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women as lovers

elfriede jelinek
translated by martin chalmers
Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 94-6"#
$ catalogue record for this book can be obtained from the %ritish Library on re&uest
'he right of (lfriede )elinek to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by her under the Co*yright+ ,esigns and
-atents $ct "9..
0irst *ublished in "91 as ,ie Liebhaberinnen by 2owohlt 'aschenbuch 3erlag 4mb5+ 2einbek bei 5amburg+ 4ermany
Co*yright 6 "91 2owohlt 'aschenbuch 4mb5+
2einbek bei 5amburg
'his translation co*yright 6 "994 7er*ent8s 'ail
'his edition first *ublished in "994 by 7er*ent8s 'ail
4 %lackstock 9ews+ London N4 and
4:" ;est %roadway <"+ New =ork+ N= "::">
-hototy*eset in ":3
>
*t -lantin by ?n ty*e+ London -rinted in 0inland by ;erner 7oderstrom @y
'his translation received financial su**ort from the Commission of the (uro*ean Communities+ %russels
foreword:
do you know this %($A'?0AL land with its valleys and hillsC
in the distance it is bounded by beautiful mountainsD it has a horiEon+ which is something many
lands do not haveD
do you know the meadows and fields of this landC do you know its *eaceful houses and their
*eaceful inhabitantsC
right in the middle of this beautiful land good *eo*le have built a factoryD its low corrugated
aluminium roof makes a beautiful contrast to the deciduous and coniferous forests all aroundD the
factory is tucked into the landsca*eD
although there is no reason for it to be tucked awayD it could dis*lay itselfD
how fortunate that it stands here+ in beautiful surroundings and not somewhere else+ where the
surroundings are not beautifulD the factory looks as if it were *art of this beautiful landsca*eD
it looks as if it had grown here+ but noF if one looks at it more closely+ one sees: good *eo*le
built itD nothing comes of nothing after allD and good *eo*le go in and out of itD afterwards they
*our into the landsca*e+ as if it belonged to themD the factory and the *lot of land beneath it
belong to the owner+ that is+ a com*anyD the factory is nevertheless ha**y+ when ha**y *eo*le
*our into it+ because they do more work than unha**y onesD
the women+ who work here+ do not belong to the factory ownerD
the women+ who work here+ belong entirely to their familiesD
only the buildings belong to the com*any+ so everyone is satisfiedD
the many windows s*arkle and flash like the many bicycles and small cars outsideD the windows
have been cleaned by women+ the cars usually by menD all the *eo*le+ who have come to this
*lace+ are womenD
they sewD they sew foundations+ brassieres+ sometimes corsets and *anties tooD often these
women marry or they are ruined some other wayD
but as long as they sew+ they sewD often their gaEe wanders outside to a bird+ a bee or a blade of
grassD they can sometimes enjoy and understand the nature outside better than a manD
a machine always makes a seam+ it doesn8t get boredD it *erforms its duty+ wherever it is *utD each
machine is o*erated by a semi-skilled seamstressD the seamstress does not get boredD she too
*erforms a dutyD
she is allowed to sitD she has a lot of res*onsibility+ but no overview and no long viewD but
usually a householdD
sometimes in me evening the cycles cycle their owners homeD
homeD the homes stand in the same beautiful landsca*eD
contentment flourishes here+ one can see thatD whoever is not made content by the landsca*e+ is
made com*letely content by children and husbandD whoever is not made content by landsca*e+
children and husband+ is made com*letely content by workD
but our story begins somewhere else entirely: in the
cityD
a branch of the factory stands there+ or rather+ the
head&uarters of the factory stands there and the
*lace in the foothills of the al*s is the branch factoryD
here too women sew+ which they likeD
they don8t sew what they like+ but sewing in itself is
already in the women8s bloodD
they only need to let this blood outD
this is *eaceful women8s workD
many women sew half-heartedlyD the other half of
their heart is occu*ied by their familyD some women
sew with all their heart+ it is not the very best who
do thatD
our story+ which will soon be over+ begins in the
urban island of *eaceD
if someone eG*eriences fate+ then not hereD
if someone has a fate+ then it8s a man+ if someone
gets a fate+ then it8s a womanD
sadly life *asses one by here+ only work remainsD
sometimes one of the women tries to join the life
that8s *assing by and to chat a littleD
sadly life then often drives off by car+ too fast for the
bicycleD goodbyeF
beginning:
one day brigitte decided+ that she wanted to be only woman+ all woman for a guy+ who was
called heinED she believes+ that from now on her weaknesses would be strengths and her strengths
very much hiddenD heinE+ however+ does not see anything endearing in brigitte+ and he finds her
weaknesses only re*ellentD now brigitte also takes care of her a**earance for heinE+ because if
one is a woman+ one can no longer turn back from this *ath+ and one must take care of one8s
a**earanceD brigitte ho*es that the future will thank her one day by letting her look youngerD but
*erha*s brigitte doesn8t have any future at allD the future de*ends entirely on heinED when one is
young+ one always looks young+ when one is older+ then it8s too late anywayD then if one does not
look younger+ the judgement of the world is merciless: did not make cosmetic *rovision when
youngF
so brigitte has done something+ which will be im*ortant in futureD
if one has no *resent+ then one must make *rovision for the futureD
brigitte sews brassieresD if one makes a short seam+ one must make a lot of them+ forty at any rate
is the absolute minimum *iece rate targetD if one makes a longer+ more com*licated seam+ one
has to make corres*ondingly fewerD that is very humane and justD
brigitte could get many workers+ but she wants to get the one and only heinE+ who is going to be
a businessmanD the material is nylon lace lined with a thin amount
of foam rubberD her factory has many market shares+ which are abroad+ and many seamstresses
who come from abroadD many seamstresses dro* out because of marriage+ childbirth or deathD
brigitte ho*es that one day she will dro* out because of marriage and childbirthD brigitte ho*es
that heinE will get her out of hereD
anything else would be the death of her+ even if she stays aliveD
for the time being bD has nothing but her name yet+ in the course of the story brigitte will receive
heinE8s name+ that is more im*ortant than money and *ro*erty+ that can *rocure money and
*ro*ertyD real life+ which can give an o*inion+ if it8s asked+ real life is the life after workD for
brigitte life and work is like day and nightD so in this story there will be more about free timeD
in this s*ecial case life is called heinED real life is not only called heinE+ it is heinED
a*art from heinE there is nothingD anything that is better than heinE is absolutely unattainable for
brigitte+ anything that is worse than heinE+ brigitte does not want to haveD brigitte fights
des*erately tooth and nail against going down in the world+ going down in the world+ that is the
loss of heinED but brigitte also knows+ that there is no going u* in the world for her+ there is only
heinE or something worse than heinE or sewing brassieres until the end of her lifeD sewing
brassieres without heinE means the end of her life right nowD
it is left com*letely to chance+ whether brigitte lives+ with heinE+ or esca*es life and goes to
wasteD there are no rules for thatD fate decides brigitte8s fateD
it8s not what she does and is that counts+ what counts is heinE and what he does and isD brigitte
and heinE have no storyD brigitte and heinE only have workD heinE must become brigitte8s story+
he must make her a life of her own+ then he must make her a child+ whose future in turn will be
moulded by heinE and his jobD the story of bD and hD is not something that grows+ it is something
that is suddenly there HflashI+ and is called loveD
the love comes from brigitte8s sideD she must convince heinE that love also comes from his sideD
he must learn to see that for him too there can be no future without brigitteD naturally there is
indeed a future for heinE+ as electricianD he can have that even without brigitteD electrical wiring
can be installed without bD being *resent at allD one can even liveF and one can go bowling or
*lay skittles without brigitteD brigitte+ however+ has a dutyD
she must constantly make clear to heinE+ that without her there is no future for himD which is a
considerable effortD a*art from that+ strenuous measures must be taken to *revent heinE from
*erha*s seeing his future in someone elseD more of that laterD it is a strenuous+ but *romising
situationD heinE wants to and will one day be a little entre*reneur with his own little enter*riseD
one day heinE will be *lacing his orders+ brigitte will be ordered tooD brigitte *refers to be
ordered around by her own husband in his own sho*+ that will also in a small way be her own
sho*D
as long as heinE one day doesn8t get to know a grammar school girl+ for eGam*le+ susiF as long as
heinE+ for heaven8s sake+ doesn8t one day believe+ that some-
one+ who is better than brigitte ever will be+ that someone like that is better for him tooD if heinE
finds something better+ he should leave it aloneD best of all if he doesn8t get to know it at all+ it8s
safer tooD
when brigitte sits at her sewing machine and stretch sews+ feels foam rubber and stiff lacy
borders under her fingers+ the new little witch bra in the fashionable colour+ then she has
nightmares because of someone who does not even eGist yet+ but who nevertheless in the sha*e
of something better might cross heinE8s *athD
brigitte doesn8t even get any *eace at workD even at work she has to workD she8s not su**osed to
think while she8s working+ yet something inside her thinks uninterru*tedlyD brigitte cannot make
something better of her own lifeD something better must come from heinE8s lifeD heinE can free
brigitte from her sewing machine+ brigitte cannot do it on her ownD but she cannot be certain of
it+ because ha**iness ha**ens by chance and is not a law or the logical conse&uence of actionsD
brigitte wants to have her future madeD she cannot *roduce it herselfD
the story of how the two of them got to know each other is not out of the ordinaryD the two of
them themselves are not out of the ordinaryD they are sim*ly sym*tomatic of everything that is
not out of the ordinaryD
often male and female students+ which is almost the same thing+ a*art from their gender+ meet
one another tooD often one can tell eGciting stories about such meetingsD
such *eo*le sometimes even have a long *rehistoryD although brigitte8s *rehistory is rather
unfavourable for the future accumulation of wealth+ she has nevertheless got to know heinE+ in
whose hands wealth will one day accumulateD
brigitte is the illegitimate daughter of a mother+ who sews the same things as brigitte+ that is
brassieres and *antie-girdlesD
heinE is the legitimate son of a van driver and his wife+ who was allowed to remain at homeD
des*ite this glaring difference bD and hD have got to know one anotherD
in this s*ecial case getting to know means a wanting to esca*e andJor a not letting sli* and
holding fastD heinE has learned something+ which one day will *ut the whole world at his feet+
that is the trade of electricianD
brigitte never learned anything at allD heinE is something+ brigitte is nothing which others could
not also be without any effort at allD heinE is unmistakable+ and one often needs heinE too+ eDgD if
there8s a wiring fault or one re&uires some loveD brigitte is re*laceable and unnecessaryD heinE has
a future+ brigitte does not even have a *resentD heinE means everything to brigitte+ work means
nothing but burdensome misery to brigitteD a man+ who loves one+ is everythingD a man who
loves one and on to* of that is someone+ that is the best that brigitte can reachD work is nothing+
because brigitte already has that+ love is more+ because one first has to find itD
brigitte has already found: heinED heinE often asks himself+ what brigitte has to show for herselfD
heinE often *lays with the idea of taking someone
else+ someone who has something to offer+ as for
eGam*le+ cash or suitable *remises for a sho*D
brigitte has a body to offerD
a*art from brigitte8s body many other bodies are
flooding the market at the same timeD the only thing
that *ositively stands by brigitte on this *ath+ is the
cosmetics industryD and the teGtile industryD brigitte
has breasts+ thighs+ legs+ hi*s and a snatchD
others have that too+ sometimes even of a better
&ualityD
brigitte has youth+ which she also has to share with
others+ for eGam*le with the factory and the noise in
it and with the crowded busD they gnaw at brigitte8s
youthD
brigitte grows ever older and ever less woman+ the
com*etition grows ever younger and ever more
womanD
brigitte says to heinE i do need a man+ who sticks by
me+ who is there for me+ in return i8ll stick by him
too and will always be there for himD
heinE says+ he doesn8t give a shit about thatD
it8s a *ity+ that brigitte hates heinE so muchD
today for eGam*le brigitte is kneeling on the cold
floor in front of the lavatory bowl in the summer
house of heinE and his *arentsD
this floor is colder
than love+ which is hot and called heinED
the van driver father is absent+ and brigitte is hel*ing
around the house+ which is the only way she can
ingratiate herself+ which means she enthusiastically
cleans the lavatory bowl with the shit brushD five
minutes ago she had said she would be ha**y to do
thatD now she8s not doing it so ha**ily any moreD
she feels &uite sick from all the shit which accumulates in the course of a week in a three *erson
householdD
heinE+ even if he doesn8t get a secretary+ grammar school girl+ secretary+ secretary or secretary to be his
wife+ will nevertheless get a woman to be his wife+ who is a real woman+ that is knows how to handle the
brush and its re*ulsive attendant features *ro*erlyD
brigitte doesn8t hel* at home+ that would mean *utting ca*ital and labour *ower into a small business
which was working at a loss and condemned to fail from the outsetD *ointlessD ho*elessD better for brigitte
to invest where something can come of itD a com*letely new lifeD
since brigitte doesn8t have much of a brain+ the outcome is uncertainD
after all managers have their brain to hel* them when they are *lanning somethingD brigitte only had her
fingers educatedD nothing elseD but these together with the arms attached to them could do the work of
three *eo*le+ if they had toD they have toD for heinED
brigitte crawls u* heinE8s mummy8s arseD she doesn8t find anything else there either eGce*t the same shit as
in the bowl+ which she8s just scrubbingD but one day this will lie behind me+ then the future will lie before
meD no+ once the shit is behind me+ i am already in the futureD first i must work to reach a status+ which
enables me to be $LL@;(, to have a future at allD future is a luGuryD there8s not much of it aboutD
this little e*isode is intended to show nothing more than that brigitte can work+ if must beD
and it must beD
the eGam*le of *aula
the eGam*le of *aula+ *aula is from the countryD until now country life has held her in check -
just like her sisters erika and renate+ who are marriedD one can already write both off+ it is as if
they were not in the world at allD it8s different with *aula+ she is the youngest and still *ro*erly in
the worldD she is "1 years oldD she is now old enough to be allowed to think about what she wants
to be one day: housewife or sales assistantD sales assistant or housewifeD at her age all girls+ who
are as old as she is+ are old enough to think about what they want to be one dayD secondary
school is finished+ the men in the village are either woodcutters or they become joiners+
electricians+ *lumbers+ bricklayers or they try to be joiners+ electricians+ *lumbers+ bricklayers
and then go to the forest after all and become woodcuttersD the girls become their wivesD
huntsman is a better job+ which is im*orted from outsideD there are no teachers and *riests+ the
village has no church and no schoolD the elite *rofession of co-o* branch manager is also
im*orted from outside+ three women and girls from the village and a girl trainee from the village
always work under himD the women remain sales assistant or *art-time sales assistant until their
marriage+ once they8re married+ that8s the end of selling+ then they are sold themselves and the
neGt sales assistant can take her *lace and go on selling+ the substitution is made without a hitchD
so over the years a natural cycle has come into being:
birth and starting work and getting married and leaving again and getting the daughter+ who is
housewife or sales assistant+ usually housewife+ daughter starts work+ mother kicks the bucket+
daughter is married+ leaves+ jum*s down from the running board+ herself gets the neGt daughter+
the co-o* sho* is the turntable of the natural cycle of nature+ the seasons and human life in all its
many forms of eG*ression are reflected in its fruit and vegD in its single dis*lay window are
reflected the attentive faces of its sales assistants+ who have come together here to wait for
marriage and for lifeD but marriage always comes alone+ without lifeD hardly ever does a married
woman work in the sho*+ unless her husband is unem*loyed or seriously injuredD he8s always an
alcoholicD
as a woodcutter he has a hard and dangerous job+ from which many a man has often not come
back againD that is why they enjoy their life tremendously+ as long as they are young+ from "#
u*wards no girl is safe from them+ the universal race begins+ and wild oats are sown and young
men lock horns+ a *rocess which echoes through the whole villageD the *rocess echoes down the
valleyD
at the end of their youth the young men take a hardworking thrifty woman into the houseD end of
youthD beginning of old ageD
for the woman end of life and start of having childrenD while the men mature nicely and begin to
age and take to drink+ it will kee* them strong and free of cancer+ the death throes of their wives
often last for years and years+ and often so long that they can even be *resent at their daughters8
death throesD the women begin to hate their daughters and want
to have them die as &uickly as *ossible just as they once died+ so: so they must get a manD
sometimes a daughter does not want to die as &uickly as she should+ but *refers to remain a sales
assistant for one or two years and liveF yes liveF in rare cases she would even like to become
sales assistant in the county town+ where there are other *rofessions such as *riest+ teacher+
factory worker+ *lumber+ joiner+ locksmith+ but also watchmaker+ baker+ butcherF and *ork
butcherF and many moreD many more *romises of life in a more beautiful futureD yet it is far from
easy+ to be able to grab hold of a man with a more beautiful futureD the better jobs also have
something better to offer+ that8s why they demand right away that one does it+ nevertheless one
must not do it+ because otherwise the better job wants something even better right away+ and
that8s thatD a forestry lad sometimes waits+ a better job never waitsD hardly anyone has ever come
back+ eGce*t to visit and with a bastard without a dadaD the few others also sometimes come
home to visit+ to show mother and dada the children+ how well they8re doing+ and the husband is
good and hands over all the money and only drinks a little+ and the kitchen is all new and the
vacuum cleaner is new and the curtains are new and the corner table ditto and the tv is new and
the new settee is new and the new cooker is admittedly used but as new+ and the floor tiles are
admittedly worn but scrubbed like newD and the daughter is still as new+ but will soon be a sales
assistant and ra*idly age and become usedD but why should the daughter not become used u*+ if
the mother has been used u* tooC the daughter must be used soon+ she really needs it urgently+
and so
let8s have the new and the better+ that is *riest+ teacher+ factory worker+ *lumber+ joiner+
locksmith+ watchmaker+ butcherF and *ork butcherF and many more+ etc and all of them
uninterru*tedly need women and make use of them too+ but they themselves by no means want
to buy an already used woman for further useD noD that makes things difficultD because where
does one get unused women from+ if women are constantly being usedC there is no *rostitution+
but there are a lot of illegitimate children+ she+ she should not have done it+ but she did do it+ and
it was made for her+ it was really given to her+ and now she8s left standing and has to do the work
herself+ even the work a husband usually does+ and the child stays with the hate-of-mother-and-
children-filled grannyD used women are rarely taken+ and men only by the first userD then they
have to hear for the rest of their life: if i hadn8t taken you+ no one else would have taken you+ and
where would you get the money for the child+ but i took you at the last moment after all+ and now
you can take money from me+ after i8ve taken the money for drink first+ and then i can take you in
return without any *roblem as often as i like+ but i8ll make sure+ that nobody takes and uses our
daughter unlawfully+ so that she doesn8t turn into someone like her mother+ who let herself be
taken %(0@2(D she must wait+ till someone takes her+ but afterwards+ and then let herself be
taken+ but only afterwardsD because if+ like you+ she lets herself be taken before+ then she can
count herself lucky afterwards+ if anyone takes her at allD and our daughter can be glad+ that she8s
got a dada like meD terrible+ this slow dyingD and the husbands and the
wives die away together+ the husband does get a bit of variety+ he watches over his wife like a
watchdog outside+ he watches over her as she diesD and from the inside the wife watches over the
husband+ the female summer visitors+ her daughter and the housekee*ing money+ which must not
be booEed awayD and from outside the man watches over his wife+ the male summer visitors+ his
daughter and the housekee*ing money+ so that he can divert some for his booEingD and so they
die in mutual de*endenceD and the daughter can hardly wait+ to be allowed to die at last also+ and
the *arents are already going sho**ing for the daughter8s death: sheets and towels and dish cloths
and a used refrigeratorD then at least she8ll stay dead but freshD
and what will become of *aulaC sales assistant or housewifeC with everything else+ let8s not
forget *aulaF which this is aboutD what will become of *aulaC die later or soonerC or not start out
on life at allC die right awayC not be able to wait+ and then it8s too late+ and the child is there and
the mother dies right away instead of after the weddingC N@F because *aula wants to learn
dressmakingD that8s never ha**ened before in the village+ that a girl wants to L($2N somethingD
it8s bound to go wrongD her mother asks: *aula+ don8t you want to be a sales assistant after all+
where you can get to know someone or a housewife once you8ve got to know someoneC her
mother says: *aula+ you 9A7' become a sales assistant or a housewifeD *aula re*lies: mother+
there isn8t a vacancy as trainee sales assistant available just nowD her mother says: then stay at
home+ *aula+ and become a housewife and hel* me with the housework and with the animals and
wait u*on your dada as i
wait u*on him and also wait u*on your brother+ when he comes from the wood+ why should you
be better off than me+ ? was never better off than my mother+ who was a housewife+ because in
those days there weren8t any sales assistants here yet+ and my dada would have beaten me to
death if there had been anyD
and he said+ i have to stay at home and hel* momma and attend to him+ when he comes from
work and fetch the beer from the innkee*er+ that takes eight minutes there and back+ and if it
takes longer+ then i8ll break your backD and why should you+ my daughter+ be better off than meC
just stay at home and hel* me+ when your dada and your brother gerald come homeD and *erha*s
one day we+ i and your dada and your brother gerald will really break your backD 5(LL@F
however *aula says+ but mother i don8t want to+ i want to learn dressmakingD and when i8ve
finished learning to be a dressmaker+ i want to have something of my life+ drive to italy and go to
the cinema with the money i8ve earned myself+ and after i8ve had something of life+ i want to
drive to italy once more+ for the last time and+ with the money i8ve earned+ go to the cinema once
again+ for the very last time+ and then i want to look for a decent man+ or a less decent man+ such
as one sees in the cinema more and more often now+ and then i want to marry and have childrenD
and all together and love them at the same time+ yes loveF and mere will be two+ a boy and a girl+
and then i would like to take the *ill as well+ so that mere are only two+ a boy and a girl+ and
everything8s always clean and neatD and then only have to sew for the children and myself+ and a
detached house+ built ourselves with a hardworking husbandD
and for the children and myself i8ll sew everything+ that will save a lot of money+ then i8ll no
longer have to sew for strangers+ he won8t allow that+ noD momma+ *lease+ i want to learn
dressmakingD momma says+ that she will tell dada and geraldD she at most went to the cinema
three times in her life+ and she didn8t like it and it didn8t interest her+ and she was glad when she
was home againD i haven8t been to italy at all+ never+ and the tv is much more interesting+ one sees
the whole world+ without wanting or having to be in it the whole timeD when my dada was still
alive+ i slaved for him+ and then i went on slaving for your dada and for gerald+ and now that
you8re old enough to slave with me+ you suddenly don8t want to any more but learn the clean
trade of dressmaking insteadD why and for what have i slaved all my life+ if not for dada and
gerald+ and now when you could at last slave with me+ you don8t want toD you can *ut it out of
your headF before dada and gerald *ut it out of your head for youD i8ll tell dada and gerald right
nowD right nowF dada and gerald take the view+ that *aula can8t be allowed to shirk things by
doing light clean dressmaking+ when they themselves do heavy dirty woodcuttingD she better not
believe+ that she can esca*e dada8s hate+ with a clean job+ when dada after all had to marry
mother because of her+ well+ not because of her but because of her eldest sister+ who is already
married now and unassailableD since we already hated your momma+ because she was allowed to
do clean housework+ while we have to do the dirty heavy work+ so we8ve time and again beaten
your momma half
dead when we were drunk+ so we8ve thrown our dirty boots in your momma8s face and our dirty
trousers onto the bench+ our dirty work trousers onto the then new u*holstered bench+ so we also
want fre&uently to throw our dirty boots in your face too and our dirty trousers onto the bench+
which you then must clear u*D have we forgotten our honest clean hatred of you both even for a
momentC noD you seeF eGce*t for the moment of a birthday+ of a Christmas eve or of a serious
accident+ and you want to learn dressmakingF
but *aula goes on looking at the better world+ wherever she can grab hold of it+ no matter where+
in the cinema or with a summer visitorD but it is always only the better life of others+ never her
ownD she also says sometimes: you could use the a**renticeshi* allowance+ and after all one has
to train as a sales assistant tooD and my wedding dress+ just think+ then i can sew my wedding
dress myselfFFF and i can sew something for momma too+ and for my aunt and for my granny and
everybody+ everybodyD and that saves money again+ and while i8m doing it+ i8ll often see clean
*eo*le+ and then i too will be one of the clean *eo*le+ because i8ll sew myself new clothes too+
which a better man might likeD and everybody will say i8m clean+ and *erha*s then i8ll even be
married by a joiner+ bricklayer+ *lumber+ butcherF or *ork butcherF
and all the time *aula looks on the better life as something that can belong to her some day too+
although it is not made for herD and because she isn8t worth all the trouble anyway+ and because
dada wants to be left in *eace in the evening+ and because he can8t knock her to the
ground+ much as he would like to+ because he is sim*ly too tired+ to be able to risk a second
outburst of rage+ and because he can8t kill her+ much as he would like to+ and because basically he
doesn8t give two hoots+ and because *aula has *romised a thousand things+ among them+ that she
will hel* her mother in the sty in the evening+ and because money is money+ *aula is at last
allowed to learn dressmakingD
and from this moment on *aula sees the better life with &uite different eyes+ as something+ that
one can *erha*s even get+ although first one has to take u* the hem and take in the waistD so
*aula8s a**renticeshi* begins in the bad old life+ it8s su**osed to come to an end in the better new
oneD let8s ho*e it doesn8t end+ even before it has *ro*erly begunD
and let8s ho*e the better life doesn8t already belong to someone else+ someone *erha*s who might
no longer like a narrower waist and a shorter skirtD
what is it+ that shines so brightC
what is it+ that8s shining there as bright as ri*e *olished chestnuts+ heinE asks himself one day on
the way to workD it is brigitte8s hair+ that has been newly tintedD one must only take care not to
leave it on too longD
heinE thought+ that it8s ri*e *olished chestnuts+ shining so brightly there+ but now he sees that it8s
brigitte8s hair+ that shines so brightly thereD he is astonished that fate has struck a blowD i love
you+ says brigitteD her hair gleams in the sun
like ri*e chestnuts+ which have been *olished tooD i love you so muchD that is the feeling of love
this inesca*able feelingD i feel+ as if i had always known you+ even in my childhood+ which is
long *astD brig-itte looks u* at heinED
heinE too is immediately gri**ed by the feelingD a*art from that he is gri**ed by a sensuality+ of
whose eGistence he has already heardD it is new and terrifying at onceD heinE wants to be an
electricianD if one learns some-thing+ then afterwards one is more than one was beforeD a*art from
that one is then more than all those+ who have learned nothingD something is ha**ening to the
two of us here+ says brigitte+ which is newer and more terrifying than everything which has
ha**ened to us until now+ newer and more terrifying even than the factory accident last year+ in
which a hand was lost: loveD because i know now+ that i love you and am glad+ that i knowD for
me there is no other man but you+ heinE+ and there will never be anotherD or do you see another
man hereC heinE does not see another man+ and the feeling of sensuality grows even strongerD
these li*s are literally casting their s*ell on me+ thinks heinED they tem*t+ and they *romise
somethingD whatC heinE thinksD now he has it: sensualityD i love you so much+ says brigitte+ her
hair gleams like ri*e chestnuts in the sunD her full li*s are slightly o*en+ as if they were tem*ting
or at least *romisingD whatC i love you so much+ that it hurts+ it hurts soulfully in my soul and
bodily in my bodyD i want you always to stay with me+ and never leave meD after the wedding i
want to stay entirely at home and be there only for you and our common childD
what is my work in the factory com*ared to this feeling of loveC nothingF it disa**ears and only
the feeling of love is hereD
heinE wants to buy himself a new fashionable *air of trousersD now that he is loved+ a modern
*air of trousers is much more im*ortant even than beforeD unfortunately all the wages of his final
year as an a**rentice are swallowed u* in the discothe&ues at the weekendsD there too there is
sensuality+ but less than here with brigitte+ where it is immediately relevantD
i need you and i love you+ says brigitteD her hair shines in the sun like ri*e *olished chestnuts+
love is the feeling that one *erson needs the otherD i need you+ says brigitte+ so that i no longer
have to go to the factory+ because really i don8t need the factory at allD what i need is you and
being near youD i love you and i need youD
ho*efully this love is also *hysical+ ho*es heinED a man has to take everything he can getD also he
must one day have a beautiful home+ which he has to save u* for beforehand+ also he must one
day have children+ but beforehand he must have had something of lifeD work isn8t everything+
because love is everythingD could that be *hysical love+ asks heinED yes+ heinE+ it8s love+ says
brigitteD her hair shimmers in the sun like ri*e *olished chestnutsD suddenly it has come to us+
overnight+ heinE+ who would have thoughtC you will take care of me and re*ay and reward me
for my love+ won8t you+ heinEC because i love you so muchD
heinE kee*s one eye on his *rofessional advancement and on courses which are *erha*s to be
attendedD brigitte kee*s an eye on love+ which is like a serious
illness+ and brigitte kee*s the other eye on her future home and its furnishingsD brigitte has heard
that it8s real+ if it8s like an illness+ brigitte loves heinE really and trulyD
never leave me+ heinEF
making a great sacrifice heinE8s *arents buy the modern *air of trousers for heinED but in return
they don8t want anything silly going on between girls and heinED they say+ he can ruin his whole
*rofessional future with things like thatD hasn8t father slogged away enough all his lifeC one
ruined life in the family really is enoughD
for heinE+ who wants to achieve something+ the future is im*ortantD heinE+ who until now has not
achieved anything in life+ says: life does not consist only of workD you haven8t learned anything
and not achieved anything in life yet+ that8s why you can8t know that+ says his father+ who hasn8t
achieved or learned anything either and is already oldD i love you+ says brigitteD who doesn8t want
to lose heinED what one has+ one wants to kee*+ *ossibly one can even get more than one hasD
*erha*s a sho* of one8s ownD she can work hard too+ which she is used toD
i love you+ says brigitteD at last one no longer has to ask+ whether this is love+ because she is sure
of itD heinE and brigitte are frightened by the magnitude of this feelingD brigitte is more frightened
man heinE+ because feelings are more feminineD a job is more manlyD heinE doesn8t enjoy it much+
nevertheless he wants to get on+ where he gets to doesn8t matterD admittedly heinE enjoys love
more+ nevertheless he has to be careful+ so that he is not im*eded *rofessionally by itD the
fashionable items
of clothing+ which heinE will be able to buy himself from his wages+ will certainly make him
ha**y+ the fashionable items of clothing+ which he will have to buy his wife+ will certainly make
him much less ha**yD therefore: watch outF
love hurts brigitteD she is waiting for a *hone call from heinED why doesn8t it ringC it hurts so
much to waitD it hurts because brigitte is longing for heinED brigitte says+ that heinE is her whole
worldD brigitte8s world is therefore smallD life seems meaningless without him+ even with him life
doesn8t seem to be very meaningful+ it just looks more meaningful+ at any rate more meaningful
than her work in the brassiere factoryD
come back+ heinEF i love you+ and i need youD heinE needs a secure livelihoodD something inside
him says: strive to get on+ that8s what his more eG*erienced *arents say too+ who have never been
outside the countryD
don8t leave me alone ever again+ begs brigitte+ my life is meaningless without your lifeD brigitte
must make sure+ that she gets a man+ who doesn8t go to the innD she must make sure+ that she gets
a nice houseD she must make sure+ that she gets childrenD she must make sure+ that she gets nice
