Cold Cold Heart

Ann Williams
To save a child
Jake Frost FBI. agent. Speciality: Finding missing Children. Status: Self-imposed exile. In
hiding from himself.
Rachel ryden Single mother of a kidnapped child. !ne step a"ay from falling apart
completely.
#fter $eing kidnapped as a child% Jake Frost had made finding missing children his life&s
"ork until a rescue attempt gone "rong sent him o'er the edge. (o" a mother&s anguished
plea for his help forced him out of exile% forced him to focus on someone else&s pain%
Because some"here out there "as a scared little girl% and right next to Jake "as a terrified
"oman for "hom he "ould risk more than )ust his sanity...

*+ ,*! #R+S
-en "ho "ill gi'e all they&'e got for their country% their "ork and their "omen.

Prologue
It "as ele'en o&clock on a .uiet Sunday morning in mid-June. /he s"eet perfume of
"ildflo"ers% mixed "ith pine and ne"ly turned earth% filled the $almy air. /he sky o'erhead
"as a deep ,edg"ood $lue.
In the distance a dog $arked% letting the cry trail off into a long mournful ho"l. /he engine
of an automo$ile purred do"n the country road% trailing a thin streamer of yello" dust in its
"ake. /he dust $illo"ed% "afted to and fro $y the $ree0e% thinned and settled lightly on
"hate'er stood in its path.
# $right summer sun rose steadily% spilling /exas sunlight onto an ancient% spreading-oak
tree. It filtered slo"ly through the $ranches% casting leaf-dappled shado"s on the $o"ed
heads of the som$er group of people gathered $elo" around t"o open gra'es.
#s the minister took his place at the head of the gra'es% a shiny $lack cro" s"ooped
through the air and landed on a top $ranch of the tree. It hopped from one lim$ to another
until it stopped% perched lo"% directly o'er the party $eneath.
Bending its sleek% glossy neck% turning its head this "ay and that% it settled a small%
in.uiring $lack eye on the silent group. /he hum of the minister&s soft 'oice as he $egan to
speak mixed "ith the drone of insects and floated a"ay on the $ree0e.
# solitary figure% dressed all in $lack from the top of his dark head to the shine of his
$oots% stood $ack from the other mourners. ,ith $o"ed head and hands clenched in the
pockets of his )acket% he focused ha0el eyes un$linkingly on the "hite "ood grain of the
nearer coffin.
#fter a "hile% the man&s head lifted and he directed his glance to"ard the solemn faces of
the people assem$led around the t"o gra'es. !ne at a time% he peered intently at each face%
pro$ing the damp eyes% noting the stiffly held lips. #nd each time his eyes shifted to the
next face% he asked himself the same .uestion.
id this one kno"1 /his one1 !r this one1 id any of them kno" that he "as the one the
one responsi$le for the death of this "oman and her child1
If only he could ha'e another chance... if only he could go $ack... go $ack and change the
past...
Chapter 1
Jake rose from his kneeling position% hunching his shoulders against the cold "ind. It ripped
through his clothing% ruffled the too-long hair lying against his collar% and tum$led a $ro"n
curl into deep ha0el eyes.
*e&d $een "orking since eight o&clock that morning to reset the t"o gra'estones at the
head of the t"o gra'es. /hey&d $een knocked a"ry $y 'iolent storms and flash flooding
during the last three days.
Straightening% he arched his $ack to try to remo'e a kink caused $y the strain of shifting
the three-hundred-pound mar$le stones "ithout help. *e placed a hand on a spot in his
lo"er spine "here the pain "as the "orst and ru$$ed hard. From his spine% his fingers
"orked their "ay around to his right hip "here he massaged the pain in muscle and $one.
/he storms "eren&t o'er yet2 the leaden sky o'erhead attested to that fact. But he&d ha'e
kno"n in any case% $ecause the ache do"n the length of his right side "as as good as a
$arometer% gauging the changes in the "eather.
Jake fro"ned% adding to the series of lines marking his face. 3ray hair had recently added
a ne" maturity to the mass of thick $ro"n "a'es co'ering his head% $ut he didn&t notice. *e
ne'er took notice of his appearance anymore.
Returning to his kneeling position% he $egan to gather the de$ris he&d remo'ed from the
immediate area into one large mass. # trash $ag% "eighted do"n "ith a rock% lay "aiting for
it.
#s he stretched% reaching for a $eer $ottle someone had no dou$t thro"n from a passing
car or truck% his knees slipped in the mud and his hand came do"n hard on the $ottle&s
$roken edge. Sharp pain $it into the palm of his hand and laced up his arm.
4amn54 Fighting to regain his $alance% he pulled $ack his hand and stared do"n at its palm.
Blood "elled from $et"een the ragged edges of a deep "ound and spilled o'er the sides of
his hand.
In frustration% muttering curses% he felt around in the side pocket of his dark green )acket
and found a handkerchief. It "asn&t 'ery clean% and it "as damp from the rain% $ut it "ould
ha'e to do for no". 6ater% he&d take care of the hand at home.
Just for a moment% as he stared do"n at the "ound% thoughts of Janet came to mind and
"hat her reaction to such a "ound "ould ha'e $een.
Janet1 ,hen had he stopped thinking of her as -other1
*ad the change come a$out the "eek after she&d died "hen he&d found the ne"spaper
clippings1 !r had the change come a$out more recently% "hen he&d a"akened in the hospital%
his $ody racked "ith pain and his mind filled "ith memories he&d kept safely locked $ehind
an impenetra$le door for most of his life1
Shaking the $leak thoughts from his mind% he secured the handkerchief and "ent $ack to
"ork. It really didn&t matter. (othing mattered anymore% except trying to make up a little
for "hat he&d cost -ary and 6acy /ol$ridge.
*e&d spent the last fi'e months trying to make up for "hat he&d cost them. *e&d paid for
their $urial plots in this cemetery and all the funeral expenses% $ut he kne" that "ouldn&t
make up for the loss of their li'es.
/he only good thing that had come from their deaths "as this time he&d spent $y himself.
*e liked li'ing in the /exas hill country alone. It ga'e him plenty of time to think. #nd he&d
done a "hole lot of thinking since the day he&d stood for the first time in this cemetery
fi'e months ago% "atching mother and child $eing laid to rest.
#s a result% he&d e'aluated his past and reached some true% if painful% conclusions a$out
himself and "hat had $rought him to this )uncture in his life. *e&d $een arrogant and cocky
and he&d thought himself... infalli$le.
(e'er $efore no" had Jake e'er consciously examined his moti'es for "hat he&d done "ith
his life. But some"here inside he must ha'e at one time thought he "as doing "hat he did
for the right reasons.
(o" he kne" the truth. *e "as a fraud. *is "hole life had $een $uilt on deception.
For the last ten years he&d fooled himself into $elie'ing he "as a humanitarian. #nd that he
restored missing children to their parents out of a sense of duty. In all those years% he
ne'er once returned a child "ithout making a thorough in'estigation into the child&s home
life% and if there "as e'er a .uestion of child a$use in any form% he in'ol'ed the appropriate
local authorities.
*e&d al"ays thought he "as $eing so careful% $ecause he "anted to $e certain that the
children he returned "ere $eing placed in the proper en'ironment for their safety and "ell-
$eing. But that "as a lie "hite"ash for his true moti'es.
*e "asn&t doing all that checking for the children. #t least% he "asn&t doing it for the
children as much as he "as doing it for himself to punish the parents to get $ack at all
those "ho "ere like his o"n...
# sudden crash of thunder )erked Jake&s attention to his present surroundings. *is glance
darted up"ard. Black clouds raced across the sky% "ith terri$le% t"isted forks of lightning
dancing across their paths. ,ind slashed at the mighty oak a$o'e him% $ending and lashing
its sturdy $ranches as though they "ere no more than t"igs.
Something some in$red instinct caused Jake to "hirl a$ruptly and stare through the
gathering darkness. *is $reath lodged in his throat. *e "anted to run% $ut his feet "ere
glued to the spot. *e "anted to $link% positi'e that "hat he "as seeing "ould disappear once
he closed his eyes% $ut the muscles of his face remained rigidly fro0en in place.
# pale figure "ith flo"ing "hite ro$es floated slo"ly to"ard him. /he 'iolence around him
faded a$ruptly into o$li'ion as Jake&s eyes "idened and his mouth gre" slack.
Into his mind rose the image of his long-dead mother. She&d come for him5 Just as she used
to come for him "hen he "as a child...
4*ello5 I&m lost at least% I think I am.4
Jake shook his head to clear it% felt his muscles relax at the sound of her 'oice% and took a
$old step in her direction. 4,ho are you14 he asked harshly. 4,hat do you "ant14
/he "oman mo'ed closer% fighting to stay on her feet as a sudden% po"erful gust of "ind
shook her small frame. Clutching at the skirt of a "hite raincoat as it flapped "ildly around
her knees% she raised her 'oice to make it heard a$o'e the "ind and asked% 4o you kno" a
man...4 the "ind caught her slight figure and thre" it off course 4.. .$y the name of Jake
Frost14 She managed to regain her footing.
Jake&s defenses mo'ed instantly into place. 4,hy14
She "as standing only a fe" feet from him no". 4I&m looking for him.4 *er eyes pro$ed his
face and something in his expression made her ask% 4#re you Jake Frost14
4,hy14
She mo'ed closer. 4I&'e $een searching for you.4
#gain% gi'ing nothing a"ay% he asked% 4,hy14
4Because I need your help desperately.4 !ne fro0en-looking "hite hand snaked out of the
co'er of her raincoat and fastened like a 'ise onto his arm. 47lease% you must help me. It&s
my daughter... she&s $een kidnapped.4
Jake felt himself free0e up inside% 4I&m sorry% you&'e got the "rong man.4
48ou aren&t Jake Frost14
4I told you 4 the "ords "ere $uffeted a$out $y the "ind% $ut she had no trou$le hearing
them 4 you&'e got the "rong man.4
4,ait54 *e "as "alking a"ay. 47lease54
# $olt of lightning slashed through the air% striking a large $ranch of the tree $eneath
"hich he stood. # puff of gray smoke shot up"ard% the sound of popping and cracking "ood
came sharply to ear as cold rain $egan to $eat an insistent tattoo against the ground.
46ookout54
Jake heard the crash% smelled the scorched "ood and glanced up% reali0ing immediately the
danger he "as in. # slight% soft $ody hit his% and they $oth tum$led to the ground. But the
danger "asn&t o'er yet no" they "ere $oth in danger&s path.
Jake "ound his arms instincti'ely around the delicate $ody lying atop his and thre" their
com$ined "eight in the opposite direction of the falling lim$. /hey rolled se'eral times%
Jake ending on $ottom as their momentum gradually slo"ed to a stop.
For a moment he lay there% panting% feeling the surge of adrenaline course through his 'eins
like li.uid po"er. #nd then% grasping the "oman $y the shoulders% feeling the rain "ash his
face% he pulled her head from his chest and asked in a $reathless "hisper% 4#re you all
right14
48es.4
Shaking the mass of "et $ro"n hair from her eyes% she nodded slightly% tasting the rain%
and ans"ered again% 48es... I&m fine... you14
/heir glances tangled and locked. Jake regarded her impassi'ely% 'ery much a"are for the
first time in a long time% "hat it "as like to lie "ith a "oman stretched along the top of him.
She "as so close he could see the dark rings of $lue surrounding the gray irises% feel her
une'en $reath $lo"ing against his "et skin.
#s he "atched% something flared $ehind the gray eyes and Jake felt his insides .uicken.
/he hands gripping her shoulders tightened. /his ne" pressure propelled her to"ard him%
until her lips "ere a mere $reath from his.
4,ho are you14 Jake "hispered% the .uestion $urning its "ay to his $rain.
7ale lids descended suddenly% shielding the expression in her eyes from his pro$ing stare.
She couldn&t speak o'er the sudden pounding of her heart. ,ho "as this man% that he could
pro'oke such a reaction "ith a mere .uestion and a glance from those young-old eyes1
Jake mo'ed her a$ruptly from him. /he rain "as coming do"n in a steady sheet as he
clim$ed .uickly to his feet. #fter a momentary hesitation% he offered the "oman a hand up.
She grasped the hand "ithout looking% heard his sharp intake of $reath and glanced do"n
at the red-soaked handkerchief tied loosely around its palm.
&&8ou&re hurt. ,hat ha'e you done1&&
Jake pulled his hand from her grasp and sho'ed it into one of the many pockets in his
)acket. 4It&s nothing.4 /urning a"ay% he strode purposefully to"ard the de$ris no" floating
in a gro"ing puddle of "ater.
3ra$$ing the trash $ag from $eneath the rock% he fum$led "ith it for a moment $efore
finding the opening% then dropped to his knees and using one hand as a scoop% $egan pushing
the pile of trash inside it. ,hy didn&t she go a"ay1
/he "oman stood o'er him% "atching. 4id you hear "hat I said1 -y daughter has $een
kidnapped and I ha'e to find her...,here are you going14
Jake "as on his feet% mo'ing to"ard the rusty iron gate set in the "all surrounding the
cemetery. /he trash $ag "as slung o'er his shoulder% and he paused momentarily to deposit
it in a receptacle )ust outside the gate.
4,here are you going14 she asked again% trotting along at his side.%
4*ome "here you ought to $e in this storm.4
47lease% you ha'e to listen to me5 8ou&re my last hope5 I&'e got to find my daughter 4
4/hen go to the police.4
4I ha'e they can&t find her.4 She tugged on the slee'e of his )acket% $ringing him to a
sudden halt. 4on&t you understand1 -y little girl&s life may $e in danger.4
Jake felt his chest s.uee0e tight. 4I can&t help you.4
4!h... please... they said you "ere the $est.4 /ears choked her 'oice% "elled up in her eyes%
mixed "ith rain and ran do"n $oth cheeks. 4She&s only a $a$y. She needs me. She needs her
mother... and I...4 She choked and shook her head% una$le to continue. ropping her hand
from his slee'e% she put $oth hands o'er her face and fought for control.
4I&m sorry.4 Jake stared some"here o'er her shaking shoulders to"ard the gra'eyard%
spotted a small "hite headstone and hardened his heart. 4I&m not the man you "ant.4 /he
gate "as open% and he "as a$out to pass through it% "hen her 'oice lashed out at him.
4I sa'ed your life )ust no"5 oesn&t that count for anything1 Isn&t that "orth a fe"
minutes of your precious time14
Jake turned $ack to look at her "ith dead eyes. #fter a long fro0en moment% he shook his
head% )ust once% and ans"ered% 4(o.4
4(o5 ,hat do you mean% no1 #re you telling me life means nothing to you14
4-y life%4 he explained softly% 4my life means nothing to me. (o"% if you&ll excuse me% I&m
going home.4
4*o" can you )ust "alk a"ay1 ,hat a$out my daughter1 -y $-$a$y is in danger of losing
her life and you )ust "alk a"ay1 ,hat kind of man are you14
4/he kind "ho kno"s "hen he&s $eat.4
4,hat does that mean14 she asked angrily. 4I didn&t come to listen to conundrums. Just
ans"er me one .uestion are you Jake Frost14
,hat difference did it make if she kne"1 48es.4
4/hen you&re the man I&m looking for. ,hy are you $eing so difficult14
4I am not the man you are looking for%4 he refuted "ith emphasis. 43o to the cops%4 he
added% turning a"ay.
4I told you% I did. /hey couldn&t find her and neither could the FBI. /hat&s "hy I&m here.
7lease% )ust hear me out. 6isten to "hat I ha'e to say. /hen...4 these "ords% apparently came
"ith great difficulty 4 .. .if you still refuse to help me... I&ll lea'e "ithout a fight. I promise.4
For a long moment she thought she "as lost. *e ga'e no sign of ha'ing heard her final plea.
!n the other side of the gate% he hesitated and muttered% 4,ho sent you14
4I&m sorry...4 she tried to step closer% fighting her o"n $attle "ith the "ind 4... "hat did
you say1&&
4I said...4 he "hipped his eyes to her face 4..."ho sent you14
4# man named a'ison.4
&& 3us a'ison5&& /he "ords "ere a curse.
48es.4 She nodded. 4/hat&s him.4
Jake strode through the gate angrily and stood holding it open. 4,ell14
She reali0ed he "as "aiting for her to )oin him.
Closing it after her% Jake )ammed $oth fists into his pockets and started do"n the road at
a $risk trot. #fter a fe" yards% he stopped and turned $ack to look at her.
4,ell% are you )ust going to stand there% getting soaked1 It&s cold and I&m $eat.4
# moment later% she "as at his side. 4I&m Rachel ryden.4
4#nd your daughter14 *e didn&t "ant to kno"% $ut the "ords seemed torn from him against
his "ill.
She hesitated $efore ans"ering. 4#my...her name is #my. o you kno" "hat it means14
Rachel glanced up at the man&s stern profile. 4It means% $elo'ed.4
Jake&s )a" tightened and his steps .uickened% $ut he made no comment.
/he house "as a good t"o-mile "alk from the cemetery in the $one-chilling rain% $ut Rachel
kept up "ith his .uick pace and made no o$)ection "hen he didn&t defer to her shorter
stride. She "as )ust thankful to ha'e him agree to hear her out% a thing she&d thought "as
$eyond hope "hen she&d first looked into those hollo" dark eyes.
3a0ing into them had $een like getting a glimpse inside hell and after the initial shock had
"orn off% though she didn&t kno" the source of his o"n pri'ate hell% her sympathy had gone
out to him. If she hadn&t $een li'ing in a hell of her o"n% she&d ha'e turned right around and
left the man to find "hate'er comfort he could from the thing that "as slo"ly destroying
him.
3us a'ison hadn&t explained "hat had changed this man into the shell of a man she no"
sa". *e&d only "arned her that after a recent tragedy he&d $ecome a recluse. *e&d also
said if anyone could find #my% it "as this man% marching grimly at her side.
/hanks to the pace set $y Jake% they reached his house in "hat must ha'e $een record
time. /he house lay do"n a short gra'el "alk surrounded $y tall cotton"ood trees and a
four-foot stacked-rock fence. It "as 'ery old% $uilt during the period "hen +uropeans "ere
settling central /exas% and constructed from the rocks cleared from the area. # sloping
porch "ith a metal roof ran the length of the house and at one end a fireplace chimney
clim$ed up past the red-painted roof.
Rachel slo"ly follo"ed Jake inside% noting he hadn&t paused to unlock the door. *e took his
)acket off in the small entrance hall% hung it on a coat tree% and remo'ed his muddy $oots.
*e didn&t look at her as he held his hand out for her raincoat. (either did he $other
"aiting for her "hen she stopped to slip off her damp shoes and socks $efore follo"ing him
into the short entrance hall. /here "ere t"o doors% one on either side of the hall% $ut she
had no idea ho" the rooms $eyond "ere used% $ecause $oth doors "ere shut. #t the end of
the hall "as a short flight of stairs leading to the second floor.
Jake reached for the doorkno$ on the right and mo'ed into a small% sparsely furnished
room. Striding to the fireplace% set at the end of the room% he remo'ed a long match from
the container sitting on a corner of the stone mantel. *e knelt to set flame to the "ood
already laid.
*olding cold hands out to the flames% he noticed the soiled handkerchief and "as once more
a"are of the steady thro$ from the "ound in his hand. *e supposed he ought to go upstairs
and take a look at it% $ut first he "anted to hear this "oman&s story and get her out of his
hair.
4I&m listening%4 he prompted "ith his $ack turned to"ard her.
4I "as taught that good manners re.uired that you face the person speaking to you%4 she
re$uked him softly% thinking the lack of comfort and "armth in the room&s furnishings
accurately reflected the man&s nature.
Jake&s )a" tightened. *e stood and turned to"ard her slight figure% ho'ering near the
door. 4#re you here to gi'e me a lesson in manners or tell me a$out your daughter14
Rachel $it her lip% $ut there "as a slight air of defiance in the glance she allo"ed to rest
$riefly on his face. /hen her glance slipped do"n"ard. 48our hand54 she gasped.
Jake looked at the hand he clutched unconsciously $y the "rist. /he handkerchief $inding
it had $ecome saturated "ith $lood. /he cloth dripped slo"ly onto the floor% lea'ing dark
red splotches against the "ood.
Cupping his other hand $eneath it "ith a disgusted air% he mo'ed to"ard her% passing close
$y her as she stepped s"iftly out of his "ay. 4/his "ill only take a minute%4 he thre" $ack
o'er his shoulder as he slid around the corner and out of sight.
9pstairs% Jake un"rapped the hand o'er the sink. /he deep gash appeared to go almost to
the $one and it "as going to need stitches. /he medicine closet standing $eside the sink
held e'erything he&d need. It "ould $e a"k"ard% using his left hand% $ut...
46et me help.4
Jake glanced into the mirror and sa" Rachel&s image float into 'ie". 4I can manage%4 he said
shortly% then dropped a plastic $ottle of antiseptic he "as attempting to open onto the
floor.
4I didn&t say you couldn&t%4 she responded% $ending to reco'er the $ro"n $ottle.
Jake opened a plastic tray resting on the side of the sink and reached for a small s.uare
package. 6ifting it% he placed it $et"een strong% "hite teeth. But $efore he could rip it open%
Rachel reached for the package% her eyes on the dimple in his chin. She tugged lightly% and
"hen he didn&t release it% her eyes mo'ed up"ard. /he message in his eyes "as clear. 7laying
nursemaid to him "ouldn&t "in her any $ro"nie points.
#fter a moment% his )a" relaxed and Rachel remo'ed the package from his teeth. *e
follo"ed her mo'ements "ith narro"ed eyes as she ripped it open. Remo'ing the needle and
suture% she laid it on the small utility ta$le at her side and reached for his hand.
49h-uh.4 Jake clenched his fingers and pulled them out of reach.
4,hat14
*is unin)ured hand snaked out past her shoulder and retrie'ed a sealed package off the
shelf $ehind. *anding it to her he said% 43erms.4
Rachel&s lips compressed% $ut she opened the package and pulled on the tight-fitting
ru$$er glo'es. Firmly taking hold of his "rist% she raised cool gray eyes to his face and said%
4Be $ra'e no"% it "ill only hurt for a little "hile.4
*e let that pass to ask skeptically% 4o you kno" "hat you&re doing14
4!f course%4 she replied "ithout $atting an eyelid.
48ou&'e done this $efore14
4,hat do you think14
Jake opened his hand slo"ly. Rachel s"allo"ed% took a deep $reath and cupped his in)ured
hand in her smaller one% dra"ing it close. #s casually as she could manage% she asked% 4*o"
did you do this14
43lass. I slipped in the mud.4
4I think "e&d $etter "ash it out% )ust in case there are any $roken pieces of glass... or
anything foreign inside.4
Jake allo"ed her to peel $ack the edges of the "ound% exposing the $luish-"hite mem$rane
co'ering the $one. *e heard her .uickly smothered gasp and felt -a glimmer of satisfaction.
4/his is going to sting%4 she murmured insipidly% pouring the antiseptic directly into the cut.
Jake clenched his )a" tight% $ut except for a slight tremor in the hand resting in hers% he
e'idenced no other sign of discomfort from the sharp sting of the medicine.
Rachel licked dry lips% pushed an errant strand of hair $ack from her damp forehead "ith
the $ack of one hand% and tilted his hand slightly o'er the sink. /he second stream of
medication "ashed o'er the open "ound from top to $ottom.
4/here%4 she said% $reathing a little une'enly follo"ing the flo" of pink li.uid into the $asin
"ith her eyes% 4ho"&s that14
4It hurts like hell%4 Jake ans"ered succinctly.
4I&m sorry%4 she murmured.
/here "asn&t a glimmer of apology in the gray eyes resting on his face. /ouch: .
43et on "ith it%4 he said impatiently% tearing his glance from the sight of her full $ottom
lip. /he "ound "as ready for suturing.
4on&t you ha'e something... some kind of medication to deaden the area 4
4(o5 Just se" it. If you&re afraid to% then gi'e it to me and let&s $e done "ith it.4
48-yes% all right.4
uring the next fifteen minutes it "as hard to say "ho suffered more. Rachel concentrated
completely on the )o$ at hand% feeling e'ery sta$ of the needle as it passed through Jake&s
tough hide.
Jake "ithstood her efforts in grim% tight-lipped silence. If he "as in pain% no one "ould
kno" it. ,hen the last knot had $een tied and cut% Rachel stood staring at the not-so-neat
ro" of $lack knots and shook her head remorsefully.
4-ay$e you "ould ha'e done a $etter )o$ of it.4
Jake closed his fingers% hiding a "ince% and made a fist. 4It&s done% that&s "hat counts.4
Rachel insisted% despite his protestations% upon "rapping a strip of "hite gau0e around his
palm to protect the stitches. But "hen she started to clean up the mess% he pointed to"ard
the door and told her to get out.
4It "ill only take a moment 4
4I&ll do it myself54 he $arked shortly.
Rachel "as half"ay do"n the stairs "hen the slamming door echoed loudly throughout the
house. She&d accomplished more than she&d hoped "ith her first aid. (o" he kne" she
"asn&t someone "ho ga'e in at the first sign of an o$stacle.
,hen he )oined her a fe" minutes later% she "as sitting "ith folded hands staring into the
fireplace. *e pulled a straight-$acked chair% t"in to the one on "hich she sat% $efore the
fire% and sat facing her. 4!kay% let&s hear your story.4
Rachel stared do"n at her hands clutched tightly on the lap of her $lack "ool slacks. She
kne" "ithout his ha'ing to say it that he&d already made up his mind. /he instant he&d
entered the room% she&d kno"n that "hat had taken place upstairs had lost her the
ad'antage. She )ust couldn&t figure out ho".
4I don&t kno" "here to $egin. -ay$e I&d $etter tell you a little $it a$out 3ary 4
43ary14
Rachel nodded. 48es 3ary% my ex-hus$and. *e... "e... met in college. I "as a student and he
taught literature 4
4*e&s a teacher14
4College professor yes. *e&s a fe" years older than me. #fter "e got married% he "anted to
ha'e a child right a"ay% $ut I insisted "e "ait. I didn&t kno"...4
She t"isted her fingers into impossi$le shapes% trying to think ho" to tell him all that had
happened in as fe" sentences as possi$le. /he cool% controlled "oman "ho&d matched him tit
for tat upstairs "as gone. In her place "as a distraught mother% frightened for her child&s
safety.
4*o" "as I to kno"14 She met his glance "ith trou$led eyes. 4*o" "as I to kno" he "as...
sick14
4Sick14
4I... yes... this isn&t making any sense to you% is it14
Jake )ust looked at her.
/aking a deep% calming $reath she said% 46et me start again. 3ary and I met in college and
fell in lo'e oh% not right a"ay% $ut soon after "e started dating.
4,e got married a year after I graduated. I "as teaching school I&m a kindergarten
teacher. #ny"ay% "e got married and "ere happy. 3ary "anted to start a family right a"ay%
$ut I talked him into "aiting for a "hile. I liked there $eing only the t"o of us...4 She
hesitated. 4o you kno" "hat I mean14 she asked% meeting Jake&s unflinching dark eyes.
43o on.4
4I $ecame pregnant a year later and "e had.. .#my.4 She smiled% lost in the memories of
those first fe" days home from the hospital. +'erything had $een perfect. 3ary had $een
kind and lo'ing and so solicitous of her "elfare. *e&d e'en gotten up at night to take care of
the $a$y so she could sleep...
4I should ha'e kno"n something "as "rong "hen he insisted I go $ack to "ork immediately
after my six-"eek checkup. ,e&d talked a$out it a$out "hen I&d return to "ork and
decided I&d stay home "ith the $a$y for the first year.
4But he finally con'inced me ha'ing a "oman in to care for #my "ould $e all right. #nd
$esides% I had "orked four years to get my teaching certificate% I agreed "ith him that I
should use it. I lo'e teaching and though I lo'e #my more% I let him con'ince me he kne"
"hat "as $est.
4I "ould ne'er ha'e kno"n "hat "as happening if the head of the +nglish department
hadn&t called me and asked if there "as something seriously "rong "ith #my. It seemed
3ary had $een lea'ing his classes% turning them o'er to graduate students% and going home
during the day .uite fre.uently in the months since #my&s $irth.
4I felt like such a fool54 She t"isted at the gold $and on her left hand. 4I didn&t kno" "hat
he "as talking a$out% all I could do "as stum$le through an apology and half pretend I kne"
"hat 3ary "as doing. /hat e'ening% "hen I "ent home% I got -aida the "oman "e&d hired to
look after #my aside% and asked her "hat "as going on.
48ou see%4 she admitted slo"ly% 4I thought 3ary "as... ha'ing an affair.
4But -aida told me she% too% had $een pu00led "hen 3ary $egan coming home in the middle
of the day and sending her home. She said she&d thought she "asn&t doing a good )o$. But
"hen she approached 3ary "ith her fears% he&d told her she "as doing an excellent )o$% and
assured her he had some free time and )ust "anted to en)oy $eing a daddy. /hen he&d told
her they should )ust keep this $et"een themsel'es and he&d gi'en her a raise.
4/hat&s "hen I $egan to think $ack and reali0ed ho" he&d gradually $een pushing me out of
my o"n daughter&s life.4
She stopped% s"allo"ing $ack tears and cleared her throat. 4#nd the a"ful thing a$out it is
that I let him get a"ay "ith it5 I "as so caught up in my "ork% I didn&t see "hat "as
happening.&&
She took a moment to compose herself and then continued. 4,hen I confronted him "ith
"hat I&d $een told $y $oth -aida and the head of the +nglish department% he fle" into a
rage. I "as stunned. I&d ne'er seen him angry. *e "as al"ays in complete control of his
emotions.4
Jake slanted a sharp glance. #l"ays in control1 Surely there "ere times% "hen they "ere
alone% that his control had slipped.
43ary said he kne" "hat "as $est for #my and "e "ouldn&t discuss it again.4 *er 'oice
thinned. 4/hat&s "hen he mo'ed out of our $edroom and into the spare room on the other
side of the nursery. /hings "orsened after that. *e fired -aida "ithout consulting me and
left e'ery morning "ith #my% $efore I "ent to "ork.
4I didn&t kno" "hat to do. I tried talking to him and he $ecame 'iolent. So% I called a close
friend and explained "hat "as happening. She suggested getting 3ary professional help. I
"as afraid to e'en mention the idea to 3ary. ,hen I did... he hit me.4
Rachel compressed trem$ling lips% una$le to continue for a moment. #fter taking a
steadying $reath% she murmured% 4I filed for di'orce the next day the day after he hit me.
4I had to lea'e the house "ith #my under police guard% $ecause he threatened my life. *e
$egan to call me at home% and sometimes at "ork% and say 'ile things o'er the phone% so I
got a restraining order against him.
4/he first day of the di'orce hearing 3ary sho"ed up in a rage% he cursed the )udge in his
cham$ers and made threats against #my and me. ,hen the child custody hearing came up% I
"on sole custody of our daughter.
4I ne'er sa" him again% not until a$out three months after the di'orce "as final. *e caught
me in the parking lot of a grocery store after dark. #my "as "ith me. *e forced us into his
car and dro'e us into the country. /here% he )erked open my door and sho'ed me out onto
the ground. *e said...4
48es14 Jake prompted "hen it looked like she "asn&t going to continue.
4*e said...if I came after #my.. .he&d kill her and then he&d kill himself.4
Jake felt the "ords like a $lo" to his gut.
Chapter 2
(o5 /his "as too much like the last time5 *e couldn&t do it not again5
47lease% "ill you help me find my $a$y.. .$efore he hurts her14
!n the point of refusing out of hand% Jake pushed himself a$ruptly to his feet% caught a
$rief glance from her desperate eyes% and turned .uickly a"ay. Staring into the flames% he
considered "hat helping this "oman might mean to him and decided he couldn&t take the
chance.
4(o.4
4,-"hat did you say14
4(o I can&t help you.4
She couldn&t $elie'e her ears. #fter all that she&d told him% he "as refusing her.
4/hree "eeks he&s had her three "eeks. 3od only kno"s "hat he may ha'e done to her% and
you say no... no% you can&t help m-me14
Rachel $egan to shake all o'er% and she didn&t kno" if it "as caused $y despair or rage. *er
teeth chattered together loudly and nausea rose in her throat. She "anted to $e strong she
had to $e strong for #my% $ut this constant fear a$out 3ary&s threat "as slo"ly destroying
her.
She "anted her $a$y5 ,hy couldn&t anyone understand that all she "anted in the "hole
"orld "as her $a$y1 -ay$e% if she could make him understand...
4-do you kno" do you ha'e any idea of "-"hat I&m feeling14 /he deepest% darkest anguish
she&d e'er kno"n mixed "ith fury churned inside her. 4*a'e you any idea of the helpless
hopeless feeling inside me1&&
Raising herself slo"ly from the chair% she looked into his face% e'en though he refused to
meet her eyes. 4+'ery day% "hen I a"aken% the first thought in my mind is of #my. I think
of seeing my child% holding her "arm% "iggling little $ody close.4 Rachel crossed empty arms
o'er her chest. 4#nd feeling her chu$$y arms "ind their "ay around my neck.4 She touched
the side of her neck in memory. 4#nd hear her soft childish 'oice "hispering in my ear% &I
lo'e you% -ommy.&4 *er 'oice $roke% and her )a"s clenched tightly to try to still their
spasmodic .ui'ering as she struggled to get control of her $reathing% so she could continue.
4#nd then I remem$er... I remem$er she&s gone... and I can&t find her.4 /he tension gre"
tight "ithin her% making her "ords come out in )erky spurts. 4I don&t kno" "here to look for
her.4 She gestured "ildly "ith her hands. 4!utside this room is the "hole "orld. /here&s so
much of it. #nd she could $e any"here any"here5
4o you kno" ho" helpless that makes me feel1 o you ha'e any idea ho" desperate% ho"
desperate and hopeless I feel% kno"ing that no one% not the police% not e'en the FBI% has
$een a$le to find my child14
She mo'ed until she stood directly in Jake&s path% staring up at his 'eiled expression. 4S-
she&s lost and n-no one can f-find her... except... may$e you...4
Jake tried to distance himself from the pleading 'oice% the expression of stark pain on her
pale face% $ut it "as impossi$le. Because he&d felt that same hopeless despair himself. !ne
look into her face and he recogni0ed the agony of spirit she "as going through% $ut he had
no "ords of comfort to offer her. *e "as fro0en inside. #nd so he did the only thing he
could do at that moment. *e left the room in silence.
Rachel stood "here he&d left her% a feeling of defeat no" added to those of anguish and
despair. She should )ust go. *e&d made his decision.
But can you accept it1 Can you gi'e in so easily1 /his is your child&s life5
# 'oice inside spoke to her% demanding that she continue to try to persuade this man%
Frost% to help her. It "as the same 'oice that had dri'en her to fly to ,ashington% .C.% and
seek out 3us a'ison2 to $eseech him to do something more to find her child% $ecause "eeks
had passed and no one in the field had come up "ith a lead. Jake Frost "as her last hope.
Someho"% she simply had to get him to agree to help her.
She "as ready for him "hen he reappeared% $ut he surprised her $y returning "ith a cup of
steaming li.uid in one hand. *e further surprised her $y crossing to her chair% reaching for
her hand% and "rapping it around the cup.
4on&t touch me54 She )erked a"ay from him.
Jake gre" still% a muscle "orking in his )a"% $ut he didn&t speak% only stood% holding the cup
out to her. #fter a long% tense moment% she accepted it "ith a shaking hand. /he hot li.uid
immediately sloshed o'er the cup&s rim and onto the floor at Jake&s feet.
(o" Jake had no patience "ith her. Cupping the $ack of her head% he "rapped a firm hand
around hers and guided the cup unerringly to her mouth. Rachel hesitated% slanting him a
look of suppressed fury% $ut declined to struggle against his hold.
/he rim of the cup $umped against the edge of her lo"er lip% splashing it "ith li.uid. Slo"ly
she unclenched her lips and reluctantly tasted his offering "ith the tip of her tongue.
Jake "atched grimly% explaining in terse tones% 4It isn&t laced "ith arsenic. -y.. .mother
$elie'ed strongly in the curati'e aspects of hot% honey-s"eetened% tea.4
Rachel noted the slight hesitation $efore the "ord mother and filed it a"ay for future
contemplation. /he thought uppermost in her mind "as his refusal to help her.
/aking a deep $reath% hands steadier no" strangely enough% the tea seemed to $e helping
she took a large% $racing gulp $efore "hispering% 47lease% "on&t you reconsider1 ,on&t you
change your mind... and help me14
(o5 #gain% the ans"er fought its "ay to the tip of his tongue% $ut this time his lips refused
to shape it.
4,hy me14
Rachel looked confused. 4,hat do you mean14
4,hy did you come tome 14 he repeated. 4If you talked to 3us a'ison% then he must ha'e
told you that I no longer "ork for the agency. I don&t do that kind of "ork anymore.4
4But you&re the $est 4
4on&t you understand14 he asked angrily% her single-mindedness $eginning to get to him.
4-ust I repeat myself yet again1 I no longer "ork for the agency I .uit5 Find yourself a
good pri'ate detecti'e% someone "ho speciali0es in missing 4
4I did%4 she interrupted impatiently. 4I found you54
4But I&m not a'aila$le.4
48ou&re the $est54
4I&m not5; he yelled% "hirling on her angrily. 4I&m not the $est. Can&t you get that through
your head1 #nd ... I ... "ill ... not ... take ... this ... case54 he thundered.
48ou must%4 she said .uietly% refusing to get into a shouting match "ith him. 4*e said you
"ere the $est there e'er "as and e'er "ill $e%4 she argued doggedly.
43us a'ison said I "as the $est14 he asked .uickly. She nodded. 4I don&t $elie'e you.4 3us
had $een there the night he "as shot. 3us kne" all a$out 6acy and -ary /ol$ridge. *e
couldn&t $elie'e that 3us could recommend him.
4id a'ison tell you "here I "as14 he asked a$ruptly.
48es.4
4amn him54 Jake s"ung to"ard the fireplace and slammed a fist against its unyielding
surface% feeling the impact all the "ay do"n his spine.
Rachel )umped% her eyes dra"n to the spreading red stain on the "hite $andage "rapped
around his fist. *e&d pro$a$ly torn the stitches loose.
46ook...4 She clim$ed to her feet% still holding the cup% and mo'ed to"ard him% setting the
cup on the mantel. 4I don&t kno" "hy you left your )o$% or "hat you ha'e against -r.
a'ison. #nd I don&t care%4 she added .uickly. 4I only kno"% my child my little #my needs me.
She&s in trou$le...4 *er 'oice $roke and she hesitated% s"allo"ing
tightly% fighting to keep things in $alance and retain control of her emotions. 4She&s in
trou$le.4 She "as losing the $attle. *er 'oice .ui'ered% 4She needs me... she needs her
mother.&&
3ra$$ing hold of his shirt "ith $oth hands% she tried to force him to look at her. 4o you
understand1 -y $a$y needs me5 4
Jake&s glance touched the trem$ling lips and .ui'ering chin $efore mo'ing up to her
smoldering eyes and then darting .uickly a"ay. ,hat "ould it take to get her off his $ack1
48our help%4 she "hispered desperately% as if in ans"er to his silent .uestion. 4*elp me and
I s"ear you&ll ne'er see or hear from me again. #s soon as I ha'e #my in my arms% I&ll
forget your name. I promise% no one "ill kno" it "as you "ho helped me if that&s "hat you
"ant.4
*er hands $unched and tugged tighter on his shirt "ith each "ord. 4,ill you help me14
6ifting unfathoma$le dark eyes% Jake made himself look into hers. *e searched the gray
eyes% reached past her thoughts and del'ed into her soul. ,hat he sa" there distur$ed him.
It also made it impossi$le for him to refuse her. 48es.4 /he "ord "as dragged from him
against his "ill.
4!h% 3od...4 Rachel collapsed% sagging against him in sudden relief. 4!h% thank you5 /hank
you54
Jake carefully extricated himself from her touch% telling himself he didn&t "ant her
gratitude% all he "anted "as her silence and her .uick remo'al from his life. But the feel of
her soft cheek% pressed to his shoulder% lingered long after they mo'ed apart.
4on&t thank me yet%4 he ans"ered darkly% striding to"ard the door. 48ou may "ake one
morning and find yourself $itterly regretting the day you e'er set eyes on me% or asked for
my help.&&
Rachel "atched his .uick exit "ith pu00led eyes% $ut follo"ed .uickly in his "ake% eager to
get the search started% no" that he&d agreed to it. /hree "hole "eeks. It had $een three
"hole "eeks since 3ary had snatched their frightened child from her helpless arms and
disappeared "ith her.
4,hat do "e do first14 she asked% only a step $ehind as he marched do"n the dark% narro"
hall.
,ithout ans"ering% Jake flipped a s"itch set in the "all )ust inside the kitchen door and
flooded the room "ith $right% yello" light. ,hen he did ans"er% it "asn&t "hat she "anted
to hear. 4,ed nothing. I&ll need to kno" e'erything you can tell me a$out your hus$and&s
$ackground and your life together $efore your di'orce.4
4/hat&s all14 Rachel asked $leakly. 48ou )ust "ant to talk14 She "anted action5 She&d spent
the last t"enty-one days ans"ering .uestions and "aiting for someone to do something
$esides "rite things do"n and ask more .uestions.
4For no"%4 he ans"ered coolly.
7lacing an old-fashioned teakettle $eneath the faucet% Jake filled it "ith "ater. *e turned
to find Rachel standing directly $ehind him as he mo'ed a"ay from the sink. She glanced up
into his flat% expressionless eyes and stepped .uickly out of his path% s"allo"ing the
argumentati'e "ords she&d $een a$out to $om$ard him "ith.
4#ll right%4 she conceded "ith faint grace% "atching him place the teakettle on the sto'e
and light the $urner $eneath it. 4I&'e got most of "hat you&ll no dou$t "ant in the car.4 She
couldn&t help adding in fed-up tones% 4I&'e spent a lot of time these past three "eeks
ans"ering .uestions.4
Jake glared at her momentarily $efore his head disappeared into a ca$inet in search of
clean cups. 3us must ha'e $een a"fully sure of him if he&d entrusted official documents%
intended for him% to this "oman.
48ou get the paper"ork% and "hen the tea is ready% "e&ll get started.4
4It&s all in the car. #nd my car&s parked at the cemetery%4 she added ruefully. In the
ensuing silence% pistol-shot rain slammed against the roof of the house as though to remind
them of the inclement "eather raging outside its "arm cocoon. Jake straightened from the
refrigerator "ith a pitcher of milk in one hand and shrugged in resignation.
43i'e me your keys.4 *e set the milk on the round "ooden ta$le and held out a reluctant
hand.
Rachel looked from the $lood-stained $andage to his face. 4I can go after it. It isn&t that
far.4
4/he keys%4 he repeated.
She fished in the pocket of her slacks and held them out to him. Jake took them% sho'ed
them into his )eans% and turned to"ard the door.
4,hen the "ater&s hot%4 he thre" the instructions o'er his shoulder as he mo'ed do"n the
short hall"ay% 4pour it into the teapot and let it steep% the tea is already inside. It should $e
a$out ready to drink $y the time I return.4
3ra$$ing his coat from the coat tree% he sho'ed his arms into the slee'es and $ent to
retrie'e a $oot.
48ou&ll get soaked%4 Rachel protested .uickly% as he pulled on the mud-caked $oots% noticing
the circles of dried mud on the knees of his )eans for the first time.
Jake shrugged% opened the door and closed it $et"een them "ithout another "ord.
!utside% he $reathed a .uick sigh of relief. It "as the first easy $reath he&d dra"n since
he&d turned and spotted the ghostly pale figure coming to"ard him in the cemetery.
*e really didn&t mind the $risk "alk in the pouring rain. It soothed the unsettled feelings
the "oman stirred inside him "ith her presence in his house. She reminded him of things he
"ished he could forget and aroused emotions $etter left alone.
Jake found her car% a dark $lue <ol'o% sitting $eneath the trees near the $ack entrance to
the cemetery. Clim$ing .uickly inside% unmindful of the damage his soiled clothing might
cause% he dro'e the t"o miles to his house "ithout using the heater.
!n the passenger seat% he spotted a neat stack of folders and gathered them into his arms
$efore lea'ing the car. Inside the house% he .uickly di'ested himself of )acket and $oots
and strode do"n the hall to"ard the kitchen. *e "as looking for"ard to that cup of hot tea.
/he only thing that "ould make it $etter "ould $e to find the "oman and all trace of her
presence gone from his house.
#s he passed the stairs% Rachel suddenly appeared at the top. Jake glanced up at the same
instant she sa" him and paused "ith her hand on the ne"el post. She must ha'e to"el-dried
her hair% $ecause it lay in soft fluffy "a'es a$out her head and floated gently to her
shoulders.
*er face "as flushed pink "ith her efforts and there "as a faint glo" in the gray eyes. /he
top t"o $uttons of the "hite $louse she "ore had $een unfastened and the slee'es rolled up
past her el$o"s. Jake&s eyes took in the rosy hue of her cheeks% set against the pale
creaminess of her skin% and noted the hint of a shado"ed hollo" "here the gaping $louse
partially exposed her $reasts% as he strode $y "ithout pausing.
4I hope you don&t mind%4 Rachel called to his rigid $ack% 4I took the opportunity to "ash up.4
In the kitchen% Jake slapped the folders do"n on the ta$le% poured milk and tea into one of
the $lue ceramic mugs% and took a large gulp. # slight step $ehind "arned him she&d
follo"ed.
Rachel stepped up to his side and eyed the manila folders. 4So% you found them. 3ood. (o"
"e can get started4
Jake raised a dark $ro"% and mindful of his $urning tongue% took a small sip of the hot tea
$efore asking% 4,e14
48es% I&m going to "ork "ith you on this.4 She sa" refusal in the ha0el eyes and added
.uickly% 47lease I need to do this.4
Jake took another sip from his cup% picked up the folders and headed to"ard the door.
&& ,here are you going1 4
4/o read these.4
4,hat a$out me1 ,hat should I do14
4=eep still% unless I ask you a .uestion.4
4/hat&s all14
4For no".4
4But time is slipping past. ,hat a$out going after him1 ,hen do "e go after him1 *e could
$e any"here any"here in the country5 ,e can&t )ust let him slip 4
4#nd "here do you suggest "e look14 Jake asked curtly% t"isting to face her.
4I...4 Rachel shook her head. 4I don&t kno" that&s up to you.4
4+xactly.4 *e left the room "ithout a $ack"ard glance.
Rachel poured herself a cup of tea% spooned in a generous amount of sugar from a
mushroom-shaped $o"l sitting in the center of the ta$le% and hurried after him. ,hether
he liked it or not% she "as going to take part in the search for her daughter. It "asn&t going
to $e the "ay it had $een "ith the San #ntonio police.
#ll she&d gotten from them "as ad'ice a$out keeping the home fires $urning and letting
them do their )o$s. She&d done that% and "hat had it got her1 #my "as still missing% and
they "ere no closer to finding her.
#nd as far as the FBI "as concerned% the agents she&d dealt "ith so far had $een
closemouthed and formally distant. #ll% that is% except 3us a'ison. *e&d $een kind and
concerned.
+ntering the li'ing room% she found Jake sitting stiffly in the same chair he&d sat in earlier.
/he only concession he&d made to"ard comfort "as in crossing his feet at the ankles and
turning the damp $ottoms of his stocking feet to"ard the heat of the fire. *is cup of tea
rested on the floor $eside him% and the first folder lay open on his lap.
Rachel took a seat and sipped her tea. For the next thirty minutes% except for an occasional
snap from the fireplace and the rustling of paper as he turned one page after another% the
room remained silent.
It "asn&t easy% $ut Jake did his $est to concentrate on "hat he read and ignore the "oman
perched on the edge of the chair directly across from him% her eyes glued to his face.
4,ell14 Rachel prodded "hen he&d dropped the last page onto the folder lying on the floor
$eside his chair. 4*a'e you any ideas14
4Se'eral%4 Jake responded laconically% lifting his mug of tea% 4$ut none concerning the
"herea$outs of your hus$and.4
4+x-hus$and%4 she corrected s"iftly.
4It&s late.4 Jake s"allo"ed the last sip of tepid tea and got to his feet. 4I&'e had a long
day... and so ha'e you. ,here are you staying14
4Staying14 She looked at him $lankly.
48es% "here are you planning to stay "hile you&re here14
4I.. .don&t kno".. .I came here directly from the airport. I didn&t e'en think a$out...4 She
let the "ords drift off.
Jake ga'e her a look that said he "asn&t surprised to learn she didn&t ha'e a place to stay
for the night. 4,ell% there aren&t any guest houses or motels in the area% it&s too remote
for that. I thought may$e you had friends li'ing some"here near$y.4
4(o...I&m sorry%4 she apologi0ed% kno"ing instincti'ely that he "ouldn&t "ant her staying
o'ernight in his house.
4I ha'e a spare room%4 Jake admitted reluctantly. 4I suppose you could make do "ith it for
the short time you&ll $e needing it%4 he added "ith a pointed glance at her face.
*e "as letting her kno" his tolerance of her "ould last no longer than a day or t"o at the
most% )ust until he&d sorted through the facts in the case. ,hen she&d ans"ered all his
.uestions% she&d $e on her "ay $ack to San #ntonio.
Rachel let the implication pass "ithout challenge. She kne" "hat she had to do% and no one%
not e'en this man "ho had finally% un"illingly% agreed to help her% could deflect her from
that purpose.
4,ould you like a refill14 Jake asked on his "ay to the kitchen for more tea for himself.
Rachel shook her head and glanced do"n at the face of her "atch. It "as only a little past
eight% $ut it "as pitch-$lack outside and the dampness of the "eather made her feel dull
and dro"sy.
/he dri'e from the San #ntonio airport had $een long and tiresome. But looking for Jake
Frost% and "ithstanding his implaca$le attitude once she&d found him% had used up "hat
little remaining reser'e of strength she&d $een a$le to muster in the last three "eeks. She
needed time to rest and regroup for the $attles she "as certain lay ahead "ith this taciturn
man.
4#ll I "ant is a sho"er or a $ath%4 she added .uickly% in case a sho"er "asn&t a'aila$le% 4and
a $ed.4
4inner 4
4(o food.4 Rachel made a face and shook her head. 4I couldn&t eat a $ite.4
4If that&s "hat you "ant.4 *e shrugged% secretly glad he&d $e spared more time that night
in her presence. 4If you&ll follo" me.4
Jake led the "ay up the narro" flight of stairs. /here "ere three doors along this ne"
hall"ay% all on the same side and three "indo"s in the opposite "all.
/he first door led to his $edroom "hich he didn&t $other offering to sho" her. /he next
one "as a small $athroom. Rachel "as already "ell-ac.uainted "ith that room $y no".
Stopping at the third door% Jake t"isted the doorkno$ and pushed the door in"ard. *e
stood $ack to let her precede him into the room. ,hen they "ere $oth standing in the
middle of the small% s.uare room% he said% 4It isn&t four-star% $ut it&s "arm and dry. #nd
there 4 he gestured 4 is the $ed.4
Rachel eyed the large% old-fashioned% four-poster sitting against one "all% co'ered "ith a
thick colorful .uilt. 4/hank you%4 she replied% anticipating the fe" hours of o$li'ion she&d
find no" in sleep.
Jake pointed to a door centered in the "all opposite the $ed. 4/hat leads to the $athroom.
,e share. /here are clean to"els and "ashcloths in the closet at the end of the hall.4
4/hank you%4 Rachel murmured tiredly.
4/here&s a lock on the inside of the $athroom door.4 *e crossed the room% thre" open the
door to the $athroom and indicated the sliding $olt on the door opposite them. 49se it.4
Rachel roused herself long enough to "hisper% 4I kno" this must $e a terri$le incon'enience
for you and I&m sorry. I "ant you to kno"% I do appreciate your hospitality.4
Jake $rushed her thanks aside and "as half"ay do"n the stairs "hen he heard her call%
4-y keys54 *e hesitated $efore turning $ack.
4I need my car keys to get my $ag from the car%4 she explained apologetically.
4I&ll $ring it along in a fe" minutes.4 ,ithout "aiting for a reply% Jake resumed his descent.
4/hank you%4 Rachel called softly to his unyielding $ack% "ondering "hat she&d said this time
to upset him.
# short "hile later% Jake returned "ith her $ag. *e stood in the hall"ay and pushed the
expensi'e leather suitcase through the door "ith his left hand.
Rachel had gro"n tired of "aiting for him to return "ith her $ag and had taken her $ath. #
large $ath to"el "as "rapped around her slight figure and tucked $eneath one arm.
4,ould you like me to take a look at that14 she asked% opening the door "ider and indicating
the hand he kept protecti'ely near his "aist.
#fter one $rief glance at pale i'ory shoulders% Jake dropped the hand to his side and shook
his head curtly% keeping his eyes on the door $eside the narro" opening.
4If you change your mind a$out something to eat% there&s food in the refrigerator.4 *a'ing
said that% he stomped do"n the stairs.
In the kitchen% he slapped together a sand"ich. Fifteen minutes later% he&d taken only a
$ite from it% $ut he&d drunk a "hole pot of tea. #t the $ack of his mind a small 'oice
taunted him "ith the fact that his 'isitor had come prepared to stay.
# picture of pale% creamy shoulders and a long% delicate neck rising from the $lue of his
$ath to"el floated through his mind. Jake sho'ed himself a"ay from the ta$le and thre"
the rest of his sand"ich into the gar$age. Just t"o days% that&s all he&d gi'e her% and then
she "as out of his house.
# fe" minutes later% Jake made himself comforta$le in front of the fireplace and sat do"n
to "ork. Sleep "as a commodity that had $een in short supply for the past se'eral months.
*e "as learning to li'e "ithout it. *e couldn&t a$ide tossing and turning and staring into the
dark% so he sat up and read most nights% or "ent for long "alks.
/onight% his sleeplessness "ould gi'e him plenty of time for "ork. #nd the sooner he sol'ed
the riddle of her hus$and&s disappearance% the sooner he&d $e free of Rachel ryden&s
distur$ing presence in his life. ,hen she "as gone% things "ould return to normal or "hat
had $ecome normal in the last fi'e months.
Jake read the documents she&d pro'ided him a second time and $egan to form a picture of
3ary ryden. ,hat he imagined "as a .uiet% intellectual man% one "ho seemed to ha'e fe"
interests outside teaching.
Jake could imagine him existing day-to-day% li'ing in the pages of the dry% dusty $ooks from
"hich he taught. #nd then one day% he must ha'e looked up and seen Rachel&s lo'ely% eager
face staring $ack at him. For the first time in almost forty years% he must ha'e disco'ered
"hat it "as to $e a man hopelessly in lo'e "ith a real flesh-and-$lood "oman.
*e "ondered if 7rofessor ryden had e'er considered the fact that Rachel might $e only
infatuated "ith the idea of gaining attention from an older man% one "ho perhaps $rought to
life for her the romantic $allads of $ygone years. *o" surprised he must ha'e $een to
reali0e the fresh-faced young coed thought herself enough in lo'e "ith him to consider
marriage. # certain sympathy for the man $egan to gro" inside Jake as he $egan to picture
the man as 'ictim.
*e&d heard Rachel&s side of the story. But there "as a lot she hadn&t said. ,hat had taken
place during the marriage to cause its dissolution1 ,as the man% as she&d intimated%
mentally unsta$le1
#nd if not% then "hat had occurred after the di'orce to make 3ary ryden rip the little
girl from her mother&s arms in such a cruel fashion1 *ad that part of Rachel&s story e'en
$een true1
*e&d read the transcripts of the di'orce and custody proceedings pro'ided $y the court.
7rofessor ryden had indeed made threats against Rachel% $ut no threat had $een
mentioned against the little girl&s life.
In his experience% Jake had learned that there "ere al"ays t"o sides to e'ery issue.
(either "as e'er all "hite or all $lack.
*ad Rachel $een a good mother1
/he room gre" cold around him as the thought popped into his mind. If she hadn&t $een% if
perhaps she&d $een too harsh cruel% e'en in her treatment of the little girl% that could $e
the reason her hus$and had taken the child a"ay. *adn&t he seen "hat he $elie'ed to $e an
expression of guilt $ehind the "oman&s eyes a little "hile ago1
Jake stared into the fire&s dying em$ers and remem$ered his o"n past...
4Is that a chocolate handprint on the $athroom "all14 a shrill 'oice $ounced off the ceiling
and "alls% "renching him from sleep.
Jake sat up and ru$$ed chu$$y fists into sleepy dark eyes.
4id you hear me1 #ns"er me "hen I talk to you5&&
Rough hands gra$$ed him $y the shoulders% extricating him from the $edclothes% and shook
him ruthlessly. 4#ns"er me5 *a'en&t I told you% o'er and o'er again% not to put your filthy
hands on the "alls14
Be"ildered at first% $ut $ecoming frightened no"% Jake $egan to shi'er in the "oman&s
hard% hurting grasp. /he large diamond-and-ru$y ring she "ore on her left hand cut painfully
into his shoulder as she shook him harder "ith each "ord.
4I I&m s-sorry...4 he sniffed. 4I f-forgot 4
4Sorry54 Shake. 4Forgot14 Shake. 4o you think% slap against the side of the face 4... that
gets you off again14 Slap to the other side of the face. 4,ell% think again% little -aster
Frost5 /his time...4 Slap% slap% 4...you get "hat&s coming to you something to make you
remem$er the next time you think you can soil the house "ith your filth.4 *ard shake.
4# sound "hipping%4 she promised% a note threading its "ay through the shrill tones% 4that&s
"hat you deser'e. #nd remem$er% this is for your o"n good% so you gro" up to appreciate
nice things.4
She "as sitting on the $ed no"% turning him o'er on her knees. Jake could smell her
expensi'e perfume. It "as a light% airy fragrance and it ne'er seemed to fit the 'iolent%
exacting nature of the "oman "earing it% not e'en to a mere $oy of four years.
Crying no"% he glanced up and spotted a tall% dark silhouette in the door"ay. 4-daddy5 7-
please...4*e reached to"ard the figure% crying harder "hen he sa" the man turn silently and
disappear.
4/his is one "hipping%4 the "oman promised "ith relish% as she uncoiled the o$)ect in her
hand an o$)ect he hadn&t noticed until no"% 4you "on&t soon forget.4
# sudden crash of thunder $rought Jake $ack to the present "ith a startled )ump. Ru$$ing
a tired hand across his face% the sound of those last "ords echoing in his $rain% Jake
thought a$out ho" "rong she&d $een. *e had forgotten the $eatings. *e&d forgotten them
for a 'ery long time.
*e forced his thoughts on the "oman upstairs. *ad she threatened% perhaps "hipped% her
o"n daughter for 4her o"n good41
!$'iously there had $een a pro$lem in the marriage $efore it $roke up. By Rachel&s o"n
admission% they&d stopped sharing a $ed long $efore the di'orce. *ad that really $een
3ary&s idea... or hers1
espite ho" things had looked to the court at the time of the di'orce and child custody
$attle% it "as possi$le 3ary ryden had $een the "ronged party. ,hat if the man had only
$een trying to protect the child% resorting to kidnapping her% $ecause it "as the only "ay he
could ensure her safety1
(ot e'ery parent "ho had the custody of a child or children deser'ed it. /hat&s a lesson
he&d learned a long time ago.
*e didn&t kno" "hat to make of Rachel ryden. /rue% she&d come looking for him% come
from ,ashington% .C.% if she "as to $e $elie'ed. #nd he $elie'ed that% $ecause she
"ouldn&t ha'e kno"n "here to find him if 3us hadn&t told her. (o one else kne" "here he
"as.
But there "as no denying the guilt he&d glimpsed in her eyes. *e )ust "asn&t certain yet
"hat had caused it.
Chapter 3
Rachel sat on the side of the $ed and stared "retchedly at the floor. Sleep "as impossi$le.
She hadn&t had a full night&s sleep since #my&s kidnapping and tonight "as going to $e no
different.
/he last expression she&d seen on her hus$and&s face% the almost inhuman glitter in his cold
green eyes% flashed into her mind and she $egan to trem$le. *e couldn&t hurt their $a$y oh%
3od% he couldn&t hurt #my5 Could he1
Bunching her fists angrily% she asked herself "hy% $efore it had got to this stage% hadn&t
she reali0ed ho" $adly he&d needed help1
Before the di'orce she&d asked him se'eral times to see a doctor% $ut he al"ays refused.
She should ha'e insisted5 She should ha'e done something anything to make him see "hat
"as happening to him. /o them. #nd then may$e she "ouldn&t $e in this cold% unfriendly
house "ith this a"ful man and #my "ould still $e "ith her.
9na$le to sit still any longer% she )umped to her feet and $egan to pace the parameter of
the tiny room. (o matter ho" many times she "ent o'er things in her mind% she still couldn&t
understand "hat had happened to change the .uiet% gentle man she&d gro"n to kno" and lo'e
into the angry% possessi'e man 3ary ryden had later $ecome.
,hen had he changed1 *e&d al"ays $een different from other men% that&s "hat had
attracted her to him in the first place. *is courtly manner and soft 'oice had easily
charmed the shy% t"enty-year-old Rachel% "ho "as a"ay from home for the 'ery first time.
/o her% his gallantry had made him seem like one of the gentle knights they studied in his
classes. #s though riding to her rescue% he&d stepped into her life "hen she&d needed
someone most and made e'erything $etter.
*o" could she ha'e kno"n "hat t"isted emotions lay hidden $elo" the surface1 Right from
the first he&d treated her "ith a kindness and consideration lacking in most men "ith "hom
she "as ac.uainted. #nd "hen they&d married and she&d $ecome pregnant% he&d treated her
as though she "as more precious to him than life itself. /here had $een nothing he "ouldn&t
do for her.
In the $eginning% their life had $een filled "ith happy times% times like the night #my had
$een $orn. She could clearly remem$er the look of )oyous astonishment on 3ary&s face% the
first time he&d seen his $a$y daughter.
,hat had gone "rong1
*ad she done something to cause him to turn into the kind of monster that could tear a
frightened% "eeping child from its mother&s arms1 /he kind of monster that could threaten
his o"n child&s life1
She hated him5 3od% ho" she hated him5 If he "ere here% right no"% sick or not% she&d...
she&d scratch his eyes out.
Raising her face to"ard the ceiling% arms held stiffly at her sides% hands knotted into fists%
she "hispered% 4,hy1 ,hy has he done this terri$le thing1 ,hy ha'e you let him1 !h% 3od%
please% let me find my $a$y let me find her safe and sound.
4#nything I&ll promise you anything if you&ll only let her $e ali'e and "ell.4
/aking a deep $reath% she added on a note of desperate anger% 4I&ll find you% 3ary ryden%
I&ll find you if it takes a lifetime. If it takes e'ery last cent I ha'e% if I ha'e to $eg% $orro"
or steal% cheat and lie% I&ll find you. #nd "hen I do% hea'en help you. *ea'en help you
$ecause no$ody else "ill $e a$le to5 4
Rachel strode to"ard the "indo"% pounding a closed fist against her forehead% and
muttered% 4/hink5 ammit% think5 ,here could he ha'e gone1 ,here "ould he ha'e taken
#my1 It has to $e someplace I "ouldn&t normally think to look.4
ra"ing $ack the dra$ $ro"n drapes% she stared into the darkness outside "hile her mind
$usily considered 3ary&s possi$le destination. #n occasional flare of lightning in the distance
thre" her image $ack at her.
It "as during one such display that she caught a glimpse of the expression in her eyes. She
dre" $ack from the ne"% ra" look of desperation in her eyes and .uickly co'ered her face
"ith her hands.
/hat expression. It "as the one she&d seen on 3ary&s face the instant he&d stomped on the
$rakes% almost thro"ing her through the "indshield% reached across her and thro"n the car
door open to sho'e her outside. She&d landed painfully on the rough gra'el road% stunned $y
his $eha'ior. -y 3od% the look in his eyes that&s "hen she&d finally admitted to herself that
he truly hated her and she didn&t e'en kno" "hy.
For months $efore the di'orce% she&d $een asking herself the same .uestion. ,hy1 ,hy
"as this happening1 She&d $een a good "ife and mother% hadn&t she1
*adn&t she1
6eaning her hot forehead against the cool glass% she closed $urning eyes so she "ouldn&t
ha'e to see her o"n image and tried to recall "hen things had first $egun to change. /he
night of #my&s second $irthday party came to mind. /hat "as the first time it had $een
made glaringly o$'ious to her that 3ary "as )ealous of the "armth and affection $et"een
Rachel and their little daughter.
(early all of the +nglish department and their families had sho"n up that night% and
e'eryone had seemed to $e in good spirits. -any of the other professors had $een "ell
$eyond the child-rearing age% and some had grandchildren.
3ary had $een the youngest professor "ith tenure% and despite running up against a little
)ealousy no" and then% he&d $een "ell-liked $y his peers.
But the night had $elonged to #my. She&d reigned like a little princess o'er the "hole
proceeding% charming e'eryone in sight "ith her huge $lue eyes and $right% toothy smile.
Rachel could still see her in the "hite lace-ruffled dress "ith matching panties% holding out
her arms for Rachel to pick her up.
It "as time to cut the cake% and #my "as )umping up and do"n "ith excitement. #ll of a
sudden% 3ary had "hisked the little girl into his arms and hurried to"ard the ta$le "here
the cake sat "aiting to $e cut. #my&s little face had looked startled at first% then suddenly
puckered "ith tears.
For a moment% the anger in his expression had shocked Rachel into immo$ility. She&d ne'er%
in all their time together% seen such an expression on his placid% good-natured face. #my
$egan to "himper% and her tears released Rachel from her paralysis.
3ary had locked eyes "ith Rachel% and a moment later% released the child so she could run
to her mother. #fter that% he&d disappeared and didn&t reappear until the guests "ere
saying good-night.
/hat "as the first time Rachel had tried talking to him a$out his odd $eha'ior. *e&d angrily
denied there $eing any pro$lem "ith him% then accused her $itterly of trying to monopoli0e
their daughter&s affections.
She&d $een stunned $y the unfair accusation $ut hadn&t $een a$le to think of any "ay to
address it. 6ater% he&d seemed his old self and denied e'er making the allegation.
7erhaps it "as her fault that things had turned out the "ay they had. She should ha'e
taken more notice of 3ary&s strange mood s"ings% follo"ed $y a$solute denial. If she had...
if only she had...
Rachel&s cheek stuck to the glass and she reali0ed she "as crying. /"isting a"ay from the
"indo"% she "iped $oth cheeks "ith the heels of her hands.
She had to get hold of herself5 It "ouldn&t do any good to rehash the past. ,hat had
happened had happened. It "asn&t 3ary "ho "as important no". It "as #my.
#ll her guilt "as for #my5 She had to get #my a"ay from 3ary $efore he hurt her% or
infected her "ith his o"n particular $rand of madness5
Calm. She had to stay calm. /aking a deep $reath% she forced $ack the tears% hiccupped
lightly and took another deep $reath. She couldn&t afford to allo" herself to $e go'erned
$y emotion. She had to think clearly.
*er lip trem$led and she $it it so hard she tasted $lood. *o" could she stay calm% "hen he
had her $a$y 1 *e could $e capa$le of anything e'en murder. She had to find her5 She had
to find her .uickly5
#ll at once she shi'ered% $ecoming a"are that the room "as $itterly cold. She shi'ered
again in the thin cotton nightgo"n and ru$$ed at her $are arms.
*er glance fell on the small electric heater sitting in a corner of the room. It left a lot to
$e desired "hen it came to sta'ing off the room&s damp chill. Rachel hurried to the suitcase
sitting open on a chair at the foot of the $ed% and $egan to rifle through it% looking for
something "armer to put on.
# persistent gna"ing in the pit of her stomach reminded her she&d turned do"n her host&s
earlier offer of food. /he only thing keeping her from going do"nstairs to search the
refrigerator "as the possi$ility of running into the man.
Jake Frost "as a strange one. *e distur$ed her in many "ays. /here "as something a$out
him...she couldn&t .uite put her finger on it... $ut...his eyes ... something happened inside her%
e'ery time she looked into his eyes.
Rachel shook herself and forced the man&s image from her mind. /he idea that he occupied
e'en a small portion of her thoughts irritated her. She didn&t "ant to think a$out anything
$ut #my% and certainly not another man after her recent experiences "ith 3ary.
But her mind had found a focus other than the painful thoughts a$out her missing child and
refused to let it go.
Something Jake Frost had said% "hen he&d finally agreed to help her% teased the edges of
her memory...
8ou may "ake one morning and find yourself $itterly regretting the day you e'er set eyes
on me% or asked for my help.
,hat had he meant $y that1

