Anas,

The Poem of
Mutilation
Story
by Igor Pop Trajkov
Scribd
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 1

ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION

She was born in the small city in the middle of the Balkan Peninsula. She had her
childhood in the small city. She moved in the big city together with her parents. She began
her primary education in the big city. She was a girl from the big city. Her name was Ana.

Ana was a lucky child. Unlike many of her girlfriends, she wasnt a child of divorced
parents. Unlike many of her girlfriends she didnt have to starve. Her parents were well
satiated, so always in her mandja
1
she had plenty of meat. Unlike many of her girlfriends
she didnt have to walk the dangerous streets in order to go to school. Her parents had a
car. Unlike many of her girlfriends she didnt have to talk to everybody. Her parents taught
her that they were important people, so she should choose with whom she talks to. Due to
this, at her first day in school, she felt kind of lonely. She thought she missed so many
things. While many of the girls were playing together in the yard, she was sitting in the
classroom, staring at the wall, waiting for the break to pass. This was pretty hard for her;
how was somebody at her age supposed to find out whos good, and whos not? Ana thought
that it is normal for her to think that all the people were the same, although at the time
when she was going to school nobody paid attention to her religious upbringing. She knew
nothing of Christianity. That nobody is something more than the others; so certainly
nobody is superior. But after few days her classmates first begun strangely to stare at her,
than they begun to yell and insult her. Ass girl, donkey face. Why dont you move from
your sit a bit? Your heard had left you, you are all alone you stinky cow? When this begun
to happen she decided it would be the best for her not to pay any attention to them and she
would kindly open some book and begun to read. Though it only looked as she was reading,
her thoughts were disturbed by the situation, so she couldnt focus on the text. Ana thought
her face was like a helmet, and the reading mask would protect her from her surrounding.
She told nobody of this. Why? Because she thought her parents worked really hard for her
wealth, so she shouldnt bother them with this tiny problem. She told nothing of this to her
mistress too, she thought a girl with her upbringing should be clever enough to solve this

1
Very popular meal in Southern Balkan, especially in Macedonia. It exists in hundreds of versions.
Usually is from boiled seasons vegetables, and it can contain any kind of meat. Some think the
etymology is from the ancient Tal tribes that inherited the region. Later researches show that it may
originate from Mandjuria. This meal was carried in the clay bottle on the horse.
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 2

all by herself. She should just keep on being the nice girl, and the evil spirits would
disappear. Her homework was always the best, so she always read her homework in front of
everybody. Ana always kept her books and notebooks tidy; she always had the curls in her
blond hair freshly washed; her dress never had wrinkles, as she always sat on her chair
slowly and elegantly as her French teacher taught her (with whom she learned and how to
drink tea, with elegance in moving the couple- like a little lady). But the girls kept on
attacking her. Furthermore they took with them few boys and told them to attack her with
false insinuations. Why dont you join us in the yard? Because you are a provincial bastard,
you are ashamed to mix with the normal people! they kept on yelling at her. When the
boys saw that she pays no attention to them, they decided to force her into it by throwing at
her dirty water from the sponge. When she saw that her dress is all stained with that dirty
water, Ana decided it is top time to inform the mistress about this. She didnt want her
mother to think that she didnt keep her dress all tidy. In a hurry she stood from the chair,
but immediately she sensed something cold between her lags. It was a stick from a flag that
one of the boys placed holding it in his hands, where definitely it shouldnt be. Eat this,
provincial whore! yelled the boy that had oily, straight black hair, and his blue eyes bloody
red of anger. Ana just pulled the stick that he was holding out in her way, and then pulled
the boy too. This was easy for her as she was taller than the boy. She stepped in cold blood
in the corridor, and begun walking straight towards hers mistress office. After only few
steps, Ana felt as losing her balance, and failed down at her back. She hit her head so hard
that at the beginning she thought she had broken her head. As she pulled herself together,
she stood on her own two feet again, and heard the laughing of her classmates behind her
back. Obviously they expected she would come out of the classroom and they threw some oil
on the floor. Havent you broke your neck already you provincial cow? her mates keep on
yelling at her. When entering the office, Ana was bursting into tears, and through crying
she kept on saying look what they did to me. She showed with her princess looking fingers
at her now dirty dress. The mistress hugged her and put her fingers in her silky, curly hair.
Who did this to you Ana? Why did they do this to you? Ana felt quite fatigue and she
couldnt answer anything. The mistress promised to her, and later to her parents that they
will examine carefully this incident, and punish the perpetrators. When her parents asked
her, she told them everything about the attack as it was. The mother was particularly
tender with her daughter; she was hugging and kissing her sugar cube all evening. Later
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 3

her mother washed her in the foamy tab, and all wrapped by the smells of the lavender
soap and her mothers perfume, Ana went to bed. Like every night Ana stared at the toy
chandelier in a form of Donald the Duck, and the other toys and dolls that were hiding in
the shades of the room. Then she saw like some form of a fairy glow through the window.
She thought that the good fairy had come to her in order to spend some time with her- Ana,
the sugar cube. Then she heard some kind of explosion. Mommy! she screamed all
frightened. Her mother entered her daughters` sleeping room and explained to her that it
is just thundering, that thats normal, that it happened many times before, yet Ana noticed
nothing, since she was together with her parents. By telling her that she should expect the
rain, the sleepy mother of Ana left the room. Ana sensed that something important is going
to happen, so she decided she wont sleep until it begins to rain. She revised the events that
took place in the school that day. She found out that it is good that she didnt fall asleep,
because she would have to invent a story. By analyzing all the fazes of the todays incident
she found out that when they begin to ask them about whos guilty, the ones that would be
punished the most would be her parents. Ana knew about the school legislation, that all the
pupils are the same. So she shouldnt have separated her class friends on the ones that are
worth or worth not of her friendship. Indisputably she would put her parents in a mess. The
school authorities would undoubtedly expel her from this school and tell her parents that
they should find another place for their sugar cube daughter, place that matches their
cruel, elitist standards. For the first time in her life Ana found out that she has to lie, in
order to keep her and her parents comfortable lifestyle. Her parents were employed in the
administration, and she knew by the similar incident that she witnessed with her
neighbors, that they would have repercussions on their workplace. Ana doesnt want to
return to live in that smelly provincial city, the one she remembers of only in her darkest
nightmares. Ana doesnt want to see herself in rags, looking like a gipsy with an unwashed
face, like those hooligans that attacked her today at school. If this happens, her mother
would never hug her like today, because her breath would smell on garlic, like it did of
those sugar cube molesters. Ana thought that she may lie (at that time there were no secret
cameras anywhere), because she had invested in her reputation. The homework of Ana was
always amongst the best ones, so the mistresses would presumably believe more to her, the
descent girl, than to those hooligans. As the first drops of the rain begun to knock on the
window, Ana begun to fall asleep. The next day she found out that it was good that she
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 4

prepared herself, as her intuition proved out to be truthful. She entered the investigation-
office where she noticed she was the last one to enter. When standing in front of the
mistress Ana was all polished and freshly ironed. The attackers with their faces red of
anger, were sitting in the corner of the room alongside their cheaply dressed parents, whose
eyes were as greedy as chimps ones daydreaming of a banana. The mistress, with her tone
already approving of the exemplifying presence of Ana asked:

