28

SalvationiSt
April 2009
Just Between Us
Susan* looked upset when she came into my office ! knew somethin"
was up !#d heard the scuttle$utt%
there was a conflict $rewin" Shesat down in the chair and nervously fid&dled with a tissue
'! have a pro$lem with Janet(*) she saidin a matter&of&fact way 'She#s causin" a lot
of pro$lems amon" the staff She "ossips
and you can#t trust her All the staff feel
the same way)
'So what can ! do t o hel p you*) !
asked
'+elp
me
*) she answered '!t#s
her
you
have to do somethin" a$out,)
'But ! thou"ht you said
you
had a pro$&
lem with Janet() ! responded '+ow can !
help
you
deal with
your
pro$lem*)
-ealin" .ith -ifficult /eople
0here al ways wi l l $e peopl e at work( school and in our families who $ehave
inappropriately or in a way we considerto $e 'to1ic) !nterpersonal conflicts can
$e difficult to navi"ate and we often don#t
have the skills to know how to respond
0o1ic people can $e reco"ni2ed $ysome easily discerni$le $ehaviour pat&
terns( such as3
4 !ntimidatin" others $y raisin" their
voices or $ecomin" violent
4 0alkin" down to others4 0ellin" others what they think is
wron" with them
4 Slanderin" people $ehind their $acks4 -iscoura"in" others from pursuin"
their dreams
4 0akin" advanta"e of others# kindness
or manipulatin" them to "et whatthey want
5enerally speakin"( a person is to1ic to
your emotional health if their $ehaviourmakes you feel $ad on a re"ular $asis
+ow do we deal with difficult people*
.e cannot chan"e them But we canchan"e how we react to them .e can
also chan"e how we let them affect us
6n the 07 series
Star 0rek3 0he 8e1t
5eneration
( whenever an enemy shi p
approached the 9nterprise( :aptain Jean&
;uc /icard would say to his second&in&
command( 'Shields up( 8um$er 6ne) !nthe same way( whenever !#m dealin" with adifficult person( !#ve learned to say(
'Shields
up( <athie() as a way of protectin" myself
from the trauma and detachin" myself
mentally from the stress of the moment
!t#s proven to $e a very helpful tactic
Buildin" +ealthy =elationships
-ealin" with difficult people re>uires us
to $e intentionally healthy in the relation&
ships we pursue 0hat is the first step in
dealin" with them +ere are some ways
to $uild healthy relationships3
4 Become a "ood communicator%learn
how to listen to others( includin"what they are not sayin"
4 Be kind and look for the $est in
people
4 Avoid "ossip and speak words of
encoura"ement
4 Be >uick to for"ive4 +ave a "ood sense of humour and
don#t take yourself too seriously
4 .ork at relationships $ut don#t over&
analy2e
4 ;earn to $e concerned yet remain
detached when dealin" with difficultpeople As you navi"ate the sometimes rocky
road of interpersonal relationships( it#s
always "ood to keep 5od#s .ord handy !
recall sharin" these words from 9phesians
?3@A&@2 with Susan3 '5et rid of all $itter&ness( ra"e and an"er( $rawlin" and slan&der( alon" with every form of malice Bekind
and compassionate to one another(
for"ivin" each other( Bust as in :hrist 5od
for"ave you)
'0hat#s e1actly what Janet should do,)
Susan e1claimed
'Cou#re ri"ht() ! answered( '$ut this
advice is for you( too ! know it#s hard to
for"ive someone else( especially when she
never seems to chan"e But with 5od#shelp you can find the patience to deal
with this situation);earnin" how to for"ive and $e com&passionate is a tall order ! know ! some&
times fall short of what 5od e1pects from
me +owever( ! remind myself that !#m notalone in this 5od is there to help me when
relationships are hard to handle
*8ot her real name