Jake "as deeply immersed in "ork "hen a light sound from the stairs a$ruptly shattered
his concentration. # moment later% Rachel peered around the door&s frame.
4!h5 I didn&t kno" you "ere... did I distur$ you14 she asked uneasily. She hadn&t expected
to find him do"nstairs "orking at this time of night.
4(o%4 Jake ans"ered shortly% closing the note$ook and putting aside his pen. +asing long%
cramped legs $ack from the narro" opening $eneath the desk% he stood and stretched
tiredly.
4I&m ready for a $reak.4
Rachel felt suddenly tongue-tied in his presence. She "anted to ask him straighta"ay "hat
he&d meant $y the comment a$out her $eing sorry she&d met him% $ut something held the
"ords $ack.
-o'ing "ith him as he strode to"ard the kitchen% Rachel "as careful% "ithout really
kno"ing "hy% to keep a safe distance $et"een them as they passed do"n the dark% narro"
hall"ay. #s for Jake% he seemed totally o$li'ious to her presence.
7assing through the kitchen door% he flipped on a light s"itch and strode directly to the
refrigerator. /he silence that had follo"ed them from the li'ing room gre" tight "ith
tension as he $egan to remo'e items from inside the refrigerator and set them on the
counter.
Rachel stood a"k"ardly "atching% too shy to admit she "as star'ing% and "ishing she&d
stayed in her room. If she&d kno"n he "as a"ake% nothing "ould ha'e dragged her
do"nstairs $efore morning.
4#re you ready for that sand"ich14
Rachel )umped at the sound of his 'oice and murmured tentati'ely% 4# sand"ich "ould $e
good and a cup of the tea "e had earlier... if it&s no trou$le.4
4I "as )ust a$out to make coffee.4 *e turned to face her% surprising them $oth "ith his
next "ords. 4Is that okay14
Rachel nodded "ordlessly as he turned $ack "ithout "aiting for her ans"er and took a
plastic container from the free0er. *e mo'ed to"ard the coffeemaker. Remo'ing the lid% he
dumped coffee $eans into an electric grinder and pressed do"n on the handle.
/he sound of grinding coffee filled the air% grating on Rachel&s already ra" ner'es. She "as
glad "hen he let go of the handle and remo'ed the cuplike lid to pour the dark rich coffee
grounds into a sno"y "hite filter.
In a fe" minutes% "hile he gathered the ingredients for sand"iches% an unusual aroma $egan
to fill the air. Rachel sniffed and fro"ned. Jake caught her pu00led expression and almost
allo"ed himself a smile.
4,hat do you think14 he asked% after he&d handed her a cup of the steaming li.uid and
"atched her take the first sip.
4It&s... different.4 She glanced up into his face% $ut a'oided looking directly into the ha0el
eyes. 4,hat is it14
4Coffee%4 he ans"ered solemnly. Rachel almost smiled "hen a moment later he added% 4#nd
$randy. I soak the coffee $eans o'ernight in $randy. Sometimes I soak them in rum. It adds
a little something to the fla'or.4
Rachel took another hearty sip. 4It&s good%4 she decided. 4I like it.4
/hat pleased him. #s insignificant as it "as% the fact that she liked his o"n special "ay of
making coffee eased a fraction of the mounting tension $et"een them.
/heir glances met. Rachel sa" reluctant appro'al in Jake&s eyes and her o"n defenses
$egan to "a'er.
Suddenly% Jake dragged his ga0e from hers and turned .uickly a"ay% "ary of this sudden
$ond of understanding that had sprung almost naturally $et"een them "ith little more than
a shared cup of coffee.
4Cold cuts are all I ha'e for sand"iches 4
4/hat&s fine%4 Rachel said .uickly. 4Is there something I can do to help14
4(o5 I... prefer doing things myself.4
Feeling as though he&d reached out and slapped her for no apparent reason% Rachel pulled
out a chair in confusion and dropped onto it. She lifted her coffee cup in unsteady hands
and took a large gulp.
So% that&s the "ay it "as going to $e $et"een them. ,ell% that "as fine "ith her. She&d
already concluded that he "as a man to $e kept at a safe distance. So long as he found her
daughter% that&s all that mattered.
Jake peeled $ack crisp lea'es of lettuce and held them under the faucet. It "as a"k"ard%
using his right hand and trying to keep it dry. It hurt like the de'il% $ut he refused to gi'e in
to the pain and ask for help.
+arlier% in the upstairs $athroom% he&d repaired the t"o stitches he&d ripped out "hen he&d
allo"ed his anger to get the $est of him. It hadn&t $een easy% $ut he&d managed alone. *e&d
$een managing alone for a good many years.
*e kne" he&d $een a$rupt to the point of $rutal "ith the "oman )ust no"% $ut he needed to
keep a certain distance $et"een them. For her sake as "ell as his% he couldn&t afford to see
her as a person. She must remain nothing more than the mother of the child for "hom he
searched.
It "as $ad enough ha'ing her stay $eneath his roof. 3ritting his teeth% Jake picked up the
cutting knife in his left hand and prepared a"k"ardly to slice a tomato. /he first attempt
nearly mangled the soft 'egeta$le.
4ammit%4 he muttered $eneath his $reath.
48ou kno"%4 the "ords came from some"here near his right shoulder% 4I&m 'ery good at
slicing tomatoes.4
Jake offered her the knife "ithout further protest% and despite his care% their fingertips
met on the handle. +'erything inside him gre" suddenly still. *is $reathing stopped% trapped
some"here inside his chest. +'en the $lood in his 'eins refused to flo"% "hile his eyes
rested on their )oined fingers% "a'ered% then slo"ly lifted to"ard her face.
Rachel&s soft lips "ere half-parted in a moue of surprise. She stared up at him $lankly% a
distur$ed light in the gray eyes.
Jake came to his senses a$ruptly% )erking his fingers from the shock of her touch. Stepping
carefully around her% he mo'ed a"ay from the sink.
4+'erything you&ll need is there on the counter% so eat%4 he grated roughly $efore lea'ing
the room.
It "as a "hile later "hen he returned. Rachel "as sitting at the ta$le% slo"ly munching on a
sand"ich. She&d placed another plate "ith a sand"ich on it directly across from her. # mug
of fresh coffee sat $eside it.
Jake took his place "ithout comment% lifted the cup and drank deeply $efore reaching for
the thick% deli-style sand"ich. *e $it into it cautiously% che"ed slo"ly% and s"allo"ed. But he
tasted nothing. It could ha'e $een made of card$oard for all he cared% yet he "as
determined to eat e'ery $ite of it% e'en if it choked him.
4/his "ill pro$a$ly cause us $oth to ha'e nightmares.4
Jake stopped che"ing and glanced in her direction.
4/he food%4 she explained. 4+ating this late at night and then going to $ed is supposed to
cause nightmares.4
Jake resumed che"ing% and they ate "ithout speaking after that. ,hen their plates "ere
empty and a second pot of coffee had $een $re"ed% Rachel couldn&t stand the silence a
moment longer.
4,e don&t ha'e to like each other% you kno"% )ust $ecause "e&re "orking together.4
4,hat makes you think "e&re "orking together14 he asked "ithout expression.
4#ren&t "e14 she asked .uickly. 4I&m not going to 4
4/ell me a$out your hus$and.4
4--my hus$and14 /he .uick change of topic thre" her for a moment. 4,hat do you "ant to
kno"14
4,hat did he do% "hen he "asn&t teaching% or $eing a hus$and and father14
4o1 8ou mean... like a ho$$y14
Jake shrugged. 4If you like.4
4,ell...4 she fro"ned 4... he liked to read.4
4,hat a$out sports14
48ou mean% did he like "atching -onday night foot$all14
4(o.4 Scraping his chair $ack from the ta$le% he picked up his empty mug and headed for
the coffee pot. 4I mean something he liked to participate in like hunting% or fishing.4
4!h. I...don&t kno".4 # thin line appeared $et"een the fine $ro"s as she concentrated
harder. 4I don&t remem$er his e'er mentioning either of those things.4
4,hat a$out friends14
4,hat a$out them14
Jake almost snapped at her in irritation% $ut he s"allo"ed the angry "ords and asked%
carefully% 4,as there someone at "ork% perhaps that he "as particularly close to1 Someone
"ho might not ha'e come to the house all the time a friend% "ho "asn&t your friend% too14
48ou mean a man14
4I mean anyone% man% "oman% or child.4
4I...4 she shook her head 4... I don&t kno".4
4,hat a$out old girlfriends14
4,hat a$out them14
4id you e'er talk a$out them14
4(o. ,e ne'er discussed anyone he&d...dated% $efore "e met.4
4,eren&t you curious14
Rachel hesitated $efore shaking her head% reali0ed his $ack "as turned to her and
ans"ered in a soft 'oice% 4(o.4
4,hat a$out your old $oyfriends did you discuss them "ith him14 Jake turned from
refilling his mug and leaned $ack against the counter% impaling her "ith a sharp glance.
4,e didn&t discuss either of our former.. .dates%4 she ans"ered stiffly.
4*o" long did you say the t"o of you "ere married14 *e raised an eye$ro".
Rachel s"allo"ed uncomforta$ly. 4#lmost six years.4
*e ga'e a nod she didn&t .uite like and asked% 4,hat a$out his family14
4*e didn&t ha'e any.4
4(o1 ,hat a$out his mother and father14
4*e.. .didn&t talk a$out his father e'er. #nd his mother is dead.4
4,hen did she die14
Rachel shrugged.
4,here did she die14
4Some"here%4 she ans"ered slo"ly% 4here% in /exas% I guess.4 Running a finger around the
rim of her cup% she felt compelled to explain% 4*e didn&t like to talk a$out the past 4
4*o" do you kno"1 id he say that14 Jake fired the .uestions at her.
Rachel&s eyes shot to his face. 4(-no he )ust didn&t seem to "ant to talk a$out his life
$efore "e met% and I didn&t like to pressure him.4
4,eren&t you interested in his $ackground1 *is family1 ,here he gre" up% or "hat he&d
done% $efore the t"o of you met14
48-yes... $ut not $ecause it really mattered. ,hat mattered "as the "ay "e felt a$out each
other 4
4*ad he e'er $een married $efore14
4--married1 (o "hy do you ask14
Jake le'ered his tall frame a"ay from the counter and crossed the room to stand
some"here $ehind her. 4*e "as .uite a fe" years older than you... that doesn&t seem to $e
an unreasona$le .uestion to me% under the circumstances.4
4/"el'e years%4 she muttered and then said in a louder 'oice% 4*e "as only t"el'e years
older than me that isn&t so great a difference.4
Rachel felt em$arrassed talking a$out her ex-hus$and "ith this man. Someho"% she felt as
though she had to explain e'erything a$out her marriage to him% and still it "ouldn&t matter%
$ecause she kne" he $lamed her for the loss of her child )ust like she $lamed herself.
4I lost my parents my second year in college. 3ary offered me... comfort... sta$ility 4
4Is that "hy you married him14 Jake asked a$ruptly.
4(o54 she turned to"ard him angrily% dealing his face a glancing $lo" "ith "rathful eyes. 4I
married him $ecause I lo'ed him.4
4o you still lo'e him14 Jake asked "ith his eyes on her face% gauging the .uickly changing
expressions taking place there. 4o you hate him14 he asked softly $efore she could ans"er.
4Really54 Rachel "as on her feet in an instant. 4I don&t see "hat this has to do "ith anything
4
&&#ns"er the .uestion54
4I "on&t54
4,hy not14
4,hich one14 Rachel&s fists "ere clenched at her sides% her $reathing une'en% as she faced
him across the narro" space separating them.
Jake shrugged. 48ou pick.4
4*e&s not the same man I married I&m not the same "oman. I don&t lo'e him.4
4o you hate him14
/he nails on $oth hands $it painfully into the tender flesh of her palms. 4*e&s stolen my
child 4
4/he girl is his child% too%4 Jake reminded her $luntly.
4-y hus$and is sick5 angerous5 *e&s unsta$le. *e flies into fits of rage 4
48ou&re 'ery angry yourself at the moment. id you e'er get this angry $efore your
di'orce14
Rachel fro"ned. 4,hat do you mean14
4id you e'er scream and yell at your hus$and1 #t your little girl14 he asked in a softer
'oice.
4,hat are you saying1 ,hat are you accusing me of14
Jake s"ung a"ay from her. 4I&m not accusing you of anything. I&m trying to $uild a picture
of this man your hus$and 4
4+x-hus$and.4
4 in my mind% that&s all. #nything I learn a$out him and your relationship "ith him "ill help
me determine "here he might ha'e gone.4 *e faced her suddenly. 4/hat is "hat you "ant%
isn&t it1 For me to find your ex-hus$and and little girl14
Rachel continued 4to stare at him "ith narro"ed eyes. It "as a reasona$le .uestion. 48es.4
She relaxed her angry $earing and slo"ly sat do"n in the chair% her 'ision turning in"ard. 4I
don&t think I can explain 3ary% or our relationship% to you. #ll I kno" is that in the $eginning%
he "as so... different% from "hat I expected "hat I "as used to in a man.
4*e ne'er came to see me "ithout $ringing me something a flo"er% a $ook of poetry% a small
$ox of candy.4
Rachel $linked and met Jake&s steady ga0e. 4,e didn&t rush into anything. ,e took time to
get to kno" each other.4
4id you14
She let the skepticism in the .uestion pass. 4*e "as kind and gentle. ,asn&t kno"ing that
enough14
/he .uestion irritated him. 48ou tell me. ,as it14
Rachel pressed her lips together firmly% "renching her ga0e from his face. 4/his has
nothing at all to do "ith "here he&s taken my daughter.4
/here "as a moment&s pause and then Jake took a last drink of coffee and leaned to"ard
her to place his mug on the ta$le. She mo'ed .uickly in the opposite direction. *e paused
and ga'e a slight shrug.
47erhaps you&re right%4 he said% straightening and mo'ing a"ay from her. 4In any case% it&s
late% and "e&'e $oth a$out had it for the day. I think it&s time "e called it a night.4
9pstairs% he tried to lea'e her outside her door "ith the murmured suggestion that things
"ould appear different in the morning% $ut Rachel had her o"n ideas a$out that.
4I kno" you said "e had to kno" "here to look% $ut isn&t there something some clue you&'e
come across $y no" that "ill gi'e you an idea "here to start1 -y daughter is only four years
old%4 she added anxiously. 4She&s 'ery impressiona$le.4
4,e&ll find her%4 Jake said% 4$ut not tomorro". (o"% go to $ed and get some rest.4
48ou didn&t see his face his eyes "hen he made those threats 4
4,e can&t go off half-cocked%4 Jake interrupted% seeing the hysteria gathering $ehind her
"ide eyes. 4,hat good "ould that do1 It&s a $ig country. ,e can&t co'er e'ery s.uare inch
of it on foot% so "e ha'e to narro" it do"n% concentrate on one specific area at a time.4
4But 4
46et me do my )o$5 I&m good at it....4 # muscle "orked in his )a". 4#t least that&s "hat you
told me.4
4But I "ant to help.4
48ou can do that $y getting some rest% so you can ans"er more .uestions in the morning.&&
*is hand "as on the kno$ of his o"n door "hen he glanced $ack and sa" her still standing
"here he&d left her.
43o on.4 *e nodded to"ard the door in front of her. 43o to $ed and get some rest. I
promise you 4 his 'oice deepened against his "ill 4 "e&ll find your daughter.4
In his o"n room% Jake shut the door% closed his eyes% and leaned his head $ack against it.
She drained him. It "as too hard to keep up the pretense "hen he "as "ith her.
/here "ere times he felt certain she must see through his flimsy mask of self-confidence
to the frightened man $eneath. 8et% he kept on "ith the mas.uerade% $ecause% at the
moment% it "as all he had.

Rachel lay do"n on the $ed% pulled up the $lankets% and closed her eyes out of sheer
exhaustion. She hadn&t $othered changing into a nightgo"n. /he dark s"eatpants and
matching shirt "ere "arm% and she "as free0ing again. !nly this time she kne" the cold "as
coming from some"here deep "ithin her.
Slo"ly% relaxing the tight rein on her emotions% she let her mind drift to"ard sleep% telling
herself Jake Frost "as right% she needed a fe" hours of rest. !n the edges of
consciousness% a sound she recogni0ed "ith dread echoed loudly inside her head.
4I&ll kill her5 8ou&ll ne'er take her a"ay from me again5 I&ll kill her and then I&ll kill myself54
Rolling o'er onto her side% Rachel felt the hot tears slide from the corners of $oth eyes.
Jake said they&d find #my... $ut "ould it $e too late to sa'e her1
If anything happened to her daughter.. .she&d "ant to die% too...

Jake stared into the darkness until his eyes $urned and finally drifted shut. # long time
ago% almost in another lifetime it seemed no"% he&d .uestioned another mother a$out her
missing child. /hat "oman hadn&t $een .uite so young% nor so "ell-educated% $ut she&d $een
)ust as distraught as Rachel ryden to find her little daughter.
/he echo of her $e"ildered 'oice% "hispering desperately% 4*o" "as I to kno".. .he "as so
.uiet.. .so kind.. .so gentle ho" "as I to kno"14 echoed inside his $rain.
Jake clamped his hands o'er the sides of his head to try to shut out the sound of her 'oice%
$ut it didn&t "ork. *e could still hear her despair% see the time"orn eyes $egging him to tell
her it "asn&t true2 the man she&d trusted "ith her child&s life hadn&t a$ducted her% and her
little girl "ould $e returned to her any minute% safe and sound.
Sleep "as impossi$le. 7ulling himself up on the side of the $ed% Jake sat hunched o'er%
dou$ting he&d e'er kno" peace again in this lifetime.
*e shouldn&t ha'e agreed to take this case. *e&d $een learning to li'e "ith his guilt. #s long
as he didn&t put himself in the position of $eing responsi$le for another child&s life...
Clim$ing "earily to his feet% he mo'ed a$out the room% finding his shoes in the dark. /he
storm had passed. It "ould $e damp and cold outside% $ut he had to "alk.
*e&d "alk until the sun had $egun to finger the eastern edge of the sky% until his lungs
$urned "ith pain% and his lim$s shook "ith cold and fatigue. /hat&s "hen he&d return home%
fall into $ed% and find a measure of peace through sheer exhaustion.
Some nights it "as like that. Some nights the 'oices refused to $e stilled.
Chapter 4
+arly the next morning% Rachel a"akened feeling a little $it $etter. !nce she&d managed to
$lock 3ary&s threat from her thoughts% she&d actually slept. It didn&t occur to her that
Jake Frost&s assurance that he&d find #my had anything to do "ith this ne"found peace of
mind.
#fter she&d had a .uick "ash% she dressed in )eans% s"eater and $oots% and hurried to"ard
the stairs% anxious to see if her host had come up "ith any ideas "hile she slept. *er
enthusiasm "aned some"hat as she hesitated outside Jake&s door% recalling the rough
.uestion-and-ans"er period he&d put her through the last time they&d spoken together.
#s she mo'ed to"ard the top of the stairs the aroma of fresh-$re"ed coffee teased her
senses. She decided she could put up "ith a lot% e'en an early morning confrontation "ith
her un"illing host% for a good cup of coffee. #s it turned out% she needn&t ha'e "orried
$ecause her host seemed to ha'e disappeared. *e "asn&t in the li'ing room% nor "as he in
the kitchen.
Shrugging% she poured a cup of the dark% rich coffee and took it "ith her into the li'ing
room. She paused $efore the fire and stood drinking. !$'iously he&d $een here not long ago%
$ecause the fire $la0ed "armly and someone had to ha'e started the coffee.
/he first cup "ent do"n .uickly% and she returned to the kitchen for another. 7ulling aside
the short curtain co'ering the "indo" o'er the sink% she peered through the glass curiously%
"ondering if the man "as some"here outside. But all she could see "as a minute portion of
the stacked-rock fence% a dense thicket of $rush and a tall stand of $arren trees.
For a moment% "ith a sense of rising panic% she considered the possi$ility that he&d left
"hile she slept. But that thought "as soon .uelled "ith logic. (o one goes off and lea'es a
stranger in their house.
It appeared the house didn&t ha'e central heating% and the chill in the kitchen soon dro'e
her $ack to the li'ing room for "armth. She stood in the door"ay $efore entering the room%
letting her eyes ro'e its meager contents. *er glance kept returning to the desk.
/here "as no denying her curiosity a$out the man she&d $een dri'en to seek out for help.
If he "as as good at "hat he did as she&d $een led to $elie'e $y his $oss ex-$oss "hat "as
he doing here% li'ing like a hermit1
3us a'ison hadn&t told her Jake&s reasons for $eing here like this% he&d only "arned her
that she&d ha'e a hard time con'incing him to help. ,hy had he .uit "orking for the agency1
#nd "hat dre" him to the cemetery% "here she&d first glimpsed his figure from the road1
If she hadn&t gotten lost follo"ing 3us a'ison&s directions and spotted someone in the
cemetery% she might ne'er ha'e found him. But on further ac.uaintance% the man himself
had pro'ed to $e a $it of a shock.
She&d $een too far a"ay at the time to read the expression on his face "hen he&d first
turned to"ard her% $ut there had $een a strange% arrested .uality in the "ay he&d stood
staring at her. (othing she&d since learned a$out him% "hich had $een exceedingly little%
had ans"ered e'en one of the many .uestions she "as $eginning to ha'e a$out the man.
arting a fleeting glance to"ard the head of the stairs and another to"ard the front door%
Rachel entered the li'ing room and headed for the desk in a corner near the fireplace. 6ast
night% Jake had $een making notes in a small spiral note$ook "hen she&d come do"nstairs
and found him here. ,ould the notes tell her something a$out the man1
/here "as no harm in looking. #fter all% he kne" intimate details a$out her o"n pri'ate life
and failed marriage.
/he )ustification she made to herself for snooping into Jake Frost&s things didn&t stop a
tight guilty feeling from s.uee0ing at her insides% making it more difficult to $reathe "ith
each step that took her closer to the desk. She "as no good at intrigue. /he fear of getting
caught% and the small 'oice of conscience inside% "ouldn&t $e silenced.
7lacating the 'oice $y assuring it that she "ouldn&t actually touch anything% she&d only gi'e
"hat "as on top of the desk a .uick 'isual examination% she stopped $eside it. In gro"ing
disappointment% she scanned the desk% $ut there "as nothing there to see. /he top of the
desk had $een cleared.
*e must ha'e come do"n early that morning and cleared it% $ecause she distinctly
remem$ered his placing the note$ook on top of the desk $efore they&d $oth left the room.
Rachel $it her lip% partly in frustration% and partly in relief.
(o" she "ouldn&t ha'e to "orry a$out a guilty conscience. 6ifting her cup to her lips% she
sipped a$sently% her eyes sliding to"ard the four dra"ers in the desk and then a"ay again a
couple of times $efore finally settling there. (one of the dra"ers appeared to $e locked.
If there "as something in one of them the man didn&t "ant anyone to see% she reasoned%
then he&d ha'e $een certain to keep it under lock and key. So... "hat could $e the harm...
# moment later% she&d opened t"o of the four dra"ers and found them empty. /aking a
hurried sip of cold coffee% she cast a hurried% ner'ous glance o'er her shoulder% set the cup
on the edge of the desk% and pulled open the third dra"er.
Catching her $reath% she stared at a small $lue spiral note$ook "ith satisfaction and a
slight t"inge of conscience. ,ith one fingertip% she lifted the edge of the co'er and flipped
it $ack. /he page "as $lank. She fro"ned and flipped the next page and the next. #gain she
found nothing $ut $lank pages.
In frustration% she picked up the note$ook% turned to"ard the $ack% and $egan to flip
slo"ly through the pages. *er name leapt off the page at her. She stopped and turned $ack
to it.
# list of character traits had $een printed $elo" her name. Some had check marks $eside
them. *er eyes stopped on the "ord truthful and she "as immediately incensed $y the
.uestion mark $eside it. She "as not a liar5
Slamming the $ook shut% she thre" it $ack "here she&d found it. /his "as not "hat she&d
$een looking for $ut then "hat "as she looking for1
#ngry no"% she )erked open the fourth and final dra"er. It "as "ide and shallo" and ran
the length of the top of the desk. She&d found it5 !r had she1
# folder of ne"spaper clippings spilled its contents into the dra"er as she lifted it out.
Rachel picked up the first clipping and read% Child =idnapped By Ba$ysitter5 /here "ere
se'eral others along the same line. 8oung -an Sought In isappearance !f Four-year-old
3irl. 6ittle 6acy /ol$ridge -ourned.
4,hat are you doing1 4
Rachel stiffened% felt her heart flutter to a stop% and turned slo"ly to face the man
standing less than t"o feet $ehind her. 4I... I...4
Jake&s eyes dropped to the ne"spaper clippings still clutched in her right hand. >8ou?re
going through my things14 *a0el eyes% filled "ith contempt% slammed into hers.
/"in stains of scarlet% like $anners of shame% fle" in Rachel&s pale cheeks. She "ished a
hole in the floor "ould suddenly open and s"allo" her. 4I "as )ust...4 She shrugged helplessly
"ithout continuing.
Jake&s eyes had $lackened "ith fury% $ut all he did "as hold out a hand and "ait for her to
drop the clippings into it. If the hand trem$led slightly% neither seemed to notice.
4I&m sorry%4 Rachel managed in a shaken 'oice% placing the papers in his hand.
Jake el$o"ed her aside and stuffed the ne"spapers into the desk dra"er% slamming it shut.
amn her5 amn her5
*is $ack to her% he stood "ith $o"ed head% fighting to restrain the tide of dark anger
s"eeping through him. Control% that "as the key. Control had $een the mainstay of his
existence for as long as he cared to remem$er.
,hen he could speak "ithout shouting% he turned and asked tightly% 4,hat gi'es you the
right to go through my personal $elongings14
She&d expected him to rage hotly at her and demand an explanation for her snooping. /he
.uestion coming in such a su$dued 'oice astonished her% $ut it also ga'e her the courage to
ans"er $ack.
4(e"spaper clippings are not personal $elongings.4 *e didn&t appear impressed $y her
statement% and since she "as in the "rong% she added a shade contritely% 4I "as only trying
to understand things understand you ... a little $it $etter54
4It isn&t necessary for you to understand me54 he cried passionately% hands "orking like
pinchers that he "as finding difficult to control% $ecause they "anted to reach for her
neck.
In a 'oice little more than a "hisper% he charged% 48ou came to me for help. I agreed to
help you% didn&t I1 idn?t I 14 *e demanded an ans"er.
Rachel )umped slightly and nodded.
4#nd I&ll continue to do so $ut only so long as you stay out of my pri'ate life5 Is that
understood14
Rachel&s eyes dropped to the fingers knotted tightly at her "aist. She couldn&t sustain the
contempt in his glittering eyes. 4I didn&t mean to... I&m sorry.4
Jake sho"ed no sign of ackno"ledging her apology. *e simply made a "ide $erth around her
and strode from the room. *e kne" his reaction had frightened her. #nd he kne"% too% that
she had follo"ed him and stood "atching as he mounted the stairs. But he didn&t dare pause%
$ecause% right no"% he needed 'ery $adly to get a"ay from her.
In his room% he lifted shaking hands and stared at them. Bunching them into fists% he
slapped them against his thighs in frustration. *e "as disgusted "ith himself more than her.
,hy had he gotten so angry1 /he e'ents depicted in the ne"spapers "ere no" a part of
the record. She&d pro$a$ly read a$out the kidnapping in her local ne"spaper. It had made
national headlines. Sometimes that happened a tragedy that other"ise "ouldn&t rate more
than a small article on the $ack page of a $ig-name ne"spaper% is picked up $y the "ire
ser'ice and makes national ne"s.
But that "as all in the past no"% and his anger had $een all out of proportion to the
situation. *e should ha'e gotten rid of the clippings months ago. *e didn&t kno" "hy he
hadn&t.
(o% that "asn&t strictly true. ,hy "as he trying to fool himself "ith that crock of $ull1 *e
kne" exactly "hy he hadn&t gotten rid of them. It "as the same reason he stayed in this
house% close to the gra'es...
#n hour later% Jake descended the stairs. *e&d taken a hot sho"er and then a cold one%
sha'ed% and changed clothes. *e could at least try to $eha'e like a normal human $eing "hile
this "oman "as $eneath his roof "hile he "as forced to endure her presence.
*is eyes $urned from lack of sleep% $ut he&d spent t"o hours in unconscious o$li'ion 'ery
early that morning after "alking himself to exhaustion% and kne" it "ould ha'e to suffice.
+ntering the kitchen% he sniffed the air appreciati'ely.
4Something smells good.4 /he "ords escaped his lips $efore he kne" it% surprising him "ith
their pleasant ring of normality.
From her $ent position in front of the o'en% Rachel .uickly scanned his face for signs of
the anger that had darkened it "hen he&d left her a short "hile ago.
#ll she sa" "as a man "ith $loodshot eyes "ho looked as though he hadn&t slept in "eeks.
/he rich $ro"n hair appeared to $e damp and lay in tight curls all o'er his head. *er eyes
strayed to the cleft in his chin and she found herself suddenly 'ery much a"are of his 'irile
appeal.
4It&s only $iscuits and sausage gra'y%4 she "hispered in une'en tones.
/he slight catch in her 'oice affected Jake strangely. 3oing to the ca$inet he $egan
remo'ing plates. *e laid their places in silence% "hile Rachel finished cooking the meal and
carried it to the ta$le.
/hey sat do"n to eat "ithout speaking% "ithout looking at each other% and to all intents and
purposes it appeared a companiona$le meal. But% though it lacked the tension of their
pre'ious meetings% a ne"% perhaps more dangerous force "as no" at "ork $et"een them.
,hen the meal had $een eaten% they cleared the ta$le and did the dishes% sharing the "ork.
By silent agreement% they then ad)ourned to the li'ing room to $egin another .uestion-and-
ans"er session.
By late afternoon% Jake "as con'inced that a trip to the college in San #ntonio% "here 3ary
had taught +nglish literature% "as a must. ,hile he made calls to confirm appointments "ith
some of the faculty "ho had kno"n 3ary $est% Rachel searched the kitchen for food for
their dinner.
,ithout kno"ing .uite ho"% she had taken o'er responsi$ility for cooking their meals. She
didn&t mind. It ga'e her something to do $esides ans"er .uestions she&d already ans"ered a
hundred times and "orry.
Jake finished making his calls and "ent looking for Rachel. *e found her in the kitchen.
Stationing himself near the door"ay% he noted the scene of domesticity "ith a slight t"inge
of irritation.
4I&'e scheduled appointments for the day after tomorro" in San #ntonio. ,e&ll $e speaking
"ith ean #nderson at the college% Charles Roth"ell% and -arian Benning.4
/he knife she "as using slipped. Rachel stopped slicing fresh 'egeta$les into a large pot on
the sto'e and turned to face him. 4,hy are "e going to San #ntonio14 she asked tightly.
43ary isn&t there.4 /hen she added tensely% 48ou&re "asting time% and e'ery hour "asted is
one more...4
She caught sight of Jake&s rigid )a" and s"allo"ed the rest of her protest. ,ith shaking
hands% she turned $ack to her "ork.
,hen she looked $ack a fe" minutes later% he "as gone. 7utting the 'egeta$les on the $ack
$urner to simmer% she looked out the "indo" o'er the sink and sa" that the rain had
a$ated% for the time $eing at least.
She listened and reali0ed the house "as .uiet. ,here "as Jake Frost1
Remo'ing the to"el she&d tied around her "aist as an apron% she left the room. In the
hall"ay% she spotted Jake shrugging into his )acket.
4#re you going out14 she asked .uickly. She didn&t particularly "ant his company% $ut on the
other hand% she didn&t like the idea of sitting here all alone "ith her thoughts% either.
48es%4 he ans"ered shortly% 4I&m going for a "alk.4
4-ay I come% too14
4If you like%4 he ans"ered almost grudgingly after a slight hesitation.
!utside% Rachel took a deep $reath of fresh air. It "as t"ilight% and a golden ha0e filled
the "estern sky. /he air "as chilly and damp% $ut it had an in'igorating effect on her.
Jake set a $risk pace and left it to her to keep up "ith him. /hey "alked to"ard the $ack
of the house% through the trees% and do"n to the stream running along $ehind it.
Follo"ing the narro" stream that sliced his property almost in half% Jake )ammed his hands
in his pockets and tried hard to ignore the "oman at his side. /hey mo'ed along the stream
past pecan% oak and cotton"ood trees% their naked $ranches reaching to"ard the sky.
Suddenly Jake changed course and strode to"ard the "ater.
Silence loomed $et"een them% $roken only $y their .uickened $reathing as they picked
their "ay across a series of flat stones $ridging the stream% s"ollen t"ice its normal si0e $y
the rain. Jake "anted to continue to ignore her% $ut a sixth sense kept him alert to her
progress. ,hen her foot slipped off the last stone and she teetered precariously% he "as
there to catch her.
4/hank you.4 Rachel $rushed a strand of hair $ack from her cheek and looked up into his
face. #nd though she&d $een spared the shock of a plunge into the icy "ater% nothing spared
her the shock of $reathless sensation caused $y his sudden nearness.
Jake ga0ed into her face and felt his insides t"itch "ith a curious kind of ache. *e
struggled to remo'e his glance from the spell$inding sight of clear gray eyes and trem$ling%
pink lips% $ut it lingered despite his efforts% refusing to $udge until his $rain had recorded
e'ery feature in his memory. *e kne"% "hether he liked it or not% he&d remem$er each
facet of her lo'ely face long after she&d disappeared completely from his life.
Rachel felt her heart )olt $eneath his steady ga0e. *e looked as though he "as
photographing her "ith his eyes. She tried to su$due the di00ying current racing though her
'eins at the thought. /he fact that he might find her attracti'e didn&t $other her nearly so
much as the fact that her $ody "as responding to his attraction on a purely 'isceral le'el.
4#re you all right14 he asked hoarsely.
48-yes.4
*e could see that she "as and kne" he should let her go. *e released her slo"ly% as though
$reaking contact "ith her "as the hardest thing he&d e'er ha'e to do.
/hey mo'ed on in silence% "alking side $y side% as though nothing momentous had occurred.
But no"% neither could easily ignore the proximity of the other.
4*a'e you li'ed here a long time14 Rachel asked% trying to $ring a measure of the ordinary
into the atmosphere $et"een them. She&d managed to partially con'ince herself that "hat
she&d seen in his eyes a fe" moments ago had $een nothing more than a trick of the light.
4(o.4
4#re you planning to fix up the house14
4,hat&s "rong "ith the house14 he asked sharply% thro"ing her a narro" glance. -ay$e he
could find some refuge from confusion in anger.
4I )ust meant...are you going to add central heating and air-conditioning1&&
4I don&t kno".4 *e shrugged% retreating into a sullen silence.
*e seemed more comforta$le "ith the silence% $ut Rachel "asn&t. 4,hy did you .uit
"orking for the FBI14 /here% no" she&d done it% she&d asked the one .uestion that had $een
in her mind since she&d spoken "ith 3us a'ison in ,ashington.
4idn&t 3us tell you14
4(o.4
Someho" they&d ended up at the $ack entrance to the gra'eyard "here Rachel had first
seen him. She follo"ed him through the gate and across the grounds% picking her "ay
$et"een the gra'estones% until she stood alongside him% "here he&d stopped at the head of
t"o gra'es.
4o you kno" the people $uried here14 Rachel asked tentati'ely% inching close to his side.
/here "as an eerie feeling a$out this place% as though not all of the souls of the people
$uried here "ere at peace.
4I kno" them%4 he ans"ered shortly.
4#re they family14 !n the point of turning a"ay "ithout speaking% Jake hesitated and
ans"ered. 4/hey&re the reason I .uit the agency.&&
4I don&t understand.4
48ou don&t ha'e to.4 *e turned and "alked a"ay. Rachel stared at his retreating $ack "ith a
slight fro"n% then she $ent to try to read the names on the headstones. It "as difficult to
make them out in the gathering darkness.
4!h% no%4 she "hispered a moment later and turned to hurry after Jake. She&d thought the
ne"spaper clippings "ere intended for a scrap$ook he hadn&t yet put together a$out cases
he&d "orked on. But it looked no" as though something more "ere in'ol'ed.
,as this child the same child named in one of the ne"spaper clippings she&d found in the
desk $ack at the house1 ,hat had happened1 *o" had the child died1
,as Jake someho" in'ol'ed in her death1 /he thought made Rachel shudder in horror.
,hat a$out her o"n child1 3us a'ison had told her this man "as her only hope in finding
her daughter. *ad he lied1 She had to find out.
4,ait5 ,ait for me please54 Rachel ran to catch up "ith Jake&s .uick stride. 4*o" do you
kno" the child $uried $ack there1 I remem$er reading a headline "ith the child&s name in
it. ,hat happened14
4I don&t "ant to talk a$out it.4
4B-$ut...4 She "as running out of $reath $y trying to keep up "ith him. 4I "ant to kno"%4
she said% panting% 4"hat happened14
4/hey died.4
4/hey14
4/hat&s right.4 *e stopped suddenly and faced her. 4/he people in those t"o gra'es died.4
4,ho "ere they14
4-other and daughter.4 *e stared at her stonily.
4,-"hat happened14
46ook it up in the ne"spaper files.4 *ands in his pockets% he turned a$ruptly a"ay and
marched stiffly do"n the road% lea'ing Rachel to stare after him.
,hy hadn&t he told her no "hen she&d asked to )oin him on his "alk1 Jake fumed. *e should
ha'e "alked in another direction% $ut his footsteps had automatically follo"ed the route
they normally took. ,hy had he agreed to take this damned case in the first place1

#fter asking the same .uestion three times% Jake looked up and reali0ed Rachel "asn&t
paying any attention to him. She "as staring out the "indo"% o$li'ious to "hat "as taking
place in the room.
*e&d $een pushing her hard% e'er since they&d returned from the disastrous "alk a couple
of hours ago. -ay$e it "as time he let up. 3lancing at the "atch on his "rist and then
to"ard the "indo"% he reali0ed it "as getting late.
4,hat is that tantali0ing aroma I smell coming from the kitchen14 he asked softly% going to
stand $ehind her at the "indo".
Rachel felt her pulse .uicken uncomforta$ly. 4<-'egeta$le soup.4
4I ha'en&t had homemade 'egeta$le soup since...4 Rachel forgot her o"n ner'ousness as she
turned and surprised a peculiar expression on his face.
4In a long time%4 he finished "ith a shrug% s"inging a"ay from the "indo". *e "as tired of
the tension $et"een them% tired of the .uestions% tired of his o"n guilty conscience ... tired
of e'erything...
4It should $e a$out ready% if you&re feeling hungry%4 Rachel said gently% mo'ed despite
herself $y the expression of suffering she&d seen in his eyes )ust then.
/hey mo'ed to"ard the door together% Jake stopping and letting her pass through first%
then follo"ing more slo"ly. *e&d $een "atching her at inter'als since their return to the
house% and "hether he liked it or not% she "as $eginning to fascinate him.
#s the e'ening had passed% she&d gro"n more guarded. #t first% he&d thought it "as caused
$y the suspicion he&d seen in her eyes "hene'er they rested on him% a result of his refusing
to di'ulge his past for her personal edification. But he&d slo"ly $egun to change his mind
a$out that and to "onder if there "as something in San #ntonio she didn&t "ant him to
kno".
Rachel ladled soup into $o"ls "ith a shaking hand $eneath Jake&s examining ga0e. #nd
something in his eyes made her feel 'ery uneasy.
She hadn&t again $roached the su$)ect of the dead child% $ut it "as ne'er far remo'ed
from her thoughts. She "as e'en considering making a call to 3us a'ison later that night%
"hen Jake had gone to $ed.
Suddenly the soup dipper knocked against the side of the pot and slipped through her
fingers. Jake reached to gra$ it $efore the hot li.uid could spill do"n the front of her and
Rachel )erked a"ay from his touch% splashing it on the $ack of his in)ured hand.
/he "hite gau0e sa'ed him from a painful in)ury% $ut nothing sa'ed him from the anxiety
caused $y the incident. /he thought of $urned flesh didn&t $other him. It "as the sensation
of soft skin $rushing against his% $urning hotter than any soup e'er could% that lingered%
scorching his mind "ith images he couldn&t afford to imagine.
,hen they sat do"n to eat% Rachel $arely touched her soup. /he only "ord she uttered "as
a murmured excuse% a short time later% "hen she left the kitchen. Jake hardly touched his
o"n meal $ut stayed $ehind to clean up.
/his uneasy state of affairs $et"een them only made him more certain that his plan to
lea'e her in San #ntonio% "ith or "ithout her agreement% "as $est for the $oth of them.
*e&d al"ays "orked $etter alone. It seemed that% at least% hadn&t changed.
Chapter 5
Jake&s head rolled $ack and forth across the pillo". /he skeletal remains of a "oman "ith
glo"ing empty eye sockets chased him through a dark gra'eyard% $randishing a $elt "ith a
large shiny $uckle in one hand% and a straight ra0or in the other.
S"eat poured from his $ody. *is hands gripped the sheets tightly and a soft moan escaped
his clenched lips. #ll at once he )erked upright% instantly a"ake% and stared into the
darkness "ith "ide% frightened eyes.
Something had a"akened him. <estiges of the familiar nightmare lingered round the edges
of his memory% making him think his conscious mind had )erked him from a horror too deep
for his su$conscious to endure.
But an instant later he kne" that "asn&t it. Something% some sound that didn&t .uite fit%
had pierced his nightmare-"orld and $rought him $ack from the land of the dead to that of
the li'ing.
*is glance dre" le'el "ith the narro" strip of light seeping into the room from $eneath the
$athroom door. # fear so intense it rendered him incapa$le of mo'ement surged through
him like a giant tidal "a'e% receding only to lea'e him feeling drained. /his time% "hen it
came% Jake heard the sound distinctly. *e $ounded from the $ed and leapt to"ard the door.
3rasping the kno$ firmly% he thre" it open and fro0e on the threshold.
Rachel looked up% confusion "idening her eyes as they met his o'er the gleaming edge of
the straight ra0or clutched in one hand.
Jake lunged at her. 48ou stupid stupid "oman5 ,hat are you doing14
Shocked% Rachel )umped $ack% a'oiding the hand reaching for hers. 43et out of here54 She
"as only "earing her nightgo"n.
Jake ignored her "ords and caught her "rist in a strong grasp.
46et me go54 Rachel cried% )erking her arm to shake loose from his hold. ,hat "as the
matter "ith him% coming into the $athroom "hen she "as in there and acting like a lunatic1
48ou&re hurting my "rist54
43i'e me the o"54
Jake&s $reath left his $ody all at once as Rachel punched him in the stomach "ith her
empty fist. She had no idea "hat "as "rong "ith him% $ut she "asn&t going to stand for
another man using strong-arm tactics on her again.
Jake sidestepped an intended $lo" from her foot% $ut got caught "ith the next one. She
had to $e hurting herself as much as she hurt him since she "asn&t "earing any shoes% $ut
that didn&t seem to slo" her do"n.
46et go of my "rist54 Rachel t"isted and turned% "rithing against his hold% sho'ing at him
"ith the other hand "hen he paid no attention to her demands for release. Finally% in an act
of pure desperation% she $ent and tried to $ite the hand hurting hers.
4/he ra0or gi'e it to me and o"5 Son-of-a..5 6et go of the damned ra0or54
4,hy14
4Because I said to that&s "hy54
4I "on&t54 She didn&t trust him. *e&d come storming into the room "ithout a $y-your-lea'e%
gra$$ing at her% and no" he expected her to let him ha'e the ra0or1
# thunderous sco"l darkened Jake&s glance. 4I said% let go54
4(o.4 Rachel clenched her lips and met his glance unflinchingly. She&d $e damned if she&d
gi'e him the ra0or. ,ho did he think he "as1 Besides% she didn&t trust him "ith it.
Something in his eyes frightened her.
/he hand on her "rist tightened. She continued to glare at him% $ut no" her teeth "orried
her $ottom lip. /he fragile $ones in her "rist felt as though they might snap at any moment
under the increasing pressure. Closing her eyes to $lock out the fire storm of madness she
sa" in his% she tried% $ut couldn&t .uite hold $ack a slight "himper of pain.
4rop it%4 Jake demanded in rough tones. /his "as a game he understood% a game of "ills%
and he "as good-'ery good at it.
4(o%4 she responded stu$$ornly. If she ga'e in to him no"% he&d ha'e the upper hand and
she refused to su$)ugate herself to any man% e'er again.
4rop it54 Jake demanded in a louder 'oice% increasing the pressure on her "rist. *e "as
hurting her and he kne" it% $ut he couldn&t seem to stop himself. #ll he could see in his
mind&s eye "as another "oman "ith a ra0or in her hand and $lood... e'ery"here...
4rop it5; he muttered through clenched teeth% forcing a knee $et"een $oth of hers%
despite her attempts to pre'ent it% and pressing his lo"er $ody intimately against hers.
4rop it%4 he "hispered une'enly% 4or I&ll $reak your "rist.4
Rachel&s eyes "idened until too much "hite sho"ed. *e "as too close. She couldn&t $reathe
and the expression on his face...
Suddenly she kne" $eyond a shado" of a dou$t that he&d do it% he&d $reak her "rist if
that&s "hat it took to make her drop the ra0or. 7anic sei0ed her. *e must $e insane5
4(-o-o 54 #ll at once% she $rought her knee up hard against his groin% letting the ra0or drop
from her hand and sho'ing against him at the same time. ,hile he "as off $alance% she ga'e
him another% harder push.
Surprise suddenly flared in Jake&s eyes as he% una$le to $reathe% let her go. *e dou$led
o'er then. /he "hite-hot pain spread from his groin up into his $elly% nauseating him% and%
his knees "eak% he fell $ack against the open door.
*e managed to sa'e himself from a nasty fall against the corner of the sink% $ut had to
lo"er himself to the floor% $ecause his legs "ould no longer support his "eight. ,atching
helplessly% he sa" Rachel $end% gra$ the ra0or% and disappear into her $edroom.
*e&d failed again5