furnitureD then she must make sure+ that she doesn8t have to go to work any moreD then before that
she must make sure+ that the car is *aid offD then she must make sure+ that she can afford a nice
holiday every yearD then+ however+ she must make sure+ that she doesn8t have to turn a blind eyeD
you only live once+ says brigitte8s mother+ for whom this one time is already too much and too
often+ because she doesn8t have a husbandD
brigitte8s one life is filled+ however+ because it is full of heinED her hair gleams in the sun like
*olished chestnutsD brigitte is &uite overwhelmed by this life+ which+ thanks to heinE+ is almost a
siEe too big for herD brigitte is not overwhelmed by her work+ because it is monotonousD heinE+ in
contrast to her work+ is overwhelmingD
heinE has still to get somewhere in life+ before he can even think of a familyD brigitte wants to get
heinE+ who will then get somewhere for her+ because he has a futureD heinE8s future is the
electrical trade+ in which he is activeD brigitte8s future lies in heinED good craftsmen are a scarce
commodityD my god+ how i love you+ says brigitte to heinED i can feel it too this this feeling+
re*lies heinED his father feels the discs in his back+ because he is a van driver+ which soon he will
have been+ if his discs don8t behave themselvesD the van driver believes+ that brigitte is nothing
and has nothingD he believes+ that heinE will be something and already has something now: that
is+ talent+ tenacity and a ca*acity for hard workD do not disa**oint your father+ heinEF he believes
that you can and must demand high standardsD
best of all+ if heinE looks for a woman with money+ so that he can soon set u* on his own and get
his own sho*D *retty faces like brigitte8s often deceive+ in them lies *rofessional downfallD his
*arents want the best for heinED brigitte is certainly not that: the %(7'D
i love you so much+ says brigitteD my gleaming hair su**orts my loveD what also su**orts my
love: your job+ which has a futureD what su**orts my love a*art from that: i myself+ who have
nothing at allD
heinE8s *arents want heinE to look out for the genuine article+ which brigitte8s hair is notD it8s
dyedD heinE is still far too young to know the genuine article when he sees itD his *arents are
res*onsible for the genuine article+ because they8ve been dealing with it all their livesD his father
feels+ that his discs must be very very genuine+ heinE can demand high standards+ which after all
is why he learned his tradeD brigitte very much loves the genuine article tooD heinE+ the genuine
man+ for eGam*le+ then genuine car*ets+ genuine living room suites and a genuine little drinks
cabinetD
heinE still wants to have something of his lifeD heinE can still have something of his life+ as long
as he stays with his *arents and saves moneyD a*art from that he8s still too young to tie himself
downD brigitte+ whose hair is gleaming again today+ so much that it hurts the eyes+ loves heinE so
much+ that something in her would break+ if heinE throws her awayD i love you+ she says in the
manner of her favourites from film+ radio+ television and recordsD i don8t know if it8s enough for a
whole life+ says heinE+ a man wants to enjoy many women+ a man is differentD but that8s eGactly
why i love you+ because you are a man+ says brigitteD you are a man+ who is learning a trade+ i am
a woman+ who has not learned a tradeD your trade must do for both of usD and it will do that
easily+ because it8s such a beautiful tradeD you must never leave me+ otherwise i would die+ says
brigitteD no one dies as easily as that+ says heinED you would just have to fall back on someone+
who earns less+ than i shall earn one dayD
but that8s eGactly why i love you+ because you earn more than someone+ who earns lessD
a*art from that brigitte loves heinE+ because this feeling is inside her+ which she can8t fightD full
sto*D her hair is like *olished sweet chestnutsD i8ll slee* on it says heinED that8s how it8s done in the
modern business world+ which i know all aboutD i love you so much+ re*lies brigitteD tomorrow is
already the future+ and mat i don8t haveD you don8t have me either+ says heinED so i wouldn8t like
to be in your shoesD
and on goes *aula the bad eGam*le
always alternating with the good eGam*le+ brigitte+
*aula+ the bad eGam*le+ trails alongD
when it is still almost night+ *aula trails into the
neighbouring town+ which is almost a city+ where one
can therefore also learn a trade+ which can *ossibly
change a whole life: dressmakingD
in the neighbouring town one also learns su*erfluous
things+ which could lead one astray: cinema and cafe
goingD
*aula has already often been warned against bothD
it is so nice to sit down in a cafeD
it is as if one had come into the world for something
beautifulD and yet one has come into the world for
something un*leasant: for a false life+ which is called
housework+ and which sticks to one+ if one touches
it by mistakeD
at home *aula works for her family+ whom she has
to thank for this false lifeD
is anybody sur*rised that there is a longing in *aulaC
in the bus a*art from her a lot of children are going
to school and a lot of women to the butcherF *ork butcherF or cemeteryD
no man under : is going by bus+ unless he is sickD but bus journeys are not allowed when one is
sick+ every kind of *leasure is immediately re*orted to the foremanD that8s why every man under
: is illegally on the busD the legal men under : drive by jee* u* into the high forestD
the housewives on the bus declare to *aula in chorus+ that *aula is one of themD
the housewives on the bus declare em*hatically+ that she8s nothing betterD
but above everything is love+ which is best of all+ re*lies *aulaD *aula is better+ because she will
have love inside+ when the right moment comesD first of all *aula is better because of
dressmaking+ subse&uently she will be ennobled by loveD love will take the *lace of dressmakingD
i am already so gladD *aula holds on tight to her little leather bag+ which is something better than
the *lastic carrier bags of the others of her s*eciesD the other women hold on tight to their
knowledge about men+ which *aula doesn8t have yetD
men can be *igs+ but also the o**ositeD what is the o**osite of a *igC
but the men work hard all weekD 7aturday is the great day of subjugationD then the village
trembles from all the knee+ back and shoulder throwsD *aula trembles+ when she hears that+ with
her everything will be &uite differentD betterD afterwards one can lick one8s wounds over coffee
and watch televisionD yes+ televisionF the afternoon *rogrammesD in front of an amusing cartoon
film+ which one only understands half of+ because it ha*-
*ens so fast+ every *ain in one8s abdomen forgets to stabD
if a *ain in the abdomen does nevertheless stick out its head like a worm out of the a**le+ then
it8s too late+ the old *roverb says+ women are born to suffer+ men are born to work: someone has
got stuck into the body of the other and is laying waste inside it+ living+ feeding off it+ that is
called symbiosisD a*art from that the women on the bus have the advantage over *aula of the
knowledge of the beneficial *ain of getting childrenD the start is large+ but it can be made u*D
many conversations echo through the stale air+ which deal with *ain in general+ the unhealthy
*ain of carrying and fetching+ of being o*erated on+ of rheumatism+ of hernias+ backache+
cataracts or cancerD then one discusses the beneficial *ains of bearing children+ which each time
make a woman strongerD which is immediately and without a break followed by the great joy of
having a child+ which draws after it the enormous joy of lying inD *aula+ the victim of the
business+ is learning dressmakingD she can already manage an a*ronD it takes time+ but she can do
itD *aula enjoys the activity of handling clothD often however+ just when *aula has to sew a
*articularly com*licated seam+ love sticks its ugly head in the wayD since *aula is learning more
and more about love in her breaks+ mostly from comic books+ *aula knows even while she8s
working+ what ha**ens between men and womenD at any rate new and different from how she8s
ever heard it beforeD what *aula has ever heard before+ she got from her family and her
girlfriendsD but what can one eG*ect from such subhuman creaturesF *aula would be craEy to
show any solidarity with the women in
her family+ with these *oor doormatsF *aula would rather show solidarity with her best friend+
the singer and actress uschi glas+ or with her second-best friend+ the good-looking blonde wife of
this good-looking dark *o* singer Hblack hairID
in the breaks *aula soaks u* love+ when she8s working she *ukes it all u* againD above all+ that it
has to be clean but sensualD that8s a thorn in *aula8s fleshD how could love ever *ros*er and grow
in her unsensual and unclean surroundings+ yes howC what is the result+ if one imagines
something+ which does not eGist in the reality of the *erson who is doing the imaginingC right:
dreams result from this cruel constellationD like all women *aula dreams of loveD all women+
including *aula+ dream of loveD many of her former schoolfriends+ many of her *resent
workmates+ dream about it as well+ eGce*t each one of them firmly believes+ that only she will
find itD
while selling as a sales assistant+ the star job+ love has the o**ortunity and the chance to come
walking in a hundred times a dayD but it8s always only housewives with children who come in+
never loveD the housewives who have come in+ who have already had love once+ a long time ago+
feel sorry for and des*ise the sales assistants+ because they have to sell and cannot enjoy the
most beautiful results of love+ that is+ the children and the housekee*ing money+ which comes
from the husband and for the most *art returns there againD
the *rotected women des*ise the un*rotected onesD and the sales assistants hate the housewives
in return+ because the latter have got everything behind them+
while they still have to face a tough com*etitive
struggle and instead of varnished furniture still have to buy nylon stockings+ *ullovers and mini skirts -
as investmentsD
yes+ it all costs moneyD there is a universal hating in the *lace+ which is
s*reading more and more+ which infects everything+
which affects everyone+ the women discover nothing in common+ only differencesD those+ who have got
something better because of their *hysical advan-tages+ want to hold on to it and hide it from others+ the
others want to take it away from them or have something even betterD there is a hating and a des*isingD
the foundation stone is already laid at schoolD that *aula at all thinks of com*aring love with flowers+
buds+ grasses and foliage+ is a result of her school daysD
that *aula connects love with sensuality+ is a result of the magaEines+ which she likes to readD *aula has
already heard+ but not &uite understood+ the word sensualityD
nobody likes to say+ that love only has something to do with workD *aula even knows in her slee*+ how to
feed a baby and *ut on a na**yD but *aula does not know+ how to *revent conce*tionD but *aula knows in
her slee*+ what really matters+ that is feelings aloneD
*aula is waiting to be chosen+ which is what really mattersD what matters is to be chosen by the right manD
*aula herself has never learned to choose and to decideD *aula eG*eriences everything in the *assive
voice+ not in the active voiceD the utmost that *aula
eG*eriences+ is that she could say noD but one should not say no too often+ because otherwise one
has said no once too often+ and in future ha**iness *asses by and doesn8t ring againD
*aula sometimes goes onto the dance floor+ if there8s a *artyD sometimes *aula is led away into
the woods again by a drunk dance floor visitor+ which no one must see+ because that would
immediately cause her market value to go through the floorD in the woods then *aula is grabbed
by her breasts or at worst between the legs or by the arseD *aula has been taught to assess who is
grabbing her there between the legsD is it someone with or without a futureD
is it someone with a future or a work horseC if it is a work horse+ then he cannot become *aula8s
fateD *aula8s brain has learned to work like a com*uter in such casesD here8s the *rintout: married+
two childrenD
now follows the shoving away+ cursing+ shrieking+ sometimes there follows the swaying and
falling over of the alcoholic and seducerD
sometimes there follows the falling over+ giving u* and slee*ing it offD
sometimes the said *erson also turns brutal and roughD
it is not enough therefore+ sim*ly to surrender oneself brainlessly to love+ when it knocks at the
door+ one must also calculate because of later life+ which does sometimes followD
one must calculate because of the future+ which is still before oneD
the future+ that is always someone else+ it always comes from the other *ersonD the future strikes
one
like hail stonesD love+ if at all+ like a thunderstormD at worst not at allD dressmaking one has to do
oneselfD dressmaking one has to do oneselfD *aula immediately starts to think+ therefore to
*rogramme+ when someone touches herD then often &uite un*rogrammed nausea rises u*D out
with itF but it8s swallowed down right awayD let8s just ho*e that in her Eeal+ *aula doesn8t ever
inadvertently swallow down love along with itF
*aula learns early to regard her body and what ha**ens to it+ as something that ha**ens to
someone elseD a second body as it were+ a second *aulaD all the material from *aula8s dreams+ all
the tenderness ha**ens with *aula8s first body+ the thrashings which come from dada+ ha**en to
her second body+ her mother+ who has never learned to ac&uire a second body+ has to absorb
everything with her first body+ that8s why it8s already so worn out and tiredD one just has to know
how to look out for oneselfD one must be able to look out for oneself somehowF if one cannot
take anything for oneself+ a*art from work+ if one is always only taken+ then one just has to look
out for oneselfD
when the women talk about their husbands+ then they only say: mineD 9?N(D nothing else+ not
my man+ only mineD *erha*s to a stranger one says: my husbandD to someone from here one says:
mineD *aula observes the victor8s smile+ when momma or her sisters say: mineD the only occasion+
on which the van&uished have a victor8s smile in the corner of their mouthsD
she also wants one day to say to someone: mineD about her dressmaking *aula never says: my
workD about her work *aula never says: mineD not even
inwardlyD work+ that is something+ which is detached from a *erson+ work after all is more like a
duty and so it ha**ens to the second bodyD love+ that8s *leasure+ relaGation+ and so it ha**ens to
the first bodyD
one suffers work+ even if one enjoys doing itD *aula des*ite all her love of dressmaking+ has
learned that work is something burdensome+ which only kee*s love away+ does not bring it closeD
only a cement miGer can sort things out in *aula8s skullD amidst all that *hysical love and all that
s*iritual love of film actresses+ *o* singers and tv starsD *aula only records+ she doesn8t digestD
like a s*onge which is never s&ueeEed outD a s*onge which is saturated+ from which any eGcess
only runs off more by chanceD how on earth can *aula learn anythingC through suffering of
courseD which makes one wiseD
brigitte also is re*elled by heinE brigitte is also re*elled by heinE
brigitte also is re*elled by heinE and his *lum* white
electrician8s body+ which is also called heinED des*ite
that she is also ha**y again+ so ha**y+ dead ha**y+
that she has him+ because he is her futureD
do you have a future tooC form a com*lete sentence:
my future is called eddyD and brigitte must *roduce
all her feelings by herself+ with the aid of her *hysical
strength aloneD without technical aidD
no wonder it8s too much for herD
heinE utilises his *hysical strength+ to *rovide himself
with a *rofessionD
heinE also has brains+ which is a hel* tooD brigitte doesn8t trust her *hysical strength to be able to
*rovide a *rofession for herself+ brigitte just manages to *roduce loveD
one day heinE8s married sister with her baby and her small child come to visitD brigitte stumbles
around+ heavily laden with cu*s+ cake *lates and the cakes that go with themD heinE8s mother
would like to hide brigitte+ *erha*s in the hydrangea bedCF because the latter only sews on the
brassiere *roduction line+ always at least forty items+ that is the *iecework targetD brigitte wants
to belong at all costs+ she wants to anchor her future in the *resent so firmly+ that no one can tear
it away from her againD heinE8s mother+ however+ by nature good-humoured+ sees heinE8s future
only in heinE alone+ in heinE and his *resum*tive detached house+ that he will be able to *rovide
for mummy+ daddy and not least himself with his small businessman8s moneyD wants to and willD
heinE8s mother already sees it all before her like a mirage+ a *atient future+ which has already
borne much+ even before it eGists at all+ a future on whose back the little house s*reads outD
children+ won8t that be niceF nowhere does mother see a little *lace for brigitte+ not even in the
kitchen+ brigitte8s little *lace is the line+ the line and nothing but the line+ loaded down with lacy
brassiere borders+ foam rubber and stretch fabric+ brigitte8s little house is sewing+ which she
learned on the jobD
first of all a sho* of his own must be established+ which swallows u* a lot of money+ which
swallows u* a lot of the van driver savingsD once+ many years ago+ heinE8s mother+ before she
became a van driver8s wife+ even before she became a future businessman8s
mother+ had been nothing and a nobodyD so she knows this condition inside outD she herself is out
of it in any case and oldD father is still inside+ he became a van driverD his discs are admittedly
irrevocably worn out+ but des*ite that daddy can still lift his son onto his shoulders and carry
him+ lift him into the saddle+ into the world of businessD
heinE8s mummy shoves brigitte under the coffee table+ stuffs her into the china cu*board+ brigitte
has to hand over everything she8s carrying+ the cake+ the whi**ed cream+ the little sugar bowl and
the coffee *otD brigitte is not allowed to hel*D mummy herself and in *erson+ the mother *erson+
carries all this in hel*ed by her married daughter and mother of her grandchildrenD over the
coffee the women talk about the household+ the a**liances that go with it+ the earners of the
household money and the childrenD
over coffee the men talk about football+ football+ work+ money and about footballD the men don8t
talk about the women+ because they are here+ whether they talk about them or notD heinE8s
married sister describes+ what it8s like+ to feel a small breathing child8s body beside one+ a
hel*less little something+ which was in the *rocess of becoming for a while and now at last has
become a life+ this infant+ as small as he is+ he has nevertheless at last made her a womanD
brigitte would like to eGchange eG*eriences too+ but she has nothing to offer in eGchangeD heinE8s
sister eG*lains+ how it8s done+ to *resent the dear husband with a childD now at last he has the
little childD
the *resentation has been accom*lishedD it was an ins*iring eventD
brigitte has secretly crawled out of the china cu*board in which she was looking for china+
although it was no business of hers+ and has joined the com*any+ even though she has no
business being thereD she nods loudly at heinE8s sister8s every sentenceD she offers as an eGam*le+
that now it8s still nice to buy herself *retty clothes for heinE+ to *lease him+ but how really nice it
will one day be+ when she no longer has to buy *retty clothes for herself+ because she will have
become a motherD when the *resentation of one or more children has been accom*lishedD that
will be the result of her great love+ the little childD angry objection by the others+ who have only
just re*orted so *ositively on children and their dischargeD
brigitte eG*lains+ that such a tiny being would make her a mother a mother a mother+ that heinE
doesn8t know what to do with babies+ because he is a man+ that she knows very well what to do
with babies+ because she is a womanD heinE will learn to love the baby later+ brigitte will be able
to love it right away and on the s*otD
heinE is still rather more in favour of *leasure and *rofitD
heinE8s mother is still rather more in favour of an enlargement of the little house+ so that at last
there will be a resting *lace for the ruined discsD heinE is secretly in favour of the old *eo*le8s
home+ after the van driver savings have been set in concreteD first of all one has to turn the
savings of a transient life into durable concreteD brigitte is in every case in favour of heinE and in
favour of what heinE is in favour ofD
naturally they8ll never get anywhere they want to get to+ if they go on like thatD
in the garden there are so many green fruit-laden branches they could reachD in the garden there
are also flowers for cutting+ which one should *ick+ as long as they are bloomingD heinE8s father
is an authority on such &uestionsD in reality brigitte is re*elled by infantsD in reality she would
love to sna* the delicate little fingers+ and stud the hel*less little toes with bamboo s*linters and
stuff a dirty rag into the gob of the newly arrived number one instead of the beloved *acifier+ so
that for once there really would be something to scream aboutD
if those *resent only knew what a transformation into a monster has occurred inside brigitteD
meanwhile however the baby of heinE8s sister *ees vigorously on brigitte8s head as well+ right
onto the new hair tint+ into the new long-lasting *erm+ which causes renewed laughterD brigitte+
who is just *icking u* a little silver *lated s*oon+ stands u*+ and her fingers automatically clench
like birds8 claws+ these are fingers which usually have to fight for everythingD
brigitte cannot bear such humiliation in front of everyone at allD a *erson like brigitte can often
even break because of little thingsD
there are many big things+ which have already ha**ened+ and haven8t broken brigitte eitherD
everyone laughs at baby8s joke+ even heinE8s father+ who has nothing much to laugh at any moreD
even his discs laugh along todayD the child laughs loudestD even the love+ which is at home in the
small world
laughs along+ brigitte8s world is the small world of
love+ she dries baby off+ well done babyF
heinE8s mother shoos brigitte back into the kitchenD
that8s all we need+ that the unskilled worker wants to
have a child like that too+ and *erha*s even by our
lad heinEF
the old *eo*le8s home waves threateningly from afar+
it8s never yet been mentioned+ but is *resent none
the lessD
it will *ut in an a**earance at the right momentD
we shall make our own future+ says heinE8s motherD
but then it belongs to us+ and only to usD let her go
and make her ownD heinE+ our son+ is making our
futureD ours+ his+ but not any other futureD
why does brigitte want so much+ yes+ just about all
of it really+ that is+ our boyC
why is brigitte sim*ly not content with what she8s
got+ that is+ nothingC
others don8t have anything either+ but are contentD
if one is content+ then something even comes of
nothingD
why can8t brigitte be content with the nothing that
she hasC
baby tram*les on brigitte8s woolly hairD
baby *okes his baby fingers in brigitte8s eyes+ ears
and noseD
everyone laughs heartily+ even the morose father and
ambitious heinED
ho*e laughs too+ although there is one ho*e less
againD
the future cannot laugh+ because it has not arrived
yetD
the *resent doesn8t laugh+ because it8s too weighed
down for thatD
brigitte8s work doesn8t laugh at all+ because it8s too
far awayD
because today is a holiday for everyoneF
brigitte *uts a good face on things and laughs along
heartilyD then she goes to wash herselfD
her teeth grind very loudly with hateD
even the most durable love must fall silent at so much
hateD
it draws back in frightD
from this moment heinE has become a serious duty
and not loveD
from *leasure to workD
brigitte knows more about work anywayD
heinE8s sister laughs loudest+ because she is safeD
nothing more can ha**en to her+ she8s made itD
heinE8s mother8s laugh is somewhat forced+ because
brigitte has still not fled the field before heinE8s better
futureD
because brigitte is still in the game and evidently
intends to stay in itD
fortune smiles on all of themD
yet one day
yet one day what makes a human being fully human ha**ened to *aula tooD we8ve waited long
enough for itD on that day it suddenly seemed to her as if until then she had not really livedD
because: until then life had only been work+ the house+ the household+ the girlfriends+ work+ the
work at home and the work at the dressmaker8s Honly recentlyFI+ a false or incom*lete life
thereforeD but
now this is wi*ed out+ and love is there+ and it has come at last+ and now at last *aula is a human
beingD work+ the house+ the household+ the girlfriends+ work+ the work at home and the work at
the dressmaker8s are admittedly still there+ they don8t go away by themselves from one day to the
neGt+ but a*art from that love is here too now+ hurrah+ the most im*D thing in human life and now
also the most im*D thing in *aula8s lifeD
*aula has come to a very firm decision on thatD she also wants to do everything *ro*erlyD and she
9A7' do everything *ro*erly+ otherwise love will just be gone again+ or it will be driven out by
work+ the house+ the household+ the girlfriends+ work+ the work at home and the work at the
dressmaker8s+ so that it would fall ho*elessly behindD at least she8ll still have the householdD
because erich is the handsomest in the villageD admittedly erich is an only child with three other
siblings each with a different dada+ which makes for a *oor starting *osition+ as one knows+ but
he is handsomeD
as handsome as a *icture with his black hair and blue eyes+ just the one to fall in love withD erich
is also desired by othersD even if it is not so im*ortant for a man to be good-looking+ whereas it is
very im*ortant for a woman+ it is nevertheless nice if a man is good-lookingD erich also has an
interesting job: he is a woodcutterD des*ite that erich doesn8t enjoy his work+ although it is very
interesting+ but the forest nevertheless needs *eo*le+ therefore: to the forest+ erich+ right after
secondary schoolF erich likes to be usefulD suddenly *aula doesn8t give a hoot about any of thatD
all that matters is that love has come at last+ and that it hasn8t come to an ugly+ worn out+
drunken+ eGhausted+ vulgar+ common woodcutter and her+ but to a handsome+ worn out+ drunken+
strong+ vulgar+ common woodcutter and herD that makes the whole thing s*ecialD love in itself is
already something s*ecial+ certainly+ but how s*ecial must it be+ when circumstances choose
erich and *aula for loveD erich and *aula are one in a thousand+ *erha*s even one in a millionF
*aula+ who has been waiting for this day for many years+ *erha*s for ever+ asks love in right
away and *ours out a cu* of good coffee and *uts a large *iece of cake beside itD otherwise erich+
who was the e*itome of manliness+ even before love had struck+ and who is now the e*itome of
manliness altogether for her+ because the other men she knows+ could not be e*itomes of
anything+ at most of alcohol or beating or the smell of resin+ otherwise erich will never come into
her little kitchenD but today erich is coming+ the e*itome of the manly man+ the e*itome of
alcoholism+ of beating which he has received since earliest childhood from momma+
grandmomma+ his ste*father and his workmates in the forest+ today erich is coming into the
kitchenD as small+ shabby and the worse for wear as it is+ it is so clean that one could eat off the
floorD erich has a message to *ass on+ an eGtremely im*ortant *iece of information to do with the
outing tomorrowD the organiser of the tri* has sent himD he has difficulties s*eaking+ just as he
has with everything elseD
take a seat+ erichD erich says: as small+ shabby and the worse for wear as your kitchen is+ it is
nevertheless
clean as a new *inD you must be a very great hel* to your momma+ *aulaD well doneF *aula glows
at this *raise like a whitsun oG in all its gloryD
at this *oint in time *aula is eGactly "1+ erich on the other hand ># years oldD that is im*ortant+
because before everything was different and afterwards too everything will be &uite differentD let
us sto* this moment in timeF at this *oint in time+ it is not yet time for *aula to begin thinking
about marriageD if *aula were to think about marriage+ her dada would scra*e the flesh from her
bonesD if erich were to think about marriage+ his grandmomma+ his momma and his ste*father
would immediately try to beat that idea out of himD $N, ;5@ ;?LL ,@ =@A2 ;@2KC who
will mow and feed the animals and s*read manureC whoC and who will fetch the *ig swillC
whoCCC
and his momma who was always in service away from home+ from her fourteenth year+ that is
one year younger than *aula is now+ who was always in service+ in the county town+ in fact in
several county towns county towns+ which has brought her four children+ each by a different
daddy+ a hi* *roblem+ chronic bronchial catarrh+ an unbelievably ugly shrivelled u* face+ a round
back from washing floors+ two gold teethF and her final man+ her only legally married husband+ a
retired railway official+ who is the very one she doesn8t have a child by+ and who for that reason
kee*s even more of an eye on her+ but more of that later+ so his momma+ who is now in service at
home+ round the clock+ whose back is getting even more crooked from washing floors+ whose hi*
*roblem and bronchial catarrh is getting even worse than
it ever was+ but who is ha**y to slave away+ it8s for the u*right *ensioner and husband who didn8t
need to marry her with her four children+ and who would never have married her either+ if he
were not a nasty asthmatic in need of care+ this momma says at last+ after an interval of
significant silence: you can8t have anything at all+ but if you can have something+ then something
%(''(2+ erichD go out into the wide world+ as i once went out+ which has hel*ed me on a lot in
life+ that is+ to an official with a *ension+ even if the *ath was sometimes stee* and led over false+
bad men and their false+ bad seed inside me+ so get right away from here+ to where things are
better+ outwardly you look better anyway+ your father was an kalian after all+ so you8ll easily get
a wife with dough+ the way you look with your black+ foreign hair+ you look better than the local
boys with their local sandy to dirty brown hair+ the way you look you8ll easily get a wife with
money+ one of those one hears+ reads and sees so much ofD and that will benefit us then tooD you
better watch out+ if it doesn8t benefit us tooD so don8t take any girl at all+ but if you must take
someone+ then don8t take anyone from here+ take one from somewhere else+ where things are
betterD but you are a man after all+ you can look after yourselfD you are a man after allD just look
out+ that you don8t give anyone a bastard+ because under certain circumstances that will cost you
a fortune and your future+ erichD and if you must+ then at least give it to someone+ who8s got
dough+ a summer visitor+ for eGam*leD so go away from home+ *erha*s even abroad+ which eGists
as well+ and of which i8ve seen so many beautiful colour *hotogra*hsD
and make sure you don8t disturb dada8s afternoon na*+ which he needs with his bad asthma+
otherwise he8ll get a fit of choking again+ and we8ve had itD and make sure for my sake that you
don8t disturb dada8s afternoon na*+ because he was on the railways+ and that8s more than anyone
else here can say for themselves+ otherwise he8ll die while he8s in my handsD i8ll take his coffee in
to him right now+ then it8ll already be there when he wakes u*D
and just make sure for my sake that you don8t disturb dada8s afternoon na*+ which he needs for
his bad bronchial asthma+ because he was on the railways+ because he is too weak+ still to be able
to beat you+ and i8m too weak to do it tooD it8s true you8re good-looking and dark erich+ but you8re
not god8s giftD nevertheless afterwards take a look at the *hotos of other countries again+ it won8t
do you any harm+ even if you don8t understand themD as good-looking and dark as you are+ erich+
you haven8t got much in your headD after that erich *uts on the new *ullover from the mail order
catalogue+ the new blue jeans from the mail order catalogue and finally the most beautiful thing
of all from the mail order catalogue: the *atterned *ure wool woollen jacketD erich+ the living
mail order *ackageD
and when erich with his dark eyes lights a cigarette+ then it8s as if it had always been in his face+
as if it belonged eGactly there+ and not as a foreign body in a tired+ furrowed face sticky with
sweat and with dirty blond or mousey hair above it+ as one sees so often nowD
as long as *aula had been a child+ erich had only treated her like a child+ now *aula must make
him
realise+ that she is no longer a child+ but already a
*ro*er womanD
at some *oint we were already at the *lace+ where
erich comes into *aula8s *arents8 kitchen+ the white
cigarette in the brown face+ above it the jet-black hair
and eyes+ an eGotic figure like a *anther+ a litde like
a *antherD
*aula once read about certain men+ who in ordinary
surroundings seemed like *anthers in a jungleD
eGotic+ dangerous and a *leasure to the eye and
heartD
she had never believed mat she herself would one
day have a man in her ordinary kitchen who would
seem like a dangerous *anther in a dangerous jungleD
but if someone could+ men erich+ the *antherD
immediately *aula looks in the weekend magaEine
for the *assage with the *anther+ there it isF
*aula also learned englishD she was the best at english
and arithmeticD and good at other subjects tooD but
mat8s no use to her nowD
erich didn8t com*lete school+ which doesn8t matterD
because he is like a beautiful wild animal: a
*antherD
*aula knows+ mat erich is everythingD so she herself
must become much more+ otherwise something else
will get in far ahead of herD %ut howC but howC
*aula+ the litde nothing+ shoots around like a rocket+
EigEag+ makes coffee+ fetches the guglho*f+ actually
intended for dada and gerald and therefore hiddenD
the full broadside of the two disa**ointed men will+
it is true+ strike *aula before the day is out+ but by
men the cake will already by in erich8s bodyD *aula
buEEes around like a beeD in his *onderous slow way
erich tries to say that *aula is already a *ro*er little housewifeD
*aula once *referred good dressmaking to bad houseworkD now suddenly she is *uffing herself
u* like a wood *igeon+ coos around+ ruffles her *lumage+ dis*lays all her finery+ lowers her
eyelids+ and hauls over everything in her reach+ a*art from the holy water font a lot can be *ut to
use for erichD erich is good at *utting fodder to useD he eats until he8s sickD erich is only interested
in engines+ that is+ in ones that are fitted on a mo*ed or+ even better+ on a motor cycleD erich
would so terribly much like to get his driving licence+ so that he can also be interested in more
*owerful engines+ which are his secret love+ that is+ for s*orts cars etcD but he has already failed
his driving test three timesD it is *ossible that since his earliest childhood his family has
unanimously and systematically beaten the motor centre in his head to *ieces+ irre*arableD never
again will erich be able to be unreservedly ha**yD erich8s ha**iness will always remain limitedD
*aula on the other hand will never be ha**y at allD erich is not very interested in the cinema+ in
which *aula is very interested+ because everything ha**ens too fast for himD
the female summer visitors too have de*arted so &uickly again for unknown far away landsD what
is far away is dangerous+ what is nearby is familiar+ one can really grow fond of itD there is
nothing near erich+ that he could grow fond ofD near erich diere is only *aulaD
