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A Little Crazy
By Kelly Morrison

Characters:

Marshall
Davis Marshall’s roommate
Caitlin Marshall’s crush
Kim Caitlin’s dead best friend
Ronald Marshall’s Dad
Jumba Ronald’s body guard

Summary: When Marshall learns his father is coming to visit, he has five days to create
the façade of a normal, successful life. This is difficult because his roommate, Davis,
claims to have built a functioning time machine while Caitlin, the girl he hired to play his
girlfriend, is convinced Marshall is her reincarnated past lover who she must prevent
being murdered. When Caitlin brings the ghost of her dead best friend into the mix,
Marshall decides he’s had enough of his crazy friends and throws them both out. When
Marshall’s father does arrive, Marshall must admit that his life isn’t what he’s been
pretending it is and that he loves Caitlin, not in spite of her insanity, but because of it.
Marshall’s confrontation with his father becomes hostile and Caitlin is killed trying to
protect him, but not even death can separate her from Marshall.

ACT I

SCENE 1 ------ Marshall is pacing around the living room of his apartment, talking on

the phone.

Marshall: Oh yeah, she’s great. [Pause.] Uh huh. [Pause.] Yeah, we open next

Saturday.

[Davis comes running out of his room.]

Davis: Quick! What’s the date today?

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[Marshall waves him off.]

Marshall: What? You’re coming to see my play?

Davis: Marshall, what’s the date?

Marshall: No, I’m…happy. It’s great.

Davis: This is important! I need to know the date!

Marshall: Yeah, I bet she wants to meet you too...I’ll see you Saturday then. Say hi

to Suzy for me.

Davis: Marshall!

Marshall: No, I’m not going to call her mom.

Davis: Marshall!

Marshall: Why?

Davis: Marshall!

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Marshall: Because I went to high school with her. That’s why!

Davis: Marshall! Marshall! Marshall!

Marshall: See you Saturday, Dad. Bye.

[Marshall hangs up the phone and turns his attention to Davis.]

Davis: Marshall! Marshall! Marshall!

Marshall: You’re like a two year old sometimes, you know?

Davis: What’s today’s date?

Marshall: The fifth.

Davis: Of?

Marshall: March.

Davis: Of what year?

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Marshall: Are you drunk?

Davis: I’m serious, man! What year is it?

Marshall: 2007.

Davis: Success! It worked! It actually worked!

Marshall: What are you going on about?

Davis: Brace yourself, man.

Marshall: I haven’t stopped bracing myself since I met you.

Davis: Your roommate, Davis Luis Brown Jr., has successfully invented time travel!

Marshall: Okay, you’re drunk.

Davis: Drunk on success! I have traveled one day into the future!

Marshall: Davis, going to bed and waking up the next day is not time travel, it’s just

life.

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Davis: No no no. I didn’t travel through time by any conventional means. I used the time

machine I built.

Marshall: Time machine?

Davis: Yeah. Wanna see?

Marshall: You know, Davis, any other day I would indulge your insanity, but I have

actual reality based problems to deal with.

Davis: What’s up?

Marshall: My father’s coming to visit.

Davis: So much has changed in the future…Wait? How is this a problem?

Marshall: You don’t know my father. It’s a problem. Trust me. He’s always had

these high expectations of me. He wanted me to follow in his footsteps, go

to University. He was really disappointed when I left and moved here to

pursue my love of theatre. And as you know, that hasn’t been going too

well. Now he’s coming to see my play.

Davis: That’s nice. He’ll get to see you in action.

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Marshall: Except…

Davis: Except?

Marshall: He thinks I wrote the play.

Davis: Wrote the play? You didn’t write the play!

Marshall: I know.

Davis: Shakespeare wrote the play!

Marshall: I know…But my dad’s not that cultured. Maybe he’ll have never heard of

it.

Davis: Never heard of Romeo and Juliet?

Marshall: I know. It’s a long shot. I just didn’t want him to know I’m just a sound

technician for the show. I wanted him to think I was doing so well without

him so I embellished my life a bit.

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Davis: A bit? You turned yourself into Shakespeare! What other lies have you been

feeding him?

Marshall: He thinks I’m living in a high class studio apartment.

Davis: Okay, we can work with that one. We can class this place up easy. All we need is

a little paint.

Marshall: Really?