Rachel slammed the door% locked it .uickly and looked around frantically for something to
"edge against it for added protection. /here "asn&t much in the room she could manage to
mo'e certainly not the $ed% nor the hea'y oak dresser.
She finally settled on the single chair in the room. It "asn&t hea'y% $ut it "as all that "as
a'aila$le. !nce she&d dragged it across the floor and stationed it $eneath the doorkno$% her
eyes darted .uickly to"ard the door to the hall. *urrying to it% falling against it% she
checked to make certain it "as locked.
-y 3od% he "as cra0y5 /he man "as cra0y5 ,hy hadn&t 3us a'ison "arned her a$out him1
,hat "as she going to do1
She had to call some$ody5 She hadn&t seen a telephone% $ut there must $e one someplace%
$ecause he&d used it to make the calls to San #ntonio. But "here1 #nd "ho "as she going to
call1
*er eyes darted to"ard the door "ith the chair "edged against it. ,hat "as he doing1 She
didn&t fool herself into thinking she&d done him any permanent damage )ust no". *e&d come
after her and "hen he did...
If she could )ust get outside to her car. *er eyes alighted on the "indo". It "as the only
other "ay out of the room. -o'ing across the floor as soundlessly as possi$le% she peered
through the glass to the darkness outside. She couldn&t see a thing% $ut she kne" it must $e
a good t"el'e-foot drop to the ground $elo". ,ith her luck she&d pro$a$ly $reak a leg and
then she&d ne'er get a"ay.
Rachel&s eyes shot to"ard the $athroom door. It "as a"fully .uiet in the next room. ,hat
"as he doing in there1
/he only sound she could hear "as that of her o"n erratic $reathing. *e "as still there she
kne" he "as still there "aiting on the other side "aiting for her5
6ifting the forgotten ra0or% still clamped $et"een the trem$ling fingers of one hand% she
considered it uneasily. It "as the only "eapon she had against him.
Could she use it1 *er mind screamed yes% $ut in her heart she dou$ted it. She could ne'er%
deli$erately% in)ure another human $eing...
# sound at the door )erked her eyes to"ard it. /he kno$ turned slightly. She tensed%
una$le to control the spasmodic trem$ling coursing through the length of $ody. /he hand
holding the ra0or gripped it tighter% $ecoming stationary at "aist le'el.
She "ould5 She&d use the ra0or to protect herself if it $ecame necessary. She had to. If
anything happened to her% "ho "ould sa'e #my from her ex-hus$and1

Jake closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the door. /he door "as locked and
she had the ra0or. (ot again% a 'oice inside him cried% not again5
If he let loose the emotions ripping through him% he&d tear do"n the door. *is fingers
itched to do it right no". But a calmer% saner part of his $rain "as urging him to play it cool.
/hanks to him% she "as already in an o'er"rought state of mind. If he came through the
door like a raging $ull% there "as no telling "hat she might do.
4-rs. ryden 4 he called a$ruptly% causing Rachel to $ack a"ay from the muffled sound
coming through the door. 4-rs. ryden Rachel listen to me% please.4
6etting go of the doorkno$% dou$ling his fists% telling himself to remain calm% he "hispered
hoarsely% 4I "asn&t trying to hurt you.4
*e paused to let that sink in. ,hen she made no response% he asked in a louder 'oice% 4id
you hear "hat I said1 I "asn&t trying to hurt you.4
Rachel&s glance slid to the red% painful "elts encircling her right "rist. 6iar5
4I thought you "ere trying to.. .harm yourself%4 Jake explained hesitantly. 7ressing an ear
against the door% he listened for sound coming from the other side. 4R-Rachel... are you
listening14
7anic raced through him "hen he heard nothing not e'en a "himper. 7ressing closer% he
"hispered tautly% 4Rachel listen to me. I "as not trying to hurt you. I "ouldn&t5 I "as only
trying to stop you from hurting yourself.4
46iar54 she screamed suddenly% tears starting to her eyes. 48ou t-threatened to $-$reak my
"-"rist54 She gulped and continued% 4I )ust "ant out of here.4 6aying a "et cheek against
the cold% painted door% she "hispered unsteadily% 47-please let m-me go.4
4I "ill%4 Jake responded .uickly. She "as ali'e5 #nd she "as talking to him5 4I&ll let you go. I
promise. Just open the door-4
4(o54 Rachel )umped $ack% gripping and lifting the ra0or like a knife. 4Stay a"ay5 o you
hear1 If you try to come in here 4
4I "on&t54 Jake assured her .uickly. 4I promise I "on&t. 6et me explain. ,ill you )ust do
that one thing1 ,ill you let me explain "hat I thought... "hen I sa" you "ith the ra0or14
Rachel "iped the tears from her face "ith the $ack of one hand and sniffed. 4#ll right% I&ll
listen $ut that&s all%4 she added .uickly. 4I&m not coming out% and you&re not coming in.4
Silence expanded $et"een $oth sides of the door% $efore the soft sound of Jake&s 'oice
"hispered% 4I thought...4
Rachel pressed closer% trying to hear the strained "hisper more clearly. 4I thought you
"ere trying to.. .kill yourself.4
4,hat14 She ga'e a slight )erk and fro"ned in confusion.
Jake heard her startled exclamation and defended his explanation in louder tones. 4I had
reason to think you "ere trying to commit suicide.4
4Suicide5 Reason54 she spluttered. 4,hat reason14
48our daughter 4
4 "ould $e in my hus$and&s hands for good if I did something so foolish. She needs me.
#li'e% not dead54 she cried indignantly.
4,hy "ere you holding my straight ra0or14 Jake asked a$ruptly.
Rachel stared at the gleaming $lade in her hand. So that "as it. 8es% she supposed it "as
possi$le to assume no% to )ump to the conclusion that she "asn&t planning to sha'e her legs
at three o&clock in the morning.
4I "ent into the $athroom%4 she explained carefully% 4to get a drink of "ater. I knocked the
ra0or off the shelf and into the sink. I "as only picking it up to replace it "hen you )erked
the door open and... ,hy did you immediately leap to that particular conclusion14 she asked
curtly.
She thought he "as ne'er going to ans"er "hen she heard his muffled reply. 4It&s
happened $efore.4
#ll at once% Rachel shi'ered% suddenly a"are of the frigid temperature in the room. She
glanced to"ard the electric heater and reali0ed she hadn&t turned it on "hen she&d come up
to $ed.
4I..."ant to tell you a$out it.4 Jake&s 'oice seeped through the cracks around the door.
47erhaps that "ill con'ince you I&m not the cra0y man you think me.4
Rachel compressed her lips and stared hard at the heater. *er mind didn&t "ant to deal
"ith the o$'ious torment in the man&s 'oice. She had a terri$le grief of her o"n to deal
"ith right no"% and there "as no room left inside her for more pain.
4I...4 She licked dry lips and shook her head. *o" could she silence him "ithout telling him
she didn&t "ant to listen to him1 *e&d listened to her....
Jake didn&t "ait for a reply. If he hesitated too long% he&d ne'er get the "ords out. 48ou
kno" the file you found in the desk do"nstairs1 /he clippings are from my last case.
4I "as looking for a... little girl... a four-year-old girl.4 It "as hard to think a$out her% let
alone speak a$out her.
Rachel closed her eyes. 6acy /ol$ridge. /he name s"am $efore her closed eyelids. She
didn&t "ant to hear this. /he hand holding the ra0or lo"ered slo"ly to her side.
4/he man "ho kidnapped her had $een hired $y her mother to sit "ith the child "hile she
"orked. *e&d $een confined to a mental institution in 7ennsyl'ania for most of his teenage
years...$ut the child&s mother didn&t kno" that "hen she hired him.
4#ll she kne" is that he&d li'ed in to"n for o'er a year% in the house next door to theirs. *e
"as .uiet and "ell-mannered and she liked him.
4She the mother paid him to take care of her daughter so she could "ork the night shift at
a factory on the edge of to"n. She "as sole support for the t"o of them% and the night
shift pro'ided a larger income.4
# cold% hard knot formed in the pit of Rachel&s stomach. She kne" "hat "as coming and
didn&t "ant to hear it% $ut couldn&t seem to raise her hands to shut out the une'en murmur
of his 'oice.
4+'erything "as fine%4 Jake continued% recounting the tragedy he&d li'ed "ith night and day
for the past se'eral months% 4for a "hile at least. #nd then% one morning% she.. .-ary...4 he
dredged the name up from a "ell of misery deep inside 4...she "ent home and found her
daughter gone.
4But $y the time I "as $rought in on the case% se'eral "eeks later% -ary "as only a shado"
of her former self. 8ou see% the young man sent her pictures 4
4Stop it5 Stop it54 Rachel dropped the ra0or and co'ered her ears "ith $oth hands.
4I&m sorry I&m sorry54 Jake said .uickly% raising $oth hands flat against the door. 4I didn&t
mean to upset you5 I )ust "anted you to understand... "hy I thought... "hat I thought...4
/he silence "as so complete% Jake feared he&d lost her. -ay$e she&d gone out through the
hall door and "as e'en no" getting into her car to lea'e and he "ouldn&t $lame her.
# moment later% the clicking of the door&s lock filled the 'acuum of sound. Jake stepped
$ack as the door s"ung open and Rachel stood facing him.
4,hat happened to the little girl14 she asked "ith shaking lips. /he .uestion had $een
plaguing her since she&d seen the headstone in the gra'eyard earlier that e'ening.
6ike a stream of icy "ater% the "ords fell from his lips% drenching them $oth "ith the
horror. 4She died. I killed her.4 *e offered no excuses nor explanations to soften the $lo"
of his "ords.
4(o54 Rachel shook her head% her lips "orking% $ut no further sound came from them. *er
mind struggled to cope "ith "hat he&d said and to make sense of it.
Jake kne" a moment of satisfaction at the shock he&d caused her. (o" she&d lea'e.
4I don&t $elie'e it%4 Rachel managed at last% catching a fleeting glimpse of ra" torment
looking out at her from $ehind the man&s eyes. /rue% she&d $een frightened of him a little
"hile ago% $ut that "as $ecause she hadn&t understood "hy he "as acting as he had.
(o"% putting her earlier fear of him aside% she kne" that "hat he had said didn&t make
sense. She couldn&t make herself $elie'e that this man "as a killer of children.
4It&s true%4 Jake assured her in an emotionless 'oice% turning a"ay from the look of dou$t
on her pale face. She must $elie'e him. *e "anted her to kno" the real Jake Frost% the man
he faced each morning% "hen he could stand to look at himself in the mirror. *e "anted her
to hate him as much as he hated himself% $ecause then she&d go a"ay and lea'e him to li'e in
the hell he&d created of his o"n life.
Rachel hesitated $efore laying a fingertip on the rigid "all of his $ack and instantly felt
the muscles $unch tighter. 4/ell me... please% "hat really happened14
Jake stepped a"ay from her touch. Suddenly he didn&t "ant to speak of it% $ut his knees
felt too "eak to carry him through the door and into his o"n $edroom. /urning slightly% he
dropped do"n onto the closed lid of the toilet% letting his hands fall $et"een his knees% and
focused his ga0e on the floor.
*e didn&t "ant to reli'e the manner in "hich he&d orchestrated 6acy /ol$ridge&s death.
But% if anything could make this "oman clear out fast% it "as the reali0ation that she&d come
to the "rong man for help.
Jake cleared his throat and $egan to speak. 4/he case "as already four "eeks old "hen I
"as called in to "ork on it. I "as in ,ashington at the time% finishing up another case. 3us
you met 3us "as in /exas. *e called and told me to get here% &yesterday.&
4I "as on the next plane. I met -ary /ol$ridge )ust after she&d gotten the last picture.
/he child had $een $eaten 4 Jake turned his head aside and closed his eyes at the memory.
#fter a moment% he continued% 4I spent a lot of time "ith -ary and I got to kno"... 6acy%
through her mother. /he "oman li'ed for her child. 8ou might expect a child "ith a mother
like that to $e spoiled% or smothered "ith all that attention. But from all I learned from the
people "ho kne" them $est% that "asn&t the case.4
*e $roke off and stared do"n at his empty hands% at the "hite $andage encircling the
middle of one.
*is 'oice% "hen it came again% trem$led slightly% touched $y some emotion Rachel couldn&t
immediately define. 4#t first% this "as )ust another case to me% $ut as I got to kno" the
mother and the child through her eyes...it $ecame ... something more.
4It took three "eeks to track do"n Ste'e Craig% the kidnapper.4 *is hands clenched into
tight fists. 4I found them a$out fifteen miles from here% at the farmhouse "here he&d $een
$orn. *is grandparents "ere nati'e to this area.
4I decided to go in after her alone. I mis)udged him from the 'ery first I "as so confident
I could talk him into letting 6acy go. *e hadn&t killed $efore...4 Jake seemed to $e talking to
himself no" as he muttered tautly% 4I should ha'e remem$ered that e'eryone is a potential
killer.
4It "as dark that night. I expected them to $e in the house they "ere in the "oods. /hey
sa" me first. 6acy pulled a"ay from her kidnapper and stood alone% facing me.4 *is face
"orked as he remem$ered. 4She "as in a $ad "ay. I told her not to $e frightened% I "as
there to help her.
4She looked up at me "ith huge $ro"n eyes in a face $ruised and s"ollen almost $eyond
recognition... and smiled.4 *e sounded mystified. 4She smiled as if she kne" "hy I "as there
and trusted me to help her.4
3etting .uickly to his feet% as though there "asn&t enough space in the cramped room for
the $oth of them and the $urden of guilt he carried% Jake strode through the $athroom
door into his $edroom and out that door to the hall"ay. Rachel follo"ed on his heels.
4Craig "as carrying a sa"ed-off shotgun.4 *e spoke rapidly in short ner'ous $ursts. 4*e
didn&t try to gra$ 6acy% or to threaten me "ith the gun. *e didn&t $other listening to "hat I
had to say% either. *e raised the gun and pointed it at 6acy.
4She didn&t co"er from him. She didn&t e'en look at him. She )ust kept looking at me "ith
those $ig $ro"n eyes.4
Jake shook his head. 4Craig told me calmly that he&d shoot her if he sa" me on the place
again. *e&d shoot her if he sa" anyone at all on his grandparents& property after that
night.4
Rachel stared at the s"iftly changing expressions on his face and "hen he didn&t continue%
pro$ed gently% 4,hat happened after that14 .
4,hat14 he responded $lankly.
4,hat happened after his threat14 she asked softly% kno"ing he needed to get it all out of
his system.
Jake raised $leak eyes and "hispered% 4I got her killed. *e "arned me $ut I didn&t listen...4
4/ell me.4
Jake stared into her face for a long time "ithout ans"ering% then turned and "ent into his
room. *e stood on the threshold looking around as though the place "as unfamiliar to him%
$efore finally mo'ing to"ard the $ed and sitting on its edge.
Rachel stood in the door"ay "atching him.
4I decided to kidnap her myself%4 he "hispered almost $eneath his $reath. 4I&d simply steal
her from Craig% the "ay he&d stolen her from her mother. I "as an arrogant fool.4
#ll at once he looked up at Rachel "ith a pu00led expression t"isting his dark $ro"s.
4Someho" he kne".4
Rachel crossed the room and dropped do"n onto her knees $eside him. She touched his
knotted fingers "ith a comforting hand. ,ords "ere $eyond her.
4#s though he kne" my plans $efore I kne" them myself%4 Jake continued% 4he let me get
to her. *e let me get her out of the house and into the "oods and then.. .he "as )ust there%
carrying a lantern.
4*e didn&t say a "ord% )ust set the lantern on the ground at his feet% raised the gun%
pointed it at 6acy and...4 Jake )erked his hands from her touch and $uried his face in them.
4It "asn&t your fault 4 she offered.
4on&t tell me that54 *e sprang to his feet and "alked out of the room into the hall"ay
again. !nce there% as though uncertain "here to go $ut feeling trapped% he stopped and
stared do"n the end of the hall"ay% and then to"ard the stairs.
4It isn&t your fault that she "as shot 4
4*e didn&t shoot her%4 Jake ans"ered in a distracted 'oice. 4*e shot me.4
48ou54
48es... he $roke her neck.4
Rachel couldn&t "ithhold a gasp of re'ulsion% $ut tried to co'er it "ith her next "ords.
4/hat&s a"ful...$ut she "ouldn&t ha'e stood a chance of getting free "ithout you 4
4She didn&t ha'e a chance "ith me5; he snapped. 4on&t you understand "hat I&'e $een
saying1 I killed her5 It "as my decision and I did the one thing that "as certain to get her
killed.4
4But... you can&t $lame yourself.4
4(o1 ,ell "ho is to $lame1 *er mother% $ecause she had to "ork to support them1 /he
local cops $ecause they couldn&t find her1 Ste'e Craig% $ecause he "as insane1 !r me1 /he
man "ho found her and let her die14
*e stepped in front of her and took her shoulders in a tight grip. 46ook% don&t try to
rationali0e "hat happened to me% okay1 I&'e $een through all that "ith the agency shrinks.
4# little girl died and she died $ecause of me. I kno" that% and they kno" that. I accept
the guilt for it% $ut I "on&t $e responsi$le for anyone else dying.4
4,hat do you mean14 Rachel asked "ith a rising sense of uneasiness.
4I can&t go on "ith this. I&m sorry% $ut I can&t "ork this case. /onight has clearly $rought
that fact home to me.4
4(o54 Rachel )erked her shoulders from his grasp and took hold of his shirtfront "ith $oth
hands% $unching it tightly. 48ou can&t )ust "alk a"ay from us no". 8ou can&t54
4I can54 7ulling her hands from his shirt% he thre" them from him and turned on his heel.
4/hen you&ll $e responsi$le for another child&s death5 #s sure as I&m standing here if you
.uit no" you&ll $e responsi$le for #my&s death54
Jake&s shoulders compacted rigidly% then fell. /aking hold of the ne"el post as though
needing it for support% he murmured% 4#t least I "on&t $e responsi$le for $oth your
deaths.4
# slight sound caused him to s"ing round to face her. 4/hat&s right. I didn&t finish my
story. -ary heard a$out her daughter&s death late that night. /he next morning% they found
her...sitting in the $athtu$...4 he stared hard at her% kno"ing she didn&t "ant to hear "hat
he had to say next% and continued 4... clutching a ra0or in one hand.4
4(o-no 4
4It "as too late. /hey couldn&t sa'e her.4
Rachel lifted a shaking hand to her mouth and "hispered% 4!h% my 3od.4
*er look of a'ersion "as too much for him. Jake turned a"ay.
(o" she&d go.
Rachel stood $ehind him% trying to cope "ith an image of herself and her o"n reaction
under similar circumstances. She struggled for "ords% $ut nothing she could come up "ith
seemed appropriate.
She finally managed to say% 48ou poor man.4
Jake spun to"ard her. 4Sa'e your sympathy. I don&t need it% and it "on&t change my mind.4
Rachel looked into his icy% unresponsi'e eyes and prayed for guidance to say the right thing.
4It "asn&t your fault% e'en I can see that. If the child "as treated as $adly as you&'e said%
I&m surprised she remained ali'e long enough for you to find her. I understand your need to
$lame someone for her death 4
48ou understand nothing. (othing54 he yelled.
Rachel hesitated and then continued. 4,hen $oth my parents $ecame ill "ithin a fe"
months of each other% I "as a"ay from home for the first time in college. I had no $rothers
or sisters they could call on for help% and they hid their illnesses from me. ,hen they died%
I $lamed myself for their deaths. I thought if I had only $een there% may$e% someho"% I&d
ha'e $een a$le pre'ent their dying.
4I grie'ed for them to the point of $ecoming ill myself. It took me a long time to reali0e
they lo'ed me and "ould ha'e $een horrified to think I $lamed myself for their deaths.
43uilt is something "e all feel at the loss of someone "e lo'e. But it isn&t healthy to let it
take o'er and run your life. 8ou must see that.
47ut them to rest% Jake.4 She stum$led o'er the unfamiliar feel of his name on her lips.
47ut your dead to rest and get on "ith li'ing. /here are still plenty of children out there
"ho need you.
48ou ha'e a gift. 9se it. on&t thro" it a"ay $ecause you failed one time. oes a doctor .uit
"hen he loses a patient1
46acy is gone and so is her mother. I&m sorry for them. I&m sorry for you. But from "hat
you&'e indicated they "ere good people. /hey "ouldn&t "ant others to suffer as they "ere
made to suffer.
47lease%4 she urged% 4don&t .uit no". *elp those "ho still need you help us help #my5 on&t
lea'e her to the same fate as 6acy...4 *er 'oice $ecame dro"ned "ith tears. 4on&t a$andon
us no".. .please...4
Jake&s eyes fastened onto her face "ith a stony indifference. She "as "illing to forgi'e
him $ecause she "anted something from him. /here "asn&t an ounce of sincerity in anything
she&d said.
*e "as on the point of dismissing her plea out of hand "hen she $linked and a glimmer of
light $ecame caught $y a crystalline tear hesitating on the tip of one dark lash. It hung
there% suspended for "hat seemed like hours% $efore slipping gently to her cheek and gliding
slo"ly to"ard her chin "here it stopped to caress the edge of her .ui'ering mouth.
Suddenly he "anted to $elie'e her. ,ith e'erything inside him% he "anted to $elie'e "hat
she&d said. *e "anted to find the comfort she offered "ith her "ords... $ut he couldn&t...
he&d li'ed too long in the real "orld to $elie'e in happy endings.
8ou couldn&t "ipe a"ay years of accumulated pain in a fe" minutes "ith soft "ords. #nd yet
the need to eradicate it from his life "as there... "aiting... $ut he )ust couldn&t let go and
$elie'e.
4It&s killing me%4 he "hispered deeply. 4It&s eating me ali'e inside. I can&t sleep I close my
eyes and see her face... see the smile she ga'e me that night... see the fear in her eyes
change from hope... to acceptance...4
*e s"allo"ed tightly% and "hen he spoke again the anguish in his 'oice "as like a li'e thing
$et"een them. 4I "as looking at her. I "as lying on the ground% pain exploding inside me%
looking at her. /here "as screaming and yelling gunfire and so much confusion. But% for a
$rief instant% "e shared something...4
Jake&s ga0e lo"ered% as did his 'oice. 4I kne" I "as dying...and it "as like she kne" it% too
kne" she "as a$out to die.4
*e "as shaking all o'er. For the first time since that night% he "as facing that instant "hen
the "orld had careened to a stop% lea'ing nothing except himself and a little girl% facing
each other% each forced to recogni0e the moment of their o"n mortality.
,ith a taut )erk of his head% his ga0e fastened onto Rachel&s s"imming eyes% $ut his eyes
had $ecome unfocused as he plunged headlong into the past. 4I couldn&t mo'e... $ut I could
hear and I could see...I sa" her face... sa" the light die out of her eyes the instant he
gra$$ed her...4
6icking tears from her lips% Rachel asked% 4,hy didn&t someone stop him1 idn&t anyone%
$esides you% see "hat "as happening14
4It "as dark and there "as so much confusion. Craig didn&t e'en try to run after he shot
me. 3us shot him "here he stood% "ith the shotgun still pointed at me. I guess e'eryone
thought he "as dead... $ut in the glare of the headlights. ..I sa"...4
4I kno"% I kno"%4 Rachel murmured soothingly% putting her arms around him and pulling him
close. *o" helpless she felt against his sorro". +'en kno"ing "hat he&d gone through% it "as
impossi$le for her to kno" exactly "hat he "as feeling.
She% too% "as eaten ali'e $y the kno"ledge that she hadn&t $een a$le to keep the child she
lo'ed more than life itself from $eing ripped from her arms. But the child "ho tormented
Jake had died. #nd "hether he kne" it or not% Jake had lo'ed that little girl perhaps not in
the same "ay she lo'ed #my% $ut he&d lo'ed her nonetheless.
Jake slo"ly $ecame a"are of the fact that he "as $eing held in Rachel&s soft arms. *is
next reali0ation came as a shock. *e "anted to stay there.
3ently% he slipped his o"n arms around her narro" "aist% lifted his head from her neck and
pressed her face against his shoulder. (o" it "as he "ho cradled her% $ut the feeling "as
the same. /he sensation of $eing in the right place for the first time in his life flooded
through him% taking a"ay the sadness and guilt and momentarily filling the dark places in his
soul "ith illumination.
Jake dre" $ack to ga0e into her face "ith "onder. # smile trem$led on her lips lips so
s"eet he couldn&t resist...It started as a tri$ute for the measure of peace she&d $rought
him after months of critical self-)udgment. *is lips $rushed hers lightly% offering a
surprisingly gentle caress% until he felt her lips open slo"ly $eneath his.
#ll at once% his heart )olted and his pulse $egan to pound. # tingling sensation $egan in the
center of Jake&s $ody% filling him "ith a need he recogni0ed in surprise.
Raising his lips% he ga0ed into Rachel&s stunned eyes. # spark in her expression made him
catch his $reath. *is mouth plunged to"ard hers% taking her lips "ith a hunger that left
them $oth reeling.
Rachel raised herself $lindly on her toes% opening her mouth and responding in a manner
she&d re$uke herself for later. *er arms slipped up his shoulders and encircled his neck.
She "anted him closer.
Jake&s tongue explored the recesses of her mouth as he fit her soft cur'es to his hard
$ody and an e'en deeper surge of potent hunger s"ept though him. *is mouth mo'ed
hungrily o'er hers% dra"ing a profound response% and still it "asn&t enough.
*is hands cupped her derriere% molding her against the gro"ing heat in his lo"er $ody. #
small 'oice sounded in his head% telling him to $e"are% $ut he "as $eyond $eing a$le to heed
its "arning. *is $reath .uickened. *is hands mo'ed slo"ly do"n her $ack% caressing all that
he touched.
Rachel flo"ed into him% his gentle massage sending currents of desire pounding through her.
,a'e after "a'e of sensation flo"ed o'er her% taking her to ne"% di00ying heights. She&d
ne'er "anted anyone as $adly as she "anted this man. ,hat "as she thinking1
Rachel fro0e in Jake&s em$race. She "as there to get help to find her daughter% not to
engage in a sexual liaison "ith this man5
Jake slanted a kiss against the underside of her chin% heard a "hispered moan and dre" his
tongue gently do"n her neck. It took a moment for him to reali0e the sounds she "as making
"eren&t sounds of pleasure% $ut of protest.
ra"ing $ack% the ha0el eyes gla0ed "ith passion% he looked do"n into her face. /he
expression of horror plainly "ritten there% shocked him $ack to an a"areness of "hat he
"as doing. Jake fro0e. ropping his arms% he almost )umped a"ay from her.
4I&m sorry...4 *e shook his head in confusion. 4I don&t kno" "hat...4
Rachel accepted the $lame readily% anything to get them o'er this a"k"ard and
em$arrassing moment. She didn&t "ant to analy0e "hat had happened $et"een them% she
)ust "anted to forget it. 4It&s all right. It "as my fault.4
4(o.4 Jake shook his head and ran an unsteady hand through the tight curls. 4It&s my
fault... I...4
46et&s )ust call it a night%4 Rachel suggested softly.
48es%4 he agreed readily enough% looking at her and looking .uickly a"ay. Backing a"ay from
her% he "hispered% 43ood night.4 *is hand "as on the doorkno$ to his room "hen Rachel
suddenly spoke again.
4/omorro" 4
4 "ill take care of itself%4 he inter'ened .uickly.
Rachel "anted to protest $ut accepted his forecast "ith a slo" nod. She "as too exhausted
to argue.
4(o more ra0ors in the middle of the night%4 he added a$ruptly% as she follo"ed his lead
and turned to her door.
*er glance touched his for a fleeting instant and she almost smiled. 4(o ra0ors%4 she
agreed. 4#nd no more talk a$out lea'ing the case $efore #my is found14 she added on a
.uestioning note.
Jake stiffened and refused to meet her eyes. 4I&ll see you in the morning.4
,ith the door closed $et"een them% he leaned $ack against it and pressed the heels of
$oth hands o'er $urning eyes. -y% 3od% "hat had he done1
Chapter 6
4,hat a$out my car14 Rachel asked% "atching Jake push his suitcase across the seat of the
dark red sedan.
Jake straightened% closed the door and leaned $ack against it. 4I "ant to talk to you a$out
that. I think it "ould $e a good idea for us to tra'el to San #ntonio in separate cars.4
4,hy14 she demanded instantly.
Jake darted a look at her set face. She "asn&t going to like "hat he had to say% $ut he&d
done some hea'y soul-searching through the long hours $efore daylight and "hat he planned
"as intended for her sake as "ell as his o"n. 4I&'e thought a$out it and I&ll continue "ith
the case% $ut I&d rather go on "ith it alone. I "ork $etter alone.
48ou&'e $een a $ig help in gi'ing me information% $ut the rest is up to me. 8ou can $est
ser'e your daughter $y going home and preparing for her return.4
48ou&re trying to get rid of me%4 Rachel accused rigidly.
4I&m a trained federal agent. I kno" ho" to handle myself in the field. 8ou ha'en&t $een
prepared for this kind of "ork. 8ou&re a schoolteacher... a mother.4
4(o%4 Rachel said "ith a stu$$orn shake of her head% 4I "on&t let you push me out. I&m
going "ith you% and I&m going to $e there "hen you find #my. If you "on&t let me tra'el "ith
you% then I&ll simply follo" on my o"n.4
Jake lunged a"ay from the car and took hold of her shoulders in exasperation. 4idn&t you
hear a "ord of "hat I said last night1 8our hus$and could $e dangerous% not only to your
daughter% $ut to e'eryone in'ol'ed.
4Remem$er his threat1 Just the sight of you could set him off. o you "ant that1 o you
"ant to $e responsi$le for your o"n child&s death14
Rachel gasped at the $rutal picture his "ords painted and tried to shrug out of his grasp%
$ut Jake "ouldn&t let her go. /he tender moments they&d shared in the middle of the night
might ne'er ha'e $een as he tried to make her see sense.
48ou may not like the sound of that.4 *is hands $unched her shoulders and dre"% her closer.
4But you kno" it&s the truth. #re you "illing to risk your daughter&s life% )ust to defy me14
48ou ha'e nothing to do "ith my reasons for "anting to come along. I may $e the only one
"ho can sa'e her%4 Rachel "hispered through num$ lips. 4*a'e you considered that1 It isn&t
#my he "ants to hurt... it&s me. I&m not the great student of human nature you consider
yourself to $e%4 she continued "ith mild sarcasm% 4$ut I kno" my ex-hus$and.4
4o you14 he asked in hard% cynical tones.
4I kno" my ex-hus$and "ell enough to kno" that the only "ay "e may $e a$le to get #my
a"ay from him unharmed is if I&m there.4
Jake peered closely into her face. 4#re you saying% you don&t think the threat he made is
genuine1 /hat he "on&t actually harm the girl14
Rachel "ished she could ha'e the satisfaction of telling him that&s exactly "hat she meant%
$ut she kne" it "ould $e a lie. idn&t his "ords haunt her each night% slipping into her
dreams and gi'ing her nightmares1 *o" many nights had she a"akened in the past month
"ith #my&s 'oice screaming% 4-ommy5 -ommy54 in her head1
4I&m saying% I&m going along% you can&t stop me that&s "hat I&m saying%4 she ans"ered "ith
a final "rench that freed her from his distur$ing touch.
Jake sa" the determination in her set )a" and kne" he "as only "asting time. 4#ll right.4
*e ga'e in% $ut only temporarily. 4,e&ll lea'e your car here and take mine. 8ours should $e
safe enough if "e dri'e it around $ack and lea'e it locked.4
/he trip started off in silence. (either had much to say to the other. But as the miles sped
$y% the ne" undercurrent in their relationship% the one they&d done their $est so far that
morning to deny% "as strong in $oth their minds.
Rachel&s irritation "ith his high-handed% dictatorial manner took a long time to su$side.
,hen it did% she sidled a .uick glance in his direction and "as surprised $y "hat she sa".
9ntil no"% she hadn&t paid any attention to "hat he "as "earing. But no" she sa" that the
stained )eans and "orn s"eatshirt "ere gone and in their place% he "ore a dark $lue suit%
"hite shirt and dark tie.
!n closer inspection she noticed that he must ha'e trimmed his o"n hair $ecause% if she
"asn&t mistaken% it "as at least an inch or t"o shorter in the $ack. It still reached his
collar% $ut "ent no farther.
She reached deep inside herself for a return of the outrage. She "anted to $e angry "ith
him% since it allo"ed her to 'ent some of the frustration she felt o'er #my&s kidnapping. But
all she came up "ith "as a memory of his face and the expression on it "hen he&d told her
a$out "hat had happened to 6acy and her mother% and the anger )ust "ouldn&t materiali0e.
/here "ere things she "as $eginning to like a$out him% like the "ay he ga'e her his
undi'ided attention each time they&d talked a$out 3ary% her ex-hus$and and their past life.
3ary had al"ays seemed preoccupied "hen she tried to talk to him after they "ere married.
/here "ere also things a$out Jake that "ere starting to $ecome familiar. /hings she
looked for.. .things she "as $eginning to find attracti'e... like the sleepy droop to his right
eyelid... the "ay his hair gre" to a "ido"&s peak and the curl that kept flopping o'er onto his
forehead.. .the cleft in his chin...
,hy "as such an attracti'e man still single1 /hat "as only an assumption. *e hadn&t
mentioned his personal life% so she supposed he could 'ery "ell $e married. *er glance fle"
to the hands firmly attached to the steering "heel. (o ring. But that didn&t necessarily
mean anything.
She eyed her o"n hands folded in her lap and ru$$ed a fingertip across the gold $and on
the left one. She still "ore her "edding ring% $ut only $ecause of #my.
*er thoughts filtered $ack to her first meeting "ith Jake. She recalled the "ay he&d
turned to"ard her in the cemetery% standing so silent and still% his expression one of fro0en
dread. *e&d looked as though he&d )ust seen a ghost. #n uncomforta$le thought flashed into
her mind.
4o I remind you of -ary /ol$ridge14 she asked a$ruptly.
Jake&s hands flexed on the steering "heel. 4(o.4
4(ot at all14
4(o%4 he ans"ered stiffly.
She "asn&t $eing insensiti'e. She kne" he no dou$t preferred to keep the memories of the
"oman $uried in his su$conscious% $ut that&s "hat had turned him into a recluse. 3etting him
to talk a$out the "oman might $e )ust "hat he needed. 4,as she a young "oman1 *er child
"as only four% so I imagine she couldn&t ha'e $een 'ery old.4
4I... don&t remem$er.4
Rachel stared at his taut profile. /here "as something in his 'oice she didn&t .uite
understand. Could he ha'e $een attracted to the "oman1
4,hat kind of a person "as she1 I kno" you...admired her. id she... like you% too14
Jake shifted restlessly in his seat and thre" an impatient fro"n in her direction. 4o "e
ha'e to discuss this14
4(o% of course not% not if it makes you uncomforta$le. But hiding from things ne'er makes
them get any $etter.4
Rachel played "ith her fingers% a tight feeling s.uee0ing her chest. ,hy "ouldn&t he
discuss this "ith her1 It "asn&t as though they "ere complete strangers and she "as prying
into his pri'ate life for the sake of a cheap thrill. *e&d shared his feelings "ith her early
that morning.
4She "as fair%4 Jake muttered softly.
4,as she attracti'e14
Jake checked the rear'ie" mirror% signaled a turn and pulled into the passing lane around
another car% $efore replying. 48es.4
*e could still see the lines of "orry and premature aging around -ary&s deep $lue eyes% the
hint of a dimple in her right cheek "hen she smiled% something she&d done rarely in the
"eeks they&d kno"n each other. But once% a long time ago% she had $een $eautiful% of that
he "as certain.
4,ere you in 4
46ook% can "e let it rest14 *e guessed "hat she "as leading up to% and he didn&t "ant the
.uestion $et"een them. She had no right to ask.
Reaching into the inside pocket of his )acket he remo'ed a pair of dark glasses "ith metal
frames and sho'ed them onto his face. 4If you need noise% turn on the radio.4
Rachel took a deep $reath and held it% the riotous confusion going on inside her thro"ing
her completely off $alance. She suspected there might $e more to his relationship "ith the
dead "oman than he&d admitted. So "ho did he think he "as% James Bond1 id he make lo'e
to all the "omen he encountered in his "ork1
/urning to"ard the "indo"% she pretended an interest in the passing scenery. ,hy should
"hat he felt for another "oman $other her1 *e "as only a pu$lic ser'ant isn&t that "hat
they called themsel'es1 a man she&d con'inced to help find her daughter. Beyond that% they
"ere simply t"o unhappy adults forced together on a )ourney neither "anted to make.

,hen his temper "as finally under control% Jake shot the "oman at his side a look @from
$eneath partially lo"ered eyelids. She looked "ithdra"n. #t this instant% she "as pro$a$ly
telling herself ho" much she hated him and he couldn&t $lame her.
So far% she&d seen little of his nature to recommend him. #nd he kne" his reaction upon
finding her in the $athroom "ith a ra0or had terrified her. It $othered him% too.
*e "as a pri'ate person% one "ho didn&t easily open himself to another. #nd the thought of
"hat he&d admitted to this "oman the laying $are of his soul to her made him cringe "ith
em$arrassment.
(othing had $een said $et"een them a$out the scene in the hall since it had happened. But
yesterday% stuck in the house most of the day $ecause of rain% it had $een there% all the
time they "ere together% $et"een them.
Jake stared at the road. ,hat had happened to the hard-"on control o'er his emotions
he&d fought all his life to maintain1 Sometimes% despite all his efforts to the contrary% he
still sa" too much of his parents in himself.
/he open road% $anded on either side $y gently rolling hills% disappeared from his 'ision and
another road took its place in his mind. *e "as 'ery young% tra'eling $y car "ith his parents.
/hey had stopped to eat lunch and Jake had "andered off% follo"ing the trail of a happy
family "ith a large% friendly dog on a leash.
*e&d tagged after the family until they&d stopped outside the restaurant to let him pet the
dog. #fter that% he&d gone $ack inside to find his mother and father $ut they "ere gone.
/he ta$le "here they&d $een sitting "as empty and had already $een cleared.
Stunned% the four-year-old Jake had $een terrified. /hey&d left "ithout him5 ,hat "as he
going to do1
/he friendly "aitress "ho had "aited on them found him crying in a corner $y the
$athrooms. #fter ascertaining that he "as alone% she&d called the local sheriff.
It "as e'ening% a long time after he&d told his tearful story to the sheriff% $efore his
parents returned. #mid tearful hugs and cries of relief% $ecause their little $oy had $een
restored safely to them% Jake had looked into his mother&s eyes and kno"n the truth% and
kno"n% too% "hat "as in store for him later. Jake "ould ne'er "ander off again.
Blinking the past from his 'ision% Jake reached for the $utton on the radio. In a moment of
"eakness% he&d re'ealed too much of himself to this "oman% $ut it "ouldn&t happen again. (o
one must $e allo"ed to get inside and kno" the real him.
(o one e'er had% except for Janet and she "as dead.
!n the outskirts of San #ntonio% Jake stopped for gas. Breaking the thick silence that had
risen like a "all $et"een them% he asked Rachel if she&d like to go home% "hile he kept the
appointments. She refused% and they dro'e to the home of Charles Roth"ell. /he elderly
man had $een a friend of Rachel&s since her marriage. *e "as also the former head of the
+nglish department that 3ary ryden had $een a part of for se'eral years.
Charles "as no" retired and in ill health. # nurse greeted them at the door and led the "ay
upstairs to the old man&s $edroom.
4Rachel.4 Charles held out a $loodless hand. Rachel mo'ed .uickly across the room to take
it% holding it $et"een $oth of hers as she sat do"n on the chair $eside his $ed.
4*o" are you% Charles14 she asked "ith sincere concern in her 'oice. She&d al"ays liked the
courtly old gentleman. She used to imagine fondly that this "as "hat 3ary "ould $e like in
later years.
4(ot 'ery "ell%4 he ans"ered in une'en tones% smiling "earily. 4#t least% not if my doctor is
to $e $elie'ed. But it&s all right.4 *e patted her hands $efore pulling his loose. 4I&'e ne'er
su$scri$ed to the idea of li'ing fore'er. ,e all ha'e to go "hen "e&re no longer useful% to
make room for the ne" generation.4
/he "hite $ro"s rose% as his ga0e $ecame focused on the man standing $ehind Rachel&s
seated figure. 4(o"% "ho is this young man14
4I&m Jake Frost% I spoke "ith your nurse on the phone yesterday. I "ork for the FBI.4 *e
shot a $rief .uelling glance at Rachel&s upturned face% hesitated o'er the slight discrepancy
in his true "ork status% and continued% 4I understand you kno" 3ary ryden rather "ell% and
I&d like to ask you a fe" .uestions a$out him.4
Charles Roth"ell turned his mud-$ro"n eyes to"ard Rachel&s solemn face. 4I&m sorry% my
dear. I heard "hat happened% of course.4 *e shook his head. 48ou )ust ne'er can tell%4 he
murmured softly% 4I had such high hopes for the $oy. #ll other considerations aside% he&s an
excellent academician.4
Jake opened a small spiral note$ook and remo'ed a pen from his pocket. 4I understand you
and ryden used to play a "eekly game of chess.4
48es% that&s right.4
4So the t"o of you must ha'e $een rather close14
4(o% I "ouldn&t say 4 Charles& "ords "ere interrupted $y a sudden fit of coughing.
Rachel stood and stared at the man in alarm. Before she could do anything% the nurse "ho
had ushered them into the room earlier came through the door and hurried to"ard the $ed.
-o'ing around Rachel&s motionless figure% she raised the old man to an upright position.
4Can I help14 Rachel asked anxiously.
4*and me the glass of "ater%4 the "oman replied in calm tones.
Rachel handed it to her and the "oman held it to Charles&s $lue lips once the cough had
su$sided. ,hen he "as $reathing easier% she murmured something for his ears only and the
old man shook his head and "a'ed her aside.
4Sorry%4 he $reathed une'enly. 4I&m afraid I didn&t .uit smoking soon enough.4 #s he
smiled% Rachel noticed the pipe and to$acco pouch lying near an ashtray on the $edside
ta$le.
4-ay "e continue14 Jake asked% "hen it appeared he&d reco'ered.
48es2 of course%4 Charles replied% gi'ing Jake his full attention. 48ou "ere saying14
4I "as asking if you and ryden "ere close enough to discuss personal things during your
chess games14
4(o. 3ary "as ne'er "hat you&d call an easy man to get to kno". #nd in the last couple of
years% if anything% he $ecame more "ithdra"n.
4But% as I said% "e "ere ne'er really "hat you "ould call close friends. ,e simply en)oyed a
good game of chess% and I kept a "atchful eye on him at "ork.4
4,as he good at chess14
4+xcellent player%4 Charles ans"ered% 4and a 'ery good strategist.4
4Is there anything at all you can add that might gi'e me a clue a$out "here he&d go if he
"as trying to drop out of sight "ith his daughter14
Charles shook his head% leaned $ack against the pillo"s tiredly and closed "atery eyes.
4,hy don&t you speak to -arian Benning1 /hey used to $e .uite close. /here "as e'en talk
at one time of an engagement...4
Rachel made a sudden mo'e and the thin% $lue-'eined lids opened suddenly. /he old man&s
ga0e settled on Rachel&s startled face. 4idn&t you kno"14
Rachel shook her head.
4,ell% don&t $e upset% my dear% I can assure you% that "hate'er "as $et"een 3ary and
-arian "as o'er a long time ago. (o" they&re simply friends.4
4I&m not upset%4 Rachel replied .uickly% 4$ut I didn&t reali0e.. .3ary ne'er said.. .-arian has
ne'er indicated there "as e'er anything of a personal nature $et"een them.4
4,ell% perhaps they "eren&t as close as I thought%4 Charles said% seeking to soothe her
confusion.
48es% that&s pro$a$ly it%4 Rachel responded. She didn&t "ant to upset the old man. *e&d
al"ays $een kind to her.
!utside% in the car% she failed to notice the sharp glance Jake shot in her direction. She
"as $usy "ondering ho" she&d $een married to 3ary ryden for six years and ne'er in all
that time kno"n he&d once dated -arian Benning.
4*a'e you changed your mind a$out "anting to go home14 Jake asked a$ruptly.
4(o.4 She stared straight ahead. (othing could keep her from attending this next
inter'ie".
-arian Benning "as a "oman in her mid-forties. She "as a classically $eautiful "oman% one
"hose $eauty age "ould no dou$t impro'e upon. She "as also a 'ery generous "oman "ho
shared herself "ith all her friends.
3reeting them "armly at the door% she offered her hand to Jake and put a comforting arm
around Rachel&s shoulders. /hey mo'ed do"n a long% elegant hall"ay and into a room $right
"ith sunlight and fresh flo"ers.
Jake perched on a chair% $ut Rachel "as led to a lo'e seat and seated next to her hostess.
#s though at a prearranged signal% an older "oman% dressed in $lack "ith touches of "hite
at shoulders and collar% entered the room "ith a tray of tea and small sand"iches and cakes.
4I hope you like tea.4 -arian smiled% the perfect hostess% as she poured the tea% offering it
around.
/his time it "as Rachel "ho conducted the interrogation and Jake let her. 4,e&'e )ust
come from Charles&s house.4 Rachel s"allo"ed a .uick sip of tea and spoke directly to her
hostess.
47oor man%4 -arian said "ith real distress in the cultured tones% 4I must get o'er to see
him soon. I understand it&s his heart.4
48es% he doesn&t look at all "ell%4 Rachel agreed solemnly. #nd then% placing her cup and
saucer on the ta$le in front of her% she turned to face the older "oman at her side. 4*e
said something a little "hile ago that surprised me.4
-arian eyed her curiously. 4#nd "hat "as that% my dear14
4*e said you and 3ary used to date.4
48es% that&s right...4 -arian $roke off% a fro"n marring the attracti'e line of her forehead.
4idn&t you kno"14
Rachel shook her head% "ondering "hat else she didn&t kno" a$out the man "ho had
fathered her darling #my.
4I...4 -arian lifted elegant shoulders and looked helplessly from Rachel to the silent Jake
and $ack again. 4It&s true% 3ary and I dated for a "hile...4 She hesitated% ga'e a slight shrug
and continued. 4#s a matter of fact% "e had talked at one time a$out getting married.4
4-arried14 Rachel asked .uickly. So% it "as true5
48es. But...4 /he older "oman $roke off and looked do"n at the ring on her right hand for a
long moment. #nd then% as though coming to a sudden decision% she met Rachel&s intent ga0e
and said% 43ary "anted something I couldn&t gi'e him he "anted a child.4
Rachel s"allo"ed and concentrated on keeping the shock she felt from sho"ing on her face.
-arian lifted a hand and made a graceful gesture to"ard the room around them. 4oes this
look like a house that "ould readily accommodate children14 Smiling "ithout humor% she
ans"ered her o"n .uestion. 4I don&t think so. #nd neither% I&m afraid% "ould this.4 She
gestured to"ard her o"n self.
4I&m )ust not the motherly type% I&m too set in my "ays. ,hat&s that old adage a$out an
old dog and ne" tricks14 #fter a $rief laugh% she so$ered almost instantly and added%
4Besides% my child$earing years are long past.4
4*e "anted to ha'e a child "ith you%4 Rachel murmured "onderingly. 3ary had told her he&d
ne'er considered the possi$ility of fathering a child until he&d met her.
Seeing the confusion in Rachel&s expression% -arian leaned o'er and patted the younger
"oman&s taut fingers in a gesture of comfort. 43ary )ust "anted to ha'e a child%4 she
corrected gently. 4/o $e truthful% I think that&s the only reason he $egan seeing me in the
first place. I "as the only unmarried female mem$er of the staff under the age of fifty.
4,hen I told him my 'ie"s on the su$)ect of producing a family at this late stage in my life%
he listened carefully% nodded% then left. ,e ne'er spoke on the su$)ect again.
48ou see% there "as no great lo'e $et"een us% and I don&t think it particularly mattered to
3ary "ho the mother might $e% as long as she "as "ell-$red and produced a healthy child.4
Recollecting herself% she exclaimed% 4!h...4
-arian put a hand to her lips and ga0ed at Rachel contritely. 4I&m sorry% my dear. I truly
didn&t mean that the "ay it sounded.4
4It&s all right.4 Rachel smiled faintly. 4I understand "hat you mean. I&m $eginning to see
that a "ife "as ne'er "hat 3ary "anted. I "as only a means to an end.4
Jake took o'er the interrogation at that point. -arian "as 'ery accommodating $ut had no
real information for them. It seemed she kne" the man% 3ary ryden% no $etter than
Charles Roth"ell% despite "hat apparently "as a longstanding relationship.
In the car once more% Jake kept his eyes a"ay from Rachel&s face as he asked% 4,as -iss
Benning a fre.uent 'isitor to your house14
4,e "ere 'ery good friends. -arian is not a person you can kno" at a distance. She has a
'ery gi'ing nature. espite her "ords )ust no" a$out not $eing the motherly type% I&'e
al"ays thought she&d ha'e made a "onderful mother. I often "ondered "hy she&d ne'er
married% $ut didn&t like to ask% $ecause I didn&t "ant her to think I "as prying.
4,hen you asked for the names of people 3ary "as close to and I told you a$out Charles
and -arian% I thought if anyone could tell you something a$out 3ary that I didn&t kno"% it
"ould $e one of them. /hey&'e kno"n him since he first came to *arris$rook College. But%
no"%4 she muttered uneasily% 4I )ust don&t kno".4
Jake smothered any thought of sympathy for her and hardened his resol'e to remain
unin'ol'ed "ith the people in this case. /he "oman at his side "as only $eginning to reali0e
"hat he&d suspected all along% that she didn&t kno" the man she&d called hus$and as "ell as
she thought.
But Jake "as $eginning to kno" him% and a parallel $et"een 3ary ryden and Ste'e Craig
"as $eginning to form. Jake kept the thought to himself% remem$ering all too clearly "hat a
.uiet% seemingly pleasant% lika$le young man "as capa$le of doing "ith cold-$looded
deli$eration.
7ulling into a parking place% Jake remo'ed the dark sunglasses from his pocket and placed
them on his face. Rachel "atched his actions "ith a raised $ro". /he sun "as "atery at $est
and they "ere getting ready to go inside the offices of the college.
4I thought they only did that in mo'ies14 she said.
4,hat14 Jake turned the opa.ue lenses in her direction.
4/he FBI and those sunglasses%4 she replied $rus.uely. 4o you really think you&re going to
need them inside1 /hey do nothing for your image.4
4Sometimes it&s ad'antageous to keep others from kno"ing "hat you&re thinking. It keeps
them a little off $alance.4
,allace #nderson% the ean of *arris$rook College% "as "aiting for the pair in his office.
It "as Friday and he had an appropriations committee meeting to attend later that
afternoon% $ut paper"ork had kept him in his office until after lunch.
4So.4 ean #nderson shook hands "ith Jake% noting the glasses "ith pursed lips% and
"ithdre" his hand promptly. 4,e&'e ne'er met% $ut I do recall your name in reference to a
case you "orked on a "hile $ack that made the headlines.4 It "as o$'ious from his tone of
'oice that he "asn&t a mem$er of the Jake Frost fan clu$.
Jake stared silently at the man until #nderson dropped his eyes% shuffled some papers on
his desk% then glanced up at Rachel. *e had ignored her until no". 4I&m sorry to hear a$out
your daughter.4 She "as not one of his fa'orite people% and she&d done nothing to endear
herself to him $y $ringing the college $ad pu$licity first "ith her di'orce and no" "ith the
child.
4,hat% exactly% is it you think I can tell you14 #nderson asked the .uestion of Rachel% $ut
it "as Jake "ho ans"ered% dra"ing his attention.
48ou may ha'e information that can lead us to 3ary ryden and his daughter. I&d like to
ha'e a look at his file.4
4I ha'e only your "ord for "ho you say you are%4 #nderson said a$ruptly. 4I ha'en&t seen
any identification.4
4I don&t ha'e my I "ith me at the moment% $ut you can call this num$er and the person at
the other end "ill identify me.4 Jake "rote a series of num$ers on a piece of paper from his
spiral note$ook and held it out to the other man.
#nderson hesitated a long time $efore taking the piece of paper% and "hen he did% he
simply laid it on the desk "ithout looking at it. 4o you ha'e authori0ation to look at the
college&s pri'ate files1 I $elie'e it takes a search "arrant for such a mo'e%4 the older man
said "ith satisfaction.
*e "as a past master at the art of staring do"n students and faculty mem$ers to get his
point across% and though the dark glasses some"hat nullified his techni.ue% he "as
determined to let this man kno" he "asn&t impressed "ith his arrogance. *e recalled% all too
"ell% "hat he&d read a$out Jake Frost in the ne"spapers.
4I can get a search "arrant%4 Jake rigidly. 4But that takes time and I don&t "ant to "aste a
lot of time taking unnecessary steps. *o"e'er...4
*e picked up #nderson&s calendar from the corner of the desk% looked at it% and set it $ack
do"n a little to the left of "here he&d found it. #nderson follo"ed the mo'e "ith a fro"n.
4(o"% if I do take the time%4 Jake continued% 4then I&ll pro$a$ly "ant to make it "orth the
trou$le.4 7icking up a stack of papers that #nderson had $een going through for his
appropriations meeting% Jake flipped .uickly through it% restacked it neatly% and laid it on
the desk "here he&d found it.
4I&m sure there must $e other areas here at the college that I can look into at the same
time. Sometimes things ha'e a "ay of getting a"ay from you% and in my )o$ I can&t afford to
ha'e that happen.4
Remo'ing the dark glasses% Jake folded them and put them in his )acket pocket. Shooting
#nderson a direct look% Jake added% 4Being in charge of a $ig place like this% you must kno"
ho" things like that can happen. Right14
#nderson nodded% "ondering "hat the man "as getting at.
Jake glanced to"ard the desk and said% 4I&ll $et it takes a lot of paper"ork a mountain of
paper"ork )ust to keep track of all those little things. /hings like...4 he leaned o'er and
picked up the top paper on the stack he&d straightened% and looked at it 4.. .departmental
spending%4 he read. 4(o" that must in'ol'e a lot of time and meticulous "ork.4 *e shot a
.uick glance at #nderson&s suddenly immo$ile face. 4I&ll $et you ha'e to depend a lot on the
heads of different departments to keep track of "hat they spend on the tools they need
for their classes. Sometimes...4 Jake returned the paper to the stack 4 .. .I&ll $et little
things% like tracking do"n the expenditures on certain items in the athletic department% for
instance must take a great deal of time and effort.4
Rachel had $een "ondering impatiently "here all this "as leading% $ut "hen she glanced at
,allace #nderson&s florid complexion and sa" it $ecome redder% she actually "anted to
smile. Jake "as on to something.
,allace #nderson struggled "ith thoughts of the retirement house he "as $uilding on an
island in the South 7acific. *o" could this man kno"1
4I "ill of course cooperate "ith the FBI% it&s my duty as a la"-a$iding citi0en%4 he
emphasi0ed for Jake&s $enefit% 4$ut )ust let me make one thing perfectly clear. 3ary
ryden "as al"ays an exemplary instructor% and no scandal touched his name "hile he "as
here.4
4*e kidnapped our daughter%4 Rachel put in% feeling her hackles rise. #nderson "as a
pompous ass and al"ays had $een.
4*e is the child&s father.4
4/he file% if you please%4 Jake reminded him firmly.
#nderson left the room "ithout another "ord. =idnapping% indeed5 *e didn&t like gi'ing in to
the arrogant -r. Frost% $ut if a hint of an in'estigation $y the FBI o'er misappropriation of
funds leaked out... *e could see his dream house disappearing into thin air% along "ith his
)o$.
Jake mo'ed to the "indo" and stood "ith his hands in his pockets staring out at the
campus green. *e sensed Rachel didn&t like ,allace #nderson and he had no difficulty in
understanding her reasons
4*o" did you kno"14 Rachel "hispered $ehind his right shoulder.
Jake shrugged% $ut $efore he could ans"er% the man% himself strode through the door.
4*ere "e are.4 #nderson offered the file to Jake.
Jake took the file and sat do"n in a chair $y the "indo". #fter a fe" minutes% he looked up.
4It says here% ryden has a mother li'ing in Ft. ,orth.4
48es% that&s right. She retired there after years as a pu$lic figure. She "as% I $elie'e% a
concert cellist.4
4--mother14 Rachel asked "ith a fro"n.
4/hat&s right.4 #nderson nodded.
4/here must $e some mistake 3ary&s family are all dead.4
4(o% there&s no mistake%4 #nderson corrected her "ith a small smile that looked polite on
the surface% self-satisfied $eneath it.
4I don&t understand%4 Rachel murmured% looking from #nderson to Jake.
4It doesn&t surprise me that 3ary didn&t mention his mother to you. ,hen "e employed
him% he didn&t mention any family to us% either. But "e here at *arris$rook College take
pride in hiring instructors "e&re certain the sons and daughters of our generous
$enefactors "ill $enefit $y kno"ing.
4,e "ant only the $est and that&s "hy "e do a thorough and complete history check on our
&family%& as I like to think of the faculty. I can&t think "hy 3ary didn&t "ant us to kno"
a$out his mother. I "as .uite pleased to learn she "as once a noted talent among concert
circles. It&s too $ad she dropped suddenly from pu$lic 'ie".4
4,hat happened to her14 Rachel asked curiously.
4!h.. .I "ouldn&t kno". I )ust kno" from the report that she no longer performs and hasn&t
for .uite some time%4 #nderson replied. 4I suppose 3ary thought that since she&s still kno"n
$y her stage name% "e "ouldn&t $e a$le to trace the relationship.4
4Stage name14 Rachel asked.
48es% she doesn&t go $y the name ryden. She "as kno"n as #lexandra Conroy-,ilkes.4
4I "ant this file%4 Jake said a$ruptly% dra"ing the man&s attention to himself and a"ay from
Rachel&s stricken face.
4,ell% I 4 #nderson didn&t kno" if he "as "ithin his rights to refuse the man% $ut he kne"
he&d like to.
4I&ll see it&s returned to you "hen I&m through "ith it.4 Jake rose% mo'ed to Rachel&s side
and took her arm.
4/hanks for the help%4 Jake said o'er his shoulder as he ushered Rachel from the man&s
office.
!n the steps of the $uilding% Rachel stopped to look up into Jake&s face and ask in
$e"ilderment% 4,hy did 3ary tell me his mother "as dead14
Jake shook his head% took her arm% and led her do"n the stairs. ,allace #nderson "as no
dou$t standing at his "indo" "atching for them and he didn&t "ant the man to ha'e the
satisfaction of kno"ing he&d gi'en Rachel cause for anxiety.
4Come on% "e&ll discuss this o'er an early dinner. I need to study this file. /here&s a .uiet
little restaurant 4
4(o.4 Rachel said .uickly% 4I "ant to go home.4
+xcept for gi'ing him directions% Rachel remained "ithdra"n after that. Jake respected
her need for silence% despite the torrent of .uestions $oiling )ust $elo" the surface of his
mind. For the first time they could $e on to something% really on to something% that might
lead them to 3ary ryden and his little daughter. But that something "as pro'ing hard for
Rachel to ad)ust to% $ecause it "as in direct conflict "ith her understanding of her ex-
hus$and.
Rachel had mo'ed out of the house she% 3ary% and #my had li'ed in on campus and into a
small $ungalo" on the opposite end of to"n. +'en though it hadn&t $een li'ed in for a "hile%
Jake "as a"are of its homey feel the moment he entered the front door.
#fter indicating "here the $athroom "as located% in case he needed it% offering him
something to eat and drink% "hich he declined% and sho"ing him to the li'ing room% Rachel
disappeared. ,hen she didn&t return after a "hile% feeling a 'ague sense of dis.uiet Jake
"ent in search of her.
4/his is #my&s room%4 Rachel said unnecessarily% sensing his presence $ehind her. She
turned to"ard him% and he sa" she "as holding a stuffed animal in $oth hands cradled
against her chest.
4,ho&s your friend14 he asked% indicating the animal.
4---r. -c(a$%4 she ans"ered fighting for control. 4It&s one of a pair% a $oy and a girl% #my
got for +aster last year...4 /urning "ith her $ack to him% she crushed the soft toy against
her face and felt hot tears dampen its matted fur.
Jake hesitated on the threshold of the room. Instinct told him to go to her% comfort her%
$ut some deeper% inner 'oice told him to get out. *e "as getting too in'ol'ed in this case
)ust like the last time. *e "as too in'ol'ed "ith Rachel ryden% and she "as a "oman in need
of a hell of a lot more than he could offer her.
!nce Rachel managed to get her emotions under control% she turned to find the door"ay
empty. She found Jake in the kitchen. /he doors to most of the ca$inets stood open and
Jake stood in the middle of the room looking slightly harassed.
47ro$lems14 she asked from the door"ay.
*e pi'oted to"ard her% noting the traces of tears still on her cheeks% and glanced a"ay. 4I
thought I&d make coffee.4 *e ran a hand through his hair% standing the curls on end. 4But I
can&t find a damned thing.4
4It&s here.4 Rachel entered the room and mo'ed to"ard a shelf $y the door. # tense silence
en'eloped them gro"ing tighter "ith each step that took her closer to him.
4/ake a seat.4 She tried to speak normally% thinking it "ould dispel "hat "as suddenly in the
room $et"een them. 4I&ll make the coffee and something to eat.4 She $egan to arrange
things hapha0ardly on the sink.
4#re you all right14 Jake asked softly.
Rachel nodded "ithout speaking% felt a hand ho'er near her shoulder% closed her eyes and
held her $reath. If he touched her... #n instant later% she dre" an une'en $reath and kne"
she "as alone.