if erich could choose between *aula and a motor cycle+ he would take the motor cycleD even with
a
motor cycle erich only goes as far as the neGt village
and no further+ to more distant landsD
*aula skims the milk+ to make whi**ed creamD
the women in *aula8s family are famous for their
cleanlinessD otherwise there is nothing *ositive to be
re*orted about the women in *aula8s familyD that8s
why it8s worth living+ that8s something one can always
im*rove on: cleanlinessD come on *aula+ on with the
cleaningF
slow erich sits on the bench and eats enough for
threeD
everything+ that at home only dada getsD he stuffs the
cake down his throat as if it8s his confirmation *arty+
*ours coffee after it and schna**s from the secret
drawerD slow erich s*reads like a *lant over the bench
and on the bench+ eats and eats+ and is thinking
of nothing else eGce*t his engines+ his mo*ed+ that
can go so incredibly fast+ above all when he8s had a
drinkD
but he still doesn8t understand how it all fits together
yet+ because the *arts fit together so com*licatedlyD
des*ite that erich dreams of a much faster machine+
of the feeling of movement+ of s*eed+ of a su*er
engine+ but if only one little thing on the fucking
mo*ed is broken+ then right away he has to go to his
friend+ he8s an eG*ert+ admittedly he works in the
forest too+ but a genius in the forest+ he then fiGes it
for him for a cou*le of beersD a talent+ going to waste
in the forestD
erich would best of all like to take a*art his mo*ed
and *ut it together again as a racing carD
erich eats cake+ it8s like on sunday for his dada+ erich
thinks about the mo*ed+ which he has+ about his
motor cycle+ which he will have one day+ so that he
can then think about a carD and about the car+ about which he thinks+ so that one day+ sometime
one day in the future+ he can think about a s*orts car+ about which he can already read a great
deal and *ictures of which he can look atD
has love come to *aula today des*ite that or eGactly because of itC *aula tells love to take a seat+
it8ll get coffee with milk right awayD but love does not sit down obediendy+ it digs its claws into
*aula+ how will it all endC *aula asks herself but not erich+ this fool for enginesD
ho*efully in the better life+ ho*es *aula as so often beforeD
ho*efully as &uickly as *ossible as far away as *ossible+ ho*es erich+ and certainly not on foot+
ho*es erichD
what nice intercourse that was againF
yes+ that was nice intercourse again+ thinks heinED he wi*es his mouth+ combs his hair+ cleans his
eyebrows+ inside his ears+ his nose+ washes his hands+ drinks his breakfast coffee and leaves the
house+ to carry on his jobD right away+ as soon as he leaves the house+ he enters the stress of
working life+ enters the mysterious world of wires+ which brigitte does not understand at allD
meanwhile brigitte follows her destiny as woman+ which is easier and sim*ler than a man8s
destinyD she o*ens her locker+ takes off skirt and jum*er and sli*s on a cotton work coat+ which is
bright and neat and is there to im*rove the work atmos*here+ to introduce a little colour into the
dreary grey and
women as lovers
black of the machinesD cheerful s*lashes of colour: sunbeamsD after brigitte has im*roved the
work atmos*here and worsened her own condition at the same time+ she sli*s into the healthy
wooden health sandals+ so that her feet stay healthy at work and don8t get sick like some feet doD
but not brigitte8s+ she makes sure of thatD
if one knows about scientific things like health+ then one can *revent a great deal+ even illnessesD
all her colleagues wear these sandals tooD they too are doing something for the health of their
feetD the wooden sandal is *o*ular in this circleD and brigitte8s work on the line has already
begun+ before she8s even had time to take a *ro*er lookD work on the line leaves brigitte her
femininity+ because it is a women8s factory with only female em*loyees Hwomen workersI+ so it
is not difficult to maintain cleanlinessD the only males are the more senior *ositions+ who one
doesn8t see and who therefore cannot s*oil the feminine cleanlinessD in com*letely male factories
sometimes something nasty is left lying around on the floor+ without anyone immediately doing
something about itD in the brassiere factory only *retty things are left lying on the floor+
sometimes a *iece of lace+ a salmon *ink ribbon+ though that too is eliminated immediatelyD
actually nothing at all is ever left lying on the floorD and the tables in the canteenF here too the
advantage of cleanliness everywhere: so clean+ that one could eat off themF the women and girls
vie with one another to be the first to discover a s*eck of dirt or dust or a stain+ already the stain
is gone+ sometimes it8s already gone+ before it8s even a**earedD sometimes a coffee stain even has
to be removed
from the white formica surface+ afterwards everyone feels relieved about thatD
if by chance one of the managerial staff *asses through+ who however never *ass through+ then
the young stain has long ago breathed its lastD and neither should a secretary+ who *asses through
by chance+ be allowed to see a stain+ because she knows all about stains+ but never seems to
cause any herselfD
secretaries often have a hobbyD these include travel+ dancing+ country walks cinema or
handicraftsD the men whom the seamstresses know are+ a*art from work+ unfortunately only
interested in how they can recover from this workD they have no hobbiesD often they have bad
hobbies+ in which they don8t include the familyD
what the sales manager+ the com*any secretary+ the advertising manager and the technical
manager are interested in is not knownD
what they work at+ is not eGactly known eitherD the gendemen are not from hereD
on the brassiere line it8s difficult to have any interests a*art from the brassiere line+ because often
one does not know what interests even eGistD one only knows+ that one or more *ersons have an
interest in kee*ing the line goingD
even if one knows+ that something else a*art from work and the male workers eGists+ it must first
of all occur to one+ that the something else+ that eGists+ could also be there for oneself and not
only for the othersD
brigitte at any rate is one of the few who has recognised that diere is somediing that goes far
beyond
workD brigitte has recognised by chance+ that there is more than just work+ much more+ that is:
5(?NLD by chance therefore brigitte has recognised+ that a*art from the work+ which she doesn8t
want+ her workmates+ whom she cannot stand+ because really she isn8t one of them any more+
whom she cannot stand at all for the very reason that her workmates believe her to be one of
them+ which she sto**ed being long ago+ thanks to heinE+ who8s something better+ sim*ly the
best+ in fact+ by chance therefore brigitte has recognised that in life a*art from work+ work+
changing for work+ making coffee+ work etcD+ there is also the one and only+ who has thoroughly
ruined and s*oiled all that for her+ by chance brigitte has recognised 5(?NLD heinE and
everything that follows from thatD
if one is sitting in brigitte8s com*letely ho*eless situation on the line+ one can only recogniEe
something better - heinE - by chanceD
if one is sitting in brigitte8s ho*eless situation on the line+ one can only get something better -
heinE - by a com*letely im*robable chance as wellD will chance be kind to brigitteC while brigitte
stretches her toes in her healthy health sandals+ to kee* even these healthy and fresh for heinE+
she looks down on her fellow seamstresses from a diEEy height+ in s*irit already se*arated from
them by an insu*erable distance: brigitte the businesswomanD
the others+ who only see sho*s from the inside and only when they buy baby food for their brood
or a salami sausage for their husbandsD brigitte who will own the sho* through heinE+ knows+ that
*ro*erty can weigh heavily+ but can also be a
*leasure+ at least brigitte will then know+ whom she
will be slaving for+ that is+ for herself and heinE and
not for an unknown anonymous unfriendly mass like
hereD
something of your own is something of your ownD
that8s how far+ insanely far+ brigitte8s thoughts can
sometimes wanderF
heinE thinks about everything *ossible+ least of all
however about brigitteD
heinE thinks about the same things as brigitte+ that
is+ about his own sho*D
heinE ho*es+ that what he does with brigitte will have
no conse&uencesD when heinE thinks about brigitte+
then not about her herself+ but about the *ossible
conse&uencesD heinE weighs u* bD against her
conse&uencesD
brigitte ho*es+ that what she does with heinE will
have conse&uences+ 9A7' have conse&uencesD
there must be a little childF a horrible+ white+ clinging
grub of an infantD for heinE it will be sim*ly and
succinctly: our childF it will embody the *ermanent
bond+ which bD is looking forD
heinE tries to *revent any *ermanent bond by every
means *ossibleD for heinE a baby would be a millstone
around his neck+ a hindrance+ a drag on his *romising
develo*ment towards: businessmanD
brigitte wants to get it inside her and+ then that it also
stays inside and doesn8t dribble out again unused+
*ointless and without a futureD brigitte wants heinE
to discharge and shoot the eGtract of the roast beef
and the bread dum*lings from today8s dinner into
herD by now this slimy muck must at last have been
s&uirted into her and be safe inside+ but no+ it takes
time to do a thing well and heinE needs time tooD
yes+ it takes less than a second+ who would have believed it+ and a new little *erson is madeD take
your time and don8t kill yourself+ or: take it easy+ if you stay calm+ you show your strength+ heinE
re*lies good-humouredly to brigitte8s urgingsD heinE remains calmly on to* of brigitte with all his
body weight *ressing down on her and takes a break for a bitD his load is heavy and he does not
make it any lighterD
brigitte feels heinE8s bloated stomach *ressing down on her+ there is nothing to suggest that there
is still life in this colossusD
heinE is not eGactly the lightest+ but he doesn8t consider thatD shall i kick him in the flanks like a
horse+ flashes briefly through brigitteD heinE of course would like to *rolong the few good
moments+ which one can have with brigitte+ as long as *ossibleD things just don8t ha**en that fast
and certainly not with heinED heinE is always ready with a *at re*lyD as life and movement slowly
return to heinE again+ brigitte thinks about her futureD the future is a distraction from the re*ellent
*resentDbrigitte wants heinE to do it faster+ because *erha*s the future can8t wait much longerD the
fore*lay should be over and done with+ so that the main *art+ the son and heir can beginD
heinE grunts and wallowsD
what he8s doing is not intended as fore*lay for brigitte+ rather heinE first has to get the hang of
things+ before he enters the final roundD any fore*lay that brigitte would enjoy has never occurred
to heinED
only now does heinE get started+ his engine is warm at lastD
now heinE+ who is a man of the moment+ wants to have some funD
heinE thrusts away like mad+ so that the guts in his abdomen begin to s*inD mat8s just his
characterD
brigitte would like her enjoyment later+ but an enjoyment that8s all the more *ermanent insteadD
love *asses+ but L?0( goes onD
only love lets us liveF
*aula+ as one can gather from these rash words+ sees a *ossibility of survival not only in the
betterment of dressmaking+ *aula now also sees in love a *ossibility of L?3?N4D it seems to her+
as if she must run a race over a long distance with the others+ on a stretch which is full of holes in
the ground+ and all together they fall into the holes and are gone+ like at billiards: her sister with
her children and her ruined fingers+ her brother+ who will soon have children too and already has
ruined fingers+ erich8s momma+ who has a lot of children+ it8s a miracle she has any fingers left+
all of them fall into the holes and disa**ear from the screen on which reality ha**ensD but she+
*aula+ dodges the holes brilliantlyF at the end of the distance comes the fall into erich8s arms and
the ringing of church bellsD end of dressmaking+ beginning of the most real life+ mere is none
more realD one does not need to think about dying for a long time+ because death won8t come for
a long time+ if life is real and *ro*erDonly
if one lives an unreal and im*ro*er life like momma or dada+ who are only born+ begin to slave
and then just die+ without having felt the reality of real life+ only if one leads this im*ro*er and
unreal life+ this life of work+ from which one gets nothing+ then one dies a real and lasting deathD
it ha**ens so fast sometimes+ that in the end one believes it was nothing at allD
suddenly *aula sees dressmaking as her natural enemyD luckily she hasn8t yet got involved with it
so seriously and ineGtricably+ that it would stick to herD luckily dressmaking is something one can
jettison at any timeD luckily dressmaking doesn8t cling or hang on to one without letting go+ as
unreasonable *eo*le sometimes do+ as *aula would now like to do with erichD luckily
dressmaking is not (3(2='5?N4+ but love and a little house of one8s own+ that one must buildD
*aula wants erich+ whom she8ll get+ whose child she8ll get+ whereu*on she8ll give away her job+ so
as to get more of erich8s children+ iDeD one more childD *aula won8t get something for nothingD
before *aula gets something for nothing+ she8ll lose everythingD
*aula will get a car then too+ in return for which erich will get her herself+ which isn8t much+ but
which erich must not know+ who must believe+ that it8s the most that he can getD
naturally one has to change him a little+ before ha**iness can come at last and make its entry:
erich must give u* his drinking com*letely+ because that8s the worst+ because it affects and
concerns the white varnished kitchen furniture and the new walnut bedroom suite *ersonallyD
alcohol and new furniture are
natural enemies by natureD also alcohol and neat skirts+ which must not be *uked over+ white
shoes which look like genuine leather+ but are not+ and nevertheless must not be *uked over+
children in bright coloured little dresses+ *ot *lants+ the television with the *lastic flowers in the
*lastic vase+ all that and alcohol+ curtains of trans*arent synthetic fibre and alcohol+ non-iron
teGtiles and alcohol+ these are sim*ly enemies in nature+ wherever they meetD enemiesD
all white and soft things go together in *aula8s head+ alcohol does not go with themD alcohol
disturbs and destroysD
now one mustn8t forget the *resent when thinking about the futureD but naturally one must not
Hserious mistakeFI com*letely lose sight of the future when thinking about the *resentD
*aula8s *resent is no longer dressmaking+ *aula8s *resent is her love of erich+ which will also
suffice for the whole of her futureD
since love is therefore real life+ *aula8s unreal life must be changed in such a way that it becomes
real and full of loveD this is how it8s done: you have often seen in the cinema+ erich+ haven8t you+
that between eGtraordinary *eo*le eGtraordinary things like for eGam*le an eGtraordinary love
can ariseD so we only have to be eGtraordinary and see what ha**ensD the *eo*le all around are
ordinary+ they do nothing but work and workD we who do nothing but work+ but also love one
another+ are eGtraordinaryD we no longer need to look for the eGtraordinary+ because we already
have it: our loveD sometimes it only ha**ens once in a lifetime+ if one doesn8t take it with both
hands+ then one will be very
unha**y+ if eDgD one lets the beloved woman or the beloved man go far away or astrayD love is
different from what one eG*eriences or has otherwise+ at work or at homeD
because otherwise we don8t have anythingD but love+ we have thatD so hold on tight to ha**inessF
at this moment as at so many others before erich is thinking about the distributor head and the
carburettor+ which he can8t tell a*art anyway+ after that erich thinks without a break+ although it8s
an effort+ about the eGterior of the whole thing: about the bodywork+ about steering and drivingD
*aula thinks for two however and right away thinks further ahead+ almost in instalmentsD no
longer about love and what ha**ens in the body andJor changes in it+ but about the new
a*artment+ the children and the snack with coffee and cream for the @'5(27+ whom one has to
75@; somethingD sometimes HrarelyI erich also thinks about the com-*licatedly written
magaEines about the last world warD one often does not know anything at all about many of the
events in them any moreD the breath of history touches erichD erich rarely thinks about womenD
erich never thinks about *aula+ unless he has to+ because she ha**ens to be thereD *aula thinks
about her cuddly soft sonD *aula thinks about a white hos*ital roomD *aula thinks about her old
family+ which in *aula8s new life at most fits into a hos*ital room+ as visitors and in their very
best 7unday clothesD the very best thing that *aula can think of+ is how her family will regret the
thrashings+ which they gave her in a worse lifeD when the *hotogra*hs have been taken+ the
family
will leave the hos*ital room again as one manD after that erich will *resent red roses+ which will
not be dreams and shadows+ but a dream that came trueD of course envy will also be there to give
congratulationsD
as we can see there eGists a great difference between *aula8s *resent and *aula8s future+ as well as
between erich8s *resent and erich8s future+ as well as between *aula8s *resent and erich8s *resent+
as well as between *aula8s future and erich8s future+ an even larger one eGists however between
*aula8s *resent and erich8s future+ and between erich8s *resent and *aula8s futureD
how can these *henomena of world im*ortance be made to match u*C
then begins the work+ which one *erson must *erform and which the other *erson then
a**ro*riatesD men begins the work+ which the other *erson must *erform+ and which the first
*erson then a**ro*riatesD that both work simultaneously and then e&ually *rofit by it is out of the
&uestion in this caseD too dissimilar are the stand*oints+ too une&ually distributed the advantages
and disadvantages+ too great is erich8s advantage because of his *hysical assets and his genderD
that is due to erich8s *hysical strength and a**earance+ which is admired above all by women+
who are the ones to be chosenD erich is something like *aula8s father or *aula8s brother or *aula8s
brother-in-law+ something that hands out beatings and gets drunk+ even if until now he had
hardly any o**ortunity to do so+ because until now he himself has only been beatenj but if he
now soon gets an o**ortunity+ with a woman that is+ which he does not know yetD
beating *eo*le is fun+ which erich does not know yetD
*aula on the other handD *aula on the other hand has to bear all the disadvantages of her
a**earance and her genderD *aula is not regarded as *retty+ as which a woman must be regarded+
but she is regarded as *ureD
cleanliness and *urity can enhance the value of a female *erson+ but don8t necessarilyD whereas
dressmaking is su*erfluous+ does not belong here+ did not have to *ut in an a**earance at all+ will
anyway soon vanish from the scene+ will no longer count+ whereas this dressmaking is
com*letely inessential+ com*ared to life and the love in it+ whereas this dressmaking is
com*letely *ointless+ cannot re*lace a man and not *re*are a woman for a man+ is no use to a
woman+ if she already has a man and doesn8t get her a man if she needs one+ whereas this
dressmaking doesn8t make one 5$--=+ which only a man can doD
*aula is not worth more because she is training as a dressmakerD but because she is always clean+
that can make her worth more+ almost *retty+ which one has to be+ in order to eG*erience loveD
*aula would have had fun doing dressmaking+ but reality after all is seriousD
erich8s manliness+ good looks and his wage as a woodcutter against *aula8s femininity+ ugliness+
but cleanlinessD and against *aula8s a**renticeshi* allowanceD erich8s love of fast engines of
every kind against *aula8s love of erichD erich8s love of the adventures of the second world war
against *aula8s love of erichD erich8s love of fast motor cycles and s*orts cars against *aula8s love
of erich and a house of their
ownD erich8s *reference for fast things against *aula8s *reference for love and for erichD they are
the same thing to *aulaD life and erichD
when they are out walking brigitte
lovingly-*ossessively takes hold of heinE8s handD at every moment+ which does not ha**en to
belong to work+ brigitte attem*ts lovingly-*ossessively to take hold of heinE8s hand+ sometimes
she has to walk alongside him for hours before she even gets a chance to offer her handD but then
firmly+ straight+ so that she doesn8t *lant a kiss on itD
taking his hand is im*ortant above all when other women are *resent and turn u* as danger made
flesh and boneD shyly then a little hand sli*s into heinE8s big one and talks about the weather+ the
world situation or about food or about natureD sometimes heinE *lainly acts as if he and brigitte
were not one *erson+ which they are howeverD do these women not see that in reality we are one+
have become one+ inse*arable+ asks brigitte in astonishment when other women look at heinE as
a se*arate body with a se*arate s*iritD when other women regard heinE as something+ that one
could still get+ when he8s no longer to be had+ because brigitte already has him+ then these other
women are in the wrong and on the wrong trackD to each his ownD
leisure time without heinE would not be leisureD work without heinE is full of dangers for heinE
and for brigitteD work without heinE is nothing but an obstacle on brigitte8s way to heinED
it is unbelievable+ how much one can hate someoneD brigitte only needs to look at heinE and
already she hates him againD
brigitte also hates heinE among other things+ because he always lets a *hysical feeling for brigitte
rise+ just when gitti would like to talk about her emotional *roblems+ which involve a little house
with a gardenD whenever brigitte wants to turn her innermost to the outside and s*ew out all the
cra* about ha**iness+ future+ baby care and washing machines+ then heinE acts as if he didn8t
have a brain+ but only a cockD surely heinE doesn8t just see a body when he looks at brigitte and
not all the variety behind itC brigitte has even already referred to wars and internal crises to
eG*lain+ that one human being must have another+ who in turn hel*s the other to get over theseD
my god+ how i hate you for that+ thinks bD heinE is ha**y at last to have found a *erson to rutD
hardly has heinE set eyes on the *erson brigitte+ than he8s unbuttoning himself and going into the
starting *ositionD while brigitte is still eG*laining to him+ that she loves him and at the same time
feels something like res*ect for his *rofessional success+ while brigitte is still letting her thoughts
wander from love and res*ect to wedding and house renovation+ before she even has time to
watch out+ she already has heinE the rutter clinging to her body like a leechD and heinE o*erates
his *um* handle diligentlyD brigitte8s mother gives the good advice that brigitte must not let go
againD as brigitte8s stomach turns and turns+ heinE does not let go again+ holds on tight+ breathes
rotten bad teeth breath u* gitti8s sensitive
nose and s*rays dro*s of s*ittle generously over eyelids screwed u* in disgustD
yes+ heinE has come+ with all the desires and demands that such a heinE brings with himD mummy has
gone to the cinema+ and in ste*s heinE+ and unleashes his cock on brigitteD brigitte wishes it would curl u*+
that would certainly cause heinE a lot of sorrowD meanwhile brigitte has a lot of sorrowD
it does not occur to brigitte to say leave me in *eaceD
brigitte knows+ there are so many woman who would like to turn a stranger8s+ her+ brigitte8s future into one
of their ownD
so brigitte *refers to turn herself into an eGtension of heinE8s limbs+ into a *art of heinE8s bodyD hardly has
heinE shot through the door+ than he8s already aiming at the settee+ even before he8s taken off his *ullover+
he8s already taking a blind lea*+ brigitte cushions the onslaught with her bodyD *erha*s one day heinE will
have so much momentum that he sim*ly tears through brigitte and through the wall on the other sideD
today heinE has only just enough momentum+ so that he skilfully *ositions it in brigitteD it is a master*iece
of *recisionD it is torture for brigitteD
brigitte doesn8t even dare to say+ if she8s hungry or thirstyD if heinE is hungry later+ then brigitte is too+ a
single body in every res*ectD heinE and brigitte are oneD
a ha**y situation for two young *eo*leD brigitte hates heinE ferventlyD
in one of the numerous *assionate situations which heinE brings about+ without considering how revolt-
ing this might be for brigitte+ brigitte could for eGam*le instead of holding out her snatch hold
out a sack+ which is full of long thorns+ and heinE ho*s in+ heave ho+ works his way in with tail
u*+ there8s no sto**ing himF straight into the thorns or nailsF that would certainly be no fun+ how
hel*lessly his legs would wriggle in the airF brigitte has to smile at the ideaD heinE does not know
why bD thinks it8s funny when he sinks down on her like an ecli*se or other natural catastro*heD
bD lets heinE go on believing in the natural force of natureD
bD groans dreadfully and heartbreakinglyD cause: his natural forceD
brigitte feels nothing but a strangely un*leasant scra*ing inside herD brigitte feels love inside herD
heinE groans too+ so that brigitte sees+ what an effort he is making for her and how strong he isD
heinE groans with strength+ but not with loveD heinE won8t stand for much nonsense when it
comes to love+ and when it comes to strength he8ll stand for none at allD
because if one wants to o*en a sho* of one8s own+ one has to rely com*letely on oneself+ at most
*erha*s someone else contributes Hstart-u*I money at the beginningD
brigitte won8t stand for any nonsense when it comes to loveDit is the most serious thing which
she+ entirely without start-u* money+ can do for her own sho*D brigitte and heinE groan in a two
*art harmony of loveD
brigitte has an un*leasant feeling in her body+ heinE a *leasant oneD
for brigitte her body counts as a means to a better
endD
lor heinE his body counts a lot+ more than anything+
that is+ a*art from his *rofessional advancementD and
good foodF
it8s fun for heinE+ but not for brigitteD
heinE has fun+ although he won8t stand for any
nonsenseD
brigitte gets nothing out of it a*art from a vague
ho*eD a*art from that brigitte has a vaginaD which
she makes use ofD brigitte8s vagina sna*s greedily at
the young entre*reneurD
a *hysical union is in *rogress between brigitte and
heinED brigitte says+ it8s so good with you+ that one
would like to dieD heinE is very *roud of this sentence+
he re*eats it again and again to his friendsD
it8s so good with you+ heinE+ that one would like to
dieD at any rate i would not like to die at work+ heinE+
if it has to be+ then let it be before that at leastD
*aula8s *references
*aula8s *reference for life and for erichD they are the same thing for *aulaD so let8s get on with
both of themF
however when erich at last leaves the clean kitchen of *aula8s *arents+ engines in his heart+
guglho*f cake and schna**s in his stomach+ not a thing in his head+ because he has said
everything he was su**osed to say+ he has no memory at all of a living *erson+ of *aula+ only a
haEy memory of a woman+ who did to him+ what women have always done to him+ that is+ gave
him something to eat+ gave him something to
eat+ gave him something to eat+ waited on him back and front like a statue of a saint+ one sets
down flower *ots forD hence no memory of any *erson at all+ only a memory of the results of this
*erson+ that is *leasant warmth in the stomach from schna**s and a sweet feeling of being full+
likewise in the stomach+ of cakeD and the coffee wasn8t bad either+ not instantD all of that is for
erich &uite se*arate from what he always does with the female summer visitors+ who for him are
already much more real living *ersons+ because they are constantly able to decide between many
different *ossibilities+ eDgD whether one drives to the waterfall or u* into the mountains+ or
whether one goes dancing or to *lay skittlesD so much free decision-making scares erichD
but these summer visitors are a &uite different kind of woman or they are women+ and momma
and *aula are *erha*s not women or the other way round+ so they are a &uite different kind of
woman+ who don8t constantly stick something in front of one+ who don8t look after one+ but who
themselves want something stuck into them+ but who nevertheless often have money+ but are not
women to be married+ as many from hearsay sayD
in contrast to: women for marrying who only want to have something stuck in when they8ve been
married+ but which nevertheless very few of them can *ersevere with long enough+ till success is
achievedD so: erich therefore thinks of two kinds of women+ when he thinks about women at all+
which he only does+ when he feels a need+ which one cannot satisfy by thinking anywayD erich
therefore thinks about women+ who are not women to him+ because like his seGless momma they
constantly shove food and drink
into him+ and about women+ who are not women to him+ because to him they are not allowed to
be women+ because they do it with anybody+ without being in love+ engaged or married to him
and would be &uite inca*able of kee*ing a whole house cleanD although very few women have a
whole houseD although it8s all the same to erich whether there8s a woman or not or noneD
erich doesn8t think about women anyway+ or if he does+ then only about women who aren8t
women at all+ that8s why for erich there are no women+ because the women he knows are in
reality not women at allD erich feels the results of women+ but not the women themselvesD that8s
why and for many other reasons as well erich thinks eGclusively about his machinesD that8s why
and for many other reasons as well *aula is at this moment thinking about erich and how she can
become his wife+ which will be difficult+ but yet must be *ossibleD
subse&uently dressmaking+ which was something better+ and has now suddenly+ without being
able to understand why+ become something dull and not so good+ groans loudly in *ain: *aula+ if
you don8t *ay more attention to me than you are *aying attention to me now+ then i can no longer
be the better life for you as originally was my intentionDthen suddenly+ without you even *ro*erly
noticing+ i will not be able to be a little *iece of your life any moreD but *aula doesn8t listen
*ro*erly to dressmaking+ which is something better+ any moreD because while *aula is carrying
out the dressmaking+ she is thinking about the best life+ which will certainly be mere much more
&uickly with erich than the better life with dressmaking+ which will only be there
in two years+ when she has finished her a**renticeshi*D but the best life can *erha*s already
begin tomorrowF
*aula+ be *re*ared at all timesD the best is still better than the betterD better+ that one sees one8s
ha**iness in another *erson than oneself+ as momma+ grandmomma+ her sister have already
looked for ha**iness in someone else and by no means found it+ better one sees one8s ha**iness
in someone else and finds it there too than that one makes one8s ha**iness oneself or one doesn8t
find one8s ha**iness+ and the days of one8s youth are overD
better+ ha**iness is made from a human being than from inhuman silk+ cotton or inhuman linenD
how does one become a woman for erich+ whom he can also recognise as womanC no more
seams+ no button holes+ no M jour stitches+ no herringbone stitches+ no cross stitches+ or only
half heartedlyD erich mows grass for fodderD erich mows grass for fodderD
today is already the hundred thousandth day on which erich mows grass for fodderD as well as the
work in the forest erich always has to mow grass for fodderD and carry out many other jobs+ like
mow grass for fodder+ muck out+ s*read muck on the meadow+ mow grass for fodder+ once again+
mow grass for fodder one last time and much more besidesD
*aula visits erich8s momma and the *ersons around her+ who are really *eo*le around erich+
everything revolves around erich+ the centre of attention+ who mows grass for fodder+ as if he did
that every dayD
good afternoon+ i8ve brought a cake with regards from my mommaD i ho*e you enjoy itD erich8s
momma is sur*rised+ because it is not usual+ if one has something+ that one voluntarily gives
away even one little *iece of it+ that has never ha**ened before+ because here everyone tries to
get+ but doesn8t want to give anything in return+ because here everyone tries as hard as *ossible to
get something for nothingD but because in general one knows that one sim*ly C$NN@' get
something for nothing+ not even serious illnesses+ so erich8s momma is sur*rised when suddenly
a cake sim*ly walks into the house for nothingD thank you very muchD kind regardsD but since as
has been said+ the chance of getting something for nothing+ is one in a million+ then erich8s
momma immediately thinks a bit moreD what is it that this girl can want in returnC what is there
of value that we own+ which she can imagine even for a second+ that we would give it away+ that
she could get itC it must be something+ that is at least a touch more valuable than the cake+ after
all one always wants to get back more than one has investedD she can8t seriously imagine that we
would give away any-thing+ even if it were the dirt under our nails+ for nothing+ because for a
*iece of cake she gets at most a *iece of fatty smoked meat+ the lean we eat ourselves+ and she
has never claimed that she would like to have a *iece of smoked meat or a cou*le of eggs or a jar
of stewed *lumsD surely she doesn8t want some of the home-made jamC for that she8ll have to
bring cakes u* till she8s black in the face+ when i think how much work that jam wasD she can eat
her own jamF *aula is taking her life in her handsDuntil now she8s
only rea*ing misunderstanding+ ingratitude and mistrust for itD
nevertheless *aula is very activeD she *icks the flowers for as long as they are blooming and
*erha*s even beforeD because then they o*en u* in the tumbler or in the *retty *orcelain vase in
one8s own little roomD and only oneself has the benefit of it or a welcome visitorD
but there comes the day+ on which it becomes clear that it cannot be the jamD because if it had
been the jam+ then *aula would already have said something about jam after the eighth *iece of
cakeD she can8t be as daft as to carry u* ten *ieces of cake for a jar of jam+ when she could get a
jar of jam for eight *ieces of cakeF
so what does *aula want+ what is it that she wants so much ofC
erich is yet again mowing grass for fodderD can i hel* you to carry the fodder+ asks *aulaD she
isn8t dressed for carrying fodder+ more for church+ which she never goes to however+ because her
*arents never go either+ because one doesn8t get anything for itD erich looks at *aula as one looks
at a harmless beetle+ which one doesn8t absolutely have to crush underfoot+ if one8s in a good
moodD erich doesn8t look at *aula angrilyD erich looks at *aula and again doesn8t look at herD
you8ll get grass marks on your dress+ he says+ because you look as if you wanted to go to churchD
you could go off to church right now+ the way you lookD no+ i8ll hel* you+ erich+ you always have
to work so hardF yes+ the work is certainly hard+ but it8s good to do it in the fresh o*en air+ i
would die in these factories in that stale shut in air+ in which even women are said to work+ who
are after all fairly weak+ erich *uts inD
you are right+ *aula re*lies to what erich has said+ there is a changed atmos*here between them+ an
atmos*here of harmonyD work in the o*en air is su**osed to be healthier than work in the factory+ i8ve