[They look around their dump of an apartment.]

Davis: Okay, a lot of paint…And maybe some throw pillows to cover up the beer stains.

Anything else?

Marshall: Yeah. He wants to meet my girlfriend.

Davis: Girlfriend? I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you speak to a girl, let alone date one.

Marshall: Hey, shut up! I can get a girlfriend by the end of the week.

Davis: I’ll leave that one up to you.

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Marshall: I’m doomed.

Davis: I’m sure it will all work out. Want me to time travel to next week and see how it

goes?

SCENE 2 ------ Davis and Marshall arrive in the theatre for dress rehearsal.

Davis: The theatre looks so different in the future.

Marshall: It’s the same theatre as yesterday, Davis.

[Enter Caitlin and Kim. Marshall and Davis are unaware of Kim’s presence.]

Caitlin: Hey, Marshall. Hey, Davis.

[Davis runs up to Caitlin and feels her face.]

Davis: Caitlin! My God, you’ve aged!

Marshall: Davis!

[Marshall pulls Davis off of Caitlin.]

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Davis: What? Sorry. I’m still adjusting to the ways of the future.

Caitlin: What?

Marshall: Ignore him. He’s in character already. So…we open next week…Got all

your lines memorized?

Caitlin: Yeah, for awhile now.

Marshall: Right. ‘Cause you’re good like that.

Caitlin: Anyway I think they wanted me in wardrobe.

Marshall: Oh. Right. Well…Break a leg!

Caitlin: I’m just going to wardrobe.

Marshall: Okay, then don’t break a leg.

Caitlin: See ya later, Marshall. Bye Davis.

[Caitlin and Kim walk offside.]

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Kim: Are you going to tell him?

Caitlin: Not yet. I don’t want to scare him off.

[They exit.]

Davis: Smooth, Romeo. Smooth.

Marshall: Shut up.

Davis: Hey, I’ve got a crazy idea.

Marshall: Do you have any other kind?

Davis: Why don’t you ask Caitlin to be your girlfriend?

Marshall: Caitlin? No, I couldn’t.

Davis: Why not? You’ve only been in love with her for like ever.

Marshall: Not forever. Just two months, eight days, three hours, sixteen minutes, and

oh [Marshall looks at his watch.] forty-nine seconds. But who’s counting?

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Davis: Not me. Time is meaningless to us time travelers.

Marshall: It was love at first sight with her. That’s gotta be rare, right?

Davis: Actually, I’m pretty sure love at first sight only counts if she falls in love too.

Otherwise you’re just stalking her.

Marshall: Which is exactly why I can’t ask her to be my girlfriend. I’d scare her off.

Davis: Which would be so unfortunate because you’re making so much progress with

her. Look, she doesn’t have to be your real girlfriend. She’s an actress,

right?

Marshall: Right.

Davis: So you could hire her to act as your girlfriend.

Marshall: You do know prostitution is illegal, right?

Davis: I don’t mean she’ll actually perform the duties of a girlfriend. She’ll just pretend

to be all lovey dovey in front of your dad.

Marshall: I don’t know.

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Davis: I bet she’d do it. She’s an actress which means she’s broke and desperate for

work.

Marshall: This is true…

SCENE 3 ------ Marshall is lounging in the living room of his apartment. Davis enters.

Davis: Quick! What’s the date?

Marshall: Not this again.

Davis: Marshall!

Marshall: It’s the sixth.

Davis: Of?

Marshall: Of March, 2007. Remind me to buy you a calendar.

Davis: Splendid. I have once again successfully traveled one day into the future.

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Marshall: Davis, you went to bed and got up the next day. We all do it.

Davis: You doubt my time traveling abilities?

Marshall: I doubt your sanity.

Davis: I thought the people of the future would be more open minded.

Marshall: The future is a harsh and desolate place.

Davis: Someone’s awfully gloomy. What’s the matter with you? Did Caitlin turn you

down?

Marshall: No. I didn’t ask her. And I’m not going to.

Davis: Why not? She’d do it. I guarantee it. Do you want me to go back in there, travel to

the future, and find out what she says?

Marshall: No.

Davis: I’ll do it. It’ll only take a second. Relatively speaking of course.

[Davis heads towards his door.]

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Marshall: Davis, I said no.

[Davis goes into his room and slams the door in Marshall’s face.]