Jake stood in the $athroom looking into the mirror. ,ater dripped do"n the lines of his
face and off a chin darkened $y a day&s gro"th of $eard. /he face looked the same% $ut
"hat a$out the eyes1
*e studied himself a moment longer $efore $ending and dousing his face "ith cold "ater.
*e&d thought life "as complicated $efore he met Rachel ryden...
AAAA
4,ell% that&s that.4 Jake put do"n the phone and closed the folder on his lap. 4I&'e got an
address for #lexandra Conroy-,ilkes in Ft. ,orth.4
/hey had eaten a meal Rachel had prepared "hile Jake studied the file from the college.
Jake had asked a fe" .uestions and Rachel had told him again that 3ary had told her $oth
his parents "ere dead and he had no li'ing relati'es. *is father had supposedly died a
soldier during the =orean conflict% and his mother a fe" years later from ill health.
(o" they kne" at least a part of that story "as false.
4,hat are you going to do next14 Rachel asked "hen he&d put do"n the phone and made a
fe" notes in the $lue spiral note$ook. She stared at the $ook and "ondered if the .uestion
mark% $eside the "ord truthful% "as still there.
4I&ll get a motel room for the night and lea'e $right and early in the morning for Ft.
,orth.4
4,e?ll lea'e $right and early in the morning%4 she corrected gently.
Jake ga'e her a long look from $eneath half-lo"ered lids% $ut remained silent. 3athering up
his papers% he prepared to lea'e.
4on&t go%4 she said a$ruptly.
Jake stiffened.
She explained .uickly% 4/here&s no need to go to the expense of a motel. I ha'e a guest
room% and "e can get an earlier start in the morning if "e $oth lea'e from here.4
,hat she said made sense. She "as determined to go "ith him% and at the moment Jake
"as tired of the constant struggle $et"een them. ,ith a nod of resignation% he agreed to
her suggestion.
Rachel sho"ed him to the guest room. /hey decided to lea'e at six in the morning% and
after an a"k"ard goodnight% she left him alone.

Jake couldn&t sleep. *e needed to "alk "alking "as his sal'ation. 3lancing at the face of
the clock on the ta$le $eside the $ed% he sa" it "as after t"o in the morning.
*e sat up on the side of the $ed. *e hadn&t $othered to undress% only to remo'e his $elt
and shoes. Replacing them no"% he mo'ed cautiously do"nstairs% not "anting to distur$
Rachel&s slum$er.
# light in the kitchen dre" him to"ard that room. *e sa" another light coming from a small
room off the side of the garage. Jake stuck his head in the door and stood stock-still in
surprise.
/hough he hadn&t made a sound% again she seemed to sense his presence. 48ou couldn&t
sleep either% huh14 Rachel asked% laying do"n the acetylene torch and remo'ing the
protecti'e glasses.
4(o%4 Jake ans"ered% noticing the creases at either side of her face from the glasses. *e
entered the room slo"ly% looking around him in ama0ement. 4#re these yours14
48es.4 Rachel smiled at the look on his face. 4I guess I didn&t mention I "as a sculptor of
sorts.4
4(o% you didn&t. /hey&re $eautiful%4 he said sincerely.
/he room "as a"ash "ith color and light. It $ounced and sparkled off a menagerie of glass
$irds in all shapes and si0es. Some "ere suspended on "ires from the ceiling% some perched
on the $ranches of a tree made of glass% and others rested on shel'es lining the "alls. /here
"ere other glass figures% too% Jake noted on closer inspection% $ut mostly they "ere $irds.
4I thought you "ere a kindergarten teacher. I didn&t kno" you taught shop.4
4I am.4 She smiled. 4#nd I don&t.4
4*o" long 4 *is arm s"ept the room.
4I&'e $een making them since I "as in high school. -y mother "as an ornithologist. She got
me interested in $irds $ecause she collected small replicas% and the detail on many of them
"as "onderful.
4!ne day% I "as at a shopping mall "hen a man "as demonstrating ho" to make figurines of
glass. I decided I "anted to try it.4 She shrugged. 4/his is the result.4
4-y.. .someone I once kne" used to collect glass figurines. She had a "hole shelf full% $ut
nothing like this.4 Jake picked up a tiny% intricately fashioned% humming $ird "ith pointed
$eak and green-tipped "ings. 4(one "ere as $eautiful as this.4
4/hank you.4 Something in her 'oice dre" his eyes. 4/hat&s #my&s fa'orite%4 she explained
"ith a sad smile.
Jake replaced it carefully on the lip of the delicately shaped snapdragon and mo'ed a"ay.
48ou&re 'ery talented.4
4It doesn&t really take talent% )ust a steady hand and lots of patience.4 She indicated the
s"an she had $een attempting )ust no" and shook her head. 4-y hands aren&t 'ery steady at
the moment.4
Jake helped her put things a"ay and clean up her "ork area. ,hen they "ere finished% he
said% 4I don&t think either one of us is going to get much sleep tonight. -ay$e "e should go
ahead and get started.4
4I think you&re right%4 Rachel agreed.
It "as six in the morning "hen Jake pulled into a rest park a fe" miles outside the city
limits of Ft. ,orth and stopped. Contrary to "hat she&d said% Rachel had slept most of the
"ay.
Jake felt her head shift against his shoulder and glanced do"n at her sleeping face. *e&d
resisted looking at her since the moment her head had slid across the $ack of the seat and
come to rest against his shoulder.
But he hadn&t $een a$le to deny the "armth that spread through him at the thought that
she felt safe enough "ith him to relax and sleep. *e "ished he felt so secure in her
presence.
It "as moments like this that made him "ish he hadn&t .uit smoking.
Chapter 7
#lexandra Conroy-,ilkes slid her eyes o'er Rachel&s taut figure seated directly across
from her and sniffed lightly. 4So% you are the "oman my son chose for a "ife.4 /here "as
manifest censure in the remark.
4# $it young for him% aren&t you1 #nd you say there&s a child1 /his is the first I&'e heard
of it. /he child is his% I suppose14 /he small dark eyes% $ehind "ire-rimmed glasses%
narro"ed on Rachel&s li'id face.
Jake inter'ened .uickly. 4,e&'e come to ask you some .uestions a$out your son% -rs.
Conroy-,ilkes. #s I&'e already told you% your son has kidnapped his daughter 4
4=idnapped54 /he $eady eyes snapped to his face. 4*o" can a man kidnap his o"n child14
4/he courts entrusted sole custody of the child to the mother% $ecause your son made
threats against $oth their li'es.4
4*umph54 #lexandra snorted% shifting her "eight in the chair. 4/hreats% did you say1 #ny
threat he made you can safely forget all a$out. *e&s nothing $ut a spineless )ellyfish )ust
like his father.4 ,ith an a"k"ard flutter of one hand% she dismissed the "hole idea as
ridiculous.
4/he fact remains%4 Jake continued% 4your son is "anted for kidnapping.4
4,hat do I kno" a$out that14 she complained a$ruptly. 4I ha'en&t seen or heard from him
for the last eight years. *e dumped me in this hellhole 4 she gestured to her surroundings 4
dumped me and forgot all a$out me. I don&t kno" anything a$out the ungrateful "help5
4I sit here% day after day% in this hellish contraption 4 she slapped the arms of her
"heelchair "ith arthritic hands 4 $arely a$le to get a$out $y myself. oes he care1 !f
course not. Just like his father $efore him he didn&t care% either. *e "ent off to "ar and
got himself killed% lea'ing me alone "ith a child to raise.
4*e deser'ed "hat he got%4 she declared $itterly% 4and good riddance to him.4 =notting a
misshapen fist she shook it at them. 4I ga'e up e'erything for him and his child5 I ga'e up
my career on the stage% ga'e up life "ith my aunt to $ear his child. She "as going to lea'e
me e'erything e'erything do you hear1 9ntil I "ent against her "ishes and married him54
4-rs. Conroy-,ilkes%4 Jake interrupted in an attempt to $ring her $ack to the su$)ect at
hand% 4"e didn&t come to stir up painful memories. ,e came to ask if you&d heard from your
son% and if not% then do you kno" some"here he might go to get a"ay from e'eryone14
4I don&t go $y that name anymore%4 she informed him sharply. 4#nd I kno" nothing a$out
my son&s "herea$outs%4 she ans"ered haughtily% looking him up and do"n as though he "as
some species of $eing she couldn&t immediately identify.
4#s I ha'e already told you% I didn&t e'en kno" he "as married. *e ne'er "rites or calls.4 #
"hining note entered the petulant 'oice. 4I don&t e'en hear from him on -other&s ay.
#fter e'erything he put me through. (ot a card. (ot e'en a phone call on -other&s ay.4
48ou mentioned an aunt%4 Rachel said hastily. 4Is that aunt still li'ing14
#lexandra fa'ored the other "oman "ith an exacting glare. 4#nd if she is1 8ou&ll get
nothing from her. She ga'e it all to him. 4
4*im14 Jake asked .uickly.
4/o 3ary%4 the old "oman ans"ered as though he "as a ninny.
4,here does this aunt li'e14 Jake asked% casting a s"ift glance in Rachel&s direction.
46i'e1 In a nursing home%4 #lexandra ans"ered in sudden satisfaction. 4I put her there.
She% and my conni'ing son% left me "ith nothing $ut this. #n apartment5 /hey raise the price%
force you to $uy it% and call it a condominium% $ut it&s still nothing $ut an apartment54
*er ga0e turned in"ard. 4!nce% I had it all%4 she murmured softly. 4/ra'el% fine clothes%
)e"elry% my music...4 *er glance centered on the s"ollen knuckles of the hands resting in a
heap on her lap. 4(o"... I can&t e'en $utton my o"n $louse%4 she "hispered $itterly.
4#lexandra%4 Jake recalled her to the present gently% 4"here is the nursing home located14
4It doesn&t matter%4 she ans"ered in a louder 'oice% shrugging off the past. 4She hasn&t
seen him since he left me here. She only took care of him that one summer the summer I
tra'eled in +urope $ut that&s all it took. In one summer% she stole his lo'e from me and he
stole my inheritance.4
4Just gi'e us the name of your aunt and the address of the nursing home% please.4 Jake had
his note$ook open. # fe" minutes later% they "ere on their "ay out of the apartment.
4I hope you find him%4 #lexandra called loudly. 4#nd "hen you do% tell him for me "hat an
ungrateful $astard he is.4
Jake kne" Rachel had $een upset $y the inter'ie"% $ut didn&t reali0e ho" upset until they
"ere out on the street.
4-y 3od% "hat a horri$le old "oman%4 she "hispered aghast. 4(o "onder he&s cra0y he
takes after his mother.
4,e&'e got to find him54 She gra$$ed hold of Jake&s arm. 4,e&'e got to get #my a"ay
from him. id you hear "hat she said1 *e has money 4
4,e&ll find them. on&t "orry.4 Jake patted her rigid fingers reassuringly as he helped her
into the car% then closed the door.
She fixed "orried eyes on his face after he&d clim$ed in $ehind the steering "heel% and
asked% 4But "hat if it&s too late14 She clutched at his arm again% the fingers digging in
deeply. 4,hat if he takes her out of the country1 If he has plenty of money 4
4,e don&t kno" that&s true%4 Jake inter)ected .uickly. 4#lexandra is a recluse% pro$a$ly
li'ing on a fixed income% and she&s a 'ery $itter "oman. #n inheritance% if it really exists%
could mean anything including nothing more than a fe" dollars.4
4But he lied to me5 3ary lied to me5 *e told me his family "as all dead. #nd I ne'er kne"
anything at all a$out an inheritance. ,hat if he&s making plans right this minute to lea'e the
country1 ,hat if he&s already gone14
4*e hasn&t left the country. (o"% calm do"n% "e&ll find your daughter% I promise.4 *e
loosened the deathlike grip on his arm and started the car.
48es.4 Rachel nodded% feeling a little calmer. 4But "e ha'e to find them .uickly5 I don&t
trust 3ary%4 she added fiercely% 'i'idly recalling the dour face of the old "oman they&d )ust
left.
It didn&t take long to find the nursing home. It "as located in a small lakeside to"n east of
Ft. ,orth. /he place didn&t look like the home of a "oman "ho&d had a great deal of money
to lea'e to anyone. It "as run-do"n and pro'ed to $e short of staff. #nd it took only a fe"
minutes for Jake to ascertain that Beaulah Conroy "ould $e no help to them. *e had
con'inced Rachel to "ait in the car "hile he "ent inside alone and he "as glad that he had.
!ne look at his face "hen he clim$ed in the car a short time later% and Rachel&s spirits
plummeted.
4She&s in a coma%4 Jake told her "ith a set face. 4/he nurse said she&s $een in one for a
fe" "eeks% no". /he old lady is in her nineties.4
4She kne"54 Rachel charged% making an angry fist. 4/hat old "itch kne" and didn&t tell us54
*er eyes pleaded "ith him. 4,hat are "e going to do1 ,e&re running out of time5 I "as
hoping I thought "e finally had something to help us. ,hat do "e do no"14
Jake&s glance s"er'ed to"ard the road. She "as looking at him as though he had all the
ans"ers. #nd he didn&t.
4I don&t kno"%4 he said finally% dri'ing to"ard the lake% gi'ing her time to get hold of her
emotions.
Jake glanced at her from time to time and guessed she "as trying to sta'e off a gro"ing
feeling of depression $y pure strength of "ill. *e "ished her luck. epression had $een his
constant companion for too long.
/hey rode around until e'ening% then Jake found a restaurant on the northern edge of the
lake and they stopped for a meal. /he air "as saturated "ith the appeti0ing aroma of fresh
seafood% $ut "hen the food "as set $efore them% neither seemed to ha'e much of an
appetite.
48ou kno"%4 Jake $egan slo"ly% "hen the meal had $een cleared from the ta$le% 4this isn&t
"hat you should $e doing.4 *e mo'ed his cup around the ta$le% keeping his eyes ri'eted on
its slo" progress. 48ou should $e home 4
*e )umped as Rachel&s cup slammed against the ta$le. (ear$y diners paused to cast
surprised glances in their direction.
4on&t start "ith me again%4 Rachel said through clenched teeth. 4I&'e told you% I&m going
"ith you. I&m going to $e there "hen #my is found54
3etting to her feet% she crossed the floor s"iftly and disappeared $ehind a door marked
6adies. Jake "atched her go "ith a deepening fro"n.
She "as teetering on the edge of a complete $reakdo"n. She had a .uick temper. /his
"asn&t the first time he&d felt the sting of it and if she cracked% there "as no telling "hat
she might do. /he reali0ation did little to settle his o"n strained ner'es.
# small 'oice reiterated a .uestion inside his head. *ad she sho"ed her temper to her
little daughter1 #s he recalled% his o"n mother had had a .uick temper.
/hey "ere dri'ing $ack to"ard to"n "hen Jake $egan looking for a place to spend the
night. It "as late and many of the motel signs had $een s"itched off. /hat didn&t lea'e
much to choose from.
*e finally found a place that hardly looked first-rate% $ut he "as too tired $y that time to
care. Inside% he learned the only room a'aila$le "as a dou$le% and though Rachel ga'e him a
look at the ne"s% she follo"ed him inside and immediately thre" her o'ernight $ag on the
$ed near the door.
/he $rittle silence that had descended o'er them since lea'ing the restaurant "as still
"ith them. ,ithin fifteen minutes% $oth "ere lying in $ed in the dark. Rachel lay facing the
door% her eyes on the t"o-inch gap $et"een the curtain and "indo".
Jake lay in the $ed near the $athroom% his eyes on Rachel&s unyielding $ack. /here "as no
.uestion in his mind that sleep tonight "ould $e as elusi'e as e'er.
/he muffled sound of 'oices% arguing% drifted to his ears. It "as dark in the room% $ut a
thin $and of light sho"ed around the edges of the door.
Sliding off the narro" $ed% he mo'ed slo"ly to"ard it. /he doorkno$ felt cold in his hand.
*e t"isted it% pulled% and stood on the open door&s threshold. # light "as on some"here
do"nstairs% $ut the hall"ay "as dark.
Jake turned to"ard the room at the end of the hall. *e opened his mouth to call out $ut
heard 'oices again and turned to see t"o figures struggling at the top of the stairs.
48ou&re not taking him.4
4#re you nuts1 3et out of my "ay54
4(o5 8ou you de'il5 8ou&re all de'ils in this house. I "on&t let you take him54
4,hat are you 4
/he tall figure ducked% thre" his hands o'er his head and darted a"ay from something the
smaller figure s"ung at his head. #ll at once the tall figure ga'e a startled cry and stood
"ith arms flailing% $alancing on the edge of the stairs. ,ith a loud cry of protest% he fell
$ack"ard% do"n the stairs.
4!h% my 3od54
4--mother1 F-father14
4(o% Jake% it&s me. Come here come here% honey. ,e&'e got to lea'e. Right a"ay. *urry5
*elp me get your things.4
4 /here "as an accident.4
Jake pulled loose from Janet&s restraining hand and ran to the head of the stairs. o"n
$elo"% he could see a dark form lying in a heap )ust like his clothes looked "hen he left
them lying on the $athroom floor at the $ottom of the stairs.
*e held on to the $anister and crept do"n the stairs% one at a time% stopping e'ery fe"
steps to s.uat do"n on short% stu$$y legs and look at "hat lay $elo". *e "as crouched on
the last step% staring at a gro"ing puddle of red around the man&s head "hen she came for
him.
4Come on% Jakey% "e ha'e to get out of here. If "e stay% the police "ill come and I&ll ha'e
to go a"ay.4
4(o54
Four-year-old Jake tore his fascinated ga0e from the gruesome sight of his uncle&s still
form and thre" his arms around the "oman&s legs in protest. 4(o5 (o5 I "on&t let them take
you a"ay5 I ,on&t let them54
Jake sat up in $ed "ith a start% s"eat sticking his shirt to his $ack% chest hea'ing. /urning
to"ard the $edside ta$le% his eyes found the cracked face of the clock radio.
/"o in the morning. *e hadn&t slept long.
3lancing to"ard the other $ed% he sa" Rachel lying on her $ack% an arm thro"n across her
forehead. #t least his o"n distur$ed sleep hadn&t $othered hers.
*e slipped his legs off the side of the $ed% found his $oots in the dark% and hopping on
first one foot and then the other% pulled them on. +arlier% he&d forsaken the suit and "hite
shirt for the more comforta$le )eans and s"eatshirt% and that&s "hat he&d chosen to sleep
in.
3ra$$ing his )acket from the chair in the corner% he mo'ed cautiously to"ard the door. *e
needed to chase a"ay the )itters this particular dream al"ays caused "ith a $risk "alk in
the chill morning air.
Rachel opened $oth eyes as the door closed $ehind Jake&s stealthy figure% and leapt off
the $ed. Sliding her feet into soft leather $oots% she gra$$ed her )acket and made for the
door. She didn&t kno" "here Jake Frost "as headed% $ut she "asn&t taking any chance on
his lea'ing her $ehind.
If he had it in mind to slip a"ay in the middle of the night $ecause she "ouldn&t agree to go
$ack to San #ntonio as he "anted% he had another think coming. She "as right $ehind him.
+asing out the door% she looked for and found the dark red sedan sitting exactly "here
he&d parked it. (onplussed% she hesitated. If he "asn&t lea'ing to"n "ithout her% then
"here "as he going1
*er eyes spotted his figure disappearing around the corner of the $uilding and she
hotfooted it after him. She kne" he "alked at night "hen he couldn&t sleep% $ut instinct
told her to follo" him any"ay.
Jake set a $risk pace% una"are he "as $eing follo"ed. # fe" $locks later% the lights and
music from a country and "estern $ar attracted his attention. It "as Saturday night% and
the place "as rocking.
Inside% he took a seat at the corner of the $ar and un0ipped his )acket. Jake ordered a
$eer "hen the $artender came o'er. # cigarette "as dangling from the corner of the man&s
mouth% and a cloud of smoke encircled his head. ,hen he returned to set the $eer do"n
$efore him% Jake took a deep "hiff of the smoke and sighed "ith remem$ered pleasure.
,hile he drank his $eer% his eyes "ondered leisurely around the room% finally settling on a
"aitress in tight )eans% "estern shirt "ith sparkling fringe at the shoulders and along the
arms% co"$oy $oots% and a hat. ,ith sudden en)oyment% he "atched as she laughed and
)oked "ith a customer "hile taking his order.
Feeling his eyes on her $ack% she turned% spotted him at the $ar% and smiled% gi'ing him a
$road% friendly "ink.
S"aying in his direction% she stopped $eside him to gi'e her order to the $artender.
48ou aren&t from around these parts%4 she $reathed in a soft% /exas dra"l.
Jake lifted a $ro" and accepted her challenge. 4,hat makes you say that14
48ou&re too good-looking. I&d remem$er.4
*e smiled. 4Buy you a drink14
4(ot no" too $usy.4 /he drinks she&d ordered "ere up% and she placed them on her tray. 4I
get off in an hour%4 she paused to lean to"ard him and "hisper% 4If you still "ant to $uy me
that drink% I&ll meet you right here.4
Jake "atched her sashay a"ay% fro"ning a$ruptly as he reali0ed uncomforta$ly that there
"as something familiar a$out her. #nd then he kne" "hat it "as. She reminded him of
Rachel. /aking a last s"allo" from his mug% he thrust a hand into his pocket% came up "ith a
$ill% laid it on the $ar% and slipped off the stool.
Rachel shook her head at the "aitress coming to"ard her% and slipped out the door $ehind
him. She "as furious. *e&d $een flirting "ith that "oman5
She&d "atched them talking and seen the smile light his face at her $latant in'itation.
#nger rose hotly inside her. *e had no $usiness drinking or flirting "ith "omen5 *e should
$e concentrating on finding her daughter5

Jake took a deep $reath of fresh air and shook his head to clear it. ,hat the hell "as he
thinking1 /hat "oman hadn&t looked a thing like Rachel ryden. ,as he going out of his
mind1
*e&d $etter get his thoughts focused on the facts of the case and lea'e personalities out
of it. Rachel ryden "as $eset "ith "orry a$out her daughter. #nd it "as his )o$ to find
her nothing more.
#ll he had to go on so far "as the man&s mother and the fact that ryden had kept her
existence a secret. #nd unless he could get past her anger and her o"n self-a$sorption%
he&d ne'er get anything useful out of her. *e "as going to ha'e to inter'ie" the "oman
again% $ut this time% he&d keep the con'ersation on a le'el guaranteed to produce ans"ers.
*ands in the pockets of his )acket% he mo'ed do"n the deserted street in the direction of
the hotel. *e hoped Rachel "as still asleep% $ecause at the moment he didn&t fancy
ans"ering .uestions a$out "here he&d $een.
#s he mo'ed through the dark% a feeling he recogni0ed from old slo"ly seeped into his
consciousness. *is senses $ecame more alert. *e listened for certain sounds% and "hen he
heard them% kne" he "as $eing follo"ed.
But )ust to make sure% Jake made a .uick dash around the next corner% then slo"ed to
listen. /he footsteps $ehind .uickened% turned the corner% then slo"ed once he "as in sight.
So it "asn&t his imagination. Jake decided to find out "ho "as tailing him. #$out mid"ay
do"n the $lock% he could see a shado" deeper than the rest. *urrying to"ard it% he reali0ed
it "as a space $et"een $uildings and .uickly hid himself from sight. Buick footsteps
follo"ed% hesitated% then mo'ed closer.
Jake darted out of the shado"s% gra$$ed the culprit% taking him $y surprise% and t"isted
$oth arms up $ehind his $ack.
4!kay% )erk% "hy are you follo"ing me1 /alk54 *e added pressure to the arms he already
held at "hat he kne" had to $e a painful height and heard the resulting gasp "ith a sense of
satisfaction. 4/alk54 he repeated. 4,hy "ere you tailing me1 ,hat are you after14
4I I )ust "anted to kno" "here you "ere going%4 Rachel admitted $et"een gulps of pain. It
felt like $oth her arms "ere $eing ripped from their sockets.
48ou54 Jake dropped her arms and s"ung her to face him. 4,hat the hell are you doing
here1 on&t you reali0e I could ha'e hurt you14
4Could ha'e14 she asked indignantly. 4Both my arms feel like they&re $roken.4
4I&m sorry.4 Jake $egan to ru$ her shoulders% massaging the feeling $ack into them. 4I
thought I left you sleeping $ack at the motel. ,hy "ere you follo"ing me14
4I...4 /he hard "armth of his hands had eased the pain and "as no" dri'ing all coherent
thought from her mind. 4I "anted to see "here you "ent.4 She didn&t "ant to admit she
hadn&t trusted him.
4I thought you "ere asleep.4 Sensing something in her manner% he grasped her shoulders
and dre" her up against him% trying to get a look at her face in the dark. 46ook at me.4
7lacing a hand $eneath her chin% he tilted her face up to his. 48ou thought I "as skipping
out on you% didn&t you14
4on&t $other lying5 ,omen54 *e thre" her a"ay from him and stalked do"n the street.
4Jake...4 she called tentati'ely and then called in a louder 'oice% running after him% 4Jake54
,hat "as she doing1 She "as alienating the only person she had to help her find #my.
Jake slammed into the motel% took off his )acket and thre" it on the $ed. *e "as furious5
#nd he had a right to $e.
Rachel entered the room )ust moments $ehind him and closed the door softly% casting a
look of apprehension in his direction. +asing slo"ly out of her )acket% painfully a"are of the
strength of his anger% she folded it neatly and placed it o'er a chair.
*e "atched her from the corners of his eyes. amn her5 Just look at her. 6ook at ho"
innocent she seemed standing there "ith that 'ulnera$le expression in her gray eyes.
Innocent% hell5
Stalking into the $athroom% he slammed the door and locked it in an attempt to lock her
out of his mind1 and sat do"n on the narro" edge of the tu$.
amn her5 ,hy did she do this to him1 *o" had she managed in so short a time to get
$eneath his skin1
Right up until the day he&d met her% he&d prided himself on letting no one and nothing get
$elo" his guard. +xcept that one time...
*e&d kept his pain o'er the mistakes he&d made to himself. 6ife had taught him that. *e
"as safe as long as he adhered to one simple rule no personal in'ol'ement.
+xcept that one time...
6acy /ol$ridge&s face floated $efore his mind&s eye.
*e should ha'e learned something from it. *e thought he had. 8et% "ithin t"enty-four
hours of kno"ing the "oman on the other side of that door despite his determination to the
contrary he&d $ecome in'ol'ed in her pro$lems and spilled his o"n guts to her.
amn her5 amn him5
*e "anted no part of this churning feeling in his gut e'ery time she "as near $ut it "as
there. *e didn&t "ant this anger and disappointment inside him% $ecause she hadn&t trusted
him. But it "as there5
*e "anted to shake her% he "anted to slap some sense into her% he "anted to take her in
his arms and.. .he $locked that thought from his mind.
Clim$ing restlessly to his feet% he stared at the four "alls like a caged tiger. /he "alls
$egan to contract around him. /here "as no room for "hat he "as feeling in this small
space... no room inside him for "hat he "as feeling.
/aking a deep $reath and letting it out slo"ly% he tried for control. *e didn&t "ant control5
Running an impatient hand through his hair% he paced the room.
*e didn&t "ant control he "anted to thro" things5 *e "anted to $reak things5 *e "anted to
destroy "hat "as inside him% $ut he couldn&t.
Jake took another deep $reath and forced himself to relax% the fists knotted at his sides.
*e could control "hat he "as feeling5 *e could crush the emotion Rachel forced him to feel.
*e could do it. *e&d learned ho" to do it a long time ago% as a child.
Jake t"isted a tap on the sink and doused his face "ith cold "ater% praying the roar of the
"ater "ould $lot the sounds in his head. It didn&t "ork% so he lo"ered his head and let the
running "ater try to "ash them a"ay. But the sounds "ere still "ith him% $ecoming louder all
the time% and no" there "ere images...
3ra$$ing a to"el% he ru$$ed his head and $uried his face in it. But the images only $ecame
more distinct...his mother&s face distorted "ith anger... his father... they "ere yelling at
him at each other hurting him... hurting each other...
#nd then it gre" .uiet... so .uiet... except for the sounds of their la$ored $reathing as
they kissed tore at each other&s clothing... and made 'iolent lo'e.
4I&m not like that%4 Jake "hispered aloud. 4I&m not like them.4
4Jake14 Rachel&s 'oice snatched him from the past. 4#re you all right14
6ifting his head% he listened "ithout ans"ering. It "as her fault. She "as responsi$le for
$ringing the past $ack into his life. *e&d $een safe% sheltered from it all% until she came into
his life% forcing him to remem$er. Because of her% pain "as no" his constant companion.
Because of her he kne" compassion. ,armth. /enderness. esire.
/he $athroom doorkno$ rattled. 4Jake1 #re you listening1 I "ant to talk to you. ,ill you
please come out14
/he "ords had hardly left her mouth "hen the door s"ung open and Jake stood looking at
her. But% no" that she had his undi'ided attention% her tongue "anted to stick to the roof
of her mouth.
4I "ant to apologi0e 4
4on&t $other.4 *e $rushed past her and "alked to the center of the room. 4It isn&t
necessary.4
4It is%4 Rachel insisted% in no "ay pleased $y the fact he "as $rushing this off $rushing her
off so lightly. She&d agoni0ed o'er "hat to say% and no" he "ouldn&t let her say it.
46ook...4 *e s"ung a$ruptly to face her. 4uring the past couple of days% it&s $ecome
indisputa$ly clear to me that it&s impossi$le for us to "ork together.4 *e "as proud of the
fact that his 'oice remained neutral.
4!'er the years% I&'e gro"n accustomed to looking out for myself. I&'e forgotten "hat it is
to share those instincts "ith a partner.
4I didn&t "ant this )o$% I didn&t ask for it% $ut you "anted me in'ol'ed and "hether I like it
or not% I am. But I don&t "ant... I can&t deal "ith the responsi$ility of "orking "ith you. It
"ould $e $etter for $oth our sakes if you "ent home.4
4(o54 Rachel glared at him tautly. 48ou can&t send me packing like some...4 she floundered
4... like some recalcitrant child5 I "on&t go5 #my is my daughter she&s all I ha'e. on&t you
understand that14
Jake shifted his "eight% thrust $alled hands into the pockets of his )eans and refused to
$ack do"n. 4I "on&t continue on the case if you don&t agree to go home and lea'e me to it.4
/he passi'eness of his expression irritated her $eyond anything his anger could ha'e
caused. 4*o" can you do this1 Could you "alk a"ay if it "ere your daughter14 she demanded.
4Could you li'e go through the motions of li'ing each day% not kno"ing "hat "as happening1
,aiting for "ord of her safety... or death14
-arching to "ithin a foot of him% she stared up into his face. 48ou% of all people% should
kno" ho" it feels to ache "ith guilt e'ery single minute of the day.4 She paused. 4/ell me%
do you play the &if only& game14 Something in Jake&s eyes flickered. 4I see you do. ,ell% so
do I e'ery "aking minute% I think% if only I hadn&t gone to the store that night. If only I
hadn&t taken #my along. If only I had $een .uicker smarter stronger.4
*er ner'es "ere at the snapping point. She s"allo"ed the lump at the $ack of her throat
and murmured thickly% 4I should ha'e $een a$le to sa'e her dammit I should ha'e $een a$le
to sa'e her from him.4
Jake shifted his eyes to a spot a$o'e her head. *e "ouldn&t change his mind. (othing she
could say "ould make him change his mind.
4/he only thing keeping me going keeping me sane is $eing here "ith you% taking an acti'e
part in finding her. If you consign me to "aiting for a phone call or the ring of the
door$ell...4
By strength of "ill alone% she forced him to meet her eyes. 4I&ll die a little inside... e'ery
time the phone rings and it isn&t her.. .e'ery time there&s a knock at the door and it isn&t
her.4
She compressed trem$ling lips and shook her head% una$le to continue for a moment. 4on&t
do this to me...4 she finally gasped% closing eyes filled "ith a rush of hot tears. 47lease don&t
do this to me.4
Jake didn&t reali0e he&d mo'ed until he felt dampness $eneath his fingertips. 4on&t%4 he
"hispered. 4Shhh. Stop crying... shhh... it&s all right.4
Rachel gulped and opened eyelashes stuck together $y tears and in a $lur sa" him $ending
to"ard her.
Jake&s hand slipped from her damp cheek to cup her trem$ling chin. *e tilted her face
gently up to his and "iped the tears from her cheeks "ith the other hand.
4on&t cry anymore%4 he murmured achingly and closed his lips o'er hers. 3athering her
close% the hand at her chin slipped around to the $ack of her head% the fingers $ecoming
ent"ined in the curls there% and urged her mouth more firmly to his.
*is lips persuaded the first kiss from her% $ut those that follo"ed% each one deeper and
more ardent than the last% demanded a response. Fire and ice raged in his 'eins. !ne minute
he flamed at the touch of her lips% her hips crammed against his% and in the next instant "as
shaken to his core "ith $urning chills.
*is lips and hands de'oured her. /he small 'oice of caution deep in his $rain signaling for
control "as completely o$literated $y the one urging release. /he hand knotted in her hair%
t"isted her head so his lips could drain e'ery ounce of passion from them.
/he hand at her "aist s.uee0ed her $ody tighter% until their hip$ones ground against each
other. Jake )erked his mouth free for a .uick $reath% a gasping $reath% $efore assaulting
her lips once more.
*e "as soaring% his $ody "as singing% 'i$rating "ith the pounding rhythm of the $lood
racing through his 'eins.
*e&d ne'er felt so ali'e5 *is heart thumped against his ri$s% pounded in his temples and
thro$$ed in his lo"er $ody.
+xcitement rose "ith his acceptance of "hat he "as feeling% kindling a deep hunger. *e
hungered for this "oman like no other% hungered for the s"eet taste of her lips% the feel of
her soft skin $eneath his fingertips% her naked $ody sliding hotly against his.
*e&d ne'er kno"n this un$ridled need to consume and $e consumed $y the sensations
ripping through him and engulfing the "oman in his arms. It frightened him5 *is need for
this "oman "as the most frightening experience he&d e'er had to face. *e felt shamed% as
though he&d $een stripped of e'erything and stood naked $efore her.. .yet% he couldn&t let
her go.
For the first time in his life% he "as taking a step "ithout calculating the cost his self-
control. #nd he felt complete-"hole as though he&d died and $een re$orn.
*e felt like a child trem$ling on the threshold of life% "ith Rachel to act as his guide
through the first steps. *e "as eager for those steps% yet% at the same time% afraid%
$ecause he could get hurt.
But Jake&s passions had $een repressed for too long. *e had no real choice in the matter%
$ecause they "ould no longer $e denied. Ignoring the part of him cautioning retreat% he
leapt headlong to"ard the first stage "ith this "oman in his arms.
Rachel felt his heat% returned his kisses and felt him mold their $odies close together% as
close as their clothes "ould allo". Suddenly% a 'oice inside her cried for caution. /his "as
"rong5
/he feelings Jake "as creating came as a shock to her unexpected and scary. She&d ne'er
felt like this "ith 3ary% ne'er felt like this "ith anyone... until tonight.
She held $ack% fighting his touch% keeping her lips pressed firmly together to e'ade his
seeking tongue. She didn&t "ant this% didn&t "ant to feel this terri$le% seething need% this
torrent of emotion he "as arousing inside her.
But "hile she hesitated% a part of her "hispered that these feelings "eren&t all that
sudden. /hey&d $een $uilding since her first glance into Jake&s tormented eyes. +yes that
could change in an instant from a sad lonely green% to deep stormy $lack.
,hat color "ere those eyes no"1 She didn&t dare look.
46et me go 4 ,edging a hand $et"een them% she created a narro" space and pushed against
his chest.
4(o%4 Jake responded in lo"% goaded tones% pressing her arms do"n $et"een them and
pulling her tighter against him. /his had to $e. /here "as no turning $ack no".
47lease.4 Rachel strained a"ay from him. 48ou&re frightening me. 6et me go.4
Jake loosened his hold $ut kept her locked against him. 46ook at me%4 he "hispered. 46ook
at me%4 he repeated "hen she refused to o$ey. She shook her head stu$$ornly% $ut Jake
captured her chin and tilted her eyes to his. i
,hy this "oman1 ,hy no"1
Jake&s mouth ho'ered near hers% his eyes asking the .uestions his lips couldn&t. But he
found no ans"ers in her eyes% only a reflection of his o"n confused state of mind.
She kne" pain% $ut his pain "ent $ack much further than hers. It "ent $ack to the
$eginning of life.
/omorro" he&d regret his lack of control% $ut tonight...
4,hat&s that perfume you&re "earing14 he $reathed against the side of her neck% holding
her head still "hile he took a deep "hiff. 4#fter you came to stay... I smelled it e'ery"here.
+'ery time I entered a room I kne" "hen you&d )ust left it.4
4It&s s-soap%4 Rachel "hispered "ith closed eyes and clenched )a"% refusing to gi'e in to
the shi'ery sensations rippling do"n her $ody from the touch of his lips.
4I "on&t hurt you%4 he "hispered "ith a catch in his 'oice.
4Rachel...4 *er name thro$$ed on the air $et"een them% dri'en from him $y a need too
great to resist. # mere thread of sound follo"ed. 4on&t hurtle ...4
Rachel caught her $reath and opened her eyes. #ll she could see "as the cur'e of one
shoulder and the tip of an ear% $ut she sensed an expectant .uality in his sudden stillness.
/he "ords could ha'e $een an echo of "hat "as in her o"n mind% $ut she didn&t think so.
Suddenly% all thought of resistance left her. She&d $een fighting herself e'ery $it as hard
as she&d fought him% $ut no" she admitted that she "anted his touch longed for it in fact.
Just for tonight% she .uickly appeased her conscience% )ust for a little "hile. For tonight
she&d pretend there "as only the t"o of them in all the "orld and this unexpected feeling
$et"een them. /omorro" she&d feel guilt% $ut tonight...
Closing her eyes% she lifted her mouth for his kiss. /he kiss "as slo" and seeking% neither
kno"ing "hat to expect from the other. She unlocked her lips and in a heart$eat it changed.
# shudder surged through Jake as he de'oured her mouth "ith kisses. *e dre" her mouth
into his o"n and ru$$ed his tongue against her lips% sending a message she couldn&t help $ut
understand.
Rachel felt "eak. Jake&s knees trem$led.
4I ha'e to lay you do"n%4 he panted hotly against her ear. 7icking her up in his arms% he fell
"ith her onto the nearest $ed. *is hands and lips "ere all o'er her% like a child going to the
circus for the first time. *e "anted it all the excitement the color the sights and sounds all
at once.
*is hands played o'er her eagerly% across the cur'e of her shoulders% o'er the fullness of
$reasts% do"n the cur'e of her hips and along the slender thighs. But her clothes "ere a
$arrier% an un"elcome $arrier% and he "as suddenly impatient to $e rid of them.
Rachel helped him unfasten the $uttons on her $louse. ,hile she did that% he "as pulling
off her $oots and socks% clim$ing off the $ed and shedding his o"n. Standing in nothing $ut
)eans% suddenly he paused to look do"n at her.
She "as so $eautiful it hurt to look at her. /he pale pink $louse lay open re'ealing the cups
of a "hite lace $ra. ,hile he "atched% she shi'ered and pulled the $louse together% holding
it in place% feeling suddenly shy as her glance encountered his emotion-$right eyes.
4on&t e'er hide from me%4 he "hispered a$ruptly "ith a so$erness that surprised her.
4I...don&t hide from people.4 Rachel met his glance and held it for long moments "ithout
mo'ing. #nd then she raised up on her el$o"s and slipped the $louse off her shoulders.
Jake helped her and "hen she reached for the front fastenings of her $ra% he "as $eside
her on the $ed. 4(o. 6et me.4 /he need for urgency had left him. *e "anted this night to
last fore'er.
*e "as close to her% so close he could see the look of fear she "as trying her $est to hide
from him. #s he eased the smooth material gently from each $reast% his fingertips touched
her flesh and he felt her shi'er.
4,hat&s this14 he murmured softly% running a light fingertip along a pale line on one smooth
glo$e.
Rachel felt goose $umps raise on her skin. 4# stretch mark%4 she replied in em$arrassment.
4It&s from $eing pregnant.4 She raised a .uick hand to co'er herself. 3ary hadn&t liked
looking at them $ecause he felt they marred the perfection of her $eauty.
4(o.4 Jake caught her hand $efore she could $lock his 'ie"% mo'ed it aside% and $ent his
lips to"ard the creamy skin. /aking his time% he planted kisses along the sil'ery line until he
reached the puckered nipple "hich he took gently into his mouth.
Rachel closed her eyes at the first gentle tug on the sensiti'e flesh and $it her lip% letting
the sensations his "arm mouth created s"eep a"ay all feeling of em$arrassment. #fter a
moment she felt his lips lea'e the cur'e of her $reast and mo'e across her chest to close
o'er the other puckered nipple.
By the time his head mo'ed a"ay% Rachel "as clutching the sheet "ith $oth hands. *er eyes
glo"ed "ith an inner radiance as he lifted his head and looked at her.
4Rachel...4 Jake moaned% kissing her% licking her lips "ith his tongue% gliding a hand do"n her
flat stomach to the snap on her )eans. 4,hat ha'e you done to me14 It "as a cry from the
heart.
4,hat ha'e you done to me14 she countered% suddenly pulling him closer. *er fingers mo'ed
to"ard the 0ipper on his )eans. 4*elp me%4 she urged% and he did.
Soon they "ere lying naked in each other&s arms% shoulder to shoulder and hip to hip.
Rachel fastened her hands around his strong shoulders% slipped them do"n the muscular
cur'e of his $ack and held him to her. She didn&t "ant to talk anymore or try in her o"n
mind to rationali0e "hat "as happening $et"een them.
/omorro" "as time enough for that. /onight% Jake Frost&s $urning passion had the po"er
to $lock e'erything from her mind $ut the touching... the kissing... the lo'ing. ...
Jake&s mouth tra'eled slo"ly across her face% do"n the side of her neck to the hollo"
$et"een her $reasts and there he paused to lift his head. *e met her glance and held it for
a long fe'erish moment% $ut Rachel couldn&t read the message in his dark% tur$ulent eyes.
#nd then he $linked% leaned to"ard her and took her lips in a kiss so heart$reakingly tender%
she felt her heart clench inside her $reast.
Rachel took his face $et"een trem$ling hands and kissed him $ack. /he kiss $urned "ith
sudden urgency. She "as ready for him% ready for him to fill her "ith his lo'e.
But Jake held $ack% "anting to prolong their lo'emaking. *e kissed the smoothness of her
stomach and $eyond% teasing the sensiti'e skin of her inner thigh. #nd each touch of his
hands and lips heightened her passion% igniting his o"n almost $eyond endurance.
Rachel ran eager fingers through the soft dark curls co'ering Jake&s chest and kissed him
there. *e in turn saluted her eyelids% lips% chin% $oth $reasts% $elly% and thighs. It "as chilly
in the room% $ut the heat of their com$ined desire could ha'e fueled the "hole city of Ft.
,orth.
For the first time in his life% Jake felt truly ali'e and he ne'er "anted it to end. *e "as
like a drunk "ho hadn&t had a drink in "eeks. !ne sip of her "asn&t enough. *e "anted all of
her to kno" e'ery cur'ing inch of her lo'ely $ody.
*e rode the sensations% flo"ed into them% ga'e himself o'er to them and let them direct
his mo'ements% much like a great maestro allo"s the music to flo" through him and out the
tips of his "and. Jake raised a hand% and the excitement inside him directed "here to put it
and "hat to do "ith it. *e offered his lips% and they told him "here to kiss. *e 'i$rated
"ith the pleasure of lo'ing% as did Rachel.
*e entered her at last% the 'eins standing out on his fore-head% neck% and forearms as he
mo'ed against her in the age-old rhythm of lo'e. /ime $ecame as nothing% "hile their
com$ined moans of ecstasy filled the room.
Jake&s arms $egan to .ui'er% his $ack to ache "ith strain% as his groin thro$$ed "ith the
need for release. 6o"ering his head% his mouth sought hers% dra"ing e'ery ounce of
s"eetness from it and into him. It rene"ed his strength. /he muscles in his legs pumped like
"ell-oiled pistons as he thrust his tongue into her mouth and dueled "ith hers.
Rachel&s hands glided o'er the taut muscles of $uttocks and thighs% pulling him to her%
arching her $ack to his thrust as she returned his kisses "ith relentless passion.
/hey clim$ed% scaled the heights of sensation% reaching a fe'er pitch that shook them to
the heart of their $eing. Suddenly Jake&s furious mo'ements slo"ed and then increased
a$ruptly. Rachel felt e'erything gather inside her% as she gre" tight% $reathless... "aiting...
#ll at once% Jake&s head reared $ack and his $ody shook. *e ga'e a final thrust as his $ody
exploded and felt a lo" groan from the 'ery depths of his soul push its "ay to"ard his lips%
forcing him to clench his )a" in silent protest.
/he air $ecame filled "ith the sound of Rachel&s unrestrained cries of fulfillment. /heir
$odies mo'ed together% playing out the final moments of the act% $ut Jake&s lips remained
firmly closed% the sound of his )oy locked some"here inside them.
+xhausted% he unlocked his el$o"s and rested for a long moment against Rachel&s hea'ing
$ody. Finally% mo'ing his lips from her cur'ing $reast% he mo'ed and rolled onto the $ed
$eside her. 3ulping do"n mouthfuls of air% they lay silently touching% too o'er"helmed $y
"hat they&d )ust shared to so much as look at each other&s faces.
For Rachel% Jake&s lo'emaking "as an a"akening experience that left her reeling. (othing
like "hat they&d )ust shared had e'er $een a part of her life.
#s for Jake% he "as too astonished to think at all. /here had ne'er $een anyone e'en
remotely in his life like this "oman% "ith her a$ility to challenge his long-standing self-
control almost to its limit.
/he force dra"ing them together "as 'ery potent and ra". #nd it frightened them $oth%
$ut on totally different le'els.
Chapter
4Can "e talk14
Jake stood at the "indo" holding the curtains aside% staring pensi'ely into the darkness. #t
the sound of her 'oice% he glanced $ack o'er his shoulder to "here she "as lying $eneath
the $lankets% on the $ed near the $athroom door.
4I thought you "ere asleep.4
,as that a note of irritation in his 'oice1
49h-uh%4 she murmured% folding the $lankets $eneath her arms and sitting up against the
pillo"s. 48ou look exhausted.. .4 *er 'oice trailed off% remem$ering exactly "hy he looked so
exhausted% and she $lushed a $ecoming shade of pink.
Jake ga'e her a sharp look% then "ent $ack to "hate'er interested him outside the room.
4#re you sorry14 she asked softly. She didn&t ha'e to explain2 he understood perfectly. *is
ans"er "as a slight shake of the head.
4on&t you e'er sleep14 She couldn&t lea'e it alone. *e looked as though he carried the
"eight of the entire "orld on his $road shoulders and she thought may$e% if he shared his
thoughts "ith her% it "ould help lighten the load.
Jake had turned off the light $eside the $ed so it "ouldn&t distur$ her% and the only light
in the room spilled from the partially opened $athroom door. It "as enough for her to see
the sudden stiffening of the muscles in his shoulders and $ack.
4-ay$e I&m a 'ampire.4
48ou can )oke a$out it14 she asked gra'ely. 4,hate'er dri'es you dri'es you to the point of
exhaustion can&t $e all that funny.4 # sudden thought made her ask% 4Is it the death of the
child% 6acy% and her mother14
,ith a spasmodic )erk on the drapes% Jake spun to face her% a shado" of anger tightening
the shado"y lean )a". She had no right to speak to him a$out something he&d told her in a
moment of "eakness.
She "ouldn&t $e satisfied until she kne" it all e'ery shameful secret in his past. *e should
ne'er ha'e started this. *e should ne'er ha'e gi'en in to the lust he felt for her and let
himself go.
Rachel sa" the anger $ut couldn&t read $eyond it. *er eyes mo'ed o'er the gro"th of dark
$ristle co'ering his lo"er )a" and tra'eled slo"ly do"n his tall% muscular frame.
*is $ody "as $are except for the )eans riding lo" on his hips% the "aist$and gaping%
sho"ing a curl of dark hair. !ut of the corner of her eye% she spotted the "hite of his
under"ear lying near the foot of the other $ed% and her heart tripped a $eat.
Jake ru$$ed an impatient hand across his chest% pulling her eyes to"ard the mass of
puckered% star-shaped scars on his right shoulder and lo"er ri$ cage.
4Is that "here you "ere shot14 she couldn&t help asking.
/he thought of his almost dying% e'en at a time "hen they hadn&t yet $ecome ac.uainted%
s.uee0ed her heart "ith terri$le anguish. *e "as the only man she&d e'er $een to $ed "ith
$esides 3ary% yet he "as little more than a stranger to her.
She supposed she ought to feel shamed $y the kno"ledge% and the fact that it had
happened no". But she "asn&t ashamed. She "ished she had the courage to thro" herself
into his arms and $eg him to hold her% $ecause that&s the only place she&d felt safe for a
long% long "hile.
48es.4 Jake studied her "ith a lethal calmness.
She felt his stare and $egan to feel as though he "asn&t looking at her so much as through
her. She s.uirmed and felt something sharp poke into her hip.
el'ing $eneath the $lankets% using the act to co'er the sudden uneasiness she felt
$eneath his un"a'ering stare% she came up "ith a "ide leather $elt. Jake&s attention
immediately $ecame ri'eted on the $elt.
4,hat is it14 she asked softly% looking from him to the $elt and $ack again. 4,hat&s
"rong14
Jake&s eyes s"er'ed to"ard her pu00led face% lingered a moment% then dropped a"ay.
-o'ing stiffly to"ard the unoccupied $ed% he sat do"n. 4I "as kidnapped "hen I "as four
years old%4 he said flatly.
4,hat14
Clim$ing onto her knees% Rachel cra"led to"ard the end of the $ed. She didn&t kno" "hat
to say. /here "ere so many .uestions she suddenly "anted to ask% $ut% someho"% at this
moment% they all seemed terri$ly inappropriate.
4*o" a"ful I didn&t kno"...4 #nd then she couldn&t help asking% 4Is that "hy you ha'e
nightmares14
Jake thre" her a .uestioning glance% and she explained hesitantly. 4# little "hile ago%
$efore you "ent out% you "ere thrashing around on the $ed.. .you cried out.4
Shaking his head% he muttered% 4I&m sorry if I distur$ed you.4
4(o54 Rachel slid off the $ed in .uick protest% "rapping the sheet around her% and then
stood undecided. She "anted to touch him $ut sensed he "ouldn&t "elcome her touch.
4I "asn&t sleeping% and e'en if I had $een% it "ouldn&t ha'e mattered%4 she assured him
earnestly% and then% after a slight pause% asked gently% 4o you "ant to talk a$out it14
4(o% I don&t "ant to talk a$out it%4 he "hispered tiredly. #nd then he did. 4,hen I "as
four years old% my nanny took me from the house "here I li'ed "ith my parents. uring the
kidnapping% my mother&s younger $rother "as in)ured. /he nightmares re'ol'e around the
accident in'ol'ing him.4
4,as your uncle $adly in)ured14
Jake shrugged.
4*o" long "ere you separated from your family14 She "anted to put all the pieces together
that made up this man% and feel as though she really kne" him.
4# lifetime.4 *e almost sighed. 4I "as a gro"n man "hen my mother "hen Janet% the "oman
"ho kidnapped me died suddenly from a stroke. It "as then that I learned a$out the
kidnapping% from papers she&d kept hidden in her personal $elongings.4
4#nd "ere your parents shocked at your return after so many years14
4/hey "ere dead $y that time% killed in an accident.4
4!h% I&m sorry. 8our uncle14 she asked tentati'ely.
4I don&t kno".4 *e shrugged. 4I didn&t see any sense in going $ack after learning my
parents "ere gone.4
/here had $een so much tragedy in his life. If only she dared take him in her arms. 4I "ish
there "as something I could say. I feel...4 She lifted one hand in a helpless gesture% secured
the slipping sheet "ith the other hand% and then% aching for his loss% asked% 4*o" can you do
this1 *o" can you deal "ith the kidnapping of others e'ery day of your life14
4/herapy%4 he muttered% getting to his feet and mo'ing around her to"ard the $athroom.
4Jake%4 her 'oice stopped him. 4-ay$e you should go $ack and see your uncle. /alk to him
a$out "hat happened. 8ou "ere a child. Surely% you had no part in the accident. 7erhaps
seeing him "ould stop the nightmares.4
Jake turned slo"ly to face her. Rachel took a .uick step $ack at the frigid expression in his
storm-tossed eyes. 4/he accident "as his fault5 Janet didn&t mean to hurt him. If he
hadn&t...4 *e $roke off% shaking his head. 4,hy am I talking a$out it1 It doesn&t matter%4 he
muttered% 4none of it matters no".4
4But it does%4 Rachel "hispered $eneath her $reath "atching his figure disappear into the
$athroom% 4it matters 'ery much to you.4
Jake closed the door and stared do"n at his $are toes. ,hat a muddle. ,hat a hell of a
muddle. /here "as nothing he&d like $etter than to go $ack through that door and $ury
himself in the "oman% letting the "orld and all its damned trou$le go to hell in a hand-
$asket.
,ith her% he could forget his past% $ecome free for the first time in his life. /he sudden
reali0ation that he could ha'e lo'ed her% astounded him. It superseded all logic and reason
and $urned its "ay into his $rain.
*e&d ne'er expected that. *e&d ne'er intended it to happen.
But it didn&t really matter. It "as too late for him. It had $een too late $efore they&d e'er
met. *is parents had cursed his life "hen he "as too young to do anything a$out it% and he&d
completed the )o$ all on his o"n.
*e hadn&t told her a$out his parents. *e couldn&t. *e didn&t "ant to see her face "hen she
kne" the kind of people he came from. But he hadn&t $een a$le to pre'ent the flash$acks in
his o"n mind% )ust no"% "hile they "ere talking. *e&d seen stro$e like images of his mother
and his father% their faces contorted "ith rage% and their unhealthy passion. #nd% then% he&d
seen himself.. ."ith Rachel.