read that tooD
erich hasn8t read it+ because he only reads magaEines about the war+ but erich too has heard that work in
the fresh air is healthier and less restrictedD you8re right+ *aula throws in+ the fresh air and working in it
give one strength+ health and rosy cheeksD but you are strong+ erichD and healthyD this was the first real
conversation between erich and *aula+ a conversation in which one *erson says something and the other
re*lies+ with something whose meaning fitsD at this moment the thought shoots through erich+ *aula could
be a *erson just as he isD erich has fleetingly gras*ed the cruG of the *roblemD where his mother is
concerned+ erich overlooks the cruG of the *roblemD erich only feels the effect of his mother: making
food+ cleaning u*+ cursing+ threatening a beating+ cleaning u* and once more making foodD
*aula has given an answer to something erich has saidD
erich has directly eG*erienced the conse&uences of one of his actionsD
in return *aula can hel* carry the basketD mat is the moment+ at which erich and *aula do something
together for the first time+ that is carry a basket with grass for fodderD
if erich and *aula do something in future+ then they will lock themselves in to do it or go into the woodsD
no one must be allowed to observe them in future+ when they do something togetherD sometimes
*aula and erich also com*lement one another in future+ for eGam*le when erich batters and *aula
is battered+ or when erich is sick and *aula nurses him or when they both saw wood together+ or
when *aula cooks and erich eatsD often *o*ular o*inion tells merry jokes about *eo*le like *aulaD
ultimately these jokes say that however dumb women may be+ they8re still darlings none the lessD
but they8re still darlings none the lessD in other *laces the jokes also say+ that+ however brutal+ sly+
cunning and crafty men may be+ they8re still darlings none the lessD but they8re still darlings none
the lessD at this moment erich8s mother begins to think about the basket carryingD this time it
ha**ens &uickly+ although erich8s mother has an un*ractised brainD *aula wants neither butter nor
cheese+ nor milk nor wine nor jamD *aula wants that *erson who is substantially involved in the
*roduction of these *roducts+ with his money and his labour *ower: that is erichD
but they8re still darlings none the lessD N@F thinks erich8s mommaD
one day brigitte and heinE were
at it again+ and heinE unEi**ed the Ei* fastener on her back+ suddenly all of brigitte8s back was
revealed in the daylightD it8s not that beautiful that it can be eG*osed to bright light+ says heinED
nevertheless+ moved by so much unnecessary enthusiasm+ he takes brigitte in his car out to his
*arents8 little summer houseD
if one has a little summer house+ that8s already something+ but it8s *ossible to go higher to a
detached or semi-detached houseD the summer house+ as small as it is+ is su**osed to be an
incentive to heinE+ that it8s *ossible to go even higherD don8t *ro*ose and let god dis*ose+ rather
let others *ro*ose+ but dis*ose oneselfD
daddy and mummy know what8s good for heinED that8s why they8re *leased to see susi the
grammar school girl enter their common lifeD susi therefore enters fully into their life and thereby
simultaneously threatens the life that is not yet emergent+ but should be emergent in brigitteD susi
is refined+ not brigitteD
one cannot com*are the two of themD that8s im*ossibleD
one can like one or the other+ heinE must make the decisionD
does he *refer this or thatD
if he decides for susi and refinement+ his *arents will give him some nice initial ca*ital for the
marriage+ that is their entire savings from their entire life togetherD it8s not much+ but it8s niceD
brigitte goes to the factory to her *iece rate targetD susi goes to the girls8 grammar school to her
cookery classesD susi is already a *ro*er little woman with all the little faults and weaknesses+
which a woman has+ and which her own mother has taught her with a *ainstaking attention to
detail+ that is many weaknessesD hardly has one bum*ed into susi+ man she8s already talking
about reci*esD she
moves in a world in which conversations about reci*es are the order of the dayD today for
eGam*le she is saying+ that while the last almond biscuits looked attractive+ they tasted awfulD
des*ite that her daddy ate some+ so as not to hurt his little daughter+ because after all her cooking
is her *ride and joyD she had made such an effort and even s*read egg white on them+ so that they
shine nicely+ and now they look nice+ but taste bad+ yuckD her big brother hans com*lains too in
his grammar school way+ in which the word shit often occurs+ which brigitte also feels burning in
her mouth all this timeD let it out brigitte+ let the shit out+ otherwise you8ll choke on itF
daddy said: kee* on *ractising your cooking+ sus-anne+ yesterday+ the noodles+ they may have
looked horrible+ but to make u* for it they were so tasty+ well+ they were as tasty as if they8d been
made by a real little housewifeD and then my daddy said+ chatters susi to heinE+ who is lying in
the deck chair+ then daddy said+ since you are already a *ro*er little woman+ susi+ one has to deal
leniently with these almond biscuits+ but since you are still a little girl+ that is daddy8s little girl+
you must be *unishedD no going out tonightD and we8ll *ractise cooking together+ then you8ll be
another ste* closer to a housewifeD the endD
heinE8s *arents don8t sto* beaming+ at last a gleam on the horiEonD susi8s family is absolutely
*regnant with future+ with one son at boys8 grammar school and one even at universityF ho*efully
our heinE is e&ui**ed for thatD still+ we8ve given him good toolsD
a solid a**renticeshi* and thoughts of a business of
his ownD
the two of them got to know each other at the o*en
air swimming *ool+ a *oint of contact of many
interests+ a *oint of intersection of all classes+
o*inions and trendsD
susi is a *erson who has interestsD susi is interested
in *a*erbacks and cinemaD susi is interested in *eo*le
who are interested in the same or similar *a*erbacks
and filmsD so then one can choose and decide
between various *a*erbacks and filmsD susi is
interested in whatever is the same+ for what she
already isD it is virtually the job of a lifetime to decide
between two different films+ both of which one would
like to seeD one immediately has the feeling+ that the
universe revolves around oneD
susi is also very interested in cookingD there is nothing
to be said about that+ because it8s right and *ro*erD
for the whole of mankind+ which susi sometimes also
touches on in conversationD
susi can touch on tilings+ because she has a broad
view of thingsD if one asks susi light or dark+ then she
re*lies: middleD
and laughs sweetlyD
susi is something middling+ which is safest+ because
it8s not u* and not downD in the middle one neither
has to take too much *ressure nor *erform too much
groundbreaking workD
in the girls8 grammar school+ that8s the right *lace to
beD
beside the right man+ that8s the right *lace to beD the
right man is like or a little or if *ossible much better
than oneselfD with a man one8s in the wrong *lace+ if
he is below one8s own levelD susi8s level is high+ so susi thinksD
susi immediately in no time at all siEed u* everything in sightD susi learned that from her mother+
who all day long does nothing but assess+ measure+ weigh u* and countD result: lowerD a hard but
final wordD nevertheless it8s interesting for a girl like susanne+ who8s eager to learn+ to look down
on so many different *eo*le+ who are fundamentally almost identical with one another+ are the
same+ that is on a level far below susi+ in a single hea*D
while susi measures and weighs u*+ she stretches femininely in the deck chairD susi is not a little
girl any more+ but already a *ro*er woman+ which one clearly notices when she stretchesD susi
feels tolerant of brigitteD out of tolerance susi would like to initiate brigitte into her cooking
skills+ for which she earns only ingratitude and misunderstandingD a little *ut out susi is silent
againD a shame on such a beautiful clear dayD
brigitte immediately feels sick+ if she even catches sight of susi8s lily-white beach robe and her
long blonde hairD that is an interesting reaction+ which is com*letely different from heinE8s
reactionD heinE has recognised susi8s &ualityD after all he8s going to be a good businessman one
dayD brigitte cannot recognise &uality+ that8s why one day she may go underD susi doesn8t feel
brigitte8s hate at all+ because her thoughts revolve around jam tarts and larded saddle of venisonD
all hatred is foreign to susiD susi is friendly and home-lovingD
all the assembled summer house owners and gardeners think that susi is a little bit interested in
them+
because she is so friendlyD but that8s not soD susi is not interested in themD
it8s sim*ly+ that heinE and his *arents are often coarse and im*olite+ which they should think
about+ because there is no need to be unfriendlyD so thinks sunny susiD
in brigitte8s circles one hates any com*etitionD in brigitte8s circles hate is writ largeD brigitte
cannot summon u* any love for her fellow women+ it has all been destroyedD
in susi8s circle love rules+ which should rule the whole world+ and before which hate should fall
silentD susi is very nice to bD+ because she is no more interested in brigitte than in a *iece of
rotting woodD brigitte hates susi as one can only hate something that wears a lily-white beach
robeD
brigitte has to show susi the garden and the fruit treesD susi cla*s her hands with *leasureD brigitte
trembles before each *lum tree+ for god8s sake+ she surely doesn8t want to take this from me+
which almost already belongs to me+ that is+ this tree+ this+ this and this away from meF i8ll kill
you+ if you take away my future fruit trees+ which are already almost mine+ if you take away my
future life+ which is called heinE+ if you take away my future house+ which is called brigitte-and-
heinE+ if you take all that away from me+ then i8ll kill you+ you can be sure of thatD susi walks
ha**ily through the grass with a s*ring in her ste*D carelessly she treads down michaelmas
daisies+ dahlias and lesser garden flowers+ sna*D brigitte throws herself on the ground and
carefully straightens michaelmas daisies+ dahlias and lesser garden flowers again+ ho*efully
nothing is irre*arably
bentD ho*efully+ susi will be kicked out now that she8s done thatD
brigitte *rotects her *ro*erty+ that one day will be hers+ with her whole bodyD if one has never
had one8s own *ro*erty+ then one fights for a *resum*tive *ro*erty as if for one8s own lifeD she
throws herself across the currant bushes+ to *rotect them from susi8s hand+ which im*udently was
about to *ick a berryD in doing so bD crushes several *ounds of the red berries with her clumsy
bodyD that will cost her her headF susi is astonishedD she says+ i can buy the berries anywhere+ if i
want toD brigitte says+ yes+ but these berries here+ these are mineD 9?N(D mineD what8s mine is
mineD
and heinE is mineD mineD mineD and one day i shall have a house+ that is much more beautiful than
this sim*le summer house+ which we will leave to my *arents-in-law+ while we+ heinE+ who is
mine+ and i+ who am also mine+ will move into a bigger+ more beautiful house+ the ground floor
of which will accommodate our own sho*D an electrician8sD thus far brigitteD
you8ve got yourself com*letely dirty+ says susi in a friendly way+ she is &uite indifferent to
brigitteD as far as susi is concerned it doesn8t matter if bD eGists or notD brigitte8s eGistence does not
affect susi8s life in any wayD susi is very nice to brigitte+ because it doesn8t cost anything+ and
brigitte can8t take anything from her+ not even her cooking skillsD brigitte however hates
everything about susiD susi8s eGistence is a constant threatD if heinE is once shown something
better+ he may *ossibly then also want to own itD N@F susi wants to '$K( something from herD
what bD would most like to do is throw herself in
front of heinED the garden+ the house as she did
in front of the currant bushes+ *rotect them from
susi8s im*udent fingers with her own bodyD
susi *oints at the beauty of a sunflowerD how *retty+
says susiD *retty as a cakeD
bD is deaf to the beauties of landsca*eD bD is not
ca*able of taking in beauty+ bD is com*letely twisted+
knotted+ like a ro*eD bD is a solid *ile of hateD for bD
there is nothing beautiful+ only something+ that one
wants to get and must getD
in free verse susi lists various beauties of the *lant
world and some mat taste goodD
susi has a well-develo*ed sense of beauty+ her daddy
says that tooD brigitte only wants to have somethingD
susi only wants to lose nothingD bD wants to own+
own+ own+ otherwise everything is over and finishedD
bD fightsD susi is too feminine to fightD susi is all
womanD
susi getsD
brigitte is nothing at allD
continued: *aula8s feelings
so there is something inside me+ which is called love+ *aula feels for the tenth timeD there is
furthermore something inside me+ that wishes to have childrenD one must not fight itD at earliest at
that moment+ in which i shall become a mother+ dressmaking will lose its last chanceD with
dressmaking+ everything is &uite dead+ with a little child+ everything is very much aliveD it is love
*ersonifiedD what is dead dressmaking against a living childD
ho*efully it won8t be a stillbirthF living things come first+ then lifeless toolsD and so that one is not
alone in old ageD erich thinks about things with engines+ which are also very much aliveD a racing
car for eGam*le has the strength of several tigersD it is an elegant unity of form and movementD in
his clearest moments erich thinks about a life with clean hands+ white shirts+ tight jeans and light
workD or no workD
erich doesn8t for a single second think about *aulaD he takes *aula just as much for granted as the
air he breathesD *aula does not want to be taken for granted+ but to be something s*ecialD that8s
why *aula crosses the street in a *inafore dress she has sewn herselfD *aula grinds her teeth with
cleanlinessD her hair+ her dress+ her sho**ing bag+ her thin legs+ all shine as if com*eting with one
another in cleanliness+ like a white whirlwindD but that8s just about all that8s s*ecial about *aulaD
lifeless women like s&uashed may-flies sit on every threshold+ sit there as if stuck on with li&uid
as*halt and ceaselessly survey their own little housewife kingdoms+ in which they are &ueensD
sometimes a washing-u* li&uid makes them &ueen+ sometimes a shiny *ressure cookerD
the front gardens are neatly fenced in and se*arated from the outside worldD sunflowers and
shrubbery se*arate the inner world from the outer world+ which is hostileD
sometimes several families live together in small housesD *aula too will get one of these+ in
whose
kitchen *aula can then reign+ where everything will flash and s*arkle+ so that it makes everyone
who sees it gladD
*aula walks *ast and thinks u* degrees of cleanlinessD now and then one of the lifeless women
jum*s in front of *aula and *ulls one of her offs*ring+ a son or a daughter to her bosom+ as a
bulwark+ a figurehead against clean and single *aulaD over there one throws herself over her son+
whom *aula asked how he was getting on at schoolD she interru*ts the son and *roudly talks
about all the *roblems she has with him+ she is *roud of the *roblems with her wild son+ she is
ashamed of the *roblems she has with her daughterD she says+ that someone who has no children+
can have no idea+ what it8s like+ if one has someD
she also eG*lains+ that she is ha**y no longer to have to be a sales assistant+ because it is
unsatisfactory+ to work for strangersD she was led to the altar straight from the sho* counterD
now she has several dangerous looking sym*toms of illnessD
the doctor can find nothingD she has found ha**inessD
she is ha**y that everything she does for her husband+ is at the same time done for herselfD the
fresh socks+ clean shirts+ under*ants and shoes+ she does all of that for herself too and for the
childrenD it is not *ossible for her to do something for herself in the first instanceD
sometimes she goes to the hairdresserD it looks *rettierD
when *aula asks one of the women+ what she would like+ then she would like something for the
whole
family+ for eGam*le+ a car+ in which then the whole
family sits+ and in which the mother is forever waiting
to get a chance to smack the child8s fingers+ to be
able to justify her own *resenceD
a*art from that one can also decorate a car with little
flower vases and cushionsD it looks *rettierD
somewhere in some house a child whose knuckles
have been ra**ed is always bellowingD if one sto*s+
another one starts u* right awayD
smacking sounds emerge from the gleaming
windowsD
*aula says: don8t hit karli so hard+ he hasn8t done
anything+ leave him aloneD
*aula should kee* her mouth shut+ because she
hasn8t given birth to anything at all yetD
the grandmomma8s role is the soothing roleD
that8s why granny is liked so much by the childrenD
granny is always disliked by husband and wife+
because she interferesD
her own husband+ the grandad+ hates granny+ first of
all because he always already hated her when he was
younger+ which is an old much-loved habit+ which
one cannot give u* so easily+ and one kee*s u* this
hatred in old age+ because what does one have in old
age after all+ nothing eGce*t one8s good old tried and
tested hateD
and the hate grows ever bigger+ because the granny
has long ago lost her only ca*ital+ a beauty which
was *erha*s *resentD granny was devaluedD grandad+
the worn out old duffer+ long ago lost the other
younger women to other worn out but younger men+
who are still able to earn a livingD
the younger women won8t risk their secure eGistence
at the side of these younger men for an old bugger
like himD
so grandad too dies away+ more slowly and more
drawn-out than his almost-dead wife+ but anyhow:
dying is dying+ lost is lost and goneD and one8s own
wife will always remind one of the decline from young
lad to dirty old manD
grandad is used u*+ granny is being worn outD there
is no user in sight+ and yet one is being used u*D
but granny knows very well that from a certain age
the husband will be left to her for ever and ever+
until the final fatal illness and the subse&uent
deceaseD he can no longer esca*e from her+ from the
cooker+ from the sideboard+ from the table+ from
the sink+ from the feeding troughD
where else can the old crook goC
the old crook is de*endent on her shitty grubD
and so a long string of shitty *ants and sweaty socks
continues to *ass through granny8s handsD
in her old age granny takes her revenge with little
thingsD she has many o**ortunities for constructive
revengeD
and so a string of hurts+ which one can cause granny+
continue to *ass through grandad8s hands+ a string of
dreadful daysD grandad takes every single day+ which
granny still has to suffer+ in his own handsD in *ersonD
no one else is allowed to interfereD
but since childhood grandad has been used to having
his granny *rovide all the basic necessities+ or his
momma or his grannyD he cannot even boil an egg
himselfD
he is de*endent as a child+ when it comes to the
*leasant little tilings like household chores+ one can
easily turn him livid with rage with little things+ with
tiny discomforts+ with acts of sabotageD
the old married cou*le are locked together like two
insects+ like two animals+ who are eating one another
u*+ one already half inside the body of the otherD
flesh is nutritious and very *atientD
in the distance a band of younger women *ass by
like a camel caravan+ their silhouettes standing
out shar*ly against the horiEonD they are bearing
full sho**ing bags and drag small children behind
themD
dadda observes them lustfully through his binocularsD
a few remnants of manliness stir in his trousersD
momma screeches in the kitchen+ and the remnants
must fall silent againD
the sun is going down at lastD
but *aula+ the stu*id cow+ has to love somebodyF
as if it were not hard enough+ even without it+ to
have a little detached house with its own gardenD but
with a little house it8s much easier after all+ thinks
*aulaD
*aula8s body will do its utmostD
the sun has gone down at lastD
des*ite that+ the night too will bring yet more terrible
things for man and wifeD
but *aula+ the stu*id cow+ has to love somebodyD
brigitte hates heinE
although brigitte hates heinE+ she still wants to get him+ so that he belongs to her com*letely and
to no one elseD if bD already hates heinE now+ before she has even got
him+ how much more will she hate him+ once+ which is still very doubtful+ she will have got him for ever
and ever+ and no longer has to make an effort to get himD
in the meantime however brigitte must carefully conceal her hate+ because she is still nobody+ that is a
seamstress of brassieres+ and would like to become somebody+ that is heinE8s wifeD many other
seamstresses come from yugoslavia+ hun-gary+ CEechoslovakia or other countries of the eastern blocD
or they get married and leave or they go to rack and ruinD
one out of very many is basically no one at allD bD thinks+ that+ as one of very many brassiere seamstresses+
of whom many even sew the same seam as her+ she is nobody at allD bD thinks that+ as one of very many
wives+ she would be somebodyD brigitte thinks+ because heinE is somebody+ mat is somebody+ who one
day will be somebody+ who has his own business+ that she men automatically will be somebody tooD
if no glitter comes from the brassieres+ then all the glitter in life must come from heinED because the
glitter+ which one reads about or which one sees on tv+ comes from some &uite different *erson and
returns to some &uite other *erson+ because the glitter from the magaEines and films deals with *eo*le
who are com*lete strangers+ who often don8t even wear brassieres+ never mind make brassieres+ so
because mere is no glitter from the start+ bD industriously makes glitterD for hours on endD and always
around heinED she ho*es+ that something of this glitter will be reflected back at herD but who-
ever has glitter+ kee*s it for himself+ brigitte8s mother had to learn thatD her glitter came from a
sales re*D when did it fadeC many years agoD with his com*any carD
brigitte8s mother says+ brigitte should kee* heinE on a loose rein+ but not let go+ not yet lock him
u*+ only lock him u* later+ but nevertheless kee* a firm hold on him+ bind him to her+ with a
thousand little things+ for eGam*le with a litde babyD but also with s*ecial manual talents and
skills: eDgD doing the laundryD evidently brigitte8s mother has still not had enoughD evidently there
is still a little free s*ace in brigitte8s mother8s big mouthD it is a merciless huntD
neither hunted heinE+ nor the *oor weary hunter brigitte+ are granted a rest during its courseD
sometimes the hunter can be in a worse situation than the gameD
in brigitte8s case she8s in worse state than he isD susi is a glittering *ersonD bathed in sunlight susi
lea*s *layfully at a lemon-coloured butterfly+ a brimstoneD her blonde hair is just like blonde
hairD for some the sunlight is enough to give a shine+ others again need a whole electrician8s sho*D
bD should not be so immodest and be satisfied with the sun+ like susiD
susi is bathed in the sun in the gardenD the garden does not belong to her+ but to heinE+ therefore
to brigitteD bD chases after susi and throws her to the ground+ out of range of any *ossible glitterD
most of all she8d like to bury susi in the ground+ in the dam* loamD
*anting brigitte lies s*readeagled on to* of susi and eG*lains+ why one can do what one likes
with one8s
own *ro*erty+ but can only do with others8 *ro*erty+ what the owner of the other *ro*erty+ in this
case brigitte+ *ermitsD an eGam*le: in the factory+ says bD+ i have to do what i8m toldDbut in my
metal locker+ i can do what ? like+ because it8s 9?N(+ it can be tidy or untidy+ whatever i likeD
tidy of courseD in the canteen i have to be friendly+ because the canteen is shared by everyone+
but at my *lace at table+ i can do what i likeD it is 9?N( aloneD yes+ it8s the little things that countD
and she dunks susi8s head in a *uddle+ until heinE comes+ and *ulls susi out of her hands againD
and+ if the owner of our factory came to my home+ bD continues+ then there even he would have to
do what i want+ because my home is my castleD as small as it is+ there nevertheless i can give the
ordersD your factory owner will never come to your house+ because you are so unfriendly+ susi
mumbles to herselfD
neverC *erha*s he will come one day after allD and no one could sto* him+ not even you+ who
want to *revent so many thingsD you couldn8t intimidate my factory ownerD
*erha*s one day he8ll come and visit me as well as my motherF
he8ll never come+ retorts susi: because you are unim*ortantD because you are the lowest and most
unim*ortant thing there isD
but ?0 he did come+ in our a*artment he would 5$3(to do what we say+ that8s even the legal
law+ sobs brigitteD she knows betterD five minutes later the two fighting cocks are sitting having a
snackD
brigitte had said interesting things+ much of it s*eculation+ just as it is in the world of businessD
*erha*s brigitte will be able to make use of the results of this conversation+ one day when she has
her own sho* and heinED
so now love is there
so now love has already come G-times+ but a better life has still not begun for *aulaD it8s time that
life and develo*ment at last entered this muddled situationD *aula cannot enjoy her great love
*ro*erly at all+ because she has to get u* at five and make breakfast for her daddaD *aula knows+
that a great love needs time+ in order to grow+ so that it grows even biggerD *aula has no timeD
at the same time *aula8s momma climbs u* the mountain *asture with the rake+ in order to
cultivate her little kingdomD momma continuously surveys her kingdom+ from one housewife8s
border to the neGtD momma8s head jerks from side to side+ searching for illegal border crossingsD
momma continuously looks from one end of her kingdom to the other+ back and forward+ she8s
ha**y+ that she has a housewife8s kingdomD others *erha*s have more+ others *erha*s are
car*enters+ electricians+ *lumbers+ bricklayers+ watchmakers+ butchersF or *ork butchersF but at
least everyone in the family is healthyD when momma has a bad day+ then she thinks+ that the
*ork butcher8s wife for eGam*le has a housewife8s kingdom of her own+ but also a smokeroom of
her ownD then momma gives her little grandson franEi a
shove with the shar* toothed rakeD franEi8s bawling and bellowing com*ensates momma for the
*ork butcher8s wife having two kingdoms+ a housewife8s kingdom and a *ork butcher8s wife8s
kingdomD franEi8s cries guide momma back to the heart of the matter+ that is+ to the fact that she
herself has everything a woman can wish forD and everyone is healthyD the *ork butcher8s wife is
forgottenD franEi is comforted at lengthD what more can a momma wish forC nothingD
*aula8s momma can wish for nothing more+ because she has already consumed her fate+ without
anything coming of itD
so since *aula8s momma can wish for nothing more+ because it8s too late+ she is *erfectly ha**yD
*erfecdy ha**y momma goes out into the fieldsD she eavesdro*s on herself+ in case somewhere
dee* inside a melody rings out or a blackbird sings+ but all that she hears+ is only the cancer+
which saws and eats away at herD momma doesn8t even have alcohol as an antidote to cancerD
the cancer too has seen *rettier sights than this ruined womb+ in which in the course of the long
years of marriage a thing or two has ha**enedD we don8t even want to mention the abortion
sessions in boiling hot waterD
what the doctor was never allowed to see+ that is now left to this dangerous fatal illnessD it almost
looks+ as if one had virtually s*ent one8s whole life saving u* the last tiny energies+ in order then
to be killed+ to be ravaged slowly and *ainfullyD for whom then in the end did dadda ravage this
wombC for the illnessD the illness harvests+ what can still be harvestedD there8s not much leftD
momma it is true has already read a lot about this *ernicious illness in the weekend *a*ers+
nevertheless fear strikes her now with full forceD although she has read+ that fear only makes
everything worse and one should kee* one8s balance+ she is terribly afraid and loses her balance
com*letelyD one day *aula said+ that she would go to the gynaecologist+ to get the *ill *rescribed+
when the time came+ so that one doesn8t have so many childrenD you cow+ says her little mother
then+ letting a strange man *rod about inside you+ disgustingD *aula won8t do that as long as she8s
living in her housewife8s kingdomD
*aula is reassured+ because she is not going to live in her momma8s kingdom much longer+ but
soon in her own kingdomD
but erich is not yet making any move to do anything at allD
dressmaking is now making *aula really nervous and restlessD the journeys to the county town to
her em*loyer and teacher are only distractions from erichD *aula can hardly wait to come home
againD a *ity that we won8t get any data from the *aula eG*erimentD *aula would like to withdraw
into *rivate lifeD goodbye+ *aula+ on a more *rivate+ cosier levelF
hardly is *aula back from her dressmaking a**renticeshi*+ than she throws on her best red dress
and marches u* the mountain+ to erichD at the to* *aula is then interce*ted like a boomerang+
before she has even *ro*erly recovered from the momentum+ turned round+ a kick in the arse+
and the girl rushes homeD *aula runs u* the mountain+ is turned round on her
aGis+ and races down again+ like a fire alarmD in vain as it wereD
u* there erich8s momma and erich8s grandmomma give the ordersD it8s the only man in the house
who really gives the orders+ erich8s ste*dada+ who is a retired civil servant+ which not many can
say of themselves+ when the day of reckoning finally comesD asthma+ the ste*dada+ so-called
because he is an asthmatic+ makes the two decre*it females obey+ its a joy to seeD
for asthma it8s a joyD for the two women it8s less of a joy+ but a joy neverthelessD he does it in a
subtle way+ the civil servant8s wayD he does it without saying a word+ by his *ersonality aloneD
asthma+ the sick *ensioner+ sits like a toad on its s*ot and is *rovided with food+ drink and the tv
*rogrammesD
rattling nastily inside+ asthma hovers over everything like a bad dreamD
asthma has everything com*letely under control+ just as once he had a small but very im*ortant
*art of the federal railways under his controlD asthma often talks about those daysD then an
atmos*here of breath-less eGcitement *revailsD
while asthma+ interru*ted by the rattle in his throat+ *rovides entertainment with his unbelievable
but true anecdotes from a railwayman8s life+ momma scrubs and cleans into him and out of him
again+ over his head and under his feet+ it8s a *leasure to seeD
momma has felt no trace of *leasure for yearsD the *leasure+ which momma sometimes felt long
ago+ she had to *ay for dearly+ with a whole swarm of childrenD
because *leasure was followed by a more durable joy+ a joy+ that was not so eGciting+ but all the
more lasting: the joy of having childrenD asthma lets himself be tended with *leasure like a
leghorn henD
asthma would like momma to erase every memory of earlier joys in herselfD best of all he would
like to see her scratch the dirt from the floor with her fingernailsD unfortunately only momma8s
death will be able to erase all the unclean things she once didD
asthma kee*s his wife+ who in the *ast very often stumbled+ under strict su*ervisionD asthma and
his wife are certainly on the right *ath+ they are almost in the graveD only a litde while longerD in
the *eaceful mountain atmos*here asthma watches his wife as she worksD momma8s bad hi*
cracks in *rotest at this rough treatmentD it does her no goodD someone has to do it after all+ and
this someone is mommaD gratitude hel*s her as she does itD gratitude wrings out a wet rag for herD
the rheumatic fever is glad of thatD momma is like an em*ty bean *od or like an em*ty sho**ing
net+ which everything fell out of long agoD like a net which is torn as wellD *aula meanwhile runs
u* the hillD when the *ostbus sounds its horn+ it8s also a sign for erich8s momma+ that *aula is
back from workD momma8s already waiting u* at the to* of the hill+ aha+ now *aula is *utting on
fresh underwear+ now she8s combing her few mousey hairs+ now she8s *icking u* the li*stick and
now the *lastic shoes+ which were chea*+ but are elegantD now the litde bag as well+ in matching
whiteD now: ready+ marchF
to erichD
now momma gets going too+ easy does itD don8t rush+
is the watchword todayD
there *aula is already emerging behind the bend+
surging against the stubborn and sour old womanD if
it8s about the man+ it8s all right+ if it8s about work+
suddenly it8s not all right+ thinks momma sour and
eaten u* with hateD
*aula runs against erich8s momma+ as a bird flies
against a window *ane+ against a concrete wall+ the
effect is the same: no furtherD
ready+ marchD downhill+ in the o**osite direction+
and *ut a bit of swing into it *leaseD
momma says+ that *aula has no business hereD and
that although *aula has left her heart hereF
momma wants erich to go on attending to the single
cow+ which *rovides milk for dada8s coffee+ and that
in addition he feeds the *igD momma has tb of the
bones+ which is a hard fate+ which erich must make
easier for herD after the life she led momma had
deserved something worse than tb+ but got a civil
servantD *aula deserves something much much
worse+ and she8ll get it tooD
erich is needed for the rough work and for the light+
to the eGtent that his brain is u* to itD
good evening+ i8m coming to see erich+ *aula just
manages to chirru*+ but no more than thatD she
should be ashamed of herself+ running after erichD
erich is the *roductive *ro*erty of all of themD
like a wind u* toy animal *aula whiEEes down the
hill again+ each ste* takes her further from her goal+
erichD
when she ha**ens not to be working+ momma con-
stantly sits at her lookout window looking down to the *ass and sniffing the airD
when she8s not working+ *aula constantly sits down at the bottom of the *ath looking u* to the
*ass and sniffing the airD
and grandmomma sits at the lookout in her room+ grandmomma is so old+ that she is merely
tolerated and would be &uite lost without her daughter and the daughter maintaining son-in-law
asthmaD grand-momma8s eGistence hangs by a silken thread+ because one mouth more is one
mouth too many+ if asthma eats almost everything by himselfD grandmomma and momma kee*
watch in shifts+ so that no one takes their erich away from themD no one will take asthma away
anyhow+ he8ll be left to themD so now not only do they all hate each other+ now in fine unanimity
they all hate *aula as well+ who only has love as well as herself to give awayD which is too littleD
*aula would certainly eG*loit erich8s labour *ower for her own dirty goals+ for a little house+ for a
little child+ a cou*le of little children and a carD the benefit+ which *aula would have from erich+
cannot at all be outweighed by erich8s thrashings of *aulaD blows never outweigh moneyD money
is heavier than blowsD
*aula however has only herself and her love to give awayD which is too littleD
the differences between susi and brigitte what susi and brigitte *ossibly have in common
there is an immovable demarcation line between susi and brigitte: the full coffee *otD it is a shar*
*ainful division+ which *uts each in her *lace+ which se*arates the two incom*atible charactersD
when however one of them lifts the *ot and *ours out coffee+ then suddenly susi and brigitte are
together and not se*arateD
a dividing *oint for eGam*le is that susi would like to achieve good for all mankind+ for
everyone+ big or small+ but es*ecially for the starving little babies in the whole world+ because