Marshall: Davis!

[Davis reopens the door.]

Davis: What day is it?

Marshall: Still the sixth.

Davis: Then I made it back successfully.

Marshall: All you did was go into your room for one second then come back out.

Davis: Time is relative, my friend. By the way you have nothing to worry about. She

says yes.

Marshall: You don’t think I actually believe you, right?

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Davis: No, but you’re starting to believe. Besides, while you’re pretending to be her

boyfriend, it may just be the opportunity you need to finally make a move.

[Marshall thinks for a moment.]

Davis: Call her.

SCENE 4 ------ Caitlin is hanging out at the theatre after hours, waiting for Marshall.

Kim is keeping her company while she waits.

Kim: I don’t think this is a good idea.

Caitlin: I need the cash.

Kim: And I’m sure that’s the only reason you’re doing this.

Caitlin: It’s an acting gig. It’s just pretend.

Kim: I believe you, but if things move beyond pretend, you know you’re going to have

to tell him…who you really are.

Caitlin: We’ll see. I’m not sure if he’s the one yet.

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Kim: If he’s the one, he’ll understand.

Caitlin: Thanks, Kim. Now scram before he gets here.

Kim: Fine, but I want details later.

Caitlin: I promise. See ya.

[Kim exits. Marshall arrives.]

Marshall: Hey. Sorry I’m late.

Caitlin: No worries. My friend Kim was just keeping me company.

Marshall: Thanks so much for doing this and, you know, not getting totally weirded

out when I asked you.

Caitlin: Hey, a gig’s a gig. I’m happy to help. Shall we?

SCENE 5 ------ Marshall and Caitlin are sitting close on the couch in Marshall’s

apartment.

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Caitlin: [Laughing.] I can’t believe you told your dad you wrote Romeo and Juliet.

Marshall: I didn’t tell him I wrote Romeo and Juliet. I just told him I wrote a play.

Which I have. And then I told him it was going to be performed this

Saturday. I don’t know why I lied to him. I must not be right in the head.

Caitlin: Who is these days?

Marshall: No one I could name.

Caitlin: So you said you actually have written plays?

Marshall: Yeah. It’s what I want to do with my life. It’s stupid really.

Caitlin: No, it’s not. My friend Kim says if you’re passionate about something,

you have to pursue it all costs.

Marshall: Your friend Kim sounds wise.

Caitlin: She is. I don’t know what I’d do without her. I was working at a bank until

Kim encouraged me to quit and go into acting. True it’s been hard. I’m so

broke I’m actually letting you pay me to pretend to be your girlfriend,

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which is almost boarding on prostitution, but I’m happier than I’ve ever

been in my life. [Pause.] So how’s the kissing going to work?

Marshall: Huh?

Caitlin: When you’re dad’s here, he’s probably going to expect us to be a little bit

smoochy. You know? If we’re in love. And it’s gonna look stiff if we

don’t practice first.

Marshall: Right. Okay. So when should we?

Caitlin: Now.

Marshall: Now would be good.

[Marshall takes a moment to build up courage then leans in towards Caitlin. Davis

bursts out of his room.]

Davis: Date?

[Marshall and Caitlin slide away from each other.]

Marshall and Caitlin: No.

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Davis: Today’s date?

Marshall: Oh. Still the sixth.

Davis: Blast!

[Davis marches back into his room.]

Caitlin: Is he alright?

Marshall: He’s…Davis.

Caitlin: It’s getting late. I should get going.

[Caitlin rises from the couch and heads to the door. Marshall follows.]

Marshall: I guess we have been talking for awhile.

Caitlin: I’ll see you at rehearsal tomorrow.

Marshall: Yeah.

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Caitlin: Goodnight.

[Caitlin leans in and kisses Marshall. Marshall is startled.]

Caitlin: See, that was natural. You’re good at this acting thing. Maybe if the

writing doesn’t work out, you can become an actor.

[Caitlin exits. Davis bursts out of his room.]

Marshall: It’s still the sixth.

Davis: Blast!

[Davis marches back into his room. Marshall stands there grinning.]

SCENE 6 ------ Caitlin and Marshall are hanging out at the theatre before rehearsal.

