By Carol Kuykendall

Power

S
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of
in focus

tory
A
s the service started one recent Sunday
morning, I began fixating on my shoes.
Why did I choose them this morning?
Why are they even in my closet? And what about my
shockingly white ankles? Really, I should not go out in
public unless I use that self-tanning lotion. What is
the one my daughter uses?
I was totally absorbed in my critical analysis …
until the speaker began telling her story about
■ Carol Kuykendall
trying to climb Half Dome in Yosemite. Within
helped create and launch
seconds, I was drawn into the narrative with funny Stories, a new ministry
descriptions about how unprepared she was, how for women at her local
little she knew about the journey and her regret- church. Her passion is to
train women to recognize,
table decision to turn around just short of the organize and tell their
summit because she didn’t know what awaited at own stories. She is author
the top. I could smell the pine trees and feel the and co-author of nine

burn of her aching muscles. >> books, and former

Director of Leadership
Development at MOPS
International where
she still serves as a
consulting editor.

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 Skillfully, she wove spiritual truths into this story that turned
out to be a description of her faith journey, and I left church that
day — not thinking about my shoes or ankles — but motivated
to learn more about the summit of my faith: heaven.
I also felt more connected to this woman because of her reveal-
ing honesty, which gave me permission to be equally honest
regarding my own lack of knowledge and doubts about heaven. I
was not alone. Her story triggered great conversations with my
husband and friends, not only on the way out of church, but
throughout the next week. I remembered her story.
Most leaders are used to communicating with teacher/preacher
voices, especially in Christian settings, which can send a listener’s
attention straight to her ankles. But when we tell a story, people
listen differently. Story has the power to motivate and engage.
Story helps us to know God, ourselves and each other more
intimately. The word story actually means “to know.” And we all
have an insatiable hunger to know and be known. Surely God
breathed that need into our souls at creation so that we would
seek to be in close relationship with him and each other.
We see this hunger lived out in our culture today. We are
experiential people who want to know how others face challenges,
Who is a Storyteller?
If you’ve ever suffered, faced a fear, felt disappointed, depressed or
doubtful, and you still have your faith, you have a story to tell. And
God intends us to tell our stories. “If you are going to be used by
God, he will take you through a multitude of experiences that are not
meant for you at all; they are meant to make you useful in his
hands,” writes Oswald Chambers, a prominent 19th century
minister and teacher.
We are most useful when we’re willing to share our honest
stories about the brokenness in our lives. That’s not a simple
process. Storytelling often requires us to dig deeply into our
souls to identify the defining moments that have shaped us
into the people we are today. It means realizing that life is
not only about what happens to us, but how we choose to
respond to what happens to us. It means giving voice to our
feelings and finding the connection — or gap — between what When Not to
we believe and how we live our lives. Tell Your Story
Priest and author Henri Nouwen describes this as a willingness to
Story is a powerful and effective
tell the truth about the rhythm of both brokenness and renewal in
means of communication. But
our lives. In Eternal Seasons he writes, “I have always felt that, if you
sometimes you should NOT tell
want to talk about hope, you have to talk about despair. If you want
your story:

DINO OSMIC/ISTOCK
make choices and experience the consequences. That’s why reality to talk about joy, you have to talk about darkness. If you want to
TV is so popular. That’s why Oprah plops people down on her speak about salvation, or redemption or freedom, it’s very important When you are still too much in
couch to tell their bizarre or heart-wrenching stories. It’s what that you’re willing to speak about what you’re being redeemed from Finding the middle of it. A woman wanted
makes us sneak People magazine off the rack at the checkout counter and what you’re being set free from. The spiritual life is a constant to tell her story about growing
to quickly catch up on the details of some celebrity’s experience. choice to let your negative experiences become an opportunity for
Our Stories through an abusive relationship,
Most leaders are used to The power of stories is nothing new. God tells us about conversion or renewal.” In leadership, we are constantly but tearfully admitted she was now
himself through stories. In fact, seventy percent of the Bible is These are the hopeful stories others hunger to hear. asked to inform, encourage and involved in a second abusive
communicating with teacher/ made up of stories. Jesus told stories about ordinary things such connect people around common relationship. Her emotions were
as shepherds and farmers, lost sheep and a lost son. As postmodern Common Elements of Good Stories goals and vision. These questions too raw and her story too unfin-
preacher voices, especially in people, we demand communication that is both experiential and All good stories — whether Cinderella, the Prodigal Son in the Bible might help you discover a story ished — and the decision to wait
authentic. or the personal experience of climbing Half Dome — have several relevant to your message as an brought enormous relief.
Christian settings, which can “Experience is one of the primary languages of postmodern common elements, including character, conflict and change. If the illustration or way to creatively
When it’s not your story to tell.
culture,” writes Mark Miller in his book Experiential Storytelling. story is personal, you are the main character. But the character might package the content:
send a listener’s attention “This has vast implications for the Church. Spiritually, it means be a person in the Bible, a historical figure or someone you know.
How can I illustrate this
A mother prepared a story about
her son’s struggle with drugs, but
that people are more open and ready than ever to experience the The conflict is the challenge faced. The greater the tension in the
straight to her ankles. But mystery and awesome power of God.” conflict, the more compelling the story. Standing in a store, trying to
message with an example out
of my life? Another person’s life
realized this was his story and
not hers. She was not free to tell
Stories have the power to make God and faith more real to us. decide which dress to purchase is not a very compelling conflict —
when we tell a story, people Intellectually I might know that God desires good to grow out of unless that choice represents the way you are dealing with a shopping
(with permission, of course)?
What person in the Bible
it until she could re-organize it
through her point of view and
every difficult circumstance, but that truth becomes more real addiction and the coping skills you’ve recently learned at a recovery
listen differently. when I hear a story of someone who survived a painful divorce group at your church.
exemplifies this point? response as a mother.

and discovered she was capable of far more than she ever imag- Change is the most powerful evidence of God at work in our How did I learn this skill (life When the story might hurt or
ined. The message becomes, “if she can find good in hard things, lives. Change is most often found in the character, not the circum- lesson or reality of God’s embarrass someone else. A
IAN MITCHINSON/WORLD OF STOCK

maybe I can too.” stances. Describing this change is how we give voice to our experi- promise)? young woman wanted to tell the
Stories have power because they motivate us to change. They ences of knowing God’s love or guidance or hope. His redemption. story about her dysfunctional
What am I learning about
package life lessons in narratives that are easily remembered. “When suffering shatters the carefully kept vase that is our lives, relationship with
myself as I face this challenge?
While many forms of communication tell us what to think, God stoops to pick up the pieces,” writes Ken Gire in The North Face her mother, but
What is my gap between know-
stories allow us to draw our own conclusions. And we are most of God. “But he doesn’t put them back together as a restoration project decided she cannot
ing and doing this?
motivated by what we discover for ourselves. patterned after our former selves. Instead, he sifts through the rubble tell the story while
No wonder stories have gentle power with not-yet-believers. and selects some of the shards as raw material for another project — a Practicing the use of story means her mother is living.
Regardless of where someone is on a faith journey, a story is mosaic that tells the story of redemption.” taking the time to mine the Often this choice
non-threatening. It doesn’t ask anything of the listener except It’s in this mosaic that our stories emerge, one shard at a time. memories tucked into our souls. can be made by
to listen. No one can argue the truth of a personal And though the shards may be jagged, when they are reassembled The result can provide a powerful asking: would I let
experience. Stories also connect us with each other. by the one who created the universe, they make a compelling story and sacred experience, for both that other person
They become windows into each other’s souls. indeed. ■ storyteller and listener. read this story?

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