asoline& An) there !ere still a $e! #oo) ban)s aro(n) that (se)
a li+e )r(""er&
2ENNIFER
The *oll(tion, the star+ation, the 0reenho(se E$$ect, the R(ssian Co(*, AIDS&&&&
ROBERT
The *eace riots&
2ENNIFER
The abortion riots&
26
ROBERT
The 0(ns Hn Roses riots&
2ENNIFER
It !as a cl("sier ti"e, !asn1t it, Robert:
ROBERT
The *er$ect ti"e to $all in lo+e&
3The $oc(s o$ attention shi$ts to MARCY, !ho #ets (* an) a**roaches EDWIN $ro"
behin)& She ta*s his sho(l)er, an) he starts&4
MARCY
I1" sorr-& I )i)n1t "ean to $ri#hten -o(&
EDWIN
That1s&&&that1s oa-&
MARCY
I ;(st !ante) to as i$ -o( "eant all those thin#s -o( sai) abo(t "e&
EDWIN
All those thin#s:
MARCY
When -o( s*oe abo(t "- *roble"&
EDWIN
Oh& Yeah, I&&&I #(ess so& I "ean, -es&
MARCY
Wo(l) -o( lie to sit an) tal $or a!hile: I$ -o(1re not b(s-:
EDWIN
Tal: S(re, that !o(l) be&&&be nice& Co(l) -o( e,c(se "e $or a "o"ent: I1ll be
ri#ht there&
MARCY
3S"ilin#4 S(re&
3MARCY ret(rns to her table& EDWIN $ranticall- t(rns to A'AN, !ho is #rinnin#&4
EDWIN
Alan, !hat a" I #oin# to )o:
A'AN
I$ I !ere -o(, I1) tal to the la)-&
EDWIN
That1s ;(st itA I can1tA
A'AN
Yo( )i) a #oo) ;ob be$ore&
EDWIN
I ha) a h(n)re) an) $i+e c(*s o$ es*resso in "e be$oreA It1s all #one no!A I1"
27
;(st "-sel$A
A'AN
A ca$$eine r(sh )i)n1t sa- all those thin#s& All o$ that ca"e $ro" -o(& That1s
!hat Marc- sees in -o(& Not a #(- !ho !restles )e"ons, ;(st a #(- !ho cares&
EDWIN
Yo( thin so:
A'AN
S(re& It1s lie -o( sai), Dr& B, <Yo(1ll ne+er $in) the )rea" (ntil -o( sto*
looin# $or it an) start bein# it&=
EDWIN
I reall- sai) that, )i)n1t I:
A'AN
Yo( s(re as hell )i)&
EDWIN
Thans, Alan& I )on1t s(**ose -o( co(l) brin# t!o c(*s o$ co$$ee aro(n) to o(r
table, co(l) -o(:
A'AN
S(re& It1s on the ho(se&
EDWIN
Thans a#ain& 30ets (*, sto*s4 Better "ae it )e%ca$&
END
28