Caitlin: So Harold says, “What’s your motivation?” and I say, “I thought my

motivation is I’m dead.” And he says, “Wrong. Your motivation is you’re

dead, but still pretty so stop looking so ghastly or I’ll make you perform

the last scene of the play in the dark.”

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Marshall: That’s awful!

Caitlin: Tell me about it.

[Davis arrives holding a newspaper.]

Marshall: March seventh, 2007.

Davis: The future Marshall is certainly in a better mood than past Marshall. [Holds up

the paper.] Already aware of it, my friend. Yet another successful mission

to the future.

[Davis exits.]

Caitlin: Are you going to tell me what’s up with him?

Marshall: You wouldn’t believe me if I did.

Caitlin: You’d be surprised.

Marshall: I should get to work and you probably need to rehearse or something.

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Caitlin: Yeah. Maybe I can come over again later and we can work out some of the

details of our relationship?

Marshall: Relationship?

Caitlin: Yeah. The one we’re going to fake in front of your father.

Marshall: Right. The fake one. Sure. Come by later tonight.

Caitlin: Great.

[Caitlin kisses Marshall.]

Caitlin: Practice makes perfect, right?

[Marshall exits. Kim enters.]

Kim: Just pretend, huh?

Caitlin: Oh hey. I was just…rehearsing.

Kim: Caitlin, I’m becoming concerned about your relationship with this boy.

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Caitlin: Kim, I think he’s the one.

Kim: Then you know what you have to do.

Caitlin: I do. I’ll tell him tonight.

SCENE 7 ------ Marshall and Caitlin are making out on the couch in Marshall’s

apartment. They come up for air.

Marshall: Do you remember how we’re just pretending?

Caitlin: Vaguely.

Marshall: I was thinking maybe we could not be pretending. Maybe you could

actually be my girlfriend. Please don’t get scared off.

[Caitlin smiles.]

Caitlin: Oh, Marshall, I’m not scared. I know this is right. There’s something I

have to tell you.

Marshall: I know.

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Caitlin: You know?

Marshall: I knew from the moment I saw you.

Caitlin: I knew from the moment I saw you too. Oh Marshall, you’re the one!

[They embrace.]

Caitlin: I promise I won’t let them kill you this time.

[Long pause.]

Marshall: What?

SCENE 8 ------ Marshall’s sitting on couch in his apartment with his hands on his head.

Davis bursts out of his room.

Marshall: March eighth, 2007.

Davis: This new future is efficient. I think I’m going to like it here.

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Marshall: I’ve been meaning to ask you something.

Davis: Completely shaved.

Marshall: Okay…That’s not the answer to any question I would ever ask you ever!

Davis: Sorry, man. What did you want to know?

Marshall: Okay so pretend I actually believe you have a working time machine,

what’s the point of only traveling one day into the future at a time?

Davis: So I stay young and beautiful of course!

Marshall: Of course…No, wait. I meant HUH?

Davis: See, I don’t want to miss out on my life so I don’t go too far ahead, but by

skipping over the boring bits, I don’t age.

Marshall: I had to ask.

Davis: Young and beautiful forever, man. It’s the way to live.

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Marshall: You’re going to need more than just a time machine to make you

beautiful.

Davis: Hey, who knows what the future’s idea of beauty will be?

Marshall: Well, today’s idea of beauty is surprisingly close to yesterday’s.

Davis: Sure, if you’re living in the linear flow of time it’s hard to see the changes in the

world. But I’m outside that.

Marshall: Dude, I have a big problem.

Davis: Davis, Time Cadet, at your service. What’s up?

Marshall: Okay, so last night Caitlin was over and we were practicing kissing –

Davis: So you were making out and then?

Marshall: She told me I was the one.

Davis: Wow. She comes on strong. Did she drop the L Bomb?

Marshall: No, she told me she wouldn’t let them kill me.

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Davis: Them? Who’s them?

Marshall: That’s exactly what I wanted to know. So then she starts telling me that as

soon as she saw me she recognized me as her lover from her past lives.

Davis: Past lives? This chick is cracked.

Marshall: It gets worse. Apparently the two of us have had like a thousand of them

and she remembers every single one.

Davis: Naturally.

Marshall: And in all of our lives we were lovers.

Davis: A thousand lives with one chick? How could you stand it?

Marshall: Can you please take this seriously.

Davis: I’m trying, but it’s a bit out there.

Marshall: Would you rather discuss time travel?

