There are two kinds of fears: rational and irrational or in simpler

terms, fears that make sense and fears that dont. ~Lemony Snicket
In its extreme form its called anthropophobia. In any of its forms its
rooted in our neurophysiology, predominantly our polyvagalnervous system.
Heres one example of how it recently showed up in my life: a couple of
weeks ago I agreed to attend a Whidey Island nonprofit organi!ations
service presentation. " presenter asked for a volunteer to demonstrate a
yoga principle. I stood up. #he first thing the presenter asked me to do was
$lock your knees.% Well, its een &' years since high school gym class, and
standing in front of the group, I had no idea whether she meant for me to
end them or hold my knees straight. While I stood there in my confusion,
suddenly one of the other participants whispered within earshot, $"nd he has
a (h.).% Immediately I could feel my shoulders hunch and my stomach
tighten. *uddenly the room and everyone in it ecame unsafe. #his kind of
reaction can often e in response to pretty innocuous comments + they
somehow remind us of someone who was once unkind, or it might simply e
a remark that triggers neural pathways hiding in our Unthouht !nown +
real thoughts and feelings that live in our ody and rain that we dont have
words for. ,ur ody instinctively senses danger and automatically acts to
protect itself.
"n #uard
#he amygdala is the early warning sensor in my rain and the first thing it
does -if my social engagement network transmissions arent malfunctioning.
is immediately make me look at peoples eyes. *ome rain scientists, like
*imon /aron01ohen, think youcan read peoples minds y looking at their
eyes.
In addition to eing the windows of the soul, the eyes are often the windows
displaying peoples present0moment intentions + they signal a
persons internal emotional reality along with actions they may e driven
to take. We can often know and predict these actions + especially if they
might e threatening + efore the person takes them or is even aware of
them. 2or this reason + and others well explore in a moment + other people
turn out to e the second thing that most terrifies us. ,nly most of us dont
reali!e it.
$ear the "ne %oure &ith
What aout the people we really like, or love even3 Were notafraid of them,
you might argue. 4o, not consciously, ut Im willing to et that your ody
is. 4ot always, of course, ut pay attention next time some sort of afflictive
emotion arises in response to someone close to you, like 5ealousy, anger,
frustration or oredom.
#heres a pop saying that goes, $6eep your friends close and your enemies
closer.% Well, if my neuroscience theory that $healings always trying to
happen% is accurate, keeping our friends close will often prove more painful
than keeping our enemies closer. /ecause its fre7uently around our friends
and lovers that we soften ourdefenses, and when we do, what ends
up surfacing more often than not3 + traumatic memories yearning for
healing integration. 8very time I get triggered y $the little things% in the
household + the toilet paper roll put in the $wrong% way9 the $ladies% things
spread through every room in the house9 the overly0emotional response to a
$factual% discussion + even a cursory it of reflection will disclose that my
upset has little to do with whats happening now. Where the roots of the
disturance lay is in uried, ancient neural fiers often dating ack decades.
'hoiceless Threat (etection
"nother way that people end up eing terrifying to us unconsciously is
underscored y )oly*aal Theory mentioned aove. #he vagus nerve is
intimately involved in all social engagement. Without its activation little
authentic emotional human contact is possile.
#hrough the unconscious process of neuroception, defined as $threat
detection without awareness% -and the $without awareness% piece is key
here., we are constantly monitoring other people for safety. "nd how do
others fre7uently violate our safety without them or us reali!ing it3 #hrough
evaluation9 thats one way. "ny time another person evaluates us,
consciously or unconsciously + through word, deed, a critical look +
commenting on knee0locking competence + showing up for meetings late,
failing to follow through y action, failing to keep promises to us + our rain
registers such experiences, most often as threats, great and small. /ut it
doesnt announce to our conscious mind that its doing so. ,ur ody,
however + through the workings of the dorsal -vegetative. and ventral
-smart. vagal complex + clearly gets the message. "nd often takes
precautionary, protective measures in response. "nd doesnt inform us aout
that either.
+ow a #ood &ord Turns ,ad
"nd the evaluation doesnt even have to e negative. I cant tell you how
many creative pro5ects of mine have een stopped dead in their tracks y
positive evaluation. 8valuation of any sort often ecomes a death knell. "nd
the challenge for dealing with it ecomes particularly difficult when the
evaluation arises out of our own left rains sharp intellect. 2ew peoples
evaluation, positive or negative, can carry as much destructive, immoili!ing
weight as our own.
*o, how might we counter this mostly unconscious process3 2rom my
experience, the est we can do is expand awareness: ecome increasingly
conscious of our rains and odys responses + writ large and small + on our
neurophysiology. With expanded awareness comes the most potential for
taking fearless, conscious action in response.