-Ana your school friends told us they were angry at you because you didnt want to play
with them?
-Thats not truth. I wanted to play with them, but they threatened me that if I join them
they would beat me.
-Why should they want to beat you?
-Because they sensed from my accent that I am provincial. They were from the big city;
they didnt want somebody like me to be near them.
-Is that what they told you?
-They told me not only this. Go back to you heard you provincial bastard, you cow; fuck off
ugly whore etc. We are taught in a manner to speak only polite, so at first I was ashamed
to tell you all this.
-So you wanted to be polite, that is why you waited so long. You didnt want to disturb your
mistresses with these violent words. That is why they could do this to you.
-They didnt just insult me. They attacked me to. They hurt me physically too.
-Dear Ana, how did they hurt you?
-With the stick from our national item.
-Dear child, where did they hurt you?
-On my shame place.
-Who did that to you?

Ana pointed the boy with the greasy, black hair. His father sitting next to him first looked
ironically at his suns` eyes, and then, as knowing well from earlier everything about this
eyes, slapped the boys forehead. The mistress hugged Ana that was already crying. This
boy together with the two other attackers was suspended from the school, and two waging
girls earned the warning note. But this was not the solvation of the problems for Ana, at
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 5

least not like she thought solvation should be like. Every night from now one, she had to
think before falling asleep what she will speak about when she goes to school. At first she
thought that if she doesnt take care what she speaks about, they may find out about her
lies. But later she found out that now, she- th Ana, is in. She is the school hero, now
everybody wants to be like her. Most of the pupils now stay in the classroom during the
brake, and read. Nobody cares about those hooligans anymore: The place of the Petar Pans
is in the bushes nearby, not in the school, she thought. Ana you beat the shit out of those
bastards. You should know that we are all on your site, told her one of her she- classmates,
with a red hair in a ponytail. But you are telling me about this now, where were you when
they attacked me, worryingly thought Ana. And again she reminded herself it is good she
didnt say laud what she had in mind; that is how she may lose this friend of hers and many
others, so when the next incident happens nobody will be on her site. This classroom is a
cruel place, so Ana must keep her friends and keep on lying. She must keep on lying
everybody, including her parents! Obviously her parents werent right about everything, so
she will not listen to their advice to select her friends, because for some reason they are
unaware that their advice is useless. Probably because they were educated in that stinky
provincial school (which building was an ex- stable); and because except on their work
place, they are pretty unaware of how things in the big city are happening. So from now on
Ana would socialize with everybody, but will not tell about this to her parents. This
conclusion Ana, the little sugar cube, found out to be of great importance for their (hers and
her parents) future. The attitude of being friend with everybody will keep the percentage of
her friends in the class high (she will need them to be on her site in the case of another
incident), and will reduce the chance of another incident happening to her to minimum.
Ana was surprised and from another conclusion she came up to analyzing this school court
process. Her parents did tell her to avoid many school friends, but they never asked she
ever did so. Did the parents of Ana care enough about their daughter? Maybe and they are
some liars like everybody around her? Her mother is tall with brown hair, and her father
tall with black hair; both of them unlike Ana that is a small girl with a curly hair. Maybe I
am adopted, thought this tiny girl crawling in her bed, and trying not to scream (and wake
up her parents) as she burst in tears. Ana couldnt fall asleep easily when she had these
thoughts. Many times she felt as the climate was changing together with her anguish. If
she didnt saw the lightening (as in the time of the incident) she would start to stare at the
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 6

lights of the cars, which were penetrating the window and moving the shades around her
dolls. Usually when she thought that her parents are insincere with her and that they were
not her real ones, the thought that made her calm and fall asleep was that even if it was so,
their future is in togetherness. Her future is together with the future of her parents, so Ana
must care about all of them. One morning she woke up for school before her mother came
up in her room. Ana listened the steps of her mother in the corridor as for some reason
coming closer to her room and again distancing form it, whispering something to her
father Ana took the little pink mirror that was placed next to the dolls, she looked at her
face. Ana was horrified to find out that her eyes were not like the ones she used to have.
Her eyes used to be like the ones from some of her dolls, but now they were gray and scary,
like that awful boy with the greasy hair had. That savage dwarf that mercilessly attacked
her now had his space in her eyes. Ana was a golden fish in the magic lake, but the dwarf
penetrated the water with his dirty body and polluted it forever. Ana heard some dreadful
noise! Is it that thunder again that saved her during the incident? Ana swopped into the
pillow, pretending she was sleeping, as her mother with her new boots with high hills, came
noisy to the door of the bedroom, and opened it. She put her fingers in her daughters hair
and whispered Angel, wake up. Its time for school. Ana sad OK in a snoring manner, and
when her mother left her room, once again she looked in the mirror to see her own lying
face and her new eyes. The day that she had in school was particularly boring and
exhausting for her, as Ana had to keep of all of her lies again, because it was the
forgiveness day
2
. As a complete surprise during the last class the door opened and
interrupted the lecture. The director of the school entered. He was a giant tall as the door
he entered through, with a gray hair as big as baroque powdered wig. This kind of wigs was
familiar to Ana as she had it on one of her dolls. Behind him entered a small creature,
which compared to this Goliath looked as small as a poodle. It was a small girl with a curly
brown hair. She was so beautiful and tiny, and so unlike the rest of her class mates, so that
Ana immediately felt in love in her. Dear children now I want you to meet your new class
mate, the girl stepped in front of the director. Who wants to have her seat next to her?,
and Ana again obsessed with her benevolent reputation volunteered. But then the giant
added Her name is Ana. As Ana the blond scented the fresh smell of Ana the brunet siting