4So you&re $ack. I expected it.4
4id you14 Jake asked% gi'ing the "oman&s pinched face a long% ruminating glance.
/he note of triumph in #lexandra Conroy-,ilkes& 'oice edged his already une'en temper.
Since last night% he&d kept a firm distance $et"een himself and Rachel.
# chasm as "ide as a continent lay $et"een them at his instigation and he made no mo'e to
$reach it. *e told himself it "as for her o"n good and tried to ignore e'ery glance of
unhappy confusion she cast in his direction.
#lexandra smiled sourly. 4She didn&t tell you anything% did she14
4*o" long ha'e you kno"n your aunt "as in a coma14 Jake asked coolly.
#lexandra raised an eye$ro" at his $luntness $ut ans"ered "ith a shrug% 4# fe" "eeks.4
48ou mentioned an inheritance. ,hat% exactly% does that entail14 Jake asked a$ruptly.
4-oney and property.4
47roperty14 *is $rain "as once more seething "ith possi$ilities.
4/hat&s right.4 She eyed him "ith a calculating expression t"isting the puckered skin
around her eyes. 4But don&t $other asking I don&t remem$er all the places Beaulah o"ned
land. She got funny in her old age% decided she didn&t trust the $anks "ith her money% and
started $uying property all o'er the country.4
4So% you don&t really kno" ho" much money your son I $elie'e you said it "as your son
inherited14
4I ha'e no idea ho" much money "as in'ol'ed% $ut in any case% o"ning land is as good as
ha'ing money in the $ank. +'en Beaulah% senile as she "as% kne" that.4
4,hen did 3ary come into this inheritance14 Rachel asked suddenly.
9ntil no"% she&d remained silent% pu00ling o'er Jake&s sudden change in $eha'ior. But% all at
once% an unpleasant idea $egan forming in the $ack of her mind% and she had to kno" if
there "as any $asis for it.
/he older "oman made it clear she didn&t like Rachel&s intrusion into the con'ersation. *er
eyes 'eered slo"ly to"ard the younger "oman&s face and she took her time ans"ering.
4# "hile $ack.4
Rachel s"allo"ed dryly. 4*o" long a "hile14
46et me see....4 #lexandra lifted a hand to her $ro" in pretended concentration and stared
at the ceiling. 4*o" long did you say you&'e $een married14 She darted a pseudo-casual
glance at Rachel&s face.
4,e&re not married any longer%4 she ans"ered "ith light emphasis% 4$ut your son and I "ere
married nearly six years.4
4#nd your daughter is ho" old14 the old "oman took pleasure in asking.
4Four. She&s four years old.4
#lexandra nodded as though her suspicions had $een confirmed. 4I understand the papers
"ere signed at the same time I "as gi'en this condominium $y my oh-so-generous aunt%4 she
sneered. 4/hat "as a$out eight years ago. /he papers stipulated that e'erything "ent to
3ary upon her death 4
4But your aunt isn&t dead%4 Rachel protested .uickly.
4-ight )ust as "ell $e%4 #lexandra ans"ered callously. 4/here "as a stipulation in the "ill
that said something a$out the "ill $eing 'alidated "hen it $ecame apparent that Beaulah
could no longer understand "hat "as going on. I don&t kno" the legal term for it. #ny"ay% it
meant 3ary got e'erything $efore she died.4
4#nd do you kno" "hen she officially $ecame designated incompetent14 Jake asked softly.
4Should ha'e $een years ago% $efore 3ary e'en got around her%4 the old "oman ans"ered
tartly% 4$ut it "as only a$out six "eeks ago. I got a letter in the mail from my aunt&s la"yer
he&s $een my la"yer for years% too% and has kept me informed of "hat "as happening "ith
her estate.4
Jake felt Rachel&s stunned glance% $ut kept talking to #lexandra. 4Is there someone from
"hom "e can o$tain a list of these properties your son no" o"ns14
48ou mean you "ant the name of my aunt&s la"yer14
48es.4
/he old "oman hesitated% glanced at Rachel from $eneath half-lo"ered lids and asked
a$ruptly% 4,hat&s this child called14
Rachel $linked. 4I $eg your pardon14
4/he child%4 the other "oman said impatiently% 4"hat&s her name14
4#melinda% #melinda 6ucille%4 Rachel responded softly. 43ary chose the names. But I call
her #my.4
4#melinda "as my mother&s name. She "as Beaulah&s $a$y sister% $ut there "as so many
years $et"een them Beaulah "as more like a mother to her than an older sister. She named
my mother% you kno" "hat the name means1 It means $elo'ed.
4#ll her life% my mother li'ed as Beaulah dictated. /hat included marrying my father% the
man Beaulah chose for her.
4Beaulah ne'er let me forget that right up till the day I married 3ary&s father. #fter that%
Beaulah "ould ha'e nothing to do "ith me not e'en after my hus$and left to go to "ar not
till that one summer% the summer I took 3ary to her. I "as prepared to $eg her to keep him%
"hile I "ent on tour% $ut I didn&t ha'e to.4
/he old "oman pulled at a crease she&d "orked into her skirt and stared at Rachel. 43ary
"as the spitting image of my mother. ,hat does your #my look like14
4*er father%4 Rachel murmured through stiff lips. 4She looks 'ery much like her father.4
Jake ho'ered near Rachel $ut didn&t touch her. 4/he la"yer&s name14 he asked $riskly.
4/here.4 #lexandra pointed shakily to"ard the desk in the corner of the room. 48ou&ll find
a card "ith his name and num$er on it there.4
Jake found the card% thanked the "oman for her help% and turned to escort Rachel from
the apartment.
4,ait54 /he old "oman&s strident tones halted them at the door. Jake sensed Rachel
gathering herself for another attack. /hey turned as one.
4/hat summer 3ary spent "ith Beaulah... "ell% he changed. I can&t put my finger on it... $ut
he "as different after that.
4!ne thing I do kno"% he kept pestering me to let him go li'e "ith Beaulah. *e talked a$out
her like she "as his mother instead of me.4 She hesitated a moment $efore continuing. 4*e
talked a lot a$out my mother after that% too. She died "hen I "as little more than a child
myself% and he ne'er kne" her% $ut he talked as though he did. It ga'e me the "illies.
4I kne"% then% that Beaulah had filled his head "ith the same sort of o$session a$out my
mother that she&d had herself. -y mother "as a $eautiful% delicate creature "ith a 'oice
like a nightingale. I do remem$er that much% and I lo'ed her and missed her.
4But Beaulah&s house "as a shrine to her. /here "ere pictures and items that had $elonged
to my mother all o'er the place. It "asn&t healthy% and that "as "hy I "ouldn&t let 3ary
stay "ith her again% e'en though she sa" fit to 'isit us really often after that.
4I thought for a "hile that she kept coming around $ecause she reali0ed she "as getting
old and "anted to reconcile her differences "ith me. But it "asn&t me she "anted it "as my
son. She "anted to possess him% )ust like she possessed my mother.4
,orking the deformed fingers of one hand through those of the other% she stared do"n at
them sadly. 4I "asn&t a 'ery good mother% I admit that. But Beaulah..."hat she "anted to do
to him to 3ary... to smother him "ith the past... "as )ust plain sick.4
She looked at Rachel for the first time since their meeting "ithout malice. 4*e kept talking
a$out the house they li'ed in that summer. I ne'er sa" it% $ut I kno" it "as near a ri'er.4
4,here14 Jake asked tensely.
#lexandra glanced at him as though she&d forgotten he "as e'en in the room. 4I don&t kno"
the name of the ri'er% $ut it "as some"here near (acogdoches.4
4/hank you%4 Jake ans"ered for Rachel $ecause she seemed $eyond speech% and they
started for the door.
Rachel "as already through it "hen Jake turned $ack to the old "oman. /here "as nothing
malicious a$out her no". She made a pathetic picture% her $ody t"isted and knotted "ith
crippling arthritis% sitting alone% in the middle of the large room.
4Is there anything you need14 he asked a$ruptly.
#lexandra took a deep $reath% hesitated% then shook her head. 4(o nothing.4
3rasping the "heels of the chair "ith difficulty she $egan to turn a"ay. /he only thing she
truly "anted he couldn&t gi'e her. (o one could. She "anted her music. . .her youth...
AAAA
4,hat do you think14 Jake s"ung his glance in Rachel&s direction. She hadn&t spoken a "ord
since they&d left her ex-mother-in-la"&s apartment. /hey "ere dri'ing through Ft. ,orth%
through a portion of the free"ay kno"n to the locals as the -ixmaster% headed to"ard
allas.
4Six "eeks ago. *e inherited all that property and money six "eeks ago. !nly t"o "eeks
$efore he kidnapped #my%4 Rachel replied in a "eak% tremulous "hisper. /urning to him% she
asked% 4o you think he "as planning this all along1 o you think he&d ha'e taken #my a"ay
from me% e'en if "e hadn&t gotten a di'orce14
4I don&t kno".4 Jake shook his head. *e had his o"n ideas a$out the man% and they in'ol'ed
a loose scre" in the guy&s head% $ut Rachel "as already upset enough. 4I think "e should
head for (acogdoches.4
4But "hat a$out the other properties14 Rachel protested. 4#lexandra said her aunt 3ary
rather o"ns property scattered all o'er the country.4
48ou&re right.4 Spotting a gas station he dro'e off the free"ay and pulled up to a pay
phone.
Rachel "atched him place the call. *er thoughts "ere chaotic. She couldn&t comprehend
3ary&s true moti'es for anything he&d done in the last couple of years. *ad he "anted a
child so he could put her in his dead grandmother&s place1 Rachel shi'ered. /he idea "as
repugnant.
She heartily condemned 3ary for taking her daughter% $ut until no"% she&d considered it
the act of an angry man% trying to get $ack at her. /rue% she&d considered him possessi'e of
#my to the point of $eing o$sessi'e% $ut no"...
(o" she "as faced "ith the reali0ation that he may ha'e $een using her all along in some
t"isted scheme of his o"n to $ring $ack the dead in his daughter&s image. She&d called him
cra0y% $ut this... this "as too horri$le to e'en contemplate. 7oor #my5
4I )ust spoke "ith 3us. I ga'e him the name of Beaulah Conroy&s la"yer. *e&ll get hold of
the man and get us an address in (acogdoches. *e&ll also get staff started checking out any
other property the aunt may ha'e had.4
4,e don&t ha'e to "ait here% do "e14 she asked% suddenly anxious to start the real search.
4(o. I&ll stop some"here along the "ay and call in again.4
/hey "ere in hea'y traffic heading out of the city "hen Rachel spoke again. 4,hat makes
you think 3ary is in (acogdoches14
4*is mother thinks he is.4
4But she doesn&t kno" him54 Rachel insisted. 4*e&s decepti'e. -ay$e that&s "hat he "ants
her to think.4
Jake thre" her a $rief glance. 4-ay$e you&re right. But-4
4If 3ary "as so taken "ith the place% "hy didn&t he settle there once he "as gro"n1 ,hy
did he "ait until no"14
Rachel&s )acket "as open. Jake sa" her picking ner'ously at a loose thread on the $lack
s"eater she "ore $eneath it. She "as strung out% and it "as partially his fault.
She shouldn&t ha'e $een at that last inter'ie". /he innuendos her ex-mother-in-la" had
made "ere guaranteed to gi'e anyone the "illies and then there "as his o"n part in
upsetting her.
4I don&t kno" that he has%4 Jake said% .uickly terminating the 'ision of her lying naked
$eneath him. 4I&m only follo"ing a hunch.4 # hunch $rought a$out $y the thought that
may$e the reason 3ary hadn&t returned to the place $efore no" "as that he didn&t yet ha'e
a daughter.
Rachel looked uncon'inced% so "ithout mentioning that last idea% he tried to explain. 46ook%
3ary hid the fact of his mother&s existence. *e thought "e "ouldn&t find out a$out her% $ut
"e did. /hat "as his first mistake.
4*e thinks his past is still safe from us and that means he "on&t $e expecting anyone to $e
this close to him. #nd that&s another mistake he&s made. *e&ll make more% and "hen he does
"e&ll ha'e him.4
*e eyed her critically. 4I kno" all this is hard on you. If you&d rather "ait 4
Rachel shot him a "ithering glance% and he s"allo"ed the rest of "hat he&d $een a$out to
suggest. /he atmosphere $et"een them $ecame frigid as the car merged onto the
interstate and headed southeast% to"ard (acogdoches.
Rachel sat hunched on her side of the car% considering "hat they might find if 3ary actually
"as in (acogdoches. #nd #my "hat condition "ould she $e in1 /he child had lo'ed her
father. Surely% he "ouldn&t hurt her...
7erhaps not physically% $ut "hat a$out emotionally1 Rachel "as $eginning to reali0e she had
no idea of "hat her ex-hus$and "as capa$le% or the "ay in "hich his mind "orked.
/he memory of his shy smile flashed into her mind% follo"ed $y his hate-filled eyes the
night he&d sho'ed her onto the road and threatened #my&s life. *o" could he ha'e so
completely fooled her and for such a long time1
Rachel slanted an uneasy glance at Jake&s stern profile. ,as she making the same mistake
t"ice1 ,as she letting her emotions shape this man into the image of "hat she "anted him
to $e% instead of seeing him as he really "as1
Jake didn&t pick up on her trou$led thoughts. *e "as lost in an unhappy re'erie of his o"n.
*e "as thinking a$out another time% another child% and the mentally un$alanced man "ho&d
kidnapped her. # sick feeling $egan to churn in his gut. #s his hands gre" cold% the palms
stuck to the steering "heel "ith s"eat.
arting an uneasy look at the "oman $eside him% meeting her pro$ing stare% he "ondered
"hat she "as thinking. ,as she% too% $eginning to "onder ho" he&d handle the ine'ita$le
sho"do"n "ith her ex-hus$and1

4#re you hungry14 /he lights of the city "ere coming into 'ie".
Rachel sat up straighter in the seat and shook her head. 4I&ll )ust $e glad to stretch my
legs.4
Jake nodded. 46et&s get a place to stay for the night first% and then% if you change your
mind% "e&ll get something to eat later.4
/he Round-9p -otel "as expensi'e. Jake felt like he o"ed Rachel that% after the
accommodations she&d suffered in silence since their first meeting.
/his time there "as no pro$lem getting separate units and from the look on her face% he
figured she "as as relie'ed as he felt a$out it. /hey separated immediately.
Jake took a long% hot sho"er% then hunted do"n a Chinese restaurant that ser'ed excellent
tea. *e took the drink and a sack of food $ack to the motel.
48ou like Chinese14 *e held the sacks up for her inspection "hen she opened the door at his
knock.
48es% I like Chinese food%4 she ans"ered% mo'ing $ack so he could enter the room.
/hey ate heartily% Rachel displaying an appetite she hadn&t sho"ed up to no". ,hen the
carton "as empty% she laid do"n her chopsticks and took a long sip of hot tea% "atching Jake
deftly maneu'er the last of the 7eking duck to his mouth.
48ou&re 'ery good "ith those.4 She indicated the chopsticks.
4I learned the art of eating Chinese food from an elderly man I met in *ong =ong.4
48ou&'e tra'eled in the !rient14
4I spent some time o'er there.4
4id you tra'el for $usiness or pleasure14
4Both.4
*e $egan to gather the empty cartons and stuff them in the $ro"n paper $ags. It "as
o$'ious he didn&t "ant to discuss his tra'els "ith her.
4/hat "as 'ery good.4 She eyed her o"n empty carton "ith a rueful eye. 4I "as hungrier
than I thought. /hank you%4 she added "ith a smile.
48ou&re 'ery "elcome.4
*e glanced up% and for a split second she could ha'e s"orn a smile ho'ered around the
corners of the firm mouth. # sudden sound from outside shattered the fragile moment. /he
remote expression he&d "orn since coming out of the $athroom last night "as once more
rigidly intact on his rugged face.
4*a'e you $een a$le to reach -r. a'ison14 So far% his attempts hadn&t met "ith success.
48es. #nd I "rote do"n the address he ga'e me. I also learned there isn&t any money. ,hat
"as left of it "hat Beaulah Conroy didn&t use to purchase land "as used up a long time ago
on medical $ills.4
4So 3ary hasn&t any money14
Jake thre" the paper $ags in the trash and took his seat at the ta$le. 4I think "e ha'e to
consider the possi$ility that your ex-hus$and "ill go $ack into teaching.4
Rachel looked startled. 4/eaching14
48es. It&s "hat he kno"s $est. *e "on&t "ant to dra" undue attention to himself $y
attempting a ne" line of "ork. *e&s a teacher% and that&s "hat he&ll do% if he needs money.4
4But "hat a$out the property1 If there&s as much land as #lexandra said% it has to $e
"orth a great deal of money.4
4/rue% $ut first% he has to sell it.4
4/eaching%4 Rachel mused. 48ou mean it&s going to $e as easy as that1 ,e )ust go to the
school $oard and find him14
4I dou$t it%4 Jake ans"ered indulgently. 4*e&s pro$a$ly changed his appearance% and he
"on&t $e using his real name. It isn&t hard to get falsified documents.4
48ou mean he&ll $e using an assumed name14
47ro$a$ly.4
4I don&t care ho" many different names he uses% or "hat kind of a disguise he&s "earing%
I&d kno" him any"here. 6et&s get started. ,e can start calling mem$ers of the school
$oard right no" 4
4,hoa "ait a minute.4 She "as rummaging around in the desk looking for a local telephone
$ook.
4,hat14 She cast an impatient glance o'er her shoulder as she straightened "ith the $lue
and "hite $ook in one hand.
4,e can&t go "aking up people at ten o&clock at night to ask if they kno" a teacher "ho fits
the general description of your ex-hus$and. ,e&ll get a "hole lot more cooperation if "e
"ait until morning.4
4I suppose you&re right%4 she agreed reluctantly. 4But it "on&t hurt to get a list made of
the schools in the area% so "e can get a early start.4
/hey "rote do"n e'ery possi$ility: colleges% )unior colleges% elementary schools% middle and
high schools% pri'ate and pu$lic. It "as close to midnight "hen Jake set a cup of coffee on
the ta$le in front of Rachel.
4I don&t kno" ho" good it&ll taste% it&s instant. /he package "as in the dra"er o'er there%
and I used hot "ater from the $athroom sink.4
4/hanks.4 Rachel took a sip% made a slight face% and took a large gulp of the luke"arm $re".
6ooping a strand of hair $ack $ehind one ear% she set the cup do"n and stretched. 4!h 4
4,hat&s "rong14
4# crick in my neck.4 /urning her head this "ay and that% she ru$$ed at the $ack of her
neck.
46et me.4 Jake "as $ehind her. 4*old your hair out of the "ay%4 he murmured softly.
4(o% that&s all right 4
4/ake hold of your hair%4 he said "ith .uiet emphasis.
Rachel t"isted the mass of curls in a $unch "ith one hand and held them atop her head.
/aking an unsteady $reath% she "aited for his hands to $egin kneading the soreness at the
$ack of her neck. #fter a fe" moments% her eyes drifted shut.
,armth and a sense of "ell-$eing spread through her. /he gentle motion of his hands
gradually "orked their "ay do"n to"ard her lo"er neck and across to her shoulders.
Rachel felt the tension slo"ly drain from her $ody. #nd as her muscles relaxed% so did her
mind. 3i'ing herself o'er to his skillful hands% she let her thoughts float amid clouds of
tran.uility. *er head $egan to nod languidly on her shoulders.
46oosen your s"eater.4
/he lo"% husky tones sent a sudden shi'er of a"areness surging through her. For a moment
she couldn&t mo'e% and then% as though in a trance% she raised a hand to the top of the three
$uttons do"n the front of the s"eater and loosened the first one. *er fingers mo'ed again%
continuing until the s"eater lay open to the tops of her $reasts.
Jake&s position $ehind and a$o'e her ga'e him a perfect 'ie" of her creamy $reasts and
the shado"y hollo" $et"een. # )olt of desire hit him% so strong his hands tightened
in'oluntarily on her shoulders% hurting her.
She moaned. *e "hispered% 4Sorry%4 and loosened his grip. But the feeling mo'ing through
him "as so intense that the sensation of his )eans ru$$ing against his flesh caused him
immediate em$arrassment.
*e floundered. *is hands stilled. Rachel mo'ed as though to turn to"ard him and Jake
hurriedly $egan to knead her flesh once more.
4/ell me a$out your daughter%4 he managed in a sterile 'oice.
4,hat "ould you like to kno"14
*e "as $eginning to get himself under control. #ll he had to do "as concentrate on
something $esides the fresh% clean scent emanating from her $ody the sight of her $reasts
the feel of her soft skin...
4,hate'er you "ant to tell me%4 he ans"ered .uickly% causing her to fro"n at the une'en
sound. #gain% she made as though to turn to"ard him and again he held her in place "ith the
rhythmic mo'ement of his hands.
4,ell%4 she $egan% 4you kno" "hat she looks like from the pictures I&'e sho"n you. 8ou
kno" she has dark% curly hair and large dark eyes. ,hat you don&t kno" is the "ay her eyes
crinkle and almost disappear in her cheeks "hen she laughs% or that she has a tiny scar at
the corner of her mouth 4
4Scar14
48es% she fell and cut her lip "hen she "as first learning to "alk. It left a scar. /here&s a
scar a$out an inch long on the $ack of her head% "here hair "on&t gro" 4
4*o" did she get that14
*is 'oice sounded odd. 4She fell out of a s"ing in the park 4
4,ere you "ith her "hen it happened14
48es% of course I "as.4
4/hen% ho" did it happen14
4I "as )ust turning to ans"er a .uestion from a friend% and she fell. I remem$er ho" upset
I "as% $ecause she "as "earing a ne"% "hite dress and there "as $lood e'ery"here.4
48ou "ere upset a$out her dress14
48es% it "as a $irthday present and the $lood "ouldn&t come out.4
4id you take her to the doctor14
4octor1 (o% it "asn&t that serious. *ead "ounds $leed a lot% $ut that doesn&t make them
dangerous% at least that&s "hat the doctor said "hen I called him. *e told me to "atch her
to make certain she didn&t ha'e a concussion and keep her .uiet the rest of the day.4
4But you didn&t take her in to $e examined14
4(o 4 Rachel sounded uncertain.
4id she get... hurt% a lot14
4# lot14 Rachel fro"ned. 4(o% no more than any other child her age.4
*e didn&t ha'e a child. *e couldn&t kno" "hat it "as like% ha'ing all that responsi$ility. 8ou
couldn&t run to the doctor e'ery time a child fell do"n. She tried explaining a little of "hat
it "as like% $eing a parent.
4,hen she "as three% she "ent through a period "here I thought I "as going to ha'e to
padlock all my ca$inets% or else tie her hands together and tie her to the $ed at night.
4She "ould get up in the middle of the night and take e'erything out of the ca$inets and
pile it all in the middle of the kitchen floor. /he doctor said she "as hyperacti'e and put
her on medication for a "hile.4
4I imagine that must ha'e $een 'ery frustrating for you.4
4It "as.4
4id you e'er... spank her14
4Sometimes...4 #ll at once she felt uncomforta$le $eneath his hands and $ecame a"are of a
kind of tension transmitting itself from him to her. 7ulling a"ay% she s"i'eled around to face
him. 4,hy do I feel like I&m getting the third degree14
Jake shrugged% dropped his hands% and mo'ed a"ay.
4,hat is it you "ant to kno"14 she demanded% $ecoming suddenly angry% follo"ing him "ith
her eyes. 4If there&s something you "ant to ask% come right out and ask it.4
,hen he didn&t ans"er% and kept his $ack to her% something clicked far $ack in her mind.
48ou think I a$used her%4 she accused in a shattered 'oice. 48ou think I deli$erately hurt
my o"n child1 -y 3od... my 3od...4
# feeling of guilt sta$$ed at her. She looked at Jake&s rigid $ack through a gla0e of tears.
,as it that o$'ious1 *ad he looked into her heart and found the guilt $uried there1
4id I1 id I a$use her14 She $it her lip painfully% trying to hold $ack a so$. 4I smacked
her hands sometimes% "hen she got into things she shouldn&t. #nd sometimes% I "as sharp
"ith her% "hen things "ere... getting $ad $et"een her father and I. #nd I made her eat
'egeta$les she didn&t like% $ecause they "ere good for her.4
# hot tear rolled do"n her cheek% hesitated on the cur'e of her upper lip% then rolled into
her mouth. #nd "orst of all 4I couldn&t stop her father from taking her. *e hit me sho'ed
me from the car. She "as crying... I can still hear her crying 4
4/hat&s enough54
Jake "as across the room% pulling her from the chair and into his arms. *e held her% feeling
her $ody trem$le against his% heard her "racking so$s% and heaped coals of fire on his o"n
head for $ringing her to this.
4I&m sorry%4 he murmured against her hair. 4I&m sorry. I kno" you&re a good mother. I kno"
you are. on&t cry anymore. I "as a $astard to suggest 4
4(o I "asn&t a good m-mother...4 Rachel hiccupped. 4If I&d $een a g-good mother he&d ha'e
ne'er got his hands on my little girl. It&s my f-fault he has h-her.4
She pulled a"ay% eyes $ordered "ith tears% to look up into his face and ask "ith a dreadful
anxiety% 4,hat am I g-going to do1 *o" can I li'e "ith myself if he... h-hurts her14
Chapter !
Jake felt Rachel stir against him. ,ith gentle fingers he $rushed the hair $ack from her
face. She&d cried herself to sleep in his arms after his $ungled attempt to determine the
kind of mother she&d $een $efore the kidnapping.
,hy did he search so hard to find something to denigrate her in his eyes1 ,as he afraid to
admit that she might $e the genuine article% a good mother1
!ne thing "as certain% she lo'ed her child 'ery much. *e didn&t kno" if that meant she "as
a good parent or not. In his lifetime% he&d seen a lot of pain and sadness 'isited upon people
in the name of lo'e.
*e had no idea "hether his o"n parents had lo'ed him. #nd he didn&t kno" if he&d e'er
lo'ed them. uring the time he&d $een in their care% he&d $een too frightened of them to
think a$out lo'e. 6o'e "as a commodity he had little ac.uaintance "ith except for Janet. It
al"ays came $ack to Janet.
6ooking $ack no"% he "asn&t e'en certain she&d done him a ser'ice $y taking him from his
parents. /he damage had already $een done. *e "as so confused a$out e'erything. ..
It had $een easier "hen he "as four years old and didn&t kno" the differences $et"een his
life and that of other kids his age. # time "hen he didn&t kno" that all $oys and girls his age
"eren&t "hipped until the skin on their legs% $uttocks and $ack "as one solid "elt of $urning
pain. !r that other children "ere allo"ed to "atch tele'ision% and had $irthday parties and
friends o'er to play.
#nd it "asn&t until Janet that he&d learned "hat it "as to taste chocolate and ho" he&d
paid for that ne" experience. But he&d thought it "orth it at the time% )ust as he&d thought
all the other experiences Janet had introduced him to in the next six months had $een
"orth the $eatings and harsh "ords he&d had to endure after"ard.
*e&d $een young% $ut not too young to learn cunning that year% and he&d kept secret "hat
he and Janet did during the day "hen $oth his parents "ere at "ork. /here "ere no happy
times spent around the dinner ta$le in his house% talking a$out "hat e'eryone had done "hile
they $een apart that day.
#nd "hen his mother learned a$out the picnics and the ice-cream cones% Jake had paid for
it% dearly. But% he&d kept that to himself% too% kept it from Janet. Instinct had "arned him
that if Janet e'er found out a$out "hat his mother and father "ere like "hen she "asn&t
around% he&d lose her. #nd he couldn&t take that chance.
3radually% ho"e'er% little things $ecame kno"n to her. #nd the day she kept him in $ed%
$ecause his mother had informed her he had a cold and "asn&t to get up% she&d disco'ered
the terri$le truth.
She disco'ered that he lay on his stomach in $ed% $ecause he couldn&t stand to lie or sit on
the painful $ruises co'ering his $ack% $uttocks% and legs. *e&d had to plead "ith her% cry and
$eg her not to go to his parents% $ecause he kne" that someho" they&d get rid of her if she
did.
*is fear had finally gotten though to her% and Janet had promised she "ouldn&t say
anything a$out "hat she&d seen% $ut he kne" she did. 6ater that night% he heard a ro"
$et"een his parents a$out it. *is mother had "anted to get rid of Janet immediately% $ut
his father had urged caution.
,hat if she "ent to the authorities1 he&d asked. #t the time Jake hadn&t understood the
meaning of the "ord authorities% $ut "hate'er it "as% it had made his mother keep Janet on
as his nanny% and that&s all that he&d cared a$out.
Rachel hiccupped in her sleep and Jake held her closer% trying to picture her as a mother.
Could he see her $eating the child% #my% "ith a $elt1 (o% he couldn&t. (or could he see her
denying the child the )oys of childhood like picnics and $irthday parties.
But it "as so hard to )udge. *is parents must ha'e had friends "ho genuinely thought they
"ere good parents% too.
,hat kind of a family life had Rachel% her daughter and hus$and en)oyed $efore the man&s
sickness $egan to make itself kno"n1 *ad they done things together1 <acations1 <isited
the 0oo1
Jake stroked the side of Rachel&s neck a$sently% staring at the ceiling% thinking a$out the
0oo. It "as the last outing he and his parents had made together $efore Janet had taken
him a"ay% and the reason he had $een confined to $ed that morning.
/hey had gone to the Indianapolis Coo for the day. It "as an attempt at pro'ing to Janet
their family "as a normal one. She&d $een $rought along to keep an eye on him% so his
parents could en)oy themsel'es "ithout "orrying a$out his getting lost.
/he day had $een "arm and sunny% a typical Indian-summer day in mid-Septem$er. Jake "as
looking for"ard to the outing "ith excitement. *e&d ne'er $een to the 0oo% and he "anted
to see if the animals really li'ed outside of cages )ust like people% the "ay they did in his
picture $ooks.
*is mother and father "ere $oth in good spirits. /hey "ere smiling and laughing and that
made him feel good% too% e'en though he kne" his mother&s mood could change in an instant.
*e&d $een extra careful to see that he did nothing to upset her. *e&d $een careful not to
spill anything in the car% to keep his feet off the seats% and not to chatter during the long
ride.
But he "as so excited% it "as hard to sit still. *is mother and father had $een talking a$out
getting a dog. /hey "anted it for security% $ut Jake remem$ered the lo'a$le sheepdog he&d
"andered off to pet a "hile $ack and en'isioned something along those lines.
#s they left the car% Janet tentati'ely suggested that she and Jake go off on their o"n
and meet his parents at the gate at a prearranged time. Jake&s mother had informed her
curtly that she and Jake could not "ander around the 0oo at "ill. She had $een $rought
along for the purpose of keeping him "ith them. /hey "ould stay "ithin sight of her and her
hus$and.
#t first% Janet had made a great effort to comply "ith the command. She pointed out the
animals and made an effort to tell Jake a little $it a$out each one. But his parents "eren&t
interested in his en)oyment% and gradually% he and Janet had fallen $ehind.
,hen Janet reali0ed "hat had happened% she $egan to panic. It "asn&t herself she "as
concerned a$out% $ut she&d disco'ered $y no"% that though Jake&s mother might $e cold to
her% she "as do"nright cruel to the little $oy.
/he only reason she hadn&t left "as Jake. She&d gro"n to lo'e the little $oy and couldn&t
simply "alk a"ay% lea'ing him to the "oman&s mercy. She "as shortly to learn )ust exactly
ho" cold and calculating the "oman could $e.
She and Jake "ere apprehended $y the police as the neared the front entrance to the 0oo%
and Janet learned she had $een accused of kidnapping. *is mother had hysterically insisted
the police $e called "hen she reali0ed her son and nanny "ere no longer in sight% crying that
she )ust kne" her $a$y had $een taken a"ay to $e held for ransom.
Janet and Jake "ere taken to the police station. Jake&s mother had $een taken to the
hospital% prostrate "ith grief.
#t the police station% Janet explained "hat had happened% and then had to explain again%
"hen Jake&s parents arri'ed to identify the t"o. +'erything "as cleared up% $ut Janet sa"
and understood the triumphant message at the $ack of the older "oman&s eyes. It "as 'ery
clear she "on and she "ould al"ays "in against the likes of Janet.
It might "ell ha'e $een that incident% Jake reali0ed no"% that had put the idea of the
kidnapping into Janet&s mind.
But% it didn&t matter no" that "as all in the past and e'eryone in'ol'ed% except for himself%
"as gone.
+yes $urning "ith exhaustion% he $linked% ru$$ed a hand across his closed lids% and "ished
it "as as easy to forget as he constantly told himself it "as. But the memories had a "ay of
in'ading his mind and turning up in "hat sleep he could manage to find.
Rachel stirred% murmured something in her sleep and rolled against him% putting an arm
across his chest and a knee o'er his leg. # moment later% she "as once more deeply asleep.
Resting his chin against the top of her head% he tried to still the longings $eginning to stir
at her intimate touch. !ut of the $lue% he found himself "ondering "hat a child of theirs
"ould look like.
/he thought stunned him. *e&d ne'er $efore considered $ecoming a parent. =no"ing the
disaster of his o"n childhood% parenthood "as something he shied a"ay from% e'en in his
thoughts. But no"% suddenly% he found himself trying to picture himself as a father. ,ould
he $e a good one1
Shifting his arm $eneath Rachel&s head% he glanced into her serene countenance and
seriously considered the possi$ility. ,ould he en)oy spending time "ith his child% taking him
or her fishing% to $ase$all games% to the mo'ies1
!r "ould he turn out like his o"n parents1 /hat thought alone should ha'e $een enough to
"ipe the idea from his $rain. But once seeded% it gre".
If Rachel "ere the mother...
!f its o"n accord% Jake&s arm tightened around Rachel% $ringing her closer. /urning onto
his side% he slipped a knee $et"een $oth of hers% dra"ing closer to her "armth. *er $reath
mingled s"eetly "ith his as he gently eased to"ard her.
*e kne" he should go to his o"n room. *e&d let things get out of hand $et"een them once
already% and all it had done "as to confuse him e'en more. 8et% for a little "hile% she made
him forget...
*e studied her mouth. It "as so innocent-looking in sleep.. *e strained to"ard her. *e
needed her. # hand cupped her )a"% skimmed along the smooth line of her cheek% tested the
silkiness of her hair% and came $ack to touch the fullness of her $ottom lip.
*is glance dropped to the front of her s"eater and lingered on the pale skin of her
$reasts. ipping his head% he $rushed the tops of $oth $reasts "ith a gentle caress.
Rachel stirred against him% murmured something he didn&t catch and licked her lips. Jake&s
eyes follo"ed the mo'ement of her small pink tongue and felt excitement stir ane".
Bending .uickly% he touched the moistness on her lips "ith the tip of his o"n tongue.
Rachel&s eyes fluttered as he dre" a"ay to look do"n at her face.
4Is it morning14 she formed the "ords la0ily.
Jake shook his head.
4Is something "rong14 she asked% slo"ly $ecoming more alert.
#gain he shook his head and Rachel&s glance concentrated on the expression in his ha0el
eyes. /hey "ere changing% turning a deep sea-green. *er glance mo'ed from them to his lips.
She faintly recalled dreaming that he had kissed her.
*er eyes "ere mo'ing $ack up to his "hen all at once his face $ecame an indistinct $lur. *is
mouth co'ered hers hungrily "hile the arm $eneath her locked her to him. #fter a moment
the hunger gentled and his lips played "ith hers% caressing them slo"ly% dra"ing from her
e'ery ounce of s"eetness she "as "illing to. gi'e.
Rachel&s $ody $egan to tingle. She "as conscious of e'ery inch of his long frame nesting
intimately against hers. #nd "hen his knee mo'ed% she caught her $reath and pressed
closer.
!f their o"n accord% her arms slid along his hips% up his chest to his shoulders% smoothed
the muscles there% then mo'ed around to slide through the hair at the $ack of his neck. *er
lips parted "illingly for his tongue% tested and matched its explorati'e touch.
Jake&s palm co'ered one puckered nipple as he eased her gently o'er onto her $ack. *is lips
tra'eled to the underside of her chin and along her throat to the open collar of her
s"eater.
4/ake it off%4 he "hispered against her mouth.
Rachel eased the s"eater up to her shoulders "ith Jake&s help and then pulled it from her
head. *er hands "ent to the front fastening of her $ra "hile her eyes met his and asked a
.uestion.
*is ans"er "as plain to see. She loosened the $ra and slipped it from her $ody. Jake took it
from her and dropped it to the floor.
In minutes his clothes along "ith the rest of hers had soon )oined it. /hey lay in each
other&s arms. /heir mo'ements "ere slo". /hey took time to explore% to arouse% to gi'e
each other pleasure.
!utlining the tips of her $reasts "ith one finger% Jake leaned suddenly for"ard and kissed
the taut nipples% rousing a melting softness "ithin her. Rachel arched her $ody to his lips%
raked her hands do"n his $ack and pulled him against her.
4(o"%4 she moaned% 4make lo'e to me no".4
4I am%4 he "hispered against her moist skin% trailing kisses to her flat stomach% dipping his
tongue into the hollo" of her na'el and feeling her shi'er against him. 4I am....4
*is hands skimmed her hips and mo'ed up the inside of her thighs. Set aflame $y his touch%
Rachel .ui'ered "ith the heat of desire% then shi'ered as though encased in a sheet of ice.
*e entered her slo"ly and the "orld exploded in "a'es of pure ecstasy. *is lips captured
hers% his tongue entered her mouth and his hands palmed $oth $reasts% "orking their magic
on all of her at once.
/he feelings $ecame so intense Rachel moaned $et"een kisses% ali'e "ith sensation%
melting% flo"ing% dissol'ing into him. She dro'e to meet his passion% stroked his tongue "ith
hers% held him tight "ithin her% and .ui'ered "ith elation. She&d ne'er felt like this% ne'er
felt anything remotely like this in all her life.
*eat rippled $eneath Jake&s skin% shot in flames from his fingertips% from the tip of his
tongue% from his "hole $ody. *e $ecame li.uid "ith it% s"irling and eddying "ithin the
$ounds of his frame% pouring into the "oman $eneath him% )oining "ith her% until they
$ecame one.
Suddenly he tensed. For a moment his $ody stilled% as if not e'en his heart $eat% and then
it "as like a li'e thing let loose inside him that had to $e free. *e mo'ed% and the "hole
"orld came crashing do"n on top of him. *e "as caught in a 'ortex% eddying% spinning%
"hirling% out of control.
6ifting his head from Rachel&s mouth% he dre" $reath into $urning lungs and cried out. 3one
"as his control. *e had to let loose "hat he "as feeling% or he&d explode. /he sound echoed
around the room% mingling "ith Rachel&s cries of delight.
#t last he relaxed% $reathing in short% sharp gasps% and lay against her% feeling his heart
thunder against his ri$s. (othing% not e'en the last time they&d made lo'e had $een so... soul
shattering.
Jake lifted himself a"ay from Rachel to lie on the $ed at her side "ith closed eyes. /he
$lood rushed through his $ody as he continued to feel a sense of exhilaration and of defeat.
/he harder he tried to ignore the truth% the more it persisted. *is passions "ere strong%
too strong for him to control% and they centered on this "oman.
*e&d ne'er $een a man of.. .passion. /he "ord e'oked nauseating pictures of his parents.
espite the kind of "ork he&d chosen% Jake had al"ays considered himself a pacifist% a man
"ho measured his feelings in terms of "hat "as right and "hat "as "rong. #gain% he $lamed
Rachel for his ina$ility to control his emotions "hene'er he "as around her% and he kne"
that as long as he stayed "ithin her circle% it "ould only get "orse.

