Curiosities Of The English Language

AKA: Reasons why English is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
!) "e must polish the #olish furniture.
$) %e could lead if he would get the lead out.
&) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
') (ince there is no time li)e the present* he thought it was time to present the present.
+) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
,) "hen shot at* the do-e do-e into the bushes.
1.) / did not ob0ect to the ob0ect.
11) The insurance was in-alid for the in-alid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
1) They were too close to the door to close it.
1!) The buc) does funny things when the does are present.
1$) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
1&) To help with planting* the farmer taught his sow to sow.
1') The wind was too strong to wind the sail
1+) After a number of in0ections my 0aw got number.
1,) 1pon seeing the tear in the painting / shed a tear.
2.) / had to sub0ect the sub0ect to a series of tests.
21) %ow can / intimate this to my most intimate friend2
223 / want it to be on record that / will record my Record.
(weetmeats are candies while sweetbreads* which aren4t sweet* are meat.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don4t fing* grocers don4t groce and hammers don4t
ham2
/f the plural of tooth is teeth* why isn4t the plural of booth beeth2
5ne goose* 2 geese. (o one moose* 2 meese2
6oesn4t it seem cra7y that you can ma)e amends but not one amend.
/f you ha-e a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them* what do you call it2 /s it
an odd* or an end2
/f teachers taught* why didn4t preachers praught2
/f a -egetarian eats -egetables* what does a humanitarian eat2
/n what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital2
(hip by truc) and send cargo by ship2
%a-e noses that run and feet that smell2
%ow can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same* while a wise man and a wise guy are
opposites2
8ou ha-e to mar-el at the uni9ue lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it
burns down* in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which* an alarm goes off by going
on.
English was in-ented by people* not computers* and it reflects the creati-ity of the human race*
which* of course* is not a race at all.
That is why* when the stars are out* they are -isible* but when the lights are out* they are in-isible.
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;(orry* the number you ha-e dialed is imaginary. #lease rotate dial by ,. degrees and try again.;