2
On this day people that had a quarrel have a makeover. Sometimes they go for this reason at their
homes and have a makeover lunch together.
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 7

at the chair next to her, Ana the blond begun to develop mixed fillings. What is now this?
Violation of her identity? Ana the blond and Ana the brunet! said the two meter tall silver
ghost whose head was floating in the white mist, his hair. He left the classroom, the pupil
stood up and seated in respect. Two Anas looked at each other in an allure of complete
tenderness, as to both of them seemed they never had before. Soon they became best
friends. Ana the blond was happy to find out that Ana the brunette was from a very nice
family, her parents were driving even a better car than hers, and she was a single child too.
Ana the blond didnt want to socialize with somebody that is somewhat different from her,
and she wanted to do everything like her parents advised her to do (and that is her friends
to be only the nicest girls and boys in the school). Few months passed and Ana the blond
begun to wander why her parents didnt give her some of those useful advices anymore;
why her mother doesnt want to talk with her so often like she used to do; now her mother
doesnt hug Ana before her falling asleep anymore; is it because Ana is more mature or
because her parents for some reason are angry at her; probably her parents find out that
she socializes with everybody- she is not their sugar cube anymore; Anas` parents had some
matrimonial problems, Ana listened them fighting in the room next to hers, her mother
asked her father what is that white powder aside their bathroom mirror, and her father sad
it was aspirin, he had to chop it in order to swallow it because he had a weak stomach
Her mother spanked her father in the face whispering: You poor liar! Though her parents
reduced the hugging, and sweet talks with their bellowed daughter, Ana noticed that they
began to buy her more luxurious presents. Like the new pink Disney school bag with
painted Cinderella; new dolls- one really big, the largest of them all up till now, the one
that Ana placed in the middle of all the other dolls and called her as indicated on its
cardboard package Darja (this doll had a 19
th
century entourage, sausage brown curls, and
blue eyes form alabaster which were closing when she lied her on her back); or the small
but reach with clothes doll Anastazia (this doll was bald, but it had many wigs , clothes,
accessories and make up in order to change her appearance); and many other toys and
clothes. So Ana formed an opinion about herself that her parents are still nice and caring,
but she is a bad girl. I am so weak and characterless, I must be stronger and achieve
everything the way my parents told me to, thought Ana each night before she went to sleep,
starring at the car reflections at hers` room wall.

Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 8

My parents were nice; I destroyed everything, messing with those smelly classmates. I ruined
the health of my father. He used to be a healthy man, but now he worries about me, due to
which he became unhealthy. His stomach became week, and he has to take aspirin. I am
such a mess, I have to find a way how to get rid of all of those cave- children around me. I
heard my parents talking about moving to other, better place. My mother cries all the time. I
guess she needs some energy for that too. And me, I am such a lazy swamp. My poor mom, I
must be more helpful to her

Just as she was thinking like this, Ana heard the steps in the corridor coming towards her
room. She closed her eyes, wrapped herself in the blanket, and begun to pretend she is
sleeping. Her mother opened the door, and what happened for the first time put the light
on. Ana squeezed her eyes as she was trying to continue sleeping. Her mother whispered
with a cold, TVpresenterrish voice:

-Open your eyes sugar cube, I know you are not sleeping.
-How do you know?
-The dress of Darja sways. You were touching her seconds before I entered. Why do you
move you dolls all the time?
-I dont want the light from the cars into their eyes.
-Sugar they are just dolls. You shouldnt worry about them. They feel nothing. Does the
light from the cars bother you? Shall I put a black curtain?
-No it doesnt bother me. Dont worry about me mom. Worry about yourself. You have
become too skinny.
-Me? Skinny? Skinny is in now. I want to become like one of your dolls. So that all the
clothes would fit me. What do you want me to do for you?
-To hug me, like you used to.
-Honey I will but not now. I smell on cigarettes and I havent brushed my teeth yet. Oh my
god! Oh my god! What have you done with this doll? This dolls face is on her back. She
should be dead by now.
-Dont worry about it. Worry about yourself. They are just dolls they feel nothing. Dont cry.
I didnt turn her head like that. Or if I did it wasnt intentionally, probably the cleaning
lady did so.
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 9

-I am not crying. It is just sad. This doll is so beautiful
-You are beautiful mum. The most beautiful doll in the world.
-I have toI have to tell you something important.

Ana stepped out of the bed. She hugged her mother, who was now bursting into tears. Her
mother corrected the head of the doll, and its dress that was wrinkled. She placed Ana in
bead with the doll next to her. She kissed the hair of her sugar cube. In deed this strong
and tall woman had a dog breath. But for Ana everything that was from her mother was
beautiful. The mother of Ana for her daughter was the most gorgeous doll. Ana will not
disappoint her. From now on she will always care with whom she talks to and with whom
she walks with. In her class there was another new pupil. It was a skinny boy, shortest
member of their class. His clothes were rags. He had a smelly green, home- hackled
pullover, with holes on it. But his dirty shirt was always buttoned up till the last bottom on
his neck. Actually he was one of the best pupils. But nobody paid any attention at his
beautifully written homework, as everybody was repulsed by his smelly, greasy hair. He
always sat alone, as everybody isolated him. His parents didnt pay any attention to this. So
it seemed, as they always collected him without a car each day, and just asked the teacher
weather their boy was good, or whether he paid enough attention during the class. They
were the mare shadow of their boy, all ragout and smelly, both of them wearing heavy
spectacles. Approximately one week after his arrival, the mistress of the class (the one that
always had few nice words for Ana) said in front of the children that the class is happy to
have a new and excellent pupil, and that they will be happy to find him a friend to sit next
to him. At that time the society was completely socialist, so everybody talked like this
mistress, completely in passive. Nobody ever talked with the pronouns I and me, but
everybody used the collective manner, us and we. And we are happy to announce that that
will be our best pupil Ana Ana the blond. Ana dear please take your sit next to him. Ana
had to sit on her new place, as she was watching with sadness in her eyes Ana the brunet.
She had to leave this wonderful sit due to the stupidity of her mistress. At the end of the
school day, when they arrived to take her from school, her parents saw her sitting next to
that smelly boy. But showed no rigor due to this. On the contrary they seemed quite pleased
with the new situation, as they said one politely good afternoon to the mistress. On this
date, Ana the blond, begun to develop second thoughts and doubts about her parents too.
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 10

Do they remember what have they told her at all? Are her parents some kind of liars? Her
parents are not so consistent as they are requiring their daughter to be? For e.g. her mother
many times wanted to tell something important to her daughter, but she never did, yet
they both, her mother and father, always expected from their sugar cube to be precise about
everything. These days Ana the blond was unhappily surprised to find out that they had to
move in the suburb, and the new apartment was pretty miserable; yet she was happy to
find out that her mistress felt down at the stares of the school, and broke her skull. So she
had to lie in the hospital for one year, and Ana the blond could sit again next to Ana the
brunette. At some time before moving the mother of Ana the blond entered the room of her
daughter before sleeping time. It seemed that again the mother was in a before- crying-
mood.

