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Want to know about sex? familyplanning.org.nz
familyplanning.org.nz Want to know about sex? 1
Private talk
Talking about sex can make us feel shy
and embarrassed. This is normal, and it
is OK.
Usually talking about our private
body parts or about sexual things is
private. It is something we might talk
quietly about with someone we feel
comfortable with, a member of our
family, a special friend, a carer or a
health worker.
It is also OK to talk about sex with
others when we are learning about it.
2 Want to know about sex? familyplanning.org.nz
Being sexual with
another person
Our body is special. It belongs to us and
no-one else. This means that we should
be the one to decide what happens to it
and who gets to touch it.
Most people do not start having sexual
contact when they rst meet someone.
They usually become friends rst,
before being boy/girlfriends.
Then, they might choose to
have sex, or not.
Some people think that having
sex is just sexual intercourse.
(This is when a man puts his
penis into a womans vagina.)
While that can be really nice,
there are many other ways
people can be sexual together.
Sometimes, when we are
with someone we really like
they might want to touch our
private parts.
We should only ever have sexual
touch with another person if
we are happy to do that. No-one
should try to rush us if we are not
ready.
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familyplanning.org.nz Want to know about sex? 3
If were not sure, it can help to ask ourselves
these questions:
Do we feel safe?
Feeling safe can mean
Being sure the other person will not hurt us.
They dont make us feel bad.
Having a safe, comfortable and private place
where we wont be disturbed during our
private touch.
Is this my decision?
It is important to be sure that it is your
decision and no-one elses. Sometimes
someone may try to make you think you
should have sex with them. If you are not
ready or dont want to, then say No, I am
not ready. If they care for you they will be
happy to wait.
Do they care for me?
Does this person care for me
and treat me with kindness and
respect?
Does this person want
me to keep it a secret?
Anyone who isnt happy to be
brought home to meet friends or
family may be unsafe.
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4 Want to know about sex? familyplanning.org.nz
Is there a right time
to have sex?
Everyone will make up their own
mind about when it is right to have
sex. Some people never want it and
are happy to just be friends.
Boy/girl friends may start off holding
hands, cuddling, kissing and other
types of touching.
This can happen many times before
two people feel ready to go any
further.
When two people spend time
kissing and cuddling they may start
to have sexual thoughts which can
feel really good and can make them
want to get even closer.
Both people might notice
changes in their bodies at this
time.
A mans penis usually becomes
hard (erect) and feels really good
to touch, but sometimes men may
not have an erection, even if they
do feel sexy. This can happen for
all sorts of reasons - sometimes
familyplanning.org.nz Want to know about sex? 5
because of the way we are made, or
because we are tired or a bit nervous.
Sometimes it can happen as a side
effect of some types of medicine.
If a mans penis is not hard it can be
difcult to use a condom, or for the
penis to go into the vagina. At these
times people can usually nd other ways
to be sexual together.
Womens nipples become hard and the
inside of their vaginas become moist.
When people touch each others sexual
parts, one or both of them may have an
orgasm.
An orgasm is when people have a really
strong sexual feeling. For men it usually
happens at the same time that semen
(thick white stuff) comes out of the
penis (ejaculation). Some men have an
orgasm but nothing comes out of the
penis.
While many couples may want to have sexual
intercourse, other couples may be happy touching
each others sexual parts or even kissing or licking
them. It is important that BOTH people want to do it.
6 Want to know about sex? familyplanning.org.nz
Women may get nice feelings in their
tummy and vulva (at the top, between
their legs).
For both men and women an orgasm is
usually a very good feeling and people
often feel very relaxed afterwards.
An orgasm may not happen every time
people have sex but sex can still be good
without it.
If you feel ashamed or bad
about sex it is a sign that
something is not right, and
it would be best not to have
sex with that person again
until you have sorted out
what is wrong.
If someone forces you to
have sex with them that is
not OK and so it is important
to tell a safe adult.
It would also be good to
nd someone you trust
who you can talk to about
your feelings.
