Rewire Your Brain To Control Your Emotions, and Make Positive Life Choices

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Do You Seem to et Cau!ht "# in the Same $ld Reactions%
Have you ever lown up at your spouse only to reali!e"after the smo#e cleared"that you might have
over$reacted just a tad% &aye you learn that you haven't een invited to your uncle's friend's
sister's irthday party and you ehave as if it's the slight of the century.
(ometimes even the most minor snafu can send us storming out of the room) slamming down a phone)
or just shutting down entirely. It's li#e we just can't help it"the reaction is as automatic as a
mallet to the #nee.
Science Reveals &t Ma' (ot Be Your )ault
*ew research indicates that these haitual) #nee$jer# responses go way ac# to our childhood. +s
youngsters) we learned to adapt to our families' idiosyncrasies as a way of survival. ,sychologists
used to refer to these coping mechanisms as our aggage"ut what science has now shown us is that
these responses are actually hard$wired into our rains. +nd ecause our responses are so ingrained)
they have ecome our filtering system for future incidents. In other words) if something happens
today that the rain reads as eing similar to something that happened in the past) it will respond
as if it were the first time) even though you may e in your -.'s) /.'s) 0.'s) 1.'s and eyond.
Brin!in! This to Life
2or e3ample) let's say a child comes from a home where the parents fight fre4uently. That child is
going to associate yelling with ad feelings. In later years) if his spouse raises her voice) he's
li#ely to shut down li#e when he was a #id"metaphorically running to his room) closing the door) and
essentially loc#ing out the noise.
5oes this mean if you come from a family of yellers you're doomed to hide under your ed every time
someone raises a voice% 6uc#ily) recent research indicates that the rain continues to grow
throughout our lives"and old patterns can e released as new ones are formed in your oomer years..
*el# &s $n the +a'
The way to managing your anger and #nee jer# reactions is to estalish new connections y refocusing
your attention to a different outcome or possiility. 7ut) efore you can foster these new
connections in your rain) you have to e aware of the old rain triggers.
8hen I try and distinguish whether someone's reaction is a past association) I loo# to see if their
reaction to the situation is automatic and intense. +dditionally) when I try and offer an
alternative to why they're ehaving that way) the person is resistant and reluctant to consider any
other view or interpretation of the situation"other than their own.
In my practice) I wor# e3tensively with clients to help them rewire and rewrite their lives. Here is
an easy e3ercise to get you started on rewiring your rain to control your anger and over$reactions
that will ring aout positive changes in your life$today!
,- Thinkin! of .lternatives/
a. 8hen you're projecting your past e3perience onto a present one) try and imagine alternative ways
to handle the situation. 2or e3ample) let's say you have lunch plans with a friend"who cancels at
the last minute. Immediately) you feel an overwhelming sense of hurt and rejection. 8hich is how you
always feel in similar situations"indicating"voila"a past pattern! 7e conscious of this and ta#e a
step ac# to recogni!e it.
. Then) approach the situation from an entirely different perspective. &aye you use humor to
deflect the ad feelings) thin#ing to yourself) 9Gee) I guess it's my deodorant.: ;r) you choose the
direct approach and as# your friend if you've done something to upset her. ;r) you ta#e the
practical route and figure your friend just overoo#ed) overe3tended) or over$promised"and give her
a get$out$of$jail$free card. <Hint: If you have difficulty coming up with alternative ways to handle
the situation) thin# aout how someone else $ your mother) a childhood friend) an admired
ac4uaintance $ might handle the same situation.=
0- Plu!!in! in (ew Choices/
a. *ow) replay the actual situation as vividly as possile"the phone ringing) the sound of your
friend's voice) the aw#ward goodyes"and imagine yourself carrying out one of your new solutions.
&aye you decide that eing understanding of your friend's usy schedule is the est choice.
. >eplay the phone call and plug in your new ehavior) the understanding you) rather than playing
out your old ehavior of feeling rejected and hurt.
Makin! it Last
7efore long) you will egin to see a slight shift in how you feel. 7y doing this e3ercise again and
again) you will refocus your attention on a new outcome. This will rewire your rain and ma#e a new
neural connection"a connection to positive change!
Before You Go I ave !omethin" Reall# E$citin" To !hare %ith You&&&
Ever' minute 'ou s#end at 'our PC, will 1tune1
'our 2rain into automaticall' achievin! M$RE
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