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Davis: Yes, but continue your story.

Marshall: So she tells me…

[Caitlin stands off to the side and speaks to the audience.]

Caitlin: We are part of an ancient race which predates the spoken word. Both of us

were royalty in opposing clans who had been at war since the dawn of

time. In the middle of a great battle we met and fell deeply in love. We

kept our affair secret until one day my father found out about us and sent

his highest ranking guard to kill you. The guard came during the night and

murdered you in front of my eyes. As you lay dying in my arms, I swore

death would not keep us apart and plunged your knife into my heart. Our

souls were reborn in new bodies and we soon found each other. We

thought we were safe in our new life, but it was not to be for my father’s

guard was also reborn. He found us and killed you once more in front of

my eyes so I again took my own life. The cycle has continued on like that.

I keep being reborn only to watch you die as soon as I find you. But I

won’t let that happen this time, Marshall. I promise to protect you.

Davis: Wow…And at this point you threw the crazy lady out of our house before she had

a chance to you kill your in sleep, right?

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Marshall: I was about to, but then she said –

Caitlin: Do you remember when we were Vikings? We landed on the New World

and decided to christen it. You threw me down onto the grass, tore off my

furs, and we made love –

Davis: How could you have possibly gotten turned on by any story that started with, “Do

you remember when we were Vikings?”

Marshall: It was the way she said it.

Caitlin: [Seductively.] Do you remember when we were Vikings?

Davis: Enough!

[Caitlin exits.]

Davis: Please tell me you then threw out the crazy lady.

Marshall: Well…

[Caitlin enters. Davis’s jaw drops.]

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Caitlin: Morning, Mr. Shaky Legs!

[Caitlin kisses Marshall. Behind Caitlin’s back, Davis points frantically at her and jumps

around anxiously. Caitlin turns back to face Davis. Davis acts normal.]

Davis: Caitlin…Hi.

Caitlin: Morning, Davis. Hope we didn’t keep you up last night.

Davis: No, it’s okay. I wasn’t here. I was temporarily displaced in the time space

continuum.

Caitlin: We know what that’s like. Don’t we, Mr. Shaky Legs? Do you mind if I

use your shower?

Marshall: Go ahead.

Caitlin: Great. Are you coming?

Marshall: Um…In a bit.

Caitlin: I’ll get the water nice and hot for you.

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[Caitlin exits.]

Davis: You slept with the crazy lady!

Marshall: I don’t need any judgment from the guy who thinks he can travel through

time!

Davis: Marshall, you can’t keep seeing this girl. She is unstable!

Marshall: Once again from the guy who thinks he can travel through time!

Davis: I’m serious! She is probably plotting to kill you in your sleep!

Marshall: She didn’t last night. Okay, I know this is messed up and I should end it,

but every time I look at her…It’s Caitlin and she smells so nice and her

skin is so soft…

Davis: I’m sure that’s very common amongst the people of your ancient race.

Marshall: But…it’s Caitlin…

Davis: Oh my God! You’re more in love with her than ever! You get off on this freaky

past life lovers suicide pact shit!

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Marshall: [Pause.] You built a time machine!

Davis: Yeah, but I’m not having sex with it! I don’t like this future. I need to find a way

to go back in time.

Marshall: I thought you already knew how to go backwards. You did it when you

went to check if Caitlin would pretend to be my girlfriend.

Davis: Oh, I was lying then. I just wanted to boost your confidence.

Marshall: I didn’t believe you anyway. Still don’t.

Davis: And what I don’t believe is how you think you can actually make things work

with this girl. You’re so worried about what your dad’s going to think of

your life. Just wait until he meets Little Miss Past Lives. I’m sure he’ll be

real impressed.

Marshall: I can make sure she doesn’t talk about that stuff in front of my dad.

Davis: ‘Cause crazy people are always so easy to control.

Marshall: Look, maybe I can help her. Get her some counseling or something.

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Davis: And maybe one of those stylish white jackets that buckle up in the back.

Marshall: I’ll pick one up for you while I’m at it. Last night Caitlin said the only

other person she’s told about her identity is her friend, Kim. I’m going to

track down this friend of hers and talk to her. Maybe she’s just as

concerned about Caitlin as I am.

Davis: Or as cracked as she is.

Marshall: That would be the other possibility, but I’ve got to try.