-Ana, sugar I have to tell you something important.
-I am willing to listen to you as always.
-Like you may see you are blond. Like your doll, Anastazia. We can change her wig, and
make her brunette or black. Like Susan Howard.

Anas` mother pulled out the wig from the doll- Anastazia. Immediately she screamed as
scared as a devil before a cross. The skull of the doll had a hole on her back; two sides of the
plastic surface were glued together with glue and connected with a screw. Ana explained to
her mother that while she was sleeping, due to the fact that the dolls collection was on the
table next to her bed, while moving in her bed she unintentionally broke the doll. She didnt
want to disturb her mother that already had enough worries, so she glued that hole. Ana
hugged her mother. Her mother rejected her body. The mother was all in tears, and left the
sleeping room of her daughter without wishing Ana sweet dreams. The new apartment
where they moved was in a really cheap suburb. Besides, it wasnt a safe neighborhood
since Ana did not have permission from her parents to play in the yard between the
buildings. The streets in the new neighborhood were really dirty, so it began to happen
many times that when she arrived in school she was with dirty shoes. The new apartment
was really small, so was its bathroom. So Ana couldnt have her regular bath every day. For
the first time she experienced how it is to be with a lack of hygiene, and have infections in
her mouth. She began to be afraid that they may expel her from her school since now she
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 11

was leaving in another part of the city. Her mother kept on regularly taking her to school
with their car, though her father couldnt. He was ill from some rare disease. All of the time
he was in the hospital (at least this is what Ana was told by her mother), and when he was
at home he was completely fatigued and sleepy. Her father just lied down in the bed all day
through. Once he wanted to enter the room of his daughter and kiss her before sleeping, but
her mother intervened, forbidding him ever to do so. The mother of Ana also called her
father an edict; and combined this categorization with the f word. Her father begun to cry
like a lady. In this kind of moments (and as the time went by, Ana had them more each
day), she was lying in her bed and thinking of her friend, Ana the brunet. Ana the brunet,
according to Ana the blond, was the real sugar cube. Ana the brunet was always the stable
doll, yet Ana the blond always knew how to hide the fact she is not that cube anymore. As
advised by her mother Ana the blond never told anyone that they moved to another place in
the city; nor she said anything to the social workers, when they visited the pupils, and
asked each one of them do they have any home- problems. Ana the blond had to lie, her
mother advised her so because if they find out that they live in another part of the city,
and her parents had fights, Ana the blond would be transferred in a school which is not
posh. So Ana the blond kept on lying: she lied when she noticed that her dolls and the
expensive bags, clothes and school inventory from her room disappeared one by one, so that
in less than two months she had nothing nice anymore; Ana the blond also lied that her
parents didnt sell the car. She had to go each day with that dangerous bus all alone
towards her school, after which she was so tired that she could barely listen to what the
teacher was saying. Regarding this the mother of Ana just told her that they had sold the
car in order to buy expensive medicine for the disease of her father. Yet Ana the blond
managed to keep everything tidy and successful around her, she was still the best pupil in
her class. The one and only thing that kept her spirit high was the presence of her friend,
Ana the brunet. Their parents met each other, they both slept during holidays in each
others homes, so Ana the blond indeed believed that she had Ana the brunet as a close and
faithful friend. As the time went by, and as Ana the blond spent these summer holidays in
the comfort of her apartment, her mother told her that if she wants to move in the second
grade, Ana will have to be more cooperative with her mother; they stayed almost with no
money, due to the disease of her father; if Ana is ill, or somehow disabled they could take
certain amounts of money from the social help. Ana willingly listened to what her mother
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 12

had to tell her since she too had an interest her family to have more money. Ana was
starving, the meals that her mother was giving her, consisted of slice of bread and tee were
not enough to keep her fed. Her mother shriveled due to this starvation. So the mother
advised the daughter to lie the social worker, and tell him that she has exhaustion and
headaches and that they need money for special food. After two hours of waiting in the
smelly corridors of the social service, Ana and her mother proudly entered the room, what
was with the social worker and the doctor in it. But the doctor sad that he will not examine
the girl again because he remembers their case; they had already sent them the food
packages, but obviously her mother didnt give her the food; if this continues to happen they
will arrest the mother. The mother kept on insisting that they dont need food supplies,
but money for the special food and medicine for her daughter and her special disease. The
mother didnt forget to add that Ana is the best pupil in the class. The social worker sad
that the father of Ana is the f edict and that they had no capacity to deal with the
degenerative cases as hers. They threw them both out of the social center. The mother
hugged the daughter that was crying and told her that she knows that Ana hates her
because of the fact that in spite of everything she still loves her father; she is not a bad
mother; it is just the way things are. Then she asked Ana weather she feels hungry, they
may seat in an ice cream place, eat as much as they like, and pay nothing since the waitress
was a friend of her mother. When they sat, the mother of Ana ordered 30 balls of ice cream
for her daughter. The small lady with a snowy white short hair in her 60s, the waitress-
friend of her mother, asked whether that would be too much for her daughter. Ana may
catch a fever from all that ice-cream. The mother of Ana told the waitress that she knows
her daughter; she is a big eater. Ana ate all 30 balls of ice-cream, and her mother just 2.
The next morning Ana woke up with a fever. Her mother took 2 umbrellas, and both of
them entered the bus and headed towards the hospital. It was a dark, rainy day in the
middle of the summer. In the room of the doctor Ana recognized in the doctor her own
father that now had mustaches, different eye color, and a gray wig. Ana could see that the
glued mustaches from the left side of the face of her father were slowly falling. But he was
keeping them with his hand. He was wearing the white doctor uniform, and on his feet he
had white clomps. The doctors` hands like to any other edict were shaking. He, the doctor
(the father of Ana undercover) sad that he will inject her penicillin, and that she will have
to keep on taking antibiotics every day (3 times a day) in the next 7 days. Ana sad that
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 13

her bottom and her leg hearted really bad from the injection, was that the way it was
supposed to be? The doctor/father replied with an irony in his voice that the pain will
pass. Her fever passed in 4 days time, but Ana couldnt move her leg properly any more.
The right leg had shrunk and deformed on the left site towards inside. Now Ana had to take
care how she walks, she could easily fail on her face as her leg was on a swelling. The
doctors from the social center estimated that this damage happened due to a use of an
antibiotic injection which was with an expired date, so the parents of Ana were finally
allowed to take financial help from the social service. As advised by her mother, Ana
learned how to walk in order not to show her deformity. Almost nobody noticed that she
was a cripple. Se swayed while walking, and kept her crippled leg straight forward, each
time well each time she didnt forget. Now Ana was going in the second grade so nothing
should stand in her way anymore. She was happy to sit in the classroom and be the best
pupil once again. Ana the blond was happy again to sit next to her best friend, Ana the
brunet. One day Ana the blond saw her purple hair needle in the hair of Ana the brunet.
Ana the blond was sure that this was her hair needle, the same that disappeared from her
closet few months ago.