Jake a"akened slo"ly and focused his eyes on the ceiling. For a moment% he didn&t kno"
"here he "as and reali0ed "ith a shock that it "as $ecause he&d slept so soundly.
-emory surfaced. *e "as in his o"n unit at the motel% and suddenly panic rose up in him. *e
remem$ered the night $efore and the lo'emaking. /his gro"ing need for Rachel ryden% and
the ferocity of his passion% unner'ed him. *e tensed% feeling a s"ift% compelling need to get
a"ay from her $ut he couldn&t% not until his )o$ "as finished.
ragging himself from $ed% feeling a "eakness of lim$ that em$arrassed him% kno"ing its
source% he strode into the $athroom. /here% he ga0ed at himself in the mirror% shocked $y
"hat he sa".
For the first time in months% there "as a nota$le lessening of the desperation he&d gro"n
accustomed to seeing in his eyes. /he lines around nose% eyes and mouth appeared less
se'ere.
*olding on to the sink "ith $oth hands% he dropped his head and closed his eyes to shut out
the sight of his o"n face. ,hat "as she doing to him1 *e kne" he should $e glad of the
changes% and part of him "as. But the old fear as $itter as gall "as still "ith him "ould
al"ays $e "ith him. ,hat if he turned out to $e like his parents1
#fter a "hile% "hen he thought he had himself in hand% Jake sho"ered% sha'ed% and then
examined the stitches on the palm of his hand. /he skin "as knitting. *e changed the
$andage% trying hard to ignore the ghost of Rachel standing at his shoulder% studying the
cut "ith a horror she tried hard to hide "hile she attended to the hand.
/hro"ing the roll of $andage and unused tape into his $ag% Jake "iped the image of the
"oman from his mind. +'erything came $ack to her% since he&d met her. It al"ays seemed to
come $ack other.
,hat "as he going to do "hen this case "as o'er and she "as no longer a part of his life1
# couple of hours later% Jake made his "ay to her room carrying a carafe of coffee. uring
his a$sence% Rachel had a"akened% sho"ered and dressed.
43ood morning.4 She greeted his surly expression "ith a tentati'e smile. 4#nd thank you for
the coffee.4
Jake&s reply "as a grunt. *e sipped his o"n coffee "ithout .uite meeting her eyes. /he
e'ents that had taken place in this room last night "ere too recent and too distur$ing for
him to $e comforta$le "ith her there.
4#re "e ready to get started14 she asked "ith an enthusiasm that irritated Jake all to hell.
She seemed totally unaffected $y "hat had recently taken place $et"een them. It had $een
a momentous occasion for him he "asn&t certain exactly in "hat manner% $ut he kne" that%
someho"% it had changed him and the fact that she appeared no different% angered him.
/earing his glance from her eager face% Jake took no little pleasure in replying% 4I ha'e to
make an official call on the local sheriff $efore "e can do any in'estigating in his to"n. It&s
protocol%4 he explained a moment later% expecting an o$)ection% and much to his surprise%
getting none.
Since it "as close to noon on a Sunday morning% Sheriff Ben)amin 6angly "asn&t easy to
find. /he office "as closed and the emergency radio dispatcher next door said he&d gone to
church "ith his family. /he "oman suggested they might go ha'e $reakfast and return later%
$ut after one look at Rachel&s face% Jake told her they&d stick around and "ait.
/"o hours later% "hen a tall man% dressed in )eans% shiny $oots% a dress shirt and suit coat%
"earing a $lack Stetson% "alked through the glass door "ith another man dressed in the
traditional $eige uniform of the sheriff&s department% Rachel kne" immediately that the
taller man must $e the sheriff. /here "as an air of command a$out his militarily correct
figure that made his position unmistaka$le.
She hung $ack% intimidated $y the man&s stern mien% listening to him and Jake talk%
offering nothing herself. ,hile their 'oices registered some"here at the $ack of her mind%
Rachel studied Jake.
Something "as different a$out him this morning% $ut she couldn&t .uite put her finger on
it. /his ne" perception of the man "arred "ith her fear that #my "as slipping a"ay from
her. She kne" she ought to $e concentrating on nothing $ut her child% $ecause the longer
#my remained in her father&s custody% the more Rachel feared losing her fore'er. But
something unexpected "as happening $et"een Rachel and Jake% and she couldn&t seem to
stop it or slo" it do"n.
Jake introduced himself to the sheriff% apologi0ed for calling him out on a Sunday% then
$roached the su$)ect of his missing credentials. 4If you&ll call this num$er in ,ashington 4
Jake handed him a piece of paper 4 my identity "ill $e confirmed to your satisfaction.4
Ben 6angly accepted the paper and excused himself to go to his office to use the phone.
,hen he came $ack% he returned Jake&s look and said% 4,ell% you&re "ho you say you are%
$ut that doesn&t tell me "hat you "ant from me.4
4I&m looking for a man $y the name of 3ary Raymond ryden. *e&s "anted for the
kidnapping of his four-year-old daughter. -rs. ryden 4 Jake indicated Rachel 4 "as
a"arded sole custody of the child during a recent di'orce. ryden has made serious threats
against $oth his ex-"ife and his daughter&s life.
4,e ha'e reason to $elie'e he may $e in (acogdoches% possi$ly using an assumed name. /he
man has a $ackground in education% and I figure he&ll pro$a$ly stay in teaching% if he decides
to go $ack to "ork.
4,e&re in to"n $ecause there&s a piece of property located some"here near here that he&s
recently inherited. *e could $e li'ing there "ith the little girl.4
4,here&s the property14 Sheriff 6angly asked.
Jake took the spiral note$ook from his pocket and read off the address to the man.
4/hat&s .uite a "ays out a$out half"ay to the to"n of #lto and right on the #ngelina Ri'er.
*o" did you come into to"n do"n the +l Camino Real14
4I came do"n *igh"ay DE%4 Jake responded.
4/hat&s it. *ell% you pro$a$ly passed the turnoff to the old Conroy place on your "ay here.
I gre" up on a ranch near there. (ot much in the "ay of ci'ili0ation.4
Jake nodded his agreement% remem$ering the last t"enty-fi'e miles $efore reaching
(acogdoches. /he fe" houses they&d passed along the "ay had mostly $een a$andoned.
48ou kno"%4 Sheriff 6angly said thoughtfully% 4there&s an unfinished de'elopment out that
"ay% a$out ten miles from the lake. # $uilder from out of to"n $ought up the land and
started it a fe" years $ack% then he "ent $ust $efore it got off the ground% and it&s $een
sittin& there% nothin& $ut an eyesore and collecting trou$le e'er since.
4+'ery no" and then%4 he explained% 4"e get a fe" "inos and 'agrants out that "ay. /hey
like to use the place to sleep off their drunks. /rou$le is% fire&s a real ha0ard in this
country% and they don&t much care "here they drop a match. So% "e try to keep an eye on
the place.
4If you don&t find your $oy at the house% you might try gi'ing that place a once-o'er. !r I
can send a couple of deputies out that "ay 4
4I&ll check it out%4 Jake said .uickly% 4"e "ant to keep a lo" profile. In the meantime%
here&s "hat I ha'e on ryden.4 *e handed the sheriff a file. 4/here&s a photo inside. *e&s
$een on the run "ith the child a$out a month% so he may ha'e changed his appearance
someho".4
Sheriff 6angly took the folder and studied 3ary ryden&s photograph. *e $egan to read
the particulars and after a moment% still reading% "alked to"ard the other side of the room.
Jake "atched him motion for the deputy he&d arri'ed "ith% gi'e him some .uick instructions%
and hand him the file.
4Is he going to help us14 Rachel asked suddenly at Jake&s el$o".
4*e&ll help us%4 Jake replied% turning to"ard her.
4I&'e got the $all rolling%4 Sheriff 6angly spoke from $ehind Jake&s shoulder. 4But it is
Sunday% you kno"% and most folks go to church and then "ith friends and family for a $ig
Sunday dinner. 8ou "on&t get much done around here $efore -onday morning.4
Rachel looked as though she "anted to protest% $ut Jake nodded his understanding of the
situation.
4I&ll send a picture around to all the schools -onday morning and ask for information
concerning anyone "ho fits the description%4 Sheriff 6angly said. *e looked at Rachel and
asked% 4Is there anything "e need to $e kno" a$out your daughter% ma&am14
Rachel looked $lank and the sheriff explained% 4She hasn&t any medical conditions that
might re.uire a medical team on stand$y14
4(o. She&s perfectly healthy%4 Rachel assured him.
4/he "arrant14 Jake asked.
4I&ll ha'e a )udge standing $y 4
4,hat "arrant14 Rachel interrupted% looking from Jake to the sheriff.
4# third-degree felony "arrant "ill $e issued for your hus$and&s arrest%4 Sheriff 6angly
explained. 4It can only $e issued $y a )udge% $ut it can&t $e issued until "e actually ha'e
your hus$and "ithin sight.4
4Caution your deputies to $e 'ery circumspect around the schools%4 Jake said to the other
man. 4I don&t "ant ryden to kno" "e&re closing in and manage to slip through our fingers
$efore "e get him in custody. *is four-year-old daughter&s life may $e at stake.4
4I&ll "arn them%4 the sheriff promised.
4+xcuse me% sir.4 /he young deputy stood at the man&s el$o". 4*ere&s the file. ,e&'e made
copies of all the documents.4
6angly took the file and handed it to Jake.
4/hanks.4 Jake held out his hand and the other man shook it. 4-rs. ryden and I "ill take a
trip out to the Conroy place and "e&ll check around the a$andoned housing de'elopment%
too.4
6angly nodded% picked up a pencil% and $egan to dra" a series of lines on a piece of paper
that .uickly took on the appearance of a map. 4/his should get you to there.4
Jake took the map% glanced at it $riefly% then folded it and put it in the inside pocket of his
dark $lue suit )acket. 4/hanks.4
/he sheriff nodded and "atched them mo'e to"ard the door. 4!h% $y the "ay%4 he called
halting the pair% 4you got a num$er "here I can reach you14
Jake ga'e it to him% and they left.
4-onday morning%4 Rachel protested once they had left the sheriff&s office% 4that&s a
"hole t"enty-four hours a"ay. 3ary could $e long gone $y then "ith #my54
/"enty minutes later% Jake turned do"n a dirt road $ordered $y trees on one side and the
$ro"n% s"ollen% #ngelina Ri'er on the other. /he trees "ere all cro"ded together and e'en
"ithout the co'er of lea'es% made the forest appear dense.
Rachel stared at their $are $ranches as they slid $y the car and felt a chill spread through
her. 4I don&t like this place%4 she murmured% on a mere thread of a "hisper.
Jake heard the comment $ut made no reply. *is attention "as concentrated on his dri'ing%
$ecause he didn&t "ant a $roken axle or a flat tire. !'er the years the road to the house
had $een narro"ed $y thick o'ergro"th% and deep ruts caused $y years of neglect no"
cratered its surface.
/he house "as a large% spra"ling% t"o-story Bueen #nne replete "ith to"ers% turrets%
arches% chimneys and $ay "indo"s. #t one time it might ha'e looked ma)estic% $ut no" it
looked old% "orn-out% and )ust a little $it sinister.
/he "indo"s "ere $oarded up% and the porch sagged. Jake dou$ted anyone had $een inside
it for a long time% $ut he couldn&t afford to dismiss it "ithout an inspection.
48ou getting out14
Rachel ga'e the house an apprehensi'e glance from eyes shaded "ith disappointment and
shook her head. Someho"% she kne" 3ary "asn&t here.
*alf an hour later% Jake resumed his seat $ehind the "heel.
4,ell14 she asked "hen he didn&t immediately offer a o$ser'ation.
4Someone has $een here% $ut I can&t tell ho" long ago. /here&s a lot of )unk inside% old
furniture and drapes and things. But not much else. #nd it doesn&t look as though anyone has
actually stayed here% except% may$e o'ernight to get in out of the rain.4
4I kne" it%4 she muttered softly.
4Still% I think I&ll ha'e Sheriff 6angly put a man out here% if he can spare one% )ust in case.4
/heir next stop "as the a$orted housing de'elopment. /here "ere only three actual
structures% houses that had $een a$andoned in the final stages of completion. !thers had
$een laid out and foundations poured% "ith holes left "here the pipes for "ater and se"age
"ould ha'e gone% $ut no $uildings existed. 8ou could see streets had $een planned% $ut all
that remained "ere strips of hard packet earth% ra'aged $y the elements.
Jake dro'e do"n the nearest street "here the three houses stood a fe" hundred yards
apart. 48ou stay here%4 he instructed this time% 4and lock the doors.4
Rachel did as she "as told% uneasy a$out the som$er tone of his 'oice. ,hat did he expect
to find1 For the first time% she "ondered if he had a gun.
,hen he returned% she scooted across the seat and unlocked the door for him. 4,ell14 she
asked anxiously.
4/here are signs that someone has $een here recently% $ut I seriously dou$t it "as your
ex-hus$and. /here "ere cheap "ine $ottles all o'er the place and a half-$urned $lanket.4
43ary doesn&t drink%4 Rachel said tonelessly% "hile Jake $acked the car out and dro'e
carefully onto the high"ay.
It "as a shado" of her formerly eager self "ho "atched the lights of the motel come into
'ie".
4,hat a$out something to eat14 Jake asked as they pulled into the space in front of
Rachel&s room.
4I&m not hungry%4 she replied dismally. 3lancing up at the clouds on the hori0on% noting that
more rain appeared to $e on the "ay% she added% 4I think I&ll take a nap. /his "eather isn&t
good for much $esides sleeping.4
Jake "atched her clim$ from the car% fit her key in the lock and close the door. ,as she
$laming him $ecause they hadn&t yet found a trace of her ex-hus$and1
/he thought of sitting alone in his room% staring at the tele'ision% or the four "alls% held no
appeal. #fter making a .uick call to the sheriff to tell him "hat they&d found and suggesting
he ha'e someone keep an eye on the old Conroy house% Jake decided to take a "alk.
*is "alk took him past the !ld Stone Fort -useum located on the Stephen F. #ustin
9ni'ersity campus. It had $een the com$ined home and $usiness of one of +ast /exas& most
famous smugglers% #ntonio 3il 8$ar$o% during the EFGGs. &
Jake paused $eneath the trees and contemplated the stone structure. In its time% it had
ser'ed as a trading post% the seat of go'ernment% a prison and a fort. /he first t"o
ne"spapers pu$lished in /exas had also $een pu$lished there.
*e might ha'e gone inside% )ust to take his mind off his trou$les% $ut it "as late Sunday
e'ening and the place "as closed.
*e resumed his "alk and his thoughts returned to the "oman he&d left $rooding $ehind a
locked% motel-room door. ,hat "ould happen once her child "as found1 /he .uestion
aroused old fears and uncertainties. ,hat "ould he do1 *o" "ould he handle the sho"do"n
"ith 3ary ryden1
# cold knot formed in the pit of his stomach as a pair of trusting $lue eyes flashed into his
mind. Jake&s steps .uickened. Fear gna"ed at his insides. ,hat if he "as faced "ith an
unreasoning man determined to make good the threat he&d made against the child&s life1
Could he stop him1
Jake mo'ed along the street at a faster pace. /he precarious hold he&d $een a$le to
maintain on his emotions "o$$led. *e couldn&t handle it he couldn&t handle the thought of
another child dying $ecause of him5
If only she hadn&t come to him. If only he hadn&t agreed to listen to her5 *e "as almost
running no"% hurrying to get a"ay from his past% from the mistakes he&d made% from the
memories that still haunted him.
If only...
#ll at once Jake&s steps slo"ed. If only... /he "ords rang in his mind. Rachel had mentioned
the if only game she played in her head% and no" he reali0ed he "as doing it% too.
Rachel&s guilt "as only in her mind% /here had $een nothing she could do to sa'e her
daughter from $eing taken $y her ex-hus$and. Jake "ished his o"n guilt "as so easily
propitiated.
But he kne" the nature of his guilt% and nothing could sa'e him from it. (ot e'en a "oman
"ith long $ro"n hair% a -adonna like $eauty% and a gentleness he "as $eginning to cra'e
more than life itself.
Chapter 1"
Jake "ith Rachel at his side% made the rounds the next day% going from school to school%
sho"ing 3ary&s picture to teachers% school custodians and e'en school $us dri'ers% asking
the same .uestion. 4*a'e you seen this man14
But the ans"er "as al"ays the same. (o one had seen a man of ryden&s description "ithin
the school system% either no" or in the past. #nd then% at a small )unior college% they struck
pay dirt.
4-ay I see that photograph again14 -yra /empleton asked "ith narro"ed eyes. She "as
the college staff coordinator and kne" all the instructors on the school&s roster $y sight.
Jake handed it to her. 4/ake your time% and remem$er% he could look a little different no".
*e may ha'e cut his hair% or changed the color of it and he could $e "earing glasses.4
4,hat. a$out a $eard14 the older "oman asked thoughtfully. 4id he e'er ha'e a $eard14
Jake looked at Rachel and she shook her head. 4It&s possi$le that he may ha'e decided to
gro" one.4
*e could feel excitement trem$ling )ust $elo" the surface and got a .uick grip on it. /his
"as the first person "ho&d asked for a second glance at the photograph.
4oes that strike a familiar chord14 Jake asked the petite $runette studying ryden&s
picture closely.
48es.4 -yra nodded and remo'ed the s.uare reading glasses from the tip of her nose.
ropping them to hang from a $lack cord around her neck% she peered up at Jake. 4I think I
kno" this man.4
Rachel&s fingers found Jake&s el$o" and s.uee0ed it. 4oes he the man you kno" "ho looks
like this picture ha'e any children14 she asked tautly.
-yra studied Rachel for a moment "ithout speaking. 4I $elie'e he does.4 She looked at
Jake. 48ou understand% I don&t kno" him from the school here% $ut from church. *e attends
the same church I attend. I )ust sa" him% yesterday% at the Sunday e'ening ser'ice.4
4#lone14 Rachel asked .uickly. 4,as he alone14
4I&m not certain. But I do remem$er that he spent .uite a long time speaking to our pastor
after the ser'ice. *e&s al"ays doing that%4 she added "ith a "aspish note entering her frail
'oice. 4*e plants himself in front of the door and makes anyone "ho "ants to ha'e a "ord
"ith Re'erend Jasper $efore lea'ing the church "ait until he&s had his say.
4It isn&t like he&s a long-standing mem$er of the church or anything. Just $ecause he ga'e
a small sum of money...4 She $roke off to look at Rachel and say% 4It really "as a 'ery small
sum of money% you kno"%4 and then continued% 4for the addition of another Sunday-school
room. But that doesn&t make him a saint.
4I al"ays thought those "ho "ent a$out 3od&s "ork "ere supposed to do it "ith a silent
tongue in their heads $ut not him. *e got right up in church and told e'eryone "hat he "as
a$out. #nd that&s a sin% if e'er there "as one committed.4
She shook her head. 4But% poor 6ionus Re'erend Jasper%4 she .uickly corrected% 4is such a
good man. *e doesn&t see the "ickedness of others% e'en "hen it&s right $eneath his nose.
4*e&s a "ido"er% you kno"% and since his "ife died% I&m afraid he&s too trusting. I&'e said it
$efore and I&ll say it again% he needs someone to look after him. # man like that% a good man
like the Re'erend Jasper% shouldn&t $e trou$led "ith the likes of someone like 4 she
lo"ered her 'oice4 that man.&4
4o you kno" "here he li'es14 Jake asked as a gentle reminder of "hy they "ere there.
48ou mean the man in the photograph14
48es.4
4(o%4 she responded after a moment&s hesitation% 4I&m afraid I don&t.4 She handed the
picture $ack to Jake.
4,ould this Re'erend Jasper kno" the man&s address14
4,ell% I suppose he might.4
4o you ha'e the re'erend&s num$er14
48es%4 she ans"ered slo"ly.
4,hat a$out the name of his church14 Jake asked "hen she offered nothing more. 4,e
could pay him a 'isit and ask him in person.4
48es%4 -yra agreed haltingly% 4you could do that. /he church is the Sacred Cross% and it&s
located on the corner of Birch"ood and +lm streets. 6ionus% Re'erend Jasper% li'es alone in
the stone house directly $ehind the church.4
4/hat&s great. /hank you for your time% -rs. /emple-ton.4 Jake offered his hand. 4It&s
$een a pleasure meeting you.4
48es% and that&s -s. /empleton%4 the "oman murmured 'aguely% accepting a handshake from
Rachel&s cold fingers. 4But% you kno"...4 She hesitated. 4I could $e mistaken... I mean% I&m
not positi'e the man I&'e told you a$out is the one you&re looking for.4
4/hat&s all right%4 Jake said% $eginning to "alk to"ard the door. 4,e&ll check it out.4
4B-$ut.. .if I&m "rong...4 She follo"ed% looking suddenly apprehensi'e. 48ou "on&t 4
4If you&re "rong%4 Jake said "ith a shrug% 4you&re "rong. /here&s no crime in that. /hank
you for your time.4
9shering Rachel out the door and into the hall"ay% he hurried to"ard the entrance of the
$uilding. /he momentary excitement he&d felt upon first hearing the "oman&s identification
"as fast receding.
*e glanced to"ard Rachel and sa" a look on her face that plainly said she "as positi'e they
"ere "ithin moments of finding her ex-hus$and and child. But Jake dou$ted it. It "as all
too o$'ious that the "oman had a grudge against the man "ho took up too much of the
"onderful Re'erend Jasper&s precious time.
# short "hile later% he and Rachel "ere standing on the porch of the parsonage $ehind
Sacred Cross Church. # middle-aged man "hom Jake assumed to $e the Re'erend Jasper
opened the front door after the door$ell&s first ring.
48ou must $e #gent Frost%4 the man said in a $eautiful $aritone as he offered his hand to
Jake and in'ited $oth he and Rachel to enter his home. 4-yra /empleton called to "arn me
you "ere on the "ay%4 he explained "ith a smile. 4I&m 6ionus% and you are14 he looked at
Rachel.
4Rachel ryden%4 she responded% offering him her hand.
4#nd your first name is...4 the Re'erend Jasper turned to Jake% standing silently "ith a
dour expression on his face.
4Jake Frost.4
4,ell% Jake. Call me 6ionus $oth of you% please. #nd no" that "e ha'e that settled% let me
take your coats.4
!nce the coats "ere in the closet% he motioned for them to follo" him through the li'ing
room to a hall"ay that led to the kitchen.
4I hope you&ll excuse me for $eing in my shirtslee'es%4 he said to Rachel% 4$ut I "as )ust
a$out to sit do"n to a $ite of supper.4 *e gestured to a ta$le spread "ith fried chicken%
potato salad% corn on the co$ and $aked $eans.
Jake sniffed the appeti0ing aromas and felt his stomach gro"l in protest. By his
calculations% it "as close to t"enty-four hours since either he or Rachel had eaten a meal.
47lease%4 the other man "as saying% 4"on&t the t"o of you )oin me1 #s you can see% there is
plenty. -y parishioners are 'ery generous "ith their time.4
/he lady parishioners% no dou$t% Jake added "ith silent scorn% the single lady parishioners%
like -yra /empleton.
4!h% no...4 Rachel "as shaking her head. She couldn&t eat a $ite. She "as too "orried and
excited to feel any thing so mundane as hunger.
4,ell 4 Jake responded% his mouth "atering at the thought.
4Come%4 Re'erend Jasper said% remo'ing plates from a ca$inet% 4I "on&t take no for an
ans"er. ,e can talk after"ard.4
# little "hile later% Jake sat $ack in his chair% feeling replete after a meal the likes of
"hich he hadn&t kno"n in years% and studied Rachel&s animated face. She "as actually
smiling as she discussed the art of glass$lo"ing "ith the older man.
*e s"itched his attention from Rachel to the Re'erend Jasper% and "atched him laugh at a
description Rachel had )ust made of her first attempt at producing something you could
recogni0e as a $ird. # rare man indeed% Jake thought% "ith hidden skepticism. Con artists
had the same a$ility to $am$oo0le the unsuspecting pu$lic "ith a sho" of interest and
friendship.
4So%4 $egan the re'erend% gentle $lue eyes turning suddenly in Jake&s direction. 4,hat is it
that you do for relaxation14 he asked curiously. Jake shrugged. 4I read 4
4#nd "alk%4 Rachel put in a$ruptly% meeting Jake&s eyes. 4#nd "alk%4 he repeated% holding
her glance. 6ionus ga0ed from one to the other and a smile lifted the corners of his
generous mouth. 4/ell me% no" that "e&'e filled our $ellies "ith good food% "hat has $rought
you from -yra to my door "ith such serious faces14
4-y daughter%4 Rachel said $efore Jake could reply. 4,e&re looking for my daughter. She&s
$een kidnapped $y my ex-hus$and and the "oman from the college% -s. /empleton% thought
you might $e a$le to help us.4
6ionus fro"ned% or came as close to it as his good-natured countenance "ould allo". 4#nd
"hy did the good lady% -yra% think I&d $e a$le to help you14
Jake slipped a picture from the folder lying on the ta$le $eside him and handed it to the
other man. 4She tentati'ely identified this man as a mem$er of your congregation.4
6ionus studied the photograph for a long time "ithout speaking. 4I&m sorry%4 he said
directly to Rachel% 4$ut I don&t kno" this man. I&'e ne'er seen him $efore no".4
48ou&re sure14 Jake asked intently.
48es% I&m sure. If I had% I&d $e only too glad to help you.4
4,hat a$out the man -s. /empleton sa" you talking to at the church yesterday1 She
seemed con'inced he "as the man in this picture.4
4I&m sorry% $ut that )ust isn&t possi$le. I&'e kno"n the man to "hom she referred for most
of his life 4
4She said he hadn&t $een a mem$er of your congregation all that long%4 Jake cut in
suspiciously.
4/hat&s true% he has only recently found his "ay to 3od% $ut that doesn&t alter the fact
that he hasn&t left this to"n since the day he "as $orn. #nd he certainly doesn&t ha'e a
charming "ife like this young lady.4 *e smiled encouragingly at Rachel. 4(or does he ha'e
children.4
Jake looked to"ard Rachel. She&d pushed a"ay from the ta$le% a stricken look on her face.
47lease% could you direct me to your $athroom14 she "hispered tautly. /he food she&d
eaten had risen to the $ack of her throat% choking her.
6ionus pointed the "ay and then turned to find Jake on his heels. 4(o.4 *e shook his head
gently at the younger man. 46et her ha'e some time alone. She needs to deal "ith this
disappointing ne"s in her o"n "ay.4
Jake hesitated% as though he might ignore the man&s "ords% $ut 6ionus touched his arm and
"hispered% 4She&s a strong "oman. She&ll $e all right% son% I promise.4
7ulling his arm from the man&s touch% Jake resumed his seat. 6ionus mo'ed a$out the
kitchen% 'ery much a"are of the other man&s tension and the numerous glances he thre"
to"ard the door.
4*ere.4 *e set a cup of coffee $efore Jake and sat do"n to a cup of his o"n.
#fter the first sip% Jake glanced at the man "ith a raise $ro". 4Jim Beam14
6ionus smiled faintly and took another sip from his o"n cup. 4/hat&s my secret "hat&s
yours14
#t first Jake thought he "as making a )oke% $ut "hen he looked directly into the other
man&s eyes% he reali0ed he "as serious. 4I don&t kno" "hat you mean.4
4(o14
4(o%4 Jake replied curtly.
4!nly 3od can read "hat&s "ritten in a man&s heart% $ut it isn&t hard to see "hat&s "ritten
in his eyes.4
4+xperience%4 Jake replied stonily% 4that&s "hat you see. 6ife is a great teacher.4
4#nd so is 3od 4
4I&m sorry%4 Rachel apologi0ed suddenly from the door"ay. 4I didn&t mean to $e so a$rupt.
I&m afraid I "as counting too hea'ily on your $eing a$le to help us%4 she said to the
re'erend.
4It&s all right my dear. Come )oin us in a cup of coffee.4 Jake "atched curiously as 6ionus
got up to pour Rachel a cup. 6ionus glanced at Jake as he set the cup $efore Rachel% and as
though guessing "hat "as in the other man&s mind% he smiled and shook his head in ans"er
to Jake&s unspoken .uestion.
4(o"% my dear% tell me a$out your little girl.4
For the next hour% 6ionus dre" Rachel out a$out the child and the strangeness of her
marriage after the child&s $irth. #nd in a little "hile% Jake noted "ith ama0ement% the
tension had slo"ly seeped out of Rachel&s face and $ody.
shyly. 4I kno" "e&'e taken a great deal of your time% and I really "ish you "ould let me help
"ith the dishes 4
4(o% no%4 6ionus said% shaking his head% 4it gi'es me something to do in the e'ening $efore I
settle do"n to read my Bi$le.4
4I think it&s time "e left the good re'erend to his Bi$le%4 Jake interposed% getting to his
feet.
48es%4 Rachel agreed% gi'ing Jake a strange glance% $ut follo"ing his example in preparing to
lea'e.
6ionus led the "ay to the hall closet "here their coats "ere hanging% and stood "atching as
they put them on. #t the door Rachel paused. 4I )ust "ant to say% I kno" "e&re strangers%
$ut I feel as though I&'e kno"n you for a long time. 8our congregation are 'ery fortunate to
ha'e you as their pastor.4
&I&'e ne'er met a stranger.4 6ionus laughed as he held $oth her hands in one of his and
s.uee0ed them gently. *is ga0e strayed o'er her shoulder to rest on Jake&s impassi'e face.
4But in my "ork%4 he added pointedly% 4I&'e met a great many "ho are a stranger to 3od.4
*is glance shifted $ack to Rachel. 4If you don&t mind% my dear% $efore you lea'e% I&d like to
offer a prayer for the safe return of your little #my.4
48es% please%4 Rachel replied% $o"ing her head.
,hen the prayer "as done% 6ionus held Rachel for a moment in his arms% saying gently%
4Remem$er% "e&re all 3od&s children% $ut *e "atches out particularly for the little ones.
8our daughter is safe in *is hands.4
Feeling comforted% Rachel nodded and mo'ed do"n the steps. Jake halted and looked $ack
"hen he felt the other man&s hand on his arm. 4If you e'er "ant to talk... a$out anything...
you kno" "here I li'e.4
Jake )erked his arm stiffly from the man&s light touch and "hispered harshly% 48ou lied to
her% Re'erend. *e doesn&t look out feral the children.4
Before the other man could offer a re$uttal% Jake "as running do"n the steps to )oin
Rachel at the car. Inside he "as seething% $ut out"ardly% he appeared calm. Rachel had
found solace in the man&s "ords% and he "ouldn&t take that a"ay from her despite his o"n
thoughts on the matter.