she is a woman and will soon be a motherD starving babies are a dreadful thought to susi+ the
woman in her is outraged at it+ the future mother in her rebels against itD for this reason and for
this *ur*ose she is even a little involved in a *olitical school students8 grou* and very much
involved in a folk dance grou*D the *olitical school students8 grou* she skilfully hides from her
dear *arents+ the folk dance grou* she bears before her like a cock *igeon his henD brigitte wants
heinED for susi debating and discussing come firstD many words and the objects which go with
them occur to her+ she lets them out again the moment they occurD
every time she o*ens her mouth susi brings u* a whole *ortion of starving *eo*le throughout the
worldD brigitte saves the whi**ed cream from susi8s dischargeD susi also likes to learn cooking+
which one learns in her girls8 grammar school+ so that one day+ when susi is married+ her s*ouse
and children at least
will not need to starve like many others+ whom susi could mentionD susi has very many different
eG*ressions for hunger and injusticeD for brigitte the only injustice is+ that heinE bothers with
susiD for susi it is an injustice+ that heinE is full u* and satisfied+ while many starveD she says
further+ that it is nice to dance folk dances in a folk dance grou*+ but that it is also nice+ *recisely
as a contrast to folk dancing+ if one is a thinking *erson+ who worries about the misery in the
worldD
brigitte knows only a single word: heinED it is true she knows the word for work+ but never says it
out loud+ because she doesn8t relate to itD she says very *roudly+ that she is never hungry and
never will be hungry unlike many others+ whom she couldn8t mention+ but who no doubt get what
they deserve+ because hunger is unnecessary+ if one works hard+ at which bD thinks of heinE and
his hard work+ but not of her own hard workD
bD boasts that she always has enough+ and that one day heinE will even have more than enough+
so much+ that there will even be more than enough for both of themD
sometimes brigitte has enough of everythingD sometimes she has it u* to hereD but when she
looks at heinE at such moments+ then suddenly she has far too little+ then heinE should go into
action+ start u* his engine+ and *ut in some workD some work+ of which everyone can see the
resultD heinE has a talent for technical things+ therefore the work he does must be in the area of
technologyD susi and brigitte are *roud of what technology creates every dayD brigitte is *rouder
than susi+ because heinE is one of those who have submitted to technology+
who know how to handle itD heinE and brigitte will
sell many electrical a**liances+ heinE will even be
able to re*air themD
susi is *rouder than brigitte+ because she will be able
to afford any number of these a**liancesD she will
then be able to tell heinE+ what he has to re*air+ if
any of them is brokenD
there is a big difference between brigitte8s craft *ride
and susi8s owner8s *rideD brigitte is not a skilled
worker+ heinE is the skilled workerD heinE is *roud
tooD
heinE is *roud+ because one day he can take on skilled
workers+ who will carry out the dirty re*air jobs for
himD heinE will then only su*ervise the businessD
meanwhile susi still feels sorry for *eo*le+ who are
worse off than she isD
meanwhile brigitte is still not sorry for anyone at all+
because she has to concentrate entirely on heinED
susi isn8t interested in heinED evidently susi already
has everythingD
susi also feels sorry for brigitteD
brigitte feels sorry for susi+ because susi is unable to
recognise heinE8s &ualitiesD
nevertheless+ although she doesn8t want to draw
susi8s attention to these &ualities+ although she
doesn8t want to make susi8s mouth water+ brigitte
talks about nothing else eGce*t heinE8s &ualitiesD
susi still feels sorry for brigitte+ who doesn8t seem to
understand+ that there are better &uality *roducts
than heinED
it8s noticeable+ that there is a natural boundary
between the two of them+ which is so firm+ that it
cannot be torn downD
brigitte is more susi8s enemy than susi is brigitte8s enemyD
heinE listens attentively to what susi is eG*lainingD he looks around and all around to find
somewhere the hunger of which there is su**osed to be so muchD then for a joke he says+ all this
talk about hunger and starvation has really given me an a**etite for a schnitEelD
grunting heinE strokes his *otbellyD susi and brigitte lea* u* as if bitten by two tarantulasD each
tries to overtake the other on the way to the kitchenD susi out of *ride+ brigitte out of fear of what
susi can doD
the two girls fall on to* of one another s&uealingD they beat each other black and blueD brigitte8s
skin is even graEedD heinE lies in the deck chair and enjoys the silence and nature and the smells
from the kitchenD now he really has an a**etite for a nice wiener schnitEel with cucumber saladD
good-humouredly he listens to brigitte8s cursing and bawlingD she would like to *ull susi away
from the kitchen stove by the hairD she doesn8t succeed however+ because susi has trained for
athletics and also *lays tennis and basketballD brigitte gets ra**ed across the knucklesD brigitte
howlsD she cries like a jackal+ all her enjoyment of a nice day dissolves in the siEEling fatD
meanwhile susi gets to workD susi is as calm and ice cold and deliberate as death itself+ while she
beats the eggsD mother too eavesdro*s on the goings-on in the kitchen with miGed feelingsD daddy
says+ why do these girls always have to cackle like hensD one half of her says+ that now she8ll lose
her heinE to susiD she raised him+ now susi will get him+ who will be good for him
however and take care of his stomach+ no *roblemD mother8s other half says+ now brigitte will not
get a look-inD
&uite a*art from the old *eo*le8s home heinE8s momma will not be right about thatD heinE thinks+
that susi will soon no longer give a shit about world hunger+ when she has to devote herself
entirely to his hungerD susi8s day will then be filled u* more com*letelyD
susi will get his cock firmly inserted in her snatch and family life firmly inserted in her headD
heinE holds the reins firmly in his handD so+ the schnitEels are cooked throughD susi has done
themD for that susi is allowed to carry everything inD brigitte tries to knock it out of her hand+ but
heinE8s mother is faster and ra*s her knuckles so hard that it echoesD i want to have *eace and
&uiet when i8m eating+ says heinE com*lacently to the bawling brigitteD be &uiet+ otherwise you8ll
get one from me tooD better safe than sorryD
better safe than sorryD brigitte falls silent immediately+ she thinks about her two-fold ha**iness+
about the house and about the sho* for electrical a**liancesD brigitte is silent+ so as not to *ut her
future at riskD
susi is &uite swollen u* with *rideD she has very clean and *ure thoughtsD
heinE the fat *ig has very unclean thoughts+ which are now however *ushed into the background
by foodD although susi always skilfully conceals the fact that she has something between her legs+
there must be something there+ but whatD after the cake and the
coffee+ when heinE is full u*+ he8ll think about susi8s *ussyD
now heinE is not thinking about anything at all+ his jaws grind slowly but surelyD
brigitte is so eaten u* with hate+ that she cannot eat anything herselfD she tries to dis*arage susi8s
schnitEelD heinE *raises it insteadD he right away consumes brigitte8s *ortion tooD that8s how good
it tastedD heinE considers himself to be the germ of the *rimordial cell+ so his dear *arents have
taught himD heinE believes+ that he and a thoroughbred woman like susi would make the ideal
unionD susi it is true believes+ that she is a thoroughbred woman+ but not that there could be any
kind of union with heinED susi wants a thoroughbred for a husband+ which heinE is notD to susi
heinE is a greedy *roleD to susi+ susi is an eGcellent cook+ to her father alsoD susi tries+ to further
eG*lain the misery all around+ and to arouse heinE8s family against this miseryD heinE8s father says
in a very friendly way+ she should shut her tra*+ because his son heinE doesn8t like to hear
anything sad while he is eating+ only something cheerfulD and now his son ha**ens to be at his
food again+ can susi not see thatD
shocked+ susi falls silent+ she is ashamed for the indifferent *ublic which is here *ersonified in
heinE8s fatherD susi is &uiet and begins to dream: another two hours gone+ and still no senior
consultant in sightD heinE goes on dreaming about little things: little susi in a little skirt in his
kitchenD
you8ll soon forget all that when you8re married+ jokes heinE+ the eG*ert+ the s*ecialist+ wise to the
ways of the world+ who knows it all from his *arentsD heinE+ who always talks in generalities+ as
if he knew it all+
had learned it+ or had the eG*erienceD and yet he has only learned it from his *arents and his
workmatesD his *arents don8t know anything themselves+ otherwise his daddy wouldn8t be a van
driverD otherwise+ however+ his mummy would still have to go on doing the housekee*ingD no
matter what the husband is+ the housekee*ing remains to oneD heinE talks+ as if he has great
eG*erience of life+ which he doesn8t haveD
susi talks about her hobbies: foreign *eo*le and *lacesD heinE the eG*ert says+ there8s no *lace
like homeD susi is scornfulD heinE knows better anyway+ heinE+ the man8s manD brigitte meanwhile
demonstrates how careful she is with heinE8s family8s china and little s*oonsD
brigitte *rotects the china against damage by outsidersD
she demonstrates+ how much she likes the china set with the little flowers+ she holds the cu*s in
her fingers like a newborn chickD very carefullyD one would never eG*ect it of these unskilled
handsD heinE8s *arents are embarrassedD *erha*s susi will think that china is something s*ecial for
heinE8s family+ whereas it8s only something s*ecial for bD the workerD heinE8s *arents hurriedly
*rotest that they eat off china with little flowers every day+ if a *iece gets broken+ well+ then one
just buys a new *iece insteadD
brigitte believes+ that with so much loving care the foreign thoughts+ which she sometimes
notices in heinE now+ must disa**ear+ which they do not+ because they are native thoughts
inherited from his *arentsD brigitte8s mistakeD susi sim*ly grabs the *ot+ as if it were made of tin
and already belonged to herD but we8re not in *rison drinking out of tin mugs+ but drinking out of
china cu*s with the family of my future fianceD fianceF brigitte wants to take the *ot away from
her+ *rotect it and *ress it to her heart and rock it like a baby+ so that everyone seesD how much
she a**reciates what will soon belong to herD his *arents should shut their mouths+ they can eat
from a tin *late in the old *eo*le8s home+ the doddery old foolsD one of the two girls is seriously
mistakenD brigitte as always+ brigitte and susi try to look sweet and feminineD
susi is successful at it+ because she really is sweet+ which is easy for her+ since it doesn8t cost
anything and makes everyone around her ha**yD even if it cost something+ susi could still afford
itD brigitte is unsuccessful at it+ because on the hard road to heinE she herself has become hard
and embitteredD with brigitte it must not cost anything+ only her substanceD &uite a few uninvited
guests are already eating at brigitte8s substance: the obstinate brassiere line is the most
unwelcome of allD brigitte8s substance is thin as worn silkD only tenacity still holds the fortD love
has long since gone to slee*D no one can stay u* so lateD once again love had to fail and brutality
winD susi always has to win+ because she is so sweet and goodD because she is humanD brigitte is
inhumanD with brute force+ brigitte wins the battle for the coffee *otD susi+ who is soft and
feminine+ has to let the *ot goD brigitte+ who is hard and unfeminine+ tri-um*handy seiEes the *ot+
the *ot is at brigitte8s breast: victoryD susi says we8ve got a much nicer one at home+ that8s where
i8m going nowD
heinE8s mother throws herself in susi8s way+ so that she stays longerD she *romises+ that she will
buy the most beautiful *ot there is+ if only susi staysD she draws susi to her breast+ which years
ago suckled heinE and later made him a man who kee*s his eyes on what8s essentialD and not on
what8s inessential -brigitteD
heinE8s mother says to susi+ they should femininely stick together against unfeminine hardness -
brigitteD
in the end susi has won the battle+ thanks to her femininity and softnessD just stay that way+ susiF
don8t let yourself be hardenedF
more than anything heinE would like to boG brigitte8s earsD the neGt moment heinE boGes brigitte8s
ears anywayD a man must do+ what he has made u* his mind to doD this injustice hurtsF after all+
brigitte saved the family *ot from an intruderD she still *resses the china to her+ the china is
already warm as a human body+ unlike heinE+ who is always cold to bD there is a large brown
stain on the table clothD susi races into the kitchen+ to make room for her instincts+ which are
telling her: clean the table clothF the wet cloth a**ears in the *ictureD it8s a beautiful *ersonal
success for susi as the cloth slides over the tableD i8ll only give the *ot to mother-in-law or heinE+
but not to you+ says brigitteD but no one bothers about herD an enthusiastic crowd+ consisting of
heinE and his *arents+ a**lauds susiD brigitte does not eGistD if she were not still holding the *ot in
her insect-bitten *aws+ no one would see her at allD
what brigitte did wrong with her lack of femininity+ susi has *ut right againD
she won8t acce*t any thanks+ no noD
brigitte wants heinED
she won8t get him like that at any rateD
where there8s a love+ there8s a way
the *riest says+ that love is a way to the selfD *aula is looking for an understanding with erichD
*aula is therefore looking for a more earthly way to the selfD *aula is looking for a basis+ on
which she can meet erich+ so that they can then carry on their dirty business togetherD
every system+ no matter how rigid+ has a loo*hole somewhere one can sli* throughD love often
consists of discovering such loo*holesD *aula8s love right away thought of the co-o* sho*D her
future momma-in-law has forgotten the co-o* sho*+ in which erich always has to do the big
weekend sho**ingD he is given a little book+ in which everything is written downD erich gives
what8s been written down to the branch manager+ who arranges the things for him in the
rucksack+ which slowly becomes heavier and leans over towards the innD
everywhere around erich and almost into erich stand walls made of women8s bodies+ nothing but
mommas+ at least one momma of every age+ in front of the sho* the fruits of their wombs crowd
together by the doEen+ hang in thick bunches at the door+ crash their scooters into buses+ cars and
wagons *iled with wood+ get tra**ed under motor bikes+ station wagons and trucks with trailers+
more rarely under the slower tractors+ in front of which one can still jum* to the sideD a natural
wastage is noticeable and
ascertainable among these fruits of the wombD but that doesn8t matter+ because new ones can
always be made+ if some dro* outD the making is already not very *leasant+ carrying them
*robably even less so+ giving birth is certainly no fun+ and having them brings one downD but all
the same: eGistence as a mother is justified and assured for another cou*le of yearsD
everyone can see: that is a com*lete familyD the husband can see: now i have yet another creature
a*art from my wife+ whom i can thrash and bawl at+ children8s flesh is soft+ but the surface is
smallD the wife can see: i8ve certainly achieved something+ that should be an incentive to me+ to
achieve something moreD
the little child itself: the central figure+ the living justification for all uselessly wasted time+ for a
time+ which is bursting at the seams with useless activities+ activities which are never carried out
for oneself+ always only for others+ with the dubious thought at the back of the mind+ that in the
end they will be reflected back again as glorious light at least in the sunday sermon+ which never
ha**ens+ because it is true the activities fall back on one+ but not as a halo+ rather as a
hundredweight+ which in the end crushes one to *ul*D and one day a sha*eless mass called mama
goes to bed for the last time with someone called *a*a who was buried a long time agoD the
central figure however+ the little child+ is swaddled and coddled+ till it can walk and go on its
scooter+ then its ears are boGed+ it8s loaded with sho**ing bags+ mown down by scythes+ s&uashed
under cars+ or it falls into the torrent+ into the hands of the drunk father+ gets in the way of the
cho**ing of
firewood or into some molester8s handsD if one survives all that+ one can still+ drunk at "1+ crash
into the concrete bridge *ier on the mo*edD often one can observe a child engaged in a weakly
&uivering attem*t at *lay+ from which it is immediately dragged away+ *lied with clouts around
the ear and su**lied with kicks+ then with the rucksack+ and off to buy animal feedD bran and saltD
our *aula foresees nothing of this+ as outside the coo* door+ she distributes sweeties under the
sus*icious looks of the mothers and ho*ing for erich8s admiring eyesD all the bigger children are
not allowed to eat their sweeties+ but must take them home for their little infant or toddler
brothers and sistersD if they do nevertheless stick one in their mouths+ they get hit so hard+ their
teeth wobbleD
again and again the boiling sauce*an is abandoned here and the woman hurls herself like a fury
at the weak-willed baby+ to tug the shitty garment from its body and with wild energy to cla* a
snow white freshly washed covering around the silly little thingD then numerous kisses from
numerous mouths are *ressed against the stuffed little rom*er suitsD removal of the cra* to the
washing machineD how the nasty smelly brown stuff is re*laced by something+ that is even whiter
than white is a constantly re*eated ever fresh miracle of natureD the cra* is forgotten+ the sun
shines againD many mouths+ which ha**en to be on an admiring visit+ men say you little *iggy-
wiggy to the little child and you hard working mummy to the ha**y motherD *aula often has an
urge to see erichD mummy often has an urge to clean tilingsD there he is already: erich the urgeD
the smart young
man looks es*ecially attractive against this background of women8s bodies+ doddery *ensioners
and too heavily laden minorsD erich *arts the a*athetic scene like a curtain and is thereD unwed
women in s&ueaky white coats tense behind the sho* counter+ among them an unmarried mother+
the lad will end u* in the forest soon tooD *erms+ new de*tD store jum*ers under the coat+ flat
laced shoes with fat white calves above them+ gold teeth and gold chains with a little crossD many
difficult &uestions about his momma+ his grandmomma and his dada rain down on erich+ erich8s
re*lies come much more slowly man the &uestionsD erich stands before the &uestions like a bull
before a gateD well+ thank youD his eyes+ which otherwise are always allowed to enjoy the fresh
country air+ are not used to the neon lightD the neon light is unnatural and unhealthyD erich is as
good-looking as he is tallD the sales assistants immediately get a longing for a litde loveD
erich has not only litde+ but no love at all to give awayD not even his closest relatives+ who have
more than once s*rained their hands for him and his thrashings+ can count on it+ on erich8s loveD
erich would very much like to strike his dada and his momma dead+ which he doesn8t dare do
howeverD it8s nice instead+ to torment a little dog+ a cat or a small child+ when no one8s lookingD if
*aula knew thatD
*aula is out for love like a *ig out for acornsD *aula snuffles in every crack for erich+ to make him
a *resent of her bodyD the whole inn sits back and watches this activity in
silence+ but will soon actively intervene in the battle of the seGesD
when one is drunk+ it is true that one gives out thrashings more readily than when one is not drunk+ but
one gets less out of it+ because one carries it out as if in a fog and does not even remember it *ro*erlyD
erich still has to find a ha**y medium+ but he8s got years left for that+ until senility or the tree falls down
on to* of himD many years of *racticeD *aula still believes+ that life and love lie before her+ she still does
not know that at most her own love alone lies before herD one has to do everything oneself+ but then at
least something will come of itD if one does it oneself+ then at least it8s done *ro*erly+ one can8t really rely
on anyone any moreD brakes s&ueal outsideD one at least has got awayD *aula escorts erich together with
his *urchases into the old barnD a crowd of healthy country children have entered there before her and
come out again sickD some indeed have found ha**iness there and subse&uently lost it again+ most have
found misfortune thereD few have found something there+ that was funD a feeling of ha**iness is not the
rule+ here calculations+ additions+ and subtractions *revailD it is icy coldD
here much has not been fulfilled+ which had been eG*ectedD here not a few have said+ soon we shall be
threeD here many a marriage and many a heart has been brokenD here *assion *revails+ which however no
one has yet set eyes onD here one enters as an emotional cri**le and leaves again as an emotional cri**leD
what was in between+ is nothing at all+ changes nothingD here the law of the genitals *revails+ in contrast
to the law of the forest+ which a**lies at
workD afterwards a number of different solutions of
tide swallow the various soiled under*ants+ which
marched into the barn freshly washedD
crich stumbles a little under the heavy rucksack and
under the influence of master alcoholD *aula has
*ains in her chest and has difficulty breathing+
because she is eG*ecting something bigD big erich is
already there+ nothing bigger can follow thatD
*aula was very much looking forward to love+ which
she doesn8t get howeverD long after erich has gone
again *aula is still looking for love between the *osts+
in the battered manger+ in the hay and in the dung
channelD
but *aula8s snatch hurts+ that8s allD
and erich climbs u* the mountain - tralaF
*aula has been informed that love hurts when there8s
a loss+ an accident involving a s*orts car+ a death
under the surgeon8s knife or a tragic suicideD
so how is it *ossible+ that love hurts+ when it comesC
not only when it goesC
*aula sits in the hay and wi*es away the blood with a
sunday handkerchiefD almost in an instant the desired
child in her brain has turned into a terrible fear and
an acute threatD from wanted child to feared childD
now *aula has to face the conse&uencesD
if *aula couldn8t even hold on to erich for more
than two minutes with her underdevelo*ed body+ her
meagre mind+ the dressmaking she8s begun and her
new red dress+ how would she be able to hold on to
erich with a little childC
we have not described the love between erich and
*aula+ because it wasn8t mereD it was like a hole into
which one stumbles+ and after which one hobbles
away againD nothing is broken+ eGce*t a human creature in the bloom of her youthD washday at
home also swallows without difficulty the red handkerchiefD just as it has swallowed dada8s and
bruda8s sweaty workshirtsD joy+ sorrow and work all lie so close to one anotherD
it8s hard work for *aula to get erich and kee* himD now love is no longer in the genitals+ but only
in the headD the genitals are numb and feel nothing any moreD
that way the genitals save themselves a lot of botherD better a gleaming new kitchen than a bit of
*leasure below the beltD *leasure *asses+ but the kitchen enduresD
there must be a washing machine tooD *aula must now combine the *erformance of a machine
with the skill of a tightro*e walkerD what threatens her+ is more than a fallD what threatens her+ is
the absence of her monthly troubleD and it8s not always nice+ if a trouble is absentD
unfortunately
there are not only garden weekends+ thinks brigitte+
after duty has just called: brigitte+ comeF
many enter work as unchanged *eo*le and come out
again as hardened *eo*le changed for the worseD
brigitte does not want to be hardened+ she wants to
be im*regnatedD
in brigitte8s head there is nothing but heinED
heinE is at the end of a long swam* similar to the
one which can be found in the heads of many of her
workmatesD only+ there is not a heinE sitting and waving at the end of every swam*+ also no
nickel-*lated bathta*s+ no bathroom fittings+ boiler+ hot water tank and lavatory bowlD at the end
of the many other swam*s wait *eo*le+ who are mentally+ *hysically and in character far below
heinED
often they have no sense of dutyD brigitte has no sense of duty eitherD in marriage brig-itte will
learn a sense of duty as many young women before her+ who *reviously had been fairly easy-
going and relaGed+ have already doneD heinE eGists - out of a sense of duty to his body8s need for
relaGation and to his friends - to *lay skittlesD bD goes along to *lay skittles out of mistrust and
sus*icion of heinED often heinE sees other women at skittles+ sometimes even ones without
rightful ownersD
stray women are very dangerous for a young immature man like heinE+ who has first to be made
mature in marriageD
when brigitte has her heinE whole and in one *iece in bed afterwards+ so that the stench of beer
s*rays in all directions+ then she has such a sincere feeling of gratitude+ that her frogs8 legs o*en
of their own accord as if moved by magicD
admittedly she still feels nothing+ but the tremendous relief allows brigitte to relaGD
which is necessary+ because she has another hard working day in front of herD
so it has
so it has indeed failed to a**ear in *aulaD after the fear of the absence of her monthly trouble+
which no woman in *aula8s surroundings could think of as other than a trouble+ the absence has
now indeed ineGorably followedD
until now nothing has come of love yet+ now something has failed to a**ear+ which announces
that something will come+ which will activate *aula8s functionD something %?4D
the breath of life andJor erich8s cock has brushed *aula and not only brushedD dressmaking is still
there+ only erich is never thereD *aula is not allowed to go u* the mountain+ which makes no
difference to her+ because the forthcoming ha**y event+ as it8s called+ envelo*s her in the valley
tooD
*aula8s forthcoming ha**y event must first of all be confided in the man+ whom she loves and
who loves her+ so that the wedding can followD soon the forthcoming event will make *aula8s
face softer+ her glance more affectionate+ her stomach fatter+ her breasts heavier+ her back more
*ainful and her trousers wetterD reason: *aula is shit scared of her *arents+ who are rough+ but has
a secret+ which is sweetD
*aula has still not said i love you to erich+ because she hardly knows him+ now she can kill two
birds with one stone: i love you+ and i8m eG*ecting your childD
*aula must also inform her momma and her dadaD oh dearD *aula *articularly needs erich at this
time of antici-
*ation+ because it is a crisis situation for every woman and a burden for every female organism+
but a joyful oneD at this time of ho*e es*ecially *aula needs understanding+ care and *rotection
from wild animals+ rough work+ hard blows and inhuman treatmentD on every occasion of
inhuman treatment+ no matter how small+ *aula thinks+ you would feel sorry+ if you knew+ that i
feel an emergent life in meD the unborn life in *aula is straining towards the sunD in unhealthy
nightmares *aula sometimes imagines+ what would ha**en+ if she said to her dada: daddy+ i need
a great deal of care and attention es*ecially now+ because something unborn in me is straining
and stretching towards the sunD then an iron hand of terror gri*s *aulaD although her daddy
himself made children again and againD
will he say+ hurrah+ that8s my grandchild just coming out of my daughter+ welcome+ walk right inF
and now we have a young+ just born baby life in our household again+ the main thing is+ mat it8s
ha**yC and momma+ will she deliver a s*ecialist eG*ert re*ort on this ha**y+ long but not
endless conditionC will she surround her daughter with care and maintenanceC will she hel* in
*rocuring the baby outfitC blue or *inkC or yellowC it8s funD for then not only *aula+ but also a
second life will be living a good lifeD two ha**y lives at once instead of solitary dressmakingD
and erich+ the ha**y father+ will s*end every free minute with mother and child+ will s*end every
free minute looking after his young wife+ give u* alcohol+ no longer hate anybody+ not fritter
away any money any more and so forthD *aula intends+ to o*en her whole overburdened heart
to her mommaD the reason: her momma has herself been several times a momma and
conse&uently understands this condition+ which *aula is inD she even understands this condition
better than a man+ who can always only be a daddy and has nothing more to do with all that shit+
that8s women8s businessD *aula tells women8s business to a woman+ that is her momma+ who is a
womanD
*aula *laces trust in the femininity of her mother+ which is disa**ointedD
momma shar*ens *aula and hammers her straight into the groundD and every child which ever in
times *ast weighed down a mother8s stomach+ seems to be hammering busily with her+ so much
strength is there in the woman all at onceD
until now *aula has only heard aGe blows echo so loud in the forestD it would be merry work+
bashing *aula+ if it were not carried out with so much hateD love unites+ but hate dividesD*aula8s
momma hates *aula because of the child in her stomachD various of *aula8s im*ortant organs
break under this treatmentD
*aula8s momma has often enough hated her husband because of the children in her stomach+
because of the eGtra work and the horrible birth *rocess+ has also very many times hated the
children inside her stomach and later the children outside her stomach+ now momma has finally
cracked+ so that she not only hates a child outside her stomach in her daughter8s stomach+ but the
daughter as wellD *eo*le will think that one hasn8t brought u* one8s own daughter *ro*erlyD what
a scandal and a mockeryD on to* of this insane amount of work scandal and mockery every day
as wellD without further ado *aula8s momma
could list over a doEen *eo*le+ all woodcutters *lus family+ who would gloat with *leasure over her
misfortune+ e&ually without further adoD in *art *eo*le in whose misfortune Hfeeble-minded son+ father
inside for child molesting+ momma8s womb cleaned out+ dada killed by falling tree+ momma run away and
working in the factory+ child re*eating at school for the second time+ loss of driving licence for
drunkenness+ climbing accident in the mountains+ brand new chair cho**ed u* by son etcDI one had
oneself once taken enormous *leasureD *ossibly these cretins will now take all the more *leasure in one8s
own calamity+ which is a hideous ideaD
*aula8s eG*ecting a childD *aula8s eG*ecting a childF
oh there is a merry hating in the bottom of this valleyD hate s*reads like wildfire from one mountain to
the neGtD
and *aula right in the middle of it+ *erha*s even the causeD
*aula comes ti*toeing sweetly to her likewise momma+ *uts her uncombed little head under the latter8s
arm+ just as little *aula always used to do in unha**y childhood times+ comes very sweetly to confess and
wants a cou*le of knitting andJor crochet ti*s for the sweet little blue or *ink jacket+ that she wants to
knit+ make or crochet for erich8s offs*ringD as usual *aula8s trust is rewarded with terrible thrashings and
loud cries of hateD
*aula8s head only hangs by a thread+ there is hardly an unmarked s*ot on her eG*ectant mother8s bodyD
and just wait till her strong father a**ears in the *icture+ which we call realityF
here he comes already+ hears the news in telegram style+ no *recious thrashing time to be lost+
momma is still &uite breathless from thrashing *aula+ she doesn8t even get the story out *ro*erly
and with all the causes and connectionsD she has to hit and hit againD
and so it goes on+ a hunting they do go+ no better time+ who was the swine+ who is the swine+
which swine must marry now+ whether he will or notC a wonder+ that no miscarriage follows this
eGciting dayD
erich with the *ig8s headD
*aula isn8t u* to as much as usual after thatD *aula hasn8t ever been u* to muchD *eo*le say that
mental wounds often hurt more than *hysical ones+ but in this case *aula8s *hysical wounds are
no laughing matter either+ they need much care and not a few *oulticesD
*aula feels that she is being treated as un*leasant object and not as the human being that she isD if
her *arents had laid into a hard+ unyielding object+ they would *robably even have cracked a
wristD one doesn8t need to waste any words here on *aula8s state of mindD she has become a rock
hard+ numbed *ersonD
and no erich comes to her aidD erich belongs to the forest+ but the forest by no means belongs to
erichD so no talk woman to womanD the cut out crochet *atterns lie crum*led+ dirty and soiled on
the floorD *aula is admittedly unsoiled+ but nevertheless without ho*eD the child in the tight belly
is threatened by the *o*ular and trusted soa*y bath+ which should make a little angel of it+ but
sometimes doesn8t work+
because the growing life clings too tightly to the wombD
good boiling hot soa* suds out of good clean brightly coloured detergent *ackets with lots of
good *oison in themD that would even kill dada+ if he ate itD dada however *refers woodcutter8s
sausageD a negotiator is on the way to erich through forests+ fields and mountain streamsDthe
situation is far from romanticD
by the time of the wedding the abrasions+ cuts and bruises will ho*efully have faded awayD a
song sings in *aula+ but very faintlyD instead of wounds a white lace dress down to the ground
*lus veilD
no soa* suds+ but a nice flowered bonnetD no abortion+ but a good wedding cakeD no dead little
embryo+ but a good *ork jointD the looks of hate stare out of the kitchen like thorns+ so many
thorns+ that one can hardly enter the kitchenD
many disa**ointed lives and ho*es now take simultaneous revenge on *aulaD
the last remnant of enjoyment of life in *aula dribbles away into the groundD there is a com*lete
absence of *hysical sensationD
the attem*t to kill off little susanne in *aula8s stomach does not succeedD dada and momma were
successfully killed off years agoD for *aula a world has caved in+ which makes no difference+
because not a single little *iece of it ever belonged to *aulaD
i even have a friend
i have a girlfriend+ who8s at college+ brigitte brags to a secretary and her canary islandsD at the
thought of susi+ the natural enemy+ brigitte8s stomach contracts+ the filter coffee in her almost
overflows and comes *ouring back out of mouth and nostrilsD right away brigitte ho*es that this
time it8s worked and she8s *regnantD but it was only the susi in herD brigitte brags+ that susi treats
her like a *ersonD with *ossessive gestures the secretary moves various office objects just a littleD
she feels affiliated to her boss+ she does not for a single second feel affiliated to brigitteD there is
a yawning gulf between brigitte and herD the gulf between brigitte and her is called secretarial
collegeD
there is nothing more to be said+ only to be feltD there is nothing more to be done eGce*t waitD
brigitte and *aula are waiting for marriageD heinE is a good man+ because he will marry brigitte
because of her child and establish a life for her in the world of businessD
here one can neither *ass the time of waiting with music+ nor with a good thriller+ nor with a tv
*rogramme+ nor with a skittles eveningD the time of waiting would have to be a time of em*ty
*agesD erich is not such a good man+ because he doesn8t want to marry *aula because of the childD
he has to neverthelessD
yet again heinE8s father+ the loser+ holds his son down in a stranglehold and the worn out discs do