* * *

She is standing in front of her bedroom mirror, carefully applying makeup on her beautiful
face. For a while she admires the beauty of the dolls that are placed next to the mirror.
Especially Darja. Her head and her shoulders look proud in the silvery, modern dcolletage.
She coms her hair, her curls. She lets her hair fall frivolously on her bare back. She puts
the hair needle on her left site, and throws all of her hair beneath her right shoulder. She is
29. She never, ever dived her hair. Her hair is curly and brown. Her name is Ana.

Ana the brunet havent seen Ana the blond, her friend maybe 3 moths. The vacations
passed, it was September. Ana the brunet was the best friend of Ana the blond. She was
always with her, supporting her in all of the life trouble and violence, as they may occur in
geography where they were living. The mutilation that happened to her friend was a
terrible accident; she supported her friend in fighting for her right, through the days in the
infantry and in the first days of her marriage. Now Ana the blond is an independent
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 14

working woman, happily married with a 5 year old sun. The parents of Ana the blond sold
everything they had to the parents of Ana the brunet in order to provide the next fix for the
father. Shortly after the mutilation, the father died from overdose, and the mother was
placed in the mental institution. Ana the brunet never, ever mentioned to Ana the blond
that she had doubts that she is adopted. Ana the brunet never told Ana the blond that she
may see her dolls, and take them if she likes, up till the time Ana the blond was safe. She
cared about her friend. But even if she liked to take them Ana the blond didnt have safe
space in the infantry where to keep her objects. Infantries in Macedonia are dangerous
places. Ana the blond was very careful, always kept the door of her room locked,
maintaining close relationship with the infantry personnel. Ana the blond was one of the
rare girls in that infantry that was never raped. Ones` life is a cruel thing. That is why Ana
the blond believed her life is a success. During her days in the infantry Ana the blond was
always happy when Ana the brunet came with her parents to take her away from that place
for few hours. Usually they were all going to cinema or to a sweet shop. If the second, Ana
the blond never ordered ice-cream. As she grove into a tall and strong woman, her disability
begun to show more, so many people had doubts whether she could find a husband at all.
But she did, the angelically good man Damjan. He worked in the social service. Ana the
blond many times wished she wasnt crippled, she thought she was becoming fatigued
easily due to her disability. But so far, so good. Everything was going OK. She sat in the
trendiest caf in the neighborhood- Providenie, waiting for Ana the brunet to arrive. She
wore those heavy/gipsy/fake-golden earrings, and on her mouth she had applied red
lipstick. Although dressed very poor Ana the blond looked somehow fresh, posh. Although a
natural blond, she looked kind of Spanish. The waitress came:

-What would you like to drink?
-I would order later. Now I am waiting for my friend.
-Than you cannot sit here. Wait aside, on the bench in the park.
-Why did you ask only me? I saw that unlike me you are waiting for all other guests to call
you. Is it because I am crippled?
-Absolutely not! Cant you recognize me sis, we were working together in the social center
as cleaners? Now you are sitting us here as cream della cream. I know you are not cream.
-Right sis, than one ice cafe for me.
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 15

-How would you like the ice-cream? Vanilla, pistachio
-Of course no ice-cream. Just ice.
-I dont understand. Why of course? Everybody drinks it with ice-cream.
-It has too many calories.
-What a strange girl you are, sis

With all its impoliteness the waitress left the space in front of the table where Ana was
sitting. Ana took the pink mirror (that she took back from Ana the brunet) from her purse,
and saw she is all blushed. She hates this woman! Ana the brunet arrived with plastic bags
as she did always before on these meetings. She is showing what she bought that day-
clothes, socks for her husband, cosmetics Ana the brunet showed to Ana the blond the
new hair-oil she has bought. Ana the blond sad she would like to try it later. Ana the blond
thought weather this woman ever thinks that she can be jealous at her; she can never
afford to have those things her friend has; she is a respected member of the local
community, everywhere she goes everybody admires her; she has everything Ana the blond
didnt have and never will. Than Ana the brunet sad:

-I dont have children!
-I know that. But trust me honey, they will suck all your energy.
-I thought that now when we have everything, we can have children too.
-Just be patient and it will happen. By the way did your husband return from his business
trip?
-You know how it is in the Middle East, everything happens slowly and with prolonging.
Especially for the architects.
-Lucky you, your husband is an architect. Unlike mine who is a socio.
-Whats wrong with the social workers? Job like any other.
-Thats what you think. Its just not a respectable job in this society. Maybe in some other.
-Architects job can be stressful and risky. Thats why we still have no children.

Two Anas hugged, as Ana the brunet had tears in her eyes. She whispered in the ear of Ana
the blond that her husband took some risky transaction, she wanders when or will their
waiting situation ever end. Ana the blond wiped her friends tears with a napkin, and sad
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 16

that she will go to the toilet to try the hair oil. She returned, with the bottle that was
almost half empty. Ana the brunet told her that to her it looks she didnt apply as much as
it seems. Anyway that was not important. Two women begun to walk around the cafes and
through the moll that was nearby, holding each- others` hands, like high school friends.
They were walking like that and discussing the latest fashion in clothing and perfumes.
Ana the brunet told the other Ana that she thinks she should begin to write and publish
something; she is a talented writer; she knows that from her e-mails and from her writings
in primary and high-school. Before separating two women passed near Providenie, where
they saw an ambulance with their waitress in it. She broke her head falling on the stairs.
Ana the brunet sad that this reminded her of their mistress. Ana the blond went away
from this meeting all in high spirits.

Write! Write!! Write!!!

Now Ana the blond occupied her thoughts with ideas about her writing. She is going to
write a poem about all the things that were stolen from her: objects, body parts. She is
going to name it: The Poem of Mutilation. When she entered home, her husband was sitting
in front of the TV, only with the pans of his pajamas on him, barefooted and with his
eyeballs wide open. In his hand he was holding a beer can. Ana was all in high spirits and
wanted to tell him about her idea for the poem. She came leaned towards him in order to
kiss him, and immediately scented his beery, dog breath. He slapped her so hard in her face
that she thought she is going to fall down. Ana sensed blood through her nose. She closed
her nose with her fingers. Thought hurt Ana would rather felt lava entering her ears and
exiting through her nostrils than let this ape see her tears. Damjan stood up. Is he going to
kill her?