Caitlin: [Offstage.] Marshall, are you coming?

Marshall: And I’ll try right after I shower. Coming!

[Marshall exits.]

Davis: I never should have come here. This future is way too messed up. I’ve gotta find a

way back to the past…present...Maybe then I can set things right.

[Davis exits.]

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SCENE 9 ------ Marshall’s apartment is decorated with fancy set pieces. Davis sits on a

throne. Marshall enters.

Marshall: March eighth, 2007.

Davis: I know. I haven’t gone anywhere yet.

Marshall: What’s all this?

Davis: Every bit of fancy set I could swipe from the theatre. Told you I’d class the place

up for your Dad.

Marshall: Okay, I’ll worry about this later. We have a problem.

Davis: NOW we have a problem?

Marshall: Kim’s dead.

Davis: You killed Kim?

Marshall: No! Kim’s been dead for awhile. Okay, so I went to Caitlin’s house

hoping that her roommate would be able to tell me how to get in contact

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with Kim and she told me I’d either need a Ouija Board or a Psychic cause

Kim has been dead and buried for two years!

Davis: Okay, okay. There has to be a logical explanation here. Maybe they just thought

Kim had died, but really she’d built her own time machine and traveled to

the future where –

Marshall: Not everything relates back to time travel!

Davis: Not with that attitude it doesn’t.

Marshall: Listen, she said that when Kim died it really shook Caitlin. She’s never

been able to accept Kim’s death. She still talks about her as if she’s alive.

Davis: I guess that explains how she went all crazy like. Maybe if I went back in time

and saved Kim –

Marshall: Davis, stop trying to solve all my problems with time travel!

Davis: I’m sorry, but it’s the only way I know how. The only other solution is for you to

break up with her.

Marshall: I know, I know. It’s just…It’s Caitlin.

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Davis: Yeah, but look at it this way. You’ve been dating for a thousand life times and

you guys still can’t make it work. Let it die, man. Just let it die.

Marshall: I know. This is way too messed up. I can’t date this girl. I need to talk to

her, try to convince her to get some help.

Davis: Finally you’re making some sense. I’m going to travel back in time and try to fix

things on that end.

Marshall: Right. Be useless. Good plan.

[Marshall and Davis exit.]

SCENE 10 ------ Marshall is pacing back and forth in his apartment. There’s a knock at

the door. He opens it. Caitlin and Kim step inside. Marshall cannot see Kim.

Caitlin: It’s so good to see you!

[Caitlin hugs Marshall.]

Caitlin: It’s so hard for me to leave you alone. I’m so afraid my father’s

reincarnated guard is going to pop up and you know…

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[Caitlin mimes stabbing Marshall in the chest repeatedly. Marshall laughs nervously.]

Marshall: Yeah…Wouldn’t want that. Caitlin, [Marshall leads Caitlin to an old

fashioned love seat.] I want to talk to you about something.

[They sit down. Kim takes a seat beside Marshall.]

Kim: Crap. He’s dumping you.

[Caitlin glares at Kim then smiles at Marshall.]

Caitlin: You can talk to me about anything. What’s on your mind?

Marshall: I want to talk to you about Kim.

Caitlin: [Whispering.] Don’t you think this would be a bit of an awkward time?

Marshall: Why?

Caitlin: Because she’s sitting right beside you.

[Marshall jumps up off the couch.]

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Marshall: Whoa!

Caitlin: I’m sorry. I thought you could see her too.

Marshall: See her? Caitlin, Kim is dead!

Kim: Dead, but not deaf.

Caitlin: Well, yeah. But I thought maybe you could still see her. I forgot I’ve

always been more in tune with spiritual stuff than you. That’s why I can

remember more about our past lives.

Marshall: Caitlin, this is messed up! Past lives and ghosts! What is my dad going to

think when he meets you?

Caitlin: Well, Kim doesn’t have to be there.

Kim: It would be nice to be invited though.

Caitlin: And it’s not like I’m going to start blabbing to your dad about the secrets

of our ancient race. That stuff’s just between you and me. No one else

would understand it.

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Marshall: I don’t understand it! Just a few days ago I was a boring sound technician

completely content in my misery. Now I’m a reincarnated Viking with a

time traveling roommate and girlfriend who talks to her imaginary friend!