their bit tooD they ta* messages of *ain u* to the father8s brainD the father s*eaks with the force of
his whole
desolate eG*erience of lifeD heinE *ants for air and
susiD
susi *ants for air in the firm athletic embraces of her
athletic father+ who can also *lay tennisD susi8s father
embraces his daughter+ because she has managed a
whole gateau by herselfD
heinE8s father has not &uite managed to reach the
end of his life yet+ although his ruined back will
hardly manage anything useful any more+ either for
his master and em*loyer nor for the father himselfD
heinE still has his life in front of him+ so he
believesD
brigitte has heinE8s life in front of herD
so while his father holds heinE in a stranglehold+ with
all the unused energies of a van driver no longer
suited to van driving+ his mother kneels on heinE8s
chest and im*lores heinE not to rob them of the fruits
of their thriftiness+ by bringing someone like brigitte
into the home they8ve scrim*ed and saved forD they
*refer someone like susiD someone like susi on the
other hand does not *refer them+ which they do not
knowD they think susi is somewhat inferior+ because
she is a woman and stands below heinED as a woman
susi is lower+ as a *erson+ who occu*ies a rank in
society+ she is on the other hand somewhat higher
than heinED
that8s too com*licated for someone+ who always had
nothing but road signs in front of him+ almost all his
lifeD
that8s com*letely incom*rehensible to someone+ who
always only had dishes and heinE in front of her+
almost all her lifeD
this scene takes *lace+ because the father has to take
early retirement+ a *lace is already reserved for him
at the masked ball of *ain+ at the carnival ball+ and because therefore the highest level of *arental
savings has been *assedD daddy no longer stands with both feet firmly *lanted in the middle of
life as beforeD he8s standing in the shit u* to his neckD that8s very shaky groundD
life goes on it is true+ but it *asses heinE8s *arents byD
now all ho*es are *inned on heinE+ who will disa**oint themD
what they have *iled u* and *roduced+ belongs to heinE+ they didn8t make it after allD the
im*ortant things for heinE now are his journeyman8s eGam+ master craftman8s eGam+ electrical
sho*D the *ath of the savings is now: into heinE+ sto* at brigitteF
the latter is conducting dialogues with her womb in her mother8s living roomD brigitte is asking+
whether the little unborn child is inside yetD no+ says brigitte8s uterus+ still em*tyD i8m sorryD but
*erha*s it8ll work out neGt monthD so brigitte kee*s her chin u*D and she8s still got the job at any
rate+ it belongs to her aloneD never ever lonelyF
the cor*se of brigitte8s mother lies on the settee and reads the news*a*er gossi* about the royalsD
in her home she is &ueenD brigitte unfortunately is not yet in her own homeD
u* there with nature
meanwhile u* in the little farmhouse the interests of the labouring rural *o*ulation are in
conflictD the interests of *eo*le+ who have never aroused the interest of anyone else at all+ who
themselves don8t know+ that they could have anything like an interestD nevertheless they believe
themselves to be the *etrol in the machine+ and *aula to be the sand in itD asthma s&ueaks through
the nose like a mouse that8s been ste**ed onD asthma doesn8t need to s*eak+ to kee* several
*eo*le constantly in motion+ in motion around himD *aula8s *uny stomach+ which will soon be fat
and swollen+ so that for the same money one could suddenly have many more *ounds of *aula+ is
u* for auctionD but nobody wants itD with a *ig that would be an enormous gain in valueD with
*aula it8s a sign+ mat she was easy to get+ too easy+ and now it8s all the harder to dis*ose of herD
nobody wants *aula8s stomach content alone+ to bring u* and loveD nobody wants *aula as
*erson+ with or without stomach a**endageD there is not even a taker for *aula8s outer skinD after
all one can8t make any settee cushions or any *atchwork rug out of itD no one8s mentioning *aula8s
headD whoever takes *aula8s body and her labour *ower+ gets *aula8s head thrown inD as a free gift
or eGtraD the far-sighted *eo*le+ who are discussing their *ro*erty+ their *roductive asset called
erich+ might regard *aula8s head as a bad thing+ which thinks too much and for that reason can no
longer be *ro*erly guidedD asthma breathes laboriously through his gills and groans for his
dinnerD a retired official can make demandsD *aula who wants erich+ can also make
demands+ but not get anythingD erich8s mother hurls herself towards the hot stove+ where
everything is simmering and bubblingD hardly has dada+ who is already having difficulty
s*eaking+ croaked out his orders+ than the goulash is in front of himD result: *aula8s not coming
into this house+ eGce*t over the bodies of three grown *ersonsD there8s no more work needing to
be done+ we do our work ourselves+ the women do the women8s work+ the man erich does the
men8s work+ which is considerableD in addition erich is also im*ortant for bringing in moneyD
money is almost more im*ortant and harder to get than workD we8re never short of work+ but
often of moneyD
mr bandleader asthma is in chargeD he conducts this orchestra of cri**les without s*eakingD
momma8s hi* com*laint adds s*ice to it all+ ensuring that things never get boring in kitchen+
cellar+ stall and bedD it really makes the work varied and go with a swingD as a former official
asthma has been trained to give ordersD but asthma has a talent for itD asthma can8t breathe any
more+ but his carefully trained gifts still get *ut to full useD a thorough federal railways training+
it lasts a lifetime+ longer even than the federal railways themselvesD *aula has no say and no
business hereD
*aula sits around in her sunday dressD her sla**ed head lies hidden in her kicked stomachD she
has rolled u* into a ball like a hedgehogD without s*inesD her hands+ which have not yet had to
co*e with a dressmaking eGamination+ hold the whole frail fabric togetherD dressmaking *rovides
no garlandD the two of them don8t know each other well enough yet+ *aula and dressmakingD in
*aula8s head there a**ears a
little bud+ might dressmaking not after all have been better than erichD the bud is immediately
torn out and tram*led underfootD in *aula8s heart the last stalk of love wilts silently awayD in the
sink the dishes doEe slee*ily away in their familiar surroundingsD a new load of blows is
gathering in the rancid fat of the family frying *an+ if *aula doesn8t get to work on them right
awayD erich got to work on *aula+ that didn8t get either of them anywhere+ eGce*t land *aula
further in the shit+ which she was already u* to her neck in anywayD basically it8s even set erich
back in his career as driver and mo*ed riderD a child can eat one out of house and home if it
wants toD ho*efully the mo*ed will win in this conflict of interests+ ho*es erichD so after erich has
announced this decision+ for the mo*ed+ against *aula+ into asthma8s frog eyes+ he mounts the
victorious mo*ed and races westwards into the setting sunD asthma is relievedD he8ll knock the
mo*ed+ this useless waste of money+ out of the lad yet+ one thing at a timeD *aula8s furious
*arents tear down the mountain+ into *aula8s arms+ a few more times into *aula and out again in
and out of *aula+ who has not even washed the dishes+ all that8s left of her is a cou*le of bones
and feathersD
the west+ however+ is filled with erichD in the west new summer visitors+ female ones too+ have
arrivedD
now erich8s skills at love at last come into their ownD
*aula suffers so much+ she almost goes madD she thinks+ that her mind is running away out of
every orifice+ out of every orifice a little bit of mind+ until it8s em*tyD she runs her *oor head
against the wall
again and again+ her good *arents are ha**y+ that they can save themselves the bother of more
thrashings+ *aula8s taking care of it herself+ well doneD there is no female solidarity to be eG*ected
from her motherD if she has to croak because of cancer+ then *aula can at least suffer a little in her
head+ which is much less serious than the *hysical *ain+ which mummy will shortly be facingD
her father says now you can go on with the dressmaking+ so that you can su**ort your childD
*aula s&ueaks *itifully no+ she wants to be with her child+ once it has arrived+ then she wants to
be there to meet her child from the train+ and be around it all the timeD she doesn8t want to be a
working momma+ which a child suffers fromD *aula would rather suffer herselfD
her dada is of course sorry now+ that he never beat *aula to death that time over the dressmaking+
but now it8s too lateD
*aula lies in wait for erichD she is no longer doing it for herself *ersonally+ she8s doing it for the
coming baby8s life+ that8s due to come+ and which is more im*ortant than she isD
she8s almost indifferent to erich now+ but to the child+ if it could s*eak+ erich would not be a
matter of indifference+ but dadaD *aula lies in wait behind the haEel bush+ behind the elder bush
or the birch wood benchD
with a war cry she jum*s out at *oor erich+ who is coming from work so tired and wearyD he is
tired tired tired tired tiredD his hands are hardly human any more+ but more tree-like+ like rootsD
erich slavers towards his home *ort and the eveningD *aula taGes erich8s last reservesD and yet she
has no interest in
the man erich anymore+ only in erich as future dadD she flings herself forward+ clings to his back
and talks about love and the childD *aula tells of her feelings+ which eGist for erichD *aula feels
nothing at all for erich any more+ erich even less than nothing for *aulaD but *aula left school so
recently+ that she doesn8t yet know the many words+ with which one can say feelingsD erich was
never in school long enough+ for him to know the words for something s*iritualD
eGce*t for beer and schna**sD hahaD schna**s+ beer or wine is always brought u* as a joke here at
the mention of something s*irituaD a good jokeD
*aula says i need you erich and our child needs you too+ *erha*s even more than i need you+
erich+ even though i need you so muchF
because so many *eo*le need him+ erich slowly grows angryD since he is too clumsy+ to ward
these *eo*le off+ he hits out like a madman+ but often only hits himselfD recently he often hits
*aula+ which *rovides him with a certain satisfactionD erich gras*s+ mat all of a sudden his
decisions and actions have become im*ortant for another *ersonD mat someone is ,(-(N,(N'
on himD that someone is at his 9(2C= in a wayD that *roduces a nice new feelingD erich wants to
test the new feeling as to its usefulnessD
niki lauda has tested a lot too+ even fantastic formula ? carsD
that shoots through erich8s headD the two of them go into the old barn+ it doesn8t matter now
anywayD *aula has already endured so
much+ this is a *ro*er holiday by com*arisonD at last
she can lie &uietly on her back and restD
a flock of birds flies over the mown field into the
forest+ one behind the other+ autumn will soon be
hereD
you can8t eG*ect descri*tions of nature here for your
money as wellF this isn8t the cinema after allD
*aula lies very &uietly and *eacefully on her backD
she has a section of the hard-worked back of erich+
who is fumbling about with her mere+ in sight+ but
she can rest a little too and look u* at the blue sky+
it8s already getting cold+ soon the first snow clouds
will a**earD only a future refuses to a**earD a mist is
rising from the ground+ the forest turns into a wall+
the *ale trunks disa**ear in the darknessDnature is
*itiless+ thinks *aulaD it is more than a match for a
human being+ it is an elemental forceD
is that not a little deer over thereC the evening news
will soon begin on televisionF
at last *aula can rest a little and *erha*s still bind
erich to herD
one can forget the slight *ain of it+ there are worse
*ains+ which *aula could nameD love is a lesser *ain
in the hierarchy of *ainD men+ as erich rises from her
stomach unbound+ unim*ressed+ wi*es himself and
stows it away again+ buttons himself u*+ a ho*e falls
away from *aula again down into the rotting strawD
but if one has lost a ho*e+ one has at least been able
to restD lying down is good for the baby tooD
there is not the least tenderness in *aulaD mere is
nothing at all in *aulaD when all ho*es have at last
fallen from *aula+ she will be as light as a feather+
like a kitten or a chickD
all the butchersF *ork butchersF joiners+ watch-
makers+ bakers and chimney swee*s have disa**eared over the horiEonD behind the crowsD
dressmaking is just *acking its cases+ it wants to catch the last *ostbusD
love hasn8t even un*acked and *ut away its thingsD work has become a case for treatment+ it
smoothes out the sheets in the hos*ital bedD there is not the least love in *aulaD if there is
something in *aula+ then it8s hate+ which grows and growsD
these feelings didn8t enter her of their own accord+ some *eo*le had to work hard at itD darkness
falls+ some animals begin to rustle in the forest+ something stirs in the foG8s den+ two tired men
&uickly cross the village street+ they want to get home+ to their family and to the tvD lights come
onD in some kitchens some children are shoutingD mother *uts the evening meal on the tableD a
headlam* *ushes slowly through the fogD no one thinks of the forest as a landsca*eD the forest is
a *lace of workD this is not a country story after allF there is not the least ho*e in *aula any moreD
at this *oint we have to interru*t brigitte8s fate a little abru*tly
since we hold brigitte8s fate in our hands+ we can
interru*t it at any *oint we likeD
brigitte8s feelings do no undergo any change+ they
remain always constant for heinE+ and heinE rebuffs
them again and againD
here we8re going to talk about feelings+ but not about
factsD
brigitte is inca*able of feelingD conse&uently there is nothing to be said about brigitteD brigitte
makes no facts+ the facts burst u*on herD now brigitte is making a *ullover for heinED the *ullover
only *rogresses slowly+ because brigitte has to devote her working time to work and her free
time to the surveillance+ servicing and seGual welfare of heinED
allegedly every woman+ who *uts on a bra sewn by brigitte+ will feel like a &ueenD brigitte will
only feel like a &ueen in her beautiful homeD
in addition brigitte has the ca*acity to bear children+ which not everyone hasD she ho*es to be
allowed to bear such a child soonD
since brigitte has known heinE+ she feels an urge+ to bear a childD if that8s not a feeling+ what on
earth is a feelingC
brigitte8s heart has s*oken+ it said heinED brigitte follows this heart wherever it leads+ that is to
heinED there she gets a kick in the backside a hundred times+ but the ":"st time brigitte can
announce the good news+ mat the child is to be eG*ectedD then the sun will shine for brigitte tooD
brigitte is going to buy herself a bikini already for this sunny dayD the child will be a wanted
childD the child is wanted by brigitte+ but not by heinED
admittedly that8s inconvenient+ but to make u* the child8s start in life will be made very much
easier by ownershi* of an electrical goods sho*D brigitte herself had a difficult start in lifeD often
brigitte feels that something is her own fault+ which is actually someone8s else8s faultD she thinks
for eGam*le+ that it8s her own fault+ if she
has to work on the lineD when it8s solely heinE8s fault+ who doesn8t want to marry her and rescue
her from the lineD
brigitte has often seen in the cinema+ that it is difficult+ if one has to live with a feeling of guiltD
with no events worth mentioning brigitte8s curriculum vitae will grow less and lessD in future we
can limit ourselves to *roviding a few notes on the general situation+ in which we always briefly
mention brigitte8s *articularly disagreeable situationD everything+ which is still to come now+
consists of a waiting and an eavesdro**ing on oneself+ to ascertain whether movement and
&uickening is at last taking *lace thereD
the situation is clarified and eG*lainedD no more events will take *lace until the one big eventD
work continues to take *laceD that is *ainful enoughD
birth too is a *ainful eG*erience+ which must be endured however+ so that the *resentation of the
child can take *laceD
after all the birth of the child does not take *lace to *lease the child+ but to *lease the man who
gets the *resentD heinE8s family name and all the eGcellent security that *rovides are *resents
enough for the childD
child and wife are for ever in heinE8s debtD one can already guarantee the child+ that in future it
will not get much *leasure in life+ eGce*t when the *arents-in-law or im*ortant customers are
visitingD the mother8s humiliation will certainly be taken out on the children+ the first will be
beaten and damaged+ then the neGt will right away be *roducedD a child can become a victim of
general wear and tear or of
big city traffic+ one must be ke*t in reserve+ it8s best to have one child in stock to take account of
wear and tearD
and *erha*s the child is better than the sewing machineD one can go for a walk in the fresh air
with the child+ not with the machineDthe machine has no heart+ the child hasD
a*art from that the machine is in the factory and the child at home in well-ordered surroundingsD
it can take many months+ here it8s many *ages+ before the child *o*s its head out of the womb
like a worm out of the a**le+ *erha*s we won8t even get that far hereD *erha*s we8ll have to break
off before thenD but that doesn8t matter+ we know what8s going to ha**enD life goes on without
sur*rises+ but within *ro*er channelsD
today brigitte enters the desolate home of her desolate mother just as ho*elessly as ever+ and
there8s heinE already standing in the toilet too+ giving himself a hand job to start with+ so that
later he won8t be so greedy and can take better care+ that not a milligram too much comes out at
the wrong time and in the wrong hole+ so that8s he8s not caught and has to develo* into a tra**ed
instead of an inde*endent entre*reneurD
s&uealing with *assion+ as she later eG*lains to heinE+ brigitte hails blows down on himD neGt
brigitte lies herself down and heinE on to*+ in their conservative wayD she has a bag of almond
croissants by her which she immediately hurls aside+ to kee* her hands free+ to be able to hold
heinE tight+ so as not to have to let go+ to be nicely stuffedD
meanwhile the almond croissants roll away across the dirty floorboardsD throughout the intensive
fucking
with heinE+ brigitte thinks about the almond croissants+ which are now dirty and ruined+ *ityD
heinE briefly thinks+ will it look as dirty in my house too+ if ? *erha*s have to go through with the
wedding after allC
brigitte who has guessed his thoughts+ re*lies no+ when its my own+ then i8ll work to look after it
and maintain itD only for my ownD
heinE also is only interested in his ownD on that the two of them agreeD
only one8s own is really one8s ownD what one8s got+ one8s got+ what one hasn8t got+ one must try to
getD if one doesn8t get+ then it8s of no interestD other *eo*le8s *ro*erty is tabooD heinE is brigitte8s
*ro*erty+ therefore tabooD taboo for susi and all the rest of youD
heinE &uickly wants to withdraw+ before it8s too late and in brigitte8s interior+ but brigitte sna*s
shut+ her thoughts admittedly are still with the almond croissants and the crushed new handbag
on the floor+ but her *hysical *owers are automatically and entirely concentrated on heinED heinE
feels *leasure and cries out loudD brigitte would most of all like to stuff all the muck under the
sofa into his tra*+ until it flows out of his ears againD
heinE cries out loud yet again+ so that one notices he8s having fun with his handle and the
handlingD brigitte emits forced gruntsD her eyeballs follow the *ath of the almond croissants right
into the middle of the dirt on the floorD momma8s an old cow+ for not swee*ing u*+ when she
doesn8t even have to look after a manD
heinE cries out ever more &uickly+ at ever shorter
intervalsD he enjoys it so much+ the *igD
brigitte would like to slam his roaring head against
the wallD can8t he at least do it &uietlyC the kid8ll
s&uirt out of him anyway+ whether he8s &uiet now or
noisyD
mummy is meanwhile sitting discreetly and cleared
away in the kitchenD she is com*letely silent+ so as
not to threaten the ha**iness of her child in there
with an ill-considered remarkD
in the living room brigitte8s ha**iness is still taking
*laceD
heinE shoots his load with a bloodcurdling cryD the
neighbours will com*lainD but faced by the young
businessman they will retire+ tail between their legsD
a*ologeticallyD
the bloodcurdling cry *roves+ that only love moves
the worldD that love and heinE both together move
the worldD in *ersonD
brigitte is unmoved+ but she is full of slime+ full of
evil-smelling slimeD therefore brigitte does not move
the world+ but love moves the worldD
brigitte almost has to vomit+ it hasn8t been as bad for
a long timeD heinE hurries to his mates on the s*orts
fieldD brigitte wi*es the *oor almond croissants+ she
feels so sorry for themD
now *aula
now *aula is slowly getting fatter+ which looks very uglyD feelings of shame rise in *aulaD after a
long time feelings again+ but not good onesD often+ when *aula+ *rotected by a water*roof ca*e+
but otherwise un*rotected+ goes to do the sho**ing in the village+ little stones strike the back of her head+
her arse+ her stomach+ her calves or the sho**ing bag+ worst of all the sho**ing bag and in it the bottle to
return+ which gets brokenD
first of all something in *aula broke+ now the returnable botde is broken as wellD
*aula has the feeling+ that the whole village has made use of this unfavourable moment in time+ to dis*lay
their children and their legitimate worries with menD a whole lot of money and goods is standing around
everywhere on the streetD *aula has no money and has not been goodD *aula is regarded as a future
mother+ but not as a future housewifeD *aula is as good as deadD
the other women are as good as alive+ which is not yet alive howeverD their husbands always act very
livelyD
if once one of them dies of cirrhosis of the liver instead of cancer+ then that makes a changeD one can
eGchange eGotic sym*tomsD sometimes a bloody forestry worker is taken by jee* to the hos*ital during
sho**ing hoursD
as if from one mouth a frightful cry rings out from the legitimately *regnant womenD they *ress their
hands against their all-too-sensitive bellies and hobble home to their mothers and female relativesD there
they bury their heads in diverse la*s and fear for their unborn brats+ who after this sight could come into
the world as cri**lesD in the diverse households the legitimately *regnant are *ut to bed+ reminded of the
eG*ected infants+ and then tucked u* warmD
words of comfort ring out+ which mostly assert+ it could have ha**ened to one8s own man+ but
that thank god it8s ha**ened to another manD whose little woman must now cry her eyes outD soon
the tears dry u* again+ the &uivering stomachs slowly calm down+ from noses comes a comforted
sniffingD *aula+ who calls no such man her own+ makes herself very tiny and scuttles under the
shadow of a roofD she melts away into nothing in her surroundingsD while her female colleagues
bury their heads in their *illows and enjoy the heaviness of their full bodies+ *aula has become
one with the darknessD diverse grandmothers in diverse households do the heavy housework for
their daughters+ who are enjoying their off season at the momentD *aula enjoys nothing+ least of
all an off seasonD since *aula enjoyed a forbidden *leasure long ago+ she is not to be allowed to
enjoy anything at all any moreD
while everyone watches the *rocess of sowing wild oats and locking horns by the young men
and greets es*ecially large knocked off horns with a**lause+ *aula walks silently home from the
shadowsD as she does so a horn often strikes *aula a serious blowD and the faces of the old men+
who can no longer raise an arm or a leg from their fireside seats+ take on an almost otherworldly
glow+ and they8re *leased when *aula is struck by a hornD they8re thinking about their own time
of sowing wild oats and locking hornsD that time is long gone+ which is a tragedyD the wild oat
sowers crowd together on the benches along the main road+ the *rinci*al traffic artery+ and in
front of the co-o* sho*D sometimes an es*ecially
brave sower collides with an es*ecially rare make of
carD howls ring outD sometimes even a bloody head
lies beside the horn with which he got stuck in so
lustily just a little while agoD sometimes even a bloody
body lies beside head and hornsD then the forest has
to look for a new man againD so much sa* and *ower
in a crowd+ every heart beats faster than beforeD
hurrahD
once again *aula *ractises being invisibleD
but once again she8s at the centre of things+ where
it8s louder and jollier than anywhere elseD *aula+ our
heroineD
although *aula constantly tries to crawl into the
ground+ she is dug u* againD and the young men
always walk right behind *aula for the *ur*ose of
sowing wild oatsD they want to sow their wild oats
and *lough *aula at the same time+ because it8s safe
nowD
they certainly won8t have to *ay for the child+ but
have some first class *ost-conce*tion funD
erich can also be s*otted right at the middle of the
*ack+ which hurts *aulaD erich always goes along+
where everyone else is going+ what many *eo*le
think+ that8ll be the right thing to think and even
more the right thing to do+ thinks erich rightlyD his
hand+ which was made and trained for coarser things+
clutches the handlebar of his mo*ed+ the mo*ed is
his best friend in good times and in badD the other
hand clutches the beer bottle+ which will soon make
him forget the good times and the badD
*aula cannot change any of this behaviourD
she tries to get close to erichD she can only find
erich in the *ack: immediately all the wild oat sowers
surround herD
*aula demands a decision from erich regarding herselfD
when asthma is miles away+ u* the mountain+ and momma is there too where she belongs+ that is
at asthma8s side under asthma8s thumb on the mountain+ where she is making him a hot foot bath
and dunking his ugly toes with their *oor circulation into the hot water+ then erich is suddenly
su**osed to come to a decision concerning *aulaD erich looks into his beer+ and the beer looks
out of its bottle with its death8s head+ which is su**osed to be a reminder+ that under certain
circumstances alcohol can kill+ if work and the circumstances of life don8t kill one first+ so when
erich looks into his beer+ then he suddenly feels as if he could really come to a decisionD
ultimately however erich doesn8t come to his own decision+ but asthma8s decisionD erich comes to
the decision: noD erich certainly feels sorry for *aulaD he has no memory of the activity which he
*erformed in order to cause *aula8s conditionD he cannot say+ whether it was nice or notD erich
can eG*erience nothing as beautiful eGce*t his machines+ which he runs into the ground one after
the otherD seG only does his cock good+ it doesn8t reach the brain+ which s*eed does reach+ which
does his whole body goodD
when one races along at full s*eed+ then everything bad seems to fall away+ first of all work+
which is the worst thing which can ha**en to oneD but it has to be doneD *aula is bad too+ but she
doesn8t have to be marriedD *aula is one of the bad things+ which fall away from
one+ when one races along the country road at to* s*eedD
at last *aula is finally allowed to go homeD even from a distance one recognises a woman who is
returning home with an intense+ eG*ectant gaEe+ a maternal smile+ a careful ste* and a tugging in
her innardsD it8s our *aulaD
*aula grins like a death88s head+ but one which is only "1 years oldD welcome home+ *aulaD as
every other day the aborting housework is already waitingD her momma ho*es that the little
grandchild will after all flush out of *aula still unformed and inca*able of living+ if she only gets
down on her knees *ro*erly+ if she lifts heavy buckets with hot dirty soa*y water+ if she only
slogs away enough+ little *aulaD but nothing sli*s and slides+ eGce*t the sweat+ which streams
from every *oreD there must be a lock and key in front of it down mere+ sus*ects her mommaD the
thought of feeding and dressing the baby with the earlier dressmaking is *ushed far away by
*aulaD it doesn8t countD erich+ the breadwinnerD that8s what *aula learned from her mommaD and
from her dada too+ who admittedly almost beat her to death+ but always regularly fed herD *aula8s
dada has always done his duty by his family+ which erich must do tooD when *aula8s thoughts
wander es*ecially far+ then they wander to the forces of nature+ about which *aula knows+ that
they are stronger than any human beingD just as one cannot fight against nature+ so one cannot
fight against a natural law of this nature+ *aula still remembers from schoolD the natural law in
this case is called erich+ who however has never heard the word lawD so *aula also realises+ how
small she is com*ared to
the law of natureD a grain of dustD a grain of dust in
the desertD
what can a human being do against the elemental
force of the force of nature+ nothingD a documentary
film on television yesterday said that+ says *aula often
tooD
brigitte8s further fate
brigitte8s further fate is actually concluded and need not be mentioned here againD the reason we
nevertheless mention it+ is+ that it8s sim*le to describe+ because it8s concentrated on a single *oint:
heinE+ from which it is true there can be wrong turnings and little deviations+ but to whom one
can always find the right *athD brigitte8s fate is finished here+ it only has to be carried outD
today is again one of those days+ on which brigitte a**roaches her goal with *articular
determination+ by getting u*+ because she has to go to the factoryD the factory is the little
deviation+ the goal is the evening with heinED brigitte sli*s into her dress+ which is a skirt and a
*ullover+ and em*hasises her female form+ which is indeed its *ur*oseD the factory is the waiting
room+ the work*lace is heinED
*aula on the other handD
*aula also has other interests+ which she will be able to realise with erich8s hel*D *aula8s interests
are going to the cinema+ holidays in italy+ television at home and bringing u* children at home
and outsideD *aula doesn8t only want to get erich+ but build something with him: a householdD a
little kingdom in
common in which one can do as one likes+ which is what a household should beD *aula has a love
for erich+ which has grown smaller but is nevertheless still *resent+ because she has heard+ that
one must come to love one *erson alone+ because this man is the dada of her children+ but whom
one must also love as a man+ which will take over from and re*lace the love of one8s beloved
*arentsD *aula doesn8t love her *arents at allD nevertheless *aula sees a future full of love before
herD *aula *roduces love out of herself like a hormoneD brigitte on the other handD
brigitte needs heinE+ and brigitte needs heinE8s future sho*+ and she needs her *arents-in-law out
of the way+ then she needs work+ work and more work+ to make the sho* *rettier and biggerD
what brigitte has at the moment: work work and more workD if one invests one8s energy in
something of one8s own+ then it returns to one several times over+ then one can easily get by
without love and its outgrowths and varietiesD
so brigitte wants to fundamentally im*rove her situationD
*aula wants to fundamentally im*rove her situation and find ha**iness at the same time as wellD
brigitte doesn8t care about ha**iness in itself+ iDeD she thinks that affluence heinE and ha**iness
are one and the sameD that8s why heinE is &uite enough for her+ brigitte is modestD
*aula is immodest+ she wants the same thing as brigitte+ but she wants a beautiful radiant halo
around itD she wants to show *eo*le all the time+ how much one loves the child+ the husband+ the
house+ the washing machine+ the refrigerator and the gardenD $LL of itD
love can move mountains+ but not erichD love can move mountains+ but not change erich into a
loving human beingD erich is un*ractised at being loved+ he has never eG*erienced it himselfD
a*art from that love cannot *roduce a refrigeratorD if there is no refrigerator etcD+ then one only
has husband and children to love+ those are too few objects for *aula8s great great loveD there is
sooo much love in *aula+ which is lying idle and craving worthwhile objectsD
brigitte only wants to own and as much as *ossibleD brigitte sim*ly wants to 5$3(and to
5@L, @N to itD
*aula wants to have and to love+ and to show *eo*le+ that one has+ and what one has and lovesD
even if *aula didn8t love erich any more+ she would still have to show *eo*le+ that she loves
erichD mat8s a lot of effort at simulation+ but it must be doneD even if one cannot love erich any
more+ there are still lots of tilings+ which erich has bought with his money+ which one can love as
substituteD brigitte wants to have and multi*ly as much as *ossibleD that8s a sim*le goal+ any child
can understand thatD
and the astonished world around+ which is used to all of it since time immemorial+ stands by and
watches+ a**lauds and *laces bets+ who8ll be the winner and who8ll come secondD sometimes
there8s also a loserD today brigitte is once again not yet *regnantD only a *regnancy could *roduce
a change in brigitte8s life and in this *lotD
today brigitte is once again+ as so often+ terribly afraid+ that susi+ the girls8 grammar school *u*il+
could get *regnant before her+ for which unfortunately the most basic conditions are lackingD because
susi is not yet a woman+ but still a girlD susi is still savingD susi can still *ack her s*orts bag to *lay tennis
with easy cheerfulness+ nothing dirty has entered her life yetD
heinE doesn8t think he8s something dirty+ but a clean young lad+ his skittle *laying too is cleanD the
uncleanest thing in heinE8s life is certainly brig-itte+ the black s*ot on his white shirtD the young
businessman unmistakably directs his ambition towards susiD
brigitte wants to direct heinE8s ambition unmistakably towards herD
brigitte forgets+ that one doesn8t need any ambition+ to get herD heinE only needs to leave the house+ and he
stumbles over brigitteD
one day even susi8s mother notices+ that there is a dark shadow+ our heinE+ behind susiD her mother notices
with her mother8s instinct+ that this shadow is dark with uncleanlinessD
she asks+ whether she should interveneD but susi only laughs sweetly and says noD i can manage it myselfD
later her mother says to father+ that ho*efully susi will retain her innocence and cheerfulness for a long
time to comeD
while heinE crawls after susi and casts a shadow on her tennis dress+ brigitte is afraid+ that she won8t get
*regnantD but brigitte will certainly get *regnant+ because her body is reliable+ even if brigitte8s head fli*s
outD this fear will continue for a while yetD no further re*ortsD end of fate for brigitteD from *aula8s life
there are only a few more e*isodes to re*ort+ which have such a gigantic su*erstructure+
that it in no way corres*onds to the significance of these storiesD desires+ dreams and illusions
congeal into an indigestible mass in *aula8s headD it8s amusing to watch as *aula constantly falls
flat on her faceD it8s amusing for those standing u*right to watch+ as *aula constantly falls flat on
her face in accordance with the laws of gravity and of loveD when brigitte turns her attention to
the millionaire villas in her magaEines+ then she immediately calculates the dimensions of her
future family house in her head+ then right away thinks about where the office *remises should
go and where we8ll break through a doorD
when *aula reads the same thing+ then she8s right in the middle of it+ then the house is already
there+ a**earing out of thin air+ then the huge garden is already there and set down in a clean