-Again you did something to our son?
-I am his mother. Whatever I did I did for his best.
-Why does he have broses on his hands?
-He didnt want to read his homework. The history learn book. So I tied his hands behind
his chair.
-With what?
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 17

-With a metal wire.
-How was he supposed to turn the pages on?
-With his tongue, of course.
-You told him that if he tells me what you did to him, you gonna mutilate him. Well bitch, I
believe we had an agreement that something like this is not going to happen again in our
house.
-You mean in our apartment.
-For god sake dont you understand that he is our son? We are supposed to care about him.
-Well I do care. I wouldnt let him go to school without his homework finished. How about
you?
-The doctor said he will have to rest few days. His ankles are severally heart. You could
have broken them?
-Me! Never! I only do the best for our son!
-You lying cant!

Damjan slapped Ana the blond in her face this time really hard with his fist. Her earing
flied away from her ear. With her fingers she sensed that the earing had cut her ear all
through, `n flied away without opening. Large amounts of blood were streaming from her
ear, but skillfully she was stopping them with her fingertips. Now Ana has to be very
careful, she has to calm down this situation. She told her husband that he shouldnt be
angry at her this much and hit her so hard, that earing was so expensive. She advised her
husband to calm down by telling him to sit and finish his beer. Damjan drunk the beer till
the bottom. Than Ana asked him where is their son; when he said with his grandma, she
sad that that was very good. He adores his granny. She noticed through his pajamas that
Damjan had his bulge; she knows her husband well. He always has it in the stressful
situations like this one. Damjan threw the can, and went in the bathroom. There he cried
like a fag. While listening to this painful orchestration, all high spirited, Ana collected the
mess in the room. She is happy when she knows she has hurt him, he doesnt worth `n
deserve anything. Especially not a women like her. Damjan is a messy social servant, he
has to go all next week through the eastern parts of the country, and make sure weather
the toilets in the public schools are all right. Damjan stepped out of the bathroom. Pulled
out his pajamas. He still has his bulge. Damjan squeezed his body toward his wife. Ana
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 18

doesnt feel like having sex. Ana pushed him aside, and told him to see what he did to her
expensive earing. Damjan told her that she was wearing for them only expensive things,
like the big ladies. Ana kept on pushing him, but he persisted; in taking what by the law is
his. Ana didnt feel like that, my god doesnt he know how it feels for a woman after whole
day of inhaling the deflorations and feces smells from the public toilet, her working space;
he should let her first have a shower; nevertheless if she is inflexible, he may divorce her;
that is not a way for a sugar cube like her to go. Ana should think of her future and must
have compromises.

Fuck! Fuck!! Fuck!!!

Resting after the intercourse Ana begun to daydream about her poem. Poem? But that is
too difficult; she doesnt have time for it. Besides now she cannot concentrate, her ear hurts
really bad. Maybe she should write them just a song. In the morning she cleaned
everything, went to the doctor to soy her ear, returned and set on the kitchen table in front
of the blank paper. An article in the daily inspired her for her song. She wrote almost
everything she wanted. But something grabbed her hair. It was her son. In the morning his
grandma brought him home. Granma knew Ana was free of work that day. My god this boy
bastard, look what he did to her!? He diminished her inspiration. She took the rolling pin
and hit his hand immediately, as hard as possible. The boy begun to cry loud and she kept
on yelling at him.

-You disgusting little monster! Havent I told you millions of times not to tell anybody what
we do here? Your father will throw both of us on street if he finds out. Dont you understand
that that is not good for you? You poor stupid boy, dont you have any brains? Or you have
only shit instead?

Ana watched the face of her son. All cried up. His face is so tiny and aery; everybody would
feel sorry for him. But not her, Ana the blond. Now she simply wants to see him dead. She
threatened her son that if he doesnt stop to cry immediately, she will break his other hand
too. If he is nice, she would just lock him inside his room and let him finish his homework.
Ana left her son in his room, locked the room, and told him that after three hours she will
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 19

enter the room, and bring him the lunch. He better had his homework ready than! If you
dont do your homework, you will become somebody like me! echoed the cold voice of his
mother in the freezing boys` room (in this part of the world people spent really small
amounts of money for heating!) Our little fellow was frightened by this intonation. But from
the content of his mothers` words he was scared as shit; so he begun to write fully
ambitioned. The son of Ana will have to write a text about the sunny weather. He is going
to be a writer like his mother. In the kindergarten they have told her that her requirements
are too large for a boy of his age. Usually boys at that age dont know to write, but her son
had an ambitious mother. She taught him already. Ana went to the kitchen and finished
her song:

GIRL ASIDE THE CHANNEL

Glitter of freshness on the lips
Longer lasts the content of thoughts
View at the unknown lake
of the sky. The past broke
viewed by your child.
Who takes the life of the young?

Magnificent the virgin, Made small though
Thoughts of gaze, heroin the stoic all through.
The chevalier widowing, with the golden lock
face- milk cheese, from the whitest dough undertook.
Fairy handsome in the gray landscape flows she, the beauty
of H.R. un worth. Under the rotten Balkan rebuked rests she
with the freezing dark earth, beside the channel she lied
from the anger of the blind eyes in every human aside.
With the beauty of her thoughts this girl small
breath of the visitors stops, not without a goal
as indeed ths unearthly beauty has something to say,
The flowery dress heavenly pretty, future in no deny
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 20

though at steadily age of six, this girl in its beauty.
With a flower bouquet, breeze in her hair through.
The indecent naivet begs, for fun of a child belongs.
The morning rain, wretched artist, picture of malice depicts.
Pure girl, with her best friend the doll, the rain salts/
her tears falling for her youth as to all girls
of the life still innocent she endows, fights, ignores.

Shortly lasted the joy of this landscapes
as that dark violence her thoughts deplores
now the immense beauty of its mother beloved
no more; protected took care, hugged by the mother
But by the violator crude slaughtered
The careless fornicator, by any reason rejected
all night through mercilessly fucked, fucked, fucked.
By the labyrinth of primitivism isolated
beneath the human dignity, so chauvinism gratified
in the city that instead the citizens watch
in care, to the rotten balkanians, people of wretch.
Princess she could have become, inspire all, though wretch
she became, in the city where the most important is the f. match.
-What they will say? What will the world say to this sorrow?
We chose no flower? That body is not strange as it wont live for another day.