Jake reached for the telephone on the second ring. *e hadn&t $een sleeping% )ust lying
a"ake% staring at the ceiling% thinking and smoking.
!n the "ay $ack to the motel% he&d stopped on some pretext or other and $ought a package
of cigarettes% concealing them from Rachel. #nd after he&d left her in her room% he&d
"andered the streets looking for that elusi'e sense of peace she appeared to ha'e found in
6ionus Jasper&s practiced "ords of comfort.
*e&d ne'er $een a religious man. *e found it impossi$le to put his faith in some all-
po"erful% mythical $eing "ho "as supposed to protect the "hole "orld% $ut "ho left
innocent children at the mercy of people like Ste'e Craig% 3ary ryden and his parents.
id the Re'erend 6ionus Jasper really $elie'e all that religious stuff1 ,as he so cut off
from the "orld around him that he didn&t see "hat people "ere doing to each other e'ery
day of the "eek1 #nd "here "as his 3od "hile all that "as going on1
4*ello14 *is 'oice sounded ra" from the cigarettes. /here "ere only t"o left in the pack.
4Is this Frost14
Jake recogni0ed the sheriff&s 'oice instantly. *e sat up on the side of the $ed. 48es% this is
Frost. ,hat ha'e you got% Sheriff14
4-ay$e nothing. But one of my deputies came across someone at the high school "ho
remem$ers meeting a su$stitute teacher a "eek or so $ack "ho fits the general description
of our man.4
Jake s"itched on the lamp $eside the $ed% gra$$ed his pen and note$ook and $egan making
notes.
4/hanks a lot%4 he said "hen the man "as finished speaking. 4I&ll let you kno" "hat I find
out.4
4,ell% it isn&t a solid lead% $ut it&s a start. By the "ay% are you packin&14
4(o.4 Jake had sent his "eapon along "ith his $adge $y courier to 3us "hen he&d dropped
out of sight months ago.
4Come $y the office% and I&ll fix that%4 6angly said $efore ringing off.
Jake dialed the motel operator and asked for the time. *e thanked the man and replaced
the phone. Six o&clock. *e "ondered if it "as too early to a"aken
4Jake14 # knock sounded at his door. 4#re you a"ake14
Jake "as on his feet% opening the door $efore the second knock. 4,hat&s "rong14 he asked
.uickly% pulling her inside% scanning the parking lot $ehind her.
4(othing.4 She pulled a"ay and glanced to"ard the telephone $eside the $ed. 4I thought I
heard the phone ring.4 She looked up at him expectantly.
48ou did. It "as 6angly. ,e ha'e a lead. But don&t go getting your hopes up%4 he "arned
.uickly% seeing the light spring into her eyes. 4It&s only a lead% and not a 'ery good one at
that.4
But Rachel refused his "arning. She&d $een li'ing "ith constant fear for her daughter&s
safety $ut since meeting the Re'erend Jasper last night% she&d $een certain they&d find
something soon.
46et&s go%4 she demanded instantly. 4Come on. ,hat are you "aiting for1 *e might get
a"ay54
4,e&re not going to find your ex-hus$and%4 he reminded her. 4,e&re simply going to speak
"ith a man "ho might% ha'e seen and spoken to him a "eek ago.4
4# "eek ago14 she asked falteringly% some of her enthusiasm "aning.
4/hat&s right% a "eek ago. #nd I&m "arning you% that&s all it is% )ust a lead. It could turn out
to $e nothing. /his man "e&re going to see may on second thought decide that the person he
"as referring to looks nothing at all like your ex-hus$and.
4Remem$er -yra /empleton1 She "anted to find something "rong "ith the man "ho took
up so much of her precious Re'erend Jasper&s time. /his could $e something similar.4
/he animation slo"ly left Rachel&s face. She stared at him coldly. 4,hy are you doing this14
4oing "hat14
4,hy are you trying to take "hat little hope I ha'e from me14
4I&m not 4
48es%4 she insisted sadly% 4you are. I thought you understood ho" I feel. But you don&t% do
you1 8ou don&t understand at all% $ecause you&'e ne'er kno"n "hat it is to $e a parent.
48ou should spend some time "ith Re'erend Jasper. I think talking to him might help you
get o'er your pain at the death of the little girl% 6acy% and her mother.4
4*ah54 Jake snorted. 4I don&t need any sanctimonious sermons from the good Re'erend
Jasper%4 he added caustically.
But Rachel only shook her head% the clear gray eyes clouding "ith pity. 4Is there no one or
nothing you $elie'e in1 ,here do you go "hen you need comfort14
4I don&t go to a $ottle54
4#nd "hat makes you think the Re'erend does1 It isn&t a sin to drink a little "hiskey in
your coffee.4 #t the look of surprise on his face% she explained% 4I sa" the $ottle sitting on
the counter. *e didn&t try to hide it and in any case I smelled it on your $reath last night in
the car.
4Jake...4 She took a step to"ard him% a pleading look on her face. 4,asn&t there e'er a time
"hen you $elie'ed in something1 I kno" it must ha'e $een painful% $eing taken from your
parents and then finding they had died )ust "hen you "ere a$out to $e reunited "ith them%
$ut 4
47ainful54 *er "ords stung% unleashing something terri$le inside him. *e rounded on her
suddenly. 48ou think I felt pain at $eing taken from them14 he asked% ad'ancing to"ard her
angrily. 4It "asn&t pain I felt it "as )oy5 I "as glad to $e taken from them54
Rachel $acked a"ay from him in surprise edged "ith fear. 4I I don&t understand 4
4(o%4 he agreed readily% 4you don&t. 8ou make .uick )udgments a$out me "ithout kno"ing all
the facts.4
4,hat...4 She licked dry lips and asked% 4,hat are you talking a$out1 I don&t )udge you 4
4(o1 ,ell% let me tell you something% my dear%4 he sneered% repeating the re'erend&s
"ords. 4(ot all children are cherished $y their parents in the same "ay. -y dear mother
used to $eat me regularly "ith a leather strap that had a "ide $rass $uckle "hile my father
"atched.4
Speaking o'er Rachel&s sudden gasp% he continued% 4It excited the $oth of them. /hey "ere
turned on $y 'iolence. Sometimes they knocked each other around instead of me to get
their kicks.4
Rachel&s eyes "idened in horror. (othing he&d told her to date shocked her as much as
this. 4!h... Jake...4
But he "asn&t finished. 4,hen Janet came to stay%4 Jake continued% turning so he didn&t
ha'e to see the expression on her face% 4things changed a little for the $etter% $ecause
-other "as afraid Janet "ouldn&t understand her need to punish me. I heard her discussing
it "ith my father.
4But the reprie'e didn&t last long. /here came a time "hen -other couldn&t contain herself
any longer. !ne day% Janet sa" the marks. ,hen it happened again she discussed it "ith my
uncle.
4*e told my parents% and Janet "as almost fired. +xcept ... I think they "ere afraid to fire
her. Child a$use "asn&t as "ell pu$lici0ed thirty years ago as it is today% $ut there "ere a
fe" groups fighting against it. #nd Janet could tell things... things my parents didn&t "ant
told.
4/hey "ere la"yers "ith lots of money. /hey had friends in high places. /hey didn&t "ant
their little% harmless ... per'ersions% kno"n $y others.4
4,hy didn&t this... Janet% take you to the authorities14
4Janet Frost her name "as Janet Frost.4
4/hen your name isn&t 4
48es% it is54 Jake insisted forcefully. #nd then in a .uieter 'oice added% 4-y last name "as
legally changed years ago.4 *e mo'ed restlessly around the room% "ishing he&d ne'er started
this. *e hadn&t intended telling her a$out his parents.
4/ell me a$out "hen you and Janet left your parents home.4
4*ouse%4 Jake corrected in a dead 'oice. 4It "as a sho"place for their "ealth ne'er a home.
4/hat night% as I said% they "ere $oth out of to"n on $usiness. ,hen they disco'ered they
"eren&t going to make it home as planned% they called Janet and told her they "ere sending
my uncle to get me.
4-y mother didn&t "ant to lea'e me alone o'ernight "ith Janet. I&m certain she kne" ho"
Janet felt a$out her% and she might e'en ha'e $een uneasy a$out "hat Janet might do if
gi'en half a chance. #s I remem$er% Janet "as ne'er co"ed $y my mother&s sharp "ords
and icy demeanor.4
4But "hat a$out your uncle14 Rachel asked "hen he paused. 4id he kno" did he condone
"hat they "ere doing14
4*e kne" all right. *e )ust didn&t care. But Janet did% and she must ha'e $een "aiting for
the right moment to do something a$out it. /hat night% after my mother&s call% "as her
chance.
49nfortunately% my uncle arri'ed $efore she could get me a"ay. /hey argued and there "as
a struggle.. .my uncle "as in)ured.4
Jake stood in the center of the room staring at the carpet% seeing another carpet stained
red "ith $lood. 4I remem$er sitting on the steps a$o'e him and looking at the pool of $lood.
/here "as so much $lood... all around his head.4
4,as he $adly hurt14 Rachel murmured softly.
Jake shrugged. 4#ccording to the ne"spaper articles I read% he&s in a "heelchair $ecause
of some pro$lem "ith his spine as a result of the fall. But I didn&t kno" that at the time.
Frankly% I don&t think I really ga'e a damn. *e&d ne'er sho"ed me any affection.
4/he only one "ho e'er did "as Janet% and "hen she told me she "as going a"ay% I "as
terrified $y the thought. She said she had to go% or they&d come and get her put her "here
I&d ne'er see her again.
4I "as only four% $ut she "as the only person "ho had e'er treated me "ith kindness% and I
"as determined that no one "ould take her a"ay from me. ,e left that night. I don&t
remem$er much a$out the trip% except I think I remem$er standing in the cold for a long
time and then getting on a $us.
4I must ha'e slept most of the )ourney. ,hen I a"akened% Janet told me "e "ere going to
li'e in /exas. *er family had originally come from /exas a long time ago. ,e li'ed there for
the next eighteen years.4
4id you ne'er... think a$out your parents14 Rachel asked tentati'ely.
4(o as a matter of fact% I forgot all a$out them in time.4
4,hat happened to Janet14
4She died%4 he ans"ered solemnly. 4!ne day% a fe" days $efore my t"enty-second $irthday%
she had a stroke. I "as in college. She died instantly.4
4,as she kind to you all those years14
4=ind14 *e pinned her "ith a glance. 4She "as the only real mother I&d e'er kno"n.4
48ou lo'ed her14
Jake stared at his hands. /he stitches "ere $eginning to itch. 4Janet ne'er married. She
"orked t"o )o$s to pay for my college education% took care of me through childhood
illnesses...corrected me "hen I needed it...and praised me "hen I did something "orth"hile.
She "as my mother.
4,hen she died like that...so suddenly...I couldn&t $elie'e it... she "as only forty-t"o.
4It "as a couple of "eeks after the funeral $efore I could go $ack to the house. #
neigh$or "oman% a friend of Janet&s% offered to help me go through her things. ,e "ere
going through her personal $elongings% "hen I found a $ox of old letters.4
Ru$$ing a hand around the $ack of his neck% Jake shook his head. 4I&d $locked e'erything
from my mind the accident my parents the $eatings during those eighteen years% it had all
$ecome nothing more than a $ad dream I had sometimes in the middle of the night.
4/he things in the $ox $rought it all $ack. 6ike a door suddenly thro"n open% my past rose
up to confront me. It slapped me in the face.4
4,hat did you do14 Rachel asked "hen he didn&t continue.
4I got on "ith the rest of my life.4
48ou...4 ,hat a$out grief1 ,hen did he gi'e himself the time to grie'e for all that he&d
lost1 4,hat did you do "ith your "ith Janet&s things14
4I "ent through the $ox alone and read e'erything. It seems Janet had a guilty conscience
a$out the kidnapping. She tried t"ice a year% e'ery year% on Christmas and my $irthday% to
"rite to my parents and let them kno" I "as ali'e and "ell.4
*e grinned caustically. 4She ne'er mailed any of the letters.4
(o" she understood the tone in his 'oice. Jake felt that someho" Janet had $etrayed him%
$ecause% though she had taken him a"ay from the cruelty of his parents% she&d had a guilty
conscience a$out it.
4#$out the time I "as fourteen she stopped "riting the letters. I found a ne"spaper
account of $oth their deaths in a plane crash early that year.4
4!h% I&m sorry.4
4on&t $e.4 *e faced her. 4/hey "ere strangers to me. /he only thing I remem$er clearly is
the $eatings.4
4#nd your uncle14
Jake shrugged.
4idn&t you go $ack and let him kno" you "ere ali'e14
43o $ack1 /o my uncle14 he asked "ith a sardonic laugh. 4(ot hardly5 In his o"n "ay% he "as
)ust as guilty as my parents. *e kne" ho" they treated me sa" the marks on me and he
ne'er lifted a hand to stop it.4
4But... may$e you should go $ack and see him for yourself%4 she added .uickly% seeing the
look on his face. 4o it for yourself% Jake% so you&ll $e free of it free of all the pain and
$itterness inside you 4
4I ha'e nothing to say to my uncle that he&d "ant to hear%4 Jake replied in harsh tones.
4/hings are $etter left as they stand.4
Suddenly he "anted to get out of the room and a"ay from her. *e had that naked feeling
again% the one that said he&d $een stripped $are $efore her eyes.
3oing into the $athroom% shutting her out% he lingered as long as possi$le $efore going $ack
into the next room and facing her again. She "as standing $y the door% looking out the
"indo".
Rachel turned .uickly at his entrance. 4,hy do you "ear that14 she asked% eyeing the "ide
leather $elt he "as slipping into the loopholes on his )eans% "ith a'ersion.
4#s a reminder%4 he ans"ered "ithout meeting her eyes.
4# reminder1 I "ouldn&t think you needed one%4 she said "ith meaning.
4It&s not to remind me of the past it&s to remind me of the future and "hat I "on&t e'er
$ecome.4
4#nd "hat is that14 she pro$ed gently.
4# replica of my parents.4
Chapter 11
Rachel shot an uneasy glance in Jake&s direction as he studied the address "ritten on a slip
of paper and then looked for it on a city map. *is face remained impassi'e as he started the
car and mo'ed from the parking lot near the sheriff&s office onto the street. She had no
idea "hy they&d made a stop here% and Jake "asn&t talking. *e&d $een silent and a'oided eye
contact "ith her since lea'ing the motel a little "hile ago.
#n a$undance of )um$led thoughts and .uestions "as running through her mind. She "as
anxious a$out this ne" lead% fearing that it% too% might turn out to $e a "ild-goose chase%
$ut she "as also concerned a$out Jake.
*e "as $ecoming important to her. She "asn&t certain exactly "hat that meant% $ut she
"orried a$out him. She "orried a$out the "ay he had $rooded o'er the death of 6acy
/ol$ridge and her mother and the fact that he&d kept that pain and the pain from his
childhood all $ottled up inside.
If he didn&t loosen up% some day he&d explode% or ca'e in under the strain. /he fact that
he&d told her a little a$out it "as a good sign. But then immediately after"ard% he&d gone
right $ack to keeping her at a distance% raising his defenses as though ashamed that he&d
spoken to her a$out it.
#nother thing $othering her "as his ina$ility to admit that he had cared deeply for Janet%
that he had in fact lo'ed her like the mother she had apparently $een to him. Rachel didn&t
for a minute dou$t his lo'e for her% $ut did Jake reali0e it1
#nd "hat% if anything% did he feel% for her1 id he care for her at all1 !r "as their coming
together nothing more than a momentary release for him1
She recalled his "hispered 'o" that he "ouldn&t hurt her and his o"n entreaty for her not
to hurt him. Is that all he expected from people from life1 7ain1 id he 'ie" e'eryone "ith
suspicion1
6ook at his opinion of the Re'erend Jasper. *o" could he ha'e called such an o$'iously
genuine man of 3od% sanctimonious1 #nd a hypocrite1
Rachel "ished she could see Jake&s uncharita$le $eha'ior to"ard the preacher as a
manifestation of )ealousy $ecause she had liked the man% $ut it took a giant stretch of the
imagination for that. In truth% she didn&t think Jake had allo"ed feeling for anyone to get
$eneath his $arriers since adulthood except% may$e% 6acy and her mother. #nd she "asn&t
certain no" if it "as feeling for the child and her mother that had dri'en him to seek
sanctuary $y remo'ing himself from the "orld or the fact that he&d disco'ered he "as
human )ust like the rest of the "orld and made mistakes% too.
*er o"n feelings a$out the sudden attraction $et"een the t"o of them "ere mixed. She
rationali0ed it during the day $y telling herself it "as nothing more than t"o people&s need
for comfort at a particularly trying time in their li'es.
But sometimes% "hen they "ere alone together% "hen he looked at her "hen he touched her
she yearned to ha'e him touch her more intimately. She yearned to ha'e him $ring her ali'e%
the "ay only he could "hen they made lo'e.
# part of herself scolded her soundly for the feeling% telling her she should $e thinking of
nothing $ut #my and getting the child $ack safely. #nd "arning her of the mistake she&d
made "ith 3ary.
But another part% the part Jake had a"akened "ith his lo'emaking% told her "hat she felt
"as good and that it "as all right to feel this "ay. #nd that&s "hat she "anted to $elie'e.
Could she $e falling in lo'e "ith the man1 /he thought should ha'e come as a shock% $ut it
didn&t. espite the harro"ing experience "ith 3ary% she&d kno"n lo'e as a child and she
"asn&t scarred inside as Jake must $e.
She $elie'ed in happily e'er after for most people% at any rate. But she $elie'ed% too% that
you had to "ork for it. It "asn&t something that came to you automatically. *er mind "asn&t
closed to "hat "as happening in the "orld around her she sa" the death and disease and
po'erty% $ut she sa" the good things% too. Just as she sa" the good in Jake and her heart
"asn&t closed to the idea of falling in lo'e
4,e&re here.4 Jake turned into a large% cro"ded parking lot and $egan looking for a place to
park.
/hose "ere the first "ords he&d spoken since lea'ing the motel% and though she tried%
Rachel couldn&t see $eyond the mask of his face to gauge his mood. She turned her ga0e
from Jake to"ard the large gray stone $uilding they "ere a$out to enter and felt the
tension rise inside her. ,ould they find her ex-hus$and here1
/he same dismal silence that had accompanied them on the short dri'e from the motel
stayed "ith them .as they a$andoned the car. *urrying across the parking lot through a
sporadic rain% they slo"ed to clim$ the front steps of the spra"ling high school.
# student led them to the principal&s office "here a tall% thick-"aisted man "ith a "ide
grin introduced himself as John *argra'es% the principal% and shook hands "ith Jake. *e
then told the $oy to get -r. 7arker and the young man left% closing the office door $ehind
him. *argra'es offered them $oth a seat% noted that they preferred to stand% and remained
standing himself.
4!ne of Ben 6angly&s men came around "ith a picture yesterday%4 he explained to Jake%
4and "e passed it around in the teachers& lounge after school.
4#dam that&s the man you&re going to $e talking to "asn&t here yesterday% so he didn&t see
it until today 4
Someone knocked on the closed door and *argra'es called% 4+nter.4
# short% $alding man "ith an apologetic air and "ire-rimmed glasses entered the room. /he
principal introduced the man as #dam 7arker% mentioned that he&d go get them all a cup of
coffee and left them alone.
4,ell% -r. 7arker%4 Jake said% offering his hand% 4I understand you may ha'e some
information for us.4
48-yes.. .that is.. .I don&t kno" if I do or not.4 /he other man accepted his hand and shook
it limply "hile shooting a ner'ous glance in Rachel&s direction. *e ga'e her a slight nod% an
incomplete smile% and returned his attention to Jake.
3esturing for the other man to take a seat% Jake "aited until he "as comforta$le and then
asked% 48ou "ere sho"n a picture that you tentati'ely identified as someone you kne"% is
that right14
7arker smoothed a hand along the side of his thinning $lond hair and nodded% .ualifying% 4I
don&t actually kno" him $ut... I think it might $e him.4
4*im14 Jake asked .uickly% causing the man to gi'e a startled little )ump.
48-yes the man in the picture.4
4ryden14 Jake asked.
4(o... that is... that isn&t the name he ga'e me.4
4#nd that "as14
Rachel looked from 7arker&s apprehensi'e expression to Jake. ,hen had he put on the
sunglasses1 Certainly% he didn&t think he needed to intimidate this little man1
4I.. .don&t remem$er.4 7arker peered up at Jake&s opa.ue stare% slid a glance in Rachel&s
direction% and s"allo"ed% grinning ner'ously. 4I&m sorry.4 *is hands "ere gripping the arms
of the chair.
4/hat&s all right% -r. 7arker.4 Jake remo'ed the glasses% folded them and put them in his
pocket. 4-ay I call you #dam14
48-yes of course.4
4,ell% #dam% can you tell me "here you met the man you identified from the photograph14
4In -orris. /hat&s a to"n in the next county%4 he explained. 4I "ork there in the
elementary school three afternoons a "eek teaching art that&s "hy I didn&t see the picture
until today.4 *e looked from Rachel to Jake. 4I "as teaching at the elementary school
yesterday.4
4/hen you sa" him yesterday14 Rachel asked .uickly.
4(-no% I didn&t.4 Seeing her sudden look of disappointment% he added% 4I&m sorry.4
4oes this man% the man you think looks like the man in the picture% li'e in -orris14 Jake
asked.
4I don&t kno"% he didn&t say. #nd I didn&t ask%4 7arker added .uickly. *e didn&t kno" "hat
ryden had done% $ut he didn&t "ant to $e associated "ith him in this man&s mind.
/here "as an aura a$out the man .uestioning him *argra'es had said he "as FBI that
made 7arker greatly fear getting on his $ad side. 4I ne'er sa" him $efore that day%4 7arker
explained. 4It "as a ,ednesday% if that helps. *e "as su$stituting for another teacher "ho
"as ill.4
4Can you descri$e him14
4,ell...4 7arker fro"ned do"n at the tips of his shiny $ro"n shoes. 4I guess he "as a$out
fi'e nine or ten% $ecause that&s a$out my height and "e "ere on eye le'el. *e "as a little
hea'ier than me% so he must ha'e "eighed...4 he looked at Jake% then .uickly shifted his
glance $ack to"ard the floor 4...may$e a hundred and se'enty pounds.4
4*air color14
4Black $ut it "asn&t styled like it is in the picture I sa". It "as cut short on top a flattop% I
think they call it.4
4+yes14
4Blue and he "ore glasses% dark-framed glasses. I remem$er% $ecause they kept slipping
do"n his nose "hile "e talked and he kept pushing them $ack up.4
4,hat a$out scars14
7arker looked startled. 4I don&t recall any scars should I14
4(o. #nything else14 Jake asked.
4(o.4
4,hat a$out a ring14 Rachel asked a$ruptly. 4,as he "earing a "edding $and14
#dam 7arker hesitated% then shook his head. 4(o.4
4,hat a$out a family%4 Jake fired the .uestion at him% 4did he mention ha'ing a family14
4(-no.4
4/hen "hat did you talk a$out14 Jake asked in exasperation.
/he other man looked ill at ease. 4(-nothing% really. I "ent to get a cup of coffee $efore
my class started and...he "as )ust there. ,e exchanged greetings talked a$out the "eather
4 *e shrugged.
4id he mention if he li'ed alone14 Jake persisted.
4(o.4 7arker shook his head. 4Sorry.4
43i'e me the name of the school "here you met him.4 Jake had his note$ook open.
4 Sam a'is +lementary.4
Jake took a picture from his pocket and held it out to the other man. 4Is this the man you
sa"14
#dam 7arker studied the photo carefully. 4+xcept for the hair and the glasses...4 *e
hesitated% studied the picture closely% and then confirmed% 48es% it&s him.4
48ou&re sure14
7arker glanced at the photo again. 48es% I&m sure.4
4/hank you% -r. 7arker% for your help.4 Jake shook hands "ith the man% apologi0ed for
taking him a"ay from class% and "atched as he left the room "ith a noticea$le air of relief.
/urning to Rachel as the door closed $ehind his narro" shoulders% Jake said .uietly% a note
of triumph in his 'oice% 4,e&'e got him.4
4o "e14 She responded "ithout the enthusiasm he&d anticipated. 4*e "as here a "eek ago%
$ut he could $e long gone $y no".4 espite her $ra'e assurance a little "hile ago that they
"ere a$out to find her daughter% she "as suddenly afraid to hope.
4I don&t think so%4 Jake responded in neutral tones. 4#nd in any case% no" that "e ha'e
something to go on% "e can trace him e'en if he has left the area.4
4,hat happens no"14
4(o"% "e simply ha'e to make a telephone call to the& sheriff and let him set up an
appointment for us "ith a mem$er of the -orris school $oard. ,e find out if anyone there
recogni0es your ex-hus$and&s picture% and then "e find out "ho "as doing su$stitute
teaching on ,ednesday of last "eek and see if any of those people recogni0e him.4
/he principal still hadn&t returned% $ut Jake used the phone in his office to call Sheriff
6angly.
4It looks promising%4 he told the other man. 4Can you set up a meeting for me "ith a
mem$er of the -orris school $oard14
4Sure% "hen14
4Soon as possi$le. ,e&ll lea'e right a"ay. *o" far is the to"n from here14
4#$out half an hour&s dri'e%4 6angly responded.
4-ake the call. ,e&ll "ait right here till "e hear from you.4
John *argra'es seemed to ha'e disappeared. ,hile Jake and Rachel "aited% Jake tracked
do"n t"o cups of $lack coffee and $rought one to Rachel. Rachel took a sip% made a face%
and Jake almost grinned.
4It definitely isn&t anything like yours%4 she said "ith a tiny smile.
/heir eyes met o'er the rim of the foam cup. 4So... my coffee has made a lasting impression
on you.4
/hat "asn&t the only thing that had made a lasting impression on her% Rachel thought as she
s"allo"ed hastily and looked hurriedly a"ay. Suddenly the room felt too "arm.
/"enty minutes later% the phone rang and it "as the sheriff. octor Richard Schyler% head
of the -orris school $oard% "ould $e "aiting to speak to him as soon as he could get there.
6angly ga'e Jake directions and rang off.
!n the "ay out of to"n% Jake stopped at a fast-food restaurant% remem$ering they hadn&t
eaten any $reakfast. *e didn&t touch the sand"iches he&d $ought% $ut drank t"o cups of
strong% $lack coffee% hoping the caffeine "ould tha" the fro0en lump of ice $eginning to fill
his insides.
/he hori0on "as once more darkened "ith storm clouds% and a matching silence en'eloped
the car as they s"ept along the high"ay amid the stark reality of a "et% /exas fall% and on
to "hate'er a"aited them in the next to"n. #nd as the miles sped $y% the chill inside Jake
gre".
It "as getting close. *is hour of reckoning "as almost at hand. (o" "as his chance to make
amends% to rectify all the mistakes he&d made in the past. /he thought did nothing to
inspire him. *e "as getting a second chance $ut at "hat cost1
<ery a"are of the "oman at his side% Jake made an attempt to turn his thoughts in another
direction% $ut found it impossi$le. *o" long could he hope to ignore the fact that the child
in'ol'ed this time "as hers1
/he reali0ation only made the "hole thing "orse. *e "asn&t certain "hat his feelings "ere
for Rachel% $ut he kne" that "hate'er they "ere% they shouldn&t e'en exist. *ad he learned
nothing in the past six months1
Rachel took a $ite of roast $eef and che"ed methodically% staring straight ahead. She
didn&t taste the food% and each $ite seemed to gro" larger as she che"ed.
/hey "ere close% she could feel it5 +xcitement $u$$led $elo" the surface $ut it "as an
excitement edged "ith dread. She "ouldn&t only $e seeing her daughter...she&d $e seeing
3ary again% soon% too.
4o you mind14
Jake&s sudden deep tones routed her from the depths of dread and caused her to eye him
.uestioningly.
*e lifted a cigarette and asked% 4,ill it $other you if I smoke14
4(-no go ahead.4
Jake placed the narro" "hite cylinder $et"een firm lips% pushed the lighter in on the dash%
and "hen it popped out% held it to the tip of the cigarette. /aking a long pull% he replaced
the lighter and took the cigarette from his mouth.
Rachel "atched the smoke drift through his nostrils and form a "hite cloud around his
head. 4I didn&t kno" you smoked.4
4I don&t.4
/he reply made sense to her. She "ished it didn&t. #nd she "ished% suddenly% that she% too%
smoked. -ay$e it "ould ease the churning sensations skittering around inside% making her
feel ill.
(o" that Jake had reminded her of his presence% she couldn&t seem to concentrate on
anything else. She "atched him take another long dra" on the cigarette and hold the smoke
inside $efore letting it out through his mouth.
,hat "as he thinking1 *e looked so calm. ,as he "orried at all a$out seeing her ex-
hus$and1
(o% of course he "asn&t. *e "as used to it. It "as his )o$ to hunt do"n people like 3ary..
.$ut% then% did anyone e'er get used to "hat Jake "as a$out to face1
Stupid .uestion. If he&d $een used to it% the deaths of the "oman and child the last time
"ouldn&t ha'e affected him as that they had.
/he seconds ticked $y and a ne" sensation $egan to transmit itself to her. She glanced at
the rigid planes of Jake&s face% the inflexi$le fingers on the steering "heel% and reali0ed he
"as coiled as tightly as a spring.
So% he "asn&t as calm as she&d thought. ,ere his thoughts paralleling hers1 ,as he
thinking a$out 3ary1 #$out #my1 #$out the last time1
Focusing her attention on the road% she took a hurried sip of coffee% fighting the tiny spark
of fear at the $ack of her mind. /he spark had $een started the day she&d 'isited the
cemetery and seen the t"o gra'es. But it "as $eing fanned $y a .uestion that had $een
gro"ing inside% e'er since Jake&s su$se.uent explanation a$out their significance in his o"n
life.
,hat "ould he do if he "as faced "ith a cra0ed man% one "ho threatened her daughter&s
life1 ,ould he $e a$le to get #my a"ay from 3ary "ithout getting her hurt or killed1
/rying her $est to $eat do"n the gro"ing fear% Rachel reminded herself that she trusted
Jake... didn&t she1 idn?t she1
!f course she did5 *e "ouldn&t do anything that "ould hurt her child $ut "hat a$out the
last time1 a small 'oice "hispered. /he last child he tried to sa'e had ended up dead.
But that "as different% she argued. *o"1 /hat man had $een demented...like 3ary1
3ary is #my&s father...and he threatened to kill her and himself% too.
4/alk to me%4 Rachel said a$ruptly% una$le to stop the 'oices arguing inside her head.
Jake spared her a glance% sa" the uncertainty% the hint of desperation in her eyes% and
"ondered if the same look "as in his o"n.
48ou kno"%4 he promised softly% 4I "on&t do anything that "ill )eopardi0e your daughter&s
life.4
/heir glances met and held for a long% heart-stopping moment% $efore she "hispered
unsteadily% 4I kno".4
She )ust "anted this to $e all o'er "ith% #my $ack in her arms% and the t"o of them safe in
their home in San #ntonio.
#nd "hat a$out Jake1 ,hat "ould happen to this thing $et"een them% "hen #my "as safe
and 3ary "as in custody1
(othing had $een mentioned no "ords had $een spoken $et"een them of... lo'e. id she
lo'e him1
Rachel&s lids slipped do"n o'er her eyes. # slo" heat crept up her neck. *e "as "atching
her and e'en though he couldn&t read her mind% she couldn&t help the em$arrassment
"ashing o'er her% making her feel hot and uncomforta$le inside.
,hat "ould #my think of Jake1 ,ould he make a good father1 Rachel&s face $urned
hotter at the idea of his $eing #my&s stepfather. *e hadn&t e'en mentioned seeing her
again% ho" could she consider the possi$ility of... anything else1
4#re you finished "ith that14
Rachel stared at him $lankly. *e "as looking at her hands. She follo"ed his eyes to the
half-eaten sand"ich she "as currently mangling.
48es%4 she responded slo"ly% putting the empty coffee cup into the sack and re"rapping the
partially eaten sand"ich. Jake took the sack from her and thre" it onto the $ack seat.
4#re "e a$out there14 She couldn&t stand her thoughts any longer% nor could she stand the
idea of $eing confined in this small space "ith the man at her side for much longer.
Jake glanced at the odometer. 4#nother ten miles.4
4o you think it&s him14 /here "as a note of apprehension mixed "ith excitement in her
'oice. !nly ten miles% after a month of not kno"ing "here #my might $e% "hat "as happening
to her% or if she "as safe and in good health to $e "ithin ten miles of her at last.
48es%4 Jake ans"ered solemnly.
Rachel folded her hands in her lap and s.uee0ed the fingers tightly together. 4,hat...ha'e
you thought a$out ho"... "hat you&re going to do "hen "e get there... "hen "e... "hen you
come face-to-face "ith him14
Jake&s stomach constricted into a tight hard knot. *ere it "as% here "as the dou$t he&d
"arned her she&d one day feel. *e&d kno"n it "as coming and still it "as a shock.
Stu$$ing out the cigarette in the ashtray% he s"allo"ed and shook his head. 4I "on&t kno"
ho" to handle the situation until I kno" "hat the situation is%4 he ans"ered tightly.
4o you think 4
4,e&re here%4 Jake cut across her "ords "ith a sense of relief. She "as asking .uestions
he&d $een asking himself during the ride. *e didn&t kno" ho" he&d handle the child&s
release. *e didn&t kno" ho" he&d handle himself.
4Come on.4
/he offices of the school $oard "ere located in a modern four-story office $uilding at the
end of the main street of to"n. Jake and Rachel "ere sho"ed inside r. Schyler&s office $y
a trim% middle-aged secretary.
!nce the amenities "ere o'er% Richard Schyler asked $riskly% 48ou&re certain Conrad
,ilkison is the man you&re looking for14
4I "on&t kno" that for certain until -rs. ryden positi'ely identifies him%4 Jake replied
carefully.
4,ell% he hasn&t $een "ith us long% $ut he came "ith excellent references. #nd I&'e heard
nothing $ut good things a$out his teaching methods in the short time he&s $een employed
"ith us. It "ill $e a shame to lose him%4 the older man added "ith real regret.
4*e&s "anted for kidnapping.4 Jake&s eyes looked hard at the other man&s face.
4But% I understand he is the child&s real father%4 Schyler suggested carefully.
4/hat changes nothing. /he mother has legal custody 4
48ou don&t understand 4 Rachel $egan% only to $reak off as Jake took her arm in a firm grip.
4/he address14 Jake prompted "ith stony emphasis.
Richard Schyler ga'e them $oth a long% searching stare. # moment later% he left the room
"ithout speaking again.
/he minutes seemed like hours "hile they "aited for his return. Rachel stared at the
framed certificates on the "all $ehind the man&s desk. Jake stood staring out the "indo".
48ou should ha'e "orn your dark glasses%4 she said% in a ner'ous attempt at humor.
Jake&s $road $ack tensed. /hat sounded 'ery much like a slur against his handling of
Schyler. =eeping his eyes on the falling rain% he focused on one thought soon it "ould all $e
o'er.
4,hat&s taking him so long14 Rachel demanded a$ruptly. 4,e&'e $een here a long time.4
4Relax% it&s only $een a fe" minutes.4 /he "ords "ere meant to soothe% $ut there "as a
tension a$out them that hung like a cloud o'er their heads.
48ou don&t think he&s gone to "arn him% do you14 she asked "ith da"ning horror. She could
see her child slipping a"ay.
4(o. *e&s pro$a$ly gone to check my credentials.4
4*e doesn&t "ant to help us.4
4I kno".4
Rachel slo"ly dre" closer to Jake. espite e'erything $et"een them% there "as an inherent
strength a$out his hard figure that attracted her like a moth to a flame. She needed
something solid to hold on to% and Jake "as there.
*er shoulder touched his and something $umped against his "rist. Jake felt cold fingers
slip inside his and his hand closed "armly around them.
4*ere "e are.4 r. Schyler returned carrying a slip of paper. 4I made you a copy of his
address.4
4/hank you.4 Jake reached for it "ith his free hand% retaining his hold on Rachel. /hey held
hands all the "ay to the car.
4Is it far14 she asked hesitantly% "atching him fro"n at the paper in his hand.
4It isn&t located in to"n% it&s a$out t"el'e miles from here. Someone has "ritten do"n
directions on ho" to reach it.4
/hey "ere fi'e miles from to"n% amid a 'ast expanse of hills% $rush and little else "hen the
car ga'e a sudden )erk and 'eered sharply to"ard the right. Jake corrected the mo'e and
felt the car $uck $eneath his hands.
Rachel gasped% gra$$ing for the arm rest. 4,hat is it14
Jake "hispered a curse $eneath his $reath. 4I think "e ha'e "hat is kno"n as a flat tire.4
4Flat tire5 But "e can&t 4
48es%4 Jake corrected her succinctly% pulling onto the shoulder of the road. 4,e can. ,e
do.4
4Be careful54 Rachel cautioned as the car $umped o'er a rock and onto "et grass. 4/he
shoulder is soft. ,hat if "e get stuck14
4on&t look for trou$le%4 Jake said $et"een clenched teeth% 4"e&'e got enough on our plate
as it is.4
4,hat do you mean14
4I mean% I don&t think I ha'e a spare.4
4,hat14
Rachel couldn&t "ait in the car. +'en though the rain had started again and fell like sharp
pellets of ice on her unco'ered head% she clim$ed out and follo"ed him to the $ack of the
car.
4It&s flat%4 she stated the o$'ious. 4*o" could you start out on a trip "ithout first
checking your spare tire14 she asked impatiently% staring into the trunk at the flattened
tire.
4I "asn&t exactly expecting to take a trip%4 he reminded her caustically. ,hy did "omen
al"ays state the o$'ious1
4But it&s only common sense to make sure you ha'e a usa$le spare.4 She gestured "ildly
"ith her hands. 46ook "here you li'e it&s miles from e'ery"here. ,hat "ould you ha'e done
if you&d had a flat "ay out there14
4/he same thing I&m going to do right no"%4 he told her% slamming the trunk. 43et $ack in
the car.4
4But 4
4o it54
Rachel raised her chin haughtily% ga'e him a cold stare "ithout mo'ing an inch% then% ha'ing
made her point% turned stiffly a"ay. -arching to the passenger side of the car% she clim$ed
inside and slammed the door.
-en% she fumed silently. *o" could this $e happening1
/hey "ere so close...
Jake clim$ed in $eside her and started the engine% though he didn&t immediately mo'e the
car. 46ook%4 he said finally% staring straight ahead% 4I&m sorry a$out the flat. I kno" you&re
anxious a$out getting to the house 4
4*e could $e getting a"ay "hile "e sit here% talking% 3ary could $e lea'ing "ith #my and...4
She didn&t say it% $ut the rest of the sentence "as o$'ious. *e "as to $lame. 4I didn&t put
the damned nail in the damned tire%4 he shouted. 4#nd "hy "ould 3ary suddenly lea'e here1
*e has no idea "e&re on to him.4
4,hat a$out that man% Schyler1 *e liked 3ary% he could ha'e "arned him% "hile "e "aited
in his office%4 she protested.
4 *e didn&t "arn him.4
4*o" do you kno"14
4I )ust kno".4
Rachel opened her mouth to make a scathing retort and closed it "ithout speaking. *e
didn&t understand. *e didn&t understand at all.
,ithout "aiting for a reply% Jake turned the car around% and putting the t"o right tires on
the pa'ed shoulder% mo'ed slo"ly for"ard. *e didn&t like the delay any $etter than she did%
$ut she didn&t seem to understand that% and he "as too angry to try to explain it to her.
/hey hadn&t gone more than a mile "hen a tractor trailer streaked past% shaking the car
"ith its tail "ind. #ir $rakes sounded suddenly and the $lare of a horn follo"ed.
Jake&s eyes darted to the rear'ie" mirror. /he trucker "as laying on his horn and
motioning out the "indo" for Jake to stop.
Rachel turned in the seat to look $ehind them. 4,hat does he "ant14 she asked in
$e"ilderment.
4/o help us% I hope%4 Jake muttered softly.
Stopping the car% he got out and ran $ack to speak to the truck dri'er. Rachel "atched
them talking. Jake nodded and shook his head. # moment later% the truck $egan to $ack up
as Jake ran to"ard the car.
4*e&s going to take me to a to"n up ahead a fe" miles%4 Jake panted. 4I&ll either get the
flat fixed% or $uy a ne" tire% "hiche'er is .uicker. o you "ant to come along14
4(o. I&ll stay "ith the car.4
Jake hesitated. *e didn&t like the idea of lea'ing her alone on a country road "ith 'ery
little traffic% $ut he didn&t "ant to take the time to argue "ith her% either.
4#ll right. 6ock the doors and stay in the car. I&ll $e $ack as .uick as I can.4
Rachel spent the next hour scrunching do"n in the seat e'ery time a 'ehicle "ent $y%
peering o'er the edge of the doorframe% "atching for 3ary. Chances "ere slim that he&d
actually dri'e past "hile she sat there% and she had no idea "hat she&d do if he actually did%
$ut still% e'ery time a car popped the hill in either direction% she made it a point to "ipe the
glass and try to get a glimpse of the dri'er.
#ll at once% she sa" a 'ehicle crest the hill and head straight for her. It crossed the road
pulled up directly in front of Jake&s car% and stopped. Bright lights flashed through the
"indshield almost $linding her. Rachel felt her insides tighten in apprehension.
/"isting in the seat and shielding her eyes from the glare she tried to see the 'ehicle more
clearly% $ut the "indo"s of Jake&s car "ere steamed "ith fog. Rolling do"n the "indo"% she
stuck her head outside. It had started to rain again and her head "as soaked in seconds% $ut
she sa" a $eat-up orange truck sitting on the shoulder in front of the car.
#ll of a sudden the passenger door opened and Rachel ga'e a little scream. She&d forgotten
to lock the doors like Jake had told her.
4It figures%4 Jake said in a tone of resignation.
Rachel $reathed a .uick sigh of relief% pulled her head $ack inside and rolled up the "indo".
4-ike 4 Jake motioned to"ard the car up ahead 4 came "ith me from the station. *e&s
going to help change the tire. I had to $uy a ne" one.
4,e should $e finished in a fe" minutes. o you "ant to "ait in the truck until "e&re
done14
Rachel stared at the rain dripping into his face from the end of a curl hanging o'er his
forehead% and felt her heart lurch.
Jake "iped at the rain impatiently. /he end of his nose looked pink% and his lips looked dry
and cracked from the cold% and she "as so glad to see him she "anted to thro" her arms
around his neck and hug him.
4If it&s all right%4 she replied in a lo" 'oice% 4I&ll )ust stay here.4
4Right. ,e "on&t $e long.4
Jake nodded and clim$ed from the car. ucking his head into the collar of his )acket%
feeling the cold rain slide do"n the $ack of his neck% he hurried to"ard the $ack of the car
to help the man% -ike.
Rachel closed her eyes and leaned her head $ack against the seat% feeling the cold rain
splash her hot face. It "as impossi$le to stay mad at him...
48ou&re getting "et.4
Rachel ga'e a slight )erk% opened her eyes and looked to her left. Jake "as sitting on the
seat $eside her. ,hen had he gotten in the car1 Surely% he hadn&t $een gone long enough to
ha'e changed a tire. 4Ready14
Rachel nodded and rolled up the "indo"% reali0ing "ith a shock that she must ha'e do0ed
off. She "as appalled at the idea. *o" could she ha'e fallen asleep at such a crucial time1
4It happens to the $est of us%4 Jake suggested mildly. 4,hat14
43i'ing in to stress.4
Something "arm co'ered her icy fingers "here they gripped the edge of the seat. Jake
s.uee0ed her hand gently% then released it.
Rachel shot him a pu00led glance. ,ould she e'er come to understand him1
Chapter 12
Jake turned off the pa'ement onto a "inding dirt road $o"ered $y pine trees and dro'e
slo"ly% keeping careful "atch on the road up ahead. *e had no idea if there "ere other
houses along the road% $ut didn&t "ant to chance a collision "ith a 'ehicle that might come
roaring around a cur'e at any minute and crash head-on into them. #nd% too% he "as looking
for something.
Rachel felt the 4$reath $ecome static in her lungs as they neared the house. ,ith a
gro"ing sense of aggra'ation% she "ondered "hy Jake "as dri'ing so slo"ly. She "anted to
rush right up to the house% confront her hus$and% and get #my a"ay from him.
#ll at once% Jake pulled off the road and dro'e in among the trees. Small $ranches scraped
the sides of the car as he dro'e se'eral yards into them $efore stopping.
Rachel looked at him in ama0ement. ,here "as the house1 4(o" "hat14 She sighed%
unconsciously "hispering% 4Is there something else "rong "ith the car14
4(o.4 Jake glanced at her caustically $efore pocketing the keys and sliding from the car.
Bending to peer at her $efore closing the door% he said% 4From here% I go on foot. 8ou stay
in the car. It&s still raining and I "on&t $e gone long.4
4Right.4 Clim$ing from the car% she stood $eside it and stared at him defiantly.
4,hat are you doing14
4I&m going "ith you.4
4I told you to stay in the car.4
4#nd I&'e told you% more than once% that I&m going to $e there "hen "e find #my%4 she
ans"ered stu$$ornly.
4/his could $e dangerous.4
4#ll the more reason for me to $e there% to protect #my.4
/he rain plastered his hair to his head as he stood "ith rigid )a" and stared at her
hostilely. For a moment he toyed "ith the idea of dumping her in the trunk and locking her in
there. *e&d do it% too% if "asn&t for the thought of something happening to him and no one
finding her until it "as too late.
4#ll right%4 he said irrita$ly% 4$ut if I say drop% you $etter $e on all fours in a matter of
seconds. 8ou got that14
Rachel "iped rain from her face "ith icy fingers and nodded.
46et&s go.4
/hey "ound their "ay through the trees% keeping lo"% "ith Jake in the lead. #fter a$out
fi'e minutes% the house came into 'ie".
Catching an occasional glimpse of it through the trees% Rachel stared at the som$er
structure and shi'ered. #s it gre" steadily closer% and though it seemed silly e'en to her%
she couldn&t help feeling that as they "atched it% it "atched them% too. /rying to shake off
her thoughts% she forced herself to remem$er this "as only a house and #my could $e
some"here inside.
,hen they "ere directly $ehind the house% Jake took up a position that ena$led him to see
$oth sides of the $uilding and part of the dri'e leading to it. It "as a one-story structure
"ith a screened-in $ack porch and no garage or out$uildings. #nd it appeared large enough
to house a$out six or eight rooms. ryden could $e hiding in any one of them.
Jake put his mouth against Rachel&s ear to make himself heard a$o'e the sound of the rain
and said% 48ou stay right here don&t mo'e from this spot% no matter "hat happens.
9nderstand14
4,here are you going14 she "hispered apprehensi'ely.
4/o get a look at the front. I don&t see a car from here% $ut I can&t see the front of the
house. Stay right here%4 he mouthed again% pointing a finger at the ground% as he mo'ed
a"ay.
Rachel flicked a ner'ous glance to"ard the house and "hen she looked $ack% Jake had
disappeared. 7ulling her collar closer around her neck% "ishing she&d "orn a hat of some
kind% she hunkered do"n $ehind the co'er of the $ush and kept her eyes glued to the
"indo"s at the $ack of the house% looking for signs of life from inside.
It "asn&t "hat you&d actually call dark% $ut it "as getting later all the time and if anyone
"as in the house% they&d soon ha'e to resort to turning on a fe" lights. Shooting a pensi'e
glance in the direction in "hich Jake had disappeared% Rachel&s head s"i'eled slo"ly to peer
into the trees and the gathering darkness $ehind her. Feeling suddenly 'ery 'ulnera$le% she
prayed Jake "ould $e all right and that he&d return 'ery soon.
Jake "orked his "ay around the perimeter of the house% staying hidden in the co'er of
trees. So far% he hadn&t seen a sign of life. /here "asn&t a 'ehicle parked near the front of
the house% $ut a car could $e hidden any"here along the road as easily and as .uickly as he&d
hidden his o"n.
*e "as methodically taking all the precautions he&d $een taught% making certain all his
mo'es "ere careful and "ell-thought out. /his time% unlike the last% he&d kno" the place "as
secure $efore going inside.
,hen he&d learned all he could from the outside% Jake made his "ay $ack to Rachel. ,ith a
sense of relief% he sa" that she&d done as he&d said and stayed put. #pparently she hadn&t
heard his silent approach% $ecause "hen he touched her lightly on the shoulder% she ga'e a
startled )ump and opened her mouth to scream.
Jerking her $ack against him% Jake&s hand co'ered her mouth $efore she could utter a
sound. #n arm across her $reasts pinned her to him% and "ith his cheek alongside hers% he
"hispered% 4Relax% it&s me.4
Rachel "ent limp. She made a .uick reco'ery% $ut Jake held her for a moment longer%
needing to feel the reassurance of her $ody pressed to his. Closing his eyes and sliding his
lips against the side of her neck% he took a deep $reath of the essence that "as Rachel and
found added strength for "hat lay ahead.
,hen he released her% Rachel looked closely at his aloof expression. *ad she only imagined
the momentary touch of his lips against her neck1
4I took a good look around%4 Jake said% 4and I didn&t find anything.4
48ou mean he&s gone14 she asked in .uick alarm.
4(o% that&s not "hat I mean. I mean it looks as though no one&s at home. I&m going inside.4
She stood up% ready to dash to"ard the door and demand an entrance. 4,ell% "hat are you
"aiting for1 #ren&t "e going inside14
48es% I&m going in%4 Jake ans"ered "ith a trace of exasperation% 4$ut not through the front
door.4
46et&s go.4
Staring at her intently% he said% 4I said% I "as going inside. 8ou are going to stay right here
)ust in case.4
48ou mean in case he&s in the house14
But Jake "asn&t listening to her% he "as mo'ing a"ay. Rachel follo"ed .uickly% gra$$ing his
arm. 4I "ant to go% too. 8ou need me.4 She hunted around in her mind for a reason and came
up "ith% 4If there&s e'idence #my has $een here% ho" "ill you kno" "ithout me to identify
it14
It "as a 'alid point% $ut her safety "as his responsi$ility% a responsi$ility he didn&t take
lightly% and so he persisted. 4I&m sorry.4 *e shook his head. 4It isn&t safe. ,hat if your ex-
hus$and is hiding inside1 !ne sight of you could set him off. 8our life could $e in danger.4
4/hat&s a chance I&m "illing to take.4 *er eyes pleaded "ith him for understanding. She
shook his arm in agitation. 4I ha'e to take that chance for #my.
4Besides% "hat if he isn&t inside1 ,hat if he&s hiding out here some"here% "atching us
right no". ,ould I $e safe out here% alone% "hile you&re in the house14
She "as right% he couldn&t let her out of his sight. 4#ll right% $ut you do exactly as I say%
you hear1 exactly as I say.4
Rachel nodded.
4Come on.4
/ogether they mo'ed closer to the house "hile Jake&s sixth sense kept tuned to their
surroundings. *e studied the screened-in $ack porch. /here "ere t"o "indo"s 'isi$le% one
to the left of the $ack door and one to the right. Blinds "ere pulled o'er them so he
couldn&t see inside% $ut there "as an unmistaka$le aura of emptiness a$out the place.
,ith one last all-encompassing glance% Jake mo'ed $oldly from co'er% pulling Rachel $ehind%
and hurried to"ard the porch. Resting against the side of the house% ner'es stretched tight
"ith tension% he "aited% listening.
,hen nothing happened% Jake reached up and tried the porch door. *e couldn&t $elie'e it
"hen the door opened readily $eneath his touch.
# fe" seconds later% he stood "ith Rachel close $ehind him% leaning against the "hite
painted "all of the house. 6ooking up at the "indo" directly a$o'e their heads% Jake made a
.uick decision. 3oing in through a door could $e dangerous if the house "as occupied. *e had
no "ay of kno"ing if ryden "as armed% $ut he didn&t "ant to chance flying $ullets "ith
Rachel and a child on hand.
Besides% if he "ent in through a "indo" and the place "as empty% should 3ary sho" up "hile
they "ere inside% he&d ha'e a .uick% undetecta$le% means of escape. ,ithdra"ing a large
pocketknife from his )eans% he "orked at the "indo"% prying the screen loose. (o"% he could
mo'e the "indo" $ack and forth in the sill% $ut it still "ouldn&t lift.
Jamming the long $lade of the knife into the paint at the $ottom of the sill% he dre" it
$ack and forth "ith difficulty% $reaking the paint loose. /hen he pried hard on the "indo"%
first at one end and then the other.
#s he suspected% the "indo" "asn&t locked. -ost people didn&t think to lock "indo"s%
despite the fact they ne'er failed to lock their doors. /ugging on the "ood% rocking it $ack
and forth to loosen the paint on the frame inside% he managed to raise it an inch.
Rachel stood "ith arms "rapped around her chest% staring into the deepening t"ilight%
fearing her hus$and&s sudden return if he "asn&t hidden some"here inside and "ishing Jake
"ould hurry things along. 3lancing up as Jake $egan sho'ing against the $ottom of the
partially opened "indo"% she asked pee'ishly% 4on&t you carry a set of skeleton keys or
something1 ,ouldn&t it $e easier to go in through a door14
Jake ignored her to continue "ith "hat he "as doing and in a relati'ely short span of time
the "indo" stood open.
4Is this legal14 Rachel asked "ith a sudden attack of conscience% staring at the open
"indo". 4on&t "e need a search "arrant or something14
She didn&t "ant to take the chance that 3ary could get set free on some legal technicality
so he could try something like this again. She "anted him put a"ay for a long% long time.
Jake ga'e her a measuring look% turned her around and $oosted her through the "indo".
She landed on her feet% finding herself in "hat appeared to $e a laundry room% minus
appliances. In fact% the room "as totally $are% except for a clothesline "ith t"o clothespins
pinned to it. !n further examination she spotted a sho'el% a rake and a hoe standing in a
corner near the door.
By the time Jake had follo"ed her through the "indo"% Rachel "as already half"ay to the
door. 4Come on%4 she said anxiously% filled "ith a kind of reckless courage no" that they
"ere actually inside and her daughter might $e near. 46et&s see "hat&s inside.4
Jake took .uick hold of her shoulder% halting her a$ruptly. -o'ing around to the lead% he
put her firmly $ehind him. # moment later% he "as reaching for the door&s kno$.
4Jake "ait54 Rachel touched his shoulder .uickly. 4,hat if 3ary is inside "aiting for us1
,hat are you going to do1 o you ha'e a gun14 /he .uestions spilled from lips that "ere
suddenly unsteady.
/his "as it this "as "hat she&d $een "aiting for e'er since the night 3ary had $rutally
thro"n her from the car and dri'en off lea'ing her alone in the dirt% crying o'er the loss of
her child and the fact that she hadn&t $een a$le to stop him.
She "anted him to $e here% she "anted to see him put in )ail. She "anted to tear him lim$
from lim$ "ith her o"n $are hands $ut she "as terrified of him and that strange look of
madness she&d seen in his eyes that night% too.
#nd then% too% all at once she didn&t kno" if she could trust the man at her side. Could she
rely on him to get her daughter out of her ex-hus$and&s clutches% "ithout $ringing her to
harm1
She "anted to trust him...
4I don&t need a gun to look around inside%4 Jake replied shortly% taking her hand from his
arm and dra"ing her along $ehind him.
*e didn&t need to $e a mind reader to kno" "hat she "as thinking2 his o"n thoughts "ere
mirrored in her trou$led glance. 46et&s find out "hat&s inside $efore "e "orry a$out ho" to
handle it.&& *e tried to sound calm and matter-of-fact and to stem the crushing tide of
disappointment flooding through him at this% her first sign of distrust. 4Stay close and don&t
make any noise.4
/hey mo'ed through the door and directly into another room. Jake halted a$ruptly%
shielding Rachel "ith his $ody from a possi$le attack $y anyone hidden "ithin the room.
Rachel mo'ed up close $ehind him% trying to see around his shoulder. /hey "ere standing in
a kitchen that looked as though it had ne'er $een used. +'erything "as neat and tidy. /he
ta$le% countertops and sink "ere clean and $are% lea'ing no 'isi$le indication that anyone
li'ed there.
4,hat do you think14 Jake asked Rachel.
43ary is a neatness freak. /his looks like him. -y "orkroom at home% "here I do my
glass"ork% dro'e him to distraction.4
!n the mo'e again% they left the kitchen and stepped into a hall"ay. 46et&s try that door.4
Jake motioned to"ard the door immediately in front of him.
*iding his o"n uneasiness% he gripped her shoulder momentarily% $efore again placing her
$ehind him as they mo'ed on. Jake&s gut instincts "ere telling him they&d found their man.
/he first door he opened led into a "alk-in pantry. # fe" canned goods lined the shel'es
along "ith a popular $rand of cereal and a $ox of po"dered milk.
4/hat&s #my&s fa'orite cereal54 Rachel couldn&t keep the excitement out of her 'oice as
she pointed to it "ith a shaking hand.
4It&s mine% too%4 Jake said shortly.
From the shel'es& contents% Jake deduced that "hoe'er li'ed here either needed to make a
'isit to the grocery store% or they "eren&t planning on staying here long. *e kept the
o$ser'ation to himself.
/he next door they tried led into a $edroom. /he furnishings% a full-si0e $ed% a dresser% a
small nightstand "ith a lamp% and a "ooden rocker% "ere utilitarian and impersonal.
Jake motioned silently for Rachel to mo'e $ack against the "all and crossed the room
to"ard another door. /hro"ing the door "ide% tensed to spring for"ard if necessary% he
relaxed in relief. /he room pro'ed to $e a $athroom and it "as empty except for a
disposa$le ra0or% a can of generic sha'ing cream% and a man&s com$ and $rush% lying on the
sink.
4*e&s here%4 Rachel declared solemnly o'er his right shoulder% staring at the "hite
porcelain sink.
4o you recogni0e something14
4(o% $ut I kno" he&s li'ing here I feel it in my $ones.4
/hey left the room and mo'ed do"n the hall to"ard the li'ing room. It looked like the rest
of the house. /he papered "alls "ere $are of pictures and the furniture $are of adornment.
Jake stepped around a couch set near the door and mo'ed up to a small desk% sitting $eside
a near$y "indo". *e $egan in turn going through each dra"er methodically. # sudden cry
from another part of the house first fro0e him% then caused him to "hirl .uickly a$out and
scan the room for Rachel. She "as gone5
4Rachel "here are you14 he called softly% instantly fuming inside. *e&d told her to stay "ith
him5
4Rachel%4 he called again in a slightly louder 'oice% listening carefully% $ut hearing no reply.
By no" his )a"s "ere clamped tight "ith anger at her $latant disregard of his instructions.
id she think this "as a game1
#nd then% another thought slithered into his mind% $ringing "ith it a sudden sharp $ite of
fear. ,hat if ryden had $een in the house all along% hiding as they "ent through the rooms
"aiting until he could get Rachel alone1 ,hat if he had her right no"1
/he sudden spurt of anxiety spreading through him like a $reath of icy "ind solidified into
a feeling Jake recogni0ed. #t "hate'er cost to himself% he determined coldly% he&d see that
Rachel and her child came to no harm.
Jake .uickly found his "ay do"n a long central hall that di'ided the house into t"o separate
parts% hugging the "all as he mo'ed cautiously for"ard% keeping a close eye on "hat "as
ahead as "ell as $ehind. Coming to an open door% he mo'ed slo"ly for"ard% tensed for an
attack% and peered around the doorframe into the room.
4Rachel14 *e looked for signs of a struggle and sa" none.
She stood alone in the center of the room% her $ack to him% head $o"ed o'er an o$)ect she
held to her "ith $oth hands. /urning slo"ly at the sound of her name% she ga0ed at him "ith
saddened eyes% yet he could see a strange kind of elation in their depths% too.
4I&'e found -rs. -c(a$.4 *olding out "hat appeared to $e a faded pink $unny "ith long
floppy ears% she took a step in his direction. 4It&s her it&s -rs. -c(a$.4
Jake looked $lank.
4on&t you remem$er the stuffed animal you picked up at my house1 ,ell% this is the other
half of the pair. Remem$er% I told you there "ere t"o of them% a $oy and a girl1
4#my got them for +aster last year. She named them -r. and -rs. -c(a$% after her
Sunday school teacher and the "oman&s hus$and.4
Rachel ru$$ed the furry creature a $it desperately against one cheek. 4She lo'ed this one
the $est% $ecause she said it looked exactly like the real -rs. -c(a$.4 *er eyes darkened
"ith the remem$rance. 4She had -rs. -c(a$ "ith her the night 3ary took her.4
48ou&re sure14 Jake asked "ith .uiet emphasis% stepping fully into the room.
Rachel turned the $unny o'er and holding its cotton tail aside for his inspection% said% 4See
those stitches1 I made them% myself% $ecause she "as losing her stuffing and #my "ouldn&t
go to sleep at night "ithout her.4
Jake glanced from the toy to the room&s contents. 9nlike the other rooms in the house%
this one "as filled to o'erflo"ing. *e $ent to pick up a )ack-in-the $ox and look at the
painted face of the clo"n "ea'ing $ack and forth on a spring.
4,hat the hell is all this14 he asked% looking around the room.
It "as filled "ith toys. /here "ere dolls in $illo"ing lace dresses% clo"ns in colorful suits
and caps% a $rass drum complete "ith lithograph picture% a miniature china tea set that
looked like the real thing% a small rose"ood piano "ith yello"ed i'ory keys and a rare
collection of doll&s furniture and appliances from another era. *e hadn&t seen anything like
this since the night he and his $est friend had gone upstairs into his friend&s attic to look
for a place they could smoke "ithout getting caught $y his parents.
/his "as the only room he&d found in the "hole house stamped "ith any kind of a
personality and it "as $i0arre in the extreme.
4,hat in the hell is all this14 Jake repeated in momentary confusion.
4-y daughter&s toys%4 Rachel replied hollo"ly.
Jake )erked his head in her direction. From there he looked to"ard the cracked and peeling
face of a near$y doll% the milde"-stained dress of another. 7icking up a $roken teacup% he
held it out to her. 4/his this is "hat you gi'e your daughter to play "ith14
4(o. It&s "hat 3ary has gi'en her to play "ith.&&
arting suddenly across the room to the open closet% she )erked the door $ack on its
hinges and said% 46ook54 7ulling out dresses made of gingham% cam$ric and $atiste% designed
in styles of nearly a century ago% she held them up for him to see.
4/hese don&t $elong to #my.4 She let go of the dresses and hurried to"ard the dresser.
Jerking open a dra"er% spilling nightgo"ns of fine la"n and stockings made of "ool onto the
floor% she added% 4#nd neither do these54
Jake stared $lankly at her impassioned expression.
4on&t you understand14 she asked in gro"ing frustration. 4/ake a look around this room.
/hese furnishings $elong in a museum.4 Snatching an item from a near$y shelf% she "hirled
to face him.
4*ere54 She ad'anced to"ard him% sho'ing the thing at his face. 46ook at this and then tell
me "hat you think.4
,hen Jake made no immediate mo'e to take "hat "as offered% Rachel gra$$ed his hand
and pushed it into his fingers. ,ondering if she&d finally cracked $eneath the strain% Jake
$rought the o$)ect slo"ly to"ard his face.
4/his isn&t #my....4
4(o%4 Rachel agreed grimly% 4take a look at the $ack.4
Jake flipped the framed photograph o'er. /he "ords printed on the $ack had faded "ith
time and "ere no" almost illegi$le% $ut he managed to decipher them. #melinda 6ucille
Conroy% aged six% nineteen-hundred and sixteen.
4on&t you see "hat he&s done14 Rachel asked "ith horror cro"ding her 'oice. 4*e&s trying
to make #my take the place of his grandmother. -y 3od%4 she "hispered $rokenly% 4he&s
trying make my $a$y o'er into the image of a dead "oman.4
Finally Jake understood% $ut he "as more concerned at the moment "ith Rachel&s frame of
mind than "ith her a$sent daughter.
*e replaced the small portrait and took Rachel into his arms. 4It&s all right%4 he reassured
her som$erly. 4,e&ll get her a"ay from him $efore he can do her any lasting harm. She&s
'ery young. !nce she&s $ack "ith you she&ll forget all a$out "hat&s happened "hile she "as
"ith her father.4
4#re you sure14 she asked $rokenly.
3athering her close% resting his chin atop her head% he stared at the room "ith unseeing
eyes. 48es%4 he replied "ith con'iction% recalling his o"n past all too clearly% 4I&m sure.4
Rachel pulled loose after a moment and "iped the tears from her eyes. Bending to pick up
-rs. -c(a$% she smoothed a finger along the faded silk ears.
4I&m so confused. I don&t kno" "hat to think% ho" to feel.4 She gre" 'isi$ly taut% her hands
s.uee0ing the pink ra$$it. 4!ne minute I hate 3ary "ith e'erything that&s in me and the
next... I pity him.4
*er eyes found Jake&s face. 4*e&s cra0y% he&s really cra0y% isn&t he14 she asked softly.
48es%4 he ans"ered gently% 4I&d say he "as.4
She nodded% clutching the ra$$it against her.
4I need to make a more thorough examination of the house%4 Jake said gently. 4o you "ant
to come "ith me14
4(o% I think I&ll stay here for a "hile.4
Jake turned at the door and glanced $ack at her. She "as standing in the center of the
room% ru$$ing her cheek against the toy&s soft fur. #s he rounded the door% he heard her
"hisper in $roken tones% 4!h% 3od% -rs. -c(a$% if only you could talk...
4#my "here are you14
Chapter 13
Jake left Rachel and mo'ed $ack through the house searching for a telephone. *e needed
to call Sheriff 6angly and $ring him up-to-date on the situation they&d found and to get
$ackup $efore ryden returned "ith the child.
*is search led him through the li'ing room% into the man&s $edroom% through a formal dining
room "ithout furniture% another empty room that "as pro$a$ly used as a $edroom and $ack
into the kitchen. Rachel found him there% going through ca$inets and dra"ers.
4,hat are you doing14
4I ha'e to get hold of 6angly and tell him to get the "arrant.4 Slamming a dra"er shut% he
turned "ith his hands on his hips and stared around the room a little desperately.
4(o phone14
4oes it look like it14 he snapped irrita$ly. ammit5 (o" "hat1
4Come on% I&ll help you look. -ay$e you )ust missed it.&
*e "anted to tell her that "as highly unlikely. *e&d $een in e'ery room and looked through
e'ery nook and cranny the house contained% to no a'ail. But he didn&t he accepted her offer
"ithout protest% $ecause he didn&t "ant to cause her needless alarm. But as for himself%
first there had $een the flat tire to delay them and no" no telephone. *e "as starting to
get a nauseating sense of d:)H 'u...
In the next fe" minutes he and Rachel retraced his earlier footsteps looking in all the
likely places% and some unlikely ones% for a telephone. 4/hat settles it.4 Jake sighed%
standing in the kitchen "ith drooping shoulders.
4,hat14 Rachel asked "ith a fro"n. 4/hat settles "hat14
4!ne of us is going to ha'e go $ack to to"n and call Sheriff 6angly.4 *e eyed her pointedly.
*is meaning "as clear. She kne" "hich of one of 4us4 had $een elected to go.
4(o%4 she said stu$$ornly% starting to shake her head. 4I "on&t lea'e. I&m not $udging from
this house until I ha'e #my "ith me.4
4I understand ho" you feel 4
4(o you don&t54
4I kno" you&re afraid your ex-hus$and might return% someho" suspect "e&'e $een here%
and lea'e "ith your daughter. But% "ithout the "arrant% "e ha'en&t a legal leg to stand on.
!ne of us has to go 4
48ou do it54
4#nd "hat if 3ary returns after I lea'e1 *e&s li'ing in a fantasy "orld "here there&s no
telling "hat he might do. If nothing else% that room "here your daughter sleeps pro'es ho"
dangerous he could $e to you.4
4#nd that&s exactly my point%4 she caught him up s"iftly. &*a'e you forgotten the threat
he made against #my1 If I lea'e% and you&re left here alone% he might do anything. 8ou&re a
stranger% not only to 3ary% $ut to #my as "ell. (o...4 She shook her head decisi'ely. 48ou go
phone Sheriff 6angly $esides% I "ouldn&t kno" "hat to say to the man and I&ll stay here.4
Jake crossed the room and took hold of her arm. 48ou don&t ha'e a choice in the matter.
8ou go and I stay that&s the "ay it "orks.4
3rasping her el$o" firmly% he hauled her "ith him from the kitchen to the laundry room.
4,hy can&t "e use the door14 she asked as he ushered her to"ard the "indo".
4/here&s a chain on it. *e&d kno" someone had $een inside if "e lea'e it unfastened.4
#t the "indo"% expecting her to try something% Jake "as on guard. But "ithout further
protest% she stepped into the cradle he made "ith his hands and pulled herself o'er the
"indo"sill% hopping onto the porch $elo".
4#fter you go% I&ll find a hiding place and "ait for them outside. I&ll get him in the open%
$efore he can get into the house "here he can hide. #nd I promise% nothing "ill happen to
your daughter.4
Rachel cast him a look of regret that he didn&t see as he lo"ered his head through the
"indo" and turned a"ay. She "as already off the porch% standing in the rain% "hen he pulled
himself through the "indo"&s narro" opening.
Jake looked up% and she $egan to run. /aken off guard% he )umped to the porch and
stum$led% t"isting an ankle. ,hen he&d regained his $alance% Rachel had disappeared into
the thick co'ering of under$rush and trees $ordering the $ack of the house.
Jake made a dash to"ard the door% ignoring the pain in his ankle% cursing $eneath his
$reath. 4Rachel5 ammit% this is no time to play a game of "ills come out54 *e scanned the
immediate area looking for a sign of the direction she&d taken and "aited% hoping she&d see
sense and come out "ithout his ha'ing to search for her.
4/his is ridiculous%4 he muttered furiously% "hen she didn&t immediately step into 'ie"%
4"e&re "asting precious time. Be reasona$le5 ,hat if 3ary returns "hile I&m gone1
48ou&re no match for him.4 Jake reminded her of the last time she&d crossed s"ords "ith
the man% then paused to let that sink in% hoping it "ould elicit a response.
,hen it didn&t% he tried again. 4/he sight of you could send him o'er the edge. ,hat could
you do to stop him% it he tried to harm your daughter1 *a'e you considered that14
#gain his "arning "as met "ith utter silence.
4Rachel...amn you% 4 he muttered $eneath his $reath% >Be reasona$le... please...4
*e "aited a fe" minutes longer% $ut this time% "hen she didn&t respond% he kne" she "asn&t
going to. *e had to go. ryden might return at any moment% and it "as ten miles to to"n.
*e didn&t "ant to lea'e her here% alone% $ut "hat else could he do1 Remem$er the last time
. /he "arning he&d offered Rachel echoed inside his o"n head. *e did% and all too "ell.
*urrying into the trees% he thre" a glance to"ard the sky and noted that it had changed
from a dull dirty-gray% "hen they&d first entered the house% to stormy $lack slate. It "ould
$e totally dark soon and fear for Rachel&s safety gna"ed at his insides.
4#ll right% Rachel% you "in. I&ll go make the call. But "hate'er you do% stay out of sight and
a"ay from the house. o you hear me1 on&t make your presence kno"n or approach your
ex-hus$and in any "ay% until I return.4
Jake stood a moment longer staring at the trees% straining to catch a glimpse of her slight
figure% $efore making a dash in the direction of the car. *e returned to the 'ehicle in the
same rounda$out course that he&d taken to the house. *e "anted to ensure that he left no
tracks in the rain-softened earth for ryden to find. /he safety of Rachel and her
daughter "as in Jake&s hands and he couldn&t afford to make another mistake.
Jake damned himself heartily for not reali0ing $efore this that he&d need to contact the
sheriff and preparing for it. *e should ha'e taken along a t"o-"ay radio% or dri'en an
official car instead of using his o"n.
*e hadn&t $een thinking5 Slamming his fist against the steering "heel until he $egan to feel
the pain% he forced himself to slo" the car do"n and stay in the tracks. *e couldn&t afford
mistakes mistakes cost li'es mistakes cost li'es... cost li'es... cost li'es..../he "ords echoed
through his $rain.
!nce out on the high"ay% he dro'e like a demon% passing no one on the road% making the trip
to the to"n of -orris in record time. #t the first gas station he spotted there "as a $ank
of four phones. Jake slammed on his $rakes% lea'ing a trail of smoke and ru$$er on the road.
*e almost fell out of his car as he searched in his pockets for change. /he first phone he
tried "as out of order. /he second one took his .uarter and ga'e him no dial tone% $ut on
the third try he got the sheriff&s department.
46angly1 Frost here.4 *e didn&t "aste time "ith amenities. 4,e&'e found him.4
4,here14
4/o"n called -orris. # house )ust off Speed"ay Road a$out ten miles from the city limits 4
4I kno" the area. Is it the old /enney place14
4I don&t kno". It&s a single-story house% set $ack do"n a lane% in a forest of pines.4
4/hat&s the /enney place. I&ll call Judge ,yman for the "arrant and send $ackup. o you
think he might $e armed14
4I don&t kno" he "asn&t there $ut there&s e'idence to pro'e the child has $een there.
6ook% I&'e got to go. -rs. ryden is $ack at the house 4
48ou left her there alone14
4(ot my choice%4 Jake responded tersely.
4I see. ,ell% I&ll deli'er the "arrant myself% "ithin the hour. Be careful%4 6angly "arned
and rang off.
Jake dropped the phone to dangle on the "ire cord and hurried $ack to the car. *e
checked the clock on his car&s dash and reali0ed he&d $een gone t"enty minutes. /hat "as
too long5 # lot could happen in t"enty minutes. 7ushing from his mind the image of 6acy
$eing held in her kidnap-per&s hands% Jake s"itched on the car&s headlights and stepped
do"n hard on the accelerator.
It "as totally dark "hen Jake turned onto the lane to the old /enney house "here he&d left
Rachel such a short time ago. #ll totaled it had taken little more than half an hour to
accomplish his mission.
But it "as still too long. #s Jake "ound his "ay on foot do"n the dri'e to"ard the house%
forsaking the "oods this time $ecause he no" mo'ed under the co'er of darkness% he sa" a
$lack Ford parked in the dri'e in front of the house. ,ith a t"ist of fear% Jake kne"
ryden had returned. ,here "as Rachel1
#pproaching the house "ith caution% he looked for her. Stopping to "ithin a fe" hundred
yards of it% he called her name softly. *e edged closer% calling to her again% $ut kno"ing
instincti'ely that it "as a "aste of time. She "as in the house. /hat&s pro$a$ly "here her
child "as% and that% he "as certain% is "here he&d also find her.
Feeling the re'ol'er 6angly had gi'en him earlier that day ru$ against his spine% Jake
reached around $ehind and "ithdre" it from $eneath the "aist$and of his )eans. For a
moment he "ondered if he should ha'e gi'en the gun to Rachel for protection $efore he left
to make his call% $ut it "as only a fleeting thought. She pro$a$ly didn&t kno" ho" to use one%
and putting a loaded "eapon in the hands of an untrained indi'idual "as an irresponsi$le act.
Jake held the "eapon "ith $oth hands and hunched lo"% as he mo'ed to"ard the house.
Stopping to lean against the side of the $uilding% he eased to"ard a "indo" and peered
"arily into the li'ing room. /he lamp had $een turned on in the room% $ut no one "as in sight.
It "as the only "indo" in this part of the house that sho"ed any illumination% so he decided
to mo'e to"ard the $ack. (earing "hat he kne" must $e the kitchen "indo"% he sa" that a
light had $een turned on in that room% too% $ut the curtains had $een dra"n% $arring his
'ision.
,ith a shoulder against the house% he felt his "ay around to the rear of the house. #t the
'ery $ack Jake shifted the gun to his right hand and .uietly tried the screen door. It "as
still unlocked. 3uessing it could $e a trap% he mo'ed through it "ith great caution.
!nce on the porch% he paused for a moment% s.uinting through the dark and turned "ith the
gun pointed in all directions. So far% e'erything had looked .uiet% his "ay un-impeded% $ut
Jake "as distrustful of the ease "ith "hich he appeared a$le to gain entrance to the house
a second time. 6ooking for a trap% he mo'ed to"ard the "indo" he&d used $efore to get into
the house. *e&d left it slightly open "hen exiting it earlier. It "as still open. If Rachel had
used it to reenter the house% she&d $een careful to lea'e it in the exact position she&d
found it.
/he "indo" slid up the frame easily% making only a slight sound. Jake hadn&t noticed it the
first time% pro$a$ly $ecause he&d $een 'exed "ith Rachel. *e stopped and listened
carefully% "hile the thought of Rachel and the possi$le danger she could $e facing at that
'ery moment "ea'ed its "ay along his ner'es% stretching them tighter.
# moment later% he "as in the house. 6ea'ing the "indo" open% he .uickly $ut noiselessly
made his "ay into the hall. *e could hear 'oices coming from another part of the house% and
it took him a moment to get his $earings and reali0e they "ere coming from the direction of
the kitchen.
!ne of the indistinct 'oices "as definitely feminine% and as he dre" closer to the room% he
recogni0ed Rachel&s throaty tones. Jake stood flattened against the "all% staring into the
room.
/he ta$leau inside induced a terri$le memory. For a moment% Jake "as propelled $ack in
time% facing a coldly insane man "ho held a gun pointed at a child "hile his cold% gray glance
rested% un"a'eringly% on Jake&s fro0en face.
#n icy s"eat $roke out under Jake&s arms and across his shoulders. S"eat popped out on
his forehead and along his upper lip. #n itch de'eloped at the corner of one eye. *e
scratched at it ruthlessly. *e s"allo"ed "ith a dry mouth and tasted the thick% sour% taste
of fear on the $ack of his tongue.
4If you hurt our child% I s"ear cra0y or not I&ll kill you myself.4
Rachel&s deadly calm 'oice penetrated Jake&s fogged senses% slapping him a$ruptly into the
present. *e focused on the scene $efore him as it truly "as.
3ary ryden sat at the ta$le "ith a small% dark-haired girl on his lap. #t her throat% he held
a long% thin-$laded knife that succeeded in keeping his ex-"ife at $ay.
Rachel stood motionless in the center of the room% fists clenched tightly at her sides%
facing her ex-hus$and. Jake could see her in profile% and he&d ne'er "itnessed a look of
such intense hatred on her face.
48ou al"ays "ere melodramatic% my dear%4 ryden responded in deeply cultured tones. 4#nd
as I recall% you "ere al"ays making promises you couldn&t fulfill.4
48ou&re referring to the money. Is that "hy you married me% instead of -arian Benning14
Rachel asked scathingly. 4She had money% $ut you found out you couldn&t control her. 8ou
thought I&d $e easy &&
48ou "ere easy too easy. It "as all o'er the campus. 8ou "ere the "ealthy princess all the
)ocks "anted to land% the darling only child of older parents% guaranteed to make some lucky
man rich as Croesus.&&
4!nly I didn&t get the money%4 Rachel put in. 4#t my insistence% my parents left most of it
to their fa'orite charities. #nd that&s something you didn&t foresee% isn&t it the fact that I
"asn&t as greedy as you14
48ou&re a fool54
4 (o% I simply lo'ed my parents for "ho they "ere% not for "hat they could gi'e me. But you
don&t understand that% do you1 #ll you understand is money%&& she spat the "ord at him.
She&d thought she&d $e dealing "ith a cra0y man. #nd may$e she "as% $ut he didn&t sound
cra0y at the moment% )ust 'icious and cruel.
4,rong54 he shouted. /ightening his hold on his daughter% he ga0ed up at Rachel "ith a
mixture of triumph and outrage.
#my "himpered% and Rachel made a .uick mo'e in her direction. 4on&t%4 her ex-hus$and
"arned% pressing the knife closer against the child&s throat. Rachel fro0e.
4I kno" a$out lo'e I lo'ed my aunt. I lo'ed the stories she used to tell me a$out my
grandmother.&&
4Is that "hy your aunt is dying all alone in a nursing home kept $y the state $ecause you
lo'ed her14 Rachel asked scornfully.
4So you kno" a$out her. /hen that means you must ha'e met my dear mother as "ell. #
"onderful "oman% "ouldn&t you say14 he asked "ith un'eiled sarcasm.
Rachel noted the fe'erish light $ecoming 'isi$le in her ex-hus$and&s eyes and the "ay the
hand holding the knife at their daughter&s throat trem$led. She "as upsetting him% and that
isn&t "hat she "anted% not until #my "as free of him.
By going against Jake&s command and making her presence kno"n to 3ary% she&d hoped she
could reason "ith him and get him to release the child $efore anyone actually got hurt. It
"as still hard% despite her deep anger at him and all that he&d done% for her to stop seeing
him as the .uiet man she&d married.
,hich "as stupid of her% she kne"% $ecause he&d gi'en her ample proof e'en $efore their
di'orce that his kindness and consideration had all $een an act "ith "hich to decei'e her% so
he could get "hat he really "anted.
4,hate'er your differences "ith your mother "hate'er you feel to"ard me isn&t
important. ,hat&s important no" is #my. 6et her go 4
4Shut up54 7ulling the little girl tighter against him% eyes narro"ing on Rachel&s "hite face%
3ary shouted% 4on&t say another "ord to me5 I despise you e'ery $it as much as I loathe
that $itch "ho spa"ned me and then a$andoned me for her music.4
# crafty light entered the narro"ed $lue eyes. 4But I got e'en "ith her. I stole "hat she
"anted most in the "orld $esides her music I stole her inheritance% and I stole it right
from under her 'ery nose.
4#nd I&'e done the same to you% ha'en&t I14 he asked "ith a smile. 4I&'e taken the one
thing in all the "orld you care a$out.4
4,hy #my14 Rachel dared to ask. 48ou ha'e "hat you "ant% you ha'e your aunt&s money and
property. 8ou don&t "ant a child% an encum$rance 4
4Be still% you stupid $itch54 Spittle flecked the corners of his mouth. 48ou think you kno" it
all% don&t you1 8ou think I married you )ust for your money1
4,ell you&re "rong5 8ou kno" nothing5 I did it for her5 on&t you understand that% you
stupid co"1 I did it all for her54
ropping his cheek against the struggling child&s head% he looked up at Rachel and smiled.
4She&s mine%4 he crooned% 4my child% my little #melinda the one thing no one can e'er take
a"ay from me.
4-y mother dro'e my father a"ay "ith her coldness.4 /he anger "as $ack in his eyes. 4But
my aunt... she ga'e me something I could really lo'e... she ga'e me #melinda.4
Jake kne" it "as time to make his mo'e. *e slid the gun into the "aist$and of his )eans%
"here he could reach it .uickly if he needed to% and stepped into the room. 4#nd you lo'e
her 'ery much% don&t you14
4,hat&s this14 ryden&s glance fle" $et"een Rachel and the intruder. 48ou $rought a man
along14 /he expression of surprise on his face .uickly changed to one of derision. 48ou
al"ays "ere disgustingly preoccupied "ith "hat took place in the marriage $ed. Is this your
ne" lo'er14
#my "himpered as the knife pressed tautly against the tender flesh co'ering her larynx.
Jake&s eyes darkened momentarily "ith anger% $ut he .uickly controlled it. *e "anted
nothing so much as to get the man $et"een his hands and $eat the meanness out of him% $ut
he had to remem$er the child and the fact that he "as dealing "ith an unsta$le mind.
+'eryone in their anxiety had o'erlooked the child&s reaction to "hat "as taking place
around her. #my glanced from her mother&s frightened face to the ne"comer% looking for
help. She didn&t understand "hy her daddy had taken her from her mother and $rought her
here% "here they had no friends. She didn&t understand "hy he "as angry "ith her% or "hy
he "as hurting her. #nd she didn&t understand "hy her mother "as crying. #ll she kne" is
that she had missed her mother and "anted to go to her right no".
48ou do lo'e your daughter% don&t you14 Jake asked again.
4,ho the hell are you14 ryden demanded.
4Someone concerned a$out a child your child. 6ook at her% you&re hurting her. Is that "hat
you "ant14 *is eyes closely searched the other man&s face. 4o you really "ant to hurt
her14 Jake asked in soothing tones.
3ary "as confused. Rachel&s anger he understood. *e e'en "elcomed it% since it fed the
anger churning inside him. #nger that had $een $uilding inside him for years% e'er since he
"as old enough to understand that his mother didn&t lo'e him and didn&t "ant him yet she
"ouldn&t let him li'e "ith the one person "ho did lo'e him% his #unt Beaulah.
*e felt #my s.uirming in his grasp and looked do"n at her small% heart-shaped face. /his
"as his child% the spitting image of his grandmother no% she "as his grandmother she "as
#melinda% he had a picture to pro'e it.
*is #unt Beaulah had $een too old to get him a"ay from his mother% and he&d $een unhappy
for a long time. But% then% he&d dreamed of a "ay to find the one person in all the "orld "ho
"ould lo'e him he&d dreamed of his grandmother% and she&d come to him and told him "hat
he must do.
#unt Beaulah had lo'ed #melinda more than anyone in the "orld% e'en more than she lo'ed
him% $ut that "as okay. She "as the one "ho had told him all a$out #melinda% and ho"
special she&d $een. She&d said #melinda "as the most $eautiful% gentle% gifted creature
e'er $orn. #nd 3ary had listened in fascination to the one person "ho had taken the time to
treat him "ith kindness% and $elie'ed all that she said.
*e&d sat for hours% listening% "hile his aunt told stories a$out #melinda&s $eauty and
accomplishments. #nd "hen Beaulah had told him #melinda "ould ha'e $een so 'ery proud to
ha'e had a little $oy like him% a little $oy "ith $eautiful manners "ho respected his elders%
3ary had gro"n to lo'e #melinda e'en more than he lo'ed his #unt Beaulah.
*e kne" #melinda "ould ha'e understood "hat it "as like to $e lonely and sad% $ecause he
had no one to play "ith% $ecause his mother couldn&t a$ide the noise of children around the
house "hile she "as practicing her music.
But she "as gone the real #melinda "as gone. So% 3ary had spent his "hole life looking for
someone )ust like her% someone to take her place in his life. But e'entually% "hen he didn&t
find anyone% he&d gi'en up and settled on the idea of producing a special child of his o"n.
uring that time% he&d managed to get e'en "ith his mother for refusing to allo" him to li'e
"ith his #unt Beaulah. *e got his aunt to sign o'er e'erything she o"ned to him% and e'en
though he kne" at the time that it "ould $e a "hile $efore he could actually use any of it%
that didn&t matter% as long as his mother didn&t recei'e a penny.
,ith that out of the "ay% he&d gone looking for a suita$le "ife to produce his child. -arian
Benning had $een his first choice. She had $reeding to produce the kind of child he "anted%
and she had money% so that at a suita$le time he and the child could disappear and li'e
"ithout e'er $eing found.
But -arian hadn&t "anted a marriage that included a child. #nd then he&d met Rachel.
Rachel "as perfect she "as young and strong% from a good family% and she "as due to inherit
a fortune.
It "asn&t until after they "ere married that he learned there "ould $e no money. #nd then
his aunt got "orse% and he reali0ed it didn&t matter $ecause he "ould soon ha'e his
inheritance.
3ary made careful plans% and Rachel $ecame pregnant. (ine months later% "hen he&d seen
his daughter for the first time in the hospital nursery% it "as like looking at one of the
pictures his #unt Beaulah had sho"ed him of #melinda. #my could ha'e $een the same child.
/hat&s "hen he reali0ed that it must $e her. Someho"% "here'er she "as% #melinda had
learned ho" much 3ary needed her% and she&d found a "ay to come to him. *e "as elated.
+'erything "ould ha'e $een all right he&d ha'e managed to sell off the property that he
had inherited% and he and #melinda could ha'e disappeared someplace "here no one "ould
find them% if the $itch hadn&t di'orced him and tried to take his precious #melinda a"ay
from him for the second time.
4addy%4 #my protested in childish tones% 4you&re hurting stop hurting me.4
3ary loosened his hold on the child% $ut the knife remained at her throat. *e "ouldn&t
really hurt her unless he had to and then% he&d do himself in% too. /hey&d $e together for all
time after that and no one "ould e'er $e a$le to separate them e'er again.
4,hat do you "ant14 he asked $elligerently% looking directly at Jake.
4I "ant to help you%4 Jake replied again in that moderate tone of 'oice% mo'ing farther into
the room% hiding the animosity he felt to"ard this man "ho dared to threaten his o"n
daughter&s life.
4Stop54 ryden cried suddenly. 4on&t come any closer or I&ll 4
4It&s all right.4 Jake raised his hands and stopped dead in his tracks. 4I&ll stay right here
don&t get upset.4
4I&m not upset54 the other man denied hotly. 4I&m 'ery calm.4 *e took a deep $reath and
released it slo"ly to sho" them he "as calm. 4I don&t get angry I get e'en.4 *e flashed a
sudden smirk in Rachel&s direction.
Jake decided to try a different tack. 4I sa" #my&s room. She has a lot of toys. id you $uy
her all those things14
48es.. .so "hat1 #nd it&s #melinda. I ne'er liked the short appellation she chose to use.4
4#melinda%4 Jake corrected himself. 4She&s a 'ery lucky little girl to ha'e a father "ho
cares so much a$out her. I&ll $et you didn&t ha'e things like that "hen you "ere a child.4
4*a54 ryden laughed "ithout humor. 4-y mother spent e'ery penny she earned on herself
and her music.4
Jake shook his head in sympathy. 4/hat&s too $ad% $ut it&s her loss.4
48es14 3ary&s eyes sharpened. 4#nd ho" is that14
4She missed the en)oyment of "atching you gro"% sharing your youth and enthusiasm for
life. (o one has more enthusiasm for life than a child. on&t you agree1 Just think of all the
things you ha'e already experienced through your daughter&s eyes.4
3ary looked reflecti'e. 48es% I kno" "hat you mean.4
48ou&re a good father. It&s e'ident you&'e taken 'ery good care of her since she&s $een
"ith you.4
3ary&s expression darkened. 4I tried to tell the courts that% $ut they "ouldn&t listen 4
4,hat do they kno"14 Jake asked .uickly% seeing rage gathering in the $lue eyes. 4I can see
you not only lo'e your daughter% $ut she lo'es you% too. 6ook at her.4
Jake nodded to the child "ho "as once again sitting .uietly% listening in fascination to the
strange man talk. *er daddy seemed to like listening to him% too% $ecause he "asn&t holding
her so tight no".
48ou kno"%4 Jake continued% 4she looks 'ery much like you.4
4/hat&s $ecause she&s really #melinda Conroy-,ilkes% my grandmother. She&s come $ack
for me.4
4Is that so14 Jake ad'anced a fe" steps to"ard the man% co'ering the mo'e "ith feigned
interest. 4/hen% you "ouldn&t "ant to see her hurt.. .no"% "ould you14 he asked gently%
standing less than a yard a"ay.
Jake gauged his chances of leaping to"ard the man and successfully sho'ing the child out
of harm&s "ay $efore ryden could use the knife. *e estimated them to $e some"here in
the neigh$orhood of slim and none at all.
S"itching his attention to the little girl% he hunkered do"n so he "as on a le'el "ith her.
-eeting her "ide $lue eyes% he smiled. If there "as only some "ay to con'ey "hat he
"anted her to do.
48ou ha'e a 'ery good daddy. I&ll $et you lo'e him a lot% don&t you14
48-yes.4 She tried to nod% felt the $lade close against her throat again and put up a tiny
hand to push her father&s arm out of the "ay.
3ary allo"ed her the room% Jake noted "ith a surge of satisfaction% dropping one knee to
the floor and leaning closer. /here "as a chance% no" that the other man&s guard "as
partially lo"ered% that he might $e a$le to get the child safely a"ay from him. But he kne"
he had 'ery little time to do it. Before long% Sheriff 6angly and his deputies "ould descend
on them% and all hell "ould $reak loose.
In "hat might appear a reckless mo'e% he dre" the man&s attention to the "eapon at his
daughter&s throat. 4Children are 'ery curious little creatures. I&ll $et she didn&t reali0e ho"
dangerous a knife can $e "hen she picked it up.4
Jake "anted to )erk the knife from the man and punch him in the face for "hat he&d put
Rachel and this child through $ut not yet... not yet.
Rachel% silent throughout the "hole proceeding% dre" a .uick $reath% "ondering "hy% "hen
he&d $een doing so "ell% Jake had deli$erately $rought the knife into the con'ersation.
3ary looked at the knife in surprise% taking his attention off Jake for a split second. It "as
all Jake needed. S"eeping the child out of the "ay "ith one arm% he made a gra$ for the
knife.
/he other man reco'ered and made a mo'e to"ard #my% $ut too late. Rachel s"ept the
child into her arms )ust as Jake struck a $lo" to the man&s astonished face.
/he $lo" knocked 3ary $ack in the chair and the knife fle" from his fingers. Jake made a
leap to"ard it as 3ary reco'ered and lunged out of the chair and onto Jake&s $ack.
/hey fell to the floor% grappling for a hold on each other&s gyrating $odies. Jake thre" a
punch to ryden&s solar plexus% rendering him incapacitated for long enough to reach the
knife. But ryden "as on his $ack almost instantly% his arm around Jake&s neck% throttling
him.
Jake kept straining to"ard the knife "ith one hand% arm stretched% fingers extended% "hile
he tried to $reak free of 3ary&s deathlike grip on his throat. #ll at once% he dre" his arm up
and $rought his el$o" $ack hard against ryden&s ri$s.
ryden grunted "ith pain $ut tightened his hold% locking his other arm "ith the first one
and s.uee0ing hard% slo"ly strangling the life from Jake&s $ody. Jake had to gi'e up on the
knife% so he could use $oth el$o"s to deal ryden a punishing $lo" to $oth sides of his ri$
cage at the same time.
ryden ga'e a loud grunt of pain and let Jake go% gra$$ing his ri$s "ith $oth hands and
dou$ling o'er. It ga'e Jake the time he needed to get the knife. In seconds% he "as sitting
astride ryden&s chest "ith the knife at the man&s throat.
4=ni'es are 'ery dangerous "eapons%4 Jake said coldly% ignoring the $lood dripping from his
o"n nose onto the man&s shirt. 47eople can easily get hurt "ith them%4 Jake $it out through
clenched teeth. 48ou "ouldn&t "ant that to happen% "ould you14 he asked% )amming the thin
$lade against the man&s $o$$ing #dam&s apple.
4(-no%4 3ary replied% looking up into a face t"isted "ith hate. ,ho "as this man1
Jake felt the muscles in his arms and $ack gro" tense. It took e'ery ounce of restraint he
could muster to keep the knife steady% instead of letting it s"eep across the man&s throat
to lea'e a thin red line in its "ake. ryden&s face s"am $efore his 'ision% and another face
took its place.
etached gray eyes locked on his and all Jake could see "as cold deli$eration in their
depths. on&t5 his mind cried% "hile his throat "orked to produce the sound his lips couldn&t
manage.
4Jake14
#ll at once% Jake $ecame conscious of mother and daughter% holding each other tight%
"atching him "ith "ide% frightened eyes.
4/ake the child into the other room%4 he grated to Rachel.
4,hy14
4o it54
4(-no "hat are you going to do14 *er eyes "ere on the thin edge of the $lade pressed to
3ary&s throat.
Jake&s nostrils flared "ith fury. 4o you care14 he asked "ith contempt.
4#-a$out him1 (o. But I do care a$out you. on&t do anything foolish% Jake please. /he
sheriff "ill $e here soon.4
Jake stared at her thinly% kno"ing she "as right% 6angly "ould $e here soon% $ut... *e
"anted to $ash the man&s head in. *e "anted to rip him in t"o. *e ached to
4-ommy% "hy is that man sitting on addy&s chest1 Is addy sick14
4(o% honey% addy&s fine and he&s going to stay that "ay isn&t he% Jake14 She kne" ho"
Jake felt. # fe" minutes ago% she&d ha'e liked nothing $etter than to get a fe" $lo"s in
herself for all the pain and "orry he&d caused her in the last couple of years. But no" that
she had #my in her arms% she "as content to let the la" handle 3ary ryden&s punishment.
4*e isn&t "orth it% you kno"%4 she "hispered softly% turning a"ay. It "as Jake&s choice% and
he had to make it alone.
# long moment of taut silence% "hile anger fought "ith reason% follo"ed. /he images from
Jake&s past faded% lea'ing a clear picture of the pathetic man $eneath him co"ering from
the knife and Jake&s implaca$le anger. Jake clim$ed slo"ly to his feet and hauled 3ary to
his. ragging him to the ta$le% he sho'ed him do"n in the chair "here he&d sat so calmly a
fe" minutes ago% holding a knife at his o"n daughter&s throat.
Rachel left the room slo"ly% taking #my "ith her% $ut her thoughts stayed "ith Jake. It
had $een close% the ferocity of his anger had frightened her% $ut deep do"n inside she&d
kno"n all along that he&d make the right decision. ,hether Jake reali0ed it himself or not%
he "as a 'ery humane man.
Chapter 14
4,ell% here&s the "arrant.4 Sheriff Ben 6angly flashed the document $efore Jake&s eyes%
$ut his o"n eyes "ere fastened on the man his deputies "ere leading a"ay. 4By the "ay%
"ho&s #melinda1 *e keeps asking for her.4
Jake shrugged. 4*is daughter% $ut I guess he thinks she&s his reincarnated grandmother or
something.4
4/he man&s got some real pro$lems%4 6angly commented "ith a shake of his head.
4,ho doesn&t14 Jake asked% thinking a$out his o"n.
Rachel "alked up to the t"o men% holding her daughter in her arms. ,as Jake a$out to
disappear from her life no" that she had her daughter $ack1 She hoped not% $ecause these&
last fe" minutes had made her reali0e ho" much she had come to lo'e him. She had eyes for
no one $ut Jake.
4Is it really all o'er14
4It&s o'er.4 Jake didn&t kno" "hat else to say. *e&d $een dragged in on this case against
his "ill% $ut once he&d $ecome in'ol'ed "ith it% he&d $egun to hope that $y its end% he&d feel
different inside. #ll he felt "as fro0en. 6ike an engine that had $een run "ithout oil% he "as
locked up tight "ithin himself and nothing mo'ed except anger. *e "as deeply angry "ith
Rachel.
Sheriff 6angly sensed the t"o had things to say to each other and decided to make himself
scarce. 4,ould you like me to take the little girl14 he offered. It "as starting to rain
hea'ily. 4I&ll put her in the patrol car out of the "eather.4
4(o thank you%4 Rachel responded .uickly% hugging her daughter close. It "as going to $e a
long "hile $efore she&d "illingly let the child out of her sight again.
4,e ha'e some papers for you to sign at the station%4 6angly continued uncomforta$ly%
feeling like a fifth "heel% $ut $usiness "as $usiness. 4Can I gi'e you a lift $ack to to"n14
Rachel looked at Jake. Jake stared at the ground. She opened her mouth to reply% and Jake
inter'ened a$ruptly% 4I&ll take them $ack to to"n.4
/here "as no "ay out of it and he kne" it% so he might as "ell gi'e in gracefully. /hey "ere
going to ha'e to talk. -ay$e it "ould $e easier "ith the child $et"een them.
/he sheriff nodded and started to "alk a"ay. Jake stopped him "ith a .uick motion of his
head. /he t"o stepped a"ay from the lights and commotion.
4*ere% you&ll $e "anting this $ack no".4 Jake pulled the gun from $eneath his )acket and
handed it to the other man.
4/hanks.4 6angly "eighed the "eapon in his hand and then looked up at Jake. 48ou $een "ith
the agency a long time14
Jake shrugged. 4#"hile.4
48ou e'er get in the mood for something a $it slo"er paced% you gi'e me a call.4
4/hanks.4 /hey shook hands. 4I&ll keep that in mind.4
48ou do that.4 6angly turned a"ay% touched a finger to his hat as he passed Rachel and
clim$ed into the sheriff&s car $eside a young deputy. *e "a'ed as they dro'e off.
# fe" minutes later they "ere on their "ay% too. Jake tra'eled do"n the lane at a much
slo"er speed than he&d dri'en do"n it the last time. Something $umped against his thigh
and he looked do"n and sa" that #my had cra"led onto the seat $et"een him and Rachel
and fallen asleep. *er head lay in her mother&s lap% her feet in his. /hey looked like a family
returning from a day&s outing% $ut Jake kne" $etter.
4I o"e you an apology%4 Rachel spoke softly% mindful of the sleeping child.
4It isn&t necessary.4 *is 'oice sounded gruff.
48ou&re angry "ith me. I&m sorry% $ut I couldn&t lea'e "ithout 4
4Forget it%4 Jake cut across her "ords. 4It&s o'er no"% so let&s )ust forget it.4
4I can&t.4
4,ell% I&m going to.4
4Can you14 She turned to look up at his profile in the light from the dash. 4Can you forget...
all of it14
# note in her 'oice dre" his eyes to her face. #s their glances locked% she "hispered% 4I
can&t forget... any of it. I remem$er e'ery moment together since our first meeting.4
46ea'e it alone.4 *e returned his ga0e to the road.
4,hy14
4It&s $etter that "ay.4
4Better for "hom14
4For all of us%4 he ans"ered "ith a finality that made her ache inside. 4It )ust "ouldn&t
"ork.4
4,hat "ouldn&t "ork14
49s you and me... and your daughter.&&
4*er name is #my. Say it it "on&t $ind you to us if you use her name.4
Jake&s )a" tightened. She "as going to make this as hard as possi$le for the $oth of them.
/he silence $et"een them% $roken $y the s"ish of the "indshield "ipers% thickened.
4Is it $ecause she&s his child14 /hough it hurt% she had to ask the .uestion.
4,hat are you talking a$out14 Jake asked "ith a fro"n.
4Is this "all $et"een us $uilt on the fact that I am the mother of another man&s child14
4on&t $e ridiculous%4 Jake snapped.
4/hen it&s $ecause I "ent $ack into the house I diso$eyed you that&s it% isn&t it14
4I told you to lea'e it alone.4
4I "on&t54 *er 'oice had risen and she .uickly glanced do"n at her daughter&s sleeping face
$efore demanding in .uieter tones% 4I "ant an explanation.4
4#nd is that all that matters14 *e ground the "ords out from $et"een his teeth. 4oes
nothing matter to you $ut "hat you "ant14
*e slammed the heel of his hand against the steering "heel. /he child $et"een them mo'ed
restlessly in her sleep% and Jake lo"ered his 'oice to "hisper hotly% 4,ell% "hat a$out "hat
I "ant1 I told you to stay put5 I told you to stay a"ay from the house a"ay from your ex-
hus$and $ut you didn&t listen.
48ou&re stu$$orn and "illful and you could ha'e $een hurt5 on&t you understand1 If you&d
ha'e $een hurt% I&d ha'e $een responsi$le 4
4Is that all that matters to you 4 she asked% $ecoming angry herself% no"% 4 "ho "ould $e
responsi$le14
48our safety matters 4
4oes it14 she all $ut shouted and then .uickly lo"ered her 'oice. 4I&m an adult% so "hy
don&t you treat me like one1 I take responsi$ility for my o"n actions. I don&t need to $lame
someone else for them54
4/hen learn to act like an adult54 Jake responded passionately. 48ou aren&t the only one "ho
might ha'e $een hurt. id you stop to think a$out that1 8ou put your o"n daughter&s life in
danger% too% $y your reckless actions. If she&d $een in)ured% "ould you "illingly ha'e
accepted the responsi$ility for that% too14
/he truth of the remark hit home% deflating her anger. 4I&m sorry.4
4on&t tell me% tell her tell your daughter% it&s her life you )eopardi0ed )ust no".4
48ou&re cruel%4 she "hispered through stiff lips.
48es.. .I am%4 Jake agreed% hoping that "ould put an end to the con'ersation.
48ou&re going to lea'e us% aren&t you14 Rachel asked after a long $rittle silence% ice
spreading through her at the thought.
4,hy14 +yes darkened "ith the pain of it darted in his direction. 4,hy14 she asked again
"hen he didn&t ans"er.
,hat did she "ant from him1 *e kne"... he kne"...
4#ren&t you going to ans"er me1 Jake if "hat&s standing $et"een us has anything to do
"ith "hat happened the last time% "ith that other little girl 4
4,hat&s $et"een us or lacking $et"een us has nothing at all to do "ith that%4 Jake cut her
off. *e didn&t "ant to ha'e this con'ersation. *e&d hoped to a'oid it.
4/hen "hat14 Rachel persisted. 4,hat&s taking you a"ay14
4It should $e o$'ious 4
4,ell% it isn&t.4
4It&s me% dammit54 he said in a tortured "hisper. 4on&t you understand1 It&s me54
48ou1 ,hat do you mean14
4I "anted to smash your ex-hus$and&s head in a little "hile ago. I "anted to take that
knife and...4 *e $roke off% shaking his head.
4I kno"%4 Rachel took him up% 4I "anted to $ash his head in% too. ,hether he&s sick or not%
I&d still like to do it. I hope they put him a"ay for a 'ery long time.
4But I still don&t see your point. /here&s nothing "rong "ith ha'ing a healthy temper.4
4/here&s nothing healthy a$out my temper. /here&s a 'iolent streak in me... a legacy from
my parents. It&s a kind of sickness like your ex-hus$and&s. I "on&t inflict it on others 4
4/hat&s nonsense54 Rachel protested .uickly. 48ou&re nothing like 3ary. /here&s no sickness
in you% )ust unhappiness and pain.4
4(o% you&re "rong. I&'e seen a pattern% the same pattern my parents follo"ed% and I "on&t 4
4,hat pattern14
4/he passion $et"een us 4
4 is good is "onderful5&&
4It&s destructi'e.4
4-y 3od...4 She "as startled $y the thoughts flashing through her mind. 4It isn&t 'iolence
that&s frightening you%4 she said in ama0ement% suddenly reali0ing the truth of it. 4It&s lo'e
it&s your capacity for caring a$out others that has you running scared.
4I thought it "as me. I thought you "ere afraid of lo'ing me. But that isn&t it. It&s the
"hole idea of lo'e that turns you off. 8ou&'e gro"n so accustomed to keeping yourself
locked a"ay from the "orld% you don&t "ant to change things.
4I understand your $eing afraid of getting hurt% "e&re all afraid of that% $ut you ha'e to
take that chance% or.. ."hat&s the use in li'ing14
4on&t $e ridiculous5 8ou don&t kno" "hat you&re talking a$out.4 Jake dismissed her
indictment out of hand. *e "as doing this for her% "hy couldn&t she understand that1
4on&t I14 *er tone had $ecome chilly. 48ou accused me of $eing stu$$orn and "illful% $ut
you&re a co"ard an emotional cripple.4
Jake seethed silently.
4,hat are you planning to do after you lea'e us14 she asked "ith an edge to her 'oice. 4#re
you going $ack to your safe house in the middle of no"here% "here you "on&t ha'e to $e a
part of life1
4,here you "on&t ha'e to face the possi$ility of encountering someone you might come to
care for someone "ho might come to care for you14 she continued mockingly. 4Someplace
"here you "on&t risk getting hurt14
Suddenly the mocking note left her 'oice to $e replaced "ith one of heartfelt sincerity.
4Jake% you can&t run a"ay from pain% any more than you can run a"ay from life. 8ou ha'e to
learn to endure it and pray that the next time it comes around% you&ll $e a little $it stronger
and a little $it "iser for it.4
48ou should stand on the pulpit $eside your Re'erend Jasper on Sunday mornings%4 Jake
commented sarcastically. 48ou&re $eginning to sound a lot like him.4
48ou think I&m preaching to you14 she asked% hiding the pain his sarcasm caused and
$ecoming angry again $ecause she couldn&t make him see the point she "as trying to make.
4,ell% I&d rather $e like him than like you. 8ou "orship at the feet of a shrine you&'e
created out of your o"n pain. But if that&s "hat you "ant% if you don&t "ant me and #my%
then go $ack to your gra'eside 'igil%4 she dismissed him passionately.
43o $ack "here you can hide from life% from emotion. 3o $ack to the dead5 /hat&s the only
place you&ll e'er truly $e safe% $ecause the dead are past feeling anything at all.4
Rachel faced the front of the car% $rushing angrily at the tears on her cheeks.
#my stirred% looked up at her mother&s face and "hispered% 48ou crying14
4(o% honey% I&m fine. 3o $ack to sleep.4
Jake pulled into the motel dri'e and stopped $efore Rachel&s door. 4I&ll let you out here%4
he said stiffly.
48ou aren&t coming inside14 she couldn&t help asking.
4(o.4
4,ill I see you tomorro"14
4I don&t kno" I&ll need to make my report directly to ,ashington in the next fe" days.4
4,ill you $e lea'ing right a"ay14
Jake shrugged% gi'ing nothing a"ay.
4/hen% I guess this is pro$a$ly the last time I&ll see you... unless... you come to 'isit us some
time.4
Jake didn&t ans"er. 4#re "e saying good$ye% Jake14 Rachel asked in a thick% unsteady 'oice.
*e understood her meaning perfectly. 4I guess so.4
She leaned slo"ly to"ard him% $rushing a soft kiss on his rough cheek. 4I lo'e you% Jake.
oesn&t that make any difference14
4,ould you like me to carry your daughter inside14 he murmured stiffly% his eyes fixed on
the hood of the car.