Caitlin and Kim: Hey!

Caitlin: Kim is not imaginary! She is the specter of my dead best friend! I’m not

crazy! I’m spiritually in tune!

Marshall: I need to sit down.

[Marshall goes to sit down. Kim jumps out of his way. Caitlin kneels down beside him

and rubs his knee.]

Caitlin: Are you stressed because your Dad’s coming in two days? Why do you

care so much about what he thinks?

Marshall: Because he’s my Dad.

Caitlin: Shouldn’t he be supportive of you no matter what?

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Marshall: You’re not telling me your parents are completely okay with you talking

to dead people.

Caitlin: They kinda have to be. They died in a fire six years ago.

Marshall: I’m so sorry.

Caitlin: It’s okay. I still see them on holidays.

Marshall: You still see your parents?

Caitlin: Well, yeah. When they first died they were following me everywhere until

I was finally like, “Whoa, guys! I’m a grown woman. I need my space.”

So now they haunt the fire marshal back in Canyon Creek. We’re still

really close though.

Marshall: I need to sit down.

Caitlin: You already did.

Marshall: Then I need to do that other thing. The horizontal one.

Caitlin: Lie down?

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Marshall: Yeah.

[Caitlin helps Marshall lie down.]

Caitlin: I know this is a lot to deal with at once, baby, but we’ll get through this.

Even if it takes a thousand more lifetimes.

SCENE 11 ------ Marshall is sitting on the love seat in his apartment, hands on his head.

Davis enters.

Davis: Date?

Marshall: March ninth, 2007.

Davis: Dammit! I’m still jumping forward.

[Davis takes a seat.]

Davis: Okay, catch me up with the world of tomorrow.

Marshall: Well, Caitlin’s crazy.

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Davis: What else is new?

Marshall: Crazier than we thought. Talking to her dead friend Kim like she’s in the

room crazy.

Davis: Wow. [Whispers.] Is Kim here right now?

Marshall: And she doesn’t just talk to Kim. She talks to her dead parents too.

Davis: Good thing you broke up with her, right?

[Pause.]

Davis: Right?

[Caitlin and Kim enter.]

Caitlin: Morning boys!

[Caitlin gives Marshall a peck on the cheek.]

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Caitlin: I’ve gotta get to the theatre early for dress rehearsal. But Kim’s going to

keep an eye on you for me. I’ll see you both later!

Marshall and Davis: Bye…

[Caitlin exits. Kim wanders behind the guys.]

Davis: Dude, how could you not break up with her?

Marshall: Davis, she’s crazy! If I broke up with her she’d probably peel off my skin

and wear it as a hat!

Davis: Valid point, but did you have to sleep with her?

Marshall: [Pause.] Another valid point.

Davis: How was it by the way?

[Marshall grins.]

Marshall: Really, really good.

Davis: The crazy ones are always good in bed.

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Marshall: Then you must be amazing.

Davis: Dude! Don’t say that! Even sarcastically.

Marshall: Well, I didn’t mean I wanted to find out.

Kim: I’d like to…

Davis: Dude, just stop talking!

Marshall: Sorry, sorry!

Davis: Hey, was Kim in the room while you two were…you know?

Kim: Oh gross!

Davis: And what did she mean by, “Kim’s going to keep an eye on you?” Do you think

Kim’s here right now?

[Davis begins waving his arms out in front of him.]

Marshall: Davis, Kim isn’t real!

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Kim: Ah!

[Davis’s arm swings near Kim and she steps out of the way. Marshall swats Davis’s arm.]

Marshall: Stop that! I need you to help me think of a way to break up with Caitlin

before my Dad gets here tomorrow. One that won’t make her want to peel

my skin off.

Davis: I wish I could help you, man, but I’ve got to do some repairs on my time machine.

I need to get it running in reverse.

Marshall: Could you please just stop with the time machine crap and actually help?

Davis: I don’t know if I should be interfering. I’m not even from this time. I don’t belong

here.

Marshall: Fine. Whatever.

Davis: You won’t be so grumpy when I go back to the present and save the world from

this horrible future and win the Noble prize for…noble…ness.

[Davis heads towards his door, waving his arms out in front of him.]

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Kim: Now this I’ve gotta see.

[Kim follows Davis into his bedroom.]

End of Act I

A Little Crazy By Kelly Morrison