Malik's Self Understanding Paper

I have a very different outlook on society then most people my age. I have lived with a
grandfather that is a preacher, and went to church religiously every Sunday. Even though I don't
believe anything he about Jesus or Christ. I know that violates the norms I should follow as the
grandson of a pastor, but I don't think like normal people should. I don't go to church anymore. I
don't like the police and the authority they have. I don't trust the government or people , and
honestly, I don't believe in the Christian perception of God. Or anybody else's perception of God
for that matter. I think that 99.9% of religion is used to control weak minded individuals. They
think that if they pray and pay tithes, and believe in Jesus , that they'll eventually die and go to
Heaven. A place were there kin and friends live in a city filled of happiness, joy, and gold. That
to me is farther from the truth, and is a load of crap. It's all an illusion, a mirage of hope and
happiness. Obviously someone made up that story , the "Holy Bible", and a place that's
designated for people who don't believe in their religion. Why do you think all religions have a
Heaven or Hell? That's what keeps you into submission! If people thought there was no Heaven
or Hell they would lose their minds! Knowing that it's all fake would make them riot and want
their money back, and years of being a follower. Take away Heaven and Hell , from the
equation that is religion and what do you have? Unreasonable rules, and an outdated guide on
how to live life. Which is all religion should be seen as. But people hold on dearly to what
they've been taught is right. They're willing to kill you over something that at the end of the day
has no meaning. I think that if people spent half the money used to make these big churches, that
give preachers and ministers a wealthy lifestyle. And use that money to fix their own
communities and help the homeless get back on their feet, or stop harmful drugs from being sold
in their streets. We would all be alright. But people don't want to think about that, especially my
generation. We're too preoccupied with our I-phones , social media, and game systems, to even
worry about how we could change the world. That's the last thought to cross one of our young
minds this day and age. No one ever thinks about why so much money and time is devoted to
this stuff that doesn't matter, compared to what our government is doing. Because the
government wants you to indulge in this stuff, so you won't find out.
If your preoccupied with something you don't have time to think about these things. So the status
quo will continue until someone stands up to lead the sheep out of the storm of confusion.
The government, our government, is one of the most corrupt I can think of. It starts wars
to control the worlds gas and drugs. It buys millions of dollars of military equipment , and tell its
people we have no money and we're in debt through the roof. They build bigger prisons that
make slaves out of young black men and minorities. And they send our young men to
Afghanistan and other foreign countries, to fight for a "noble" cause. It makes me all want to
puke. I can't stand our government one bit. There's so much more I could go on about. Like the
fact they staged 9/11. Yes, 9/11 was staged, surprise, surprise! All evidence points to that
conclusion. The multiple blast from under the world trade center, before the planes hit I must
add. And the thermite and sulfur residue at the scene of it all, which are the key ingredients of
detonated explosives. Not to mention valuable footage of what hit the Pentagon , recorded from a
nearby gas station , just happened to go missing. Gee, I wonder why? This information alone is
enough to show you that the government doesn't care about you or me, only their own agenda.
But just in case you need more examples of how our government ruins the lives of the people,
here are a few: The OKC bombing, The first WTC bombing, Boston marathon bombing,
WACO, Sandy Springs Shooting and the Aurora Shooting.
In this society I fit in the category of people , that almost seem revolutionary in thinking.
They see how most people act but choose to take the road less traveled by. I have yet to find
someone who I can identify my thoughts with my age ,so I feel somewhat alone. But I know
there are others like me. People who search for the truth, and want to change the world. So that
comforts me a little. I would like to live in a society that is controlled by the people, and is truly
for its people. But the notion is almost a pipe dream. This country is becoming more and more
like a dictatorship each day. They don't want the people to have guns, privacy, or a voice
anymore. You can't blame the president entirely, although he isn't helping much. Jobs are still
overseas, so are the troops which he promised to pull back. I know Obama doesn't really control
anything because he's a figurehead. Anything he wants to do that is positive ,is usually turned
down by Congress. Anything that hurts the people, the Government is all for. So unless I came
up with an imaginary society , or this country was destroyed and rebuilt, there is not a society for
me. I mean nothing is perfect, you just have to take the good with the bad sometimes. Even
though the state of this country is becoming worse, there is still some good.
My philosophy in life is similar to karma. The belief that what you do always comes
back. If your nice to people, something nice will happen to you. If you're mean to people, bad
things will follow. That's the way things seem to work in the world. I have never seen Karma
fail to come through with its rewards and punishments. I also believe that you, as a human being,
are put here on this Earth, to live your life to the fullest. Not work a 9-5, and become a slave to
your job for the rest of your life. I think you should have fun while your alive , of course in
moderation. Live each day like it's your last, you don't know how long you have to live. I also
believe people should put aside their egos and realize that you could die tomorrow. The world
would keep spinning with or without you.
My goals in life aren't completely established. I know I want my own business,
something I can do with my hands. I have a knack for fixing things, so that should come in
handy in the field of plumbing or engineering. I would like a job that has the potential for setting
me up for a stable income, and clientele . I'm not looking to make a fortune, or buy expensive
things all the time. Just a nice income to where I can buy a few nice things and give back to
others in need. I like expensive cars and clothes just as much as the next black man. Though
none of those things matter that much to me, because I don't need them to make me happy .