Jake sat in his car and "atched at a distance as Rachel and her daughter $oarded the $us.
*e hadn&t left (acogdoches in the t"o days follo"ing Rachel&s ex-hus$and&s capture% as
he&d told her he "ould. *e&d intended to% $ut something kept him there. *e did% ho"e'er%
mo'e to another motel clear across to"n so he "ouldn&t ha'e to risk seeing her e'ery time
he left his room.
/he $us closed its doors and the engine $egan to "hine as the dri'er put it in gear. Jake
tensed. *is hand reached for the door handle $eside him. It "asn&t too late....
8es% it "as% too late for Jake and anyone% $ut especially a "oman "ho already had a child.
Rachel had asked if #my stood $et"een them and Jake had told her no. *e&d lied.
*is reasons for feeling that "ay "ere not caused as she&d suggested $y the fact that the
little girl "as another man&s child% $ut $ecause of her 'ery existence. /he memory of his
o"n suffering at the hands of his parents kept resurfacing in his mind along "ith the fear
that he might follo" in their footsteps.
,hat if he ga'e in to this feeling he had for Rachel and sometime in the future the child
"as made to suffer for it1 *e couldn&t do it5 *e couldn&t put another child through "hat his
parents had put him through.
Jake&s eyes follo"ed the $us to the edge of to"n. ,hen its taillights had finally faded in
the distance% he started the car&s engine and dro'e $ack to"ard to"n.
*e "as stopped at a red light "hen he looked up and reali0ed he "as sitting on the corner
of Birch"ood and +lm streets. *is head s"i'eled to"ard the tall $uilding "ith the huge
cross topping it. /he Sacred Cross Church.
# horn honked $ehind and Jake )erked his attention from the $uilding to"ard the green
traffic light a$o'e him. 4#ll right all right%4 he muttered as the horn sounded again%
$ecoming )oined $y a "hole chorus in the next fe" seconds.

# "eek later% Jake pulled up to the cur$ on Birch"ood and exited his car. -o'ing diagonally
across the side"alk% he approached the house "ith determined strides. !n the porch% he
pressed a finger on the door$ell and held it there.
,ithin moments the door "as thro"n $ack on its hinges and Jake stood face-to-face "ith
the one person he&d ne'er expected to see again in his life.
48ou said to come $y if I e'er "anted to talk%4 he said aggressi'ely% $y "ay of a greeting.
4,ell% I&'e got a lot of .uestions I need ans"ered.4
/he Re'erend 6ionus Jasper stared at him som$erly for a long moment $efore stepping
$ack and in'iting him inside "ith a "ide "elcoming smile.

Rachel put another log on the fire and sat $ack on her heels "atching the flames dance
around it. 7ushing a hand through her hair% she glanced up at the clock on the mantel and
hea'ed a great sigh.
#my had only $een gone for t"o hours% $ut already she "as missing her. /hey hadn&t $een
parted for any length of time in the last six "eeks since they&d returned to San #ntonio.
#nd if it hadn&t $een for the long talk% Jennifer% her $est friend% had initiated last "eek%
they&d pro$a$ly $e together right no".
Jennifer had e'en talked her into thinking a$out going $ack to teaching after the first of
the year. #my needed the companionship of other children% and Rachel needed the company
of adults. Besides% she lo'ed teaching% and though "orking in her glass shop had $een
en)oya$le these past "eeks% she needed the mental stimulation teaching "ould afford her.
Jennifer "as e'en trying to talk her into meeting her second cousin% an eligi$le $achelor
"ho "as coming to to"n for the holidays. So far% Rachel had resisted the idea% $ut she "as
$eginning to reali0e she "as lonely.
Sighing% she stood and mo'ed across the room and into the kitchen. She "as making
homemade eggnog "ith rum. /he "hole e'ening lay $efore her "ith nothing to do% except
"rap Christmas presents and relax.
It "as only three "eeks no" till Christmas and #my "as getting anxious% $ecause there still
"eren&t any presents $eneath their tree. +'eryone she kne"% according to her% had loads of
"rapped packages $eneath theirs.
Rachel smiled at the memory of her daughter&s t"inkling $lue eyes. She kne" ho" much her
mother had missed her and "asn&t a$o'e using that fact to her ad'antage. But it "as all
right2 Rachel approached e'ery ne" situation concerning her daughter "ith enthusiasm.
/hey "ere a family% and it felt good to $e part of a family again.
Carrying her glass into the li'ing room% her eyes fell on the stack of presents she had
placed near the couch% "aiting to $e "rapped. # man&s s"eater lay on top of the heap.
Rachel set the eggnog on the glass-topped coffee ta$le and reached for the s"eater.
,here "as he1 ,here "as Jake Frost spending Christmas1
She supposed it "as foolish to $uy a gift you had no intention of gi'ing for a person you
didn&t expect to see% $ut she hadn&t $een a$le to resist. /he s"eater "as knitted in shades
of $lue and dark gold on a creamy $ackground. It had looked so right for him in the store...
ropping the s"eater on top of the heap% Rachel pushed the memory of his face and the
remote expression in his ha0el eyes the last time she&d seen him% from her mind. *e&d made
his choice.
/he phone rang and she )umped% then hurried to ans"er it. It "as Jennifer% checking to
make certain she "asn&t too lonely "ithout #my there for company.
4(o% I&m fine%4 Rachel assured her.
48ou "ouldn&t like me to sneak a"ay and come o'er after a "hile... so you "on&t $e alone14
4I told you% I&m fine%4 Rachel ans"ered .uickly. She really "as en)oying the time $y herself.
She&d forgotten ho" good it "as to relax and let your mind go. She "as so thrilled to ha'e
#my $ack that she&d forgotten ho" trying an energetic four-year-old could $e at the $est
of times% e'en one as "ell-lo'ed as #my.
48ou&re sure14 Jennifer asked% listening for hidden nuances in Rachel&s 'oice.
43o $ack to your tele'ision program. I can hear it in the $ackground%4 Rachel said "ith a
laugh.
4#my said to gi'e you her lo'e "e lo'e you% too.4
4I kno".4
Replacing the recei'er% Rachel picked up her cup and sipped the thick% creamy drink. *er
eyes fell on a portrait of her parents taken the year $efore she started college. /hey&d
ha'e lo'ed #my% and she "ould ha'e lo'ed them% too% she thought sadly.
From the framed picture% she glanced at the Christmas card sitting $eside it. Rachel had
de$ated a long time $efore sending #lexandra Conroy a Christmas card. #nd the "oman had
sent them one in return along "ith a $rief note. She "anted to see #my.
Rachel hadn&t yet decided "hat she "as going to do a$out that. /urning a"ay from the
mantel% her eyes "ere dra"n to the s"eater.
,here "as he1 ,ould he $e spending the holidays "ith friends1
She hadn&t dared to let herself seriously consider the possi$ility of hearing from him% yet%
e'ery time the door$ell rang...
Sighing "istfully% telling herself not to $e a fool% she picked up the control and s"itched on
the tele'ision. 3i'ing her attention o'er to the program in progress% she forgot her trou$les
for a little "hile.
It "as eight o&clock "hen Rachel s"itched the set off and looked again at the s"eater.
7icking it up% she $uried her face in its softness. Six "eeks5 It had $een six "eeks since
she&d seen him. ,hy couldn&t she forget him as easily as he&d apparently forgotten her1

Jake cruised slo"ly past the house% looking at the Christmas lights in the "indo". /his "as
the fourth pass he&d made. /urning around% he dro'e $ack% passing a man stringing lights on
a tree in his yard. If he didn&t make a decision soon% someone in the neigh$orhood "atch
program "ould pro$a$ly phone the police and turn him in as a possi$le $urglary suspect.
/his time as he neared the stucco house% he pulled in at the cur$ and parked% killing the
engine. She "as home. *e had no excuse for lea'ing "ithout letting her kno" he "as there.
+asing out of the car% Jake approached the house slo"ly. /he man t"o doors do"n had
stopped "orking "ith his lights and stood "atching him.
#t the front door% Jake lifted a hand% hesitated and dropped it "ithout touching the
lighted $utton. ,hat if he "asn&t "elcome1
,hat if she had gotten on "ith her life and forgotten him1 ,hat if there "as another man
"ith her1
It had $een so long... six "eeks... six long% agoni0ing "eeks "ithout her...
,hat if he "asn&t "elcome1
*e&d left her% promising himself he&d forget her. #nd he&d done his damnedest to do it% for
all of a "eek.
,hen Jake left (acogdoches% he had e'ery intention of finishing up in ,ashington% .C.% as
.uickly as possi$le and heading $ack to his house in the /exas hill country. But things hadn&t
"orked out that "ay.
#fter talking to 3us for most of one "hole day% Jake had turned himself o'er to an agency
shrink. /hey&d talked for the next three days% it seemed no"% almost nonstop. Jake had
poured it all out to the man% telling him e'erything he&d kept $ottled up inside for most of
his life.
#nd in $et"een his $outs of analysis% Rachel haunted had him. She tormented him a"ake
and asleep% reminding him of her last "ords. She&d called him a co"ard% and he kne" she "as
right. *e "as a co"ard. *e&d $een running a"ay e'er since the night Janet had taken him
from his parents home in the midst of a $li00ard.
Jake glanced ner'ously to"ard the man t"o houses do"n "ho had $een )oined $y a "oman
his "ife% Jake presumed. /hey "ere $oth "atching him no". *e ga'e them a tight smile and
lifted a hand to "a'e nonchalantly in their direction.
/he hand mo'ed of its o"n free "ill to"ard the door$ell and Jake closed his eyes as he
heard the muted tone of it ringing some"here inside the house. *is ner'e suddenly deserted
him and he almost $olted% $ut his glance encountered that of the man mo'ing in Jake&s
direction. Jake grinned at him sickly and turned $ack to the door.
Suddenly the door in front of him opened and Jake stood staring at the face that had
haunted him religiously for the past six "eeks... and he couldn&t speak.
Rachel caught her $reath. She "anted to speak $ut her tongue stuck to the roof of her
mouth. She "anted to smile $ut her face "as fro0en stiff. She "anted to hurl herself into
his arms% $ut her feet "ere encased in lead $oots holding her to the ground. #nd then she
got mad.
Chapter 15
4-ay I come in14
Rachel stepped $ack "ithout speaking. Jake mo'ed inside and she closed the door after
him. #gain% "ithout speaking% she led the "ay into the li'ing room. /here she turned to"ard
him and asked politely% masking the anger seething inside% 4,ould you like to sit do"n14
4/hanks% I&ll stand.4 She could ha'e $een talking to an insurance salesman for all the
"armth there had $een in the in'itation. 7erhaps% the "orse scenario he had imagined% that
of finding her "ith another man% "ouldn&t ha'e $een as $ad as this terri$le reser'e $et"een
them.
Jake looked around the room% remem$ering it from the last time he&d $een there. Stepping
up to the fireplace% he $ent to "arm his hands. 4/his is nice co0y.4
48es%4 Rachel agreed solemnly% hands folded together at her "aist% "atching him. 4#my and
I $oth en)oy a fire in the e'ening "hile "e read% or "atch tele'ision.4
4Is she in $ed14
4(o.. .she&s "ith friends.4
4!h. Is she all right1 I mean% she "asn&t traumati0ed $y the kidnapping14
4(o% not really.4 /here "as a $it more animation in her 'oice "hen she talked a$out her
daughter% e'en though the controlled aspect to her features hadn&t changed. 4It appears
3ary treated her gently "hile she "as in his care. #nd except for $eing concerned a$out me%
and the fact that she&d had to lea'e her home and friends $ehind% she didn&t really
comprehend much of "hat "as happening.4
Jake "atched her mo'e across the room to"ard him. *is eyes "ere dra"n to her slender
figure and the pale% rose-colored )umpsuit she "ore% made of some kind of soft% flo"ing
material that clung to e'ery shapely cur'e of her $ody like a second skin.
/he outfit looked all of one piece and didn&t appear to possess anything resem$ling a
$utton or 0ipper. *e "ondered ho" she got into the thing. /he top o'erlapped securely
across her $osom% $ut "hen she remo'ed the screen from the fireplace and $ent to"ard the
fire to stir the flames% Jake caught a glimpse of soft round $reasts and forgot e'erything
except the flames stirring inside him.
,as she trying to arouse him deli$erately% to remind him of "hat he&d 'oluntarily gi'en up
"hen he&d re)ected her 'o" of lo'e the last time they&d $een together1
Rachel replaced the screen and crossed to stand $ehind the sofa "ith her hands resting on
the cushioned $ack. #"k"ardly she "aited for him to say "hate'er it "as he had come to
say and then lea'e.
It had taken her a long time to get o'er him. !kay% so "ho "as she kidding she "asn&t
completely o'er him% yet. But she "as getting there. #fter "eeks of )umping e'ery time the
phone rang% and dashing to the door "ith her heart in her mouth% )ust "hen she&d decided to
lock the memory of him a"ay in a special place in her heart and forget him% he sho"ed up
tonight "ithout any prior "arning.
For one cra0y moment% "hen she&d $een confronted $y him on her doorstep% she had
thought he "as there $ecause he lo'ed her. But no" she&d already dismissed that idea as
a$surd. *e didn&t act like a man in lo'e. *e acted like the coldhearted man she&d left $ehind
in (acogdoches.
-ay$e it "as the practice of the FBI to make follo"-up 'isits to the people they&d $een
in'ol'ed "ith on a case.
4I&m glad.4
Rachel glanced at him $lankly% forgetting for a moment to keep her defenses in place% and
Jake sa" $ehind the aloofness to the misery in her gray eyes.
&& I $eg your pardon1&& she "hispered in confusion. She& d lost the train of their
con'ersation in her o"n unhappy reflections.
Jake s"allo"ed .uickly and explained. 4I&m glad #my hasn&t suffered any ill effects from
her unfortunate experience.4
4!h yes... thank you.4
/he room "as "arm and gro"ing "armer $y the minute. /here "as something so sexy a$out
that 'ague expression on her face. Jake loosened his coat% "ondering ho" to $roach the
su$)ect he&d come to discuss "ith her.
4I understand your ex-hus$and&s trial is set for the first of the year.4
48es.4 Rachel&s eyes "ithdre" from his. So% as she&d suspected% this "as an official 'isit.
*e&d come to discuss the case "ith her. *er restless glance landed on her forgotten glass.
4,ould you like some eggnog14 She needed an excuse to get a"ay from him for a fe"
minutes.
4(o% thank you% I don&t "ant to put you to any trou$le 4
4It&s no trou$le. I "as )ust ha'ing some myself.4 She indicated the glass sitting near the
end of the sofa that she&d a$andoned to ans"er the door.
4!h. In that case% yes thank you I&d like something to drink.4
Rachel turned to"ard the kitchen "ith a feeling of relief
4#h excuse me...4
She turned $ack reluctantly.
4-ay I )ust lay this here14 Jake "as shrugging out of his long o'ercoat.
48es% of course. I&m sorry% I&'e $een so remiss% I should ha'e asked for it right a"ay. 3i'e
it to me.4 She held out a hand. 4I&ll put it in the hall closet 4
4(o% that&s all right% I&ll )ust lay it o'er this chair. I "on&t $e staying long.4
Rachel stiffened% ga'e a short% sharp nod and turned a"ay. Jake "atched her go "ith a
sense of relief. *e couldn&t think clearly "hen she "as in the room% and he needed all his
"its a$out him tonight.
3a0ing around the room% his eyes landed on the Christmas tree sitting in front of the
"indo". *e mo'ed closer% noting that it "as a li'e tree% one that could $e planted after the
holiday season "as past. It stood a$out six feet tall and "as decorated "ith red and green
Christmas $o"s.
/he only light on it "as the star at the top of the tree. *is eyes mo'ed do"n"ard% to"ard a
lighted manger scene that had $een placed at the $ase of the tree on a cotton skirt
sprinkled "ith glitter. -an% "oman% and child. It "as a "onderful thought. Jake $linked and
looked a"ay.
Colored fairy lights edging the "indo" t"inkled on and off% capturing his attention. /hey
"ere the lights he&d seen from his car outside. /urning suddenly a"ay% he sniffed the air
filled "ith pine and holiday spices and reali0ed sadly that this house reminded him of the
home he&d had "ith Janet.
6ight $ounced off a glass sphere sitting on the mantel. Jake mo'ed to"ard it. 7icking it up
curiously% he looked at the "inter scene encapsulated "ithin the transparent $all% then%
turning it o'er% disco'ered a key on the $ottom. Jake turned the key% shook the "hole thing
upside do"n% then set lit $ack on the mantel. /he strains of 4Silent (ight4 filtered through
the room as the sno" fluttered around the small 'illage% filling him "ith nostalgia.
-o'ing do"n the mantel past a Santa dish holding hard candy and a candle shaped like a
sno"man% Jake picked up Christmas card and read it. So% #lexandra Conroy "as $eginning to
feel like a grandmother.
*e returned the card% feeling suddenly out of place. /his room told him $etter than any
"ords that Rachel and #my "ere getting along )ust fine "ithout him. *e should ne'er ha'e
come
4*ere "e are. I hope you like homemade eggnog. /he recipe "as my mother&s and her
mother&s $efore her. It&s my fa'orite holiday drink. I make it e'ery year 4 She let the
"ords trail off.
4I&m sorry%4 she murmured% handing Jake a frosty glass "ithout looking at him. 4I&m
chattering. It&s )ust that I hadn&t expected to see you again. I mean 4
4Relax.4
Rachel&s teeth suddenly snapped shut. 4I am relaxed%4 she couldn&t help muttering testily%
$efore mo'ing across the room to once more take up her stance $ehind the sofa.
4*o" are you14 Jake asked purposefully. /his "alt0ing around "hat "as really $et"een the
t"o of them "as $eginning to "ear on his ner'es. *e had a lot to tell her% and he&d come a
long "ay to say it. *e )ust didn&t kno" ho" to $egin.
4I&m fine%4 Rachel ans"ered lightly% reaching across the arm of the sofa for her glass. *e
had no right to ask ho" she "as in that tone of 'oice5
4I&'e missed you.4
/he glass slipped suddenly from her fingers% shattering against the glass-topped ta$le.
4!h% no54 Rachel reached for it in horror.
Jake put his o"n glass on the mantel and rushed to her side. 4#re you all right1 8ou didn&t
cut yourself14 3ra$$ing her hand% he carefully inspected each finger "ith a rare sho" of
concern.
It only took an instant for the tension in the hand to transmit itself to him. Jake&s eyes
fle" to meet hers in surprise.
Rachel )erked her hand a"ay and demanded% 4,hy ha'e you come% Jake1 ,hy no" after all
this time1 ,hat dc you "ant from me14
But Jake&s eyes had suddenly $ecome ri'eted on the s"eater at the top of the stack of
un"rapped gifts. 7icking it up% he tested its softness $et"een the fingers of one large hand.
4Is there someone in your life14 he asked "ith his glance still on the s"eater. *e couldn&t
stand the thought of seeing the ans"er "ritten on her face% $efore her lips formed the
"ords that "ould damn him to a li'ing hell on earth.
Rachel&s eyes mo'ed to the s"eater. 4(o... yes... no.4
/hro"ing the garment from him in a mo'e that stunned her% Jake gra$$ed her $y the
shoulders and hauled her into his arms. 4,hich is it14 he demanded gruffly.
4I-I 4
4#ns"er me54 *e shook her slightly.
#ll at once her eyes darkened "ith anger. 4/ake your hands off me5 ,hat gi'es you the
right to .uestion me a$out that or anything else for that matter14
4/his...4 Jerking her tightly against him% his mouth co'ered hers% de'ouring its softness.
Stunned% Rachel neither responded nor resisted. #nd then% suddenly% she "as pushing
against his chest% hitting his $ack "ith her hand. ,renching her mouth from $eneath his%
she cried% 4Stop this5 6et me go5 8ou can&t do this to me again I "on&t let you I "on&t let you
$ack into my life for a fe" days or a night.4
Jake let her go and strode across the room% "iping a hand across his mouth. =eeping his
$ack to her% so she "ouldn&t see ho" the touch of her lips the feel of her in his arms-had
affected him% he took a gulp from his glass% made a slight face% and placed it $ack on the
mantel. *e&d ne'er liked eggnog.
,hen he had himself under control% he turned to face her. 4,ould you like to kno" "hat
I&'e $een up to these past "eeks14
4Is that "hy you came% to keep me a$reast of your acti'ities14
Ignoring the sharpness of her ans"er% Jake said% 4I&'e $een to ,ashington to see 3us
a'ison... and I&'e $een to Indiana.&&
4Indiana14 she asked "ith sudden attention. 4/hat&s right. I helped tie up some loose ends
on a case for 3us% and "hile I "as there I dropped $y to see my uncle.4
48our uncle14 she repeated stupidly% mo'ing around the end of the sofa and dropping do"n
onto it% forgetting the $roken glass and spilled drink.
4/hat&s right.4
4*-ho" "as he14
4In good health% $ut confined to a "heelchair a permanent result of the fall he took do"n
the stairs that night.4
*e didn&t need to explain "hich night he meant. Rachel understood. 4id he recogni0e you14
4!ddly enough% he did. *e said I "as the spitting image of his father my grandfather. ,e
talked for a long time. *e explained to me a little a$out my parents.
4-other had... pro$lems% all her life. She "as "ild and uncontrolla$le e'en as a teenager $ut
I don&t "ant to go into all that no".4
/here "as still the fear% some"here inside him% that someday. .. But he "as learning to deal
"ith it.
4,hat else did he tell you14
4*e said he tried to talk to my parents a$out their... treatment of me. *e said they made it
clear to him that if he interfered he&d $e eliminated altogether from their li'es.
4But it "as $ecause of his inter'ention that Janet "as hired to care for me. *e told my
mother it "ould gi'e her more free time to de'ote to her la" practice if she had someone
li'ing "ith us to keep me out of her hair. #nd she immediately "ent for that idea. She "as a
totally selfish person.4
4*a'e you forgi'en him% then% for his part in "hat happened14 Rachel asked softly.
4It&s going to take time.4 *e shrugged. # fara"ay look dimmed the ha0el eyes. 47eople can
do some damned a"ful things to kids in the name of lo'e.4
4Can you forgi'e him% Jake14 she asked carefully% "atching his face. /he ans"er "as 'ery
important to her.
4I don&t kno". *e&s not the same man I remem$er $ut then% the memory is that of a four-
year-old child. +ither he&s changed% or I ha'e...4 *e shrugged again. 4,e&ll talk some more
later.&&
/alking a$out his past made him feel restless. *e lifted his glass% paused to look at it%
"ishing it contained something a "hole lot stronger% then set it $ack do"n "ithout taking a
drink and $egan to "ander around the room.
*e stopped to look at the Christmas decorations adorning the room% picking things up and
putting them do"n "ithout really seeing them. Rachel follo"ed his curious "anderings "ith a
fro"n.
7ausing a$ruptly $y the tree% "ith his $ack to her% he murmured% 4*e said they changed
after I disappeared. *e said 4things "ould ha'e $een different if I&d returned... $efore...4
4o you $elie'e him14
Jake turned to"ard the fireplace% rocking $ack and forth on his heels for a long time
"ithout ans"ering. Finally he shook his head and muttered% 4I don&t kno".4
47eople do change% Jake%4 she reminded him softly. 4#nd sometimes it&s e'en for the
$etter.4
4I 'isited their gra'es%4 he said after a moment. 4It "as raining...a cold% "inter rain% the
kind that chills you to the $one. I stood there% staring at the gra'es of the t"o people
responsi$le for my $eing here% and I felt... nothing.4
Firelight glistened in his eyes as he turned fully to face Rachel. 4I should ha'e felt
something... shouldn&t I14
She "anted to go to him $ut she couldn&t% she didn&t ha'e the right. *e&d taken that right
a"ay from her that last night in (acogdoches.
4#fter I came $ack to /exas% I 'isited Janet&s gra'e% and all I felt "as anger...4 /here "as
a faint tremor in his 'oice "hen he continued. 4She ga'e up e'erything for me. I o"ed her so
much... and I ne'er got the chance to repay any of it.4
Rachel couldn&t remain silent. 4Remem$er something% Jake. ,hate'er happens in the
future% remem$er that she must ha'e lo'ed you 'ery much to do "hat she did and that she&s
a part of you% too.&&
Capturing her eyes% he held them "ithout ans"ering and slo"ly crossed the room to her
side. Stopping 'ery close to her% he announced suddenly in a stronger 'oice% 4I&'e )ust come
from Ripley.4
4R-Ripley14 Rachel $linked and looked a"ay. She "as under the impression he had )ust got in
from ,ashington.
48es. I had some things to take care of there. Some "ere harder than others.4
4I&m sorry%4 Rachel "hispered a"k"ardly% kno"ing he "as referring to 6acy and -ary
/ol$ridge. She "ished he "ouldn&t stand so close. It made her uncomforta$le.
4on&t $e sorry. I&ll ne'er forget them% $ut I&m ready to admit that that part of my life is
finished. I feel as though I can start my life all o'er again and I o"e that all to you. /hank
you%4 he "hispered deeply.
Rachel couldn&t ha'e spoken if her life had depended upon it. (o" she kne" the real reason
$ehind this 'isit he "anted to say thank you. *a'ing him in her house "as agony% $ut to kno"
he&d only come to say... thank you...
Rising s"iftly to her feet% she s"ept past his figure and "ent to look out the "indo". It
"as impossi$le to $e so close to him and not...
She didn&t "ant his thanks5 *e could take his thank you&s and he could... he could...
4Rachel14
Jake "as standing $ehind her% so close she could feel the heat of his $ody along her $ack.
/he reflection of his taller figure loomed o'er her shoulder. She glanced into his mirrored
face and .uickly a"ay.
She tried to speak in a normal 'oice. 4I&m glad you&'e gotten things in perspecti'e.4 *is
$reath touched the $ack of her neck and she couldn&t "ithhold a shi'er nor the .uestion%
4*o" long ha'e you $een $ack in /exas14
&& # couple of "eeks.4
4I... see.4 She mo'ed a"ay from him. 4#nd I suppose you decided you couldn&t start this
ne" life you mentioned $efore tying up all the loose threads of your old one.4
Jake fro"ned. /hat "asn&t exactly ho" he "ould ha'e put it% $ut...
4I&'e $een assigned a ne" )o$. /he agency is opening a $ranch office for locating missing
children% here% in /exas. For the past t"o "eeks I&'e $een $usy pulling it together.4
43ood for you.4
*is eyes narro"ed on her face. 4Is that all you ha'e to say14
She "hirled to face him. 4,hat do you "ant me to say% Jake1 8ou "ant my appro'al you
ha'e it. 8ou "ant my good "ishes you ha'e them% too. ,hat else do you "ant from me14
48our lo'e14
/he room $ecame so .uiet Rachel could almost hear the $lood surging through her 'eins%
once her heart $egan to $eat again. 4,hat do you mean14 she managed to get past stiff lips.
4I mean% "hen I "atched you get on that $us in (acogdoches% I kne" you "ere taking my
heart "ith you.4 +motion darkened the ha0el eyes to a deep sea green.
48-you "ere there "hen "e left14 /he anger inside her $egan to "a'er as she tried to
comprehend "hat she "as hearing.
4I "as there.4
4,hy14
4Isn&t it o$'ious14 he asked uncomforta$ly.
4(o.4 She shook her head% her eyes staring hard at his face. 4It isn&t o$'ious to me tell
me.4
4I...4 ammit% "hy couldn&t he )ust say it1
Rachel&s mouth turned as pale as her cheeks. 4,hy can&t you say it1 4 she $lurted% scarcely
a"are of her o"n 'oice. 4I said it first in (acogdoches 4 she halted a$ruptly% cheeks
flushing a hot red in em$arrassment 4 unless% that isn&t "hat you meant...4
4on&t look at me like that54 /"isting a"ay% Jake paced to the other side of the room. (o"
it "as his turn to try to put some distance $et"een them. -ay$e if he explained. 4I "ent to
talk to the Re'erend Jasper 4
48ou "ent to see 6ionus Jasper14 Rachel interrupted in ama0ement. 4I thought you didn&t
like him.4 5 4I ne'er said that%4 Jake "hirled a$out to deny .uickly.
48ou didn&t say it%4 Rachel agreed% 4$ut you made it o$'ious ho" you felt a$out him "hen
you called him sanctimonious.4
4I...may ha'e $een mistaken a$out that%4 Jake responded hesitantly.
4-istaken1 I "ould ha'e liked to ha'e seen his face "hen you sho"ed up on his doorstep%4
she murmured% turning to pick up something off the ta$le $eside her.
4,hat are you doing14 Jake asked in ama0ement "hen she turned to face him "ith a
cigarette in her mouth% holding a lighter to its tip.
Remo'ing the cigarette% she looked at its glo"ing tip and then at him "ith a raised $ro".
4Smoking.4 Returning the cigarette to her lips she took a long drag.
48ou don&t smoke.4
4I didn&t.4 She shrugged. 4But I do no".4
Jake looked at her intently% then strode to "ithin a couple of feet of her. 4,ell% you )ust
.uit%4 he replied curtly% remo'ing the cigarette from her lips and thro"ing it into the
fireplace.
4*ey5 ,ho in the hell do you think you are 4
4,hat did you say14 he rounded on her furiously.
4I said 4
4I heard you5 ,hen did you start cussing1 Shame on you% "hat if your daughter should hear
you14
4,hat are you% my conscience14 she asked scathingly.
4(o54 he shouted. 4I&m the man "ho lo'es you 4
4,hat "hat did you say14 Rachel asked in a suffocated "hisper.
4I said...4 Jake put his hands on her shoulders 4.. .I lo'e you.4 It got easier "ith practice.
48-you do14 she asked on a thin "hisper of a $reath% staring up into his face "ith "ide%
"ondering eyes.
48es% I do%4 he responded huskily. 4(one of this none of the changes I&'e made in my life%
the changes I&'e made in my thinking means anything "ithout you. 8ou made me "ant to .uit
running and face life. /hat&s "hat I&m doing right no"... I lo'e you.4
Rachel "as shaking her head. She "anted to $elie'e...
4But I ha'en&t heard a "ord from you for six "eeks six "eeks54 *er hands found his "aist
and she gripped it "ith trem$ling fingers% needing something solid to keep her in touch "ith
reality. 48ou let me "alk a"ay and no" you "ant to "alk $ack into my life )ust like that1&&
Jake had no defense. 48es%4 he ans"ered solemnly% 4)ust like that. 8ou&re all I&'e thought
a$out since the day you stormed into my life and demanded that I help you.
4I "as afraid of you then% $ecause I thought you "ere the ghost of my dead mother coming
to get me% and I&m afraid of you no".4
4-e1 8ou&re afraid of me1 ,hy14
4I&m afraid you&re going to tell me to get out 4 the hands on her shoulders tightened 4 that
you no longer lo'e me. #nd if that happens% you might )ust as "ell kill me right here and
no".4
4!h% Jake...4 She "anted to $elie'e% $ut...
48ou created the man you see standing $efore you% Rachel% and no" it&s up to you as to "hat
happens to him.4
4(o%4 she protested% faintly.
48es. I&'e had a good example in you. ,hen you came me desperate to find your daughter%
e'en in your fear and anger% you "ere 'i$rantly ali'e. 8ou had purpose% dri'e% and direction.
8ou kne" "hat you "anted you "anted your daughter $ack and you "eren&t going to let
anything stand in your "ay.
4#t first% I agreed to help you )ust to get you out of my lair. !nce you "ere gone% I told
myself% I&d $e a$le to grie'e in peace. ,hat I really meant "as that I could go $ack to
$urying myself from life.
4But% after a "hile...I didn&t "ant you to lea'e me. But% no"% I had a ne" "orry. 8ou $rought
out a side of me I&d kept hidden% $uried under layers of anger and fear. 8ou made me
experience all the emotions I&d kept carefully locked up inside.
4#nd I re)oiced in it in you until my past reared its ugly head. !nce I remem$ered my
mother and father% I "as scared again.
4!nly this time% I "as more scared than I&d e'er $een in my "hole life% $ecause I "anted
you and I kne" I couldn&t ha'e you.4
4,hy couldn&t you ha'e me14 Rachel shook him a little in agitation. She "anted to hear it
all% it all had to come out into the open% so she&d understand the truth $ehind his agoni0ing
re)ection of her.
4Because.. ."hat if I did something in a fit of anger to hurt you... or #my1&&
So that "as it5 4!h% Jake5 I thought it "as $ecause you didn&t lo'e me% or didn&t "ant #my.4
Jake lifted a hand to smooth a strand of hair $ack from her face. *is fingers lingered
against her soft cheek.
4I "anted you.4 *is 'oice deepened% his eyes smoldering "ith $anked fires. 4-y 3od% ho" I
"anted you. I couldn&t look at you% accidentally $rush against you )ust the thought of you 4
*e $roke off and shook his head% una$le to go on. /he hand at her cheek mo'ed around to
the $ack of her neck. *e tilted her head and leaned his forehead against hers% fighting for
control of his emotions so he could continue.
Rachel lifted a hand to his face and "hispered% 48ou said I taught you all those things ho"
could I teach you anything1 9ntil I met you% I didn&t kno" the meaning of lo'e myself.&&
7ulling her in against his chest% Jake pressed his lips against the hair a$o'e her temple and
"hispered hoarsely% 4I can&t go on "ithout you. #ll my good intentions "ill fall $y the
"ayside if you aren&t there to keep me in line.4
#nd then his arms "ere "rapped around her and he "as kissing the side of her neck. 43od
I&'e missed you% e'ery minute of e'ery day and night%4 he added deeply% 4I&'e missed you so
much...4
Rachel mo'ed her face so their lips met and ans"ered his kisses "ith una$ashed
enthusiasm.
Jake took his lips from hers to ask% $reathlessly% 4o you lo'e me14
4,ith all my heart54
#fter a long% satisfying kiss% it "as Rachel "ho e'aded his lips long enough to "hisper%
4,hat a$out #my14
4,hat a$out her14
&&She needs a father.4
4#nd I need a family.4
4#re you sure14 she asked% eyeing him intently.
4!f you1 (e'er. But that&s "hat life is all a$out% the ups and do"ns and the surprises
right14
4Right54
4/hen I guess I&d $etter start plighting my troth 4
48our "hat14 she asked "ith a laugh.
48ou kno"% planning my trousseau and all that stuff. Cause% I&'e disco'ered I&m an old-
fashioned guy at heart. I plan for us to $e together a lifetime% so I "ant to start things off
right "ith a "edding a church "edding &&
4,ith 6ionus Jasper to marry us%4 Rachel put in mischie'ously% and then% at the look on
Jake&s face she $egan to laugh merrily. 48ou didn&t5 8ou did you asked 6ionus Jasper to
marry us14
4,ell...4 Jake grinned sheepishly. 49nless you ha'e another preference% I kind of agreed to
ha'e the "edding take place in (acogdoches 4
4!h% Jake.4 She hugged him tightly. 4,e&re going to $e so happy54
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