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familyplanning.org.nz Want to know about sex? 7
What if I want to
have sex but I dont
have a partner?
Many people never have a partner, or have
times of being on their own.
Even if you dont have a partner
you can have sexual thoughts and
feelings. This is quite normal.
Most people masturbate, or touch
their own sexual parts, because it
feels good.
Females may
touch their vulva
or the clitoris
(the clitoris is a
very sensitive
spot between
her legs just
above the labia
or lips). It can
feel very good to
touch and often
females have an
orgasm.
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It is
better to
have no
partner than
have one who
is not right
for you.
8 Want to know about sex? familyplanning.org.nz
After touching private body parts like our penis or vulva
we always need to wash our hands.
Males usually rub their penis up and
down. This can cause an orgasm, when
semen comes out of the penis.
Males can use a condom
for masturbation. It is
good to practice using a
condom and it is easier to
keep yourself clean.
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familyplanning.org.nz Want to know about sex? 9
Rules (Laws) about sex
Two people cannot have sex
together unless BOTH of them
agree to it.
Trying to talk someone into having
sex is not OK.
Getting consent is when someone
agrees to have sex.
Just because someone has agreed to
have sex with us in the past, doesnt
mean they have to agree again.
To have sexual touch you have to
be in a private place where you
cannot be seen. That would be
somewhere like a bedroom, with
the door and curtains closed.
Two people can only have
sex if they are older than 16.
A carer, or family member,
cannot become our boy/
girlfriend. It is against the law.
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In
New Zealand
there are some
laws about
sex.
10 Want to know about sex? familyplanning.org.nz
What else do I need
to think about?
Having a baby
If two people decide to have sex they
need to decide whether or not they want a
baby now.
If a male and a female have sexual
intercourse (penis in vagina) there is
a chance the woman could become
pregnant.
Do you want to have a
baby?
Are you both really ready for
a baby?
Have you talked about this
together?
Have you considered: how
much of your money it will
use? The change in your
lifestyle? Your long term
dreams/goals?
Are there people who
have said they will help
you if you become a
parent?
Did you
know that you
can choose to
have sex but
not have a
pregnancy?
familyplanning.org.nz Want to know about sex? 11
Contraception is something we can
use if we want to have sex and not get
pregnant.
There are several different types of
contraception. A doctor or Family
Planning clinic can help you decide the
best one for you and also tell
you how to keep safe from
infections.
Sexual infections
If a couple have sexual
intercourse or even other
types of sexual contact, one
of them could pass on a
sexual infection (STI).
Any visit to a doctor or clinic
is condential which means
that what you and/or your
partner talk about with the
doctor is private.
Your sexual health is important
and though you may feel shy, or
embarrassed, every day the doctor or
nurse sees lots of people like you.
12 Want to know about sex? familyplanning.org.nz
Using condoms
Even if you havent used condoms
before, you have probably heard of
them.
Using condoms is really important if
you choose to have sex.
They can help to stop a woman from
becoming pregnant and they also
can help stop the spread of sexual
infections.
Even if the woman is taking the Pill or
having the injection to stop her getting
pregnant, it is important to USE A
CONDOM AS WELL.
You can get condoms in all sorts
of places:
Chemists
Family Planning or Sexual
Health clinics
Doctors
Supermarkets
Dairies
Petrol stations
Nightclubs/pubs
familyplanning.org.nz Want to know about sex? 13
If you go to the doctor or Family
Planning clinic you can ask for a
prescription. This will get you
cheap condoms.
Keep them in a cool, dark place
until you use them and never use
one that is past its expiry date.
Condoms can slip off or
burst so it is important
to follow the instructions
on the pack carefully.
REMEMBER always
have sex safely. Use
condoms, and water-based
lube.
Men
Its a good
idea to practice
using them at
home before you
need to use one
for real.
Practice
makes
perfect.
Family Planning 2010
ISBN: 978-0-9864526-5-9
familyplanning.org.nz
theword.org.nz
This resource was made possible
thanks to the support of
Taranaki APEPSI Trust
Family Planning is a Registered Charity CC11104