environment+ like a stage set+ and ha**y young *eo*le rom* about in it: erich with his young
family and the two german she*herd dogs as wellD
it8s an all-encom*assing rom*D and the *eo*le from the village stand at the fence and ga*e in
envyD *aula often thinks about the feeling of being envied and admired+ brigitte often thinks
about the feeling of having+ ac&uiring and owningD *aula thinks about the effect+ without being
able to create the conditions for itD erich will not be able to manage either+ which *aula cannot
know yetD brigitte takes care of the cause+ brigitte sticks with the businessman heinE+ then the
effect will a**ear automaticallyD brigitte - the town childD *aula - the country childD
after that *aula and brigitte think in unison about
their weddingD that takes u* some timeD
with brigitte it takes u* all her working time and
almost all her free timeD
with *aula it takes u* all her time+ which is working
timeD
the hours trickle away
the hours take their inevitable course+ and *aula will soon be ready to deliver+ if things go on like
thisD the midwife is already waitingD
*aula8s *ointless efforts+ which all concentrate on erich+ go further than one has ever seen anyone
go hereD
when evening comes+ then *eo*le take their *laces in the best seats in the houseD they take the
whole familyD from there they observe in *erson or through binoculars *aula8s idiotic effortsD the
village community is identical with the general *ublicD
the general *ublic definitely a**roves of *aula8s absurd and humiliating efforts+ to catch a
valuable tro*hyD
the valuable head of game is called erichD *aula must legalise her disagreeable conditionD for that
she needs erichD in order to bash down *recious timber for building and other uses+ the valuable
head of game erich+ needs only himself: erichD *aula has made a mess+ now she has to swallow it
tooD all by herselfD erich+ the red deer+ must hel* her swallow the mess down+ so that the *late is
em*tied more &uicklyD
erich sits u*on his throne+ which is situated in the middle of the innD
*aula enters and dis*lays her little tricks+ her knowledge and skills+ which are all minimalD it8s
just like the circus+ only much funnierD unfortunately erich doesn8t catch much of it+ because he
has long ago fallen into a drunken stu*or+ as *aula takes the run-u* for a double back somersault
with twistD
no ta* on the shoulder+ sla* on the back+ *oke in the ribs+ no salutation however coarse fetches
erich back from the land of dreams into the harsh reality of *aula8s *resenceD
until now no one has really taken erich as being all thereD now he8s given *aula a fat stomach+ and
suddenly he8s acce*ted as all thereD *reviously everyone just thought erich too do*ey+ too stu*id+
to have the skirts off the summer visitors+ too weak in the head+ to get his driving licence even at
the third attem*t+ too feeble-minded and weak to hit the tree trunk with the aGeD everyone
thought he would hit his own noddle instead of the treeD but he only cut and shook *aula to the
&uickD until now everyone saw erich only as a workhorse+ unlike themselves+ who are all
workhorses too+ but don8t feel that they areD now everyone *ays erich their res*ects with regard to
cracking *aulaD
*aula has been cracked no doubt about itD then erich8s shoulder joints s&ueak agonisingly on their
hinges+ then the fist familiar with the aGe must gri* for the unfamiliar act of shaking handsD
congratulations erichD
then the free beers+ free glasses of schna**s and wine+ the free hair ruffling and free of charge rib
*okes+
and the jocular kicks u* the arse for nothing really *ile u*D
yet again one such sneaky but well-meant kick lifts erich off his hinges+ with a crashD then erich
falls back into his regular seat like a lifeless bag of musclesD
erich has never had so much eG*erience of success beforeD
unfortunately erich - just like *aula - can no longer remember the occasion+ which has brought
him the title grand im*regnator+ not with all the will in the world+ after all no hurtling mo*ed ride
took him there+ only a &uiet woodland *athD everything has been wi*ed away in erichD
nevertheless it8s fun now to a**ear among the men and lads as a *erson to be res*ectedD erich has
never had fun+ now he has a lot of fun all at onceD little man+ very bigD
at ten o8clock in the evening entrance of the very *regnant *aula+ entry of the bar by the future
illegitimate motherD
shouting+ stam*ing of feet+ whistles+ a**lauseD now there8ll be funD the last bets are *lacedD
*aula no longer has a grade+ such as even eating a**les must haveD *aula has no market value
any moreD
*aula bears the conse&uences for what she has done before herD *aula wants to recite her *oemD it
goes in free verse something like this+ that erich must come home+ because it8s already late and
erich must be u* for his hard work tomorrow+ that *aula will soon o*en u* to let out a child+ that
*aula and her unborn child are waiting for erichD no matter how long it
takesD in other words: your wife *lus child inside are waiting for you+ erichD and *lease *lease+
give me your name erichD
but erich cannot even say his name any moreD once again *aula has come too lateD everyone
thinks+ that erich+ if he must give way+ should only give way+ once the child is already *resent+
and *aula8s reduction in value has become a com*lete devaluationD
when someone is devalued so much+ then they are all thereby enhanced in valueD *aula8s
humiliation com*ensates them for their own+ sometimes much more terrible humiliationsD
suddenly they have all become *ersons again in com*arison with a non-*ersonD
we are gathered here today in this *lace+ to assess and to value *aula8s attem*ts to drag erich
home to herD the judges hold u* their marksD *aula *ounces on erich and des*erately tries to get
the drunk+ now also *uking+ *erson homeD *aula tugs at erich8s *rotruding *artsD sometimes the
*rotruding *arts of erich sna* back like rubber bands+ sometimes they also strike *aula with full
forceD all around eyes and flies almost burst with enjoymentD *aula believes+ she has a right to
erichD the air is thick with smoke+ beer fumes+ sweat and dirty jokesD
*aula+ the *regnant almost "6-year-old girl+ tightens her muscles like a farmhorse and heaves the
drunk man to his feet+ but she doesn8t get far with her sweet burdenD
the hands of erich8s forest colleagues tear the *recious catch from her hands againD with
combined strengthD
*aula8s solitary strength is *owerless against the combined strength of the lords of the forestD
*aula has lost and has to let go of erichD even so *aula was lucky+ that no one kicked her in the
stomach and damaged something thereD
*aula8s mother would have been very well dis*osed to any damage to the child in *aula8s
stomachD it would be best+ if a *remature birth or a miscarriage could take *laceD
unfortunately after all these months the child is *robably already ca*able of life outside *aulaD so
erich is *ro**ed u* on the bar room bench again+ he has hardly been aware of anything that8s
been going onD weighed down by the child+ *aula cree*s homewardsD *aula would rather be
weighed down by erich and have lost the childD several times *aula falls flat on her face+ because
it8s so darkD all these deadly tricks still don8t kill the kid in her stomachD sobbing and bawling it8s
home to bed+ *aula has *ushed the child in her stomach in front of her the whole way+ to where
she8s at homeD like a snuffling hunting dog+ nose to the ground+ *aula reaches the hearth at home+
that is far from homely for *aulaD *aula folds her arms+ which will soon hold her child+ beneath
her face+ which will soon look down on her child+ and ho*es+ that at least it8ll be a boy and not a
girlD
ho*efully it will be a boy and not a girl+ ho*es *aulaD
the neGt day+ already early in the morning+ a beginning is made+ to making *aula scared of the
labour *ains+ which are said to be very *ainfulD if *aula had a man+ then one would comfort+
*am*er and calm her before the labour *ainsD
and one day+ when the air is *articularly mild+ *aula is taken to hos*ital and s&ueeEes the child
out of herself and into the light of day with *ainstaking effortD while still in the ambulance *aula
decides+ that the son will receive the name of the father+ erich+ but the daughter will receive the
city name susanneD it8s a girlD the daughter susanne has arrivedD erich is even less likely to marry
you because of a girl than because of a lad+ the disa**ointed *arents threaten the hos*ital bedD
but *aula8s mother does like her+ because she8s such a sweet little thingD that is also what is
eG*ected on all sides from *aula8s motherD susanne has become an illegitimate daughterD *aula
has become an unmarried motherD they are both femaleD
that is at once a stroke of luck+ but also an obligation to behave like a human being and not like a
female animalD
it is a fine obligationD much finer than erich8s obligation to cut woodD
*aula is only "6 years older than her daughter+ nevertheless she is already close to giving u*D you
have behaved no differendy from an animal in the forest+ because any of them can have a litter+
but none of them can get married+ an aunt+ who has hurried to *aula8s bed from the city+ where
she8s married+ also earnestly admonishesD *aula lies in the hos*ital bed+ listens to the
admonishments and bawlsD
it8s easy for the town aunt to be generous+ because she married a baker from the city and she and
the baker have a carD so the town aunt generously *romises+ that she will
talk to erich and soften him u*+ which one has to do with men+ if they don8t do anything of their
own accordD
a*art from that men can sometimes easily be good-naturedD
a constant dri* will wear down a stone+ wear down erich too *resumablyF
humiliate oneself and then wear him down: only wayD
the town aunt also thinks+ that it has turned out a sweet little thingD one must not make the child
sufferD
and a*art from that it is such a sweet clumsy little thing+ even though *aula8s such an ugly
fishboneD first of all work has worn erich down+ now the town aunt will soften him u*D
we shall re*ort later+ what sha*e erich took after the softening u*D
interim re*ort
the glimmer of ha**iness+ which means wife and mother for brigitte+ is still absent today tooD
today a walk in the *ark for demonstration *ur*oses Hnew coatFI is taking *laceD on this walk
there is a chance meeting with susi+ who looks as if made entirely of gold and is taking the little
son of her sister in a *ram and a giant *urebred she*herd dog with *edigree on a lead for a walkD
it is a *icture *lanned with the greatest refinementD here nature has taken its o*timum form+ the
fine *urebred animal and susi+ who is like that too+ only a different s*eciesD in the light which
falls through
the foliage onto her head+ susi looks like the incarnation of all mothers+ who have ever been
mothersD brigitte however thinks+ that susi could never be a good mother+ because she8s an egotist
and could never subordinate her interests to a childD brigitte8s misunderstanding is+ that susi could
very well subordinate her interests to a little child+ if this child only s&uirts out of the right cockD
heinE8s cock would be the wrong oneD he can hardly manage to force feeling even from coarse
brigitteD how then from fine grained susiF susi doesn8t have a new coat like brigitte+ but her
casual-s*orty walking outfit of eG*ensive materials makes a much more *erfect im*ression than
brigitte8s new s*ring coatD susi looks like this: mother and child out for a walkD
the beautiful dog com*letes the *icture+ its strength a**ears strangely subdued and gentle neGt to
the *ram and with susiD
let me be the wild man+ whom you *ut on the chain and tame+ susi+ thinks heinE lustfully and
with a trace of uncleanliness in his thoughtsD it is immediately a**arent to everyone+ how much
susi loves the little childD a *icture without wordsD *ure and beautiful+ as it should beD brigitte
right away feels vulgar and su*erficial in her new coat of wool and synthetic fibreD yet you liked
it so much in the sho*+ fickle brigitteD heinE immediately s*eaks to susi+ the little thing looks
right with youD
des*ite susi8s em*hatically maternal aura+ heinE would more than anything like to get his cock
into the starting *osition on the s*otD
heinE somewhat *rematurely has the feeling of a formula ? driver before the startD once again
brigitte feels hateD the master craftsman8s di*loma+ the future business+ the savings of the *arents-
in-law+ all of that seems to move out of reach again+ heinE seems to concentrate entirely on susi
with that skier8s starting feeling+ that he never has with brigitteD
susi already suits *retend motherhood so well+ just imagine how well the real thing will suit herD
susi comes from &uite different circles+ heinE is just the man to brush such refined circles asideD
if anyone is right for this awkward task+ then heinED susi too is in a much less combative mood
today than usualD
no local folk costume grou*s+ against whose dissolution one can be u* in arms+ no discussion
grou*s+ in which one can eG*ress one8s o*inion+ no demonstration+ which one can joinD
susi eG*lains+ that this little baby in its *ram doesn8t know about all that yet+ and that she
*ro*oses+ to kee* everything ugly away from itD brigitte is u* to her neck in uglinessD shit isn8t
very niceD
susi gives brigitte ti*s about housekee*ing+ but also ti*s about bringing u* children+ she uses
various *sychological foreign words+ which brigitte does not understandD
nevertheless brigitte would certainly be a better mother than susi+ so she thinksD at the same time
susi lets it dro*+ that she is still too young for children+ but that the one and only+ s*ecial man+
will knock the nonsense out of her and one day choose her for motherhood des*ite her youthD
then susi will answer =(7D
susi literally says: *erha*s someone will knock this
nonsense out of meD
brigitte doesn8t understand very much of what susi
is sayingD
but brigitte does understand+ that heinE sees himself
in the role of this one and only and susi in the role
of his *ro*ertyD however she+ brigitte+ is his *ro*ertyD
thank god susi doesn8t take u* this offer+ because she
doesn8t yet know+ what that can *ossibly mean+ a
business of one8s ownD
susi sim*ly does not know yet+ what a real man is
and what he looks like: like heinED
heinE chivalrously takes the dog8s lead: strength
united with eleganceD
so heinE creates a togetherness between himself and
susi+ which is im*enetrable and indestructible for
brigitteD forced to the edge of eGistence by these two
figures of light+ brigitte sees the following *icture
before her inade&uately trained inner eyes: she cleans
the shit out of the lavatory bowl once again today
with heinE8s hairs in itD she would then like to stick
his whole head in itD
and yet today the date is so favourable and the clothes
are so newD if it doesn8t work out today+ then neverD
today or neverD
if brigitte can *resent him with a real son and heir+
then susi and her ne*hew will *ale into insignificance
by com*arisonD then heinE will learn to distinguish
the right child from the wrong child: his own flesh
and blood from susi8s ne*hewD
no sooner said than doneD
heinE+ i love you so much+ says brigitte mechanically+
having at last reached homeD her hair shines reddish
in the sun+ that comes from the dye+ which is in itD in heinE8s balls there has for some time now
been a desire+ which must be satisfied todayD unbuttoning and into brigitte only takes a momentD
and today we can announce+ that something has clicked at last between these two young *eo*le+
though it will only become a**arent in a cou*le of weeksD
and so in the end brigitte after all will come to have a fateD
at last some light from heinE also fell u*on brigitteD today heinE knocked brigitte u*D
congratulationsD and so brigitte will not after all have to end her life in cold and loneliness+ which
otherwise she would have had to doD
brigitte8s rise is a result of *ainstaking attention to detailD brigitte could settle the battle of the
seGes once more in her favourD
brigitte will then certainly also be a *erfect worker in the sho* and an attentive assistantD
brigitte8s ha**iness is not due to chance+ rather she had to fight hard for itD
brigitte believed+ that there is another life a*art from the life on the line+ and brigitte was right:
there is another life besides the life on the *roduction line+ there8s heinED
where there8s a will+ there8s a wayD gitti has found this wayD thank heavens she is naturally fertile
and not infertile+ otherwise the whole thing would have come to nothing in the end after allD
well done+ brigitte8s bodyD child-bearing ca*acity is the victorD in *articular womb and ovariesD
*erha*s susi has such organs too+ but she has to
*rovide the evidence firstD
brigitte is on to* now at any rateD
first foot forward to the work of child-bearing and to
the work in the electrical goods sho*+ brigitte
do you have wombs tooC let8s ho*e soF as we see from
brigitte8s eGam*le+ who did not let this im*ortant
female organ go to waste on the line+ but through
heinE got it into full working orderD
all8s well that ends wellD
asthma8s death makes it *ossible
the conversation between town aunt and country aunt only bore fruit - as the seGual intercourse
between erich and *aula bore fruit - because asthma suddenly kicked the bucketD
all of a sudden asthma is lying in the dark cemetery earth+ from where he cannot do anything to
anyone any moreD
erich8s momma+ however+ feels the eGact o**osite around herself+ that is+ a sudden unbelievable
em*tiness+ through which the orders of an eG-civil servant no longer resoundD
momma lays her deformed bones down in an easy chair and only twitches from time to time like
a hunting dog+ as if an instruction+ a re&uest+ which is an order+ could sound from somewhere+
but which will never sound againD
the dreadful wheeEing+ *uffing and rattling are as if blown awayD silence has fallenD nothing
sounds and resounds through the kitchen any moreD
so from one day to the neGt+ one ends u* with an unfulfilled life+ while asthma8s mortal remains
have just been laid to restD
momma had thrown herself into the funeral *re*arations as if *ossessed+ as if once again she
wanted to devote all her energies to the only *ro*er goal: asthmaD then it was over and there was
silenceD only old grandmomma is still alive+ who long ago when she was not even fourteen sent
her into service and to the first drawn cock of her lifeD momma is now well and truly re*aying
herD that grandmomma had long ago and already at the age of "> been sent into service and to the
first drawn cock that came her way+ that the country folk with their short memory had long
forgottenD only grandmomma still knows+ but no one listens to her any moreD
anyhow it8s still nicer+ to bully one8s momma+ if one has no husband to wait on any more+ man to
do nothing at allD nasty words and death threats echo through the mountainsD
*aula8s aunt bursts in as the old granny is in the middle of a crying fit+ caused by the recently
widowed asthmaless daughterD if you rememberD she wants to detach erich from the family bonds
and stick him to *aulaD she says+ among other things+ the *oor little hel*less child will have to
grow u* without a dada+ is it not enough that your own children had to grow u* most of the time
without dadasC a child needs a dada just as much as it needs a mommaD a child needs a firm hand
just as much as the mother8s gentle one a child needs both *arents to be together not a*art it is
better for the child of course *aula did something that was dirty and stu*id but she8s still
very young+ you were young once too and *aula will
behave herself in future and not do anything dirty
againD
and erich isn8t so innocent either+ it always takes two+
although the man8s urge is stronger and so he can8t
be blamed so muchD
but a man can get by alone+ whereas a woman+ *aula+
can8t get by alone so easily with the child+ and she
needs erich8s firm hand too+ she needs a man8s firm
hand tooD
and the child needs its dada: erichD
who knows+ whether erich is the dada at all+ retorts
the angry woman darkly+ if a girl goes with one man+
then if she has to she8ll go with several menD who
knows+ *erha*s my erich isn8t the dada at all+ who
knowsD
the usual humiliation is followed by the usual silenceD
now the blameless town aunt gets to feel some of
*aula8s humiliation as wellD for that *aula will get a
mighty boG on the ears+ she *romises herself thatD
but soon the wedding bells will ringF
but soon the wedding bells will ringF ding dong ding
dongD
erich8s momma *ushes and *ushes against every
obstacle+ but where once a thick concrete wall stood:
asthma+ this time everything gives way+ is soft as
butter+ it8s an annoying eG*erience+ which one can
no longer *ro*erly co*e with at this ageD suddenly to
be the object of *leas+ suddenly to have to fulfil
something+ suddenly to stand above someone lower+
who is *leading+ that is terribly confusing for the
otherwise so disci*lined womanD
this woman too is sorely afflictedD
one man has already died off+ who8s left thenC nobody at allD
momma says+ it is hard+ to have to give a *erson awayD one has to be very strong+ to bear
something like thatD momma is very strong+ she hauls two heavy metal buckets fill of hot swill as
if they were nothing at all+ although she is nothing but skin and boneD anyone who can endure
asthma for even a fraction of the time+ which momma endured him+ is a strong *ersonD
whom can she hate now+ if everyone has left the houseC
answer: there is only old granny left+ whom one can hate+ and who is now even a greatgrannyD so
all the hate falls on greatgrannyF s*otlights onD
in town talk the town aunt *leads+ mat momma should make two young *eo*le ha**y+ in the
magaEine language+ of which she has full command say yes+ give nature its due and let it run its
natural course+ everything else will sort itself out then anywayD that8s what she saysD
first nature took its ineGorable course+ now ha**iness is su**osed to make an entryD the town
aunt thinks+ momma should not close her mind to this natural course of natureD
at last erich8s confused momma o*ens her mind to the course of natureD she ste*s out of the way+
so that nature can shoot in+ and there8s nature alreadyF the wedding can take *laceD there will be a
beautiful white weddingD *erha*s erich will give u* alcohol too+ recommends the town aunt
over-enthusiastically at which *oint she is definitely barking u* the wrong treeD
so there will be a beautiful white weddingD
dully erich agrees+ he couldn8t care lessD
either he hands over his money to dada+ a*art from
what he drinks or mo*eds away+ or he hands over a
little to *aula and the bastardD
this is not a country storyD
this is not a love story either+ even if it looks like itD
although it is a**arently about the country and about
love+ it is nevertheless not about the countryside and
about loveD
the subject of this novel is *aulaD
erich makes the decisions for the subject *aula+ and
yet others make decisions about his *hysical strength+
till his innards decom*ose towards an early death+ in
which alcohol does its bitD erich makes decisions
about *aula8s life and the life of his daughter
susanneD
for the time being the cou*le will live with *aula8s
*arents+ who will let them have a roomD they are
ha**y to be getting a young cou*le and not *aula
and susanne aloneD
and soon we shall be four+ not just threeF the young
woman whis*ers one dayD and soon we shall have an
a*artment of our own or a little house of our own+
it won8t be longD
and before long there will be savings+ which we
haven8t got yetD at the moment we have only ourselves
and our loveD
and our ha**inessD we shall set to work ha**ily and
lovinglyD then the result will be ha**y and loving
tooD
*aula used u* her ha**iness and her love long ago+
or what she thought were ha**iness and loveD
erich was never ha**y nor felt love anywayD
erich always only had his work+ which he doesn8t love and which doesn8t make him ha**yD both
have susanneD and two hands+ two hands each+ which can knuckle down to itD the traces of the
knuckling down hands will soon be found on susan-ne8s bodyD until someone bigger and stronger
will lay his hands on susanne+ a bill or a tommyD certainly not the dear lord aboveD
who will himself *ersonally bless and join these two young *eo*le+ who have already blessed
themselves with a little childD before that there is still catholic marriage instruction in the
*resbytery+ where *aula is treated like dirtD but one day too that will be forgottenD
one day the noose will tightenD soon we shall describe a beautiful wedding+ so that the *lot
doesn8t get too disagreeableD one must not describe only negative and ugly thingsD the *rinci*al
characters involved have a feeling of antici*ationD
the *rinci*al characters involved are unfortunately almost inca*able of feelings of antici*ation
by nowD you can8t make a racehorse out of an old nagD *aula however has still retained her
o*timismD *aula is as grateful as a dog+ it is terrible to have to watch *aula8s gratitudeD her
gratitude allows no room for joyD
*aula is also relievedD
she is also in *rinci*le *re*ared for another birthD the wedding *re*arations beginD erich thinks
the baby is sweetD but he is just a man and by nature doesn8t see anything in small babies+
eG*lains *aula+ who is once again worthy of making eG*lanationsD *aula is so ha**y she is so
ha**yD
she smothers the little baby enthusiastically with
kisses in front of everyoneD as a momma should and
must doD
erich loves his engines and his schna**sD
*aula loves her husband and her child and her future
houseD
now everything will turn out for the bestF
*aula8s kisses are even audible in the room neGt doorD
now everything will turn out for the bestD
about brigitte8s womb
at last she begins to bloom and to thrive+ and her still formless content blooms and thrives with
herD when the vomit rises for the first time early in the morning+ she knows+ that the day is no
longer distant nowD there can be no other reason+ for the vomit to riseD
brigitte s*its the little bit of vomit into the lavatory bowlD after that brigitte goes to her brassieres
as a new *erson+ like a newborn *ersonD through her newborn+ she has the chance almost to be
new born herselfD there will also be a second construction of a livelihoodD
now everything will be really cosyD nature has turned birth and death in nature into a big secretD
soon brigitte will know this secretD birth and death+ more eGactly: the birth of brigitte8s babyD the
van driver *arents will ho*efully die as &uickly as *ossible+ otherwise they8ll still have a long and
difficult stay in an old *eo*le8s home in front of themD because age has to make way for youth
and its
energyD the van driver *arents just don8t know anything about their un*leasant fate yetD a*art
from that heinE8s boss and master should die and kick the bucket as fast as *ossible too+ because
heinE+ who did his a**renticeshi* in the former8s small worksho*+ has &ualified and needs his
chanceD here he stands+ the future business successor+ is the childless master blindC heinE8s ho*es
rise higher+ heave-hoD his whole small family will make dying easy for the master+ so that heinE
can soon set u* on his ownD one must vigorously modernise+ renovate+ *aint and eG*and+ then
everything is vigorously modernised+ renovated+ *ainted and enlargedD so the old must make way
for the young+ and brigitte makes way in her stomach for something newer+ better+ more
beautiful+ then what was *reviously lying around in there unusedD
the little child will occu*y an im*ortant *lace: inheritor of the businessF brigitte will occu*y the
second most im*ortant *lace: worker in the sho* and in the homeD
until now brigitte has occu*ied an unim*ortant *lace: worker in a women8s underwear factoryD
that is one rung lower+ no+ several rungsD and then came the day on which she tells heinED brigitte
confesses her secret to heinED heinE had been afraid of this the whole time+ but now he can8t shirk
itD a gentleman does not shirk his dutyD
before i *ay for the child+ i at least want some work from the mother on behalf of the sho*+ he
says in a smart-ass way to his com*letely stunned family+ who cling to one another as if in a
stormD
an illusion called susi falls away from the van driver
fatherD
an illusion called susi falls away from the van driver
motherD
soon the fruit will fall from the trees+ and the *arents
will have to leave the house+ to make way for the
neGt generationD their savings book stays hereD
daddy8s discs ache and his heart achesD suddenly
father has a second ache in his old ageD
however: the alliance of business and culture HsusiI
has once again failed to take *laceD
heinE8s business s*irit stands aloneD
his momma too had similar cultural *lans+ which
now she must abandonD what a nice cou*le they
would have made+ little susi all in white and her
heinEi+ all in blackF is there a contrast richer in
contrastC
is there anything+ that is simultaneously so different
and yet in such harmonyC or would have beenC
and then children+ whom their mummy could hel*
with their homework+ who one day could learn about
the business from the bottom u* DDD
it was not to beD brigitte *rovides no contrast to
heinE+ brigitte is like heinE only far beneath himD
a somewhat sim*ler *ersonD
heinE feels brigitte8s *regnancy to be a constraint+
which one can ultimately *ut to good useD
there will be a marriageD
brigitte walks around as if on a cloud and believes+
that in her condition she is something s*ecial and
has to be looked afterD
brigitte is rightD
brigitte8s off season beginsD
soon the underwear line will come to a sto* for
brigitteD
mat8s a blessing words can hardly describeD
instead of stiff nylon borders now soft litde woollen
jackets sli* through brigitte8s maternal fingersD there
is great *ride in brigitte at her achievementD
she has undergone a *rocess from an incom*lete
hybrid form of being to a female beingD
even heinE8s old master is as ha**y as a senile idiot
because of the babyD he says+ that it8s good that there8s
new blood again+ that8s still freshD he doesn8t talk
about handing over the businessD old foolD
the old master leaves no room for doubt+ that he is
still master here and will remain soD
heinE leaves brigitte no room for doubt+ as to who is
boss nowD brigitte is so ha**y+ to have a boss at lastD
if one has been without a boss for so long+ it is a
relief to find a good litde bossD
heinE8s mummy is ha**y about the childD she knits
and knits senselessly away like a madwomanD she can
do thatD she can do mat+ without having learned itD
because she didn8t learn anything anywayD
heinE8s daddy grumbles it is true+ like an old daddy
always grumbles in the cinema and on tv+ but as in
the cinema and on tv he doesn8t really mean itD
brigitte looks after her stomach+ along with her
stomach brigitte herself is looked after tooD it does
her goodD
susi congratulates themD susi wishes them the very
bestD
heinE and brigitte thank herD brigitte says we8re going
to marry soonD before there8s anything to be seenD
now i have to look after myself and *re*are for the
little child in *eace and &uietD brigitte eavesdro*s on
herself+ but hears no echoD
susi says+ she never wants to have children+ iDeD later
some day certainly+ when she is more mature and
has relieved the hunger in the world+ in the meantime
she wants to *ut off having children+ because first she
wants to see the world and the hunger in it+ now
she is still too youngD once she has seen the world+ she
wants *erha*s to go for a year as an aid worker to
one of the dark *laces in this worldD and then *erha*s
she8ll marry too+ and when the right man comes
along+ she wants to have children tooD
susi is waiting for her great love+ which she still Hlittle
smileI believes inD
what susi does not say+ but what she thinks about+ is
a young graduate+ who+ if he were to a**ear on the
horiEon right now+ would find susi8s heart and hand
as well as her little susi *ussy as wide o*en as a barn
doorD
meanwhile susi is not yet ready+ girlish+ flowery and
walled u*D she is still waiting like a closed *o**y+
corn or sunflower on someone+ who will o*en her u*D
with a rose bou&uet full of rosesD
susi also says+ that to be a woman alone is not
enough+ one must use women8s female characteristics
for what they were intended: to care and look after
and in the widest sense to hel*D
susi gives advice free of charge and taG free for
brigitte8s new lifeD heinE also adds the usual allusions
to his new ca*tured+ bound status+ but in a jolly and
coarsely humorous manner+ as is his wayD susi screws
u* her eyes in shock+ because heinE is vulgarD
heinE feels himself more than ever a man+ which he
is tooD
good-humouredly brigitte leads heinE away from susi+ from the latent danger+ which has at last
been defusedD good-humouredly she *oints out+ that heinE will soon be a husband and a father
nowD no more strange girlsD both a**roach their wedding good-humouredlyD susi thinks good-
humouredly+ he really did believe+ he could get me+ whereas only someone much much better
can get meD brigitte thinks good-humouredly+ now i and not little susi have got the very bestD
the family good-humouredly allude to fat stomach and millstone around one8s neckD today
everyone is in a good moodD and in the evening there8s the good-humoured *erry como showD
brigitte feels as if she is in a warm bathD
the ;(,,?N4
today the longed-for day has come at lastD glorious blue skies greet the much longed-for dayD
today the longed-for day has come at lastD glorious blue skies greet the much longed-for dayD
brigitte is wearing a floor length white dress+ which the dressmaker sewed just for herD *aula is
wearing a floor length white dress+ which the dressmaker+ her former em*loyer+ sewed just for
herD brigitte has a bou&uet of white roses on her armD *aula has a bou&uet of white roses on her
armD heinE is wearing a black suit with a bow tieD erich is wearing a new black suit with a nice
tieD heinE continually makes silly jokes about his lost freedomD
many jokes are cracked about erich and about his lost freedomD
heinE talks about his future business+ brigitte su**orts him as he does so+ she *uts her hand
*ossessively on hisD
erich things about his engines+ *aula thinks+ that once again she had a narrow esca*eD brigitte is
grateful+ *aula is gratefulD brigitte thinks+ that she certainly will stick u* for herself sometimes+
but on the whole heinE is right+ and she8ll do+ what he saysD
*aula thinks+ that from now on she will only do+ what erich tells herD
brigitte has at last found a real com*lement to her life: a *artner for richer for *oorerD *aula has
at last found a real com*lement to her life: a *artner for richer or *oorerD many relatives have
come to heinE and brigitte8s weddingD
many relatives have come to erich and *aula8s weddingD
the wedding of heinE and brigitte is very moving and solemnD
the wedding of erich and *aula is very moving and solemnD
brigitte is very ha**yD *aula is very ha**yD brigitte has made itD *aula has made itD
brigitte is *regnant and will soon be able to hold her child in her armsD
*aula already has a babyD she has already been holding it in her arms for a whileD but today the
baby must stay at homeD
heinE is now master in the house+ as he says good-humouredlyD
erich is now master in the house+ as he cannot formulate+ but as others whis*er to himD heinE
drinks a cou*le of glasses of wine and becomes jovial and says+ that he is now master in the
house+ and that his *arents might as well kick the bucket+ but he eG*resses it more delicatelyD his
*oor old *arents are the first *eo*le to be unha**y in this cheerful com*anyD
erich once again drinks himself into a stu*or and can say nothing at all any moreD *aula is
nevertheless still ha**y in this joyful com*anyD
heinE8s *arents *ay for the wedding rece*tion grumbling and making snide remarks+ brigitte8s