What's really important to me is finding what makes me happy in life. I think the answer to what
I'm searching to fill me with happiness, is love. Love isn't something you can buy, it isn't even an
object you can touch. But it's more valuable than gold to me. Knowing someone genuinely cares
about you, or loves you, is one of the best feelings you can receive in life. It makes life truly
worth living for.
My relationships with other people took a drastic turn for the worse while living in
Detroit, Michigan. It's known as the 2nd murder capital of the United States, second only to
Flint, Michigan I should add. Going to Detroit from Atlanta, my trust in people was unusually
high. I was young and naive, not even aware of the dangers of Detroit, although in retrospect I
should've been. Living in Detroit I learned to regret running away to escape my problems in
Atlanta. Running away from home was the reason I was in Detroit. I realized how good I had it
in Atlanta, and realizing how I was the reason I was up here, and I alone. That was the first time I
had taken responsibility for my actions for the first time in my life. But the realization came too
late. I was stuck in Detroit living with my grandparents, which I never really wanted to live with,
in a city that I knew was filled with drugs in violence. The majority of my "friends" I made
turned out to be liars and thieves, and the few friends I could depend on ended up moving out of
the neighborhood. My aunties who I wanted to be with didn't want me either. It shocked me so
much how they talked so much about me staying with them, but now when I was able to , the
answer was no. Feeling unwanted, I started falling into depression. My grades began to slip I
didn't want to go outside, and I hated life and myself. I hated myself for being so dumb and not
thinking about the consequences of my decision. It might not have been so bad if I wasn't in
Detroit. The environment was almost third world walking home. Walking home I would see : a
homeless woman sitting on an old mattress, bullet casings, heroine/crack addicts, and gangs of
young men who wanted to beat me and any other student into a bloody pulp. I also was robbed
by two guys walking home. One of them asked me for the time and another snatched my hat and
ran off with it. Seeing I couldn't rely on any one for happiness, I started smoking weed with the
boys on the street behind my house. And for the first time, life seemed so much fun. Everything
people did was funny, food tasted gourmet, and I felt amazing. Smoking was one of the best
things I tried, and it's almost funny. All throughout school in Atlanta we're told to not do drugs
and drink because it's bad. But here I was, doing what I never thought I would do. I think weed
saved my life , in all honest. It put me around people who could sympathize and understand what
I was going through, and it kept me out of the street life. I don't understand why weed gets such a
bad reputation. Big name pharmaceutical drugs that can kill you are legal, and no one talks about
those. But a plant that's been getting people high for years gets a bad name. Looking back I'm
glad I was open minded or foolish in whoever's opinion to try it because it helped me a lot.
Especially when my grandmother died. When she died I was sad, and I was also fearful about
what would happen with me since my grandfather and I didn't get along. Which for the most part
is my fault. After the funeral you could feel the tension in the house. Nothing was the same, not
even my cantankerous old grandfather. Usually always found arguing with my grandmother, he
now had nobody to argue with at all. I always felt it was my fault grandma died. She was always
stressed from my grandfather and I, constantly bickering. They say stress is bad for the heart, and
a weak heart is what ended up killing my grandmother. I was drinking some Welch's Grape Juice
Wine, when i heard this old thud come out of nowhere. I didn't think much of it so I decided to
keep drinking. But something told me that wasn't an ordinary thud. Thinking that I rushed
upstairs to see my grandma laying lifeless, face down on the side of her bed. I immediately
yelled for my grandfather and we called for an ambulance. But it was too late, my grandmother
wouldn't respond, and the condition she had caused her body to swell up , making her to heavy to
pick up. I looked at my grandfather for a facial expression, or comfort, but he had neither. The
ambulance arrived fashionably late, walking , not running to my grandmothers aid. They
struggled putting her on the gurney and out the door where my aunties were waiting , watching
their mother alive for the last time outside of a hospital. After the incident I became severely
depressed , I was smoking weed too much, averaging 5 blunts a week, 10 on a good one. And the
people around didn't help me in my situation. My mom and stepfather came to my grandmother's
funeral. Which also left me even more bitter and depressed. The minister who gave the eulogy
was for lack of better words a coon. And the pastor whom my grandmother devoted her life and
time. Didn't even show up. She didn't even step near the building. I was furious! I can't believe
my grandmother devoted 20 plus years ,365 days a year to her and her church, and the lady she
did it for couldn't make it her funeral. That was a slap in the face, even worse than a slap in the
face. It was then, I saw religion for what it really was, a bunch of lies and false promises. The
members of her church even tried to justify why she couldn't make it. I don't care what the reason
was unless your bed ridden or dead you make it to my grandmother's funeral. I'm still furious
right now about it. But I don't want make this about her. I'd like to acknowledge my grandmother
for a few moments. My grandmother was a nice kind women, she always looked out for me and
had my best interest. She would always argue on my behalf even when I was dead wrong. I was
her favorite, and everybody knew it. We had our differences about religion and argued about
things I wanted. But she always looked out for me no matter what. It's a shame she's gone, she
was what held this family together. And now that she's gone were all broken.