Ana was inspired by a newspaper article. About the girl that was found dead next to the
channel. It happened 2 months ago, they havent found the murderer(s) yet. She was
provoked by the social luck of care. After that day she found no other articles regarding
this. Everybody cared about football matches instead. Ana is a humanistic poetess. Ana
cares about people. Ana wants to change people; Ana wants to change the society. She
wants to make them better. She looked at the wall clock. Three and a half hours passed.
Ana has to feed her sun, and take him to the kindergarten. Today he has his drawing
lessons. She wants her son to be well prepared when he begins to go to school. She opened
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 21

her sons notebook, but she was shocked to find out that from 8 written pages she could
read nothing. All of it was like written with hieroglyphs. She asked her son: Why she
cannot read anything from his homework? He answered because his right hand hurts too
much, so he had to write with his left hand. She threatened: You little boy dont you lie to
me! Ana pulled her sons wrist from beneath the table, the boy screamed out of pain during.
His hand looked red, and was hot as it had fever. She decided not to take him to
kindergarten this day, and leave him rest in his bed, as the doctors suggested. The next few
days the weather drastically changed, it became unusually cold for that time of the year, it
was windy and rainy. The grandma phoned the second day, to ask how is her grandson.
Ana sad that he is superb, but the grandmother cannot talk at the moment with her
bellowed grandson because he is currently in the toilet. Somebody else phoned after this,
but the next 3 days Ana answered no phones. She prepared her song, and e-mailed it to the
possible publishers. Ana these days did send other e-mails too. She wiped and cleaned
everything in that apartment. Everything was fresh and antiseptic, only the bad weather
outside spoiled the total impression of this shiny living place. Maybe she should have paid
more attention to her son too. All this time he was lying and yoking throughout his teeth.
He wasnt allowed to scream loud; because his mother threatened she would have broken
his other arm in that case. In the 4
th
day Damijan phoned and asked whether it is truth
what they have told him in the kindergarten that their son wasnt there for 4 days already.
Ana sad that that is nonsense; he was there and was happy to show his drawings to his
friends and to the teacher. Those in the kindergarten, according to Ana, were imbeciles.
Ana turned off the phone, and immediately scented some rotten smell in her nostrils. The
nuance of the smell was almost as of feces. Ana grabbed the blanket from her sons body. He
didnt go to bathroom nor urinated in his bad as she thought. But today unlike the days
before, his hand was completely blue. Ana decided it is top time for her to bring her son in
the hospital. She dressed him in a hurry, furiously, savagely in his clothes, and wrapped
him in his blanket, because he had a fever. She took him in her hands. Ten minutes she
was walking with him in her hands through the crowded streets towards the hospital, as
the unfriendly balkanians were staring at her. She doesnt feel bad from them; she doesnt
feel sorry for her son; it is of great importance for her that they can see that she doesnt
care. It would not be good for her to let her son walk by himself, Ana thought, maybe he
doesnt have strength to walk anymore. Somebody may see that, and blame her for that.
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 22

The doctors in the hospital sad that it is good she has brought him, because he had
gangrene. If she had brought him later he could have died. But they had to amputate his
hand to the twist. During the amputation, Ana was thinking about the private doctors and
ordinations which in her city were in hundreds. She had heard that some of the best plastic
surgeons work in her city, because they do plastic surgeries to the criminals and ex-convicts
that pay them lavishly. If she had money she could have paid her son a better treatment.
Thats life- a cruel thing. She had begun to think about her future. She could enjoy the next
few days as normal ones, and tell her husband about this after 5 days, at the time he
returns. Later Ana would discover that her husband was to blame for everything. Those
from the social service wanted to visit her, because the grandmother phoned them, but
Damijan stopped them because he sad that he would check himself his own wife. How
stupid thought Ana. She kept on walking through those new, small ordinations, which were
located in the basements of the living compartments. Some of the doctors were standing in
front of them. Ana saw a friend from the infantry. He looked kind of different than she
imagined he should have looked now, after all these years. He imaged kind of serious and
stable. He asked her why doesnt Ana sometimes visit his ordination, to see how her friend
has become a serious doc? Ana answered that she would like, but she heard that they
were too expensive. The doc sad that for her whatever the treatment, the first one will be
free of charge. Ana told him to keep in mind this, because she plans to use this offer. The
next few days Ana stayed in the apartment. She was surprised nobody phoned her at all.
She read one e-mail from an editor she had send her song to, telling her he thinks she
should check her psychic health. At the fifth day, she decided she will not wait for her
husband to throw her out; she would leave herself instead. She packed everything she had
in two bags, and went to Ana the brunet. If she takes her it would be cool, but even if she
doesnt, again it will be cool. Simply Ana the blond would find another place where to stay.
When Ana the brunet opened the door she was all in tears. She asked Ana the blond
weather she saw the latest news on TV. Oh shit, they announced I mutilated my own sun!
The husband of Ana the brunet was arrested on the airport, for a financial fraud. Ana the
blond hugged her friend, as now she realized she may stay at her place. The next days she
found out that she shouldnt have left the apartment, because it wasnt property of her
husband, but of the social service. She could have stayed and kept the apartment. Now they
placed somebody else inside. Damijan returned the next day after the amputation and with
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 23

their son went to grandmas` place. Now that fidget wants to steel her son? Well its not
going to be easy for him! She, Ana the blond is a strong woman.

Strong! Strong!! Strong!!!

Those days Ana the blond visited that doc. Nobody knew why, since she told nobody. Ana
the brunet noticed that after that visit her best friend looked kind of drained, sick. But she
thought that her perception is bad, because she drunk sleeping pills all the time. Due to the
stress caused by the financial crime her husband was involved in, she Ana the brunet was
exhausted too. During the divorcing process Ana told the judges that she doesnt want to
imply her opinion but she thinks that her husband cannot care about their son, because he
drinks beer all the time, and their granny is too old; she sad that her husband lied to her all
the time, including about the property of the apartment, thats why their sun has no
future. Ana also added that she planned to have no children with him anymore because
Damijan was a lousy father, and she doesnt want to bear any more children in the society
that doesnt care about anybody; this happened due to the fact her husband stopped the
social service to help them!; the social service is not a private firm owned by her husband!
she added. Finally Ana finished her expos with a statement that she is not like her
husband; when she says something she really means it. At this point Ana opened her purse
and threw her frozen ovaries at the face of her husband, in front of everybody and in front
of the journalists! I really plan not to have any more children concluded Ana the blond.
Stepping out of the court room she gave some interviews for TV. I am a serious woman
she stated all the time. She was with high spirits again. That night many people phoned to
Ana the blond to congratulate her. Those from the social service also told her that they
have kept the apartment for her and that she may return. That living space is practically
hers; the socials were helping the caring mums, not the alcoholic fathers. So the next day
she returned. Ana the blond is back home, once again. Ana the blond is now high spirited
also due to the reason that one magazine decided to publish her song. Isnt that sweet? Ana
the blond knows that again she is going to win. Like she won in the primary school, in front
of her mistress. Ana is the sugar cube. Ana is waiting in the courtroom for the final
announcement. The judge sad that Damjan will not keep his son because he is not capable
of such. Everybody applauded. Silence or I will empty the courtroom! interrogated the
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 24