mother adds something as well+ which is too little however+ heinE8s *arents make snide remarks
about brigitte8s backgroundD
*aula8s *arents ha**ily *ay for the wedding rece*tionD now no one can look down on them any
moreD later there8s dancingD later there8s dancingD that a**lies in both casesD
what is being celebrated+ is+ that at last a woman and a man are entering the houseD brigitte and
heinE will live in the little summer house of heinE8s *arents+ until they can worry and build
heinE8s *arents out of house and home+ enlarge and fit out house and sho*D
*aula and erich will get a little room with *aula8s *arents+ until they can afford a small a*artment
or even build oneF
now brigitte and heinE must save and save againD because setting u* a home costs moneyF
now erich must save and save againD because setting u* a home costs moneyF
both women have to save their husbands8 moneyD heinE and brigitte will succeed at thatD erich
and *aula will not succeed at thatD an electrician earns &uite a good wageD a woodcutter earns a
*oor wageD erich drinksD
heinE drinks only rarely and in moderationD erich drinks almost everything awayD heinE doesn8t
drink anything away+ because he is ambitious and sensibleD
with brigitte and heinE things work out so well+ that soon they will have driven their *arents and
*arents-in-law out of the houseD
with brigitte and heinE things are going so well+ that they will have a little boy as well: harryD
with *aula and erich things are going badlyD one year later they will have a boy as well: karlD in
the meantime however we still want to dance light-heartedly at brigitte and heinE8s weddingD in
the meantime however we still want to dance light-heartedly at erich and *aula8s weddingD and
enjoy the beautiful dayD and enjoy the beautiful dayD
*aula has tied her fate to erich+ who will hang like a millstone around her neckD
brigitte has tied her fate to heinE+ which was the right thing to do and will bring her a sho* of her
own as well as a nice carD
by chance *aula has had bad luck and will suffer a terrible downfallD
by chance brigitte has been lucky and will eG*erience a meteoric riseD
brigitte invested a lot+ all the resources of her body
and mindD
*aula invested a lot+ all the resources of her body
and mindD
brigitte finds ha**iness and successD
*aula does not find ha**iness and successD
brigitte8s ha**iness de*ends on chance+ which smiles
on herD
*aula8s ha**iness de*ends on chance+ which does
not smile on herD
heinE has a job with a futureD
erich has a job without a future+ but with a solid
*resentD
heinE knows+ what matters in the world of businessD
erich doesn8t have a clue+ what matters in the world
of businessD erich knows+ what matters in the world of
grand *riG motor racing: a fast carD
heinE knows+ that he is well informedD heinE knows+
that his wife is not well informedD heinE has *ower
over his uninformed wifeD
erich is not well informedD he nevertheless has
unlimited *ower over his wife+ which he will make
the most ofD
the dreams of brigitte and heinE look just like *aula8s
dreamsD
erich has no dreams a*art from the dreams about his
enginesD
but erich has alcoholD
the dreams of brigitte and heinE will come trueD
*aula8s dreams will not come trueD
erich will not get his driving licence either+ which
will hit him hard+ but will *erha*s *rolong his lifeD
so each of the four *eo*le who are so ha**y today
will have their cross to bearD
after all *ro*erty is res*onsibilityD
no *ro*erty means no res*onsibilityD
however *aula8s cross will be no lighter for thatD
today two non-owners of *ro*erty and two owners
of *ro*erty with a *romising future have got marriedD
oh+ must i then+ must i then leave the little house DDD Hthe *arents leave the nestI
the years came and went and children became *eo*leD
heinE develo*ed as he had wished+ he develo*ed into a first class businessman+ who did the work
just where it was needed and where he subse&uently also held his ownD his wife sold electrical
a**liances in the sho*D but they had saved hard for it+ worked and taken out loansD for that they
worked+ saved and took out further loansD they worked and saved hardD it had all ha**ened
eGactly as brigitte had wished and imaginedD she had a sweet child and a second was already on
the wayD what else did they need to be contentC they needed nothing else to be content+ but no+
wait+ there was something they needed to be content: that something was more s*ace in their new
s*ick and s*an little houseD
and there was something else they would have wished for: that there8s ever more of everything
and it constantly gets biggerD and so everything continues to grow and constantly gets biggerD and
one day it came too+ the much longed-for day: in the garden leaves were already turning
colourful and autumnal+ the michaelmas daisies and the dahlias were already flowering+ the sun
gilded the a**les
and *ears on the branches+ which would soon be ri*e+ the birds were already flying south+ where
they would remain for a while+ and there stood heinE8s old *arents also ready to move out with
their chests+ boGes and suitcases+ there they stood now at the door of their enlarged little house+
in which they had been ha**y side by side for so many years+ in which they had raised little
heinEi to be a hardworking adult *erson+ in which they had made him into an inde*endent
*erson+ which he had indeed become+ an inde*endent businessman+ in which they had further
sown and rea*ed+ always more sown than rea*ed+ and a*art from that they had also seen the
seasons come and go there+ received letters and written cards and s*ent many a twilight hour in
front of television and beerD
there stood these storm-lashed old folks+ ready to move into a small but inhuman one-room
a*artment+ to make s*ace for the young *eo*le+ to whom the world and in it of course the rebuilt
and enlarged family house now belongsD off to the one-room a*artment+ the antechamber to the
old *eo*les8 homeD was that a leavetaking+ a toing and froing and a waving goodbyeF &uick
&uick+ we have to goD once more the grandchild was *icked u*+ once more the lad was hugged
and s&ueeEed+ once more the daughter-in-law siEed u* with *oisoned *oisonous glances and
found wanting+ once more their former kingdom fiGed in their glances of farewell+ the garden
and the rock garden Hthe al*iniumI+ the cluster of *ines and the rosebedD what would the young
*eo*le unused to garden work make of it+ would they let it run wild or would they care for it+ as
decent *eo*le do and as the van driver father des*ite his aches had
never neglected to doCCC does he not have tears in
his eyes+ does *a+ and saliva in the corner of his
mouth+ which secretly and unobserved he wi*es
awayC does mummsy too not have a heavy heartC
no+ the young *eo*le mustn8t notice anything+ they
must build their own lives unhindered just as they
want to+ we old *eo*le don8t want to stand in their
wayF
it8s just that brigitte has com*letely ruined our heinEiD
without gitti we would still be here today and would
*lant+ till+ sow and mow+ but with gitti+ we8re being
torn away from our little grandchild+ the joy and
*ride of our old ageD
but we8ll visit you very often+ harryF do you like it
when granny and grandad comeC and harald beams
and says yes and will you always bring me somethingC
touched+ granny *romises to do so+ she who still
cannot come to terms at all with life in the smelly
city+ no trees any more+ no grass+ no flowers+ no
savings account any more+ only hard cold lonely
dreary concrete desertD for milesD
and not a soul+ with whom one can have a little
chatD
not a soul+ who is human and friendly in this concrete
blockD that this had to ha**en to us in our old ageD
but the young *eo*le are rightD
but harald is a fine ladD one day he will inherit and
take over father8s sho*D what his father has built
u*+ the lad can make even biggerD the foundation8s
thereD
don8t s&uander your inheritance+ when the time
comes+ don8t s&uander it+ harald+ don8t you dareD
it8s true your mummy is a tram*+ who has ruined
our heinEi for us+ but your daddy will make sure+
that one day you8ll be a hard-working man+ because he is a hard-working man himselfD and
grandad can teach you too+ what a man has to know+ how to climb u* trees and make a cata*ult
to shoot birds+ how to *lay with the railway and not to cry like a lassie if one cuts one8s knee+
grandad will come to visit very often and look after the garden a little+ because the young *eo*le
don8t have much time for that+ and granny will often come too+ and when grandad is here+ he8ll
show you+ how to grow u* to be a *ro*er big man+ haraldF
because grandad is a man too+ you knowD an im*atient heinE+ who has to get away to an
installation job and will soon take on a craftsman+ thinks that the old arsehole should finally get a
move on out of the house+ because otherwise he8ll give him a hel*ing hand+ he8s going to lose his
tem*er in a minuteD the old bum can come as often as he likes+ but now he should just get a move
on and leave+ visit us+ just as often as you like+ harald will be es*ecially *leased as well as my
wife and i+ your son heinED and inaudible: get lost nowD it is a very melancholy de*artureD
brigitteD the mistress of the house+ who is at the moment busy with the housework+ comes to say
goodbyeD she has become a clean+ a somewhat *lum* little womanD the marriage is filling her
out+ one can see thatD she beams in com*etition with the baking tinsD hate has &uite eaten her u*
insideD but the *leasure of ownershi* has remainedD she clings to it with an iron fistD
filled with hate+ brigitte+ wife and mother+ who has meanwhile cleaned millions of shit *ans+
takes her leave of the *arents-in-lawD alone at lastD at last the
car has driven offD at last the family is alone and can lead a family life as a *ro*er family shouldD
heinE and brigitte begin their family life right away+ in which every day is the same and means
work work workD
but work after all makes life sweet and is what life8s aboutD that8s what the old *arents leave to
the young *eo*le as legacy and inheritance+ that together with their savings+ which have gone
into the house and sho*D
once more brigitte enfolds her little kingdom+ which will soon be enlarged even further - the last
word has not yet been s*oken and will be s*oken by heinE - with her gaEe and all her other
senses+ then with a sigh she goes into the house+ driving little harry before her with kicksD daddy
has already goneD
harry cannot s*eak *ro*erly yet+ sometimes he is also hugged and kissed+ he likes that much
betterD and chocolate+ sweeties and biscuits even moreD daddy is away on his installation job+
mummy sells a drainage outlet made of high grade steel+ because it8s better than the ordinary
kindD mummy sells in addition a hairdryer+ two small electric convector heaters and one of the
new bathroom mirrors with a light attachedD mummy can be satisfied with her day+ because it
was a good oneD good days come more and more often nowD and so an inner contentment has at
last come to this womanD
susi+ the chatterboG who needn8t be taken seriously+ is su**osed to have a student boyfriend nowD
susi too will acce*t the fate of a woman as brigitte has
acce*ted itD brigitte+ smart girl+ recognised the fate
of a woman even before susiD
brigitte8s fate was the jack*ot+ she can8t com*lain+
brigitte managed it all with the strength of her womb
aloneD many a strong man needs much more strength
than thatD
but then what is our women8s charm for anywayC
hence the cha*ter title: must ? then must ? then DD D
and what does *aula haveC *aula has a kingdom too
at this time *aula surveyed her little kingdom tooD *aula8s little kingdom consists of a little room+
in her *arents8 little houseD there *aula holds swayD she holds sway over her older and her
younger childD her husband erich holds sway over *aulaD s&uabbling and &uarrelling can often
*oison a family8s whole life with their *oisonous breathD erich and *aula8s family life is often
*oisoned by the *oisonous breath of s&uabbling and &uarrellingD des*ite the risk of *oisoning
erich and *aula go on s&uabbling and &uarrellingD
nevertheless erich is my husband after all+ thinks *aulaD she tries very hard to create a good
atmos*here+ so that the children can grow u* in *eace and &uiet and she herself can grow into a
woman in *eace and &uietD
today for eGam*le *aula has been invited to a dance in the neighbouring villageD can ? go to this
dance+ *aula already asks eGcitedly three days beforeD yes+ when you8ve taken care of the
children+ you can go+
*romises erichD the children will be taken by mommaD
today is the day of the *arty+ on which *aula *uts her hair in curlersD when erich came home+ he
immediately asked *aula where she intended going+ whereu*on the latter re*lied she was going to the
dance in the neighbouring village with her girlfriend and her husbandD it8s the first time that *aula can go
outD
but now erich suddenly says no+ i won8t allow itD *aula cries+ *aula cries heartbreakingly like a childD
des*ite that she is not allowed to go dancingD *aula acted u* for a long time afterwards and *ulled a face
but erich was unrelentingD because on this issue he didn8t stand for any nonsenseD but at the ha**y
laughter of her children *aula couldn8t remain unha**y for longD now *aula has the firm structure+ which
she wantedD she has a *lace in a structure and is not the un*laced *artD *aula knows her *laceD there are
cogwheels+ turning all around her which she fits betweenD erich has at last got *ower over a *erson+ even
if it8s as insignificant a figure as *aulaD there is now someone+ who does+ what erich saysD erich has the
right to forbid or allow somethingD it8s a new feeling+ which he makes the most ofD sometimes even with
unreasonable ordersD
what *aula wishes for+ is a little home of her own at lastD
what *aula wishes for+ is a little home of her own at last in which she can do as she *leases just like
brigitteD
s&uabbling and &uarrelling will not be allowed in thereD
on the threshold *aula will bar their way and say: stay outside hate s&uabbling and &uarrelling+
this is my homeF
since *aula8s home is not her own and in addition s*atially very limited+ *eace and &uiet cannot
call in here+ but must turn back at the thresholdD although it was *roven long ago+ that &uarrelling
can destroy any communityD erich drinks+ which *aula will also sto*+ as soon as she has crossed
the threshold of the new home+ which one cannot afford+ however+ because erich drinksD alcohol
will stay outside together with the s&uabbles and the &uarrelsD the heavy *hysical work will
however cross the thres-hold without inhibition and stay thereD in this one little room slee* and
live husband and wifeD
the children slee* with granny+ her own husband has not sle*t with her for a long time+ he slee*s
in the atticD
when *aula+ children dangling from her+ goes sho**ing+ she sometimes briefly envies the
formerly des*ised sales assistants for their *urity and cleanlinessD with an effort *aula also kee*s
u* her former *urity and cleanliness+ the only thing left to her+ which was always her greatest
attractionD it takes much more effort than beforeD she also has to kee* a man clean+ who again and
again *ukes over himself and sometimes even *isses himselfD an alcoholic8s wife has to be able to
do that+ those are the basic &ualificationsD laughter is heard in the village+ erich likes his wine
better than any woman ha haD
in reality erich likes his wine much better than his wife *aula+ even if he also *erha*s loves the
children
more than his wineD he often buys them an ice creamD
they can say *lease *lease so nicelyD
erich still loves his enginesD
one day *aula takes her driving testD she *asses it
right away first timeD that makes erich ha**y+ because
it brings a car into the houseD and right+ instead of
the ho*ed for a*artment it brings a secondhand
renault into the houseD
the renault gives *aula a lift and a new high *ointD
she can now drive around in a car+ which she is not
allowed to do+ however+ eGce*t when erich is with
herD
she is one of the few women in the village+ who has
a driving licenceD *aula is only allowed to drive the
car+ when erich is sitting beside her and making loud
engine noisesD
one day *aula even got to italy on holiday with erich
and the new car+ for a large *art of the long journey
erich made droning noisesD
the children stayed with the *arentsD
that was a beautiful high *ointD it was the high *oint
of *aula8s life so farD
after the high *oint the cou*le came back againD here
they were not strangers as in italy+ here they were at
homeD right away *aula started ho*ing for a new
a*artment againD but in vainD
soon *aula sank back into the daily round againD
soon erich sank back again into forest+ into wine and
into beerD
but the children are sweet and good and always do
what they8re toldD
their momma-in-law+ their momma+ their mummy
and their daddy make sure of thatD they jum* to
every word and sometimes even beforeD
it is a real joy for *aula+ to have such good and healthy childrenD how can one have any selfish
interests+ when one has such sweet sensible children+ say the village *eo*leD
when the little girl breaks her arm one day+ *aula can even drive her to the hos*ital in the county
town in her own carD erich understands+ why this time *aula took the car without his *ermissionD
this is by no means the beginning of a learning *rocess for erichD
slowly the work in the forest has destroyed and obliterated a large *art of erich8s former good
looks+ just as it has almost destroyed the skin on his handsD the female summer visitors hardly
ever turn round to look at him any moreD one can hardly tell erich a*art from the other
woodcutters any moreD he has also become noticeably more a*atheticD *aula too has become a
rather more a*athetic *erson than she was+ although she even enjoys the houseworkD
what *aula does not have+ is a little *leasure and even less tenderness+ nevertheless *aula is still
ha**y that she has a fiGed *lace in life and that she has childrenD she wants things to remain that
wayD *aula no longer things about dressmakingD and dressmaking no longer thinks about *aulaD
another a**rentice from the larger nearby town took her *lace+ and after her another oneD the
eyes of the village rest on *aula as they rest on all the others whose lives are well ordered and
boundedD the eyes of the village make sure+ that none of the boundaries is crossedD
since *aula behaves in accordance with the rules of the owners of the village eyes+ she is
registered as a
necessary evil+ but remains undisturbed and unmen-
tioned+ does not stand out from the other female
inhabitantsD
*aula8s efforts with erich have been taken note of
without good will+ her efforts in the fight against
alcohol and *hysical decline have been observed with
faint amusement+ the way one looks at the jokes
in the 7unday *a*er+ *rovided one gets themD her
*articular cleanliness and well groomed a**earance
are not commented on at all any more+ because
they are familiar+ and it8s acce*ted+ that she has
children like the restD
everything is in orderD
*aula is really &uite ha**y+ but she would still like to
have a *lace of her own+ where she can realise her
*rofession: housewife and motherD there is no money
for thatD
*aula should not want to get above her obstinate
little self com*lains the serialised novelD
if *aula had remained sensible in the s*irit of the
serialised novel+ she would not have strayed onto
the *ath which was to be her ruinD
the *lace+ where *aula was to end u*+ was the
crooked *athD
the *lace+ where erich has always remained and still
remains today+ is the straight and narrow *athD the
forest and the innD
the village and the serialised novel say+ that the wife
must watch over the hearth at home+ must *rotect
it+ and not throw any dirt into itD
for a short time *aula did not watch over and *rotect
it+ *aula threw dirt onto the hearth at homeD
that will cost *aula her headD
and yet another engagement
the master craftsman8s di*loma hangs in a frame on the wall of brigitte and heinE8s electrical
goods sho*D
today an engagement is also being celebrated in the house of susi8s *arentsD he is a young
secondary school teacherD in the circle around the young cou*le there are enthusiastic
discussions+ which sometimes even turn &uite seriousD no mindless amusementD
in susi8s o*inion mindless brigitte bears a tri*le burden as woman mother and businesswomanD
clever susi only bears a double burden: woman and mother HsoonID she has given u* studying
german+ which she has just begun+ she is eG*ecting a baby shortlyD
both women flourish under their new res*onsibilitiesD both women flourish under their new
res*onsibilitiesD heinE flourishes under brigitte8s cookingD he is already as fat as a *ig+ that is his
*hysical *redis*osition anywayD heinE tends to cor*ulenceD brigitte8s cooking skills are often the
subject of jokesD heinE8s skills as a businessman are never the subject of any jokes whatsoeverD
they are serious and eGistentialD
gitti too has already ac&uired a charming feminine *lum*ness+ a little *otbellyD brigitte8s
*lum*ness serves to say: a ha**y businesswoman+ housewife and motherD
she *ossesses a degree of e&uanimity+ which she also scatters around herD susi on the other hand
wants to stay slim with gymnastics+ so as to be and remain a good lover for her husbandD she also
wants to stay
mentally fitD she intends+ to continue reading many good books and *erha*s also to round off her
knowledge of foreign languagesD this young cou*le too wants to build somethingD
susi also wants to be an intellectual *artnerD it8s also good for the children+ if the mother8s mind is
ticking overD
heinE8s *arents don8t look well at allD they miss the garden and the fresh air in itD they also miss
their grandchildrenD their children and children-in-law Hone of eachI show intolerance and a lack
of understanding for these *roblemsD
they would like to come to visit now and then+ which they neither should nor are allowed toD the
van driver8s account is em*ty+ and that8s fineD it was all for the children+ for whom one lives after
allD there is not enough for a nice holiday any moreD gitti lives for the children and the businessD
the business lives for heinED surely he won8t have a girlfriendC
but noD mamma+ as brigitte is called now+ makes good food+ which is easily even more tem*ting
than a distant unknown and uncertain adventureD sure+ mamma8s good food is even more
tem*ting than an adventure+ one of heinE8s female cousins asks her cousin heinE for a joke with a
sidelong glance at brigitteD heinE re*lies for a joke+ that an adventure certainly is tem*ting+ but
everyone here knows that it8s a lie+ and so everybody is satisfiedD susi too has very much enjoyed
cooking since she was young+ but only fancy+ high class cooking which also includes diet foods
and s*ecialities from abroad+ and which doesn8t make one fat+ which is not modernD
susi is a more modern woman+ brigitte a rather old fashioned one+ but lovableD
but that8s just how heinE likes brigitteD he really doesn8t want her any differentD he wouldn8t know
what to do with a modern womanD so they8ve all become ha**y contented *eo*le+ who take their
*lace in life and take u* even moreD heinE+ if he kee*s on eating like that+ will soon be able to
take u* two *lacesD but that is only a good-natured jokeD the two *laces and more+ which heinE
already takes u* in his head+ he will soon also be able to take u* in life in *ersonD
today there8s roast *ork and dum*lingsD susi says jokingly+ but good-naturedly+ that she is
satisfied+ with the *lace she now occu*ies in life+ that she wouldn8t like to change *laces with
anybody+ who *erha*s gets an outstanding degree and then fails at lifeD
susi is modern and old fashioned at once+ a combination+ which her fresh young fiance is
es*ecially fond ofD
in any case: a sensible middle course is always best+ says susi much more seriously+ than one
would eG*ect from her *retty little headD and her future s*ouse agrees with a laughD
how *aula allows herself to be carried away
we don8t know+ what went on in *aula8s head+ the day she strayed from the straight and narrowD
was it the desire for money+ the desire for a modest affluence+ which led her to the *lace+ where
she suf-
fered her fallC or was it unrestrained seGual desire+ which her husband erich should have fulfilled
for herC and indeed erich before anyone elseF so was it the seGuality in *aula or was it her desire
for security or was it her desire for a security that could be bought with money+ for an a*artment
of her ownC
the village would like to know+ but is de*endent on conjectureD it is a fact+ that *aula did some
disgusting thingsD these disgusting things *ut an end to all security+ which *roved+ that security
cannot be bought with moneyD one can only earn security by *atience and *erseveranceD although
*aula has loved *atiently and *erseveringly for years+ she had not got any security yetD
all devious methods+ of getting a man and then holding him are welcomed hereD
*aula8s method+ of holding her man and *roviding him with a cosy home+ which he and her
children would have earned+ but which erich cannot *ay for+ was rejected and condemned hereD
*aula8s method was a disgrace+ and she got her just reward for itD but ? only did it for the children
and for erich+ *aula may have said+ but nobody was listening to herD the facts s*eak their own
language and for themselvesD
when a man8s *ride is injured+ then it is difficult to make good againD a woman doesn8t even need
to bother with *rideD
*aula didn8t even introduce *ride into her life eitherD one day *aula drove secretly to the county
town+ nobody knows why+ it was to go to the cinema and the cafe+ which don8t eGist in the
villageD *aula believes+ that8s *art of life+ that8s wrongD for lack of
time we can no longer allow *aula in *erson a chance
to s*eak hereD
when *aula *arked at the railway station+ a stranger
bent down to her window and asked her: how about
it+ why don8t we go and kiss a bitC
at first *aula said no look i8m married and have two
cute childrenD
but then *aula agreed+ to drive a little way with the
man+ to a secluded *laceD
we do not know+ what at this moment took *lace in
*aula8s head+ from which dressmaking had already
been banished years ago and into which erich and
the children had already moved some time agoD
something wrong took *lace in *aula8s headD
for a long time nothing has ha**ened in *aula8s
snatch any moreD if one doesn8t feel anything+ that8s
very far from meaning it never ha**enedD
*aula did it for her familyD
*erha*s in this way *aula can give her family a fiGed
abodeD it8s a miracle that *aula held out so long
without oneD since at "1 she already dreamt of
nothing else but this abode+ of white curtains and
shiny household a**liancesD security also re&uires
one8s own four walls and a roof over itD
*erha*s it8s *aula8s chance to build a nestD *aula
wants to co*y the swallows: build a nestD so goes a
*o*ular song from an o*erettaD
*aula must not make anything+ which she is not
entitled toD
erich has to make the homeD
and feminine means are unsuitable means in order
to *roduce anythingD
i love my husband+ says *aula to this man and to the
neGt one and to the one after thatD and can you give me a little moneyC and *aula gets given a
little moneyD i8d like to earn my daily bread as easily as that+ erich may have thoughtD
*aula doesn8t think+ that money+ which she suddenly has+ needs to be noticedD she only wants to
saveD o*eration s&uirrelD she also s*ends a little in the cafeD one day *aula wants to make a down
*ayment on an a*artmentD
*aula ac&uires with her body and without her mind the means to *urchase a small a*artmentD
what *aula is doing is *rostitutionD *aula is a whoreD she takes money from strange men+ and then
in the car+ on the back seat or in the grass a strange man *okes into her+ what only erich is
allowed to *oke into herD the wrong thing in the wrong *laceD it is an amateurish undertakingD
one should organise something like that on a larger scaleD
*aula should have known+ that she can8t achieve anything with an object like her bodyD *aula has
not learnt anything new since her brief youthD *aula8s body doesn8t fail her it is true+ it willingly
does its dutyD the world around however refuses *aula8s body its good willD
the world around is suddenly witness to this act in a co*seD
the driver of a forestry truck+ who only wanted to go for a *iss+ just at that *lace of all *laces+
where normally nobody ever *isses+ a*art from a little deer or a little hare+ had been able to see
the half-naked lower *art of *aula8s body working with a man who was not her husbandD he said+
that the two of them
were intertwined and interlocked in a disgusting wayD
he re*eats it again very oftenD a*art from that he knew *aula8s name and addressD he saw+ that
what *aula was u* to here in the middle of innocent nature+ was a betrayal of his friend erichD
*aula has betrayed her husbandD *aula has betrayed her husband with another or several other
menD on to* of that he was not a local manD not one of the lads from round hereD a stranger has
been fouling their nestD
yukD and a mother with two children of her own and who8s on the *ill nowD it was a betrayal of
his friend erichF *aula8s neck should be broken or she should be sterilised at least+ so that she
can8t have any more children+ to whom she can *ass on her hereditary dis*ositionsD *aula is more
of a bad bitch than a bitch on heat+ which can8t fight against it out of instinctD *aula8s neck was
broken but she wasn8t sterilisedD it could have been worseD
a*art from that erich divorced *aula as the guilty *artyD
although it wasn8t *aula8s intention+ her marriage broke down on the s*ot after her fre&uent
la*sesD although it was by no means *aula8s intention+ her ha**iness broke into *ieces at the same
time as her marriageD
although *aula thought very hard against it+ she herself broke into *iecesD
although *aula made feeble attem*ts to *revent it+ her whole social framework broke into *ieces
on to* of all the other ruins as wellD
if only she had thought twice+ because now it8s too lateF if *aula had guessed+ what would break
in *ieces+ as a result of her admittedly considered but mistaken marriage transgression+ she
would never even have started with the breakingD it ha**ened with the force of a s*ring
avalancheD here one lives on intimate terms with nature+ one cannot resist it because it8s strongerD
erich too suffers a great deal+ *erha*s he8ll never get over it+ says his mommaD
but the children mustn8t suffer too much because of the filth the mother got u* to+ *leads
momma-in-lawD
the children suffer terribly because of the filth the mother got u* to+ because suddenly they
hardly ever see their dear mummy any more+ really virtually neverD
they ask why and don8t understandD it8s unfortunate+ that the *oor little things don8t understand
yetD when they8re old enoughs they8ll understandD *robably they won8t really understandD
it8ll be u* to them then+ whether they condemn or don8t condemn their momma+ says one of
erich8s more intelligent workmates+ who can also eG*ress himself in wordsD
the children now live with *aula8s *arents in the former room of the former married cou*leD erich
sells his eG-wife8s carD it is a sad eventD considering they s*ent their second honeymoon in italy+
considering they might have been able to buy a little s*orts car one dayD now he8s only got the
mo*edD the mo*ed sometimes takes him to his new girlfriend+ a rich farmer8s daughter who lives
nearbyD but he likes his glass of wine better than any woman+ so
that this burgeoning relationshi* will also *robably founder soonD
*erha*s women are also different now from what they used to beD
there are also hardly any folk dance grou*s any moreD that8s a shame for susi above allD *aula
started the breaking+ now she is com*letely brokenD
the girl in the first year of her dressmaking a**renticeshi*+ who was full of ho*e+ has become a
broken woman with inade&uate dressmaking skillsD that is too littleD
e*ilogue:
do you know this %($A'?0AL land with its valleys and hillsC
in the distance it is bounded by beautiful mountainsD it has a horiEon+ which is something many
lands do not haveD
do you know the meadows and fields of this landC do you know its *eaceful houses and their
*eaceful inhabitantsC
right in the middle of this beautiful land good *eo*le have built a factoryD its low corrugated
aluminium roof makes a beautiful contrast to the deciduous and coniferous forests all aroundD the
factory is tucked into the landsca*eD
although there is no reason for it to be tucked awayD
it could dis*lay itselfD how fortunate that it stands here+ in beautiful surroundings and not
somewhere else+ where the surroundings are not beautifulD the factory looks as if it were *art of
this beautiful landsca*eD
it looks as if it had grown here+ but noF if one looks at it more closely+ one sees: good *eo*le
built itD nothing comes of nothing after allD and good *eo*le go in and out of itD is this good
*erson+ who goes in and out here+ not our *aulaC
sto*+ good morning+ *aulaF really+ it is herD outwardly she8s hardly changed+ still slim and cleanD
eGce*t there8s a weary undertone in her face+ which one only sees however+ if one looks more
closelyD and this wrinkleD was it there yesterdayC no+ it8s a new wrinkleD and that wouldn8t be a
grey
hair would itC doesn8t matter+ *aula+ just kee* your chin u*F
*aula works here as an unskilled seamstress on the assembly lineD
*aula works here as an unskilled seamstress on the assembly lineD
*aula has finished u* in the *lace from which brigitte set out+ to get to know lifeD brigitte has got
to know life and found her ha**iness in itD *aula wanted to get to know life too+ now she8s getting
to know the job of a semi-skilled worker in an underwear factoryD that too is a kind of lifeD
in the evening the *eo*le *our into the landsca*e+ as if it belonged to themD
*aula now has a small a*artment+ which also belongs to the factory and is therefore chea*D *aula
does less than a ha**y *erson+ because she is unha**yD
nevertheless her work is satisfactory+ the factory is *atientD
there is no trace of im*atience in *aula any moreD *aula has come to this *lace to sew+ not to be
ha**yD she could have been ha**y beforeD now she unha**ily sews foundations+ brassieres+
corsets and *antiesD *aula married and was ruinedD never does her gaEe wander outside to a bird+
a bee or a blade of grassD *aula has had enough of birds+ bees and blades of grassD but in those
days she was unable to value them *ro*erlyD any man can enjoy nature better than *aula todayD
*aula sits at her sewing machine and *erforms her dutyD she has a lot of res*onsibility+ but no
broad view and no household any moreD
in the evening she drives home to her little a*artment and thinks about homeD *aula is too tired to
be discontentedD
*aula has no children and no husband any more+ nevertheless+ she is too tired to be discontented
about thatD
once *aula had a husband and two childrenD nor does the work make *aula discontentedD the
work makes *aula a*atheticD sewing is in *aula8s bloodD only she let this blood out long ago+
that8s why she is not as good at her work as the othersD which means deductionsD *aula sews with
all her heart+ because she has no family any more+ which could take u* *art of her heartD
now brigitte has a family and a business+ which have taken u* all of her heartD
it is not the very best women+ who sew with all their heartD
*aula is not the very best womanD *aula has already eG*erienced her fate somewhere elseD here it
is overD
brigitte began her fate hereD brigitte has got awayD *aula was struck downD if life ha**ens to be
*assing by+ *aula doesn8t try to s*eak to itD she doesn8t care to chat any moreD there goes life+
*aulaF
but our *aula is still looking for her car keysD goodbye+ and safe journey+ *aulaD

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