judge. And then added that they will give the child for an adoption because they had
serious indications that Ana is not psychically capable for that; they saw her record and at
many of her working places it was required for her to go to the psychiatric evaluation, but
she never did so; if she could prove that she is healthy, they would return her son.
Everybody begun to whistle.

* * *

One year passed after the final decision of the court, and Ana looked as she didnt age at all.
She was waiting in front of the ordination, for the psychiatrist to examine her. This is easy,
I have been doing this all year through. Now I just have to answer some questions. Ana
entered the office, and sat on a chair in front of the big woman in her fifties, with a hair
dived in red, that had gray roots. Her teeth were yellow, and had tiny mustaches above
them. Her voice sounded ageless, as she was a radio presenter 40 years ago.

-Do you think you will see you son again?
-No.
-Why?
-Because you wont ever let me.
-Why do you think I have something against you?
-Because you are an ugly old woman.
-You think you are healthy?
-Isnt that obvious.
-It is obvious you are very unhealthy.
-You are the first one to tell me this. Everybody thinks that I am big and healthy as a
healthy man.
-Well thats very usual. Physically unhealthy people are always psychically healthy, and
vice versa. By the way arent you a little crippled?
-Dont give me that icersa sis. I want my son.
-Well sis, you wont get him. You dont deserve to have him.
-I deserve to have him. I won!
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 25

-You mean you have beaten your husband. Well sis, our courts are not like the ones in EU
obviously.
-How can you talk to me in this manner? Arent you a state servant?
-I am here to ask questions, not you. What are those bruises on your hands?
-I cut myself so that I can match the bruises with the stripes on my shirt. I am writing
poetry too. I am creative.
-Does your son think you are creative?

Ana left this stinky office thinking that who knows when she will have to come here again.
Maybe it is better that she has lost her son, now she has more time for poetry. Ana is
heading through the crowded streets towards the junk food restaurant where she will meet
the other Ana. Writing poetry? She has no energy for that, since all the time she is being
followed by those sluts and vagabonds which the judges are sending. In order to find out
whether she could or could not became a responsible mother. This is pretty bad because
undoubtedly she could have developed into a great poet. Ana the brunet told her so. Ana sat
in the junk food restaurant, and ordered French fries with plenty of ketchup and
mayonnaise on top. She began to eat with her hands. Ana the brunet like always was late.
They cannot meet each other in Providenie anymore because of those vagabonds that
follow them. They follow the other Ana too since her husband is in jail. Anyway Ana hates
that place. If she sits in Providenie Ana will have to listen how they talk behind her back.
How she had cut the hand of her own son with electrical bread saw and left it hanging on
that tiny piece of flash. Its not true she doesnt care about her son. Ana knows he is
adopted somewhere in EU, with the nicest family possible. Everybody would like to adopt a
golden boy like hers. It doesnt matter he has one hand less. Ana felt like crying, she asked
the people that were having a lunch next to her for a cigarette. She may smoke, she is on a
terrace. She may watch the sun, inhale that organic lightness, that skids through her
nostrils and throat. She is a happy woman. She has the sun, the trees, the wind. Now the
weather is not bad like it used to be in the last 20 years. It is amazingly good she is not in
Providenie. There she would off have to listen how they speak behind her back. How
stupid she was, she amputated her overalls. She should have known that they were her
future. She was a lebensborn child. Her mother was inseminated with Nazi semen. Her
parents could move from province and live in the big city because they received a lot of
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 26

money for this. Ana should have beard many children and receive a lot of money for that.
But nobody, not even her own mother ever told her this. They all told her she was stupid;
she is blond; all blonds are stupid. Life was so cruel to Ana. From the very beginning she
was completely alone. They were all against her. Ana wiped out her tears as she had dust
in her eyes from the wind. She doesnt want anybody to see her weak. Than they could all
attack her even more. Ana is a good actress, she has her mask, she is capable of hiding
many things. They attacked her, but they didnt win. Nobody ever find out she paid the
children (the same ones that attacked her this way) to put oil on the stairs, so that her
mistress could break her had. Ana the brunet doesnt know she did the same with the
waitress using her hair oil; Ana the brunet doesnt know that her best friend read
adventure novels where she find out about black magic, and practiced it with her dolls
Ana the brunet never took the wig from the head of Anastazia; Ana the brunet doesnt know
that her best friend placed her husband in jail by sending an e-mail with the information
about his firm that she whispered in her ear. Ana the blond looked at the sky; beneath the
two clouds the sun penetrated the cold autumn sky. The sun is always young, like Ana. Ana
the blond moves her eyes from the sky down to her arriving friend. Ana the brunet, she is
100 hundred meters away walking proudly towards the junk restaurant. The golden leaves
from the trees are shading her curly brown hair, which as the time goes by is becoming to
look more and more tired. Again those junks are following her best friend, Ana the brunet.
Ana the blond has few more minutes to think about herself. She is not like her thought
Ana the blond. Ana the blond is always strong. Somewhere she read that Ana is the most
frequently used name in the world. Maybe even half a billion of people were named Ana.
Yet only she, Ana the blond is the real Ana. She had beaten the agnostic school system and
her own husband. Its good she amputated her overalls. She needs men no more. Women
are the best. All women should be lesbians. Not women like her mistress. Her mistress had
a big hole on her head; the woman that has a big hole is a whore. My god those awful men,
that spent hours watching other ugly men, in the ugliest shorts in the world, and in the
ugliest sport- the football. And all of those men are incapable of baring a child. Our woman,
Ana the blond, became high spirited again.

She knows she will see her soon again. She knows they cheated her that her son said that
he doesnt want to see his mother again, because she wanted to kill him. Everybody wants
Igor Pop Trajkov|ANAS, THE POEM OF MUTILATION 27

to see his mother. She is she. She is 30. Her name is Ana. She can bear a child. She has
vagina.
..

V.2014